http://mckenna.se/highres/payne/payne04tn

Ireland’s

STUDENT

NEWSPAPER

Of

The

Year

Trinity News

2005

Ireland’s Oldest Student Newspaper

Est. 1947

Tuesday, December 6, 2005

trinity.news@tcd.ie

Was Enda right? The Irish Language Debate

FEATURES

page 9

Vol.58 No.4

Dumbing Down TNT In College

Schol exams are likely to be scrapped within a year John Lavelle Trinity College’s Foundation Scholarship exams are likely to be abolished within ten months, Trinity News can reveal. College authorities are examining a radical new proposal that will permanently scrap Schol exams – a 350 year old custom that is unique to Trinity College.

Traditionally, high

achieving senior freshman students can opt to sit special Foundation Scholarship exams at the end of Hilary Term in March. But under the new scheme, scholars will instead be chosen on the basis of their annual examination results at the end of Trinity Term in June.

In some cases, the monetary value of a Foundation Scholarship can exceed €50,000.

Successful students receive the prestigious title of Scholar, free

rooms on campus for up to five years, free dinner at Commons each night and up to three years of free postgraduate education. It is not known whether or not the new proposal will affect the rewards for scholars or the number of scholars.

The overhaul of the Schol exams, initiated by the new Senior Lecturer, Prof Colm Kearney, has yet to be discussed at College Board and is still in the early stages of consultation at com-

mittee level. But it is understood that the changes could come into force as soon as the beginning of the next academic year in October 2006, should they win the approval of staff and student representatives.

Prof Kearney and other senior College figures are said to believe that the traditional Schol exams in March place an unnecessary burden on Trinity’s finances.

The extra time demands imposed on academic staff who set and cor-

rect the exam papers has also been cited as a major reason for scrapping Schols.

Trinity News understands that Prof Kearney’s proposed changes have initially received a cautious welcome in most quarters, but may encounter some degree of resistance at College Board level. A number of sticking points have already emerged, which could see the scheme delayed or revised.

College statutes currently

give third and fourth year students the right to sit Schol exams every March. It is still unclear as to how these students will be accommodated when the Foundation Scholarship examinations are incorporated into second year final exams in June. The practice of allowing students who achieve a II.1 grade in Schol exams to gain exemptions from sitting end of year exams is also liable to be ended.

In addition, the ancient

tradition of the Provost announcing the new scholars from the Dining Hall steps on Trinity Monday in May could possibly be brought to a halt under the new system.

This custom has been in place since new college statutes were initiated by King Charles I in 1637. Any move to alter it would be sure to be opposed by conservative elements within the College.

Starbucks is coming to Trinity Projected image of new look Arts Block Cafe John Lavelle

Inside Trinity’s Feeder Schools Diego Cortez looks at who comes here and from where See page 2

College Senators Gearóid O’Rourke finds out who they are and what they do

See page 4

Global Warming?

Oliver North looks at whether it’s fact of fiction

See page 24

Christmas Cocktails Rosie Gogan-Keogh serves up some seasonal cheer

See page 15

Trinity News Two TNT returns wih features, columns, politics, books, theatre and more!

See supplement

Index College News p1-3 News Feature p4 National p6 International p7 Features p8-10 Film p11 Music p12-13 Food & Drink p14-15 Travel p16 Careers p17

Photo: Cian Kennedy

SU & Societies p18 Comment & Opinion p19-20 Letters p21 Gaeilge p22 Inter’l Students p23 Science p24 Sports Features p25-26 Sport p27-28

Look out for Issue 5 in January!

The American coffee giant Starbucks is currently in talks with the Catering Department about setting up two outlets inside Trinity College, Trinity News has learned. The coffee chain could open its doors to students as early as next October at locations in the Arts Block and Hamilton Building.

Starbucks is just one of a number of major franchises, including Subway and O’Briens sandwich bar, that have been approached by the College about setting up on campus. As part of a wide ranging review of food outlets in Trinity, the Catering Department plans to set aside

some of the floor space currently occupied by the Arts Block Café and the Hamilton Café for external coffee, sandwich and juice franchises beginning at the start of the next academic year. The remainder of the space in the cafés will stay under the direct control of the Catering Department and will continue selling cold drinks, confectionary and tea and coffee at current prices.

The Head of College Catering, Mr Eugene McGovern, told Trinity News that he has already had discussions with Starbucks about setting up inside Trinity and that he believed “they would be very eager to come in.”

Mr McGovern said that he had also made contact with major Irish coffee shop chains Café Java and

College Health Service announces end to free treatment Clare Kate O’Mahony Fees will be introduced for students availing of the College Health Service as of next October, Trinity News can exclusively reveal.

A charge of €10 will be charged for both emergency visits and appointments according to Dr David Thomas, Medical Director of Trinity College health service.

Dr Thomas said he believed that “it is essential we introduce fees” because existing college funding is not adequate.

Due to the increased pressure on the system, the health clinic was last week forced to exclude students with a Dublin home address from using the

emergency visit service until further notice.

There was an increase of 10% in student visits from 03/04 to 04/05 and a 20% increase in overall visits in the same period.

Although the figures for this year are not yet available, Dr Thomas says he is certain that they will indicate a further increase this year. Since 2002 there has been no change in the number of staff members which includes three doctors available in the morning and two in the afternoon.

Staff at the clinic believe that students living at home who previously would have used their local GP, are now turning to the college doctor as a result of the ris-

Continued Page 2

Starbucks could be in Arts Block and Hamliton by Oct 2006 Subway and O’Brien’s also in talks with College West Coast Coffee about the possibility of establishing branches on campus.

Proposals to bring major sandwich franchises, most likely Subway or O’Briens, into the Arts Block Café and Hamilton Café are also being considered, according to Mr McGovern. Installing new deli counters run by Trinity catering staff, similar to those operated in Spar and Centra shops, is also an option being examined.

Under the Catering Department’s plans, current staff from the Buttery and other Catering outlets will be redeployed to the new franchised coffee houses and sandwich bars. The franchise’s head office will provide training for staff and monitor the products sold to ensure they

comply with standards. But Trinity College will still own and manage the outlets.

Mr McGovern cited intense competition from retailers in Dublin city centre as the reason for inviting Starbucks and other outside franchises into Trinity.

“We have to move with the times and try and give students what they want. We’re in competition with the likes of Spar and upmarket coffee shops in the city centre and they’re doing great business.”

“If you look at other universities around the country, almost all of them already have outside food and drink franchises operating on their campuses.”

He added that the new plans would not affect the price of food or drink in other catering out-

lets in Trinity. “We do realise that there will still be students who just want a quick cup of coffee for a euro, nothing fancy. Even with the new arrangement, we will continue providing that.”

McGovern is confident the Catering Department’s plans will get the green light from College authorities. But the project is by no means finalised. The proposals will require significant renovation of the Arts Block and Hamilton Cafés and this could lead to financial difficulties and problems with planning permission. Mr McGovern cited a lack of floor space in the Café areas as another potential obstacle.

Opposition to the scheme from staff and students could also prove a barrier.

USI in crisis after double resignation Jonathan Drennan Diego Cortez The future of the Union of Students in Ireland (USI) is in grave doubt after the organisation was hit with the resignation of two of its leading officers. In a shock move, USI Deputy President Ruth Ní Éidhin and Education Officer Daithí MacSíthigh both resigned their positions just over a week ago, plunging the country’s student movement into crisis. Ní Eidhin and MacSíthigh were Deputy President and Education Officer of Trinity College Students’ Union last year before being elected to the national body in March.

The resignations were sparked when USI President Tony McDonnell made an emotional

Tony: ‘I have a great working relationship with Daithi’

Daithi: ‘I have no working relationship with Tony’

speech at an emergency conference blasting the influence of “careerist hacks” in the organisation. The remark was allegedly directed at Mr MacSíthigh. MacSíthigh and Ní Eidhin had also had ongoing clashes with Mr McDonnell and other USI officers over proposed

changes to the USI constitution.

As a result of the resignations, calls for disaffiliation from USI have been made in many of the major Irish universities, among

Continued Page 6 USI explained: Page 4

2

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

News Editor: John Lavelle

Trinity News

COLLEGENEWS Trinity College, roysh?

South Dublin private schools dominate Trinity league table Diego Cortez Exclusive South Dublin fee paying schools are by far the largest feeder schools to Trinity College, according to the latest figures released by the University last week. The controversial statistics rank Irish secondary schools based on the number of past pupils that entered Trinity at the start of the year.

Belvedere College in the north inner city is the only school in the top ten which is not located in an affluent area of Dublin’s southside. And only two schools in the top ten are not fee paying – Muckross Park in Donnybrook and Colaiste Iosagain in Stillorgan.

Both are all girls’ schools situated in well-to-do Dublin 4.

Soaring ahead at the top of the league table is the Institute of Education with 132 students entering Trinity - almost four times as many as closest rival Belvedere.

The Leeson St ‘grind school’ has upped its figures by 50% on last year’s tally of 88. The figures do

not reflect the thousands of secondary students who attend the Institute for grinds and revision courses each year.

The list is dominated by southside schools mostly with addresses in the leafy suburbs of Dublin 4, Dublin 6 and south county Dublin. St Andrews’ College, High School and Loreto Beaufort all ranking highly. Only two schools from outside the greater Dublin area manage to break in to the top 20. Kilkenny College scrapes in at number 20 and the non fee-paying Loreto Convent in Cavan is the surprise package in the list at number 14.

Despite South Dublin’s dominance, some of the more well known fee paying institutions in the area are conspicuous by their absence from the list. Blackrock College, Clongowes, Terenure College, Loreto Dalkey, Loreto Foxrock and Holy Child Killiney are all well outside the top 30.

However most of these schools rank near the top of the UCD feeder school tables.

The Jesuit institutions of

Belvedere and Gonzaga are the only all-boys schools to make it into Trinity’s top 20. All-girls schools fare better making up eleven of the top rated schools, while there is also a disproportionately large number of co-educational secondary schools on the list.

Trinity’s strong historical ties to the Church of Ireland are also evident from the composition of schools on the list – six of the top 20 schools describe themselves as having a Protestant ethos.

While the latest list of Trinity’s leading feeder schools may seem to be dominated by South Dublin private schools, its composition seems positively diverse when compared with the corresponding figures from nearby University College Dublin. Of the top 20 feeder schools for UCD, an incredible 17 are from the southside of Dublin, just one is from the northside (Belvedere) and only two are from outside Dublin (Clongowes, Naas and the Limerick Tutorial Centre).

School

Location

1. Institute of Education 2. Belvedere College 3. St Andrews College 4. The High School 5. Loreto Beaufort 6. King’s Hospital 7. Muckross Park 8. Wesley College 9. Gonzaga College 10. Colaiste Iosagain 11. Sacred Heart Dundrum 12. Loreto Bray 13. St Dominic’s Sutton 14. Loreto Convent 15. Holy Faith Clontarf 16. Malahide Com School 17. Alexandra College 18. Loreto on the Green 19. Manor House 20. Kilkenny College

South Dublin North Dublin South Dublin South Dublin South Dublin South Dublin South Dublin South Dublin South Dublin South Dublin South Dublin Wicklow North Dublin Cavan North Dublin North Dublin South Dublin South Dublin North Dublin Kilkenny

132 37 34 30 29 27 25 25 23 22 21 21 20 20 19 19 18 17 17 17

Student Finance Survey

Gender Mixed Boys Mixed Mixed Girls Mixed Girls Mixed Boys Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls Mixed Girls Girls Girls Mixed

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Katie Watson Sarah Sutton

Expenditure

Many Trinity students spend more money each week on alcohol and cigarettes than they do on food, according to a comprehensive survey conducted by Trinity News. A majority of those surveyed spent less than €10 per week on academic related expenses, while weekly alcohol cigarette expenses average €34.

The survey, distributed in the Arts Block and Hamilton to 150 undergraduate students from each of the five faculties, asked participants about their sources of income, as well as their as their weekly spending habits. Students were requested to estimate the amount of money they spend each month on food, transportation, alcohol and cigarettes, entertainment, and academic expenses.

Israel Takes Aim at One World David Molloy The Israeli government has accused the Trinity One World society of being anti-Israeli, and encouraging bias and intolerance.

The One World society’s ‘Palestinian Awareness Week’, which ran from November 14th to 18th, prompted the Israeli embassy in Donnybrook to send an open letter to the Provost claiming that an anti-Israeli bias existed in the society’s public debates.

The scathing letter was sent on Monday 14th after the embassy became aware of the soci-

ety’s planned activities, which included a debate about the academic boycott of Israel. The letter focuses on the alleged bias of the One World debates, stating that, “Even the briefest glance at the list of participants cannot fail to reveal that this week is less concerned with raising Palestinian awareness than with anti-Israel activity.”

The letter also claims that the society failed to invite any speaker who could be considered to hold “mainstream” Israeli views, nor anyone who could be considered to present an impartial or objective academic view of the

topic under discussion. Rather, the embassy believes that there was an emphasis on portraying Israel in a negative light.

“It is difficult to imagine how a debate can be held when all sides hold the same opinion.

Experience has shown that similar ‘debates’ often devolve into a competition - one in which the winner is whoever can express the most extreme anti-Israeli distortions.”

The Israeli government took particular offence to the One World event held on Monday the 14th, a debate titled “For the first time in Ireland: a public debate on

the Academic Boycott of Israel.”

The Israeli embassy notes that the likely defence for these debates is ‘academic freedom’, and is quick to point out the apparent mutual incompatibility of academic freedom and an academic boycott.

The academic boycott of Israel in question calls for a boycott of all Israeli academic institutions, faculty members, and researchers, regardless of their personal ideology or professional accomplishments, according to the Israeli embassy.

The One World society could not be reached for comment.

Trinity news 7 3 6 6 7 5 8 1 6 5 3

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Cigarettes and alcohol The average spend of €34 on cigarettes and alcohol was almost the same as the average weekly expenditure on food, which was €36.

Many students spend more on alcohol than food however, with one third of those surveyed admitting to spending over €60 on booze, while less than a quarter of those questioned spend that amount on groceries and eating out.

Academic expenses Expenditure on academic necessities pale in comparison with the high expenditure on alcohol and cigarettes. Students reported an average spend of just €9.55 a week on academic expenses, which includes printing, photocopying and books for classes.

Income The main source of income for Trinity students continues to be their parents and other family members. While just 41% of the students questioned held jobs, 71% receive a weekly allowance from parents or relatives. Of those who

do hold jobs, the average weekly wage was €90. The survey showed that a majority of working students are in their second or third year of studies, with first and final year students working less.

Rent Students’ largest expenditure item is rent. Those who do not reside with their parents or in college dormitories spend an average of €489 each month on rent and bills. 42% of the students surveyed did not have any rent expenses.

Transport Survey results show that transportation costs are quite minimal, with students spending an average of €11.90 per week commuting to and from college. Students living away from home are spending more on transport however, with an average spend of €35.30 for students who return home at weekends.

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Based on the survey results, the average expenditure per week of a student living away from home is of €229. This figure reflects the high cost of living in Dublin.

Examining the survey results, one student commented, “You might think that Trinity students are drunks, and you are right.” Survey results certainly reflect this observation. One can only hope that time spent in pubs comes after a hard day of studying.

It is certainly evident that students would rather spend money on alcohol than academic items, but perhaps this frivolous nature is what being a college student is all about.

Entertainment

SUDOKU HARD

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not spend much on other forms of entertainment. More than half of those who completed the survey spend just one to fifteen euros per week on entertainment, which includes movies, concerts, and nights out with friends. The average spend on entertainment is €22.

While the amount of money spent on drinking is high, students did

MEDIUM

EASY

Photo: Jose Cosgrinho

Trinity students spend as much on fags and booze as they do on food Students get more from parents than from jobs

Trinity’s Feeder Schools Trinity Students

Eddie Hobbs receieves an Honourary Patronage of the Phil last Tuesday

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Assistant News Editor: Úna Faulkner

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

3

Trinity News

COLLEGENEWS

News in Brief

Pavilion and Buttery bars both register losses for 2005

Pav wheelchair lift funding gets go ahead The Board of Trinity College has set aside €75,000 to make the Pavilion bar wheelchair accessible. After years of delays, the College finally rubber stamped funding for the construction of an external wheelchair lift at a meeting on November 23.

The new project will see a lift installed to the right of the steps of the Pav, facing out on to College Park. The downstairs gents toilets in the Pav will also be modified to include a wheelchair accessible cubicle, with an external entrance.

The substantial modifications are expected to cost in excess of €100,000 – the College Board is providing €75,000 and DUCAC (the college sporting authority that owns the Pav) will foot the rest of the bill.

Despite the funding approval, it could still be years before the Pav is finally opened to disabled students. The Pavillion bar is a listed building and any serious alterations to its structure are likely to encounter delays with planning permission.

St Vincent de Paul Day pulls in the cash The annual TCD Saint Vincent de Paul day took place this year on November 16th. The day is the most important fund raising day in the society’s calendar with events and activities taking place from early morning until the night.

This year saw an estimated €4,500 being raised, matching the amount raised in previous years. Activities ranging from street collecting, cake sales and a music themed table quiz in

the buttery provided the most money for the society. The ‘Romeo and Juliet’ themed night out in Traffic also raised the charity a substantial amount of money. Activities continued on the following day with a five aside soccer tournament taking place and lasting throughout the afternoon.

The charity is the largest society in college with over 4,000 members.

Wands and sceptres for Students’ Union Harry Potter, Merlin the Magnificent, Paul Daniels… the world’s most incredible magicians have a new addition to their ranks – Students’ Union President John Mannion and his four sabbatical colleagues.

A motion passed almost unanimously at SU Council last week has mandated the SU Officers to carry either a wand or sceptre in their day to day duties. As the proposer of the motion, SF Computer Science class rep Neil McGough explained, “Dealing with College is difficult enough – think what our Officers could do if they had magic.”

Only a handful of reps

voted against the motion. The Sceptre and Wand Committee which was set up to oversee ‘the difficult period of changeover’ and to enforce the carrying of the items had a record 23 nominations for the 5 positions.

The motion did not define exactly what constitutes a wand or sceptre – thus whilst Education Officer Dónal McCormack was presented with a glittery, feathery wand by friends when the motion passed, SU President John Mannion seemed content to use his hurl as a sceptre, whilst Deputy President Tom Dillon claimed to possess a wand ‘in his pants..’

Christine Bohan, Úna Faulkner and Bernie Reeves

Some Might Say Compiled by John Lavelle

“Yeah, it’s basically because we’re all riddled.”

UCDSU Employment and Accomodation Officer Shaun Smyth explains why 82% of UCD students have been tested for STDs according to a survey in the UCD College Tribune

“I wouldn’t have any preference between Bertie Ahern or Enda Kenny.”

Tanaiste Mary Harney makes headlines with comments about a Fine Gael-PD coalition in Trinity ten days ago

“My wand is in my pants.”

Students’ Union Deputy President Tom Dillon after a motion at SU Council waspassed mandating officers to carry a wand or a sceptre

The Numbers Game Compiled by John Lavelle

6.6

The percentage of first year Trinity students who

attended the Institute of Education on Leeson Street last year

4,150

The number of virgins in UCD, according to a

survey in the UCD College Tribune

449

The average monthly rent of Trinity students

according to the TN Student Finance Survey

Pav renovations cause losses in 2005 for first time in years John Lavelle Both of Trinity College’s campus bars lost money last year, according to figures obtained by Trinity News. The Pavillion bar had trading loss of almost €37,000 in the year ending September 2005 - the first time it has lost money in over a decade. While the corresponding figure for the Buttery bar is not available, its losses were believed to be in excess of €100,000 last year.

The Pav’s boss, Mr John Murphy was not worried by the

results. He said that the 2005 losses (down from a profit of €160,000 in 2004) were “very misleading” as they include €104,000 spent on redecoration last January.

“We were also closed for two months during the refurbishment and lost a lot of turnover as a result. Overall the Pav is doing remarkably well and our profits average about €140,000 in a typical year,” said Mr Murphy, who is Chairman of DUCAC’s Pavilion Bar committee. “Since we invested in the refurbishment, business has been very good. Our food

sales in particular are way up,” he added.

Mr Murphy said he believed that the Pavillion’s ties to Trinity sports clubs were important for the success of the bar. He also cited “young and energetic” staff, an “attractive location” and an extensive smoking area as part of the Pav’s appeal.

But students purchasing beer elsewhere and bringing them into the Pav was impacting on the bar’s profits, according to Murphy. “It’s a widespread problem. You can get a can of Bavaria up the road in Spar for €1.25 or

Photo: Peter Henry whatever, and it’s impossible to tell who bought the Bavaria legitimately and who snook it in. We are trying to combat that now by varying the types of cans that we sell from week to week.”

While the Pavilion has been consistently profitable, the Buttery bar has had “big losses for many years”, according to Catering Manager Eugene McGovern. The financial results of the Buttery bar are not made public but Trinity News understands that losses for the year ended September 2005 were over €100,000.

Mr McGovern said that restricted opening hours were the main reason for the poor performance. “Because of the terms of our bar licence and security issues, we can only open from 2-11, Monday to Friday, 28 weeks a year. With those kind of opening hours it’s practically impossible for any bar to be profitable.”

McGovern continued, “We’re bound by national wage agreements so we have higher staff costs than most of our competitors. Other costs are rising as well, and we’ve been forced to put up prices 10% this year to cover that.

The smoking ban hasn’t exactly helped us either.”

The Buttery is run by the Trinity College Catering Department, and relies on other profitable Catering operations, such as Commons, the Arts Block Café and commercial functions, to cancel out its continuing deficits.

McGovern told Trinity News that the option of allowing an outside company to run the Buttery bar had been considered in the past.

“We did have a proposal from a company two years ago. We tried to work something out but it fell through because it wouldn’t have been viable without a full bar licence. That would have meant more security costs for the College and higher noise levels. It just wasn’t a runner.”

But plans are in the pipeline for a major renovation of the Buttery bar in the future, in an attempt to revive business. “We are looking at doing a major job on it during the summer,” said McGovern. “That’s something that we’ll be looking into a bit more in the coming months.”

Trinity under scrutiny for Health charges selling masters degrees Continued fromPage 1

Jonathan Drennan Trinity College has been attacked

by Fine Gael for selling Master of Arts (MA) degrees to graduates.

The party’s education spokeswoman Olwyn Enright last week described the ancient policy of selling masters degrees as “highly questionable.” Ms Enright a UCD graduate, accused Trinity of giving its graduates an unfair advantage in the international workplace ahead of other students, as employers are generally ignorant about the practice.

Bachelors of the university with at least three years standing can proceed to the degree of Master in Arts - the fee for the MA is €498 and no extra period of study is nacessary. Dr Gerald Morgan, a fellow of the College has called for the process to be

clarified. “The College has to explain this process or else we should just give it up,” he said.

“We need a convincing statement, we can't be having damaging publicity, we’ve got to be credible with the Irish public.”

In spite of Ms Enright’s and Dr Morgan’s calls, Trinity College believes that most people in Ireland and in fact Britain are able to differentiate between a genuine masters degree and a Trinity MA. The College has never regard the degree as a proper post graduate degree, rather “an indication of maturity” after the prescribed course of study it is. It is a historical part of Trinity life that also extends to Oxford and Cambridge universities.

Oxford University, in a statement to Trinity News, said that employers were aware of the degree. “This is a historical tradi-

tion, the necessary qualifications for the award of an Oxford MA are widely known by employers and there is no attempt to misrepresent the level of study required.”

The accusations leveled at Trinity were sparked by last month’s revelation that top government science advisor ‘Dr’ Barry McSweeney purchased an unaccredited doctoral qualification from Pacific Western University in the United States.

Trinity is unique in Ireland as the only University to award a M.A degree after payment, in most universities the degree is awarded after a prescribed course of study for at least two years. A spokeswoman for University College Dublin said the university was “not currently engaging in a scheme like that in Trinity, nor are we likely to do so in the future.”

ing costs of local visits which can range between €50 and €55. In addition, the College GPs are experiencing an inappropriate use of the emergency time slots.

Dr Thomas is adamant that with the introduction of the €10 fee in October, the health service will improve. Evening clinics will be introduced and a new permanent GP will be added to the team, he said. Students in possession of a medical card or a European health card will be exempt from the fees. The current additional charge of €10 for blood tests will be abolished and will be included in the €10 fee. Dr Thomas said that without student charges, the health service would be forced to eliminate the sexual health clinic and the psychiatric service.

The health service received virtually no increase in funding over the past few years in contrast to areas such as exams and

registration whose funding has increased substantially.

Currently the health clinic generates approximately half of its income through staff visits and international students. The remaining balance is raised from college funding. The service received a paltry increase of just €2000 in college funding last year and with medical inflation of 9% per annum, the clinic finds itself unable to cover current expenses.

The Health Service is currently in pursuit of an extra €75,000 from College authorities which will cover existing costs and the employment of a part-time GP, from January to May. When informed of the planned charges by Trinity News, Students’ Union Welfare Officer Stephanie O’Brien said that the SU “would not not oppose the charges” as the health service was already underfunded and struggling to cope with demand. The SU has bitterly opposed health charges in previous years.

‘Fees will not return’, Harney tells students Fox Alexander The Tánaiste, Mary Harney has told Trinity students that third level tuition fees will not return if the Progressive Democrats are still in government after the next general election. The highly significant remarks come after an influential new report urged the government to bring back university charges.

Speaking at an event organised by the Trinity Young Progressive Democrats in the GMB on Thursday, November 24, Harney said that she would not allow fees to return if the PDs were re-elected in 2006. She said that reintroducing fees would be “a retrograde step”.

But the Tánaiste also acknowledged that the initial abolition of third level fees in 1995 had failed in some of its aims. “It’s not a progressive system and it hasn’t done much to help access for disadvantaged students,” she

said.

The Tánaiste added that getting rid of fees “was the wrong thing to do” and said that if she had been in cabinet at the time she would have opposed the policy.

But she explained that, “People have now made plans based on current circumstances and it would be unfair to change that on them.”

The Tánaiste’s comments come just two days after a prominent government think-tank, the National Competitiveness Council, recommended the reintroduction of limited charges for third level education. The NCC’s report highlighted the massive financial deficit facing Irish education and said that students should make some contribution towards the cost of university. It suggests “a low level of fees for students in the early years of tertiary education, followed by higher fees as students enter postgraduate, professional or other advanced courses.”

The former Minister for Education, Noel Dempsey attempted to reintroduce third level fees for students from high income families last year but the initiative was scuppered by opposition from within the government. Now, the NCC report has prompted speculation about a fresh The Tanaiste move to bring back university charges after the next election.

Significantly, the current Minister for Education, Mary Hanafin is staying silent on the issue and refusing to say whether or not the NCC report has altered her stance on fees. Hanafin said eight months ago that fees were “off the agenda”, but since then

in the GMB with Trinity Young PD members she has been unwilling to give any further commitments.

The Labour party has since followed the Tánaiste’s lead, telling Trinity News that “there will be no return of fees after the next election if Labour is in government.” None of the other main political parties could be reached for comment.

Mrs Harney also addressed a number of other areas during her speech to students. She talked at length about problems in the Irish health service, describing the limit on doctor training places as ‘crazy’. The Tánaiste’s comments about a potential PD-Fine Gael coalition caused a stir in the national media.

4

News Feature Editor: Gearóid O’ Rourke

Tuesday November 15th, 2005

Trinity News

NEWS FEATURE

USI:

So easy to look at, So hard to define.

Despite the recent controversy surrounding the USI most ordinary students remain ignorant of what exactly USI is, does, and how it has progressed since its foundation in 1959. Thus Trinity News reporter Michael Ronson sets out to cut through the constitutional red tape and remove the smoke and mirrors to answer what exactly is the USI. It is an oft quoted phrase that you cant know where your going until you acknowledge where you have come from.Therefore one cannot talk about what the USI is without looking at it’s history. In the case of the USI this means reflecting on a very checkured history containing many controversies some of which have threatened the organisation itself.

USI was established in 1959 following a number of colleges’ dissatisfaction with its predecessor, The Irish Students Association. A situation close to what is currently occurring. The move to a ‘Union’ type organisation was linked was of its time

while the newly formed USI opposed mass emigration, and believed that young people had a role to play in the education system and in society in general. USI soon

opened membership to non-university students and after a short period of twin operations the ISA disbanded in 1961. The USI became the sole outlet for student opiion in Ireland.

The sixties saw demonstrations against Vietnam organised in local colleges as well as massive student agitation on education.

These culminated in the spring of 1969 with mass sit-ins in UCD and other colleges. USI meanwhile was recognised by the Department of Education as the national body for students. USI was seen as intrumental in the establishment of the Higher Education Grants Scheme and gaining student representation

on the college boards of TCD (April 1969) and UCD. In 1972 the National Union of Students (UK) and USI negotiated a protocol to jointly

organise students in Northern Ireland,. Whilst the 70's saw a period of steady growth in student numbers and finance, the structure of education remained the same.

The 80s saw a number of key achievements for USI which are still remebered with an air of nostalgia today. Most notable was the abolition of tuition fees for undergraduate students. This was the result of years of campaigning and lobbying work not only by the USI but alos by other interested groups in the field of education.

USI also gained representation on the Higher Education Authority and won tax incentives for the provision of student accommodation. tHe eighties also saw more examples of the type of internal wrangling that has plagued the organisation from its birth.

The early nineties saw USI leading the fight for the free availability of Abortion Information. Although the union lost the case brought against Stephen Grogan (president of USI 89-90) by SPUC, USI nevertheless won the battle for the introduction of abortion information in Ireland.

In 1999 after another year of internal crisis USI undertook a Strategic Review. This in a way is similar to the situation arising this year with the Constitutional Review Body.

During the early nineties Trinty also briefly disafilliated from USI only to rejoin a few years later..

Around this tiem USI began to organise students in PLC’s and col-

Positions on the USI Officer Board: President: Tony McDonnell Deputy President: Vacant Education Officer: Vacant Welfare Officer: Tom Lowth Equality Officer: Vacant LGBTRights Officer: Charlie Atkinson Disabilities Rights Officer: Vacant Postgrad Officer: Vacant Environmental Awareness Offcr:Vacant Irish Language Officer: Aoibheann Fearon Campaigns Officers: Eastern Area: Colm Doyle Northern Area: Damien Kavanagh Western Area: Roma Touhy Southern Area: Vacant leges of Further Education in the South for the first time.

Since then the USI has been shaken by finacial controversies and the constant threat of member disaffiliation. In 2003 UCDSU held a referendum to leave USI, however it was defeated by a large majority. Whether a similar referendum is in store in the coming months remains to be seen.

While the history of the organisation may be convoluted, its structure is relatively simple. USI is an umbrella body, which represents the majority of college students in the country. It is made up of affiliated Student Unions (SU's), which represent the students in their respective colleges.

Annual Congress is

posed changes to the USI constitution.

National Council is USI’s main executive body consisting of representatives from each SU as well as USI full time and part time officers. It is convened at least four times a year.

-Exactly 50% of the Board positions are now vacant following the resignations of Daithí Mac Sithigh and Ruth Ní Eidhin both former Trinty SU sabatical officers.

- While on the USI Board Ruth and Daithí made up a three strong Trinity contingent which also included WElfare Officer Tom Lowth.

-All the members of the board of USI present at the last congress walked out during Mr McDonnell’s closing remarks.

USI’s supreme decision-making body, which takes place over a 3-4 day period around Easter. All affiliated SU’s send a number of delegates each to attend. The number of delegates each SU is allowed depends on the number of students at their college. All student unions can submit motions and amendments for Congress, It also elects the president, deputy president, welfare officer, education officer and equality officer.

Most delegations are mandated to vote in a particular manner by their respective SU’s. It was at a Special Congress that the latest controversy occurred.

However this congress differed from others in that it was convened specifically to deal with the pro-

Regional Conferences are held for the main purpose of electing the regional officer for the region.

The regions are autonomous and discuss and debate policy for the region to co-ordinate and direct the work of the officer.

There are also four standing conferences held each year with the purpose of electing the part-time officers and to discuss and formulate policy for their respective areas. The four conferences are: the Irish language conference; the disability rights conference; the environmental awareness conference and the lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender (LGBT) conference.

This structure was

designed to ensure that SU’s and students have constant input into the running of the USI. However due to recent events their effectiveness has been called into question by some quarters. A;so some elements of this structure have been earmarked for changein the constitutional review process.

The USI constitution is often mentioned in relation to the current difficulties facing the organization. It has been a major bone of contention in recent times with many bloody battle fought in its name. Trinity College SU has been quite closely involved with these constitutional debates, some of which have highlighted clear divides within USI and within Trinity SU. The need for constitutional change came about because as President Tony McDonnell put it “over the past number of years USI has lost influence and membership, and has been accused, rightly or wrongly, of ineffective representation and financial ineptitude.

It was felt that an overhaul of the constitution of the USI that governs how it operates as a representative body, would help address these issues. To that end a Constitutional Review Group was established last August that received submissions from the affiliate SU’s and held public meetings.

It presented twenty-one pages of proposed changes for ratification at the Special Congress held on the 26th of November.

These included a completely new section relating to finance and a restructuring of the USI Board.

These motions were supported and opposed in varying degrees by the affiliate SU’s. TCDSU mandated the position of its delegation at SU Council on November 14th.

‘A Chathaoirleach, members of the house...’

“I wish to salute their outstanding and valuable work which they are carrying out and have carried out over many years. ...in practice the university representatives in the Seanad have contributed out of all proportion.” Senator Donie Cassidy during the Statements on the 7th Progress Report on the Parliament on Thursday 18th April 2002.

Gearoid O’ Rourke In Irish democracy Trinity College holds a privileged position having three Senators representing it in the Seanad, while all other universities combined only have a total of three. This position harks back to an era when Trinity College had representatives in the British governmental systems in Westminster.

In this sense the political representation of Trinity pre-dates even the Irish state itself. Trinity graduates are closer to the action so to speak than any other in the country.

However in this country little seems to be commonly known about the Seanad itself so a little clarification is needed.

The existence of the Seanad serves as a check upon the legislative powers of the Dail ensuring no bill can be enacted too quickly without proper debate. A General Election to the Seanad must be held within ninety days of the dissolution of the Dáil. It is composed of 60 Members as follows: 11 nominated by the Taoiseach; 43 elected by five panels representing vocational interests namely, Culture and

Education, Agriculture, Labour, Industry and Commerce and Public Administration; Six elected by the graduates of two universities: three each by the National University of Ireland and the University of Dublin (Trinity College).

The Seanad normally meets on Wednesdays and Thursdays and its main business is the revising of legislation sent to it by the Dáil. However, in recent years the Government has made greater use of the Seanad to initiate sometimes-controversial legislation. The Seanad can initiate and revise legislation but under the Constitution its legislative role is restricted in that it cannot initiate financial legislation. In addition to its legislative role, the Seanad also debates important issues. Indeed, as the Government is constitutionally responsible to the Dáil, the Seanad can theoretically debate these issues with greater freedom and candor because the fate of a Government will not be at stake.

Senators are provided by law with a range of entitlements (e.g. secretarial assistance, mileage, subsistence, postal and telephone allowances) to help them to deal

effectively with their duties as Senators and legislators.

Representing Trinity are three senators who carry out much valuable work and campaigning on behalf of all the citizens of Ireland.

They and their predecessors are well respected by representatives across the political spectrum - a fact that has no doubt helped Trinity retain its disproportionate amount of seats in the Seanad.

Currently Senator Mary Henry MD, Senator David Norris and Senator Shane Ross represent Trinity. All are independent senators not affiliated to any particular political party.

Senator Mary Henry is in everyway a Trinity Senator having worked her way up through the college as a student picking up no less than fifteen different prizes and distinctions along the way. She ultimately graduated in 1968 with a B.A. in English and History of Medicine, an MB, MA and MD. Since then she has held several significant and influential positions including Consultant at the Varicose Vein and Thromboembolic Clinics in the Rotunda Hospital and Adelaide Hospital, President of The Irish

Association, Member of the Government Committee to establish a Sexual Assault Unit and Chairperson of the Fund-raising Committee of the Rape Crisis Centre.

As can be seen throughout her career a focus on the problems facing women in society has been very much to the fore. This focus has continued in her role as a Senator to degree that she was invited recently by Mrs. Laura Bush to attend the International Women's Forum in Washington and was also given the opportunity to speak at a Capitol Hill Round Table meeting.

However not all her views on these women’s issues are widely supported. In a letter to the editor of the Irish Times at the time of the most recent Abortion referendum she stated “To my certain knowledge no doctor in Ireland has used the risk of suicide as a reason for carrying out an abortion since the X case, nine years ago. Why should we start now [changing legislation], when following the Government's instruction to send such women to England is traditional and much less troublesome?”

Despite the time taken up with her duties as a Senator Dr Henry has also found time to publish 106 journal and newspaper articles in the last five years. She is also involved in a number of other high profile organizations including the National Economic and Social Forum, the Forum for Peace and Reconciliation and of course the Trinity College Dublin Association and Trust.

Senator David Norris is by general agreement a Dublin institution. Known as much for his campaigns on behalf of Georgian Dublin’s fine buildings as for his work for gay rights in Ireland he is probably the most high profile of the three Trinity senators.

Graduating from Trinity as a foundation scholar in English Literature and Language he soon went on t become one of the countries most

colourful political activists.

Formerly described by a leading broadcaster as “verbose and pompous” Senator Norris holds both a gold and silver medal for excellence in public speaking award by the Phil. Both medals are elusive and historically have only been awarded to speakers of the highest degree.

Senator Norris was also a Senior Lecturer in the English Department in Trinity and also a College Tutor between 1968-1996.

Senator Norris is one of the most active senators in the Seanad and lists among the major amendments he has achieved the amendments to the Transport (Railway Infrastructure) Bill 2002, the Sustainable Energy Bill 2001 (two amendments accepted), 8 amendments to the Planning and Development Bill, 1 amendment to the Architectural Heritage Bill and in the last few weeks no less than 12 amendments accepted in principle by the Minister in the

He has also broadcast and published internationally on a variety of literary, sociological and legal topics and has lectured at international scholarly gatherings in Europe, The Middle East and North America as well as Ireland. He has a well-documented passion for the work of James Joyce and was the organizer of the Joyce Centenary Celebrations in Dublin.

Competition Bill.

Senator Norris has also been very proactive in getting involved with any legislation that may affect Trinity College. Most recently he was instrumental in rescuing the Trinity Bill from serious technical difficulties in which it landed in the Oireachtas. This Bill was a very significant privilege for Trinity giving it exceptional status

among the other Irish universities and copper fastening for all time academic freedom and independence, something perhaps that many Trinity Students were not aware of Last but not least is Independent TCD Senator Shane Ross, who was elected 2005 'Senator of the Year' by a jury of journalists and political experts at Magill magazine's Politician of the Year Awards. Extremely well regarded by all in the political sphere Senator Ross epitomizes the legacy of previous Trinity Senators.

Senator Ross is another Graduate of the college receiving a BA in History and Political Science after entering the college as an Exhibitioner in the Classics from the University of Geneva. Senator Ross is possibly the most active of the Trinity Senators in the business world. He holds several very high profile positions including the Directorship of Barings New Russia Trust, the Chairmanship of Close Brs. FTSE 100 fund and is Deputy Chair of the Scottish Value Trust Fund.

In the past he was also the chairman of Dillon and Waldron stockbrokers as well as chairman of the Kleinworth European Privitisation Trust. His interest in business affairs is further reinforced by his position as former Irish Times Stock Exchange Correspondent and his current position as Business Editor for the Sunday independent. A lesserknown journalistic accolade is that he was also editor of Trinity’s own Miscellany during his time in Trinity.

Politically speaking Senator Ross spent his apprenticeship in Wicklow County Council learning the dos and don’ts of local politics before graduating to the ‘big league’ so to speak. As a senator he is involved in various committees including the British-Irish Parliamentary Body, the Oireachtas Joint Committee on Transport and the Oireachtas Committee on Enterprise and Small Business.

6

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

National News Editor: Anne-Marie Ryan

Trinity News

NATIONAL NEWS

News in Brief USI in turmoil: mass disaffiliation threatened One-fifth of UCD students are virgins A survey of UCD students’ attitudes to sex, drugs, alcohol and politics has found that 74% of undergrads at the Belfield campus do not need alcohol to have a good time and 20% have not yet had sex.

