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TNT

Trinity News Two November 1st 2005

What happens if you spend a week eating Buttery food (and only Buttery food)?

TNT swallows its pride (and the odd dodgy meal) and finds out...

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2

Cover Story

TNT

‘I’ll have the Special We’ve all been there. So broke that the only place that’s affordable to eat in is the Buttery. But for a whole week? And every single meal? How healthy can that be? Christine Bohan finds out...

It’s Monday afternoon. I’m sitting in front of a plate of the Buttery staple of sausage, beans and chips and I can’t think of anything less appetising in the entire world right now. The chips look like they’ve fought their final battle and have crawled up onto my plate to die. The sausages are skinny and shrivelled and the beans are floating lifelessly around the side of the plate. I do not want to eat this.

And this is only the beginning. For this week, I have to eat every single one of my meals in the Buttery. The point was a simple one - often students don’t have enough money to afford to eat out and not enough inclination to bother cooking for themselves. And so the Buttery provides sustenance at a good price. But a whole week of eating there? Firstly, how much of a drain on your (often limited) funds is it, and secondly, how healthy it is?

I have my 4th fry of the week this morning - is 22 too young for a heart attack?

The idea was that we were going to get some eejit to eat there for the week and do a hilarious write-up at the end of it all and we’d all pat them on the back and applaud their bravery, taking a bullet for the team and all that. Except somehow everyone in the TNT office starting looking all shifty and mumbling something about being on a ‘low-carb gluten-free chip-free diet’ so they couldn’t do it. And so, I’ve ended up being the eejit. And this is beginning to look less like a big pisstake and more like a challenge worthy of the Crystal Maze. Or at least the Fun Factory. But without Pat Sharp. And slightly smaller hair.

Monday The week starts off optimistically. I have a 9am lecture which lasts for an hour and a half so by the time I get to the Buttery at 10.30am I’m starving. Breakfast is a fry – a couple of sausages, mushrooms, scrambled eggs, tea and toast. I’m usually a cereal kind of gal, so this is a big change. But it’s good stuff. Really good stuff. Plus it’s only €4. So it’s a good start to the week.

But it’s later on at lunch when I have my slightly melodramatically named Black

Epiphany. The sausage-beans-chips might be okay on any other day, but I’ve only had breakfast 3 hours ago and don’t really want to face more fried food. Should really have gotten something healthier.

It’s then that I make the revolutionary idea to not have chips with every single meal. Not only that but to explore the menu a bit more, and not just stick to the staples. It’s possibly the only way I’ll survive the week.

The idea begins tentatively at dinner, when I have Chicken Kiev and vegetables. And it’s not bad. This could all be okay after all…

Total cost: Breakfast €4, Lunch €3.05, Dinner €4.25 Tuesday My revolutionary ideas have taken a bit of a back seat. Breakfast is a fry again, mainly because it was so good yesterday.

I mix it up a bit by getting a fried egg instead of scrambled egg (kerr-azy man, as my parents used to say in their trippin’ days) but otherwise all’s cool. I don’t have time to get lunch but dinner is the special, sweet and sour pork with rice.

It’s my fifth meal in the Buttery and only one has been disappointing. Is this a record? Is there a big fall awaiting me?

Or maybe it’s just not as bad as I’ve always thought…

Total cost: Breakfast €4, Lunch €4 Wednesday Without exception, every single person I have mentioned this article to has asked if I’m trying to do a Supersize Me on a smaller scale. Every single time I’ve

laughed but today I start thinking a bit more about that. Why does everyone assume that eating in the Buttery for a sustained period of time is similar to eating in McDonald’s? I’m not planning on putting on loads of weight or losing my sexual prowess (ahem), as happened in the film. Instead I’m starting to make the effort to eat healthily because there’s no

What the expert says...

Dr. Aileen McGloinn is a nutritionist at the Student Health Centre. This is her verdict on Christine’s week of eating Buttery food.

MONDAY Breakfast Unfortunately, a fry is about the worst thing you can eat in the morning! It’s high in fat, saturated fat (bad for your heart), calories and salt. It’s OK to treat yourself now and again, but there are better choices available. A good breakfast would include one portion of dairy foods (milk, yogurt or cheese), one portion of carbohydrate foods (bread or cereal) and one fruit or vegetable portion (orange juice or banana on cereal, maybe).

Christine might have chosen a latte, with a scone and some juice, or cereal and fruit. The same is true for all the other days.

Lunch The only good things here are the beans;

they count as one portion of vegetables, are high in fibre and protein and low in fat. They do contain a good bit of salt and sugar though so go easy.

Dinner More veg. Great! Watch out for buttery fillings in prepared meats – this adds on a lot of fat – a plain breast of chicken, or a marinated chicken (barbeque or honey/mustard, for example) would be better.

TUESDAY I notice Christine skipped lunch. It’s not a good idea to go a long time without food, or it becomes difficult to concentrate. Christine should carry around healthy snacks like fruit or cereal bars for busy days. Dinner was fine though.

Sweet and sour sauces are low in fat and tend to contain a lot of vegetables.

WEDNESDAY The healthy chicken burger was a great choice, just go easy on the mayonnaise

when choosing this kind of thing, it adds a lot of fat. The Buttery uses low fat mayo, so it’s not so bad. Dinner is a disaster! Christine has eaten no dairy foods over the course of the day, so is low in calcium. A cheese sandwich would have balanced things up nicely.

THURSDAY Another good lunch. These mixed dishes tend to provide a good balance, because they contain meat, vegetables and a carbohydrate food, like rice. Watch out for Thai sauces that contain coconut cream though, these can be quite fatty.

FRIDAY This lunch has mixed blessings; the spring rolls are high in fat, but do provide some vegetables, the salads are great; just avoid the ones with heaps of mayonnaise. Dinner is great; a pasta meal with low fat sauce with loads of vegetables. A fantastic way to start the weekend. .

TNT

Cover Story / Sex Column

please...’ way I can stick a week of chips and curry sauce. Had the fry again for breakfast but for lunch I had a chicken burger in a wholewheat bap. I even noticed there’s a salad bar beside the hot food counter.

Didn’t actually get anything from it but it looks nice and it gives those BESS girls who don’t eat anything something to push around on their plate.

Total cost: Breakfast €4, Lunch €3.85, Dinner €2.50 Thursday I drop into Eugene McGovern, the Head of Catering to get a list of prices for all the food in the Buttery. He looks at me. I look at him. He suspects that I may be writing a slam piece about the Buttery.

He explains what it’s like providing food for 7,000 people every day at a price that stingy students will fork out for. I feel very guilty and fall over my words to tell him how much I like the breakfast fries (4th one in a row this morning – is 22 too young for a heart attack?). He laughs when I tell him that I started the week eating chips and chicken Kiev and points out that the special is much healthier and cheaper.

I head back over to what is now becoming my second home and get the Thai lamb curry with lime and tomato. It’s lovely. But I’m starting to get sick of the place. It’s not that the food is bad – everything I’ve had all week has been really pretty good.It’s just that I’m starting to yearn for home-cooked food.

Total cost: Breakfast €4, Dinner €4

jeans this morning. There is no way in hell that this is true but the thought lingers and I waddle over to the Buttery for my breakfast fix, feeling like Gwyneth Paltrow in Shallow Hal or Kirsty Alley every day of her life. It feels like the staff are looking at me and laughing and I feel almost mutinous as I hand over €4 from my chubby little hand. I again think about getting the cereal for breakfast and again dismiss it because I have become dependent on my mushrooms and sausages. I realise I need to get away from the Buttery and am thankful that it’s the last day.

I go healthy-ish again for lunch and dinner, with a spring roll and pasta.

Total cost: Breakfast €4, Lunch €2.95, Dinner €3 The verdict: Well it could have been a whole lot worse. I was expecting to end this week about a stone heavier and a lot broker. It’s very easy to dismiss the Buttery but the only bad meals I had this week were the ones when the plate was loaded up with chips, which were also more expensiveeverything else was fine. Still, think it’ll be a few days before I’ll be back again...

Friday My over-active imagination makes me think that it’s a little harder than usual to do up the top button on my favourite

The Menu for the Week...

Monday Breakfast: Fry Lunch: sausage, beans and chips Dinner: Chicken Kiev and vegetables Tuesday Breakfast: Fry Dinner: Sweet and sour pork with rice Wednesday Breakfast: Fry Lunch: Chicken burger in whole wheat bap with lettuce and tomato.

Dinner: Chips and curry sauce Thursday Breakfast: Fry Lunch: Thai lamb curry with lime and tomato Friday Breakfast: Fry Lunch: Spring roll with two portions of salad Dinner: Taglietelle with broccoli and roasted vegetables Provencal Photographs: Cian Kennedy/Christine Bohan

3

The Sex Column Sorcha Lyons has a Brazilian encounter When I say the word Brazilian to you, the first images that spring to mind are exotic foreign people who are beautiful, brown, full of spirit and football and fashion. I experienced a Brazilian the other day, and unfortunately I am not talking about a 6ft golden hunk named Ronaldo, I’m talking about the wax.

For those of you unversed on the intricacies of the beauty parlour menu, a Brazilian wax is a bikini wax where all that is left is a little strip at the top of your vagina- known in circles as the “landing strip”. I decided to get one so my boyfriend would have something to aim at and perhaps make sex and the eternal quest for the magic button a little bit easier for him.

I arrived at the salon early on a Friday morning. A small beefy woman in a white coat screams at me from the counter, with a sadistic smile on her face; “Are you the girl here for the wax?” The whole salon stares at me. The whole salon smiles. The whole salon knows. The fat ball of a woman marches me down to a little room, the walls are a warm yellow, the lighting is soft and there is a little bed to lie on- there’s also a CD playing relaxing dolphin music. This isn’t so bad I begin to think… then the woman speaks. “Right dearie, pop up there on the bed, pop off the trousers, knickers and all, I’ll be in in a minute, I’ll knock before I come in, my name is Jackie.” Jackie says all this in one breath, then with a straight arm salute, leaves me in the room.

I follow her orders and having safely installed myself on the bed, I wait… the knock comes on the door and before I have time to answer, Jackie comes bustling in with a huge trolley full of torturous devices. Sharp metal implements and boiling hot wax in a round white cauldron. It bubbles threateningly…

“Right so now, if you can just pop your legs up in the air pleeease” she shrills.

Pop them where? Up in the air. Oh God. She starts on the underside first.

