Alexander Balla, Marla Albertie, Arielle Giordano, Spencer Rouse, Owen Waters, Dr. Heather Smith and Yanni Charalambous, Terez Hartmann, Jo Mooy, Mary Boutieller, Darrel Hammon
Here at Transformation Academy we are excited to announce our August’s Transformation Academy Rising Star – Julie Duncan!
Our goal with this initiative is to recognize and celebrate group membership who demonstrate the heart and service of a coach. Each monthly recipient of this recognition will be selected for a unique reason. Some will be seasoned coaches who serve as valuable mentors within the group. Others may be just starting their coach-training journey and exude a contagious attitude or passion. Others may be actively supporting other group members, whether by providing resources, answering common questions, or providing moral support. Regardless of each of our wonderful group members’ background or experience, we all benefit from the mutual support and varied perspectives offered within this diverse group!
The Rising Star initiative is a way to give a special THANK YOU to those who go above and beyond to share of themselves within this community.
ABOUT JULIE:
Julie Duncan, Virginia julie@julieduncancoaching.com https://www.julieduncancoaching.com Empowering Life Coaching & Consulting, LLC
“Ignite your inner power, achieve extraordinary results.”
I’m Julie, a Certified Master Life Coach, passionate about helping women unlock their full potential, fulfill their
dreams, and crush their goals. I have over 30 years in the helping profession. I am an entrepreneur in the life coaching space and the health and wellness arena. I am a wife and a mother of two young adults. My family is the source of my greatest joy, along with my life coaching business. I am a coauthor in a book with Les Brown, a motivational speaker and a best-selling author. My chapter, “Coming Full Square,” was released in July.
WHAT IS YOUR NICHE (COACHING FOCUS) AND HOW DID YOU CHOOSE IT?
I specialize in helping women aged 45-60 who are struggling with limiting beliefs, mindset issues, and sometimes even past trauma. I choose this niche because I know what it’s like to face and overcome challenges. My journey began in a small town, where I was cruelly told by my guidance counselor that I wasn’t college material. I’ll never forget the hopelessness I felt when he wouldn’t even give me an application. Despite that, I earned my master’s degree in counseling psychology and became a Certified Master Life Coach. Overcoming these challenges, plus being a wife and a mother, has taught me the power of perseverance and the importance of believing your yourself.
I’ve dedicated my life to helping women just like me break through limiting beliefs and rewrite their stories. I’ve seen firsthand how shifting your mindset can open new possibilities and bring incredible joy and fulfillment.
WHO IS YOUR IDEAL CLIENT?
My ideal clients are professional woman in the age range of 45-60. They are established professionals working in various industries and/or entrepreneurs who are:
• Highly driven and motivated.
• Goal oriented.
• Hungry for more in their life.
• Looking for work-life balance.
• Have a growth mindset.
• Leaders.
• Health-conscious.
• Financially Savvy. Their pain points may include:
• Limiting beliefs.
• Not living their life purpose or passion
• Lack of self-confidence/self-esteem.
• Fear of change.
• Stress.
• Burnout.
• Past trauma.
WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO BECOME A LIFE COACH?
After spending many years in the counseling arena, life coaching seemed like a natural progression. I have an entrepreneurial spirit. I believe wholeheartedly in the value of owning your own business. It was time for a career change. Life coaching has provided that meaningful life purpose I was seeking.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN COACHING?
I like to say I’ve been coaching my whole life, having a natural inclination for active listening, empathy towards others, and curiosity about people’s concerns and problems. That said, my LLC was created in August 2023.
HOW DID YOU GET YOUR FIRST CLIENT?
My first client was a referral from a life coach who knew I would be a better fit for her. She was my ideal client and a dream first client.
HOW HAS YOUR COACHING JOURNEY CHANGED YOUR LIFE?
We often think of the ways in which a journey of 1,000 miles changes our life. For example, if one embarks upon a solo, 100-mile hike on the Appalachian Trail, they would surely learn a great bit about themselves. Additionally, how many times have you heard these solo adventurers talk about the people they met along the way with great terms of endearment? People who stop to engage in conversations, offer a meal or a place to rest their head. Often, these adventurers are most grateful for these kinds of people and recognize the reciprocal relationships. The adventurer walks away with a sense of gratitude and enrichment. They are made better by the people they meet along the way.
In concert, life coaching is and should be a two-way street if we are to offer up the best version of ourselves to our clients. The exchange of knowledge and insights between myself and my clients has been mutually beneficial. I learn through my clients’ stories, insights and transformations. The client-coach relationship is a collaborative journey. There is much for a life coach to learn from their clients to enhance their work individually and collectively.
WHAT IS THE MOST CHALLENGING PART OF BEING A LIFE COACH?
As a life coach, I have a natural penchant towards helping. It’s hard to admit that I may not be the best fit for someone or my program isn’t suited for them. Being transparent and recommending other resources is important if I am not the right fit.
WHAT IS THE MOST FULFILLING PART OF BEING A LIFE COACH?
The most fulfilling part of being a life coach is being a part of a client’s transformation. Clients have come to me feeling “broken.” To help them adopt new identities and rewrite their stories of strength and determination is an honor. Breaking through a feeling of brokenness to triumph is incredibly fulfilling.
WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR MOST INSPIRATIONAL COACHING MOMENT, WITH A CLIENT?
I created an e-book entitled, Shattering the Limits. A client, who was ridden with limiting beliefs about herself and her role as a mother, worked through the e-book. As she unmasked the long-held beliefs and challenged them, I listened in awe. She made the transition from “I am not a good mother, and I wounded my children” to “I am a loving, caring mother who gives to my children over and over.” The transformation in her belief system and identity was remarkable. She truly rewrote her story.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COACHING ACTIVITY OR EXERCISE TO DO WITH CLIENTS?
In life coaching, we sometimes have clients who come to us feeling broken. In this situation, I love the “Broken” exercise. It goes like this:
Visual:
Imagine you are holding a glass, and it falls on the floor. It hits the hard wooden floor. What happens? Can it be fixed or is it in a million small pieces? Most likely, its damaged beyond repair, correct?
This visual opens the door to cognitive reframing and a new perspective.
Client questions:
Are you completely broken like the glass? Are you healing or are you broken? What would it mean to be healed? What would that look like? Feel like? What would you let go of? What would you keep? How can you pick up the pieces to heal? How can you reframe your perception and adopt a new identity of strength and healing vs. feeling broken?
WHAT HAS BEEN THE MOST EFFECTIVE STRATEGY FOR FINDING CLIENTS AND/OR GROWING YOUR BUSINESS?
Starting my own business has called for a variety of steps along the way. Branding myself as a life coach and creating a website to marry my brand were the first steps. The second step was getting certified. I opted for the Master Life Coaching certification through Transformation Academy for credibility and solid resources.
Then I let people know I was a life coach. One can’t get clients if no one knows what you offer. I also opted to advertise through Facebook to attract my ideal client. I also network with fellow entrepreneurs and have found collaborative partners. Social media presence also is an important step, across all the platforms.