The survey was carried out by the UCD College Tribune among 300 undergraduate students in all faculties.

While a majority did not think alcohol was necessary for a good night out, only 7% of students do not drink at all and 43% of those who do take alcohol admitted to binge drinking. 59% admitted to having tried cannabis, while only 14% have taken cocaine. Of the students survey 8% have had more than ten sexual partners, while a majority of 42% have had only

one.

Although 47% of the student populous expressed their disappointment with the government, Fianna Fáil were still by far the most popular political party, with 38% admitting to identifying with them more than any other party. The Greens and Labour had 21% and 17% of support respectively, with the largest opposition party Fine Gael claiming only 15% of support.

Student apathy regarding national politics is quite high, with ‘don’t knows’ as high as 32% with regard to satisfaction with the government. As many as 29% of students were unable to provide an opinion as to whether the actions of the Rossport Five were justified

UL students express fears over safety Students at the University of Limerick (UL) organised a protest recently demanding increased security on campus from college authorites.

The protest, organised by Amnesty International, followed three attempted sexual assaults on college grounds earlier this year. A spokesperson for the group said that UL students no longer feel safe

on campus after dark. Protestors were demanding more CCTV cameras and an increased physical security presence for the Casteltroy campus.

The demonstration in UL follows similar anxieties in Tralee Institute of Technology over sexual assaults near the campus.

Continued from Front Page them University College Dublin and University College Cork.

Trinity College Students’ Union has set up a working group to consider the possibility of disaffiliating.

The unrest at USI headquarters has been a long running saga, with tension coming to a head at an emergency constitutional review congress held at Goldsmith Hall in Trinity on November 26.

The controversy kicked off during a debate on a contentious amendment to the USI constitution, requiring that motions at USI congress not “directly relating to students” must receive a 2/3 +1 majority as opposed to the normal 50% +1 vote for approval. The reform had been proposed in an attempt to cut back on USI involvement in

“non student” issues that were seen as being outside the remit of the organisation. UCD and other delegations had tried to block the change on the grounds that it was “undemocratic”.

Speaking in favour of the motion after an impassioned debate, USI President Tony McDonnell said he was “tired of careerist hacks” who were using the USI for their own political agendas. The comments were reportedly aimed at Mr MacSithigh and some of the UCD delegates who had opposed the change. The speech was greeted with loud applause by most of the delegates.

Subsequently, a UCD representative was ejected from the congress

by Trinity security guards after he staged a “silent protest”, by directing a placard saying “careerist liar” at McDonnell.

The following day,

MacSíthigh and Ní Eidhin announced their resignation from their USI positions. In a direct attack on Mr McDonnell, Mr MacSíthigh told Trinity News that the incident at the special congress was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He said that he believed USI to be “an amateur organisation.” Expressing his regret about his year at Grattan St, MacSíthigh said “I’m now clearing my desk, I have a mixture of reasons for departing. I found the organisation wasn’t supportive of me and I didn’t have a working relationship with Tony McDonnell.

We had different views and this conference really was the icing on the cake for me.”

Incredibly, Mr McDonnell, a former president of NUI Galway Students’ Union claims he was unaware of the resignations or any problems within the

William Aherne The integrity of qualifications offered by Irish universities is under threat by the development of bogus college degrees being sold to unsuspecting students on the internet, many of which do not

have any academic standing.

Recent reports in the national media have identified three such universities: the Dublin Metropolitan University, Irish International Universities of Europa and the European University of Ireland. All of these universities are registered as busi-

nesses in Ireland, but none are recognised by either the Irish or British government. Some of these online ‘universites’ claim to be affiliated with academic universities in Ireland.

University College Dublin (UCD) has been one of the latest victims of this scandal which

reduced in the coming years and complained that the debt incurred was a result of government underfunding of third level. The university was reprimanded for purchasing six acres in Cork city centre without permission from the Higher Education Authority.

UCD Editor criticises communications failure in Belfield A recent editorial in The University Observer, one of the student newspapers in UCD has criticised the lack of communication between college authorities and students which has developed under the tenure of the college’s controversial president Dr Hugh Brady. In a strongly worded piece entitled ‘At the Semester’s End’, editor Sorcha Nic Mhathúna commented how “dialogue between the college authorities and both staff and student representatives has sunk to new lows”.

She described how UCD governing authorities announced

their intention to modularise and semesterise all stages of degree programmes from September 2006 in a letter inserted into the UCD Student Guide. This announcement was made without any consultation with UCD Students’ Union.

Ms Nic Mhathúna was also critical of college authorities’ failure to acknowledge the concerns of the university’s staff and their unions, following recent staff protests against the perceived privatisation agenda of senior figures within UCD.

DCU marks its 25th anniversary Dublin City University (DCU) is celebrating a quarter of a century in existence. On 11th November 1980, 190 students enrolled at the National Institute of Higher Education, Dublin on the campus that was to become Dublin City University. There are currently 10,000 undergraduate and 700 postgraduate students enrolled in the university.

A series of events marked the anniversary recently, with a range of events held by DCU student clubs and societies involving a fashion show, martial arts exhibition a snow boarding demonstration and music all day.

Events culminated with a party in the Helix attended by staff and students.

Compiled by Anne-Marie Ryan

split from USI. However, Education Officer Donal McCormack is believed to be sympathetic to Ní Eidhin and MacSíthigh. A working group has been appointed to consider TCDSU’s support for USI and a disaffiliation referendum could be put to students in February depending on the group’s findings.

The loudest calls for a split from USI are coming from University College Dublin and UCDSU Education Officer Jane Horgan-Jones has already described the organisation as “dead”. In an article published on the Indymedia website last week, Horgan-Jones said, “USI is no longer that national union we all envisage. It has not been that national union for quite some time, and it will not be again … USI is dead. Long live the student movement.”

Online ‘universities’ threaten credibility of Irish institutions

UCC reprimanded for increasing debt University College Cork President Gerry Wrixon was brought before the Dáil Public Accounts committee last Thursday to defend his university’s mounting debt. In the space of three years, UCC’s debt has doubled, reaching just under €50m. Wrixon assured the committee that the debt would be

organisation. When contacted, he said, “I don’t know what this story is about. I definitely feel I had a very strong working relationship with the two of them and we’ve all done a lot of good work this year.”

He added, “They haven’t even made any formal communication with me about resigning.”

Ms Ní Eidhin could not be reached for comment on the issue, but it is believed that she shared Mr MacSíthigh’s reservations about the internal workings of USI. The double resignation leaves half of the ten positions on the USI board vacant.

The USI constitutional review debacle and the resignation have also led to disagreements among TCDSU officers. The President John Mannion and a number of the other officers are said to support Tony McDonnell and are eager that Trinity does not

The virtual campus of the Irish International University

has affected other academic institutions in the Europe and America.

College authorites their have expressed anger that bogus degrees from online institutions which claim to be affiliated with UCD could damage the university’s international standing in the academic community. Legal representatives for UCD have instructed the alleged universities to discontinue the use of UCD as an associated college.

Unfortunately there is little more that can be done under international law in Ireland to tackle this growing problem, as most of the accused universities are based in foreign countries outside the jurisdiction of Irish law, such as Malaysia.

Another offending university is the Irish International University of Europa (IIUE), which operates the Dublin European Institute (DEI).

According to the DEI Academic Director, the DEI was “established at UCD in 1999 to

provide a dynamic focus for postgraduate teaching and research in the field of European Studies”. The DEI offers academic qualifications such as Master of Economic Science Degree in European Economic and Public Affairs (MEconSc), Master of Arts Degree in European Studies (MA) and Doctor of Philosophy.

The Malaysian based IIUE states on its website that it “is a corporation validly incorporated and registered in the Republic of Ireland to act as a private non-state recognized higher education institution. The Minister for Education of Isle of Man government granted the approval for University title in the corporation. All the professional programmes have been benchmarked by the independent QACUK which ensures that the programmes achieve the minimum required professional standard”.

This claim by the IIUE is completely refuted by the Irish government.

2006 Budget will not deliver for third level students Catherine Shanahan Disappointment has been expressed by organisations involved in third level education following the publication of budget estimates, which suggest that spending in higher education will increase by only €80m in this year’s budget, due to be announced tomorrow (Wednesday) by Minister for Finance Mr. Brian Cowen.

Expenditure at third level is set to increase by 7%, compared with an overall increase in education spending of 9%. The main beneficiary of education spending will be primary schools, where positions for 500 extra teachers are to be provided over the next two years to reduce class size and tackle disadvantage.

Total spending on universities and institutes of technology has reached €1.2bn representing just of an overall education budget of €7.2bn.

Minister for Education and Science Ms. Mary Hanafin has also announced an increase of 17%

in expenditure on dedicated Research and Development funding.

The Union of Students Ireland (USI) have reacted angrily to the estimates, claiming that they offer little hope for the third-level sector, which is struggling to balance its books while students continue to suffer as a consequence of inadequate investment in tertiary education.

Ahead of tomorrow’s budget, the organisation launched a report entitled ‘An Agenda for Education in 2006’ calling on Minister Hanafin to seek additional funds for students and institutions.

The USI's proposals include the expansion of options for part-time study, reform of the maintenance grant system, capital investment in third level facilities, support for migrant workers and immigrants within higher education, and a realistic level of day-to-day funding for universities and colleges across Ireland.

USI President Tony O’Donnell criticised the Government for making grandiose

promises but failing to back them up with investment. “This Government is fond of making grandiose promises but when the time comes to back them up with investment they fail to deliver. The estimates for 2006 do nothing to fulfil previous assurances that they are committed to delivering a thirdlevel education system that can compete on the international stage, or even deliver an barely adequate system”, he said.

O’Donnell also criticised the government’s failure to reform the grants scheme, provide support services for the retention of students at third level or improve dilapidated buildings.

The Teachers Union of Ireland (TUI) also described the Budget Estimates as “extremely disappointing” and were particularly annoyed at the fact that no money has been put aside for the implementation of the McIver Report on Further Education. TUI president Mr. Paddy Healy described this ommission as a “betrayal of the students of this sector, many of whom are from dis-

advantaged backgrounds”. The organisation has called on members to join a lobby of the Dáil tomorrow for improved funding in this area.

An OECD report last year on third level education in Ireland found that while Ireland was the fourth richest out of twenty-six countries surveyed, it came second last for funding education.

The report recommended that €1.9bn be spent over the next ten years to meet infrastructural needs, as well as an additional €90m over the same period for minor infrastructural needs. Controversially, the report also proposed the reintroduction of third level fees in order to meet the day-to-day spending requirements of third level institutions.

Cowen’s budget set to disappoint third level

Board students: message board chat from around the country Anne-Marie Ryan The traditional end of term dilemma of parties versus exam study has been the main preoccupation of students around the country in recent weeks.

Semesterisation has meant Christmas exams for a greater number of students at UCD, and on Friday first year history students admitted to finding their

Early Medieval World exam very easy, with the paper requiring students to write only one essay.

Meanwhile, UL students have been excitedly anticipating their ‘Christmas Daze’ event, which takes place in the Stables bar on campus and has been extended to three days this year. Other users have been preoccupied with whether UL campus really is as dangerous after dark as the recent

protest suggested, and have also been debating which students or lecturers they would include in their top ten.

A contributor to the DCU message board was keen to assure prospective students that the university is ‘neither boring nor lacks a social life’. He proceeded to warn ‘CAO newlings’ against asking whether DCU was a fun college or not on pain of having their thread

deleted . Another student sought advice on whether it was safe to sleep in his car in the multi-storey car park following a night out in order to save on taxi money.

Potential freshers were also seeking advice from the undergrads of NUI Maynooth on how they found their university. One pessimistic student claimed that the only good thing about Maynooth was that it only costs €2 to go back

to Dublin. Other users were a little more cheerful however, with one contributor finding what she termed the ‘diversity’ great, with the opportunity of enjoying the spectacle of people from Cork and Monaghan trying to communicate with each other.

Students in NUI Galway were carrying out an inventory on how many glasses they have stolen from nightclubs so far this year,

with one student admitting to having lifted as many as twelve pint glasses and four shot glasses from establishments in Galway city.

Another contributor found that the safest strategy for removing a glasses from a club was to put them down your trousers.

Contributors to the Waterford IT message board have been discussing whether their SU president is worthy of the new

WITSU-sponsored Land Rover jeep he has been driving around campus.Users bemoaned the fact that is is difficult enought to find parking on campus without competing with the SU for it.

Meanwhile, the students of Carlow IT are bemoaning the closure of their stationery shop and wondering why they don’t have a dedicated Christmas Day like the students of Waterford IT.

International Review Editor: Doaa Baker

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

7

Trinity News

INTERNATIONAL REVIEW Bahá’ís denied education Mark Costine writes about the continued denial education to those of the Bahá’í faith in the Islamic Republic of Iran Since 1979, the government of Iran has systematically sought to deprive its largest religious minority of the right to a full education.

Specifically, the Islamic Republic of Iran has for more than 25 years blocked the 300,000-member Bahá’í community from higher education, refusing young Bahá’ís entry into university and college.

The government has also sought to close down Bahá’í efforts to establish their own institutions of higher learning.

Shortly after the 1979 Islamic revolution, large numbers of Bahá’í youth and children were expelled from school. The expulsions were not systematic, focusing mainly on children who were most strongly identified as Bahá’ís, but they ranged across the entire education system, from primary, through secondary, to the collegelevel, where the ban was virtually total.

In the 1990s, partly in response to interna-tional pressure, primary and secondary school-children were allowed to re-enroll.

However, the government has maintained the ban on the entry of Bahá’í youth into public and private institu-tions of higher education.

The government has used

a very simple mechanism to exclude Bahá’ís from higher education: it has simply required that everyone who takes the national university entrance examina-tion declare their religion. And applicants who indicate other than one of the four officially rec-ognized religions in Iran — Islam, Christianity, Judaism, and Zoroastrianism — are excluded.

In the late 1980s, Bahá’ís sought to mitigate the effects of the ban by establishing their own institution of higher education. Known as the Bahá’í Institute for Higher Education (BIHE), the Institute offered classes in private homes throughout the country, augmented by a scat-tering of specialized classrooms, laboratories and libraries. At its peak, the Institute enrolled more than 900 students.

The Institute, however, was in large part shut down in 1998 when agents of the government staged a series of raids, arresting at least 36 mem-bers of the BIHE’s faculty and staff and confiscat-ing much of its equipment and records.

The raids on the Institute, however, drew con-siderable international attention to the government’s oppressive policies. Human rights organs at the United Nations called for an end to reli-gious dis-

crimination against Bahá’í students, and various governments have pressed Iran to allow Bahá’ís back into university.

Apparently in response to this pressure, the government officially announced in late 2003 that it would drop the declaration of religious affilia-tion on the application for the national university entrance examination.

This, Bahá’í youth believed at the time, cleared the way for them to take the examination and to enroll in university in the autumn of 2004.

The removal of the data field asking for reli-gious affiliation was critical to Bahá’í youth who sought to enter university. The government had always said that if Bahá’ís simply declare them-selves as Muslims, they would be allowed to enroll. But for Bahá’ís, who as a matter of reli-gious principle refuse to lie or dissimulate about their belief, even pretending to be a Muslim for the sake of going to university was unthinkable.

With the promise that religious affiliation would not matter, about 1,000 Bahá’ís accordingly signed up for and took university entrance exam-inations in 2004.

And, indeed, no field declaring religion was on the papers.

Students were asked to take a religious sub-ject examination, however. It came as part of the whole range of subject tests relating to mathe-matics, language, history, and so on. The religion tests were offered in four subjects, Islam, Christi-anity, Judaism and Zoroastrianism, correspond-ing to the four recognized religions in Iran.

Most Bahá’í students opted for the Islamic subject test since, as the majority religion, Islam is taught in all schools and most Bahá’ís accord-ingly have a solid familiarity with its teachings.

In August, however, when the examination results were mailed out, government authorities had printed the word “Islam” in a data field list-ing a prospective student’s religion.

When confronted by Bahá’ís, officials cyni-cally explained they did that on the assumption that choosing to take the subject test on Islam amounts to a de facto declaration of faith in Islam.

The government’s intentions were further revealed when a group of Bahá’í students com-plained to officials at the national Educational Measurement and Evaluation Organization (EMEO),

asking if they could return the exam results with corrected information. A footnote in the letter conveying examination results said that incorrect names and addresses could and should be corrected and returned.

However, no mention was made about cor-recting religious information. Indeed, Bahá’ís were told by EMEO officials that “incorrect reli-gion would not be corrected” on the forms since the Bahá’í Faith is not among the officially recognised religions in Iran.

Shortly after that meeting, Bahá’í students wrote a letter of protest to the EMEO. The stu-dents expressed, clearly, their objection to hav-ing been designated as Muslims after having been promised that they would not have to state their religion in order to take the entrance examination.

At first, EMEO officials seemed to sympathise with their problem, even allowing Bahá’ís to fill out revised registration forms with no religious affiliation.

However, even though some 800 Bahá’í stu-dents who had passed their examinations also met the new deadline for submission of the revised forms, only ten names were published in an EMEO bulletin on 12 September 2004 announcing which students had been admitted to university.

It’s worth noting also that many Bahá’ís received high scores on the examinations, and, in fact, many of

Students might be more familiar with the allegations of human rights abuses that face Coca-Cola with regards their operations in Columbia as opposed to India. The situation in Columbia was the main focus of the last two referenda, the aims of which were to have CocaCola banned and to keep it banned from the SU shops. Coca-Cola, however, faces allegations and trouble in India also. This is due to their overexploitation and pollution of water resources in communities in India.

There are four main accusations facing Coca-Cola bottling plants. Firstly, that there are many communities across India that now face severe water shortages as a result of Coca-Cola’s extraction of water from the common groundwater resource.

Secondly, Coca-Cola has been discharging waste from its bottling plants into surrounding fields and even sometimes into rivers (including the Ganges). This leads to pollution of the groundwater as well as the soil. Public health authorities have warned against the use of water in affected communities.

Thirdly, Coca-Cola has been distributing their solid waste as “fertiliser” to farmers living in the communities of Plachimada and Mehdiganj. BBC conducted tests which found high levels of lead and cadmium in the waste, which means that the “fertiliser” was, effectively, toxic waste.

Finally, tests conducted by a variety of agencies and the government of India have confirmed that CocaCola products contain extremely high levels of pesticides, including DDT. The pesticide levels are sometimes found to be 30 times higher than EU standards. The parliament of India has since banned

the sale of Coca-Cola products from its cafeteria.

In a country where over 70% of the population’s livelihood is related to agriculture the result of Coca-Cola’s actions is disastrous.

Coca-Cola has destroyed thousands of people’s livelihoods and continues to adversely affect thousands more. The extent of the damage caused by exposure to pesticides and toxic waste cannot yet be fully gauged as these are long-term problems. The people who are impacted mostly are those from marginalised communities such as low-income workers, landless agricultural workers, indigenous peoples, Dalits (formerly untouchables) and women. The irony is that the majority of the affected people are unable to afford CocaCola.

There has been widespread action against Coca-Cola throughout India. In January 2004 the World Social Forum in Bombay barred Coca-Cola products from its refreshment stands. In Plachimada, Kerala local residents have been keeping watch 24/7 on Coca-Cola’s largest bottling plant in India. In March 2004 the government ordered the plant to temporarily shut down in order to ease drought conditions. The village council has since been refusing to reissue a licence to Coca-Cola as they have polluted the area and destroyed the water system. Also, following protests at the end of 2004 the High Court in the state of Rajasthan ruled that soft drinks must state the level of pesticides on the product label.

In Mehdiganj, a village about 20km from Varnanasi, the water table has been declined between 25-40 feet in the last four years. Coca-Cola has also been discharging waste into the surrounding areas and into a canal that feeds into the Ganges. Here, however, local authorities have failed to take action. There has been a

growing movement to shut down the plant, which has been met with hostility and violence from armed police and security guards.

Moreover, authorities have trumped up criminal charges against some of the key figures of the struggle.

Not surprisingly, CocaCola has become concerned about their public image and has hired a public relations firm, Perfect Relations, to develop a new image for them in India. They also intend to greatly increase the marketing budget from next year. The Indcia Resource Centre has dismissed this as an attempt to “spin” away the actual issues at stake. They feel that the only way that Coca-Cola can redress their conduct is to admit to the severity of the problems they have caused, to find ways to reverse the devastation, and to compensate those affected.

Holding Coca-Cola accountable for its abuses, as many Indian communities are trying to do, would not be the first example where they were made to make amends. In 2003, Coca-Cola de Panama was fined US$300,000 for polluting the Matasnillo River in Panama. In June of this year the University of Michigan placed Coca-Cola on probation until June 2006 for “the company’s egregious actions in Colombia and India”.

This action came after the Dispute Review Board (an advisory body set up by the university) completed a 10 month investigation into Coca-Cola’s crimes in these countries. The board found that CocaCola violated its Vendor Code of Conduct in light of the high pesticide levels in its products in India and its labour practices in Colombia. The board issued a notice to Coca-Cola stating that they must agree to a third party, independent investigation into these issues and that they must implement a “corrective action plan” by May 2006.

Odhran Gavin

Coca-Cola: No regard for natural resources It is vital that Coca-Cola be held accountable for their actions and that they cease causing devastation to Indian communities.

The international campaign against

a chance to enroll — and that it was the Bahá’ís themselves who refused the opportunity.

Yet the government, of course, has long been aware that Bahá’ís cannot and will not as a mat-ter of religious principle falsify or misrepresent their beliefs.

Without doubt, then, Iran’s actions amount to nothing less than government spon-sored policy aimed at denying an entire genera-tion of Bahá’ís their right to higher education.

5Like young people everywhere, Bahá’í youth in Iran desperately desire the opportunities and insights that come with higher education. This is especially so because the teachings of their faith stress the importance of knowledge and learning- and because those same teachings also emphasise the importance of contributing to society at large.

Over the last 25 years, the only source of protection and encouragement for the Iranian Bahá’í community has been international concern, as expressed through the United Nations, by governments, and in the news media.

One can only hope that the students and academics of the world will now follow suit in protesting the blatantly unjust oppression that continues to confront the young people of Iran’s Bahá’í community.

“Wipe Israel out”

Trouble with CocaCola in India Zoe Hughes

them were passed over in the admission process, while many lower-scoring Muslim students were accepted.

In the end, out of solidarity with the rest of the 800 students who had been unfairly discriminated against, those ten Bahá’ís declined to reg-ister in the universities to which they had been accepted. And so, for the school year 2004-2005, Bahá’í young people were once again utterly deprived of access to higher education.

The Iranian government has continued to pursue its strange game for the 2005–2006 school year. By mid-August 2005, hundreds of Bahá’ís had received their university entrance examina-tion results. And once again, the government had falsely printed the word “Islam” as the reli-gious identification for the Bahá’í students.

For Bahá’ís, the entire process is cynically cal-culated to accomplish a number of government objectives. First, it apparently seeks to demoral-ize Iranian Bahá’í youth in an effort to induce them to leave the country. Second, it allowed Iranian authorities to identify by name those Bahá’ís with outstanding academic ability, who might at some point play a role in helping to revive the Bahá’í community’s fortunes. Third, it allowed the Iranian government to say to inter-national human rights monitors that they had given the Bahá’ís

Coca-Cola is essential if this is to happen, and the continued boycotting of Coca-Cola products is key to this campaign.

So Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of Iran, thinks that Israel should be wiped off the map of the world? Why is anyone surprised?

Come on now, this is Iran we’re talking about. Iran has never been exactly the friendliest with Israel.

It’s not the first time its government has suggested it – the former President, Hashemi Rafsanjani, suggested nuking Israel about four years ago. This is the same Rafsanjani that reinvented himself as a potential reformer last June after his conservative Islamic approach. And what did the world do in reaction to his threat? Were there official condemnations by the European Union? Did the US say that there were ‘concerns’ about the Iranian nuclear programme?

Did Kofi Annan storm off in a fit of pique and refuse to go visit Tehran?

Nope.

They did nothing.

Absolutely nothing. No sanctions, no threats of expulsion, not even condemnation to the Security Council.

But of course, what are we to expect from the international community? Now, they’re not the most even-handed of people, with unimpeachable standards fairly applied to all, are they?

On the one hand, we have a state that has been threatening a small number of countries it doesn’t like with war, claiming they have nuclear weapons – which this warlike country actually does – and that they cause terrorism. Don’t know about you, but I’m fairly sure there haven’t been many attacks by North Korean terrorists in recent years. Not only that, but they’ve actually started a war with one of those states, and guess what? No nuclear weapons, and since they’ve gone in there, there’s been MORE terrorism, not less. To me, it sounds

like this country is throwing its weight around and trying to be the biggest boy in the playground, not standing up for ‘freedom’. And what does the world do? At the very extreme, sits back and says, “Bad show,” when all they’re thinking is, “Wish we could still do that.” The rest of the countries are all tripping over themselves to get in on the war and get a slice of the lucrative pie.

On the other hand, we have a newly elected leader pandering to the crowd with populist statements at a conference entitled “The World without Zionism.” Did they expect him to be supportive of Israel’s right to exist? In all fairness, it’s no different from Fianna Fáil’s electoral promises that we will achieve a united thirty-two county Republic some day. Was it just me, or did I miss the enormous hailstorm of condemnation that showered down on Bertie for wanting to achieve this? Were we put under sanctions, or thrown out of the UN, for such a goal? No? Then why all the fuss over a leader who wants pretty much the same thing? He never said “Start a war,” although it’s been in the bigger boys’ interests to make out that he did. Think about it. If Palestine became a country on the land that it was made up of in 1948, there would be no Israel. It’d be wiped off the face of the map. No war.

But, of course, everyone’s favourite hegemon, the USA, won’t take it that way. Bush and his puppet-masters – sorry, advisors – have been itching for a chance to take on Iran for ages, trying to stop them having a nuclear programme that they are legally allowed to, because they claim that they’ll be naughty and make bombs. And, as soon as they can, they’ll start another war, and the world will applaud them as heroes for saving poor, little, defenceless Israel from the evil menace of nasty ole’ Iran.

Send any articles of international interest to dobaker@tcd.ie

8

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

Features Editor: Liz Johnson

Trinity News

FEATURES

WRATH- IS Society Immune to Anger?

Sallyanne Sweeney expores anger in its various forms, and how it has affected society over the years ‘Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned’ – Buddha.

Wrath has bubbled under the surface of every society since even before the age of Buddha. One of the most powerful and dangerous emotions, anger now seems to be an idiosyncratic feature of the 21st century world. Western culture has been argued to reflect a passion for sin, a hedonistic enjoyment of being ‘bad’, which today has come to be viewed as liberating oneself from social conformity. In today’s secular, MTV world, the Seven Deadly Sins are more readily associated with David Fincher’s 1995 film Se7en, or Magnum icecreams, than with the acts of evil described in the Old Testament.

In 1993, MTV aired a programme called ‘Seven Deadly Sins: An MTV News Special Report’, which provoked outcry from right-wing religious groups in America who saw it as glorification of sin and evil. Kurt Loader, the narrator, announced at the start of the program that the Seven Deadly Sins ‘are not evil acts, but rather

universal human compulsions that can be troubling and highly enjoyable.’

According to MTV, no sin ‘is as evil as the killjoy attitude of those who think sin is an absolute standard that offends a holy God.’ The programme interviewed various celebrity figures of the day who had ‘insightful’ offerings into the deadly sins. On wrath, Rapper ‘Ice-T’ said ‘It's necessary, you have to release this tension, because life brings tension. We release our anger when we do records. When we did ‘Cop Killer’ we were angry and the cops got angry back.’

Anger in all its forms is so deeply embedded in modern society that we have become almost immune to outbursts of rage. Besides its extreme manifestations such as war and terrorist attacks, wrath has infiltrated the everyday life of rush-hour commuters, school children, and even shoppers. In the ruthless world we live in, anger is almost impossible to suppress when we are faced with queue skippers, bitchy shop assistants, Irish weather, parking tickets, pushy people, grossly inflated prices, bus and train delays… and

not surprisingly, this has significant effects on our health.

According to the American Dr. Redford Williams, anger not only increases the risk of heart disease and cancer; high hostility levels are also often an indication of poor health habits such as smoking, and excessive consumption of both alcohol and food.

Excessive anger can also point to deeper issues in a person’s life.

The effects of anger on the body are immediate: an adrena-

“wrath will no doubt reaching a peak during the January sales as you battle it out for the last remaining item of clothing in your size” line rush causes heart rate and blood pressure to increase and body temperature rises. Health problems linked to unmanaged anger include headache, insomnia, stroke and heart attack. And wrath is on the increase in Ireland, if acts of violence are anything to go by.

Figures released by the Minister for Justice, Michael McDowell, show that murder and manslaughter are up 17% and shootings up 9% since September 2004.

According to Jack Nicholson’s character Dr. Buddy Rydell in Anger Management (2003), ‘there are two kinds of angry people - explosive and implosive. Explosive is the type of individual you see screaming at the

Ranting - It’s a Way of Life Liz Johnson The annual rate of inflation in Ireland fluctuates around the 2.4% mark. That’s not bad, and even if it was, it’s the European Central Bank who controls it now. But if inflation is less than 3%, why, then, does a cup of hot water from the Arts Block café cost 35c. In the three years I have been in college it has increased from a relatively okay 10c to the ridiculous level it is today. That’s a price hike of 350%.

And I for one am not happy about it.

I do BESS. I do economics. And yet I just cannot get my head around how these people get away with ripping us off to such an extent. I understand about overheads and staff costs and increases in supply costs etc. I learnt about that in first year. But really, how much can the costs involved in

water boiling be? Someone turns a tap on and fills a big tank with water. Then someone presses a switch which boils said water.

(Note, this would have to be done anyway to boil the water for tea and coffee.) The only other cost I can think of is the price of those silly little polystyrene cups we have to use.

College doesn’t like it when students get clever. The fact that we are resourceful and think ahead by bringing our own teabags really irritates them. Instead of thinking of ways that they could improve the (pretty dire) coffee shop facilities so that we would want to buy tea or coffee there, they just get nasty, and charge us crazy prices for water. Cold water is free. Heating it should not cost 35c. I’m actually contemplating bringing in a travel kettle and setting it up secretly at one of the electrical sockets in the library. Even if

I get fined, it would probably work out cheaper in the long run.

I use water as an example, but the fact remains that actually, everything in college is overpriced. I love the JCR and their happy cheerful cheapness, but they live very far away in Goldsmith.

Why don’t we mobilise ourselves and demand a JCR branch in the Arts Block. The JCR give water away for free.

There are a couple of reasons why this probably won’t happen. One, we really have no-one to complain about food to. Yes, yes, the SU Officers are always ready to listen, but which one deals with College catering? Niall Hughes is more concerned with beverages of a different variety. Steph O’Brien is concerned with the effects of overindulgence in said beverages, Donal McCormack, well, education hasn’t much to do with water, and John Mannion has much bigger

fish to fry. (I choose not to make reference to the guy who runs the OTHER paper) One gets the distinct feeling of futility. There’s no point in complaining, because there is no-one who can actually do anything about it. There should be some sort of ombudsman to deal with the state of college food. At the moment, we get a survey at the END of the year, spend a while filling it in, and then come back in October to discover that nothing has changed.

Reason two is that college doesn’t actually care. They are a business, and they love making money from us poor students in order to fund their ridiculous bureaucratic admin staff. All these admin bodies do more or less the same job, yet seem not to be able to coordinate at all. Let me give you an example. A friend of mine went to register and was told she hadn’t paid her fees. She couldn’t pay her

fees until her grant came through, but couldn’t claim her grant until she had registered. This farce went on for a couple of days until she finally hit the roof and told them to sort themselves out.

Anyway, that hasn’t really got much to do with my original gripe. The fact remains that I come into college every day and am forced to pay 35c for a pretty small cup of hot water. And the fact remains that because college have no effective complaints system in place, I fully expect to be paying around 50c next year. College catering should be run by students for students, and should stop ripping us off. It’s not fair, and I’m sick of it. There, rant over.

Anger- Therapy for the masses?

Kathryn Segesser contemplates the benefits of yelling in a circle.Is anger therapy a good means of expressing oneself?

Don’t throw chairs, yell instead!

When I was about seven, I decided that I wanted to be an actress.

Insisting blindly that I was to be the next great thing and that mother would only live to regret it if she failed to support me, I made her enrol me in drama classes. So, off I flounced on the first day of the year, and into what can only be described as the circle of horror.

Let me explain. I walked into the classroom to be confronted with a circle of fellow seven year old wannabes all screaming loudly at each other. Screaming I might add at the top of their voices and about completely incomprehensible things. Of course, it was hard to make anything out above the noise.

Why, you might well ask? Well, because apparently ‘in releasing our anger we can connect with our inner beings’. That’s right.

My drama teacher - an American by the way - had stumbled across a new psychobabble that espoused the concept of anger as a means of relief.

This then is what led to all the shouting. The idea was that if we let go of our angers and other such feelings in expressing them through sound, then we can release built up tension. In other words, if we can shout and yell about it then we can let go of it. Much the same concept is explored in the use of punch bags and stress balls. It’s all about using the physical to negate the internal. Not a bad concept actually.

If the screaming circle of children was incredibly horrifying at first, I quickly discovered that in fact shouting your head off was very therapeutic. The problem with today’s society is that we are taught to be calm and collected. Any expression of character or emotion is viewed as ‘a little bit odd’ and the domain of menopausal women.

Thus the screaming of seven year olds was scary because it was so unlike anything I’d ever seen .

Publicly displaying anger is seen as a loss of control and the root of many problems. It is expected that we all act ‘normally’ and contained. Because of this strict social control we tend to release tension on a reactionary level. So, for example, many people rant and rave in their cars at other drivers, or talk to the televisions, disagreeing quite contentedly with the little people in the little box.

Perhaps then, it is better to release anger in small, controlled and measured doses as in the drama class. Indeed, more and more classes are adopting this exercise. Not only is it a great way to get everyone to let go of their inhibitions believe me, it really works - but it also is a great way to unite people.

Nothing, after all, unites us as much as a small bit of anger.

The number of hoards of girls milling aimlessly around the arts block/Hamilton merrily complaining about fellow students/lec-

cashier for not taking his coupon.

Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and then finally shoots everyone in the store’. Both the outburst of anger and its repression have negative consequences. Interestingly, the management of anger is gendered.

Despite Euripides’ declaration that ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’, women are in fact less hostile than men, but are more susceptible to depression, often a sign of suppressed rage.

turers/boys/any other type of life form would scare any happy go lucky person. Through chatting and gossiping we can discuss small forms of anger and also feel good about ourselves. Gossip is, after all, known as being therapeutic.

Unfortunately, perhaps because we frown on exhibitionist anger, we also frown on the other extreme very happy people. Those of us who go round hugging everyone reference a recent Coca Cola advert - are classed as being just as crazy as those who go round ranting and raving. Perhaps it’s not anger we frown on then but extremeness.

Is there any hope for us then? Well, releasing anger remains, at least for us bitter and twisted ones, as therapeutic as being stupidly happy. As long as we continue to do so in socially approved ways, such as gossiping and ranting in our cars, then we’ll get small doses of therapy and prevent being classed as slightly criminally unhinged.

But be warned, screaming and yelling in circles remains a thing for drama classes, however useful. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t all go and join drama classes, or set up similar private yelling groups. Hell, I can think of a good few things to yell about and its not even Christmas yet!

Depending on one’s management of their anger, wrath can have both negative and positive consequences. Uncontrolled anger can cause physical and emotional damage to yourself and others.

However, there are ways of learning to manage your anger, as detailed in the myriad of self-help books and anger management websites. Frequent exercise, for example, has been shown to greatly relieve stress and frustration, as has taking note of when and why you feel angry, so that you can understand and thus control your wrath.

Psychologist Sandi Mann of the University of Lancashire argues that writing your feelings down, for example,

expresses your feelings in a constructive rather than a destructive way.

Wrath, when justified and channeled in a positive way can bring about great social reform, as shown in many civil rights movements and protests across the globe.

In 1965, Malcolm X, self-described as ‘the angriest black man in America’, argued, ‘Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.’ By refusing to give up her seat to a white man on an Alabama bus in 1955, Rosa Parks showed how in this increasingly indifferent and apathetic world, even small acts expressing anger and indignation at social injustice can have revolutionary consequences.

In the countdown to Christmas, and the season of goodwill, wrath will no doubt be ubiquitous in every high street shop, reaching a peak during the January sales as you battle it out for the last remaining item of clothing in your size. Venting your frustration, as we have seen, is not always a bad thing. But while ‘managing your anger’ during your tantrum in Topshop, keep in mind the advice of Dr. Buddy Rydell: ‘Temper's the one thing you can't get rid of, by losing it’.

Diary of a BESS girl Our girl around the Arts Block tells us how it is...

Hell hath no fury like a BESS girl I actually do think that in the Brown Thomas sale. It’s wrath (anger, whatever..) is quite true. I’ve seen hearts, stilettos and deserving of its title is a deadly even nails broken in the race to get sin- nobody likes a crosspatch. the last pair of size 6 shoes. And Anger is a negative emotion. In it’s not losing out to a fellow D4 fact, it takes far more muscles to that makes me mad- I can handle frown than to smile, which is reathat. It’s when you see a chavlette, son in itself to be a happy bunny. head to toe in imitation Burberry Premature wrinkles, anyone? I and “claddih” rings etc, walking think not. to the checkout with that 50% disActually, if you ever count Armani dress that had ‘me feel like getting angry, you should at the BESS ball’ written all over stop and think. We rule the Arts it. It makes my expensively pedi- Block, our society has the best cured toes curl. party reputation and we’re in I think they do it on pur- prime position for husband pickpose just to piss us off. They don’t ing from the BE$$ boys and rugby even appreciate the bargain team (if you fail at that- and you they’re getting. (I mean, they’re shouldn’t- we have the advantage only ever in BTs when the sale is of being basically employable by on.) It’s hardly as if they’re going anyone) and we are an inspiration to have any opportunity to wear a to those less fortunate students on cocktail dress in Flat Block 4, the other side of campus. Is life Knackerville. From what I’ve really so bad? No. And let’s face seen, they have some sort of it, if Nine West have sold out of strange pyjama-chic thing going the shoes you want, you can on for most of the day. Cheap always get Daddy to bring them pyjamas at “Some people are just not home from t h a t .

New York Seriously, I MEANT to get into Lillie’s. the next think the Armani on the outside doesn’t time he’s BT door- make you Armani on the inside, p a s s i n g men should through. buck up honey” their act, separate the wheat from However, if something really the chaff and let us BESS girls get majorly pisses you off, don’t get on with it. angry- get even instead. Nothing During a particularly neutralises the bitter taste of boring lecture, I weighed up anger defeat than the sweetness of against saccharine sweetness and revenge. For example, if some came to the conclusion that the cow gets with the ex you’re still in latter is the one to go for. While love with, or the guy you have getting pissed off and demanding clearly liked for like, ages, you to see the manager (“Do you should strike back. Find out someKNOW who my Daddy is?”) is thing murky about her past then certainly one way of trying to get tell everyone. (She may have been into Lillie’s, but chances are that if with a knacker or culchie at some you smile, flirt prettily and com- stage.) Or get with her hot older pliment the bouncer on his sexy brother/ ex boyfriend. Or break bodywarmer, you’re way more the heels off her one prized pair of likely to get in. Although, in say- Manolos. That should teach the ing this, some people are just not wench to mess with a BESS girl.

MEANT to get into Lillie’s. No So smile. People like amount of smiling will change happy people, especially hot this. Armani on the outside does- happy people. Life could be so n’t make you Armani on the much worse- I mean, you could be inside, honey. The Lillie’s bounc- studying theoretical physics. No ers will know. And your streaky amount of smiling could remedy tan marks are, like, a total give- that. away.