Now at this point I must confess that the pain is incomprehensible- hair, which is perfectly happy where it is, being ripped from its roots with hot wax. I’m lying there in agony, trying not to pass out, when the beast dominatrix speaks. “So, have you been watching Celebrity Big Brother?” Is she serious? I quickly inform her that no, I haven’t yet managed to catch an episode. But Jackie is not so easily deterred, “Are you going anywhere

nice on your holidays this year?” Now we have all experienced sitting in a dentist chair, trying to answer the dentist’s questions about college while his/her fingers are poking around in our mouths.

Imagine this, except 13 times worse - trying to hold a conversation about anything with a woman who is torturing your vagina is next to impossible. Wax on, cotton strip applied- rrrrrrrip… hair torn from its roots. Wax, Strip, Rrrrrrip. Wax, Strip, Rrrrrrip. “Are you alright love?” chirps Jackie. “Yes, I’m fine” I manage to gasp.

I’m not fine at all- why do I lie to this woman? To get a nice manicured muff, that’s why.

‘I’m not fine at all why do I lie to this woman? To get a nice manicured muff, that’s why...’

I find myself twisting and turning like an out of practice gymnast, as Jackie gets at me from all angles. “So, have you anyone special to share this with, eh?” Jackie grins at me- she can’t be serious. I try to shrug it off, but she persists; “Anyone special, eh, eh eh?” I make a small yelp of agreement which seems to satisfy her.

“Well, you know you can’t show it to him until after 24 hours. You know what men are like, one sign of redness, or a bit of a rash, and they’re fainting…”

After an eternity, the storm passes and she has finished her operation. She thrusts a bottle of oil at me and advises me to clean up. Whistling, she backs out of the room with her trolley of death and leaves me to my raw skin and my own thoughts. I’ve survived it, that’s the main thing and I’m sure my own Ronaldo will be very happy with it. Perhaps he should release some of his Latin spirit and get a crack, back and sac wax to repay the favour.

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Feature

TNT

‘I suppose we get hornier every Glamour models Anna and Jerri recently paid a visit to Trinity College. TNT’s Diego Cortez broke into the girls hotel room and chatted to them about life, love and nudity.

Cortez: So girls, how have you enjoyed your visit to Trinity so far?

Anna: Oh we’ve loved it, haven’t we Jez. Its really lovely bein’ round a university. It’s really full of students!

Jerri: Yeah it’s been really lovely.

Everyone’s been so nice since we got ‘ere. We got ‘ere Monday. Then we did Singled Out on Tuesday, that were great fun. Then we did some pictures. Then we did a radio interview with the Sunday Independent! Then we did some more pictures!

Cortez: Wow, a busy week then. Now you may have heard about an article that appeared in the Star just before you arrived. It said that feminist groups in Trinity were planning on protesting at your visit. How did you feel about that?

Anna: (Puzzled) Why were they protest ing?

Cortez: Apparently when you appear in magazines semi-naked it’s demeaning to women.

Anna: (Puzzled and outraged) The Star said that we were demeaning to women?! They’ve got some bloody cheek! They print pictures of us all the time! The Star’s the trashiest newspaper around…

Jerri: Except for the Daily Sport.

Anna: Yeah, except for the Daily Sport.

Cortez: No, no. To clarify, The Star quoted Trinity feminists as saying that your actions demeaned women. What would you say to those feminists?

Jerri: (Anna still puzzled) I just think its funny, really. I mean they’re all quite sad. I just think they should all just get naked and run around in a field or somethin’, get themselves some free dom!

Cortez: Indeed. Now Jerri, I saw the Phil poster advertising your visit. It quoted you as saying, “I’m hornier than I’ve ever been before.” Why exactly do you think you are so horny at the moment?

Jerri: (Amused) I bloody well never said that!

Anna: (No longer puzzled) Well, I sup

pose every day we get hornier, don’t we Jez? I mean each day we’re hornier than we were the day before.

Jerri: That’s right Anna.

tall. Fairly dark…

Cortez: And how have you found the Irish men? Any budding romances?

Jerri: But you’re too young for us, in’t ya? You’re only a kid.

Anna: No actually. We’ve just been around students the ‘ole time and they’re all too young for us. I’m twenty five, I don’t want a toyboy! (Laughs) Not yet anyway. Maybe when I’m forty or some thin’!

Cortez: Yeah. I mean no.

Jerri: Yeah, I’ve been waitin’ for a tall, dark, handsome Irish guy to come sweep me off me feet but it just hasn’t ‘appened, really.

Interviewer’s Note: The preceding inter view is based on scant notes and vague recollection and may not accurately reflect actual events

Jerri: Exactly!

Cortez: Excellent, excellent. Okay, now how exactly you got into the glamour modelling business? Did you go to col lege first or…?

Jerri: Yeah I went to Bolton, I studied graphics.

Anna: And I got a degree in English from East London University.

Cortez: Oh… Okay. Great. And so how did how you end up doing… what you do now, then?

Jerri: (Excited) Well I always wanted to be a model and then I just entered a competition in the newspaper and it went from there really! Then I met Anna and she took me under her wing, taught me everythin’ she knows…

Anna: Aw, you’re so nice Jez. (Girls hug) Cortez: (Inaudible comment) So do you enjoy what you’re doing?

Jerri: Yeah we really love it. Its great fun, really. You get to meet lots of people. It makes you feel really good about yourself, really sexy. We’re just having a really amazing time. Oh! (Drops hair bobbin on floor, bends over to pick it up) Cortez: (Extended silence) That’s cool.

That’s cool. Okay, personally, one of the reasons that I wouldn’t pose for Playboy or Page 3 (Pauses for laughter, girls don’t get joke, continues) is because I wouldn’t be too comfortable with my family seeing it. How do your family feel about you appearing in magazines?

Jerri: My mum’s really great about it actually. She knows it’s what I want to do and she wants me to be ‘appy. At the end of the day she’d prefer me to be ‘appy than workin’ in some 9-5 job that I hate.

Anna: To be honest, I think my parents would prefer the 9-5 job! They’re both teachers so they’re not crazy about what I do. But at the end of the day, its your life and you’ve gotta do what you wanna do with it, don’t ya? Do whatever makes you ‘appy. I’n’it Jez?

Cortez: (Voice deepens) Well I’m pretty

Anna: (Laughs) Well we’re headin’ out to tonight so ‘opefully we’ll get lucky!

Jerri: Yeah, fingers crossed!

TNT

Feature / Fresher Column

day,don’t we?’

5

The Fresher Column Jason Robinson is getting used to Trinity...

After twelve years of education, it’s back to the bottom of the food chain once again. A new, blissfully ignorant junior freshman with not a care in the world, and no respect from the college one either. Rightly so, say my second year roommates.

So far, so good, though. The Trinity freshman ‘experience’, to put it cheesily, has gone quite well. Being a Dubliner myself, I was already aware of the imposing nature of the TCD campus on the city centre and the wonderful architecture that this campus is home to, yet it doesn’t take long to notice how much bigger it is after walking around. GMB, Atrium, Arts block- all random places I would now have to get acquainted with. But slowly I hope to come around and be as wise as my older peers.

Needless to say, Freshers week left myself, and I’m sure most of my fellow Freshers, that bit worse off financially and mentally. The various societies got it spot on in terms of coaxing some money out of us for membership, and also luring us to the various events. However, I think you got what you paid for and having gone to the Traffic Light Ball, Histeria and others, it definitely seems that the organisers did a good job in terms of getting the masses out on the town. The societies also made sure to keep the campus events rolling throughout the week and some societies, such as the Sci-Fi Soc. and the Hist. definitely did a good job of attracting my fellow students. The Sci-Fi soc definitely found the perfect combination for most male freshers- lots of beer and lots of “Family Guy”. And as most guys know, you can never get enough of “Family Guy”.

One of the interesting aspects to Freshers week was the competition between the various political parties. Trinity was host to Enda Kenny (at the Fine Gael stand), Liz O’Donnell (at the PDs stand) and Trevor Sargeant (at the Greens Stand) all during the week trying to lure innocent voters to their parties. Pretty soon into my college life, I’ve already realised that my own choice of party, The Green Party, is going to get me in for considerable stick. So I’ll just agree to all the slagging now- yes, I love hugging trees, it’s what we Greens do best. Of course I don’t eat meat. In fact, I’m a fruitarian (plagiarising from “Notting Hill”- now that’s bad) and to add insult to injury, my party of choice and myself are dedicated to ruin-

ing Irish life. No beer. No entertainment.

No enjoyment. EVER. Ahem. Sorry. I’ve said too much.

As for sports, after seeing some of the ‘rugger buggers’ around, I’ve decided I want to extend my college life by a few more weeks, and we’ll leave any possibility of impalement to a later date. After seeing some of these guys and realising they could probably kill me with their chests for all they wanted, I think I’ll stick to something manly, like, emm, badminton for example (“What do you mean badminton is for pansies??”). Lots of aggression, but very little in way of being physically battered. On that note, time for some chauvinism- why do female badminton players get two and a half courts to have trials on, whereas we males have to settle for one? EH?? That’s sexism, girls, plain and simple (next issues I’ll try and offend minority groups and various races- send in your suggestions. Please note Kevin Myers has covered many of them already, so originality is key).

‘I think I’ll stick to something manly, like, emm, badminton...’

All in all, Trinity has been good so far.

I’m quite disappointed, to be truthful, that much of my usual sarcasm and criticism is non-evident in this issue, but unfortunately I haven’t had time to find out all that is wrong with the college. Come next issue, don’t worry it will all changeanger, bitterness and all that goes with being a spoiled, underworked, underexploited Irish student. For all those who have actually made it to the end of the article, fair play, ‘cause no doubt I’ll be known as that prat who writes that Freshers article. Anyway. Here’s to a new start and I hope to have lots to talk about in the near future both good and bad.

Jason Robinson is a first year English student. He will be writing this column in each edition of TNT as he progresses through his first year in Trinity

6

Interview

TNT

The State of the Student Union President John Mannion and his colleagues have now been in office for almost 4 months. TNT sent Una Faulkner to have a cup of tea with the man himself to find out how they’re getting on Six months have somehow flown by since the first time I interviewed the then incoming SU President, John Mannion. So sitting in the Arts Block on a lazy Saturday afternoon I was curious to find out just what the new President had to say for himself and his new job and whether it was what he expected it to be. “Well yes and no to be honest, part of it has been hard-

‘There’s much more to the job than just what was in your manifesto...’ er than I thought it was going to be.

