San Diego CityBeat • June 14, 2017

2 · San Diego CityBeat · June 14, 2017

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june 14, 2017 · San Diego CityBeat · 3

UP FRONT | FROM THE EDITOR

The (one-time) return of Turds & Blossoms

L

ongtime readers of CityBeat may remember the series of election columns that ran from 2010 to 2012 titled “Turds & Blossoms.” Yes, the name was tongue-in-cheek, but what a fantastically cheeky series of articles they turned out to be. On a weekly basis, reporters such as Dave Maass and Kelly Davis would hilariously award a turd or blossom to local politicians, bureaucrats and even other media outlets.

I’ve certainly been tempted to resurrect the “Turds & Blossoms” moniker when it comes to covering the mayor’s campaign to have a special election in November for his proposed hotel tax increase to fund a Convention Center expansion. This special election would also likely include a measure to approve a SoccerCity development in Mission Valley. As much as I disliked the idea of a special election, I did think the city council would inevitably approve the idea, thus making a turds-and-blossoms-type column leading up to November all the more applicable.

Boy, was I wrong.

The city council ostensibly killed any chance of a special election on the convention center expansion dead on Monday, voting 5-4 along party lines. This means that a November vote on the SoccerCity development is also highly unlikely. And while there’s a sliver of a chance that the council could decide to have a special election later in November, it now seems highly unlikely.

So while the drama surrounding this issue isn’t likely to go away anytime soon (we are still likely to get a ballot measure on a convention center expansion in 2018), the notion of resurrecting “Turds & Blossoms” seems like a “meh” idea at this point. However, I am bringing it back this one time to illustrate just how comical Monday’s session turned out to be.

San Diego’s homeless population: Our homeless population gets a giant bouquet of blossoms. Despite some positive developments from the Board of Supervisors to address the crisis-level increase in the homeless population, said issue will continue to be unaddressed in a substantial way. The funds from the hotel tax that would have been allocated for homelessness were not nearly enough, but at least they were something. Award: Scott Sherman: The bulldoggish city councilmember was genuinely winded after listening to over three hours worth of public comments. He has staunchly supported the special election and, by the end of Monday’s session, he was all set to propose that the council vote on whether to have the special

election on a different date, but changed his mind after he asked City Attorney Mara Elliott if they’d have to open up the meeting to another round of public comment.

“Just asking,” Sherman chuckled.

“You don’t want to ask that,” replied Elliott.

Award: A for humor. A for giving up.

This guy for wearing this shirt: Play on, player.

Award: Ryley Webb and Ian Clampett: Sitting in the background behind councilmember Chris Cate (Webb works for Sherman, Clampett is Cate’s Deputy Chief of Staff), these two city staffers provided the two most apropos facial expressions for the day’s proceedings, often resembling the iconic comedy/ drama theater masks. Our staff got a good laugh watching them on the CityTV live stream. We felt their pain and for that, they get a . Oh, and speaking of CityTV, we’d like to give that stream service an oversized, barely flushable for being so spotty that much of the session sounded like a glitchy dubstep song.

The red herring: The otherwise tasty fish got used as an analogy by both opponents and supporters of the special election. Everything was a “red herring.”

Look, the herring didn’t ask to get dragged into this, much less have his name sullied and used by political enthusiasts to describe something they don’t like.

Leave the herring alone. Award: Mayor Faulconer: The mayor gets one for being ballsy, calling out the councilmembers both before and after the session (see Spin Cycle on the next page for more), but he ultimately gets an award of x π (essentially, a turd pie) for trying to play political hardball with the city budget and having it backfire in his face.

—Seth Combs

Write to seth.combs@sdcitybeat.com

This issue of CityBeat is yet another thing Sessions can’t recall.

Volume 15 • Issue 46 EDITOR Seth Combs MUSIC EDITOR Jeff Terich WEB EDITOR Ryan Bradford ART DIRECTOR Carolyn Ramos ASSOCIATE EDITOR Torrey Bailey COLUMNISTS Aaryn Belfer Edwin Decker Minda Honey John R. Lamb Alex Zaragoza

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4 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

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june 14, 2017 · San Diego CityBeat · 5

UP FRONT | LETTERS

BOARD SHORTS STILL REIGN

UP FRONT

Talofa Mr. Bradford, Sorry chief, but as a native San Diegan, I rank “jorts” down there with Smokey & the Bandit/Dukes of Hazard fashion tragedy-nightmare transplants from south of the Mason Dixon Line [“Sorry men, but your shorts suck (unless they’re jorts),” June 7]. Pasty white and not all right with the ultimate capper of loafers with no socks! I’ll guess you’re originally not from around these parts.

While I’m not onboard with the current trend of shortershort lengths for men (retro OP-local guy, Jim Jenks done good, still!), well-designed board shorts still reign here and rightfully so. Katin, HIC, Birdwell, Maui Rippers, Pelagic, Patagonia, etc.

Can I expect to see you strolling da cliffs in your daisy dukes anytime soon?

Still make a point of reading your columns.

Mike Loflen Clairemont

IMPROV DESERVES LOVE It’s kind of a shame the Old Town Improv Company didn’t get a mention in your cover story [“Neighborhood Watch: Old Town,” June 7], along with the usual tourist attractions.

Hopefully the talented people and improvised shows at this little theatre will gain some traction and be featured the next time you run a similar story.

Andy Robinson College Area

OF THE WEEK SETH COMBS

A weekly column devoted to our favorite holes in the road.

This week’s pothole comes from, well, us. We ran into this beaut in our own backyard when we were driving north on the 3700 block of 32nd Street in North Park. It caused a big enough jolt that our editor exclaimed “goddamn!” and got out of his car to get a better look. He ended up running into Jodie, who lives on the block. She explained that the pothole was the result of some construction work to repair a “Goddamn!” water line, but that the hole was just never properly repaired after the job was complete. She added that she hopes the city will repair it one day, but isn’t holding her breath.

Have a pothole in your neighborhood or on your commute that has you fuming? Tell us about it. Send location and pics (but really, only if it’s safe to do so) to seth.combs@sdcitybeat.com.

From the Editor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Letters to the Editor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Spin Cycle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7-8 Sordid Tales . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 There She Goz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

FOOD & DRINK The World Fare . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 Dishing It Out. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12 The Beerdist. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

THINGS TO DO The Short List. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Calendar of Events . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16-17

ARTS & CULTURE Theater . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 DRINK ISSUE: Classic vs. Craft. . . . . 19-32 Seen Local. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 Film. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34-36

MUSIC FEATURE: Japanese Breakfast. . . . . . . 37 Notes from the Smoking Patio . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39 If I Were U. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40 Concerts & Clubs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42-45

LAST WORDS Advice Goddess. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46

6 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

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UP FRONT | OPINION

SPIN

JOHN R. LAMB

JOHN R. LAMB

CYCLE Chamber of roarers Force is all-conquering, but its victories are short-lived.

M

—Abraham Lincoln

ayor Kevin Faulconer’s foray into force fizzled because: a.) he seems ill-suited for strongarm tactics, or; b.) labor rules the minds of the San Diego City Council Democratic majority?

Maybe it’s c.): The old “hurry up and approve this” mantra so popular among local Republican leaders has grown tired and threadbare.

Whatever the reason, San Diego this week once again stands frozen in decision-making purgatory, with the only discernable movement coming from fingers on opposing sides pointing shivs of blame.

It’s been a tense couple of weeks down at City Hall, with big-money projects on the line and passionate forces aligned on the political chessboard. A traditionally risk-averse mayor—seemingly ensconced in legacy ruminations—pushes for a special election in November to attack many of San Diego’s protruding warts, from an allegedly too-small downtown convention center to an underused Mission Valley stadium abandoned by the NFL. From the mounting potholes that could serve as stadiums to the exploding scourge of homelessness, Faulconer had a plan to take a swing at a host of civic embarrassments growing more visible by the day under his watch.

@SDCITYBEAT

As Councilmember Chris Ward demonstrated Monday, Mayor Faulconer, two can play the spanking game.

But when a majority of the City Council last week voted to excise from next year’s budget the $5 million Faulconer sought for the special election, the mayor knew his defining moment had taken a severe body blow.

Undaunted, Mayor Faulconer on Friday invoked his strong-mayor veto power to restore the November election money, snatching as punishment unallocated funds from the council offices of his primary antagonists in the drama, Chris Ward and Barbara Bry, and cancelling roof money for a Chicano Park museum, among other things, to make up the difference.

Later Friday, the mayor and First Lady were seen celebrating his show of political muscle with dinner at his personal Mar-A-Lago, the San Diego Yacht Club, as

SPIN CYCLE CONTINUED ON PAGE 8

JUNE 14, 2017 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · 7

UP FRONT | OPINION SPIN CYCLE CONT’D FROM PAGE 7 a stream of club members came by to shake his hand. “Lot of smiles,” a witness told Spin.

Meanwhile, San Diego seemed awash in political campaign ads, most featuring retired soccer star Landon Donovan’s stiff hand gestures pushing the proposed SoccerCity mega-development project and urging viewers to call their respective councilmembers in support.

Convention-center expansionists were busy selling their pitch as well, predicting showers of golden

eggs upon the masses if successful and epic decay and civic collapse if not.

But by Monday, it became clear that the Democrats who control the City Council were in little mood to be spanked by the typically allsmiles Faulconer. Councilmember David Alvarez said he found the mayor’s use of homelessness to push a convention-center expansion “almost sickening” and scoffed at suggestions the expansion was “crane-ready” when control of the port land for the project is anything but certain.

Councilmember Ward said disagreements over approach had made him hopeful that a serious attempt would be made to bring disparate sides together. “But when I tried to work as a partner, I got nothing back,” he said during Monday’s deliberations. “Even as homelessness became a central theme to the PR campaign for this effort, nobody has seen fit to tell us what anyone would actually do about homelessness if that passed.”

Added Ward: “Instead of working on a better plan, we have a disingenuous campaign that treats op-

position to this imploding measure as anti-homeless and anti-convention-center, and I take offense.”

Republicans and election proponents instead laid blame on local labor leaders. As one promoter of the SoccerCity project noted privately, “If the proposal had been to erect a statue of Mickey Kasparian at the foot of Broadway, the special election would be next week.”

Sightings of Kasparian, head of the newly formed San Diego Working Families Council, were from Spin’s perspective few and far between during the last cou-

ple weeks. But to special-election backers, much of the world must have seemed upside down.

Mayor Faulconer, for one, seemed particularly miffed. In a statement following Monday’s 5-4 council decision to reject a 2017 special election, the mayor fumed.

“There is nothing more democratic and fair than holding an election so voters can make their voices heard,” the statement read.

“But the City Council majority has made the irresponsible and politically-driven decision to deny a public vote. Councilmembers who say they share the community’s priorities were give a chance to act, but they chose to do nothing.”

Added Mayor McSteamypants: “Our city deserves better than what happened today. To every San Diegan bewildered by the Council’s inability to carry out the simple task of calling an election, your disappointment is understandable, but we must move forward.”

He concluded his wrath by saying he remains “determined to doing what it takes, including working with the community and City Council…” so maybe there is hope that there will be lessons learned all around and critical issues facing the city will finally be addressed.

The convention center forces certainly are going nowhere. In fact after the hearing Monday, Spin’s phone rang. On the other end was an unidentified gentleman who asked if he could ask a couple questions. First, whether Spin was of voting age. Check.

Next, the caller inquired about support for a convention-center expansion and the alleged golden eggs that would rain down.

Playing along, Spin replied, “Why yes!” To which the caller responded, “I’m going to connect you to your council representative.”

The line went dead momentarily, and then another voice came on the line. Spin had been forwarded to the office of Council President Myrtle Cole.

“Yeah, we’re getting a few calls like this,” the Cole staffer laughed.

So this is what political discourse in our time has devolved to? Robo-call-forwarding pranksterisms? Spin shudders to think if all sides came to the simultaneous conclusion that what this floundering city needs is a serious debate among sincere, smart, solution-driven people not looking to line their own pockets or bolster their flagging legacies.

Maybe that’s too much to hope for. Maybe we should just settle in for more episodes of “Mayor Crankypants Hits a Wall.” Maybe we just keep spinning.

Spin Cycle appears every week.

Write to johnl@sdcitybeat.com.

8 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

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UP FRONT | OPINION

EDWIN DECKER

SORDID

TALES

Am I a boozer or an alcoholic?

Breaking News! It ain’t easy typing when your hand is in a cast. Please enjoy this classic Sordid column from October 2009 while I heal.

F

or a long time now, I’ve been meaning to take one of those alcoholic screening tests. Like most drinkers of my caliber, I’m really curious about whether I am a bona fide alcoholic or just a fun-loving boozer who could “quit at any time.”

I guess the reason I never got around to taking a quiz is because I’m scared of what I might learn, and also because I’m usually too hungover to focus.

Today, however, I finally decided to go for it. With a blisteringly frigid, dirty martini by my side, I did a little Googling and chose The John Hopkins University Hospital Alcohol Screening Quiz. Here are the results: The John Hopkins University Hospital Alcohol Screening Quiz Q: Do you drink to build self-confidence or because you are shy?

A: No. Self-confidence is a happy accident that often accompanies my drinking, but is not the point of it.

Q: Is drinking making your home life unhappy?

A: No. Drinking makes my home life happier. For one reason, my wife is also a boozer. We clean house and consume beer. We do shots for no reason. We make bad TV tolerable by playing drinking games like Drink Entourage and Drink American Idol. And when we fight, we don’t remember. Indeed, our home life is much better because we partake.

Q: Is drinking negatively affecting your reputation?

A: Totally ambiguous question. Affect my reputation with whom? Because certainly my reputation with Reverend Partypooper isn’t in good standing. But as far the people who matter to me, my reputation as a happy drunk remains intact.

Q: Have you ever felt regret after drinking?

A: Have I ever taken food into my mouth? Have I ever breathed air into my lungs? Have I ever fallen off a stool in front of a lady and vomited on her shoe? I regret that I must answer, “Yes” to this question.

Q: Have you had financial difficulties as a result of drinking?

A: Another ambiguous question. Are they asking if I spend too much money on booze? If so, then I am inclined to say, “Yes, probably.” But if they mean, “Do I go on benders and squander all the rent on blackjack, bimbos and blow?” then the answer is absolutely not!

I only spend what I can afford on blackjack, bimbos and blow.

Q: Does your drinking make you careless of your family’s welfare?

A: Hell no. My family’s welfare is paramount.

Whenever I go on a bender I make sure to tuck my children safely in the car trunk before I drive to the bar.

Q: Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?

A: Nope. I crave drinks at all different times of all

different days and all different nights.

Q: Do you want a drink the next morning?

A: I have always marveled at some of my friends who—after a long night of hard drinking–will wake up the next morning on the couch, rub their eyes, grab a half-empty can of flat, warm beer from the coffee table and guzzle it down without even checking for cigarette butts! Maybe it’s a sign of alcoholism that I even have friends like that but for me, the answer is no. After a bender, I would sooner drink a cup of Lucifer’s post-coital bathwater than consume another alcoholic beverage.

Q: Do you have trouble sleeping when drinking?

A: How would I know? I’m usually passed out by then. I do know that anyone nearby has trouble, what with my snoring and thrashing and mattress-humping so I guess I should answer “yes” to this one.

Q: Do you drink to escape from worries?

A: Nope. Drinking to escape your troubles is like sleeping to escape nightmares. I will, however, admit to embarking on an occasional binge to take a hiatus from a problem, but the only true way to escape a problem is to fix it, which drinking doesn’t do, unless your problem is that you don’t drink enough.

