http://acollegemiscellany.com/PDF07/2006-07_Power-List_01-01 by Trinity News

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POWER Trinityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 25 most powerful students mercilessly profiled and rated

TRINITY NEWS POWER LIST 2007

Whom the

As an introduction... “Unbridled ambition and a ruthless thirst for power may be very much frowned upon in general society but here we salute them” Gearoid O’ Rourke, Power List Editor wo yearsago the idea for the Trinity News Power List was conceived three young first years eager to mix with the great and the powerful of Trinity College. One of these went on to write the first Power List that year, while another is has edited this incarnation. Ironically the third has come full circle and tops the list this year. When editing anything one always endeavours to be fair and balanced. This is a much harder taskwhen such large, yet delicate egos are involved. This year with the Power List the policy was, within reason (and more importantlywithin the bounds of the law), “pull no punches”. Hence nobody gets a placing because of position alonewhile some get one despite of positions held. The Power List trys to be honest in its evaluation and also honest to what it really is. And what it really is, is something to cause controversy and stir debate. It is never expected that everyone will accept their own or others places on the List. Indeed if everyone did I would thin we did a bad job. This list should get people thinking about who is pulling the strings that

INTRODUCTION

make things happen in the everyday life of the students of this university.When you go to an event do you who is benefitting from it? Do you know where your society membership feeis going? Do you know who is claiming to “represent” you when talking to the College? While every student may not be able to answer these questions at first you may have a better idea after reading this list. However if the Power List was a mere spreadsheet of who owns what, has wahich position and knows who then it would be quite dull. Alternatively if it was all “just a bit of fun” it would serve no real purpose. With this in mind th ewriters of this list have tried to balance utility with entertainment, laughs with numbers andcrticism with praise. The satirical tone in places may offend some but I ask on behalf of the writers, try to have a sense of perspective about these things. On to said writers. For this Power List a crack

team was assembled and Christened “the Panel”. This Panel examinedthe case of each hopeful and then contribted to te writing of the profiles.There was rarely total agreement on anybody’s place on the list. I explain why the Panel are not namedin the sidebar to the right but there is one person who can be thanked in name. David Adamson undertook the arduous task to photographing almost all of the students on the Power List. A mix of paparazzi perseverence and artistic talent in equal measurebrought you the pictures you see throughout. I hope you enjoy reading this year’s Power List and I also hope you disagree with some part of it wholeheartedly! If you want to make it on the list next year your work starts here.Unbridled ambition and a ruthless thirst for power may be very much frowned upon in general society but here we salute them annuallyso don’t be shy about it.

The Power List Panel

A note on our methods To separate the winners and losers on this year’s Trinity News Power List we first gathered a crack Panel drawn from all areas of College life. These individuals, who shall remain anonymous for their own safety, met in a shadowy smoke filled room to discuss who made the grade and why. Many cigarettes were smoked and much strong liquor drunk.In the end three criteria were deicded on and the list began to take shape. The first criterion was “Spending Power”. This was by far the easiet and least controversial of the ratings. It is based on the financial clout available to each individual. This financial clout may come from a Society’s budget or that of a capitated body. We do not include personal fortunes, or Daddy’s bank balance. The only exeptions to this were cases where we felt personal fortunes had been raised as a direct result of activities undertaken as part of College life. A perfect example of this is the small fortune being amasssed by Edward O’Riordan through his Twisted Tuesdays and Smashed Thursdays and through his facilitating of faculty nights out. The second criterion was what we called “Influence”. In the context of this list we defined it in two ways. Firstly “Influence” relates to the ability to form the opinions of large numbers of people in College by some means. Secondly “Influence” was judged under the test of if a candidate needed to get something done in College would they have the clout with College authorities, students and staff to succeed. We called this the “holding a parade in Front Square” test. The final criterion was “Profile”. This was jokingly renamed the “Westlife factor” by the Panel. In essence it judges the likelihood that the candidate would be recognised while walking accross Front Square, down Grafton Street or in the Palace on a Friday Night. These criteria decided who came top or bottom and threw up some suprises as you will see in the coming pages.

RUTH FALLER

Registrar of the University Philosophical Society

DARRAGH KIRK President of St Vincent de Paul

EDWARD GAFFENY Secretary of the University Philosophical Society

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

oor Ruth coming in last. Still, better on the list than not at all! On the plus side, this is probably the lowest she’ll ever come in at – watch this space for Faller’s ruthless ascendency to follow. As Registrar of the Phil, Ruth’s catty minutes have been the talk of the GMB all year. Furthering her influence is the fact that she is beyond dispute heir apparent to the Phil throne. Grooming the young ‘uns for stardom, she has also embraced the Phil Freshers in a manner unlike that seen in previous years. A smart move. Faller’s “Spending Power” is a high four, due to the IV budget she controls which comes in at several thousand euro a year. Plus, due to the Hist’s – shall we say, “disorganization”, Faller had pretty much a free reign to organise the IV all on her lonesome this year. Faller’s “Influence” rating is a four, due to her position as controlling debating in the Phil and her leader in waiting status. She has been said to have single-handedly raised the Phil from the depths of ridicule it has held since time indeterminate for its debating , and this year has seen some high placings for her new untraditional Phil-boys. (That said, their drinking performance has generally been regarded as Hist-esque.) Faller’s “Profile” is a teeny weeny two; however the Panel challenges anyone in the GMB to claim ignorance of her. If you listen to this lady debate, she is certainly formidable. Sadly, few do. Here she is pictured in classic Faller pose: breasts and a book. The epitome of Trinity womanhood.

MARY CLARKE Auditor of the Law Society

eing elected president of the St Vincent ed Paul society should be an automatic way to power and fame around campus. This year a position of tweny four for Darragh Kirk is indicative of the quiet year that the society has had over all. Kirk may look like a 12 year old, but by taking the reins of the largest student society, he has had to prove maturity beyond his years. Following on from Bart Storan was always going to be a tough act and while a worthy leader, Kirk’s year has lacked fireworks. Some have attributed this to a hectic academic schedule that see’s him off campus for significant portions of the week. Kirk still has significant “Spending Power” as a result of the sheer size of the society and it’s posiion as the largest branch in the country. The CSC grant to the society is still one of the largest of any society. Kirk will have the chance to prove his mantle at the upcoming Slave Auction. Will he, won't he (strip) is the question everyone will be asking of the ever-smiling Kililney boy. It will be the ultimate chance to prove himself the bigger man.