Your eyes really do open in the first few weeks though, there’s much more to the job than just what’s in your manifesto. There are definitely a lot of issues that hit you in the first couple of weeks that you don’ t realise or think of before you take office. In many ways it is more difficult than

people think.

Just to get out of House 6 and be on the ground talking to students can be difficult, but I think I have a very good balance to get out a lot during the day.

But the SU is definitely more on the ground this year. I’ ve made sure that I’m never in House 6 during my lunch break, I always tried to do my When John was told to be more hand-on with Clubs and Societies, he took it a bit too literally... work from 5 February’ s election with a massive then the regular student who think I’ to 7; work that many presidents 46% of the votes. So one cannot but m more like as I’ve never done anywould do during the day when stuquestion him on what he thinks the thing with the Union before. I don’t dents would be around. I really do student body make of him; “Honestly think people know exactly what to believe that you have to be around I don’t know. There are two groups of make of me so far, I think everyone and be seen”. people who don’ t know what to has a good impression; that I’m pretty Mannion, in essence an SU virgin, make of me for different reasons; normal and approachable. I’m really having no involvement in the Union those involved in the SU before, and looking forward though to SU until he took office, won last Council, people to come and abuse me three times a term!”

The new burgundy hoodies that the all five officers seem to sleep in - it’s a rarity for them to be seen without them - has certainly made the SU more noticeable this year. In comparison to years gone by when the average Joe Student couldn’t tell you where House 6 was, never mind what went on there, this year seems to have witnessed a sea change with the SU and how it is perceived.

So whilst we were on the subject of how the SU has changed, I wondered if the former G.A.A. football captain thought he was doing a better job than he predecessor, Francis Kieran; “I think I’m doing a different job than Francis. I think there are many aspects that I think I’m doing better than him but there are also many

John shares a joke with his fellow Officers, but fails to impress Donal...

TNT

Interview / Our Man Abroad

Union aspects that I’m trying my best to live up to him. There were certain areas that he was unbelievably strong in and that’s what I’m working on. I’m trying to be as good as I can but no matter what there will always be areas that I will be different on, which some may perceive as being better”.

‘I hope people will remember me as a President most like the average student...’

Obviously being President of one of the largest Student Unions in the country has its ups and downs, I couldn’t help but be inquisitive as to what he found to be the best and worst aspects of the job; “Well the best would be the students.

Definitely the students. Walking out of your office and meeting someone, or someone coming into your office.It’s not even being well known but it’s just being able to talk to students. Students coming up to you and asking you questions and chatting to you on nights out, that’s great craic. Especially if someone tells you that you’re doing a good job, it’s brilliant”.And the worst

Photographs of John by Karina Finegan-Alves

aspect of the job?

“Having to work! I’d say though the worst part of the job is definitely time, there are only so many hours in the day and that hurts me big time. There are many difficult parts of the job, and an awful lot of work to do. But in any job you have to do work. You are awful busy everyday, you’ve no time to really sit back and taket easy but it’s just part of the job.

Obviously you have difficult decisions to make, it’s very hard sometimes to make a right decision, but you have to stick by your principles and do the best for the students. It can be a challenging job at times but it is good craic. No matter what anyone says the job is good fun.

Recently described as the ‘anti-hack’ of the SU, the guy who likes nothing better than sit down and have a chat over a cup of tea (with milk andsugar), Mannion certainly is a welcome change from the usual Presidential clone that the SU issues, who is pretty much indistinguishable rom year to year. So does he think he might have set a prerequisite for future SU Presidents? “I’d like to believe that people will look back at fme and think that I was good and different. hat I changed what the SU President was. Obviously this can only be said at the end of the year and obviously I don’t know what’s going to come up during the year.

No matter what happens though I hope people remember me as a President most like the average student”

Our Man Abroad

7

David Traynor is settling into college in Salamanca Salamanca is a university town located in the region of Castilla y Leon in northwestern Spain, two hours from Madrid. It was, and, to a certain extent, still is, the most important and prestigious university in Spain and, for most of the middles ages, one of the most important in Europe.

When I arrived here three weeks ago, it wasn’t my first time to visit the city. I came here after my Leaving Cert. in the Summer of 2003 to do a Spanish language course in one of the many language schools here. I stayed for five weeks and loved every minute of it; the friends I met, the nightlife to be had, and the great atmosphere there is in the city. I loved it so much that I vowed to come back on Erasmus, provided I got the points to get into European Studies.

Thankfully I did, and here I am.

This time, however, was a lot different.

Going on Erasmus is a completely different experience to staying in a place for five weeks. Plus, last time, I stayed with a family. The first priority, therefore, was to find accommodation. Luckily, I had a friend from UCD who had been here on Erasmus last year. She recommended a place to me which she had stayed in. One of my friends from European Studies, Siobhan, was also going to Salamanca, so we rang up the landlady and reserved two rooms in the apartment.

When we arrived, we were pleasantly surprised by our apartment. It was nicely furnished and the rooms were very comfortable. The location was also very central, opposite a convent, which meant that it wouldn’t be too loud at night! We were also very happy with our flatmates. Both are Spanish which forces us to speak Spanish, at home at least. Out of the two rooms, one was en suite. Being the only girl, Siobhan got that one.The room I got was huge, complete with a sofa bed, desk, cards table and enough storage space to store ten times what I brought. It actually used to be the sitting room which means now that we have a small sitting room and kitchen. I’m not complaining though!

Settling into the university has been harder than I thought. When we arrived, we had missed two weeks of classes, even though we were told that we could arrive

right up until October 2nd. Since then, the coordination of Erasmus students has left a lot to be desired. We pretty much have to find out everything ourselves i.e. when our classes are and where they’re on etc. Also, after three weeks and five weeks of term time, we’re still not registered. I don’t have a student card and I’m not on any of the rolls. Like most things in Spain, though, the university is very relaxed about these things. You just have to go with the flow. It’s the Spanish way.

Most of the university staff go home for the siesta and don’t come back til the next day!

Another example of their laxadaisical attitude came last week when the city closed down for three days for an international summit with South America. As a result, we were given a five day weekend! So… I’ve decided I’m adopting their attitude; i.e. that things will sort themselves out over time. Meanwhile, I’m just enjoying the experience.

As for the nightlife here, it’s second to none. Because it’s a student town, the best nights of the week to go out are Wednesday and Thursday. Many people drink in each other’s houses beforehand or congregate in squares to “ir a la botellón” which basically translates as “to go knacker drinking”. It sounds crap but it’s a great place to meet people and there’s a great buzz. From there, people go on to pubs or clubs but never before 11.You’d usually only eat dinner around 9 or 10.

During the week, there are “barras libres” (free bars) which allows you to drink as much beer, sangria or calimocho (a strange concoction of red wine and coke) as you possibly can in three hours for €3/4. It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?

But, I kid you not. It’s so cheap to go out here. If someone told you that they spent €15 or €20 on a night out here, you’d think they were a fool. I don’t know how I’m going to go back to rip-off Ireland..

Anyway, that’s all from Salamanca for the moment. Hopefully, by my next article, I will be registered and settled in to college life and still enjoying myself…

Hasta la próxima David Traynor is a 3rd year European Studies student who is spending the year in Salamanca.

8

Hot & Not Political fashion guru Catherine Lawlor checks out some Eastern European chic

So Hot - Polish Elections Movie stars in politics are so hot right now, as ably demonstrated by Schwarzenegger's frankly GUBU election as Governor of California. World-renowned as a country never to be left behind by the latest trends, Poland has awarded the overall majority in their September general election to the Law and Justice Party (absolute PiS apparently, but that's a cheap shot) led by child star Jaroslaw Kaczynski.

Now, the population is on the edge of its seat to elect his identical twin brother Lech (co-star in the beloved 1962 classic The Two That Stole The Moon) to the office of president in the second round of presidential elections on 23rd October.

Donald Tusk, Lech's opponent in the forthcoming election, is at an obvious disadvantage encumbered as he is by his thoroughly pronounceable and thus mortifyingly unPolish name. While some have expressed concern about the lack of W's in the twins' surname, the positively effervescent 'CZY' combo in the middle is definitely winning fans in less strait-laced circles.

As it behoves us all to acquaint ourselves with our new EU neighbours, and given the logistical difficulties of popping over for a cup of sugar, a thorough dissection of Lech's policies might give us some idea as to what's hot right now with the blow-ins over the other side of the estate.

As one of a pair and a militant Catholic, Lech has been a member of a majority all his life.

Minorities just don't cut it with this bad boy. As Mayor of Warsaw he has banned the city's gay parade for the last two years, deeming it a corrupting influence on young people. Personally speaking, I know the scars the sight of a grown man dancing in a pink feather boa can inflict.

PiS are particularly worried about gay teachers, the party line being that while gays "should be tolerated" (presumably if they reserve their gaiety for the privacy of their own homes), there are concerns about "professions of people who have contact with children" – presumably because, as Lech is no doubt aware, homosexuals are also without fail rabid paedophiles.

He has also mooted the possibility of "resettling" Warsaw's homeless population in "container slums on the edge of the city so they no longer clutter up the centre". If only an Irish politician would display the same vim in combating the scourge of charity workers clogging up Dublin's main arteries!

Of course, we're all aware of how brutally thorough the last great "resettlement" of a central European minority was. Entirely unrelated in any way to any of the above is Lech's soft spot for the reinstitution of the death penalty. Perhaps our wily Lech sees this as an expedient way of creating work for Poland's 18% unemployed.

Lech and Jaroslaw Kaczynski? Central Europe's answer to Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. So hot right now.

Politics

TNT

A Brush With a With the help of the Hist, Derek Owens collars Albert Reynolds before the Annual Northen Ireland Debate “He spent his whole career trying to be nice to journalists, to the media. And in the end, they destroyed him”. For one wily political veteran holding forth on the dangers of talking to journalists, Albert Reynolds was now a cautionary tale, a reminder of the perils of treating the media as anything other than a dark, predatory force. Whether as a Fianna Fail candidate in Longford, a minister, or Taoiseach,

“Reynolds was able to sidestep many of my questions with platitudes, homely simplifications, or completely unrelated answers. Still I lapped it up” Reynolds made time for journalists. He greeted them, as the Irish Independent’s Sam Smyth wrote, with ‘American’ panache, with a handshake, smile, and a confidence. They repaid him with studied contempt, writing off his abilities as a minister, or prospects of becoming Taoiseach.

