Transformation Magazine: Be Blessed

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INSPIRATION

What’s Important?

Laugh, Cry, Feel and, Most Importantly, Heal Find the Truth in Your Heart Growing Vibrantly in Gratitude …and Finding Our Teachers Along the Way A Butterfly & A Rose Falling Up, Part 1: The Gift of Forgiveness The Baseball Cap

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TOOLS & TIPS FOR TRANSFORMATION

The Power of Gratitude The Lessons of a Hurricane Preventing Chronic Disease: Fight back by getting on the right track.

Building True Confidence Finding the Presence of Perfection in All Things The Word and the Womb How to Embrace Forgiveness Minimalism: Less Really Is More

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COACHING TOOLS

The Buck Stops Here: Designing the right e-commerce payment process for your business.

34 ENLIGHTENMENT

Gratitude Brings Freedom Enlightened Advice

© Copyright 2017 Transformation Magazine. All rights reserved. www.TransformationMag.com

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Inspiration portant as the man and the family and friends whom I love, who give significance to my life.

I quickly put some things, including my laptop, in a windowless bathroom, gathered a change of clothes in a backpack, water and food for a few days, a flashlight, yoga mats and blankets to sleep on and walked out of my apartment with my partner to settle in at a local shelter, not knowing what we would come back to after Hurricane Irma unleashed her fury.

In sharing a shelter with 1,300-plus people of various walks of life, political beliefs, colors and creeds, it was clear that many shared similar concerns and it wasn’t for the things left behind.

What’s Important?

By Linda Commito Even at five years old, I knew what was valuable, what I wanted to hold on to. From a window of our third-floor apartment, as I watched cars floating down the flooded streets and people being lowered by ropes onto waiting rowboats, I wondered if we would have to leave too.

I felt safe with my younger brother, two male cousins and our two sets of parents . . . until my 17-year-old cousin started to pray and then to cry. Shortly after, we were told that we too would be evacuated. I grabbed my fluffy, white pet rabbit and hurried down the stairs where a boat waited to row us down the street and the sidewalk that I had tricycled upon the week before.

We never know when disaster can strike and our lives can change forever. At 12, living on the top floor of a two-family house, right next to my dad’s variety store, we were planning a birthday celebration for the newest addition to our family. My baby brother was turning oneyear old. My mom had gone next door to help my dad so that he could get something to eat prior to the company arriving.

The doorbell rang. “They’re early,” I thought, wondering what guests would be the first to arrive. But it was our downstairs neighbors frantically telling us to get out of the house.

“There’s a fire!” they shouted. I quickly grabbed my baby brother and, with my other brother, ran down the stairs to my worried mom, who had told customers, “Watch the store!” as she ran to her children. Thankfully, we were all safe, yet due to the extensive damage, we never moved back. But what seemed like a negative situation turned into a positive . . . my parents bought our first house, which they still live in.

Now decades later, I found myself looking around my condo at all of the wonderful things that I had collected and cherished over many years. This time there was an advanced warning. Hurricane Irma, destined to be the biggest storm to ever hit Florida, was a little over a day’s time away.

What was most important was that loved ones and those in the path of danger were safe.

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Linda Commito, author, speaker, entrepreneur, consultant and teacher, is passionate about her vision to leave this world a kinder, more loving, and interconnected place. Her award-winning book of inspirational stories, Love is the New Currency, demonstrates how we can each make an extraordinary difference in the lives of others through simple acts of love and kindness. Linda believes that in order to inspire a kinder world the place to start is with children. She recently volunteered at a Title One elementary school, working with over 500 students, to create and facilitate “Kindness Starts With Me,” the results of which include a website (www. kindnessstartswithme.com) and a book for children. Also visit www. loveisthenewcurrency.com for more information and/or to sign up for an uplifting monthly newsletter.

What to take?

While I value some jewelry given to me by loved ones, the letters and pictures that reflect years of friendship and memories, the original, one-of-a-kind art pieces . . . when I ask myself “What’s important and irreplaceable?” the answer was obvious: Nothing is as im-

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Inspiration

Finding Heaven: Paradise Found! Zion. National. Park.

By Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann I’m in ZION NATIONAL PARK! …And I’m here in a 30-foot RV gazing up at “The Watchman” from an ideal site, sipping on “Campfire Stout” (an amazing “smores-inspired” locally-produced craft beer), and savoring leftovers of artisan pasta perfection. The love of my life is by my side as we celebrate 15 years of magnificent marriage together. AND, when we leave Zion, we will continue to explore a sensational slice of the American Southwest via scenic highways to drink in star-filled nights and a constant unfoldment of otherworldly wonders. Wow. As I consider the fact that at one time this was all nothing more than a hope, a dream, an idea, I cannot help but well up with emotion now that I am actually HERE doing THIS. For in this moment, I have indeed found my heaven.

Paradise Lost…and Found.

As I opened my eyes and awakened into my first day back in our super-comfy bed, ultra-spacious master bedroom,

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and beautiful home back home in Florida—even though I now had access to every comfort and joy imaginable—the transition from soaring in the energy of heavenly high altitudes to rediscovering my footing at only 30 feet above sea level proved to be far more challenging than I had anticipated. Yes, I most certainly knew that you bring your “altitude” with you, but for some reason, it felt as if my heaven was now thousands of miles away.

Rather than beat myself up for not immediately springing back into full Firewoman-ness, I decided to let myself take whatever time was called for to allow my body, mind and spirit to find its balance.

The laundry could wait. I could unpack little bits at a time. Phone calls and meetings could happen later. I could pause my projects in process, for I have, on plenty of occasions, seen the vast difference between the results that come from forcing and “making things happen” versus being in a state of clarity and flow. As I embraced my physical/emotional state of the moment and frequently said to myself, “I feel how I feel and it’s okay,” I began to find both the questions and answers that helped me rediscover the heaven that was waiting for me in my own backyard.

One of the answers flowed in the form of a song that looped in my mind, which was inspired by our time in a magical slot canyon at gorgeous Snow Canyon State Park in Utah. Though it was a piece that spoke to the spirit of a place and a special moment in time, as I “listened’ to the words and replayed the echo of the canyon walls in my “mind’s ear,” I soon found everything I needed to reclaim my high altitude in the melody of “Canyon Walls…”

Canyon Walls If you listen closely you will hear The music dancing in the air You can feel your spirit ring For the canyon walls, they sing If you travel up this way The mountains have so much to say So many answers do they bring And the canyon walls, they sing And the melody of light keeps moving Yet it always finds a way For in color and in shadow Is where it likes to play And at any given time Of any given day There’s music, music If you listen closely you will hear The music dancing in the air You can feel your spirit ring As the canyon walls sing…

of home. The sound of my sweetheart’s voice reminded me that my favorite traveling companion was still very much right here by my side. And in my heart and mind, the music that led to my path of least resistance to my greatest joy became louder and brighter until I was indeed feeling inspired, energized and on fire! I had found my path back to heaven… …But, most importantly, I remembered that every time I am open and willing to listen “on any given time of any given day, there’s music,” and in that sweet melody, I find my heaven right HERE with me.

Are YOU open and willing to listen for your life’s music and to look for the light right where YOU are?

How can YOU embrace adventure and infuse freshness, energy and fun into your day-to-day life?

What does the music in YOUR heart have to say to you, and where is it asking you to go—what is it asking you to become?

Here’s to giving thanks for all the heavenly moments that add richness to YOUR life, and to remembering that heaven can be anywhere and everywhere you ARE.

•••••••••••••• Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann,“Your catalyst for all things Fab-YOUlous,” is the author of Allowing Your Success!, a proud contributing author of Transform Your Life! book one and two, a professional Keynote Speaker/Workshop Facilitator, Singer-Songwriter/Recording Artist, “Allowing Adventures!” & “Savor Vacation” Facilitator, and true Renaissance Woman, and Visionary. She keeps her fire lit by embracing and promoting a lifestyle of “Allowing,” and by using creative expression to elevate and ignite the human spirit, a passion that she shares with her husband, soul-mate and creative partner of over 15 years, John Victor Hartmann. Together they share “Allowing TRUE LOVE” workshops and experiences designed to help others attract, allow, and maintain extraordinary relationships, and create custom jingles and voice-overs in their studio, THE Creativity Express. Visit: www.TerezFirewoman.com

The Bottom Line: Finding Heaven Though I am at this moment not cruising the American Southwest in an RV, hiking a trail in Zion, Bryce or Snow Canyon, or driving along scenic highway 12, I have already discovered that there is indeed music to be heard and adventure to be had right in my own backyard.

As I allowed myself time to listen and look for the light right where I was, I found music in the trees, while our chimes danced with the gentle breeze. The diversity of the songs and calls of the birds who visited our feeders began to remind me of the many things that bring light and life to my spirit. The gentle purr of our kitties, our little furry family, hummed the tune of contentment and illuminated all the comforts and simple pleasures

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Inspiration

Laugh, Cry, Feel and, Most Importantly, Heal

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by Tasha Champion

My smile is the most authentic it has ever been. The journey to get here wasn’t easy but well worth it. My name is Tasha Champion, I am a Certified Master Life Coach, and here is my story: Life changed for me five years ago. In 2012, I had been married almost seven years. We were together for 13 years, and we had four children. I wasn’t happy and felt like I was completely falling apart. My body was tired and my energy was low. I was the only one working, paying all the bills, and taking care of my family.

Breaking down was an imminent reality. I often wondered if I would ever be happy and how could it even be possible in this situation.

Finally, the courage to announce I wanted a divorce was within me. The thought of living the rest of my life in this manner had taken its toll. As much as I had struggled with delivering the news, nothing could have ever prepared me for my ex-husband’s response. Just as plainly as saying good morning, he announced that he needed to restart his life as if he was never married or had children, explaining to our kids he would no longer be their father. I knew I would be okay, but what about my children? They were absolutely devastated. How could I get them through such an emotional loss?

I was in search of filling my emotions by finding someone to love me the way my husband never did—not giving myself or my children time to heal through a traumatic experience before I was on to the next relationship. Both of us filled a need for what we thought was love, but this turned out to be an unhealthy relationship for me and my kids. While in this relationship, I had the awakening that if my life was ever going to be different, I had to make a big change—I had to love me the way I loved others. I had to give to myself the way I gave to others. I had no idea how to do this or where to begin; all I knew was if I didn’t do it now, my life would be in shambles for many years to come, if not forever.

much frustration on the inside. I tried to conceal it, but eventually I was fooling no one but myself. It was time for help. How would I know whom to trust? Who would help? Who wouldn’t judge me? How could I feel safe? I was afraid. Through all of the fears of my feelings, I knew I had to get to the other side. I kept seeing an associate of mine post on social media about women’s retreats she was putting together, and how she was having these different sessions to help women awaken their soul.

Embracing Life Coaching Taking a deep breath, I decided to reach out to her. Then, in February 2015, I invested in myself by working with a life coach.

This was absolutely life changing for me. Being able to freely express myself was refreshing and ever so needed. Not worrying about the judgment allowed me to laugh, cry, feel and—most importantly—heal. As I continued to work with her, I began to understand me and who I was all these years but was afraid to bring out. All I knew was I felt my best when I was helping people, and I wanted that to be something I woke up to do every day.

Going through this healing and self-awakening journey, I found my purpose. I wanted to help women who were in similar situations. I wanted to help women learn how important self-love and value is—that you can always find your purpose. With that in mind, I became a life coach.

There is so much you learn when becoming a life coach.

While you think so much of it is meant for others, at the outset you don’t realize how much you will (and should) use for yourself.

I was so grateful that I took the time to learn how to love myself in ways that were selfless and not selfish. I learned how to meditate and set my intentions for each day. I learned the power of positive thinking and the power of my words. What I didn’t know at the time was that these tools would play the biggest role in helping me face what was yet to come, a cancer diagnosis.

Just as plainly as saying good morning, he announced that he needed to restart his life as if he was never married or had children, explaining to our kids he would no longer be their father.

There were so many years I struggled with two things, loving myself and not knowing my purpose.

All I knew was both were making me completely unhappy and my outer smile was not authentic because there was so

Facing Cancer There’s a long history of breast and ovarian cancer on the maternal side of my family. The earliest age we can trace is from my great aunt, who was diagnosed at 29. It would be almost three decades later before breast cancer would affect my family again.

While in the shower, my mother, 37 at the time, discovered a lump.

She immediately went to the doctor, and after a biopsy it was confirmed as cancer. Watching my mom go through radiation, chemo, being sick, losing her hair and recovering from surgery was the hardest thing I had been through at the young age of 17.

