COACHING AND BUSINESS TOOLS Rising Star Coach: Kelisha Diamond 4 The Bridge to Understanding 32 Target Your Roots 36 FEED YOUR SPIRIT Be Your Own Authority 8 INSPIRATION & GROWTH Nothing is Certain 12 Put on Your Dancing Shoes 14 Follow Your Heart 20 Go Big or Go Home 22 The Gift of Giving and Receiving 24 Creative Power 28 How to Eliminate Decision Fatigue 40 PUBLISHERS Natalie Rivera Joeel A. Rivera, M.Ed CONTRIBUTORSLisaEDITORCedrone Nicole Shir, Mary Boutillier, Linda Commito, Lillian Victoria, Jowanna Daley, Owen Waters, Gregg Sanderson, Clare Care, Emil Nazaryan, Jo Mooy © Copyright 2022 Transformation Services, Inc. All rights reserved. http://www.TransformationMag.com
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ABOUTKELISHA: Kelisha Diamond, Wolverhampton, UK Kelisha Diamond Therapy http://www.kelishadiamondtherapy.com
I wanted to become a coach when I overcame past abuse from both my mom and ex-partner. I struggled for years never knowing who I was, how to be me, people pleasing, always
4 Here at Transformation Academy we are excited to announce our January’s Transformation Academy Rising Star – Kelisha Diamond! Our goal with this initiative is to recognize and cel ebrate group membership who demonstrate the heart and service of a coach. Each monthly recipient of this recognition will be selected for a unique reason. Some will be seasoned coaches who serve as valuable mentors within the group. Others may be just starting their coach-training journey and exude a contagious attitude or passion. Others may be ac tively supporting other group members, whether by provid ing resources, answering common questions, or providing moral support. Regardless of each of our wonderful group members’ background or experience, we all benefit from the mutual support and varied perspectives offered within this diverseThegroup!Rising Star initiative is a way to give a special THANK YOU to those who go above and beyond to share of themselves within this community.
“I don’t need to be worried about being accepted by everyone. I am fine just as I am. Those who hear me will come.”
Kelisha Diamond is a holistic wellness coach who helps awaken souls to find themselves and overcome self-challenges that hold them back in life so that they can become the vision they dreamed. We chose Kelisha to honor as the Rising Star Coach this month because she is such a powerful example of being a coach to yourself FIRST! She has shared within our community about her own personal experiences applying what she has learned during her coach training and how she has applied it to her own life. She has demonstrated how she has coached herself to tame her temper and overcome her fear of putting herself out there! Thank you for being such a great role model Kelisha, keep being YOU!
WHAT IS YOUR NICHE (COACHING FOCUS) AND HOW DID YOU CHOOSE IT? Holistic wellness coach. WHO IS YOUR IDEAL CLIENT? The spiritually awakening soul. WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO BECOME A LIFE COACH?
WHAT IS THE MOST CHALLENGING PART OF BEING A LIFE COACH? For me it is giving my energy to individual people. I want to serve so many people on a deep level, but, being a level 4 empath, I take on others’ energies and can get burnt out! For the love of wanting to give so much back to others, I have started to create online learning resources where I can help awakening souls to thrive and transform without draining myself.
The most effective strategy I use is just showing up, being me, and sharing my story, my truth. I always find that once I start sharing, people always can relate to my pain points and struggles.
5 needing validation from others, being dependent on others, and the list goes on. It was through spirituality and healing myself on a multidimensional level that I was able to find me. I wanted to help others find themselves again—to be reborn in their own light and not the light of what others desired for them to be.
WHAT HAS BEEN THE MOST EFFECTIVE STRATEGY FOR FINDING CLIENTS AND/OR GROWING YOUR BUSINESS?
I came into my awakening/gift in 2020, but I only of ficially stepped into giving clarity and guidance in 2021, and I decided this year I wanted to take it further into coaching.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN COACHING?
HOW DID YOU GET YOUR FIRST CLIENT? I went onto a facebook group and asked if anyone wanted to find clarity and receive guidance. Initially, I depend ed heavily on using Tarot cards as a healing modality—not to tell the future but to use my clair-knowing gift to bring to light things they didn’t even realize were in the dark.
WHAT IS THE MOST FULFILLING PART OF BEING A LIFE COACH?
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COACHING ACTIVITY OR EXERCISE TO DO WITH CLIENTS?
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOURSELF BACK WHEN YOU FIRST DREAMED OF BECOMING A COACH? I don’t need to be worried about being accepted by everyone. I am fine just as I am. Those who hear me will come.
When I hear clients say I GET IT, it makes sense, how did you know?, I know who I am! Hearing those words shows me my job is done! It’s when a client finds their own truth and it aligned to their soul without needing validation from others—mission completed!
I love using Tarot cards to draw out dark secrets and pain points for clients. I use a blend of spirituality, mindset and wellness to create therapeutic exercises.
HOW HAS YOUR COACHING JOURNEY CHANGED YOUR LIFE? It has made me break out of the matrix that I once belonged to. It has made me release the baggage I use to have wasn’t mine to carry. Everything that everyone expected from me, wanted me to be, was put on me based on their own un resolved issues. Once I started to heal myself on a multidimen sional level, that’s when I had life again.
6 WHAT IS THE IMPACT YOU WANT TO MAKE IN THIS WORLD? I dream that everyone who has been forced to sub mit and surrender against their own will rise and find their own voice and truth, with a burning love for self because the realize they are enough. They don’t need to be what ANYONE else wants them to be. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH TRANSFORMATION COACHING MAGAZINE READERS? I just want everyone to know it is possible to be come the vision of their dreams! AiZen Healing Center 3348 17th Street Sarasota Txt/call~941 284 8894~drcwrandaci@gmail.com Free consultation/Free Booklet
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Within you is all the insight you ever need to reach wise decisions about every challenge that you ever face. No one on the planet knows more than you about your needs, your situation and your potential to find joy in all of the aspects of your life.
Basically, it all comes down to these four words: Be your own authority.
Make meditation your number one priority, each and every day. The Infinite Being meditation technique is one of many medita tion techniques you can use, and it is a very powerful one. It can be found at: https://www.infinitebeing.com/now/meditation/
Owen’s life has been focused upon gaining spiritual insights through extensive research and the development of his inner vision. He has written a spiritual metaphysics newsletter since 2004 which empowers people to discover their own new vistas of inspiration, love and creativity. Spiritual seekers enjoy his writings for their clarity and deep insights. Contact Owen via email News@InfiniteBeing.com
2) Reflection. This is the process of digesting information, sleeping on it, and thinking it over on more than one occasion. It opens up the problem to more levels of con sciousness than just the daily, waking consciousness. Each time the situation is examined, a more insightful overview is obtained, leading to deeper and longer-lasting solutions.
Like all skills, meditation requires regular practice in order to become truly effective. A sudden crisis in life can upset a begin ner’s attempts to find a deep level of awareness. An experienced meditator, however, will have gained the experience to be able to bypass the emotional turbulence and still reach the desired, deep levels of insight in order to find the most elegant solution. It is very simple to become an experienced meditator.
Owen Water is a cofounder of the Spiritual Dynamics Academy and InfiniteBeing.com, where a where a free spiri tual growth newsletter awaits you at https://www.InfiniteBeing.com. He is an international spiritual teacher who has helped hundreds of thousands of spiritual seekers to understand better the nature of their spiritual potential.
