Transformation Magazine LOVE issue

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Section Title

SPIRITUALITY 7 No U in Love 8 Angels & Inspirations: The Tapestry of Divine 10 The Way It Is: Let’s Talk About Intention 12 4 Spiritual Principles for Dating 18 What’s Love Got to do With It? 18 Holy Mole Cartoon 19 Living a Love-Filled Life 22 Spiritually Speaking: Soul Mates 23 Practical Spirituality: Looking for Love HEALTHY LIVING 6 Herbs of Love 17 Captain’s Compass: Becoming Present to Love 28 Craving Love, Craving Chocolate RELATIONSHIPS 4 Awakening with the Editor: Lessons on Love 13 Loving the Husband More Than the Kids is Key 14 Enlightened Relationships: Training Wheels 20 Loneliness vs. Connectedness 25 Positive Change: The Word Love TOOLS & TIPS 16 Change Your Limiting Beliefs in 90 Seconds 21 Out Your ego: ego Preaches, Spirit Shares 21 Reflections on Love...

24 Ask Dr. ZZ INSPIRATION 26 Book of Deservingness 27 Navigating the Void

Transformation Magazine (941) 479-0323

Advertising: ads@suncoasttransformation.com Editor: editor@suncoasttransformation.com

Artist, Patricia M Bowers, draws from both personal and cultural events to inspire her art. Patricia believes art is creation that crosses reality with imagination. She feels the essence of art is the fulfillment of a vision, dream, or a thought that presents itself and then is moved by spirit towards physical realization. Her recent body of work has been with the ancient art of Mandalas- symmetrical designs found in many cultures throughout the world.

Patricia paints with acrylics on canvas and heavy water color paper, her images are freehand, loosely drawn and without the aid of templates. She blends basic acrylic paint colors with gold and silver metallics creating a vast range of color ways that give the paintings a luminous quality.

The art appearing on this month’s cover is titled “new light, new life”. Patricia works from her home/studio in Bradenton, Florida.

For more information on Patricia’s work: www.patriciambowers.com bowerspmb@yahoo.com Prints also available at OmGaia, Bradenton. Fl.

www.SuncoastTransformation.com © Copyright 2012 Transformation Magazine. All rights reserved.

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going, but generally distant, wasn’t terribly affectionate, and did not tell me he loved me. Even though it felt normal to me, part of me ached for more, and I often pleaded for more attention and to be told that I was loved. My pleas were not answered, and ultimately I repressed my need for love.

Natalie, Publisher of Transformation Magazine, has worked with thousands of people seeking to live a life of purpose and genuine relationship with their true selves, others, and their world. She is the former Director of a counseling center for at risk teenagers and their parents. She is also a public speaker and leads workshops and retreats on Practical Spirituality, Finding Joy, Discovering Your Purpose, and Enlightened Relationships.

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Lessons on Love My Story

I stare for a long time, trying to discern the color of my grass. I consider the cliché about “the other side.” Time passes and distance helps me take in more of the view. I notice a crack across my vision. I pull away the pieces of the broken lenses – green in color – revealing the brown, weary, thirsty grass that has invaded my lawn. I wonder who had put it there. What horrible gardener had duped me into paying for such a mess? I look down at my hands, covered in callouses and soil, holding remnants of green lenses.

How could this be happening? How is this my lawn?

How are these my hands? I look at my reflection in the side of my car and don’t recognize the woman staring at me. For a moment, I consider rushing to find superglue and frantically repairing my lenses. But then I come to the realization that I’m trying to deny what I truly desire by reciting an old cliché designed to help me be grateful for what I have (or fear losing what I know). I look at my reflection once more and the woman has shifted – no longer looking down, slumped with the weight of the world on her shoulders, but looking at me eagerly, with fire in her eyes.

Lovingly Limited Growing up my family was solid: two parents, a positive environment, and a family dinner every night. We did everything together and were very close. It wasn’t until adulthood that I realized some of the karmic lessons that my family was here to teach me. We shared love, definitely, but:

In my family we did not say “I love you” and were not physically affectionate, which to me was totally normal.

As an adult, I wasn’t consciously aware of my resistance to expressions of love and affection, although I did notice that if someone touched me I would recoil. As most people do, I married a man who mirrored my family. He was kind and easy

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I told myself that intimacy was overrated and that romantic love, a passionate connection, and shared spirituality were the lies of Hollywood.

Screw the movies, I wasn’t getting my hopes up. The relationships I observed in my life confirmed my suspicions, as I never once saw a couple who lived a relationship I would have wanted. I accepted that unfulfillment was what I should expect.

Deep inside, though, I knew I had a tremendous capacity to love, I just didn’t know how.

The School of Love When I was starting my last semester of college, I took out a calendar, looked at when I would be graduating, selected the Monday after graduation, circled it, and wrote “start work.” I also created a vision board of the career I felt would fulfill my purpose. Two days before graduation I responded to an ad looking for someone to help run a life coaching business for teenagers. I met with the woman, and her story was that the Teen Center had been open for just two months when her business partner had to move out of town due to family medical emergencies. I agreed to become her business partner and started running the Center the following Monday – the day I had circled on my Calendar five months earlier. Better yet, this is exactly what I had put on my vision board.

My business partner was unusually loving and expressive to everyone, especially to me, to the point that it made me want to gag. I didn’t know how to react when she wanted to be in my space or when she told me she loved me.

If my own husband didn’t tell me he loved me, how could I accept it from anyone else?

She made me very uncomfortable, however, deep in my core I knew I wanted what she had.

I learned a great deal through the experience of running that company; to my surprise my greatest lessons were that of love. Through intimately interacting with the families I coached, I observed love in ways I had never seen. I opened myself to being more affectionate with friends and even hugging my clients.

I surmised that with so much love in the world, there had to be a man who could love me the way I wanted, and for the first time I allowed myself to believe.

Opening to Love I knew not what the other side would hold for me, but I was certain that I had to leave my side – before the temptation of self-denial and colored lenses crept up in the night. I made a “list” as well as a vision board of the aspects of the enlightened relation-

ship I was determined to have and the man who would complete it, all the while knowing deeply that there is a difference between “in love” hormones and genuine compatibility.

And so began a rapid unraveling of my life – one in which I had the end of the string in my hand and was running like fire. After dismantling literally every part of the life I had created, my cloak had been unwoven and I stood revealed and refreshed (and, well, naked), in awe of my own freedom and in integrity with my true self.

I continued on my journey of self-rediscovery and opening myself to love. And then one day, my vision materialized and I understood for the first time the meaning of the word Fate. My business partner heard from her former partner, who had also ended his relationship, and he was interested in discussing working with the Center again. When Joeel Rivera (see “Enlightened Relationships” column) came to meet us that day it was as if the planets aligned.

We had one of those connections that six months earlier I would have been scoffing at.

To my shock, here it was right in front of me: a man who shared my passions, my visions, my dreams, who was chivalrous, compassionate, giving, loving, affectionate, and intimate.

Within several months we had both, ironically, decided to move on from the Center and were developing plans for our own business, as well as our relationship.

Is This Love That I’m Feeling?

One day I pulled out my “list” and sure enough Joeel matched everything on it. Turns out he had a list of “non-negotiables,” as he called them, and not surprisingly I matched everything on his list as well. I truly never would have expected that I would actually be living the enlightened relationship I depicted on my vision board.

We like to joke and say that we “started the same business, just not at the same time.”

My journey to love is one that was written into the purpose of my soul. Without the overbearingly loving business partner, I would never had been prepared to accept being loved so completely by my life partner. Had I not experienced limited expressions of love, I would not have had the contrast with which to so clearly see what I truly wanted, nor would I be experiencing the depth of gratitude that I have for my lessons on love.

My grandmother told me that in Judaism they have a term that explains who he is to me.

Becheirt: inevitable, destined, chosen by God. I have a word that explains how it feels to live an enlightened relationship and finally feel ready to unleash my love on the world: wonderful.

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Healthy Living

Herbs of

Love

traditional Asian belief is that jasmine penetrates the soul and opens up emotions. It is still a favorite ingredient in perfumes all over the world.

Lavender. A lot of lavender folklore is about love. It was said to attract men but was also used for chastity. Alpine girls would tuck some lavender under their lover’s pillow so their thoughts would turn to romance. Once married, they would put some lavender under the mattress to ensure marital passion. Lavender is associated with the heart chakra and has been used for palpitations of the heart. Lavender is useful for emotional pain. If someone lost a loved one he or she used lavender to heal the heart.

Lily of the Valley. Known as the May Lily, it means “return to happiness” and most often symbolizes chastity, purity, happiness, luck, and humility.

By Deserie Valloreo Over the centuries, herbs have been used to ease the pain of loneliness, calm the human spirit, and are associated with love and happiness. The herbs featured here promote inner happiness and selfesteem. When you project happiness and confidence to everyone you meet, you are much more likely to attract love.

Cardamom. Cardamom warms and gently stimulates the body/mind with its exquisite aroma and was often used in Eastern aphrodisiacs.

Black Cohosh. Folklore suggests this herb has magical properties of protection, love, courage, potency, sexual energy, and banishing negativity.

Gardenia. According to the Victorian language of flowers, to give someone a gardenia is to say: “You are lovely.” They symbolize love, peace, haling, and spirituality.

Catnip. Leaves of catnip have been used for luck in love affairs. Catnip is called a Woman’s Love Herb because it is said to make women enticing and charming.

Cinnamon. This spice is believed to increase passion and strength.

Clove. Clove was used by the ancient Romans, Greeks, and Persians as a love potion or charm.

Ginseng. It is said to attract love, luck, and health. The Chinese have used ginseng for thousands of years, believing that it enhances sexual performance, increases energy, and eases stress.

Hibiscus. This flower symbolizes love, lust, and divination. Hibiscus species live all around the tropics, but the most popular is the Chinese hibiscus, called Chinese Rose in some countries. In many countries, this is the flower of love, and it is used in perfumes and to make wedding garlands.

Jasmine. Jasmine is known as a symbol of love and romance.

Sampaguita, a variety of jasmine, comes from the Filipino words “sumpa kita,” in English, “I promise you.” Couples once exchanged sampaguita necklaces just as a today’s couples give wedding rings. A

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Mistletoe. To draw love to you, hang mistletoe over your door. Women having trouble conceiving would place leaves in a sachet. The Druids hung mistletoe to bring abundance their way.

Orange Blossom. The Orange Tree Symbolizes Innocence, Purity, Fertility, and Lasting Love. Greek mythology holds that when the goddess Hera married Zeus, the King of Heaven, she was given orange blossoms

by Gaea, the goddess of earth and fertility. In Roman mythology, Juno, the Queen of Heaven and protector of women and marriage, received a gift of orange blossoms when she married Jupiter, the supreme deity of the Roman gods.