During a routine check-up 18 years after her diagnosis, my mother’s doctor urged her to get tested for BRCA, the breast cancer susceptibility gene. She tested positive, which prompted

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me and my two sisters to test and, almost to no surprise, all three of us were positive. All being mothers at this time and remembering watching our mother during her diagnosis, we each decided on radical prophylactic surgeries to drastically reduce our risk of getting breast cancer.

The first was to remove most of my reproductive system followed by a double mastectomy with immediate reconstructive surgery. It wasn’t the easiest decision, but it was the best decision.

On January 14, 2016, my sister elected to have a double mastectomy. It was during the surgery that cancer was found, already growing and in the beginning stages of spreading. As if this time for our family had not been devastating enough, two weeks later, the day before my 36th birthday, while performing the double mastectomy, my surgeon also would find cancer.

To think, here I was being proactive, having had a mammogram six months before surgery, yet the cancer had still found its way in. I had been resilient in the testing phase of all of this, remaining positive and encouraged, and I would need that same resilience now more than ever.

Could I stay focused on the positive with everything I learned? I was surely about to find out.

Anytime you hear the words, “You have cancer,” it momentarily paralyzes your heartbeat and your breath, immediately draining your energy.

I knew I couldn’t stay in that state. The positive mindset that I had learned while becoming a life coach would prove to be so helpful. Focusing on the healing and how life would be after treatments and surgeries were my goals. Doing that would prevent me from focusing on what I was actually going through and feeling which, ultimately, I believe would have made me ill. As I sat in my chemotherapy class, learning all the things chemo could bring, I silently would say to myself, not on me, not on my body. I refused to accept and anticipate all the illness and weakness chemotherapy was known to bring. I was determined not to allow this to bring me or break me down. I had already endured a divorce, abandonment, a bad relationship and no self-love. I refused to allow cancer to take me back down the road of hurt.

I wanted a way to have an outlet, while spreading awareness. A friend connected me with someone who was looking for guest speakers to talk about their health-related issues. I jumped at the opportunity. All I wanted to do was share my story, get people to understand why it’s so important to know their family history, not be afraid to go to the doctor, and to stay on top of their health.

Three weeks after my last round of chemo, legs still hurting from the Neupogen shots (medicine given to increase your white blood cells while on chemo that can cause bone pain), I had my first speaking engagement.

Each time I would speak, I would be asked to speak at another event. Sharing my story had become more therapeutic for me than I could have ever expected. I knew I wanted to do more of this. There was absolutely no need to stop spreading the word.

It was too important, and I knew it would help so many people.

Today, I have had the pleasure of speaking at multiple women’s health events, participating in Relay for Life through the American Cancer Society, and I have even had the honor of singing the National Anthem for multiple Cancer Awareness Fundraising baseball games. Speaking has been a gift to me. It is an honor each time I am requested to speak at another event. Using my voice to share and encourage continues to heal me. I am able to express myself from deep within my heart and know that I am helping others along the way.

When someone comes to me after I have spoken and tells me that I helped them or they are going to make a doctor’s appointment, get a mammogram, or talk to their family, I get emotional.

It’s why I do it, and people are responding.

I will never ask God, Why me,” because he has used me to be a vessel of his message time and time again through everything I’ve been through and I will continue to do the work he sets out for me. Truly learning the depth of healing through meditation, prayer, positive thinking, and using positive words and learning to love the Champion I am, has been the best medicine for an exceptional recovery.

Anytime you hear the words, “You have cancer,” it momentarily paralyzes your heartbeat and your breath, immediately draining your energy.

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••••••••••••••

Tasha Champion is a Certified Master Life Coach and a motivation speaker. A free-spirited person full of laughter and love, her life challenges, including becoming a divorced, single parent and a diagnosis of cancer, launched her on a spiritual journey to discover her true passion. She now helps other help women going through similar situations who want to free themselves from what is holding them back. For more information, visit www.tashachampion.com and www.letterstocancer.com.

Inspiration

Find the Truth in Your Heart

By Arielle Giordano

The anniversary of my father’s death was last month, October 2, and it is the day my life changed forever.

I was 13 years old when I watched my father take his last breath. That night, family had come to welcome my dad home after his return from the hospital for a kidney stone.

When everyone left, I heard my parents go up the stairs and into their bedroom.

My room was across the hall our twostory, 10-room house. While trying to go to sleep I heard my mother saying “Vic”, my dad’s name, over and over again. Something prompted me to go into their room. When I walked through the door, I saw my mother giving my father mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. I knew within my heart to stay there until he stopped breathing. Then my mother told me to go downstairs and tell my grandmother, my father’s mother, that my dad had just passed away.

For years, I thought that the prompt I had received to go into my parents’ room was from an angel. Now I realize it was my dad’s presence who came into the room and told me to go into my parents’ bedroom. He wanted me to help my mother, and I did.

From that moment on, I told myself, I have to be strong and I will get through this.

There were so many flower cars in the funeral procession that someone said it looked as if the “mayor” had passed away. I remember that everyone in my freshman high school class attended the funeral; they were from the private girls’ school that my father wanted me to attend. I tried so hard not to cry at the church ceremony. I was embarrassed to show my emotions, so I held back my tears. Because we were children, my mother did not let my brothers and me go to the burial, so I waited in a room alone for all of the guests to come home for the celebration of life.

I return to these memories often, and throughout life’s many difficulties and challenges, I have continued to tell myself to be strong and count my blessings.

Just recently when a challenge came up, I embraced this philosophy without question because, after years of growing in awareness, I know to listen to the truth in my heart. Often, our most challenging life events will serve as our strongest pillars of support throughout challenging times—if we are grateful for the wisdom and truths they bring to our consciousness.

Once we learn to appreciate our life lessons and the precious nuggets of gratitude they leave in our heart, we can free ourselves from negative past patterns, stories and beliefs. There is a silver lining behind every cloud, and I hope your heart shines bright as we move into the holiday season.

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Arielle Giordano’s new book, Dancing with Your Story from the Inside Out, was released in March 2017. With a Masters of Arts and Masters of Education, Arielle is an author, professional dancer, inspirational speaker, certified Essentrics/Aging Backwards instructor, and workshop facilitator. She enjoys sharing her gifts and talents with an authentic style rich in the grace of dance, psychology, philosophy and the expressive arts. Her career includes: provisional psychologist, guidance counselor and substance-abuse therapist. As a Lead Faculty Area Chairperson and Faculty Member for College of Humanities at the University of Phoenix, she inspired students with her creative gifts. She also writes for Tampa Bay Wellness, We Woman and Transformation Magazine.

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Inspiration

Growing Vibrantly in Gratitude …and Finding Our

Teachers Along the Way

By Kathy “Katica” Rivera Wallace

“Correcting oneself is correcting the whole world. The sun is simply bright. It does not correct anyone. Because it shines, the whole world is full of light. Transforming yourself is a means of giving light to the whole world.”

— Rama Maharishi Many people ask me, “What is the secret of Living Vibrantly?” The answer is so simple and yet so easy to forget: gratitude. Yes, that’s the primary ingredient, if you will, to Living Vibrantly. I have seen and felt the difference that gratitude makes in our lives and, at this point, I believe it’s actually the magic in life.

My experience has shown that by living in gratitude, everyday of our life, a complete shift is possible. It truly is magical! Since my own transformation two and a half years ago, the act of expressing gratitude became and still remains instrumental in my daily life.

So, let’s establish the basic premise, “What is gratitude?”

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In my opinion, gratitude encompasses love and humility, and it does so at heightened levels.

Gratitude, in this sense, is like no other attitude or mindset. Just by thinking of the word gratitude, I already feel my mind shift. As I go through my daily gratitude process, I actually feel the sensation of love and humility all the way to my core.

Solving the Puzzle During my transformation, three teachers entered my life, and each one helped grow my gratitude through teaching and mentorship. It was truly amazing! I felt that these teachers provided a missing piece of my personal puzzle. Once I got through the learning process and the lessons, I felt my puzzle coming together and it was awesome! I was filled with excitement and the gratitude continued to expand! The more gratitude grew in my life, the more blessings entered my life. Each lesson was organic, not pushed or pulled, but rather revealed. It seemed natural, and

it was beautiful!

A major step in my transformation occurred after a trip to Mexico, when I met the first of those three teachers, Patti Scott, a certified medical and clinical hypnotherapist at the World Hypnotism Day in January, 2013. At the time, I knew very little about hypnosis or hypnotherapy, but something drew me to attend. I was curious about the mind and, at the same time, I questioned all aspects of hypnosis and hypnotherapy including its validity. “Why are you going, Kathy?” “Will this be a waste of time?” “What is hypnosis and hypnotherapy, anyway?” “Is this for real?” “How is this going to help you, Kathy?” “Is there as cost?” And on and on my mind kept questioning the event and how it could be the right “thing” for me. The final kicker was when my husband, David, decided not to go with me at the last minute.

Typically this would have been a sign for me not to go, but something within me was persistent.

So I decided to attend the event anyway—and I was fascinated.

“Perfect,” I remember thinking during my drive to the event, “I can ask questions, meet the experts, and it’s free.” When I arrived, the excitement started.

Patti Scott and the other hypnotherapists were amazing.

I enjoyed every speaker and I was intrigued by their stories. Patti’s personal testimony captivated my attention. She was introduced to hypnosis after a devastating back injury at age 19, when her doctor read her a long list of activities she would NEVER be able to do in her life. She proved her doctors wrong by studying mindbody medicine, hypnosis, yoga, nutrition, taking supplements, and doing weight training to strengthen her spine and improve her immune system. WOW! I was inspired. I knew at that moment hypnotherapy would be part of my life. Two months later, I started studying under Patti at the UP Hypnosis Institute (www.uphypnosis.com). In May 2013, I received my certification as a clinical hypnotherapist, and I added this to my gratitude list.

It was about that time, after my graduation, that I met my second teacher, Jeff Primack. Jeff is incredible! For over 15 years, he has shared Qigong Healing and Food Healing with tens of thousands of people. He is a Master Qigong Instructor, author, and food pioneer. His book, Conquering Any Disease, is what caught my attention; through his classes and books, he has helped so many people use specific food protocols to reverse nearly every disease. He has done the same with the simple, yet profound and sacred practice of Qigong. I was hooked! I joined the Supreme Science Qigong Center (www.qirevolution.com)and became certified in Qigong and Food Healing. I was elated; not

only did I love Qigong and the Food Healing lifestyle, but now I was able to teach and share with others, as well.

My most recent teacher appeared in the strangest way. I have a favorite Christmas movie that I enjoy watching every year, The Christmas Card. For some odd reason, a particular actor caught my attention this past Christmas, and I decided to Google him in January 2014. During my second round of internet searches, I came upon a website called HealthBeyondBelief. com, founded by John Newton, the actor from the movie. As I read about his work in Ancestral Clearing, I was stunned! What I found interesting in this process was that, at the time, his acting career was not connected to his Health Beyond Belief work, so the fact that I found this information intrigued me. I knew instinctively these techniques would not only to help me, but my clients and many, many others through my Katica: Living Vibrantly show (www.katicatv.com).

In August 2014, I was trained by John in Level One and Two in Ancestral Clearing, which is removing the blocks, burdens, and debris from people’s lives and ancestral lineages and then restoring physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. This work also supports people in waking up to their true nature, free of suffering. Now, I am able to integrate these techniques in my hypnotherapy practice.

In life, we all have many teachers and I am grateful for each of mine. I am especially grateful to these three teachers, who impacted me during a very transforming time in my life.

Cheers to you as you encounter amazing teachers that will inspire you on your journey. Blessings, love, and hugs!

The more gratitude grew in my life, the more blessings entered my life. Each lesson was organic, not pushed or pulled, but rather revealed.

•••••••••••••••

Kathy “Katica” Rivera Wallace lives her own brand, Living Vibrantly. Katica earned her degree in business and marketing. After years of the corporate grind, Katica worked with her husband to grow their family business, as she continued volunteering in her community. Her naturally giving spirit was reinvigorated through these experiences, leading her on a path of self-improvement with an emphasis on gaining knowledge and certifications that would allow her to help others Live Vibrantly. She achieved certifications in Hypnotherapy, Qi Gong and Food Healing. Through her awardwinning webcast, Katica: Living Vibrantly, that seeks to help her audience live a vibrant life by aligning body, mind and spirit. Visit www.katicatv.com.

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Inspiration

A Butterfly & A Rose

By Jo Mooy This article is not about an unpopular U.S. presidential election, though it starts that way. It’s not about who’s on the right or the left. It’s actually about the aftermath of an election 12 months ago and the ensuing chaos that resulted. It’s a story of what was done to deal with the chaos consuming the external world and what we did to soothe our inner lives for the following 12 months.