In the 1960s, parents and teachers complained that the younger generation had less respect for authority than they did when they were that age. In the 1980s, parents and teachers complained that the younger generation had less respect for au thority than they did when they were that age. In the 2000s, well, you get the picture. Every generation has progressed more in the same direction because the cosmic energies of The Shift are dis solving the old habit of submission to authority. Traditionally, organizations were run on hierarchies of authority. In order to work within a hierarchy, you were expected to surrender your willingness to think for yourself and, instead, obey orders without question. Human creativity was suppressed, while such a structure encouraged people to be closed-minded when exposed to any new information or ideas.
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People with open minds, on the other hand, can think for themselves and therefore become their own authorities. Be ing open to new ideas, they can awaken to creative, new solutions to challenges in their work and in their lives. Once the human mind is free to think for itself, these new ideas and solutions can be gained from the three main stages of focused conscious awareness. These are:
Religious authorities are becoming ignored in favor of spiritual self-education. Political authorities have been in a crisis of mistrust for so many years that it will take a complete revival of standards and ethics to salvage the value of political representation. When it comes to matters of authority, remember: It is better to be your own authority than to follow the crowd, wher ever that crowd is being led.
By Owen Waters
As we pass through The Shift into the New Reality, we are learning to apply self-empowerment to all facets of life. Selfeducation and reflection mean that you can rely upon your own perceptions about what is best for you.
3) Meditation. In this state of alert awareness, the full power of your intuitive insight can be accessed. In this state, your intuition senses the whole reality of the situation and delivers information which would be unobtainable by any other means. The deeper the meditative state, the clearer it becomes as to what the best solution can be.
Spiritual Dynamics with Owen K. Waters
1) Concentration. This is used to make a study and rational analysis of all available material.
Traditionally, the medical establishment has been the authority on what is best for your health. For many years now, that has been in the process of being replaced by self-education in nutrition and “alternative,” or natural, health care.
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Old beliefs and thinking, held by past generations, waver in the turbulence of the incoming frequencies, no longer able to interest or influence the young. Fresh ideas and concepts come into consciousness like a cool breeze mak ing it impossible for the old ways to sur vive in the face of evolutionary changes. Some see this as a tragedy and a personal or societal loss of monumental propor tions. A good metaphor is an old build ing. It once had its uses and purpose. It’s destruction by war, or from environmen tal changes, or simply lack of usefulness, makes way for its gleaming futuristic ver sion to be built, even if that’s not yet fully envisioned. The old one must fall away in order for the new gleaming structure to arise and take its place.
By Jo Mooy What can we be certain about? Nothing! Those stable things you once relied upon are crumbling. Their founda tions are dissolving. It’s like the timeline of the Kali Yuga age itself, which is changing to a new one. The lower frequencies are unable to survive in the higher ones that arrive with the new Bronze Age Yuga. Previously, ideas and thoughts of living in a world of energy and frequency were difficult to understand. In that timeframe, humans were easily held captive by tradition, dogma, rules, laws, and yester day’s facts insisted upon by religious estab lishments that told you what to believe and how to act. It’s remarkable that a few en lightened souls managed to incarnate and reach a small number of individuals who kept the spark alive for the new age. But most of humanity simply muddled along. In that previous age, it was be lieved that everything would last forever. We know better now—nothing lasts forever. Everything is in a state of flux and change. The only certainty to believe in is that there is no certainty. Empires crumble when they’ve outlived their use fulness. Religions that ruled the masses for centuries lose their magic and disap pear. Laws long-cherished as precedent and therefore inviolate are reversed.
There’s one more certainty that’s ripping up old beliefs. It’s that security can no longer come from governments, or the amount of money you possess, or where you live, or what social class you belong to, or what some new “talking head” on tele vision “opinion news” tells you to believe. Instead, there’s a clear recognition dawn ing that each individual has the power within themselves to hold things together as the new conditions emerge. We inhabit a new emerging state of consciousness. It brings with it a clear understanding that new ways of thinking and behaving are replacing the old. And subtly underlying it all is the awareness that we are intricately
As individuals, we have the power within to hold things together and weather the storms as new conditions emerge. connected to each other and together we must create whatever this new world will become. The new incoming generations are immensely capable of doing that. The turbulent forces that accom pany the changes will not be easy to ma neuver. Some may find it simpler to hide out until it all passes. Others will decide they can’t handle it and choose to physi cally depart. The ones standing up to the hurricane winds will have to rely on their spiritual intelligence and intuition. They will need to summon everything in their sacred toolbox to fix the windows that blow off, or the roofs that collapse during the height of the storm. There are powerful mantras and practices that can be used, just as they’ve been used for eons before. The general population won’t know what they are. But the ones schooled for these times, will know what to do, which ones are most ef fective, and when to invoke the mantra. Each one who chooses to step up now is a unique channel. Each chose to be here, in this time, to do whatever is necessary. Together they will expand a new vision and embrace whatever ideals they hold dear. If the spiritual collective can toss out the holy anchor and hang on tightly, they’ll make it through the storm. We came for this “to-do list”—to hold a vision and set the future stage for those that are bringing in the new age. THAT is probably one certainty you can count on!
Conscious Living with Jo Mooy Jo Mooy has studied with many spiritual traditions over the past 40 years. The wide diversity of this training al lows her to develop spiritual seminars and retreats that explore inspirational concepts, give purpose and guid ance to students, and present esoteric teachings in an understandable manner. Along with Patricia Cockerill, she has guided the Women’s Meditation Circle since January 2006 where it has been honored for five years in a row as the “Favorite Meditation” group in Sarasota, FL, by Natural Awakenings Magazine. Teaching and using Sound as a retreat healing practice, Jo was certified as a Sound Healer through Jonathan Goldman’s Sound Healing Association. She writes and publishes a monthly internationally distributed e-newsletter called Spiritual Connections and is a staff writer for Spirit of Maat magazine in Sedona. For more information go to http://www.starsoundings.com or email jomooy@gmail.com
• You’re supposed to think only of retirement.
• You’re not supposed to entertain the idea of doing all kinds of things, much less break new ground.
DO I STILL WANT THIS?
By Noelle Sterne When you reach a certain age, you may be tempted to abandon some of the dreams you feel you haven’t fulfilled. True, age may be a barrier to specific goals, such as winning at Wimbledon. But age doesn’t have to prevent or limit you from experiencing the glories of tennis, or whatever passion.
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Do you feel it’s too late? Ha! A few role models: Herman Cain, founder of Godfather’s Pizza, also had great success as a speaker and author. But when he held his 15-minute-old first granddaughter, he asked himself what he could do to contribute for a better world. So, at age 51, Cain entered the ministry. Four years later, he founded and continued to oversee centers throughout the country to help at-risk young people in academics, social skills and spiritual development. At 58, he ran for the Senate in Geor gia, and at 66 he ran for United States president. Then he continued to contribute as a radio host and columnist. In 2010, teacher and theater director Myrrha Stanford-Smith landed her first book deal—at age 82. The publisher, admirably age-unbound, signed her to a three-book deal. An Arizona man, Sy Perlis, in June 2013 set a new world record for weightlifting. He started the sport only at age 60, began competitive lifting at 86, and holds the world record for his age group. At 95 in 2021, he was still going strong (see YouTube with that name).