WHAT ADVICE WOULD
YOU GIVE YOURSELF BACK WHEN YOU FIRST DREAMED OF BECOMING A COACH?
When the idea of being a life coach was first pitched to me, I reacted with much fear and ambivalence. This was a whole new arena. I’ve often heard it said: Lean on others’ belief in you, if you don’t believe in yourself. That is precisely what I did. I had others supporting me and cheering me on.
Building my own business from the ground up seemed quite overwhelming if not impossible. I was however hungry for a change, so I went all in. I had a deep why. Hence, my advice to myself at the start would be to:
• Identify my support people and borrow their belief in me.
• Find my why and stay hungry.
• Take it one day at a time. We only live in today. Do what I can today. Tackle tomorrow, tomorrow. Don’t borrow tomorrow’s troubles today.
• How do you eat an elephant? “One bite at a time.” I would add, “One day at a time.”
This approach will surely limit the overwhelm and anxiety that can come with new ventures.
WHAT IS THE IMPACT YOU WANT TO MAKE IN THIS WORLD?
As far back as I can remember, I had a strong desire to have a positive impact on others. My grandmother worked to help those on Public Assistance when I was a child. She would take me and my siblings to her office. I knew at a young age that I would do some type of “social work.”
Decades later, it is very important to me to leave a legacy for my family and the world. I want to teach others that their life matters, empower others to live out their dreams and fulfil their life’s passion and purpose.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH TRANSFORMATION COACHING MAGAZINE READERS?
Whether you are brand new to life coaching or a seasoned life coach, I hope you not only see, but own your gifts. Life coaches can make a huge difference in their clients’ lives. We have a responsibility to our clients to share our own gifts of empathy, kindness and a belief that transformations are not only possible—they are necessary.
You have everything that you need for success as
a coach—and it’s all
right there within
you already.
By Rev. Dr. Alexander Balla CMLC
It’s no secret and there’s nothing to be ashamed of in admitting it: All of us want something more out of life. A lot of us tend to keep our wants hidden from those around us for a multitude of reasons, but tightly bottling up our desire for a better life inside ourselves just isn’t healthy at all. In fact, it’s downright detrimental. We need to find a better way to move through this world in a manner that empowers us.
You’ve been called to achieve the dreams that you have locked away in your heart, to do the things that you feel called to do in this life, and to do the legacy work that’ll leave this world a better place than you found it. Again, there’s nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to saying, “I want more.” Wanting more out of this life means that you want to shine just a little more light into the darkness. It means that you want to be a beacon of light in what appears to be an otherwise gloomy world.
To do that, however, you need to acknowledge what you already have. You simply cannot allow yourself to get caught up in dwelling on what isn’t yours yet because flow follows focus. If you’re constantly thinking about what you don’t have, then you’re actually just meditating on lack. If you’re meditating on lack, whether through the laws of psychology or the spiritual laws that many have already come to regard as fact, then you’ll continue to call forth less and less goodness into your life.
You can identify with psychology’s Self-Fulfilling Prophecy or you can call it the Law of Attraction. What you call it really doesn’t matter because the end result is still the same. You’ll only ever move toward the things that you think about most often, and, if you’re moving yourself toward experiencing a more profound condition of lack, then that isn’t going to help you one bit. It isn’t going to help anyone else either. You, however, have been positioned for greatness. That’s what you need to meditate on. Don’t let this moment slip through your fingers just because you can’t quite see what you want just yet. Maybe you want to start your own coaching practice. That’s great! Becoming a small business owner is a fantastic dream, and I believe in you! I know you can do it, and I know that you’re capable! Sometimes, however, you need to look at exactly what you have and work with that first. You might be asking me, “Well, what can I do with what I have? I don’t have much to start off with.” That’s where I’m going to step up and tell you that you’re wrong. I’m sorry. I know that nobody wants to hear that they don’t have their facts straight. I know that nobody wants to be told that they’re incorrect. I know that nobody wants to be made aware that they’re not right. I, however, cannot allow you
to indulge that sense of lack because you’re only going to find yourself sinking deeper and deeper into despair if that’s where you stay. Someone needs to tell you that you have everything that you need, and it’s all right there within you already.
Before you say, “Alex, that’s as cliche as it gets,” let me tell you what I mean. I don’t know who planted those seeds of negativity within your heart, but now is our chance to pull them up at the roots! You deserve better! You deserve to know what you’re really made of and what you’re capable of doing! First and foremost, you have your mind and your mind is one of the most powerful forces for good in the known universe. You can’t get around it, and I won’t let you. You’re a powerhouse of manifestation! With that same mind, you were able to complete your coaching training and, by the grace of something so much bigger than ourselves, you now have the credentials required to start making the world a better place.
Owning and running your own private practice may come, but if you start laying the foundational groundwork now, then you’ll be setting yourself up for success in the near future. If you can’t take what I just told you at face value, then take my testimony into account instead. You can use the knowledge that you’ve acquired through your training to start pushing yourself to greater and greater heights wherever you are right now, because
that coaching skillset will take you well beyond starting a practice. There’s so much more to this than just that one outcome, and, if you start thinking outside of the box, then you’ll find that you’re already in a position to do great things with what you’ve learned. Allow me, if I may, to explain what I mean.
HOW IT WORKS
The corporation that I currently work for has been moving toward a more people-centered approach to management. Those at higher levels well above my pay grade have recognized a tremendous need to dial back on disciplinary functions in a manner that gives way to strategies that’ll build people up, rather than
tear them down. Obviously, there will always been a need in the workplace for certain types of disciplinary action, but we’re moving away from verbal warnings and write-ups for every little issue because it’s being proven that those are scare tactics—and scare tactics are highly ineffective. When I interviewed for the supervisory position that I’m working in now, I very boldly told them, “It sounds to me like your team needs a coach and, as fate would have it, that’s exactly what I am.” The rest, as they say, is history. What I’m trying to tell you is that your training is worth a whole lot more than you might think, and, now that you’ve earned your certifications, there’s absolutely no reason for you to be dwelling on what you don’t
have. Your education isn’t just something that you can put to good use as you start your practice. I’m sure that good break will come your way, but employers are scouring the résumés that they receive for all of the qualities that make for a good coach—and your certifications are proof positive that you already have what it takes. Beyond even that, your coursework counts for continuing education in the workplace, which is something that isn’t lost on prospective employers. In the meantime, while you grow your business venture, you might want to consider selling yourself as the top-tier manager that you already are, because all of that coaching know-how has you set up for success in leading teams.
When I took over leading the team that I’m in charge of today, I started building programs centered around the coaching modality. Now, almost a year later, those programs are thriving and I’m receiving the attention of my superiors in ways that I never would’ve dreamed possible even a year ago—but I had to think outside of the box in order to get where I am today. We’re talking about the bold moves that brought me out of working entry-level factory jobs in the field of manufacturing to becoming one of the top performers in security management—and a lot of that success started with recognizing the potential of my prior training in coaching.
