TRULY WOMAN | SEPTEMBER 2008
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No Fear This year has been an eventful one for me and the best part of it is that I got to know this amazing woman from my past. It’s been years since I saw her and my memories of her had faded but how refreshing it has been to get to know me again. Anyone who has had to face their greatest fears can tell you it can dim and many times blind your own perspective of yourself. Fear uncontrolled turns you into a mere shadow of your former self and eventually begins to destroy your soul. I had forgotten how fearless I could be. I forgot how an obstacle wasn’t really an obstacle, just one more mountain that needed to be climbed. I forgot how to not give up at the first fall but to get up and try again regardless of what others might think. It is easy to forget when your dreams seem impossible to obtain and there is no one around to encourage you to keep pushing forward. It is also easy to forget when you are tired of being alone and your crave companionship and the desire to belong more than you crave your own dreams. This premiere edition of Truly Woman Magazine is all about helping you to overcome your fears and to take the mountain before you one step at a time. I believe as you take this journey with me, you will find that you are not the only one on this road and in fact, find out that you have some amazing companions from around the world.
Welcome to Truly Woman Magazine. Our purpose is to enrich the lives of all women and inspire them to become true daughters of the Most High God.
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I would rather take this journey with all of you. This is your voice and I look forward to sharing your stories, poetry, thoughts and ideas with our readers. It is always appreciated when you take the time out of your busy lives to drop me and note and tell me how my work is helping you. I draw much strength from your encouragement. There are many others who need to learn from your failures and triumphs and I hope you will be honest in sharing them with us. I hope you enjoy every story and idea presented and they will spark your desire to recapture a vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ and also with yourself. Please be sure to forward your copy to a friend who needs encouragement today and email us your stories, poems and suggestions on making future issues better.
TRULY WOMAN | SEPTEMBER 2008
Nerissa aka Truly Caribbean Woman CREATIVE DIRECTOR goldenmedia
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Share the Good Stuff! Forward your copy of
Truly Woman Magazine to your friends today! CONTENTS Features Becoming Sarah’s Daughters (4) Dance With Me (6) Excerpt from Making of a Caribbeanpreneur (8) Hidden Riches (10) I Need a Hero (13)
Action Steps Start Your Own Business (11) Tips on Losing Weight Before Exercise (19)
Resources to Grow Parenting One Child at a Time (12) Ask the Doctor (13) Eat All You Will and Lose Weight (18)
Romance Novel Surrender My Heart - Chapter 1 (14) Truly Woman Magazine is a Truly Caribbean Production by Goldenmedia | Montserrat | W.I. E-mail: info@trulycaribbean.net
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TRULY WOMAN | SEPTEMBER 2008
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Becoming Sarah’s Da By Nerissa Golden Sarah was the wife of the man that the bible calls the Father of Faith, Abraham. 1 Peter 3 (NIV) 1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
The word “submit” in relation to husbands and wives has caused quite a few wars, numerous changes in legislation and injuries around the world. Feminist and other pro-women movements along with the support of the media deems the idea of women submitting to their husbands as an archaic practice that only leads to the subjugation of the feminine species. It is not hard for me to confess that I once had serious issues with that word but recognizing that to deny the necessity of my submission in light of God’s word; I was denying myself the ultimate in true feminine power. I choose at this time not to discuss the husband’s role in all of this and instead dwell on the role of the wife. Let me add that even if you are
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not married, this is still vital for you because to become a wife you should already be wifely material. The wedding day or thereafter is not the time to figure out if you are or not. So what is all the fuss about? Why do women have to submit to their husbands and what benefit is there to us? God’s first desire is for women to always be protected and reflect His joy and passion in their lives. He designed a system that when men are yielded to Him, they are then equipped to protect and love women as God intended them to from Creation. Sin has made a mess of things and women challenge the right to be their own protector and so many valid reasons exist why we believe men are no longer cut out for the job. If we can see that fear is the root of our unwillingness to submit and to maintain full control of our own femininity we will have conquered the first great mountain. Peter in the passage above is instructing women to follow Sarah’s example. On more than one occasion she had to trust Abraham’s word when there was nothing else to go on. Read there story in Genesis 12-23. •