• You’re supposed to start getting all kinds of ailments.
1) First ask yourself this: Do I still really want to involve myself with ballet? Or is it a residual “should” from old voices? Be honest. No one is listening or com manding you. You’re not late for your lessons when you’d rather be reading. But if you yearn to become hands-on, I mean toes-on, your answer is this: You bet your tutu!
We don’t need to succumb to the apparently in controvertible beliefs that so many people catch like the flu. They all begin with “You get to be a certain age and…
In a book called Second Wind: The Rise of the Age less Athlete, Lee Bergquist recounts many sagas of no-limits individuals. One, Don McNelly, completed more than 150 marathons—all after the age of 80. See also entertainers—Paul McCartney at 80 tour ing and giving concerts, Clint Eastwood at 90 acting and di recting, Judi Dench acting at 87, Rita Moreno at 90 in new roles. And there are many more. I relate the feats of these people not to make you feel inadequate, ashamed of your marathon TV rerun-watching, or despairing that you’ll never get off the sofa. These stories are not for recrimination but to demonstrate limitlessness. We never need to accept conventions of age, notions of im possibility, or even satisfaction with accomplishments.
• You’re supposed to give up your dream and wail, “It’s too late!” How to start? Let’s take an example. If you dream of being a ballet dancer, granted, you probably should have started training at age 5½ . Now, at 42—paunchy, saggy, tired and stiff—you can stand on your toes only to reach the supersize box of salsa chips. What can you do today to follow your dream? Some suggestions.
2) If this is your answer, and you’re a little scared, remind yourself of age-breaking models. Here are a few just from the dance world. When do most bal lerinas retire, in their thirties? At 50 Nina Ananiashvili was still dancing in starring roles in difficult ballets performed by the State Ballet of Georgia (Republic of Georgia) to rave reviews, for which she continued as artistic director. Martha Graham was performing at 75 and choreographed her 180th work at 95. And would you believe an 82-year-old ballerina? Norwe gian classical dancer Grete Brunvoll, now 92, trained daily and gave regular public performances.
BARRIER BREAKING
• You’re supposed to become weak, vulnerable, unsteady, frail.
How to follow your dreams at any age.
3) For more courage, look too at many other people in other fields—your own, especially—who continue developing their talents. They haven’t paid any atten tion to the barriers and stereotypes.
• Decide how you’ll present your dream to others— vita, video, essay on what you’d like to teach, an exciting elevator pitch, a list of your helping skills.
WHAT WOULD YOU REALLY LOVE TO DO?
• Make a schedule for yourself of hours/days/mo ments that you’ll devote to your project—even fifteen minutes a day and one task.
• Talk to a dancer, a teacher, a student. Ask all the questions that occur to you.
6) From your version of this list, start working with the smallest, most attainable thing—or the biggest, most enticing one. Depending on your passion, you may want to make two lists: one physical—pulling on tights (groaning optional) and taking a class—and the
5) Now, make a list of ballet-related things that give you those soaring feelings:
Offer help.
• Go visit places: classes, theaters, rehearsal studios, libraries.
MOVE IT
• Share your dream with your family and friends and ask for their support. Warn them not to laugh (they might even share some secret dreams of their own).
•
• Create a physical space for your dream project, even if it means first shoveling out the spare room or set ting a bonfire to your desk.
• Observe classes, take a class (gulp), assist a dance teacher, bring your kids and their friends to ballet performances, read and lecture about ballet, start a blog for late-blooming balletophiles.
YOUR BIG LIST
4) Back to you and ballet. What would you really like to do to be around ballet—to see, hear, feel, smell, even taste ballet? List the qualities, outcomes, and feelings you want such activities to give you, even if you don’t yet know how to accomplish them: “Use my talent, use my passion and love for ballet, feel like I am contributing. “Keep this list in a special place (laminate it). Read it daily.
7) Divide your physical and inspirational lists into manageable and possibly sequential activities. Physi cal preparation may start with stretching exercises, water aerobics, or yoga—or you can screw up your courage and actually take a dance class.
CONTINUE Keep visualizing your dream. You do deserve it. Forgive yourself along the way. Treat yourself gently. The future is yours to create. You deserve the future you desire. And keep twirling . . . er . . . going.
If you need another boost, memorize these fre quently quoted words of Unity poet James Dillet Freeman: Dare to be what you are meant to be and do what you are meant to do, and life will provide you the means to do it and be it.
BEGIN 9) Remind yourself of George Eliot’s heartening quote, “It is never too late to be what you might have been.” And BEGIN. Choose one item from either or both lists. A physi cal action is great first because it will get your heart going— physically and emotionally. Then pick one thing from your educational/inspiration list and you’ll know, with growing excitement, you’re achieving your dream.
8) Your educational/inspirational list might include reading specific books about dancers (and especial ly those performing at later ages), watching videos of dancers (Nina Ananiashvili’s are truly inspiring), talking to dance instructors near you, meditating daily and seeing yourself (also daily) doing what you love to do in this field.
Author’s Note: See also Noelle Sterne, Trust Your Life: Forgive Yourself and Go After Your Dreams (Unity Books, 2011).
18 Trust Your Life Now with Noelle Sterne, Ph.D. Noelle Sterne, author, editor, writing coach, workshop leader, and academic mentor, has published over 700 sto ries, essays, writing craft articles, spiritual pieces, and occasional poems in literary and academic print and online venues. Publications have appeared in Author Magazine, Bookends Review, Chicken Soup for the Soul (six volumes), Florida Writers Association Blog, Inspire Me Today, LiveWriteThrive, MindBodySpirit, Journal of Expressive Writing, Life and Everything After, Mused, Pen and Prosper, Romance Writers Report, Ruminate, Sasee, Spiritual Media Blog, Textbook and Academic Authors Association blog (monthly), Thesis Whisperer, Transformation Coaching, Two Drops of Ink (monthly), Unity Daily Word, Unity Magazine, WE Magazine for Women, Women in Higher Education, Women on Writing, Writing and Wellness, Writer’s Digest, and The Writer. Eons ago, she published a children’s book of original dinosaur riddles (HarperCollins), in print for 18 years. With a Ph.D. from Columbia University, for 30 years Noelle has assisted doctoral candidates in completing their dissertations (finally). Her published handbook to as sist doctoral candidates is based on her professional academic practice: Challenges in Writing Your Dissertation: Coping with the Emotional, Interpersonal, and Psychological Struggles (Rowman & Littlefield Education, 2015). In Noelle’s spiritual self-help book, Trust Your Life: Forgive Yourself and Go After Your Dreams (Unity Books, 2011), she draws examples from her academic consulting and other aspects of life to support readers in reaching their lifelong yearnings. Continuing with her own, she is draft-deep in her third novel. Her webinar about Trust Your Life can be seen on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95EeqllONIQ&feature=youtu.be. Visit Noelle at her website: http://www.trustyourlifenow.com.
other educational/inspirational—researching, inter viewing, or writing about dancers, choreographers, or great teachers.