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

Trinity News

FEATURES

The Language Debate Following Enda Kenny’s recent comments on the Irish language, Trinity News looks at the two sides of the debate on Irish language teaching in our secondary schools across the country

Abandonment the Wrong Agenda Máirtín Colfer Despite all the commotion, I don’t think too many of us were surprised at Enda Kenny’s proposal last week. Maybe we didn’t see it coming from the leader of Fine Gael, what with their various past links to the language, or we didn’t see it coming at this moment in time, so soon after gaining the hard-won privilege of official EU status, but the topic of the Irish language in the education system was always going to be broached by a political party sooner or later. And, it was always going to question the validity of the language in an increasingly internationally-orientated system of schooling. So why all the hubbub? Well, partly due to Kenny’s fairly extreme measures (he advocates making the language optional after the third year of secondary school, essentially pitting an as-is vulnerable language against more “recognised” subjects such as the sciences), and partly due to the obvious historical and political ramifications entangled in such an argument. The “language question” is and always has been a political obstacle course for any party to take on: its links to once-nascent and now stabilised nationalism are obvious; as a tool of cultural rebellion it dressed itself as a big “fuck you” to British attempts to destroy an Irish heritage, and as a relatively untapped cultural resource it stands alone in Europe in terms

of linguistic wealth.

So, why is the leader of a major political party so adamant that it’s not worth the effort? As a fluent Irish speaker, Kenny seemingly believes that the removal of Irish from the education system will be ultimately beneficial for the language. He sees an educational future where enthusiasts alone choose Irish for study, leaving a significantly smaller but more capable group of speakers as representatives for the language. His

for teaching Irish in this country are an absolute shambles.

Students end up being able to write three page essays on the social and economic problems of the country, while at the same time remaining absolutely clueless about the grammar, syntax and even meaning of the words they use. It’s being, to use a cliché phrase, beat into them. At the same time, however, this doesn’t necessarily prompt the draconian measures that Kenny would implement. His hopes for

“His hopes for the survival of the language after taking such a step are – to me anyway – fanciful notions” reasoning behind this is that the education system is, at present, letting Irish down. Compulsion, he claims, has been tested now for eighty years, and the results are undeniable: it’s a failure.

Unhappy with the average student’s level of spoken Irish after 10-12 years of lessons, Kenny believes the system is churning out not competent and confident Gaelgóirí, but eleves trained merely to do exams. Most Irish(wo)men are at this point nodding their heads vigorously.

Fair enough Kenny, you have a very valid point. But who’s disputing that? For years now, every man, woman and child that ever experienced secondary school in Ireland has been crying out for changes to the curriculum til they’re blue in the face. Enda Kenny is dead right: the methods

the survival of the language after taking such a step are – to me anyway – fanciful notions.

Realistically, what we’d be left with is thousands of teenagers still badly taught, slowly learning to resent the language rather than to love it, and at the end of three years a very attractive looking option to drop it. Instead, what’s needed is a revision – an overhaul, maybe – of the course.

Centre the course around the spoken word, the poetics of the language; make the oral exam fifty percent of the Leaving Certificate and the country will abound with fluent speakers. On a practical level, a shifted emphasis from writing to speaking turns the language from a classroom phenomenon into a social one so it becomes easier to assimilate and easier to use. Now

we have bilingualism as a basic block for all secondary-educated citizens, and, in most cases, a much more fully-realised European ideal of trilingualism – as well as a justified E.U. status.

Why such an effort (or at least a vaguely similar one) hasn’t already been made already remains a mystery. The successive governments seem content enough to sit in their apathy and watch their own background fade away in front of their eyes. You’d think a nation with such a ridiculous amount of heritage like ours would want to flaunt it all over the world, but instead it seems to be more profitable to build roads through ancient and unrivalled monuments, to knock down beautiful and historic castles, and just generally not give a fuck about the culture that has shaped an Irish consciousness to an extent not even fathomed by most. It’s strange how obvious it is that there’ll be tears, decades from now, when we wake up and realise how we let go of a national past thousands of years in the making only to end up as another bland extension of an increasingly homogenic world.

But anyway, whether you’re for the language or no, it does both sides good to get involved in this debate. There’s plenty more information to be had at www.cnag.ie, www.gaellinn.ie, www.finegael.com, or send an email to nagaeiloga@gmail.ie, and decide for yourself.

Time to drop compulsory Leaving Irish Ian Carey Before we start lets get one thing perfectly clear. Irish is not compulsory. This might be a little hard to take for most hardened Irish speakers but it is a rather simple and unassailable fact. In my life I have never ever needed Irish and I cannot see that changing. Competency at the language is not even required by public administrators or local officials let alone Gardaí or call centre staff. If you were asked by a potential visitor to the country whether preliminary classes in the Irish language were necessary your response would be swift and unequivocally ‘No’.

This is not something I want to see and I’m sure it is a situation that the whole country feels rather guilty about. But denying the reality or severity of the problem is not going to help us solve it.

Two weeks ago in Cork, Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny was the first major politician to engage the government on what is the current shameful and silent descent of the Irish language into irrelevance. The question was simple how can the average student having 1,500 hours of Irish lessons emerge from secondary school completely unable to hold a basic conversation in the language. This could be seen as a sorry indictment of Irish teachers’ nationwide but I don’t think that rings true.

If it was the case how could it be that students are capable of performing so well in other subjects while failing abysmally

at their native language? The answer has to lie in the student’s perception of the language and I can testify from my time studying it that the vast majority of my fellow class mates considered it ‘unworthy’ of their efforts. Let me be clear, I am in no way being inflammatory in my assessment.

I would say easily 80% of my year were taking Irish only as their 7th subject (meaning that their points for college application came from their other six subjects).

This lack of enthusiasm came, as far as I could see, from the uninspiring method of teaching coupled with the obvi-

son see it as a burden. People feeling burdened by the language is the key reason why the policy has failed and will fail in the future.

The problem with taking away the policy of compulsion is that many people understandably feel that we might loose Irish altogether. People see Irish being taught in schools as the life support machine that without which a crippled language would die. My response would be that to prevent this from happening we have to look to where the language has flourished and there is only one real example of this; the Gaelscoil.

“People feeling burdened by the language is the key reason why the policy has failed and will fail in the future” ous everyday uselessness of the subject. The policy of compulsion with regards to Irish can only be described as a failure.

Enda Kenny’s solution of making Irish non compulsory after Junior Cert seems only reasonable. We could take example from Wales who without the rather draconian policy of compulsion managed to revive a waning language to nearly one million speakers today. The policy of compulsion is quite simply the wrong tack. The challenge with Irish was to instil in the pupils a love of the language so that they would go out and speak it amongst themselves and their families because literally there is no practical reason to embrace it.

Forcing something upon someone (especially if they can see no reason for it) only makes the per-

9

The most successful way to give a child a second language is to immerse the child in it at an early age. This is used here to great success and can be seen as the only glimmer of hope on an otherwise bleak future for the language. The schools are voluntary (not for the students, of course, but the parents who want their children to have the language), and involve teaching all subjects through Irish. If as a nation we want to get serious about the language we would have to expand the amount of Gaelscoileanna.

This could be part of a new national dual lingual approach making primary schooling generally in Irish and secondary generally in English. You could couple that with a more oral approach to the teaching at second level and a move away from the compulsory

nature of it now.

There are two main difficulties with this. Firstly, setting up a Gaelscoil is not as easy and it sounds and it would be even more difficult to convert an English speaking school to a Gaelscoil. In the vast majority of cases Irish speaking schools are set up against departmental, clerical and often union opposition.

And in the current situation demand for places in these schools far outstrips supply. To make this happen government will have to pursue this policy against strong opposition.

Realistically, standing firm on any issue isn’t generally a hallmark of Irish governments.

The other difficulty is one of respect. Due to the increasing multicultural nature of Irish society we have to concede that there are going to be people who are not interested in giving their children such a grounding in Irish and we have to respect that. This point is also worth considering for people who see a United Ireland as a political reality. Any move towards the expansion of Gaelscoileanna has to give parents the option of an English speaking primary simply out of respect.

It is clear that we need a more comprehensive approach to Irish and Irish speakers should thank Enda Kenny for putting it back on the political agenda even if they don’t agree with everything he has said. Some people will always speak Irish, we shouldn’t fear that but we should be afraid that people might stop speaking of the importance of Irish. It is funny that the only response that Minister Mary Hanafin had to the comments was that “this was cheap auction politics typical of Fine Gael”. I think that the cheapest politics played in this debacle were when Mr. Kenny’s comments were taken as being an assault on the language or an assault on ‘Irishness’. That brand of politics is more at home the other side of the Atlantic. If we are to solve the Irish problem we have to resist the uncritical knee-jerk reaction that lead to the ill attended protest outside Fine Gael headquarters a few weeks ago and take on board all suggestions for a resolution. If we want Irish to live we have to stop suffocating it and let it breath.

The Scarf colours of the College Peter Henry Several years ago, Gibson Price, the supplier of College scarves and ties, closed its shop on Suffolk Street. It seemed that the designs of Trinity's scarves had been lost with the closure of the shop, which would have been quite a pity.

A call, however, to supplier of scarves, ties and other custom made clothing, Luke Eyres of Cambridgeshire, thankfully revealed the designs of several scarves.

As well as holding on file the specifications of most of the scarves shown below, Luke Eyres will also produce scarves from your own designs. Newer clubs and societies can create their own designs but should first consult DUCAC or the CSC, as appropriate; older associations should consult their records and old members to ascertain if a

design already exists.

Some of the faculty scarves shown below may be the scarves of their respective societies, the Law Society, History Society, etc. The information from the supplier simply reads "Law", "History", etc, so that has been substituted that with the current name of the school or faculty.

The DU Boat Club scarf is unique among those shown below: its traditional size is nearly two feet wide and eight feet long!

The Speech and Language Pathology Society folded in 2002, so one might say that its scarf design may as well be forgotten. However, the School of Clinical Speech and Language Studies may like to adopt the scarf as its own.

There are undoubtedly many more College scarves; readers who have information on the designs or where they

can be found are encouraged to send me an email. Any information on the designs of the College's neckties is also appreciated. The email address is pehenry@tcd.ie.

The pure wool, double thickness version of the TCD Association and Trust scarf can be purchased, with no minimum amount, from Ryder and Amies, Cambridge; telephone 00441223350371; Web site www.ryderamies.co.uk. All other scarves can be purchased, minimum amount six, from Luke Eyres, Cambridgeshire; telephone 00441353863125; Web site www.luke-eyres.co.uk.

Many thanks to Rod Spearman of Luke Eyres Ltd for the designs.

Trinity College

Dublin University Lawn Tennis Club

Trinity College Dublin Association & Trust

Dublin University Rifle Club

University Colours

University Biological Association

Dublin University Bicycle Club

University of Dublin Choral Society

Dublin University Boat Club

Dublin University Geographical Society

Dublin University Cricket Club

Speech & Language Pathology Soc

Dublin University Croquet Club

Engineering and Systems Sciences

Dublin University Equestrian Club

School of Histories and Humanities

Dublin University Football Club

School of Law

Dublin University Hockey Club

School of Pharmacy

Dublin University Ladies’ Boat Club

School of Physiotherapy

10

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

Features Editor: LizJohnson

Trinity News

FEATURES The times they are a-changing Carmen Bryce takes a look at the issue of childhood obesity, and concludes that parents should look to the traditional if they are to help their children for the future.

This guy looks like a really irate lecturer

HOROSCOPES Brought to you by your resident Trinity psychics.

Sagittarius: Now, I’m not one to point out the obvious but everyone knows that those people in the Malteasers ad where they bounce around on big rubbery things are actually holding it together by a thread. The anger is obvious from their tight smiles. You’ll notice a few of those smiles round college this week. Just remember - thread.

Capricorn: For some time now you have been bottling up a lot of anger against a certain, hmm lets call him/her/it an acquaintance, in your life. Now is the time to pop the cork, blow the fuse, unleash the real you. I want to see flames, I want to see wrath, I want to see a trail of destruction that would make Zeus proud. Show no mercy, you squid.

Aquarius: Hello. You’re very happy today aren’t you. Not for much longer.

The joy of being psychic is that you can crush peoples hopes underground in one easy sentence. So, here it is. There is no such thing as Santa or a two euro store without chavs. There. That’s done it. Just remember. Don’t shoot the messenger.

Pisces: Anger is a means to an end. The end of all life form as we know it. Also, it s a means to killing those annoying little peacocks that live on the roof of the microwave. Kill them with your laser radar beams emitting from your laydar that lives on the inside of you fourth finger on a Tuesday and your third toenail from the left on a Wednesday. It will make you feel better. Trust me, I’m half leopard.

Aries: This week you decide to go to anger management classes so as to get in contact with your inner zippy. This of course doesn’t work as you meet arguably the most annoying mushroom eating banana boat wannabe the world has ever seen and end up pissed off before the session even begins. Pity.

Taurus: As a child you were a very angry little fecker. Shame that age and height has done little to change that genetic fact. The end.

Gemini: Hubble bubble toil and trouble.

Beat yourself into academic submission. Don’t hate your lecturers

for it. They can’t help it, it’s the way God and those funny little things called furbies made them.

CAO forms are means of furthering this submission. They’re protected by being electronic. No mammoth ripping up sessions anymore. They deny us all our pleasure. Feckers.

Cancer: Jordan does the problem pages in OK now. I know, it makes you question the meaning of staying sane. In fact, repeated exposure to said pages is renowned for breaking the sanity of any good pharmacology student. Its hard to get past the anger but somehow the knowledge that there exists in fact a junior eurovision song contest turns you from a quivering rack of wrath into a lovely happy little pokemon.

Leo: The cause of the common domestic pigeon makes you very angry and aggressive. You take up the plight of the little harmless bird and attempt to change all our attitudes, from Ross O’Carroll-Kelly up. After all, roysh, it is not their fault that they have bladder controlling problems. Anyone who claims so is likely to experience your fist. On their face. Or any other exposed body part.

Virgo: You’re right. Computers are out to get you. It was not accidental that they deleted your essay. They are satan’s spawn. I hate that word! Ahhhhh! Life is just general crapness but at least you’re working the calculator. Make like Harry and go for the parchment.

Just leave the owls alone. They have nothing to do with the computers. Honest.

Libra: Bertie’s a Libra. No he’s not. Do we care? No. Does this have any relevance to anger. Nope. Mind you, saying Bertie makes us all hot and steamy. Is that anger or something else? Who knows?

There’s not much floating round the Pav nowadays. Does that make us angry? No, we’re above that. Now that Bertie has come into our lives.

Scorpio: As a professional resident psychic it is very hard to conjure feelings of wrath about anything.

However, seeing as how I am so professional, I have been able to summon feelings of anger. I have channelled these into a small little underground tunnel beneath the basement of the Ussher. Go forth with love. And crystalness.

They say we are what we eat, and in that case the next generation of pre-adolescents in Europe are fat, fat, fat. To take this phrase literally would mean that if we look at the consistency of the average 10 year old, it would be Coca-Cola and not blood running through his veins, his bones made up of candy canes and his major organs the best part of a ‘Happy Meal’. While this sounds like some chirpy and cheesy Disney tune, ‘the kid’s made out of treats,’ in reality this steady rise of childhood obesity will eventually lead to a sharp decline in life expectancy and a remarkable rise of debilitating illnesses and depression.

The last two decades has witnessed a phenomenal growth in childhood obesity throughout the world, and what began in a Mc Donaldized America amidst the MTV generation in the shape of fizzy drinks and video games, quickly spread to Europe like some airborne virus. A recent study of Dublin teenagers showed that as many as one-quarter of 1,000 children studied had a problem with their weight, 20% were overweight and 5% were obese. Chubby children stuffing their bloated faces with chocolate bars and sticky buns is no longer cute and cuddly but potentially life threatening.

In a intensely health conscious society where smokers are now considered social lepers, organic trade lines the shelves of our supermarkets and the downward facing dog can lead to a longer life, how is it that children in the new millennium are the most out of shape and inactive youngsters we have ever witnessed?

What it comes down to is a remarkably appalling change in lifestyle with Play Station and Pepsi replacing Physical Education and healthy cuisine. Statistics show that Irish teens spend up to 44 hours in sedentary activities such as TV viewing, computer games and homework-per week.

I may not be old enough to qualify to say this but I recall a time when sweets were a rare treat

on a Saturday night, you ate your greens whether you wanted to or not and school dinners consisted of mash potato served up with an icecream scope and at least one form of vegetable on your plate while chips were reserved to every second Friday with fish because it was a holy day.

I also painfully remember wheezing around a football pitch the size of Wembley Stadium in the pouring rain with Mrs Adolf Hitler my sadistic PE teacher blow-

European governmental officials have thrown themselves into tackling the problem at the cause with prevention being better than cure in this case.

Ireland, considered one of Europe’s most unhealthy countries has been especially detrimental in the creation of solutions.

While controversially leading the way for a healthier Europe with the release of the Smoking ban nearly two years ago, Irish officials from both the North and South have

“The government can only do so much... the cookie dough cannot be snatched out of a 7 year old’s chubby digits” ing her whistle. Children now-a days (I can’t quite believe that phrase actually left my lips but…) are pampered, plump and privileged. In the words of Bob Dylan, the times, ‘they are a –changing’, and they aren’t good.

The blame does not, however, lie in their inexperienced hands but in the lined pockets of the corporate world and the parsimonious governmental official, leading to a poorly funded school canteen and a frustrated parent who has no choice but to throw sugar at the problem of a screaming child.

This problem was courageously highlighted in Jamie Oliver’s ‘Jamie’s Kitchen’ (Channel 4) as the chef attempted with some success to improve the menu of school dinners that originally consisted of chips, processed meat and sugary deserts. The chef, a father of two infant children himself went head to head with government officials who blamed a tight budget and narrow cost margin for the lack of substantially healthy meals for the young pupils.

With a 60 % rise in Paediatric care within European hospitals in the past 5 years, government priorities need to be put straight, starting with a focus on better care, attention and resources spent on today’s youth.

Faced with such dramatic statistics, leading

been united in their determination to introduce children to a better diet and improved exercise regime.

‘Tackle it Together-Every Step Counts’, organised by the Health Promotion Unit of the Dublin Health and Children (RoI) and the Health Promotion Agency for Northern Ireland at the Slieve Russell Hotel last year was one of the first of many positive steps in resolving the problem of child obesity in Ireland.

Recognised as a “deadly serious issue” by Dr. Brian Gaffney, Chief Executive of Health Promotion for Northern Ireland, officials agreed that such a problem must be viewed with the most seriousness of intentions. Mr Sean Power, TD, Minister of States at the Department of Health and Children remarks that, “The surge of obesity among children, in short, will result in a global explosion of illness, drained economies, create enormous suffering and cause millions of premature deaths.”

It is a time to stop flapping lips and to start to actively engage the problem; educate parents, improve school dinners, remove sweet filled fending machines from school halls. As the smoking ban reduced the percentage of smokers in Ireland by over 30%, will positive action by the powers that be reduce the rate of child obesity in Ireland and

French Fries-fattening up the kids of tomorrow beyond.

The government can only do so much and while one cannot prise the cigarette out of a smoker’s hand despite the ban, the cookie dough cannot be snatched out of a 7 year old’s chubby digets.

As in most cases, health officials must first and foremost battle the demons of the corporate industry whose marketing is aimed directly at the vulnerable and impressionable who are easily attracted by the dinosaur shaped processed chicken, the irresistibly fizzy sweets and the Coke bottle with the action hero on the front.

Campaigns such as those for Sunny D and Cheese Strings that front an all rapping cast of ‘cool’ kids in their adverts, manage to fool both the child and the parent that not only is this product full of essential vitamins and minerals but will also give you street cred, when in reality are little more than processed crap with attractive

packaging.

The battle is an ideological one in a society of indoctrinated and sugar addicted children whose idea of exercise is virtual tennis on the Play Station and a piece of broccoli is as repulsive as a spoonful of dog poo. I’m not saying that children should be denied the simple pleasures of childhood that more than often come in the form of chew bars and stick on tattoos that come free with a pack of bubble gum.

There is a call now, however, for a balance, the age old ‘You can have dessert if you eat all of your greens’ mentality. Contrary to popular belief, a few brussel sprouts never killed anyone. High blood pressure, heart disease and cancer, however, has and will continue to do so.

The Science block fight back with...

Diary of a Science Girl We at Trinity News are all about equal opportunities. So when this plucky Science student decided to speak out against BESS and their kin, we thought hey! Why not!We always thought that science students were pretty illiterate, but here, proving us wrong, is the Science Girl!

I am a student of the side of nature that brought you the atomic bomb, electricity, the internet, GM crops, X-rays, satellites, silicon chips and a calling for nerds far and wide.

Yes, I am a science student. Fear my wrath! Oh, why won’t you fear my wrath? (Had to get a Simpson’s quote in there.)

Yes, we have been known to unleash tremendous horrors on the world: nuclear weapons, the SARS outbreak and cosmetic ingredients that mean absolutely nothing. Nutrilium ®, with its “anti-straw” affect, is one example. Yet many say that with global warming, bird flu and increasing infertility that the future lies in the hands of the scientists.

From what I’ve experienced in college, I’d say it’s high time to crack open each others skulls and feast on the goo inside.

But is science a wrathful organism ready to burst forth spewing radiation, pestilence and differential calculus? Is it servant to the whims of bullied, reclusive and resentful eggheads? Or is it a rampant beast being held at bay by stout-hearted intelligentsia? All I know is I like numbers and aesthetic bickering should be left to pretentious coffee-house type’s intent on being poor.

I can be wrathful, yes.

When a 2-in-1 cistern cleaner and air freshening product is run through an experiment and the control toilets have their doors removed for example. But mine is a silent screaming wrath; the

gnashing of teeth and furrowing of brow type. It is not acted on. What would I do? Attack with the corner of my calculator? I’d probably just lose my glasses in the endeavour.

Although my arm is pretty strong from heaving open the Hamilton doors day in day out.

No, we’re not that dangerous. Just the incompetent ones and maybe the ones held at gun point in fascist countries. We all just want to do something we find interesting and which we hope will contribute positively to our understanding of the world around us. I may just be weaselling out but weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Sure, don’t we provide some form of entertainment? How many science-fiction movies and series have been made to curb our wrath by giving us something we feel entitled to discuss? To point out their plot holes and laugh at their explanation? In the words of Leonard Nimoy: “The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies.

But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth?

The answer is: No.” So no, you need not fear the wrath of science. It is safe in the hands of us diligent and responsible science students. Or maybe not. Bring the mind eraser device!

You mean the revolver, sir?

Precisely.

Whats Hot

Whats Not

1) Snowballs, and in fact, any type of snow at all. Please can we have a white Christmas?

2) Soup. Has overtaken Sparrolls in the quest for warm nourishing food.

3) The Brown Thomas window.

Classy and Christmassy

1) Coat issues. Its freezing in the morning but you don’t want to have to carry it later when it warms up.

2) Jammy so-and-so’s who get essay extensions. You’re just prolonging the pain for yourselves!

3) The BT2 window. Whats with the turkeys in suits? Just scary.

Now introducing: Break Up Tips. Tried and tested by only the most professional. Every paper should have them. Substitute he for she or vica versa depending on the state of things in your twisted little lives. *Call him up and tell him you have an STD. This has the desired effect of him staying far far away fro you, and secondly, it suggests that you have been cheating on him.Double whammy. Sure to work.

Cinema Editors: Rebecca Jackson & Alex Christie-Miller

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

11

Trinity News

FILM

From the video shop to Hollywood : A Directors Cut James Rogan directed his first feature film Dead Bolt Dead when he was nineteen. Six years later he tells his sister Juliet how to make a career out of doing what you love...

How did you get started as a director?

I have always loved film. When I was little we never had a video player so I used to go to videos shops and read all the back of the movies and imagine them from their blurbs. I was a particular fan of Stallone blurbs and I remember being completely taken by the idea of Tango and Cash – a wealthy cop from right side of tracks teams up with bad-mouthed cop from the wrong side and they fight the city’s crime boss together. At eight years old, that sounded like movie perfection. When I finally managed to see the film – I was shocked to find it was much better in my imagination. A few years later, my mum met another mother outside my primary school and they got chatting about my love of film. It turned out she produced films for the Children’s Film Unit. Before I knew it, I found myself in this film

school for kids. The next summer I was working on my first feature with them – Willie’s War . The film was terrible, but it was shot on 16mm and I was working on camera. I fell totally in love both with film and the script girl. I was 14.

too expensive, in money and time, to mess about. You want to be sure that when you make a film it is going to be good. Otherwise it’s a waste of your money and everyone else’s time.

Is your family supportive of what you do?

Any Advice for budding Film Makers If you love film try to shoot a film on film. When you shoot digital it tends to end up looking worse than you imagined it, when you shoot film it looks better – film has a magic to it that still has not been matched. Also if you cannot watch a black and white movie without getting bored, filmmaking is probably not for you. Make sure your love of film matches up to making your living in such a treacherous career.

Is Film School important?

I’ve been to two different film schools, The Children’s Film Unit and NYU. As a director you have no technical responsibility – you just need to know what makes a good performance, what makes a good story. You can learn most of what you need from watching films closely. But at film school you have an opportunity to experiment in safety. Film is

My family has always been supportive. There is a watershed moment for every filmmaker when the family realise that it is not just, that dreadful word, a hobby. For me, it stopped being a hobby and became an abiding passion after Willie’s War. I think for them Dead Bolt Dead was a big step, but getting a Fulbright to go to New York may have been an even bigger one.

At this stage in your career, would you say that you have been successful? What have you achieved?

I have been very lucky in my career. I met a director in LA (he made the pilot for Desperate Housewives and directed Queer as presence. In Sam Raimi’s Spider Man, Spider Man’s adoptive mother recites Psalm 23, when she is close to her end at the hands of Willem Dafoe’s Green Goblin. Jim Carey’s character, Fletcher Reid, in Liar Liar, proclaims ‘the Truth shall set you free’ (John 8:32). One only has to mention the words of Ezekiel 25:17 and Samuel L. Jackson to evoke powerful images of the Old Testament being portrayed on screen.

Movie Making or Bible Bashing?

Is theology relevant to today’s society? Tadhg Peavoy delves into the subject of film and theology to find out.

I study theology, without doubt one of the most unglamorous subjects within the unglamorous field of arts. Regularly asked what relevance theology has to do with the secular society we live in today, I am often stumped. Quite simply because the frequency of the question has just bored me.

I long ago tired of telling people that upon my graduation I planned to form a cult in County Sligo, the members of which I would then induct into a suicide pact, after relieving them of all their hardearned cash. Alternatively, pretending to be a priest for an hour at a party used to be quite entertaining if highly blasphemous.

Therefore, when these forms of humour ran dry I decided on a new approach. A little bit of thought revealed that theology has a contemporary relevance after all, including in film. Back in the 1950’s (I’m told) Cecil B. De Mille’s The Ten Commandments was something of a 'people’s favourite'. I’ve spoken to people who still remember scenes from the film in vivid detail. The film at the time was groundbreaking, with its grand vistas and raw emotion.

Most importantly, cinema gave

new life to a story that had been told to viewers since childhood, giving it with vim and vigor.

The biblical epic has long since had its day. Today it is a rarity to see films that set out explicitly to re-tell biblical narratives. The Bible, however, is still extremely prevalent on our screens. In fact, almost every year, biblical references are used increasingly in mainstream movies.

In some flicks, the bible is used as a prop. For example in the 1993 comedy, Coneheads, an alien couple, just arrived on this beautiful planet we call Earth, explore their motel room. While the husband examines the toilet paper, his wife, picks up a copy of Gideon’s Bible and begins to read. Not long after she is seen in uncontrollable fits of laughter – not exactly the response Christian Brothers attempted to beat into their students for many years up and down the country.

In Sling Blade made in 1996, the main character, a mentally ‘retarded’ man released from the state prison hospital, carries a Bible with him wherever he goes; he treasures it not just for its contents but also its material presence in his life. On being released from hospital, he gives his Bible to a boy named Frank. In doing so, his he gives part of himself, in order that Frank may still feel connected to him after they part.

The Bible is explicitly referenced more than it is used as a physical

Furthermore, you have the whole thing of biblical allusions. The Matrix has several prominent allusions. The Holy City is called

...upon my graduation I planned to form a cult in County Sligo, the members of which I would then induct into a suicide pact, after relieving them of all their hard-earned cash...

Zion, a biblical synonym for Jerusalem. The rebel space ship is the Nebuchadnezzar, the powerful Babylonian king who conquered the Kingdom of Judah and destroyed Solomon’s temple in 586BCE. Another film entrenched in biblical allusion is Deep Impact.

In this Hollywood blockbuster (a mightily cheesy movie I must add), the President of the USA launches Operation Noah’s Ark to save the world from a very destructive comet headed our way.

This is accomplished by a mission appropriately named Space Mission Messiah.

Folk and Cracker over here) and he told me I was ten years ahead of myself. I have made a feature, I have made a successful TV series, I have been commissioned to write a feature and I am starting to direct commercials. I am not worried anymore about whether I will make enough money to get by. But for all

the achievement, I feel like I am playing a long game of snakes and ladders, and I know full well that right before the final square is a snake that takes you right back to the beginning.

have never done a “proper” job – whatever that is. The closest I have come, I guess, is running for a film company, when I had to photocopy scripts all day every day on a copier that could only manage ten pages at a time. That only sharpened my ambition never to work in an office again. I started work on my feature the minute I left that job. Since then I have never had a moment’s boredom in work. When I am on a film set, I feel like the luckiest man in the world. It still delights me that I am paid to do what I love. The sacrifice is piece of mind – I don’t know what the future holds. But, then again, who does?

Who’s work has most inspired you?

Do you feel that you could be better using your time in a more conventional profession?

I am a big fan of Orson Welles and David Lynch. I admire directors who are able to move between moods, between comedy and tragedy, with style and intelligence.

As my family often points out I

What are your views on the types

Bags of films have characters, which are modeled on Biblical characters. The biblically unacceptable behaviour of Bess McNeill, the protagonist of the 1996 drama Breaking the Waves, initially recalls the traditional images associated with Mary Magdalene. By the end of this wonderful film, she is then portrayed as a Christ-like figure, sacrificing herself to save her husband.

Biblical stories often form the basis for the narratives of films, even if they do not appear to do so at the surface. Deep Impact has obvious affinities to the Flood story, which is depicted in Genesis 7. The horror classic Frankenstein subverts the Genesis creation narratives in its depiction of a scientist usurping divinity in the creation of human life. The Lion King, has a Moses-like figure who flees the land of his birth, wanders in the desert and begins life anew in a different area. He is then convinced to return as leader after experiencing a theophany.

The most direct example is the use of the adaptation of the Jesus story . Many films have their main characters lives based around the salvation and redemption story of the New Testament. Cool Hand Luke, the Green Mile and the Matrix are but a few where a Christ-like figure is the central character.

So there you go, theology is alive and kicking in modern culture today. Religion, Christianity and spirituality are often derided but for filmmakers they are rich veins of inspiration. The Bible is a foundational document for western society and its continuing impact upon pop culture grows annually.

For this reason, to have a proper understanding of Western society knowledge of the Bible cannot be underestimated

of films that Hollywood is producing, the majority being remakes or sequels? Is this a new phenomenon or has nothing changed? What are the implications of this for someone who wants to be a film director?

Hollywood has had one of its worst years on record – cinema attendances are dropping. Even the studios have had to admit they are simply making bad movies at the moment. Ever since the eighties there has been an over-emphasis on the teenage market. This produced some good movies and many bad movies. Now everything is about lowest common denominator – if the stupidest person in the cinema doesn’t get it then nobody will! It is maddening. Last year I saw the first cut of the beginning of a film called Nanny Macphee – one of the best beginnings to a kids’ movie I had seen in ages; funny, shocking and original. Later I heard it had been cut because a six year-old girl found it too scary. When it was released it was criticised for being too anodyne. That is very worrying for someone like me – I would hate to field criticism for some executive’s market-related decision. On the other hand, I am still at the stage where I naively believe that as long as what I do is good, I will be left alone with it. I hope experience will prove me right.

What sort of work are you involved with at the moment?

I have been working on a screenplay for over a year for Portobello Pictures (they did Kolya, Dark Blue World and Birthday Girl). It’s been a long haul. I never planned to be a writer. I just happened to find a story that I felt strongly enough about that only I could write it. It has been the hardest thing I have done so far in the industry, mostly because I have had to be so creatively self-sufficient. I am a pretty hard critic and, when I write, it is hard to live up to the standards by which I judge other movies. I think being a director is all about fashioning and maintaining perspective. As a writer, you lose perspective so quickly, it is frightening. I have the utmost admiration for directors who can write their own scripts.

9. How are you planning to make a break into films again, what are your options/ opportunities?

If the script I have been working on comes off that will be a huge step forward for me.

The Martell Cognac French Film Festival Dublin 2005 Haven’t been down to the IFC yet for a bit of culture and chips? Shame on you!

India Clarke tells you what you’re missing.

Tuesday 22nd of November saw the opening of Dublin’s 6th French Film festival, held at Temple Bar’s somewhat exclusive IFC. Martell Cognac has been hosting these kinds of events across the globe for some years now and each year has proved to be better than the next.

One thing that can definitely be said about the French is that they make a decent film, in fact the lust and passion that goes into each of their feature art forms, which truly most of them are, manages to ooze through all aspects; dialogue, cut, soundtrack, theme….

Mainly art house but with a few more commercial listings, the 10 day festival managed to satisfy every mans curious French need, there was a bit of everyone’s old favourite, Mr Gerard Depapardieu, and even a live appearance from Virgine Ledoyen (hottie from The Beach) as well as talks and discussion meetings being held post and prior to some of the films.

Although tickets started at 9euros, and that’s before you are made to become either a day member or sign up on an annual deal at the IFC, it is always worthwhile to take advantage of these brief opportunities to see something different.

And if you were feeling particularly absorbent to the French way of filming, lectures and question sessions had been organized to run throughout the festival, giving everyone a chance to understand what they had seen, question it, and if necessary critique or compli-

ment.

With current American film churning out a constant flow of mishmashy re-runs with utterly unnecessary and unexplainable budgets, France seem to have protected their respect and admiration for the big screen by maintaining a sumptuous and diverse attitude.

Even if you don’t like the films you may have seen by the French, or if you disagree with the thought of having to eye strain over subtitles, which I for one do, you will always leave the cinema with a tiny bit of something that you didn’t have when you went in, I’m not saying it’s a life changing experience but there’s more chance it will give your brain something to reside over before you make it to the pub

than much of the gruel currently being served up on Parnell streets megaplex.

Highlights of the filmathon were the hysterical ‘Eros Therapie’, a ridiculous mix of sex and satire, lesbians and wooing, starring Catherine Frot and Isabelle Carre, or, on a more serious note, ‘Cache’, directed by the slightly dubious but always worth watching Michael Haneke, about a middle class couple who experience paranoia and menace over the arrival of some ever increasingly personal CCTV footage of themselves, definitely the Austrian-Parisian residents’ best film yet. Oh, and there was a much appreciated showing of Luc Besson’s ‘Subway’ to celebrate its 20th anniversary.

So thank you France and thank you nice people at Martell for keeping us all up to date with one of the most important countries participating in film at this current time, merci.

If you missed the frogs doing film down in temple bar then fear not, most Lasers stock a rather decent little array of French fancies and there’s always next year!

Put down your wands! Hogwarts Vs Narnia Mary Garboden reports on the magical show down between Harry Potter and The Chronicles of Narnia.

Aslan gives a mighty roar in the face of which Harry Potter stands bravely, that adorable expression of purse-lipped determination on his face. Adjusting his spectacles, the wizard-in-training shouts, “Boxofficia monopolisum!” throwing bright light from his wand that hurls the lion backwards. Aslan charges as Harry pitches a snitch in his opponent’s direction.

Will Harry and his explosive popularity send Aslan back to the zoo?

Or is he just a flavour-of-themonth battling something bigger than he could dream of being and will live to regret the day he hopped on a Nimbus 2000? True, Harry has the advantage of flight,

but Aslan has that Jesus thing going on and might have some pretty important people on his

Will Harry and his explosive popularity send Aslan back to the zoo?

Or is he just a flavour-ofthe-month battling something bigger than he could dream of being and will live to regret the day he hopped on a Nimbus 2000? side...

Whether viewers are looking for escape from thoughts of the real world – the only chemical weapons Hermione worries about are locked safely in Professor Snape’s laboratory – or if this is a simple case of revenge of the nerds – “Girls in Middle Earth

would go out with me!” – the recent madness for fantasy flicks has been a major international phenomenon. The fact that The Lord of the Rings trilogy and Harry Potter films were both massive hits, despite coming out in such close proximity to one another, shows audiences’ hunger for flights of fancy. Recently, another player has come onto the field and the sequel-potential-packed The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe has promised to dazzle us with special effects, a cast of thousands (thousands of computer-generated animals, but still), and a hearty helping of Christian allegory you probably missed when you were little and saw the B.B.C. cartoon version.

Due to the success of the first three films, Harry is probably the more confident contender this Christmas – even without these previous achievements, the Tri-

Wizard Tournament and a student ball at Hogwarts should be enough to fill seats. The central narrative begins when Harry is selected to participate in the Tri-Wizard Tournament, a competition usually restricted to students over seventeen. Our hero reluctantly participates in the games, which include stealing a golden egg from a vicious dragon and getting through a hedge-maze with far more sinister things than Jack Nicholson lurking inside.

And if these tasks weren’t enough, Harry, at the everso tender age of fourteen, has to get up the courage to ask his crush to the Hogwarts dance. Perhaps director Mike Newell’s experience with pre-cad Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral helped him coach Daniel Radcliffe’s Harry in perfecting his “umm”’s, “ah”’s, and “ahem”’s.

This Potter film also brings the return of the mysterious Lord

Voldemort, made considerably less mysterious by his appearance in the form of Ralph Fiennes. You might expect this casting choice to make the face of pure evil kinda sexy, but with no nose and a pair of pretty intense contact lenses, the result is a far cry from The English Patient.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, a Christian allegory, also presents a battle against the dark side, but one that’s been going on for a good few years longer (ie, since the dawn of time).

The story begins in England during World War II; air raids in London have prompted the parents of Lucy, Edmund, Susan, and Peter Pevensie to send them to the safety of the countryside. Little did Mr. and Mrs. Pevensie know that their children would get further from London than they could imagine, through the wardrobe of Professor Digory Kirke (Jim Broadbent), with whom they are

staying. Lucy discovers the doorway to a magical kingdom during a game of hide-and-seek. She enters it and learns that the evil White Witch Jadis (Tilda Swinton) has Narnia in her clutches and leaves the kingdom in perpetual winter. Lucy returns to her own world and tells her skeptical sib-

Perhaps director Mike Newell’s experience with pre-cad Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral helped him coach Daniel Radcliffe’s Harry in perfecting his “umm”’s, “ah”’s, and “ahem”’s. lings about the discovery. They all go to investigate and enter Narnia together, meeting Aslan (with a voice by Liam Neeson), the lion-

messiah of the land who enlists the Pevensies in his army of fauns, centaurs, talking beavers, and many more fantastic beasts against evil.

As well as trying to ride the coattails of Harry Potter and Frodo, Disney, who’s behind The Lion, the Witch and yes, even the key though rarely emphasized Wardrobe, is tapping into the Christian market who loved Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ so well. Performing the balancing act of attracting people who claim Jesus as their homeboy while not turning off more mainstream secular audiences, the production giant hopes to have a fail-safe hit.

We’ll have to wait until 8 December, however, to see if Aslan’s old-school battle-scenes and Christian morals can triumph over Harry’s wand and wizardry.

12

Tuesday December 6, 2005

Music Editor:Steve Clarke

Trinity News

MUSIC Raked Over the Coals...

Vashti Bunyan: Lookaftering (Fat Cat)

Cian Traynor A significant influence on Devendra Banhart, British folk singer Vashti Bunyan recorded only one album before retiring from music and disappearing into obscurity in the 70s. Having enjoyed somewhat of a rediscovery in recent years - one that has led to collaborations with the likes of Animal Collective and Banhart himself - Bunyan has finally emerged with an overdue followup to 1969's "Just Another Diamond Day." Amazingly, there is nothing in terms of age to distinguish "Lookaftering" from the amber hues of her once forgotten pastoral folk. In fact, Bunyan could have easily recorded her latest offering a decade or two even before then, such is the timeless quality to her breathy, quavering vocals and her cut-off-from-theworld presence. It feels as if little has changed from the cover of that cult release all those years ago: a woman clad in an apron and head-

Oisin Gartlan talks to The Rakes about NASA, James Joyce, and Bloc Party comparisons.

The Rakes are doing well for themselves; their debut album Capture/Release is out now on V2, they played four sell-out shows in New York and in LA and are now touring with Franz Ferdinand, they were just on Later with Jools Holland, and to top it off Lasse Petersen (the drummer) and Jamie Hornsmith (the bassist) recently got the chance to talk to yours truly.