Rose. From the time of Solomon, the rose has been the flower most closely linked with love. The rose was sacred to Venus, the Roman goddess of love, and was connected to her messenger, Cupid.

Vervain. Romans had dedicated the herb to their Goddess of birth, Isis, and they considered vervain the most important ingredient in a love potion.

Ylang Ylang. Ylang Ylang elevates the spirit and consoles the heart. It has an intense sweet, sensual, euphoric aroma.

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Deserie Valloreo is a Natural Health Advisor and Clinical Herbalist. She has a Bachelor of Science from USF and completed her herbal studies at the Acupuncture & Herbal Therapies Professional Herbalist Program where she learned Traditional Chinese Medicine diagnostics and Chinese herbs. She also studied Western Herbalism under the direction of internationally recognized herbalist Rosemary Gladstar. Deserie is the founder of HerbalWise, whose offerings include natural health workshops, private consultations, and her own line of herbal remedies. Deserie is the president of the West Coast Florida Regional Chapter of the American Herbalist Guild, a member of the Florida Herb Society, and a member of the Florida State Oriental Medicine Association. Deserie@herbalwise.net

What is Love?

love as a shared state of being is considered the property of ascetics like Gandhi and Mother Teresa. Far from romantic, it is a state in which the ego loses its grip and one’s Love is where you are not.

This would bomb as a pick up line, but it’s a concept of love identity merges with those around them. It is love without a worth pondering. They are the words of Jiddu Krishnamurti, a renowned speck of self-gratification; in the absence of ego, there is no spiritual teacher who travelled the world in the twentieth century extol- self seeking any reward. ling the merits of self-inquiry.

Love exists, according to Krishnamurti, At first the statement comes across like one of those if-a-treefalls-in-the-woods Zen mindbenders, but spend a few moments with it because we no longer do. and it may dissolve into a valuable insight.

Tug on the word “you” and the statement begins to unravel.

As inspiring as this selfless model of love might You, as in ego. Krishnamurti was saying that love can only exist when be, who needs it? The old model works just fine. That is, the ego is not around to muck things up. until it breaks down, which it does most of the time when you consider the hefty divorce rate and then guess at the number of burned out marriages. Add to this the legions of Few of us would object to such a selfless lovers meeting similar fates outside the borders of marriage concept of love. and we have what might be termed an epidemic if it were Similar observations by acknowledged subject matter experts a contagious disease. And yet somehow none of this dislike St. Paul and Kahlil Gibran lift our lips into hopeful smiles during suades us from hopping aboard the same rickety jalopy for wedding ceremonies. In those moments of stillness we contemplate another perilous ride.

By John Ptacek

the endlessness of human possibility, but only seconds later we are A more abiding state of love awaits those contemplating the endless flow of free beer at the reception. It’s as if such grand visions of love are too hot to hold, or perhaps too unattaindisillusioned by one too many hapless able to sustain our attention. joyrides.

And anyway, who are St. Paul or Kahlil Gibran to lecture anyone about love? The dudes weren’t even married.

We need not shave our heads or abandon all For better or for worse, we view love as easily acquired treaearthly pleasures to enter this transcendent state, but we sure. This is because we define it as a feeling, rather than as the shared must discard the notion that love is a self-fulfilling venture. experience Krishnamurti hints at. We can’t wait to report the news of our surging feelings to friends after a third date with our latest admirer.

Love and ego cannot coexist.

And three dates later we want to throw open the window and broadcast our feelings to the world. Something inside us has been switched on, Like light and shadow, they cancel each other and it’s a marvelous feeling that’s hard to describe. Eventually we all out.

For love to appear, you must disappear. You must give find the same word for it—love. yourself so completely that no trace of you remains. Love arises in the space created by your absence.

But is a feeling that any randy seventh grader can experience really what the world needs more of ?

If this is love, it is not of the selfless variety. It is all about us, and hooray for that. But feelings come and go, even the rapturous ones, making this kind of love as easy to fall out of as it is to fall into. Is this ephemeral quality evidence of love’s sublime mystery? Or is love, the feeling, too flimsy a structure to stand on its own?

Divorced from feeling, love loses its conventional charm.

When it’s not being rented out for wedding ceremonies, the concept of

Love is where you are not.

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John’s life has been enriched by the teachings of our great spiritual leaders. His essays attempt to demystify these sometimes perplexing teachings so that more may be exposed to their wisdom. They appear on his website, On Second Thought, www.johnptacek.com. John live in Wisconsin with my wife, Kitty.

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Emily Rivera Andrews is a certified Angel Healing Practitioner, Reiki Practitioner, and an Angel Manifesting Master Practitioner. Emily shares techniques that have helped her become a Gifted Intuitive, Intuitive Channeler, Healer, Manifester, and Angel Communicator. To ask your Angels a question, attend one of Emily’s local events or email emily@LivingtoInspire.com

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The Tapestry of Divine Order

What moments can be considered sacred?

What moments can be considered of heavenly inspiration?

It seems that all our experiences can be labeled as such, but there are those unique moments that embody a sense of awe that are incomparable. They are moments that remind us that there is an unseen tapestry to life beyond what our eyes can see. A tapestry of Divine order, in which all has its purpose— an order that is revealed through synchronicities and miracles.

As you read this month’s message, I hope you are inspired to take notice how the Divine is expressing its love, presence, and guidance in your life, through moments that are meant to remind you that there is purpose to your life. Know that the world itself will orchestrate in a myriad of ways to share the inspiration the Divine is sending to you each day.

Divine inspiration from January 9, 2012: Tonight is a night that I can clearly acknowledge as heaven sent, a special night infused with Divine magic. The dark night sky, lit by the splendor of the full moon and its starry companions. Beautiful and magical indeed. The night feels peaceful and serene in a variety of ways, but within I have questions and a desire to understand some specific things. I had already chosen to give this night a special symbolic meaning, since it is the new year’s first full moon, but unbeknownst to me, was just how special it truly is.

Stepping out into the grass feels good, it reminds me that tonight I am communing with the Divine through nature, the full moon, the serenity of the sea, and the beauty of the night sky. There is a chill in the air, and a light fog hovers above the water. I continuously admire the beauty and sharing words of gratitude as we approach the wall by the sea. As we set up to get comfortable we hear in the distance the sounds of a Dolphin at play. Thrilled at the sight and the blessing it entails, we run to

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greet our special companion. It moves swiftly through the water, up and down the sea wall. It enjoys a feast of fish that it chases alongside the wall upon which we stand. It is magnificent, as we admire its silhouette moving gracefully a short distance beneath our feet. What a privilege, to be a witness to such a sight. There are several instances in which it turns on its side and seems to take time to admire us, as we do it. In other instances, it comes to us and does what looks like a choreography of movements that include turns and flips that cause it to splash and emerge from the water.

We acknowledge this as greetings from a water creature that embodies an enchantment that inspires us to connect to a childlike sense of wonder.

As the night progresses, two more Dolphins join us. The three Dolphins work together to corral and catch fish. We clearly hear their high-pitch frequencies, and echolocation sounds serenade the quiet night. They are speaking their language and in some way inviting us to be witness to a dance of movement and sound that gives us glimpses into their world. Words cannot fully articulate the sense of wonder both of us feel. How beautiful to be present and be part of such a beautiful moment.

Three hours there seem like minutes, as they diligently remain by our side.

Through the tapestry of the unseen the Divine brought us all together.

It inspired these beautiful messengers to share their presence and world with us, while synchronistically drawing us to this location to bear witness to such a special event. As a powerful “God Wink” to end our night, a pair of beautiful and large great blue herons cross before us as we share with the Divine our gratitude and desires for 2012. They let out a call into the night and with wings outstretched skimming the water a few feet from where we stand. In some powerful way, they too embody a message from the Divine. A message that is symbolic and unique to the circumstances of that night and our specific journeys.

END NOTE

Travel light and with a sense of wonder.

In doing this you stay open to the Divine Magic that can unfold before your eyes. A Divine Magic that invites its different characters to be part of the Eternal Dance that unites us all in love and in harmony. A Dance aligned with Divine purpose unique to each soul, while simultaneously and intrinsically intertwined with the collective oneness that is within all. The characters are many and embody many forms, but the soul inspiration that guides each and all comes from one source, the source of ALL.

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The Way It Is It didn’t work.

Almost another year passed. I looked at the letter often, but nothing happened with the book. I always knew I’d get to it “justassoonas...”.

Procrastination is the killer of passion.

Gregg Sanderson has a rare view of the metaphysical universe. He traveled the road from Christian Science through Judaism, Agnosticism, Atheism, Living Love, Psychic Development, Spiritualism, Teaching of the Inner Christ, all the way to the International Centers for Spiritual Living where he is a licensed practitioner. He is the author of What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens – Easing the Pain of Divorce. Gregg’s latest venture is Spirit With A Smile — The Way It Is (Unless It’s Something Else). Email to gregg@spiritwithasmile.com.

•••••••••••••••••• Let’s Talk About Intention

Intention is different than “justassoonas” because it’s built on conviction instead of hope.

I’ve had some remarkable experiences lately that dramatically underscored the difference.

About four years ago in Nashville, while studying to become a Science of Mind practitioner, I decided to write a book on metaphysics. The outline poured from my fingertips in a single sitting. I had a lot of enthusiasm and the first draft was done within a year or so. Then it languished.

“I’ll rewrite and publish justassoonas I finish my practitioner studies,” then it was “…justassoonas I get settled in Florida,” then “…justassoonas we get this church going,” and on and on.

In a workshop exercise, I wrote myself a letter about my life to be delivered a year later. It’s dated 9/9/09 and the opening sentence said, “Gregg, it’s time to get with it and finish that book.”

I got quite a chuckle out of it when it was delivered, because I hadn’t done a darn thing with the book in all that time.

I pasted it right on my desk to motivate me.

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All during this time when the subject came up, I’d often complain that I had nothing that truly aroused passion in me.

Then it came to me. Not as a bolt of lightning, or even an “Aha!” It was more like a “Duh!” accompanied by a slap on the forehead. I DO have something to get passionate about, and at that very moment, justassoonas turned into intention, which immediately turned into commitment, and passion came along for the ride. Woo-hoo!

Yes, I actually got to work. I put the book together, did some rewrite, and started to investigate publishing alternatives.

I don’t have an agent, and hadn’t written a proposal yet, but in the back of my mind were possible publishers I might approach. On the other hand, self-publishing is a viable and more immediate way to publish since it takes months and sometimes over a year working with a publisher.

While this bubbled on a backburner in my mind, I cranked away. My keyboard was smokin’ and the book came together beautifully. I was just one weekend away from completion when I got a phone call: “Hi, Gregg. Would you, by any chance, have a book you’d like to get published?”