Once the lightbulb lit up in my mind, I went from a struggling bi-vocational minister operating machinery in a shop that offered no upward mobility, to an overnight success story working in management for one of the largest security firms in the nation. I want the same for you, and, if we’re being honest, I want you to have even more than that. You’re capable of doing so much where you already are, especially if you work for a company that tends to promote from within. If that’s not the kind of company you work for, as it was in my situation, then I highly suggest that you start looking for companies that do have that mentality established within their culture, because you’re destined to do amazing and incredible things.
Here’s the bottom line: You need to use what you already have. There’s a phenomenal chance that, given what you’ve already accomplished through the work that brought you to your certifications, you may already be in the right place at the right time. The company that you’re working for now is probably looking for more than just another boss. They’re looking for genuine leaders and every outstanding leader is, with absolutely no exceptions, a fantastic coach. As you build your dreams and as you climb the ladder that leads to your success, remember not to give up on starting your own practice, because the experience that you gain putting what you know to use is going to be invaluable. It’s also going to lend even more credibility to your cause when you start advertising and taking on clients. When you can tell someone that you’re a certified coach and that you’ve used that knowledge to grow teams in a way that has made you a facilitator of success, that’s a real and tangible way to turn some heads, because then you’re more than just another coach with a certification.
Lots of people in this world have vast amounts of education, but when you can display a proven track recordof bringing individuals to the next level in their lives, that’s where the rubber meets the road and that’s what makes all the difference.
So, don’t give up! Your best days are still ahead of you, and, because of what you’ve learned through Transformation Academy and other programs you have completed, you can tell the world that you have an education that’s going to make you a rockstar manager! Don’t just stop there either because the outcome of my own success story isn’t your limitation. You can do more and take this even further than I already have. Use what’s in your possession right now while you get things in order, and that private practice will follow in the wake of the efforts that you put forth. Just remember, what you wind up doing in the interim might be even more rewarding than you anticipated.
You may even end up like me and decide to put that private practice on hold while you change the face of corporate America for the better one program at a time. Regardless of which path you take, know and understand that your options are boundless as a certified life coach and even the sky can’t limit you. Think outside of the box, grow yourself in new and exciting ways, admit that you want more out of life, make bold declarations in voicing your desires, and chase down your dreams with everything you already have. Do these things, and you’ll find yourself living a lifestyle of excellence that leads to standard of abundance in your work and in all of life’s adventures!
The Reverend Dr. Alexander Balla is a trained Spiritual Care Specialist with over a decade of experience in the fields of pastoral counseling and life coaching. After serving for 10 years in the fire service as an interior structural firefighter and an emergency services chaplain, he aimed his efforts toward military chaplaincy. Following his recruit training, he became the first commissioned active duty chaplain in over 150 years to serve in the Connecticut State Guard. After receiving an honorable discharge, he found himself working in security management, where he continues to apply his knowledge of positive psychology and success coaching to his work for the advancement of his team of security professionals. Contact him at: manifestmylife.loa@gmail.com
COMBINED FORCES COMBINED FORCES
Combined Forces
The intersection of I/O psychology and adult education in the workplace creates a powerful framework to enhance employee development.
By Marla J. Albertie
In today’s rapidly evolving workplace, the intersection of Industrial-Organizational (I/O) Psychology and adult education has become increasingly significant for workplace-oriented coaches and employers. I/O Psychology, the scientific study of human behavior in organizations and the workplace, aims to improve employee well-being and performance. When combined with principles of adult education, it creates a powerful framework to enhance employee development, satisfaction and productivity.
UNDERSTANDING I/O PSYCHOLOGY
I/O Psychology focuses on many key areas (26 to be exact): employee selection, performance evaluation, motivation, training and development, and organizational development, to name a few. By applying psychological principles and research methods, I/O psychologists seek to solve workplace issues and optimize human potential within organizations. Their work involves understanding how people behave at work and using this knowledge to develop better practices and policies.
THE ROLE OF ADULT EDUCATION
Adult education, on the other hand, centers on the unique needs and learning styles of adults. Unlike traditional education, which often focuses on children and adolescents, adult education recognizes that adults bring a wealth of experience to the learning process. This field emphasizes practical,
problem-solving approaches and encourages self-directed learning. Adults have to be involved in their learning.
THE INTERSECTION
The intersection of I/O Psychology and adult education occurs in various aspects of workplace training and development. Here are a few key areas where these fields overlap:
1) Training and Development Programs: I/O psychologists design and implement training programs that are tailored to the needs of adult learners. By incorporating adult learning theories, such as andragogy (the science of teaching adults), they ensure that training is relevant, engaging and effective. These programs often use experiential learning, where employees learn through experience and reflection, a core principle of adult education.
2) Leadership Development: Leadership training programs often draw on both I/O psychology and adult education principles. I/O psychologists assess the leadership styles and needs within an organization, while adult education techniques ensure that training is interactive and applicable. This combination helps in developing leaders who are not only skilled but also adaptable and empathetic.
3) Performance Management: I/O psychology provides the tools for creating effective performance management systems, including feedback mechanisms and performance appraisals. Adult education principles ensure that these systems are used as opportunities
for growth and learning, rather than just evaluation. This approach fosters a culture of continuous improvement and development.
4) Employee Engagement and Motivation: Understanding what motivates adults is crucial for both I/O psychologists and adult educators. By combining insights from both fields, coaches and organizations can create strategies that enhance employee engagement and satisfaction. This might include professional development opportunities, recognition programs, and creating a work environment that supports autonomy and creativity.
5) Change Management: Implementing change in an organization requires a deep understanding of human behavior and effective communication strategies. I/O psychologists use their expertise to anticipate and manage resistance to change, while adult education techniques are employed to educate and support employees through the transition. This dual approach ensures that changes are implemented smoothly and successfully.
TANGIBLE OUTCOMES:
The integration of I/O Psychology and adult education in the workplace leads to numerous tangible outcomes. Organizations benefit from higher levels of employee satisfaction, increased productivity, and lower turnover rates. Employees, on the other hand, experience enhanced job satisfaction, improved skills, and greater opportunities for career advancement.
For example, a company or coach implementing a leadership development program grounded in both I/O psychology and adult education principles might see improved team performance, higher employee morale, and a stronger leadership pipeline. Similarly, training programs designed with these principles can result in faster skill acquisition, higher retention
rates of new information, and more effective application of skills on the job.
WRAPPING UP
The intersection of I/O Psychology and adult education in the workplace creates a dynamic and effective approach to employee development and organizational success. By leveraging the strengths
of both fields, organizations and their coaches can create environments that not only enhance performance, but also support the continuous growth and satisfaction of their employees. In a world where the only constant is change, this integrated approach provides a robust framework for navigating the complexities of the modern workplace.