I’m new to this whole music journalist lark, but I’ve gotten sick reading NME and the like enough to know what it’s all about; so here goes: The Rakes’ witty, brusque minimalist post-punk recalls Gang of Four and Wire.

(I’m brilliant at this! I described the music without actually doing so, and have the prerequisite two comparisons with bands that I’ve never actually heard.

Lasse has also never heard of them and lead singer Alan Donohoe has

work for NASA. “We met on the way up there, yeah.” However they met (and, for the record, I believe him- it’s the same way the Who met), they’ve been playing together for three years and this is the first band Lasse and Alan have ever been in. Alan’s never sung before, but his deadpan complements the music perfectly. Jamie was in one other band, but when pressed said “I can’t remember anything except that it was rubbish.”

Having listened to the album I was intrigued by a few obscure references and asked where they drew their inspiration from. Lasse replied “Matthew (Matthew Swinnerton the guitarist and second vocal) and Alan write most of the lyrics. Alan tends to write everyday stuff, "Work, Work, Work", "22 Grand Job", stuff like that, things as they are, but with detail. Matthew writes more poeti-

One of the stories surrounding the band says that they met one day fighting over a book in a library, but I gave them a chance to make up a new story, and Jamie revealed that in fact they all used to work for NASA. “We met on the way up there, yeah.” said elsewhere he’s never heard Gang of Four.)

One of the stories surrounding the band says that they met one day fighting over a book in a library, but I gave them a chance to make up a new story, and Jamie revealed that in fact they all used to

cal, more lyrical, he wrote ‘Strasbourg’ and ‘Terror’.” A wee bit ignorantly I continued asking questions about the lyrics, so eventually when I ask Jamie and Lasse what their favourite books are Jamie tells me that “Alan likes James Joyce, what is it... The

Unbearable Lightness of Being.”

I’d feel bad except I really wanted to know why in "The Guilt" Alan sings “Everything was wrong/ All the cats were dead/ and the phones were gone.” It was as simple as messing up the lines in rehearsal one day, and preferring it better that way. They are currently rehearsing new material while on tour “We’ve got a lot of free time, because we’re on first and soundcheck last, so we’re working on

was for the CMJ Festival so it was more industry people, but we sold out four shows in LA and at the end there were queues for like half a mile around the block.”

In my ‘research’ I kept finding references to Lasse as the wild boy who gets up to all sorts of crazy shenanigans (always the drummer). I asked him what exactly he had done to earn this reputation “When you just start touring, you know, you get excited, drink

“The Rakes’ witty, brusque minimalist postpunk recalls Gang of Four and Wire. ..” new songs.” I asked a few obvious questions about getting on with Franz Ferdinand and the Editors (also on the tour) and they gave a few obvious answers. However, Jamie did point out that they didn’t feel part of ‘the scene.’ “None of us know each other really. We were just playing gigs and then heard that there was band Bloc Party who sounded sort of similar. Actually we once played to like 50 or 60 people with Bloc Party at this club in London.” They’ve also been touring with Bloc Party in France.

We had a bit of chat about the musical tastes in France and in America which involved me making gross generalisations about how ‘arty’ acts tend to be much better received in France but Lasse surprised me with this: “We haven’t released anything in America yet and still played four sold out shows in New York. That

lots of beer and run naked, well not completely naked, through a service station” Jamie wants everyone to know that it was just Lasse, not the rest of them.

I asked for a final thought (how else do you wind down an interview?) and here it is: “It’s nice to be Dublin.” It’s good that they like it here, because they’re coming back to headline a gig at The Village on the 11th of March.

If you haven’t seen the video for 22 Grand Job, you can (and you should) at www.therakes.co.uk/ _objects/music_and_video/player.php?track=22. If you have you’ve seen why the Rakes were once described as “post- David Brent.”

Phantom (FM) Returns!

Marianne Roche Phantom FM will finally begin broadcasting on Dublin’s airwaves in 2006 as Dublin’s first Alternative Rock station. Many of us are already familiar with Phantom, which was been broadcasting on-and-off, legally and illegally, for almost 10 years.

Phantom FM began in 1996 as a pirate radio station.

Following the establishment of the Broadcasting Commission of Ireland (BCI) and the subsequent major raids of unlicensed radio stations, Phantom FM was forced to cease broadcasting completely in May 2003 as a pirate station and apply for a licence. Phantom’s first two applications were rejected in favour of other specialist stations which the Commission believed would be in greater demand.

However, Phantom was granted a number of temporary weekend licences and continued to broadcast online.

When the BCI finally decided that Dublin did in fact need an Alternative Rock station, they

received 5 applications. Phantom delivered their application to the BCI in Dublin’s famous purple Ghost Bus, which no doubt made a lasting impression on the Commission. The station was supported by a number of individuals including Paul McGuinness (U2’s manager) and Frank Gleeson, owner of Whelan’s and The Village. Phantom FM was shortlisted along with another consortium, Zed FM - a station whose supporters included Bob Geldof, Niall Stokes of Hot Press magazine and Gaby Smyth, an accountant and chairperson of Amnesty International Ireland.

The BCI awarded the licence to Phantom FM in November 2004. Reasons the Commission gave for this decision included that they believed Phantom’s financial projections to be “more realistic” than those of Zed FM and that Zed FM had “failed to satisfy” the BCI that its music would appeal to women.

Phantom announced that they would begin broadcasting in July 2005 and began a recruitment drive. This came to a halt less than

a month before the proposed in the New Year. Obviously we can launch date when Zed FM sought a expect some changes to the station, judicial review of the BCI’s deci- but providing they honour their sion to award the licence to promise to never play the “disposPhantom. Zed FM claimed that able rubbish” which dominates there appeared to be an unfair bias mainstream radio and they continshown to Phantom FM throughout ue to support and promote new the selection process and that the bands, Dublin’s alternative music fact that Phantom FM had broad- fans will be more than happy. casted in clear breach of broadcasting legislation for almost 6 years had been overlooked. The case was heard last month and the court decided to uphold the BCI’s decision, dismissing Zed FM’s appeal on all grounds.

It is now hoped that Phantom FM will be launched in the Spring. The station received more than 700 job applications and will begin interviews for the What the return of Phantom might mean 30 positions early for Dublin...

Feathers: Feathers (Cargo)

Cian Traynor Living up to their indistinct but apt choice of name, this 8-piece group from Vermont use feather-light vocals to deliver one of the best tracks I've heard this year. Opening the album with falling waves of harmonies, there's more than a touch of Marc Bolan to these dreamy descents, but they can't help but be entirely absorbing.

While it may be a stretch to decipher some of the words, the interplay of these shimmering lines has an addictive quality, leaving a taste that has you wanting more before the song has even ended.

Musically speaking, it should come as no surprise to those familiar with Devendra Banhart's "Cripple Crow" that Feathers guest appeared on that release, as there is quite a similar presence and texture to these songs. But no matter how many fad labels you attach as a prefix, this is just good old timey folk.

Flush with an range of "world" instruments (undulating guitar, mountain dulcimer, lap harp, sitar, and banjo among them), "To Earth His Own" is another vibrant, intoxicating affair, the vocals again low in the mix as a rhythm rich with the air of a time long gone winds a trail into the soft and simple "Alna."

Led by a female delivery this time, the track is buoyed with an almost pious element, its slow, sleepy feel fading out to a strangely misplaced squeal of distortion before the ascending acoustics of "I

Okkervil River: Black Sheep Boy Appendix (Jagjaguwar)

Cian Traynor

dress stands in the doorway of a small thatched cottage, the elements of rural living clearly everywhere around her.

As a stripped-down, entirely acoustic album (with not so much as a single beat of percussion), it should come as no surprise that there is a repetitive essence to "Lookaftering," the tracks never straying too far from each other melodically, but ambling along like a herd of sheep on the farm you can't help but place her on.

There is a tender, ornate quality to everything Bunyan touches, but her shrill whisper often fails to be articulate enough to hear the lyrics clearly - something that the closing "Wayward

“There is an undeniable beauty and even a sense of purity to be found here, something that perhaps has only remained intact because Bunyan took a thirty year sabbatical to raise a family.”

Hum" proves by being a hummed, wordless piece that's just as effective as its siblings. While the intricate layers of "Here Before" and the lonesome swoon of "Wayward" present themselves as highlights, each of the eleven tracks are equally representative of the dusty, antiquated fare Bunyan is revisiting.

There is an undeniable beauty and even a sense of purity Bex Horn" stabilise the LP's momentum comfortably. Here, the inclusion of a distorted guitar is the only reminder you're bound to find that what you're hearing isn't from the antiquated music sheets of centuries bygone.

From crickets to radiowaves, "Van Bal" is an impressively eclectic mix of sounds, reverberating with a surreal degree of balance despite the sheer volume of

“Rest assured, they are a welcome addition to the ever-blossoming folk revolution.” ingredients involved.

From "Silverleaves in the Air of Starseedlings" on, the Feathers LP begins to feel like it has the stamp of George Harrison all over it - the same soothing voices that weaved the warm "Old Black Hal with a

missed out on it the first time around.

Opening on a dark, strangely alluring lullaby sequence, Will Sheff's literary skill traces the steps of a group of children drawn into the woods, cartoonish stars twinkling above as if the beginning of an epic fairytale.

While Sheff's Eels-like delivery is questionable, the scene is brilliantly vivid and storybook-like, his gift for words turning the pages

"Last Love Song for Now": hand-clapping its proclamation as the release's standout moment”

"Black Sheep Boy Appendix" works like a distilled, alternative version of one of 2005's most acclaimed albums, "Black Sheep Boy." Rather than serve as a mere EP of alternate takes, it's a miniconcept album that may prove to be the perfect introduction to its predecessor for all those that

for you. "No Key, No Plan," on the other hand, could be about absolutely anything; racing away with a carefree swing (and also a different style of vocal), it effectively cleans the palate before a gorgeous ribbon of strings takes us back to the next awaiting chapter with cinematic smoothness - it's almost as if you can feel the camera slowly cutting back to the story. A lumbering rhythm, "Black

to be found here, something that perhaps has only remained intact because Bunyan took a thirty year sabbatical to raise a family. The impressive list of guest stars that adorn the background scenes inconspicuously Joanna Newsom, Robert Kirby (arranger for Nick Drake), Esper's Otto Hauser, and Currituck County's Kevin Barker among them - pays testament to the impact Bunyan has been having unbeknownst to her all these years. However, it's quite likely that you would not be able to pick out these names amongst the chimes of recorders and glockenspiels, particularly if you're stretching to differentiate these songs from each other.

Ultimately, "Lookaftering" seems surprisingly unconcerned with doing everything it can to rest as a memorable work - something one would assume would be a priority to an artist who has been criminally over-looked in such a period of near-anonymous exile.

It's been said many times that "The Velvet Underground and Nico" only sold 100 copies when it was first released, but everyone who bought it started a band; the same could be suggested - in a folkie context, of course - about "Just Another Diamond Day." While forgotten folksman Bill Fay made a similar return this year from the depths of nowhere to deliver more sounds from the bottom of a grandfather clock, Bunyan's return is one that recreates those postcard-like images of falling snowflakes across acres of farm, miles from anywhere. The difference is that this time, a new generation will be listening.

Dandelion Flower" together now sounding like a blissful choir of strung-out angels.

After the rather more stripped-down and straightforward "Past the Moon," there is an eerie similarity to a blend of Harrison and Lennon on "Come Around," a number that presents itself like a well-rounded, traditional gospel folk tune, completing the Feathers experience nicely. Though the album is arguably a little too light in places (even for feathers), in all, if it can catch your attention in just the right frame of my mind, this is an extremely comforting release and one among the year's best.

Having made the transition from CD-R to a limited run of 1,000 LPs, it may be some time yet before Feathers begin to gain the kind of attention they deserve, but rest assured they are a welcome addition to the ever-blossoming folk revolution.

Sheep Boy #4" is a nice, countrified segue that's littered with darkened imagery of chasing forces.

"Another Radio Song" runs through a mixture of elements on the way to developing a belated but entirely effective momentum, before being submerged into a scene of mysterious noises that hint teasingly rather than detail the next progressive step - perhaps Appendix's only drawback to its compact contents.

Things reach a climax with "Last Love Song for Now," another upbeat outing but this time charged with the swoon of Mariachi horns a la Calexico, hand-clapping its proclamation as the release's standout moment before bowing out on the same fantastic string theme that has tied this neat little unit together brilliantly.

In all, the EP format allows Okkervil River to expand (but not rehash) the themes and feel to "Black Sheep Boy," allowing them a creative license and margin for experimentation that, un-self-consciously, pays off dividends.

Music Editor:Steve Clarke

Tuesday December 6, 2005

Trinity News

13

MUSIC

Cartoon: In The House Steve Clarke interviews Jeanette C of up-and-coming Cork house band, Cartoon I’m very familiar with cartoons. bite and you think “oh my God, Jeanette C: Oh my god! Ferrero From classics like Scooby Doo thing’s couldn’t possibly get any Roche….cus I’m good enough for and Inspector Gadget, to modern better”. And then it does. It’s got the ambassador. It’s nutty and masterpieces like Samurai Jack, wisabi in it…hidden depths. sweet.

I’m a fan of them all. However, until recently I wasn’t familiar Audience: Whooooooooo!

A u d i e n c e : : with Cartoon (capital c). I now WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO! know that they are an eight-piece TN: Good answer. You’ve seen funk/soul/house collective from the TV show before, I can tell. Ok, TN: You could be a Fruit and NutCork with more tunes than you we have gone on a long drive and that’s nutty and fruity at the same could legally fit into a rush-hour have broken down in say, time.

Luas. Their gig in Crawdaddy two Roscommon, in the middle of the weeks ago felt like one of C: I’m a few “From experiencing their live Jeanette Kerouac’s accounts of the raisins short of a Fruit and jazz gigs in On The Road; show, their album will be quite Nut. I’d probably be a euphoric and passionate, something- equal parts Basement Whole Nut then. and not at all like those Jaxx and Screamadelica-era TN: Bit morbid, this one. If indie-rock gigs I would Primal Scream, or maybe Charles you only had one day to usually frequent. As singer and UCC music Mingus and Donna Love stuck in live, what three things graduate Jeanette C states, would you do? an elevator...” “after my degree I was hoping to go to the West Jeanette C: Smile at every End and do show tunes, but house night. Neither of us has member- stranger. God, I’d pretty much run music got inside me…those funky ship for a recovery service nor a around the place like it was an bass lines got inside me and phone so the best thing would be adventure. But I’m pretty much messed with my head. It’s a differ- to sit it out and wait for a passing like that anyway- a live for the ent way of thinking.” motorist or until daylight. How moment kinda gal- if you’ve got After negotiating their would you entertain yourself for an impulse, act on it. If you’re way onto the Oxegen bill during the few hours 'stranded'? open to things they’ll come to you. the summer, Cartoon have just So yeah, I’d sing on street corners released their first single “Move Jeanette C: Depends who I’m and tell anyone I was even remoteOn” (also available to download with! ly in love with that I was in love free on their website, www.carwith them… I’d like to have been toon.ie), and are due to release A u d i e n c e : the soundtrack to people’s good their debut album next February. Whoooooooooooooooooooo! memories.

From experiencing their live show, it’ll be quite something- equal Jeanette C: You could play seven TN: Something serious now. parts Basement Jaxx and steps with Kevin Bacon. You ever Regardless of your religion, do Screamadelica-era Primal Scream, done that? you believe that God is a man or a or maybe Charles Mingus and woman?

Donna Love stuck in an elevator. TN: Not that I remember…

Saying that, at the time of the Jeanette C: I think God’s asexual interview, I was blissfully ignorant Jeanette C: Kevin Bacon is in so actually. of all this. I’d never heard the many films that if you name one band, and what’s more, I didn’t star you can get to Kevin Bacon TN: Like a worm? even know what Jeannette, the within seven steps. I’m very good singer who I was meeting, looked at nonsensical conversation- that Jeanette: Um…God, you’re very like. How would I even recognise seems to pass the time. deep, aren’t you? her? It was almost like a BlindDate scenario. And in that spirit… TN: Me too, I’m good at that.

TN: I do go to Trinity College...

Trinity News: If I were a meal, I’d be chilli made in a slow cooker- why? Because I’d be ready, waiting and hot just when you got in. If you were a meal what would you be?

Jeanette C: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

TN: I have no idea.

Jeannette C: Fish!

Jeanette C: Well I actually work in Wagamama- I’m a corporate noodle whore…we got asked this at work actually, in the first week, and going by Wagamama’s menu I would be a chocolate with wisabi fudge cake…cus you have the first

Rogue Wave: Descended Like Vultures (Sub-Pop)

Cian Traynor

After the surprise success of the soundtrack to "Garden State," record companies have been only too happy to cash in on anything bearing even a feint resemblance to it ever since. Consequently, 2005 has seen an unprecedented influx of indie-pop releases, veritably causing the good to become indistinguishable from the bad amongst a flood of soundalikes. Whereas Brendan Benson, Jack Johnson, and Devin Davis deservedly earned warm receptions early on in the year, the likes of OKGO, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, and The New Pornographers have marked a saturation point of dulcet choruses and sugar-coated harmonies. Quite simply, we're reaching a level of overkill in the catchy department, and this cynical re-working of what "pop" is by the labels has left me as an indie-pop diabetic. Having been acquainted with Rogue Wave's "Out of the Shadow" just before

TN: I see what you did there. It’s good. Moving on… I have always had a weakness for chocolate.

Which chocolate bar best represents your personality?

Jeanette: I don’t really see God as a man or a woman, its more of a… oh God, this is far too big a conversation for me to get into… shit man! God, man or a woman? I’d have to say a woman, cus she’s got a twisted sense of humour? Yep. TN: What would you, did you or have you named your boat and why? Everybody’s got to have a boat.

Jeanette C, Karen Underwood and Barry Fitzgerald of Cartoon was funded by singing in clubs…so Bob came along one night, said he’d really like to work with me. I was like cool man, whatever. But he sent me along some beats and a bass line and I wrote “Move On”. I got the track on Friday, wrote the melody and lyrics on Saturday and we recorded it on the Sunday. That was November 2003, and since January 2004 we’ve been a live

grown- you don’t have many Irish funk/soul bands out there!

“For people that aren’t into rock music there’s no real live bands they can go to, and it’s nice to have something that’s homegrown- you don’t have many Irish funk/soul bands out there!”

TN: Who your favourite cartoon character?

gonna have a boat man, you’re gonna have adventures on it. And parties. You could go into every port to collect all the crazies for adventures.

TN: Plausibly, you could make your boat Narnia, from a wardrobe- just like the title of the book! It’d be a theme. But enough small talk. How’d you get together with the band? I understand

Bob Jackson (Cartoon’s producer/drummer) and Darragh O’Connor (producer/keyboardist) stumbled across you singing?

would always sing along; I realised, man, I can sing this! So I ended up singing with my friends who were djs around town. I had no job at the time so my social life

band, with our first gig in the Sugar Club. For people that aren’t into rock music there’s no real live bands they can go to, and it’s nice to have something that’s home-

Public Enemy

room chanting ‘Fuck Bush!’ repeatedly. Not that I disagree, but if Chuck D had told them to chant anything they would have said it.

‘We suck!’ ‘Fuck Saddam’, ‘Fuck Michael Collins’ etc 5) Speaking of that, I found the cashing in on Irish politics a bit cheap. Now I’m not Irish, but the hilarious joke ‘Queen Elizabitch’? How many people here really care about the Queen?

Is she as bad as Bush? And how many people have been ‘shat on’

by British imperialism? Do any of the crowd (none of whom seemed to be veterans of 1916 or famine victims) have any knowledge of what it’s like to be under the yoke of the iron hands of Empire? Chuck

8) But why did the crowd have to drown out his 2 minute long yeeeeahhhh boyeeeeeee’? They couldn’t do any better.

9) I want Chuck D to be my uncle. Or my old friend who lives in a cabin with his lovely wife and children, who I go to see when I need sound advice.

10) Why did he cop out on talking about the other side of the war against terrorism? Chuck D is surely nothing but a wholly positive representative of Islam, and his silence on the matter of those who misuse his religion was noticed, at least by me. What would Louis Farrakhan say?

11) Why bother releasing new albums? All the new songs were mediocre at best. As for the

Jeanette C: Narnia! Cus if you’re this tide began, I had to wonder whether their latest release, the aptly titled "Descended Like Vultures," would be able to revive my ailing interest in the genre.

Whereas 2004's "Out of the Shadow" was ostensibly a solo effort whose ear-candy confounded listeners in all the right ways, Rogue Wave's sophomore release is the end-product of a four-piece who have made a conscious decision to inject a little more heaviness into matters. In place of a hushed lo-fi quality uncannily like Elliot Smith, comes a more vivacious spread that, instead, could be accused of sounding dangerously similar to some of the acts already mentioned. Thus, releasing this album after such a slew is a confident move indeed, but Zach Wave's song-writing is more than able to weather the seas of soundalikes, and those already fond of his

“it's clear that Rogue Wave's songs feel infinitely catchy and memorable but, somewhat inexplicably, seem to lack a magnetic pull” sweetened pop sensibilities will not be disappointed.

Demonstrating this amped-up transition, the gratifying opener "Bird on a Wire" features a falling guitar line cutting uncompromisingly into the end of each verse, and the effect is pushed even further with a subtle smattering of electro-like feedback towards the song's end. Similarly, when "Publish My Love" bursts in on a gust of distortion, and has its chorus propelled with Pat Spurgeon's thundering bass drum, it's clear that

the main idea here is to consciously give Rogue's song-writing some extra strength, building it up with a tougher exterior, however superficial that layer may be.

However, the new changes ring in a comfortable level of diversity if nothing else, and "Descended like Vultures" is certainly the better for it. "10:1," on the other hand, is the perfect example of sounding a little too like every other indie-pop band, and it's a moment we, and Rogue's songwriting, can do without. No matter how they're dressed up and filled out, one can't escape the feeling that these songs were all written on an acoustic as simple saccharine reveries (like the Norwegian Wood-esque "California") and have been given a makeover in an attempt to avoid the inevitable comparisons to label-mates The Shins - an inclination that seemed set to dog Rogue Wave's career after "Out of the Shadow."

By the time we reach "Are You on My Side," it's clear that Rogue Wave's songs feel infinitely catchy and memorable while you're listening to them, but, somewhat inexplicably, seem to lack a magnetic pull; as with the previous release, it's quite easy to enjoy this thoroughly without finding yourself being drawn back to it. Yet even if that is the case, there's surely more than enough here to earn it a place right alongside the best of the scene's current crop, though any commercial success may hang in the balance of the album's timing.

Jeannette C: Yeah, they were a production outfit, with stuff released on the Brique Rouge label in Paris, and they would kinda contract singers and musicians from around town to do work with them. I was an opera singer from the country, but I decided I didn’t want to be an opera singer, I wanted to be a house singer. It was that tune “Fade”- I loved it so much, I

The Village, 15th November Rahul Bery Ambiguity towards something you love is a strange thing. For example, after much deliberation, I decided to hand over the somewhat bloated €37.50 to buy a ticket to see one of my all time favourite groups, Public Enemy. From a musical and a political point of view, I suppose that this troupe of jokers and poets are responsible for some kind of awakening in many a confused teenager, myself included. And the resonance of ‘It Takes a Nation of Millions’ to hold us back is one that rings loudly and affectingly over two decades. But here I am, confused and disgruntled, the resonance not yet departed from my ears, though I sit, prostate at home at least an hour after tonight’s debacle. For I feel a malaise of sorts. Let me categorise it.

1) Public Enemy have scores of amazing songs. Why did they play less than half of them?

2) What’s up with the phoney bassist and guitarist? Why do they have to play ‘Black Steel in the hour of Chaos’? Why cant we just listen to the original AMAZING backing track.

3) What happened to talking about black people?

Admittedly the message would not be fully appreciated by a room full of white Dubs (or anyone not a black American), but isn’t that the point of P.E? To speak out about the marginalising of whole sectors of society? This goes for anyone, anywhere.

4) Instead we get said

“I want Chuck D to be my uncle. Or my old friend who lives in a cabin with his lovely wife and children, who I go to see when I need sound advice.” seemed to resort to mindless slogans in order to stir up the crowd.

And it worked, but I’m not sure if any of them knew what they were saying 6) Why is Professor Griff still in the band? What is the point of him? He can’t rap, he doesn’t rap, he has never contributed anything to the group. Is he still a racist? He looks like a member of G-Unit.

7) Flava Flav is amazing.

Even though he has recently been revamped as a Chris Eubankesque reality T.V clown, there is nothing like watching him, with his glittery sunglasses and medium-sized clock, the perfect antidote to Chuck.

TN: Why did you decide to call yourselves Cartoon?

Jeanette C: Bob used to live with a Polish guy, so he’d play him the music and ask him what he thought. He was like- “that’s like cartoon music!” And hence the name.

Jeanette C: Me, I’m Jessica Rabbitt.

Check out www.cartoon.ie for more information on the band.

guitar and (dear God) bass solos, and letting the awful MCs in the crowd onstage; as Flava Flav once said: ‘They could get a SLAP for that!’

I don’t want to make it seem like I didn’t have a good time.

Purely as a show, the two hour performance was almost worth paying nearly €40 to see (that’s 30c a minute). But Chuck somewhat summed up the disillusionment I felt watching the stagnation of one of the most provocative, intelligent, ridiculous and downright awesome bands ever during ‘Bring the Noise’ with this slightly altered couplet: “Some say no to the album, the show/ Bum rush the sound I made 15 (or is it 16?) years ago.”

Flava Flav: He loves you all...

14

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

Food & Drink Editor: Rosie Gogan-Keogh

Trinity News

FOOD & DRINK The Dublin Food Experience Rosie Gogan-Keogh visits the China House on Parnell Street As I walked out the side door of the vegetarian restaurant where I worked for my lunch break, I heard the words, "Eat meat?" I looked anxiously around, who could have uttered such heinous words within earshot of so many anal Veggies and Vegans. There lurking in the shadows was one of the Chinese KP's holding forth a steaming polystyrene box.

Meat, you say? Well I was the one who had chuckled to myself for days at the idea of ordering an extra rare steak at the Christmas Party... Well, I never.

The steaming box turned out to be full of pork filled Chinese dumplings. We ate them all.

Equally as bored as I was with those ever repetitive vegetable crumbles and the likes, the carniverous Chinese staff had resor ed to going down to Moore Street to

gregate over seas in some dingy Irish bar, the Chinese, undoubtedly, do it over food.

This community has resulted in, for the first time, us

new regular. It used to be on Moore Street upstairs in what could have been someones sitting room but has since reopened in more cultivated surroundings

“We had Chilli squid and Chilli and Garlic Prawns. Ok, a lot of seafood. A lot of chilli. But both were fantastic. No neon red msg gloop or deep fried crispy batter. Just well cooked, tasty food.

And dare I say it, authentic” Irish being able to sample real Chinese food.

The boy and I decided to go all out for our two year anninversery last week and went to our

across the road on Parnell Street.

The menu has the Chinese dishes up front with English translations. At the back you will find the "Chinese" menu -

just in English in somewhat larger font, where you find your basic local take away fare.

We had Chilli squid and Chilli and Garlic Prawns. Ok, a lot of seafood. A lot of chilli. But both were fantastic. No neon red msg gloop or deep fried crispy batter.

Just well cooked, tasty food. And dare I say it, authentic.

Two mains with rice and a beer each cost just over twenty squids. Definately worth a visit when faced with the quandry of red or brown flavour 'enter meat of choice here'.

Conspicuous Consumption …With Claudia Braün

Not many people realise this, but every second Wednesday is Healthy Eating Day in the Women’s Wing of Mountjoy prison. This cursed event consists of a trio of pallid Hare Krishnas shambling into the dining hall and ladelling a chilled, pea-green gruel from a large rusty vat – all the while dispensing what they facetiously term to be ‘literature’ dealing with the subject of ‘Wellness Through Eating’. These gramatically-impaired tracts quickly revealed themselves to be as unpalatable as the matter they accompany – and confusing to boot, as I had always thought ‘portion control’ to be a way of ensuring the dilligence of immigrant workers.

“This is wonderfully refreshing. To see real live intergration on the once most quintessential Dublin Street. It is now, however, the new quintessential” buy their lunch. Makes sense when one recalls whats on Moore Street.

My granny owned one of the infamous stalls selling shoes on Parnell Street, as her mother had before her. Her entire family grew up around Moore Street and the lanes in between that were demolished when the Ilac Centre was built. I remember the stories my Great Great Uncle used to tell of being a child, watching the rebels in the 1916 Rising run down from the G.P.O. looking for refuge in the houses along there.

Now, while some of the women selling fish and fruit n' veg remain the area has become known as Dublin's biggest racial melting pot. Chinese restaurants, international call shops and afro hair salons run along side by side.

This is wonderfully refreshing. To see real live intergration on the once most quintessential Dublin Street. It is now, however, the new quintessential.

This is where all of the Chinese guys I work with go to socialise. Where as the Irish con-

As I choked back my cold, green sludge I cast my mind back to a dinner party I had thrown around this time last year. In fact, it was my penultimate monthly dinner before the cruel misunderstanding which landed me in this wretched place… but enough of that, I shall not throw so much as a celery stick to the rumour mongers who circle me even now. The particular party in question was attended by seventy-eight of my closest friends – and a seventy-ninth guest whom I shall charitably dub an ‘acquaintance’.

This hectoring being, one Marianne Fortescue, has for many years desperately attempted to gain admittance to my inner circle, chiefly through phoning the house every few weeks to eulogise her latest pathetic dietary fad.

Naturally, I have instructed the but-

SEARCH FOR THE HOLY GRAIL

ler to deflect all calls, but I have been left messages advising me to eat rare monkey, raw carp, fresh tree bark and ‘macrobiotic cereals’ – whatever they may be – all washed down with a cool glass of my own urine, in the hopes of shedding ‘excess pounds’ which I simply do not have. Many times I have considered simply passing Marianne the number of my favourite surgeon, Dr. Topadopolous, and reminding her briskly and without judgement that health food is simply for those too proletarian to afford liposuction.

That evening – after a sumptuous partridge dinner – I retired to the Oriental Room to powder my nose.

After I had been in the room for but a few moments, my nostrils were piqued by the yeasty sent of desperation, and I turned to realise that

I have been left messages advising me to eat rare monkey, raw carp, fresh tree bark and ‘macrobiotic cereals’ – whatever they may be – all washed down with a cool glass of my own urine, in the hopes of shedding‘excess pounds’ which I simply do not have. Many times I have considered simply passing Marianne the number of my favourite surgeon...”

Marianne, clammy and wheedling as ever, had followed me from the dining room and was blocking my exit with her panting frame. ‘Oh, Claudia,’ she exclaimed breathlessly (and I realised with a shudder that in order to avoid detection she must have ascended by the servents’ stairs) ‘You look so youthful, so radiant.’ I smiled with difficulty – having had a sizable amount of flesh from my thumbs injected into my lips not two days

previously – and assured Marianne that I was aware of my own radiance, thank-you-very-much. It was not till I attempted to exit that she leapt upon me.

‘Please,’ she implored – clasping my wrists in her sweaty hands – ‘is it wheatgrass?’ I wrested her off as only a three-time-divorcee knows how and flung her down onto the Persian rug. ‘Marianne,’ I intoned, ‘I have managed to reach fortyeight years of age without acquiring any of the bovine characteristics of the ‘mature’ woman, and I certainly don’t intend to start grazing now’. She lay in a crumpled heap on the floor, panting hoarsely, muttering something about her ‘glutes’. I felt that the disclosure of my actual age – sixty-four – would be the death knell for Marianne’s brittle self-esteem and so, exercising the compassion for which I am noted, I left her there to recover her senses before I had her ejected from the party and stricken from all future guest lists. The last I heard of Marianne Fortescue, she had been pecked into a state of paralysis by a flock of starlings attracted by the odour of sesame-seed cracknel emanating from her body.

I have concluded, therefore, that Health Food does more harm than good. I neither know nor want to know why I should sully my palette with chutes and seeds when I can devour the first of the spring lambs and simply have any unseemly remnants sluiced clean away by the healing hands of Dr. Topadopolous.

When I think of how often Marianne closeted herself away, choking down plate after plate of dried seaweed while I reclined into the healing hands of Fabio the masseur at my favourite Swedish cosmetic surgery recovery spa, I shudder with gratitude that I never fell into a similar trap.

NEXT TIME: Aphrodisiacs – the foods of love.

[Claudia Braün is in conversation with David Turpin.]

Various €3.30 /4.50/€5.10

The essence of this column is cheap. But a cheap pint doesn’t have to mean a bad pint. It is with this in mind that we are including a section on drinking on the bright side of three euro. If you are taste sensitive then turn away now. The sunny side of three euro per pint comes at a cost, the bar maids with hoof dentures, the funeral time music and the refreshing taste of anti-design. This is not Dawson Street country.

“The Abbey Street Strip”

This weeks search for the Holy Grail has taken me away from the usual humdrum of student ridden and teenage filled establishments of Dublin Pubs on the nicer side of €4. Yes, this week, I decided I would dip a toe into the murky waters of Middle Abbey Street.

Middle Abbey Street has emerged along with Temple Bar and the Grafton Street area as one of the city’s most popular spots to head for when one is considering to paint the town red.

The most notable establishments lorded over by the ever powerful Spirit have formed themselves into a nice orderly strip.

These consist of the aforementioned and infamous Spirit, its little cousin and rival Traffic and the somewhat lesser known Mojo’s next-door.

Mojo’s was in fact my

inspiration for this article. For, dear friends, they proudly advertise on a propped up sandwich board outside that all pints are €3, always. I am however shamed to admit that when it came to crossing the threshold to seek the cheap alcohol that was truly mine, I couldn’t. I realise I am supposed to be at the forefront, bravely guiding those towards everlasting inexpensive delight. But I faltered, my snobbery, morals and fear of near bearded ladies and mid-nineties Atomic Kitten made me stop dead in my tracks. However there is always the probability of a take over, an invasion and a claiming of what’s rightfully ours… Ready troops?

Next door Traffic remains the beacon of hope for this city. Upstairs a relatively average but cool, trendy bar. While downstairs houses Electric City every Thursday, Hospital on Friday and has been host to many amazing acts

such as Goldie. On average €7 in, you are then greeted by the possibility of either 2 for 1 cocktails or €4.50 500ml bottles of Tiger. Yes this is roughly the same size as a pint, and you are guaranteed that it won’t taste like the watered down

“But I faltered, my snobbery, morals and fear of near bearded ladies and mid-nineties Atomic Kitten made me stop dead in my tracks.” muck one has learned to expect from everywhere in Dublin.

Spirit opened a few years ago under the ownership of the salubrious Robbie Wooton. I was about fifteen at the time and I remember being so excited at the prospect of someday being able to

Spirit, Traffic and Mojo’s

go there - It sounded like the place of dreams. Three floors of holistic, fire breathing, dancing acrobats.

Wow! When I did finally get to go about 2 years later it was on some dodgy student night and I can’t say I was too blown away. Since then I have been back a handful of times, and am always glad of the extra hour out.

But it seems Spirit is a lot more hype than it is actually worth.

It does remain one of the most popular clubs in the city yet judging by the clientele outside it is far from the celebrity hangout it was intended to be. Scantily clad over-weight white chicks bedeck the smoking area while silk-shirted homies strut up and down. Each group member obnoxiously stalking their chosen prey for that evening The one thing I am baffled by is how on earth any normal person can afford to go to Spirit.

Not only are you charged outrageously to get in in the first place.

You are then met with a blank stare when you proudly hand over a crisp fiver for your pint. As well as being robbed blind on the way in – the one security we have in life of being able to get 4 drinks for twenty quid has now been torn from our very fists. €5.10 for a pint, you have got to be kidding.

If however you are still yearning for the excitement of Spirit – why not try Sunday night.

You are guaranteed to find free passes that get you in before 12 somewhere, and Chewy of Backlash fame has just started Ecstatic in the basement every Sunday.

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

15

FOOD & DRINK Tis The Season Past Our Prime? Or To Be Jolly Not Even There Yet? Trinity News

What does the way we live and eat say about us?

Hanna Cherlache explores the ever sobering world of the dinner party

recreational use? Maybe I should have, in fact if I wasn’t such a young fogey myself it definitely would have been the wisest course of action I could take. But instead I show myself up as being about as cool as your Mum’s recently divorced friend who’s just discovered the effects of crystal healing and brought a Mongolian herdsman home from the pub last night, announcing him to her kids as

meal in the world, (rice and mince), arranged in the most complicated way known to man. Really a black belt in origami would struggle with them. The vine leaves them selves look like they are from a plant with some horrible parasitical disease that was causing the vine to eat it’s self, and also appear to be preserved in sulphur. You’d think that I’m making this up, but this “brine” as it said in the packet, had neon

“Here he was, a forty five year old man, in a leather jacket and with a haircut that would make an ox look high maintenance, telling the audience about how his preteen daughter begs him not to play rock music in the car”

Is this the new cool??!

Is it me or are the older generation out-doing us on being cool? Take my Mum for instance; when I start my weekend with the waltz, fox trot and cha-cha every Friday night she ends hers with a tai-chi session, obviously to stabilise herself after two solid days of wild partying.

Whilst I’m trying to get my head around medieval texts for Monday’s tutorial she’s devouring the latest Booker Prize nominated sensation. Even most of the people she associates with are younger than me, (OK, I’ll admit she’s a primary school teacher, but she’s still more down with the kids then I am). Maybe it’s just a bit of a preoccupation of mine at the moment.

I think it started last week, when I popped down to RTE to see a public interview with the writer Neil Gaiman and all I could think about was how old he made me feel. Here he was, a forty five year old man, in a leather jacket and with a haircut that would make an ox look high maintenance, telling the audience about how his preteen daughter begs him not to play rock music in the car. And here I was, little miss sensible, teaming a cardigan with shoes that I could actually have mugged a granny for, worrying about getting home in time to be up for my nine o’clock tutorial the next morning. Not exactly the wild student life now is it?

If the spirit of rebellious youth then is still alive then I’m really not too sure where it’s gone.

The director of Mona Lisa Smile may have got it right when he said that nowadays every forty year old wants to be twenty, but what was he thinking when he carried on to argue that every twenty year old stopped wanting to be forty in the 1950s? Hasn’t he talked to a young person recently? Hasn’t he seen how we at Trinity put those preppy,

prissy American girls at Wesley to shame? It seems at the moment youth really is being wasted on the young. Whilst our parents are going on peace rallies and cooing things like, “but darling how can you say you say that drugs are bad when you haven’t even tried them?

Just a line of cocaine, please, for me?” we all seem to be embracing our inner fogey.

The best recent example of young fogeyism I can think of is the case of my friend Maria, who,

most of it up worrying about seating arrangements, and whether or not it matters that they can’t balance the number of males to females attending. All of a sudden I have visions of walking onto what looks like the set of a Jane Austen movie, tripping up over somebody’s lawn petticoat face down into the pheasant, and having to be fished out by some kindly gentleman, (who is probably another nineteen year old philosophy student whose decided to reject the

“Maybe I’m not out on the town, selling my soul to the devil like young people are supposed to in this day and age, but I haven’t enjoyed myself so much for a long time. Maybe its not so bad being a young fogey after all. And maybe we could teach the wild older generation a thing or two about having a good time” as I write this is probably out producing excruciating envy from everyone who knows her, with her lovely new boyfriend John. As it happens, last weekend Maria’s sister, who she lives with during term time, vacated the house for a week to go to New York, bring down the state, have wild ten hour tantric meditation sessions and do whatever any self respecting thirty year old does when she’s in a cult. Maria and John are left with the house all to themselves, so as long as the walls are left standing by the time the sister’s back in town these two could probably get away with just about anything they want to. If you want proof that youth is wasted on the young here it is: they decide to have a dinner party.

Instead of spending their time going nuts and creating the north side’s only rival to Genghis Khan’s pleasure dome, they use

post-modern age), then spending the rest of the evening wiping chunks of stuffing out of my hair.

All of a sudden, after being dormant for so long, the spirit of rebellious youth seizes me. I suddenly feel so revitalised, so full of energy I wonder if this is how it must feel to be a fifty-two year old at the present time? I can’t let my friends succumb to the middle-class mess that is dinner-partydom! I realise that something has to be done.