No agent; no proposal; none of the usual routine, just a phone call from a publisher. BOB works in mysterious ways.

That was mid-October 2011. We had the cover design a week later, the book formatted shortly thereafter, and the first bookstore got its stock in mid-December. Talk about an idea whose time has come!

To top it off, not only is it a good book, but I’ve already started the outline for the sequel. I’ll get that done justassoonas this one hits the bestseller list.

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Spiritual Singles

Spiritual Principles P for

Dating

By Lisa Mangoni A blind date can be a stressful experience for men and women at any age. Whether it is a blind date you agree to make to satisfy a friend or an Internet date that you have set up yourself, it is easy to become overwhelmed and uncomfortable as a result of the experience without some preparation and guidelines. By keeping a few spiritual principles in mind, you can develop an insightful understanding of the process and even grow in your own internal awareness: 1. Vibrate authentically.

This is the first principle to keep in mind because without authenticity you are sure to attract those who are not who they say they are. If you are looking for what is “real” it is important to find who is “real.” There is nothing more frustrating than taking time to meet someone who has misrepresented himself or herself online or on the telephone. However, when you have dotted your own online profile with exaggerations or omissions, you can’t show up vibrating to match that of a person who is truthful. Of course, this doesn’t mean disclose your life story on a dating site for all to see either. It is always a good idea to filter the info that you share with strangers.

Begin by being as honest as possible on your own profile. Those questions are designed to introduce you to someone who is looking for you—not for who you would like to be. To begin a relationship on a lie is dooming it from the start. Also try to represent an image as near to your actual personality as

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possible, both in your profiles (if you have them) and in person. Don’t act, don’t omit your unique quirks—just be your authentic self!

Don’t take it all so seriously! What Chris Rock says is true: All of us actually just “send a representative” of ourselves to the first date. Do keep in mind that at this first meeting, your representative is meeting his. Keep it light and have a sense of humor about it all as you learn about this new person and you might just have some fun.

2. Stay present and in the moment.

Being in the moment and being present are key to getting the most out of this (or any) contact. However, being present takes awareness and practice. Think of it as dating school. Just like in higher education, if you find yourself zoning out or going into the past or future, try to lean forward and FOCUS on what the other person is telling you.

Try to compose a relevant question about something they have just said. This will keep you both focused on the information gathering process and can make things feel less like an interrogation and more like a conversation. Stay aware of your attention and where you are putting it. This brings to mind the scene in the movie “Pulp Fiction” when Mia Wallace asks Vince Vega “Do you listen or do you wait to talk?” His character pauses and thoughtfully and sincerely answers, “I wait to talk, but I’m trying to listen.”

This is an awareness that we should all consider!

Truly listening requires parking your ego temporarily and opening yourself to another person. It is about looking inside another person as they disclose and allowing for their experience.

Being present also means having consciousness about what you are saying and how you are saying it. What are you bringing to the table?

For example, are there things that you might wait to share to set a good first impression? Everyone brings baggage to the table whenever they arrive.

Sometimes it is best to keep it in the trunk though until the next time—if you even will see this person again.

Become conscious of your non-verbal communication. What is your body language expressing to your new friend? Do you seem interested? Hold in awareness how often you are checking your phone, if you are using eye contact, etc. Bring a sense of self awareness.

3. Be aware of your limiting beliefs and self-talk.

Before meeting a new person for the first time, become aware of what beliefs you are bringing to the meeting and how they limit your perceptions about the other person and the outcome of the date. Instead of having that negative, fearful voice in your head saying “I hate first dates,” you might choose to ask yourself “What does this person have to teach me?” and try to answer it as you sit and learn about them.

One way to determine how you are holding yourself back is to review your own self-talk. Go inside—take a deep breath and ask yourself about the last thing you said to yourself before you left the house for a date—or when you returned. Was it: “I knew that would be a waste of time,” or “I have nothing interesting to say to this person.” Just by becoming conscious of your self-talk, you can illuminate your own limiting beliefs. Simply examining these limiting beliefs may enable you to begin to make a needed shift.

4. Detach from the outcome.

Finally, before you leave the house, check in with yourself about your expectations of this new person. Consider realigning your expectation to be about your own reaction to however the first meeting goes.

Expecting a man or woman to be something that you have dreamed

up in a “story” you’ve told yourself is setting everyone involved up for disappointment. It is what it is, and you don’t know what it is until you experience it yourself. Try to bring non-judgment to the first meeting. If you expect a drop dead gorgeous specimen to walk through the door, you are most likely going to be disappointed. Think about the last person you were involved with. Was the deep attraction immediate? In real life, that happens rarely.

Most of the time, someone becomes more attractive to us as we get to know them.

Have some fun being single. When else in your life will you have the freedom to meet whomever you want whenever and wherever you want? Take a moment to appreciate the freedom of this moment. If you approach meeting a new person with a neediness, an agenda, or specific feeling of “I lack therefore

I must acquire” mindset, you have allowed for the attraction of more lack—more need. If you leave the house thinking that you are going to find your next husband or wife, or expecting love at first sight, you may overlook some important lessons for yourself.

You may even prematurely dismiss your next best friend. Forget the pressures of trying to impress someone and look at this new person as a lesson in your life school. Take a deep breath and relax.

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Lisa Mangoni is a writer, educator, dating/image coach and credentialed hypnotist in Sarasota, FL. http://shiftingsandscoachingsystems.com

Family Loving the Husband More Than the Kids...

...is Key to Good Life

By Sasha Brown-Worsham When I was little, I remember asking my mom who she loved best between me and my dad. “It’s a different kind of love,” she told me then. But the kisses she and my dad shared in the toy aisle, their constant holding hands, and their long vacations sans kids while we stayed with the grandparents told me otherwise. She loved my dad more. And I am so happy she did.

When a family is strong, mom does prioritize the marriage over the kids.

But we live in a culture where kids come first. Or, as my friend recently said, “Since when did kids move from the card table at

Thanksgiving to the head of the table?” Since when, indeed.

Blogger Joanna Goddard addresses this in her blog and the result is very interesting. She spoke of a conversation she and a friend had after her friend saw writer Esther Perel, the author of Mating in Captivity, a book about sex within a marriage (and after having kids). Goddard says: “Perel believes that there’s a badge of honor among American women to not prioritize yourself or your marriage: It’s all about the children. Without realizing it, she said, women can end up getting their emotional intimacy and physical satisfaction from their children, instead of their partners. They give their babies tons of wonderful affection—and then don’t have anything left over for their spouse. The marriage can become an afterthought. ” Um, yep. How many women do we all know like this? It’s not their fault. And I don’t blame them. But it’s a problem. A huge one, in fact.

The truth is, within a family, if mom and dad aren’t happy ain’t nobody else happy either. The marriage should be prioritized higher than anything else. I see it in my own family all the time. When my husband and I are happy and loving with one another, our children are happy and loving with us. They want to get in between us and cuddle and they are much calmer. After all, the marriage is the foundation of the family.

Ideally, children are born from the love two people share with one another.

They grow under the umbrella of that love, and then they find their own loves with whom they will do the same. Romantic love is so different (thanks mom!) than the love I feel for my children. I would die for my kids, jump in front of a train for them, and move mountains to keep them happy. But my love for my husband is different.

It’s burning and passionate and sexual (one would hope!). It gets me through the hard days and sustains me when things feel low. Without him, the rest would fall apart. I know this, he knows this, and we both work very hard to maintain it. It’s not easy.

My love for my children is much easier and comes more naturally and takes less work.

So in that sense, yes, my marriage is priority No. 1. It’s what made my family and it’s what will stay after my kids fly the nest.

Is your marriage your first priority?

••••••••••••••••••

Sasha Brown-Worsham is a mother, runner, wife, editor, and writer. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Parents, Parenting, Runner’s World and many other publications over the years. Article originally published on CafeMom’s blog, The Stir (http://thestir.cafemom.com)

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things. The question is, how much time do you dedicate to actually improving that aspect of your life? It may take time initially, but once you have mastered something it becomes natural. The investment in learning and practicing is always worth the outcome. For example, most of us can get on a bike and just start riding it even if we have not done it for years. However, watching my daughter reminds me how may aspects of riding a bike we had to learn to become successful riders.

Joeel A. Rivera, M.Ed., Ph.D. (ABD) holds a Master’s Degree in Counseling and is currently completing his dissertation for his Ph.D. in Psychology. Joeel’s extensive career as a relationship coach includes certifications in P.R.E.P, a 30-year research-based program for couples, Nurturing Father’s curriculum, and Parenting 21st Century. Contact Joeel at joeel@transformationservices.org

••••••••••••••••••

Taking Off the Training Wheels

One of the greatest teachers in my life is my daughter. As I see her develop, I am overwhelmed with pride and appreciation for the life lessons that each of her steps teaches me and can teach all of us. It is important to remember that although we may all have different experiences, at their core the lesson are very similar. In the past few weeks, my daughter has started learning how to ride her bike. There is no better feeling than to watch her mastering something new. The excitement in her face, her expressions, and her need to share with the world her experience are priceless.

Watching my daughter learn to ride a bike reminds me how often we all tend to take what we know for granted.

We assume that many of the things that come naturally have always been easy, however, if we reflect we remember how much practice it took us. It is this practice of habit or behavior that allows us to achieve success in any aspect of our life, including our relationships. Of course, success in relationships also takes patience (for our selves and our partner) as well as a true awareness of what we want to create for our life.

Many times I hear people tell me things like: “I want more freedom in my life”, “I hate my job”, “I want better communication with my partner”, or “I want more joy”, among other

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Give Yourself a Boost One of the first things she had to learn was how to thrust herself forward to create the initial momentum to get the bike to move. It took her several tries, and she needed assistance at first, but she got it and was excited when she could get herself moving. The name that she gave this process was “giving herself a boost”. Once she gets the bike moving it all becomes easier.

The same thing can be said about things in life. Ask yourself, what is harder, thinking about doing something you don’t want to do or actually doing it? For example, if you want to work out more, the thought of actually working out and starting may be challenging, but I am sure that once you get some initial momentum and start doing it, the experience isn’t as bad as you thought.

For most things in life, taking the first step is the hardest part, and as we get more momentum it becomes easier and easier.

Consider your situation and determine a small step that you can take when you need to give yourself a boost.

Putting on the Breaks As my daughter started pedal faster and faster, which made her scared because she was having problems remembering how to break, especially if there was a slope or turn. It is as if her mind was more focused on the fear of “I am going really fast” instead of focusing on eliminating that fear by putting on the breaks. After a couple reminders to break, it became more natural and she was able to go faster because she knew that she would be able to break if she needed. She even made a sharp turn as she braked, which really impressed me. In life, there are times that curves enter our journey, causing us to head the wrong direction or we lose control as we move too quickly towards the direction we want. We can become overwhelmed or confused, and fear can make us forget that all we have to do is put on the breaks, slow down, and redirect ourselves in the right direction at a comfortable speed.