Marla J. Albertie is the founder Truth Speaks Group, LLC, a multi-media coaching company dedicated to creating solutions for integrating work and life to create harmony. Marla loves to read, is a concert and comedy show junkie and a cruiser for life. Follow Marla on Twitter @tspeakscoaching and IG @Tspeaksgroup. Sign up for the Truth Speaks Group LLC Newsletter at https://www.truthspeakscoaching.com/
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Embracing personal growth opens the space to make a difference in our worldview.
By Arielle Giordano
We must take full responsibility for everything in our lives. Yes, life can be challenging and it can be difficult to accept this truth. Yes, it can be easier to blame and point the finger at someone else or an outside influence. Sometimes, we would rather turn a blind eye than own up to and stand up for what we know is true.
For years, I believed that I was a victim of my parents’ early death. Over time, I accepted the truth that I choose my parents at a soul level to learn the lessons I needed in this life. Embracing personal growth opens the space to make a difference in our worldview. Blame closes and hardens
our heart. Acceptance, openness and love open our heart. When we change and grow, we affect everyone and the world around us. This impact is subtle, powerful and real. In the stillness of who we are as beings, we move with sensitivity and delicate awareness.
Like the gentle flapping of a butterfly’s wings, our positive and negative choices create an almost imperceptible air current that drifts out and impacts the world around us.
As life happens, when we experience pain and strive to see our way through to the other side of it, metamorphosis follows. Pain is like cocoon that keeps us trapped, but when we open up and push through the walls, that pain can take us deeper into
our being. We can find fresh, new insights once we can see what’s inside our hearts. From this viewpoint, we know that whatever is happening really is okay, even though it may not feel good and we may not like it.
We are born with a heartfelt knowingness, and finding our personal truth gives us our wings. Our wings give us the freedom to fly like a butterfly. Allow a personal metamorphosis to happen and bear witness to the transformational growth will set you free.
Release the stories, patterns, emotions and preferences that interfere with your growth and no longer serve you. Know that you are a being on a journey of change and evolution. Be grateful and appreciate all of your experiences, whether they are joyous or painful. Dance like no one is watching as you transform and celebrate your wings, freedom and flight. Transform into the beautiful being that you are. Enjoy the dance as you evolve and become the most beautiful butterfly ever!
Dancing from the Inside Out
with Arielle Giordano
Transformational Life Coach Award-Winning Author & Speaker, Professional Dancer. Arielle’s Award-Winning book for Best Self-Help Award: Dancing With Your Story From The Inside is available on http://www.Amazon.com. Her professional career includes the Lead Faculty Area Chairperson and Professor for the College of Humanities, History and the Arts at the University of Phoenix. She is a published co-author of Transform Your Life Books 1 & 2 and author for Tampa Bay Wellness, Conscious Shift & Transformation magazine. She has published her 4th book, an Instructor’s Manual for Barlow Abnormal Psychology 4th ed. and authored Psychology, A Journey 3rd.ed. Study Guide published by Nelson Education, Toronto, ON. She has also studied philosophy at the College of Integrated Philosophy with John DeRuiter for twenty years. Arielle has been a featured guest on radio and television, in newspapers, and the media across the US and Canada. She is a certified Essentrics Stretch and Dance Instructor. Arielle offers coaching sessions, classes and workshops and a free 30-minute Consultation. Arielle’s new book Dancing with Your Story from the Inside Out is now available on http://www.Amazon.com. Websites: http://www.dancingfromtheinsideout.com, http://www.ariellegiordano.com. Email: agbeautifuldance@gmail.com
Cracks are how the light gets in.
By Spencer Rouse
Ring the bells that still can ring,
Forget your perfect offering,
There is a crack, a crack in everything,
That’s how the light gets in. —“Anthem” by Leonard Cohen
He walked into the office. It was late, but he didn’t stop to turn on the light. His favorite music usually helped, but it was not soothing tonight. He had failed. For the first time in his life, he had humiliated himself. In public, in front of a courtroom packed with people. This did not happen to him.
From a young age, he had been taught to be organized and structured. His room was neat; his homework always prepared. He had been taught to set goals and follow the rules. Swimming and track were his sports. There were awards for scholarships and athletics. A serious demeanor did not prevent him from being well-liked. He fit in. A good university followed high school, and a good law school followed university. Then, the right law firm. Interesting cases. He always believed that success through the law was his destiny. Until this last case. What had happened? He still was not quite sure. He had overlooked
a small piece that did not quite fit but seemed so insignificant. This appeared to be a cut-and-dried case. The usual.
That small piece blew up in his face during the trial. He looked like a fool for missing something so obvious. With this one error, he had become a joke, a laughing stock behind his back. What had happened? What was going on? People make mistakes. No one is perfect. There are always winners and losers in a trial. Life itself is like that. You deal. You accept. You move on. Or the shortfalls stay with you, creating shadows within. Uncomfortable. Unresolved. None of these thoughts helped because the crack in his armor was beginning to reveal a piece of him not recognized before. It was a fragile piece, not worthy of his lifelong training. This piece of him longed to create music. He could hear his music in his head now. The world of law bored him. How could this be? Law was his life.
He sat with his shame, head in his hands, feeling that his world was crumbling around him. It left him unprotected and uncertain. The energy of a lifetime of training, structure and goals was disintegrating slowly.
Our hero had been born into a family where structure provided emotional safety and a program for one style of success in the world. The ego forms to keep us safe as we face a lifetime of people and events that challenge what we have
learned from our early environment. We develop ways to mitigate these challenges: arrogance or hiding and not speaking up, perhaps arguing or fighting or the opposite, being pleasant to avoid conflict, and more. We can protect our illusions of reality in various ways. The ego allows no challenges to that safety, but no real growth happens if we don’t take chances and step out of our bubble of illusion. We usually start with small steps outside of our comfort zones. Small mistakes. We take a breath and go on. Small wins. We feel good. We have learned from both. This is how we begin to enlarge our comfort zone. This is how we open to other perspectives.
The mind operates in conjunction with the ego. It organizes emotion, cognition, and input from the world around us. This input has to pass through the filters of the ego and then the mind, so the validity of new input should be open to reevaluation over time.
Imagine that you are the hero. Think about your life. What would you be willing to risk? Even as the Light is opening tantalizing insights about your unique soul path? Freedom is calling you, but so is the familiar. There is no right answer. There are choices. Risks. Opportunities for deep growth, either way. When we can align in trust with the Light, we are choosing risk, but also coming into alignment with our true nature. What is the Light? All possibility.
Elemental Wisdom
with Spencer Rouse
Spencer Rouse has been a professional psychic and intuitive reader, energy healer, life coach, and lecture/workshop facilitator for more than 20 years, working one-on-one in counseling sessions, in groups, and at psychic fairs and other events. She works primarily through the gifts of claircognizance—an inner knowing—and clairsentience—the ability to sense information through feelings and emotions. Spencer also connects with the different layers of the human energy field (the aura) using color and sound to help balance and invigorate life force energy. Visit her online at http://www.SpencerRouse.com or email PsychicSpencer.com
The move from the basic, material tier of consciousness into heart-powered consciousness is a momentous shift.