So what do I do to save them from the clutches of the beast that is devouring my friends from within? Do I throw Maria’s TV out her bedroom window into the culde-sac below? Crank up her sound system onto a 1200 watts amplifier playing the kind of music that’s so extreme it gives small children seizures? Do I arrive with enough drugs to leave us more senile than Ozzy Osborne after only an hour of

Escape From The Butter y...

Simon’s Place with Ailbhe Malone

“your new Daddy!” I decide, in a desperate attempt to be young and hip to make the mistake of bringing ethnic food, as if that will make a difference.

A strange, smug sense of that I totally know what I’m doing (and believe me, it doesn’t happen often), washes over me as I journey from my current state of Stoneybatter squalor back to the beautiful Georgian houses and streets lined in Mercedes I knew last year, during my Trinity Hall days. My destination, or the destination I remembered was the gorgeous middle-eastern delicatessen East, in upper Rathmines. Last year, I remember constantly mentioning I wanted to go there, but seeing as back then I didn’t know my baharat from my bog roll the wish didn’t manifest itself. I have visions of myself swooping in, suddenly finding myself in a sort of Aladdin’s cave of wonders, where they serve you your coffee from a magic lamp and do all their home deliveries by magic carpet. Instead I find myself standing in a gorgeous little café, Spiceland at the top of Rathmines, serving the sort of stuff that makes me consider breaking the glass counter just to get to. The young man behind the till explains that they’re just a café now, but they do take away food if I’m interested. My eyes grow wider as I think about the credit I’ll get if I present my fellow guests with the amazing couscous salad I can see in front of me. But then I remember that now that I’m a hip, conscientious young person I really shouldn’t be stealing the credit for food that has probably been painstakingly prepared by a migrant worker. I decide to keep this place in mind for the future, if I can ever afford to eat out somewhere that isn’t the Buttery. Luckily there’s another place, the type that you’d never even notice if you walk past it a million times, just around the corner. It doesn’t look pretty but it sure is cheap in there. With everything else I need provided by Tescos I’m ready to rock … well ready to bake, but you get my drift.

I probably decided to rustle up the two most ridiculous, and painstakingly difficult things I can think of. Falafels, which are really just bean burgers, that in my case turned out bright green thanks to an excess of water cress, and stuffed vine leaves, the most simple

yellow chunks, whilst a day glo silted residue was left on each leaf, which left them smelling like a dinosaurs fart that had been slowly solidifying since the dawn of time.

What’s more I couldn’t rinse the taste out, not even after an hour of separating every single one under the kitchen tap. No wonder they thought there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq if this is what they wash down the sink every day! I squeeze the juice of two lemons into the casserole dish I’m cooking them in to disguise the taste, and feeling a bit like a culinary Saddam Hussein, I hope that no one’s going to catch me out, poisoning my own people.

Anyway to cut a long story short the party goes down swimmingly. Maybe my ethnic food has had the desired effect, we sit in a circle in the living room, instead of the formal places I was dreading, and stuff ourselves with a surplus of delicious food and wine.

My flatmate who constantly asserts that she’s the worst cook in the world has baked some cookies that would make Marks and Spenser weep, whilst a native dish cooked by a Polish guest actually makes me consider emigrating there for a few irrational, taste induced seconds. Those of us that can sing and play the guitar do, those of us that can’t, and even the ones that really shouldn’t decide to have a go. We talk about everything, into the wee small hours of the morning, a couple disappear for about an hour into the bedroom and somebody asks me if I’m from New Zealand. All right, I think to myself. Rock and roll it isn’t, I don’t think it could even pass itself as all that jazz, but I’m having a fantastic time. Maybe I’m not out on the town, selling my soul to the devil like young people are supposed to in this day and age, but I haven’t enjoyed myself so much for a long time. Maybe its not so bad being a young fogey after all. And maybe we could teach the wild older generation a thing or two about having a good time.

It’s Christmas, four weeks of guilt free, mindless drinking. No matter how much we promise to ourselves that we will do that 7,000 word essay, you know it is just not going to happen.

I for one have decided to boycott Christmas this year.

That means no presents, no tree, no turkey and no contrived friendliness to complete strangers simply because someone else said I should be. I prefer to try to be nice to everyone, always, thank you very much. And as regards the being able to stuff your face as much as you like on one particular day – please I’m a food editor, that’s my job.

My boycott, nonetheless, does not entail, that come next Friday I will not be engaging in the mass celebration of alcohol for the next four weeks. That I am afraid is unavoidable. And seeing how there is no contrivance here to drink at this time of year is entirely natural - it doesn’t affect my moral standing.

To lively up your array of Christmas beverages here are a few alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages to tickle your tastebuds.

Passion Delight Passion Fruit juice Mango juice Strawberry juice Rum Vodka Brown Sugar Mix all ingredients. It really depends on how you like it yourself but I reckon about a quarter alcohol to three quarters juice. If you can’t find these juices – look harder because they are out there and make this drink rather exquisite.

Otherwise try a Multivitiman tropical juice (Kelkin is my personal favourite) or various other mixtures. Add brown sugar to taste. Chill and serve.

Add whatever alcohol you find lying around to these next drinks they’ll be delicioud anyway!

Hot Apple Cup Apple juice Cinniman Nutmeg Cloves Throw the lot in a pot. Let simmer for a minute or two for the perfect Christmassy drink!

Spicy Fruit punch 600ml fresh or canned orange juice 300ml pineapple juice Pared rind and juice of 1 lemon 1 x 2.5 ml spoon grated nutmeg 6 cloves 1 x 2.5 ml spoon of mixed spice 600ml water 100-175 grams sugar 1 litres Ginger Ale Crushed ice Pared orange or lemon rind to garnish Mix the fruit juices, lemon rind and spices in a large jug. Put the water and sugar into a saucepan and heat gently to dissolve the sugar. Cool, then add the other ingredients from the jug. Chill. Strain the liquid and add the ginger ale and crushed ice before serving.

Garnish with pared orange or lemon rind. Serves 20.

Lemon Cider cup 3 Lemons 100 grams of caster sugar 1 cinnamon stick 600 ml of boiling water 1.2 litres of cider, chilled 150 ml of soda water, chilled lemon slices Pare the rind from two of the lemons, free of any pith. Squeeze the juice from all the lemons. Put the rind, juice, sugar and cinnamon stick in a large jug.

Pour on the boiling water and stir until the sugar has dissolved. Leave to cool, then strain into a bowl.

Just before serving, add the cider, soda water and lemon slice to float in each glass. Serves 12.

So, there I was, all ready and willing to try the shiny new Starbucks off College Green. I trotted out there after a lecture, mulling over what coffee/sugar hybrid I was going to purchase…….Yet it never materialized. The shop was rather claustrophobic and jammed with people far more pushy than my lovely self. I shook myself to my senses and fled to this week’s featured establishment……‘Simon’s Place’ Where? George’s St. Arcade How far? 7 minutes walk from Main Gate Staff? 3 artsy and obliging foreign girls, plus the ubiquitous Simon.

Décor? Cozy with posters for gigs and movies covering the walls Prices? Cheap cheap cheap- coffee starts at about 1.20 Full? Upstairs, yes; But there’s loads more seating downstairs, and the ambiance is more Clientele? Students and Artisans (with the odd old hippy thrown in) Unexpected upside? They serve the most divine cinnamon buns ever created Unexpected downside? It’s a bit of a trek from College, especially in the rain…

Full? Upstairs, yes; But there’s loads more seating downstairs, and the ambiance is more Clientele? Students and Artisans (with the odd old hippy thrown in) Unexpected upside? They serve the most divine cinnamon buns ever created Unexpected downside? It’s a bit of a trek from College, especially in the rain...

relaxed too.

relaxed too.

16

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

Travel Editor: Alix O’Neill

Trinity News

TRAVEL

Jungle Fever in the Amazon Alyson Mc Evoy on her experiences during her trip to the Ecuadorian Amazon For the past two editions I have described the bustling highland city of Quito, the capital of Ecuador, and the mellow tropical vibes of the villages dotting Ecuador’s pacific coastline. This week it is the leafy splendour of the Amazon basin that takes centre stage.

The first thing I will say about any trip to the Ecuadorian Amazon is that it is a lengthy undertaking. It took me as long to fly from Dublin to Quito as it did to travel the distance from Quito to the jungle frontier town of Coca and then to navigate the Shiripuno river to reach our jungle camp.

The trip to Coca was via a particularly dubious looking bus. The next leg of the journey, the meander up the great Shiripuno River, was in a long,

ground and began to explore the site that was to be our home for the next five days.

The camp consisted of a small rectangular clearing, directly adjacent to the river-edge and surrounded on all other sides by jungle. Our exploring lasted all of five minutes, as we noted the open sided wooded cabin, on a raised wooden platform, in the centre of the clearing which was to be our dining area. Then we saw our sleeping area also an open sided area in which lay two small single beds with two mosquito nets over hanging them. We were quickly informed that there was no wandering alone into the jungle and so our exploration came to an abrupt end.This stipulation sounds fairly obvious to me now, but at the time and in the days leading up to the

“Quietly tracing the steps of the person in front, we strained our eyes and ears for the chance of catching a glimpse of some lion, tiger or panther” extended canoe type vessel. For the first two hours of the journey my awe at the sights surrounding me was incredible, the thick luscious foliage literally dripped and melted into the river from its edges, the soaring tree trunks draped themselves with vines and flashes of colour were provided by brightly coloured orchids and heliconias. These all merged to form the dense, impenetrable face of the jungle on either side of the river.

All this held my gaze and neither my friend nor I spoke for some time. However, as it was a five hour journey into the depths of the jungle and with no great variation in the scenery, our attention soon waned.

On reaching our jungle camp, our eagerness was instantly revived. We tentatively took our first steps on dry Amazonian

trip, I had imagined taking mini solitary treks into the surrounding jungle, just nature and me and perhaps the odd monkey or two...

These daydreams were quickly put aside as I listened to tales of those who had ventured out alone.

A group of Colombian soldiers had once come to this area of the Amazon in order to do survival training. Various soldiers were individually sent out into the jungle and left to fend for themselves. Local people at the time had warned of the dangers of the jungle, but this only increased the zeal of these military men and their determination to prove their superiority over the natural realm.

Some found their way out after more than three weeks. Others were not so lucky. Those that did emerge from the ordeal had been mentally debilitated and were

never the same. Some told stories of wandering for days, getting nowhere and coming across the same spots again and again and of the mental frustration that had tormented them. Indeed, during our first day trek into the jungle I could see how this would be so.

There is no imaginable way, to an outsider, of navigating the thick concentration of undergrowth, trunks, vines and foliage. The same impenetrable view faces you on all sides and all sense of direction becomes foggy and ambiguous.

The next five days were spent fishing for piranhas in the mornings and taking long silent treks into the jungle in the afternoons. Quietly tracing the steps of the person in front, we strained our eyes and ears for the chance of catching the glimpse of some lion, tiger, or panther. Unfortunately, such sights never materialised.

These creatures were used to centuries of invading human beings and no group of tourists was going to catch them. We did however, see a number of monkeys, the black woolly monkey and another, more oddly named (and harder to remember), reddish monkey.

These are the funniest of creatures I’ve ever seen and I loved watching their gangly arms and legs fumble from tree top to tree top, accompanied by high pitched shrieks at one another.

One night our guide decided to bring us on something of a night hike in the area surrounding our camp. We set off, flashlights in hand, our steps more hesitant than our daytime ones, aware of the multitude of creepy crawlies that emerge under the night sky. That night we came across a tarantula, patiently waiting for her prey to wander across her path. We saw minute glowing flies that fed on the leaves by

night and enormous slugs and fantastically coloured spiders scattering themselves along the jungle floor.

On our way back to civilisation we stopped in a riverside village in a part of the jungle relatively near to Coca, and visited one family living there. Their home was a large circular hut,

consisting of a single room, in the centre of which was a fire. The perimeter of the room was lined with hammocks and an emaciated dog sat quietly by the fire. We all tried our hand at using the blow pipe that the men of the village hunt with, and chatted with the inhabitants through the guide. The people didn’t speak Spanish (as

the majority in Ecuador do), but a specific local variation of ‘Quecha’ – the language of native Ecuadorians.

And so my adventure into the Amazon appeared to be over in an instant. Five days had passed before I knew what had happened, and it was time to reenter the civilised world, or rather,

the bustle of Quito.

Next issue I recall another visit to one of Ecuador’s many natural splendours. This time it is the Galapagos Islands, 1,000 miles off the coast of Ecuador, inhabited by creatures of the utmost rarity and curiosity.

Alyson and friends take a dip in the Amazon

Tales From Tahoe, California Klara Kubiak spills the beans on the Fast Food Nation where junk food, double chins and denial go hand in hand Traversing the California/Nevada state borders, South Lake Tahoe sounds pretty good on paper. An Alpine style skiing village in winter, it boasts a 26-mile wide lake of clear, clean water, surrounded by clean, clear beaches. The area benefits from huge summer tourism trade and hosts multitudes of seasonal workers.

California’s side might seem fairly tame, but hop over the border to Nevada and you’ll find numerous 24 hour casinos and bars amongst everything else this state

and photographing them in these outfits. Our selection of ‘period’ dress included every American historical period from the “Wild West” to Civil War, to the 1920’s to… well that’s about it. So people came in, took off their own clothes, put on shorts and tops that we supplied over (hopefully) their underwear, and we helped them on with their costumes. This was a problem for me from the outset. You see, I don’t really like people -at least I don’t like them being needlessly close to me, yet

lapse from the shock, but if they just walked to Pizza Hut they might at least burn off enough calories to have a guilt free king size beverage (refills not included) when they get there.

And this is the problem with California. Not so much of an issue in the bigger cities, but the nutritional value of Lake Tahoe is disturbingly low. Unless you cooked yourself, your breakfast/lunch/dinner options went as follows: McDonald’s, K.F.C., Pizza Hut a n d

whereas a gallon of ice cream is but $2.99 and numerous microwaveable meals are available for only 99cents a piece.

Besides the major issue with cuisine, another of Tahoe’s downfalls is the strange crosssection of

“It became necessary to specify that we were from the Ireland beside England, near mainland Europe, since there is also an Ireland in Texas; an understandable mistake...” has to offer; legal gambling, purchasable sex, and the novelty of having the freedom to smoke wherever you like.

My travelling companion and I had conveniently prearranged jobs and accommodation and thus were leaving these shores as soon as the examination timetable would allow us to.

After spending a few eventful days in San Francisco, we headed for the hills -literally. Tahoe is at an elevation of 6000 feet and about four hours drive west of San Francisco.

Full of ignorant expectation and innocent hope we disembarked and headed for “Doc Wenzel’s Old Time Portraits”, which was to be our place of employment for the next ten weeks. Now what, you may well ask, is the Old Time Portrait? Our work involved dressing customers up in ‘period’ costume

I am obliged to fit dresses onto obese, sweaty, oftentimes unusually hairy women. My favourite part of photographing horizontally challenged folk is that afterwards they complain about how they look and want to retake the picture. The obvious problem here is that there is very little one can do, even with $6000 worth of a camera, to make Jaba the Hut look like Jennifer Lopez. One young boy asked me to airbrush out his double chin, then asked his mother if they could go to McDonald’s for lunch -I refused; she didn’t.

Often after these plus-sized types leave, they hop onto these wheelchair/scooter-type devices that only people with genuine mobility difficulties use on this side of the Atlantic.

Now I’m not suggesting they cut out junk food in any way since their system would probably col-

Wolfgang Puck’s (a variant on the

McDonald’s/Pizza Hut theme). A trip to the local supermarket offers some explanation for the rampant obesity problem in the States, although other Western countries are fast catching up. Any fresh produce is exorbitantly priced, whereas junk food is the permanent bargain of the week. Five pieces of fruit or vegetables could set you back at least a tenner,

soci-

“One young boy asked me to airbrush out his double chin, then asked his mother if they could go to Mc Donald’s for lunch. I refused; she didn’t” ety it boasts. At high season you are treated to a mix of the inbred local population, proudly keeping it in the family for generations and the huge tourist population from places all disturbingly similar to Tahoe itself. Nobody from these areas has ever been more that a 50 mile radius from their home place and isn’t likely to venture elsewhere anytime soon. Hence we were treated to quite an illuminating breed of person. It became necessary to specify that we were from the Ireland beside England, near mainland Europe, since ambiguities arose thanks to the fact that there was also an Ireland in Texas: an understandable mistake.

And far be it for the Americans to be ignorant of/hostile to foreigners; we were often commended on the high standard of our spoken English. Admittedly it is tough going to another country and not fully grasping the language, but we struggled on, aided by those who were unaware there existed alternative names for ‘band-aids’, ‘restrooms’ and ‘candy’. I’ve worked in the retail industry in Ireland for six wonderful years and despite being a naturally grumpy shite, I have always managed to suppress my anger at the stupidi-

ty/ignorance/obnoxiousness of the public and put on my best customer service smile. American punters, I discovered, are a completely different story; they like to have things exactly as they want them.

This is something which becomes an unobtainable ideal when a 30 stone woman wants to look good in fishnets and a garter.

And if things don’t turn out just as they wanted them, they really like to complain. The customers who really enraged me were the painfully stupid and/or ignorant ones. These were simply impossible to deal with since it was usually necessary to repeat the most basic sentence numerous times and when your frustration eventually got to you and you got snappy, they didn’t realise that you were being rude and continued to smile at you inanely whilst staring blankly at some unidentified point just behind your head.

And thus American society has a strange mix of very modern advancements (in terms of technology and science), which is strongly contrasted with a very traditional, orthodox mentality which pervades in other areas of life. It is quite common, for example, for people to marry at a disturbingly young age.

While working we had couples come into the studio on the way back from their nuptials, get their photos taken and then head to K.F.C. for their reception. I exag-

gerate not -well I do, but unfortunately only slightly. Seemingly thanks to the fact that one gets married as early as possible, the country has a massively high divorce rate. Which all results in teenage newlyweds Britney and Chad going on honeymoon with Momma and her new husband Chuck, or Pop and his new lady, Cindy. Yes, children, these are the kind of romances befitting of a modern fairytale.

And partake in this fairytale we did for two and a half months; but as Momma said of her last marriage, all good things (or not so good times) must come to an end. Not being ones to tar a whole continent with one very biased brush, we decided to give the rest of California a chance.

Surely it couldn’t all be as bad as the backward, nutritionally deficient vacuum we had been unwittingly sucked into? So come Labour Day, we said goodbye to Tahoe and headed back down mthe hills: the story continues, but does our disillusionment…?

Tuesday, December 6th 2005

Careers Editor: Emma Hutchinson

17

Trinity News

CAREERS Career Focus: Entrepreneur In his continuing series, Myles Gutkin looks at the qualities needed to succeed as an entrepreneur and how best to go about achieving it The Job An entrepreneur discovers a public need, and satisfies it with an innovative product or service. In the process, s/he takes personal risks, but stands to gain significantly from success. This usually involves setting up a business, which has many legal and financial implications, and imposes certain responsibilities towards employees and stakeholders. It takes creativity, planning, hard work and commitment to be a successful entrepreneur.

On the 26th of November 2005, a report by Enterprise Ireland determined that there are around 253,000 entrepreneurs in the Republic of Ireland, and that 63% of adults on the island consider that starting a business represents a good career choice. Perhaps this is because of the perception of entrepreneurs as successful and independent, living in a world of fruitful opportunities just ripe for the harvesting.

In fact, there are many risks involved in starting an enterprise. Obviously there’s a financial risk, because any loans or investments will require a substantial personal contribution to guarantee your commitment to success. In addition there will be the time, effort and emotional cost of building an enterprise from the grass roots, and possibly seeing it tumble down like a house of cards in a breeze.

Some think of starting a business as a way to make a lot of money and nothing more, which it might be if the entrepreneur is psychopathic about her/his employees and business dealings, only doing the bare minimum good required by law. On the other hand, a business, well run, can generate significant profits, while enriching the community in which it’s founded.

Think back to an Ireland in which only a lucky few have jobs, and the rest are left unemployed and underfed. This Ireland of yesterday has become today largely by facilitating ethical enterprise, and the wealth it generates in a population. Of course it takes infrastructure, education and enormous initial investment to transform the economics of a society,

but making jobs by enterprise is an essential component.

If you often think about ways you could improve on products, and want to put yourself to the test in an exciting and creative career, you may get a lot out of starting a business.

Getting There An entrepreneur needs to create something that people will trade their money (which represents man hours of work) for, so it needs to be something consumers can’t easily make themselves, or obtain easily at a better price and/or at the same standard of quality.

A successful business idea should be BRIGHT in order to succeed, that is: Business orientated Realistic enough to succeed Innovative Genuinely needed Honest with investors and customers Timely to benefit from opportune market trends If you have an idea that you think will revolutionise people’s lives at low production costs, great! Contact your local government enterprise board or Enterprise Ireland to discuss market trends and to apply for copyright on your idea. If you’re looking for an idea, some local/county enterprise boards have lists of enterprise suggestions for which markets have been identified. You should consider what special advantage you can bring to your business, so that it will be chosen over competitors.

Your product can come from your skills and talents or from your environment and its resources, or from a manipulation of resources, using human skills. You may need to study or train to develop appropriate skills to produce, or manage the production of a product, such as medical care.

Next, you’ll need to write a Business Plan, with detailed outlines of who you are, how you plan to develop the business, who you expect to invest and how much is required, what the business will do, who it will trade with, projected returns on investment over several years, and the contingency plans which will be

put in place in all likely circumstances. A well written plan will be realistic and confident with carefully thought out plans supported with research. This should be written with great care, and the advice of an enterprise advisory service because it will be used to persuade prospective investors.

Financial support is a key requirement at the start-up phase of any business. It will be necessary to present your business plan to many prospective investors to generate funds. Enterprise Ireland can provide limited financial support to approved investments, which is designated to meet expenses in the areas of research and design, training, job creation and acquisition of capital assets.

Contact local government grant authorities and Enterprise Ireland to learn what supports exist to lighten the burden of your financial risks.

Be aware that there will always be significant personal risks in enterprise, so be ready to lose money if things don’t go well.

You could even end up paying off loans for several years after a busi-

“A successful entrepreneur needs to be an innovator, a worker, a manager and a salesperson...” ness goes awry because private businesses can’t claim bankruptcy in the same way that public limited companies can.

There will be many legal and bureaucratic requirements when you set up your new business, for which you should seek private legal advice, and use enterprise board advisers. You’ll have to: Commit to a legal structure and name for your business.

Register for taxation, and set up an accounting systems and bank account.

Ensure that your business meets all applicable laws and regulations Arrange for appropriate insurance and for a copyright on intellectual property.

Once you’ve established a new business, you’ll have to cre-

ate your product, market it, sell it, and organise finances. You’ll probably need to employ others to work for you, and expand as the possibility arises, because a larger business is generally a more stable business.

Put in however many hours it requires to get your product known to the target market, and ensure that they keep on using your product.

A study completed in November 2002 by Goodbody economic consultants, asked what advice successful entrepreneurs would pass on to burgeoning entrepreneurs, and the most common suggestions were: - Get independent advice and be willing to listen to it; - Think and act big; - Be as well financed as possible at the start; - Buy in experience, skills you don’t have; - Work hard, recognise and accept the commitment required; - Be straight with people; - Get any necessary help and support required-don’t hold back; - Try to stay one step ahead of the market, keep focused on the customer/ onbeing different; - Take chances after due consideration/trust your gut instinct; - Develop or bring in HR skills; - Don’t be deterred by failure but learn from it; - Be flexible, not everything will go to plan; - Have a variety of views represented on your Board - Recruit the best you can possibly afford.

Personal Qualities A successful entrepreneur needs to be an innovator, a worker, a manager, and a salesperson. Many different types of people become entrepreneurs, due both to desire and necessity, but there are certain characteristics that drive people to become successful entrepreneurs.

Entrepreneurs must be physically resilient and in good health. They work for extended periods of time, and can’t get sick while building a new business.

Many entrepreneurs are people who prefer self-determination, and dislike losing control.

They may see themselves as being

Tony O’Reilly, one of Ireland’s most successful entrepreneurs smarter than their peers or superiors.

They tackle problems immediately with confidence and persistence. Most are at their best in the face of adversity, since they thrive on their own self-confidence.

Successful entrepreneurs can identify relationships quickly in the midst of complex situations and relate them to their business objectives.

Entrepreneurs are realistic about goals, and base their decisions on facts. They will recognise their own limitations and seek help when needed.They are ambitious and opportunistic.

Entrepreneurs find satisfaction in symbols of success that are external to themselves. They like their business to be praised, but are embarrassed by direct applause .

Entrepreneurs have a considerable amount of self-control and can handle business pressures. They are challenged rather than discouraged by setbacks or failures.

They are often charismatic and sociable, able to convince others to serve their needs.

Strong direction and decision-making are characteristic of entrepreneurs’ leadership.

Entrepreneurs see risk taking as an adventure due to their belief in their ability to succeed.

They are goal-oriented,

and aim efforts toward a desired end. Entrepreneurs decide what they want, plan to achieve it, and make the plan work.

The Example Tony O’Reilly is an intrapreneur more than an entrepreneur, because his innovations were made from within pre-existing businesses, but none the less, he succeeded in revolutionizing several industries over the course of his long and varied career in international business.

His success is evidence that with confidence, intelligence and hard work, Irish entrepreneurs can have global success.

Dr. Anthony O’Reilly was born in Dublin. He was educated at Belvedere College and went on to study law at UCD. An outstanding rugby player, he played for Ireland in 29 international games between 1955 and 1970. He went to work for a consultancy company and then an Irish firm selling agricultural products.

He joined An Bord Bainne (the Irish Dairy Board) in 1962 as CEO, where he developed the Kerrygold brand. In 1966 he became head of the Irish Sugar Company.

1971 when he was promoted to Senior Vice President. In 1973, he became President. He earned his Ph.D. from the University of Bradford in agricultural marketing in 1980. He continued his rise and became CEO in 1979 and Chairman in 1987 succeeding Henry John Heinz II, the first nonHeinz family member to hold that post. His guidis guidance helped transformthe company into an major international competitor, increasing the company's value fifteen fold. He left Heinz in 1998, but still has a 2% shareholding in Heinz.

He bought 29% of Independent News & Media, in 1973. He pushed the company to expand into England, South Africa, Australia and New Zealand throughout the 1990s acquiring 38 newspaper titles, over 70 radio stations, cable and telecom networks

Career Resources http://www.enterprise-ireland.com/ http://www.tcd.ie/Careers http://www.goodbody.ie http://www.startingabusinessinireland.com/ http://www.businesstown.com/

He made his name in international business at H. J. Heinz & Co joining the company in 1969 to become MD of the Heinz subsidiary in England. He moved to the company HQ in Pittsburgh in

Life After College As Michaelmas term draws to a close most of us are thinking about Christmas and a four-week break from 9am lectures, but for those of you in your fourth year thoughts may be turned to deadlines and what is in store for you in the world outside the walls of Trinity College. Klara Kubiak takes a look at what to expect Final year of college brings with it many things: dissertations, theses, a never before witnessed volume of work and a never before felt obligation to actually do such work; but most of all an unfamiliar sense of daunting panic.

For the first time on our relatively care-free lives we actually have to make some manner of life choice. The most they expected from you in school was picking out a couple of subjects for Leaving Cert and filling out a C.A.O. form somewhat arbitrarily at the last

“For the first time in our relatively care-free lives we actually have to make some manner of life choice” minute.Even choosing a college course was a fairly uncomplicated matter. Unless you were one of those people who actually had some kind of vocation in mind the age of 18 and opted for a career-orientated subject, chances are you stuck a pin in the arts list and wound up with four years of enjoyable, if relatively useless, s t u d y .

But now time has devoured our undergrad years and

things are different. Choices have to be chosen, decisions decided and while finals may seem forever away, academic years have a nasty habit of slipping away like whores in the night. One option open to consideration is dong some form of postgraduate study. But these cost money and if you have no idea what you want kind of course do want to take, then you’re needlessly squandering a considerably amount of cash. Granted they say education is never wasted, and such and such, but 5,000 euro dropped on a Higher Diploma in St. Pat’s only to remember that you hate children is not exactly money well spent.

So even if you do decide to continue your studies after graduation some questions still remain.

Do you do sign up for a masters straight away or do you take a bit of time off to discover yourself spiritually and emotionally in some far flung land where spiritual and emotional fulfilment is far more plentiful than on these fair shores? If you jump immediately into further education what happens if it goes really well and you come out top of your class and you get offered a really good job in some progressive yet well established company?

While that might sound

great in theory, it essentially means that while you now have a job which you may not despise, maybe even enjoy, you have never had anytime to those things you can’t do when you work for a progressive yet well

established company.

Perhaps your lifelong dream was to end up working in such a place, but only after you had gallivanted sufficiently to satisfy your inner itinerant. Ideally you would first travel the world: per-

haps drink your way around Europe;work in random, terribly paid, but fun jobs using the resulting wages to travel somewhere else to look for similarly underpaid yet fun jobs; see an llama in the flesh in its native environment;

If this will be you soon, it’s time to start thinking what you’ll do next year

briefly get involved in the cocaine smuggling industry on the American/Mexican border; help some impoverished children in a famine-stricken country to build a well and a school, and maybe solve the AIDS crisis while you’re over there. After purging yourself of such youthful hedonistic and humanitarian desires, you can then happily settle into a grown-up’s job where you worry about deadlines and commuting and whether you’re likely to get promoted anytime soon.

But what if after shining in your post-grad class, you inadvertently find yourself in this situation many years too early? What will inevitably happen is that before you realise it you will stop going out on weeknights because you have to work the next morning and a bushel of pints after a lecture with a group of randomers will become a glass of wine with your colleagues on a Friday evening as you talk about next week’s projections. You will be one of those people who you now laugh at when you see them rushing into somewhere for lunch at ten past one and rushing back to work at ten to two whilst you’ve been making a pot of tea last about two hours in order to avoid going to the library.

Thus I find myself reluctant to immediately further my education. It is blissfully unlikely that anyone will want to snatch me up next autumn, as an English and

“Do you sign up for a masters straight away or do you take a bit of time off to discover yourself in some far flung land?”

Philosophy graduate, to spearhead some progressive project in a well established firm. And so I can happily flit from menial job to menial job knowing that the novelty will eventually wear off and I will at some stage feel compelled to make some attempt at fashioning a life plan. I do, however, find myself guiltily browsing through post-graduate prospectuses, in a manner somewhat akin to a 14 year old boy’s clandestine reading of Playboy, when I think no one will walk in on me…

18

SU & Societies Editor: Enda Hargaden

Tuesday December 6, 2005

Trinity News SU & SOCIETIES Abrakedabra - SU Council gets interesting Last week’s SU Council mandated the SU Officers to carry a wand or sceptre at all times. And that wasn’t even the most bizarre part of the evening. Christine Bohan reports back It says a lot about SU Council that the Sceptre and Wand Committee, set up following a motion to make sure that the five SU Officers carry an object of magical prowess at all times, had 23 people run for the five positions on it - more than twice the number of candidates than any other SU Council election in the past four years.

What it says though, is something I still haven’t quite figured out. Is Council so bored with itself that it’s now passing ridiculous motions for it’s own amusement? It seems unlikely – a motion that proposed singing the national anthem at the end of every Council wasn’t even held, when reps argued that it had no merit since there were non-Irish class reps who would be excluded. Is there a genuine desire to see our five sabbatical officers combine hard work with er, magic to see what results ensue?

Perhaps.

What it seems to say is that for the first time in at least four years, class reps are using Council to their own ends – bringing forward loads of motions (both practical and impractical), arguing with everything, cheering people they like (SU Pres John Mannion), booing

people they don’t (class reps who get up to speak on every motion, people who address Council as ‘ladies and gentlemen’), chatting amongst themselves when they’re bored and paying rapt attention to the big issues. What’s brought about this sea change is unclear. The upshot however is lively, involving Councils where everything is debated and discussed – a much rarer occur-

“This group is more than likely going to recommend that we hold a referendum on whether Trinity should disaffiliate from USI...” rences in previous Councils than you would think.

Even Matters Arising at the start of last week’s meeting, usually a non-event, threw up a few discussions. The Chair of Council went over the results of the class rep survey that he’d instigated and promised to act on changes suggested. The Chair of the Electoral Commission put forward several items for discussion, one of which was on whether SU reps had broken mandate at the USI Congress the

previous weekend.

With twelve motions already tabled for the agenda, it was looking like a long evening in the Joly – and that w a s before two emergency motions w e r e added to the agenda.

The first one was to do with the Electoral Commission statement and was rejected by reps who chose not to have the motion. The second was more interesting.

The motion itself was straightforward – it proposed setting up a working group to look into the issue of Trinity’s membership of USI and to report back at one of the first Council’s next term. But with all the upheaval in USI, the subtext is clear; this working group is more than likely going to recommend that we hold a referendum on whether or not Trinity should

disaffiliate from USI. Watch this space.

One active but perhaps myopic class rep put forward four motions but hadn’t gotten anybody to second them. There was a vote on whether or not this should be accepted as precedent; whether the reps simply wanted to cut down the number of motions for the evening so they could leave early, or if there was a fear that the democratic process would be impinged upon if motions were proposed by just one person is open to speculation but it was rejected.

There was a cheer when it was announced that the motion opposing any military funding of research in Trinity had been withdrawn – it had taken up almost half an hour of discussion at the last Council, before being withdrawn to be discussed again at the next Council.

The motion to sing Amhrán na bhFiann turned out to be a damp squid – what had been expected to be a hearty debate was ended when a rep proposed

Society Focus: DU Chess Club Conor Kostick Founded around 1870 Dublin University Chess Club is the second oldest chess club in Ireland and one of the oldest college societies. One of its early committee members was George Salmon, whose statue is on Front Square just to the Buttery side of the Campanile. Having a former Provost as a society committee member would in some circles be a matter of pride, but here such a feeling is tainted by the fact that Salmon was an implacable enemy of the admission of women to the college and he is reported to have said that “women would only enter TCD over my dead body”. Indeed he did indeed die eight days after Letters Patent granting the admission of women had been issued (January 22, 1904).

Over the decades the for-

tunes of the Chess Club have ebbed and flowed, as do all college societies. Currently the trajectory of the club is upward. Dublin University Chess Club play in the Leinster Chess Union. There are six divisions in the very competitive LCU, and at the highest level the winners of the First Division (Armstrong) represent Leinster in the all-Ireland play-offs, the winners of which then represent Ireland in international club championships. In 2001 – 2 Dublin University won Division Four (O’Hanlon) with Andrew Higgins as captain. In their second season in Division Three (Ennis) the team secured promotion again, with Kevin Barry as captain.

The step up to Division Two (Heidenfeld) was a difficult one, with matches consisting of eight player teams rather than five and TCD struggled for survival in

their first season, avoiding relegation thanks to a determined effort in the very final rounds. This season, however, the Chess Club is in the promotion race again. In large part this is thanks to the arrival at TCD of Tim Harding, Senior International Correspondence Chess Master, to do a PhD. on the history of correspondence chess in Britain and Ireland, 1824-1914.

But the club is also benefiting from the loyalty of graduates alongside players who are now at TCD hav-

“DU Chess Club have the highest placed college team in Ireland...” ing formerly played for strong school teams such as Gonzaga.

With Tim Harding at board one, Peter Hayes at two and

that the motion not be put, as it was ‘ramming our nationality down people’s throats’ as not all class reps are Irish. It was overwhelmingly accepted.

Other motions were practical – to improve photocopying facilities in the School of Nursing and Centre for Deaf Studies, to try and get microwave ovens [not just microwaves, as one sharp rep noted] on campus, to improve heating in the Ed Burke and to lobby for the removal of the Student Travel Card.

And then there was the wands and sceptres. If last year’s SU will be remembered for getting water fountains and the one before it for um, er.., well anyway, this year’s SU could easily be remembered for this. The image of John Mannion strolling around campus holding a magic wand is, personally, not an image I suspect I’d ever be able to forget. The proposer of the motion, Neil McGough, had prepared a speech, anticipating any possible objections people may have had with it – he needn’t have bothered. Council was more than willing to play along. His speech was wide-ranging, noting that whilst sceptres were usually carried by wise old men, it was time to

break away from that and allow our Officers (none of whom are old, not all of whom are wise and at least one of whom isn’t male) to also carry them. He sat down to rapturous applause and cheers.

The one speech against it came from the omnipresent SF HistPol rep Kevin Dillon, who prefaced his report with an uncharacteristic whisper, “It’d be crap if noone spoke against this so bear with me”.

The speech that followed was simultaneously one of the greatest and most bizarre pieces of oratory I’ve ever heard

“The speech that followed was one of the greatest and yet most bizarre things I’ve ever heard in Council...” in Council. An extract: “CAESAR! NAPOLEON! JOHN MANNION! Council, if you pass this motion, it’s the first step on the road to tyranny. Mannion with a magic wand will be a threat to Council, a threat to society, A THREAT TO DEMOCRACY ITSELF. VOTE NO!” Council was laughing so hard it

took an effort to hold the vote.

Naturally it passed.

Three of the sabbat officers were nominated to sit on the Sceptre and Wand Committee, but they had competition; in all, 23 people were nominated for the Committee.

Seven people dropped out when they saw how many were going for it, but at 15, it was still an unprecedented number for an SU Committee.

There was a suggestion that all of the people should be allowed on the Committee. This was being puzzled over when a humourless suggestion for a quorum count came from the back of the lecture theatre. Council was found to be inquorate by four people, and so the vote for the Committee will be held over til next Council.

Reports from the Officers were done at lightning speed – there’s been no reports yet from any member of the Executive Committee at all though. Maybe next time? And that was it - Council over again until next term.

Whilst it wasn’t the most productive of meetings, it was easily one of the most entertaining. And if more of this energy can be channelled into constructive motions, we may just see big changes next term.

No gig and no giggles as Colin Murphy performance cancelled

Graham Neary on three Heidenfeld team has a competitive lineup.

With the decline of UCD who had fielded a very strong team for much of the 1990s, DU Chess Club have the highest placed college team in Ireland.

With over 80 members joining us this year, the Club has able to enter a second team into Division Six of the Leinster League with Robert O’Byrne as captain. The club meets every Tuesday night at 7pm in the Maths Seminar Room, Hamilton Building. Given the traditions of the club, a picture of Dr. Salmon hangs outside the room.

Along with the chance to play for college, there are regular events, coaching and games. Interested players are welcome to drop in - or contact us: chess@tcd.ie.

Colin Murphy, seemingly not looking for an audience.

Colin Murphy unceremoniously pulled out of the scheduled performance in the Ed Burke Theatre as part of the Student Union’s alcohol-free Gigs and Giggles campaign just 48 hours before the event was to take place. Murphy also cancelled shows in five other universities, leaving several hundreds of students disappointed in a fiasco that left many un-answered questions.

It emerged over the following days, after discussion on Colin Murphy’s website that the promoters of the Gigs and Giggles events, 8-Ball Promotions, had failed to book Murphy for any of his cancelled performances.

Murphy himself said of the mishap: “It has been advertised that I am playing a pile of college gigs ... but no-one actually thought of asking me if I was free to do

Dr. George Salmon with the Dublin University Chess Club committee, c. 1900

them, which I am not. The promotors then went ahead anyway and printed up posters with my name included!” He continued to express his anger that his services had been advertised without his consent.

TCDSU President John

“It emerged that the promoters had failed to book Murphy...”

Mannion expressed his regret that the gig had to be cancelled, but stated that Trinity Students’ Union lost no money in the affair and that it had been organised by an external body.

However it has been revealed that a major source 8-Ball Promotions’s funding for the gigs

came from sponsorship of MEAS, a drink-awareness group who are suspicuously sponsored by Diageo, Heineken and the Vintner’s Federation, among others - who seem like odd sponsers for alcohol-free events.

Coupled with this is the fact that last year’s Education Officer Daithí Mac Sithigh successfully proposed a motion to the national students’ union body, explicitly excluding Meas in any sensible-drinking campaigns as they were fully funded by the drinks industry.

The question remains why exactly the Students’ Union advertised these gigs without confirming with Murphy first.