When he finally did what Des O’Malley, Charlie McCreevy and other political ‘greats’ failed to do, defeating Charles J. Haughey to win the leadership of Fianna Fail, the ‘Country and Western Taoiseach’ was still treated as a lightweight by Dublin hacks, who watched his eventual demise with delight. The ‘Daily Star’ piece describing him as nothing other than a “Gombeen Man” (for which Reynolds sued, winning one penny – much to the delight of ‘The Phoenix’ et al) was unusually vicious, but it was only part of a long line of verbal hammerings. In other words, you’d forgive him

Reynolds looks on during the debate Photo: Ruaraidh Conlon- O’Reilly for being a little bitter.

There’s no need for such forgiveness.

Reynolds, though long retired, still greets real people and would-be-journalists alike with the warmth of a politician desperate for votes. He asks how people are. Bizarrely, he waits for an answer. Such a lack of cold ‘professionalism’ makes him a challenging interviewee. While it’s not unusual for public figures to avoid interrogators, we can normally tell when they’re doing it, and mount our high horse accordingly. Reynolds was able to sidestep many of my questions with platitudes, homely simplifications, or completely unrelated answers. Still I lapped it up.

So Not - Russia In its recently published annual 'Freedom in the World' report, Freedom House, the US-based democracy watchdog, has taken the inexplicable and wholly unfounded step of branding the Russian Federation so not right now – specifically, by downgrading its status to 'not free'.

The nation's affable leader, Vladimir Putin – often referred to as "a veritable sugar plum fairy of a man" and described in certain circles as "a submissive wimp" – is said to have taken the move as a personal slight and retired to bed in the throes of depression, a bottle of vodka and his beloved dog Connie his only desired company.

"It understands how I'm feeling", the famous judo afficionado is reported to have stated. It is yet to be determined whether he was referring to the bottle or the bitch.

Thousands of subjects have flooded the streets from Murmansk to Vladivostok in support of their latter-day Tsar, enthusiastically encouraged by the ever-benevolent military police force OMON (better, albeit most unfairly, known for having arrestees

Vladimir Putin. "A Submissive Wimp". Apparently mysteriously expire while in custody).

Members of the press, fortuitously flown in as one particularly rapturous, spontaneous display of esteem for the miffed leader took shape, witnessed one young demonstrator's passionate cries of "They made us come!" as he was persuasively led away for his own safety – 'they' no doubt referring to the mendacious villains responsible for distressing the President.

For all his charming evasiveness, he let a few things slip. For one, he does feel he was judged unfairly. “On my very first day as Taoiseach,” he said, “I set out two political objectives: First, peace in the North, and two, seriously reduce immigration. People thought ‘that’s just not on’, that I was crazy, or that ‘oh, he’s a Fianna Fail leader so he has to talk about the North’. But now, look!”

His hands then flew up in an expansive gesture normally reserved for South American dictators. Such comments during the short interview, and his obvious delight at a warm reception from a full GMB chamber, seem to show an almost paternal pride in what Ireland has become, and a real sense of vinMeanwhile fallen oligarch Mikhail Khodorkovsky, currently incarcerated at a mystery location (possibly Penal Colony No. 13 in the city of Engels, described by those fortunate enough to have visited as "a godforsaken pit in the ground, much like the Lecky library"), has come out in an unprecedented show of support for his arch-nemesis.

"In fairness, he's a decent bloke. In fact, Russia is a pre-apple Eden for democracy," the celebrated dissident conceded to the conveniently assembled media.

When asked whether he was concerned that state prosecutors have not informed his lawyers and family of his whereabouts, Khodorkovsky replied that "The wife's a bit of a nag, truth be told, and I'm glad of this opportunity to get away from it all.

There is certainly nothing I enjoy more than the satisfaction of breaking rocks to earn my daily gruel".

He also adamantly dismissed inflammatory suggestions that a Khalashnikov was being aimed at his head during the press conference.

TNT

Politics

Natural dication. It was a question that had to be asked: Does he feel that the work he did is more appreciated now? That he gets more respect? “Yes. I do genuinely, yeah.” An interruption then from a ’Histie, reminding us how little time there was before the debate started, offered the chance to catch him off guard at last. I mentioned his presence as a cautionary tale among politicians, how the media showed no gratitude as they presided over his political destruction. Does he feel they were ungrateful, or cruel? “Yes. But that’s politics, that’ll happen.” Does he miss it? “No,” he answered, with seeming certainty, “but… I’d have liked a few more years as Taoiseach. It would have been nice to spend some of the money I saved. It’s more enjoyable in politics.”

Simplified, offhand answers like that, anecdotes about being asked abroad if he and his wife were “refugees from the North”, and glib comments that “it’s much easier to get along when you’re both making money,” make it all too easy to underrate Albert Reynolds still. But an objective look at the man and his record shows how unfair that would be. He still, as always, oozes charm. He’s clever enough to handle gushing admirers, and students with their best ‘journalist’ hat on. More critically, he showed real political will and courage during his career on two fronts. As minister for Industry & Commerce, then Finance, then as Taoiseach, he drove through unpopular cuts in public expenditure that eventually allowed Ireland’s economy to develop. As Taoiseach, he lived up to his reputation as a supreme maker of deals, salvaging a ceasefire from a tangled web of misery and violence in Northern Ireland. For that reason alone, he deserves to be seen as a great politician during his career. After a brief encounter, it’s safe to say that he still is.

9

That’s My Bush!

Part 1: Harriet Miers: Superfreak Hugh Roche-Kelly lets fly Since George W Bush became elected President of the USA, many, many commentators have, well, commented on how inept and generally unsuitable the man is. For everything. Not wanting to prove them wrong, the President recently nominated to the Supreme Court the most inept, unsuitable and downright mentally unstable crony ever seen in a century of American politics. Not only is she a complete crony- previously his personal lawyer- the main reason behind her nomination, as expounded by the President, makes little sense. It runs a little something like this; As a practising lawyer she’ll bring a fresh perspective to the Supreme Court.

Right… well, yes. Miers has been a practising lawyer for several decades, this is true. But she is a business lawyer, and this experience is therefore almost completely irrelevant. She has never before had to deal with the big legal issues that are facing the court, abortion, gay rights, etc.

In fact, her most recent state-appointed job was as head of the Texas Lottery commission.

Lottery. Courts. Is that really a good link? It is true she’d bring a “fresh” perspective to the Court, but then so would I. So would a binman, or a cow.

But there’s something more. Memos, written by Miers during her time as head of the lotto commission, have been released by the Texas

“It is true she’d bring a ‘fresh’ perspective to the Court, but then so would I. So would a binman, or a cow.”

State library, and the quotes below appeared in the NY times on 10 Oct. The files show, without any shadow of a doubt, that Miers is a crazy freak. She has the heavily made up face of a fifty something with the mind of a randy schoolgirl. And not the good kind of schoolgirl, the kind with braces that hide a lot. According to her, Bush was the “greatest governor ever!” and therefore “cool.” These files date from 1995, and show her obvious attraction to the future president.

But is the feeling mutual?

Perhaps not. In 1996 Bush called her a bloodthirsty thundering bitch: “She’s a pitbull in size six shoes.” In fact Miers goes on to complain bitterly that “all [she hears] about is how well you and Laura are doing.” But

Straight Pink Derek Owens reads ‘Straight Left’ by Ruari Quinn, and learns that Labour politicians don’t aways foam at the mouth.He’d find it more interesting if they did ...

It’s a sad feature of Irish politics, as Quinn says in his pre-amble, that few of its veterans have ever written an account of their time in the trenches. While every British PM from Churchill to Major feels the need to enlighten or torture us with their story, we have to content ourselves with Labour activists like Ray Kavanagh and Fergus Finlay, or Fianna Fail’s brown-paper-bagman Frank Dunlop. Dunlop’s machiavellian adventures, and Kavanagh’s turgid account of a boring career, though, show just how heavily the political memoir rests on the personality and experiences of the author. It’s why Churchill’s story will always have more attraction than, say, Major’s, and why Charles Haughey’s autobiography remains the best political book never written.

So the sight of Ruari Quinn, sometime cabinet minister and short-lived leader of the Labour Party, forcing a smile (along with a ‘relaxed’ pose and lovely pink shirt – very soft-left) for the cover of ‘Straight Left’, didn’t exactly seem like a heaven-sent vision. Quinn is hardly the most inspiring or mysterious resident of Leinster

wait, what’s this? Harriet E Miers making embarrassing jokes about phallic objects? Yes it is! In another letter she praises Bush for paying her a “visit” with his “plane.” The experience was, of course, “cool.”

So we don’t know if this is a tragic onesided love story. But wouldn’t it explain everything if it weren’t? Bush lacks the personality to have an affair, and besides it’s against his religion.

It explains h i s incredible stupidity in m a n y things, but none more so than this nomination.

Plagued by a burning in his loins, Bush choose simply to vent his sexual frustration on the nation and humanity in general, gifting them a childlike freak who looks like a battered transvestite Maggie Thatcher impersonator. Clinton just screwed a lot, now Bush screws up a lot.

House, and his primary claim to fame remains his occasional presence at the Cabinet table through the 80’s and 90’s – it’s telling that ‘Straight Left’ begins with his first months as a minister, before backtracking to his pleasant, unremarkable childhood. Much of the criticism of the book, in fact, has been based on Quinn’s personality. “Earnest and boring – like the man,” one reviewer wrote, while Vincent Browne decided to indulge his personal dislike for the pink one, sniping from the cover of ‘The Village’. Quite why the book’s ‘insignificance’ was deemed important enough to merit front-page comment is a bit of a mystery, but there you go.

Casting the book as boring and pointless isn’t exactly fair either. There are a few interesting titbits about life in politics, and about Quinn himself: Quinn’s journey, via Camus and atheism, from an ‘Irish Press’-reading, nationalist Catholic background to the valley of champagne socialism is dealt with frankly and thoughtfully. His sear-

ing contempt for Michael McDowell, along with his mania for renovating every departmental office he set foot in, comes perhaps unintentionally through during the course of his 400-odd pages. Too much, though, is left unsaid. His marital breakdown, for example, is tidied away within two paragraphs, more of an explanatory note than a significant event in his life. Even though he hints at the simmering tension within the Labour parliamentary

It’s ultimately the lack of entertainment or novel ideas that threatens to scupper the whole book party, diplomacy sets in and we get precious little gossip or anecdotes.