Q: Do you drink alone?

A: Hell yes I do! What’s that got to do with anything? I love drinking dirty martinis at my writing desk or sitting on a sunset balcony with a stogie and a cold one all by my lonesome. Drinking alone is often better than drinking with people and screw you Buster for docking me for it. How is drinking a beer by myself any more a sign of alcoholism than swilling tequila with my buddies?

Q: Have you ever had a loss of memory as a result of drinking?

A: Does water float? Is blood bloody? Have I ever spent an afternoon hungover on the couch fielding numerous calls from friends recounting outrageous stories I don’t recall about people I insulted and inanimate objects I molested the night before? If memory serves, I’ll have to say “Yes” to this one.

Results: According to Hopkins University Hospital, if you answered “Yes” to three or more questions you are, “Definitely an alcoholic.”

Uh-oh. I scored four. But I call bullshit. Too many ambiguous questions and false assumptions by Hopkins. Oh well, guess I’ll just get drunk and ponder what I’ve learned. For instance, I learned that it’s always best to blame your alcoholism on inferior alcoholism testing. I’ve learned that being an alcoholic means never having to say you’re sorry, except when you join A.A., then you have to say it a lot. I’ve learned that self-exploration is a bad thing and not to do it anymore. And most importantly I learned, nay, just remembered, that my kids are still in the trunk. Oh shit! Gotta run!

Whenever I go on a bender I make sure to tuck my children safely in the car trunk before I drive to the bar.

@SDCITYBEAT

Sordid Tales appears every other week.

Write to edwin@sdcitybeat.com.

JUNE 14, 2017 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · 9

UP FRONT | VOICES

THERE SHE

ALEX ZARAGOZA

GOZ

Family bonding in the bar

B

ars are in my blood. Not because I’m an alcoholic, though I suppose that is debatable. I consulted the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders on this and my conclusion is... probably not?

While my alcoholism is uncertain, I feel confident saying bars are a part of my identity, part of how I came to be who I am. Just as scary-ass stories of La Llorona and sobbing the second the violin strings come on when a mariachi plays “Amor Eterno,” bars and drinking are an important puzzle piece of my history.

My maternal grandfather Rogelio, or Roy as he went by (and was almost what I was named had I been born a boy as my parents had hoped), managed a nightclub in Tijuana back in the ‘50s and ‘60s. For those familiar with the Avenida Revolución scene in TJ, he managed Mike’s, which is now a gay bar with a busted-looking drag show. My mom has told me stories of her childhood, running around with her sisters on the bar’s stage and playing with the cash register while Roy did the books. The thought of that now makes my heart swell.

Years later, my mom and dad would fall in love at Mike’s. Early on in their relationship, my parents spent many nights dancing to The Doors’ “Light My Fire” and “These Eyes” by The Guess Who under the colorful dance floor lights. When they’d reminisce about those days, they’d sing “These Eyes” to each other, fucking up all the words on the fast part. These eyes have seenallota lah buttah nevah gonna seen anodda lah like a ha with youuuuuu.

Again, the memory of this: Heart… swelling like my throat after eating walnuts.

I would have never realized the special place this little Tijuana dive has in my family’s history until I went out on a date one night many years ago and ended up at Mike’s. It was a bit run down, and the Juan Gabriel impersonator wore a wig that can best be described as looking as if a raccoon’s taint hairs got a perm. When I told my mom about the strange and amazing drag show I’d seen, she gave me the backstory. I immediately regretted not taking a million photos and letting the booze aromas sink into my brain.

Over Christmas at my mom’s house in Tijuana, my brother, niece and I decided to take my nephew out partying. At 18, we felt he had been deprived of this rite of passage for long enough. I was tempted to call Child Protective Services on my brother for this flagrant neglect to his son’s coming-of-age experience.

I mean, our dad would sometimes pay off bouncers who wouldn’t let me in clubs because I was under-

age. Why? I was a goddamn honor student in five AP courses pulling a 4.0 GPA, and underage clubbing is an intrinsic part of growing up in Tijuana. A cubeta of beer and Thalia club remixes are essential.

As we walked down Avenida Revolución that Christmas Eve night, we approached Mike’s, which is now called something else.

“Hey guys, come in here real quick,” I told them.

We descended down the stairs, illuminated by red light, passing torn posters of men wearing assless chaps and cowboy hats. At the bottom of the stairs, we entered the completely empty bar blaring Paulina Rubio.

My brother, nephew and niece looked around confused as to why I had brought them there.

Then I told them.

It was as if a light flicked and brightened up their faces.

“No way!” my nephew exclaimed. They took photos and looked around, taking in the space that went from nothing special to a part of how they came to exist, all in two seconds.

The ratty carpeting suddenly had more meaning. In that moment, I remembered my own brush with love under the club lights.

At 20 years old, I too would fall madly in love under the lights of a nightclub. I lived in Birmingham, England, and found a job listing for a bartending job at a cool, divey, indie nightclub. I walked into the interview and met the club’s manager. He was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen in my life. I immediately became aware of what I looked like and tried to fix myself while walking behind him. About two years later, he and I would be married. Two years after that, I left him. Bars had a lot to do with that ending.

Standing at Mike’s, I had a moment of wistfulness.

I’ll never get to show my possible future kids where their mom and dad fell in love, and see their heart swell as they realize they’re standing in the place that lead to their existence. Even though it’s been almost 10 years and that period of my life is so far gone it feels like it happened to another person, I still felt the twinge of what if. That feeling comes back every so often, but doesn’t stay for long, because where I ended up is pretty fucking great.

We left Mike’s and found a club that was bumping.

We all danced, I bought my niece and nephew beers and he got to see two girls fist fight on the dance floor.

“This is so lit!” he said with a wide smile. Another bar to add to the memory collection.

Underage clubbing is an intrinsic part of growing up in Tijuana. A cubeta of beer and Thalia club remixes are essential.

10 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

There She Goz appears every third week.

Write to alexz@sdcitybeat.com. @SDCITYBEAT

UP FRONT | FOOD

BY MICHAEL A. GARDINER

THE WORLD

mium buns, while others see the bun simply as a minimalist meat-delivery system. Logsdon splits the difference, He takes a page from Mexican tortas and goes with bolillo rolls that offer a soft, supple texture but also provide enough resistance to the burger’s juices (queue sexist Carl’s Jr. TV ad if you Great burgers are built, not born must).

Next up is the choice of sauce on the bottom ackyard burgers, gourmet burgers, fast food bun: mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise or none. In one burgers and all of their myriad variations nod to the upscale burger, Logsdon goes with an have two things in common: 1.) they’re still aioli—garlic mayo—and gets great mileage from it. just burgers and 2.) they have a limited number of Up next is choice of foundation ingredients: moving parts. Get those parts right and that burger type of lettuce (or other greens), tomato and onions (raw or fried). Logsden keeps MICHAEL GARDINER it basic. And if the aioli was his nod to the high end, Logsdon’s choice of cheese—a choice where many, spoiled for options, go crazy—is decidedly a resolute nod to the low end: American cheese.

Those are the basic moving parts of a burger. Sure, Daniel Boulud may have gone wild to “justify” the $99 price tag on his Burger Royale at DB Bistro Moderne, stuffing his sirloin burger with braised short ribs, foie gras and black truffles, but that is absolutely not what The Balboa is about.

It is nothing more or less than an attempt to make the best basic burger.

It’s not some upscale take on the thing, but a clear throwback to what a burger is all about: the backyard, rolling up to the fast food joint, etc., but The Balboa Burger it’s executed perfectly. It’s everything a hamburger should be and nothing it is not going to suck. Screw them up and all bets really doesn’t need to be. are off. There may be more expensive burgers, but There’s more than the signature burger at The there is likely to be no place in town that demon- Balboa. The closest Logsdon gets to an upscale strates the proper architecture of a burger better entry is his Centennial, which is essentially The than The Balboa Bar & Grill (1863 Fifth Avenue), Balboa Burger doubled with bacon. It’s good, but as where downtown morphs into Bankers Hill. it walks upscale, the American Cheese makes less A walk through The Balboa’s signature burger, sense. The garlic fries are good too, but the regular The Balboa Burger, demonstrates this point. The fries feature Logsdon’s carefully crafted seasoning first essential of a burger is, of course the meat: salt so it’s worth highlighting. type of meat (including fat-to-lean ratio), pack of Why, some might ask, not make the ultimate the patty, seasoning. Balboa’s Tom Logsdon gets it upscale burger? Others, me included, ask the other right on all accounts: 70/30 lean-to-fat beef, liber- question: Why risk losing the soul of the thing itally seasoned with a house-blended seasoning salt self? One can find that soul at The Balboa. and packed just enough to keep the patty together.

Next on the essential list is the bun. Many high- The World Fare appears weekly. end burgers play with brioche and other ultra-pre- Write to michaelg@sdcitybeat.com.

FARE B

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JUNE 14, 2017 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · 11

UP FRONT | FOOD

BY JAMES VERNETTE

DISHING IT

OUT

Carnie-vores unite!

C

arnival food is like the punk rock of eating: It’s loud, in your face and not appreciated by everyone.

As it so happens, San Diego is somewhat of a carnival food mecca, mainly because the San Diego County Fair is the first stop on the California State Fair circuit that goes from June to February. As such, our fair is a place where new types of fair foods are introduced to the world, all of which are designed to expand the culinary mind and the waistline at the same time.

This is where now-classic fair foods such as the deep-fried Krispy Kreme cheeseburger, deep-fried avocado and deep-fried (sense a trend here?) Oreo made their debut.

This year, the carnie-vores who create this shit seem to be as crazy as ever. Is it an after effect of pot’s legalization? Possibly.

To be fair (see what I did there?), a lot of the crazier carnival crap seem to be loss leader dares—foods that sound so preposterous that people will buy one just to try it, split it with their friends and forget about it. A perfect example of this is the Krispy Kreme ice cream chicken sandwich. It’s one of the new foods being peddled at Chicken Charlie’s, the bright red stand on the midway featuring a slightly befuddled chicken as its logo.

The sandwich is basically a “sand-wrong.” It’s supposed to be a combination of sweet and salty, hot and cold, but it’s like a kid who has to act out in order to get attention. The heat of the sandwich melts the ice cream down your arm, and none of the flavors blend together. The main downfall is the ice cream, which goes well with the donut, but doesn’t have the sweetness that, say, maple syrup provides. The majority of people who buy this sandwich will either be stoners or social media junkies wanting a good photo for Instagram.

On the other hand, I was pretty damn impressed with Charlie’s other creation: the peanut butter

12 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

meatballs. The peanut butter comes in the form of a batter that is deep-fried. The sweetness of the peanut actually paired very well with the meatballs. I honestly only expected to eat one of the three meatballs that come with an order, but I ate them all ravenously.

One downside: The meatballs are covered with powdered sugar that ended up covering my shirt.

I looked like a Christian youth pastor who deals meth on the side. I think they’d be even better if they used a Thai peanut sauce with some heat in their batter instead of Skippy or Jif. The Bacon A-Fair booth had a nice new addition that seemed comparatively gourmet: baconwrapped Brussels sprouts. Bacon and Brussels sprouts are a natural match and these are grilled on a skewer.

JAMES VERNETTE

Peanut butter meatballs Although most of these crazy fair foods are for meat-eaters, there is at least one crazy option that should please vegetarians who also want to risk a heart attack without biting a cow: the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos cheese fries at the Midway Gourmet. I’m not a fan of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. I feel like they were created by someone with an older sister who stole his chips when he was a kid and then vowed to create a snack food no one would like when he grew up.

However, when mixed with melted nacho cheese and the freshly fried potatoes, it knocked me out. Or, of course, it could have been because after that much fat and carbs, I inevitably fell into a food coma.

Dishing It Out appears every other week.

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@SDCityBeat

june 14, 2017 · San Diego CityBeat · 13

UP FRONT | DRINK

THE

BY ANDREW DYER

BEERDIST

Little Miss can’t be wrong

M

iramar brewery Little Miss Brewing (7949 Stromesa Ct.) has opened the first of two-planned satellite tasting rooms after less than one year of operation. The new spot (3514 Adams Ave.) is impossible to miss driving west on Adams Avenue in Normal Heights—a large mural on the side of the building features the Little Miss logo and two B-29s dropping bombs and parachute-equipped kegs.

The World War II motif continues inside. The décor is unabashedly British, from the ceiling painted with a Union Jack to the portrait of Winston Churchill on the wall. A second tasting room set to open in Ocean Beach will reportedly feature France, another U.S. ally.

The bar is adorned with thousands of bullet casings and its overall arrangement is unique for a tasting room. The entire space is bisected by the bar, with seating on both sides. Beertenders occupy the space in between and serve customers on each side. There is little standing room between the bar and the walls, so it is unclear how well the space will function when the place is packed. However, the design comes with the benefit of encouraging conversation and socializing, both with beertenders and with fellow patrons across the bar.

The beers at Little Miss are what one would expect to find at any San Diego brewery—IPAs and hoppy pale ales, mostly, rounded out by a Berliner Weisse, imperial stout, Belgian blonde and a couple porters.

Hoperation Overlord is an imperial oatmeal IPA I first tried at Guildfest last November, and I came away just as happy now as I did then. It delivers a big hop punch followed by a smooth, easy-drinking finish. An imperial Russian stout called Devil’s Piano was also good, its robust notes of coffee held up nicely to the not-too-big, not-too-small 10.1 percent ABV. A Berlinner Weisse, Blitzkrieg with

14 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

Raspberry, was the only beer I tried that missed the mark with me. I thought it was a little underwhelming with not enough tart to balance the fruit.

Of the beers I tried, the New Deal San Diegostyle pale ale was probably my favorite. Piney and earthy hop flavors, courtesy of the Cascade and Palisade hops, provide a classic aroma and taste.

Its 5.5 percent ABV means one could drink a few New Deals and still be able to commiserate on the ANDREW DYER

Little Miss Brewing, Normal Heights threats Roosevelt’s signature social programs face today with relative coherence.

Overall it was the attention to detail I appreciated most at Little Miss. The war motifs are consistent at every turn, and I like that the tasting menu lists both the hop and malt content of each beer, along with ABV and tasting notes. There are TVs on the walls, but they are small, and—at least when I was there—muted, so as not to distract from the conversations the space is suited for. It remains to be seen how it will handle a large crowd, but as a small space meant to accommodate its surrounding community, this new Normal Heights tasting room is on-target.

The Beerdist appears every other week.

Write to andrewd@sdcitybeat.com

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SHORTlist

EVENTS

the

THREE YOU HAVE TO SEE

COORDINATED BY

SETH COMBS

LOGAN HEIGHTS

1 ART SCHOOL

We strongly believe that buying art can out into the larger community and we’ve been really be addictive. And no, we’re not talking about that fortunate in growing and curating this event,” says “Keep Calm…” sign that’s been collecting dust in Museum School director Phil Beaumont. “We’ve got the garage. San Diego has hundreds of talented lo- folks that have shown and presented in museums cal artists working in a variety COURTESY OF THE ARTIST internationally and here in of mediums, and once a casual the Museum of Contemporary art lover decides to buy a piece Art in San Diego, so it’s a high from one of those local artists, caliber body of work that we they’re not only supporting have, which is wonderful.” the local art scene, but they’re One of those high-caliber also investing in themselves. local artists is Perry Vasquez, At the end of the day, don’t we who is not only a participatall want something original ing artist but also a Musuem and one-of-a-kind hanging in School board member and our house rather than massparent of a student. manufactured print of a cliché “Producing the art auction painting? reminds me of the generosAn exemplary way to get ity of the artists in San Diego started on an art collection Is who have supported it year afgoing to the Art Auction for “Dragon” by Melissa Walter ter year,” says Vasquez. “They the Museum School. The anare wonderful human beings nual event will feature dozens of San Diego’s best who believe art has an important place in our eduand brightest artists (Claudia Cano, Matt Devine cational system.” and Beliz Iristay, just to name a few) who have doThe auction is open to all art lovers and also nated pieces to benefit the� �������������������� �������������������� Museum School, a tu- serves as an excellent survey exhibition of the best ition-free, public charter school in San Diego that contemporary artists in the region. It all goes down Saturday, June 17 from 6 to 9 p.m. at the Bread focuses on the arts.

