March 2019, Rewrite Your Love Story by Transformation Coaching Magazine

COACHING & BUSINESS TOOLS How to Recruit Online Lend a Helping Hand

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INSPIRATION & GROWTH Fear is the Liar Falling into Grace Rewrite Your Love Story Let’s Do It Letter to a Friend…Memo to Myself The Poetry of Life

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FEED YOUR SPIRIT From Out There to In Here Uncover Your True Inner Self

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PUBLISHERS Natalie Rivera Joeel A. Rivera, M.Ed.

EDITOR Lisa Cedrone

CONTRIBUTORS Owen K. Waters, Alan Cohen, Linda Commito, Arielle Giordano, Ashar Mohammed, Leon VanderPol, Gregg Sanderson, Terez Hartman, Jo Mooy, Mary Boutieller

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Fear is the Liar

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By Alan Cohen

We must cease to live as if we are small, and claim our authentic magnificence. I recently watched a touching documentary, Tea with the Dames, an intimate chat between four legendary British actresses, Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Joan Plowright, and Eileen Atkins, all of whom have been knighted. I found it a treat to momentarily peek into the lives of four esteemed thespians. At one point the subject of fear came up. Judi Dench admitted, “I still feel quite anxious when I have to act in a film.” I was stunned! Here one of the world’s finest actresses, who has often been cast as the Queen of England, and exudes utter confidence in her roles, now 85 years of age, is still plagued by fear! To my further surprise, her peers, also among the most respected actresses in the world, confessed that they, too, are camera shy. This shocking revelation confirmed to me a phenomenon I see in many successful professionals: Even while the voice of fear pursues us, we can go on to create huge success. That voice often disguises itself as “fraud guilt”—the idea that “I am a phony and if people knew the truth about me, they would not pay me, like me, or want me.” A survey of top Hollywood movie studio CEOs asked, “What do you fear most?” The most common answer was, “I am afraid that people will find out I don’t really know what I am doing.” Meanwhile these execs were turning our fabulous movies, earning many millions of dollars for their studios.

Success is not the liar. Fear is. Don Juan, the mentor in Carlos Castaneda’s classic series of books of conversations with his Yaqui shaman teacher, told Castaneda, “Fear never really goes away. It sits on your shoulder and whispers in your ear, trying to frighten and belittle you. The spiritual warrior hears the voice of fear, but does not give in to it.” Phil Alden Robinson, writer and director of one of my favorite films, Field of Dreams, recounts that during filming, “Every night I went back to my room and thought I had failed.” Meanwhile, Robinson was turning out a blockbuster film that was nominated for three Academy Awards and has become a classic. A Course in Miracles tells us that there are only two emotions, and thus only two voices we might listen to: love and fear. We all have a fear voice that chides us with all kinds of threats. At some point we must stop running from the fear voice and confront it. The question is not, “Does fear taunt you?” The question is, “Are you willing to move ahead anyway?” My mentor Hilda Charlton used to say, “The dogs bark, and the caravan moves on.”

The deepest purpose of our life is to rip the mask off of fear to reveal the love it hides. We must cease to live as if we are small, and claim our authentic magnificence. Even while scary newscasts and prophecies bite at our heels, we must move on.

At the height of the Beatles’ illustrious career, Ringo Starr decided he wasn’t fit to be in a band as talented as the Beatles. He went to John Lennon and told him, “I’m leaving the group because I’m not playing well and I feel unloved and out of it, and you three are really close.” John replied, “I thought it was you three!” Then Ringo told Paul McCartney he felt like an outsider. Paul replied, “I thought it was you three!” Ringo didn’t bother going to George Harrison, who might have given a similar reply. The idea that any of these four—Ringo, John, Paul, or George—was not a “real” Beatle seems laughable and ludicrous, since each of those musicians was talented in his own way, and their unique synergy made the Beatles the most successful entertainers in history. But each of them had to face and deal with his own demons. If even the Beatles suffered fraud guilt, you can see what a liar that voice is, and why you should give it no credence and not let it stop you on your own path to success. A Course in Miracles also tells us, “fear is never justified in any form,” and asks us to remember, “I am at home. Fear is the stranger here.” Emerson boldly suggested, “Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain.” Consider all the things you have feared, and how many of them have come true. And of the very small percentage that have come true, you have continued to move ahead, and even learned valuable lessons from the experience. In the human experience we all feel fear at some time. How you deal with it determines whether or it has power over your life, or you claim dominion over it. Fear and love cannot coexist in the same mind or place. The more we choose love, the more that becomes our prevalent experience. We have been taught by word or example that fear is real and love is the illusion. But the world is often inside out and upside down. Only love speaks truth.

