COVER FRONT
cover art | Sydnie Barnette
Contents
10
15
3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 17 18
A Little Spill: Library Floods Parking Lot Spot Stealers Texting Improves English Scores Righting Centre Improves Skillz Monsters Wreak Havoc In Kent Eighth Grader Dresses To Impress Detention Actually Works Mr. Massucci: New Photography Teacher Roosevelt’s Always On Time Monster Attack Continues Larkin-Klinar Conspiracy Everyone Needs Candy Crush A Tale of 22 Kitties Alternative Teen Goes Buddhist RHS L.A.R.P. Guild: State Champs
STAFF Editors-in-Chief - Marc Blanc & Sandra Creech Content Editors - Allison Kridelbaugh & Daniel McIlduff Copy Editors - Aundrea Bishop & Maddie Otterdaughter Layout Editors - Sydnie Barnette & Maddie Otterdaughter Photo Editor- Maddie Otterdaughter
13
Photographers Maddie Otterdaughter Daniel McIlduff Writers Alex Ledet Matthew Sunthimer Kyra Walker LaTessa Gray Matt Lewis Advisor David Massucci
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Colonel of Truth
A Little Spill
The dangers of water bottles story | Matt Lewis photo | Maddie Otterdaughter
T
heodore Roosevelt High School’s library was disasterously flooded by Stewart Blackwood on Friday, May 10th. A catastrophe in which 183 books were destroyed, as well as 13 computers. Throughout the years of working at the contained environment of the student library, the librarians had done their best to keep the area clean and healthy by not letting anyone eat or drink near or around other students while present in the library. Though Betsy Mangin believed in enforcing the rules in the vicinity of the precious books, she was often found guilty of chowing down on a burger, while hovering over her own books, as well as letting certain students eat their lunches inside the library. The day of the incident was a warm sunny day, a little too sunny for comfort, but livable. Stewart Blackwood, a member of the junior class, was roaming around the halls during his lunch period, carrying a cold bottle of Aquafina. As Blackwood entered the library, Mrs. Mangin calmly asked him to not open the bottle, but he quickly ignored her request and went on to open the disastrous bottle of water. The librarian went on thinking
May 2013
nothing about it. As the period progressed, the students slowly became restless from the heat and the danger had quickly escalated to an amount so horrendous that Dennis Love was to be called at any second. By the time Love had reached the library it was too late. In those two minutes it took him to get down to the library, a student had knocked over Blackwood’s open water bottle and it proceeded to engulf the entire library in a flood. The flood started in the right corner of the library, immediately destroying 30 books and soaking four students. After that, the wave crashed into each librarian, knocking them both unconscious and washing them away, and then completely destroying 13 computers. By the end of the ordeal the librarians were drenched in water and furious at Blackwood for bringing the water into the library in the first place. He was suspended for two days following the incident yet continued to bring a bottled water into the library, forcing the librarians now to shiver in fear every time one is opened.
Colonel of Truth
Spot Stealers
4
The parking pandemic gripping Kent story | Sandra Creech photos | Maddie Otterdaughter
Y
ou know when you pay a bucketload of money for something, only to have said
thing taken by someone else? That’s my favorite. Pay and snatch; it’s an unfortunately prominent game in this world, and completely unjustifiable. The
school
charges
$50
for a parking pass at the beginning of the school year. $50 for a window sticker with the school colors and some numbers. Wahoo. The school only sells as many of these extremely reasonably priced
Roosevelt High School’s packed parking lot
stickers as there are parking spaces. So then why is it that so many “stickered” students are without a place to park their cars? Something here just doesn’t add up, and the questionable factor might just be that many parking spots are being used by people without passes, or worse yet, sophomores. Yes, everyone understands that the price for a parking pass is ridiculously steep, but if you want a parking space, you’ve got to pay just like everyone else. Sorry to ask you to climb off your high horse and pay just like the rest of us commoners. And as for being a sophomore, you have your own designated lot. Park there, don’t steal the spots of juniors and seniors. Try passing the tenth grade and then you can graduate to the big kids’ lot. Until then, know your place and park in it.