By Owen Waters
Question: What makes higher consciousness hard to obtain?
Answer: Only the belief that it can be hard. The concept of higher consciousness is surprisingly simple, as can be the method by which you can obtain higher states.
You have the ability to think on three levels—the brainmind, the heart-mind, and the intuition-mind. It is as if a symphony of frequencies is open to you and you can focus on just one level or you can choose to open up to all the levels of perception.
The intellectual processes of the brain-mind operate at the frequency level of the solar plexus chakra. In that case, your perception of the world is filtered through the viewpoint of that lens or energy gateway.
When you move up from solar plexus focus to the heart chakra, your field of view becomes more expanded. Greater issues come into play. Not just, “How will I solve this challenge,” but “What will its effect be upon other people, upon the environment, and upon the world in which we live.”
As I pointed out in my original 2005 book, The Shift: The Revolution in Human Consciousness and, in an updated perspective in my 2020 book, Higher Consciousness, there are two levels of heart consciousness. The first heart-mind level is heart-centered awareness, where you become sensitive to the effects of your thoughts and actions upon others. In this, the emergence of empathy serves to make
iNFINITE BEING
with Owen K. Waters
the world a kinder, better place. Heart-centered consciousness is where you become accustomed to the level of heart-mind thinking. Then, just one more step ahead brings you into heartpowered consciousness, where you become less a newcomer and more a master of this higher view of reality.
That one step from heart-centered to heart-powered awareness launches you into the first step of a whole new tier of conscious growth. The move from the basic, material tier of consciousness into heart-powered consciousness is a momentous shift, a quantum leap into the upper tier of growth in human consciousness.
Beyond that stage of heart-powered consciousness lies the seat of the soul, the realm of intuition-mind. As we work to gain ever-better flashes of intuitive insight, we naturally increase our access to the higher tier of human consciousness.
These are the key stages in today’s ongoing march toward higher consciousness: Brain-mind, the two stages of heart-mind, and the joy-generating state of intuitive attunement with your true inner being.
Author’s Note: I released my 2020 book, Higher Consciousness, so that people could gain a clear picture of ways to easily travel the path toward the boundless joy, peace and inner wisdom which lies in our immediate destiny. Higher Consciousness: Finding Peace and Joy Above the Noise is available at: https://www.infinitebeing.com/ebooks/higher.htm.
Owen Waters is author of the Indie award-winning book, Spirituality Made Simple and a cofounder of the Spiritual Dynamics Academy and InfiniteBeing.com, where a where a free spiritual growth newsletter awaits you at https:// www.InfiniteBeing.com. He is an international spiritual teacher who has helped hundreds of thousands of spiritual seekers to understand better the nature of their spiritual potential. Owen’s life has been focused upon gaining spiritual insights through extensive research and the development of his inner vision. He has written a spiritual metaphysics newsletter since 2004 which empowers people to discover their own new vistas of inspiration, love and creativity. Spiritual seekers enjoy his writings for their clarity and deep insights. Contact Owen via email News@InfiniteBeing.com
CHAPTER THREE: THE POWER OF CONSCIOUSNESS
Real “knowing”
comes from “experiencing” Truth rather than understanding it intellectually.
By Dr. Heather Smith and Yanni Charalambous
Yanni: “To know God is to love God.” Can you please elaborate? Heather: This is a quote from Chapter 3 in Practicing the Presence. Joel covers the subject of God being omnipotent in this chapter. And in understanding God’s omnipotence, it’s important to contemplate the nature of God, which is…the presence of Love. But not human love—not human emotion. God is Divine Love that’s not experienced by the senses. It’s cognized by the Soul—an inner Light that’s completely impersonal and yet clearly experienced as Love. God is Life—Life lives—and since there is only One Life there cannot be anything destructive in Life to harm or annihilate Itself. Life is Love. We cover the subject of the omnipresence of God in Chapter 4, but in answer to this question, knowing there’s only One Life, One Self, One Being expressed in infinite ways means that all we ever really experience is God, our own Consciousness. When we realize that all we ever truly see or experience is our Self, then we’re closer to loving God. And God doesn’t express as personalities—there’s no God in the human world. Personalities are thought-constructs that are substance-less and have no real existence. What’s really here when you’re presented with the appearance of “another” (and that can be another person, another animal, another “thing”—anything that seems to be separate and apart from yourself)—is your own Consciousness. As we said before, there’s no “me” and “my body”; there’s no “me” and “my world.” There’s just me. There’s no duality, no separation. Joel covers this in a chapter we’ll
come to later about loving thy neighbor, because thy neighbor is really your own Self.
So, knowing God, understanding the true nature and spiritual qualities of God, is obeying the first commandment: “To love the Lord thy God with all thy Heart…” Joel sometimes talked about how we’re not required to love or forgive personalities on the spiritual path. There’s a misconception that in order to be spiritual, one must unconditionally love everyone. In a sense, that’s not true. Only God can Love; man can’t love because man/ego is not the “doer.” (One of the wisdoms in “The Infinite Way” is: “Consciousness lives Itself. You do not live it.” And this is an important subject that we’ll discuss in more depth in another article and video). Joel cited the example of when he tried to love and forgive Hitler (who was prominent in his day) and Joel came to the understanding that it’s not man who loves; it’s God who Loves. I remain as the witness…and Love flows. It’s a natural happening when we’re resting in awareness.
As part of his ministry, Joel often gave talks in prisons, and, again, he cited an example of being forewarned by one prison warden before he went into a meeting that the men wouldn’t stay in the room—and they wouldn’t listen. In fact, Joel went in there and spoke not to the personalities and the appearances of the men his senses were presenting to him, he saw through the appearances (and we talked about how to do that in our last article in the July 2024 issue of Transformation Coaching Magazine). He bore witness to the presence of the true Self where those men appeared to be. And all of them stayed. And not only did they stay, they stayed for over an hour and had questions afterwards. They sensed, maybe not consciously, that Joel wasn’t judging them but, instead, was communing with the truth of their being.
This is knowing and loving God: living in awareness of our own Self is devotion to God.
Yanni: Our next question is: “There is only one power and God is that power.” What does that mean?