KATIE O’ SULLIVAN Chair of Biological Association

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Influence: ********** Profile: ********** Profile: ********** ********** Spending Power:

22 M

ary Clarke has had an impressive year running a deeply unimpressive Law Society. Known as something of an iron lady Clarke has run more events than most of her recent predecessors although she did receive a ticking off from the CSC for booking venues around College and not using them. She was awarded a rating of five for “Spending Power” following her impressive efforts in rasing a reported ten thousand euro to send some of her Society to a Hardvard conference.

atie O’Sullivan comes in at twenty-one in this list by way of her being one of the most involved students hailing from the Hamilton side of the campus. Not hard, admittedly, but she’s still had a fair go of things. As organiser of this year’s Med Day, an annual fund raiser for the Trinity Access Program along with other health initiatives, O’Sullivan is also a dogooder, which automatically deserves a pat on the proverbial back. Pat pat. O’Sullivan is also the Chair of Biosoc, a society which boasts of the most un-navigable websites in college. You clearly have to be scientifically minded and a genius to get this one. They make you log in and everything. There’s much to be said for exclusivity; they’re clearly cool people. In other news, O’Sullivan studies Science. That’s the part of College that will get you a job. So well-connected by implication.

dward Gaffney comes in at twentythree on the Power List for his sterling performance as this year’s Phil Secretary (higher than his predecessor did last year). Responsible for booking the Phil guests (the ones with brains, at least) and organizing every Thursday night debate his events have entertained many with nowhere better to go. His diligence in scholastic matters has been poised on a knife-edge balance with his Phil-ish endeavours this year, and at times the stress of his poisition can show. Highly strung on occasion, he does however enjoy hugs. Gaffney is one of those “so smart he’s very scary” characters on the academic front, but this has not diminished his College power crawl. A vocal member of the CSC Executive he is tipped for progression in that organistaion in the future, Gaffney’s “Influence” rating is a respectable four. For “Spending Power”, the Panel gave Gaffney a two - although he studies Maths and Economics, real cash does not really come into either of Gaffney’s porfolios. Gaffney’s “Profile” is a high five, primarily due to his omnipresence in places other than the GMB. Gaffney should look forward to a fullsome career in investment banking, or actuary. A future tip for the top.

THE LIST

25 – 20

DAVID RICKARD

Secretary of the Scholars’ Committee

20 T

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

aking the “I love college so much I never want to leave” theory to ridiculous levels, David Rickard clearly prefers to be a big fish in a small pond than chancing his luck swimming out in the real world. After spending eight years as a student of this fine establishment, his dedication to the cause alone earns him a spot on the power list. Rickard is also Secretary of the Schols Committee. His responsibilties include stroking the egos of the already over-indulged scholars, and complaining when their (free) food doesn't meet expectations. The man is also well-connected and almost everyone knows someone who knows him. Those with a suspicious mind would query whether his allocation of the prime Front Square residence of Frisbee Towers/The Penthouse was altogether “random”. As we said, Rickard knows a lot of people. His commitment to the Ultimate Frisbee Club was also noted when compiling this list. While most sporty guys tend to spend their spare time playing with their balls, David prefers to flick discs. Kinky.

19 – 15 JAMES O’BRIEN

THE AGENT

Auditor of the College Historical Trinity News Columnist Society

Spending Power:

18 N

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

ever before has an anonymous personage caused so much controversy in Trinity College. The mysterious column writer who goes by the alias above has seen more letters written and more heated debates surrounding Trinity News (and more threats of legal action) than ever before. With the “V for Vendetta” t is not the worst year ever for the Hist. style in which his/her prose is written (“the agent is amused” etc Once someone committed suicide in the al) the writer seems to pose as an entity greater than Trinity words of a loyal Histie. Some might say News, greater even than College. Looming like a spectre, too true, others too kind (see “The Agent”, the Agent is miraculously privy to the finer details and inthis, last and, in fact, every issue). Indeed, fightings of every society of importance. But who is this O’Brien’s generous “Profile” rating of mysterious veiled writer? You would think those responsible for Trinity three is primarily due to the fact that every insider News would by now know the answer to this question. You would think knows him as the famous failure. His profile among the somebody had leaked it. Sadly, this is not the case. masses is low due to his wallflower character. The list’s newest addition is a figure vilified by College, and both deplored O’Brien’s “Spending Power” is a five, as although extolled in equal measure in the many hack circles. His cutting comments have become, the Hist receives a grant comparable to some of the for some, a badge of honour, in the “you’re only someone when you’re written about in a most minted societies in College, the Panel doubts scathing manner” way. For others they are something to cry about into a damp pillow whether O’Brien has the control over his committee to nightly. spend it. A reason Hist Treasurer Timothy Smyth is If the press was set up to let people say whatever they like, the Agent both proves and considerably further up the list. disproves this. The Agent is the only column in the newspaper with the freedom to In connection, the Hist Auditor’s “Influence” is make any comment, no matter how bitchy, on the state of College matters, without undermined by the more powerful figures on his eversmoothing events out to make them appear socially acceptable. Sadly, this right to free changing new committee. He is also said by some to speech seems only to come with the addition of an alias. have “no personality”. The Panel had to ask the Power The most recent Agent “scandal” was, as usual, raised by the SU kill-joys, the likes of List photographer: “Did you steal O’Brien’s soul or whom the punters are to be voting in as another year sees another slime-worthy crawl to was this the best photo you could get?” Photographer’s “power”. Hilariously, the same member of College derided by the Agent wrote a letter in response: “he was actually in good form that day”. A the last issue of Trinity News hailing the column writing legend, whilst the SU were campoor performance form someone who should rate much paigning on the same member’s behalf for an apology. The Panel is amused… higher. Must try harder in future.

THE LIST

BEIBHINN CRONIN & EILISE MCGUANE Directors of Trinity Arts Festival

17 I

Spending Power:

GABRIEL MAGEE

DAVID SYMINGTON

Captain of DU Boat Club

Chair of Trinity Publications

********** Spending Power: Influence: ********** ********** Influence: Profile: ********** ********** Profile: **********

t’s no small testimony to the success of last year’s inaugural Trinity Arts Festival that the organisers of this year’s event, Beibhinn Cronin and Eilise McGuane, have made it on to the power list. Variously known as TAF, tARTfest and Taffy, the Trinity Arts Festival was the result of an initiative of arts-based societies looking to provide students with ‘a greater opportunity for artistic expression on campus’. In a list largely bereft of a female presence, the combined power of these two women places them in the top twenty for their mid-range financial power, influence and profile on campus. Both Cronin and McGuane formed part of the core committee for the 2006 festival, both are TSM students majoring in History of Art and Architecture, and both have Christian names that Patrick Pearse would be proud of. Although lacking the financial sway of many of their counterparts on the list, Cronin and McGuane are responsible for having to raise a substantial amount of funding for the festival’s large budget themselves.

oming in at No.16 on our list is Gabe Magee, the perma-tanned, philosophy postgrad student. Magee spends most of his time training for his beloved sport, or running his beloved club.It is his one (and only) true beloved. The girl that gets between Magee and DUBC must be something seriously special. Eat rowing, sleep rowing, drink rowing - this coxswain has an obsession, perhaps an unhealthy, or even slightly frightening one, but his dedication to the Club is unquestionable. As head of the Boat Club, he has a budget of €32,000 at his disposal plus the 700 or so old boys, all of whom possess an extraordinary amount of money and clout, and who are ready to kill at the drop of a hat for a DUBC cause. He will send forth his team of flying monkeys (otherwise known as rowers) to defend the honour of the Boat Club, which makes Magee a pretty powerful, albeit scary, sporting figure