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Sarah has to believe and trust Abraham when he says lets leave our family, all we have and all we have ever known. But I don’t know where we are going. She has to believe and trust Abraham when he tells her that although they are now old in years, God (the God that neither of us grew up serving) will make them a great nation. She follows his instruction and pretends to be his sister and not his wife when they go into another country and he was afraid that he would be killed if the king finds out that they were married. She has to believe him when he says he is taking Isaac, visit trulycaribbean.net
aughters •her only son on a trip to worship and sacrifice unto God and they leave without any animals to place on the altar. Sarah did not marry into a poor family. Abraham’s family was wealthy and he was about to walk away from it all and even the gods he worshipped from birth. Her desire to honor her commitment gave her the courage to trust this man, although she does not have all the answers and it seems neither does he. God told Abraham, I will take you to a land I will tell you of. They had to begin moving before they knew where they would end up. Following blindly takes great faith, love and trust. Sarah has made it to 80 and there have been no babies. How plausible is it that she would have one now when she is old and Abraham older. In her desire to fulfill the plan she offers her maid to Abraham because she did believe the word. However, her faith was not strong enough to believe the nation would come from her own womb. Most of us if we were in Sarah’s position would have a very difficult time trusting a husband who would endanger our life to protect his own. Yet God honored her obedience by giving the king nightmares and bringing leave her alone because she was a married woman. God always protects his Daughters when they are in obedience and submissive to those in authority. A journey to a far land to sacrifice was not a simply thing. Abraham had planned this trip and there were soldiers and servants along for the trip. Sarah must have seen the prepa-
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ration and even assisted them. I am sure she asked ‘What animals are you sacrificing?’ She had to accept him ignoring her question or giving her the answer he later gave Isaac “The Lord will provide.” I choose to believe that her trust in him gave him even more courage to trust that God would provide the sacrifice. Sometimes all a man desires is our quiet assurance that we believe in them. Many times silence is the greatest strength we can give them. Now more than ever we need to become one of Sarah’s daughters. God is asking His women to be ready to support the men in their lives without hesitation or doubt. As God prepares to shake things up in the earth, He is looking for tag teams that are ready to be in obedience to Him and in agreement with each other. A husband and wife standing in unity have more power and might than an army with the latest technology. We will never see our men achieve the visions God is giving them if we are unwilling to trust them unwaveringly and not fear. Unmarried women can practice this trust by seeing God as our husbands as He declares He is in Isaiah 54. When we can trust God and submit our lives, our careers, our dreams, …
(Continued on page 6)
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Becoming Sarah’s Daughters (Continued from page 5) ...our pain to Him we will see the same level of protection and peace that married women experience when they are fully submitted to God. This life is frowned trouble on his house warning him to upon in society and even in the church there are many who are hesitant to discuss the importance of submission because it is such a weighty matter. But we must. We will miss out on the most amazing aspect of our lives by not surrendering to God’s plan for us. Peter also admonished the women to go back to the basics and pursue inner beauty. He had the revelation just as many of us now know that outer beauty can only take you so far. He said women should aspire to have the beauty that would never fade which was a “gentle and quiet spirit.” This he said had great value in the eyes of our Creator. Long after our physical bodies no longer look like they did in our prime, we can still reflect outwardly the beauty that can only come from a life submitted to God, through our trust and love for our husbands. When we consider that the fruit of the Spirit as found in Galatians 5:22, 23 “is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” we find the elements that we must strive to reflect in all that we do. This is not impossible and that we be perfected in all areas. Pursuing this fruit brings about women who are fully trusting in God and who can then believe and follow the lead of the men that God provides. Today if you ask, He can give you direction and change your heart to believe that there is a life without fear available to you when you decide to become one of Sarah’s Daughters.