“We do a variety of different fundraising activi- & Salt space (1955 Julian Ave.). museumschool.org ties, but the art auction is an opportunity to reach

MISSION VALLEY

2

COCONUT MADNESS

BALBOA PARK

3

OH, WHAT A NIGHT

The rules are simple for CityBeat’s Chefs & Shakers Mash-Up 2017: eight chefs and mixologists couple up and compete to create the best food and drink pairings.

It can be any combination, just as long as the featured ingredient (coconut) is included in the recipe. Participating restaurants include Park & Rec, Urban Solace, Sycamore Den and more.

What’s more, CityBeat readers will vote for the Best Dish, Best Drink and Best Overall Pairing, with awards being presented at the end of the night. This fourth annual cooking and cocktails event will be held at Lot 8 (1201 Hotel Circle South) from 7 to 10 p.m. Thursday, June 15.

Tickets are $20 to $30 and can be purchased at sdcitybeat.com.

When it comes down to supporting local artists and creative, PechaKucha Night is an ideal event that joins designers, filmmakers, photographers, writers and educators into one colorful community of creators. For readers who’ve never been, speakers will discuss issues centered on San Diego’s art scene. The presentation will include a “20 slides, 20 seconds” format with speakers that include artist Thomas DeMello, filmmaker Matt Hoyt, music impresario Tim Mays and artist David Fobes. The event will be held inside the neighboring auditorium at Panama 66 in Balboa Park (1450 El Prado) on Thursday, June 15 from 7 to 10 p.m.

The event is free, but show up early. Check out sdarchitecture.org for more information.

Chefs & Shakers Mash-Up

PechaKucha Night

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JUNE 14, 2017 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · 15

EVENTS ART HDowntown at Sundown at MCASDDowntown, 1001 Kettner Blvd., Downtown. MCASD’s after-hours event offers free admission and guided tours of exhibitions at MCASD and the SDSU Downtown Gallery. Also includes specials at local businesses and live music. From 5 to 8 p.m. Thursday, June 15. Free. 858-4543541, mcasd.org HGrace Bell: Music Scene Hear at Athenaeum Music & Arts Library, 1008 Wall Street, La Jolla. This exhibit will feature photography by the artist who is best known for capturing themes of motion, rhythm and emotion in jazz musicians and performers. Opening from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. Friday, June 16. Free. 858454-5872, ljathenaeum.org HMinis at Sparks Gallery, 530 Sixth Avenue, Downtown. Artwork of various mediums and styles, created by local artists, will be showcased in sizes 10x10 inches or smaller. All works will be priced at $200 or less. Opening from 6 to 9 p.m.

H = CityBeat picks COURTESY OF THE ARTIST

Saturday, June 17. Free. 619-696-1416, sparksgallery.com HMuse at La Bodega Gallery, 2196 Logan Ave., Barrio Logan. Nine San Diego County museums paired with local artists to create mural concepts inspired by each museum’s mission and to highlight Barrio Logan’s heritage. Opening at 5 p.m.

Saturday, June 17. Free. 619-276-0101, sandiegomuseumcouncil.org 25 and Under Art Contest Showcase at MCASD - Downtown, 1001 Kettner Blvd., Downtown. The annual showcase celebrates the winners of the 25 and Under Art Contest features works by up-andcoming local talent. Opening from 1 to 3 p.m. Saturday, June 17. Free. 858-4543541, mcasd.org HMuseum School Auction at Bread & Salt, 1955 Julian Ave., Sherman Heights.

An auction of works by more than 50 local and international artists, some who have shown at MCASD, the Whitney in New York and more. Proceeds benefit the Museum School. From 6 to 9 p.m. Saturday, June 17. Free. 619-851-4083, museumschool. org HWeird Hues Anniversary Party at 1699 Main St., Barrio Logan. The experimental art movement dedicated to creating an artistic atmosphere in San Diego and Tijuana celebrates its one-year anniversary with art and music inside a DIY space. Opening from 6 p.m. to midnight Saturday, June 17. $5-$7. facebook. com/events/1219477574848463

BOOKS Joseph Finder at Mysterious Galaxy Book Store, 5943 Balboa Ave., Ste. 100, Clairemont. The New York Times bestselling mystery novelist will sign and discuss his latest Nick Heller novel, The Switch.

At 7:30 p.m. Friday, June 16. Free. 858268-4747, mystgalaxy.com Dave Boling at Warwick’s Bookstore, 7812 Girard Ave., La Jolla. The sports writer will discuss and sign his new novel, The Lost History of Stars. At 7:30 p.m.

Monday, June 19. Free. 858-454-0347, warwicks.com

“Miles Davis” by Grace Bell will be on view at Grace Bell: Music Scene Hear, a solo show opening from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m.

Friday, June 16, at the Athenaeum Music & Arts Library (1008 Wall St., La Jolla).

HDaniel Riley at Warwick’s Bookstore, 7812 Girard Ave., La Jolla. The senior editor at GQ will be promoting his debut novel, Fly Me. At 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, June 20. Free. 858-454-0347, warwicks. com

FASHION Huge Frocking Sale at Frock You, 4121 Park Blvd., University Heights. Frock You will be putting some choice vintage clothing and accessories on sale and joined by great guest vendors. From 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Friday, June 16, Saturday, June

16 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

BOOKS: THE FLOATING LIBRARY Cuts to the bone

T

he Seven Autopsies of Nora Hanneman, Courtney E. Morgan’s debut collection of linked short stories, is full of surprises.

I suppose I could tell you that you’ll find stories about a young girl’s obsession with a ten-year-old boy who lives alone in a dilapidated house, a harrowing encounter between two young women and a drug-addled trucker, and a brothel that offers experiences with skin suits animated by the customer’s desires.

But these thumbnail descriptions do a disservice to the kind of reading experience The Seven Autopsies of Nora Hanneman provides. While there’s a narrative at work, it’s very faint. “Then what happened?” is beside the point here. Rather, these stories explore girlhood, adolescence and early adulthood in a way that emphasizes what’s not explicitly stated.

Think of them as fairy tales for ghosts.

“The man, when he puts his hand inside of you and there are a thousand bottles that rattle and clank and then break into a thousand pieces and the blood drips down your leg, licks it away.”

Throughout the stories, images recur and are ruthlessly interrogated. Girls and birds are connected and, in some cases, fuse together. Homes are nests, but nests aren’t always homes, and tree houses are fraught places. Birds emerge from the

17 and Sunday, June 18. 619-220-0630, frockyouvintage.com

FOOD & DRINK HChefs and Shakers Mash-Up at Lot 8, 1201 Hotel Circle South, Mission Valley.

Eight chefs and drink mixers will couple up and compete to create the best food and drink mash-ups using the key ingredient, coconut. Guests will vote for their favorites and awards will be presented at the end of the night. From 7 to 10 p.m.

Thursday, June 15. $20-$30. 858-2466129, sdcitybeat.com Beer & Sake Festival at Harrah’s Resort Southern California, 777 Harrah’s Rincon Way, Valley Center. Hosted by the Japan Society of San Diego and Tijuana, this 15th annual charity tasting event will feature more than 100 varieties of sake, local craft beers and appetizers. From 7 to 10 p.m. Friday, June 16. $40-$60. 858-4671727, japan-society.org HFood Truck & Music Fest at Guymon Street Vacant Lot, 5083 Guymon St., Em-

protective shell of an egg, which then becomes a symbol of vulnerability as young women come to grips with their agency and power. This is particularly poignant when Nora loses her mother and becomes a mother herself.

“Something in the air becomes fuzzy in the act of becoming motherless. Something in the soil becomes familiar.”

Many of the characters are besieged with feelings of dislocation and not belonging. The events of the world push in while memories push their way out, creating a way of being that’s difficult to reconcile.

“It wasn’t that we were opened and something was stolen. It’s that the sense of ourselves moved from inside that tight membrane to somewhere outside. Somewhere else. I didn’t know where I was.”

Morgan’s prose churns with dark and discomfiting eroticism. Her stories are artful, engaging and full of danger. Whether you are aroused or repulsed, The Seven Autopsies of Nora Hanneman will leave its mark on you.

“There was night, it was always night, the black so black it must be memory.”

Courtney E. Morgan will be reading at Négociant Winery at 2419 El Cajon Blvd on June 16 from 7-9pm.

Write to jimr@sdcitybeat.com.

erald Hills. The weekly fest showcases food trucks and local bands. This week, trucks include New Orleans Cuisine, Marcel Belgian Waffles and Sicilian Breeze Gilato. From 5 to 8 p.m. Friday, June 16. Free. sdbd.org HTaco and Beer Fest at Marina View Park, 900 Marina Parkway, Chula Vista.

More than 15 different street taco stands and San Diego and Baja Breweries will participate in this inaugural brew fest in Chula Vista. Music performances by Cumbia Machin, Melapelus and more.

From 1 to 6 p.m. Sunday, June 18. $25$45. tacosmakemehappy.eventbrite.com HTaste of Liberty Station at various businesses, Liberty Station, Point Loma.

For the first time ever the area will offer a chance for passersby to experience live music in the plaza, bites from local eateries, art from featured galleries and wine tastings from the Bubbly Garden. 5 to 9 p.m. Wednesday, June 21. $30. 619756-7992, libertystation.com

—Jim Ruland

MUSIC Michael Francis and Jorge Osorio at Balboa Theater, 869 Fourth Ave., Gaslamp Quarter. Francis leads pianist Osorio through a program of works by Mozart, Beethoven and Prokofiev. Plus, a pre-show mini concert celebrating 25 years of Mainly Mozart in Mexico. At 7:30 p.m. Saturday, June 17. $15-$58. 619570-1100, sandiegotheatres.org Brit Floyd at Civic Theater, 1100 Third Ave., Downtown. The Pink Floyd tribute band continues its Immersion World Tour, performing favorites from The Dark Side of the Moon, Wish You Were Here, The Wall, The Division Bell and Animals. At 8 p.m.

Monday, June 19. $20-$63. 619-5701100, sandiegotheatres.org HAmbrose Akinmusire Quartet at Athenaeum Music & Arts Library, 1008 Wall Street, La Jolla. Acclaimed trumpeter Akinmusire will perform new cuts with a band of

EVENTS CONTINUED ON PAGE 17

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WINE: BOTTLE ROCKET JEN VAN TIEGHEM

An affair to remember

A

s someone who spent last year dieting into a wedding dress, I showed up with an audibly empty stomach and a teenager’s alcohol tolerance for what was an all-you-can-sample wine and food event.

The Vine Affair—presented by the Balboa Park Cultural Partnership—held its inaugural event in five locations around the park. The semi-self-guided tour was a welcome departure from cramped tasting rooms or impersonal meeting-hall setups.

Each stop on the indulgent journey had a distinct theme. The Fleet Science Center was the most raucous with a steampunk band that included a puppet show, lively folk dancers and pungent beers from Stone and Lost Abbey.

The San Diego History Center was a more subdued stop with quiet Klezmer music, but it had some of the best food including tasty flatbreads and delicious cheeses.

But my favorite was downstairs at the San Diego Model Railroad Museum, which had Midcentury modern-themed festivities. As I weaved around historic railroad scenes, I found one of my favorite wines of the night at a table for Chateau Diana Winery from Sonoma County. The bright rock candy label of the Candy Babee Riesling made me think it would be too sweet, but it had pleasant stone fruit flavors and a bite of candied citrus.

A world away in a Spanish-themed

EVENTS CONTINUED FROM PAGE 16 equally adept jazz musicians. At 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, June 21. $26. 858-454-5872, ljathenaeum.org

PERFORMANCE Adult Puppet Cabaret at The Marie Hitchcock Puppet Theater, 2130 Pan American Road W., Balboa Park. A night of puppet making, watching new short form puppet theater and Puppet-E-Oke. From 7 to 10 p.m. Friday, June 16. $12-$15. 619-544-9203, adultpuppetcabaret.com

POETRY & SPOKEN WORD HNew Alchemy Poetry at Lestat’s West, 3343 Adams Ave., Normal Heights. Readings from two huge local talents: Ted Washington and Anna Zappoli.

From 7 to 9 p.m. Thursday, June 15. Free. facebook.com/events/1357543824327891

SPECIAL EVENTS *North Park After Dark at University Ave. and 30th St. Over 25 businesses in the heart of North Park, from galleries to boutiques, will remain open until 9 p.m. and offer specials, refreshments and entertainment. From 5 to 9 p.m. Thursday, June 15. Free. northparkmainstreet.com HPlanting Seeds at Sleep Bedder, 2855 El Cajon Blvd., North Park. A benefit show featuring seven musical acts, plus a wilderness-inspired art show with pieces by local artists. Art sales benefit the Nature Conservancy. From 6 p.m. to midnight Friday, June 16. Free-$10. facebook.com/ events/116279022224708/ HOld House Fair at South Park San Diego, 30th Street and Beech Streets, South Park. The community’s annual festival will feature tours of five historic homes and gardens and a street fair. Additions this year include a kids area, food trucks, a wine garden

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The Vine Affair area hosted by the Balboa Park Conservancy and The Prado, I found another thirst-quenching wine in Bodega Vionta’s Albariño. Its bright tropical flavors paired perfectly with the seafood paella being served.

As a premiere, The Vine Affair succeeded in showcasing the eclectic cultural offerings of Balboa Park and paired local—and visiting—vendors together to create five mini-events in one. The focus on quality food and reasonable portions was evident and appreciated by those of us splurging. I do hope that it comes back next year, if not sooner.

My one disappointment was in the varied beverages featured. I anticipated finding mostly wine but was often offered to imbibe something other than the nectar of the vines. Trust me, I love sake, cocktails, coffee, cider and beer, but if I had mixed all the libations offered, I would have been hungover like the thirty-something I am.

—Jen Van Tieghem

Bottle Rocket appears monthly. and craft beer from Hess Brewing, Modern Times and others. From 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday, June 17. $25-$30. oldhousefairsd.com Festival of Yoga San Diego at Balboa Park, Park Blvd. and President’s Way Lawn, Balboa Park. Join hundreds of other yoga enthusiasts for a morning of yoga, music and meditation in celebration of the United Nations International Day of Yoga. From 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday, June 17. Free. 619-7274930, festivalofyogasandiego.org HNeighborhood’s 10 Year Anniversary Block Party at Neighborhood, 777 G St, East Village. Food and beer will be provided at the celebratory toast for Neighborhood’s gastropub anniversary, which will also include a performance by iconic MC Talib Kweli.

From 1 to 6 p.m. Saturday, June 17. $45. 619-4460002, neighborhoodsd.com/hood

TALKS & DISCUSSIONS HPechaKucha Night at Panama 66, 1450 El Prado, Balboa Park. A sampling of local culture where 20 images of works by artists, architects, filmmakers, photographers, writers and more are shown for 20 seconds each while the speaker discusses them. From 7 to 10 p.m. Thursday, June 15. Free. facebook.com/ events/1843324425983709 HWalls, Bold and Bright at Mingei International Museum, 1439 El Prado, San Diego. Presenting her book Bardas de Baile: Mexican Wall Painting, SDSU associate professor, Patricia Cue explores Mexico’s artistic process of advertising through wall painting.