A meme depicting students’ feelings toward spot stealing
May 2013
5
Colonel of Truth
Texting Improves English Scores Why texting is gr8 story | LaTessa Gray photo | Maddie Otterdaughter
M
ostly everyone texts. It’s probably one of the most common forms of communication today. There is a misconception, however, on it’s effect on your intelligence. It’s very easy to think that when you use text slang, you aren’t getting the benefits you get from proper English. However, a new survey announces that this thought is wrong. “I text, like, all the time!” Lee Blue, a student tells us. “It’s the only way that I talk and I mean I have a C in English so that’s average.” The survey says that over 50% of avid texters are getting at least a C in their English courses. Some even say that their grades heightened after they began texting. “I been texting since bout’ the fourth grade and I don’t see much wrong about it. It helps me speak and write,” Ryan Connel informs us. “I used to have a D in English but now I’m maybe a C.” He isn’t the only one that feels that way. Several students spoke out about their texting usage and how it helped them form sentences and get their points across quickly and effectively. Jean Tessil is one freshman who is infamous for failing her essay on “Why I Love One Direction.” In the essay, she used phrases and acronyms like: ily, bb, omg, tht sux, i hate life, kiss me harry, etc. “That was totally not right, you know? Like I took a long time to write that. Everyone hates me so I’m
May 2013
not surprised that my teacher lied to me like that and failed me. But I text everyday and I have a nice D in the class and my mom doesn’t even care,” she shares laughingly. “I can say things a lot quicker. I can tell people G2G instead of ‘got to go’ and I get my thought across easier and faster. It’s not just a teen thing. I’ll do it when I’m rich and famous.”
The survey concludes that despite all popular belief, texting is beneficial to your health. But the strength of that thesis is still being determined by adults everywhere. “At first I was skeptical,” one parent spoke. “But now I finally understand. I bought me and my daughter iPhones and they are extremely fetch. My daughter has a B in English and I just don’t see things getting any better than that! It’s because of texting. I know it.” We may think that using “LOL” is inappropriate in reality, but it’s quickly becoming the norm that people are happy about. Even English teachers. “I’m not saying we should lower the standards of the English language, but we should definitely incorporate the hip new lingo!” one English teacher states. How far will this go? Who knows. But what we do know is that our world is changing, and we have to as well. Texting is the future.
Colonel of Truth
6
Righting Centre Improves Skillz New groop of tudors prove vary efective story | Allison Kridelbaugh photo | Maddie Otterdaughter
E
ver cents the kent state university righting center righting or for article righting or for book report righting or came to kent Roosevelt high school the results of stu- for speech righting or for book talk righting or for journaling dents grades and there level of righting skillz have to- in your diary righting or for epic poem righting or for vow tally excelled. “Its amazing� said one kid. Righting is righting or for essays to get into college righting or for letter important you need it almost everyday. righting or for short story righting or for romance novel rightKent state comes to the library once and a while to ing or poem righting or for your own righting or for reflective help learn students to right. They come certain hours on cer- righting or for analytical righting or for song lyric righting or tain days so if you want help from college and high school nonfiction righting or murder mystery novel righting or for peers on how to right any type of paper figure it out for when narrative righting or for literal-metaphorical dictation righting their here and go sea them. or technically anything. They even helped me on this article, Students neat huh? f r o m The the high people school w o n t a n d m a k e college fun of h e l p y o u r advise righting the stuat the dents righting on how center to right because there t here p a t here pers by to help giving you and helpful give you hints pointa n d ers on aiding how to t hem fix your (From left to right) The writing tutors that helped write this article, juniors Abbey Thomas, Marisa Polatas and Mylane Bella-Smuts o n r i g ht i n g grammer punctuation format sentence structure layout spell- so you should not be embarrassed if you’re righting basically ing mechanics basically all of it so if you wanted help you sucks because after the teaher people help you it wont suck it should most likely go to the library when those people are here will be the opposite which is not suck. Go to the righting cenbecause its helpful when you have to right an English class pa- ter today!!!!! per or for research paper or for lab right ups or for journalism
May 2013
7
Colonel of Truth
Destruction!