A year ago the unthinkable happened. Fed up with politics as usual, a man many believe unqualified, a man demeaned in the media, a man said to be unelectable, a man who appealed to the darkest and most unkind parts of our collective 12

nature got elected. On November 7th we woke up to an unrecognizable normal. The world had turned upside down.

Half of the United States was ecstatic. The other half was overcome by shock and disbelief. Surely, it was a big mistake. But as the days wore on the second group realized there was no mistake. Soon they were entombed in the five stages of grief beginning with denial. They reasoned, maybe the vile days of the campaign were over and sanity would be restored. When that hope was rebuffed, they became enraged. Plans were made for massive marches on Washington, D.C., or on congressional offices.

Some, holding to the spirit of reconciliation, decided

to find out who the voters were. They went out to meet them plied, then it began to blossom, affecting many who read in their homes and listen to what they said. They drove to the it. Comments were posted from friends and then friends of heartland and to cities between the two liberal coasts. They friends. No one posted that they won the lottery. Yet most attempted a bargain, determined to understand exactly what reached down deep and found some small thing they were happened on November 6th. Sadly, most of the understanding grateful for. A call from a grandson was the highlight of one they sought evaporated as anger again surfaced. day. Waking up without pain one morning was memorable Then depression arrived. In our household it de- for one. It wasn’t the big things in life that called out Gratiscended like a vise-grip. Seeking solace the TV was turned tude. Instead small day-to-day events, like finding a perfect off. We spent sad days staring into space. We wondered paint color for a living room, were posted. The summons aloud how we’d survive the next four or maybe eight years. opened the door for individuals who only lurked to realWe gave up some friends who ize they too had something to say. thought differently than us. The endSoon, the Gratitude posts spawned less clashes of differing beliefs only others to do the same with their served to strengthen the bitterness own circle of friends.

Big events are and divide between us.

The last stage of grief is acceptance.

However, Gratitude, as The Choice inescapable. They it turns out, is a much richer and Big events are inescapable. deeper experience than acceptance, They happen outside our control. happen outside our especially when it comes to our last But our personal reaction to them is election.

When reminded, everycontrol. But our always a choice, especially when the one searched for something to be choice is to stand in the heart. It was personal reaction grateful for.

That practice soothed clear our depressed state of being their personal stages of grief. Many could not continue for the foreseeto them is always a called it their “morning medicine.” A able future. year later it’s grown from a personal choice. practice to a movement.

Sitting on the lanai one This month is the national holiday of Thanksgiving—but the morning a butterfly landed “Call to Gratitude” practice hapon a brilliant pink rose and pens every day. It reminds those who read it to a pause evslowly spread its wings for a few minutes ery morning and focus on something to be grateful for. It before flying off. could be greeting the rising sun, or walking in the rain, or a friendly smile in the grocery store. That daily ritual puts life The yellow of the butterfly, the hot pink rose, the in perspective and reminds you to paint personal butterflies green grass, and the blue skies came together like a living on roses. impressionistic painting. It was a vivid reminder that there Wishing you all endless days of Gratitude for all the was still beauty around us, and “a butterfly and a rose” could small things that bring joy into your life. bring a smile and ease the soul.

Soft feelings of joy welled up from inside. LookJo Mooy has studied with many spiritual traditions over the past 40 ing around, the trees became intense green and the water years. The wide diversity of this training allows her to develop spirion the lake was sparkling. An osprey glided over the water tual seminars and retreats that explore inspirational concepts, give searching for food. Things weren’t so bleak. The natural purpose and guidance to students, and present esoteric teachings world, oblivious to election results, proclaimed life goes on. in an understandable manner. Along with Patricia Cockerill, she has Through that lens of reality one word surfaced slowly. guided the Women’s Meditation Circle since January 2006 where It was Gratitude. it has been honored for five years in a row as the “Favorite Medi-

•••••••••••••••

No matter what was happening outside, there was always something to be grateful for.

There was a choice on how to deal with the chaos around us. That choice was, “work with the tools we teach.”

And in that moment a daily ritual began.

Using Facebook, a photo with an uplifting message asked friends to comment on something that brought them Gratitude. No one responded at first. But every day “The Call to Gratitude” went out. Soon, one or two re-

tation” group in Sarasota, FL, by Natural Awakenings Magazine.

Teaching and using Sound as a retreat healing practice, Jo was certified as a Sound Healer through Jonathan Goldman’s Sound Healing Association. She writes and publishes a monthly internationally distributed e-newsletter called Spiritual Connections and is a staff writer for Spirit of Maat magazine in Sedona. For more information go to www.starsoundings.com or email jomooy@gmail.com.

13

Inspiration

Falling Up, Part 1: The Gift of Forgiveness

By Dana Liesegang with Natasha Stoynoff A few days before Christmas 2012, I decided that I’d give the gift of forgiveness to another man who’d hurt me: Bruce.

I Googled his name like I’d done before to try to find him.

I knew he’d been sent to prison for holding a woman captive several years previously, and thought he might still be there. My plan was to go see him in person and tell him “I forgive you.” I needed to let go of the painful burden of hate and fully get my life back, and perhaps he needed it, too. Not that he was my top priority, but I believed in good energy and karma after so many years of reading Wayne Dyer’s books and getting my recent dose of divine love from John of God. What I found shocked me: His obituary. And the date of his death was even more shocking—it was the day before I’d left for Brazil to see John of God in May. My feelings were mixed. Along with being shocked, I was relieved and sad. There was a photo with his obituary, and I sat quietly for a moment and stared at it. He was wearing his Navy uniform and cap, with the American flag hanging on the wall behind him. The photo must have been taken right around the time he assaulted me because he looked the same, like a boy . . . a harmless, scared little boy.

On the one hand, I felt an overwhelming fear lifted off me, like I was truly safe and didn’t have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life, worried that he was following me and trying

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to finish the job on me. My father would have loved to have killed Bruce with his own hands. When I told him the next day that he’d died, Dad laughed—he was the happiest man alive. “Good,” he said. “The son of a bitch deserved to die.”

I told him how I’d wanted to forgive Bruce, but Dad was having none of that. “I don’t have to forgive him, Dana Leigh, and I don’t.”

I could understand my father’s happiness, but it also made me sad. I felt sad for Bruce’s own parents, and I started crying for them. I couldn’t be happy that this kid was dead because someone had now lost their child. I couldn’t be happy about this death, even though I’d once dreamed of how I’d torture Bruce and leave him as good as dead.

I Googled his parents’ names and got their phone number. I stared at it for half an hour before finally making the most difficult phone call of my life.

His mom answered the phone. I could barely speak.

“I-I knew your son. I’m s-s-sorry for your loss,” I stuttered. She thanked me, and wanted to know how I knew him. Her voice was warm and loving.

“I was in the Navy with him. I’m the one he threw off Sunset Cliffs in 1990.”

She paused, then took a deep breath and whispered: “We never knew what happened that night. I don’t understand.

Why would he throw you off the cliff?”

“Well, ma’am, he raped me first. Then he choked me.

And the best I can tell you is he thought I was dead and got scared and tried to cover his tracks, so he threw me off.”

“Why didn’t you press charges?”

“Because what happened was swept under the rug by the military, and I was forced to take my right to remain silent.

That sort of thing is kept quiet: ‘It doesn’t happen in our military.’

I was given the choice to take it to court and lose, or take my right to remain silent and be taken care of for the rest of my life.”

“Taken care of?”

“Ma’am, I’m a quadriplegic. At the time they gave me the choice, I had only just began breathing on my own.”

“He raped you.” “Yes, ma’am.”

She didn’t even try to deny it; she knew I was telling the truth. I had tried to be strong up to that point, but now we both began to cry. “What I really want you to know, and it’s the reason that I’m calling, is that I forgave your son,” I said through my tears.

“And I’m sorry he died.”

“He found God before he died.”

I told her I’d heard about that, but didn’t mention the newspaper clipping I’d read years before about him holding a woman hostage and reading Bible verses to her.

I asked her how Bruce had died, and she said it was during surgery.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” she asked. “What can I do for you to help?”

“Ma’am . . . just forgive yourself, because I know how parents blame themselves for what their children do. Again, I’m sorry you lost your son. No parent should lose their child. And know that I’m truly okay, and I live a good life.”

People always say there is a correlation between forgiveness and healing, and I found there to be truth in that. Soon after I talked to Bruce’s mother, I went to San Diego in January 2013 for a two-month intensive session with a new trainer. We did three hours of hard-core exercising five days a week, with a focus on gait training.

Six weeks later, I put my new skills to good use. I attended a two-day I Can Do It! seminar in Denver in April, for which my new friend Wayne Dyer was the keynote speaker. For the occasion, I wore all purple to go with his/my purple hat and sat at the back of the room so I could be near the bathroom. On the first day, before he went onstage, he and I had a few moments together by my seat, and I showed him how much my walking had improved. I got up and walked for a few steps without a cane, without a walker, without braces—just me. I’d never seen a smile so big on Wayne’s face.

During his keynote, he spoke about many things: love, forgiveness, manifesting, and the great teachers of this world. I’d listened to his books so many times that I felt like I’d absorbed his thoughts and words. Suddenly, though, everything began to sound more familiar than usual.

“There’s someone in the audience . . . she was in the United States Navy . . . she got herself involved in an encounter one evening . . . she was raped and thrown off a cliff . . . she was put into a wheelchair . . . on the last cruise, I gave her the purple hat I was wearing. She said she’d give it back to me when she got out of that chair. I’d like you all to meet her, she’s sitting at the back . . .”

Everyone stood up and started clapping and looking back at me, as Wayne began to sing “The Impossible Dream.”

What else could I do? I stood up and made my way toward him with my walker until I got to his arms, to the cheers of everyone in the room. Wayne gave me a big hug, and then urged me to “tell them what you just did.” He was talking about my forgiving Bruce and his mother. I hadn’t told him, but he’d heard the story through his assistant, Maya. Through tears, I told the story to a ballroom full of people and thousands more on a live stream.

“Now she’s walking, and she’s one of my heroes,” Wayne said, hugging me. “I’m going to take my hat back when you run your first marathon. Deal?”

That day, one hero taught another about the difference one person can make. After the night was over, many people approached me to talk, but one in particular stays in my mind: a young woman who told me that she’d been raped at age 17, “and I was choked, thrown in a Dumpster, and left to die behind a 7-Eleven.”

The woman’s family, who were Jehovah’s Witnesses, blamed her for the rape. She’d changed her first name because she felt such shame about what happened to her. Now she said, “I want to thank you, because though I haven’t been paralyzed physically, I’ve been paralyzed emotionally for 20 years until today. Now I’m going to change my name back to my real birth name. You helped me.”

My injury wasn’t about me, I decided that day; it was about the story that millions of women have. I’m only one of so many who have suffered and have the strength to say,

“I was in the Navy with him. I’m the one he threw off Sunset Cliffs in 1990.”

“You’re a son of a bitch, but I forgive you.

And you don’t get to win. I win, because I forgive myself and I forgive you.”

I spent the next year talking to more women, working on healing and forgiveness, and trying to figure out how I could help others. In January 2014, I reached a long-awaited pinnacle in my own healing. I went to the “Healing Power of Forgiveness” seminar in Maui, helmed by Wayne, who was presenting three wonderful speakers: Immaculée Illibigaza, author of Left to Tell; Anita Moorjani, author of Dying to Be Me; and Scarlett Lewis, author of Nurturing Healing Love.

At the seminar, Immaculée spoke about forgiving the killers who’d murdered her family during the Rwandan genocide,

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and Scarlett spoke about forgiving the young man who’d murdered her little boy and dozens of others during the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. They know not what they do, both women realized, and I felt it was the same with the military—they as a collective did not know the damage they did to both men and women, to both victim and assailant, when they perpetuate the rape culture.

For me to fully heal, not only did I have to forgive Bruce, which I’d already done, I had to forgive the military, too.

And, I had to face, in detail, what had happened that night.

If Immaculée could stand to hear how her beloved brother’s body had been chopped up with a machete in the street by people he called friends, and if Scarlett could bear to hold her son’s little hand for so long at his wake (she felt it get warm again), I could find the strength to face what had happened on the cliff that night. It was something I had deftly avoided for more than 24 years.

Wayne set up a session for me with his craniosacral therapist, Kate Mackinnon, to help unlock energy blocks in my body and raise my potential for more healing.

I didn’t really know what to expect, if anything at all—I’d had a few craniosacral sessions before, and they were nice and cuddly, with energy and happy thoughts flowing.