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Music is the soundtrack to which we live life in the Caribbean. We walk to a beat, drive to a beat, cook to a beat. Our lives revolve around the rhythm of our hearts. Your man should make you want to dance and be willing to join this dance with you. Your man needs to be in sync with you and you with him. The most important dance is not the one that plays out in the public eye but the private dance a couple needs to do continuously to have a good relationship. Many of us are so focused on getting a man we just believe that certain things will work themselves out once you get him home. This dance has to begin even before courtship because you need to know your own rhythm and be able to identify it in the man when he steps to you and presents an offer for you to join him. If you choose to go along with the flow in the hopes the offer is going to change later on then you will be disappointed. It is what it is. Take it or leave it. We each come with our own rhythm to the party of life. I know of women whose ideal is for a man that will be an active participant in the household as far as cooking, cleaning and caring for the children because that is what they grew up seeing around them. But fear that the guy now heading towards you on the dance floor is the only one that is going to ask you for a dance, you cook, clean, move in with him all before you find out if your needs a compatible. We continue the cycle expecting that somewhere along the line, he is going to pitch in and help in the kitchen on his days off or watch the children to give you a break since you are sick. If these patterns and agreements were not established from the initial start of the relationship, then most men aren’t likely to think they need to contribute in these areas later on. We teach them how to treat us. Initially when you waited on him hand and foot to make a good impression, he got the message that...
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Da
ance With Me
that another woman will take what is yours. Just as if you spent all night in a pair of shoes too small for you, to want to take on a relationship that is not your right fit will cause you nothing but pain. When it all goes wrong you dare to blame marriage as the problem then give up on it for the future but you failed to realize you were not wearing the proper shoes. The right person for you will fit you. You will not have to conform into what he wants you to be and you will not expect him to change who he is. For happiness to exist you both must accept each other the way they are. When you start with a compromise you often will continue to compromise to keep it working.
...this is the way things were going to be. That’s the nonverbal contract he signs up for and you signed it as well by remaining silent. Even after we realize that we are not getting what we really, want, we keep our mouths shut, thinking sooner or later “My man will notice I need help. I shouldn’t have to ask him to give me a hand with the kids.” But you do. If you want something, ask for it. Not nag or hint that it would be nice if he helped out but give him a clear request that you need his help. We don’t ask because we fear that no is the only answer we are going to get. An essential weapon in dancing well and all night is a good pair of shoes. It has been some time since I pulled an all-nighter on a dance floor but you will not last through a good Soca number without the right shoes. Ladies, this is not the time to be trying to fit your size ten feet in a size eight shoe. Stop trying to bend and fit into a shoe and with a man that is clearly not right for you. Don’t be so impatient for your turn on the dance floor that you take the first offer you get. Stop being afraid to wait and fearing
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Maybe at the beginning of the dance you were staying at home with the kids but now you are working fulltime, you now have a different need from your spouse. He needs to see that your needs are changing but you may have to turn on the light so he can clearly. If we don’t communicate then we won’t know where we stand and we suffer in silence believing that our husbands are just insensitive. It is highly recommended that you not spring the change on him today with the plan for it to go into effect right away. Men are creatures of habit and a slow immersion into a new pattern is best. For those of you already married, and you recognize that you have settled for a dance routine that leaves each of you moving to a different beat, it still can be changed. I have found that God can move a man with one prayer that years of nagging and dropping hints will never do. Let God open the door for you to bring up the conversation of needing his help in other areas. And when he does, celebrate his new dance move as if he just won the contest. We have not because we ask not, and sometimes the only person we need to ask is God. Our basic needs as women might be similar but we all desire for them to be filled in our own unique way. Your man must be able to meet …
(Continued on Page 16)
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BOOK EXCERPT By Nerissa Golden
Use what you have You have no excuses for not starting your business. The time it takes you to come up with the excuse is the same amount of time it takes to come up with an alternative plan. Don’t believe that you need to have large sums of money to get started. Don’t hold off the dream to be a filmmaker because you want to build a studio first. I know people who have spent lots of money stockpiling equipment and they have yet to write a film script. You can make movies with your mobile phone, so not owning a $10,000 camera is no reason not to start on your film dream. (Read the story of Howard and Mitzi Allen of HAMA Productions in Antigua at www.trulycaribbean.net.)