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: ********** opping his predecessor’s position on this list is Chair of Trinity Publications, David Symington. As Chair of one of College’s five capitated bodies, Symington and his “crew” command a large budget, hence his scoring a six (Dude!) on “Spending Power”. Publications funds the hallowed Trinity News – and it doesn’t help to bite the hand that feeds you. Symington’s “Influence” is three, chiefly due to his minimal imput in the publications his committee funds; reducing his influence on College to a matter of finance alone. Quote from Symingto; “Of course I don’t read Trinity News”. On the magazines? “I flicked through them!” Good work. Symington’s “Profile” rating is a five; and it would be hard to fail to recognise his manager/producer face as it gleams with expectation on acquiring this dirty, dirty list. He’ll probably have a pizza party to celebrate. Those are his favourites.

BRENDAN MCGUIRK Chair of Trinity FM

14 T

Spending Power:

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he turn around of Trinity FM from student society also-rans to organizers of regular events and successful broadcast weeks has been largely attributed to the leadership of McGuirk. A fine example of this turn around is the presence of David Kitt, the Immediate and the Republic of Loose in the station’s most recent broadcast week. Listenership is also claimed to have risen significantly with regular podcast and live music events bolstering support of the society. On the financial front, McGuirk secured a large increase in funding this year from the CSC in order to update and replace much of the stations’ ailing equipment while healthy attendance at TFM nights in Gubu has also increased the budget at his disposal. As it stands Trinity FM has one of the highest funding per member ratios of a society of its size. All of this helps McGuirk to a spending power rating of five. Scoring five in the influence ratings may seem impressive for the head of a small society however having one’s own radio station at one’s disposal counts for a lot. Indeed with the rising fortunes of the station somewhat legitimising its claim to be the colleges second media outlet. McGuirk is felt to be well within an inner circle of society heads well liked by the CSC administration. Regular DJ slots and contributions to Trinity News and the University Record keep his name in the public domain while there is general agreement among the Panel that he is well liked and respected around College for his work in Trinity FM earn him a profile rating of four.

telling you to party less and talk more quietly. Clarke hilariously in her “Welcome Letter” to new students of Halls presents getting into Halls (arbitrary) as of equal joy to gaining those hard-fought for CAO points: “icing on the cake” to all that minor fuss of the last eighteen years of your life. Former Halls residents on the Panel did not quite agree. Clarke’s letter is punctuated by an interesting take on English grammar along with halting-donkey phrases. This is surely only proof of her credibility factor. All the cool kids are stoopid today. The Halls JCR has a good bit of cash to spare for inebriating its youngsters, hence Clarke’s money rating of 7. She’s kept a low profile outside of Halls, however, scoring her 4 on the profile stakes. Due to her being elected and what not, we figure people must like her, and she scores a 5 in influence. Halls, in Clarke’s own words, teaches you to, “think a little, drink a little and laugh a lot”. Ridiculous, in any context. Along with her reference to the “Trinity Hall posse”. In a formal document about Halls. Ah well, leave her be-this is the best it’s going to get for MC. We’ll let her have it.

SIMON HALL

Deputy President of the Students’ Union

12 A

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

pint-sized native of Killiney, Students’ Union Deputy President Simon Hall has the unenviable task of editing the College’s second student newspaper, The University Record. Under his tenure, the Union mouthpiece has shown some improvement in news content, but continues to languish in the shadow of its bigger rival across the corridor in House Six. The fact that as many as three of the Record’s sub-editors are ARIE LAIRE ANE vying to take over from their superior next year suggests that responsibility for the paper’s output does not President of Trinity Hall JCR rest solely this year’s Dep Pres. Of an easy-going disposition, Hall bears the task of playing second fiddle to Trinity News with good humour and maintains an amiable working relationship with TN editor Peter Henry. Hall can be credited with giving the Union website a long overdue revamp, although the Students’ Union Council section has not been updated since November. During his election campaign last year, Hall was the Spending Power: most enthusiastic performer at the VdeP slave auction, showing the student electorate exactly what they were getting by voting him in. Halfway through Hilary term Influence: however, the science student has yet to deliver on another of his election promises made to Trinity News last Profile: February - a short film explaining the workings of the Union. The continuing failure of The he President of Halls JCR, often bareRecord to pull in substantial ly known to those outside of Halls advertising revenue means itself, let alone those not in first year, that the position of Dep comes in twelfth on our list; probably Pres is a financial drain because we had to a have a few fillies rather than an earner for high on the list. Since Halls’ inauguthe union, giving Hall ration into College life, the president of this body can only mid-range fiscal scarcely be neglected from this list. clout. His average It may be thought that anybody who is anyscore on influence body lived in Halls in first year. The reality is, the and profile is capacity of Halls is simply not great enough to embrace perhaps disapall willing first years. In accordance with this sentipointing for a ment, Marie-Claire Clarke talks about Halls in fittingly sabbat officer hyperbolic terms. One might imagine a kind of fluffy whose main duty castle in the sky having read the misleading prospectus; is union publicity. when, in fact, what you get is a whole lot of people

-C

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O’K

Trinity’s top five most powerful student societies University Philosophical Society: Following a brief fallow spell under Andrew Campbell’s leadership last year the society returned with a bang this year. The biggest guests, the most money and the most exposure ensure they top our list. Another small help is that they are the only society to feature three officers in our top twenty-five.

DU Players: There is something very impressive about the way in which Players churn out one quality production after another. Leaving aside the inward looking nature of the society, their large budget and commitment to the cause are always due respect. Being one of the biggest societies in College, and certainly housing some of the biggest egos, ensures the Players Theatre will flourish for years to come.

THE LIST

14 – 12

DU Football Club: It’s been a good year so far for our rugby players. Though it is too early to clap them on the back for a job welldone, winning Colours was a welcome boost. Overall performance has been impressive and they are unfortunate that their senior officials are not students and did not qualify for the Power List proper.

St Vincent de Paul: The St Vincent de Paul society is one of the largest societies in Trinity. Some churls might put this down to the free membership, but we needn’t be so cynical. Attracting a core of dedicated dogood-ers, the St Vincent de Paul Society has plodded on this year, albeit with a reduced profile.

College Historical Society: There was a time when the Hist would have vyed with the Phil for the top spot. Last year, even. Ralph Fiennes saw one of the longest queues outside the GMB in the Panel’s collective memory. This year, which beganwith a committee either too uncommitted or too power-hungry to work to the benefit of the society, saw a plethora of resignations with a wallflower leader holding onto his position for dear life. The Hist remains one of College’s oldest soicieties, though, and the Panel hopes for its speedy return to health.