Kate came up to my hotel room, and we dimmed the lights. I lay in bed, as she assessed my body and what to do. She gently rested her hands on my body, above and below my diaphragm, and I could suddenly feel the tension I was holding in that area begin to bubble to the surface.

Slowly, the shoved-down memories and emotions I’d kept from myself for so long came to the surface. It was like an image I’d had in Ireland of the god Poseidon, rising up above my head and overtaking me.

I remembered being so cocky at the beginning of that night with Bruce, thinking that nothing could happen to me. And then being so shocked and in disbelief when this skinny kid overtook me—I’m so strong! Why can’t I fight you off?

I started crying. “You’re safe now,” Kate told me. “Remember that you already survived this, and I’m right here.”

Even though her words and presence were reassuring, it still felt like it was all happening again, here and now. I began to relive each moment on the cliff, step by step, in horrific detail. At each

You have to wade through the muck and mud in your life to get to the meadow on the other side.

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step, Kate moved me through the emotions until I was through it and calm.

When Bruce started choking me, it felt like someone was standing on my chest. I cried deeper than I’ve ever cried in my life, asking Why? Why?!

“What’s happening now?” Kate asked. “He’s choking me.”

“Feel your body on this bed, Dana, and where my hands are. Feel how this energy is now able to move out of your body.”

I started shaking and shivering so violently that my teeth chattered. “I’m cold,” I said. “I’m looking up at the sky, and I can see the top of the cliff . . . Just breathe, just breathe, I’m telling myself. I’m so cold. But I’m fighting so hard to live.”

“The shaking is your body releasing the energy that got locked up in it,” Kate replied, soothingly, as she softly placed her hands on my throat. “You are doing an amazing job being present to these intense sensations.”

Then came a weird calming. I remembered hearing the sound of a helicopter, and I knew someone was coming to get me and I could let go and slip into a coma.

When it was all over—the entire session took nearly two hours— I was exhausted and light-headed and hungry. I had no idea how much trauma could be locked in the body and buried so deep.

“Be gentle with yourself tonight,” Kate said, giving me a hug. “We did a lot and you did good.”

“Had I known it was going to be like that, I wouldn’t have done it!” I told her. “But I’m glad I did.” You have to wade through the muck and mud in your life to get to the meadow on the other side.

That night, I had the best sleep I’d had in months. When I woke up the next morning at 5:30, I felt like a heavy weight had been lifted. I took a shower and got dressed, grabbed my crutches over my shoulder, and went outside. I was so excited, I didn’t even want to stop and eat breakfast first. There was something important that I had to do.

A hundred feet away from the ocean, as the golden sunrise hit the mountainside ahead, I reached a specific spot that I’d scoped out the night before.

I tied my shoes, put my iPhone in my pocket, and set out to do what I intended from the moment I first arrived in Maui—walk through the sand all the way to the edge of the ocean, all alone. I wanted to know that I could have a walk on the beach on my own.

For a moment, the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore made my heart jump in fear. But I reminded myself of my new mantra from Kate: You are safe, you are safe . . .

I took my first step on the soft, shifting sand, and then a second. I looked up ahead of me and saw whales breaching and

lunging in the ocean. Any fear I might have felt moments before washed away, and strength took over. I stepped again, and again.

Strangely, no one asked if they could help me—something that would have normally happened several times by now. This was something I wanted to do completely on my own, so the universe was apparently in agreement. I took another step, and another.

I walked to the edge of the ocean and stopped about a foot from the water, and I took a deep breath of the morning air.

About 20 feet away, two little sisters ran up and down the sand, laughing and giggling when they got their toes wet.

They reminded me of my sister Chrissy and myself as kids, and my heart filled with joy.

I looked out to the ocean, watched the whales and sunrise, and took another deep breath. This is absolute freedom, I thought.

I was hungry. I turned around to go back, and saw my footprints in the sand. They were unique: line, foot, line, foot.

The line was my right foot dragging along.

When I turned around, I also saw a man standing by my chair, lingering. He’d been keeping an eye on me, making sure I was safe, but never said a word. He watched me until he felt I was going to be okay, and then with a half-smile and nod, he turned and left. I sent out a message to the stranger:

Forgiving you was the most liberating thing I have ever done.

I’m going to be okay. I just walked on the beach for the first time in 23 years with my crutches, totally by myself, and I wasn’t afraid of falling down.

I was absolutely going to be okay.

When I got home, I was so tired—but good tired—that I slept for most of two days.

On day three, I woke up and went to my computer to write this letter: Dear Bruce, If you were alive right now, this is what I would say to you...

First, I want you to know that I forgive you for raping me and then trying to kill me by throwing me from a 75-foot cliff. I was in a coma for 18 hours. I had a severe head injury, a broken neck from cervical 1 to cervical 5. My lungs collapsed, and I had lacerations on my liver and spleen. I woke up terrified and knowing that I was paralyzed from the neck down. My family was told I’d be lucky to live

through the night . . . and that if I did live, I’d be on a ventilator and be a vegetable the rest of my life.

Maybe your intent was to kill me. But you only made me stronger. For years I wished I could put you in a wheelchair and make you a quadriplegic for life. I fantasized about how I’d hire people to beat you to a pulp and break your neck and give you the slight chance of living that you gave me.

And then I went to see John of God, where I found the ability through a spiritual healing to forgive you. I went to Brazil the day after you died. I found that out when I Googled you; I was ready to find you and tell you that I forgive you and move on with my life.

I saw your obit instead and I was shocked. I called your parents’ home and talked to your mother. She had a warm, loving voice. I told her I was the one you threw off a cliff in 1990. She didn’t understand, so I explained all the details. I told her I’d forgiven you, and that was why I was calling. And that she should absolve herself of any blame she might be feeling, because parents do that sometimes—blame themselves for their children’s mistakes.

We cried together, your mother and me. Can you imagine that?

Bruce, you are no longer in the body that hurt women. You can no longer hurt me.

I am strong and walking.

And forgiving you was the most liberating thing I have ever done. So now, I thank you for this journey of healing my mind, body, and soul.

You gave me the gift of forgiveness. God rest your soul. I AM HEALED! Love, Engineman Dana Liesegang

I hit “save” on the file and closed my laptop.

It was a beautiful, crisp winter morning with my dog Jack in Grand Junction—our home and happy place together—and I wanted to get out there with him and take him for a brisk walk to our favorite coffee shop. I put a leash on his collar next to his John of God necklace, packed a few doggy treats into the pocket of my chair, slung my crutches over my neck, and we took the back-door lift down to street level.

Jack and I, we had a lot of walking to do.

••••••••••••••

Dana Liesegang is an expert in spinal cord injury recovery, and a 2014 recipient of the Hero of Forgiveness Award given by the Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance. When she’s not traveling the world as a motivational speaker, she’s taking university classes and hanging out with friends and the love of her life, Jack (a yellow Lab), in a quaint little town in Colorado. She enjoys every minute of the life she has created in the now. Please visit: www.danaliesegangbook.com Natasha Stoynoff is a New York Times best-selling author. She lives in New York City, where she writes books and screenplays, interviews the occasional celebrity, and eats too much chocolate.

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Inspiration

The Baseball Cap

By Gregg Sanderson Oh sure, you can knock and it will be opened. Seek and it will be found. Ask and it will be answered. But you could also just say, “Thanks.”

That little message from the Universe showed up on my screen one day, and it seemed particularly appropriate for this time of year.

So does a parody of “Ol’ Man River” from the musical Show Boat: When I’d treat I’d sweat and strain, Affirm and visualize and treat again (Tote that prayer. Lift that vibe.

I’d get a little drunk, but I don’t imbibe.)

Almost as an afterthought, “Oh yes, thank you God.” My thankfulness needed more depth. It’s so easy to overlook the little blessings that can have such a major effect. For example,

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few things have been as important in my life as one particular baseball cap.

Some years ago, we sold our house in California and had no idea where to go next. We had thoughts of Reno, Topeka, Nashville, Lake Tahoe, San Diego, and Indianapolis among others.

We only knew it would be another adventure and, needless to say, we were especially receptive to all clues from the Universe. Then Rev. Terry Shea came over wearing a baseball cap with “Nashville” embroidered on it.

Think about it. How many people in Nevada City California (pop. 3,000) do you think own a Nashville baseball cap? What could have inspired Terry to wear that particular cap on that particular day? We took it as a sign, and moved to Nashville.

I’m glad it didn’t say “Detroit.”

Once there, we became active in the Science of Mind church—my Spiritual Suspenders so I wouldn’t have to mess with the Bible Belt—My Ship of Tools to keep me from sinking into the Sea of Sanctimony—My social cornucopia and fountain for all things Metaphysical. Somebody stop me before I metaphor again!

We also had the opportunity to take the classes where I earned my practitioner license and Rev. Marla her ministerial credentials. Thence to Clearwater, FL, and on to the New Thought Center for Creative Living and New Thought Global Network. All because Terry Shea wore a Nashville baseball cap on one special day.

For all this, a simple “Thanks” seems woefully inadequate. I guess the moral of the story is to be grateful for everything that comes your way just in case it’s another baseball cap. BOB has a great sense of humor, y’know.

••••••••••••••

Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from anywhere at any time. You can see it at www.newthoughtglobal.org.

Tools & Tips Gratitude sweetens the creative energy, and it’s actually fun to develop a habit of being grateful for everything around you. Notice the good things in your life. Appreciate the bed you sleep in, the roads you travel, the meal you just ate, the car you drive—or that you have feet to walk. Notice the beauty around you— the blue sky, the green trees, the sparkling color of that red light that makes the road safe for you to drive.

You can develop a practice of appreciating and being grateful for whatever comes your way. Anything can be a gift. It could be an intuitive message, a lesson or a prompting to raise your expectations.

A faltering relationship might have a growth lesson or be a placeholder while things get lined up for that special someone. A silly error on your part could save you from being hired for a miserable job.

Is it a blessing or is it a curse? You get to decide.

The Power of Gratitude

by Marla Sanderson Gratitude isn’t just a nicey-nice idea dreamed up by some holier-than-thou person to make you feel unworthy. It’s the power that will perpetuate more and more good things in your life.

Your consciousness creates your world, and your beliefs, thoughts, habits, opinions, attitudes and outlook make up your consciousness. A few other things—like feelings, character, past experience, etc, have an effect as well. All of this works together to create the life you live.

You attract certain conditions, situations and people into your life based on the creative energy you put out. Good friends, opportunity, loving partners and wonderful serendipitous events are drawn to those who have a grateful attitude.

Said another way, consciousness precedes everything. Gratitude will fill you with the consciousness of that which you desire rather than the consciousness of that which you lack. It says “I have,” not “I need.” It’s impossible to be grateful and fearful at the same time.

The Law of Increase assures us that whatever you are grateful for will multiply. In fact, anything you think about will increase, so gratitude is a solid and positive foundation.

Life always tends toward something greater. When people say “go with the flow” this is the flow they’re talking about. But your belief is powerful, and you can negate this tendency in your own life if you’re not careful.

Whatever happens, you have the power to call it good or bad. Since the direction of your thoughts will either create something better or something worse, whatever you think about will increase.

What follows, then, is up to you. Try being grateful when some seeming negative thing comes out of the blue by declaring that something good will come from this.

Expect it. Look for it.

And it always does. And that’s something else to be grateful for!

••••••

Rev. Marla Sanderson is a skilled spiritual counselor, speaker, teacher, and workshop leader. She has studied and practiced the Science of Happiness and Science of Mind for over 40 years. Her website, The New Thought Global Network, showcases ideas from many New Thought disciplines. She is ordained in the Centers for Spiritual Living.

(Religious Science). Contact her at 727-4758991, or revmarla@newthoughtglobal.org or visit www.newthoughtglobal.org.

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Tools & Tips

The Lessons of a Hurricane

By Mary Boutieller Things are settling down in my town after Hurricane Irma, with piles of brush lining the streets of Sarasota. People in Southwest Florida are starting to get back to “normal,” catching up on rest, returning to routines, and feeling the soothing of frazzled nerves. Elsewhere, there are still many people struggling to return to normalcy, those whose losses I can only imagine. In the Keys, Puerto Rico and elsewhere, we keep all of those people in our hearts as they recover from the storms.

While Hurricane Irma was heading toward Florida, I was in Tennessee—on vacation.

We had planned a beautiful hike across the balds, getting up over 6,000 feet elevation, a hike we’ve done twice before. It was supposed to be a blissful, nature-saturated, “get away from it all” kind of hike. That was before I knew about Irma John and I had just finished a four-day hike with friends and, after exiting the woods, learned about the approaching storm. We arrived at the inn we were planning to stay at for a couple of days and turned on the news. Frantic phone calls to loved ones confirmed that the news we were seeing was correct. The hurricane was heading toward Sarasota; heading toward family and friends and all that we cared about in our daily lives.