Monsters wreak havoc in downtown Kent story | Daniel McIlduff photos | Daniel McIlduff
D
estruction fell in Kent yesterday when the worst of monster attacks struck. Dale Towns was a bystander who barely escaped. He was ripped from his car and thrown aside only to see the luxury vehicle destroyed. When asked for comments he said, “It was stark how horrible the destruction was. Fire here, explosions there. I was lucky just to make it out alive.” Officers from the Gilead Monster Defense Base didn’t arrive at the scene until three hours after the attacks began. Once in Kent they took down the monsters one by one, causing even more damage to the city. Head of the Base Matt Shallboar said that the long wait was because, “we had to prepare all equipment and call in men and women from various bas-
ings and had this to say: “The mayhem was, like, horrific. It like, crumbled, the building like, crumbled as I was like just getting out. I was, like, totally scared. A brick, like, hit me on the head, and now I like, talk like this.” The building Wentook was trapped in was one of the many on West Main Street that was destroyed. The culprit was a green, large-headed monster that shot flames and lasers, by the name of Paul. The other monsters destroying the city were the octopus-like Ringo, board-shorts-wearing George and the terrible winged monster John. Together they call themselves the Scarabs. All four have been taken to different security detention bases to keep them separated. Ringo was sent to The Gar-
Two of the many monsters wreaking havoc on downtown Kent
es in the western hemisphere. We’ve dealt with one, maybe two at a time, but never four at once before.” This may account for the magnitude of the destruction. No lives were lost in the most recent incident, but 27 were injured, five buildings were flattened and one was covered in a monster’s slime. That leaves a total of 107 people injured and 17 buildings damaged in the last week. Sylvia Wentook escaped one of these destroyed build-
May 2013
den, an underwater prison for the normally calm monsters; George to a secret base in India; Paul to “Wings,” an aircraft prison; and John was sent deep underground to keep him away from his ally in the sky, Lucy who has yet to make an appearance. A squad of trained monster-spotting children has been brought in to make sure there are no monsters left in Kent. The city cannot take another attack.
Colonel of Truth
8
Eighth Grader Dresses to Impress Eighth grader Joshua Newman plans to turn heads when he walks into Roosevelt in August story | Marc Blanc photos | Marc Blanc
J
is
oshua Newman says he has found a style that express-
and shirts that had the word ‘baseball’ on the front. But I’ve fi-
es his “unique, swagged-out personality perfectly” and
nally found a style I feel comfortable with. I’m finally going to be
cool!”
guaranteed
Joshua had
to get him “re-
a twinkle
spect from the
in his eye.
high
school
“ I
kids.”
just don’t After
get
it,”
giving the me-
J o s h u a ’s
dia a tour of his
m o t h -
c l au s t rop h o -
er
bic,
definitely
Newman
not a walk-in
said. “Yes-
closet that con-
terday he’s
tained
many
playing
t-shirts,
Magik: the
he asked the
Gathering
crowd of re-
with
porters to step
good bud-
outside of the
dies while
plain
bedroom.
We
Joshua at the beginning of eighth grade (left) and Joshua at the end of eighth grade (right)
heard much strug-
Linda
his
listening to 95.5 the
gling and hopping coming from behind the closed door. Josh-
Fish, and today he’s dressing like he wants to be on that Teen
ua emerged after five minutes wearing a red polo, a DC flat hat
Mansion and he keeps talking about this ‘MGK’ thing!”
and suffocating black skinny jeans tucked behind gray high-
Joshua’s top high school goal is to acquire a new set of
top sneakers. He wore a pair of Dr. Dre Beats headphones as a
“swaggin’” friends who respect him for his astute fashion sense
necklace.
and opposition to “girls who are ratchet.”
“Just last year I was wearing the same outfit every day,” he told the welter of journalists. “Short athletic shorts, tube socks
May 2013
9
Colonel of Truth
BoyTurns Life Around After Detention Detention actually works story | Kyra Walker photos | Maddie Otterdaughter
I
t was reported that Ryan Mathis has finally changed his
he has decided to change his ways. And this starts with not
ways after 30 consecutive days of in-school for being tar-
being late.
dy. What started out as a few detentions soon became
Mathis has raised his grades up to the “A” average
in-schools. Mathis has finally learned his lesson. He has
range and scheduled for all AP classes next year. How you do
come to over 100 tardies for the whole year, which is a lot
in school starts with being on time and taking your education
when you think about it. We only go to school 180 days out of
seriously. This can go outside of just school to just life in gen-
the year, and he has been late to more than half of them.
eral. When you are late it just looks bad and gives a rough start
If you haven’t heard of in-school before, it is basically
for your day. “It is amazing to me how one little change can
punishment for doing something against the rules. And being
change a whole person,” said numerous teachers. It just takes a
tardy is just at the top of that list. Even when considering all
small step, to make a big change.