It’s ultimately the lack of such entertainment, or particularly novel ideas, that threatens to scupper the whole book. The occasional typo (in this day and age!) or awkward phrase (‘tragically sad’ springs to mind) jars but, grammatical tragedies aside, Ruari Quinn knows how to write. The problem is that, in the final analysis, he doesn’t have all that much to write about. He makes his points in favour of moderate socialism well, but not well enough to get the average punter marching under the pink flag.

Nor has he been privy to state-shaping political developments, or any incidents worth more than a casual giggle.

Ultimately, it’s an occasionally intimate, well-told story of an intelligent, thoughtful politician in dignified decline. It’s a shame he’s so boring though. There’s merit to Quinn’s story, but not enough for 400 pages, or the €20+ you'll pay to read it.

10

Talking Heads

TNT

Q: UCD have spend €30,000 rebranding as er, UCD Dublin.

And there’s a new crest too.

Was it worth the money?

Interviews by Miriam Barrarghy Yeah - internationally it’s a better name, people will know where it is. Also in terms of fundraising, especially in the US, people will donate sooner if they know where the college is Hugh Daniel, 4th Year BESS No, it was a complete waste of money. €30,000 could be spent on something else that is far more worth it. It didn’t need to be renamed Laurence Berry, 4th Year English Studies Don’t think so. No, no it wasn’t.

Richard Fitzgerald, Arts, UCD Yes, internationally it sounds better Julie Holmes, 2nd Year Social Studies No, it’s not worth the money.

Dublin is already in the title UCD. It’s like people saying they’re going to use the ATM machine already included in abbreviation.

Kirsten Smith, 3rd Year BESS It’s just another example of business principles being applied to education to increase profits. At the end of the day, it’s a college, not a company and the focus should be on learning.

Ella Smith 2nd year BESS No, it’s not worth it. It’s a contradiction. The D is already in the title. UCD Dublin sounds ridiculous.

Andrew White, 3rd year

No, complete waste of money William Carroll 3rd Year BESS

CAN YOU THINK OF A BETTER NAME FOR UCD TO BRAND ITSELF WITH?

I think that UCD needed to rebrand, but the logo they came up with was wrong Joe O’Doherty, former BESS student

Yeah. Stillorgan Polytec.

Harman Murta 4th Year Economics

I dunno. It reeks of desperation to be honest, like they’re not happy with themselves and need to change.

David James, Biblical and Theology Studies DCU did exactly the same thing a couple of years ago when they rebranded and they were lauded for having the foresight to do so.

Now they’re one of the best universities in the country and recognised worldwide for that. What’s so different about UCD doing it? I think they’ll be really successful and fair play to them.

David Bower, 3rd year Business

DO YOU THINK THAT TRINITY NEEDS TO RENAME AND REBRAND ITSELF? Hell, no, it resounds. If you go to sub-Antartica they’ll have heard of Trinity.

Andrew White 3rd year Theology/Philosophy

What about D4 IT? Hugh Daniel, 4th year Economics

Yeah maybe Anglo-Irish college Dublin Richard Fitzgerald, Arts, UCD. Again

Yeah. Superior Academic Institution Richard Fitzgerald Arts UCD

No. Because then we couldn’t say “Trinners for Winners” Shane Noone, 3rd year BESS

Don’t think about it really... what about the Idiot’s Guide to College Harry O’Rourke 2nd Year BESS

No. Trinity shouldn’t change. If you say Trinity people know what you are talking about. To change it would be hassle.

Jennifer Stack, 2nd year Russian and German

Shit Hole. Or Belfield Industrial School William O’Carroll, 3rd Year BESS SIPTU Colllege?

Toby Jones, 3rd year History How about SPII - Superior Postgrad Institute of Ireland?

Joe O’Doherty, former BESS student

Don’t think it makes a difference to be honest. Everyone will still call it UCD. Joe Merrigan, 1st year Science

Degrees for Dicks Pete Traynor, 2nd year Theoretical Physics

There’s been a lot of people giving out about it in UCD itself, and it’s for a reason - it’s shit Brian O’Gorman, 1st year Science

Culchie University Dublin (CUD). It has a nice ring to it.

Plus it’s true.

Sarah Clancy, 1st year General Nursing

We should drop University of Dublin crap. Let them know from the rest where we are.

William O’Carroll 3rd year BESS No, Trinity doesn’t need to rebrand. The whole thing of restructuring was enough.Trinity will always attract the best students.

Ella Smith 2nd year BESS Maybe. It does come across as a bit old-fashioned and crusty Joe Merrigan, 1st year Science No Toby Jones, 3rd year History

TNT

Fashion

This Season’s Seriously Sultry Styles Carmen Bryce The fall line breezed onto the catwalks with full gusto bidding farewell to summer’s feminine frills and bohemian loveliness and introducing a dynamic combination of Beatnik chic, Victorian tucks, Russian sex appeal and 50’s glamour.

Hang up the flip -flops as the daisy picking, poetry reading hippy look is now redundant. Sharp tailored symmetries, compelling military designs and the return of black as this season hot colour screams ‘ I’m cooler than a finger click in a jazz club.’ Girl power is back in a big way (and doesn’t involve Ginger Spice this time) with winter’s take no shit sultry styles.

This season has witnessed the rebirth of a smoky Beatnik style with striking stripes, skinny fitting, monochrome colours and razor-sharp tailoring. Set up as a refreshing antithesis to summer’s boho flounces and exaggerated accessorising, the Beatnik creation is feminine in an entirely different. Leather features high in this look whether in the fitted jackets or drainpipe trousers and offers an almost androgynous type of sexiness, uncomplicated and dangerously sensual.

Introduced by designers McQueen and adopted by the hottest of supermodels such as Miss Moss, this look is relatively easy to recreate. As usual, it is Topshop who is leading the way with skinny jeans, low stiletto pumps and stripy knit dresses.

Team slim-fit trousers with knee boots, a stripy scarf and a funky jazz beret and you’re well kitted out click it with the coolest cats in the city.

If you’re more crumpets than cool then this season’s Victorian look offers a softer sexiness for the vestal virgin in us all.

Frills as well as funk are on offer this winter in the shape of luxurious silk blouses with ribbons and floral beauty galore.

“Girl power is back in a big way (and doesn’t involve Ginger Spice this time) with winter’s take no shit sultry sexy styles.”

Lace and tie-up designs feature predominantly in this look in Austenseque ankle and knee boots and corset style glamour.

Victorians concealed their raging sexual appetite under modest layers and pretty

accessories and this is reflected in this season’s fitted coats and capes, sophisticated layering of faux antique accessories and womanly frills that speak reverend’s wife but whisper’s saucy mistress.

From subtle governess appeal to full on screen siren seduction, this season’s 1950’s allure promises to bring out the Monroe in us all with nipped in waists, shape making pencil skirts and chunky corset leather belts. This look is all about she devil sophistication with stiletto court shoes high enough to give vertigo sufferers goosebumps. Think Hitchcock heroine in fitted tweed fabrics and checked patterning teamed with killer heels . lLead the way for this look with minimal accessorising in pearls and diamond (they are a girl’s best friend after all) and figure hugging demure that will have your James Dean drooling at the chops.

Another look this season that could kill with one over the shoulder glance is the James Bond Russian Spy girl style with fur, velvet and over-sized semi-precious jewels leading the way. For next to nothing in Pennny’s you can fight the masses for this season’s Cossack look with fur hats, embroidered jackets and embellished belts. In a not so distant cry from summer’s boho, velvet tiered skirts and faux far gillets are a must for this revolutionary creation led by designers such as Jon Richard from Debenhams. Think Doctor Zhivago meets The Deer Hunter and you can’t go far wrong.

So go forth and shop ladies. Whatever your fancy ; cool chic, Dickensian charisma, red carpet goddess or Russian princess-bride, this winter promises to be the most fashionably intriguing yet.

11

Celebrity Stoning of the Month -The students have their say.

I vaguely recall a beardy bloke in a dress saying something along the lines of “let ye that has not sinned cast the first stone.”

Yet in today’s society, both the media and the public cannot wait to get stuck in when it comes to celebrity slating. Whether too fat or too thin, too boring or that little bit too unhinged, break-ups and abusive relationships, rehab and relapses, there’s no denying the nation’s voyeuristic obsession with the celebrity cult.

Undergoing intensive £2,250 a day therapy at the exclusive Meadows clinic in Arizona, Kate Moss is struggling to kick her cocaine habit and salvage her multimillion pound career. She has been slaughtered by the press, donned an “unfit mother” and a “horrendous role-model” and dropped like last year’s Pop Idol by several advertising agencies. In response to such inflated social outrage, I ask, does this waif- framed super-model deserve such a stoning?

“Christ, give the girl a break! The whole industry is fuelled by drugs and eating disorders and flashy life-styles. It’s a tough business and Kate Moss has been a central figure, a skinny one at that, in the modelling world since she was, like, 15. I reckon the press should worry about the real sinners, the dealers, and leave of defenceless, 6 stone beauties such as Moss. Its part of a celebrity’s bag to be reckless and wild. Is this not the perks of being rich and famous? Otherwise, what’s the point?”

Pawet Bignell, History of Art. “I reckon Moss deserves all she gets.. She gave up the rights of being reckless and extravagant when she became a mother.

The super model has the luxury to the best and most exclusive treatment in some posh resort. Not too shabby! I say let her take the heat. She shouldn’t have got into the kitchen otherwise. We all know she come out smelling like roses in the end and I’ll doubt that won’t be the end of this drugs business. I say a millionaire lifestyle is more than enough to make up for a bit of public criticism.”

Declan Cullen, English.

I“It’s disgusting how ruthlessly the press prey on celebrities such as Moss.

Big media bosses make their millions out of making people miserable. After all Moss is only human, a mother, a girlfriend, a daughter and should not be thoughtlessly exploited and made an example of by people who have probably stood beside her in nightclubs doing exactly the same thing.

Bronagh Curran,Engineering.

Did Kate deserve the treatment that she got?