Get Real with Alan Cohen

Alan Cohen is the author of many popular inspirational books, including the bestselling A Course in Miracles Made Easy. Become a certified professional life coach through Alan’s transformational Life Coach Training beginning February 1, 2019. For more information about this program, Alan’s books and videos, free daily inspirational quotes, online courses, and weekly radio show, visit http://www.alancohen.com.

Falling into Grace

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We can learn to hold a place of gratitude for the gifts that our life challenges can present. By Linda Commito No matter how good we are or how much kindness and love we spread in the world. . . no matter how careful we are…things happen that can send a jolt to our sense of well-being and our physical and mental health. Part of living in and accepting these human bodies is knowing that there are times when we will be ill, our hearts will ache, and we will fall or have accidents that will cause us pain or discomfort or anxiety (and I am sure you can add a few more to this list). How can we fall into grace and hold a place of gratitude for the

gift that the illness or incident offers, thankful for the new perspective and understanding, appreciative of the “helpers”—both physical and spiritual—and hopefully, be grateful that it wasn’t worse? I wrote this on Thanksgiving. That morning my partner and I went for an early morning walk to coffee except that we didn’t make it. Half way there, I turned to say, “Let’s get a move on” and turned back, catching my foot on a grate and falling face first onto the cement. Luckily, I turned my face slightly as I fell and only chipped two teeth. Grace.

Since then, I have had health challenges that have rocked my sense of equilibrium, making it even clearer how quickly things can change. It has put my life and what I focus on in perspective. I’ve learned that I am not super woman and that it’s ok to just BE. And I’ve discovered that my community—both local and in far-away places—is awesome in their loving efforts to offer support. When I fall into grace with trust, I am humbled by those who are there to break my fall. I am deeply grateful.

Love is the New Currency with Linda Commito Linda Commito, author, speaker, entrepreneur, consultant and teacher, is passionate about her vision to leave this world a kinder, more compassionate and interconnected place. Her award-winning book of inspirational stories, Love is the New Currency, demonstrates how we can each make a positive difference in the lives of others through simple acts of love and kindness. Visit http://www.loveisthenewcurrency.com for more information and/or to sign up for an uplifting monthly newsletter. Read about everyday acts of kindness on http://www.FB.com/kindnesscollaborative. Linda believes that in order to inspire a kinder world the place to start is with children. She volunteered at a Title One elementary school, working with over 500 students, to create and facilitate “Kindness Starts with Me,» a program which includes a website (http://www.kindnessstartswithme.com) and a book for children.

Photo Credit: Pixabay/Panajiotis

Rewrite Your Love Story

It’s time to open your heart and release past stories about relationships. By Arielle Giordano As a child, did you play hide-andseek? The game invites players to conceal themselves in a place to be found by the seeker. The one player tagged as “it” closes her eyes and counts to 10 while the other players hide. The designated “it” runs and looks everywhere, trying to find the other players. In the hide-and-seek game in life, you are it. You are the one you have been

hiding from and seeking your whole life! The “it” is deeper than the self that you think you know. The “it” is the d eeper-level you as a being and the True Self. To find your True Self, you must allow your heart to be open and soft, which means not having any insulation or protection. You must be present without any story or separation of dislike. You must be present in pressure and difficulty without converting situations to pain. When difficulty is converted

into personal pain in the midst of life, you become hidden within yourself, and when this happens, it blocks what is deeper within. Stories are personal guards that keep our existence confined to the surface. When you live in your stories, you protect yourself from the truth of who you really are. Your identity becomes your story. You engage in life, but through the lens of personal stories of dislike and pain.

When we stop insulating ourselves with internal walls and polarizing our world with likes and dislikes, then we can meet life from a deep place of knowing. At this point we are truly available and ready to experience life without holding onto our past pain and suffering. Rewriting your love story means being present in your heart, which opens the door to your being and True Self. Rewriting your love story also means

r eleasing fear and past stories about relationships; it’s time to be free and open to everything in your life. When you no longer draw on past conclusions, you make yourself accessible to others. Rewrite your love story in your heart and begin to know and love yourself. Then become vulnerable by releasing the safety net of past stories. This is the first step to building a meaningful love relationship with another.

Human beings are innately designed to be social. Your physical and emotional health is directly related to your social skills and the quality of your relationships. Love and enjoy your connections to family and friends. Find your perfect romantic partner. Bond through the heart with others, and it will improve your health and happiness at any age or life stage!