Often the best thing we can do is to press the breaks and step away from the situation.

In fact even Einstein stated that most of his inventions and solution to problems were solved, not when he was thinking about them, but when he took a break to silence his mind.

Staying Focused Another interesting part of her learning was that every time she looked to one direction or another her bike would go in

that direction. Therefore, if she saw something in the grass she would look at it and then find herself on the grass. It was as if she could not keep her bike going in a forward motion any time she got distracted. As adults this happens to us too. Many times we find oursleves on a path toward where we want to go, however life’s distractions get us off track, whether it’s work, kids, other responsibilities, friends, or family. It is our ability to stay focused and keep moving forward that will help define our success. As we practice becoming aware of the distraction and dealing with it, while keeping our focus on our goals, be become skilled at is still staying on our path.

Finding Balance The final part that my daughter is learning, and hasn’t mastered yet, is finding balance. Because of this, she still has her training wheels on. Someday she will feel confident enough and will naturally be able to pick up the bike and just go. At this stage, her body and mind will maintain her balance while she enjoys her surroundings. This is the most challenging part, not only for her but for all of us, especially in our relationships. How can you meet your needs and also those of your partner? A relationship is about mutual growth, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

What makes a great relationship is the ability to find balance in your own life and in your relationship.

The more balance you can create in every aspect of your life the happier you can be.

As for my daughter, this experience initially produced some frustration because she wanted to be able to get on the bike and just go, but then quickly realized that she was going to have to practice it. I am sure that you can think of many things in your life that took practice. If you want to improve something in your life and/or your relationship, keep the training wheels on while you practice the new skill. This may mean setting reminders somewhere where you will see it and remember what you would like to learn to do or say. If you are learning new communication patterns with your partner, having key words can be a great tool to help both partners gently bring awareness when someone is reverting back to a the old pattern. Most importantly, remember to be patien.

With time, practice, and patience you can take off the training wheels and find that your enlighten relationship is riding with ease.

•••••••••••••••••• Natalie, Happy Valentines day, thank you for sharing this journey with me and bringing so much joy to my life. You are amazing and I look forward to our journey together.

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Emotion

Change Your Limiting Beliefs

in 90 Seconds

By Jean Haner

If you’re like most people, you go through each day telling yourself a story—one about who you are and what your life is like—and those patterns of thoughts and emotions repeat over and over throughout your day. This story is what keeps you locked into creating your future based on your past. But when you can discover why you’ve been telling yourself that story, you have the power to break free.

Neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor discovered that it really only takes 90 seconds for your system to process an emotion—and you’re completely in charge of whether you click back into that feeling once those 90 seconds have passed. In her book, My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey, she uses anger as an example of one of many emotions we experience: “Once the anger response is triggered, the chemical released by my brain surges through my body and I have a physiological experience. Within 90 seconds from the initial trigger, the chemical component of my anger has completely dissipated from my blood and my automatic response is over.

If, however, I remain angry after those 90 seconds have passed, then it is because I have chosen to let that circuit continue to run. Moment by moment, I make the choice to either hook into my neurocircuitry or move back into the present moment, allowing that reaction to melt away as fleeting physiology.”

However, there’s a reason we can’t stay in the present moment and instead get swept right back into the feeling. It’s because we’re so used to our story that we believe it as reality. So how can we change this?

1. Social Anxiety. Elizabeth had a personal epiphany in a workshop when she learned the combination of several features on her face—her pointed nose, peaked eyebrows, and red curly hair— explained why she had struggled with social anxiety and shyness all her life. These patterns of emotion weren’t her fault -- they were part of her inner nature, but she’d been letting herself get swept away in these feelings for decades and over time they had interfered with her finding happiness in life. Elizabeth had always dreamed of being on stage, but held herself back because of her social anxiety. Elizabeth was able to move beyond social anxiety and she became a public speaker.

2. People-Pleaser. Cathy discovered that the wrinkles that had started to appear in her cheeks indicated she had a lifelong tendency to let her responsibilities weigh on her too heavily. As a result, she had a pattern of depriving herself of what she needed to be happy, trying to please everyone else instead. Cathy committed to changing her life, and she started to allow herself time for pleasurable activities and selfcare. She was amazed to see that the wrinkles in her cheeks disappeared. This is actually a common result: The wrinkles that develop due to limiting beStep Outside Your Story liefs and behaviors actually can go away when you Pulitzer Prize winning poet Philip Schultz recently was interviewed reverse those behaviors! (However, not all wrinkles about his struggle with dyslexia as a child. He talked about how liberating it are bad; some are good signs.) was to finally discover that it was not his fault—that it was due to a problem in his brain. It was this realization that empowered him to finally learn to read.

3. Highly Sensitive Person. Bob was astonished to learn that “When someone gives you the opportunity to step the shape of his nose revealed his highly sensitive nature and outside of your current reality, it changes the story his struggles with feeling overyou’ve been telling yourself. It can change the entire whelmed by other people’s energy. course of your life.”

As a result, he felt he had to hold himself apart from others and was So how can you discover ways to step outside the story you’ve been living a lonely, single life. Through Chinese face telling yourself, and change your life forever? reading, Bob learned how to turn his sensitivity into a strength. By managing these sensations, he was The Wisdom of Your Face: able to get close to others and find his soul mate.

Chinese face reading, an ancient branch of Chinese medicine that reveals someone’s inner nature, is one way that many people have huge “Aha!” Sometimes you can become so moments. It teaches them that their true nature is reflected in the features of immersed in your story that you their face. During the process, they learn that these features explain the story don’t even know you’re limiting they’re telling themselves that keeps them locked in their current reality.

Originating over 3,000 years ago in China, face reading is a proyourself with the tale it weaves. found and powerful way to understand who you really are, why you’ve been telling yourself such a limiting story, and how you can break free. Consider the You were born with a unique inner design, following three true examples: a beautifully intricate pattern that shows your great-

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est potential; however, it also inclines you toward beliefs and perceptions that create that story you’ve been telling yourself. When you can learn to read your own personal design in the features of your face, you get a gift—the opportunity to step outside of your old story. And with that heightened awareness, you can take advantage of those 90 seconds to spot a pattern and choose a more supportive thought, emotion or belief.

••••••••••••••••••

Jean Haner, the author of The Wisdom of Your Face and The Wisdom of Your Child’s Face, teaches and consults internationally about powerful techniques to “read” people’s true nature. With her 25-year background in ancient Chinese principles of balance and

health, Jean places an emphasis on compassionate and affirming ways for people to look with love at everyone in their lives, including that reflection in the mirror. Jean married into a Chinese family 30 years ago and first learned face reading from her very traditional mother-in-law. She went on to study the deeper foundations of face reading with many teachers over the years and is well known for providing grounded, practical advice/interpretations. Learn more at www.wisdomofyourface.com or you can listen to a free mini-workshop at: www.wisdomofyourface.com/store/workshops/2012stpete. © 2012 Jean Haner

Healthy Living

Christina Captain, DOM, AP, SLP, FSC is a board certified acupuncture physician and the founder of The Family Healing Center. She earned her degree in Acupuncture & Oriental Medicine from the East West College of Natural Medicine, Sarasota, Florida, where she is now a senior faculty member and advisory board chairperson. Christina received additional training in acupuncture injection therapy and earned a Masters degree in Speech Language Pathology and Communication Disorders and is an expert Feng Shui practitioner and teacher.

ful ceremony and celebration I have been lucky enough to take part in. Being present during this expression of love was a privilege and a New Year’s gift I will cherish always. Even in the recollection of the event, I find myself becoming emotional because moments such as this happen only once in a lifetime.

In my opinion, being “present” is a concept that is totally underutilized. What does being present mean? Simply, it is being in the now moment, becoming aware of what is occurring right now. The opposite is illustrated in the example of driving home after work pulling into your driveway and having no recollection of the events leading up to that moment. Another would be the phone call from the person who you tune out. He is talking and you are not present, so when that person tells you he just received a cancer diagnosis you respond with something like “uh huh,” “yeah,” or “great.”

••••••••••••••••••

Being present to all things even if they are uncomfortable or distressing is the greatest teacher of all.

February, the month in which we celebrate love! The time when we look to appreciate the love we have and what love we may be missing in our lives. As a healthcare practitioner, I have long believed that true, and complete healing requires an individual to have a love of self. I continue to subscribe to this belief. I now also understand that authentic, deep, and lasting healing must include the love of others. It is in the expression of our ability to love ourselves that we can honestly love others in a meaningful, authentic, and lasting way. Becoming present to this concept is at the foundation of healing.

On New Year’s Day I was lucky enough to participate in one of the most authentic expressions of love I have ever witnessed. It was even in the recollection of the event I find myself becoming emotional. Events such as this happen only once in a lifetime, the synchronicity of a love between two people being shared with a congregation that expressed the same if not greater love for the couple. A blending of energy so great and encompassing it was palpable and at moments overwhelming.

Completely non-traditional yet the most endearing and meaning-

Personal growth can be achieved through this kind of practice. Just as we practice yoga, meditation, and medicine— we must practice being present. Unraveling the past (including physical and emotional “dis-ease”) by becoming present to the now is the key to all authentic healing.

Becoming Present to L

This Valentine’s Day instead of overindulging in chocolate, practice becoming present to love.

Being present to the love of yourself and the love you share with others will be the greatest gift you can give.

This has been a message from the Captain’s Compass, providing direction for optimal living.

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Love

By Jo Mooy It was 1984 when Tina Turner first asked “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” in a song. Ever since I first heard it, this question has colored the world that I see, and it’s become a pseudo-mantra in raising my own consciousness. When confronting any challenge, life change, large or minor life situation, the mantra What’s Love Got To Do With It? puts a spin on the event that begs for more careful examination of what’s being observed.

While the song highlights the physical, emotional, and mental experiences associated with love, other aspects of love are alluded to. For, as the lyrics proclaim, “it means more than that.”

Philosophers, scientists, chemists, biologists, and mystics all interpret love from the lens of their focus. They say: Love is a chemical reaction in the brain; love is an emotional sensation; love is a religious experience; love is a magnetic energy field; love is God. From each perspective they’re all correct. But sometimes love can’t be defined in scientific or metaphysical terms. In fact, when we see the effect it can have on humans or animals those definitions are useless. What’s love got to do with those definitions? A whole lot more!