“ I just don’t understand modern society’s obsession with ‘the celebrity’. I mean, Kate Moss’ drug abuse problem was on the front page of every national newspaper for a whole week. What ever happened to real current affairs: global warfare, political climates, social conflict, and worldwide starvation! Since when did it matter that some skinny supermodel has been snorting half of London’s cocaine supply up her nose? Does that affect her performance as a. clothes rack! Have supermodels become our Gods and Goddesses? Is it Supermodel or Superhuman?”

Jenny Hutson, BESS. “I can’t stand those people who stand on their high horse and condemn the media for this so called exploitation of celebrities. I bet you the same people are the first to flick through those glossy mags, the tabloid rags, and gossip in the hairdressers and over coffee about who does what and who is sleeping with who. If we’re all honest with ourselves, celebrity slating is what we want to see. What’s the point of celebrities like Kate Moss if not to be made an example of for the public eye. It makes us feel better that celebrities, despite what they would like us to think, are human too.”

John Nash, Mathematics.

Its not as if she ever had the reputation of a clean living home maker, but revelations of this kind about a woman who has managed to be one of the most public people in the world and yet so fiercely private were always going to be sensationalised.

Yet it strikes me that things have been blown out of proportion. Not only can it be considered a breach of privacy law, but calling someone a bad mother, and the ‘crack whore of an equally messed up addict’ as one red topped paper so gracefully put it seems to be wholly undeserved. Who are we to judge?

Jenny McLoughlin

12

Books

TNT

Pinter picks up Nobel Prize... ..While Banville Bags Booker "Pinter did what Auden said a poet should do. He cleaned the gutters of the English language, so that it ever afterwards flowed more easily and more cleanly” David Hare

Klara Kubiak Born in London 1930, the litany of Harold Pinter’s achievements is a substantial one; his career has seen him as actor, poet, playwright, director and political activist. His notable and immense contribution to literature has won him many honorary degrees as well as numerous awards and accolades, most topically this year’s Noble Prize for Literature.

An early bloomer, his acting career began at eighteen in the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, and by twenty he had his first collection of poems published. His playwriting debut came in 1957 with the production of “The Room”, a year which also saw him write two other plays, “The Birthday Party” and “The Dumb Waiter”. “The Room” was initially a commercial flop, its first production slated by critics and punters alike, but it became in later years his most performed drama.

Pinter has been credited with restoring theatre to its basic elements. With minimum

plot action and unpredictable dialogue, his style has been described as a “comedy of menace” where the writer allows the audience to eavesdrop on elements of domination and submission hidden in the most mundane of dialogue. The volatility and elusiveness of the past is another pivotal theme in the author’s dramas.

Not only gaining respect in the theatrical sphere, Pinter has also produced radio plays and screenplays for film and television, perhaps most famously his cinematic adaptation of John Fowles’s novel “The French Lieutenant’s Woman”. Pinter claims his childhood experience as an evacuee of London in the Second World War has greatly influenced not only his active political stance, but also his creative work. Pinter is publicly vocal about his political convictions, and has spoken out forcefully about the abuse of state power around the world, including NATO's bombing of Serbia. He has been awarded the Wilfred Owen Prize for poetry opposing the Iraq Conflict.

Pinter joins the likes of Samuel Beckett, T.S. Elliot and W.B. Yeats in the Nobel Laureate hall of fame, but perhaps the announcement of his achievement was somewhat tarnished as it coincided with his visit to casualty in Dublin last month. Attending the Gate Theatre’s festival in celebration of his 75th birthday, Pinter lost a battle with the edge of a pavement and ended up looking a little disheveled for his publicity photos.

Should Michael Moore Ever be Trusted Again?

Chloe Sanderson In our lifetime we all come across and devour novels by authors which entice excite and seduce us with their literary skills. Such authors quickly become big names in the world of Waterstones and Hodges & Figes due to their clever manipulation of the written word. They are, to put it another way, both big and clever. Now Mr. Moore is, I’ll grant you, big both in name and bespectacled baseball capped physicality, what he is not I’m sad to discover in Will They Ever Trust Us Again? Letters From the War Zone, is clever.

I suppose I should have been suspicious from the start of any author who continues to plaster their book covers with pictures of themselves. Even the ikes of Steven King and Jilly Cooper have the decency to banish themselves to an inside front cover photo call. Also I admit I was naive to suppose that the huge popularity of his earlier books Downsize This! and Stupid White Men might suggest a certain ability to create an interesting narrative. This I struggled to find, what I was confronted with instead was a collection of letters written by GIs serving in

Iraq and Afghanistan to Mr. Moore. An apparent theme continuing throughout the testimonials that Moore (affectionately penned as Mike) was in someway a military hero, a beacon of truth in what Moore refers to as ‘fictitious times’. Moore has succeeded in publishing a scrapbook collection of letters praising himself, well done Mr. Moore, I just wish I hadn’t had the misfortune to come across and read it.

In this book’s defence it does go some way to continuing the general world opinion that perhaps President Bush is not the savior of modern democracy, or put another way, just a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. For this I commend it, just as I did Farenheit 9/11, in Moore’s attempt to expose Bush’s oil hungry foreign policies and attempt at global policing. I am glad that these service men have been given a momentary chance of a public voice. Unfortunately this collection of letters does less to highlight the struggle of the soldiers involved in the conflict, and more to recreate Moore as anegotistical maniac. I am reminded of Senator Norris’ comment in a recent Phil debate that if, as both claim, God elected pope Benedict XVI and Bush, the two standing on opposite sides of the middle eastern conflict debate, then God must have got something wrong. I’d like to take this one step further in saying that if Michael Moore is our god appointed defender of the common man, as the arrogant self serving nature of this book suggests, then God has at best a sense of humor, and at worst completely given up on the cause of the common man.

Klara Kubiak Irish born author John Banville’s novel “The Sea” has been awarded the 37th Man Booker Prize. Having been nominated previously in back in 1989, but losing out to Kazu Ishiguro’s “Remains of the Day”, Banville spoke along the ‘good things come to those who wait’ line in his incredibly dry acceptance speech on October 10th.

Snatching the prize from bookmakers’ favourites Julian Barnes (“Arthur and George”) and Zadie Smith (“On Beauty”), along with Sebastian Barry (“A Long Long Way”), Ali Smith (“The Accidental”), and

this time around Ishiguro (“Never Let Me Go”); Banville is now £50,000 better off as a result.

His victory, however, is seen by some as the cheapening of the Booker Prize as the pinnacle of literary awards this side of the Atlantic. Many critics were unimpressed with the choice of winner, especially given the standard of the opposition, and even the judging panel itself was strongly divided in its opinion.

But with retail sales of “The Sea” taking a characteristic post-Booker-winning uphill hike, not doubt any alleged drop in the standard of English literature will be countered with a significant rise in Banville’s royalties.

A Beautiful Life for Zadie Smith has pledged life-long affinity to the Streets, even though he is trapped in a middle-class “Art is the Western myth with which we both college enclave. console ourselves and make ourselves.” So From the reader’s perspective, this is asymends the first class of Professor Howard metrical cultural warfare. Smith skewers Belsey’s course on Rembrandt, entitled each side’s respective myopic arrogance, but “Constructing the Human 1600-1700.” The we only ever really see the inner-workings of class is packed but there are only two other the family Belsey. Of course, more access students you have noticed. Ahead of you, to does not lead to more sympathy in every the left, sits Zora, the Professor’s daughter, case. cool and confident in her blousy bohemian The supporting characters are economically get-up. That girl to your right, is Victoria and insightfully sketched, recognizable (Jesus Christ), it’s definitely her looks that without being stereotypical. The Dean of the made you notice her. “Looks” isn’t even the English Department is especially enjoyable. right word; “jaw-dropping, greedy stares of He has a pause-ridden manner of speaking, awe” would be far more appropriate, if it always searching for and relishing just the were a word, that is. Then there’s a girl, sit- right word, which is perfectly appropriate for ting behind you, that a man whose most sigyou don’t notice. A “The academic jargon, the left-wing nificant relationship is blonde sixteen-year- hypocrisy and the right-wing pomposity with his copy of the old from Indiana, are all so far out there in real life that OED. Dialogue makes Katie, whose name Smith merely has to express them accu- up a large proportion of you’ll never know, rately for successful comedic effect” the novel, and it always who’s a little conrings true. Smith’s writfused. She loves Rembrandt, but Professor ing style is clean and moves things along Belsey doesn’t seem to at all. Zadie Smith’s briskly. There are far fewer virtuoso eruplatest novel, On Beauty, is about Howard and tions of humor and pathos as in her incredihis family, how they interact with Victoria ble debut, White Teeth. Perhaps this absence and hers, and—except for a brilliant seven is what makes each scene so authentic, if less page jump in perspective—not at all about thrilling. The satirical elements are consisKatie. It is a book about the liberal arts col- tently amusing—the academic jargon, the lege, but It Ain’t Charlotte Simmons (in fact, left-wing hypocrisy and the right-wing pomit is homage to E.M. Forster’s Howard’s posity are all so far out there in real life that End). The very liberal Howard has found his Smith merely has to express them accurately reactionary foil in the celebrity visiting-lec- for successful comedic effect—but they also turer Monty Kipps. Kipps is the archetypical serve to inspire questions that all of society black conservative, poured by Smith into a ought to consider, especially those of us who three-piece suit complete with pocket-watch. are currently members of the higher-educaHe is also Victoria’s father. The Kippses tion complex. The liberal drive to deconmake up a sort of distorted reflection of the struct the aesthetic world has soul-numbing Belsey family. Both men are Rembrandt effects, as evinced by Howard who doesn’t scholars. Kiki, Howard’s wife, is an earthy even see the paintings he has devoted his Venus of Willendorf from rural Florida, but career to. Things are not any better on the Mrs. Kipps is ethereal and frail. Zora is the right, where an under-siege mentality has hyper-driven perfect student who is always killed beauty in its own manner by hoarding dieting, whereas Victoria’s intellect seems to its heritage and denying it any present or exist only to make the girls more jealous. future. Is there any hope? Give On Beauty There is no counterpart for high-schooler a shot and find out.

Levi Belsey, a richly realized character who

Nicholas Kelly

TNT

Theatre

13

Pinter’s Very Own Birthday Party On the occasion of Harold Pinter’s 75th Birthday and winning the Nobel Prize for Literature, Cianan Good reviews the current production of Betrayal at the Gate.

The central theme of Betrayal manifests itself within the complex relationship that has been established through the adultery of Robert and Emma who reveal the affair to their, in turn, best friend and husband, Jerry.