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I’m not proud to say I had a meltdown; but the truth is I really did have an honest to goodness totally out of control meltdown.

I wanted to get in the car, rush home, protect those I love through the strength of my wits and my convictions and my superior planning skills, etc. I wanted to do what I had done for almost 23 years as a firefighter/paramedic—rush in while others ran in the other direction. I wanted to save those I loved, even if it meant risking my own life and John’s too. It took no small amount of effort and reason and compassionate convincing on John’s part (plus a small anchor) to keep me in Tennessee. So instead of rushing home against all reason, we went on our planned hike—four days and 51 miles across some of the most beautiful landscape around. At times, I could appreciate and see and marvel at how beautiful it was. At other times I was consumed with worry and grief for what might happen and openly cried as I looked out at the expanse of mountains.

You see, I’ve always been a get in there and fix it kind of person. I have almost ALWAYS remained calm in the face of adversity and been able to hold it all together—at least until whatever it was, was over. But this time, I felt helpless. There was nothing to

do but walk and hope and pray and trust that it would all be okay. I said the metta prayer often as I walked through the woods—wishing that all in the hurricane’s path would be safe and healthy. I focused on each step—one foot and then the other, as a walking meditation and a way to bring my mind and heart back from the brink. I focused on my breath, the simple inhale and exhale that we can all come back to in times of stress.

And out there, in the rawness of nature, I peeled a few more layers off the old “onion” of my façade—my ego—the cataract that covers the lens of my soul. Here is some of what I learned (or remembered).

• I learned that my family and friends are perfectly capable, smart, resourceful, caring, competent, courageous adults who can take care of themselves without me hovering and coordinating and thinking that I know best. I already knew this, of course. This was not about them or their abilities; it was about me and the identity and labels that I had placed on myself.

• I learned that I don’t always have to take care of everything and everybody all the time to be of value and to be loved. This is an old lesson that reared its head once again.

• I learned that worry is a ridiculous waste of time and energy that sapped the life out of me and took away what joy was in front of me. I learned that worrying about what hasn’t yet occurred is a fruitless activity that took me out of the present moment, and that if I could just feel my feet touching the earth, I could come back to what was real, to what I could do instead of what I couldn’t do.

• I was reminded of what a remarkable husband I have and how much I love him and my family and those who are dear to me.

• I was reminded that everything I own could be wiped out and I would be okay, as long as those I loved were safe.

• I learned that a cell phone battery doesn’t last that long out in the woods.

• I also learned that I could laugh and cry, trust and fear, be calm and crazy, all within minutes of each other and that is what it feels like to be human. I also learned that sometimes I can’t keep myself from falling apart, I can’t control everything, that I can be both strong and a big bag of mush—and that I am still okay and people still love me and the world is going to keep spinning—even as I unfold another layer in this life.

And I realized that the lessons we learn on the yoga mat can be taken out into the world, as we breathe and walk and focus and love.

It was a powerful little storm, indeed!

As lessons go, I am hoping that these weren’t too painful. We now have more resonance to the suffering and plight of others (as if we needed more), and that through this resonance our compassion rises. I am reminded once again that we have so much more in common with each other than not as we witnessed everyone pulling together to help one another.

A storefront sign in Tennessee read: “We are praying for Florida”. Those we encountered on the hike and on our way home all showed their concern and expressed their wishes for a safe outcome.

And as we arrived home, we received help from neighbors, friends and family as we, too, tried to find normal again.

I am reminded of a quote by Brene Brown, who said:

I learned that worry is a ridiculous waste of time and energy that sapped the life out of me and took away what joy was in front of me.

“I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness—it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.”

I am filled with unending gratitude.

With love and light always.

•••••••••••••• Mary Boutieller has lived in Florida since 1970 (almost a native), and is a Registered Yoga Teacher through Yoga Alliance. She has been teaching yoga since 2005. Her work experience includes 22 years as a firefighter/paramedic and 10 years as a Licensed Massage Therapist. Mary’s knowledge and experience give her a wellrounded understanding of anatomy, alignment, health and movement in the body. She is passionate about the benefits of yoga and the ability to heal at all levels through awareness, compassion, and a willingness to explore. She can be reached at: SimplyogaOm@gmail.com.

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Tools & Tips Inspiration

Preventing Chronic Disease: Fight back by getting on the right track.

By Sue Musial Bigelow Chronic disease is preventable and often reversible. Yet it is the failure point of modern Western medicine, which is superb at applying Band-Aids to ease symptoms, but fails to get to the root of the problems.

Chronic disease is defined as any condition that persists over a long period of time, at least three months or more. Broken down, the definition of chronic means persisting for a long time, and disease means an unhealthy condition of the body or mind.

Dis-ease also can be defined as not being in a state of ease.

The biggest issue with chronic disease is that it can attack victims without them ever knowing—until some major event happens. At that time, perhaps, many symptoms may have gone unnoticed but now become evident. Or, no symptoms were present at all until the tipping point. When a condition slowly progresses, the symptoms are often so subtle that each day of decline becomes the new norm. So many people view their decline as just getting older, but it doesn’t have to be that way!

Finding the Way The best way to assure good health and avoid chronic disease and long-term health decline is to embrace in the following lifestyle habits: • Get enough regular physical activity—at least 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity, with a longer-term goal of about 30 minutes a day (210 minutes per week).

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• Eat healthy—I recommend eating a plant-based whole food diet; foods that are in their natural state, unrefined and unprocessed.

• Don’t smoke—It is a high-cost, self-infliction that destroys the body (not just the lungs) and shortens life expectancy. It also reduces the quality of life, especially in the final years.

• Avoid or limit alcohol consumption—Alcohol is absorbed faster than it is metabolized and consuming excessive amounts will damage the liver, brain and heart, among other parts of the body.

• Have a good sleep regime—sleep seven to eight hours every day.

• Avoid stress—simplify life when possible; stress ages the body and can destroy mental health as well as physical health.

Chronic diseases include heart disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), type II diabetes, arthritis, asthma, cancer, Alzheimer disease and dementia, and numerous autoimmune diseases. Many of these afflictions can be reversed or the severity of the symptoms can be diminished with diet and life style changes. Making changes does, however, come with some fairly drastic side effects that include: • Weight loss—the reduction of excess unhealthy weight, mostly adipose tissue (fat).

• Increased energy—creating the desire to be more active.

• Improved digestion—less gas, regularity of bowel movements, less constipation, and improved absorption of nutrients.

• Increased happiness—decreased depression, when you feel better you are happier.

• Lower pharmacy bills—reduction or elimination of prescriptions.

• Increased mental clarity—the clouds will part on those foggy minds.

• Decreased body aches—reduction of overall inflammation and increased joint. movement • Improved complexion—the skin detoxifies and beauty finds its way to the surface.

The question you may want to ask yourself is, “How much do you value the quality of your life?” If you’re happy being the jolly fat person and don’t care if you die in your 50s, then you won’t fret about your chronic issues, and having them consume you should be the apparent expectation. However, if your wish is to live a long and healthy life, see your grandchildren grow, travel the entire map to exotic places and fulfill the adventures on your bucket list, then avoiding and reversing chronic disease should be very important to you.

The Time to Care is Now! If you think the cost of eating healthy is expensive, then take a look at the cost of being unhealthy! How much are those prescriptions, doctor copays and insurance deductibles? How about loss of income because of illness? What about new clothes because the others don’t fit anymore? Wheelchairs, walkers, scooters and specialized home equipment all come with a hefty price tag ,not to mention those upcoming nursing home stays that can cripple finances and burden your children.

Maybe those organic fruits and vegetables don’t seem so expensive anymore when put into perspective. You don’t always have to buy organic to eat healthy, either. For example, understanding the dirty dozen and the clean 15 can save you money.

(See box) Eliminating or greatly reducing meat and dairy in the diet can free up lots of funds to buy healthier foods, too. Driving past the fast food restaurants and finding ways to cook for yourself and prepare your own beverages that are free of salt and sugar will save money and pounds. A plant-base diet can do wonders for your health. Plant a garden if you can for the very best fresh vegetables or start visiting farmers markets.

Health Coaches Can Help If you are having trouble navigating the life changes needed to create a happier, healthier you, then hiring the services of a Health Coach should be prioritized. The cost of this service is minimal when compared to the cost of the being on the path of chronic disease, a journey that only gets worse over time. Once you have one chronic disease such as type II diabetes, you are at higher risk of succumbing to other illnesses such as cancer and heart disease. Quality of life diminishes with any chronic disease to the point of total consumption. How do you want to live your final years?

The final question to ask yourself is, “Do you want to spend more of your life living or more of your life dying?” A healthy lifestyle can help you with the former, modern medicine and pharmaceutical companies are terrific with the latter. The choice is yours!

Dirty Dozen: 12 Most Contaminated Fruits and Vegetables 1. Peaches 2. Apples 3. Sweet Bell Peppers 4. Celery 5. Nectarines 6. Strawberries 7. Cherries 8. Pears 9. Grapes (imported) 10. Spinach 11. Lettuce 12. Potatoes Source: Organic.org Clean 15: The Least Contaminated Fruits and Vegetables 1. Sweet Corn 2. Avocados 3. Pineapples 4. Cabbage 5. Onions 6. Sweet peas frozen 7. Papayas* 8. Asparagus 9. Mangos 10. Eggplant 11. Honeydew Melon 12. Kiwi 13. Cantaloupe 14. Cauliflower 15. Grapefruit Source: EWG.org

•••••••••••••••

Stacy Musial is president of Health Coach Connect and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a passion for whole-person wellness. She received her Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in Social Work at Colorado State University and has been providing mental health therapy to individuals in community mental health, private practice and online therapy venues. She began her journey into health when she realized her own was not optimal and it impacted the way she felt physically, emotionally and spiritually. Her journey led her to earn a certificate from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.® She enjoys running, biking, yoga and fermenting yummy foods. Visit Health Coach Connect online at healthcoachconnect.com.

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Tools & Tips

Building True Confidence

By Rena Greenberg

Imagine what your life would be like if you could feel good in your own skin in every situation and at all times.

Often when we think of confidence, we think of the things we need to do to build our image. Perhaps we decide we need to master a skill, whether it be parenting, gardening, or having a worthwhile career. Sometimes we think that we need to improve our physical appearance in order to gain acceptance.

Although these endeavors can be quite satisfying, enriching, admirable and helpful to us, the confidence gained from these outer changes may not be true confidence, but only be temporary fixes.

Another type of false confidence that you may aspire for is a method to break through social anxiety. Often it’s the seeking of this type of confidence that will drive a person to drink alcohol, smoke marijuana or even eat certain sugar-rich foods. The goal, subconsciously, is to block out the pain of life, and the craving is for freedom and a feeling of aliveness. The problem with these methods is evident: They are but a mere illusion of true confidence.

So What is True Confidence?

True confidence is the sense that you are worthy to be exactly where you are in this moment. It is not feeling that you have to prove yourself, withdraw to keep yourself safe and pro-

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tected or to earn love. In essence, true confidence is returning to the state you were in when you came into this world, a state of love and openness—while maintaining the wisdom you have gained from the life you’ve lived.

Regardless of your past, you can start over and embrace the innate confidence that was your birthright. Have you ever see an insecure baby? No! A baby knows he or she is supposed to be here and doesn’t question his or her value. The truth is that you have value just because you are here, alive and breathing in this moment. That’s it. It is not because of what you say or do. You don’t need to earn love—you ARE love!

The Walls We Build If this is true, why does life so often feel uncomfortable and limiting? Most people don’t feel the sense of freedom that they were born with because over time they have erected walls around themselves. Does a baby get embarrassed because he or she is crying, laughing, spitting up, going to the bathroom or expressing deep joy and love? No. But, unfortunately, people soon begin to feel pain as they grow.

For example, mommy doesn’t come to feed you right away, so you put up a brick, trying to block out the unpleasant feelings of frustration and hunger. Then, a little later you get teased on the school bus. You put another brick in our wall. Your best friend in kindergarten betrays you. Another brick goes into the

wall. Your older brother or sister hurts you. One or two bricks go up. Dad and mom don’t come to your rescue. More bricks go up.

When people replay mental movies about the injustices they have incurred due to the insensitivity of those closest to them, they tend to turbo charge their wall-building skills. Each time these scenes are replayed on their mental movie screens, the bricks begin going up higher and higher. Soon they are surrounded by bricks of pain, shame, hurt and guilt.

Seeking a Solution If the film reels are rolling in your head, the perceived “solution” could be anything that gives you a sense of momentary relief. You may turn to food, alcohol, drugs, being overly social, being busy, withdrawing, or over exercising to help distract yourself and cultivate a false sense of confidence.

