trans view
Dating And The Transgender Community Dating can be hard for anyone, but trans people often face additional obstacles that make dating seemingly impossible sometimes. But in the end, it’s worth it.
By Daniel Tirabassi
A
major struggle when transitioning is finding someone to share your life and experiences with. This is due to many different reasons. The first that many transgender people face is discovering their sexuality. In many cases, transgender people start their journey identifying their sexual orientation as something that it may not be forever. Trans men often originally identify as lesbians, while trans women often identify as gay men. This tends to lead to discovering a new gender identity as they transition to their true selves. Many transsexuals may have a shift in sexuality as they transition. Many trans men who identify as straight find themselves attracted to men, both cisgender and transgender. Some trans women find themselves attracted to women, both cis and transgender. A theory is developing that links idolization to attraction. The theory revolves around a transgender person wanting to be the gender so bad that their idolization turns into sexual attraction. Though many may not explore this new attraction, some find that the exploration helps in discovering who they truly are. In the case of non-binary or gender nonconforming folks, many people have trouble dating them because they don’t fall under the binary terms of gender. This means that the person dating a non-binary or nonconforming individual might lose their sexual identity. This is troubling not only for the person losing their identity, but also puts a strain on the non-binary or non-conforming person. Many times, resentment builds 14 | FEBRUARY 2019
from this loss of identity, causing an unsafe environment for the non-binary or nonconforming person. Once a person discovers who they are attracted to, the next hurdle is safely finding a person to date. This is challenging for many reasons. The most prevalent of which is the safety of the transgender person. The first issue comes with a decision. Transgender people, primarily those who undergo some sort of transition, need to decide when the appropriate time is for them to be open about it. Some feel that being open in the very beginning is not only safer, but allows them to screen out people who would challenge their identity down the line. Others would rather get to know a person before opening up about their transition in order to try and gauge the reaction of the person they are telling. I have even heard of some transsexual people who have waited years to tell their partner that they were born in a different body than the one they have now. To be honest, this decision is based on how a person wants to be seen by their partner and what they are comfortable with. The next step for safety is how to meet new people. Using dating apps is all the rage right now. This is good when using apps like Tinder, due to their platform including a plethora of gender options to allow people to be open about their identity. However, danger lurks on many sites in different forms. Sites that do not offer you to chance to identify yourself as anything other than “man” and “woman” leave transgender people, especially transgender women, extremely vulnerable. People who believe that dating a transgender person changes their sexuality may react TRUE Q MAGAZINE