From 6 to 7:30 p.m. Thursday, June 15. $10. 619239-0003, mingei.org HEmbracing the Beauty of Diversity in Our World at RIMAC Field, University of California San Diego, 9500 Gilman Drive, La Jolla. This event features entertainment and festivities followed by a public address from His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama including a Q&A. From 9 to 11:30 a.m. Friday, June 16. $15. 858 534-8496, commencement.ucsd.edu

JUNE 14, 2017 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · 17

THEATER JIM COX

Farce of nature

The Spitfire Grill runs through June 25 at North Coast Repertory Theatre in Solana Beach. $42-$53; northcoastrep.org

T

he appeal of Fiasco Theater’s artistry is the complete delight with which its troupe members perform and create on stage. Three years after its well-received production of Into the Woods at the Old Globe, the Fiasco players are back with an even finer offering, their adaptation of Moliere’s The Imaginary Invalid. You may have seen before this 17th century farce about a hypochondriac father and the daughter he seeks to marry off, for purely self-interested reasons, to a dolt of a doctor. But odds are you’ve never seen it like this, with the Fiasco ensemble (directed by cast members Jessie Austrian and Noah Brody) performing original music (by Ben Steinfeld), and invigorating this old comedy-ballet to the point that it feels spontaneous and new.

Aside from the Act 2-opening scene in which the “invalid” (Andy Grotelueschen) and his brother (Paul L. Coffey) debate his ridiculous hypochondria, the production moves along rapidly and happily. There’s a keen sense that the Fiasco gang (which also includes Kevin Hafso-Koppman, Jane Pfitsch and Emily Young) is having a helluva good time. So will you.

The Imaginary Invalid runs through July 2 at the Old Globe’s Sheryl and Harvey White Theatre, Balboa Park. $29 and up; oldglobe.org

18 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

—David L. Coddon

Theater reviews run weekly.

Write to davidc@sdcitybeat.com.

OPENING: Aida: The Tony-winning rock opera from Elton John and Tim Rice about an Egyptian prince who falls in love with a slave. Presented by Moonlight Stage Productions, it opens June 14 at the AVO Playhouse in Vista. moonlightstage.com

NOW PLAYING:

Members of Fiasco Theater in The Imaginary Invalid

W

hether in mid-song or midsob, Aurora Florence is the life force behind North Coast Repertory Theatre’s production of The Spitfire Grill, a sincere, often-sad 2001 musical adaptation of a 1996 film. Florence, an original member of the alt-rock band Imagine Dragons, is Perchance (Percy) Talbott, recently out of prison and doing a different kind of time in a small Wisconsin town where secrets are kept, gossip flows freely and people drop their g’s when they’re

talkin’. How Percy comes to transform them all is the crux of the show by James Valq and Fred Alley, which gets a heartfelt staging at the North Coast Rep under Jeffrey B. Moss’ direction. The women’s parts are the best written in this musical, and the female characters enjoy the best songs, too. Taking advantage besides Florence are Meghan Andrews, the single-named Devlin as the Spitfire’s spit-and-vinegar owner, and in a wee but howling part as the town gossip, Maggie Carney.

Beauty and the Beast: The musical production based on the Disney movie about a grumpy hairball and the belle who loves him. Presented by Star Repertory Theatre, it runs through June 18 at the Lyceum Theatre in Downtown. patioplayhouse.com The Bodyguard: In this Broadway musical, a singer has to hire a bodyguard to protect her from an unknown assailant, but then things get romantic.

Based on the iconic Whitney Houston film, it runs through June 18 at the San Diego Civic Theatre in Downtown. broadwaysd.com

For full listings, visit “Theater” under Culture at sdcitybeat.com

@SDCITYBEAT

t’s a story as old as time. Someone makes something particularly innovative. Everybody loves it. Then, some upstart comes along and says, “I’m going to make it even better” often sprucing up and tricking out the original creation in the process. And while innovation is always a good thing, there’s something to be said for tradition. After all, if something is considered a “classic,” it has that distinction for a reason.

Nowhere is this logic more relevant than in the cocktail world. It can be contentious sometimes (think about the eyerolls that ensue when someone orders an appletini), but it’s more than simply a battle between strict originalism and liberal innovation. For bartenders, it’s about respecting their proverbial drink-slinging forebearers while also honoring their own creative instincts.

But for us, it’s all about what tastes good. Finding that perfectly balanced and meticulously made classic cocktail can transport us back to the time and place where we first tried it. Or, it can be finding that clever, crafty and creative drink that we may have otherwise never tried. The 16 drinks in this feature are more than adequate representations of this classic versus craft dichotomy. They also happen to taste really damn good as well.

CLASSIC VS. CRAFT CONTINUED ON PAGE 22 @SDCITYBEAT

JUNE 14, 2017 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · 19

20 · San Diego CityBeat · June 14, 2017

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june 14, 2017 · San Diego CityBeat · 21

AMY K. FELLOWS

CANDICE ELEY

It’s not hard to find a mule in San Diego. And maybe more importantly, it’s not hard to find a good mule in San Diego. That’s partially because it’s an easy drink to make, comprising ginger beer, lime and vodka. Various bars have their own slight variation on the recipe, sometimes adding bitters or a particular garnish (like Small Bar’s giant slice of ginger root), but at the heart of a good mule is a straightforward, three-ingredient cocktail that is, ideally, served in a copper mug.

And it’s a damn refreshing way to build up an afternoon buzz.

Yet it’s hard not to look to one lounge in particular for making the mule popular in San Diego over the past decade: Starlite (3175 India St.) in Mission Hills. When Starlite opened its glamorous, impossibly cool mid-century doors in 2007, the mule was one of its signature drinks, served with a slight variation on the old-school Moscow mule recipe, while also adding a float of Angostura bitters to the vodka, lime and ginger beer mixture. The drink almost immediately became synonymous with the bar and is a must-order for any first-time or repeat visitor (as, arguably, is its Kentucky Colonel, which substitutes whiskey for vodka).

Starlite’s mule is, naturally, served in a classic copper mug, a tradition that goes back to the drink’s development in the ‘40s when the daughter of the Moscow Copper Co. founder suggested a bartender use her inventory of mugs to serve the drink (hence the name “Moscow mule”). Yet in Starlite’s case, the vessels proved too irresistible to many patrons who ended up taking them home without permission. Starlite has since made their mugs available to purchase, so if one absolutely must find its way into your pocket or purse, make sure to offer up the necessary cash to make it legit.

The great thing about a mule is that it’s such a solid foundation to build upon. As a type of buck, which is a cocktail that features citrus and ginger beer or ginger ale, a mule doesn’t need much to be done right, and most bars around San Diego will swap out vodka for any other spirit; bourbon mules, for instance, are just as appealing as the original recipe. But why stop there? Maybe add a second spirit or any other variety of mixers. And while it’s certainly possible to ruin a mule (by using Diet Vernor’s, perhaps, or too much bargain well vodka), more than a few enterprising cocktail lounges in San Diego have offered up their own creative spin.

Counterpoint in Golden Hill (830 25th St.) is one such bar. Its Emerson Biggins creation maintains the lime and ginger as a foundation for going buck wild. While the Emerson Biggins hits the spot in much the same way the classic mule does—a cool and lightly spiced drink that’s especially appealing on a hot weekend (or weekday or night or whatever)—its flavor profile is considerably more complex. For starters, there’s no vodka; in its place is El Silencio mezcal, which gives the drink an immediate boost of smokiness, enhanced by the addition of smoked salt. Add to that the bittersweetness of Cynar, an herbaceous Italian liqueur, and cucumber, and instead of ginger beer, actual fresh ginger with soda. The end result is a much more intense and powerful drink, one that might prove a bit strong for someone seeking out a straightforward take on the mule.

Damn if it’s not delicious though. Served in the comfortably laid-back and naturally lit surroundings of Counterpoint, it’s an ideal way to experience the best in craft cocktails without having to endure its worst clichés.

22 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

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june 14, 2017 · San Diego CityBeat · 23

24 · San Diego CityBeat · June 14, 2017

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TORREY BAILEY

Since mojitos first slid onto American bar tops around 1939, bartenders have poured them regardless of the United States’ relationship with Cuba. The recipe originated on the Caribbean island as a means to stave off the misery of the humidity, as well as to cater to the regional popularity of mint, specifically spearmint and yerba buena. In addition to mint, the traditional concoction is a swirl of white rum, lime juice, sugar and soda water.

The popularity of mojitos soared with partial thanks to Hemingway, who inhaled them during his time in Cuba. As a highball cocktail, mojitos normally ring in at an unimpressive 10 percent alcohol content. With such a subtle kick, mojitos can easily err on the sweet side, or arguably worse, they can taste watery.

But, the San Diego bar that can most reliably mix this classic is Mexican, rather than Cuban. La Puerta (560 Fourth Ave.) masterfully and evenly balances the five ingredients. Rather than stuffing the glass with mint leaves, which can otherwise block the straw, La Puerta muddles the mint beforehand with simple syrup. Added in is an ounce and a quarter of white Matusalem rum, a Cuban brand. Fresh-squeezed lime juice acidifies the mixture while simple syrup sweetens it up just enough, and a splash of soda water tops it off. It’s then strained over a bed of fresh ice. The result is a well-blended mixture that covers the booze tastefully, but doesn’t raise questions as to whether it contains any alcohol.

Surprisingly, a classic mojito isn’t actually on La Puerta’s cocktail menu. Instead, there’s a frozen option called Mr. Mojo Risin’ that’s a staple of the bar. And while it’s also boozy and on the sweeter side, I’d suggest sticking with the original recipe to avoid brain freeze.

VIN DE SYRAH

Apparently, throwing in smashed strawberries counts as an upgrade on the Cuban drink. Old Yelp reviews of a thin mint mojito at Fairweather or a limoncello mojito from Osetra Fishhouse are proof that crafty recipes once existed in this city. In their wake, Cafe 21 touts its mojito flight, which is essentially small glasses containing offensively unequal ratios of fruit puree and ice to alcohol.

But Vin de Syrah (901 Fifth Ave.) is the exception, turning to egg whites for a twist.

The retrofitted mojito, appropriately named The Embargo, includes the usual suspects such as Havana Club Anejo Blanco rum, lime juice, muddled mint and sugar, whipped together with egg whites and velvet falernum liqueur. Regular falernum is an almond, spice and citrus syrup, while velvet falernum is its alcoholic counterpart. The rum-based liqueur is commonly mixed into tiki drinks such as Zombies or Mai Tais in a similar fashion as orgeat. Thick in consistency, velvet falernum turns the mojito’s signature clarity into an opaque amber color.

Instead of being served in a traditional highball glass, The Embargo is presented in a coupe glass that cradles the foamy top layer. Beneath, the drink is a dense sipper that is boldly, but not overwhelmingly, cooling. The Embargo is a staff favorite on the Vin de Syrah spring menu and was set to disappear with the change of season, but the drink’s refreshing elements overpower the egg whites’ creamy weight, securing its residency on the summer cocktail list. The $14 price tag is undoubtedly worth its while for a round or two.

CLASSIC VS. CRAFT CONTINUED ON PAGE 26 @SDCITYBEAT

JUNE 14, 2017 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · 25

RACHEL MICHELLE FERNANDES

Ah, the old fashioned. As the 1940 Rodgers and Hart song goes, “If they asked me, I could write a book.” In no way did I anticipate the level of nerdiness that would pour forth over a glass of basically straight alcohol when I announced on social media that I was to be writing about this classic libation.

Stories of grandparents and other elderly kin came accompanied by historical facts and many opinions as to the best method for making and/or procuring one.

After weighing my options, I went with The Lion’s Share (629 Kettner Blvd.) version, recommended by more than a few San Diegans whom I trust when it comes to sampling the sauce.

Writing a book about the old fashioned would be a cakewalk at The Lion’s Share. All you’d have to do is interview head bartender Jason O’Bryan. In all my years of knocking ‘em back, I’ve yet to meet a more polite and erudite gentleman behind a bar. O’Bryan not only knew everything there was to know about booze, he spoke about it with so much love and enthusiasm, I swear it made the drink taste better.

“In the beginning of mixed drinks, there were slings with cold water and toddies with hot water,“ O’Bryan explained to me. “Somewhere in the late 1700s someone decided to put bitter medicinal herbs in a drink and call it a cocktail named after a mixed breed type of horse. It’s a mixed breed kind of drink—sugar, spirit, water, bitters. It’s the foundation.”

Wowza! Couldn’t wait to take a sip of history!

His old fashioned, poured over a hand-chipped giant cube, is a perfect blend of Wild Turkey 101 Rye, Angostura bitters and simple syrup.

“It’s 1880 that the term ‘old fashioned whiskey cocktail’ entered the lexicon,” O’Bryan noted. “Old fashioned is really just the first cocktail. It’s pretty much saying—don’t mess with it, I don’t want the junk, just give it to me the old fashioned way. Sugar, spirit, water, bitters, to which I add a lemon peel because it’s just nice.”

Nice indeed, like an old jazz song in a glass.

RACHEL MICHELLE FERNANDES

Since the old fashioned is essentially the foundation of all cocktails, it would seem pretty easy to put a twist on it. So I went looking for something really different and found it in the concoction whipped up by the talented Ms. Acacia Collins at Neighborhood (777 G St.) downtown.

If Jason O’Bryan’s straight “no junk” version at The Lion’s Share was an old jazz song, Collins’ clever mix was Rock en Español. Subbing out whiskey for mezcal and aged tequila, Cointreau for simple syrup, and Hellfire bitters for Angostura, Collins’ Oaxacan Old Fashioned was a potent mix of spice and smoke that hit hard, then settled into a steady beat as it slowly melted over the large ice cube.

And just as the drinks couldn’t have been more different, the vibe at Neighborhood was a total departure from The Lion’s Share’s dark den of iniquity. With tall ceilings and big, open windows looking onto a vibrant G Street, Neighborhood (which is celebrating its 10th anniversary) had an inviting atmosphere with plenty of summer breeze to help make sipping on mezcal that much sweeter.

The name of the bar is also perfectly apropos. As my date, I brought local musician Melissa Lafara, of the bands Wild Honey and the Lumps, who happens to live up the hill. Upon sitting at the bar, we happened to turn around and see a table of friends including Rick Froberg of Drive Like Jehu and Hot Snakes fame. Collins is in the local scene as well, playing drums for several bands including Hexa.

Maybe it’s this off-duty San Diego musician’s milieu, or maybe it’s the fact that Neighborhood is a bit of an oasis on the edge of the intolerable Gaslamp tourist trap, or maybe it was the delicious fish Sammy and truffle fries, but I felt super comfortable there slowly sipping on my Oaxacan Old Fashioned.

So if I went to The Lion’s Share to nerd out and get lost in the details, Neighborhood is where I’d go for no fuss, a little spice and an old fashioned good time (pun intended).

CLASSIC VS. CRAFT CONTINUED ON PAGE 28 26 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

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june 14, 2017 · San Diego CityBeat · 27

VICTORIA DAVIS

“Se habla fresh,” is the slogan found on the hot pink take-out bags of the portside Mexican restaurant, Puesto (789 W Harbor Drive).