As mentioned, these activities lead to the relentless pursuit of false confidence, an added predicament in which you don’t want other people to become aware of your shortcomings for fear that the love you do have could be withdrawn. So on top of wanting to have confidence so you can feel good in your own skin, you desperately seek to become confident as a way of becoming more appealing to others. For instance, it could be creating an attractive appearance and a fit body, excelling in a respectable career, marrying a good-looking and successful spouse, showing off or taking pride in your smart and creative children.

bor’s entitlement to do the same.

Taking Down the Wall Once you acknowledge to yourself that you desire true confidence and that nothing outside of you can give you the longterm safety and freedom you seek, you will have motivation to take down the wall. Once you see that what hurts the most is not the lack of love coming to you but the lack of love you are able to fully receive and give unconditionally (due to the wall that is supposed to be “protecting” you), your motivation to tear it down will strengthen.

Make a conscious choice to look at your wall and take it down. Every time you notice yourself becoming defensive, angry, compulsive or withdrawn, ask your inner subconscious mind to show you what’s underneath that feeling or urge. Find a photo of yourself as a baby. Close your eyes and bring that image deep into your heart.

Feel what it would be like to be filled with that innocence and love again. Never mind the hurts that caused you to put up the wall in the first place.

Regardless of your past, you can start over and embrace the innate confidence that was your birthright.

Building True Confidence Luckily, the true confidence that is your birthright does not need to be earned, just as a tree is not only valuable in its fruit-bearing season. Even in the winter when its branches are bare, a tree maintains its intrinsic value. It doesn’t have to apologize for taking up space or for going through a season with no fruit or leaves. In the same way, even if you were stripped of all the outer fixings of your life—including your material possessions, productivity, the knowledge you have acquired, and the relationships you have developed and nurtured—your essential confidence remains.

True confidence is feeling that you are supposed to be exactly where you are and who you are.

What if you don’t need that wall anymore?

What if you are safe and protected exactly as you are in this moment?

Know that everything happened exactly as it was supposed to unfold to get you to the point you are at right now in this moment. Breathe. Affirm: “I am alive. My life is good! I am confident. I exist. I embrace my aliveness with gratitude!”

•••••••••••••••

Rena Greenberg, a Hay House author, can be reached at EasyWillpower.com. Her weight loss and gastric bypass hypnosis success has been featured in 150-plus news stories including USA Today, Woman’s World, The Doctor’s, CNN, Good Morning America and Nightline. PBS stations nationally aired Rena’s show, “Easy Willpower,” in August 2015. Her wellness program is sponsored in 75 hospitals and 100-plus corporations. She conducts hypnotherapy sessions with people all over the world on Skype and in Sarasota, FL.

Think of a beautiful garden filled with flowers of every possible color, size and shape. Each one adds something glorious, and yet each one makes space for the other to also express its unique beauty. One flower’s exquisiteness does not take away from another’s. In the same way, your right to exist, breathe, express yourself and be fully alive does not impinge on your neigh-

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Tools & Tips

Finding the Presence of Perfection in All Things

By Ann Darwicki I was running late, driving around, lost in an unsafe part of the city, my GPS annoyingly silent as I tried to navigate my way back to where the concert I was attending was being held. My frustration and anger were quickly escalating, as every single light that I approached turned red, delaying me even more. As I finally approached my destination, the parking garage—the only safe place where I knew to park—was full.

My rage couldn’t be contained, I began yelling loudly and cursing in my car. My son’s recommendation to arrive early, as the garage fills up quickly, played back in my mind, along with the self-recrimination, you should have left the meeting earlier to give yourself more time, you should have been better prepared…etc. These thoughts fueled my anger even more, bringing on even more yelling at myself. I was supposed to be here having fun, not driving around in like this. I finally found a place to park, unsure of how close I was to the venue, and whether or not it was even a safe area to park because I was alone. I hoped for the best.

I was relieved to find that I was only a block over from 26

the theater. I took my place in the line to get in, noting that if I had arrived earlier I only would have waited in line longer.

Instead of paying for parking in the garage like I had intended, I found free parking on the street. My anger dissipated.

I entered the theater, found a spot near the stage and began talking with some of the people near me. I began to relax and enjoy myself as the music played. Throughout the concert my mind would wander back to the stressful events of trying to get there. I felt bad about how angry I became, how I had yelled and cursed so loudly in my car. I silently reprimanded myself, you have so much to be thankful for, so many blessings, so many things going right in your life, why did you behave like that, why did you get so angry?

Despite my occasional internal scolding, I enjoyed the concert immensely. There is something about appreciating an artist’s talent and music along with several hundred other people that is magical to me.

I arrived home after the concert and began replaying the evening’s events over in my mind, including the stressful trip to get there. As I reflected on how I had be-

haved, instead of judging myself, I heard an inner voice instead say, what makes you think that it was not ok to get so angry and frustrated? Who said it was wrong to get so angry and then vent like you did? That it was not all in its perfection? The same person who always does: ME. In truth, I am always the one who judges things harshly, determining what should or should not be. I am merciless with my assessment of how things should be. I am hard on myself and others because of it. I criticize myself for emotionally eating when I am not hungry, for being unorganized, for not looking how I should, not feeling how I think I should (happy and joyous all the time), etc. The list of how I and my reality never quite measure up to my expectations of how they should be is endless. I try to control and manipulate things so that I can “feel better.” I set daily goals that I don’t keep for myself. I plan and schedule every moment of my time then wonder, why do I feel so overburdened? I leave little room for spontaneity, and when I do allow myself some flexibility I feel anxious because I am not getting something else done off my things-to-do list. I am valiant in my effort to make everything perfect!

The gentle reminder of, who said you were not perfect in your anger, in your sadness, in how you look or feel in every moment, or how things look in your world, brings an understanding and release. I do not need to try to control the

outer world or have it look a certain way. I do not need others to be a certain way for me to be happy or feel good. The perfection is already present; all I have to do is release my resistance to it by believing it is exactly the way it should be.

The true celebration of life is accepting all without judging and resisting. For it is all here to serve, the darkness and the light. Honoring and appreciating both—that is the presence of perfection.

••••••••••••••

Ann Darwicki RN is a Certified Professional Life Coach who completed her training at the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching. She is the owner and founder of Whole Being Coaching, specializing in coaching others to live the life of their dreams. Prior to becoming a life coach, Ann obtained as Associates Degree in Nursing from Delaware Technical and Community College. She has 25 years of nursing experience caring for women and children, with a life long affinity for holistic medicine. She is a Reiki practitioner and Nurse Luminary. She is also a freelance writer. She can be reached at 302.750.0574 or by email at adarwicki@comcast.net.

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Tools & Tips

The Word and the Womb

by Alan Cohen How much should you tell other people about what is really important to you? Should you broadcast your dreams to everyone in hopes that others will honor your intentions and support you? Or would you be wiser to keep your visions to yourself and avoid debilitating criticism?

You have probably had the experience of sharing a fresh insight, experience or project with someone, only to be met with an icy, insensitive response.

“I tried that and it didn’t work.” “You will put yourself at risk.” “That would cost too much to produce and nobody would buy it.” Nothing is more daunting than someone throwing cold water on your hot dreams. Then you walk away from the conversation feeling deflated and defeated.

I am amazed at how obtuse people can be when offered an opportunity to support someone. I visited a friend in the hospital who had had a very minor surgery. A relative in the room said, “I know someone who died of what you have.” One of my coaching clients told her husband she wanted to take a yoga class. He laughed and told her she was on her way to Jonestown. When I self-published my first book using my mother’s life savings, the publisher’s agent told me, “They say you don’t make any money until your third book.” (The book went on to be a bestseller.)

Jesus was a master metaphysician who understood the power of thoughts and words. He instructed, “Cast not pearls before swine,” meaning to not offer sensitive, lofty 28

ideas to people who will not understand, and gobble them up. After he performed a certain healing, he told the recipient, “Tell no man.” Jesus understood that if that man broadcast his experience publicly before the healing was solidified, negative observers would cast doubts and skepticism upon him so as to weaken or undo the healing. Better to wait until the healing was gelled in his subconscious; then the opinions of others could not unstitch his advancement.

A yogi told me, “When you plant a seedling in a field where cows are grazing, set a fence around the little plant to protect it from cows eating or trampling it. Later, when the seedling has grown large and sturdy, you can remove the fence, and the cows will have a magnificent tree they can rub up against and rest under its shade.”

Does the injunction to safeguard sensitive projects mean we should be neurotically secretive about what is important to us? No, it just means we should be discerning when choosing the people we share our visions with. If you know that someone loves and supports you, that would be a good person to include in your vision. Some people attend mastermind groups in which they meet weekly with a few positive friends to share exciting ideas and get behind each other for success. Cultivate and fertilize the soil in which you plant your valued seeds.

Let’s say you share a sensitive project at an early stage and someone throws a dagger of negation at it. Does that mean the project has been killed? Not at all. You can use the experience to make your project stronger. Use the criticism as motivation to go within and affirm the value, power and potential of your project. In homeopathy and im-

munization, patients take small doses of viruses that would kill them in larger doses. The body then develops antibodies “If you really want something, you will find that prevent the disease from overcoming them should it a way. If you don’t, you will find an excuse.” return. “What does not kill me makes me stronger.”

No person, no matter how Don’t use fear or others’ negative or virulent they are, has negative opinions as an excuse to the power to thwart your project not move ahead. Don’t let people Love and support your into your visions or remove your good. That power if they don’t match belongs only to you. If someone your intention.

Love and support visions like a pregnant judges or attacks you, consider them your visions like a pregnant woman an angel reflecting to you your own woman would would diligently protect and care beliefs, doubts or fears so you can for the soul in her womb.

Then your recognize and heal them. If you get diligently protect and progeny will grow into powerful, maupset or cave in when someone crititure, successful adults. care for the soul in her cizes you, you must agree with that Everyone is your teacher. person. If you didn’t, the criticism Some teach through loving support, womb. would not disturb you. Your issue is and others teach through challenge. not with the other person. It is with Become a spiritual master by using yourself. Find the hidden self-doubt the power of the word to your highest advantage. or judgment, confront it, hold it up to the light, and heal it with a greater truth. Because light is more powerful than darkness, you must succeed.

As we enter the holiday season, you may have Alan Cohen is the author of A Course in Miracles Made Easy: Mastersome juicy opportunities to discern who to share your sensiing the Journey from Fear to Love. Join Alan and friends in Hawaii, tive truth with, and how to deal with people who judge or Feb 26-March 2, 2018, for a rare retreat, Unplugged. Put your decriticize you. Don’t shy away from these opportunities. Use vices aside for a few days, liberate yourself from technology, and reeach one to practice remembering your beauty, power, and connect with yourself and your life. For more information about this program, Alan’s books and videos, free daily inspirational quotes, worth, and that of your valued projects. online courses, and weekly radio show, visit www.alancohen.com.

Motivational master Jim Rohn said,

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Tools & Tips

How to Embrace Forgiveness

by Sheri Rosenthal

If you have gratitude for life’s challenges, you always will be writing a beautiful happy story of your experiences and growth.

We hear so much about forgiveness, in our churches, on Oprah, in new age magazines, but do we truly understand the big picture when it comes to embracing this concept? We read that if we forgive others and ourselves we are doing our spiritual work and becoming better people, but what does that mean to us?

Maybe one of these examples resonates with you. You can forgive that guy you used to date until you run into him someplace, and then you want to inflict revenge on him. You can forgive your parents for your horrible childhood, but as soon as you get on the phone with your dad you are arguing just like you always have in the past. So, what good is forgiveness anyway?

The key to forgiveness is to forgive from the heart, not from the mind. Knowing in your rational mind that your parents did the best they could to raise you is not enough to constitute true forgiveness. That is why every time you are with your dad you still argue. If you really forgave him you would not be reacting that way. You would have compassion for his dreams and understand that he is just expressing his point of view. If you truly let go of the pain of your childhood, your self-importance, and your need to be right about your point of view, you would not be taking him personally any more. If you were not taking him personally, you would not be angry, and it would not be necessary to punish him by behaving like an angry child. It behooves you to look at yourself with honesty and objectivity. You can say you have forgiven someone in your life, but the proof is in the pudding, as the saying goes.

If you have an emotional reaction in the presence of someone, your heart is telling you that you have not resolved your issues with him or her. In other words, you have not truly forgiven that person. All of this begs the question: How do you forgive?

First, cease lying to yourself and stop telling yourself stories about why you behave the way you do. Stop blaming your behavior on other people and take responsibility for your emotional reactions.