11 – 8 PAUL CARTON

ROBERT KEARNS

Education Officer of the Students’ Union

Chair of DU Players

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

t cannot be denied that Players is one of College’s largest societies. You certainly cannot avoid them, for all the cacophony they make; nor can you mistake a Player for an ordinary human being, for all the flailing and wailing. Paul Carton is the furthest you can get from an exception to this. Towering above his Players-minions (literally-the man is enormous), he has the power to move and mould them like putty. This explains the Panel granting him a “Profile” rating of six. This is exacerbated given the (boring) point that Players all seem to quite like him. A nice guy, a talented director and what-not, Carton’s profile is vastly greater than that of his predecessor, who seemed to wilt into her little Players corner. And anyone who can convince their minions to actually clean their own facilities once a term (using the chore-friendly term “get in”/ “get out”) must command a great deal of respect. Carton is a friendly face around college, frequently spotted, with his clique on the heretofore English ranks of the Arts Block ramp. Don’t be fooled by his favourite loitering place and toffee accent-he is actually Irish (with an emphasis on the “ish”). Players’ CSC grant is reportedly quite huge to match its leader, hence Carton’s five on “Spending Power”. Plus, his committee would probably let him spend it without much ado. It’s quite incredible that the Players Committee hasn’t yet imploded as a result of all those immense egos and hissy fits. Carton seems to rule with an iron fist. And if you don’t like it, he’ll crush you. With his own immense ego.

BARRY MURPHY

THE LIST

Ents Officer of the Students’ Union

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

f Education Officer Rob Kearns intends to follow his father into politics, he should have chosen to run for a more high profile sabbatical position. The son of a former Progressive Democrat councillor, Kearns has the thankless task of sitting on innumerable College committees and working quietly in the background on individual student problems. Backseat President may be a harsh way of putting it but the Students’Union is better off for Kearns quiet work ethic. But in a year when College authorities seem intent on reorganising Trinity from restructuring faculties to reviewing what Scholars eat for dinner, the position of Education Officer is more influential than ever. Over the course of his tenure so far, Kearns has had to deal with ongoing rearranging of College faculties, the examination of Schol exams, the scrapping of Trinity’s acting course and the rewriting of College statutes. The fact that his workload has exceeded that of his predecessors means that Kearns scores highly in terms of influence. But in the absence of substantial fiscal power and a noteworthy presence on campus, this year’s Education Officer will have to settle for barely breaking into the top 10. A Carlow man by way of Westmeath, Kearns has the distinction of being the only sabbatical officer from outside of Dublin, and is also the only one to sport facial hair.

EDWARD O’RIORDAN Ents Officer of the Trinity Hall JCR

8 O

Spending Power:

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uch. That’s what the Panel is saying when we see Barry Murphy’s falling face with “Little Boy Lost” Ed O’Riordan pipping him to the post on this list. However, in the words of the Great College Manipulator (one of the hacks on said Panel) and in the opinion of most students, “more people go to s SU Ents Officer, Barry Murphy, that ragged puppy dog you Twisted Tuesdays than any Ents nights”. might have seen gambolling around campus (bless those little Indeed, what was once a quiet and blissful walk up Dame Street of a languorous legs), is responsible for making sure you, the student, have a Tuesday evening is now fraught with distress, and, frankly, sexual harassment, with “fockin’ good time” at College. girls in skirts “this short” bolshing their way past you, Dubes-wearing lads in toe For Freshers’ Week, at least, he had the whole student body as his captive audience. This is reflected in his “Influence” rating of (“loike, oh my gawd”), in search of those legendary €2 drinks. In reality, the alcohol and the mixer are both €2, which is disappointing for some five, as well as in his “Profile” rating, a whopping seven. Whether or not he has suc(but you’re loike too locked to care and - oh my gawd, is she checking me out?). ceeded in this aim of entertaining the masses will not become totally apparent until O’Riordan himself is a vision in D4 gear himself, in spite of his Stab-City heritage the year’s uber-event, Trinity Ball, but so far the Panel feels he is doing a good job. (Limerick). He’s hot (from all that grooving), he’s tipped for the top in the SU In previous years, SU Ents Officers have been known to a) tie themselves into a binding contract with MCD, thus ensuring Trinity gets royally screwed over year on Games, he’s so now. Ed (or is it Ed Corp?) scores a six for “Spending Power”, in spite of being a selfyear and b) book their mate’s band/their favourite (rubbish) bands, thus ensuring that made man. His personal funds count on this list due to their being made purely off Trinity gets a grand total of 0% good entertainment on the Ball night. Legends. the back of college (Joe O’Gorman, watch out) while his JCR Ents budget is more Murphy’s money rating is a healthy five, indicative of Ents large annual budget. sizeable than many give it credit for. His “Influence” is a rated at five (even ChiefFurthermore, he can dictate how this budget is spent as David Quinn is rarely seen Schol, man about the Library, David Rickard, name-checks Ed’s nights in his Schol popping upstairs to book a band or talk “amps”. comments in this issue of Trinity News), and his “Profile” six as his early morning Murphy has enjoyed a higher profile than his immediate predecessor, cutting an bleary-eyed look is almost becoming the new Arts Block chic. Underestimated, unmistakable figure through the Trinity grounds, and entertaining all of House 6 with the banging tunes of-well, probably his mate’s band. Murphy gets further kudos some would say - the man is everywhere. All the time. And taken? We don’t think so. We suggest eager young things scooch along to for being an all round nice guy; however previous Ents Officer destinations have CitiBar this Tuesday to score on this one. Minted, Powerful, Pretty. Trinity’s new included MCD whores and/or substance dealers. Murphy has a bright future ahead original all-rounder. of him (probably).

ANDREW BYRNE

MARIE-THERESE BOLGER

Secretary of the CSC

Secretary of DU Central Athletic Club

7 A

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

t a first glance you'd be forgiven for mistaking Andrew Byrne for “just another society hack” albeit a baby faced one. The Student Union presidential candidate is nothing short of experience. As former chair of the Greens, former Officer of the Hist and the current Secretary of the CSC, its no surprise that Byrne saw a sabbatical post as the next box to tick for his CV. Byrne knows where to find his friends, and if power floats your boat, then you can't have a better friend than Joseph O'Gorman. This relationship ensures Byrne's grubby little fingerprints can be found all over the CSC slush fund. If your society is in difficulty, you could do worse than asking Byrne for help. If he can't get you the money himself, he'll deifintely know somebody who can. On the flip if your society wants CSC recognition don't be one of Byrne’s hated PDs. He really hates those guys. Schmoozing ability is unfortunately not a judging category, but if it was then Byrne would definitely be vying for No.1 position. This guy could give Paddy Cosgrave a run for his money, an would probably win the popular vote givn his lack of Cosgrave’ trademark bullsh*t. It has been speculated by the Panel that had Byrne argued the Provost's case regarding his payrise, the whole student body would probably have been in favour. We just haven't been able to find anyone who doesn't like him. The Panel has thus come to the following disturbing conclusion. Either, Byrne is in fact universally liked (very unlikely), or, there is some sort of dungeon lurking beneath the musty wine cellars of Trinity College housing all of his past enemies and therest of the Young PD’s claimed membership (very probable).