Worldwide, there are countless stories of compassionate caring and loyalty between species and within the same species. Recently, an Internet video with over two million hits showed a remarkable dog in Chile pulling its injured “friend” out of the way of four lanes of oncoming cars after the friend had been hit on the highway. After the tsunami in Japan, a Springer Spaniel stayed by the side of its injured companion for days, refusing to leave it even when rescuers arrived. Soldiers who have been away for years in Iraq or Afghanistan return home to find their loyal hounds overjoyed in welcoming them back. One video with over 10 million hits shows a soldier arriving home from Kandahar, his duffel bags on the grass, as Gracie his Golden Retriever hears his voice, rushes from the house, circles around him, and slobbers kisses all over him until the film runs out.

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During a recent Women’s Meditation in Sarasota, my friend Joy, whose name personifies that which she is, had tears running down her cheeks. She had so identified with the words of the meditation leader that her heart opened up and spilled out what she called “crystal tears.”

She said, she was not crying, rather she was filled with awe, with connection and such beautiful union. What’s love got to do with that? Everything! But love still “means more than that.”

Love is a quality that’s beyond the physical, emotional, or mental ideas.

Love is an ideal. It’s a force in life that creates an energetic bond between beings. This force binds us together through loyalty, love, memory, and friendship in a common compact. It causes us to risk our lives to save a stranger by rushing into burning buildings, forging raging rivers, or standing in front of a shooter. This love, which is selfless and unconditional, is the perfection of what we can become.

On this second month of 2012, we celebrate Valentine’s Day, a day dedicated to Love. Future generations may look back and ask what really happened in 2012.

They may find that Love had everything to do with 2012. In the new world dawning perhaps every day will be a day dedicated to Love. What a legacy to leave the earth.

••••••••••••

For more information contact: Jo Mooy at 941-355-1414 or www.starsoundings.com

Presence

By Sheri Rosenthal Recently, several people in my life passed away quite quickly— weeks after being initially diagnosed with their conditions. The rapidness of their decline was a bit shocking and certainly eye-opening. For me, when people’s lives are cut short so suddenly and without warning it makes me take a step back and reevaluate where I am in my life.

It’s easy to get caught up in our everyday activities and lose perspective about what is most important in life.

For me, I feel blessed to have wonderful people in my life who I love and they are top on my list. At the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter what you do (that may be long forgotten). What is important is who you have loved and if you have added grace to their lives. Of course it is possible to do many good works in the world, but if you do those good deeds without touching hearts, I feel that is falling short of one’s purpose.

By purpose I don’t mean a “pie-in-the-sky” idea of what your ultimate mission is on earth. I know so many folks abusing themselves with that notion, not knowing what it is they “should” be doing in life. No—I am talking about the deeper purpose that is common to all of us – to love openly and boldly.

Honestly, I still don’t know what my ultimate job purpose is. That keeps changing and evolving, surprising me at every turn. Instead of seeing that as frustrating, I now see it as the way life works, a constant opportunity for expansion and a deeper understanding of myself. Even if I lived 100 years and accomplished everything I wanted to, I still would not have crossed off everything on my bucket list.

So instead, my satisfaction in life is now centered on how I love and the grace I can add to the lives of others. Another way of saying this is, being in service to life. That changed everything for me, removing all the

anxiety I felt about not being able to do all the things I wanted to do before I died.

So when people pass away suddenly in my life I simply check in and ask myself did I do my best today to love all the people with whom I came into contact? Did I bring a smile to the table? Did my conversation uplift them? Was I fully present during my interaction? If I can answer yes to these questions, then I am living my purpose. An additional benefit of thinking this way is that it takes my focus away from doing and places it on being—a great exercise for me since I am normally “Miss Action Girl.”

So here’s an exercise you can do this week:

Put your focus on how you show up for others, how present you are, and how big your love is.

At the end of each day give yourself a score from 1-10 on how much love you put out that day and how much grace you added to the lives of others. At the end of 7 days add up your score. You might be surprised at what you come up with. So, don’t wait until the Angel of Death comes knocking on your door to know the true purpose of life. Here’s your chance to live that purpose in every moment, love boldly and with all your integrity!

•••••••••••••

Sheri Rosenthal DPM is a master Toltec teacher and author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Toltec Wisdom and Banish Mind Spam!. Having trained with don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements®, she currently takes students on spiritual journeys www.journeysofthespirit.com works with personal apprentices and enjoys being extremely happy. You can reach her at info@sherirosenthal.com or www.sherirosenthal.com and www.withforgiveness.com.

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Reflection

Loneliness vs.Connectedness

By Dr. Bob Reck

Many people comment to me about the loneliness they face at this time of year—actually, from Thanksgiving through Valentine’s Day—perhaps because their feelings and emotions stand in juxtaposition to the joy and connectedness we’re supposed to feel with friends and family in this seasonal period. Television and other media do a disservice to aloneness, putting emphasis on social connections, and usually ignoring the learning and evolving that takes place in ”lonely” moments.

We know what causes feelings of loneliness, and the attendant lower vibrational energy that can seem consuming. Loss of a loved one tops the list; however, rejection also is a valid cause. Being separated from a person or place cherished adds in, as does regret over choices we’ve made that didn’t work out the way we wished yet that brought us to this time and place.

I’d add several more to this list of things that amplify our feelings of aloneness: failure to forgive leaves us carrying the burden of low vibes on a daily basis, feelings made more evident in a pensive moment stimulated by the holidays. Another is failure to be thankful—to express gratitude; we know that thankful people, even those in far worse stations of life than we, are happier and have a much higher probability of resolving their life issues. The last is a failure to love—knocking down the barriers and rules we’ve built so we can allow ourselves permission to love others.

Students of Abraham (Esther and Jerry Hicks) and the Law of Attraction know that by dwelling on an emotion we don’t want [e.g., lonely] we bring exactly those vibrations into our life. So we shouldn’t go around thinking, ”I don’t want to be lonely.”

Here are some observations about loneliness, especially from a spiritual point of view, that put a more positive spin on the solitude we find in our lives:

Loneliness is an indispensable emotion in that it leads us down and into ourselves.

It gives us the opportunity to brood not about a solitary endless night, but rather to examine and reflect on our life and actions, and the relation of our life to the spiritual principles and laws we’ve learned about. Sure we could bury ourselves in remorse or withdrawal; however, we can direct our thoughts to a higher purpose and learn and evolve in the process.

Jim Pike, the Episcopal Bishop of San Francisco years ago, wrote: “We are meant to have some life with our self and there is a kind of loneliness that besieges us if we are denied it.” We need a hermitage, at least symbolically—a place (in our thoughts) where we can go and reflect. This is part of and a source of our personal and spiritual growth.

Sure we have our outer companions, but we need to cultivate our ”inner life,” to develop balance and our inner resources and riches, to develop great comfort with being only with oneself. I think of the magnificent journey Nelson Mandela cites during his alone time in prison; instead of a sad indwelling, his time was an enriching and uplifting event of self-study and planning.

There are some times to bask in your aloneness when the time spent can be a great benefit. First, after a moment of great joy a time of reflection is needed, not to balance the joy with a negative emotion but to internalize the magnificence of the moment. Think of it as the silence that lovers experience after an ecstatic moment, a silence that turns the shared moment into a deep and enriching experience.

In such reflection, I believe we raise the vibrational energy of the experience and our surrounding emotions. Turn the joy into a spiritual experience by such thinking.

Second, aloneness seems to be a requirement after a bad experience, especially to lick one’s wounds rather than rush forward with some sense of false reassurance. This time focuses not on anger or denial or guilt, but rather on the les-

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sons to be learned. Reflect not on how the universe is out to get you, but on how you are provided a learning experience, an opportunity to reverse karma, and an opportunity to change.

Third, being alone helps us thread our way through or around the complex problems life deals us. This is the time for creativity to come into play. Creativity has its roots not in intense activity but in our moments of being alone and aware.

So in your alone moments—even when you’re alone in the company of others—turn yourself into a laboratory where you take those lonely moments and turn them into a significant event. Alone is not an emergency, but an opportunity, a time when you can take an ache and turn it into a lesson, a time where you can turn a downtime into emotions of love, both uttered and unexpressed.

••••••••••

Dr. Bob Reck is a semi-retired international management consultant and executive coach from Sarasota. He has consulted to many of the largest firms helping them migrate through large-scale change, taught at several New England colleges, lived and worked in Europe, became a commercial pilot, and most recent a non-denominational minister and counselor. He invites comments and commentary on his articles. Contact Bob at bobreck@aol.com.

Out Your ego! . . . and wake up to who you really are

ego PREACHES Spirit SHARES

by Staci Backauskas When I first started down the path of discovering who I am, I was so excited about what I was learning that I absorbed knowledge from others and inhaled information in spiritual books without understanding the need to process it. I didn’t realize that application of said knowledge and information was essential to truly “knowing” it.

In my verve and desire to have everyone around me be on the same page, I spoke frequently about what I had learned. The diatribes were lengthy, and I would get upset when someone didn’t capitulate or at least appear to be open to this new information. I kept doing it though, because ego had me convinced that somehow I was “better” since I possessed information others did not.

Most of my friends and family were patient. But not everyone appreciated my pulpit. I alienated some with what I saw as my passion, which was merely a disguise for the fear that if everyone didn’t know what I did, I would end up alone.

As I continued on my journey, I became aware of the self-righteous energy I imparted with each nugget of knowledge. I felt it, and it

wasn’t peaceful. It took time, but I gradually changed my behavior, allowing whatever information I was passing on to land wherever it would be of the highest value.

The energy of preaching contains a hierarchy—I know more than you; therefore I’m better. Sometimes what is intended as sharing, which feels supportive and inclusive, is really preaching. The best way to tell the difference is to observe how you’re feeling.

Not all preaching occurs on a soap box. It can happen while sitting on the sofa talking to a friend, speaking with a co-worker, or lying in bed with your partner. The key is to examine how invested you are in your point of view.

The bigger the investment, the more likely you’re preaching at some level. Recognizing how deeply you’re vested in being right is a great opportunity to examine why, and then release it.

What and to whom are you preaching?

•••••••••••••••

Staci B brings Light, Love & Laughter - the three key ingredients to knowing who you really are- to everything she does.

From writing books and teaching classes to working with individuals and performing, everything she does supports the desire to know who you really are. You can find her at Enchanted Spirits in Dunedin or on-air hosting her radio show on GSHRadio.com every Wednesday at 4 pm. For more information or to connect with her, visit www.StaciB.com.

Reflections The very essence of LOVE is bigger than the word itself. LOVE takes down barriers, ends fights, saves, creates, and changes lives. It forgives, motivates movements, stimulates the desire to help others, invents, entertains, and inspires.