Dancing from the Inside Out with Arielle Giordano Arielle Giordano’s new book, Dancing with Your Story from the Inside Out, was released in March 2017. With a Masters of Arts and Masters of Education, Arielle is an author, professional dancer, inspirational speaker, certified Essentrics/Aging Backwards instructor, and workshop facilitator. She enjoys sharing her gifts and talents with an authentic style rich in the grace of dance, psychology, philosophy and the expressive arts. Her career includes: provisional psychologist, guidance counselor and substance-abuse therapist. As a Lead Faculty Area Chairperson and Faculty Member for College of Humanities at the University of Phoenix, she inspired students with her creative gifts. She also writes for Tampa Bay Wellness, We Woman and Transformation Magazine.

How to Recruit Online

By Ashar Mohammed Why is it that some network marketers can entice people to join their multilevel marketing (MLM) opportunity without meeting them face-to-face and others battle the online recruiting process? Is it luck? Is it magic? No my friend! It comes down to following a simple “sift and sort” method. It means not showing desperation and not allowing the outcome to affect your attitude. You see, network marketers who are getting the great results follow these principles. They have as many, if not more, people saying no. But they simply smile and wish the person a great day, and move on to the next prospect. Now I will give you some amazing tips for online recruiting. I see many network marketers trying to recruit online, and I just want to tell them, “Use the eyes of the prospect. Would you be interested

in the ad or message you are giving them?” business—not that you need them. Build And that is where we will start… relationships and just casually share your expertise and opportunity. It will be quite evident if they have an interest and, if they show that interest, that is when you approach them for a “deeper conversation.” As I said in the last paragraph, would you join you? Instead of just throwing “mud against the wall and seeing what sticks,” read your ads, messages, and posts and ask yourself, “If I were in the prospect’s eyes and mind, would I be enticed to learn more or join?” If you use this strategy for all your online recruiting tactics, you will discover better results. No matter what, who, or why, look at the positive side of things. This is not the easiest thing to do; however, if you develop a mindset that you will always This goes back to the look of keep your thoughts, speech, and actions desperation I spoke of earlier. There is a positive, great things will happen. huge difference between chasing people I suggest speaking positive afand building relationships. The idea is to firmations to yourself every morning as give the impression they need you and the you dress and get ready for a great day.

TIP #1: WOULD YOU?

TIP #2: DO NOT CHASE PEOPLE

TIP #3: TAKE NEGATIVE OUT… CARRY POSITIVE WITH YOU EVERYWHERE

Photo Credit: Pixabay/Startup Stock Photos

Throughout the day, give yourself a positive word when you feel negatives trying to “creep” in. It works and your positive mental attitude will “rub off” on others, and they will want what you have.

TIP #4: DEVELOP BLOGGING EXPERTISE

an area directly related to your MLM business can draw in potential recruits. This does not mean a 300-word blog post about how great your business is; it goes much deeper than that. You need to educate people.

Let’s say your business sells dietary supplements. You can blog about many various natural health tips, and, toward the end, have a call to action that entices them to contact you for more ways to help their health.

ONE LAST TIP…

Those expert blog posts you write: Share them on all the social While it requires an investment media channels and ask your readers to share them too. It works. of time and some money, blogging about Good luck and stay positive my friends.

Pursue Your Freedom with Ashar Mohammed Ashar Mohammed is Nutritionist, Networking Business Coach, NLP Practitioner, Life Coach, and the author of Home Work Out Bible and Healthy Eating. After earning a MBA, Ashar worked in business for his family and on his own for 13 years, until becoming a coach in 2015. Now pursuing his true passion, Ashar has helped thousands of people around the world to achieve their freedom—freedom from disease, freedom of time, and travel and financial freedom. For more information, visit his blog at http://www.ashardxn.blogspot.se.

Lend a Helping Hand

By Leon VanderPol

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Alison Stevens

Caring for suffering in any form ultimately advances the consciousness of the whole. There appears to be so much loss in the world these days, and so much pain carried from that loss. Loss of security, loss of hope, loss of opportunity, loss of lives. It seems to be everywhere, and, although you may not feel directly impacted by it, there are always people around you who are. You may not want to see it, and they may try to cover it up or stuff it away (because, you know, it’s uncomfortable…and it gets in the way of business). Here’s the reality though. Fear and loss clouds the mind and creates an ache in the heart. If not cared for, the pain disconnects and isolates people. Do not shy away from opening yourself to people who are clearly in need of expressing their fear, their grief, their pain. It is a vital need during these times of loss, suffering, and isolation. Your openness allows others to release it, which is a form of grief work. Grief work allows acceptance and forgiveness, to heal the ache of the heart, the tension in the mind.