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

t was always going to be a controversial decision putting the captain of the Ladies' Rugby Club on the Power List, especially when none of the members of the mens club feature, but it is not purely her prowess on the rugby pitch that landed Bolger in at number 6. After a failed attempt last year to gain the position of DUCAC Secretary, Bolger changed her tack this year and went with the whole 'Oh I don't want it, but I'll do it if no one else wants it' approach. This proved successful and Bolger emerged victorious. Her money and influence ratings of 6 are accredited to the fact that she has access to DUCAC funds and substantial influence over their allocation to the various clubs. However someone needs to tell Bolger that she can spend every last minute in the DUCAC office, she can become best-mates with Drinda Jones and she can have Trevor West's babies, but hell will freeze over before the ladies' rugby is getting a captains board in the Pav.

THE LIST

7–4

KAT SHEANE TIMOTHY SMYTH Treasurer of the College Historical Society

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

adiating the good old Trinity values of a faux refined accent, (surprising as he's from the hinterland of Co Meath) and gentrified appearance, Smyth is one of the most dramatic success stories of the year. The u-turn of his fortunes in the College Historical Society following a heartbreaking defeat in last year's elections was remarkable. Not even the Panel could have predicted that a Hist election also-ran would have made the top five of the Power List. However thanks to a timely by-election Smyth now holds the position of Treasurer in said society, and is reported to be heir to the job of Phil President's butler, also known as Hist Auditor. Smyth is rumoured by many to be the main power within the Hist. Indeed, he is regarded by a large portion of the GMB hacks as Auditor in everything but name. Recent rumblings have damaged the current James O’Brien but have left Smyth remarkably unscathed and without major rivals in the upcoming elections. Smyth also boasts an influence in the CSC, which was his port of refuge during the troubled months following his first bid for power upstairs in the GMB. As a member of the CSC Exec, he has imput into policy making and funding decisions. His combined portfolios give him access to two sizeable budgets with influence in the allocation of one and almost dictatorial control over the other. The Panel also rated Smyths’ profile at an extremely respectable six, as he is a constant presence in the Arts Building and GMB and also succeeds in creating the illusion of always being on the most important business. This has made him a notorious character around the campus.

Chair of the Central Societies Committee

4 Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

s Chair of the CSC, Kat Sheane realistically directs the societies of College. The yearly budget of the CSC is, as expected, huge, and Sheane has a part in allotting it, which explains her rating of seven for “Spending Power”. Her College involvement is not restrictive, however: she is also a Lady Rower and so has an “in” with all those sports people. As such, she can be said to straddle both parts of College. (Hussy). In addition to this, Sheane is a good mate of Joseph O’Gorman’s – anyone noticing a theme in this alliance? It is a sad truth, but often in College some people you just can’t knock down. It is best to bite the bullet and join forces. This alliance does much to propel her “Influence” rating to six. Sheane was well-known for her involvement in Societies before her election to Chair. Like her predecessor, she is a graduate of Trinity FM. As Treasurer of that society, she probably did some worthwhile things. Sadly, no-one listened to Trinity FM bcak then, and her hard work was, essentially, null and void. But they voted her in on the strength of it, so at least she made some punters happy. Her “Profile” is five. She’s known at both ends of campus and has a smile for any society Officer. Sheane is liked by all (ah, one of those generic phrases – meaning she hasn’t f*cked anyone important off yet), but is said to have a hidden will of steel to keep the likes of Daire Hickey et al in check.

3–2 ELIZABETH O’BRIEN Treasurer of the Central Societies Committee

lizabeth “Dahling” O’Brien soars into the top three of our list in a blaze of socialite triumph. This entrant is, for some, the perfect balance of style and substance. Her entry may come as a shock to many, but when her “Power” credentials are explicated you may be less surprised and will bow to the Panels wisdom. Firstly, O’Brien is universally known . She is after all awfully nice. To everyone. Almost suspiciously so. If she is your friend. beware; if she is your enemy you won’t know it (but just so you know it’s too late already). O’Brien rarely makes an enemy, but when she does, it’s “the right enemy”. O’Brien has managed to cultivate (and we use this word in its truest sense) a “good friend” in every college society, clique and grouping, which either results from or proceeded her election to CSC Treasurer. Although O’Brien “shares” her financial clout with the indomitable Joseph O’Gorman, her spending power cannot be denied. She is awarded a rating of seven for holding half the purse strings of the CSC, and thus, effectively, every society in College. O’Brien is a woman who far exceeds her elected position, which alone would not place her so highly. Her influence is the very definition of wide-ranging; she is actively involved in the many travails of the GMB (being a general body around those hacks), VTP (the new kid on the block-it’s very now to love the kids you know), and a whole host of other very impor-

DAVID QUINN

THE LIST

President of the Students’ Union

s SU President, Quinn’s high scoring on the “Profile” component, eight, is chiefly derived from the notion that we all know who he is. For many, though, the office far overshadows its holder. He does have a big budget, hence his “Spending Power” of eight; and also enjoys the priviledge of being allowed to sit on almost every two-bit committee in College. Sadly, with his tendency to miss vital meetings which have included one on moving his own Sabbatical Office out of House Six (see main paper) he undermines his own privilege. Quinn is not known to be what we would term an “effectual” President. Although likeability may have won him his initial position, since election he has not been well liked at all. Some might argue that the difficulty to like any elected student official is an unfair disadvantage to Quinn on this list. That said, he has more recently had a spate of ideas. Due to wanting to buy Coke without that arduous walk across Front Square, he has single-handedly formatted a new coke referendum, in the hopes that his congregation are as willing to kill babies as he is himself. In addition, Quinn also hopes to put College to the trouble of raising and lowering the Irish flag daily. His reasons are blurred, and the whole plot has been speculated to be a mere “they’ll remember me for this” ploy; after all, Trinity’s own flag is barely flown, and both flags seem to upset certain individuals with their evocation of the troubles/College being founded by “dirty Protestents”. Dave’s “Influence” rating is a high eight, resulting from his ability to spam every student in the College legally. He has also reportedly “got a lot of ass” since

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

his election and according to one Students’ Union insider it has been cheifly of the under-eighteen variety. Other Presedential exploits include drunkenly mooning College Security. Now that’s power. Trinity News has not always been on friendly terms with Quinn. Well, not since they made a bit of a mistake with some sources and instead of asking for an apology he decided to threaten to sue. But Trinity News should not be singled out. In fact, the Panel quite like him. He’s here, he’s on the list, and he’s made some great news stories over the year. That said, Quinn has not always had such devoted supporters as Trinity News. In the recent USI election he managed to lose out to RON. That means re-open nominations. In a wider sense, that means even his own delegation didn’t choose to vote for him. Quinn may cry when he sees he has missed out on the top spot. And we don’t like seeing grown (or ungrown) men cry. Quinn isn’t a bad human being: like many who make it to the top, he is simply trying to do what he has to to keep the punters happy. And what has he learned? College Students are not going to be happy when College Administration threatens to undermine or take away every aspect of their College life. And there is very little Quinn, his the Students’ Union, or anybody except College can do about that.