the
other
rules. After serving all of those detentions he has
really
turned his life around. “Every day he is there before me, waiting outside my classroom,” said poetry teacher Mrs. White, “which
is
such a sur-
Before detention
prise, but in a good way.” With the end of school coming up
May 2013
After detention
Colonel of Truth
Massucci Takes The Torch
10
Mike McClure retires after 30 years of teaching story | Maddie Otterdaughter photos | David Massucci
A
t the end of the 2012-’13 school year, photography DM: I haven’t really been a photographer. I do have a camera teacher Mike McClure will be retiring after his 30 on my phone–it’s not great though. year career at Kent City Schools and will be replaced TC: What do you think is the most important detail to considwith English teacher David Massucci. Over the past er when you’re shooting? couple of months, the subject of who will be the DM: Black and white or color. replacement photography teacher has been debated and gos- TC: What will your photography classes focus on? siped about, without a conclusive answer–until now. DM: English. Single-point perspective. My photography classUpon the reveal of McClure’s replacement, the Colo- es will emphasize clarity, photobombing, and still life. nel interviewed both McClure and Massucci to find out more: TC: Will you keep film photography, or are you going all digThe Colonel: Why are you retiring? ital? Mike McClure: I’ve been teaching for 30 years and the real rea- DM: We’re going all film. No digital. I’m old school. son is because of State of Ohio teacher retirement changes that Massucci has been an English teacher at Roosevelt for are taking effect July first of this year. That’s the main reason. four years and believes that he is the most qualified for the poTC: Who did you originally want to replace you next year? sition of photography teacher at RHS. Not only does he intend MM: I just wanted somebody who would continue the tra- on keeping the dark room open for business, he’s completely dition that we have, of being public with our work and very removing the digital aspects of the class. “Back to basics,” Maspresent in the community. That’s the main thing, rather than succi calls it. He has already removed the computers from the a specific name. classroom and replaced them with more light tables. TC: How do you feel about Mr. Massucci taking over your When asked if he would leave the current photos on the photography classes? walls of the classroom, Massucci replied, “That’s a fire hazard. MM: Well, I don’t really know his qualifications, but I know All the digital ones will be taken down. I think we’ll just put a that he has a lot of enthusiasm for our program and the stu- few black and white film photogs on the bulletin boards. Their dents in it. I hope that that will be enough to motivate him to first assignment next year will be to tell the story of ‘Beowulf ’ do a good job. through images. Then they’ll handwrite an essay about how TC: Do you their phothink that togs rehis photoglate to the raphy does themes of yours any ‘Beowulf.’” justice? MM: Well Massucci there are a has been few basic accepted things that for the job he’s going of photogPhotographs taken by David Massucci to need to work on, as you’ll see when you raphy teacher for the 2013-’14 school see his work. [Sample photos on page.] Among these are fo- year. After teaching the subject for 30 years, McClure is hesicusing the camera and keeping objects out of the picture that tant to pass the torch on to the English teacher. Whether he’s a are not intended to be in the photo. good fit, that’s for the students to decide. TC: Why did you apply to be the new photography teacher? DM: Because it was open. It was available. TC: How long have you been a photographer?
May 2013
11 Colonel of Truth
Roosevelt Always On Time
Kent high school gains recognition for clock correctness story | Kyra Walker photo | Maddie Otterdaughter
W
hen walking into the Theodore Roosevelt building you can always rely on knowing every clock has the right time. Incorrect clocks were interfering with the children’s education. Every classroom is now equipped with the accurate time. When sitting in class
A clock at the beginning of the day welcomes Roosevelt students with the correct time
listening to teachers lecture for what seems like hours but in reality is only ten minutes, having the correct time is essential. Even when it comes to that time of year when the time changes and you have to move your clocks back, Theodore Roosevelt
May 2013
has always managed to maintain the right time. Even when we have power outages, the clocks have always stayed at the right time. Never has a clock just stopped and stayed at a random time. Over the years, Theodore Roosevelt has been known for this. Thanks to their staff and maintenance they never let a clock go with the wrong time. If a clock happens to not be accurate they do everything they can to fix it immediately. For Roosevelt, this is a big accomplishment. Schools around the Portage County area have had an outbreak of never having the right time. They even had to take days or even a week off, just to get the problem fixed. Studies by the Clocks of America have shown that knowing the correct time has been linked to higher test scores and better grades. Students are more willing to work when knowing when class is over. Theodore Roosevelt has received an award for how they have handled the clocks situation. They received a rating of C+ for overall correctness. This is the highest letter grade you can receive for this. The award reveals that Kent City Schools has strived to maintain clock correctness throughout their school district. Not just for Roosevelt; they have expanded to the whole district. However, this award does not measure how staff/students do with attendance, scores, the district as a while or the education curriculum. Those were not measured, as those categories do not come into play when determining how great a school district is. Schools around the Portage County area are starting to take action to fix this important problem. They have incorporated days where students don’t have school just to make sure this problem can be fixed. The other school districts are working extremely hard to keep up with Kent City Schools, who have made an impact on the Portage County area. Also they even made Channel 8 News, which would be the first time for Roosevelt in general. That may surprise people because it’s not like they are known for anything else.