Life is not always about getting somewhere. Progress is meaningful, but its meaning is contingent upon caring for the whole. If the whole is not cared for, then what value does progress of a certain part really carry? Advancement of a part at the expense of the whole is not really progress at all. Caring for suffering in any form ultimately advances the whole. Make time for it in the business of your life. Make it part of your business. Caring for loss exercises your heart, making it stronger and more resilient in the face of future pain—which will surely be there: things are not going to get better soon for many people in our world. Where in your life and business do you see pain, loss, isolation, or grief that is in need of your care and compassion? And can you give that the fullness of your attention, even if for a short while?

Transformational Coaching with Leon VanderPol Leon VanderPol is an internationally-recognized coach mentor, master teacher, and founder and director of the Center for Transformational Coaching. He is the creator of the Deep Transformational Coaching training program, which now has graduates from more than 25 countries. Leon travels the world teaching people how to catalyze deep transformation in soulful, spirit-based ways. Visit http://www.centerfortransformationalcoaching.com to learn more about Leon and his work.

From Out There to In Here

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When seekers cross the bridge from looking outside themselves to inside for answers, their whole belief paradigm shifts.

By Jo Mooy The questions are usually sincere and genuine. Some begin cautiously, meandering around the subject they want to ask about. Others jump right to the topic. All of them seek spiritual guidance in some manner. Of the hundreds and hundreds of questions asked, each can be put into one of these two categories: Out There questions or In Here questions. Forty-plus years on the spiritual path doesn’t necessarily qualify me as an expert. But I do respond to the questions based on those many years of study, the rigid disciplines I endured, and the practices drilled into me. In the 1970s I went to a psychic fair in New Jersey. The endless Out There questions I kept asking the numerology reader, Reverend Nancy Pisano, made her stop and take me to the door of her tent. She pointed down the way to another tent about 30 yards away and said, “Go over there!” Over there was where I found my first spiritual teacher, Gloria Cruz. She was a Rosicrucian master who taught me meditations and esoteric practices that would influence the path I walked for the next seven years. When I was ready to leave her tutelage she told me,

“When you’re 60 the real teaching work you’re destined to do will begin.” Over 40-plus years of study each teacher was like a domino falling in a line. As the path got steeper, the next one inevitably showed up. Each was able to direct my progress forward. Sometimes an intersection took me on a meandering detour

but eventually I was always returned to the original path. I learned that boulders and potholes on the road can cause flat tires, interrupting any journey. While waiting for one of my flat tires to be fixed, I began looking In Here instead of Out There. The Out There questions were no longer as important as they had been. That’s when a radically different set of teachers came along. They taught me meditation techniques and very deep esoteric practices. One day, they were all gone. No more teachers appeared. On that day I heard my Rosicrucian teacher’s voice in my head saying, “When you’re 60 the real teaching work you’re destined to do will begin.” It was my turn to answer the questions of others. Some teachers believe that not answering a question is the answer. I believe every sincere question is a sacred trust that deserves an answer. No question is better than another, or more advanced than the next one. Rather, the type of questions asked often indicates where the person is on their spiritual journey. In almost every case I’d asked the same ones of my teachers. The Out There questions start with what books to read, or what classes to attend. Some ask if they should pursue psychic readings for themselves. Others ask about taking up metaphysical disciplines like numerology or astrology. A few ask about healing. The questions about UFOs or Aliens were important to answer because I could include my personal experiences on those topics. But more exciting was realizing that the questioner was on the brink of discovering alternate realities that would catapult them into deeper ways of looking at the world around them.

They were standing on the bridge from Out There to In Here. Once they cross that bridge the whole belief paradigm shifts. The awareness of that seeker who questions is so much wider, but now it’s more inwardly directed. They’re able to comprehend a greater reality of consciousness and their questions reflect that. The old questions about books, studying, attending classes, or doing, take a back seat. Now, they ask about understanding their individual roles as fractals in the larger whole. Some go much deeper, asking how to experience a connection with cosmic consciousness. These questions are at the heart of being “In Here” and require the greatest care in answering them—especially because each experience is so unique to that traveler. The greater shift occurs when a question is asked, and before an answer can be given, the individual says, never mind, I know the answer to that. Then they stop asking questions. When this happens that individual is ready to pick up the baton and answer the questions of others. You see, by integrating all the studies, all the teachings, all the practices, and all the different meditations learned from so many teachers, each of us is simply tilling the roadway till we become teachers ourselves. When the path is smoothed for others who are coming along behind, there’s a certainty that it will be made easier for them and they will speed along faster than you did. That certainty is bestowed because a long line of teachers asked many of the same “In Here” questions. All they asked of us was to carry it forward.