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

tant things including Trinity News. Despite her egg-in-mouth vowels, “our Lizzie” is not afraid to get down and dirty being from Waterford after all. A praise-worthy woman of work, O’Brien can be seen weekly (albeit seasonally) heading Trinity Tours (God bless Joe) as well, now, as appearing (for one term only) as Shelver in the Lecky library. She earns her bread, butter and fois gras, that much we can be assured of. In her spare time, O’Brien chooses to hold cocktail parties (she won’t know what a Miller is, please don’t ask her) for the rich and powerful of College and alternates this with taking “tea” (never coffee; too vulgar) with the “right” people. She tells stories about champagne parties and yacht trips. She has “over 200 TCD friends on Facebook” (If you don’t know what this is, be informed that it is the newest way of rating your worth as a human being). O’Brien’s “Profile” rating is a conservative six despite her socialising. This results from her being perceved by some as having a CSC-centric focus. Her “Influence” rating comes in at seven - after all, what with her connections she is a veritable mine of gossipworthy college facts, and a conduit of valuable inside information on the happenings around campus. She is also known to have the ear of at least one Assistant Junior Dean. If you don’t know what she looks like, see this picture. Now you do. And trust me, you’ll see her everywhere.

THE LIST

1 DAIRE HICKEY President of the University Philosophical Society

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

ickey finds himself at the top of this list by a whisker – but my, what a fine whisker that is. Hickey wins on a point of profile, and that point is that Daire “Media Whore” Hickey is well on his way to becoming a personality outside of the confines of Little Trinity. Indeed, what other member on the list can claim the kudos that comes with being quoted as far afield as Estonia? In and around this fair isle, Hickey’s mug or comments have been found on CNN, the nine o’ clock news, the six o’clock news, the Irish Times, the Irish Independent, the Ray D’Arcy Show, Marian Finoucan and Newstalk. (The list went on, but the Panel didn’t want to inflict our own boredom on our readers.) Well done, boy (think affected Cork accent). However, before we survey the highs and lows of this year that have brought him to this, the pinnacle of his College life (the Panel assumes), perhaps a brief resume of where Hickey has risen from is in order. Hickey began his jaunt to power as a teen editor of the website studentexpress.ie. Whining about how hard it was to be a secondary school student (or his “inanities” as one past reader put them) fashioned him into the eternal “concerned young person” role – whenever there was a “youth” story, you wanted this man to put in his two cents. As a follow-up, our Hickey decided to quit griping and start making some money. Entrepreneurship was an early hobby of Hickey’s. After all, a framed Power List looks fairly shabby in your D16 bedsit when you’re thirty-five. Hickey was a gig-promotor running the local Blast underage gig scene in his local Cork. From this jumppoint he became the sole provider of entertainment for the emo, skater and rocker kids. Ego was not slow to follow: indeed, many of our Cork lasses expressed an erstewhile lust for his (then) slight frame, possibly prompted by his tourettes-style exclamations: “I know the Revs”. It seems name dropping came at an early age. Hickey emerged from the venture and has gone down in Cork history as “the only person who made any profit” from the gigs. The youth of Cork has since been content to loiter around the Opera House,

unaware of what they might have enjoyed a mere generation before. Another of Hickey’s more successful ventures was his stint on the Union of Secondary Students, or USS. Indeed, this is indicative of lesson number one for power-mongers: become a committee whore. While it may by now have been pushed off his CV by entries such as “I met Al Pacino”, the USS and all his varying positions in the organisation culminating with Leader, took up almost four years of Hickey’s life right up to his first year of College. Hickey is known to consider himself the most successful President to date. (They still have crossed fingers for next year.) Yet all was not golden for Hickey, who faltered momentarily and ended up in UCC studying Commerce for a few weeks. On the strength of a recheck, Hickey scampered up to Trinity’s Front Arch (late), and proceeded to make the College damn sure they knew they’d got a bargain. First year passed with few hitches. Hickey ingratiated himself with the Phil, on the recommendation of a friend, and proceeded to be the “I’ll do that” boy until the insiders began to look upon him as “one of them”. This led to his running for Honorary Secretary at the end of his first year. You might be under the impression that Hickey has swanned into his presidency unimpeded. However, all could have so easily gone awry at that moment in first year: Hickey tied for votes with Rory O’Sullivan, one-time friend of the Cork boy, and the pair agreed to decide it on a coin toss. Hickey won, O’Sullivan ran away to never be seen again, and the coin as far as we know remains in the care of Hickey, framed even, as a reminder of Fate’s fickle hand. What followed was a year of many ups and downs; Hickey’s skill remains in that most only remember the positives. Which leads us to a very hazy re-capping of his tenure as Hon Secretary. There were many Americans visiting the GMB that year as speakers in the Chamber. Hickey still hopes one of them will give him a job. Hickey filled his CV with high-flying referees and acquired an over-compensatory phone-book. Daddy wangled him a column in The Corkman and also a student supplement in the paper of which he is an editor,

The Examiner. (Some are born great...) Hickey was elected unchallenged last year for Presidency in the Phil. Several champagne receptions ensued, but Hickey kept his eyes on the goal. A successful Freshers’ week saw seven thousand students signing up to the Phil – a record for the society. Hickey’s sensationalist approach to leadership may have contributed to this success (or it may just have been the free pancakes). With a string of big-name guests in the first term, he ensured a healthy first year involvement in the society, something heretofore not focussed on by many cocky society heads. The year began with The Hoff, an event few will forget, as “Come Jump in My Car” became the new tune around the GMB for about five minutes. Oliver Stone that evening pulled an equally excitable crowd, and Hickey handled the high-profile events with an easy grace; for example, pretending to not notice when Oliver Stone stepped out to smoke a spliff in the Provost’s garden. The huge queues and mass confusion which surrounded Tommy Tiernan’s advent to the Phil were unfortunate, but the Phil with usual bolshiness bounced back to deliver Al Pacino to the punters later in the year. It was this overblown event that earned Hickey so much media attention, however the Hickeycentric quality of the event did not serve the Phil as a society as well as it might have done. Of course, there have been low points. The Junior Dean getting wind of some very illegal activity in the Phil’s council room was one. Someone falling through a GMB window at the IV was another. The head of United International Pictures being left out in the cold at Pacino was particularly embarassing. Hickey’s “Influence” is rated at eight, however, as the publicity he himself, his society and his events have earned more than merits such a mark. His “Spending Power” is set at an eight due to the society’s wealth, which is estimated to have almost doubled during his year in office and far exceeds the Phil’s paltry CSC grant. The “Profile” wins it for Daire Hickey: a nine. Within and without College, Hickey is an entity unto himself. Who knows where he will go from here? Hopefully not to a rented office on the Green.