While its commitment to speaking Spanish might not extend to the last word of a sentence, Puesto’s commitment to freshness is a staple. I’m happy to report that the slogan extends not only to its colorful decor, but also to its cocktails.

Tasting like Rosé wine with a fruit punch zing, the restaurant’s red wine-based sangria is mixed with vodka, apple liqueur, cherry liqueur and seasonal fruits. It has a traditional feel, since the original wine taste isn’t lost and also has a ripe sweetness that drives home its fresh vitality. You might expect an eclectic restaurant like Puesto to have some sort of outlandish craft sangria, perhaps with a taco or two sticking out of the top. After all, the decor features large rainbow murals, vines growing up the walls and aesthetics that look as if they came straight from a modern art museum.

That is, Puesto is anything but traditional, and yet when it comes to its sangria, the focus is almost exclusively on classic recipes.

This restaurant understands the difference between a true sangria of Spanish origin and a glass of wine with a few slices of fruit added to it. Though untraditional, Puesto has a classic California feel and so does its red sangria. The wine is rich, less ashy than most, and the fruit is perfect without any wrinkles or discoloration. In fact, the produce is almost as vibrant as the wall murals. Though it’s a Mexican joint, sitting in Puesto’s rope-woven chairs accompanied by an ocean breeze, it’s easy to envision being on the Mediterranean.

Just try not to fill up on the chips and salsa first.

28 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

VICTORIA DAVIS

There are some pretty crazy methods out there for creating craft sangrias. One of the more unconventional recipes is grilling the fruit and dipping it in cinnamon before it goes into the drink.

Story for another time.

Still, even the craftiest of the crafty tend to have the same base: wine. Cafe Sevilla (353 Fifth Ave.), on the other hand, takes a different approach, throwing Spanish wine traditions out the window. Located in the heart of the Gaslamp Quarter, this Spanish restaurant’s Blood Orange craft sangria is beer(!) based. The drink starts out as Estrella beer and is then mixed with Pitu Cachaça, a Brazilian spirit made from fermented sugarcane juice. Slices of lime and orange are added and left to sit so the drink can soak up the sugars. After a certain amount of time, the fruit is strained from the drink so only the liquid is left. By some strange wizardry, the drink turns a bright, bloody orange after being separated from the fruit, hence the name.

Just for decoration—and possibly to add even more sugar—a squared orange slice on a toothpick is rested on top of the glass, barely touching the drink itself. It tastes almost exactly like orange juice, if orange juice was spiked with strong rum. Pitu Cachaça is very similar to rum, and its mix with beer strengthens the flavor if done well. The orange juice complements the rummy taste so that it’s not overwhelming but also not overpowered by the taste of cold medicine.

It is possible that readers might get a sugar high in addition to the buzz after having a Blood Orange sangria, but at least you will fit in well with the “spirited” atmosphere (pun intended) at Cafe Sevilla. Everyone, including the servers, are happy. This could be from being able to eat endless supplies of tapas, but I’d like to think this joy is due to sugar infused craft drinks like the Blood Orange.

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30 · San Diego CityBeat · June 14, 2017

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IAN WARD

IAN WARD

Many of my fellow bartenders are not going to agree with what I have to say, but, I do not agree with what many of them have to say, so, I guess, tit for tat (whatever the F that means).

When asked to write about a “classic” cocktail in San Diego, the first one that came to mind was the Manhattan at Dobson’s Bar & Restaurant (956 Broadway Circle). No, they don’t make it “right,” fellow snobby bartenders (I know what you are thinking), but that is what is so beautiful about it. If I walked into almost every bar in this city and asked for a Manhattan, chances are I would get pretty much the exact same cocktail.

It would be made properly, sure, probably stirred with Kold Draft ice cubes before being poured into a neat coupe or martini glass. It would certainly contain two jiggered ounces of the bartender’s favorite rye, along with angostura bitters and one ounce of Carpano antica vermouth, or Dolin Rouge, or a combination of the two.

But not at Dobson’s.

At Dobson’s they pour an ungodly amount of Basil Hayden directly into your glass, to which they then add chipped ice before inexplicably muddling an orange wedge (on top of the surface of the ice and for what reason? Absolutely no one knows, including the bartender) and then—being careful not to muck the whole thing up, wave as little vermouth as possible over the top in a circular, conservational motion, like a magician with a wand.

I know it’s not the “classic” you were expecting, but it reminds me of every Manhattan I’ve ever seen growing up in New York, as well as every Manhattan I’ve ever come in contact with in every proper pub, from Atlanta, Georgia to here in San Diego. The Manhattan at Dobson’s is completely unaffected by the current cocktail movement. It is the Manhattan that your parents drank. It is the Manhattan that their parents drank before them. It’s faulted and flawed in all the right ways and, much like Dobson’s itself, it is somewhat magically stuck in time.

Meanwhile, just across the street from Dobson’s lives a Manhattan from the complete polar opposite side of the spectrum: the Barrel Aged Manhattan at the U.S. Grant Hotel (326 Broadway).

The brainchild of the incredibly talented and ever-innovative Jeff Josenhans, the hotel’s food and beverage director, this version of the Manhattan was not only crafted for the 100-year celebration of the historic property, it was the first barrelaged cocktail that I remember ever seeing on a menu, anywhere. It is a technique that readers will currently see on craft cocktail menus, but when Josenhans created his Manhattan, it was not only revolutionary, it was inspiring.

I still remember tasting it for the first time, about seven years ago now, and thinking “holy shit! That is the best fucking cocktail I have ever had,” and recently, upon revisiting, it still might be.

The Manhattan came about as a partnership between both the U.S. Grant and the respected High West distillery. High West founder David Perkins and Josenhans struck up a happenstantial conversation at the San Diego Bay Wine & Food Festival a few years back and on that day decided to collaborate on a centennial cocktail for the Grant.

The resulting Manhattan is blended, barrel aged and bottled entirely at High West in Park City, Utah, where it spends 100 days in oak before being lovingly placed into a High West bottle (with a picture of the U.S. Grant on the label) and shipped here for our consumption. Since, its inception, it has garnered much acclaim, and even serves as a point of some guests’ entire stay at the U.S. Grant. Rather than being stuck in time like the Manhattan at Dobson’s, the Barrel Aged Manhattan has all the makings of something completely eloquent, innovative and utterly timeless.

BETH DEMMON

ARLENE IBARRA

“I’d like a classic margarita. Just the most straightforward one you ha—” The heavily tattooed server dressed in black cut me off.

“I’ve got you.”

Within minutes, he set a thickly salt-rimmed tumbler of not-quite-opaque liquid atop the rickety patio table with an air of confidence in its quality. Rightfully so. Normal Heights hideaway Cantina Mayahuel (2934 Adams Ave.) isn’t exactly a hole in the wall, but it’s not ostentatious either. That is, except when it comes to the tequila and mezcal menu. Cantina Mayahuel’s selection of authentic Mexican spirits crushes pretty much everyone else in town. And with literally hundreds of options, the only limitation patrons are likely to face is their own budget.

Cantina Mayahuel’s basic margarita is anything but. It comes on the rocks and is composed of organic lime juice, unfiltered Mexican agave (which lends a very slight molasses-y finish), a splash of Gran Gala (an orange liqueur less cloying than Grand Marnier), rock salt, a wedge of lime and customer’s choice of tequila. Or do as I did and leave the booze up to the bartender. For me, he selected one of its tequila reposados, a “rested” tequila aged in oak barrels for a few months. Quality doesn’t necessarily equate costly here; during Happy Hour (which runs Tuesday through Friday from noon to 6 p.m.), palomas and margaritas are only $5.

Glistening in the evening sun that spilled across the patio, my drink appeared more golden than green. Unlike the blended abominations masquerading as margaritas, this one was smooth, balanced and supremely executed. Better still, it only improved after a few bites of the accompanying chips, salsa and guacamole. In hindsight, I’m embarrassed at how fast I sucked my first one down. Upon his return, our waiter inquired about my satisfaction with the margarita. I replied with a smile and waved for another.

When a bar is blasting David Bowie’s “Golden Years” upon my entry, I already feel at home.

Couple that with vintage Budweiser ephemera dripping from nearly every wall, a painfully goodlooking bartender donning a crop top, and followup jams from Cults and Hall & Oates, and I’m not likely to ever leave.

Solid playlist aside, Sycamore Den’s (3391 Adams Ave.) vibe might be a little hipster kitsch for some, but since opening four years ago it’s made a name for itself as one of the most celebrated cocktail lounges in the city. With a regularly rotating menu of specialized spirits, it’s dangerously easy to try them all (especially on Trivia Tuesdays). With summertime approaching, lead bartender Jesse Ross released a brand-new menu of 10 new cocktails, including his take on the margarita, dubbed Aloe Can You Go. “[It’s] a great combination that’s bright, fresh and ripe for summer sipping,” explains Ross. His riff off of the standard margarita is made with Liquid Alchemist tamarind syrup for tartness, Chareau (a brand-new aloe vera liqueur), house-made curaçao, lemon and, of course, tequila. Topped—somewhat inexplicably—with a sprig of lavender and served in a coupe glass sans ice, the herbal aroma dissipates on first sip and evokes a flavor that struck me as wholly green. I’m not sure if this drink awakened a subconscious talent for synesthesia, but its refreshing finish promises to make it a recurring drink on my summertime boozing repertoire.

With a pleasant sparkle on the back of my tongue finishing up each sip, Aloe Can You Go isn’t exactly a margarita, but it’s definitely a nod to its slightly sour-meets-salty predecessor and executed in a decidedly original way.

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CLASSIC VS. CRAFT CONTINUED ON PAGE 32 JUNE 14, 2017 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · 31

RYAN BRADFORD

If there were a sitcom where all the characters were played by cocktails, then a Mai Tai would play the role of a wacky cousin whom everyone thinks is a little strange until the poignant final moments when he proves himself to be pretty gosh-darn cool.

Yes, Mai Tais don’t exactly fit into the bourbon-and-suspender scene, which is exactly why they’re refreshing in both the literal and figurative sense: These sweet-and-sour, fruity rum cocktails have a playful whimsy about them that justifies any and all esotericism. They’re also just damn tasty, so you don’t need an acquired taste to get lit.

Thankfully, there is no shortage of Mai Tais in San Diego. It would practically be illegal to not mention Bali Hai’s legendarily potent tiki drinks. But since there has already been gallons of ink devoted to those, I opted to try the Mai Tai at Duke’s (1216 Prospect St.) in La Jolla.

I wasn’t expecting to like the cocktail at Duke’s, because restaurants where the view is a major selling point (in this case, a vista over La Jolla Cove) can half-ass it when it comes to food and drinks. But as soon as the bartender set the drink in front of me, I was all [catwith-hearts-for-eyes emoji]. The glass was elegantly shaped into a frightening totem face and had the heft of a murder weapon. The sweetness of the fruit juices were subtle, which prevented the drink from tasting like a headache in a cup (a major pet peeve is when bars keep dumping in super sweet juices to mask the booziness).

Put simply, Duke’s concoction tasted like a standard Mai Tai but gentler, less sugary and made for a grown up. I was a fan.

SETH COMBS

I reckon if readers are at this point in the feature, they’re likely to be receptive to hearing about the one classic cocktail that actually serves as a relief to drinking too many of the others. In fact, the Bloody Mary has the distinction of being the one, the only, steadfast classic cocktail where readers won’t be judged if they’re spotted drinking one at 9 a.m.

Truth be told, for much of my life I didn’t care all that much for Bloody Marys or for drinking anything during a hangover other than a Pedialyte in bed. This changed after I moved here from Atlanta and had to start getting up at 9 a.m. on Sundays to watch my beloved Falcons. Close to home and decidedly douche-less, Bluefoot (3404 30th St.) became my go-to destination for games and, incidentally, some much-needed relief from the previous night’s shenanigans.

The latter came in the form of The Gunslinger, a thick and spicy take on a classic Bloody conceived by bartender Dana Chavarria, who dispels with the typical bloody mixes for a homemade “salsa” mix of jalapeños, serranos, onions and a bunch other ingredients. There’s no need to get fancy with the vodka, and the Worcestershire sauce and touch of Guiness perfectly complement the blazing acidity of the salsa mix.

This fact alone makes The Gunslinger just on the precipice of craft cocktail territory, but the drink’s greatest asset is its simplicity. It’s not adorned with bacon or artisanal cheese or a whole chicken or cheeseburger or whatever the fuck. Just a few olives will do and maybe a stick of celery if it’s available. After all, The Gunslinger is all but a meal unto itself and has always been, for me, the best cure for all that was ailing me.

32 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

RYAN BRADFORD

The craftening of tiki drinks (a word I just made up while under the influence of Mai Tais) has been going strong in San Diego for a couple years. Places such as PB’s Grass Skirt and Little Italy speakeasy False Idol provide uber-hip tiki nostalgia to cocktail connoisseurs, proving that we’re moving into a new golden age of island-inspired drinking.

However, Kindred (1503 30th St.) is still the best of the bunch.

How could anyone say no to drinking a refreshing cocktail amid sludge metal, cat pictures and a giant Satanic-looking boar’s head hanging on the wall? I only mention the decor because it’s that same bonkersness which seems to inform the risky ambitiousness of its tiki drinks.

When asked what a good Mai Tai variation would be, our bartender recommended the Missile Lock, which has two kinds of rum, falernum (almond-flavored syrup), pineapple and lime juice and Peychaud’s bitters. Drinking it, I felt like I was experiencing a goth summer—refreshing, but with a sinister undercurrent. The addition of bitters to a Mai Tai is so obvious and revelatory that it’s crazy that it hasn’t become standard.

However, this is not to say that the Missile Lock is heavy like an Old Fashioned; it was light and refreshing in a way that few complex cocktails can pull off. The boosted savoriness of the rum/bitters never overwhelmed the sweetness of the fruit juices, and the tempered almond flavoring assisted in striking a perfect balance between the two. Another bonus: the Missile Lock’s $9 price tag isn’t exactly what I’d call cheap drinking, but compared to most places that charge over $10 for Mai Tais—which aren’t even half as delicious or crazy—it’s a symbolic gesture that will keep me coming back for more.

SETH COMBS

I’d always heard great things about the Bloody Marys at Small Bar (4628 Park Blvd.). That they had won a bunch of awards and that they had all kinds of variations and ingredients and toppings and blah blah blah.

Sorry, not interested. I’m all for creativity, but why complicate something that’s already good by making people choose a bunch of secondary stuff that isn’t really going to complement the drink itself?

So yeah, I was just being a naysaying contrarian and am happy to report that the Marys at Small Bar are, indeed, worthy of the praise. I ordered the Classic variation which consisted of a house mix, Worcestershire, Guinness and garlic/chili-infused vodka. Oh, and it’s topped with a bouquet of stuff. Too much stuff to list actually, but the highlights include candied bacon, shrimp and pickled onions.

The result was tasty, well balanced and serviceable when compared to the loads of other crap that establishments now throw on top of a Bloody Mary these days. That is, the Classic offers just enough accoutrements without being extravagant or overwhelming. What’s more, the bacon becomes soggy and its flavor begins to blend into the cocktail. And while soggy bacon isn’t exactly the best way to consume it, it sure does give the drink itself a smoky boost.

There are other, eh, craftier versions. There’s a Big Cheese version which is basically a Classic without the shrimp and a bunch of cheese. I even took the recommendation of a friend and tried the Classic with gin instead of vodka. Gin is making a bit of a comeback lately and drinkers shouldn’t be afraid of having it in a Bloody Mary. Gin is more acidic than vodka and therefore pairs nicely with the tomato-mix base. What’s more, gin is a fine complement to seafood, so I found it to be a much nicer match when washing down the giant shrimp dangling from the glass.