Ricky Roberts III is the author of three books, an internet-radio host, youth advocate, inspirational speaker, and founder of YOU ARE VALUED, an organization devoted to promoting the value of the individual. His volunteer work includes Life Rolls On – a surfing program for individuals with spinal cord injuries and Surfing for Autism – a surfing program for individuals and families affected by autism. Ricky resides in St. Petersburg, Florida with his wife and their two dogs. www.rickyrobertsiii.com

•••••••••••••••••• Reflections on Love...

LOVE is a word that is best used by many to define a strong passion, admiration, and devotion to something or someone. To many, it is referred to as a religion or absolute connection to God. LOVE has been expressed in the form of dance, poetry, story, movies, cartoons, art, and song. No matter how much it is talked about or written about, these attempts still fall short in articulating the fullness of what it is. My attempt is just the same.

If you take away the luxuries of our modern world, the money we make, the jobs we uphold, the houses we live in, and the buildings we worship in, we still will have LOVE. Although there are many ways to express and experience LOVE, it is a universal truth that is understood by all people of all places, on one level or another. Love is the force that moves us. It is the very essence of our creation and is the connection to the divinity in who we are. LOVE is the ultimate reason why we are here at all, and it can never be fully expressed in any one means of communication, or combination thereof, that man/ woman has created. Either way, as humans we will continue for the rest of our time to communicate what we are: LOVE… We are it and it is us.

Blessings- Ricky Roberts III

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Marcia began her career as a school teacher, working with preschool through inner city high school students. She has worked with all aspects of Metaphysics for over 40 years and specializes in Tarot and Numerology. Marcia’s clients and students are in every state and throughout Europe. Marcia has taught over 400 students to “read” the Tarot for the purpose of self-guidance and to use the powerful symbolism of the Tarot to reach higher levels of spirituality.

Her column, Spiritually Speaking, originally ran for 8 years in Attitudes Magazine in the Sarasota area. Email marlou2000@aol.com

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Soul Mates: Myth or Reality?

February is the month when we think of Valentine’s Day. February 14 is a day of hearts and flowers for many involved in an intimate love relationship. It’s also a day of feeling unloved and unwanted for those spending this date—designated for love and lovers—alone. Indeed, I consult the tool of the Tarot most often in my counseling practice for questions about love and relationships—with inquiries about soul mates being among the first asked.

The search for a “soul mate” seems to be one that knows no limits. It doesn’t seem a question asked by any one sex or age group, but rather a question asked by almost everyone. People are worried that they will never find their soul mate, that they have already had a failed relationship with their soul mate, or even that they will not recognize their soul mate when they meet him or her.

It is my belief, from personal experience as well as years of metaphysical study, that there is more than one “soul mate” in the course of a person’s lifetime.

We are not always fond of hearing this, especially if we have had a negative love relationship. In all honesty, who among us has not had at least one bad union? There are Karmic reasons for two people coming together and there are many lessons to be learned. We, as humans in a physical body, simply cannot comprehend all of the teachings and reasons for our interaction with another person, be it a lover, parent, sibling, business partner, friend, etc. Books could be filled with examples of “why” two souls are brought together, but I will limit myself to one simple example that will relate to most readers.

Two people meet and fall in love; sometimes lust that is mistaken for love would be a better description of the event.

They marry, or simply live together, and from the beginning it is evident that they are not well matched and do not fulfill the needs

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of each other. However, during this time together a child is conceived, or maybe more than one child. Sometimes the relationship ends quickly; often it lingers and limps along for years, causing misery and unhappiness to the parties involved. Ultimately, it ends when the lessons have been learned and the pain is more than can be tolerated. Both go their separate ways, often to meet another person and to have a wonderful, committed, long-term relationship. The child/children, the souls who were karmically connected to both of these people, have been reincarnated and will continue to interact with each of them, even though the couple has split. Perhaps the joint karma of both was simply to bring the child/children into their individual karma in this lifetime.

For most of us, love relationships are one of the most important experiences of our lives. Notice I have used a plural on the end of relationship, as the majority of people have more than one love relationship in the course of a lifetime. The human personality is so very complex, and these love relationships are among the most difficult and demanding “tasks and learning lessons” that people undertake in an incarnation. Many of these relationships stem from past lifetimes and former karma and karmic lessons that were NOT completed, as we get another opportunity to “get it right.”

Like the individuals involved, relationships are living, changing with experiences that constantly challenge us to understand, adjust, and regenerate. A relationship is a partnership, and we need to understand ourselves before we can ever understand another person and create a united partnership. Understanding SELF is a very complicated process and one that takes a lifetime, perhaps many lifetimes, to achieve.

There are two main aspects of character that must be understood and eliminated to be receptive to love and love relationships. They are low self-worth and fear. Many people, consciously or subconsciously, feel that they are not worthy of a healthy and long-lasting love relationship. Whether these feelings stem from a childhood trauma of being rejected or told that we are not worthy of love or just from destructive past relationships, if we feel that we are not worthy of love we are apt to build a protective wall around ourselves that prevents healthy love relationships.

Fear goes hand in hand with low self-esteem. Fear of rejection is a given, but the biggest fear is the fear of commitment. It is a huge responsibility to be committed to another person, to have one’s own life intertwined with theirs. It is easy and wonderful when things are good and positive, but not so pleasant when things are not going smoothly. It would be ideal if life and love were always joyful and happy, but life and life’s lessons cannot always be perfect.

The poet and philosopher Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931) wisely wrote: “You cannot have joy without sorrow, pleasure without pain, laughter without tears. They are inseparable.”

A commitment to another means unconditional acceptance of the shadows that often block out the sun.

There is no way of knowing for certain, nor should we want to know, how long a relationship will last because there is

no pre-ordained time span with relationships. We can find one of our “soul mates” during our teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and even later in life. It is wonderful to know that love can strike at any time. One of the saddest things I’ve seen in relationships is when someone settles for less than what will cause him or her to feel fulfilled, simply because he or she does not want to be alone, believes he or she is getting too old, and believes that any relationship is better than NO relationship. We cannot really love another until we learn to love ourselves and to understand and honor our own innermost needs and desires.

Every relationship experience has its benefits. Even negative relationships have taught us valuable lessons. Relationships are real; they are not mythical situations that are created by romance novels and romantic movies. Only in books and movies can a partner be perfect. Humans are not perfect, and we must love someone enough and be committed enough to accept

the imperfections in our loved ones, as they must accept ours. If we cannot do this we must realize that no matter how much we love the person, he or she is not the right person for a long-term, committed relationship.

I hope this Valentine’s Day finds you with someone you love, but if you are alone on February 14, remember that love can strike at any time, often when it is least expected. Spend some time in self-evaluation and think about what you REALLY desire in a mate. Offer it up to the Universe and be open to the miracle of love! You never know when your next “soul mate” will enter your life!

And remember that Knowledge is the Greatest Power, so Walk in the Light.

Spirituality

Marla Sanderson has been a student of spiritual practice for more than 35 years. She began as Assistant Director of The Next Step, a psychic and spiritual community in a New Mexico ghost town. As workshop leader, teacher, practitioner, and minister, she has led relationship and personal growth workshops, taught psychic development and meditation, Living Love, and the Science of Mind. Marla is available for workshops and speaking engagements. She recently founded the New Thought Center for Creative Living at the Unity Peace Cottage in Clearwater (see ad ). Attend the Mid-Week Faith Lift service, Wednesdays at 7pm. www.newthoughtctr.org

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LOOKING FOR LOVE

Are you looking for love in all the right places? You can find it in the dictionary somewhere between loser and lucky.

Oh, you want more? We usually seek love “out there”—a person who will be our life mate—or maybe we want love from our parents or children, friends, or associates. When you’re looking for someone to love you, you’re not dealing with love at all.

You’re focused on the object and what that will do for you. That approach doesn’t work very well.

When we’re young, we value appearance. Is he/she cute enough? Do they have all the right parts in the right places?

I once had a friend who said she didn’t like a guy because he had a “funny back of the head.” As we mature, we find personality and charm more appealing—how someone handles him or herself in a situation. Or, maybe it’s about money and power. For the perfectionists, it might be whether he folds his socks right or even at all; how she deals with wait people or store clerks; if he leaves

the seat up or down...The list goes on and on.

Obviously, you find some people more lovable than others and you certainly have the right to pick and choose. However, even if you find that person who meets your standards, a relationship built on externals will not bring love. Being in a romantic relationship has its challenges, and living with another person has even more. If you value the relationship, you need to stop doing the things that get in the way of the expression of love. Can you love without judgment? Can you love without expectation? Can you love first and ask questions later?

What stops you from expressing love more freely? For starters, there’s fear of rejection, impossible expectations, perfectionist standards, fear of getting hurt, needing approval, acceptance and appreciation, needing to be right…hmmm. I could go on, but at some point, you just have to be willing to let go of all that stuff and start loving.

I know it can be hard to do when you feel vulnerable, but when you’re critical of yourself what do you project? Yep, criticism. When you judge yourself, what do you put out? Yep, judgment. When your self-concept is a mess, what do you attract? Yep, another mess. But when you love yourself in spite of your “faults,” it’s easier to extend your love to others.

In fact, when you feel good about yourself, you can feel confident even if you don’t live up to someone else’s expectations. You don’t have to react with fear, anger, hurt, embarrassment, and all those other feelings that wreck the moment. When you don’t need anyone’s validation, there’s no need to attack or retreat.

All the love you could ever want is there inside you. You only need to let it out.

This may not be news, but it’s still true. Love isn’t a commodity to be traded. It’s the nature of the Divine within you, so it’s your basic nature too. In order to experience it, you express it. The more you do, the better you feel.

People are attracted to that.

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Dr ZZ: Any woman can beat a man down; few are capable of encouraging him to build himself up. Consequently, a large number of men have become angry in the midst of the feminist movement and find themselves at odds with the female gender.

The healing of this is an inside job. Regardless of the external packaging, each of us is part-man and part-woman. Therefore, we have to learn to forgive both genders.

Dr. ZZ’s bold, upfront, directive style plays an inspirational role in the lives of people she touches. Drawing on a non-traditional Ph.D. in counseling and natural healing, ZZ works in Sarasota with shaman elder Jack Alexander (“Golden Feather”), who offers land blessings, shamanic training, Life Purpose readings, and all-faith, community-based spiritual guidance. This forum proposes potential solutions on health, emotional, and personal matters. For more, see www.shaman.mosaicglobe.com.

••••••••••••••••• Question: Last week, I read my teenage daughter’s diary. Now I know all kinds of stuff I wish I didn’t, mostly about her sex life. I am shocked at how mature she is. I still think of her as a child and can’t imagine her carrying on this way with boys her own age. If I tell her I read her diary, she’ll be furious and she probably won’t listen to me. But if I don’t tell her, I have no grounds to confront her and voice my concerns. Please help. I am beside myself and have no idea how to handle a situation like this so that it doesn’t get out of hand.