A few you should know... PETER HENRY

JOSEPH O’ GORMAN

Trinity News Editor

Assistant Junior Dean

THE OTHERS

ue to a notable lack of despotism, this year’s Trinity News editor was left off the list proper. It is, after all, his paper; and so, in a manner, his list. Henry is widely known around campus for his respect for traditions (he graduated last year and wears his gown at all opportunities), his love of the Pope, his mania for the Boat Club, and his ongoing feud with various College offices. Henry’s Trinity News has seen an ascendent year; with a streamlining of the paper and supplement. He also made the radical decision to integrate Irish pieces into the main paper rather than keep it as a separate section. (The ensuing lack of Irish pieces, sadly, has failed to capitalise on this.) Henry won the editorship of Trinity News uncontested; however, just to be sure, he submitted a twenty page report on what his plans were for the paper. Retaining the broadsheet was a last-minute decision, having been considering over the summer turning it into a tabloid. Henry has done internships with some notable newspapers, and has forged close and mate-y relationships with many of the high-flyers of English newspapers. Hailing from Wicklow, he can often be seen cycling diligently into College. Green-Aware as well. Indeed, Henry has begun to be seen as a bit of a catch, what with his new found power. Trinity News has a circulation of 15,000 – not to be sniffed at. Far from holing himself up in the confines of House Six, he has cut a suave figure around campus, gown flying behind him. He continues to attend the Phil and Hist events, even instructing one of his minions on Phil council to run the motion “that this house would revert to traditional dress”. If the statutes say it, Henry will do it. As well as laying out Trinity News, Henry writes some entertaining editorials and keeps us all up to date on his Facebook. Henry’s commitment to commas is only pipped by his raising the awareness on the difference between the dash and the hyphen. What he will do in the future for punctuation can only be guessed at. Another endearing Henry-ism is his diligence in attending Latin Mass every Sunday, even on a production weekend. He seemed a bit grumpy this Sunday. The office assumes Henry and God have had a falling out. Let us hope it does not last too long.

EMMA STOKES Junior Dean and Registrar of Chambers

lso known as “The Ice Queen” of Trinity. In spite of a long feature in the Irish Times where Emma Stokes stressed the importance of “pastoral care”, in fact the College has yet to avail of her stressed huggable nature. Stokes enforces Discipline with a capital D. Students have been known to quake in her presence. One Panel member recalls a time walking across Front Square, where they saw a familiar face and began to smile, before realising it was Stokes and quickly averting the gaze. Stokes had already frozen aforementioned student with her glare. Luckily for most of us, Stokes’ speciality is in the medical, which necessitates her spending the most of her time in St James’. Phew. But you can tell the days Stokes is in residence: the ground frosts over and the doors ice closed. Best friends with the Provost, Joseph O’Gorman, and Colm Kearny, Stokes has had her path to power clearly laid out for her. It is only upwards from here. Stokes has minions in every corner of College, ensuring that you, the student, dare not step as much as a pinkie toe out of line. Nobody refutes the importance of discipline, of course. But you read your warning here first: keep your heads on tight, kids, lest she get a hunger on her one of these days.

ho’s this? we hear you asking. If you are the person asking this, effectively, you don’t exist. You’re certainly not anywhere on O’Gormans power radar. Joe “Joseph in print, always” O’Gorman has the air of a well-groomed Professor Snape as he strides through the campus as if he owns it. Perfectly groomed, bespectacled and with an accent that any Trinity graduate should aspire to, O’Gorman cuts quite a dash. Although he is “doing a PhD”, the duration of time he has allegedly been doing this prevents him from being on the real Power List. Also the fact that his position as Assistant Junior Dean effectively makes him a member further excludes him. However O’Gorman’s does weild great power and the Panel feels this must be addressed. As “Honorary Treasurer” of the CSC, O’Gorman controls a budget in six figures. He does so in dictatorial fashion and while the student run CSC Executive does have some influence on decisions, no society Tresurer is under any illusions as to where the final decision lies. Not only does he decide how the societies are funded but by being quite so vocal on the capitation Committee he has input into the granting of funds to the Students’ Union, Trinity Publications, DUCAC and the GSU. Last year, O’Gorman was also given a more permanent position in College, thus negating all those “barnacle Joe” snipes. As an Assistant Junior Dean, he not only has a hand in some of the most, shall we say, exciting disciplinary proceedures, but also has the power of putting you (if you’re his friend) into the prime College residences. Not that we are suggesting any inpropriety here but it is a conincidence that all thos tour guides have nice campus rooms. Making his own bed in the nice bit of the Rubrics, O’Gorman spends his spare time cultivating a taste for fine food and wine. A conissuer of fois gras and Bollinger he is known to throw the most fabulous drinks parties. O’ Gorman is also the mastermind behind Trinity Tours, a company he has run by using the College grounds and the draw of the Book of Kells. From the Panel’s exacting calculations, O’Gorman is “minted”. The job of being a tour guide is a cushy one, and is highly fought for among the Trinity pretty boys. Girls? Ah yes, there is one. Only one though. Lucky girl! O’Gorman has become an institution in Trinity. Love him or loath him he seems to be bent on staying around for a very long time.