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If you could forgive all the people in your life who have hurt or wounded you it would be possible to be in control of your behavior instead of being in reaction to other people all of the time.

Imagine living life without experiencing a constant emotional rollercoaster of pain, anger, and jealousy. That would be bliss!

The important concept is to have awareness of what has transpired and to be able to tell yourself the truth about it.

Have you truly forgiven or has your rational mind been telling you a story that you have created? Once you have determined what truth is and what is a justification, you are ready for the next step: to look at your life with clarity. Try to see what happened in your past, not only from your point of view, but also from the other person’s point of view. You need to be able to walk in the other person’s shoes to understand why things happened the way they did. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with what he or she did or how it was done. Not at all. Your values and beliefs may be very different from that person’s. All this means is that you can see the whole truth of what happened and that encompasses all points of view, not just your own.

Take some time to listen to how you tell the story of your life. Perhaps it would be helpful to journal the story of a particular time in your life that has been challenging. Comprehend what you have written. Does it sound like you were victimized by your circumstances? Be objective, if someone heard your story would he or she say someone did you wrong, that you are resentful, vengeful, and angry? If so, this is your first clue that you are seeing things from only one point of view. Why? Well, if you felt like someone hurt you then obviously you took the other person’s actions personally. You assumed you knew why they did what they did according to your point of view and your beliefs about their words or actions. Chances are that your interpretation of what the other person did or said was not what the other person had in mind when he or she interacted with you. The key is to imagine what happened from his or her point of view.

If I say that my husband cheated on me, ruined our marriage and hurt me, I am only telling part of the story. What about

my responsibility for my half of the relationship? It is doubtful that I was a vision of loveliness throughout the entire marriage.

I had to contribute half of that relationship because all relationships take the involvement of both parties. When I can see both sides clearly, and have compassion for my husband, I can forgive him. But if I am attached to my victim point of view and blame everything on him, forgiveness will never come. Chances are I will bring my anger and resentment into my next relationship as well.

This scenario applies to all human interactions in our lives. Rape; physical, emotional and mental abuse; cheating; violence, etc… are all included. Yes, even what you judge to be the most heinous of human activities can be forgiven.

To see things with the eyes of truth requires that you stop judging the activities of others and, instead, take responsibility for your interpretations of those activities. It means being responsible for how you write the story of what happened. I could say yes, my husband cheated on me in our marriage but, gosh, I was not aware of how my actions impacted our situation. We both had a lot to learn from that relationship. I am glad I can see what happened clearly and have gratitude for the opportunity to grow and become a better person, even if it hurt badly for a while.

The key word here is gratitude!

Most people judge everything that happens in life as good or bad, right or wrong. The truth is that life just happens, and life is exactly as it is. As long as you are always judging others and life situations according to your point of view, you will never be able to have gratitude for the challenges and experiences life sends your way. No matter how enlightened a person you may be, things will always happen in your life. People you love will die, relationships will come and go, the stock market will crash and rise, your car may be totaled, and so on. However, if you have gratitude for life’s challenges, you always will be writing a beautiful happy story of your experiences and growth! Even better, you will never feel victimized by your circumstances.

You may think I am living my life in a fairy tale, but I assure you I am not. Our society has been domesticated to process life in a certain way. If you don’t believe me just watch one soap opera on TV. Everyone is stressed out, creating drama, having emotional outbursts, screaming and arguing, defending their points of view, and generally creating a life of misery! Soap operas are popular because they mimic our lives. I am suggesting a different way of perceiving life, one without judgment and with the ability to see the points of view of other people and to see beliefs other than your own. In this life, you take responsibility for your mind and what it thinks and, as a result of this internal dialogue, how you choose to react to any situation. When you can truly see the other person’s point of view then you can forgive from the heart. True compassion of the human experience is the place from which forgiveness stems. Compassion is an act of love that is free of attachment. Of course, the kind of love I am talking about is unconditional love.

Once you have seen the truth, you must make the decision to let go of the pain, anger, and resentment you have been holding in your mind. This requires you to take action. If you are

attached to your pain, resentment, and self-righteousness, and addicted to your emotional reactions, this will be a difficult step to make. Taking action requires letting go of the very thing you have been holding on to for so many years. There is comfort in what we find familiar, even if we are experiencing pain and suffering. The pain and suffering then become the familiarity we seek. It takes absolute faith in yourself plus the courage, will and discipline to let go. But once you let go, it will feel as if the weight of the world has been taken off your shoulders. In this process it is important to forgive not just the others in our lives, but also to forgive ourselves. For most people, giving ourselves the gift of forgiveness is very challenging.

• Forgive yourself for using people in your life to hurt yourself.

• Forgive yourself for not having clarity, for blaming others and for not taking responsibility for your actions.

• Forgive yourself for wounding others and for the anger, jealousy and hate you directed toward others.

• Forgive yourself for participating in situations that went against your integrity.

• Forgive yourself for not respecting yourself.

• Forgive yourself for not trusting yourself and having faith in your abilities.

• Forgive yourself for trying to control the people you love.

• And, of course, forgive yourself for not loving yourself 100 percent just the way you are!

More than once my teacher, don Miguel Ruiz, said:

“In order to merge with spirit your heart must be as light as a feather.”

Well, when you have finally detached from the anger, resentment and pain of your story, your heart will feel as light as a feather. Not only that, but for the first time in your adult life you will be happy, truly happy, and your life will reflect the change back to you in every way. After all, what you think in your mind is what manifests in your life! The bottom line is that you forgive because you love yourself so much that you want to give yourself the gift of personal freedom. You forgive not because the other person necessarily deserves it, but because you do not want to carry that load around until you die. Anger, hate and jealousy will make you old, resentful and ugly—inside and out. The question is: How much do you love and respect yourself? Is it enough to give yourself the gift of forgiveness? I hope so.

••••••••••••••

Sheri Rosenthal, DPM, is a master Toltec teacher and author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Toltec Wisdom and Banish Mind Spam! She also developed the online program, The How To Forgive E-Course. Having trained with don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements®, she currently takes students on spiritual journeys www.journeysofthespirit.com works with personal apprentices and enjoys being extremely happy. You can reach her at info@sherirosenthal.com or www.sherirosenthal.com and www.withforgiveness.com.

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Tools & Tips

Minimalism: Less Really Is More

By Christy Perry

There is stuff you need, stuff you want and stuff that makes you comfortable; however, that stuff is not the source of happiness.

When I prepared for hurricane Irma, I learned what was precious to me, and what stuff I could live without. I was lucky because I learned this lesson without consequences; my area of Southwest Florida was not in the direct path of the storm. And, after seeing the stories of what took place in Puerto Rico following two back-to-back Category 5 hurricanes, my concerns about my little house and belongings were miniscule in comparison.

I still have a house!

I came home to a neighborhood with downed trees 32

and wires, and no electricity, but I still had a roof and walls to support it. I looked around my house, and I still had all of my stuff. My windows were boarded up, I had piled everything up off of the floor and tied down what I could, but I was still able to come home—to a house full of stuff.

So I started to ask myself,

“Does having ‘stuff ’ really translate to being happy?”

In the larger picture of life, I don’t really think so.

Then I did some digging online, and I found this interesting perspective from Berkley Wellness at the University of California (berkeleywellness.com) on what researchers have determined makes people happy:

“Researchers think of happiness as having satisfaction and meaning in your life. It’s the propensity to feel positive emotions, the capacity to recover from negative emotions quickly, and holding a sense of purpose. Happiness is not having a lot of privilege or money. It’s not constant pleasure. It’s a broader thing: Our ability to connect with others, to have meaningful relationships, to have a community. Time and again—across decades of research and across all studies—people who say they’re happy have strong connections with community and with other people. That’s sort of the recipe for happiness.”

I’ve always believed that increasing degrees of happiness can be experienced as we grow in consciousness along a spiritual path and offer compassionate service to others, and it is comforting to know others agree that stuff doesn’t bring long-term satisfaction and joy. While material goods can certainly make our experience on Earth more comfortable—and I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with owning and appreciating items we enjoy and find helpful—it’s not the foundation on which a healthy, happy and meaningful life is built. When tragedy strikes this perspective often becomes clear. And when the dust settles, it’s community that becomes the keystone in restoring our hope, faith, and ultimately, our happiness.

Right now our nation is reeling from disasters. Loss of lives from Hurricanes Irma, Harvey and Maria. Deaths in Las Vegas resulting from the most devastating mass murder in modern United States history. And, most recently, the loss of lives in the wildfires raging throughout Northern California and its wine country.

I feel quite certain that the family members who have lost loved ones in these tragedies would give up their material goods to have their loved ones back. Stuff can be replaced. Yes, it takes money and time, and there is nothing convenient about needing to replace items—but they are replaceable. And yes, there are things that cannot be replaced, like old family photos and heirlooms, but how often do you really go into that dusty box and take out your mom’s old photo album and flip through the pictures from her childhood?

No amount of stuff is going to bring back someone’s husband, wife, mother, father, sister, brother, child or friend.

Real happiness lies in the heartfelt connections we have with people, not in how much they can give us or buy us, or how much we can accumulate in our lifetime. I hope as a society we can recover from these events with ever-increasing gratitude for our communities. It will help us identify what’s really important and embrace an attitude of minimalism— and this is the recipe for true happiness in our world.

Becoming a minimalist is simple—because it is simplicity in itself.

The philosophy of minimalism can be applied to al-

most anything in life: over buying, over packing, overeating, overdrinking, overindulging of any kind—we all know our own weaknesses. And we don’t have to release everything.

We can use our sensibilities to realize when we have too much. What is indulgence? It’s a moment of self-gratification—when we grasp for short-term pleasure while robbing ourselves of lasting long-term happiness.

Imagine that you have gone to the beach. It’s a beautiful day, you get out of your car, the weather is gorgeous, fluffy clouds are in the sky, the sun is warm, a breeze carries the fresh scent of the sea, kids play and run in the sand carefree and laughing, birds swoop overhead, a pod of dolphins swims in the waves nearby. Now imagine that YOU cannot feel it, hear it, smell it or see it because of all the stuff you are carrying. A big floppy sunhat blocks your vision, your radio is blaring, you sweat uncomfortably while lugging a huge wagon with beach chairs, umbrellas, coolers and rafts.

You get the picture. This pile weighs you down and prevents you from feeling the joyful freedom of a fresh, clean, sunfilled day at the beach.

Now, imagine yourself dropping everything.

Breathe deeply and feel that cool breeze against your skin and the warm sun on your face, the velvety sand between your toes.

That’s true bliss and happiness.

I’m not suggesting that we renounce all of our belongings. Start with one box, or one shelf, or by donating one major item to a charity. And while doing it, contemplate that it’s going to mean that someone else gets to wear clean clothes, or eat a healthy meal, or sleep in a dry, clean bed, or cuddle with a toy.

You see, less really is more because it lightens up your heart.

Then your own light will shine brighter as you help others and learn first-hand that community and connections truly are the threads that weave our happiness. And the sun and the sand really do feel so much better.

••••••••••••••

Christy Perry has devoted most of her life to working in the creative arts and entertainment, most recently for a successful vacation destination retailer, which has provided the marketing and merchandising foundation for The BhakTee Life, an online brand of spiritually inspired tee shirts and clothing. She is a world traveler with a special connection to Ladakh, North India, in the Himalayas, and an animal rescue advocate who frequently meditates with her cat Tati.

With years of spiritual study and practice behind her, Christy is an accomplished sound practitioner working with Tibetan and crystal singing bowls and the gong. For more information visit BhakTee. com or email TheBhakTeeLife@gmail.com.

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Coaching

Brand Building: How to Develop a Marketing Blueprint for E-commerce

The Buck Stops Here: Designing the right e-commerce payment process for your business.

By Lisa Cedrone E-commerce, by definition, indicates electronic payments over the Internet, and “more and more online sellers realize that their online checkout and offered payment options directly influence their conversion rates (converting shoppers into to buyers),” according to Ecommerce WIKI. If an online store does not incorporate the best payment methods for a particular audience, it might miss out on sales due to shoppers’ payment preferences. Therefore, it is important to understand the different payment cultures and pick the right mix for your buyers. 1 In North America, for example, credit cards have become the most common form of payment for e-commerce transactions; they account for almost 90 percent of all online retail sales.2 However, this statistic doesn’t negate the importance of PayPal’s 200 million active account holders worldwide, many of whom opt to avoid sharing their credit card information directly on e-commerce websites. Overall, there are a lot of options to consider and/or combine, and finding the right configuration for your e-commerce website starts with understanding the backend of the process.