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CULTURE | ART

SEEN LOCAL

THE NEW SEASON OF M

GETTING WEIRD

M

auro Doñate just got some fresh paint on his favorite shirt, but he doesn’t seem to care. His only objective is to finish a foam sculpture art piece that will be on display at the Weird Hues first year anniversary show on June 17.

Frustrated by what he saw as a lack of art in the region, the 23-year-old Chula Vista native, along with a collective of artists, created Weird Hues last year to inspire everyone to be more creative.

“Art isn’t something that’s emphasized in our city, and I think it’s time we change that,” Doñate says.

The collective showcased more than 45 artists at last year’s Weird Hues exhibition and required a good amount of sweat, blood, and tears in order to happen.

Doñate only had a month and a half to prepare the first show, which happened at The Venue at Eastlake last summer. Doñate’s voice cracks upon reminiscing about last year’s show and describes it as unreal, full of anxiety and plenty of sleepless nights.

“I think life is too short, and I’m willing to die for shit,” says Do��������������������������������������� ñ�������������������������������������� ate, who adds that the Weird Hues collective is all that he’s truly passionate about at the moment. “There is nothing else that grabs my attention.”

Doñate goes on to say that in order to create an artistic atmosphere in San Diego and Tijuana, there needs to be just more art in general in both cities. The fact that the collective’s first show was held in an unpredictable spot gave Chula Vista something to whis-

Mauro Doñate and OOGLIOO per about, and more than 1,000 people showed up to support.

OOGLIOO is an artist from Chula Vista and part of the Weird Hues collective. He says nothing exciting ever happened in Eastlake and that’s what gave the show a magic touch.

“We wanted to give future artists the message that you don’t have to move away from your city to make it,” OOGLIOO says.

The collective’s plan is to change location each year to fully commit to creating awareness around the San Diego and Tijuana community. This year’s show will be held on June 17 at Total Combat Paintball (1699 Main St.), a venue with plenty of open space that will allow for over 60 misfits to display art and play music. Some of Do������������������������������ ñ����������������������������� ate’s favorites artists showing include Coastral, Svelte and PANCA. “The amount of art that is going to be in this show is ridiculous,” Doñate says. “We got so many artists involved, it’s crazy.”

—Vitta Oliveri

TO SEE OR NOT TO SEE: WONDERSPACES

dirt lot in Mission Valley. San Diego is serving as an incubator of sorts and the idea is that the Vegas-based company behind Wonderspaces will then take the show on the road. A wise man once said that “being In this semi-regular department, Seth Combs reviews good in business is the most fascinating kind of art” a notable new art show or exhibition. and at $25 a ticket, we’re clearly dealing with some fascinating kind of art. There are some great instalonderspaces is neat. lations there including “A Religious Experience” from Honestly, I thought about leaving this re- local Adam Belt, which consists of two mesmerizing view at that. Just a simple sentence fol- light pieces that make subtle statements on cosmic lowed by some negative space to illustrate, as if it reverence. Also notable are Karina Smigla-Bobinwasn’t obvious enough, the vapidity JOSEPH MUSTIN ski’s “ADA,” NONOTAK Studio’s of an art show that uses terminology “Daydream v2” and Matthew Matlike “art experiences” and brags that thew’s voice-and-piano interactive said experiences were previously piece, “On a Human Scale.” seen at “world-class events includWonderspaces is a neat experiing Burning Man.” ence and a clever marketing experiWonderspaces is a neat experiment, but it’s really just a carnival ence. fun house.

Patrons’ experience with the Look, I don’t doubt a lot of time, dozen or so installations at Wonderenergy and love went into many of the spaces will be much more subjective pieces at Wonderspaces. What’s more, than the art itself. Most of it—while I’m sure it seems rather smug to hate often awe-inspiring and wow-inducon something that’s paying artists. ing—is made and meant to be immeBut when one of the organizers himdiately shared on social media. After self calls Wonderspaces “art enterall, we’re meant to be experiencing “ADA” by Karina Smigla- tainment,” I can’t help but feel as if something, and there’s nothing more Bobinski at Wonderspaces the event itself is dealing in as many experiential than throwing it up on illusions as the installations within it. our Snap and IG stories as if to say, “hey, look what Yes, it’s fun and fun to look at, but so are comic-book I’m doing!” That’s what art is all about, right? Right? movies and trips to Dave & Buster’s. So yeah...

Wonderspaces is a neat experience and a clever Wonderspaces is a neat experience and a clever marketing experiment. marketing experiment, but it’s really just a carnival For those who aren’t already being bombarded by fun house disguised as culture. the aforementioned social media posts, Wonderspaces is a pop-up event that will be up through July 30 in a

—Seth Combs

W

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JUNE 14, 2017 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · 33

CULTURE | FILM

History rebuilds itself

Dawson City: Frozen Time

A cultural treasure chest inspires Bill Morrison’s excellent new essay documentary

by Glenn Heath Jr.

R

ome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was Daw- foster the town’s evolution. News reels are crucial to son City. The remote Canadian town deep in the Morrison’s approach: Footage of the Ludlow MassaYukon Territory has a meandering backstory cre, the 1920 bombing of a J.P. Morgan Chase buildthat ebbs and flows like the Klondike River. Once a ing, the Black Sox scandal and leftist protests present lush fishing enclave for The Hän, it quickly became a mosaic of information not unlike our current social a flashpoint during the 1896 gold rush that brought media age. Except all of these stories sometimes took thousands of Europeans and Americans looking to years to reach Dawson City, and this literal time gap make their fortune. From there, the region’s historical makes for a sublime metaphor about how distance veins can be traced along the sprocket holes of com- and perspective shapes memory.

Morrison also dedicates equal time to narrative bustible nitrate film stock. For almost four decades Dawson City was the last stop for travelling motion features and shorts by unsung filmmakers like Alice picture prints. Instead of paying expensive shipping Guy-Blanché, which were exhibited at the three local fees, theater owners would often discard or store theatres in town. Just viewing these forgotten images feels like an act of reclamation for those many artists them away.

In 1979, countless buried reels were discovered whose disappeared work can finally be recognized. while workers renovated a local hockey rink. The haul The same can be said for the physical structures of Dawson City itself, which are would be preserved and become remembered through old phothe Dawson City Film Find. Since tographs and hazy testimonials.

75 percent of all silent films have DAWSON CITY: The Orpheum, Palace Grand, been lost to fire and degradation FROZEN TIME and D.A.A.A. movie houses beamong other reasons, this was a Directed by Bill Morrison come key characters in this stomajor cultural event. Bill Morry. Each building is rebranded rison’s revelatory documentary Not Rated and rebuilt over time because of Dawson City: Frozen Time seizes various reasons, including devthis important moment as an opportunity to look back at the birth of a community astating fires caused by explosive nitrate stock but and an industry. “It was an incredible story,” says one also because of the shifts in technology.

Dawson City: Frozen Time may sound like a time talking head subject in the film’s opening sequence.

Thankfully, Morrison quickly ditches conventional capsule on paper, but it’s something altogether more aesthetics for an experimental juxtaposition of long profound in motion. Morrison’s dense style echoes Raoul Peck’s I Am Not Your Negro, another film lost celluloid images with on-screen text.

What follows is a hypnotic essay film that feels like about crafting an emotional connection with hisan extended collection of excavated dreams. Despite tory through persistent discourse and montage. The unfolding in semi-chronological order, Dawson City: careful culmination of small events, scenes, artifacts, Frozen Time embraces the endless tangents of great and sounds allows for a better understanding of how historiography. Morrison portrays the gold boon as an the past parallels the present, not in absolute terms organic inevitability of capitalism and Manifest Des- but through an inference of feeling. And still this is tiny. Form these origins Dawson City became a living, only one particular incomplete narrative sewn back breathing organism wholly dependent on the surround- together by unearthed content from another era. Recing natural environment. Once the riverbeds and mines ognizing this fact, Dawson City: Frozen Time honors eventually dried up, many residents moved on, looking those disenfranchised communities like The Hän for the next big pay dirt. But some stayed behind and whose own history still resides permanently in the formed the civic bedrock that still stands today. shadow of popular lore.

While Dawson City: Frozen Time often focuses on regional developments, it brilliantly addresses how Film reviews run weekly. cinematic representation of global events helped Write to glennh@sdcitybeat.com

34 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

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june 14, 2017 · San Diego CityBeat · 35

CULTURE | FILM Dirge Without Music, becomes be an anthem of resilience for all the great supporting actors like Elliott who’ve never held top billing.

—Glenn Heath Jr.

OPENING 47 Meters Down: Two sisters on vacation in Mexico decide to tempt fate by entering a shark cage in highly dangerous waters. You can guess what happens next.

Immortalized

S

The Hero

am Elliott has been a stalwart film performer since the 1970s but is often relegated to supporting roles that highlight his deep voice and stoic stance. Joel and Ethan Coen riffed on this persona when they cast him as a mysterious cowboy in The Big Lebowski. Director Brett Haley’s The Hero reverses this approach by placing Elliott in the lead role of Lee Hayden, an aging Western star who has made a steady living in Hollywood after giving a breakout performance four decades previous.

Estranged from his grown daughter (Krysten Ritter), Lee spends his days smoking weed with an acting buddy (Nick Offerman) and recording radio spots for BBQ sauce brands. This lethargic existence gets a jolt of reality when he receives a devastating cancer diagnosis. The bad news forces Lee into a lucid state of self-reflection, which is compounded even further when he begins an affair with a younger woman named Charlotte (Laura Prepon).

Haley’s only made three feature films (including underappreciated gem The New Year), but his tenderness toward actors is already readily apparent. There’s a patience and delicacy to which he handles conflict, especially in the moments when Lee’s relationship with Charlotte grows thorny. There are a number of ups and downs throughout The Hero, but such plot points are all in service of rendering a more complete picture of Lee’s heartaches.

In total, The Hero challenges a classic Hollywood redemption story—that you can make up for a lifetime of regret in a short amount of time. Instead, Haley looks to the poems of Edna St. Vincent Millay to inspire hope in an aged loner staring death in the face. “I am not resigned,” a line from her

36 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

All Eyez on Me: This biopic looks at the life and death of rapper Tupac Shakur, who changed the music industry forever in the 1990s.

Beatriz at Dinner: Salma Hayek stars in this drama about a holistic medical practitioner who attends a wealthy client’s dinner party after her car breaks down.

Cars 3: Pixar’s lamest franchise returns for yet another kid-friendly collage of bright colors, swooshing racecars, and inane dialogue.

Dawson City: Frozen Time: This essay documentary from Bill Morrison pieces together the bizarre true history of a long-lost collection of 533 nitrate film prints dating from the early 1900s discovered buried under a hockey rink in a former Klondike Gold Rush town. Opens Friday, June 16, at Digital Gym Cinema in North Park.

Dean: Comedian Demetri Martin wrote, directed, and stars in this comedy about a young man searching for answers after the death of his mother.

Letters From Baghdad: This documentary looks at how Gertrude Bell, a powerful woman in the British Empire, shaped the historical direction of modern Iraq after WWI. Opens Friday, June 16, at Angelika Carmel Mountain Film Center.

One Week and a Day: After two Jewish parents finish the traditional week of mourning for their son, both experience the grieving process in very different ways. Opens Friday, June 16, at Digital Gym Cinema in North Park.

Rough Night: In what looks like the female version of Very Bad Things, this film follows a group of party girls whose bachelorette party goes horribly wrong after they accidentally kill a stripper.

The Book of Henry: An 11-year-old boy plots to save his young neighbor from a dangerous living situation.

The Hero: In Brett Haley’s tender indie drama, an aging Western star (Sam Elliott) confronts his past demons after being diagnosed with cancer.

Wakefield: Bryan Cranston plays a man who leaves his family and lives in an attic for several months after experiencing a nervous breakdown. Sounds like a hoot.

For a complete movie listings, visit F ilm at sdcitybeat.com.

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MUSIC

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I was quite confused and heartbroken. I was so lost and so self-absorbed in a way that I really had to be. If you think about if you ever lost someone and you thought about it a year and a half after the fact, a lot changes,” she says. “I was in Oregon when I wrote that record in my childhood home, and I was really suffocated by this house that was imbued with my mom’s presence. I think I was just looking back on the last year and a half and being impressed with what I went through and championing human endurance. It’s really amazing what people can endure and accomplish.”

Write to jefft@sdcitybeat.com and follow him on Twitter @1000TimesJeff.

Japanese Breakfast

JUNE 14, 2017 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · 37

EBRU YILDIZ

ebut albums are rarely as devastating as Psychopomp, the first full-length release by Japanese Breakfast.

Written two months after singer/songwriter Michelle Zauner’s mother died after a battle with cancer, Psychopomp is a lot to take in one sitting. It’s deeply personal and an almost real-time document of what it means to feel genuine grief and loss. It’s beautifully written, even catchy; some of its most heartbreaking songs, like standout “Heft,” are those that rock the hardest. It’s not hard to listen to, even if it is a lot to process.

Nearly two years have passed since Zauner wrote that record, and since then a lot has changed. She moved out of her mom’s house in Oregon, got married, and that debut record—which Zauner says no label was interested in releasing when she wrote it—became a critical success, landing her a label partnership with Dead Oceans. Her first proper album for the label, Soft Sounds From Another Planet, is a significant shift away from the true-to-life pain of Psychopomp.

The first song that Zauner wrote for the album, “Machinist,” is a Kate Bush-like love story between woman and android, a strangely sensual space-pop song narrated through cleverly employed Auto-Tune effects.

Inspired by the Mars One program, “Machinist” is markedly different than Zauner’s previous songs, thematically and aesthetically wrapped in ideas of science fiction. And while it’s not entirely representative of the album as a whole, it became a key song in allowing Zauner to figure out where Japanese Breakfast would go next.

“The Psychopomp narrative had turned so much into a record about mourning and grief,” she says in a phone interview. “I wanted to do something more light-hearted but heavy-handed in concept, like a sci-fi musical. So I wrote this song [‘Machinist’] about a woman who kind of falls in love with a robot and enlists in the Mars One project to escape this bad situation she had gotten into. I had this song to hold onto, and we had been playing it live since the beginning of Psychopomp had come to be. I wanted to try to write a whole concept record, but it felt kind of phony to me to try to dial that in for 10 tracks. I still have quite a bit

to say about my personal life and other feelings I wanted to explore that would be helpful to me and for other people, than necessarily doing a concept record.”

Soft Sounds From Another Planet, out in July, isn’t a concept album as Zauner initially planned it, but it is quite a bit different from its predecessor. While personal themes still form the basis of many of the songs, they’re often more playful and escapist, as well as gorgeously performed and produced. The opening track, “Diving Woman,” stretches a pulsing shoegaze number out over six and a half minutes, with shimmering guitars punctuated by cosmic synthesizer sounds, suggesting the idea of space rather than directing the listener toward a more explicit conceptual motif. There’s a similar aesthetic that occurs on the brief, reverb-heavy intermission “Planetary Ambience,” which sounds exactly like what that title might describe. And the more straightforward pop balladry of the title track nonetheless feels ambient and distant, like a transmission from beyond.

There’s no specific “another planet” that Japanese Breakfast’s new album refers to, at least not literally. As Zauner explains it, it’s a way of putting her own struggles into the context of something much greater than herself, while questioning what that something greater could be.

“I think there’s this new thing with my generation where we’re discovering kind of trendy spirituality and the occult and astrology because it’s a fun thing to believe in, and we don’t have anything to guide us like that anymore,” she says.