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Dancing from the Inside Out with Arielle Giordano Transformational Life Coach Award-Winning Author & Speaker, Professional Dancer. Arielle’s Award-Winning book for Best Self-Help Award: Dancing With Your Story From The Inside is available on http://www.Amazon.com. Her professional career includes the Lead Faculty Area Chairperson and Professor for the College of Humanities, History and the Arts at the University of Phoenix. She is a published co-author of Transform Your Life Books 1 & 2 and author for Tampa Bay Wellness, Conscious Shift & Transformation magazine. She has published her 4th book, an Instructor’s Manual for Barlow Abnormal Psychology 4th ed. and authored Psychology, A Journey 3rd.ed. Study Guide published by Nelson Education, Toronto, ON. She has also studied philosophy at the College of Integrated Philosophy with John DeRuiter for twenty years. Arielle has been a featured guest on radio and television, in newspapers, and the media across the US and Canada. She is a certified Essentrics Stretch and Dance Instructor. Arielle offers coaching sessions, classes and workshops and a free 30-minute Consultation. Arielle’s new book Dancing with Your Story from the Inside Out is now available on http://www.Amazon.com. Websites: http://www.dancingfromtheinsideout.com, http://www.ariellegiordano.com. Email: agbeautifuldance@gmail.com
—Garrett McNamara
By Arielle Giordano True spirituality is living through the heart from within your being, and allowing that energy to flow out into the self. You are not a self that has a being—you are a being that has a heart and a self. Living through the heart from within your being is the purpose of the soul— to transform the self and evolve into a higher level of consciousness.Acceptingwhat you know in your heart will allow you to express your true self. You do not need to understand it. You only need to know it. The heart is the doorway to your deep er essence, and when you meet others at this level it creates a bond of being, a connection that is eternal. This can happen within intimate relationships as well as acquaintances. When your heart conveys through your body and facial expressions, it communicates the truth, which emanates throughout the nervous system. It resonates the profound honesty found deep within. It takes you past your emotions, thinking, feeling and will. Profound honesty means having access to your deepest knowing and communicating from that level. Everyone is connected to many differ ent levels of meaning, but that meaning cannot be found in the external world. Meaning is what you really are, and it resides in a quiet, peaceful heart. Inside you will find what you seek. Listen to what you know in your heart, and you will find a deeper meaning in life.
“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.”—Carl Jung
Follow your heart and fear does not exist.
By Mary Boutieller
Recently, I had a growth spurt that caught me by surprise—a life lesson I thought I had already conquered, and it started with the words: “Maybe we could do a fundraiser.” If you knew me, you would never think of me as “playing small”, but those were the words that came up for me over and over again. In coming up with a goal, I thought raising $5,000 for two organizations was very daring—noth ing I had ever tried to do before. My husband, John, said we should double that amount, and my friend agreed! I know it sounds really weird but, in agreeing to “go big or go home”, I felt some fear well up inside me. Who was I to ask for this? How could I be so bold? What if I offend someone? And, as though my life flashed before my eyes, I realized that this was an old pattern of mine coming to pay a visit. As a child growing up in an unpredictable household, I played small so as not to be seen. As a teenager and young woman, I shied away from opportunities that seemed beyond my abilities. I didn’t want to stand out or seem special. In a very real sense, I just wanted to survive. It took a long time for me to find my inner strength—to believe I was capable. The fundraiser brought back a flood of old emo tions...what if I disappoint people, what if I fail? In saying yes, I had to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. I realized that my fears weren’t about the dollar amount. It was about putting myself out there in a way that felt really vulnerable, and trusting that my supportive and loving community of friends and family would be there to catch me. I had to re mind myself of why we were doing this—to give back, to give thanks, and to make a difference along the way.
Nelson Mandela said, “There is no passion to be found playing small—in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”
The Yoga of Life with Mary Boutieller Mary Boutieller is a Registered Yoga Teacher through Yoga Alliance. She has been teaching yoga since 2005. Her work experience includes 22 years as a firefighter/paramedic and 10 years as a Licensed Massage Therapist. Mary’s knowledge and experience give her a well-rounded understanding of anatomy, alignment, health and movement in the body. She is passionate about the benefits of yoga and the ability to heal at all levels through awareness, compassion, and a willingness to explore. She can be reached at: SimplyogaOm@gmail.com
Sometimes we have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable to move past our fears.
Old patterns about who we are or what we believe about ourselves or others are simply worn out tapes which occasionally come up just to remind us of how far we’ve come on this life journey. They mean nothing, unless we give away our power. I was glad to recognize this old tape, to marvel at its arrival, then boot it out the door. I don’t know why all this came up again, but I know that I’m done playing small. I want to show up, put my heart out there and be unafraid that it might break. Because even if it does, I know that others are by my side, ready to patch it up, lend a hand or be there if I fall. And that is huge. That is the gift.
Have you noticed that when ever there is a flow of generosity, a loving intention in the act of giving or receiving, whether from someone we know or a total stranger, it often brings comfort and connection ?
There was a time when I was facing several months of cancer treatments that I discovered
Some of us may have a diffi cult time being on the receiving end of acts of kindness, yet, as a friend, Linda Maree, says: “without receivers, there can be no givers.”
just how important even simple acts of kindness could help me to stay positive and hopeful. And, although at times, I was fortunate to have my partner and good friends by my side, I can only imagine how difficult it was for those who were there alone. I’d like to share how one spe cial volunteer, Bill S., touched me and so many others with his kindness. Now that I am cancer-free, I sought Bill out to thank him again, and to ask if I could write about how his compas sion brought so much comfort during a difficult time.
By Linda Commito
“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.” –Maya Angelou
EXTRAORDINAIREVOLUNTEER
Hooked up to IVs, ready to re ceive another round of chemo, I felt as though I were looking at an angel as volunteer Bill S. came towards me to offer a warm blanket and some thing to drink. I was lucky to have my Monday chemo treatments coincide with Bill’s schedule at Florida Cancer Specialist (FCS). I was grateful for ev ery smile, kind word and action that Bill gave to make me feel that he
Love is the New Currency with Linda Commito Linda Commito, author, speaker, entrepreneur, consultant and teacher, is passionate about her vision to leave this world a kinder, more loving, and interconnected place. Linda’s award-winning book of inspirational stories, Love Is the New Currency, demonstrates how we can each make an extraordinary difference in the lives of others through simple acts of love and kindness. Her latest project, the card game Just Ask 1 2 3, was inspired by a desire to connect people of all different ages, beliefs and lifestyles to share our individuality and find commonality. Linda also created “Kindness Starts with Me,” a program, book and website for children. For more information visit http://www.LoveistheNewCurrency.com or visit the Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/Justask123game
27 understood and wanted to help to ease any worry or discomfort. It was a much-welcomed bright spot over the next several months.
At 77, Bill, who has retired from the hectic pace of numerous years in sales and marketing busi nesses, is as busy as ever. In addition to FCS, he volunteers as a “patient escort” at a local Planned Parent hood and also can be found deliver ing blood from the Sun Coast Blood Center to local hospitals. Bill says, “I appreciate volunteering much more! I look forward to it! It is one of the great joys in my life.” Thank you, Bill, and to the many volunteers who give of them selves to make this world a kinder, more loving place.