Thus, the play opens in a pub in 2004 as Emma reveals to Jerry that her husband knows of the affair. Comedy and intrigue combine in equal measure as we discover in the following scene that, in fact, Robert has known of the affair for some four years. Pinter then details the intricacies of the relations as we travel backwards in time to witness Robert’s discovery of the affair as well as the manner in which the affair began and developed. It’s a disorientating experience as, despite regressing backwards, much of the comedy is derived from the echoes of scenes set in the future which, for the audience, are already in the play’s past. Pinter plays adroitly with dramatic irony and the play works despite its confused chronology presumably because the major themes of deception, betrayal and deceit serve as

The Co-op’s a coming....

David Lydon For longer than anyone can remember, Players has begun their year by recruiting Freshers for the event of the term - The Freshers Co-op. It’s a tried and tested formula: take fifty or so bright young things, mould them together through two intensive weeks of improvisation exercises, create possibly the most absurd characters and bizzare storylines you can think of and by the middle of November - hey presto! The Co-op delivers comedy genius year after year.

Surely those of you who are yet to be seduced by the magic theatre (or those of you who hink that plays are a bit gay) will probably question the relelvance of this event, and would rather watch plays starring established actors later in the year. But as accomplished as these shows often are, none of them match the Co-op for sheer entertainment, enthusiasm, and most importantly, memories. Anyone who saw or was involved in last year’s show, Cruddling The Void, will remember the moments of brilliance that were peppered throughout a highly enjoyable extravaganza of a play.

So when you go to the show itself, and are graced by the acting talents of both theatrical veterans and novices, count yourself lucky to witness the stars of the future partake in what might be the most absurd play you’ll ever likely to see.

This year’s Co-op has just begun rehearsals, having been cast last week. Next issue, we will review the show itself.

overarching vices that transcend the limits of spatial time.

The performance itself sees a wonderful chemistry between the two best friends Jerry and Robert. The turmoil of Jerry as he switches between arrogance and angst is captured perfectly by Risteárd Cooper who has been most recently seen as Quinnus in I Keano. Gate regular and Pinter aficionado Nick Dunning renders Robert with a devilish amount of mischievousness, albeit a mischievousness that every so often falters as his character struggles with the emotional strain of the play’s revelations. Dunning and Cooper together indicate Pinter’s debt to Samuel Beckett as their shared scenes highlight perfectly man’s inability to communicate, whether it be a comical or distressing lack of understanding. That said, by far the best scene comes after Robert has discovered the news of his best friend’s betrayal and invites him to dine at the restaurant of Gary Murphy’s stereotyped (but all the more amusing for that) Italian waiter. Dunning’s character has to drink around a bottle and a half of wine as the Murphy skips around with an infectiously funny mix of ineptitude and Italian amity.

The scene provides a wonderfully distilled comic vision of the play as Robert and Jerry muddle through a conversation overshadowed, this time, by Murphy’s

third party intrusion rather than that of the other central character, Emma.

The female lead of Emma goes to ex Trinity student Cathy Belton who at times struggles to keep up with her character’s demanding role. Typically for Pinter, it is a woman who claims the central position of power around which the more hapless male characters revolve. Emma however seems to be marked out as more of a vul“For Pinter what goes unsaid is often the most important part of theatre” nerable figure than say Ruth in The Homecoming. Rather than focusing an audience’s attention on an all powerful female figure, Emma is sexual yet vulnerable, demanding and yet needy. As such her character needs a careful negotiation of polarized temperaments and, whilst Belton certainly strides around the stage with a determined demeanor, she sometimes fails to traverse her character’s complexities with the ease of her fellow actors.

Aside from this slight weakness and the protracted scene changes (in a play of nine different scenes some attempt must surely be made to simplify rather than over elaborate the stage scenery), The Gate’s Betrayal offers an accomplished performance of the play. Pinter provides

an undeniable challenge to directors and actors not least because he insists on withholding seemingly vital information.

For Pinter what goes unsaid is often the most important part of theatre and it is impressive in this production that the actors manoeuvre their characters around these silences, from the darkly comic to deep despair, with consummate ease.

However, a true indication of the quality of the production is that these silences often provide the most entertaining and enlightening parts of the play. If you have to start with ‘nothing’ when you arrive at a Pinter play then to make tangible sense of his dialogue is a difficult task. To make sense of the silences, the pregnant pauses and swallowed words, must truly be a sign of impressive theatre.

Betrayal is playing at The Gate now. Ticket information (01) 874 4045

Interested in Theatre?

If you would like to review or write features for the Theatre page, email lydond@tcd.ie for more infomation.

We offer free tickets for shows, the chance to see your name in print, and will make all your dreams come true! * *Not a guarantee

O’Kane Shines but Ensemble Disappoints Polly Graham The essentially modern perspective which Conall Morrison has chosen for his radical production of 'Hamlet' succeeds up to a point. Shakespeare's enuring masterpiece is here played out with a heavy emphasis on the tensions between the power of the individual versus the institution, and Patrick O'Kane's Hamlet is a relevant hero of today who can understand the dangers as well as the advantages of modern technology. Elsinore is oresented as a labyrinth of closed, sterile room, CCTV cameras and walls with hidden doors where technology seems to confound and abet his revenge.

O'Kane shines through this steely environment, distinctive, emotional and physical. He rises to the virtuoso demands of the role with great resolve and confidence; speaking and moving with the neccessary agility and resourcefulness.

However his achievement seems to be in spite of the production as a whole, which did not have the resolution or confidence to match this Danish Prince; instead certain interesting premises (such as the choice of so distinctly a modern set) ended up obscuring rather than illuminating. The elaboration of the production's ideas seemed to serve the ideas themseves over the text and the consequence was simplisitc. Ophelia had to deliver her mad scene from an obfuscating contrap-

tion (decks/ microphone/ wheelchair all rolled into one), in such a way that there was no possibility of achieving any poignancy. Shakespeare's genius here is to allow her fleeting moments of supreme truth during her mad decline, "They say that the owl was a baker's daughter. Lord we know what we are but not what we may be", the director's folly is that he didn't allow these ambiguities to be played out.

Beyond their direction, the ensenmble remained unsatisfactory. Gertrude (Eleanor Methven) disappointingly threw away every complex dramatic moment within her control; when she decides to drink to her for the final time as he duels Laertes, there was no ambivalence suggested - does she know she's killing herself in toasing her son or does she still have faith in Claudius? Does she care? I have never seen such as apathetic performance. Polonius (Michael Harding) was equally half hearted, and provided only moments of embarrassment rather han emphasising the dram because his absudities are funny.

Dramatic tension was further diminished as a result of cuts to the text. The entire first scene was dispensed with and when the ghost (old Hamlet) does finally appear it was via a television sceen, seen only by Hamlet. The subtle dynamic which the text asserts about our relationship with the supernatural is wrenched

from the dramatic space and all the potential for mystery is televised out of existence. If the director's simulation of drama in this particular moment is a gesture criticizing our modern simulation obsessed society, why set so rich a play within a framework which deadens the even the most desperately emotional moments? It just becomes frustrating to watch.

That O'Kane achieves such a thrilling performance in so confused a limiting a production is to his credit. He is a tour de force well worth paying to see alone.

‘Hamlet’ runs at the Peacock Theatre until the 22nd October, then transfers to the Lyric Theatre, Belfast (26th October -19th November)

14

Staying In

TNT

Why is America’s most watched sitcom so unfunny?

Hannah Scally

The jokes come lumbering at you like a steam roller while you, rooted to the ground, shout “Noooooo”....

Plots usually revolve around deception: generally hiding or correcting mistakes (Kenan and Kel anyone?), or maintain-

ing/gaining advantages based on deception.. Other plots include characters leaving or changing, then returning to the norm (most of Saved by the Bell, I think), and the arrival of new characters, changing the dynamic.

American sitcoms largely continue to uphold this formula; filming in front of a live audience with a laughter track.

Recent variations include ‘Malcolm in the Middle’ and ‘Scrubs’, which have both dispensed with this. More experimental sitcoms have cropped up, tending to fare better in Britain: The Office and The Royle Family for instance have discarded structured jokes in favour of a ‘hyperreal’ world, and fantasy comedies such as The League of Gentlemen have also enjoyed a popcult following. There is then, in a rather real sense, an ocean of funny, inventive sitcoms for viewers to choose out of.

Yet. According to recent TV ratings statistics ‘Two and a Half Men’ is the most popular sitcom in America. What does it mean when viewers opt for this kind of unimaginative, safe comedy?

What’s more, given its long and extremely popular tradition, surprisingly few sitcoms, or indeed comedies, make it into the top twenty at all: ‘Two and a Half Men’ slithers in at number 16, while the only other, ‘My Name is Earl’, is at number 20.

Americans today, it seems, have more macabre tastes; CSI (original flavour)

comes in at number one. In the top twenty are also Without a Trace, CSI (Miami and NY flavour), Law and Order SVU, Cold Case, NCIS (Naval Criminal Investigation Service), and Medium, about a psychic crime solver.

In figures: eight out of twenty shows (not counting the frantic ‘Lost’ and gory ‘ER’) deal directly with gruesome – and almost invariably sexual - murders. There is, essentially, an orgy of forensic procedural police shows on TV in the States.

So maybe sitcoms aren’t as popular as we thought? Do people prefer gore? Figures suggest this is a recent trend: among the top 20 shows in America for 1994/95 are 12 sitcoms, with only 2 detective shows.

1999/2000 gives us 7 sitcoms and 3 detective shows.

What has changed? A national, vaguely necrophiliac obsession with murder and mystery solving, is nothing new; it has historically appeared, in fact, in countries with a certain amount of political tension.

These shows then seem to function as a sort of ritual exorcism, endlessly repeated. They internalise and put a face on vague fears of ‘them’, of intruders and those who wish to do harm. One might argue that ‘threat TV’ reaches its apotheosis in ‘Lost’ where characters must struggle against an entirely unseen unknowable presence.

Whether politically and psychologically significant or not, it is not, hopefully, a permanent trend.

I love lamp

Is there a more constipated sitcom on TV at the moment than Charlie Sheens’s unwatchable ‘Two and a Half Men’?

From what I could make out, it seemed to be a remake of ‘The Odd Couple’, with a small child thrown perilously into the mix. The jokes come lumbering at you like a steam roller from Austin Powers, while you, rooted to the ground twenty meters away, shout “Noooooooooooo”.