“Religion isn’t something that’s really common in my friend group or generation. After my mom passed away it was this weird dichotomy of older people saying ‘she’s in heaven...she’s in a better place,’ and me not really buying it. And then my generation, which had nothing to offer at all, because we worship science and technology and progress.

“In some ways it’s like my experience and personal life tragedies are just kind of... a murmur in the grand scheme of things,” she continues. “But Soft Sounds From Another Planet could also mean a search for a kind of meaning that isn’t currently present.”

Japanese Breakfast, as a vessel for Michelle Zauner’s songwriting, has evolved in an interesting way. Her new music still sounds very much like that of the musician that wrote Psychopomp, but the outlook is different and the tone much more spirited and exploratory. As for Zauner herself, the wisdom and perspective she’s gained in the meantime has made her stronger and even more confident. Writing about her mother’s passing and opening up about the experience was cathartic, but even more than that, it’s helped her grow as both a person and an artist.

“That record...has such a narrow lens, because

38 · San Diego CityBeat · June 14, 2017

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MUSIC

NOTES FROM THE SMOKING PATIO LOCALS ONLY

L

iberty Station is getting ready to launch its summer concert series. The inaugural edition of the series starts on July 1 with a live show from The B-Side Players and Sol y Mar on the North Promenade. Then another show will take place two weeks later, and then a third concert two weeks after that.

Each of the live shows is free to the public and open to all ages.

The concert series, which was organized by ARTS DISTRICT Liberty Station and Beer, Food & Music, founded by Belly Up Tavern production manager Damian DeRobbio, had a bit of a test run last year with a one-off concert from Nahko and Medicine for the People.

“One thing we’re always looking to do is liven up the campus,” says Andrew Waltz, marketing and program manager of NTC Foundation. “We saw what a great success the Nahko show was, and so I wanted to partner with Damian to do more events like this.”

The next concert in the series will be The Highwayman with Casey Hensley on July 15. And the third will be Vaud & The Villains. Waltz says that the headMANDY GALARZA liners for the three shows were chosen specifically because they’re artists who have long had a presence in the region and help shape the local music scene.

“We wanted to include local bands who have roots in San Diego and have helped build a vibrant culture here,” he says.

Waltz says that Liberty Station isn’t necessarily limiting itself to the summer for holding concerts, but that these are the first three it has planned. However, Waltz also says that he has some other expectations from visitors when they B-Side Players come to the shows.

“I really hope that people come to the event with the idea in mind that this is an arts and culture center for San Diego,” he says. “I also hope that people either come early or stay late with the expectation of experiencing that art.”

—Jeff Terich

ALBUM REVIEW Anal Trump If You Wanted to Qualify For Health Insurance, Then Maybe You Shouldn’t Have Gotten Raped?

(Self-released)

B

ack in November, when faced with the reality that the U.S. actually went off the deep end and elected the worst equipped and most illintentioned, embarrassing caricature of a president of all time, a lot of musicians got in the protest-song act. Though none were more over-the-top nor as darkly hilarious as Anal Trump.

Patterned after joke grindcore act Anal Cunt, whose sole purpose was offending people, Anal Trump takes that band’s comically awful shtick and adds a layer of progressive politics to the proceedings. It’s still offensive, it’s still abrasive and it’s barely music, but it makes its point.

Anal Trump, which comprises Pinback/Goblin Cock’s Rob Crow and Cattle Decapitation’s Travis Ryan, has issued another new minute-long (and 10-track!) set of jokey grindcore chicanery whose title, seen above, is way too long to have to type twice. In fact, many of the EP’s tracks have titles longer than the songs themselves. The longest ones are 10 seconds, with the shortest being three, and all 10 of them feature a combination of explosive grindcore noise and sam-

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ples of Donald Trump’s voice. It’s obnoxious, but it’s obnoxious in the name of sticking it to an abysmal leader. Some of the songs take aim at misogyny (“Look at you, with your being born a woman/ Asking for it!”), while some are sort of just stupid for the sake of being stupid (“Hey look! Free hat!”).

Still, the concept’s novelty hasn’t worn off yet. Sure, Anal Trump is ridiculous, but then again humor is a good antidote for the worst life throws at us.

For that matter, so is action. Lest Anal Trump be seen as mere attention-grabbing novelty (which it is, for the most part), Crow and Ryan have made this latest release a charity fundraiser.

One hundred percent of the proceeds of the upcoming vinyl release of this EP will be donated to RAINN, which helps victims of sexual violence. So, sure, we can have a good laugh at some niche grindcore and politics jokes, but the group is putting their money where their mouth is, and that’s nothing to laugh at.

—Jeff Terich

JUNE 14, 2017 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · 39

MUSIC

JEFF TERICH

IF I WERE U A music insider’s weekly agenda WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14

PLAN A: Circa Waves, Dreamers @ The Casbah. Wednesdays are often a bit slow on the live music front, but tonight’s best bet isn’t anything to sneeze at. Liverpudlian outfit Circa Waves have a catchy, high-energy indie rock sound that’s easy to like.

THURSDAY, JUNE 15

PLAN A: A Giant Dog, Creature Canyon, Chief White Lightning @ Soda Bar. If you missed it, go back and read my feature on Austin punk/power pop group A Giant Dog, who have some of the best, scruffy hooks in rock music right now. It’s almost impossible not to feel good when you hear it. PLAN B: Raekwon @ Observatory North Park.

Raekwon the Chef is a veteran killer bee in the Wu-Tang Clan, and has his share of excellent solo works, including Only Built 4 Cuban Linx, which still sounds fresh more than 20 years later.

40 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

FRIDAY, JUNE 16

PLAN A: (Sandy) Alex G, Japanese Breakfast, Cende @ The Irenic. Read my feature this week on Japanese Breakfast, whose new album Soft Sounds From Another Planet puts personal themes into a sci-fi indie epic context. It’s great stuff, but make sure to stick around for (Sandy) Alex G, whose new album Rocket is similarly splendid. PLAN B: Drab Majesty, Xeno and Oaklander, DJ @ SPACE. Or perhaps you need to get your goth dance party on, in which case Drab Majesty have just the theatrical gloom that you’re looking for.

BACKUP PLAN: Guitar Wolf, Isaac Rother and the Phantoms, Spitfire Torpedo @ The Casbah.

SATURDAY, JUNE 17

PLAN A: The Body, Lingua Ignota, Burial Wreaths @ SPACE. The Body are a weird band to define, because their music is noisy, heavy and loud, but it’s always changing. Just last year they put

their gnarly sludge into an industrial-dance context (sort of) though they rarely do the same thing twice. It is, however, always massive and intense. PLAN B: Blood Incantation, Qrixkuor, Impure Consecration, Icon of Phobos @ Til-Two Club. Blood Incantation’s debut album Starspawn from last year was proof positive that young bands are still finding some cool places to take death metal. It’s epic, cosmic and menacing, just as I like it.

SUNDAY, JUNE 18

PLAN A: Morbid Angel, Suffocation, Revocation, Withered @ House of Blues.

After you check out some death metal newschoolers, go back and hear the bands that influenced them. Morbid Angel has admittedly gone to some weird places in recent years, but their vintage violence still holds up. PLAN B: Teenage Burritos, Sixes, Polish, Exasperation @ Soda Bar. Sometimes you can’t do better than a lineup of some of this city’s most fun indie rock and punk acts simply rocking the fuck out backto-back. That’s exactly what this show is; get there early, get comfortable, and remember your earplugs. BACKUP PLAN: Sad Girl, Slow Hollows, Beach Goons, T. Rexico, Spooky Cigarette @ The Irenic.

King Crimson

MONDAY, JUNE 19

PLAN A: King Crimson @ Humphreys By the Bay. King Crimson’s lineup and sound has changed many times over the years, but when you’re given the opportunity to see one of the most legendary and innovative art rock bands of all time, do you pass it up?

No, you sure as hell don’t. PLAN B: Traffic Bear, Uber Monk, Shades McCool, Waldo @ The Casbah. Last week I wrote about Shades McCool’s recent viral hit “San Diegan National Anthem,” which got attention for its medley of car-dealership jingles and burrito defacement. Come hear them play it live and rock out at this show.

TUESDAY, JUNE 20

PLAN A: My Jerusalem @ SPACE. The week ends similar to how it began, with a band that does alternative rock with big production values and songs that have massive hooks. Sometimes you just can’t go wrong with a solid rock ‘n’ roll band.

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MUSIC

CONCERTS HOT! NEW! FRESH!

Reggie Watts (Irenic, 7/22), Bush (Open Air Theatre, 7/27), Schizophonics Soul Revue (Casbah, 7/28), The Buttertones (Casbah, 8/2), 2 Chainz (HOB, 8/12), Swingin’ Utters (SPACE, 8/12), The Black Dahlia Murder (HOB, 8/13), Stiff Little Fingers (BUT, 9/6), Manchester Orchestra (Observatory, 9/13), Glass Animals (Humphreys, 9/19), U2 (Qualcomm Stadium, 9/22), Ben Folds (HOB, 9/23), Gov’t Mule (Humphreys, 9/25), Josh Abbott Band (HOB, 9/29), Courtney Barnett and Kurt Vile (HOB, 10/11), Mutemath (HOB, 10/12), Mastodon (HOB, 10/19), Tegan and Sara (Balboa Theatre, 10/20), Hanson (HOB, 10/24), Iron and Wine (Balboa Theatre, 10/28), Deer Tick (BUT, 11/10).

GET YER TICKETS The Revolution (HOB, 6/22), Maxwell (Valley View Casino Center, 6/23), Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds (Civic Theatre, 6/26), Future (Mattress Firm Amphitheatre, 6/27), LeAnn Rimes (Del Mar Fairgrounds, 6/29), Melvins (Casbah, 7/5), The Roots (Observatory, 7/11), Pharmakon (SPACE, 7/11), Mutoid Man (Casbah, 7/12), Cymbals Eat Guitars (Casbah, 7/16), Hall & Oates, Tears for Fears (Valley View Casino Center, 7/19), Beach Fossils (Casbah, 7/20), BadBadNotGood (Observatory, 7/20), Rodrigo y Gabriela (Humphreys, 7/31), Metallica (Petco Park, 8/6), Steve Earle and the Dukes (BUT,

42 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

8/10), Incubus, Jimmy Eat World (Mattress Firm Amphitheatre, 8/11), Hans Zimmer (Viejas Arena, 8/12), Royal Blood (Observatory, 8/15), YOB, SubRosa (Brick

by Brick, 8/16), Matthew Sweet (Casbah, 8/16), X (BUT, 8/17), Dead Cross (Observatory, 8/19), 311 (Open Air Theatre, 8/20), Atmosphere (Observatory, 8/20), Bryan Ferry (Humphreys, 8/23), Mew (Observatory, 8/24), B-Side Players (Music Box, 8/26), Pelican, Inter Arma (Brick by Brick, 8/26), Ira Glass (Balboa Theatre, 8/27), Goo Goo Dolls (Open Air Theatre, 9/12), Green Day (Mattress Firm Amphitheatre, 9/13), Kaaboo Festival w/ Tom Petty, Muse, Red Hot Chili Peppers (Del Mar Fairgrounds, 9/15-17), Against Me! (Observatory, 9/16), Future Islands (Open Air Theatre, 9/17), Zola Jesus (Casbah, 9/21), Swervedriver (Casbah, 9/22), The Beach Boys (Humphreys, 9/23), Sublime With Rome, The Offspring (Mattress Firm Amphitheatre, 9/26), Bleachers (Observatory, 9/27), Imagine Dragons (Mattress Firm Amphitheatre, 9/28), Benjamin Booker (BUT, 9/29), Jay Som (Soda Bar, 9/30), The Pains of Being Pure at Heart (Loft, 9/30), The Shins, Spoon (Open Air Theatre, 10/1), Sheer Mag, Tony Molina (Soda Bar, 10/2), Ms. Lauryn Hill, Nas (OAT, 10/3), Father John Misty (Observatory 10/5-6), Depeche Mode (Mattress Firm Amphitheatre, 10/6), Coldplay (Qualcomm Stadium, 10/8), The Afghan Whigs (BUT, 10/12), The National (Open Air Theatre, 10/12), The Black Angels (HOB, 10/17), Torres (Casbah, 10/17), Café Tacuba (Observatory, 10/17-18), Arcade Fire (Viejas Arena, 10/18), City of Caterpillar, Thou (Soda Bar, 10/19), Linkin Park (Mattress Firm Amphitheatre, 10/20), The Kooks (Observatory, 10/20), KMFDM (HOB, 10/20), Jimmy Buffett (Mattress Firm Amphitheatre, 10/21), Carla Morrison (Humphreys, 10/22), Black Heart

Procession (Casbah, 11/4), Halsey (Viejas Arena, 11/5), Hamilton Leithauser (BUT, 11/9), D.R.I. (Brick by Brick, 11/10), Fall Out Boy (Viejas Arena, 11/15), Blues Traveler (HOB, 11/19), Mogwai (Observatory, 11/20), New Found Glory (HOB, 11/25).

JUNE WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14 Los Cafres at Observatory North Park.

Collective Soul at Del Mar Fairgrounds.

Circa Waves at The Casbah.

THURSDAY, JUNE 15 Raekwon at Observatory North Park. Horace Andy at Belly Up Tavern. A Giant Dog at Soda Bar. Grand Funk Railroad at Del Mar Fairgrounds.

FRIDAY, JUNE 16 Darius Rucker at Del Mar Fairgrounds.

Guitar Wolf at The Casbah. Def Leppard at Mattress Firm Amphitheatre. Conflict at Soda Bar. Drab Majesty at SPACE. (Sandy) Alex G, Japanese Breakfast at The Irenic. Big D and the Kids Table at Soda Bar.

SATURDAY, JUNE 17 Bad Suns at Observatory North Park. The Body at SPACE. Buckfast Superbee at Soda Bar. Evan Dando at The Casbah.

SUNDAY, JUNE 18 Dustbowl Revival at The Casbah. Morbid Angel at House of Blues. Boston, Joan Jett at Mattress Firm Amphitheatre. Teenage Burritos at Soda Bar. Causers at SPACE.

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MUSIC MONDAY, JUNE 19 King Crimson at Humphreys by the Bay. First Blood at Soda Bar.

TUESDAY, JUNE 20 Korn at Mattress Firm Amphitheatre. My Jerusalem at SPACE. Peewee Moore at The Casbah.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 21 Switchfoot at Del Mar Fairgrounds. Mad Caddies at Brick by Brick. !!! at The Casbah. Girlpool at The Irenic. Black Lips at Belly Up Tavern.

THURSDAY, JUNE 22 Tuxedo at Observatory North Park. Nick Waterhouse at Belly Up Tavern. Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons at Del Mar Fairgrounds. Chron Gen at The Casbah.

The Revolution at House of Blues.

bah. Dita Von Teese at House of Blues.

Easy Wind at Belly Up Tavern.

FRIDAY, JULY 7 Thee Commons at The Casbah. Deftones, Rise Against at Mattress Firm Amphitheatre. Anarbor at Soda Bar.

SATURDAY, JULY 8 Stitched Up Heart at House of Blues Voodoo Room. Three Bad Jacks at Soda Bar. Band of Gringos at Belly Up Tavern.

SUNDAY, JULY 9 Band of Heathens at Belly Up Tavern.

Prince Royce at Open Air Theatre. Flying Hair at Soda Bar.

rCLUBSr

710 Beach Club, 710 Garnet Ave., Pacific Beach. Fri: Electric Mud, Bad Moon, Born. Sat: Empress Akua, Soulective, Lexy Love. Tue: Wyves.