Bill knew what it was like, hav ing received chemo treatments him self for colon cancer for 7 months. It was there that he first met volunteers from “Team Tony”, a local organization that matched volunteers with patients who had a similar type of cancer. Later, Bill, who is now cancer-free, began vol unteering as an individual at FCS and has been for the past 9 years. I asked Bill: Was there an ex perience that made him especially grateful to help? Prior to Covid, a young mom, receiving treatment and needing help herself, was holding her crying 8-month-old, unable to comfort her. Bill, who is a father and grandfa ther, walked up to her and asked: “Can I hold your baby?” She said yes, and as soon as her child was in Bill’s arms, the baby stopped crying. As Bill walked the aisles, he introduced the baby to several patients, who all lit up with smiles. He also found that a light hand on a shoulder, as he put a warm blan ket on patients, not only brought com fort, but as one woman shared, “made them feel human”, when describing people’s discomfort in touching her. Asked who was his inspira tion growing up, Bill is quick to say: “My mother always had a smile for everyone. There was never a time that someone who needed something wasn’t made to feel special.”
Photo Credit: Unsplash/Sincerely Media
Many people often think of creativity in terms of crafting works of art or music, but regardless of what we do for a living or for a hobby, every life is a work of art and every living, breathing human being is indeed creative, simply by virtue of being alive!
Each of us is what I call a CEO which means:
• tactile experience, feeling silk against your skin, a plush warm blanket, a nice soothing hot or refresh ing cool shower… …you know firsthand what the power of beauty can do for you!Perhaps it is because—as Keats would say, “Beauty is truth, truth beauty”—there is a deep place within each of us that resonates with the essence of beauty. Beauty is our natural state of being, which is why it feels so good to experience it. When we recognize the beauty in a thought, thing, or experience—therefore eliciting positive emotion—we see the world through the eyes of our Source.
• sound, like the pure tones of a chime, a magnificent piece of music, the laughter of someone you love or thunderous applause;
Beauty is a place from which inspiration is born. Beauty is a “Fast-Pass” to a destination of joy. Beauty has magnetic power to attract more of the same on multiple fronts and draw it forth from within. Beauty is a gateway to “The Power of Presence.”
WELCOME “THE POWER OF BEAUTY”
Beauty is who we are and the true nature of all things. As Forrest Gump might say, “Beauty is as beauty does.”
• sight, such as gazing upon a waterfall, red rocks or moun tains, a mesmerizing photograph or painting, looking into your baby’s eyes;
Creator = We are the ones who create our life experience. Experiencer = We are the ones who experience what we have been creating.
• smell, orange blossoms in full bloom, fresh popcorn, your favorite cologne or perfume worn by your lover; or • taste, insert favorite food/beverages here; or
Have you ever noticed that the more you talk about or notice things, the more pronounced they become in your life? Sometimes, while in the middle of a major life change, spend ing time with people who can be challenging or driving through a rundown section of town, it is all too easy for your eyes and ears to focus on the shadows of life. In contrast, when you stop to al low yourself to be more aware in these moments and make the decision to look for beauty, you break the spell of the shadows and start inviting and experiencing more and more light. When it comes to creating, experiencing, and opening yourself up to the beautiful things in life, focus is everything and NOW is when you allow. The more you focus on beauty, the more beauty becomes the nature of your now, your life, your experience, and YOU!
INCREASING YOUR RDA OF BEAUTY
In my own experience, I have discovered that writing songs or articulating ideas that increase beauty in the world help me stay in a feel-good flow and reconnect with a sense of well-being when needed. Taking things a step further by sharing these creations and potentially inspiring a fellow traveler is a two-for-one special! Cre ating and sharing the beautiful things, gifts, experiences, or ideas YOU have within you truly is the gift that keeps on giving.
By Terez Hartmann
OUR NATURAL STATE OF BEING “Beholding beauty with the eye of the mind, he will be enabled to bring forth, not images of beauty, but realities (for he has hold not of an image, but of a reality), and bringing forth and nourishing true virtue to become the friend of God and be immor tal, if mortal man may...”—Plato If you have ever lost yourself in a magnificent:
LIGHT THE WAY FOR OTHERS
When in this state, we are in “allowing mode” and stretch out a big, fat red carpet for our dreams and intentions to saunter up to us in grand fashion!
Beauty is music to the soul. Increasing your RDA (Recom mended Daily Allowance) of beauty can greatly help your mind, body, spirit, and level of productivity, as well as help you maintain or reconnect with your awesome allowing flow. Sometimes, when I have projects that require sitting at my computer keyboard for several hours, I take my laptop out on the porch where I can hear the birds singing and pause every so often enjoy the beauty of the trees and flowers around me. At night, I light candles, burn incense or put on some music to add some beauty to my work ex perience. Just as Mary Poppins said, “Just a spoon full of sugar...” Allowing yourself to be in beautiful surroundings also gives you great material for future creations! Does having dinner at a five-star restaurant sound like your idea of beautiful? Even if you go once a week or month just for dessert, coffee, or a bever age of choice, you help to pave the way for that full dinner, just by getting your beautiful foot in the door.
When we recognize the beauty in a thought, thing, or experience, we see the world through the eyes of our Source.
Opener = We are the ones who open the door to allow our creations of choice to manifest—or not. When you remember how much creative power you hold and that the Law of Attraction responds to whatever you are focusing upon (through your thoughts, words, or actions), choos ing to deliberately tune in to or create a thing of beauty gives you the gift of enjoying your journey, and it puts a song out into the world that has the power to uplift anyone with ears to hear!
Experiencing, creating, and expressing beauty in the world is one of the greatest joys of being alive. The more you focus on the presence of beauty in your life, the more you attract and Allow your beautiful expanded reality and self. You fully enjoy the journey by recognizing that life truly is a dynamic work of art and by doing so, light the way for others—through your shining example. Welcome home, beautiful.
ALLOWING YOUR SUCCESS with Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann
Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann is a Visionary Creative & top-rated instructor, Law of Attraction & Allowing YOUR Suc cess specialist, published author, speaker, singer-songwriter, recording & performing artist & composer, “Catalyst for Fab-YOU-lous” and true Renaissance Woman who has already helped over 10,000 students in over 130 countries al low success and live life on FIRE. She is deeply passionate about helping other Powerful Creatives and Leading-Edge Thinkers live unique, empowered lives on their terms by cultivating the courage to dream, to express themselves boldly & authentically, and to focus Onward, Upward and Forward into new possibilities. http://www.terezfirewoman.com
“...The power of beauty, profound and clear My timeless yet familiar friend She delivers me to my ever-present now And brings me home again...” “The Power of Beauty”—Terez Hartmann
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Photo Credit: Unsplash/Clay Banks
31 Pathways to Connecting: Deck 1 Easing In – playful questions to break the ice & have fun! Deck 2 Getting Closer – thought-provoking questions to get to know each other better . . . including ourselves. Deck 3 Deepening Conversation – Insightful questions that invite sharing experiences and reflections on life and relationships. Deck 4 Daring to Divulge – Provocative questions that spark deeper conversations and encourage meaningful connections. JustAsk123.com & LoveIstheNewCurrency.com NOT JUST A GAME! Each custom-designed deck of Just Ask 1 2 3 cards offers 53 thought-inspiring questions and a Directions card. A lovely organza gift bag is included to hold the cards for selecting. Just Ask 1 2 3 is a fun pathway to connection!kindnessconversation,and Only $15.95
32 The Bridge to UnderstandingTHE BRIDGE TO UNDERSTANDING THE BRIDGE TO UNDERSTANDING
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The holidays highlighted below are perfect for any coach. Use them to help increase engagement on your social media platforms.