Comment & Opinion Editor: Patricia Van De Velde

Trinity News

COMMENT&OPINION Tuesday December 6th, 2005

The Eire of Our Ways Barry Lysaght says Ireland will do us just fine. An Post, Sky and the Constitution are all just a little bit confused about things We call it Ireland. The Australians, Canadians and Americans call it Ireland. So why is that out of all the Anglophonic nations across the world, it is British companies who persist in ending an English-language address with an Irish word: Eire? Take, for example, the latest

‘Ireland’. But what of Article 8 – ‘the Irish language… is the first official language’ – aren’t they merely being consistent and respectful to the ideals of the Bunreacht? Perhaps, but only if you’re prepared to conduct yourself entirely through Irish, rather

than just pay the language a oneworded lip service which some may find disrespectful and even patronising. If we want to be politically correct, we can stick to the defining political document of the history of this country (whatever its name is), which designates two official languages and provides for ‘the exclusive use of either’ language, i.e. not both, for any official purpose (if the cause of Sky junkmail can be described as such).

So unless the rest of the address is go hiomlán as Gaeilge, Eire should be Eire-brushed out (my apologies).

But what if it’s merely from fear of offence: the softlysoftly approach? Articles 2 and 3 have been removed, meaning the Dail no longer lays claim to the whole island of Ireland as the ‘national territory’. As a result don’t we now have two States on the one island, of which one is a republic? Not quite. Sadly, Articles 2 and 3 deal with ‘the Nation’. The next 8 articles deal with ‘the State’ (which as any political scientist will tell you, is quite a different kettle of fish) and the name of that State is Ireland (or: an t-ainm atá ar an Stát ná Eire, más maith leat). So, a little confusingly, while the territorial boundaries of the nation of Ireland are divided, the name of the State remains the same, and is not converted to Republic of Ireland, ROI or the Irish Republic. No Czechs we. The name of my State (apart from irritated) is Ireland.

But what about Northern Ireland? How can we call our soccer team ‘Ireland’ in the same way we do our rugby team, when the former has six less counties to choose players from than the latter?

Doesn’t this create the need for some corollary title – ‘the Republic of Ireland’ as opposed to ‘Northern

Star...sucks?

Is the overpriced coffee any better? And how’s your conscience? Niamh Fleming-Farrell on Starbucks

“Take the latest copy of Sky TV magazine, which was addressed to ‘Ireland, ROI, Eire’. Talk about to be sure to be sure! It’s this sort of attention to detail that would have me on to An Post rather than BSkyB should my monthly mail-mag not appear” copy of Sky TV magazine, which was addressed to my home in ‘Ireland, ROI, Eire’. Talk about to be sure to be sure! It’s this sort of all-bases-covered attention to detail that would have me on to An Post rather than BSkyB should my much anticipated and lightly laminated monthly mail-mag not appear at my home. However, on the other hand, if I was a postman perhaps I would have a right to be confused at this three-pronged reference to my country of residence: after all, countries normally only have one name each, don’t they? Don’t they?!

On closer inspection, it appears that they do: the cover of the magazine is content to settle for the slightly abbreviated ‘Ireland’.

The sports section of a previous copy featured a picture of Damien Duff, with the caption that he is ‘set to star for Ireland in the World Cup Qualifiers’. Yet turn on Sky Sports coverage of our international fixtures and we see the Boys in Green are now represented by ‘ROI’ on the Sky scoreboard. British satellite TV advertising for the match in Paris last year billed an encounter between France and Eire, yet curiously it was a team bearing the name ‘Ireland’ on their jerseys who turned out against the French.

Bizarrely, British media seems more content to use initials or the Irish language than the simple English word ‘Ireland’ on its own.

Is it because all three apply, or because they just plain don’t know? Dude, what’s my country?

Perhaps it’s down to that grand preserve of old Blighty – etiquette, manners and political correctness. After all, doesn’t Article 4 of our Constitution proclaim the name of the State to be Eire? Yes, but it goes on to stipulate that in the English language we should use

19

Damien Duff, Eire international?

Ireland’? Still, no. While we might say that the Irish rugby team represents the nation and the (more politicised) soccer team the State of Ireland, both nevertheless represent an entity which is named ‘Ireland’.

The FAI, unlike the IRFU, has always operated without an Article

understand addresses written fully in Irish as well as English, it seems unfair that they should have to deal with a mix and match of words from both, especially when they are being used to refer to the one place. So give them, and us, a break Sky. As an Irish person, ‘Ireland’

I work in a book shop on Grafton Street and so it’s oft I have the pleasure of providing tourist information to foreign customers. I’d wondered how long it would take, but I directed my first American to Starbucks last Saturday as she gleefully exclaimed “There are two things American Catholics do; they go to mass and they go to Starbucks!” She then scurried out the door to tell her husband the good news. And I was left to ponder how Irish Catholics could now be just like their American counterparts.

It’s difficult to criticise Starbucks, or so I’ve found ever since I started attempting to do so.

See, no matter how excited others got about the opening of the Foster Place store I just could not shake an odd sense of dread at the prospect of a Starbucks take-out cup cradled gently in every pair of cold morning hands. Cultural homogenisation seems the unavoidable future of all cities and here Dublin has climbed yet another rung on the ladder. This is the crux, the long and short, the essence of my entire feasible opposition to Starbucks.

Starbucks tell us they have no plans to open more than three stores in Dublin at present (Dundrum, Foster Place and Harcourt St.), however there is still a reasonable fear that other independently owned and Irish owed coffee shops will lose out.

The queues in Starbucks since it opened last week are certainly indicative of the impact it is set to have on the coffee market in Dublin. However, having visited Starbucks twice now I find myself

eager to return to it. The coffee is delicious, superior to most cups on offer in the city. The service is efficient; the barristas are obviously well trained and well acquainted with the menu, something that is lacking thoughout the food and drink service industry in Ireland at present.

The environment and atmosphere is lovely. The store is clean, warm and comfortable. The

“No matter how excited others got about the opening of the Foster Place store I just could not shake an odd sense of dread at the prospect of a Starbucks take-out cup cradled gently in every pair of cold morning hands” music is amiable and its volume appropriate to the setting. The coffees themselves could perhaps be considered overpriced at 2.60 euros for a grande brew, but to be fair the portions are huge and as I said before, the quality is excellent.

All this considered and appreciated I still feel a certain sense of disloyalty as I cross college green and push opened the significantly heavy door (good for keeping the cold out) and join the queue. And so, I tried to do what a lot of people have done and brand Starbucks as a big nasty indecent corporation who despite the great service offered are ultimately unworthy of my, or anyone else’s, custom. Sadly though this isn’t

true. Starbuck’s offers fair trade coffee. Starbucks has a strong set up and commitment to ethically sourcing its coffee. Starbucks has donated money to various initiatives in the coffee producing regions it sources its beans from.

Even in Dublin, Starbucks is working with the Adult Literacy Agency to promote awareness and literacy in Ireland. Starbucks is not the bad guy. Yet the voices inside my head spurn me from the Starbucks enterance and away across Dame St. into the arms of local coffee shops where the coffee is inferior and the profits don’t educate Costa Rican children.

I choose to limit my Starbucks visits now and opt for lesser coffee in order that in ten years time I am not without the choice of drinking an inferior cup.

Usually I don’t care a bean about protectionism and rather vocally favour free market economics.

However there are some goods in the world that must transcend the capitalist free market and one is individuality. Note I am calling it individuality and not nationalism or patriotism. I ask only that Dublin remains Dublin as opposed to just another city. I am happy for all major chains to be represented here but not for any to dominate.

The collective power of the consumer is a strong force in all capitalist societies and so, if we as consumers decide to support Dublin’s diverse coffee shops the city can maintain its cultural uniqueness whilst simultaneously offering the benefits of international chains to those tourists that simply cannot live without their Starbucks fix.

“While An Post workers are required to be able to understand addresses written fully in Irish as well as English, it seems unfair that they should have to deal with a mix and match of words from both, especially when they are being used to refer to the one place” 2 and 3 when it comes to international eligibility, but the team’s status as ‘Irish’ remains. The inaugural cross-border Setanta Cup kicked off earlier this year, although whether it will serve to confuse or clarify this whole identity crisis remains to be seen (Setanta Sports, our nationality is in your hands…).

So where does all this leave Sky and our over-informed postman? Well, while An Post workers are required to be able to

will do just fine on its own. Rather than throwing a token ‘Eire’ into the mix, either give the address entirely in Irish or else at least be as kind as to replace ‘Eire’ and ‘ROI’ with some recognised equivalent in English (actually, scratch that – I can almost see my subscription being redirected to ‘the Emerald Isle’…). That, after all, would be the politically correct (not to mention linguistically consistent) thing to do.

The irreality of Reality TV Klara Kubiak Since the onslaught of reality TV, producers have taken the ‘let’s put ordinary people in front of a camera and see what happens’ format to a painful extreme.

The unfortunate thing though, that nothing ever does happen. Normal people shouldn’t be on television, we are ordinary people, we live and work with ordinary people, so we don’t need to see them on TV as well.

For many people TV provides the ultimate escapism, offering some respite from their sad, mundane real lives. Nobody wants to watch common folk on-screen, we only have to saunter outside to catch a glimpse of the public in action.

Television should show us unrealistically beautiful people involved in farfetched dramatic scenarios with even more unbelievable results. Nobody wants to watch a fat guy trying to lose weight, or strangers on an awkward first date, but this is what we’re being offered.

In one week alone, numerous low-budget monstrosities masquerading as entertainment were to be witnessed on our own homegrown channels. The ExFiles, though not quite as extra-terrestrial as its long-running namesake, is nonetheless equally disturbing-for the state of humanity,

that is. One delusional volunteer picks three ex-lovers, goes on a date with each in turn and then chooses which one they want to go on a two week holiday with, courtesy of Network Two. Never ones to play by the book, the producers have added an incredibly exciting catch. The chosen one can either spend a fortnight with someone that callously dumped them many moons ago (or that they ditched because they realised they hated him/her), or opt for a sizeable cash payment instead. Why, oh why, you may ask? Well for the three exes, you can almost see their motivation-they have a one in three chance of not only making some easy cash, but also publicly humiliating their previous boy/girl friend.

The volunteer’s rationale is however, beyond all understanding-awkward silences, bitter memories resurfacing and full scale humiliation on national television? All for what? Fifteen minutes of fame (by two, with an ad-break in between)?

Tg4, not wanting to be left behind in the shamefully bad TV stakes, hosts the equally frightful Paisean Faisean. Here, three pathetic ‘men’ each go shopping for an outfit for an equally pathetic stranger who they’ve only seen pictures of. Loser A tries on all the outfits selected especially for her, then decides which of Losers B, C and D she wants to go out with on the basis of their shopping skills.

Either these people are really desperate to get some, or really desperate to get on TV, or just ignorant enough to think that partaking in this will somehow improve their position in society.

Things aren’t all that better over the water either. Channel 4 hosts You Are What You Eat, which, for those of you lucky enough not to know, consists of a haggard patronising weasel telling ignorant folk how desperately in

plants if given enough soil, moisture, heat and time. Any deviations from said diet are either prised out of the participant in the weekly confessional, or revealed by other means-stools. Our Gillian seems to really like stools, not the ones you sit on, although she may like them, she just never mentioned it.

Anyway, she collects those of the excrement variety in little jars, then spreads them out and rummages through them with her latex-gloved

“For many people TV provides the ultimate escapism, offering some respite from their sad, mundane real lives. Nobody wants to watch common folk on-screen, we only have to saunter outside to catch a glimpse of the public in action” need of her help they are. Gillian McKeith selects an overweight, under confident volunteer and shames them into dieting by telling them what useless human beings they are.

McKeith fills a table with the participant’s average weekly food intake in a bid to show them the full extent of their disgusting and immoral gluttony.

Where this all goes after filming one can only wonder, but if Somalians get cable, I’m sure they’d be balking in horror. And so the arrogant little rodent woman fashions an eating plan for Fatty McFat Fat, mostly comprised of plants, or things that would become

hands. So it seems reasonable to conclude that the moral of the programme is that while one can lie all they like to themselves and others, faeces always reveal the truth in the end.

One can’t even seem to find any respite in the advertisements in between. Forexample, DKNY’s latest perfume ad goes as follows-attractive female strolling down New York street stops at fruit stand, reaches for apple and inadvertently the hand of attractive male. Quite the gentleman, attractive male lets herhave the apple which she seductively bites. While swallowing (without chewingit should be noted) apple chunk

attractive female shares a moment of intenseoptical passion with attractive male. Attractive female walks away with a knowing and satisfied smile on her face.

My objections to this piece of blatantly false advertising are threefold: 1) Apples are not sexy. Ever since the whole Garden of Eden incident, people should know better than to allow such fruit feature in a relationship. It just ends badly. And besides that, they are one of the most laborious fruit to consume, so by the time you’ve finished it, the moment would undoubtedly have passed.

2) Apples are not free. These being the commercial times that they are, people usually have to pay for stuff. So when attractive female saunters nonchalantly away, pilfered apple in hand can we conclude that the DKNY people are condoning petty crime?

3) Apple vendors in Ireland are not akin to their American counterparts. I.E. this is not an international scenario. Picture Moore Street on a Saturday afternoon. (Moore Street back in the day that is, before it became the multi-cultural food emporium it is now.) Flirting over heads of rotting lettuce and the stench of fish is not everyone’s idea of modern romance.

So the prime time television viewer is left with little choice-they can either stay in and

watch desperate people trying to find other desperate people to walk happily into the sunset with, or look at fat people trying to get thin in order to do they very same thing… The wise alternative, however, may be to actually take a walk

at sunset yourself, cut down on your fat intake and go out more, just to make sure that the personified rodent doesn’t scratch her way under your door one day while you’re trawling through personal ads…

COMMENT&OPINION

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Tuesday December 6th, 2005

Comment & Opinion Editor: Patricia Van De Velde

Trinity News

Don’t be talkin’ like that Nuclear Threat Gillian Hamill openly admits to being an accentist. Why is it acceptable to discriminate based on accents?

I have to admit I felt no slight degree of unease at the thought of writing anything on the subject of accents. Before you dismiss me as an intolerable wuss, let me explain myself. You see, normally for want of a better word, I regard myself as a reasonably ‘nice’ kind of person; I clear my tray away in McDonalds, I hold doors open for people (sometimes even when they’re walking really slowly), but upon examining my conscience I found that I had one pretty major bugbear; accents.

Fair enough you might say, everybody’s entitled to their little foibles. The thing is, if someone was generally a ‘bit of a tool’, I would feel they were fair satirical game, and deserving of the criticism heading in their direction.

Accents on the other hand are a somewhat different ball game; can people actually help the accent fate bestows upon them? Is judging someone on their accent akin to judging them on their race or religion? To put it simply, am I just one big dirty scumbag of an ‘accentist’?

In an attempt to assuage my conscience of this heinous thought-crime, I’ve pondered that maybe its not just me, maybe society is to blame… Seriously though, as with most disorders, the obvious people to turn to when ‘accountability’ raises its ugly head are of the course, ‘The parents’TM. My mum’s definitely an accentist in a non-specific kind of way. For example, anytime she gets a plane home, she always finds the homely accents so assuring and peaceful, even the little children’s accents are so mild and soothing you don’t mind listening to them, and she’s a

primary school teacher so I’d imagine she has her fill of the squabbling mucky little tykes during work hours. My dad’s got something in common with Ann Robinson, I’m ashamed to say. He too detests the Welsh accent, deeming it a “stupid, sing-songy voice.”

On the literary scene, I find my accentist ways are in pretty good company too. Observe if you will, the following extract from Mr Joyce’s A Portrait upon the “Ulster voice”, “The voice, the accent, the mind of the questioner offended him and he allowed the offence to carry him towards wilful

the likes of TV moguls etc that posh accents don’t go down too well with your average Joe Couchpotato. Might I suggest that it’s not actually the posh accent that’s disliked but the posh person, especially if accent is used as one in a long line of markers that supposedly distinguish their superior social status, i.e., Postcode? Check, Pretentious name? Check, Gucci accessories?

Cheque (in the post from daddy).

Another generally held assumption is that posh accents are to a certain extent ‘put on’ to make the rest of us feel “terribly pedestrian” and that said posh people could tone it

“Might I suggest that it’s not actually the posh accent that’s disliked but the posh person, especially if accent is used as one in a long line of markers that supposedly distinguish their superior social status” unkindness, bidding his mind think that the student’s father would have done better had he sent his son to Belfast to study and have saved something on the train fare by so doing.” At this point I think it would be expedient to let you, the reader, know about my own accent, as not to disclose it would be a bit like making you sit in a dark cupboard and listen to beauty advice from Anne Widdecombe. I am myself endowed with this “Ulster voice”; specifically I’m a sort of half-way house between Derry and Limavady, but not as bad as that makes me sound, for any of you who are acquainted with the dulcet tones emanating from the ‘Maiden City’ and the ‘Valley of the Roe’ respectively.

It’s generally assumed by

down a bit if only they wanted to.

They could talk more quietly granted, but I’m not so sure they’d be able to enact a complete accent transformation at will. There are however lots of other people who have absolutely no problem with this.

Top of the list being people whose accent changes according to that of the person they’re talking to. I actually find this quite amusing, so long as it’s not done in a ‘I’m going to talk really parochially now because I’m salt of the earth, just one of you’ fashion.

This type is especially fun when they’re on the phone as then you can play ‘guess where the person on the other end is from’.

Accent changers type two are those who go away to uni-

versity in a different city, only to come home at Christmas with a totally different vernacular. I know it’s easy to pick up ways of saying certain words and phrases, but a complete accent change in six months? Definitely a bit suspect, whiff of origin-insecurity anyone?

These people are also making themselves more vulnerable to accentist attacks, after all they weren’t born into that accent, in the same way that Donatella Versace wasn’t born with a rare skin pigmentation which makes her skin luminous orange, no she decided to spray it that way; ergo am I not verily entitled to judge her on it?

The third type of accent changers are those who use their old/new accent on a 50/50 basis without sticking to one or the other.

For example, during the summer I was in the car listening to a radio report on New Orleans, interviewing people originally from Derry who emigrated there. These people’s amalgamation of accents can only be described as truly bizarre, one minute they were “pure Derry” the next they were fully-fledged Americans. The continual fluctuations in rhythms and cadence was beginning to make me feel car sick.

So there you go, that’s how much of a low-down, goodfer-nothing accentist I am, I was more concerned about accent than a major natural catastrophe. My only saving grace is that I’ve learnt the following pearl of wisdom; just because you have a bad accent doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, even if you are from Cork.

Nick Kelly One wall of my Goldsmith Hall cell is dominated by a large poster of a nuclear explosion. I do not have it there because I am psychotic. Black and white, with palm trees in the foreground and an expanse of ocean leading up to a mushroom cloud, it is just a sweet picture. It is awesome, in the presurfer dude sense of the word. It, much more than those cute pictures of Snuppy the clone-dog, makes you realize what ultimate powers we, cleverest of apes, have conjured up for ourselves. “Oh shit,” is what this image elicits, “this won’t end well.”

At 5:29:45 am, July 16th, 1945, a countdown was begun with a bang as the first nuclear weapon was detonated in Los Alamos. No one can know how long the ticker will run, but someday nuclear weapons will turn humanity to dust, or at least lead to significant alterations to our daily routines.

We can’t switch this countdown off, not even a young Sean Connery could defuse this bombtime time-bomb (and certainly not Daniel Craig), but we try to slow it down.

The international community has established an anti-proliferation regime, which includes the Non-Proliferation Treaty, and

the International Atomic Energy Agency, which was designed to enforce the treaty. Though 187 countries have signed the treaty, it has not been a complete success, and nuclear weaponry is an area where a little goes a long way.

India and Pakistan both became declared nuclear powers with tests that caught the international spy community totally off-guard.

Thanks to nuke-dealer extraordinaire and Pakistani national hero, A.Q. Khan, North Korea may very well have nuclear weapons. But of all these examples, it is Iran’s saun-

“What Satan-given right allows only certain countries to possess the ability to destroy the world?” tering approach toward the door of the nuclear clubhouse that is currently dominating the news.

The problem is that all the nations of the world have shortterm interests that come ahead of the gauzy threat of big explosions, a brief window of opportunity for more cool pictures and then our skin sliding off of our bodies. The US could not really reprimand Pakistan for Khan’s dirty deeds because Pakistan is a much-needed military ally. Any threat to bring

Iran before the U.N. Security Council is toothless because Russia and China have links to Tehran.

Any threat of US military action in Korea or greater Mesopotamia is bulletless because they are a little busy right now.

So, in the face of reality what is there to do? Be realistic.

Thomas Barnett, a former US Naval War College professor, and author of the bestselling book, “The Pentagon’s New Map,” has a plan that boldly rejects conventional wisdom in favor of cozying up to the way things are. His proposal is that the West should accept that Iran is going to get the bomb, and act on this while we can do something about it. Offer a trade: nukes for cooperation in Iraq and on the Israel-Palestine issue. By co-opting Iran and ceding to them a role as a main actor in the region, they can be incorporated into the global community and economy, and will be less likely to act in desperation.

The dark mystique around nuclear weapons and their destructive power is helpful in some ways— they have never been used after WWII, and Mutually Assured Destruction kept the Cold War cold—but can also be extremely unhelpful when it obscures the wisest decisions. What Satan-given right allows only certain countries to possess the ability to destroy the world?

No More Nauseating Displays of Emotion Dirty Old Men

Owen Corrigan puts the boot into the Best funeral. And Diana’s death. And Sally of the Spar sandwiches.

Now public displays of emotion, of any kind, rankle with me generally.

You know how it is: you go into Spar, starving with the hunger, seeking solace only in a tuna, cheese and egg baguette, but instead, perversely, you end up listening to the girl behind the counter relate the trials and tribulations of her life to you – how she wasn’t even meant to be working today, how she was supposed to go to a funeral, how her boyfriend just dumped her, how she’s sick on top of all of that and how the managers are horrible to her. All the while she looks upset and like she might burst into tears at any moment, and all the while her whinging impedes the making of your sandwich.

Listen, young wan, you say, I’m not interested. I didn’t come here offering you solace. I came here seeking it - in food.

Now, I would suggest you do the same, but it looks like you’re already way ahead of me on that one. Keep your problems to yourself and stop embarrassing me, you, the guy behind me in the queue and just about everyone else in the shop. No one cares. Oh, and hold the mayo, there’s a good girl.

What happened to Stoicism for Chrissakes? What is with these people who insist on washing their dirty emotional linen in public? A good old dose of Catholic repression is what they need. Nobody was depressed when John Charles McQuaid was having his Archbishop’s ring kissed. Or, failing repression, a nice recession would knock some sense into them.

Not much time for navel gazing when you’re clipping food coupons while standing in the dole queue, young wan.

But such individual emotional promiscuity is, if not forgivable, at least easily dismissed. Or better yet, trivialised. One shop-

girl’s misery, after all, is another lazy student’s newspaper article.

What is more disturbing, however, is the growing tendency towards public emotional outpourings en masse.

George Best’s recent death springs immediately to mind.

Why is it that usually rational people seem to lose all sense of perspective when a celebrity pops their clogs? And not just one rational person – hundreds, nay thousands, of them, all together, working themselves up into a most

due to famine, earthquake, hurricane, chicken flu or, of course, organ failure brought on by alcoholism. George Best, unlike many, was at least lucky enough to be given a second chance in the form of a second liver. Why expend such effusive grief for a man who, in many other ways, led a charmed existence and who was, ultimately, held to account for his own lack of self control?

It brings to mind the utterly nauseating scenes of ovine hysteria witnessed after the deaths

“Why is it that usually rational people seem to lose all sense of perspective when a celebrity pops their clogs? And not just one rational person – hundreds, nay thousands, of them, all together, working themselves up into a most indecorous frenzy” indecorous frenzy over someone they never knew and, most likely, had never met. While his death may, arguably, have been tragic it was no more tragic than any of the other deaths last week – whether

of Princess Diana and Pope John Paul II. In the case of the latter, people on St. Peter’s Square were reportedly hospitalised for shock after it was announced that the Pope had died. Shock!? What,

The death of Pope John Paul lead to mass hysteria

praytell, is shocking about an old man’s death? How could anyone have even been surprised, let alone shocked, by such a thing, especially in light of the endless broadcast hours and innumerable column inches that were given over, for months on end, to the mind-numbing minutiae of this one man’s mortality? And I’m convinced that something in the British water supply was responsible for the grotesque and inexplicable spectacle of mass dementia (“hysteria” is too weak a word) that followed Princess Diana’s death.

The one thing common to all of these events was the frankly incomprehensible loss of control, loss of reason even, displayed by those who took to the streets to “mourn” for perfect strangers. Breast-beating has never seemed so hollow, nor tears so insincere or unbelievable. Surely death is deserving of more decorum.

Ethel Harness takes on the old man and the see? you’re too old, go away....

Last week I had one of those nights during which I could not stop myself from committing social solecism after social solecism, and each one ended up being more cringe worthy than the last. It was on this horrible night that I met the Old Man. We encountered outside an art gallery and I might have been slightly inebriated, to cut to the chase, for I am sure many slurred words must have left my mouth, I told him about the party I was having at my house that weekend. In my mind, which may or may not have been clouded with tequila fumes, this was one of those drunken encounters with whom you have a nice chat and whom you also promptly forget. But not so for this Old Man for he did indeed present himself on my doorstep the night of the party.

He behaved himself for the first couple of hours but as time and wine went by our Old Man became somewhat enthused by the young flesh being paraded around under his nose. It was perhaps at this point that I noticed a peculiar resemblance to Satan. He was completely bald in the middle (and very shiny!) and had two thick tufts of hair on either side of his head, which if one squinted resembled horns. His eyes by this stage had acquired a nice red tinge, and were hazily following cleavages around the room. His tactics in impressing said cleavages were disappointing.

One would think that someone with as many years behind him would have honed and perfected these hunting skills. But instead of cool debonair charm, he presented the ladies at my party with an invasion of personal space, an overabundance of stupid flattery (No, yeah, yeah…Ten out of ten. Really, you are HOT) and also a fatal tendency to rest his big honking ugly

nose on the soft creamy cheeks of these poor unfortunate damsels. On the other hand, to be completely fair he seemed to have impressed some of my male guests who thought he was a “total legend, loike” and “f***ing savage”.

Despite these youthful admirers, the Old Man was asked to leave which he did, though saying that he was just trying to have a good time.

Also he seemed to be under the impression that it was the male guests who felt threatened by him and his presence and not the shy retiring young ladies.

The only part of this that really puzzled me was how could he even think, that any girl about 20 years his junior would fancy him? He wasn’t even wealthy and didn’t own a convertible! To be serious though, it is revolting that

old men do not have the self restraint to refrain from making unwanted advances to young (admittedly legal) girls. However, I must hand it to the Old Man, he had to have had a really, really big ego to show up at a student party (and in doing so bringing up the general age by more than a decade) and romancing young girls, but I still remain firm in my belief that the only attentions I want from older men are to be the purely avuncular kind.

Old men who pursue these unsavoury missions are often just decrepit old souls in search of something that they so obviously lost a long time ago: youth. Their formative years must have been so extremely unsatisfactory that they never quite m Young people can often be cruel and the misfits find it hard to belong. Be that as it may, this is no excuse for them to intrude on our youth. Theirages of age and how desperate some are to retain the attitude of young careless people.

Their existence in a youthful social group also brings with it a certain sordid aspect. The fact that their company is but a mere fleeting obsession is a clear indication that when they flirt with young girls it is solely for the pleasure of a night.

That these poor deluded characters actually think that a (sober) girl might acquiest to such a request never fails to astonish me. These ancient Homo sapiens vilify our meetings with their constant pursuit. There is no light hearted banter, or discovery of common interest, because no matter how much they try and delude themselves, they have left their youth behind and no matter how hard they try they will always be outsiders in a group of young people.

Comments, Tips, Hate-mail to: vandevep@tcd.ie. Please feel free to send comment or opinion articles to the same address.

All views expressed in the Comment & Opinion section are those of the authors of the individual articles and not those of Trinity News

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

Trinity News Trinity News EST. 1947 Hands Off Our Free Healthcare Health care is a right all members of society should be entitled to.For years college has maintained this right for students through the college’s Health Centre. Students who may not be able to afford a trip to a private doctor have been able to avail of valuable free services on campus ensuring their health both through regular check ups and in emergencies.

Funding of the Health Centre should be a top priority for the college in all of its financial plannings. The proposed introduction of fees for visits to the centre revealed to Trinity News show that unfortunately this has not been the case.

For many students, the free provision of services in the centre is of vital importance. For many the cost of a trip to a private practice is too high for them to afford. Not allowing students with a Dublin home address access to the emergency visit service may force students to make a choice between facing a wait of hours in casualty, or a hefty GP’s bill. The prospect of each may stop them from attending either and so putting themselves at risk.Likewise paying a bill upon each visit in future may lead students to ignore health problems which could easily be dealt with.

The Health Centre is not to blame here - the college should be seriously questioned over its funding priorities. Increased and adaquete funding should be given by the college immediately and students who already fund such services through the registration fee should not be asked to pay twice.

Rather than passing rules on the carrying of wands and sceptres, the right tofree health care is an issue the Students’ Union should embrace and fight for.

Trinity News Giveaway Win a copy of TN 50

LETTERS Welfare Officer Comments Sir,

I am writing to request that the Student Union Welfare Officer Stephanie O’Brien offer a full and proper apology for comments she made at the last Students’ Union Council regarding Disabilities Week.

Somewhere in the middle of the self-congratulatory homily she was calling an Officers Report, Miss O’Brien found time to mention Disabilities Week.

Quickly she informed the masses how much work she was putting into the whole affair. Then came the point I take issue with – in referring to a second-hand publicity stunt, in which she would attempt to navigate parts of college in a wheelchair Miss O’Brien proved she had forgotten, or missed completely the point of Disabilities Week. Miss O’Brien informed us all that this stunt would be a – and I quote – “bit of a laugh” (thus proving the motivation behind her getting in a wheelchair was more likely self-promotional and hardly noble). Worse still, she then told all those present that upon seeing her attempting, what is for some a daily trial we should feel free to – once again in her own words – “point and laugh”.

Perhaps while reading this you fail to see why these ill-advised words should have provided me

with so much ire. Well Disabilities Week should be about raising awareness of the difficulties facing those with a disability in college, and also about the inequality within college services. By making light of the issues Miss O’Brien has shown she poorly understands the point of the campaign she is running, and this will do little to encourage those with difficulties to come to her with them.

Would you like to write for the newspaper?

If you’re enthusiastic and would like to join our team send an email to the relevant editor from the list below or else to trinity.news@tcd.ie

Stephanie O’Brien would do well to remember that in this arena words can do serious damage to equality.

Name and Details Witheld

College Park Unplayable

on College Park, but do not ban matches. Very best wishes, Gerald Morgan.

Very best wishes, Gerald Morgan

Sir,

If DUFC is unable to keep its pitch in College Park in decent condition it deserves to languish at the foot of AIL Division 1. The weather on Saturday 3 December 2005 in Dublin was not so bad as to stand in the way of fixtures at UCD and Lansdowne (and further north at Ballymena and Dungannon). It is discourteous to our opponents (in this case Co. Carlow) when we have to call off fixtures on account of incompetence in the management of College Park. Ban training sessions in pouring rain with upwards of thirty players

Trinity News Editor:

Trinity News

Andrew Payne trinity.news@tcd.ie Deputy Editor: Jonathan Drennan drennajw@tcd.ie TNT Editor: Christine Bohan bohanc@tcd.ie Photography Editor:Karina Finegan Alves finegank@tcd.ie Editorial Team News: John Lavelle lavelljd@tcd.ie Assistant News: Una Faulkner faulkneu@tcd.ie News Feature: Gearoid O’Rourke orourkgd@tcd.ie National: Anne Marie Ryan aryan19@tcd.ie International: Doaa Baker dobaker@tcd.ie Features: Kathryn Segesser & Liz Johnson segessek@tcd.ie Comment: Patricia Van de Velde vandevep@tcd.ie

Microwaves Sir, It was with satisfaction that I saw the Students’ Union Council recently pass a motion mandating the provision of microwaves for use by students on campus.

The general treatment on campus of anyone wishing to eat their own food is nothing short of ridiculous. I recently noticed

Issue 4 Volume 58

a sign has appeared in the Buttery instructing students that they may not eat their own food in the canteen. Are the dining facilities on campus, run as they are by the college rather than external companies, not for the use of all students?

Those students who would rather bring in their own food from home to eat for lunch rather than pay the prices college chooses to charge for meals of an unpredictable standard should not be punished by the college authorities for their decision.

At present the only dining facility on campus where students are permitted to bring in their own lunch as far as I can see is the student run JCR. The only other options available are to eat outside, hardly feasible in the winter months, or inside the

Arts block, hardly the most relaxing surroundings.

Hopefully the provision of a microwave in the JCR will further allow students to bring in their own lunch and avoid the extortionate prices being charged in town more generally.

While the college catering’s wishes to make money back on their services is understandable, it is important to remember that this is a university and not a private restaurant. Students should be provided with proper facilities to enjoy their lunch and not forced to the places where there is nothing to sell.

Yours, Sarah Jones

December 6th, 2005

Intern’al Students: Alesya Krit krita@tcd.ie Music: Steve Clarke clarkesw@tcd.ie Cinema: Rebecca Jackson jacksonrebecca@gmail.com Travel: Alix O’Neill lixyoneill@hotmail.com SU & Societies Enda Hargaden ehargade@tcd.ie Food & Drink: Rosie Gogan-Keogh goganker@tcd.ie Careers: Emma Hutchinson hutchiej@tcd.ie Science: Oliver North northo@tcd.ie Gaeilge: Paul Mulville mulvillp@tcd.ie Sport Features: Theo O’Donnell odonnetj@tcd.ie Sport: Peter Henry pehenry@tcd.ie In House Doctor: John Inderhaug

TNT Team Politics:

Derek Owens dowens@tcd.ie Books: Chloe Sanderson & Klara Kubiak sandercp@tcd.ie, kubiakk@tcd.ie Theatre Editor: David Lydon lydond@tcd.ie Fashion Editor: Carmen Bryce brycec@tcd.ie Television Editor: Hannah Scally scallyjo@tcd.ie Photographs: Cian Kennedy All serious complaints can be made to: Trinity News DU Publications 2nd Floor House 6 Trinity College Dublin 2 Phone +353 1 608 2335

Photograph of the Fortnight

One lucky reader will recieve a copy of the now out of print 50th anniversary TN special. To put youself in the draw just answer this simple question:

What year did Trinity News first appear in?

Send your answers to trinity.news@tcd.ie

21

Santa’s carriage arrives early in College

Photo: Peter Henry

22

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

Eagarthóir na Gaeilge: Pól Ó Maoilmhíchil

Trinity News

GAEILGE An Phalaistín Ursula Ní Shionnáin Le déanaí chonaiceamar na hIosraeligh ag tarraingt siar ón Gaza Strip sa Phalaistín. Mholadh na hIosraeligh don chéim mór seo agus níl mórán trácht ar an staid níos mó. Ach is ar shaolta laethúil na bPalaistínigh nach fhaigheann muid dóthain tuairisciú óna meáin chumarsáide. Tá an balla mór millteach fós ansin ag cur isteach ar shaoirse agus ar mharachtáil na bPalaistínigh. Tar éis an dara Intifada i 2002 tá srianta éagórach curtha i bhfeidhm ar gach uile saoránach Palaistíneach a thugann orthu marachtáil i daoirse.

Ramallah

Thug mé cuairt ar an West Bank, sa Phalaistín, i mí na Nollaig an bhliain seo chaite agus chuir sé isteach go mór orm nach raibh tuairim ag éinne sa Domhan Thiar cé chomh dona is a bhí cúrsaí ansin. Bhí mé ag fanacht le cairde i Ramallah agus thug mé cuairt ar Iarúsaileim

agus Jericho nuair a bhí mé ann.

An rud is follasaí a thug mé faoi dheara ná na srianta a bhí curtha ar shaoirse na ndaoine Palaistíneacha.

Bhí orthu cártaí aitheantais a bheith acu an t-am ar fad chun a thaispeáint do na saighdiúirí Iosraelach nach raibh ach thart ar naoi mbliana déag d’aois. Bhí sé éigeantach dóibh páipéir cheadúnas a bheith acu chun dul isteach san Iosrael agus fiú chun taisteal chuig bailte eile sa West Bank.

Gach áit a chuamar, stop na saighdiúirí muid chun ár gcártaí aitheantas a fheiceáil freisin.

Cearta

Ní raibh cead acu bóithre áirithe a úsáid mar bhí siad ann do saoránaigh na hIosráile amháin. Bhí an t-ádh liom mar gurb as a Aontas Eorpach mé mar bhí an ceart agam dul aon áit sa Phalaistín agus san Iosrael. Ní raibh orm páipéir cheadúnas a bheith agam. Tá sé deacair go leor do Phalaistínigh na páipéir seo a fháil agus uaireanta tógann sé suas le mí iad a fháil. Tar éis sin, tá seans ann nach mbeidh

na páipéir dhleathacha ach ar feadh lá.

Saighdiúir

Lá amháin bhí mé féin agus mo chairde ag dul tríd pointe seiceáil Qalandia agus bhí na sluaite ann ag fanacht le dul tríd. Bhí saighdiúir ann ag argóint le mac léinn Palaistíneach. Bhí an mac léinn ag freastail ar ollscoil in iarthair Iarúsailéim atá páirteach leis an Iosrael. Níor lig an saighdiúir cead isteach san Iosrael dó mar ní raibh páipéir cheadúnas aige. Níor chreid mé nach raibh an deis ag an mbuachaill seo oideachas a fháil mar gur Palaistíneach é. Is cosúil le cinedheighilt é seo.

Saoirse

Creidim féin go bhfuil freagracht ar siúd atá guth acu labhairt amach ar son daoine nach bhfuil guth acu.

Tríd is tríd, d’athraigh an turas sin mo shaol agus molaim do mhic léinn eile dul agus é a fheiceáil. Tá saoirse againn sa tír seo ach tá orainn deimhniú nach baintear dínn é.

Learmheas - Rodrigo y Gabriela Fiona Hedderman Ar oíche de Ceadaoin coicîs o shin, bhí mé i measc na méid mic leinn a raibh ag fanacht go díocasach san Arts Block chun Rodrigo y Gabriela a fheiceáil. Bhí an beirt as Meicsiceo ag seinm san Amharclann Ed Burke mar pháirt den eachtraí ‘Gigs and Giggles” a bhfuil ar siúl gach oíche de Ceadaoin ar feadh sé seachtaine.

Is docha go bhfuil aithne ag mórchuid na ndaoine ar Rodrigo y Gabriela. Bhuel, b’fhéidir nach bhfuil aithne pearsanta orthu ach chuala tú a gceol. Mura chuala tú, seo achoimre gearr ar a scéalta.

Tháinig an beirt go hÉireann ó Meicsiceo blianta ar leith ó shin agus thosaigh said ag seinm ceol is

ag saothrú airgid ar Shráid Grafton.

Le linn an t-am seo bhailigh said a lán lucht leanuna. Mar sin thosaigh siad ag seimn i gclubanna éagsúla.

Ansin fuair siad conradh ceoil agus thosaigh said ag taifeadhadh.

D’éirigh siad go mór leis an talbum “Foc” i 2001 agus arís i 2002 le “Re-Foc”.

Bhí éileamh mór ar na ticéid don cheolchoirm seo agus tar éis Rodrigo y Gabriel a fheiceáil tá sé éasca an éileamh seo a thuiscint.

Chuir said i bhfeidhm ar an tslua agus bhí choimead said suntas na ndaoine go léir ó thus go deireadh.

An céad rud a tugtar faoi dheara ná go bhfuil said ag seinm giotair leath–fhuaimíocht ……. agus sin é. Tá sé deacair chun é a creideamh mar cruthaíonn ceol uirlise ar giotar. Is féidir leat

fuaimeanna dordánach agus fuaimeanna chnaguirlis a chloisteáil.

Ina theannta leis na bhfuaimeanna seo , corpaigh said stíleanna éagsúla ina gcuid ceol friesin.

Cloistear tionchar snagceoil, ceol tráidisúnta, ceol Laidineach, ceoltíre agus fiu rock ceol sna amhrain.

