What we decide to seed and let grow is a garden rich with possibility. By Mary Boutieller How are you doing? It’s almost funny to me that my first thought after typing this question was, “Fine, I’m just fine.” After all, that’s what we’d normally say in passing because we are often too busy to really consider how we are doing. Except that now, we might have a little more time on our hands to pause and explore how we’re actually doing. I thought I was fine. Really I did. Until I woke up the other day and immediately felt like crying. I told myself, “That’s ridiculous, it’s first thing in the morning, you can’t wake up and want to cry!” Can you hear me telling myself that? So I stuffed it down, took a shower, ate breakfast, and then went with my husband for a really long, really fast, really sweaty walk, ending up in a meditation garden at a nearby church. Interesting that I stopped there, as it wasn’t my original destination! I sat down and gazed at a beautiful angel statue that I’ve always loved. And that’s when my husband asked how I was doing. And that’s when I started to cry. It wasn’t a long sob; it was more like a release of energy, of fear, of tiredness; a mixed bag of emotions that I didn’t really want to feel. But once I cried it out, it was gone— like a weight suddenly lifted and the whole
world feeling much better than it did when I had first awoken. So, why do I tell you all this? Because the day before and the day after this unhappy event, I was FINE! I felt good, I was doing my thing, not super worried...or so I thought. I had not been acknowledging the subtle undercurrent of stress I had been feeling all along. After all, I am a yoga teacher, so I “should” have great stress management skills, right? All of this brings me back to the question I started with, and I ask it earnestly: “How are you doing?” Are things starting to settle in your heart? Has the angst or worry or fear released its hold on your monkey mind? Can you sense a bit of ease coming back into your body? Or are you riding the roller coaster of emotional upheaval—good one day and not so good the next? Once again, there is no wrong answer.
How you are feeling is how you are feeling and as long as you haven’t let the whole world situation overwhelm you to the point of paralysis, it’s going to be okay.
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