Empathy Does Not Always Require Action. Empa thy motivates us to help others, but it does not always require action. It may not require you to do anything because the per son may not want you to do anything. They may want to vent or know that someone hears them.
• World Letter Day. A day to celebrate letter writing and the art of correspondence. It is also a day to raise awareness of how you can write letters to encourage friends, family, and loved ones. #worldletterday
• Affirm the work they’ve done.
SEPTEMBER 3
• National Doodle Day. A celebration of creativity and art. It is a time to get creative and have some fun!
SEPTEMBER 5
• Labor Day. This is a U.S. federal holiday celebrated on the first Monday in September. It honors the
#nationaldoodleday
Empathy Requires Permission. It is easy for humans to jump into solution mode. However, empathy requires per mission to act because it involves understanding and consider ing someone’s feelings and desires. When your client shares a new problem with you:
Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world.
—President Barack Obama
Starting a conversation with statements such as, “While I don’t agree with you,” or “You shouldn’t feel that way” iso lates clients and signals that they are not safe to discuss things with you. It can make them feel embarrassed, misunderstood, unseen, or ashamed.
Here are some facts to remember about empathy: Empathy Does Not Require Agreement. I’ve heard counselors and life coaches say they can’t agree with their clients’ actions or lifestyles. Empathy requires understand ing, which is different from agreeing with someone. Under standing a client means comprehending what that individual is telling you. This means you clarify and affirm what is shared.
wanting to help the other person but simply feeling connected and understanding their experience.
SEPTEMBER 1
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Coaches often find it challenging to practice empathy because they can become so focused on helping their clients that they forget to bridge the gap to under standing their clients’ feelings. Life coaches need to be able to practice empathy because it can help them create a connection with their clients and better understand their needs.
Empathy is Not Feeling Sorry for Someone. There is a distinction between feeling sorry for someone and having empathy for them. Feeling sorry entails feeling pity and may involve a desire to help them alleviate suffering. Empathy, on the other hand, involves understanding and vicariously sharing another person’s feelings. It is a capacity to see the world from another person’s perspective. This does not necessarily involve
• Ensure you understand what led to the problem.
• Take the time to grasp the risks the problem poses to your client.
• Help them identify goals.
• Build rapport through validation.
SEPTEMBERCALENDARCONTENT
By Jowanna Daley
• Ask permission to help them with the next steps.
Empathy is a Skill That Takes Practice. Practicing em pathy takes time and effort, but it is a skill that can be learned. By taking the time to listen to others, reflect on our feelings, and consider the perspectives of others, we can slowly but surely begin to develop our ability to empathize. And by doing so, we can build stronger relationships, create a more understanding society, and become better individuals and coaches.
• Review the process.
National Stepfamily Day. A day to celebrate stepfami lies. They can be a lot of work, but they can also be fun! This is a time to celebrate the unique strengths that stepfamilies bring to the table. #nationalstepfamilyday
• Buy a Book Day. A day to celebrate the joy and love of reading and to encourage people of all ages to read for pleasure, discover new books and authors, and appreci ate literature’s transforming power. #buyabookday.
#nationalbelateforsomethingday
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#grandparentsday
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National Coloring Day. A day to celebrate the fun and therapeutic benefits of coloring. #nationalcoloringday
• National Read a Book Day. This day is observed to celebrate the joy of reading and the positive impact that reading has on people’s lives. It is also a day to encourage people of all ages to read more books.
• National Be Late for Something Day. A day to be late for something intentionally.
#nationalreadabookday
National Parents Day Off. The purpose of this day is to honor parents and to give them a day off from their usual duties.
SEPTEMBER 16
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• National Aging Awareness Day. A day to focus on the positive aspects of aging and celebrate older adults’ contributions. It is also a day to raise awareness about the challenges and issues faced by older adults. #nationalagingawarenessday
• World Gratitude Day. A day set aside to show ap preciation for all of the good in our lives. Many people take this opportunity to reflect on everything they are grateful for, big and small. Others use the day to perform random acts of kindness for others. No matter how you
National Online Learning Day. A day dedicated to highlighting the benefits of online learning and promoting the use of technology in education. #nationalonlinelearningday
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#nationaldayofencouragment.
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National Care for Kids Day. A holiday to celebrate and appreciate the work of parents, guardians, and other caregivers of children. It is also a day to raise awareness of the importance of providing high-quality care for all children. #nationalcareforkidsday
SEPTEMBER 10
• National Day of Encouragement. A day set aside to encourage people in their pursuits. It was created to counteract the negative events that often occur in the world and to remind people of their worth and value.
#worldsuicidepreventionday
National Make Your Bed Day. A day to encourage people to make their beds every day and to promote good habits and discipline. #nationalmakeyourbedday
#fightproscrastinationday
• Grandparents Day. A holiday honoring grandparents, celebrated in countries around the world. The day is typically celebrated on the first Sunday after Labor Day.
SEPTEMBER 15
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• International Day of Peace. A day of observance estab lished in 1981 by the United Nations General Assembly to strengthen the ideals of peace within and among all nations and peoples. #InternationalDayofPeace
• World Suicide Prevention Day. This is an annual international event to raise awareness of suicide and suicide prevention. The day aims to provide a platform for organizations and individuals working in suicide prevention to share their work and highlight the importance of suicide prevention.
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SEPTEMBER 21
34 American labor movement and workers’ contributions to the country. #laborday
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• Locate an Old Friend Day. This day is set aside for people to reach out to friends they have lost touch with and try to reestablish those connections. It can also be a day for people to simply reach out to friends to check in and see how they are doing. #locateanoldfriendday
SEPTEMBER 14
• Fight Procrastination Day. This holiday exists to encourage people to fight against the habit of procras tination. It is a day for people to plan and start taking steps to overcome their tendency to procrastinate.
National Ants on a Log Day. A day to celebrate ants and logs! Enjoy ants on a log, a classic American snack made of celery, peanut butter, and raisins. You can also enjoy other ants-themed snacks, like ants on a stick, ants in a nest, or ants in a blizzard. Alternatively, you can celebrate by spending time outside in nature, where you may see some ants on logs. #nationalantsonalogday
#nationalparentsdayoff
SEPTEMBER 13
Working Parents Day. A day designated to recognize and celebrate working parents’ efforts and sacrifices. This day empowers working parents and highlights their critical role in society. #nationalworkingparentsday
National Dance Day. This day is a celebration of dance in all forms and is designed to get people up and dancing. #nationaldanceday
35 choose to celebrate, World Gratitude Day is a great way to focus on the positive and bring a little bit of happi ness to your day.
National Girls Night Out Day. When women come to gether to celebrate each other and have fun. It can be a day for women to connect with other women they don’t know or a day for women to reconnect with old friends. Girls Night Out can involve various activities, such as going out to eat, going to a bar or club, going to a movie, or simply staying in and spending time together.
• National Podcast Day. A day to celebrate podcasts and the community of podcasters worldwide. #nationalpodcastawarenessday
• National Chai Day. A day to celebrate India’s na tional drink. Chai is a spiced tea typically made with black tea, milk, sugar, and spices such as cardamom, cloves, and cinnamon. It can be enjoyed hot or cold.