Dr. ZZ: Young people today are a lot less naive than kids were in previous generations. Many teens are having sex without being prepared for the potential physical and emotional consequences.

Nevertheless, I wouldn’t advise telling your daughter that you read her diary. The breech of confidence is apt to demolish her trust in you and alienate her to the point of shutting you out of her life even more than she already has. The goal of parenting is not to confront, but to be so close and supportive of your children that they feel comfortable telling you the very things your daughter is writing in her diary. My advice is that you stay out of her room and, unless she asks for your counsel, don’t give it. You may want to make some literature on teen sex available throughout the house and approach your daughter from the viewpoint of what you have read in magazines. Unless she decides to fill you in on the details of her sex life herself, it’s none of your business.

Strive to be a buddy, not a bodyguard.

Question: I have a huge amount of pent-up anger towards women. Ever since high school, I’ve been angered by the hypocrisy, mind-games and double standards I’ve perceived from my female peers. I’ve always felt generally ignored and lookeddown upon by women and had very few girlfriends. Typically, I’ve ended up feeling that they’ve treated me badly. I have an overwhelming wish to just find a woman with whom I can share my affection, but I now find certain stereotypical “female” attributes to be contemptible. I just want to broadcast my anger to the largest number of women possible so I can tell them ALL how I feel, and how angry, and how disappointed I am in them. I’m sure there’s no simple solution, but I thought I’d ask your advice.

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The positive purpose of anger is to motivate change within oneself. Every time we point a finger at someone else, three fingers point back at us. In such instances, it is best to identify where it is you give up your own power and work gently toward maintaining that boundary. With such an approach, you would stand a better chance at relating to women on the level of affection that you desire.

The important detail to remember is: “Spot it, you got it.” Let that be your guiding principle. Whatever you find so disturbing says something about aspects that you are uncomfortable with within yourself.

Question: According to “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,” men look for beauty in a woman, and women look for security in a man. In this respect, my husband and I have exchanged roles: he is the handsome one, and I am the provider.

This makes for a steamy sexual relationship, but when it comes to paying the bills, we have trouble. I often feel more like his mother than his wife. Is there any hope for a man in his forties who hasn’t yet matured financially?

Dr. ZZ: Men are from Earth and women are from Earth; you might as well face it. Men value themselves for doing a job well, and women look to men to give them what they want. A woman’s influence over her mate comes through her understanding of the male libido since, for all intents and purposes, a man in lust is a man in a state of hypnosis. If you and your hubby continue to feel passionate for each other, you stand a running chance. There’s hardly any behavioral request a man won’t be willing to attempt in exchange for attention, affection, and appreciation. Stay focused on the positive, and your husband may be trainable. Make precise requests that he can follow, resist the urge to teach or preach, dote on him for sincere attempts to accomplish, and the two of you should be able to keep moving forward. Meanwhile, if you and he would care to pursue this further, please contact me by e-mail and we can delineate more precisely a mutually satisfying “co-training cycle.”

Disclaimer: All information provided in this article is intended as general information only and is not to be misconstrued as medical or psychological advice, or as diagnosis, treatment or cure for any condition or ailment. Send queries or comments to askDrZZ@yahoo.com. All identifying information is kept strictly confidential.

Randy owns Triple 3 Marketing based in Sarasota. He’s a long term advocate for positive change having owned a couple community magazines since 1999. Randy sold Positive Change Media in April 2009 and took a year off before launching Triple 3 Marketing. In addition to helping business owners, he also provides private coaching. Randy has a masters degree in communication arts from the University of Wisconsin at Madison where he studied persuasion and attitude change. Contact Randy at randy@triple3marketing.com.

•••••••••••••••••• The Word Love

I love the word love. Just hearing or reading the word slows me down enough to consider a few questions. What kind of love? Love for whom or what? How much love and why? The answers to these questions are what give the word love so much depth and meaning.

I love Bryan. That’s my son and best friend. Bryan and I share a lot in terms of our values, interests, and politics. We have taught each other many things over the years, and we’ve benefited from each other’s strengths and qualities. Being close doesn’t mean we’re clones.

Our differences add depth to our relationship and that’s something else worth loving.

One of our shared passions is disc golf and throwing a Frisbee at Siesta Key Beach. Bryan is a professional player with Team Discraft and one of the best players in Florida. I’m a recreation player who enjoys playing for fun. I have worked as Bryan’s caddy at various tournaments throughout Florida. One of the other pros has dubbed me his “ca-daddy.”

My son is more than a top player. He’s a class act in how he represents his sport and the business that sponsors him. He’s the Florida state coordinator for the Professional Disc Golf Association (PDGA), and he was a national finalist for the PDGA Rookie of the Year in 2003. Bryan has won many awards in recognition of his skill, his success running local fundraising events, and his generosity hosting clinics for children. I love his passion.

I also love Diego, our 12-year-old puppy. You know you’re special with a nickname like “Dog Face.” Diego’s mom was a pure bred border collie and his dad was a chocolate lab and Aussie shepherd mix. Dog Face is handsome and smart.

I sometimes catch him enjoying one of his favorite television shows when I open the front door. He does his best to act nonchalant while pretending to be interested in one of his toys.

Diego can’t help but giggle when watching comedy shows like The Daily Show and Seinfeld. Dog Boy also enjoys cooking shows like Chopped and The Iron Chef. I accidentally flipped to Fox News once, and that’s the only time Diego growled at the television.

I recently offered to help him set up his own Facebook page. Diego just yawned before begging for a snack. Speaking of treats, one of his favorite pastimes is visiting Pet Smart on Tamiami Trail in south Sarasota. He loves sniffing the various aisles while attracting admiring glances from other dogs and their human friends.

Diego was born to run. Nothing makes him happier than his daily trip to the park to retrieve a perfectly thrown tennis ball.

He has been training Bryan and I how to toss it for more than a decade. He prefers that it lands just in front of his head so he can catch it on the first bounce. We’ve probably thrown him a tennis ball more than 10,000 times. All that running may explain why he looks and lives so young for his age.

I also love my friends.

My dad used to tell me that real success was having five friends who love you unconditionally.

I thought that was silly when I was younger with hundreds of acquaintances. The key word in his wisdom is unconditional. Today, I’m grateful to have several true blue friends.

What I love most about my friends is their originality and wisdom. They are also kind. I cherish the memory of many other people who have touched my life over the years. We may have moved on, but I never forget their unique personalities and the good times we shared.

I also love my work. I’m inspired to be creative and resourceful in supporting other people and organizations with meaningful missions. Organizations like the Sarasota Bay Estuary Program (SBEP), which is dedicated to restoring and protecting Sarasota Bay. I even appreciate the tedious detail work because I know how important little things are to achieving positive results. Attention to detail is one of the keys to success in marketing and many other facets of life.

I also love reading about ancient times. I’ve become an amateur scholar about great battles from reading thousands of pages of history. Much of our shared story entails an exhausting parade of wars and oppression in the pursuit of treasure and power. Within all the gore and stupidity are moments of unbelievable courage and character. Those moments feed me hope about the future of humanity. For me, the story of unknown commoners living courageous lives is more compelling than the drama of insecure kings, queens, and modern day celebrities.

And finally, I love learning and sharing ideas that have the potential to uplift me and others. I look beyond traditional institutions for inspiration. I have more faith in young children, lessons from nature, and my own quiet heart. Speaking of heart, have a wonderful Valentine’s month celebrating you. Who can you surprise in February with an unexpected demonstration of love and appreciation?

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Limitless

By Alan Cohen

raised her hand and posed this dilemma: “I am a Red Cross fundraiser. After a hurricane or flood I swing into action and raise millions of dollars in a short time to aid the victims. Meanwhile I’m struggling with my own finances and I have a hard time paying my rent and other bills each month. Why is that?”

I thought about her situation and told her, “When you know that you deserve to have your rent and bills paid as confidently as you know that the disaster victims deserve to have their needs met, you will raise the funds for your own important needs.”

3. My coaching client Ted has served as a firefighter for 25 years. Recently, he told me that he is retiring and he would like to move with his wife from New Hampshire to Florida. The couple is tired of the cold New Hampshire winters and ready for some sunshine. “We’ve made an arrangement to rent a Florida home for a month this winter,” he told me. “We’d really like to stay for three months,” he admitted.

“Then why don’t you stay for three months?” I had to ask. ”That seems like a lot to ask,” he answered shyly.

I told Ted, “You have been saving people’s lives for 25 years. You’ve courageously burst into burning buildings and rescued adults, children, their pets, and possessions. Many people are more grateful to you than most other people in their lives.

As we proceed into 2012 we must be clear on our vision of who we are, the goals we hold most sacred, and what we deserve. In the Jewish religion, at the outset of the New Year adherents offer each other the blessing, “May you be inscribed in The Book of Life,” meaning, “May you live healthfully and joyfully during the coming year.”

The Book of Life contains a chapter called The Book of Don’t you think someone who has offered Deservingness. Its appropriate blessing might be, “May you know such service deserves to have three months in deep within your soul that you deserve to have all the good things your heart desires.” Abraham-Hicks explains that there are two key the sun—let alone the rest of your life?” elements to achieve any manifestation: desire and deservingness.

When you seek to attain any goal, the channeled collective group “When you put it like that, it makes sense,” Ted reAbraham, suggests that you focus on two questions: “Why do I want plied. “I’ll stretch the one month to three,” he added. this?” and “Why do I deserve this?” When you are clear on those We all have a part of our mind that feels limited to two answers, all the good that is yours will come to you. a one massage only; other people deserve, but not me; one month but not three, we say mentality. To step into our true Here are three true stories from The Book of Dedeservingness, we must question that limit and find reasons for our greater deservingness, reinforced by models of those servingness: 1. I occasionally visit a lovely retreat center, Harbin Hot who are manifesting what we desire and demonstrating that Springs, near Calistoga, CA, where some of the best massages the bigger vision is possible and doable.

Many predictions for 2012 are linked to the Apocaon the planet are generously doled out. I used to go to Harbin for three or four days to renew myself before or after a lecture tour. lypse. While the word has many dark connotations, its literal During that period I would usually sign up for one massage. Soon meaning is “the lifting of the veil,” the drawing aside of the curafter I arrived one day I went to the massage register to record my tain of illusion and the revelation of the greater truth. One of the name in the blank for my massage appointment. Looking through most formidable illusions under which we have suffered is the the schedule of signups, I noticed that one fellow had signed up for illusion of unworthiness. That illusion is written nowhere in the a massage every day for three days. The idea of doing this struck Book of Deservingness. Perhaps we would all do well to take me as a revelation—a person could have a massage three days in that volume from the shelf, dust it off, and give it a good read.

You might just find your name in it. a row if he wanted!