Colonel of Truth
Week of Terror!
12
Monster attacks continue to devastate Kent story | Daniel McIlduff photo | Daniel McIlduff
O
ver the past four days, monster attacks on Kent
hurtling towards the Earth, causing normally calm and peace-
have exploded in numbers. Our only defense, ac-
ful monsters to act irrationally. Reichbeck Stollsy, a general at
tive and creative kids, have dwindled, causing this
the Gilead Monster Defense Base located overtop Lake Erie,
danger.
says all these causes are possible. “It could be any one of those;
It is a well-documented fact that active and creative children are some of the few in the world that are able to see
I personally believe it is the giant ball of fire and our evidence seems to point in that direction,” she said.
the monsters before an attack. Specialist and veteran monster
Whatever the cause may be, Kent is being destroyed at
tracker, Jimmy Ray, gave us a response as to why it is this way.
a rapid rate. All the city can hope for is that a miracle saves the
“The creative mind allows for the kids to see through the mon-
day before it is too late.
sters’ temporary disguises; the active part just lets them get to an adult and tell them faster.” Ray studied at the famously accredited Rumxer Col-
Safety Tips to Protect Against Monsters 1. Keep a creative child around to watch for the monsters.
lege of Legendary Studies. When asked why there is a sudden
2. Carry an emergency blanket to hide under so you can be
incline of monster attacks, he responded, “The recent decline
unseen by the monsters.
in creative kids is directly responsible for the monster upris-
3. Use the night-lights to repel monsters at night.
ing. Students who make up a majority of Kent’s kids have been
4. Purchase and utilize a stuffed animal for protection.
cooped up in school learning, therefore, all shall return to nor-
5. Always carry spare paint, markers, colored pencils or cray-
mal in a few weeks.”
ons to combat the monsters, for those are their weaknesses.
Backing up this evidence, Billy Rodgestine from Longcoy Elementary School commented, “Is it summer yet? I’m bored. I want a cookie. School is boring.” The phenomenon of monster attacks is in no way something new. In fact, it has been going on for hundreds of years. The first recorded monster attack was in 957 A.D. when Phloceas, a scholar of the time, predicted that monsters didn’t exist. The city of Atlantis has never been seen since that attack. Over the recent years attacks have grown more prevalent. Reasoning behind this has been attributed to standardized testing, technology and the possibility that a giant invisible ball of fire is
May 2013
13 Colonel of Truth
Larkin-KlinarConspiracyInvestigated Are these two Kent Schools higher-ups really one ultra-powerful administrator? story | Marc Blanc and Sydnie Barnette photo | Maddie Otterdaughter
L
ast year was Principal Bob Klinar’s first year at Theodore Roosevelt High School. Many people were excited to meet the new principal, though upon meeting him, many noticed eerie similarities between the “new” principal and old Stanton Middle School principal-turned-assistant superintendent, Tom Larkin. A phenomenon then began in the school year of 2011-2012 known as the “Larkin-Klinar Conspiracy.” Noting that “Larkin” and “Klinar” are spelled with the same letters, anagrams of each other, is what first tipped us off. The fact that the two are rarely seen together was another red flag. When physical appearance comes into the equation, things get very spooky. Both men are caucasian, over six feet tall, have dark hair (in which they use about the same amount of gel) and wear suits. “My first thought was, ‘this is some Illuminati-level [stuff],’” said an anonymous conspiracy theorist. The only visible difference between the two men is a dapple of hair on Klinar’s chin. “It doesn’t even look real. I don’t think it’s really growing out of him,” remarked AP US History teacher Chris Hibbs in regard to the soul patch-- or “flavor-saver--” as he called it. There seems to be much controversy over this blatant difference between Klinar and Larkin. “I think it’s where he gets his powers, you know? It’s like... when he puts the soul patch on, he becomes Klinar. The soul patch is where the magic exists. If the soul patch is destroyed, he goes back to like his natural state, you know? In all actuality he’s like a turtle or some-
May 2013
