PARENT TRAP HEARD IN THE HALLS

PARENT TRAP

by dr. tim jordan

COVID’S LONG-TERM EFFECTS

PAST TRAGEDIES TAUGHT US critical lessons that will help our kids overcome the challenges of the COVID pandemic. The most important: connections and parents’ mental health.

My old mentor Dr. T. Berry Brazelton taught me that children often have a delayed response to tragedies like the JFK assassination, school shootings and 9/11. Kids always have a sense of where their parents are emotionally after such events. If they sense that their parents are overwhelmed with emotion, they often hold onto their own feelings. Once they notice mom and dad are back to normal, they can focus on their emotions. Be aware of this coming out of the pandemic.

I also have found that kids tend to mirror the adults around them. When I counsel kids who are angry or who fight intensely with their siblings, I encourage parents to look both within themselves for their emotional state as well as the state of their marriage. If they can clean up any inner turmoil or issues in their relationship, the anger in their children often magically dissipates. I believe that how parents handle emotions arising from uncertainties, losses, financial stresses and social disconnection from the pandemic will play a large role in how well their children handle their own adversity due to COVID.

Kids tell me that even when they returned to in-person school, people weren’t talking much to each other due to masks and social distancing requirements. But they also admit that they feel more socially awkward. Last summer, I held retreats and camps; we created our own bubble of safety by testing campers and staff. I noticed that once kids had the freedom to connect and play like the good old days, they got back in sync pretty quickly. They are so hungry for authentic connections. Everyone felt so happy to be free and to connect more deeply again. This gives me hope and faith that as the restrictions are lifting, we will return to normalcy with our family and friends.

The true extent of any long-term effects from the COVID pandemic will likely take years to measure accurately. In the meantime, do what you can to help kids connect safely with their friends, especially through in-person time. Give kids permission and the tools to express all of their emotions in healthy ways in order to prevent the buildup that can cause anxiety and depression. Parents, take good care of your own emotions, too, so that when you are with your kids, they sense that you are present and able to handle their feelings.

Research has shown that the most important factor that allows kids to overcome adversity is having a trusted, loving adult in their corner. Be fully present when you are spending time with your children. And encourage them to have time with other adults who love them, like grandparents or aunts and uncles. Those connections are your best bet for kids thriving now and after the pandemic is long gone. &

TIM JORDAN, M.D., IS A BEHAVIORAL PEDIATRICIAN WHO WORKS WITH GIRLS IN GRADE SCHOOL THROUGH COLLEGE. CHECK OUT HIS NEW ONLINE COURSE, PARENTING GIRLS: THE CHALLENGES GIRLS FACE TODAY WITH THEIR FEELINGS AND FRIENDSAND WHAT THEY NEED, AT DRTIMJORDAN.COM.

◀ parkway south middle school

Eighth-grader Noelle Fillingham took home first prize honors in the St. Louis Kaplan Feldman Holocaust Museum’s Art & Writing Contest for her drawing titled “Overcoming.” She won $300 and had her artwork featured on the museum’s website alongside other winning entries. It’s the first time a Parkway South Middle School student has won the contest.

HEARD

IN THE HALLS

by julia m. johnson

▲ h.f. epstein hebrew academy

Students in first through fifth grade recently competed in a special Hebrew spelling bee. The event was held to commemorate Yom Yerushalayim, or Jerusalem Day.

▲ kirkwood high school

Rising senior Sylvia Edwards has been accepted into the Missouri Historical Society’s Teens Make History Academy, a nationally recognized paid apprenticeship program for high school students. The four-week experience offers young people opportunities to explore historical subjects, build professional skills and confidence, network with peers and mentors, and learn how museums operate.

▼ ladue horton watkins high school

Junior Oviya Srihari won first place in the 2021 Beverly Hopkins Poetry Contest for High School Students, sponsored by the Saint Louis Poetry Center. Along with her winning entry, “Partition as

Narrated by an American Daughter,” she earned an honorable mention for another piece, “Advice from Your Daily Horoscope.” Senior Grace Hu took home top honors in an essay competition sponsored by the American

Psychological Association’s Committee of Teachers of Psychology in Secondary Schools. Her entry,

“Intersectionality and Resilience: A Psychological

Approach to Resilience and Response to Trauma,” garnered a $250 scholarship and publication on the association’s website. GRACE HU

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▶ area high schools

Several graduating seniors from area high schools received $1,500 college scholarships from Together Credit Union. They are: Jaya Greene, Brentwood High School; Katlyn Thorton, Ladue Horton Watkins High School; Maggie Kraus, Ursuline Academy; and Zoe de Young, Parkway West High School. Winners were chosen based on academic accomplishments, recommendation letters, school and community activities, and written or video essays.