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The Flow Overall, an online payment moves through several steps, often with varying providers for each transaction. To accept credit card payments from your customers online, for example, you need a payment gateway and a merchant services account.

“The payment gateway is used for facilitating online transactions and helping them get approved, according to an explanation by Hanna Wolsfelt on BlueSnap.com. “It is also the first place the transaction goes when a customer submits an order online. The transaction flows through the payment gateway, to the payments ecosystem, and should it be approved, [it] will eventually make its way into the merchant account.” 3 “Merchant accounts are for reconciling the funds sent to the merchant on successful sales,” Wolsfelt adds. “These are the funds that were approved through the payments ecosystem. All approved payments are paid out to you, the merchant, through your merchant account. This is the last stop before you receive the funds in your normal business bank account.”

Here’s how it works: A customer makes a purchase from the checkout page of your shopping cart. He or she enters credit card information and it is sent to the payment gateway, which encrypts the payment information and then sends it to a payment processor for authorization. The payment is either accepted or declined and the information is sent to the customer. This all takes place in about 2 seconds and, if approved, the money is then transferred from the customer’s bank to your merchant services account.4 Within this process, the data transmission is encrypted using a SSL (Secure Sockets Layer) certificate, which is a small data file that digitally binds a cryptographic key to a company’s details.

“When installed on a web server, it activates the padlock and the https (Hyper Text Transfer Protocol Secure) protocol and allows secure connections from a web server to a browser,”5 according to DigiCert.com. In other words, HTTS/SSL allows for private communications between a website and a user and decreases the risk of hackers obtaining sensitive information such as credit card numbers, usernames, passwords, etc.

Do-It-Yourself Approach If you have the initial resources to invest in setting up your own online payment system, the extra time and effort on the frontend can result in long-term cost savings. For example, one nonprofit founder I know determined that using a turnkey bundled shopping cart/payment platform would cost more than obtaining an independent merchant services account and linking it to Volusion, a shopping cart platform with no processing fees for nonprofits. Her organization was able to secure a 2.1 percent processing fee from its merchant services provider and use the lowest-cost Volusion plan ($15 per month) with 1 GB of bandwidth.

Since the programs offered by this nonprofit are high-priced (from $1,300 to $2,000) and small in number (compared to the number of items an average apparel retailer would offer, for example) this low-cost, low-bandwidth model makes sense.

Other options include payment services such as Stripe, “a suite of APIs that powers commerce for businesses of all sizes,” according to the company’s website. In computer programming, an API (Application Programming Interface) is a set of subroutine definitions, protocols, and tools for building software and applications. An effective API makes it easier to develop a program by providing all the building blocks, which are then put together by a programmer.

If you are going to take the plunge and implement a secure payment system yourself, some of the most important questions to consider include:4 • Is your process secure and compliant with The Payment Card Industry Data Security Standard (PCI DSS)? PCI compliance currently has 12 requirements:6

1. Install and maintain a firewall configuration to protect cardholder data.

2. Do not use vendor-supplied defaults for system passwords and other security parameters.

3. Protect stored cardholder data.

4. Encrypt transmission of cardholder data across open, public networks.

5. Use and regularly update antivirus software.

6. Develop and maintain secure systems and applications.

7. Restrict access to cardholder data by business need-to-know.

8. Assign a unique ID to each person with computer access.

9. Restrict physical access to cardholder data.

10. Track and monitor all access to network resources and cardholder data.

11. Regularly test security systems and processes.

12. Maintain a security policy and ensure that all personnel are aware of it.

• Is your process reliable and always available with backup systems in place? This includes data validation, “the process of ensuring that a program operates on clean, correct and useful data. It uses routines, often called ‘validation rules,’ ‘validation constraints’ or ‘check routines’ that check for correctness, meaningfulness, and security of data that are input to the system.”7 • Is the payment process easy to use, easy to integrate and flexible with accessible technical support? It’s important that the payment process works on all platforms you are using, such as your website, mobile devices, online marketplaces, over the phone and in person, etc.

Turnkey Approach If your company has limited startup funding to outsource piecing together all the parts of an online payment process and lacks the tech experience to take an in-house DIY approach, you might want to opt for a bundled, turnkey solution to accept payments, such as the built-in options from many hosted shopping cart platforms. Shopify, for example, offers integrated credit card processing for 2.9 percent plus .30 cents per transaction with its $29-per-month program. Shopify online “stores” also include a free 256-bit SSL certificate, and “all pages, content, credit card and transaction information is protected by the same level of security used by banks,” according to the Shopify.com website.

Additionally, “based on your location, Shopify will automatically handle major country and state tax rates” and integrate automatic shipping rates from major carriers including USPS, FedEx, and UPS. PayPal is another easy-to-use turnkey option to accept secure payments online. “Available in more than 200 markets

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around the world, the PayPal platform, including Braintree, Venmo and Xoom, enables consumers and merchants to receive money in more than 100 currencies, withdraw funds in 56 currencies and hold balances in their PayPal accounts in 25 currencies,” according to the PayPal website. “Creating PayPal buttons, which can be inserted as code into any website, is an easy way to offer customers an option to log in and use their personal PayPal account or to pay directly by credit card.” It’s also possible to configure a PayPal account to collect tax and add shipping costs.

Here’s one example of how this can work in the United States based on one of my own client projects for a trolley company: Using the company’s PayPal account, I created individual PayPal buttons by date to sell seats for the company’s annual Holiday Lights Tour. The button code for each date was inserted on an individual date-specific website landing page that linked to the main website. The PayPal inventory option was used to make sure that the number of seats was limited to how many people would fit on the trolley car, and sales would not process when the maximum number of seats available for each night sold out. It was a simple process that required little modification to the company website.

Once a tour date passed, the link was manually removed from the main “Holiday Lights Tour” page of the site.

Using PayPal, small sellers such as this trolley company do not see or have access to customers’ credit card information, which is processed through the PayPal site. Hence, it’s not necessary to implement a SSL directly on a company’s website or pay for an annual hosting fee with a shopping cart platform such as Squarespace or Shopify. The PayPal rate, like Shopify’s, is 2.9 percent plus .30 cents per transaction.

Additionally, PayPal is the established go-to payment method for most shoppers on the Etsy and Ebay marketplaces.

“PayPal has become one of the most trusted payment platforms online. It was one of the first that provided freelancers with a way to accept credit card and debit card payments without having to partner with a credit card processing company and face high monthly and transaction fees,” notes Brett Relander in an online article in Entrepreneur magazine.8 “Over time, PayPal has evolved into offering personal and business accounts, its own debit and credit card, a revolving credit line and business loans. It allows you to accept payment in foreign currency and then handles the currency exchange process for you for a minimal fee.”

Whatever payment option you choose, make sure you are comfortable with the level of sensitive data that your website will house and people will have access to view. Think through the process carefully on the frontend, document flowcharts and, as the old carpenter’s saying goes, “Measure twice and cut once.”

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References: 1. “What are the Latest Trends?” Ecommerce WIKI, online report at https://www.ecommercewiki.org/Online_Payments/Online_Payments_Basic/What_ are_the_latest_trends 2. “Everything You Need to Know About Merchant Services,” by Darrah Brustein, December 16, 2014, Entrepreneur, online article at https://www.entrepreneur. com/article/240877 3. “Merchant Account vs. Payment Gateway: What’s the Difference?” by Hanna Wolsfelt, BlueSnap.com, online analysis at https://home.bluesnap.com/snap-center/blog/merchant-account-vs-payment-gateway/ 4. “Understanding Online Payments,” PinnacleCart, YouTube video at https://youtu.be/gG5kLlfZcik 5. “What Is SSL (Secure Sockets Layer) and What Are SSL Certificates?” digicert.com website, online definition at https://www.digicert.com/ssl.htm 6. “PCI Compliance Checklist for 2017,” Town Square Business Resource Center Blog, online checklist at https:// squareup.com/townsquare/pci-compliancechecklist 7. “Data Validation,” Wikipedia, online definition at https:// en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Data_validation 8. “25 Payment Tools for Small Businesses, Freelancers and Startups,” by Brett Relander, July 16, 2016, Entrepreneur, online article at https://www.entrepreneur. com/article/276818 9. “E-commerce Payment System,” Wikipedia online article at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E-commerce_ payment_system

••••••••••••••

Lisa Cedrone is the editor of Transformation Magazine and a freelance editor, writer, and graphic designer working primarily in the spiritual and alternative healing communities. Prior to establishing her Sarasota, FL-based freelance business in 2008, Lisa spent 20 years as an editor/editor-in-chief for two of the Top 10 businessto-business publishers in the United States, serving the apparel manufacturing and residential construction/building markets. Her company, DragonFly Nation, offers a wide range of creative services, with an emphasis on cost-effective, turnkey editorial and design projects for both print and web. Contact her at lisa@suncoasttransformation.com or visit DragonFlyNation.com.

Enlightenment

Gratitude Brings Freedom

by Owen K Waters

Giving thanks is the expression of gratitude, and gratitude is one of the most beautiful secrets in spiritual life.

Gratitude is an expression of love, and love is something that flows from the Creator of the universe through all forms of life and all forms of manifestation. Without love, life in the universe cannot exist. Love is the universal force of preservation, which holds creation in manifestation.

The Natural Flow of Love Love is as natural as the universe. By design, there is a tension between the forces of creation and universal love. It is this tension that controls the size of the universe, holding it within its envelope. It is this tension that regulates the size of an electron’s orbit around a nucleus. It is universal love that forms the force of attraction which retains electrons in their orbits, making atoms possible and therefore the existence of life as we know it.

You can block love, or you can allow it to flow naturally through you. Falling in love with another person is an allowance of the flow of love through your heart. In a world where everything has the appearance of separateness, it is a surrender to the underlying unity of all life. It is a place of apparent vulnerability, a willingness to take the risk that the illusion of separation will once again return if that love is later lost.

When you allow your heart to open to the universe’s flow of love, gratitude comes with that flow. Gratitude for being alive, for just existing, for just being in the flow of the adventure of life.

Gratitude for the Sun that gives us life. Gratitude for the Earth that gives us our home in the cosmos. Gratitude for the people you love, and for those who share your journey through life.

Gratitude flows unimpeded from an open heart. When you allow it, it flows as freely as the sunshine, unobstructed by judgments or conditions.

Quality of Life Use the following affirmation. Keep repeating it while, each time, thinking more and more of what the words mean.

It adds new meaning to the words, “Quality of life.” It really works! Try it now.

Gratitude Affirmation I am grateful for life And all that I love I am grateful for the Earth And the Sun up above I am grateful for my spirit And my inner being For the One that is within And the joy of this feeling

••••••••••••••

Owen K Waters is a cofounder of the Spiritual Dynamics Academy, where a where a free spiritual growth newsletter awaits you at: www.SpiritualDynamics.net. He is an international spiritual teacher who has helped hundreds of thousands of spiritual seekers to understand better the nature of their spiritual potential. Owen’s life has been focused upon gaining spiritual insights through extensive research and the development of his inner vision. For the past 12 years, he has written a spiritual metaphysics newsletter which empowers people to discover their own new vistas of inspiration, love and creativity. Spiritual seekers enjoy his writings for their insight and clarity.

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Enlightened Advice

Dear Ms. Spiritual Matters, Last week, the company at which I’ve worked for 10 years, the same company from which my dad retired, pulled out of our city..

My boyfriend—of two months—left with the company, becoming a supervisor in a country where workers earn much less than those of us left behind. I have known him for only two months. I am not sure if he will continue being my boyfriend.

My girlfriends took me out one evening and I was surprised by their assessment of my situation. “Celebrate the blessing of a new life,” they said. Their outlook seemed that I should see this change as positive. They presented me with a list of job opportunities and a calendar of events that I could attend with them.

I am miffed that they’re not more understanding of my loss.

Yours, Sylvia

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Dear Sylvia,

You seem to be hurt by what you perceive as the insensitivity of your friends. Let them know you have a sense of uncertainty, since you don’t have a picture of what your future holds.

I believe what your friends are saying is there could be a silver lining in the changes you face. They want what is best for you, and hope you consider different work and personal futures than the ones you planned. With a positive attitude, you might accomplish both.

You are blessed with friends wanting to help you find new employment opportunities and meet new people.

Sincerely, Ms. Spiritual Matters

••••••••••• Susan Schoenbeck holds Baccalaureate and Master’s degrees in nursing from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. She is an experienced educator and teaches nursing students at Walla Walla University -- Portland, Oregon campus. She is an oblate of a Benedictine Monastery where she learned centering and contemplative meditation practices. She is author of the book, Zen and the Art of Nursing, Good Grief: Daily Meditations, and NearDeath Experiences: Visits to the Other Side.