Top five people who have had a Top five people who have had a really good year: really, really bad year: John Tracey Tracey ran for SU President last year as a largely unknown candidate from the Hamilton Building, and was quickly painted by the Dave Quinn slime machine as a crank only interested in scuppering little Hitler’s chances of putting “TCDSU President” on his CV. A novice to the ways of hackdom, Tracey was predictably trounced in the election – but rather than walk away, he immediately devoted his attentions to securing the Fuhrer’s old job – chair of SU Council – beating insider favourite Dee McClean, and in the process, ending he then-seemingly unstoppable march to the Presidency. He’s spent this year simultaneously frustrating Quinn’s (admittedly sparse) agenda and assembling the support and backing of most SU Councillors for a second run for the job this year. Securing the services of Hugh Sullivan, Union Finance Officer and power-player, and building powerful connections with the people who matter, The Agent now reckons Tracey is the runaway favourite to succeed his old nemesis in the top job. Fair play to him. Timothy St.John Smyth Losing an election for Hist Secretary by a mere one vote last year, Smyth looked to the world as if he was finished in Student Politics, as he cut a dejected figure around campus. One year later, and Smyth ranks at 5th in the official power listings, and has surely achieved the most miraculous career turnaround for any College Hack in recent memory. Answering the call to service after former Treasurer Kathy Troy resigned amid allegations of bullying by the Auditor, Smyth has been a steady hand on the rudder of a sinking ship, maintaining an eerie calm whilst all around him disaster has been rampant. Smyth has emerged as the real power behind the Society, and his colleagues freely admit that he has averted many disasters before they had the chance to happen. The Hist, if it survives the current Auditor’s bumbling reign, will owe Smyth an immense debt of gratitude. Rob Kearns Kearns, a second year class rep, was a late and unexpected entry into the field for Education last year, but had the immense good fortune of drawing next to no opposition in the election, which he cruised with over 70% of all votes cast. Since then, Kearns has drawn muted whispers of criticism from some of his predecessors who suggest that his profile is far too low for a full-time SU Officer. The Agent reckons this is primarily down to jealousy. While most Education Officers tend to have an adversarial relationship with their Presidents, Kearns has succeeded in relegating Quinn to newfound levels of irrelevance and has essentially taken full control of the Union’s direction. If Kearns didn’t have the problem of the small matter that is the final two years of his degree, he’s walk any election he contested. A low profile, yes – but this guy will be back, and he’ll be very successful. Stephen Dixon The Agent is all about giving our lesser known hacks the recognition they deserve, and there is no better example of one of those than the Chair of Trinity’s Fianna Fáil Theobald Wolfe Tone Cumann, Stephen Dixon. Dixon, a 4th year law student, and former Class Rep, has quietly, but effectively, garnered power in the Fianna Fáil organisation over the past four years, and is now a real powerbroker in Ógra circles. Internally in Trinity, he has all but ridden the Cumann of the bad dream that was honorary President Valentine Keaveny, and The Agent still hears that Dixon plans to leave an indelible mark on the Society by replacing Keaveny with a more acceptable alternative – dare The Agent suggest Averil Power? Externally, with an Ógra conference coming up in the coming weeks, Dixon wields immense power in deciding who the top man in OFF will be – and will likely extract as a price for his support a seat on the Ard Comhairle of Fianna Fáil. Monthly meetings with the Taoiseach? He should be on any power list.

James O’Brien Well, what can you say really? Led the “clique” to triumph in last years elections, and then sat on his backside and watched the society he claimed to love fall apart around him. Drove his Treasurer to resign amid accusations of bullying by him and his allies, watched his arch-enemy take her place, lost his two next senior Officers and former allies Curry and Farragher at Christmas, after they issued an “Either you go or we do” ultimatum, has recruited hardly any first years to the Society’s ranks, and the only saving grace he has is that his best mate Ross Maguire, Auditor of UCD’s L&H, had an even worse year and actually was forced from office, while Jamesy will survive the year. Whether the society will survive his disasterous, atrocious term of office, however, is another matter entirely. Trevor Breen Browne While his FF Colleague Stephen Dixon has had a storming year, Trevor has floundered. Rocked at the beginning of the year by a bollicking from FGHQ over his frankly, odd, choice of words in the Society’s welcome pack for first years, almost impeached over financial scandals that he says were the work of other’s imagination, yet nobody in his organisation has spoken up to defend him, embarrassed by himself after he published pictures of himself attending an “Imperial Fatman Conference” at which he and some Young Scottish Tories seemed to take an almost carnal pleasure in dressing up as fat 18th century slaveholders, and damaged internally by what close colleagues describe as a “bizarre” obsession with genetics (He is the proud owner of implements used by the Nazis to measure the Cranium) Trevor’s credibility has been shot to pieces to the extent that even those he currently thinks are his closest allies privately regard him as a joke. Bad, bad, year. Dave Quinn Has Dave had a bad year? Well it depends on how you look at it. He won the elections last year against a crowded and, compared to other years, talented, field. He had the benefit of working with four of his closest allies form years gone by serving in Sabbatical Office with him, and yet he has failed to achieve anything of note. His year has been riddled with poor publicity for the Union, starting with the saga over redundancies that was admittedly bequeathed to him by this predecessor, and moving through his terrible mismanagement of a run for USI environmental officer that saw him lose to RON. Since then, really, Dave’s been Dave. A nice guy, with a thin skin that prevents him from doing anything that might lead to criticism. He’ll be soon forgotten.

THE AGENT

The Agent’s winners and losers

Graham O’Maonaigh Poor Graham, all year long he’d planned to leave the Chairmanship of Labour Youth and walk into the SU Presidency. Alas, that plan has pretty much been shot to pieces, as he’s managed to alienate every insider he’s come into contact with, and now faces running for President while managing a campaign to maintain the ban on coke that is, sadly for him, doomed to failure. Circumstances have conspired against O’Maonaigh, but to be fair, he’ll be back, which is why he’s 4th, and not higher. Simon Evans The Union Administrator and General Manager has had a bad year. Not that any of it’s really his fault, but he’s had to implement the redundancies that were necessary to prevent the Union from facing eventual bankruptcy – a job that he’s done well. Evans is an institution in the Union, exercising power quietly and efficiently, but unfortunately for him, that often means being the hatchet man for Sabbatical Officers. The Agent suspects Evans will be glad to see the end of this year.

Mary Clarke The Agent knows that you all think that he’s included the lovely lady from Monaghan on his list because, well, he has to include a woman, and she’s hot – and well, you’d be right about the second bit. Clarke has steered the Law Society through a very good year, and in the process become one of the more quietly influential people in Hack Circles, although she has been somewhat reticent to use that power, which is why she’s not higher on the list. Universally popular with her members, and well connected outside the Society, the potential political power Clarke wields is hefty indeed. Were she in anyway interested, she’d be a close to unbeatable candidate for an SU Sabbatical Office, or any other position she threw her hat in the ring for. Well done Mary, and oh yeah, - call the Agent any time, The Editor will put you in touch.

TOP TWENTY

12 1

KAT SHEANE

TIMOTHY SMYTH

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

EDWARD O’ RIORDAN

BARRY MURPHY

ROBERT KEARNS

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

DAIRE HICKEY

DAVID QUINN

ELIZABETH O’BRIEN

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

MARIE-THERESE BOLGER

ANDREW BYRNE

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

PAUL CARTON

SIMON HALL

MARIE-CLAIRE O’KANE

BRENDAN MCGUIRK

DAVID SYMINGTON

11 12 13 14 15 Spending Power:

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

BEIBHINN CRONIN & EILISE MCGUANE

THE AGENT

JAMES O’BRIEN

DAVID RICKARD

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: ********** GABRIEL MAGEE

18 19 20

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

MARY CLARKE

EDWARD GAFFENY

DARRAGH KIRK

RUTH FALLER

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: ********** KATIE O’SULLIVAN

21 22 23 24 25

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********

Spending Power:

********** Influence: ********** Profile: **********