Conscious Living with Jo Mooy

Jo Mooy has studied with many spiritual traditions over the past 40 years. The wide diversity of this training allows her to develop spiritual seminars and retreats that explore inspirational concepts, give purpose and guidance to students, and present esoteric teachings in an understandable manner. Along with Patricia Cockerill, she has guided the Women’s Meditation Circle since January 2006 where it has been honored for five years in a row as the “Favorite Meditation” group in Sarasota, FL, by Natural Awakenings Magazine. Teaching and using Sound as a retreat healing practice, Jo was certified as a Sound Healer through Jonathan Goldman’s Sound Healing Association. She writes and publishes a monthly internationally distributed e-newsletter called Spiritual Connections and is a staff writer for Spirit of Maat magazine in Sedona. For more information go to http://www.starsoundings.com or email jomooy@gmail.com.

Uncover Your True Inner Self

Your inner self is your complete self. Often referred to as your soul or higher self, your inner self includes all aspects of your consciousness as an individual.

By Owen K Waters Your inner self encompasses all levels of your consciousness—subconscious, superconscious, and waking consciousness. You can think of your waking consciousness as an “outer self,” because its function is to focus upon a world which has the appearance of being external. The human brain is designed to translate the concepts of space and time into something that appears real. Your outer self’s focus is directed at the physical world, which it perceives through the five p hysical senses. People habitually think of their soul as being something elsewhere, and not something that encompasses their waking consciousness. They also think of the world as being “out there” rather than what it really is—an internal projection of theatrical props which make life appear to be a real drama. It is more useful to use the term “inner self” to describe the complete self because, compared to the external world, it appears to be inside of you. When you look at the reality of life, everything is inside of you. As a spark of Infinite Being, the entire universe is inside of you because the universe was created within the consciousness of Infinite Being.

The definition of “Infinite Being” is “consciousness which encompasses all.” Nothing can be outside of an allencompassing consciousness, therefore

all must be within and, as an aspect of Infinite B eing, it is within you. Before you were born, you carefully planned the possibilities for this incarnation. Your inner self had access to all of the probabilities that would unfold in your current life, thus enabling you to make a life plan. You examined several possible lives and chose this one for the experiences that it would let you explore. Think of your inner self as a nonphysical, spiritual personality that chose to enter your body at the time of birth. Gradually, over a period of months, your conscious mind formed a greater attachment to this new body and eventually became completely identified with it. The current system of incarnation on earth involves spiritual amnesia— we are born with blank physical memories as part of the challenge of reconnecting with our spiritual essence during physical incarnation. That system will change in the coming centuries as human consciousness rises to new challenges and opportunities but, in the meantime, it still provides a fresh start to every incarnation that we choose to experience. Each incarnation occurs in different locations and historical times, with different sets of parents and societal environments. This creates the opportunity for you to play many roles as different personalities. Your inner nature does shine through into your outer personality as an influence, but the variety provided by different incarnations is enormous. Imagine, over the last 2000 years, experiencing incarnations as a centurion defending Rome against the barbarians, then a quiet life as a peasant farmer’s wife in Spain, then plying the Mediterranean trade routes as first mate on a spice ship, then as an English nun and finally a talk show host. Now that’s variety!

Personalities vary from life to life because of the societal environment in which they are formed. Shining through that outer personality, however, is the real you, your spiritual inner self. The wisdom of knowing how to handle a challenge often comes from the inner knowing gained from the experience of countless lifetimes. You can get in touch with your inner self if you take the time to simply go within using a meditation technique such as the Infinite Being meditation (see link below). In that contemplative state, ask yourself what it feels like when you get in touch with your inner self. How does life look when seen from its perspective? How does it feel to be connected to that part of you which is, in turn, consciously connected to the entire universe? How does it feel to live beyond the confines of space and time? Words like freedom, expansion, joy and harmony spring to life while you are in the presence of your true, spiritual self. Your inner self is eternal. It can never cease to exist, any more than Infinite Being can cease to exist. This eternal part of you has wisdom and love beyond the confines of any single incarnation. Feel the security of knowing this eternal part of yourself. While you are in the conscious presence of your inner self, see how meaningful the affirmation from the Infinite Being meditation becomes:

“I am Infinite Being.” Author’s note: For the complete Infinite Being Meditation technique, go to: https://www.spiritualdynamics.net/ articles/meditation/

Spiritual Dynamics with Owen K. Waters Owen is a cofounder of the Spiritual Dynamics Academy, where a where a free spiritual growth newsletter awaits you at: http://www.SpiritualDynamics.net. He is an international spiritual teacher who has helped hundreds of thousands of spiritual seekers to understand better the nature of their spiritual potential. Owen’s life has been focused upon gaining spiritual insights through extensive research and the development of his inner vision. For the past 12 years, he has written a spiritual metaphysics newsletter which empowers people to discover their own new vistas of inspiration, love and creativity. Spiritual seekers enjoy his writings for their insight and clarity.

Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Do It

By Gregg Sanderson In previous issues of Transformation Coaching, I’ve given you the What, Why, Where, Who, and How for our happiness paradigm, (Stimulus>BS>Response) it’s time for the details. Let’s recap: What is happiness? Emotional acceptance of “What is.” What is “What is?” Reality. The unfiltered situation or event. Why is it important? It’s the starting point for upgrade. Why are you not happy? You view “What is” through Bummer BS. What is BS? Belief System. It’s also Bullsh*t. Where is Bummer BS? In your unconscious. It’s called limits. Where is Better BS? In your unconscious. It’s called acceptance. Who gave you Bummer BS? Everyone around you. Who can give you Better BS? Only you. How can you be happy? Replace Bummer BS with Better BS. How do you get Better BS? Make “What is” OK. How do I do that? First step: Describe “What is.”

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. —Michelangelo

Like the sculptor, you chip away the BS one step at a time. Every little upgrade gets you that much closer, and you feel better with each step. It starts with your story of “What is.” It’s the incident that triggers any unpleasant emotions. The job here is to view it without the “J”s (Justassoonas, Justification and Judgment) to get as close as you can to reality, Here’s an example: I was driving down the street, when a car pulled in front of me and plodded along about five miles below the speed limit. I was angry, frustrated, and resentful, so first chance I got, I gunned the engine and roared past her. I burned a lot of gas, and maybe a little rubber, too. We arrived at the same stoplight together anyhow, and I gave her an appropriate dirty look. In the time spent justifying and blaming, I was unaware that I was justifying and blaming. Had I come to the realization sooner, I would have saved some gas. Perhaps, instead of a dirty look, I might have just winked at her. She was kinda cute. Most disturbing incidents hit our Bummer BS on two levels—loss of power and insecurity. Powerless BS produced the frustration. I justified it because I wanted to go faster. She was in my way, and I had a right to get angry. The resentment came from the insecurity BS that took it personally. How dare she pull in front of ME. She was wrong and somehow a threat to my self-concept. The dirty look summarized my judgment of the situation. The purpose of describing “What is” is to bring the incident to mind as vividly as possible, as if you were watching a movie. All I need to visualize scene is: I was driving along when a car pulled in front of me and drove slower than I wanted to go. I felt anger frustration and resentment.

There it is. Nothing more is needed. The brackets [] explain why. The scene: I was driving down the street, [extra detail not necessary] when a car pulled in front of me and plodded along [judgment] drove about five miles below the speed limit [extra detail not necessary] slower than I wanted to go. The emotions: I was angry frustrated and resentful. so first chance I got, I gunned the engine and roared past her. I burned a lot of gas, and maybe a little rubber, too. We arrived the same stoplight together anyhow, and I gave her an appropriate dirty look. [Unnecessary details. They interfere with focusing on the feelings. Also, the word “appropriate”—of course—is justification.]

The more you can distill the incident down to the essentials, the more effective your reprogramming will be. The essentials are Where? (The setting), Who? (was involved), What? (did they say or do), and How? (did you feel). The example above was light, and the feelings were on the surface. My story in last month’s issue was more difficult, since old buddy EGO kept me from recognizing my feelings for a while. My scene for that would be: Where: the doctor’s examination room. Who: me and the doctor. What: she said, “You have cancer.” How I felt: worry, fear, terror, and panic.

Just about every incident can be filtered to these essentials. There’s quite a bit more to the process, but it all starts with a scene. The next step is to identify the BS. Don’t miss next month’s issue for those important details.

If you aren’t a subscriber to Transformation Coaching, What are you waiting for? It’s free.

Happiness is BS with Gregg Sanderson

Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from anywhere at any time. You can see it at http://www.newthoughtglobal.org.

Listen on our website or your favorite podcast app or watch the video version on our YouTube channel.