So guess what America’s favourite sitcom is?

American and British (and Irish) viewers have had the sitcom genre for almost as long as we have had television. Early on, it burrowed its way into the warm, sticky centre of TV viewing (you heard me), gaining widespread popularity in 1951, when ‘I Love Lucy’ (husband and wife affair with hilarious antics for all) became a huge success.

British sitcoms (Britcoms) differed immediately from American, and have continued to do so. While American humour focused on rapid jokes (think Chandler Bing), British humour tended more towards satirical or black comedy (think Blackadder), which explored social norms. In fact, in very few places are cultural and social difference, both within and between countries, more apparent than in the evolution of its sitcoms. In the fifties, the makers of ‘I Love Lucy’

encountered resistance when they attempted to put a pregnant woman on the show. Today we have South Park.

Despite this, the online encyclopaedia Wikipedia notes how sitcoms have, until recently, remained surprisingly formulaic (particularly in the U.S.), in terms of both production style and characters/plotting.

Casts generally contain, for instance a selection of character archetypes including a naïve fool (such as Woody from Cheers, Kramer from Seinfeld, Dougal from Father Ted, Percy from Blackadder), a sage, who comments on events (Chandler, Hyde from That 70’s Show, Frasier from Cheers), a morally questionable and ambitious loser (Blackadder, Father Ted, Sam from Cheers, Zack Morris), and a lovable loser (Foreman from That 70’s Show, Ross).

Why are Elvis Costello and Sean Penn making cameo appearances in the terrible Two and a Half Men? They can’t need money that badly...

TNT

Going Out

15

Top 5 things to do in Trinity this week

Represent your class or just go along to speak your mind and start the revolution. The first SU Council of the year is on Tuesday night at 7pm in the Joly Theatre (Hamilton)

The Hist are looking at the state of world affairs with their debate on Wednesday 'That The War on Terror Will Never Be Won'.

Starts 7.30 in the GMB.

The Phil are continuing the It’s MedDay this Thursday, 1,000 students, 20 buses, 12 theme on Thursday night with so get out there and support hours and God knows what a no-doubt balanced debate on our guys from St. James’. else. Yes folks it’s the Ents whether or not Dubya is a The most successful Trinity Mystery Tour next Thursday threat to world security. Starts fundraising day all year, (10th). Sure it’s not on this 7.30pm in the GMB. events will be held all day week but it’ll be a good one so all over campus. we’re including it anyway.

The Club Review: DTwo Nightclub, Harcourt Street Claire Keaveny and Donal Carey D Two, the latest hip happening night for students has taken to dominating Harcourt Street nightlife on a Wednesday night since the devastating temporary closure of the Red Box. With no competition from regular Trinity haunts such as the Palace and the Odeon, it’s becoming a fixture in the Trinners student schedule.

The long arduous walk from the Pav on a Wednesday leaves you in anticipation of a wonderful night. This is where the problems start - the queue is both long and unnecessary. It was even long enough one Wednesday to put these two intrepid reporters off going at all. However some quick skipping can be achieved as the queue ain’t moving or properly policed.

The admission price is a slightly extortionate 7 euro but that’s Dublin these days. Concessions are available that allows entry for 5 euro but seem to be widely available to UCD students and not us.

A cloak room was available but not particularly utilised by students as there is many a quite corner for stashing ye olde jacket in cost-free. Of course we take no responsibility for this cheapness, in case of the missing jacket curse.

Once inside there is a selection of five well staffed bars that ensure prompt service. Drinks promotions were the average

for a

potential if

jump on the LUAS for free saves that but

student

you’re will-

beware of ‘Trinity-hating inspectors’,

night,

ing to do the

usually bopping around on a Wednesday

with the

spade work!

night.

lovely

If you do get

On the flip-side, there seems to be prefer-

fat frogs

lucky, there

ential treatment towards our peers in

being

are quite the

Belfield IT, where societies offer 2.50

attainable for only 10 bills.

few dark corners. People seem to do what

The most impressive thing about Dtwo

they want in these corners so as you can

however is the savage beer garden /

avoid paying for the taxi fare for two

smoking area. It’s well heated, nicely lit,

back to Halls. Result. We’ve been told by

with a seductively well cushioned floor.

certain sources that down at the back

It’s rounded off by the legendary observa-

behind the dance floor and to the right as

tion tower (OT for the enlightened regu-

you go in are hot spots.

lars). Also outside is the not well adver-

Layout leaves a lot to be desired, in par-

tised, but delicious none the less food,

ticular the stairway stampedes that have

serving area. Always good for a late night

endangered many a BESS girl after a few

feast.

drinks. Dancefloor is cramped to say the

The crowd in DTwo is predominantly D4

least and is lined with the usual suspects

types from UCD and Be$$. Fake tan and

of old men and questionable Hamilton

bleached blonde hair are a necessity. This

students. This wouldn’t be a problem if

leads to the inevitable Southside school

the music wasn’t so damn danceable. The

cliques that get quite boisterous, rowdy

lack of space means there is no room for

and fun.

the infamous break-dancing battles that

The D4 types always always love the

spontaneously occur frequently round

scandal and controversy and DTwo deliv-

town.

ers on both counts. The usual hot spots,

And here’s the usual spiel that might

the dance floor and smoking area offer

interest the eager enthusiastic know-a-lots

ideal locations for shenanigans, which

(Law heads)… Late Nite Club

can get quite heated, and we’re not talk-

Wednesday to Saturday from 10.30 til

ing about room temperatures.

late (but questionable bar closing times,

What we all really wanna know is the

as stories of 2 o’clock last orders have

scoring potential of DTwo? As far as

done the rounds). It’s centrally located on

we’re concerned it was no meat market

the LUAS line, especially handy if the

like Dubious or Coppers but still a lot of

Pav walk is too long for heels, quick

euro discount on admission.

Scoreboard Entry: 1/5 The main failure of the venue, and unfairly inflated pricing policies Bouncers: 2/5 Not overly unfriendly but took their time breaking up a nasty fight Bar Service: 5/5 Quick, prompt, friendly, we could ask for no more Crowd: 4.5/5 A bone of contention for the two reviewers Scoring ability: 2.5/5 Another tough one but an achievable goal Music: 4/5 Reminiscent of the Tijuana Wednesday buzz Toilets: 3/5 Nothing spectacular, got the job don Bar prices: 3/5 Nothing spectacular Smoking area: 5/5 Best in Dublin. Particularly nice rockery and fantastic OT tower Dark corners: 5/5 Plentful and mood setting OVERALL: 35/50 - Surprisingly shabby score considering everyone had a cracking night. Best place in the city centre on a random Wednesday night

16

Bits and Pieces

TNT

What’s burning up the TNT Office this issue...

Franz Ferdinand - Do You Want To? ‘Lucky lucky, you’re so lucky...’ Is it better than the sublime Take Me Out? Yes, yes it is. And how. Which is why we’re still playing it weeks after it came out.

Quite simply the most glorious thing to ever hit the charts in the history of human kind. Ever. In the whole history. No lie.

Arcade Fire - Wake up Gorgeous, sing-a-long chorus from Canadian’s coolest export (insert joke here on how that wouldn’t be too hard...)

Kanye West and Jamie Fox - Golddigga First time we heard this, it sounded crap. Now it’s on non-stop play in the office. Things change, people make mistakes.

Madonna - Hung up Bit of an oldies double shot here, as they say on Q102. We’re not sure whether we love this or hate it to be honest, but hell, it’s catchy and there’s a bizarre Abba sampe so she gets a slot in our much-coveted list.

Depeche Mode - Precious Cool, slick and gorgeous from the Mode boys.

Separated at Birth

Rant of the Week Rargh! The things that are annoying us this week...

You know us here at TNT. We’re full to the brim with sweetness, light and all things good and holy.

But occasionally, just occasionally we have a Hulk moment and find ourselves incandescent with rage over things that may seem trivial Chris Judd Luke Ryder to others but damnit seriously piss Yikes! How has this gone unnoare into the whole prematurely us off. ticed? Last year’s Welfare balding look - both men are This week it’s couples. Yes those Officer Chris Judd bears an taken. Luke has been off the horrible pairings of previously uncanny resemblance to J:Lo’s market for some time, whilst interesting individuals who have been rendered pathetic and wussy 23rd husband, the ever-cuddly heat informs me that Chris has Luke Ryder. Or do we have that recently shacked up with the ever by the addition of another set of the wrong way round? Anyway classy celebrity ho’ Jodie Marsh. hormones for them to get jiggy with. But does it have to be right bad news for all you ladies who Sigh... in front of us all the time? The couches outside the Ed Burke, the GMB almost every day, in the Buttery sucking face whilst the rest of us try to eat our slop, sorry, lunch and pretend that we can’t see them at the same time... it’s Which one of our esteemed Student’s Union Officers came more than any independent-living (i.e. single) person should have to back to an unfortunate surprise a couple of nights ago? put up with.

Paying a late night call to his office in House 6 after an A cull would be a tad excessive. evening spent in the Buttery, he was warned by a rather er, And slightly Nazi-like. A boycott is impractical. Perhaps a collegewasted young man that he really shouldn’t go near his office. Our fearless Officer continued, unabated, and found wide ban? Hmmm....

Do me on the Rainbow!

Psst...

two people er, riding each other in front of his office.

Classy! The embarrassed couple quickly zipped up and made their apologies to our brave Officer. Anyone planning to emulate the stunt - you have been warned...

What’s smokin’ Giant Turkish Delight bars for 99c in the SU Shop Mmmmm.... *drools on keyboard* Family Guy and American Dad on BBC2 on Saturday nights The most surreal hour you’ll have all week Gerry the Security Guard Go in for a chat with him in Front Arch sometime - you’ll come out hours later. Lovely guy. €4 breakfasts in the Buttery *More drooling over the keyboard* Reading Week next week Why isn’t this a cross-college thing? Ah well, if you have it, enjoy it!

Thin walls in the GMB Shouldn’t buildings this old have thicker walls? We really don’t need to hear what our neighbours are up to.

Wet cobbles First time we saw someone slipping on them it was funny. Now it just looks painful.

Lecturers plugging their books Come on, it’s not like they need the money.

Christmas decorations up in shops already Boycott anywhere that has these.

They make us feel guilty about our lack of organisation at Christmas Peoplefinder disappearing from the Local website Boo-urns, bring it back!

What’s suckin’