thing,” said an anonymous radical conspiracy theorist. When asked about the Larkin-Klinar Conspiracy, disciplinary master Dennis Love looked around in a distressed manner before shouting, “No comment,” and scuttling away into the 500s. In an exclusive interview with Klinar, he quickly discredited the conspiracy, laughing it off even, by explaining that he is a Mount Union man while Larkin is a John Carroll graduate. Tensions between sports teams were the only reasoning given to disprove the theory. Klinar, however, later admitted not being able to completely disprove the conspiracy. “I can only provide my own birth records,” he stated. He then explained his enjoyment in the ability to leverage looking like Larkin to get what he wants. Klinar proceeded to describe an instance in which Larkin’s son mistook him for his own father (Larkin) at a football game last year. This is pretty hard-hitting evidence of a shared identity. Meanwhile, “Mr. Larkin” had one thing to say to the conspiracy theorists: “The difference between Mr. Klinar and myself is that I made an intelligent decision and surrounded myself with excellence at John Carroll University... and some people decided not to do that.” When asked directly if he and Mr. Klinar were indeed one entity, he responded with a single ominous question: “Has anyone ever seen us together?” Though the investigation remains inconclusive, Larkin-Klinar “Truthers” continue to seek the real man behind the soul patch.
Colonel of Truth
Everyone Needs Candy Crush
14
A sweet tooth is sweeping the school story | LaTessa Gray photo | Maddie Otterdaughter
W
hile I walk to and from my respective classes, I get a very good glimpse at the people surrounding me. I see their scowls, hear their murmurs of distaste, and can nearly smell the anger radiating off of each of their bodies. The depressing nature of the students around me causes me to reevaluate my own happiness and why it even exists. Then I continue on, smiling with my phone in my hands and my books on the floor while the teens around me flood in their angst. Do you know what my response to that is? They need Candy Crush. If you haven’t played Candy Crush during a class period as opposed to actual work, you’re either stupid or lying. I myself have been a victim for the last year to the cruelty sprouting from my peers in nearly all of my classes for playing the alleged “distraction” during class time. But the truth is, none of these people understand what Candy Crush is and the beautiful mark it can leave on your life forever. Candy Crush is not a disease; it is the cure. Despite the onslaught I receive from my schoolmates and teachers, Candy Crush has made me both healthier and happier. I find myself smiling more and learning lessons of life I would never get from anywhere else. In the game, the objective is to match three of the same types of candies in a row. Just like in life, where we have to try different combinations until we find the solution that works. Candy Crush is not just a metaphor for life. It literally is life. During a certain class, one of my teachers has taken to calling me a “hoodlum” while I play. But do you know what my response to him is? He needs Candy Crush, too. People that have that much inner hostility to spread to someone that is clearly living a life full of happiness needs something to better them, and Candy Crush is the answer to that. If you’re playing the game correctly, the total amount of hours that you should be playing is 12, at least if you purchase the Super Life Pack for $60. That is a lot of candy to move around, and candy becomes less and less appealing.
Since playing, I’ve kicked all of my candy cravings and have replaced them with healthier foods that will help me beat the next level. Not to mention that the portability of the game enables me to do other things at the same time, none of which includes schoolwork. The majority of my time is spent playing Candy Crush and the rest is spent thinking about it. People like to think that I’m insane or obsessed, but the truth is, I’m just doing what makes me happy. Some people get happy by music, others by friendship and some even by drugs. I choose to play a game that consists of blowing up pieces of candy and I don’t expect many to understand in hindsight. However, seeing people suffer through classes, paying attention and doing their work and listening to their teachers makes me want to cry. It is such a waste of time and they aren’t going to get anywhere in life by being productive. The key to success is Candy Crush, and it makes me sad that other people don’t see that. Don’t waste your life away studying and excelling in school, because the only thing that matters is excelling in levels. Don’t spend your time doing homework or writing essays or articles for your school newspaper. Do what makes you happy and healthy. Play Candy Crush.