The Daley Word with Jowanna Daley
Jowanna is a business and personal coach, consultant, freelance blogger, and personal brand photographer. Jowanna uses her 20-plus years of business, information technology, business analysis, and project manage ment experience to serve solopreneurs, microbusinesses, and professionals through consulting, coaching, train ing, and workshops. She is also a freelance blogger who serves corporate and non-corporate clients. Visit her website at https://www.jowannadaley.com/about/
American Business Women’s Day. The day recognizes the contributions of American women business owners and professionals.
National Good Neighbor Day. A day to do fun activities to bond with our neighboring families. It’s a great way to break the ice and build long-lasting relationships for community development. #nationalgoodneighborday
#worldgratitudeday
• Ancestor Appreciation Day. A a day to celebrate and appreciate your ancestors. This could include honoring their memories, celebrating their accomplishments, or simply spending time reflecting on the roles they have played in your life. #ancestorappreciationday
#nationalgirlsnightoutday
SEPTEMBER 28
SEPTEMBER 23
#nationalfamilyday
• Hug a Vegetarian Day. A hug a vegetarian day is a day to celebrate and show your support for vegetarians and vegetarianism. #hugavegetarianday
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#americanbusinesswomensday
#nationalchaiday
#nationalfamilyhealthandfitnessday
• Love Note Day. A day to celebrate writing love notes. It is a time to express your love for your friends, family, and significant others. You can write a love note on a piece of paper, a card, or in a text message. #lovenoteday
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National Family Health and Fitness Day. A day to promote physical activity and wellness within families.
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National Coffee Day. A day to celebrate coffee and all of its goodness. #nationalcoffeeday
• Gold Star Mother’s And Family Day. The day is for hon oring families of those who have received The Gold Star, an award commemorating a military member who died in the line of duty. #goldstarmothersday
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SEPTEMBER 26
National Family Day. A day to spend time with your family, have fun together, and appreciate your family.
36 Target Your Roots TARGET YOURTARGET YOUR
37 YOUR ROOTSYOUR ROOTS
By Vince Morales
Significant life transformation comes from understanding our underlying patterns of thinking—our root systems—and shifting our perceptions and mental models to find our true identity.
Years ago, Tony Robbins made a powerful statement. He said, “Heal the boy, and the man will appear.” Canadian author, speaker, and trainer Danielle Strickland says, “Trans formation involves getting to the deeprooted beliefs which feed values, create actions, and lead to results.” These statements powerfully speak to the fact that fundamental, sig nificant transformation begins with work on the root systems in our lives. In other words, if we need to remove a fruit tree, picking the fruit never solves the prob lem. While a fruit can undoubtedly help identify the type of tree and root issues, we must target and dig out the roots. I call it “root assessment”, and it always leads me to explore the underlying patterns of thinking that shape our beliefs. Many coaches address root mat ters from different avenues of approach. Through coaching and consulting, I ask critical questions that help clients see the fruits that identify existing root systems. I work to empower others to identify and transform their own thinking, mental models, and belief systems—and then shift their perceptions or perspectives.
I first learned about the Identity Statuses when I heard a psychologist dis cuss an episode of Friday Night Tikes, a reality show about intense youth football in Texas, often depicting overly aggressive football coaches. At young ages, the boys’ identities were being shaped from their participation in football, and the psycholo gist pointed out we were witnessing a classic case of Identity Foreclosure—when someone else picks out a person’s identity and they don’t participate in shaping of their ownMyindividuality.Identity Foreclosure was intertwined with my root system, and I finally crossed over from Identity Foreclo sure, through Identity Moratorium, into Identity Achievement. I was regularly sur rounded by people—some of whom were the Latino cultural influence in my life— who embedded in me the idea that one’s identity is “what you do.” In my family, identity also was tied to the concept that “a husband provides for his family.”
A good mindset coach/consultant will ask the right questions to unlock what the client needs to discover themselves. The right question will result in the right answer, but the right question asked at the right time produces the right solution. I am thrilled when a client dis covers their thinking has held them back for years. I love witnessing when they find out the shift can happen rather quickly— even if it takes time to develop a new, strong root system.
Dr. James Marcia’s Identity Status Theory is a good framework of reference for my own journey through homeless ness. It says people go through four dis tinct stages that help establish their sense of self and identity: Identity Achievement, Identity Moratorium, Identity Foreclosure, and Identity Diffusion: “Identity achievement persons have undergone a period of exploration and have made ideological, occupa tional, and interpersonal value commit ments. Moratorium individuals are cur rently in the exploration period, actively searching among alternatives. When this exploration process becomes emotionally fraught, these kinds of moratoriums are described as being in an identity crisis. Foreclosure persons are those who are committed…but who came to those com mitments with little or no exploration; usually, they have adopted directions laid down for them by parents or other early authority figures. Identity diffusion per sons are uncommitted in important life directions and are not currently engaged in a process leading to commitment (as are the moratoriums)”.1
FROM SURVIVE TO THRIVE
In 1985, my first year out of high school, I did not have a vision for my life. I was working full time in the sporting goods department of a major retailer in Orange County, CA. One day a young man from our church came home after graduating from U.S. Marine Corps bootcamp. The transfor mation I saw in his life, his attitude and selfconfidence inspired me. I visited the local Marine Corps recruiter and the marketing material hooked me. I enlisted. Four years later, as I transitioned out of military service, I spent six months floundering and working small jobs, many that would last only a day or two. But I worked because I had a wife and two kids because my beliefs told me I would not be much of a husband and father if I was not a good provider.Sixmonths after military service ended, I was hired by a law enforcement agency in Orange County. My identity was solid, and I was proud. Ten years later,
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On August 18, 2016, it took me one day to shift from a survival, home less mindset to thriving on the street as a homeless man. Why? I targeted the roots of my thinking. In the deepest parts of my mindset, my thinking realm, the boy in me was healed, and then the man appeared.