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Letter to a Friend… Memo to Myself

By Terez Hartmann Dear Fellow Coaches, Mentors, and Fiery Friends, A couple of days ago, a close friend of mine inspired a message from me that I felt compelled to share. I have only made a few alterations for the sake of flow, protecting privacy, and relevance. As I wrote these words to her, I was also sure to keep this as an active “memo to myself,” for I believe we can never have enough reminders that we deserve the best in life, that our true tribe will always support our well-being, and that, as Glinda from “The Wizard of Oz” once said, “You’ve always had the power all along, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.” Hello Sweet Friend, As always, this is my take/opinion on things and what I’ve come to know, so only keep what resonates with you and feel free to throw the rest out... So sorry to hear that you’re having a rough ride right now. I have definitely felt like that—and even recently—but I realized that the only one who could change the momentum of my life flow was me. Even though we hope the people we love will recognize our situation and make it better for us, it’s not their job, and often, even with the best of intentions, they just can’t know the whole picture, or what path is truly the path of least resistance for YOU. They can love us and want the best for us, but it is still up to us to prioritize our own well-being—first and foremost. Only you can lighten your load, girl. You have to get to a point where you decide enough is enough, say “no” and MEAN it, and take things off your own plate with no apologies or compromises. Anyone who loves you will always root for your

well-being—and there should never be a “price to pay” for love. You deserve to live a life that feels good to you, but YOU have to know that for yourself. People will also treat you the way you “teach” them to treat you, so if you continually say, “yes” when you mean “no” or take on more than what is good for you to please others, they will continue to ask things of you. It’s not that they don’t care, but because YOU keep saying “yes”—or say “no,” then get wishywashy about it—in their minds, they think “yes” actually means, “yes.” (Imagine that?) Unless you are honest and stick to your guns, they can’t know your truth. I’ve also been in situations recently where I had to take my power and life back, and even though certain conversations weren’t pretty—and I had to face a lot of fears and self-criticism—it was all worth it, for everyone who truly loves me has been 100 percent supportive and okay with my “terms of well-being.” Others who have been resistant to it have either decided to love me anyway or have fallen away—and I’m okay with that, as I will no longer willingly participate in relationships that don’t allow me to be 100 percent me or that ask me to compromise my well-being. Boy, has that been freeing and wonderful! I (or anyone who is capable of unconditional love and true friendship) believe YOU deserve the best and will always support whatever feeds your joy and well-being—NO MATTER WHAT. You need to give YOURSELF that gift and claim your own value and worth. Love and be kind and good to YOU, and your true tribe will always hang with you! …And BTW: Letting yourself do things that raise your vibe and get you back to clarity and calm will benefit EVERYONE, as they will get more of the happy, beautiful, REAL you. I love you and hope this helps! Love, Me

The Bottom Line: Letter to a Friend, Memo to Myself

When your plate gets too full and you’re moving in a direction that leads AWAY from joy and wellness, remember that YOU have the power to make a new decision and choose something else. Perhaps it’s time for YOU to take something off your OWN plate and free up space for more calm, fun, and joy? • A great relationship should never come with a “price” or take away from your life, but ADD happiness and encourage joyful evolution for ALL parties. • You are and always will be in charge of your own wellbeing, and even the most well-meaning peeps can’t truly know what feels like the path of least resistance (greatest flow) for YOU. • Anyone who truly cares for you will always support anything that helps you thrive: Your true tribe will always stand by you! • When you are courageous enough to speak and LIVE your truth, you demonstrate respect for yourself AND others. • The world deserves to have the gift of experiencing the happy, beautiful, REAL you—and YOU deserve to live a life YOU love!

Here's to allowing YOUR success, letting the light of your authentic self shine, and to fully, madly, passionately, unapologetically living life on FIRE!

ALLOWING YOUR SUCCESS with Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann

Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann,“Your catalyst for all things Fab-YOU-lous,” is the author of Allowing Your Success!, a proud contributing author of Transform Your Life! book one and two, a professional Keynote Speaker/Workshop Facilitator, Singer-Songwriter/Recording Artist, “Allowing Adventures!” & “Savor Vacation” Facilitator, and true Renaissance Woman, and Visionary. She keeps her fire lit by embracing and promoting a lifestyle of “Allowing,” and by using creative expression to elevate and ignite the human spirit, a passion that she shares with her husband, soul-mate and creative partner of over 15 years, John Victor Hartmann. Together they share “Allowing TRUE LOVE” workshops and experiences designed to help others attract, allow, and maintain extraordinary relationships, and create custom jingles and voice-overs in their studio, THE Creativity Express. Visit: http://www.TerezFirewoman.com

