Why Shoot for the Moon?

essential Why Shoot for the Moon?

by Kyle Jacobson

We all want to change the world. No, I’m not saying we want a revolution, just to make an impact. To see how far pieces of what’s good about who we are can resonate across our family, friends, community, and beyond. You can’t drill your ideas into other people without doing something a malenky bit questionable, but with empathetic listening, honesty, and vulnerability, you might be making an impact you don’t even notice until years later.

Ruby Clay has made it her mission to give others the tools they need to reclaim their lives from societal pressures and dangerously unhealthy domestic situations. “I’ve always wanted to be a helper,” says Ruby, who earned her bachelor’s in early childhood education with a minor in special education. “I’ve always wanted to teach people and make people’s lives better. I worked at [Madison] East High School for five years, and I think I did it for so long that I felt like I wanted to do more.”

Doing more to Ruby meant working with those who need help right now, and she gravitated toward what she knew: domestic abuse. “I kinda grew up around it, and then I experienced it personally. It’s funny how the things that you go through in life dictate your passion and the areas in which you want to help. When I have conversations with people, they understand that I get it because I can go there with them mentally.

“My focus is on self-esteem and self-worth and self-love because those are stripped from you when you’re in those kinds of domestic violence situations.” Some of the people she’s worked with grew up in a house where abuse was normal, so Ruby is working to get people to change their idea of normal and excusable behaviors. They need help finding a new identity that’s not shrouded in dangerous realities. To learn to say, as Ruby puts it, “Oh no, no, no, you cannot take my happiness. Oh no, no, no, you cannot take my joy from me; you didn’t give it to me to begin with, and I love myself enough to walk away from this.”

Ruby calls herself a counselor, which seems to mean she’s both a cheerleader and a fighter. As a Black woman, she feels the most important thing an individual can do is take ownership of who they are and what they do. For that to happen, she empowers those she works with to start taking the actions that will define their future selves. She even leveled up, as she says, from working with Domestic Abuse Intervention Services (DAIS) for six years, which she loved and got a lot out of, to working for the DA’s office with victims of domestic abuse. With a new set of resources, Ruby is in a position where she can even better advocate for victims.

Not blind to the other side of the coin, Ruby has also worked with domestic abusers. After holding a summit for domesticabuse survivors, she soon held another summit, called The Power in Your Hands, for abusers. Aside from learning to take accountability for their actions, abusers need to face their past realities and present anxieties that oftentimes contribute to their violent outbursts. It’s Ruby’s effort to stop abuse before it even happens, break the cycle, and propagate ideas of healthier relationships.

As for Ruby’s own passion, she was inspired by her mom, who went out of her way to make sure her kids felt safe.

One of the most commendable qualities of Ruby is her wont to learn. It’s actually an important part of how she helps people—taking her role as an empathetic listener to heart. Your trauma and experiences might be analogous to her own, but they’re not her own, and she respects that. It’s why she started Black Girls United in 2007.

“Black Girls United is essentially just a space where Black and brown girls, those who identify as a girl and a person of color, can come and be themselves in that space. Feel safe to speak about some of the issues they’re going through being a person of color or just being a teen. I just wanted to give them that space

“It’s a youth-led organization, so whatever the girls are dealing with, we focus on. I have speakers come in and talk about certain topics. I don’t know everything; [the girls] probably get tired of hearing my voice. It’s an opportunity to come together and eat together and just learn and grow as individuals.”

Volunteer work with the girls is also key. Going to River Food Pantry, Second Harvest, and the like gets the girls out in the community and away from the drama. Teenagers are passionate people, and giving that passion positive direction changes identity almost right then and there. Even those girls who gave Ruby a hard time are excited to have her meet their families. “Sometimes it doesn’t always feel like you’re making an impact until you have those moments,” says Ruby. “But it’s because they’re young, they sometimes show love and appreciation in very odd ways.”

As for Ruby’s own passion, she was inspired by her mom, who went out of her way to make sure her kids felt safe. “My mom, single mom raising seven kids, strong willed, just an amazing woman. It’s funny because you look back and learn you were living in the struggle, but when you were actually in the struggle, it didn’t feel like it because my mom didn’t let us feel that struggle. ... I love and honor my mom Ruby is aware of the potential the present holds. Her work today can’t make a better tomorrow if she’s not giving it 100 percent in the moment, so when she’s listening to someone, when she’s trying to help someone, it’s never a half-hearted attempt. It means too much to her. No matter how difficult the undertaking, for Ruby, the rewards are always worth it.

Kyle Jacobson is lead writer and senior copy editor for Madison Essentials.

Photographs provided by Ruby Clay.

Kyle Jacobson Photograph by Barbara Wilson

I HEAR THERE’S A PARTY IN HELL. LET’S GO!

BY JACQUES OFFENBACH

APRIL 29 & MAY 1, 2022

OVERTURE HALL Sung in English with projected text | 608.258.4141 | madisonopera.org/Orpheus