Heather: This is another important principle in The Infinite Way—God as the only power. God, Consciousness, is omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient. And by that I mean, our Consciousness is the only power, the only presence and the only intelligence in our experience. It’s all there is
Dr. Heather Smith is the Founder of “Mystical Meditation,” an online platform used to share Joel Goldsmith’s work. She has been studying and practicing The Infinite Way teachings for over 30 years, and hosts spiritual talks, meditation groups and events online and in person, in London and California. Find out more at: https://www.linktr.ee/ mysticalmeditation
So let’s consider omnipotence: We’ve said there’s only One Life, and since Life lives, it can’t annihilate Itself. Therefore, there cannot be two powers; there can’t be a power of good and evil in Truth. Good and evil are appearances in carnal thought; they’re not the absolute truth of what’s really here. Take, for example, the belief that a germ can cause illness or kill. Since God, Consciousness, is the substance of all form, of everything that exists, can it really harm, or is it just a belief that appears to cause sickness? And, yes, certainly, what we experience through the senses based on beliefs and thoughts can seem very real, especially when there’s fear or pain involved, or we’re reacting to something. But, the spiritual practice that Joel teaches throughout his books is to remain fully present, as the observer, and then those discordant images either dissolve or transform into something more peaceful and harmonious. When we’re resting in perfect peace, that is our experience. I love the quote from Lao Tze that encapsulates this practice: “Stay in the center watching and forget you are there.” In Truth, there is no “you,” there’s only Consciousness.
Yanni: That’s really helpful. Thank you, Heather. Moving on to our final question: “Is there a difference between God consciousness and individual consciousness?”
Heather: Yes! Absolutely. But let’s be clear what we mean by “God consciousness” and “individual consciousness.” Sometimes, we can get too caught up in words, which is why in his book, The Art of Meditation, Joel suggests that those new to the path may find it easier to contemplate spiritual truth as a means to stilling the mind before entering into meditation. But the real “knowing” comes from “experiencing” Truth rather than understanding it intellectually.
God consciousness is all there really is. Pure, unadulterated consciousness. Our Self, our Mind, our Soul lives and is eternal. God expresses as individual consciousness, but there’s not two, there’s only one. There’s no God and individual consciousness—there’s just God appearing as individual Self. Just like the entirety of the ocean expresses as a wave, the entirety of Consciousness expresses as individual consciousness.
I remember Lorraine Sinkler (who was the original editor of Joel’s books) saying that in her early years as a student of Joel’s teachings, they used to correspond with each other. On one occasion, when she wrote to him, she said in passing that she understood she was a spark of the Divine. Joel wrote back and said
firmly: “You are not a ‘spark’ of the Divine—you are the whole of the Divine!” So, be very clear, that our Consciousness, our Mind, is the omnipresence, omnipotence, omniscience—there’s not some far-off God, separate and apart from our Self.
The I that I am is the embodiment of the One Presence. To take this a step further and really clarify: God consciousness is individual consciousness, but it’s not ego-consciousness. The egoic sense of self is illusory and without real substance—it’s not a real existence. The fabric of the egoic self and the whole human world is thought—a mental image where spiritual reality is.
Hear the interview on YouTube: https://www.youtu. be/5ZTsCu842YA.
Yanni Charalambous is a clearing the mind expert and life coach, who has dedicated the past eight years to guiding and empowering people through inner stillness and positive thinking. Find out more at: https://www.linktr.ee/ yannicharalambouscoaching.
Photo by Joyce Marie Cantrell on Unsplash.
Every spiritual road is linked to the same core destination: to—in one way or another—feel good or better about your experience of being human.
By Terez Hartmann
SPIRITUALITY AND PHYSICALITY
Did you know that you already have the compass and the map to the ultimate spiritual path? Did you know that no matter where you are physically or emotionally, you are actually on that path right now?
Contrary to popular belief, the path to spiritual connection actually lies in being physical and experiencing your flesh-and-blood, 3D life, for it is only through this vantage point that you can even begin to detect the path!
Consider this: If you were floating around in “oneness” and singularity, and there was nothing to distinguish you from the “All,” there would be no way to experience spiritual connection—or anything else. Being in a state of zero emotion (with no contrast) is much like observing the proverbial white mouse in the flour barrel or being deposited into the ocean in the total darkness of 10,000 feet: There is no point of reference. Our physical form and unique perspective are the ways that the deliciousness and delight of joy/alignment/enlightenment/communion/success can be experienced, so why not embrace, celebrate and enjoy this fantastic body, heart, mind and planet that gives us the ability to even HAVE spiritual experiences?
INFINITE PATHS, ONE DESTINATION
Remember that all teachings and ideas area always filtered through the eyes of the beholder/believer (present company included!) and that all any of us can offer is our unique perspective based on what works for each one of us—no more, no less.
No matter whom you talk to, when any individual finds something that really makes sense and really, really works for them, it’s difficult to fathom that any other path could deliver the goods.
Take me, for example: I very much believe that the path to spiritual connection and true success in life is through feeling clear, focused and alive. My own personal
experience has shown me that when I prioritize joy and clarity, everything flows beautifully; I have meaningful and productive interactions with others, great ideas come, I always have what I need, I find solutions faster, my body thrives, and I truly can be of service to others. The “right” spiritual path is—and always has been—in the heart, mind and spirit of the beholder, a.k.a YOU! And one thing is certain, no matter the reason for your quest, every spiritual road or desire for understanding or enlightenment is linked to the same core destination: to—in one way or another—feel good or better about your experience of being human.
PLAY THE “SUSTAIN GAME™” (I DARE YOU!)
Your mission: Do whatever it takes to allow yourself to be in a state of happiness and clarity, and then do whatever it takes to keep the good mojo flowing for as long as you possibly can!
Why play the game? You “win” every single second you allow yourself to feel good, alive and clear, and every additional second, minute, hour, day, week, thereafter, the “prizes” get bigger and bigger!
The “down” side: You have to give up times of stress, misery, guilt, self-doubt, pain and suffering. Bummer. What about paying bills, taking care of the kids, etc.? Let’s be real: Most likely, you just won’t allow yourself to feel very good if you tell your 4-year-old to just get a job, or notice that the electricity is shut off from nonpayment. There are things that we each feel are right and good to do, so you might as well just do them, since living in integrity really makes it easier to feel good across the board. But rather than resent your day-to-day non-negotiables, make it your mission to find as much fun and appreciation in these things as possible. You will find that if you can keep playing the “Sustain Game” great ideas come to you, everything you touch or create is filled with excellence and quality, nicer and nicer people show up in your life, you naturally want to do things for others, and life starts to cooperate with you in ways that once seemed improbable and even impossible! How’s that for a spiritual experience?!
THE BOTTOM LINE ON THE ULTIMATE SPIRITUAL PATH
Every spiritual teacher and master had (and has) the same goal: To help others live happier, more fulfilling lives and to interact with each other in ways that are harmonious and beneficial. All teachings/religions/paths have their strengths and each are criticized, but YOU are still the only one who can know what gives YOU a sense of peace, understanding and purpose. And in my humble
opinion, a life well-lived is the ultimate expression of true spiritual connection.
Choose your path, whatever that may be at any given moment, and as a certain Vulcan would say, “Live long and prosper.”
Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann is a Visionary Creative & top-rated instructor, Law of Attraction & Allowing YOUR Success specialist, published author, speaker, singer-songwriter, recording & performing artist & composer, “Catalyst for Fab-YOU-lous” and true Renaissance Woman who has already helped over 10,000 students in over 130 countries allow success and live life on FIRE. She is deeply passionate about helping other Powerful Creatives and Leading-Edge Thinkers live unique, empowered lives on their terms by cultivating the courage to dream, to express themselves boldly & authentically, and to focus Onward, Upward and Forward into new possibilities. http://www.terezfirewoman.com
It was a fire without smoke or flames, but it burned away all the things that were once important and left behind something new—the understanding that stuff doesn’t matter; it can be replaced.
By Jo Mooy
I worked at a high-pressure corporate job in Atlanta. It was not yet 10 a.m., but the phone had been ringing off the hook since 8 when I arrived. The wrong computer system had been delivered. The annual budget was not approved. The corporate presentation had to be redone. There was a data breach at a customer location. It was one problem after another. When the phone rang again, I chalked it up to one more problem on the list for that day.
But this time when the voice on the phone spoke, all I felt was a cold vise grip around my chest. This call stopped me in my tracks and superseded all other calls that day. The voice on the line said: “This is the Decatur Fire Department. We have an alarm going off and a report there’s a fire at your home.” Time stopped. My throat constricted and I could barely breathe. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. The voice on the phone continued, “The engine company is enroute to your house now.” The person in dispatch asked if anyone was home and whether we had gasoline cans in the utility room or around the house.
A visual of the house, and the utility room, and the shed with a lawnmower and gasoline cans, floated across my mind. But all I could say was, “Please get the dog out of the house.”
The dispatcher asked if the dog was the only occupant of the house. I said yes, repeating again: “Please save the dog.” She told me the firemen would have to break into the house. I told her, “Break every window and door, just save the dog!”
I lived in suburban Decatur, 15 miles from downtown Atlanta. The daily drive normally took about 30 minutes on Interstate 20. With rush hour out of the way, I broke every speed limit, arriving at my house in 12 minutes. On that drive, all sense of time shifted. My mind raced on what was in the house. Waterford crystals and mementos from world travels, the Italian furniture, the treasured Dutch collectibles, and all the photos of a lifetime lost, whatever meaning they once had. It didn’t matter where they came from nor who gave them to us. The idea of possessions and how they were valued shifted and the inventory of stuff that I owned no longer mattered. They had lost all meaning. The only thing that mattered was my precious cocker spaniel inside the house.
A gut-wrenching angst gripped my soul that she could die in the fire. The firemen might not think she was important, so I needed to get there to save her even if they couldn’t. I envisioned the home in flames as they trained their hoses on the house. For fifteen miles I kept saying a mantra over and over in my
head, “Save my dog. Save my dog!” I knew I would bust the door down and save her if they didn’t. Out of breath, I screeched into the driveway almost ramming into the back of the hook and ladder truck. Firemen were milling around on the front lawn in their helmets and yellow battle gear. The hoses they had pulled from the truck were sprawled across the driveway. But the driveway was suspiciously dry. An idle thought crossed my mind, Where’s all the water? The utility door was wide open, blowing back and forth in the wind. More thoughts: Where’s the fire? Why is there no smoke? Why are they standing around? Where’s Chelsea? A new astonishing thought pushed itself forward. Why is the house not in flames?
The Fire lieutenant came over and asked if I was the homeowner. Before I could ask the questions about to pour out, he held up his hand and said, “Everything is ok. Your dog is ok, too. She’s sweet.” As I began breathing again, he explained that the fire alarm in the house went off recording a fire was in progress. A neighbor heard it and called the Fire Department. When the fire trucks arrived, they saw no flames and quickly realized it was a faulty alarm. And no, they didn’t need to break any windows or doors. They jimmied the front door open and checked everything out.
He cautioned that I shouldn’t keep gas cans near the house, as they could blow up. Then, knowing how upset I was about the dog, he assured me once more she was ok. Then he kindly escorted me back to the truck. There, he handed me several bright red square shaped decals. “Put these on all the doors in and out of the house,” he said. The decals read, “Pet Alert. Fire Rescue. Number of pets in home with images and a check box of a dog, cat, bird, and other.”
“A Fire in Atlanta” was a major life-lesson that’s stayed with me for 40 years. The details of the day are etched in memories that still bring up a swirl of emotions that wiped out my old world. It was a fire without smoke or flames, but it burned away all the things that were once important. In the metaphorical ashes of the burn, (aren’t all crisis we experience metaphors for something else?) it left behind something new. Stuff doesn’t matter. Stuff can be replaced. Stuff has minimal meaning. Stuff is just stuff. My Cocker was not “stuff.” Her life outweighed every possession and she could not be replaced.
On that summer day, when a fire in Atlanta was burning my house down, my Cocker, a devoted member of my family, was the only treasure worth saving. If your beloved pet falls into the precious family category, put one of those decals on the front and back door of your house. It could save a life.
Conscious Living with Jo Mooy
Jo Mooy has studied with many spiritual traditions over the past 40 years. The wide diversity of this training allows her to develop spiritual seminars and retreats that explore inspirational concepts, give purpose and guidance to students, and present esoteric teachings in an understandable manner. Along with Patricia Cockerill, she has guided the Women’s Meditation Circle since January 2006 where it has been honored for five years in a row as the “Favorite Meditation” group in Sarasota, FL, by Natural Awakenings Magazine. Teaching and using Sound as a retreat healing practice, Jo was certified as a Sound Healer through Jonathan Goldman’s Sound Healing Association. She writes and publishes a monthly internationally distributed e-newsletter called Spiritual Connections and is a staff writer for Spirit of Maat magazine in Sedona. For more information go to http://www.starsoundings.com or email jomooy@gmail.com
Photo by Alsu Vershinina on Unsplash.
Have our lives become too busy to reach out, to inquire, to be a human being connecting to another?
By Mary Boutieller
What has happened to us, as people, as a society, that we would rather look at our phones than look up? When did it become so uncomfortable to look someone in the eyes, to say hello to a stranger, to be kind or helpful to another? When did we stop connecting with each other in real time with real faces or voices?
While taking a walk in the park a couple of weeks back, I noticed, once again, how many people walked by me and never looked up or said “hello.” I found myself really troubled by it. So, I said “hello” louder, I made my smile bigger, as if to say, “I am here too!”
Our need for connection is innate. We connect with others or we wither away. Studies have shown over and over again that we don’t thrive when isolated; we suffer depression and don’t live as long when we are lonely and estranged from others. Being lonely, of course, is not the same as being alone. We can be alone without feeling
lonely. Yet, for many, it seems our lives have become too busy to reach out, to inquire, to be a human being connecting to another. How has this happened?
If the mainstream media had its way, we would all cower in a corner from the horrors happening in the world. We would consider everyone suspect and our lives constantly in danger. We would worry incessantly and be wary of the other. So, we decide to not make eye contact, to put in our ear buds and disappear into a world that isn’t right here in front of us, to escape or to avoid. And we wonder why we feel the way we do? It’s not to say that there aren’t dangerous places to be or people in dire peril. There is so much suffering. It is only to say that there is more than just that.