May 2013
15 Colonel of Truth
A Tale of 22 Kitties
The remarkable story of one teacher’s passion for felines story | Sandra Creech photo | Maddie Otterdaughter
M
David Andrew Massucci, born to Ron and Lausurviving kitten, Snowflake. reen Massucci on December 31, 1975, was raised Housing four cats in a student apartment was no small in Geneva, Ohio with one older brother, one older feat, especially when one such feline was a wee kitten in need sister, one younger sister and the accompaniment of constant attention. But Massucci loved it nonetheless, and of two dogs. In 1994, Massucci graduated from Geneva High for a few months he was content. Yet when Christmas rolled School and in the fall of ’94 started school at Kent State Uni- around the corner in 1995, the kittens in the pet shops with litversity. tle red bows tied around their baby necks proved too tempting, Missing the presence of her son, mother Laureen filled and Massucci adopted an entire litter, as the thought of sepathe void with rating kittens the adoption from their sibof two cats lings was unby the names bearable. of Grace and Holiday George. But time boundbecause of ed with joy, Ron Massucthe addition ci’s extreme of nine new discontent kitties filling with the feline the air with species, LauChristmas reen forfeited cheer. 13 cats both Grace divided Masand George to succi’s attenher son. And tion, though. so began MasHis grades succi’s collecbegan to slip tion of cats at and his famthe ripe old ily worried. age of 18. After an inMastervention in David Massucci stands among his many cats succi adored his mid-February furry friends, who slept in his arms and roamed aimlessly with of 1996, when Massucci’s family threatened to seize custody him across parks. The company was pleasant enough for a col- of his cats if his grades did not improve, he took a dramatic lege student. But the summer after his freshman year, with- turn. His obsession could not control his life, but he would out seminars and classes to attend, Massucci found that the not give up his babies. Massucci realized that a large contricompany was simply not enough. That summer he acquired bution to his problem was that he and his 13 cats all lived in a three-year-old Persian named Fluffy as well as Fluffy’s only a one-room apartment. So he decided to upgrade. Moving to
May 2013
Colonel of Truth
16
coloring page art | Allison Kridelbaugh
a slightly larger apartment only a short commute from the university, Massucci found that conditions had improved. His grades were on the rise and his cats had more freedom. And so it went for the remainder of Massucci’s college years. After grad school at John Carroll University, Massucci decided to reward himself. He missed the constant care that came with owning kittens, so he went to the local animal shelter and adopted three more kittens, varying in ages from six weeks to four months. Finally, it seemed, Massucci had enough cats. The next several years were great, especially 2009, when Massucci landed a job as an English teacher at Theodore Roosevelt High School in Kent, Ohio. He rewarded himself once again for landing a lifelong career by purchasing yet another cat. But tragedy struck Massucci in 2010. Both George and Grace, his first feline friends, passed away from old age. Six months later, Fluffy passed as well. Massucci was absolutely distraught, his family having been depleted by fateful death. Missing the presence of his original cats, Massucci slipped into a depression. Although still deeply in love with his 14 other cats, the void was unbearable. Massucci took his sorrows into the workplace, pushing his students to unreasonable lengths and passing only 60% of his freshman English class. Fortunately, Massucci’s depression loosened the reins in 2011 when his family surprised him by all pitching in and buying seven more cats. Massucci has since only adopted one more feline, a kitty named Buttercup, who was a Christmas present from his brother in 2012. It finally seems that Massucci has settled with the nice even number of 22 cats, but when asked if he would adopt again in the future, his response was simply “there’s always room for more.”
Color Mr. Massucci’s Cats!
May 2013
17 Colonel of Truth
Alternative Teen Goes Buddhist: An Interview Slightly indie 15-year-old converts story | Sydnie Barnette photo | via Creative Commons
J
essica (Jezzi) Groves was a fairly normal teen attending
portant.
Ev-
a high school in an Akron, Ohio suburb. However, her
eryone should
life took a drastic turn in March when she discovered
just be nice to
that she was a Buddhist after 15 years of atheism.
each other.