The Poetry of Life

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Thought Catalog

We have the opportunity to pause and take in the world in which we are a part—to savor the light and the dark— as part and parcel of our glorious lives. By Mary Boutieller The month of March is an interesting time for many of us. Depending on where you live, spring is not quite in sight yet (even as the date approaches), and we find ourselves pondering this colder, quieter time of year. For some of us, it is energizing, for others, it’s blankets and books time. Whatever it is for you, allow it to be; see if you can tap into your own true nature and honor the process that this time presents for us. I love certain kinds of poetry and have a few favorite poets, one of whom is Mary Oliver. And although it is not often that I’m affected by a “celebrity” death, I was really sad to hear of her passing in January of this year. It felt as if I had lost an old friend. I’ve read many of her poems and find their depth and reach into my soul healing, provocative, thoughtful. She reminds me to be human, to be observant, to take notice of the natural world around us—sometimes to wake up. Poets can do that—wake us up. So can writers and revolutionaries, heroes and helpers. Sometimes it takes a little “prod” to stir our senses; sometimes the cosmic 2 x 4 shakes us out of our stupor and helps us realize that maybe there is a little more fullness to be had in these lives of ours. What would that look like— bringing more fullness to our lives? It’s not what we see on the television or Facebook; it’s not what our families are doing or our best friends or even our most admired examples of success. Our fullest life is the life that brings us joy; that brings comfort and happiness, awareness and understanding—without fear, without empty longing, without competition. It’s what gets us up in the morning and maybe what puts a smile on our faces. One person’s homebody-ness, sitting by

a fireplace, making hot cocoa, taking care of family, is another person’s travel around the world—and it’s all good and right and real. If we are spiritual beings having a human experience, what would spirit/Spirit want to do with this one imperfect and lovely life? Mary Oliver, in her poem titled “Poem,” talks about the spirit needing “the metaphor of the body…and the dark hug of time…to be understood, to be more than pure light that burns where no one is.” So I wonder what is it we are doing in

this world, in these bodies, with the benefit of the time we are given? Rilke said that the “point is to live everything;”and Danna Faulds said, “Who you are is so much more than what you do”. When was the last time you looked in the mirror and asked yourself if you were heeding your heart’s desire and noticing all the wonder in this world? As I perused some of Mary Oliver’s poems, I came across this one, which touched my heart, brought tears to my eyes and seemed perfectly timed:

THE FOURTH SIGN OF THE ZODIAC (PART 3) by Mary Oliver I know, you never intended to be in this world. But you’re in it all the same. so why not get started immediately. I mean, belonging to it. There is so much to admire, to weep over. And to write music or poems about. Bless the feet that take you to and fro. Bless the eyes and the listening ears. Bless the tongue, the marvel of taste. Bless touching. You could live a hundred years, it’s happened. Or not. I am speaking from the fortunate platform of many years, none of which, I think, I ever wasted. Do you need a prod? Do you need a little darkness to get you going? Let me be urgent as a knife, then, and remind you of Keats, so single of purpose and thinking, for a while, he had a lifetime.

As I sat there reading and rereading this poem and letting it’s message sink in, I contemplated Mary Oliver’s death and wondered if I had blessed the feet that take me to and fro. We have the opportunity, each and every one of us, to pause and take in the world in which we are a part; to savor the light and the dark; the sweet and bitter both, as part and parcel of our glorious lives. I’d like to think I have many more years to play and contem-

plate, but the truth is none of us really knows. Ms. Oliver mentions Keats in her poem, so I looked him up. Poet John Keats, who wrote “Ode to a Nightingale” and 53 other poems, died of tuberculosis at the age of 25. I think that there is a purpose to this life we are all experiencing—to spread love, to be kind, to inquire and explore and relish the little things. George Bernard Shaw wrote something that reminds me what life is really all about:

“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief candle” for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”

How you carry the torch of your life is for you to decide— it doesn’t have to be big or showy or grand; it can be the smallest of gestures and compassionate acts that bring hope to your world. Hug a child, hug an adult; smile at the store clerk; hold open a door, lay down your hurt and defenses. I give thanks to Mary Oliver and to all of the people who inspire me each and every day. I’m grateful for this day—the only one I have. Let’s all reach out, in our own wonderful way, to touch another’s heart; to find moments of awe in our ordinary days, to lean in the direction of love, so that we, too, can be “thoroughly used up” before we die.

The Yoga of Life with Mary Boutieller Mary Boutieller is a Registered Yoga Teacher through Yoga Alliance. She has been teaching yoga since 2005. Her work experience includes 22 years as a firefighter/paramedic and 10 years as a Licensed Massage Therapist. Mary’s knowledge and experience give her a well-rounded understanding of anatomy, alignment, health and movement in the body. She is passionate about the benefits of yoga and the ability to heal at all levels through awareness, compassion, and a willingness to explore. She can be reached at: SimplyogaOm@gmail.com.