Vince Morales is a Master Certified Professional Coach in the mindset and resilience niche, and he consults in leadership development as a certified coach, trainer, and speaker with the Maxwell Leadership Team, founded by world-renowned thought leader John C. Maxwell. Vince is a proud veteran of the U.S. Marine Corps, a former 13-year law enforcement officer, and an entrepreneur. In 2016, Vince founded his coaching business, Validus Coaching & Consulting (formerly Zoe Transformation), when he was a homeless veteran in San Diego. After earn ing his master’s degree in Psychology of Leadership from Penn State University in 2021, Vince began a second master’s in Executive Coaching & Consulting. In 2019, He was featured San Diego Voyager’s “Most Inspiring Stories”, which also appeared on the FOX, NBC, CBS, and USA Today affiliated websites. Read the story at: http:// www.sdvoyager.com/interview/meet-vince-morales-of-zoe-transformation-coaching-consulting/. Contact Vince at: vmorales@validuscoaching.com another dark day arrived. I turned in my badge and gun—my identity—after decid ing it was time to leave the department for my well-being. Once again, I was lost. Not long afterward, I entered the ministry, where I served as an associ ate pastor and senior pastor. Eventually, I would leave the ministry, arriving at that place where the loss of my identity led to depression and, ultimately, homelessness. Because we had three adult chil dren with us, we were typically ineligible for most veteran services throughout the county. Adding to my loss of career—I was now a man who could not provide for his family. It was clear I was an embarrass ment to some of my Latino family mem bers, and guilt and shame were devouring me from the inside out. I had a book with me that I de cided to read for the third time: Thinking for a Change by John C. Maxwell. This time, one of my favorite quotes struck me differently: “One of the reasons people don’t achieve their dreams is that they desire to change their results without changing their thinking.” I started to reflect on my thinking. In fact, I put it under a microscope, and I took a much closer look at my identity is sues. Then I made a conscious decision to change my thinking. On that day, my identi ty no longer would be tied to my job, to be ing a father, husband, son, or friend. People come and go, they die, or pass through like the seasons. I needed to tie my identity to what could not be taken away from me— no matter what situations arose. I had to find that place where “I am Me.” I went after the roots of tying my identity to people, relationships, and jobs, and I simply began thinking differ ently—no matter how things looked in my life. I affirmed to my own mindset that I am not identified by the homeless circum stance. I made a decision I was no longer going to “act” like I was homeless. I would start acting like a thriver, not a survivor. No more blaming external elements like the VA, veterans’ groups, the Marine Corps, police work, the church, or certain family members. Simple things like bathing be came more frequent, despite the fact that they took place in the local coffee shop or supermarket restrooms. My wife and I did what home less people don’t normally do: We started a small program to feed homeless people. We looked for opportunities to create grati tude in our life together. These actions re shaped my mindset. I started living “as if” until the actions became new habits. This shift empowered me to grow a coaching and consulting business while I was still homeless. I began work ing with clients in local coffee shops and grew from there. In June 2017, I was able to move into a condo in San Diego with Michelle, my wife of 34 years, after be ing homeless and living in our van for 447 days. Some clients affectionately called me the “homeless life coach.” We learned to thrive and make peace with our identity while homeless, and we often found we were in a better mindset than people who had money and a home. My wife and I discovered our true identity—and it was no longer attached to the jobs we did or the titles we had. I real ized what it was to be a man, husband, and father without my identity being attached
to societal perceptions of success—and I rediscovered true faith in my life. Now I know I can truly empower others to be better positioned for amazing personal and professional transformation. Target your roots because it is time for you to grow.
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1Marcia, J.E. (1966). Development and validation of ego identity status. Jour nal of Personality and Social Psychology 3, pp. 551-558 com/topics/social-sciences/identity-statushttps://www.sciencedirect.
40 How to Eliminate Decision Fatigue HOW TO HOWDECISIONELIMINATEFATIGUETOELIMINATEDECISIONFATIGUE
According to the Decision Lab website, “Decision fa tigue is a cognitive shortcut that causes irrational trade-offs in decision-making. One prominent example is Barack Obama’s presidential outfits. He claims to have worn the same colored suits every day to limit the number of decisions he had to make. Obama understood decision fatigue and how it can compromise the quality of important choices.” I had someone recently get upset with me for taking “too long to decide.” What I noticed is that they (the group) expected this decision to be a priority over everything else in my life, although in the initial conversation with one indi vidual there was no mention of a deadline for an answer. My answer was “no,” but I did say I would think about it. I did, but it wasn’t fast enough for the others in the group. At the time, I had a health issue I was forced to deal with. The decision was still on my mind; however, I didn’t rush it because I was exhausted. I set aside the pressure of getting back to them and actually did think it through carefully when I felt well enough. In the past, I would have caved to the pres sure of someone “needing to know.” Possibly, I would have regretted that decision later.
INTIMACY DOESN’T HAPPEN WITHOUT TRUST IN DECISION-MAKING.
5) Do you feel you have to make the decision soon to avoid inconveniencing others?
6) Do you take the time needed to make a healthy decision or just go with what has less resistance?
It’s an inner journey to build intimacy and authentic trust in yourself and with others.
Mental shortcuts also help ease decision fatigue. You might use mental shortcuts to make decisions that avoid taking the mental energy and time to really sit with a choice. These mental shortcuts can be one reason why you continue to have things show up in your life that aren’t desir able: You use the same mentality to decide each time. When making decisions, it can feel gruesome on occasion. It gets better as you build confidence and start seeing the positive results of taking the time needed to take
Decision-making can drain you and become ter ribly time-consuming. People often use shortcuts to lessen the energy and time in the decision-making process, but the science is still not clear on how this impacts outcomes. How ever, there’s very compelling empirical evidence to suggest that decision fatigue is a real phenomenon. I’ve experienced it myself, and I know other mothers have as well. Just one ex ample: Parenting and working from home can cause fatigue. We often just want to get a number of decisions over with, so we decide by default and don’t make conscious choices.
By Lisa Hawkins
2) Do you feel rushed and overwhelmed due to an overloaded life?
By making decisions consciously, you will become clear and move into alignment with your true nature.
Here are six questions to ask yourself to help with decision fatigue:
WHAT DOES DECISION FATIGUE LOOK LIKE?
With that said, I once dated a man who took an extremely long time to decide on everything, and I learned patience with his process. However, later I came to know that he did it to control me—to make me wait and feel uncom fortable. This was an opportunity for me to learn to let go of an outcome, not wait, and make my own move—but it also created mistrust in the relationship.
4) Do you just make it quick to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of fear of making the wrong decision?
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TO WAIT OR MOVE ON?
3) Do you feel confused and want to check out?
The misconnection in this conversation was not discussing a deadline and me not being very clear that my answer was “no” and likely wouldn’t change. Making healthy decisions takes balance within yourself. If you make the decision because someone is “waiting on you” and you “don’t want to offend them,” then it’s not your true decision. Making decisions that you are clear on and feel in alignment with your true nature is important because, the more you make them, the stronger your self-trust becomes, and you eventually will make those decisions easier. Also, in relationships if someone is taking a bit longer than anticipat ed to make a decision, you notice that silence is your answer.
1) Do you allow others to pressure you?
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I’ve been working on being conscious of when I’m making decisions and really focusing on the actual impor tance of each one. When I’m fatigued and my brain is strug gling to say the correct words, that is my sign that major deci sions need to happen when I’m more rested.
Lisa Hawkins is a coach with 26 years of experience in personal growth and development, psychology and human behavior with an emphasis on relationships, which includes the most important one, with yourself. She helps those who want to have a more fulfilling relationship and life. When one works on one aspect of life that is holding them back, it trickles down to other areas of life. Love is the one thing we all crave at a deep level: We crave our true nature, our self-love, and to express that love to others. Lisa works with men and women to awaken the conscious part of themselves that knows how to love deeply. Find our more at http://www.ConsciouslyAwakeCounseling.com or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ConsciouslyAwakeCoun/ all possibilities into consideration and have a clear answer that feels better to you, rather than taking a quick shortcut due to decision fatigue.
I love the work of Andrew Huberman, a neurosci entist at Stanford University. On a podcast, he said that he works into the early hours of the morning and he knows not to make decisions at 3 a.m. because his brain is fatigued. By making decisions consciously, you can avoid the trap of “just getting it over with” by noticing what’s going on with your mind and body during the decision process. If you’ve made a decision that later you regret, take a bit of time to go back and reflect on what was going on when you made the decision. Curiosity opens your mind up to a state of understanding your choices. It also creates healthier, more thriving intimate relationships.