The Colonel: So how did it happen? How did you discover that
TC: Have you
you wanted to be a Buddhist?
changed as a
Jezzi Groves: Well I was on Tumblr, right? And I was like re-
person since
freshing my dash-- it was a slow day and I was waiting for my
becoming
favorite fashion blog to update-- but when it refreshed, front
Buddhist?
and center I like saw this one photo and it said like, “The heart
JG:
has its reasons that reason knows not,” or whatever. I was like
Like I think
whoa. It was a quote overlayed on a picture of a Buddha statue.
about
It was so deeply beautiful I teared up. I said, “Oh my God, I
a lot more.
have to be a Buddhist now.” Like I had to. I really connected to
I stay up at
that post on an emotional level.
night
TC: What did you do then?
like
JG: Well I followed the Tumblr account and Googled Bud-
down all my
dhism. And then I read the Wikipedia article. It talked about
thoughts
reincarnation which I think is really cool. Like anyone can be
feelings about like society and people and like the fate of the
a Buddha if you just try hard enough.
world and how we got here and stuff. I think a lot more. And
TC: Did anything else change in your life after your Buddhist
I read a lot more. Have you ever heard of like, “The Perks of
awakening?
Being a Wallflower?” I read that book like seven times in a row
JG: Well like I started wearing Toms because they’re like this
and then journaled about it. I feel like Buddhism has made me
really moral company because like they give shoes to African
become so much more thoughtful. Like I listen to a Death Cab
kids or whatever, and I’m like super passionate about that be-
for Cutie song and I GET it, you know?
cause that’s like the basis of Buddhism. It’s all karma. We’re all,
TC: What advice do you have for anyone looking to check out
like, connected. One cosmic entity. Plus I started doing yoga,
Buddhism?
like I follow along to these YouTube videos... I drink a lot of
JG: Just do it. It’s so worth it. You’re going to understand so
like tea these days too. Like hot mint tea with no sugar.
much more. People might discount you, saying, “Oh, she’s
TC: What do you particularly like about Buddhism?
only 16, she doesn’t get it,” but don’t listen to them. You don’t
JG: Like there are no rules, but like there are. Like just be nice to
have to be like 50 to get life.
people. That’s like all you have to do and you’re, like, good, you
TC: Well thank you for your time, Jezzi, we appreciate it.
know? It’s just like karma or whatever and It think it’s so im-
May 2013
Totally. stuff
just writing The life-changing Tumblr picture
and
Colonel of Truth
State Champs!
18
Roosevelt L.A.R.Pers take home title story | Matt Lewis photos | Maddie Otterdaughter
T
he Roosevelt L.A.R.P. Guild won the state championship in Canton on Thursday, May 9. The battle lasted an extraordinary 14 hours as the leader of the Ravenna Ravens fell to Aidan Printy, the leader of our fearless Guild. The final battle started as the first bell was rung at 10 a.m. Quickly the Ravens fell to their knees as they were slaughtered by our bird-men and their ruthless leader Danny Rickard, who led them with his staff of horror. The Ravens quickly retreated into hiding and the hunt was on, for the first shed of blood had been spilt and more was to come. Over the next few hours, the Ravens had been torn apart in three different directions as our men chased them down with their mighty long swords of old. One group of ours was led by none other than our fearless leader Aidan Printy. Printy had been chasing a single group of mages through the dark-woods when, foolishly, he was captured and held as a prisoner at the enemy camp. Near the end of the battle, Rickard had discovered where the Ravens were holding Printy. He took a team of highly skilled assassins, mages, archers, orcs and warlocks to break into the prison and free their lost leader. They started in the night by first taking out the two watch-guards at the back of the camp. After that they split into two groups. They swept along the sides and came together again in the center, where Printy was held. Once united with their ultimate leader the group went through the camp and turned it to ashes. Our mighty force had reached their final destination, the Raven’s castle, where they faced off against the strongest of enemies, the Lord Raven. Although many of our soldiers fell to the might of the Raven, Printy, Rickard and three others had managed to survive and surround the beast. Printy and another soldier of the bird-men squad had kept their place up in the sky, as they fired arrows and fireballs at the beast. All the while two soldiers were hacking away at the Raven’s feet, eventually being crushed by its might. Finally, Printy had managed to climb into a hole in the wall, directly behind the monster, where he
Printy (left) and Rickard prepare for battle
Printy and Rickard hone their skills with some sparring practice
flung himself onto the beast’s neck and finished him off with one massive jab to the spine. As our forces walked back to the entrance of the arena, they were greeted with gifts of celebration, including the L.A.R.P. Guild of the Year trophy that had been hand crafted by a member of the National L.A.R.P. Association. Though the Ravens fought with great bravery they were no match for our incredible man power, with which we crushed them to dust.
May 2013
COVER BACK
cover art | Allison Kridelbaugh