I had never even considered this possibility, since on some subconscious level I considered so much pleasure to be gluttonous or self-indulgent. But when I saw that this fellow had dove into the Alan Cohen is the author of many popular inspirational books, very heart of the pleasure machine, I realized that such an act was including his newly released Enough Already: The Power of doable—and I really wanted to do it too. I gleefully registered for Radical Contentment. Join Alan for his life-transforming Mastery massages three days in a row, and went on to love every minute Training this summer, and on his weekly Hay House Radio show, Get Real. For more information about Alan’s books, programs, of them. I don’t remember that fellow’s name, but if I did I would or his free daily inspirational quotes via e-mail, visit www.alancothank him profusely for serving as a mind stretcher and helping me hen.com, email info@alancohen.com, or phone 808-572-0001. inscribe myself in The Book of Deservingness.

2. I was presenting a seminar on prosperity when a woman

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Change navigating the void

By Annalene Hart This article is a continuation of “Entering the Void” which is available at www.SuncoastTransformation.com.

“Becoming internally empowered shifts a person’s center of gravity from external to internal—a mark of spiritual passage.”—Caroline Myss, Ph.D. “The act of looking at what we love, remembering what we love, connects us delicately to the underground streams we are seeking to reach.”—Julia Cameron Encountering and navigating through the void state demands courage, perseverance, a childlike openness, and vulnerability, as well as an adventuresome spirit. During major life shifts, it can feel as if we have lost our moorings and that we are travelling to an unknown and unchartered territory. Following are some navigational tools to accompany you on the journey: Retreat: Seek solitude and refuge. Slow down to stop and take stock. This is a solo journey and no one else can do it for you. Others can offer solace, guidance, and support—but you hold the ultimate power of choice.

Consciously monitor your link to worldly concerns, diversions, and stressors. These can include reading; watching or listening to the news; and excessive dependence on technological gadgetry such as the Internet, e-mailing, cell phones, iPhones, texting, Facebook, etc. This is a time to unplug from the outer world, if only temporarily, to focus on your inner terrain without distractions. Self-reflection needs solitude and silence, even if it means intermittent swatches of time.

Cultivate a spiritual practice through prayer, contemplation, and sacred time. This will refill the inner well and help you connect to your higher awareness and perspective beyond the small “i”. Some suggested reading: 1. “Illuminata: Thoughts, Prayers, Rites of Passage” by Marianne Williamson 2. “Blessings: Prayers and Declarations for a Heartful Life” by Julia Cameron 3. “Heart Steps: Prayers and Declarations for a Creative Life”

by Julia Cameron Be in nature. Appreciate the beauty of being in a natural setting whether it’s sitting outside, observing your own backyard or gardening; experiencing the aliveness of all your senses in an exquisite landscape; visiting a bird or animal sanctuary, a nature reserve or retreat; taking a walk or run on the beach; communing with a sunrise or taking a sunset cruise; or dancing in the moonlight. Any time spent in nature will calm and replenish you.

Journal your feelings, moods, and inner ramblings.

Hear yourself think. Help clarify your ruffled and fluctuating emotions by expressing them freely on the page.

Honor all your emotions, the good, the bad, and the ugly! Experience the gamut without judgment. Give yourself permission to feel the depth of your emotional landscape. An all-out private, cleansing cry (the gushing tears, slobbering kind) is an excellent release and cathartic. A cautionary note: Venting ones emotions privately does not mean the license to indulge them indiscriminately toward others.

“Unclutter” your environment. Sort through things you no longer use or need. Eliminate and recycle them. This energetic vacuum leaves room for the new to enter.

Connect to what gives you joy and inspires your passion for life, such as listening to music; creating; reading inspirational or devotional writings and poetry; and reading autobiographies or biographical material on people you admire, those who have overcome their own trials and hardships to live out their dreams.

Reclaim your heart’s desires: those interests and activities that have motivated, enlivened, and sparked your enthusiasm in the past. How have you settled by abandoning the dreams of your youth that were put on hold indefinitely? Have you shortchanged your innate gifts and talents? What small steps can you take to revive these dreams and encourage their fulfillment?

Pay attention and stay attuned to your inner voice of wisdom—your intuition. It will be your beacon, your guiding star within.

Remember your dreams on awakening for they will undoubtedly contain messages and signposts for you. Keep a dream journal. If certain dream images and symbols keep reappearing, make a note of them, for they hold information and guidance. Your dreams can be a source of hope, promise, renewal, and revelation for you.

Surround yourself with a loving support system of family, friends, mentors, and professionals, such as therapists, counselors, medical practitioners, etc. They can be a good sounding board of support, compassion, and counsel—and they can assist you to ascertain your new direction.

Reassess your top priorities and values. Reacquaint yourself with who you are becoming. How have your values and needs changed from your 20s, 30s, 40s, etc.? What are you no longer willing to tolerate or compromise in the next phase of your life?

Practice kind and gentle self-talk and self-care. Refrain from harsh self-judgments and criticisms. Make time to nourish, nurture, and pamper yourself. It’s probably long overdue! Provide yourself with patient self-compassion during this process of a major life transition. Trust that this transformational phase is leading you where you need to go with your soul as the prime navigator.

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Annalene Hart is a Life Mastery and Creativity Coach. She facilitates self-expression classes for teens and adults. She also creates whimsical soul portraits by commission. Visit: http://lightharts. weebly.com or call 941-966-6190.

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Self Love

Craving Love,

Craving Chocolate

By Rena Greenberg

So when you take the time to create an inner state of love, joy, and fulfillment, your inner mind begins to act as if this were indeed true for you. When you radiate love, you begin to attract to yourself the same positive, delightful experiences you do when you are actually falling in love.

You can create a loving state and feeling within yourself by changing both your physiology and your mental focus.

We all crave love. Whether we have a special love in our life or not, many of us seek a deeper, more encompassing love.

Often, we reach for chocolate out of that desire for love—but the chocolate, no matter how comforting, will never satisfy our deeper desires.

To experience deeper, unconditional love, we need to be ready to receive such a love. Ask yourself, “How receptive are you to love?” If your answer is disappointing, realize that you have the power to change that, regardless of any past hurts or doubts concerning true love. To make this inner shift from feeling a lack of love to experiencing an abundance of beauty and bliss, begin by using your imagination.

Create an image of the perfect love— what it feels like, looks like, sounds like, tastes like. Make it real, in full color, enhancing your visual image with sound and feeling. Imagine how you’d breathe (deeply), how you’d look (what you’d be wearing), and how you’d sound if you were already experiencing the perfect love. The key is not imagining someone else out there to fulfill you, but creating the feeling (the vibration) within yourself of that in-love, blissful feeling. What we imagine, we bring toward ourselves.

The subconscious mind does not know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.

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You know how when you hold your body in a slumped position, with your shoulders forward, and breathe in a shallow way, thinking worrisome thoughts, you tend to feel slightly less powerful and optimistic? Well, the opposite is true as well. Watch what happens inside yourself as you breathe deeply and fully, filling your body with life-giving oxygen, stand tall with your chest out, and put a smile on your face. You can’t help but begin to feel positive when you hold this pose! You can enhance that pleasant state and encourage exhilaration within as you couple your erect posture and full belly breathing with images of love and beauty. If there was ever a time when you fell in love, imagine how you felt at that time now.

Remember your wedding day, the birth of a baby, or the happiest time of your life. Use all your senses. Was there a particular song playing in the background? Were there any fragrances that you recall? How bright and vivid were the colors around you? As you stand tall, with your mouth in a full smile from ear to ear, breathing fully and deeply, imagining a time when you were experiencing total bliss, increase your connection to your inner power by visualizing that you are standing in a ball of white or golden, radiant, illuminating light.

Create a simple phrase to make the image even more real for you. For example, “I am love,” or “The perfect love dwells in me.” Remember to continue to bring your awareness to your posture and gently correct it so that it reflects that inner “in-love” state. Give yourself the following challenge. For 24 hours pretend to be this love. Make believe that you are already receiving and experiencing this deep level of love regardless of your five senses telling you otherwise. Act as if it were so and see what happens. It can be very empowering to realize that our outer experience in the world is often a reflection of our inner state. So if we want to improve our outer circumstances and experience deeper levels of connection, love, and beauty, it’s necessary for us to take charge of what’s going on inside ourselves.

With compassion for the stress and concerns we have accumulated in life, we can still very tenderly bring ourselves back to a more desirable state—perhaps similar to the state of love and openness we entered the world with. This can be accomplished with breath, movement, posture, facial expression, and imagery.

What we imagine, we create.

Stop Overindulging

You’ll no longer need to reach for chocolate to experience love and comfort once you make a habit of invoking a loving state within yourself.

Though there is evidence that there are health benefits to be had from eating chocolate—especially dark chocolate— there is also a great danger that indulging in too much chocolate could lead you down a slippery slope. One or two pieces melting in your mouth can be quite satisfying; however, beyond that you could easily find yourself in the throes of sugar addiction and compulsive eating. If you can have a little, then enjoy, but if you mindlessly find yourself overindulging, it’s important to realize that the chocolate is triggering your blood sugar, causing you to spiral into a state of wanting more. This is a physical reaction to the sugar in your body.

When you find yourself bingeing, it’s also very likely that there is a deeper need wanting to be filled.

Return to your love image and phrase. Remember to act as if you actually are already living from the inner state invoked by that illuminating, inspiring image and phrase. If it feels false, remind yourself to fake it until you make it. Your inner mind truly does not know the difference. It is simply responding to your feelings whether they are induced by “outer reality” or the new, more positive “inner reality” that you are conjuring up. In either case, it is this current moment here and now and your reaction to it that will determine your future moments.

Your thoughts and feelings precede and influence all

your actions. Whether you are craving love or craving chocolate, you can affect which direction that desire will lead you toward by selecting your inner state. If you choose love—congratulations!

This choice will make it much more likely that your future moments will be filled with that which you desire. If in this moment, you do not make that higher choice to change your state to one of beauty and bliss, know that the option is always there for you.

It’s never too late to change the inner pictures that we hold.

All you have to do is imagine that it is already so by nourishing yourself with the sights, sounds, feelings, and smells of being happy and in love. Stand tall, put your chest out, and put a smile on your face. Tell yourself the loving phrases you long to hear. Wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself some appreciation and acknowledgement for all that you do and all that you are.

Open to the possibility of your life filled with love and see how your desires manifest the life that you are longing for.

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Rena Greenberg is the author of The Right Weigh: Six Steps to Permanent Weight Loss used by over 100,000 People (Hay House Publishing) and The Craving Cure: Break the Hold Carbs and Sweets Have on Your Life (McGraw-Hill). Rena has a private hypnosis practice in Sarasota and can be reached through her Web site at www.EasyWillpower.com

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