Léirigh said na stíleanna seo dúinn in amhrain mar ‘Temple Bar’ , ‘Strøget’ agus ‘PPA’(amhran ón t-album nua). Seimn Rodrigo y Gabriel le paisean ‘is le neart. Bhí fuinneamh le mothú ó gach amhrán. Níor theip said chun cealg a chur ar an lucht agus iad ag athru treo an tamhrán,go háirithe nuair thosaigh said ag seimn ‘Seven Nation Army’ o ‘The White Stripes’ i lar an amhran ‘Mr.Tang’.

Fuair an beirt acu fáiltiú

mór ó na mic leinn agus bhí díoma orainn nuair a chríoch said ag seimn. Tugtar boladh bos mór dóibh agus d’imigh said. Ach ar ndóigh, níor mhair an díoma seo mar tháinig siad ar ais le haghaidh ‘encore;. Thosaigh said ag seinm ‘Wish You Were Here’ ó Pink Floyd agus i stíl fior ‘Aslan’ thosaigh an lucht ag canadh. Mura miste dom a rá bhí se chomh náireach. Ach shlánaigh said fhéin agus chríoch said le amhran beomhar agus d’ordaigh said an tatmaisfear arís.

Ag fagáil amach an moimint Aslan caithfidh mé a rá go raibh Rodrigo y Gabriel go hiontach agus feicfidh me arís iad go deimhin. www.rodgab.com

Cad Faoi Saol Gan Ola? Joanna McClatchie

Cuid don bhalla a scriosann talamh na bPalaistínigh

Imeachtaí An Cumann Gaelach:

Club Chonradh na Gaeilge:

*Ciorcal Comhrá - Seomra an Chumainn (Seomra 8) - Máirt óna 7 - 9 i.n.. Is deis mhaith é an Ciorcal Comhrá aithne a chur ar baill eile an Chumainn Ghaelaigh agus do chuid Gaeilge a úsáid nó a chleachtadh ag an am céanna! Bígí ann! *Éigse na Tríonóide (Seachtain Gaeilge Choláiste na Tríonóide): 23 - 27 Eanáir, 2006 *Turas go dtí an Ghaeltacht: 27 - 29 Eanáir, 2006 *Ollchruinniú Bliantúil: Mí Bealtaine, 2006

*Gach Máirt - Oíche na Mac Léinn - Ceol Beo agus gach pionta ar trí euro. *Ollchrinniú Chlub Chonradh na Gaeilge 17ú lá de mhí na Nodlag, 20:30 Más ball thú, bí ann. Is é do club!

Early Irish Society: *Jim Doherty – “Ancient Ireland and Indiasimilarities in Culture, Language and Society” Thursday, January 26th, 2006 6.00pm - Room 5039, Arts

Tugann clár faisnéiseach, darbh ainm “The End of Suburbia”, grinnléirmheas ag an ngéarchéim ola atá le teacht, go speisialta ag caitheamh súil ar an cineáil saoil bruachbhailteach, neamhéifeachtach fuinnimheach atá ann don chuid is mó i Meiriceá Thuaidh.

Agus costas an fhuinnimh sna Stáit Aontaithe ag síorbhorradh, caithfear féachaint ar na malartaí – agus anois díreach.

Cathain a dtiocfaidh deireadh le foinsí ola an domhain seo? An féidir linn úsáid éifeachtach a bhaint as foinse fuinnimh eile?

Cé mar a gcuirfeadh géarchéim ola ar an ngnáthshaol atá againn?

Déanann an stiurthóir, Gregory Greene, cur síos ar na ceisteanna riachtanacha thuasluaite, maille le cinn eile, thar 78 nóiméid an chláir seo, agus cuireann sé in iúil dúinn go rachaidh easpa ola go mór i bhfeidhm ar ár ngnáthshaol laethúil. Cad a ndéan-

faidh tú muna mbeadh breosla ann chun tusa a iompar chuig an coláiste? Samhlaigh freisin muna mbeifeá in ann dul chuig an coláiste, mar gheall go bhfuil ar lucht na hóige dul i mbun talmhaíochta chun go leor bídh a shaothrú don tír. Smaoinigh air: muna bhfuil breosla ann chun earraí is bia a iompar isteach sa tír, beidh orainn féin chuile rud a dhéanamh. Cé mar a gcuirfeadh sin isteach ar bpróiséas domhandú?

An gcuirfidh sé stad iomlán leis?

Tarraingíonn an scanann

seo cuid mhaith ceisteanna anuas faoi inbhuaine saol bruachbhailteach an tráth seo i domhan gan ola. Léiríonn sé, gan dabht ar bith, nach féidir leanúint ar aghaidh le saol bruachbhailteach Meiriceá. Is féidir leis an scannán seo bheith gruama, go dtí go dtuigeann tú cé chomh tábhachtach is a bhfuil an tábhar.

Molaimse an scannán seo go hard do chách. Má thagann deireadh le foinsí na hola, cuirfidh sé isteach go mór ar chuile dhuine, agus níl dabht ar bith faoi sin.

Block *Trip to Monasterboice and St. Kilian's Centre (Facsimile of Wurzburg Manuscript), Mullagh - Friday, February 10th, 2006

TradSoc: *Seisiúin Ceol - Gach Luan ag 20:00 – An Butrach – Tar led’ uirlis *Rangannaí Ceoil – Ag tosnú i Mí Éanair – bodhrán agus giotár - €3 an rang – ar feadh 5 seachtanna – áiteanna teoranta (8 spás i ngach rang) – má tá suim agat, seol r-phost chuig tradsoc@csc.tcd.ie gan moill

GaelSpell Máirtín Colfer Sílim go bhfuil taithí ag an gcuid is mó dúinn atá bainteach leis an nGaeilge ar na línte beaga dearga a thagann suas agus muid ag iarraidh rud éigean a scríobh as Gaeilge i Microsoft Word. Déarfainn freisin go gcuireann siad isteach ar chuile dhuine chomh láidir is a chuireann siad isteach ormsa. Bhuel tá deascéal agam mar sin.

Bhí mé ag pleidhcíocht thart ar an idirlíon inniu, ag déanamh iarracht teacht ar cháipéisí a bhí uaim le haghaidh an Bhéarla, nuair a chuireadh sé i bhfios dom go raibh orm ríomhchlár nua a íoslódáil chun cáipéis éagsúil a fheiceáil. Brabhsálaí idirlín a bhí ann, agus Firefox an tainm atá air. Pé scéal é, nuair a d’fhéach mé ar shuíomh Shionnach Tine, thug mé faoi deara go raibh leagan Gaeilge den ríomhchlár seo le fáil. Ní gá a rá go raibh ionadh orm (agus áthas, ar ndóigh), chun

rud éigean mar seo a fheiceáil i dteanga na nGael, agus d’íoslódáil mé é. Anois, cé go bhfuil an Ghaeilge theicniciúil ina bhfuil sé scríofa chomh casta sin níl clú agam ó thalamh an domhain céard atá a’ rá aige, fós bhí áthas orm rud mar seo a aimsiú. Bhí mé ar bhuzz na Gaeilge faoin am seo, agus mar sin, thosaigh mé ag cuardaigh ríomhchlár eile a chabhródh liom leis an nGaeilge. Ansin, tháinig mé air.

An rud a bhí uaim ón uair a shiúil mé isteach sa roinn Gaeilge agus a bhí orm aiste a scríobh faoin fhilíocht Uí Shearcaigh, bail ó Dhia air. GaelSpell. Bhí sé cloiste agam cheana féin go raibh ríomhchlár mar seo ann, ach cheap mé gur saghas fhinscéal baile ab ea é. Ach ní hea. Mar sin, toisc go raibh sé faighte agam go héasca sin, bhí mé lánchinnte go mbeadh orm íoc as.

Ach ní hea. Saor in aisce a bhí sé.

“Bhuel,” a dúirt mé liom féin, “muna bhfuil praghas air, agus muna bhfuil sé deacair teacht air, caithfear go píosa cách atá ann.”

Ach ní hea. Simplí so-dhéanta atá sé chun GaelSpell a chur ar do ríomhaire, agus cé nach bhfuil gach uile focal Gaeilge aige (nó Béarla – níl an focal “GaelSpell” aige, tá sé saghas aisteach), is mór an faoiseamh é tar éis fhoclóir Bhéarla Microsoft Word a úsáid le blianta.

Cuireann sé na síntí fada isteach duit má dhéanann tú dearmad orthu, ní chuireann sé líne dearg faoi gach uile focal san alt atá á scríobh agat, agus, muna bhfuil an focal atá á scríobh agat aige (agus má tá tú ag iarraidh), is féidir leat é a chur isteach san fhoclóir ionas nach mbeidh sé dearglínte an chéad uair eile.

Iontach!

Molaim daoibh é a fháil ar www.gaelspell.com díreach anois, agus do bhuíochas a chur in iúl do Dhia i mbun paidreoireachta anocht go bhfuil daoine ann atá in ann rudaí mar seo a dhéanann leis agus don Ghaeilge. Cruinneog is ainm don chomhlacht a rinne GaelSpell, agus tugaimid buaileadh bos dóibh.

Ceartuchán: Is í Lucy Marah a scríobh an alt “2005 D.U.B.C díolachán sclabhaí” don éagrán deireannach. Scríobh mé an t-ainm mícheart isteach, agus gabhaimse mo léithscéal. *Na déan dearmad gur féidir leat alt a scríobh más maith leat. Seol chuig mulvillp@tcd.ie é led’ thoil. P.M. Cuimhneómaid go deo ar Tony Quigg, a bhí mar mhac léinn sa gcoláiste seo agus a fuair bás i rith an tsamhraidh. Scríobh Tony cuid mhaith stuife don nuachtán seo, go háirithe faoi a áit dhúcháis, Ard Mhacha, agus bhí sé mar éagarthóir Gaeilge anseo an bhliain seo caite. P.M.

Todhchaí na Gaeilge – Fine Gael dá ionsaí Ba mhaith le Fine Gael agus Páirtí a’ Lucht Oibre dul le chéile chun an chéad rialtas eile a dhéanamh. Scríobh dóibh agus abair leo: *go bhfuil an-suim agat i todhchaí na Gaeilge. *go bhfuil orainn béim a chur ar an nGaeilge labhartha sna scoileannaí. *nár cheart fáil réidh le Gaeilge éigeantach. *nach vótáilfidh tusa ar son páirtí a chuirfidh deireadh leis an nGaeilge éigeantach. P.M. Enda Kenny, T.D. Fine Gael Party Leader Fine Gael Headquarters 51 Upper Mount Street Dublin 2 enda.kenny@oireachtas.ie

Pat Rabbite, T.D., Labour Party Leader, Labour Party Headquarters, 17 Ely Place, Dublin 2 pat.rabbitte@oireachtas.ie

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

Trinity News

Editor: Alesya Krit

23

International Students

What is the point of Irish pubbing?

Un Oasis entre la niebla (another Spanish observation) Oscar Quintanilla Acababa de apearme en la parada mas meridional de ese dardo que recorre la curva costera de Dublin, deleitandome con las atractivas vistas que, especialmente entre Dalkey y Greystones, regala la ventanilla izquierda de dicho trayecto entre tunel y tunel. Mi ticket semanal no cubria esa zona, pero eso es algo que al casual revisor de turno no parecio importar demasiado: cada vez me gusta mas la filosofia del take it easy! Despues de serpentear los acantilados sobre esa articulada culebra verde sobre railes, camuflado con ella en la espesa vegetacion tan tipica de estos parajes, se me ocurrio que

a sus presas -Pues, la verdad, no tengo ni idea- me respondio el menos concentrado con la tarea -pero ahi arriba hay un pub, mejor pregustas alli, pues ahi esta la respuesta- Claro, aun encontrandome en medio del campo, no podia faltar el refugio irlandes por excelencia! En efecto, asi era. Tras caminar unos cuantos metros y ascender una colina plagada de ovejas que amablemente amenizaban mi paseo con el tintineo de sus cencerros, ahi estaba, como no?, ese hogar tradicional, oasis entre la niebla, violonchelos y violines, regusto a cerveza fresca y restos de espuma que se quedan en la barba. No has entrado por la puerta y ya tiene la mano en el grifo del barril el

...violonchelos y violines, regusto a cerveza fresca y restos de espuma que se quedan en la barba... podia perderme entre los relajantes prados y pastos del famoso y countryside. -A donde lleva este camino?- pregunte a una partrulla de la garda que se hallaba entretenida a la caza del velociraptor de carretera con su rada bien plantado a la salidad de una curva para sorprender asi

barman. Y aqui nada de canas; pintas rebosantes y en hornadas!

Y ojo, no te pidas una media, que eso aqui son m.. mal miradas! Hasta el pueblo mas pequeno esconde su entranable local entre sus "cuatro casas". Y es verdad que algo similar pasa en Espana. Pero existen entre

ambos estilos, aquel tipo Casa Toribio en Posada de la Valduerna y ese O'Callaghan's Tavern en Quilmore Quay, matices diferenciales que conviene especificar. Sea el pub o sea el bar, pregunta a qualquiera en la calle; todos saben donde esta.

El modelo espanol, normalmente estilo cutre (categoria especial aun por exportar) se reconoce bien por el algaravio que a menudo proviene de sus adentros; discusiones en la partida de subasta o julepe, algun arrastre bien cantado y el golpeo de las piezas de domino impactando sobre la mesa con apasionada vehemencia. Y como ronroneo de fondo el telediario de Antena 3 y el silbido de la vieja maquina de cafe trabajando a toda mecha. More relaxed el caso irlandes; musiquita celta de ambiente y en la tele golf en algun canal digital de Sport, hombres variopintos en la barra y mujeres en los sofas tomandose su te. No hay chirridos de sillas arrastradas, sino probablemente alfombras que silencian esos inevitables pasos hacia el toilet, despues de ese par de pintas negras que amargan al principio, pero luego bajan con flu-

idez. -Un orujo de hierbas!- pide alguien en Spain, al tiempo que enciende un Farias. Y mientras, sin alzar la vista de las paginas del Irish Independent, muestra el vaso vacio el irlandes. El camarero entiende: rellena

puerta y con frecuencia sucede que todos son amigos tuyos en cuanto sales por ella.

Y ya llegada la noche me puse de vuelta hacia la ciudad. En ella puedes observar sus cientos de pubs con fachadas de

...cientos de pubs con fachadas de mil colores que ponen un alegre decorado a la figura perenne de los fumadores... again! Sigamos con el estudio; volvamos a la calle otra vez. Si estamos en la plaza del pueblo y echamos una ojeada en busca de algun cartel, alla donde dice PEP I, alli esta el bar de Spain; bueno, alguna S tal vez no se ve muy bien, pero el tiempo no perdona y el cliente fijo eso ni lo ve. Si es una plaza de Ireland, flamantes carteles, Bulmers, Guinness y otros mas, brillantes bajo la lluvia, es lo que podras ver. Digamos que otra linea estetica guardan los del Aguila o la Mahou, tambien legendarios pero algo mas abandonados y colgados al Sol desde tiempos de Naranjito. Modelos de bar distintos, pero no tan diferentes, pues en ambos casos sucede que todo el mundo se te queda mirando cuando entras por la

mil colores que ponen un alegre decorado a la figura perenne de los fumadores. Igualmente en el caso espanol encuestras bares a discreccion. Pero con el simple uso del olfato puedes ya hacer parangones. Si huele a tapa de callos dudo que estes en Kilkeny y si son las nueve de la manana y el aroma es de alubias con ketchup, poco probablemente estaremos en Trujillo o Zaragoza, donde como unico efluvio a frito que podras sentir a esas hora sera de churros mananeros. Eh aqui, pues, indicaciones para todos los sentidos.

Unos tomando sus vinos y otros sus grandes cervezas, tan querida es la cultura de salir de fiesta en Espana como el pubbing en Irlanda.

DUBLINERS DE HOY A Spanish Trinity student, Oscar Quintanilla, discovers the social life in the city centre, making an exciting comparison of the contemporary citizens to the Dubliners by James Joyce, observing some sensations and peculiarly interesting random faces passing by.

Su edad puede oscilar los setenta. Tú mismo podrías encontrártelo hoy paseando por las calles de Dublin. Sobre su piel ha vivido varias décadas de transformaciones politico-economicas y la vertiginosa metamorfosis social de un país y, en especial, de una ciudad que, aún conservando en sus

al mundo. “Ecco uno a qui il lavoro ha fatto male veramente”, opinó la chica italiana que viajaba en el asiento de al lado. Es ciertamente una hipotesis, pensé yo. Su rostro es carismático al máximo, sin dentadura, con las orejas encogidas hacia adentro (quiza como metodo de autodefensa para

Allá se lanzan todas las hormigas, cruzando el Liffey por O‘Connel Brigde en busca de sus oficinas. muros y canales el alma de aquel town descrito en el Dubliners de James Joyce, se ha visto inundada en los ultimos anos por algo más que los aires tecnológicos de nuestros tiempos. Lo he encontrado en el tren. Se subió al Roundbound Dart to Bray en Pearse Station y pude observarlo con detenimiento hasta mi destino costero en Santhill & Monkstown. Desde el primer atisbo de su presencia me pareció un personaje excepcional, digno de respetar y de describirlo

esquivar los berridos de algun jefe disciplinario en exceso) y lentes de aumento sobre nariz sobresaliente, cuyo “supuesto” polvo limpia constantemente con su dedo indice. Su gesto es nervioso, impaciente. Va cargado con todos los periodicos del dia. Los abre, ojea, coloca, recoloca. Vestido de ejecutivo, con traje, corbata y maletin negro bien cerrado, ¿qué se escondera dentro? Ocho bolígrafos enganchados al bolsillo de la chaqueta Americana. Esta

inquieto. Entre Tara Street y Sidney Parade ha mirado el reloj unas diez veces, ¿la obsesión de llegar a tiempo? Lo admiré desde el primer momento. Es un fenómeno tal vez, ¿la consecuencia de un pasado lleno de stress? ¡Cuidado con el trabajo, senores!

No se olviden de vivir, que life es algo mas que el dinero!

Las siete de la manana de un día entre semana qualquiera.

Allá se lanzan todas las hormigas, cruzando el Liffey por O‘Connel Brigde en busca de sus oficinas o del autobús que les espera para llevarles a las fábricas y call centres de la perifería. Nadie habla, excepto quien pegado al teléfono.

Todos con sus mp3 auriculares y un destino llamado job de por medio. Parte la jornada. Negocios de todo tipo y mil estrategias para sacar los cuartos al turista. Riadas de banqueros, costumer assistance, camareros, store room people, accionistas, staff recruitment,

vendedores de humo, mensajeros, taquilleros…. Llega el ansiado break. Se respira. Y los fumadores buscando su vía de escape en la callejuela trasera o a la vuelta de la esquina. Por fin se alcanza la hora de irse a casa off o a tomarse una pinta. Y al siguiente dia receta de más de lo mismo.

Fin de semana. Stop. Me voy a pasear un poco. Domingo por la tarde, nuboloso. La mezcla de gris del cielo y verde de los prados transmite a las almas un aire melancólico. Me siento a leer Frankenstein en inglés en un banco de Ringsend Park, donde reina una paz nostálgica, y aqui

rado, de compostura apacible, inteligente. Hablamos de la vida y de sweethearts igualmente. Él ha tenido muchas, me cuenta. Pero nunca se casó con ninguna, ni se sumó a esa lista de irlandeses que han traído muchos hijos al mundo, evitando estranos métodos anticonceptivos enemigos de su fe religiosa. Irlanda ha cambiado mucho, me dice con templanza.

Aquí se ha vivido mucha pobreza y los jóvenes de hoy todo lo que tienen realmente no lo aprecian.

De fondo, a nuestras espaldas, se escuchan las bocinas de los barcos en el Puerto y el me explica que es el ferry inglés de pasajeros. It’s

Y los fumadores buscando su vía de escape en la callejuela trasera o a la vuelta de la esquina. tengo mi proprio “encounter”, como James Joyce y Mahony hace cien anos en su escapada de la escuela a la busqueda de emociones. Es un viejo marinero reti-

time for my dinner. “Good luck!”, me saluda. Un Dubliner más, entre miles de rostros. Otra historia vivida.

An up -to date version of the timeless classics.

James Joyce walking on the streets of Dublin 2005.

De Observaties van een Onervaren Drinker Lieke Boersma discovers the Irish strategy of getting drunk by learning how to play Irish drinking games. Here are some unexpected observations of an inexperienced drinker.

Zelf ben ik geen goede drinker en iedereen die mij kent zal dat bevestigen. Na twee glazen wijn begin ik al overdreven vrolijk en irritant te doen en na de derde is het einde zoek. Hier valt voor te zeggen dat het wel zo goed is voor de portemonnee. Ik heb een paar keer de eer gehad om van dicht bij het drankgedrag van een paar eerste jaars Ierse meisjes te mogen observeren.

Wat me opviel is dat men streng een stappenplan lijkt te volgen om op de juiste manier dronken te worden. Het echte feest begint in een bar waar zo goedkoop mogelijk bier wordt ingedronken.

Mijn eerste observatie van de avond: ze drinken in het echt ook Guinness! De tweede observatie: de drank wordt met hoge snelheid

werk gaat, hier volgt een korte uitleg. In mijn geval werd er Captain Cook gespeeld en waar het op neer komt is dat het slachtoffer een soort rijmpje moet zeggen. Als ik me het goed herinner had het iets met snorren te maken. Er moeten daarbij diverse bewegingen gemaakt worden en ter conclusie van elke beweging neemt men een slok van het bewuste (vanzelfsprekend alcoholische) drankje. Het is van groot belang dat dit alles in de juiste volgorde gebeurd want anders begint het hele proces weer opnieuw. Dit werd mij allemaal met een bloed serieus gezicht uitgelegd terwijl ik met verwondering toekeek hoe vier achttienjarige meisjes grote hoeveelheden alcohol naar binnen werkten alsof het limonade was.

Opeens richtten zich een

Opeens richtten zich een vierpaar ogen op mij en zie daar: het nieuwe slachtoffer voor de avond.

Irsh girls do drink as much as guys do. Is it all about proving that they can handle heavy hangovers the morning after?!

opgedronken met behulp van drankspelletjes. Voor mij was dit de eerste ervaring met het fenomeen drankspelletjes. Aangezien ik altijd al verlies met het simpelste spelletje, (ik klamp mij altijd maar vast aan het gezegde: pech in het spel is geluk in de liefde) is het niet moeilijk om te raden hoe dit mij afging.

Voor de gene onder ons die niet weten hoe een drankspel in zijn

vierpaar ogen op mij en zie daar: het nieuwe slachtoffer voor de avond. Ik kon er onmogelijk aan ontsnappen. Had ik thuis tenminste iets interessants om over te vertellen en hoe moeilijk kon het nou eigenlijk zijn? Vol goede moed begon ik braaf aan mijn eerste keer Captain Cook terwijl mijn publiek ijverig commentaar leverde. Elke keer als ik een fout maakte werd ik

hier streng opgewezen en ‘nee’ ik moest echt nog een keer opnieuw beginnen. Ik weet niet hoe vaak ik het over heb moeten doen, maar het lijkt me voor zich spreken dat ik

moesten maken. Dat dacht ik dus verkeerd. Tot mijn grote verbazing zag ik hen ‘s morgens vroeg zo vrolijk over de campus huppelen dat het me misselijk maakte om

Had ik thuis tenminste iets interessants om over te vertellen en hoe moeilijk kon het nou eigenlijk zijn? me niet meer zo bijster veel kan herinneren van de rest van de avond.

De volgende morgen strompelde ik met een spierwit gezicht en knallende hoofdpijn naar de les. Mijn enige troost was dat de anderen hetzelfde door

naar ze te kijken. Ik werd meewarig aangekeken en de Ieren stelde mij een brede grijns gerust dat ik nog wel zou leren om te drinken. Ik moest gewoon veel oefenen en daar zouden zij me wel een handje bij helpen.

In the next issue we will find out what did Santa bring us (in terms of exams, essays and 2 weeks off books) so if you would like to share some impressions or if you have a nice story to tell us, please contact via cell 0851495979 or by mail krita@tcd.ie and leave your article before the 10th of January. If any questions occur to you, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Merry Christmas! See you all next year.

Take care, Alesya.

24 Tuesday Deecember 6th, 2005

Science Editor: Oliver North

Trinity News

SCIENCE Global Warming or Sod’s Law? So now that we have once again realised just how cold winter is and by comparison how warm summer was, we need someone to blame the weather on and so global warming rears its ugly head again.

As is customary across the water around this time of year, as soon as the first snowflake hit English soil the trains stopped working, schools closed down, industry ground to a halt and blind panic ensued. Over here in Dublin five days of being too cold to do anything but huddle round a fire and drink whiskey was rewarded by the 13.5 minutes of snow that is the maximum allowed by law. And both nations decided that November had no right to be this cold, after all it wasn’t December or January, and that, of course, global warming was to blame. Eh? How does that work then?

Well, one consequence of global warming that has ‘long been predicted’, the New Scientist tells us smugly, is a slowdown in the ocean current that gives Europe its temperate climes and balmy weather, the Gulf Stream.

This conveyor of heat, oft quoted to deliver the equivalent of 1,000,000 power stations’ worth of energy to Britain’s shores, raises temperature in Europe by between

5 and 10˚C compared to other areas of the same latitude. It is indeed depressing news then that a recent survey of the Gulf Stream found that flow rate of water up to Europe has fallen by 30%, the water instead going to northern Africa in something called the ‘subtropical gyre’. The reasons behind this effect remain elusive but that catch-all explanation ‘melting of the polar ice-caps’ has been mooted as the most likely.

This would lead to a large quantity of fresh water in the surface ocean making it less dense and preventing the warm water from sinking once it becomes colder effectively halting the convection of the Gulf Stream.

But if we look at all this with a little more cynicism it appears plausible the term global warming is in fact a crass misnomer used to explain away any undesirable weather that comes our way. Ireland will have colder winters but hotter summers and it will rain all of the time rather than most of it, but Africa (where they

actually want some water) will become drier. The changing climate will always tend toward its least desirable state, which will be different depending on where you are. This is the real outcome of global warming. The New Scientist asks this week ‘Are hurricanes becoming more destructive as global warming kicks in?’ no doubt they are, in places like America’s gulf coast where people are not particularly fond of them.

But I’d warrant that if, somewhere in the darkest Amazon, there is a tribe that worships lightning and sees tempests as the chariots of the gods, that the elders of their tribe are gathering, even as you read this, to discuss why global warming is putting a stop to their beloved stormy weather. Global warming is the reason why we cannot live in a perpetual May, not hot nor cold, neither dry nor wet, with the first flush of an infant summer warming the air around us. But that would probably be a bit dull now wouldn’t it?

The Gulf Stream: on the wane

What Next? You Decide One of the most bitter and bloody arguments in the science world currently, that of choosing which animal’s genome to map next, was dealt another setback on December 2nd in a report published by a brace of officious scientists, Fabio Pardi and Nick Goldman. Rather than expending their time and energy on trying to decide the matter the two thought it a far better idea to write a paper on what the best method of settling the debate was. Whilst this already sounds quite incredibly pointless and bothersome, to compound matters further their conclusion was that any method was as good as any other. The mind boggles with the stupidity of it all.

The argument allegedly boils down to a spat between scientists, who would like to pick animals one at a time on the basis of whim and fancy, and computer analysts who slate this method as ‘greedy’ (a massively offensive slur in the world of computer

Help Stop The Rot Whispers have been circulating over the past few weeks concerning the ever-decreasing amounts of genuine science to be found on the Trinity News Science page, and rumour persists that the less nutritious ‘science-substitute’ is coming straight from the science editor himself. Sausage expert Theo O’Donnel warns that: “This cheap imitation combines small amounts of genuine science with larger proportions of irreverent ‘humour’, whimsy and speculation in an effort to fool readers into believing they are ingesting a quality product” However this slide can yet be halted if you the readers submit articles of any length containing morsels of bona fide ‘science’ to northo@tcd.ie

analysis) and think that a group of new animals should be selected together. Goldman and Pardi’s report claims that both methods work as effectively as each other.

Sounding, bizarrely, rather pleased with himself (and with irony about as subtle as the monument northsiders use to try to poke God) Nick Goldman claimed that this was a surprising result because “greedy algorithms rarely provide the best solution to a problem” In light of the apparent stalemate between the two camps the science page has come up with a ‘third way’. Popular with the youth of today now that they can no longer talk, the SMS text message will provide a solution to all our genome mapping woes.

Text the name of your animal (from the list on the right) to 85133 and soon you could know its exact genetic makeup!

Unicorn Popular with the general public despite its protruding nasal implement (the reason given by bookmakers to explain the apparent antipathy towards the Rhino). Scientists however describe it as “mythical” and, as such, inappropriate for experimentation. A lazy excuse.

Sea Monkey Despite looking like mud and growing from mud, scientists insist they are not in fact mud and do have genes prime for mapping.

Rumour is rife in the scientific community that the Sea ‘Monkey’ may merely have been masquerading as a primate and they may not be a type of monkey at all, what with their fondness for water and muddy appearance.

Daddy-Long-Legs With their entire genome mapped scientists would finally understand what makes them so extraordinarily inept at almost everything they turn their spindly legs to. You would have thought that there would be something, table-tennis or perhaps sewing, but no, nothing whatsoever is accomplished with any degree of success by the pitiful insect. Why?

Duck-Billed Platypus A poisonous, egg-laying mammal with a beak, that only exists in Australia? Either the Aussies are having us on or it’s an unfortunate species of alien, either way by studying its genes scientists will get to the bottom of it.

The Unicorn: Mythical or just difficult to catch?

FAO: Simon Singh Following a recent study showing sharp falls in the numbers of students taking A-level physics pop scientist Simon Singh took up his quill in defence of the subject for his Guardian article ‘Keats claimed that physics destroyed beauty. Keats was being a prat’. Here another intellectual heavyweight, the Trinity News Science Editor, enters the fray on the side on the side of the Romantic poet.

Poor old Simon. It appears that the overwhelming success of his various (admittedly excellent) books has instilled in him a sadly misguided belief in his own infallibility, leading to this latest episode where he embarrassed himself in a national daily newspaper: ‘John Keats talked of “unweaving the rainbow” suggesting that Newton destroyed the beauty of nature by analysing light with a prism and splitting it into different colours. Keats was being a prat’ Whilst we can ignore the fact that what Simon has in his ‘quotation marks’ bears little more than a passing semblance to Keats

actually wrote (he’s got the gist of it, I’ll let it lie), we must take issue with the other half-truths which seem rooted in some dark and ingrained ignorance.

The line of poetry to which Singh is referring comes from Keats’ Lamia, one of his most knowingly ambiguous poems and one that has been subjected to a myriad of different interpretations and misinterpretations. None, however, quite so staggeringly wide of the mark as Simon’s. The rainbow that Keats writes of being unweaved by science is in fact an ‘awful rainbow’ it is symbolic of the astonishing and awe-inspiring in nature not of beauty- a theme

that runs throughout the poem and is closely associated with its title character. In previous lines of the poem Keats asserts that science will ‘Conquer all mysteries by rule and line / Empty the haunted air and gnomed mine’ it is not destroying the beauty of nature rather undermining its sublimity.

“Physics will attempt to explain away the mysteries of nature, not destroy its beauty” The normally unflappable Dr. Darryl Jones once opined that the only apposite response to the sublime was “Fuck me!”- it is

ineffable and defies description or explanation. The point that Singh so spectacularly missed was that physics will attempt to explain away the mysteries of nature, not destroy its beauty, Keats was not being a prat. This slander on the late John Keats’ name has gone down very badly in literary quarters with real-life romantic poet Olivia Floyer-Acland describing Singh recently as an “uncultured asinine bean”, harsh words indeed.

The rest of Dr. Singh’s article was spent bemoaning the state of physics in Britain, after news of the 38% fall in A-level physics students in 15 years, without ever quite getting to the crux of the matter. The real reason that there are so few students wanting to take science subjects is that the kind of people that teach physics are the sort who will lean, in earnest, over your shoulder and explain to you the varying degrees of refraction for wavelengths of light, whilst you are trying to admire a rainbow.

Singh, peraps forming another crackpot theory

The wit and wisdom of Answers in Genesis (www.answersingenesis.org) “I understand that the bible is a revelation from our infinite creator and it is self-authenticating and self-attesting, I must interpret Scripture with scripture…”

Ken Ham as he tries to juggle the equally difficult tasks of disproving Darwinian evolution and forming a coherent sentence.

Sports Features Editor: Theo O’Donnell

Tuesday December 6th, 2005

25

Trinity News SPORTS Rugby World XV and Autumn Round-Up

FEATURES

Geography loses its way as Southern Hemisphere nations come out on top and re-establish themselves as the true rulers of rugby’s roost Theo O’Donnell

Sunderland by comparison.

9. JB Elissalde (France)

Only at World Cups is there a better chance than Autumn Internationals to see all of the world’s top rugby nations competing against one another, so what better time to put together a World XV. So, here it is, the best of the best, picked on their form in recent matches.

Backs 15. Chris Latham (Australia) He’s devoid of flair, and equally lacking in grace, but along with Drew Mitchell he’s been one of the only highlights in the woeful Australian backline. Against Ireland, for example, he scored a breathtaking try and was outstanding throughout. Mils Muliaina and Gareth Thomas put forward pretty good cases for themselves, but Latham was a cut above.

14. Rico Gear (NZ) Leaving out Aurelién Rougerie with all his power and speed is harsh, but Gear seems to be able to score at will.. Doug Howlett was impressive when playing, but Gear was chosen against England, and constantly showed why. He’s drawn to the tryline like a BESS girl to Annabels.

13. Tana Umaga, Captain (NZ) He is one of very few captains who ply their trade in the backline whilst inspiring the same level of commitment and loyalty as men like Martin Johnson. His power, speed, aggression, offloads and above all his dedication to recklessly endanger himself for the benefit of his team make him the outstanding choice as outside centre and captain of any World XV. This guy is the heart of any team he plays in, and when that team has whitewashed the Lions, won the Tri-Nations and wrapped up a Grand Slam, you know it’s got a huge heart. Also, he looks like Predator, so you know he’s hard.

One of the few cheeky, sniping scrum-halves playing international rugby these days. Gregan looks old and tired, and Kelleher, for all his hustle, bustle and bulky muscle just isn’t the game-breaker that Elissalde is. Pichot comes close, but Elissalde is more inventive and incisive. Providing Yachvilli is fit, France’s depth at scrum-half will be the envy of the world in 2007.

Forwards 1. Andrew Sheridan (England) An automatic choice. He demolished almost everyone he came up against this autumn; a mighty scrummager.

2. Dimitri Szarzewski (France) Move over Jeremy Paul. This guy is the best ball-carrying hooker since Keith Wood. Mealamu and Oliver both get honorable mentions, but neither have the Frenchman’s pace in the loose.

3. Carl Hayman (NZ) What a beast. The only prop that came close to matching Sheridan is a must for the tighthead spot. With these behemoths of the scrum huffing and puffing around the pitch, the team might be somewhat lacking in the loose, but Szarzewski makes up for that. Besides, who needs runners in the forwards when your backs will always get solid ball from the scrum?

Probably the second best line-out jumper on earth, behind his World XV team-mate, and he’s not too shaky in the loose either. Bakkies Botha had a good tour with the Boks, and Ali Williams is worth a mention, but no-one from the Northern Hemisphere really put their hands up this autumn.

12. Yannick Jauzion (France)

5. Victor Matfield (South Africa)

This guy is without doubt the best centre in the world right now. He breaks the line every time he takes the ball up, and he never lets his opposite man get the better of him.

Jean de Villiers, Jaque Fourie and Felipe Contepomi would all make great partners for Umaga, but Jauzion has the edge over them.

The most secure line-out jumper in the world. It doesn’t matter who’s throwing the ball in, this guy will win you possession at the game’s most important set-piece.

Want a world class finisher? Shane Williams, Sitiveni Sivivatu and Joe Rokocoko all cut defences to ribbons, and Cédric Heymans is arguably the most complete winger on earth. In two years time this award could well be going to young Drew Mitchell, who worked so hard and so stylishly for Australia, but if you need a tryscoring machine who will find the line every time he gets the ball, look no further than Brian Habana.

10. Daniel Carter, Kicker (NZ) SuperDan was not chosen as the IRB player of the year last week without reason. He glides past defences, he kicks, chips and passes better than anyone, and you just know he’s a hit with the birds as well. He’s basically Ross O’Carroll-Kelly, only better.

Michalak is the only other out-half in his league, but if Carter is Chelsea, then poor old Freddie is

16. Os du Randt (SA) Like Mandela, the old man of Africa is still a force to be reckoned with.

17. Kevin Mealamu (NZ) Extremely powerful in the loose.

18. Bakkies Botha (SA) The MotorBotha.

19. Jerry Collins (NZ) Smash, smash, smash, all day long…

20. Freddie Michalak (Fr) Gallic flair personified.

21. Felipe Contepomi (Arg) Dynamic, creative and powerful.

22. Cédric Heymans (Fr) The most complete winger in the game?

So, formalities first: obviously, there are going to be disagreements with the final selection, particularly on the wing. Any one of the All Black’s regulars at wing or fullback might feel aggrieved at not being included, but Habana and Gear are lethal out wide.

When drawing conclusions from the make-up of the side, it is alarming to note how much of it is dominated by the Southern Hemisphere. Of the starting XV, seven are Kiwis, two are South African, and one is Australian, compared to four Frenchmen and one Englishmen. It is clear to see that the SARFU nations have a majority share-hold in the top talent in world rugby. Fair enough, the odd European like Corry or Shane Williams, or even the occa-

Gordon D’Arcy was one of the few Irish players to enhance his reputation in the Autumn Internationals All Ireland Match Pics: Jago Tennant Africa? No. England? No. Japan has more than twice as many than either - over four thousand clubs.

Ask anyone who went to the last soccer World Cup, and they’ll tell you how incredibly well it was organised. Imagine what that kind of organisation, popular support

“It is clear to see that the SARFU nations have a majority share-hold in the top talent in world rugby”

4. Chris Jack (NZ)

Rugby Royalty: Tana Umaga is the outstanding choice to captain our World XV

11. Bryan Habana (South Africa)

great one wouldn’t have led his side to defeat against a New Zealand team with three players in the sin-bin. Rodney it is.

sional Argentinian like Pichot or Ledesma is pushing hard for inclusion, but in any fomr-based World XV, the balance of players would be tipping alarmingly south, towards Africa and beyond.

Different sides have fared well in the ten years since professionalism came into the game, but it would seem as though the minnows have had their time in the sun, and must now return to the bad old days when men in Black, Green and Gold were talked of in awe as they approached from beyond the equator. This is not what was supposed to happen.

These recent internationals, whilst undeniably offering up the most breathtaking spectacle in terms of the quality of rugby being played, suggest something very negative about the road this sport is going down. SARFU’s dreadful (but predictable) refusal to include either Argentina or the Pacific Islanders in the extended Tri-Nations set the tone. The IRB’s inability to prevent the flood of Tongans, Fijians and Samoans into the All Black’s welcoming arms is another worry. But perhaps most damaging of all is the recent vote that handed the 2011 world cup to New Zealand, rather than to Japan. Whilst football’s governing body, FIFA, and even the dreadful International Olympic Committee have all seen the light and put their faith and money in new, hungry sporting nations like

and financial investment could do for rugby! More importantly, imagine what staging such an event there would do for the sport’s credibility and popularity among smaller nations.

Closer to home, what is perhaps most worrying for Irish rugby fans is that England and in particular France are the only two European sides who are establishing themselves as genuine competition for the giants of South Africa and the All Blacks. Wales did well, but were thoroughly unconvincing against New Zealand, and lost their nerve against a suffocating Springbok side. Effectively what we have seen over the last year or so is a return to the of the pre-professional era. This is a far cry from last year, when Ireland levelled South Africa, and Wales came so

“Rugby fans, even disappointed English ones and disillusioned Irish ones, should take heart from the thrilling spectacles we have been offered for our viewing pleasure in recent weeks” close to beating the All Blacks, losing by only a point.

Such heady days seemed miles away as th Celtic nations crashed to heavy defeats against Tana’s rampaging kiwis. Even the woefully bad Australia did to Ireland what they (allegedly) do to their sheep, signalling the end of a year of missed opportunities for

6. Yannick Nyanga (France) Nyanga just about edges in ahead of Burger and Jerry Collins.

Collins is a huge tackler, and Burger gets more turnovers than a pancake tosser at Lemon, but the Frenchman offers more creativity than either the powerful Kiwi or the explosive ‘Bok, and he has the pace of a winger, meaning he gets to the tackle faster than roadrunner on amphetamines.