I’ve just started an online course by Oren Jay Sofer called “Wise Speech.” I signed up for it because I don’t know how to communicate with those on the other side of the political spectrum. I often find myself uncomfortable, irritated, and not sure why
“they” can’t see the truth as I do. In the first session, Oren offered a guide. He asked, “Does what you are about to say increase health and well-being?” And, “Is it true, helpful, kind and timely?”
He reminded us that communication is powerful. Once we say something, we can’t unsay it. So, he asks, “Is what I am saying going to lead to more understanding and connection or less?”
I can’t say I know how to do this very well, especially with someone I don’t agree with, but I know it has to start with simple steps. Saying hello, making eye contact, leaving the phone in the car, reaching out, asking for help, receiving help, being willing to be vulnerable when all we want to do is build the walls thicker.
Yesterday, my husband, John, and I went out for a walk, lunch, then shopping at a thrift store, and I purposely left my phone in the car. I couldn’t take photos or phone calls or look up something we were talking about. There was no reaching for the
phone because I was bored or wanted to be entertained. And I was noticeably calmer. I was noticeably more present. We watched a child play, we listened to the sounds of nature, we noticed rain clouds without needing to check the weather app.
Phones are not the enemy; being alone is not harmful. None of these things are the cause of what is happening today. We just seem to have gotten into a habit of avoidance, of hunkering down and making our lives smaller, of forgetting how a simple act of kindness
makes us feel. What I know, though, is we can just as easily change that. We can foster connection. We can be kind. We can communicate with the desire to understand. We can pause, breathe, relax and begin again. It is truly up to us.
The Yoga of Life
with Mary Boutieller
Mary Boutieller is a Registered Yoga Teacher through Yoga Alliance. She has been teaching yoga since 2005. Her work experience includes 22 years as a firefighter/paramedic and 10 years as a Licensed Massage Therapist. Mary’s knowledge and experience give her a well-rounded understanding of anatomy, alignment, health and movement in the body. She is passionate about the benefits of yoga and the ability to heal at all levels through awareness, compassion, and a willingness to explore. She can be reached at: SimplyogaOm@gmail.com
Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash.
Personal Choices Define Us
PERSONAL CHOICES DEFINE US PERSONAL CHOICES DEFINE US
Ten principles to help you make better choices in life.
By Darrel L. Hammon
Over the past several months, I have talked to a variety of people who have made personal choices that have resulted in precarious financial and mental circumstances, and potentially dangerous physical situations. As my mother-in-law used to say, “It frosts me” to watch them make personal decisions and then not deal well with the self-induced consequences.
Many blame others for the consequences of their personal choices. One person recently said to me, “They (her family, friends, boyfriend, etc.) are the reason why this happened to me. They ruined my life.” When we analyzed the situation, however, it became rather obvious that her personal choices were responsible for this very challenging situation—but she refused to accept her role and continued to blame everyone else for the outcome. End of story.
Personal choices have consequences—some good and some not so good. Often, we know what the consequences will be way before we even make a decision. We know that if we spend our entire paycheck on frivolous things before we pay all of the bills that we have—car, rent, lights, heat, food etc.—then the landlord will be asking for the money and even perhaps kicking us out if we are far behind in our payments. There will be no food in the house. Our car may even be repossessed. Sad? Yes. Heartbreaking? Yes. Avoidable? Definitely yes! I have discovered that the following 10 principles will help you make better choices.
1. Choose to act and not be acted upon
Often, some of us say that “it’s not my fault!” Yet, it is. Instead of accepting our own actions, we choose to be acted upon, allowing others to make our choices. Then, we blame others for our actions. True power comes from taking actions and then accepting responsibility and being accountable for these actions. We lose power when we make the choice to allow others to act on our behalf.
2. Use both sides of your brain.
We have both a right side and a left side of our brain. One side looks at everything rationally. The other side is a bit more spur of the moment, let’s do it now. You can look at the brain as having both pragmatic and emotional sides. They are meant to work together, although,
for most of us, one side of the brain dominates. The key is to align ourselves with the best option, by consciously working to use both sides of the brain in concert.
3. Research the options.
Consider all angles, weigh the pros and cons, and determine the best course of action in any situation. We should try to see all sides based on our research.
4. Consider the consequences
There are consequences for each personal decision we make, and we need to weigh each variable. For example, when considering an investment, look at both the short-term and long-term scenarios. If buying a product, determine its financial impact vs. the value it offers.
5. Consider different points of view
Evaluating from different points of view provides clarity. Consult others and review all the angles with a good mentor or coach. Ask the hard/challenging questions before making the decision.
6. Look for the long reach
Some decisions are short-term and easy to make, like which ice cream flavor to select. Other decisions have a long-range impact such as buying a car, making an investment or purchasing car insurance. Spend an appropriate amount of time on each decision based on how long its reach will be in the future. Also consider the potential long-term impact.
7. Make the decision
Yes, we have to make the decision eventually. If we have thought about it, done the appropriate research, understand and accept the oncoming consequences, we are ready to make a choice. Take a deep breath and commit.
8. Conduct an assessment of the decision
It can be a formal or informal assessment. Ask questions like: Was that the best or most effective decision I could have made? What were the positives about the decision? What about the negatives? What did I learn from the decision? What would I have done differently if I could make the decision over? What will I do now? How can I enhance my future decisions? Often an assessment reveals that a mistake was made. Instead of
beating ourselves up, consider how to turn that mistake into a positive choice next time. Sometimes, we may just have to move on.
9. Move forward
Ultimately, we need to move on to the next decision, utilizing and incorporating all of our experiences to make a better, more effective decision going forward. Dwelling on past decisions will only cause us to focus too much on the past, impeding our future choices.
10. Develop a process.
Decision-making does not have to be a long, drawn-out process every time, but each decision requires a thought process. Choose well! Become the doer and the chooser!
Our personal choices define us, and how we react to the consequences of our decisions can either propel us forward to become better people who are comfortable with personal growth or mire us in a neverending morass that holds us back.
Darrel L. Hammon has been dabbling in writing in a variety of genres since his college days, having published poetry, academic and personal articles/essays, a book titled Completing Graduate School Long Distance (Sage Publications), and a picture book, The Adventures of Bob the Bullfrog: Christmas Beneath a Frozen Lake (Outskirts Press). He also was the editor of the Journal of Adult Education (Mountain Plains Adult Education Association). Most of his essay/article writing has focused on topics about growing up, leadership, self-awareness, motivation, marriage/dating, and educational topics. Some of these articles/essays are in Spanish because Darrel is bilingual in Spanish/English, having lived in Chile, Dominican Republic, and southern California, and having worked with Latino youth and families all of his professional life in higher education. He has two blogs, one for personal writing at http://www.darrelhammon.blogspot.com/ and one for his consulting/life coaching business (http://www.hammonconsults.blogspot.com/).