Air Conditioned Lounge, 4673 30th St., Normal Heights. Wed: ‘Byrd Bass’ w/ DJ Byrd. Thu: ‘Centerpiece’ w/ DJ Eliasar Gordillo. Sat: ‘Juicy’ w/ Mike Czech. Sun: ‘Chvrch’ w/ DJs Karma, Alice.

American Comedy Co., 818 B Sixth Ave., Downtown. Wed: Doug Benson. Thu: Melissa Villasenor. Fri: Melissa Villasenor.

Sat: Melissa Villasenor.

The Bancroft, 9143 Campo Road, Spring

Valley. Thu: Last Time Only, Drew Smith.

Fri: Stinkeye. Sat: The Eruption, Fusebox, The Motel Blackouts.

Bar Pink, 3829 30th St., North Park. Wed: ‘Class Project’ w/ DJs Grimm, Old Man Johnson. Thu: DJ Ikah Love. Fri: ‘Class Project’ w/ DJs Grimm, Old Man Johnson.

Sat: ‘Neon Beat’. Sun: ‘Rat Sabbath’.

Mon: ‘Motown on Monday’. Tue: Alvino and the Dwells Bang Bang, 526 Market St., Downtown.

Fri: Saint WKND. Beaumont’s, 5665 La Jolla Blvd., La Jolla. Thu: Mark Fisher. Fri: Modern Day Moonshine. Sat: Emotional Rescue.

Belly Up Tavern, 143 S. Cedros Ave., Solana Beach. Wed: The Record Company, Brothers Comatose (sold out). Thu:

Horace Andy, Earl Zero, Boostive. Fri: The Highwayman, Ginger Cowgirl. Sat: Pine Mountain Logs. Sun: Revival of the Singer Songwriter. Mon: Donavon Frankenreiter, Slapbak. Tue: Donavon Frankenreiter, Slapbak.

Black Cat Bar, 4246 University Ave., City Heights. Fri: The Fresh Brunettes, Polish, Slum Summer. Sat: The Phantoms, Cheap Dates.

Blonde, 1808 W. Washington St., Mission Hills. Wed: ‘Dance Klassique’ w/ Matthew Brian. Thu: Luke Jenner DJ set (The Rapture). Sat: Jane Ellen Bryant. Mon: ‘Prince vs. Michael Jackson Dance Party’.

Tue: ‘Sure Shot’ w/ DJ Tramlife.

MUSIC CONTINUED ON PAGE 44

FRIDAY, JUNE 23 The Mowgli’s at Music Box. The Family Stone at Belly Up Tavern. Birdy Bardot at The Casbah. Maxwell at Valley View Casino Center. Gordon Lightfoot at Humphreys by the Bay. The Game at Observatory North Park.

SATURDAY, JUNE 24 Supersuckers at The Casbah. Tengger Cavalry at Soda Bar.

SUNDAY, JUNE 25 Blind Pilot at Humphreys by the Bay. Kevin Nealon at Belly Up Tavern. Golden Animals at Soda Bar.

MONDAY, JUNE 26 Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds at Civic Theatre. Ron Gallo, White Reaper at Soda Bar.

TUESDAY, JUNE 27 Day Wave at The Casbah. Quintron and Miss Pussycat at Soda Bar. Future at Mattress Firm Amphitheatre.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 28 M.O.D. at Belly Up Tavern.

THURSDAY, JUNE 29 LeAnn Rimes at Del Mar Fairgrounds. She Keeps Bees at SPACE. Iliza Shlesinger at Observatory North Park. Jessie James Decker at House of Blues. Jacuzzi Boys at Soda Bar. Silent at The Casbah.

FRIDAY, JUNE 30 Tijuana Panthers at Belly Up Tavern. The Vandals at Observatory North Park. ‘Blink Fest’ at The Casbah.

JULY SATURDAY, JULY 1 The Aggrolites at Music Box. Cat Power at Observatory North Park. The Pynnacles at The Casbah.

SUNDAY, JULY 2 DIANA at Soda Bar. The Commodore’s Ball at Belly Up Tavern.

MONDAY, JULY 3 Santoros at Soda Bar.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 5 Rosie Flores at Soda Bar. Melvins at The Casbah.

THURSDAY, JULY 6 Rozes at SPACE. Soft Lions at The Cas-

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JUNE 14, 2017 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · 43

MUSIC MUSIC CONTINUED FROM PAGE 43 Boar Cross’n, 390 Grand Ave., Carlsbad. Thu: Beachwood Cyotes. Fri: ‘Club Musae’.

Brick by Brick, 1130 Buenos Ave., Bay Park. Wed: The Anchor, Scarlet Canary, Ironaut, Tzimani. Thu: DED, Contortion, Tetrarch. Sat: Doyle, Davey Suicide, Malakai, Authentic Sellout, Big Scary Robot. Tue: Corky Laing, Red Wizard, Loom.

The Casbah, 2501 Kettner Blvd., Midtown. Wed: Circa Waves, Dreamers. Thu: Reeve Carney, O’Neill Hudson. Fri: Guitar Wolf, Isaac Rother & the Phantoms, Spitfire Torpedo. Sat: Evan Dando, Gateway Drugs. Sun: Dustbowl Revival, Euphoria Brass Band. Mon: Traffic Bear, Uber Monk, Shades McCool, Waldo. Tue: Peewee Moore, Fanny and the Attaboys.

Dirk’s Nightclub, 7662 Broadway, Lemon Grove. Fri: FX5. Sat: Relax Max. Dizzy’s, 4275 Mission Bay Drive, Downtown. Fri: Fred Benedetti. Sat: Joshua White Trio.

F6ix, 526 F St., Downtown. Fri: Sixx Foota. Sat: DJ Birdy Bird.

Fluxx, 500 Fourth Ave., Downtown. Fri: Bun B. Sat: Slowhand.

Hoffer’s Cigar Bar, 8282 La Mesa Blvd., La Mesa. Sat: Phil Diiorio.

House of Blues, 1055 Fifth Ave., Downtown. Thu: Amanda Miguel, Diego Verdaguer. Fri: The Specials, DJ LV. Sat: SayWeCanFly, Call Me Karizma, Marina City. Sun: Morbid Angel, Suffocation, Revocation, Withered. Mon: Pigpen Theatre Co. The Irenic, 3090 Polk Ave., North Park.

44 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

Fri: (Sandy) Alex G, Japanese Breakfast, Cende.

Kava Lounge, 2812 Kettner Blvd., Midtown. Thu: ‘Psilo’ w/ Swell. Fri: ‘Acid Varsity’ w/ Bostich. Sat: ‘Triptych’.

Lestat’s Coffee House, 3343 Adams Ave., Normal Heights. Thu: ‘New Alchemy Poetry Series’ w/ Anna Zappoli, Ted Washington. Fri: Geena Fontanella, We Are One. Sat: Curtis Peoples, Melissa Polinar. Sun: Home, Fashion Jackson, Crystal Rose Speros.

The Merrow, 1271 University Ave., Hillcrest. Wed: The Whiskey Circle, Foresteater, Sarah Rogo. Thu: The Anodynes, North By North, Eldren, The Fresh Brunettes. Fri: Gloomsday, The Strawberry Moons, Pumphouse. Sat: Nights Like Thieves, Safe So Simple, Tonight We Fight, Nothing Sacred.

Music Box, 1337 India St., Little Italy. Fri: Todo Mundo, The Moves Collective, Soul Brigade. Sat: Chali 2na, The Routine. Sun: ‘Nina Simone Tribute: Feeling Good’.

Numbers, 3811 Park Blvd., Hillcrest. Fri: ‘Vogue Decadence’. Sun: R&B Divas.

The Office, 3936 30th St., North Park.

Wed: ‘Kick Out the Jams’ w/ DJ EdRoc. Thu: ‘No Limits’ w/ DJ Myson King. Fri: ‘After Hours’ w/ DJs EdRoc, Ikah Love.

Sat: ‘Strictly Business’ w/ DJs EdRoc, Kanye Asada. Sun: ‘Uptown Top Ranking’. Tue: Dirtbox.

OMNIA Nightclub, 454 Sixth Ave., Downtown. Thu: BRKLN. Fri: Wearetreo. Sat: Jayceeoh.

Panama 66, 1450 El Prado, Balboa Park.

Wed: Gilbert Castellanos. Fri: Leather Tramp. Sat: Montalban Quintet.

MUSIC CONTINUED ON PAGE 45

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MUSIC JIMMY FONTAINE

MUSIC CONTINUED FROM PAGE 44 Parq, 615 Broadway, Downtown. Fri: Bamboozle. Sat: Joe Maz. Rich’s, 1051 University Ave., Hillcrest.

Wed: DJs Kiki, Kinky Loops. Thu: DJ Moody Rudy. Fri: DJs Kiki, Will Z. Sat: DJs Hektik, Luke Allen. Sun: DJs Cros, Morningstar.

Riviera Supper Club, 7777 University Ave., La Mesa. Wed: ‘Boss Jazz’ w/ Jason Hanna. Thu: Alvino and the Dwells. Fri: Gino and the Lone Gunmen. Sat: Chickenbone Slim.

Rosie O’Gradys, 3402 Adams Ave., Normal Heights. Fri: Barnyard Stompers. Sat: Modern Day Moonshine.

Seven Grand, 3054 University Ave., San Diego. Wed: G and the Swingin’ Three.

Thu: Jimmy Ruelas. Fri: DB. Sat: Mrs. Henry. Mon: ‘Makossa Monday’ w/ DJ Tah Rei. Tue: The Waylon Hicks Project.

SPOTLIGHT It’s impossible to feel intelligent when researching the individual members of Korn. “Was it guitarist Munky who was a born-again Christian,” I wondered. “Or was that the bassist, Fieldy?” (I was wrong; turns out it was Brian “Head” Welch who found God). Anyway, Korn are still making music, scat-singing badly and—as evidenced by their new video for “Black is the Soul”—at least Munky and Head are still rocking white-dude dreadlocks. Korn plays Tuesday, June 20 at Mattress Firm Amphitheatre.

—Ryan Bradford

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Soda Bar, 3615 El Cajon Blvd., City Heights. Wed: Blair Crimmins & The Hookers, Fanny and The Atta Boys. Thu: A Giant Dog, Creature Canyon, Chief White Lightning. Fri: Big D And The Kids Table, Left Alone, The Doped Up Dollies, The Maxies. Sat: Buckfast Superbee, Pleasure Fix, Omega Three. Sun: Teenage Burritos, Sixes, Polish, Exasperation.

Mon: First Blood, Colossal, Bonebreaker, Legions. Tue: Futurecast LE, Misc Ailments, Little Heroine.

SOMA, 3350 Sports Arena Blvd., Midway.

Fri: Conveyer, Church Tongue, No Sympathy.

SPACE, 3519 El Cajon Blvd., City Heights.

Wed: ‘See Art Booty Edition’. Thu: Zander Schloss, Davey Tiltwheel. Fri: Drab Majesty, Xeno and Oaklander, DJ Jon Blaj. Sat:

The Body, Lingua Ignota, Burial Wreaths.

Sun: Causers, Commissure, Babe Parade. Tue: My Jerusalem.

Spin, 2028 Hancock St., Midtown. Fri: The Magician. Sat: ‘Overdrive’. Sun: ‘Texture’ w/ Sepp, Nu Zau. Sycamore Den, 3391 Adams Ave., Normal Heights. Thu: Miss Erika Davies and the Men. Sun: Ariel Levine, Jesse Rone Johnson.

Til-Two Club, 4746 El Cajon Blvd., City Heights. Fri: Flower Animals, Of Ennui, Sweet Myths. Sat: Blood Incantation, Qrixkuor, Impure Consecration, Icons of Phobos. Sun: Pants Karaoke. Mon: R.I.P., Birth Sigil.

Tin Roof, 401 G St., Downtown. Wed: The Void Nation. Thu: ‘Paging the 90s’. Sat: Kenny and Deez, Coriander. Sun: Allegra Duchaine. Mon: Lauren Leigh and Sam. Tue: Kyle Castellani.

Tower Bar, 4757 University Ave., City Heights. Sat: The Slow Death, Santa Ana Knights, Waste Aways, Chagrin.

U-31, 3112 University Ave., North Park.

Wed: ‘Wayback Wednesday’. Thu: ‘Boom Boxx Thursday’. Fri: DJ Kid Wonder. Sat: DJ Qenoe. Sun: Psydecar.

Whistle Stop, 2236 Fern St., South Park.

Wed: ‘70s-80s Rap & Freestyle’ w/ DJ Shoeshine. Thu: ‘Under the Groove’ w/ DJ Boogieman. Fri: ‘F-ing in the Bushes’.

Sat: ‘80s vs. 90s’ w/ DJs Gabe, Saul. Sun: Troller, Chasms, DJ Mario Orduno. Mon: ‘Electric Relaxation’.

Winstons, 1921 Bacon St., Ocean Beach.

Wed: Ital Vibes, DJ Carlos Culture. Thu: ‘OB Hip-Hop Social’. Fri: Bang Pow, Dani Bell and the Tarantist. Sat: Fashion Jackson. Mon: Electric Waste Band. Tue: The High Divers.

JUNE 14, 2017 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · 45

LAST WORDS | ADVICE

CHRISTIN BAILEY

ASTROLOGICALLY

UNSOUND

Semi-weekly forecasts from the so-called universe ARIES (March 21 - April 19): Your lucky color this week is that dull, dark red that comes from light bleeding through your closed eyelids.

You know the shade: the one that comes when you’re attempting to not lose control while wondering if they really just asked you that.

TAURUS (April 20 - May 20): What is there to do now that you have drunk every wine, sampled every cheese, and watched every conspiracy theory YouTube video?

GEMINI (May 21 - June 20): Say a word you’ve only read and never heard out loud. The cool thing about words is you can decide how any of them are pronounced so long as you don’t care if anyone else understands what you’re talking about.

CANCER (June 21 - July 22): If you segment a flat worm, it becomes two worms. Then if you segment those two worms, it becomes four worms. This can go on for some time.

LEO (July 23 - August 22): Reality is malleable and you can bend it easily since it only exists to serve you.

This week’s horoscopes aren’t real because yours isn’t the best one.

VIRGO (August 23 - September 22): In the space behind you, something draws closer and closer. Its claws silently extending towards you in the—what? Don’t be scared.

They, uh, could be good claws.

LIBRA (September 23 - October 22): For you, this week will be in glorious Technicolor!

It doesn’t look quite right, but for the time being, it’s the only option available.

SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21): As you’re getting ready, please do remember that any product with glitter or shimmer in it might be used by forensic scientists as evidence in the eventual trial against you SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21): You can choose to think of a mama opossum with her dozen babies screaming at you from her back as one problem or as 13, or you can just leave the old girl alone.

CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19): Approximate everyone’s experience with you this week by filling a water balloon to maximum capacity and holding the unwieldy thing in your hands, feeling it tremble right on the edge of complete catastrophe.

AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18): Be like the rhinoceros and lead with your head; with the full force of your rough and weathered body behind you. You will surely be able to charge your way to near-extinction.

PISCES (February 19 - March 20): The baby grand is going to fall and it’s up to you whether you peel your flattened body off the sidewalk and inflate yourself or smile a piano-key smile with little birdies flying around your head.

Astrologically Unsound appears every other week. Follow Christin Bailey on Twitter at @hexprax.

46 · SAN DIEGO CITYBEAT · JUNE 14, 2017

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48 · San Diego CityBeat · June 14, 2017

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