7. Richie McCaw (NZ) This is a tough call. George Smith has been the only thing worth watching in the Australian pack, steaming around the pitch like some weird cross between Bob Marley and a tank, and Bonnaire worked like a dog for France, but even when not playing at his peak McCaw is the best in the world.

8. Rodney So’oialo (NZ) Corry is impressive, but So’oialo has better ball skills and is perhaps even stronger in contact. Besides which, Corry is becoming an impressive captain, but a truly

This November, European sides looked on as their Southern Hemisphere visitors racked up the points - and the wins.

Japan, Korea and China, the IRB drags its feet and sends the Webb Ellis Trophy to a nation who barely had the infrastructure to support a Lions Tour this summer. No one will argue with New Zealand’s rugby heritage, but a professional era should look to the future, not the past.

Any guesses which nation has more rugby clubs than any other union on earth? South

closest the team has to an Irish contingent is Leinster’s very own ‘Orrgenteenian’ Felipe Contepomi.

Up front, Ireland would be demolished by Hayman and Sheridan. Horan is a good in the loose, but he and John Hayes couldn’t even nudge the feeble Australian pack backwards, let alone dominate them, as England and in fact everyone has over the last year. Shane Byrne has been quiet as a lamb round the pitch and his lineouts have gone from being a strength to a weakness since the Lions. ‘O’Kelly and O’Callaghan’ reads like a pretty good boilerroom, but neither man put his hand up in the game against New Zealand, and would lose out to Matfield and Jack. Ireland’s backrow was solid against Australia, with O’Connor getting stuck in to the Wallabies like his life depended on it, but none of them have the class, muscle or work-rate of McCaw, Nyanga and So’oialo.

And the backs? Well, it starts badly. Comparing Stringer to Ellisalde is like comparing the Spice Girls to Mozart. I’m actually not even going to point out Stringer’s limitations, they are there clear as day for every rugby fan to see, and for every opposition player to exploit, but Ellisalde even shreds him at his supposed strength

Eddie O’Sullivan. Where was the Grand Slam? Where are the bright young players for the next World Cup? Without key men like O’Driscoll and O’Connell, Ireland lacked purpose and direction.

Trimble is a good find, and it’s nice to see Tommy Bowe and D’Arcy doing well, but it’s impossible to argue that any Irishmen would make it into a World XV. Even the bench is asking too much, and the

– passing. O’Gara vs Carter? No contest, really. O’Gara is a good player, but kicked badly when we needed accuracy, and failed to direct the tea, when they needed his experience. In the centres, Ireland at least showed some enthusiasm. D’Arcy looks back to his best, and Trimble is an encouraging alternative should O’Driscoll get injured again. Neither of them have played like Jauzion or Umaga though. On to the back three...oh dear. Latham tore Murphy apart with a ripper of a sidestep on his way to the tryline, so its one- nil to the World XV. Habana against Horgan is an interesting one.

Horgan is fast and strong, and he’s no slouch in defence, but look at Habana, with 14 tries in 16 Test appearances; his pace and finishing win this battle. Two - nil. As for Rico Gear taking on Tommy Bowe…this one would not be pretty. Bowe is a good player, but even the strongest tacklers struggle to lay a hand on Gear. The Ulsterman couldn’t contain Howlett and he would be lost at sea with Gear.

Coming off the bench, Ireland still struggle. Kieran Campbell taking on Michalak at scrumhalf? Think Dungannon street party versus 14th July in Toulouse. I know where I’d rather be. Or maybe Humphreys taking him on at out-half? Bringing Humphreys on against Oz was like tying a lead-weight to the Irish players’ legs. A brief summary of his contribution: lying down obligingly in front of Chris Latham to

give him a path to the tryline, and generously redistributing Irish possession to set up Mitchell’s second try. Great stuff. Surely Girv the Swerve could add a bit of zest to the Irish line? Compared to

rugby. Argentina are following suit, if less effectively. Wales are flying all over the place looking for gaps and chinks in defences. Even Ireland and Scotland look to be creating, rather than boshing in

Ireland and Australia are both in desperate need of solid scrummagers if they are to stop the rot and start winning the big games again.

Heymans or his provincial teammate Contepomi, Dempsey does little for any side’s attacking flair.

It’s looking rather bleak for Ireland at the moment. Last season the 6Nations offered a Grand Slam opportunity. In 2006 it will be make or break for the Irish, not whether they can be the kings of Europe – surely that is well beyond this team at this stage – but whether they can even keep their heads above water, secure wins

their midfields, though admittedly with limited success. Gone are the days of Kevin Maggs. Thank God. The most satisfying thing to emerge from this trend was visible in the England vs. All Blacks match at Twickenham.

England, even with the creative influence of Charlie Hodgson, are desperate to plug away with lumbering backs, and – thank god – they failed to beat the Kiwis.

Hopefully they, and the rest of the

Habana doing what he does best - scoring tries against Italy and Scotland, take a result away from Wales, and put in performances to build on for next autumn and beyond.

It has been a mixed bag of results for rugby in the last few weeks. It’s obviously unfortunate that the gap between the top tier and second tier nations seems to be widening, and it’s a travesty that Japan have been shut out of rugby’s future until 2014 at the earliest, but no one can deny that the standard of rugby has been breathtaking. After the last World Cup, we cried out to be spared from the negative, low-risk fare served up by the steamroller that was England on its march to glory, and for now our prayers have been answered. New Zealand, France and the Boks are only using their huge packs to set up a platform for their flair-players and speedsters, not to kill the spirit of running

rugby-playing world, will learn from their failure to score tries against a side depleted by three sinbinnings in the second half, and will start to spread the ball more, looking for space rather than repeatedly punching holes.

Defenders, particularly South African ones, are becoming too strong and too well organised for crash-ball tactics to break through with any regularity, and it is time that teams – particularly those with the likes of Josh Lewsey in them – started to work overlaps and make space. Rugby fans, even disappointed English ones and disillusioned Irish ones, should take heart from the thrilling spectacles we have been offered for our viewing pleasure in recent weeks. We can only hope it keeps getting better, and that teams refuse to succumb to the conservatism that traditionally surrounds World Cups.

25 Tuesday 6th December, 2005

Sports Features Editor: Theo O’Donnell

Trinity News Bring Back The Galloping Major With Ireland out, the best we can hope for at the next World Cup is an entertaining display of spectacular football from the world’s best players, but conservatism, nepotism and Peter Crouch threaten all that, says Cillian O’Conchuir.

Cillian O’Conchuir The Golden Magyar team of 1954 played with Feranc ‘Galloping Major’ Puskas, Zoltan Czibor, Laszlo Budai and ‘Golden Boy,’ Sandor Kocsis up front. Four years later, Brazil boasted a strike force of Vava, Garrincha, Mario Zagallo and Pelé.

‘Total Football’ was introduced by the Netherlands team of 1974 which included Johan Cruyff, Rob Rensenbrink and Johnny Rep. The victorious Argentine sides of 1978 and 1986, had Mario Alberto ‘Matador’ Kempes, Leopoldo Luque, Jorge ‘El Filósofo’ Valdano and Diego Armando Maradona in its ranks.

The list of gifted teams that graced football's greatest global gathering is endless. Recent times have seen defensive tactics, pitiful teams and scandalous refereeing decisions tarnish what was once the ‘Beautiful Game.’

Consistency, with the exception of Brazil, departed with the theft of the Jules Rimet Trophy.

As the final places for next summers FIFA World Cup were decided, scepticism overshadowed any excitement at the world’s biggest sporting event.

France flattered to deceive during qualifying. Italy, mediocre at best, imploded against Slovenia. Spain

Sven Goran-Eriksson, looking remarkably unconcerned for a man whose team is noticeably bereft of Galloping Majors and Golden Boys. teams have seen the downfall of many an exciting side. The 2002 World Cup illustrated these points.

Nepotism has no place in football, but harsh lessons have been dealt, if not learnt. France and Argentina are prime examples of this.

Prior to Korea/Japan

2002, France seemed all-conquering. Les Bleus had won the 2001 Confederations Cup, 2000 European Championships and the previous World Cup. Meaningless friendly matches were deemed sufficient preparation for the defence of their trophy. France were certainly breathtaking. Three winless games, no goals and loyalty to a defective rearguard saw Roger Lemerre out of a job.

It was unlucky 13 for an Argentine side which selected a 35-year old Claudio Caniggia and a 30-year old Claudio Husain ahead of the young, creative and talented Juan Roman Riquelme and Javier Saviola. The current Albicelestes coach, Jose Pekerman would do well to remember Lionel Messi, Rodrigo Palacio and Javier Mascherano when selecting his

final 23. If not, it could come back to haunt him.

It is the biggest show on earth, where the biggest and best players demonstrate why they are paid bizarre amounts. It has often shown the discrepancies of international football, as giants crumble at the hands of minow’s. Paul Robert says, “In football, the greatest satisfaction is winning when they say you can't.” One wonders if diehard football fans would agree. Even so, it would be nice to see Italy, France, Spain and Argentina perform to the best of their ability. As for England, a thrilling elimination beckons once again. After an initial stirring victory against a team tipped for World Cup glory, their dream will fizzle out in the later stages with Peter Crouch ending his goal drought and Wayne Rooney being dismissed.

Brazil will once again bear the heavy burden of an enthused public. Let’s all hope they don’t disappoint.

Groups for the next World Cup, to be held in Germany next June, will be drawn on Friday.

Row, Row, Row Your Boat Trinity’s rowing community is well represented in the twoman Irish team competing in the Atlantic Rowing Race 2005.

With food rations for 60 days the Digicel Atlantic Challenge and its two Irish rowers, Ciarán Lewis (a former Head of the Dublin University Boatclub’s boathouse) and Gearoid Towey (a current head Trinity student), today set off from La Gomera, Canary Islands to row 2,550 nautical miles non-stop and unaided across the Atlantic Ocean to Antigua in the West Indies.

The Digicel Atlantic Challenge is one of 26 boats from all over the world to compete in the 2005 Rowing Race which is one of the world's toughest nautical challenges and the ultimate test of mental andphysical strength and endurance. Competing on equal terms within their respective classes and in purposely designed ocean rowing boats, the teams will battle for the highest accolade, to be the first to cross the finish line and in the fastest possible time.

The race was delayed for three days due to poor weather conditions in the Canary Islands where

Truly, Madly, Turkey Jonny Walls, FIFA’s long-standing critic, bemoans the plague of violence which has continuously marred Turkey’s reputation as a footballing nation and asks when the international body will act to curb this disturbing trend.

Jonny Walls The violence which marred the conclusion of Switzerland’s World Cup play-off match against Turkey in Istanbul has clearly demonstrated that it’s time for FIFA to take firm action . It’s simply unsafe for visiting teams to play there any longer.

brate what had been achieved simply because the Turkish supporters were such bad losers that they were liable to attack the Swiss players.

Visiting supporters, meanwhile, were at a minimum in Istanbul. The fans of the Alpine nation were advised, like the followers of all teams going to play in Turkey, not to travel as their well-

“This is a situation that has been going for years and its totally unacceptable. Fans should able to support their team home and abroad in safety”

“Though an inability to defend provides entertainment, World Cups are about far more than that” did their best to avoid underachieving at a World Cup by not qualifying and England strove to prove their critics right, that they can’t win a world cup.

At least expectations on the Swiss, Tunisia, Saudi Arabia, Australia et all to perform are minimal. They offer little in terms of exciting and attractive football.

Three games, three defeats later they will depart for another four years. Though their inability to defend provides an entertainment factor, the World Cup is much more than that. Well, it was a show case where the world’s greatest proved that they were a cut above the rest.

Nepotism, a fear of going forward, ignorance of opponents and excessive hype over

SPORTS

FEATURES

Lewis and Towey in training for their 60 Day Task adverse winds of up to 32 knots around the Canary Islands made it impossible for the Race to set off.

The official race website, www.atlanticrowingrace.com, designed and maintained by the Ocean Rowing Society, allows visitors to learn more about the race and this Irish team taking part. The site also enables the general public, including friends and fans of Gearoid Towey and Ciarán Lewis to follow the daily progress of their race through regular updates and interactives maps.

Other features of the official race website for the Atlantic Rowing Race 2005 include the ability to monitor the weather conditions being experienced by the rowers, giving an insight into some of the conditions they will be facing, aswell as daily news updates aswell as photographs of the team.

Adapted from a Press Release on behalf of the Digicel Team.

Football’s world governing body has launched what is claimed to be the biggest disciplinary inquiry in its history into the post match events of 16 November. Five individuals face investigations. Turkish players Emre and Alpay, Turkish assistant coach Mehmet Ozdilek, Swiss defender Benjamin Huggel and his team physio Stephan Mayer could all receive hefty bans for their part in the trouble. But whatever the outcome of those personal proceedings, the bigger problem has to examined- The football culture in Turkey.

being could not be guaranteed.

This is a situation that has been going for years and its totally unacceptable. Fans should able to support their team home and abroad in safety. The fact that FIFA have seemingly let the Turkish authorities get away with this situation over the years is a disgrace. Irish supporters first became aware of the perils of travelling to soccer matches in Turkey in November 1991 when Jack Charlton’s Ireland defeated their hosts 3-1 in a European qualifier.

On that occasion many visiting fans were denied access to the ground despite having tickets for

Turkish fans offering their famously warm welcome for visiting supporters future conduct. However the problems continued for other visiting teams over the years and then in 1999, after another game involving Ireland in Turkey FIFA made another inexplicable blunder. After Tony Cascarino was attacked by two Turkish players at the final whistle, he threw a couple of punches to defend himself and was subsequently banned along with the aggressors. Instead of realising that the police in the stadium were, at best, disinterested at restoring order they took the easy option and punished the victim for standing up for himself.

Things then came to a head in April 2000 when two Leeds fans were stabbed to death in Istanbul by a Galatasaray follower on the eve of the first leg of the UEFA Cup semi-final. As a result European soccer's governing body banned supporters of Galatasaray from attending the match at Elland Road, fearing violence in reprisal. Though a sound decision, it didn’t address the root problem because Turkish clubs and its’ international team were still allowed to play matches at home.

Post-Imperialist Diplomacy in action: English soccer fans rising above the Turkish provocation It’s little wonder the free-for-all in the tunnel took place after Switzerland had secured their place in the World-Cup Finals.

Ever since they had arrived in Istanbul two days before the game they had been subjected to disgraceful treatment from the locals.

As their team bus approached the hotel in which they were due to stay, local supporters gathered and pelted the coach with eggs and rocks. Things didn’t get any better for the Swiss team when they stepped out on to the pitch for game as lighters, coins and glass bottles rained down from the stands. It says much for the hosts that when the final whistle went the visiting players had no choice but to run for the dressing room to ensure their safety. In their moment of triumph they couldn’t even remain on the pitch to cele-

the game, others found their seats occupied by Turkish police and army personnel who refused to move. However that wasn’t the worst of it. A large section of Irish fans were seated in the bottom tear of one of the stands with their Turkish counterparts on the top.

On a number of occasions throughout the game their hosts urinated down onto the Irish while others threw missiles in their direction.

The police did nothing. Nor did they catch the perpetrator of the knife attack on an Irish supporter in the stadium toilets. After the game the buses carrying the team and fans was pelted with stones as they left the ground.

Instead of taking a hardline in the wake of this, FIFA handed out a meagre fine and warned the Turkish authorities on their

More worrying was the denial that any problem existed by the Turkish government and much of the country’s press. In fact there was widespread anger at the banning of travelling Galatasaray sup-

ing to anger. This is the result of Turkish hooliganism,” wrote Mehmet Y. Yilmaz a commentator for Radikal newspaper over the deaths of the English fans Christopher Loftus and Kevin Speight.

Though the UEFA ruling had just a one off effect, at least it was a start. FIFA have until this latest incident, failed to take any measures to combat the plague of violence in Turkish football. When Sweden beat Turkey in Istanbul in October of 2001 the usual scenes of missiles being thrown onto the pitch and the visiting team having their bus attacked on the way to the ground went completely unpunished.

But the most inexplicable decision that has been made with regard to Turkish football during this sorry episode was undoubtedly when Istanbul was chosen as the venue for the 2005 Champions League Final. Despite all that had gone before the Turkish FA were being rewarded.

Clearly it was felt by the powers that be that awarding such an event to Turkey, would bring about a greater sense of responsibility and maturity amongst the hosts’ footballing fraternity in the future.

Swiss defender Stephane Grichting would surely argue that this plan has failed. He was taken to hospi-

“Throughout the game the hosts urinated down onto the Irish while others threw missiles” porters from the return leg.

Cabinet ministers and other politicians flew to Leeds to give support.

“They blamed the incidents caused by a [handful] of delinquents on 65 million Turks.

But Leeds' and UEFA's plans of a psychological war on Galatasaray did not work,” wrote the Hurriyet newspaper.

However it must be said that not all elements of the Turkish media were blind to the problem: “This was not a simple incident caused by some youths succumb-

tal and needed a catheter inserted after being kicked in the groin during the recent tunnel bust up.

They have had more than enough chances to get their house in order but the Turkish FA have failed to do so. The solution is simple. For the upcoming Euro 2008 qualifiers Turkey should be made to play their “home ties” on neutral territory. If in the future this problem raises its’ head again, then the country’s clubs and national team should face an outright ban from international competition.

George Best 1946 - 2005 George Best died last week at the age of 59, bringing a tragic end to a life that was nothing if not controversial.

Many articles in the days since his death have chosen to concentrate on his turbulent private life - although ‘private’ is probably the wrong word to choose for a man who was so relentlessly exposed to the public eye, for reasons both good and bad. But surely the most fitting way to remember such a great footballer (and certainly the most appropriate for the Trinity News Sports Features section) is to put aside, at least for now, the problems and trials that beset him and contributed to his death.

Best is without doubt the finest footballer to have been born on this island, and we would ask that you remember the moments of sublime skill that made himso famous and so adored by his millions of fans. Here’s to you, Georgie.

George Best - Sporting Legend. Born 22nd May 1946, Belfast, Died 25thNovember 2005, London

Sports Editor: Peter Henry

Tuesday December 6, 2005

Trinity News

SPORT Ultimate Club at Indoor Regionals Ben Sweeney and Clíodhna Ní Ghiollagáin

Members of DU Amateur Boxing Club who took a break from boxing to run at the recent Maynooth Road Relays Photo: DU Harriers and Athletic Club

Trinity fail to regain Squash Colours David Lowry Dublin University 2 University College, Dublin 3 DU Squash Club took to the courts on Friday, November 11, in a bid to win back the Colours trophy that had been won by UCD the previous year. Morale was high, and so too were hopes, as Trinity fielded a strong side in both the Men’s A, Men’s B and Ladies’ tournaments.

All indications were good early on as Trinity took the lead 1-0 through Club Captain Karlis Zauers whose retrieval game was enough to upset UCD’s num-

ber-two and Ireland’s representative at the last Junior World Championships. Meanwhile, the ladies’ and men’s “B” teams also won their opening games. Next on court was Yousef Gohary: in a marathon one-and-a-half hours, he lost narrowly 9-7 in the fifth. David Lowry couldn’t pull off a victory either and the defeat left Trinity needing to win both remaining games. Brian Byrne did his part playing at number one by easily defeating UCD’s Ray Byrne.

Unfortunately, Kevin Humphreys couldn’t get the required victory that would see Trinity lift the trophy, going down 3-1. UCD had successfully retained the Colours,

27

3-2, in dramatic fashion.

The Men’s B section after a promising start failed to make an impact losing all subsequent games. However it wasn’t all doom and gloom: the ladies pulled off an impressive victory winning 4-1, led by ladies’ captain Catherine Graham. For the men, disappointment set in as missed opportunities were dwelt upon. The Club lost the colours last year but spectacularly won the intervarsities in a whitewash; that was little consolation to members on the Friday night. Hope still remains, as unavailable players will be coming back into the fold for the intervarsities.

DU Ultimate Frisbee Club was represented by one team at the Indoor Regionals competition held on Sunday the 20th of November.

Regionals consisted of eight Irish teams. The prize at stake was a place in the British Nationals Tournament.

Trinity’s first game was against a DCU side who could only field four players for the first ten minutes of the twenty-five minute game, because their other players had slept in after the previous night’s party in Doyle’s. Trinity pressed hard on them using their one man advantage, eventually winning the game 7-3. Trinity won their next group game without conceding a point against an inexperienced DIT second team. In their final group game, DU fell to UCC’s well drilled team. This meant Trinity faced UCD’s second team in their crossover match; Trinity won, sealing a place in the semi finals.

In the semi finals Trinity faced a tough test against rivals UCD. Both teams scored back to back points, and it was a close game at four-all. The Belfield team then scored three points in a row.

Trinity replied with a point at the death but the clock was against them. This meant that Trinity had to settle for a place in the third fourth playoff against DIT’s first team. Trinity had beaten them twice in Cork a few weeks previously, and were feeling confident.

DU ran out winners in a fast paced contest, which ended 5-1.

Dave Misstear was voted Trinity’s most valuable player of the Tournament. This prize was well merited. He was the team’s most dependable player, turning over the disc less than any other and getting in some vital defensive blocks. Dave Rickard took the prize for most spirited player.

“Spirit” plays a pivotal role in Ultimate Frisbee as it is a game played without any referees and it depends on a fair play attitude between players.

UCC won the tournament beating UCD 12-6 in the final. In winning the final Cork ensured themselves a place in the

British nationals whilst runners up UCD had to settle for a place in the Not Nationals competition taking place on the weekend directly after the tournament in Sheffield.

Overall, it was a great weekend for Trinity Ultimate, with one of their teams winning the beginners tournament in DCU on Saturday, the other team coming seventh place and the women’s team bringing home the plate.

Coming third in an indoor competition, in which Trinity have little experience, reflects well on the team’s performance.

Saturday the 19th of November saw the first Dublin based indoor tournament on the ultimate frisbee calendar. The event, called “whacking day”, was aimed at beginners and hosted in DCU’s impressive sports hall.

Trinity emerged victorious in both the open and the women’s divisions.

Tournaments such as “whacking day” are extremely important to the development of the game of ultimate frisbee in Ireland as they provide opportunities for beginners to progress. Only one experienced player is allowed on the court at any one time; this gives beginners more court time where they begin to understand the rules more and develop a love for the game.

Eighty twelve-minute games being were played on three different courts. Three Trinity teams went to try their luck: one women’s team and two men’s teams. Trinity’s women’s team, captained by Brónagh Ní Chobhtaigh, were very successful in only losing one of their six matches and winning the plate. The open team went further by not conceding defeat once and making it to the final where they faced the newly founded Waterford IT team.

It was a close match with the stands packed full to capacity cheering both teams on. The end result was 8-5 in our favour with the MVP deservedly going to Rob whose amazing catches in the endzone proved invaluable to the team.

DU Ultimate Club members are now are looking forward to the last beginners’ tournament which will be held in UCD Dublin this weekend.

Short Sport Report Boat Club names the “RB McDowell” Students walking through College on the evening of Saturday, 26th November, may have been surprised by the sight of a rowing eight sitting between the campanile and rubrics, surrounded by a group of men. The DU Boat Club were naming their Sims Evolution racing eight. The boat was baptised with Liffey water and named the “RB McDowell”.

The water was poured from a silver DU Rowing Club jug, which had recently been refurbished after suffering some wear-and-tear since 1877.

Dr McDowell is famil-

iar to most Trinity students, and has been a fellow of the College since 1951. He has a long association with the Boat Club, most notably when he coxed a staff four to victory at Trinity Regatta in 1954. On that day, he received the traditional victory ducking when his crew threw him into the Liffey!

At the boat naming ceremony, Dr McDowell and the President of the Boat Club, RH van Mesdag, both said a few words. It was kept brief, however, due to the November chill.

Potholing Club heading to Co Clare The DU Potholing Club is running its next trip to County Clare in association with Queen’s University Belfast Caving Club and DIT Caving Club on the weekend of the 9th December 2005 as part of ongoing preparations for the 2006 intervarsity caving expedition. Previous expeditions which Club members have attended have been to France, Romania, Slovenia, Croatia and Mallorca. The highlight of these trips was an expedition to the

world’s 22nd deepest cave – the Gouffre Berger – at a depth of just over 1km in 2004.

The forthcoming trip to County Clare will include an introduction to vertical caving techniques. In addition, the Club is assisting research which is monitoring water levels in Coolagh River Cave, which is being undertaken by the Irish Cave Rescue Association, and the Speleological Union of Ireland.

Ladies’ Boat Club sponsored row DU Ladies’ Boat Club’s sponsored row, scheduled to take place on the afternoon of Saturday, December 3rd, has been postponed. It will now take place on Sunday, January 15th, at Islandbridge. That afternoon, an eight will make as many trips as it can in four hours. Some of the proceeds will go toward Action

Breast Cancer, a project of the Irish Cancer Society. No doubt the afternoon will also double as a valuable training session. The crew will slip at midday, and refreshments will be available on the day.

The Ladies’ Boat Club also celebrated their thirtieth anniversary recently.

100 years ago in College sport Boat Club Considerable alteration has taken place in the formation of the crews during the past week, owing mainly to the fact that several members who signified their intention to row, have disappointed. However, we hope that no further alteration will be necessary.

The pairs have been taking the water with varying regularity for the last ten days, and considerable improvement is noticeable in many of them. It is too early yet to make any prophecies, but as several are very evenly match, some excellent races are to be expected.

We must again ask “strokes” to get their crews out as often as possible, as there is only a very short time for practise before the Term Races. It is hoped to add at least two more pairs during the next few days; and another four in addition to those given below, will probably be seen out very soon.

There is great demand for the Dance tickets, so that anyone desiring to obtain some should apply at once.

Fours: (I) N Chance (bow), JK Cooper, AP Colfer, SC Webb (stroke), (II) JH Morton (bow), JR Biggs, JF Dougherty, GEB Scott (stroke), (III) W Colquhoun (bow), CM Dobbs, E Leahy, MP Leahy (stroke), (IV), P Chance, MW McCaul, LJM Hewson, AA McNeight (stroke).

Rugby Football The first XV were beaten by Blackrock College, Past and Present, on the 22nd. The defeat is to be attributed to the fact that we were without Parke, Casement, Robinson, Caddell, Huggard, Sugars, and Acheson. Purser and George were our best backs, and

De Courcy out best forward. On the same day the second XV was beaten by Blackrock second by one try to nil. Owing to the New Zealand match there were no fixtures on Saturday. On Monday the Colour team went over to Cambridge; and account of the match will be found below.

On Wednesday last the Second beat St Mary’s College Past and Present by 35 points to nil.

Purser was mainly responsible for the large score. The third XV beat Lansdowne Third by 37 points to nil. We are glad to see great improvement in their back play.

Cambridge v Dublin We played Cambridge University, at Cambridge, on Tuesday 28th. We were unfortunate in losing the services of Robinson through injury received in the NZ match. Acheson also was an absentee through illness.

Our opponents were, perhaps, more unfortunate in losing their wing three-quarter, BurtMarshall, in the first ten minutes.

Cambridge were the first to score, KG McLeod registering an unconverted try after fifteen minutes’ play. This reverse seemed to rouse our men, and following a good kick by Quinlan, a passing run by our three quarters ended by George grounding at the corner, for Parke to bring off an almost impossible goal.

We were not allowed to keep the lead long, for from a melee inside out twenty-five KG McLeod picked up and dropped a very clever goal.

On changing ends we at once attacked; our forwards, for the first time in the match, showing that the lesson imparted by the Irish

forwards on Saturday had not been in vain. From one of these characteristic rushes, in which De Courcy and Solomons were prominent, the former finished up a beautiful dribble by scoring a very fine try. Parke again showed his abilities as a sure goal-kicker.

On resuming, Cambridge attacked with renewed vigour, and a good passing movement amongst their three-quarters, in which the brothers McLeod showed their great sprinting powers, yielded a try, “KG” being the scorer. The kick was missed, and the match ended in a draw with ten points to the credit of each side.

The match was an excellent one, stiffly contested throughout, and, in the circumstances, perhaps a draw was the most satisfactory result, for, although more than one excellent chance, nay, certain score, was missed by our threequarters, we must not forget that for almost the entire game our opponents were one man short.

Considering the rough passage we had on Monday, to Holyhead, our men played extremely well, some being even brilliant. In this latter class we must mention Huggard, who has seldom played a better game, his kicking and talking leaving nothing to be desired.

Of our three-quarters who, though at times erratic, played well on the whole, Parke was undoubtedly best. George’s own try was a good effort. Thrift got little to do in attack, but his defence was, as usual, very sound.

Caddell, operating behind forwards who rarely got the ball, exhibited all his old-time cleverness and resource, while his partner, Smartt, has never been seen to better advantage. In a word, he was

DU Cricket Club Past and Present in 1905 who played The Australians in College Park. Club Captain FH Browning is seated in the front row wearing white.

Photo: DU Cricket Club a worthy understudy to Robinson: that is praise enough. Our forwards, ably led by Sugars, though beaten by a much heavier pack in the tight, stuck to their work to the end, and were entirely responsible for our second score. Sugars, De Courcy, Solomons, Burns, and Quinlan deserve special mention.

The brothers McLeod and Mainprice were most brilliant in the Cambridge back division, while Harris and Hodges were most prominent among the forwards.

Association Football Last Tuesday we played a friendly with Catholic University in the College Park, at its worst. The first half was very even, but in the second our forwards showed up to great advantage, and we ran out winners of a keen game by three goals to one. The forwards all played well, especially the right wing, though Page and Matthews were rather inclined to hustle one another. The former is a little too fond of wandering, and should mark the opposing inside left, when the ball is thrown in, more careful-

ly; otherwise he is a most valuable acquisition, and puts dash into the forwards. Dilworth still hesitates too much before passing, and so gives time for the opposing defence to get back and mark the rest of the forwards. Fottrell has showed the greatest improvement of late.

Whitty was weak in goal; he hardly ever picked up the ball clean. Such fumbling would not have gone unpunished against a military team.

Both full-backs were poor.

It has been decided that the match with London United Hospitals shall be the Colour match

this year. The following will compose the Colour team, two places being left open till this afternoon: Goal: D Whitty; Backs: RF Griffith, AJ Finny; Half-backs: A Wilkinson, E Lambkin, ———; Forwards: ———, HA Page, HS Dilworth, B Fottrell, CM Finny.

The Rugby Football Club have kindly lent us their ground for the match next Wednesday. Tickets can be had at Lynch’s, or from AJ Finny, 26 TCD. Extracts taken from TCD: A College Miscellany, No 196 (1905)

28

Tuesday December 6, 2005

Sports Editor: Peter Henry

Trinity News

SPORT

Reddin to the rescue as Trinity take soccer colours for third time John Lavelle Dublin University 2 University College, Dublin 1 There were scenes of jubilation in College Park on Wednesday, November 23, as Trinity clinched the soccer Colours in dramatic fashion with a 2-1 victory over archrivals UCD. David Reddin’s sensational eleventh hour winner means Trinity retain to the David Faiers Memorial trophy for the third year in succession. The win also guarantees DU a place in the semi-final of the Irish Universities League at UCD’s expense.

An impressive 3-0 victory against DCU a week earlier had boosted Trinity’s confidence going into the match, after a hesitant start to the intervarsity season. But it was UCD, needing only a point from the match to secure the top spot in the IUFU League Dublin division, who entered the match as favourites. They left with nothing.

The first half was a tense affair – the cup final atmosphere, so often a feature of Colours matches, was palpable. With neither side dominating, chances at both ends were limited to set pieces and long range efforts.

UCD came close half an hour in when midfielder Colm

Reidy drilled a low shot inches wide of the Trinity post. Moments later, a goalbound half volley from DU striker Vincent O’Mahony was blocked by one of his teammates.

Five minutes before half time and O’Mahony was at it again.

His confidence buoyed by two goals on his Trinity debut the previous Wednesday, the young striker spotted Cashin, the UCD keeper, off his line. His curling, dipping, 25-yard effort was only denied by the crossbar.

DU began to gain the upper hand as the interval approached and their breakthrough came just on the stroke of half time.

Ciarán Brady swung in a corner from the right and Trinity midfielder David Riordan rose highest, cushioning the ball effortlessly into the bottom corner, the UCD defence still planted to the ground in shock. One nil Trinity.

The second half followed the same pattern as the first. The defences dominated and chances were at a premium.

Despite being a goal down, UCD rarely looked like creating anything. David Holt and Daniel Trimble at the centre of the Trinity defence dealt comfortably with UCD strikers Ali Pickett and Conor Daly. A mishit bicycle kick from Niall Daly on the hour mark was as close as UCD came to

threatening an equaliser.

DU missed two gilt edged opportunities to double their lead on 70 minutes. In almost a carbon copy of his opening goal, Riordan leapt above the crowd to get his head to an inswinging corner, redirecting it towards goal.

Time stood still as the ball bounced against the post and back into the path of David Reddin. But the big Trinity striker blasted against the underside of the crossbar from five yards out when it looked easier to score. The danger cleared, Steve Cashin realigned the battered goal frame with the goal line, and breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

Their narrow escape spurred the sky blues into action.

With twelve minutes left on the clock, the Trinity defence failed to deal with a UCD attack down the left flank. A high, looping cross was met by the head of Conor Daly, wrong footing Eoin O’Driscoll in the Trinity goal, who watched helplessly as the ball floated over his head and into the top left corner.

One all.

As the minutes ticked by a draw looked increasingly likely.

As it stood, the honours would be split, Trinity retaining the Colours Trophy and UCD progressing to the last four of the Irish Universities League.

But David Reddin hadn’t

Victorious: Trinity’s soccer team after defeating University College read the script.

DU had looked threatening from set pieces all afternoon.

With six minutes to go, Brady curled in another corner from the left hand side. As Reddin broke free from his marker, time stood still once more. On this occasion

there was no hesitation, no uncertainty. Reddin’s powerful header crashed into the back of the UCD net, his fifteen minute transformation from villain to hero complete.

And despite an injury time scare, DU held on for the 2-1 victory. The Colours title stays in

Photo: Dermot Hanaphy

Trinity for the third year running.

DU top the Irish Universities League Dublin division. UCD, the favourites, crash out. The natural order is restored.

Pender (Hobbs), Riordan, Reddin, O’Mahony (Byrne), Brady UCDAFC: Cashin, Lee, Bowers, McMillan, Dillon, C Daly, Fallon, Ready, Pickett, N Daly, Connolly

DUAFC: O’Driscoll, Hayes, Dempsey, Holt, Trimble, Orr,

Hockey Club hosts Trinity victors in varsity swimming Japanese visitors Charlotta Svensson

Dublin University Swimming Club is still celebrating an all-around sweep of events at this year’s Irish Intervarsities. The event, held on the 26th of November, was hosted jointly by the Royal College of Surgeons and NUI Maynooth at the National Aquatic Centre in Abottstown. Organisers welcomed over seventeen colleges from across Ireland and more than twohundred competitors to Dublin over the weekend to participate in the competition. A buffet meal and general celebration followed at the Russell Court Hotel.

The competition between colleges was fierce and the standard was high, given the fact that some participants were Irish

Philip Balbirnie Dublin University 2 Keio University 2 Dublin University Hockey Club hosted their Japanese counterparts on a cold Monday night last week.

Keio University, the oldest club in Japan, and founded by an Irish man in 1906, were on a tour of Ireland and England to celebrate their centenary.

The visitors started off the strongest in a truly exhilarating match. They came out all guns blazing and were tearing their way through a normally sound Trinity defence with some electric pace.

Goalkeeper Jonny Royds kept them at bay with a string of magnificent saves. The Japanese blitz soon faded away as fatigue kicked in and the intervarsity champions began to show their attacking flair with Peter Blakeney putting them into a 2-0 lead at the break. Things turned around for the Japanese in the second half and they pulled themselves level with two very well taken goals. One was an unstoppable shot high into the top corner; one for the crowd! The Irish looked to have sealed the win in the closing stages when after an open goal miss by Blakeney, Philip Balbirnie played a square ball to Club Captain Adam Ward. With seconds to go Ward used all his flair and experience to drop the shoulder and send the defender the wrong way before firing a bullet low into the bottom corner. Trinity celebrated; however, the umpires ruled the goal ineligible for some bizarre reason. Thus the match ended 2-2 and the teams retired to the Pavilion bar to celebrate the first of hopefully many encounters between these two teams.

In other Hockey news, the first XI went down to Corinthian Hockey Club in an eleven goal thriller this Saturday.

Trinity playing strongly were punished to the full by some errant

national squad swimmers; yet swimmers took full advantage of the weekend and Dublin location to relax after the competition. The Club is especially proud to recognise the gold medals won by several of its swimmers, without whom Trinity would not have made a full sweep of the men’s and women’s all-over competition, as well as the all-over college competition. In fact, the Club which came in second to Trinity in the all-around competition, Dublin City University, was a massive 130 points behind Trinity’s 237.

Despite the fact that Saturday was a long day of initial trials and then finals, many intervarsity records were broken in the total of thirty-four races. All of Trinity’s swimmers can share in the pride of the Club’s phenomenal

sweep, and one can only hope that after last year’s and now this year’s all-over win, Trinity will be able to continue its dominance in the competitions to come.

Those swimmers who won gold medals are: Luke Andersson 50m freestyle; Cian Holland 50m butterfly; Shane Aherne 100m backstroke; Ann Marie Fenton 50m freestyle; Charlotta Svensson 50m backstroke; Deidre Tempany 100m breaststroke; Sinead Tyrell 100m individual medley and 200m individual medley.

Trinity teams also won the 4x50m Freestyle Men, 4x50m Medley Men, 4x50m Freestyle Women and 4x50m Medley Women.

South Africans punish DUFC Kay Bowen Dublin University Stellenbosch University

First XI Captain Phelie Maguire and with Keio University hockey manager Takashi Naito in the Pavilion Bar last week Photo: Adrienne Da Costa mistakes and were trailing 3-1 by half time. Things were pulled together at the interval and the students found themselves back in the game 3-2 with goals from Peter

Blakeney and Stephen Findlater.

They soon fell back again and two further goals from Philip Balbirnie and JPP van der Elfinhousin didn’t stop the Corinthian machine from

hitting DU on the break as the students searched for the equaliser.

The final score was 7-4. A poor performance but things can only get better.

12 38

Trinity hosted the world famous rugby academy of Stellenbosch University on Sunday, November 27th, on a beautiful late autumn day in College Park. The visitors boasted many South African under19s and under-21s world champion players. Trinity came out with a very positive game plan and attacked their illustrious visitors off the kick-off. They held the ball for the first five minutes of the game and should possibly have scored on a couple of occasions when opportunities presented themselves.

Stellenbosch showed their athleticism by scrambling back and snuffing out any possible scores.

Stellenbosh then showed what was to be the story of the

game which was a lesson in counter attack, when off a Trinity turnover in the visitors’ twenty-two metre area, they moved the ball quickly wide, and burned the Trinity defence for a superb ninety metre try.

Five of the six Stellenbosch tries came from turnovers; four from loose kicks deep in their own half. The game was unique in the way that virtually the whole game was played in the visitors’ half. The broken field runners of the South Africans were a sight to behold.

In the second-half, Trinity played some fine continuity of their own and scored two welltaken tries by Colm Coyle and Philip Rowe. They should possibly have scored two more with the amount of possession they had.

Stellenbosch were aggressive at the point of contact and the game was very physical in all aspects.

Send your match reports, articles, opinion pieces and other College sport related comment to pehenry@tcd.ie

DUFC XV vs Stellenbosch University: 15 Colm Coyle, 14 Philip Howard (Ronan Doherty 42), 13 George Byron, 12 Donal Crotty, 11 Shane Hanratty, 10 Johnny Watt, 9 Conor McShane, 1 David Rowe (Robert Dickson 35), 2 Matt Crockett, 3 Killian O’Neill, 4 Martin Garvey, 5 Darren O’Reilly, 6 Philip Rowe, 7 Richie Morrow (Matt D’Arcy 50), 8 Gregory Herrera (Peter McFeely 45) What was to be DU Football Club’s last AIL match of the year was cancelled last Saturday as the Club’s pitch at College Park was unplayable. The Club’s first XV were due to meet County Carlow Football Club. The match is to be rescheduled.

Readers can find a letter from Dr Gerald Morgan FTCD regarding DUFC’s pitch on page 21.