Fear of Limited Resources For many Caribbeanpreneurs money is a big challenge. Especially if you have plans to open a business that requires a storefront, the high costs of rent and utilities seems out of reach. You have already gone to several banks advertising loans to help young entrepreneurs, but they have turned you down. I would call them and say “Thank you very much for denying my request.” Here is why. It means any money you are about to make will stay in your hands and you won’t be repaying loans or stressing about whether they are going to come repossess your mother’s house because you used it as collateral.
Form strategic alliances What I have accomplished in the past three years alone was not done in a vacuum and on my own. Although I have many skills, there are other people who have mastered a craft and what would take me a week, they can do in a few hours. Being in the right frame of mind and at the right space in your life will bring you into contact with those of a similar vision. Yes, you will have those who want to tag along but have nothing to add to the program but you will also meet those who are genuinely interested in helping you build your dream, simply because there is connected as well.
But finances may not be your only limited resource. You are panicking because you can’t find a factory to create your designs or they won’t work with you because your demand is too low. Whatever the obstacle it can be overcome. More than likely you may have to outsource that part of your business, bring in a partner or look to Asia or Latin America but it can be done. As I mentioned earlier, not having my own computer was not going to be a limitation for me. I had a good relationship with my former employer and used their equipment until I could afford to get my own.
Bartering is still a powerful currency and one
No Cash Doesn’t Mean Dead End! • • •
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Form Alliances with other entrepreneurs or a more established company. Barter your services Start with what you have. It will grow.
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FE
EAR FACTORS - Barriers to Your Financial Success that Caribbeanpreneurs need to make use of. Don’t make assumptions; discuss it with your potential business associate. The two of you need to be in agreement about the value of what you are doing and what can be traded as in kind work. I have written regular features for a magazine without seeing a penny but that was not a sore point. The magazine was a new one with limited cash. But in return for my work, they used their graphics design business to help me create my promotional materials, which are essential for the work I do. I could not afford to have these things printed or designed out of my own pocket, but suddenly here was a win win situation. At the school I started my first employee was a cook, who we could not afford to pay but she had three children who needed to be educated. She was so grateful for the chance for her kids to receive a quality education that she worked for free until we could afford her salary. Often we are afraid to ask for assistance because we don’t want anyone to know our business and in order to build relationships you must be willing to trust. Most of my strategic alliances are not with friends. We do not hang out on the weekends or spend all day chatting online. We have common goals and respect each others work and do what is necessary to help the other build their vision. The one passion we all share is
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a love for the Caribbean and the view that it is our time to celebrate our identity and earn an income from our sun, sea and sand and the culture that comes with it. We have found that sharing our skills helps each to be successful and in the end we celebrate when something good happens for the other because it happens for us as well. Do you need a website? Find a designer trying to build their portfolio and have a suitable service to offer in return. (Strictly business here.) Also, with so many social networks and free blogs available having a web presence is not the challenge it once was. If you do need storefront space, you may not need to take on the commitment all by yourself. Why not look around at more established businesses and find out if they would be willing to rent you a kiosk or a few square feet to set up a table. Do you create jewelry, find a boutique and work out an arrangement to sell your work there? Visit www.trulycaribbean.net for other business start-up ideas to spark your imagination. This is an excerpt from The Making of a Caribbeanpreneur: Strategies for Overcoming Fear and Building Wealth. Available soon.
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Hidden Riches You probably have money hidden away in your home and don’t even know it. I am not talking about antiques that you can auction on eBay (if you do, then you should consider it). I am talking about your talents that you have never bothered to fully explore as the best source for earning money. It is often difficult to see yourself charging for something that gives you so much pleasure but you really should consider that you may be sitting on the gift that is to prosper you or giving it away for free when it has great value. In some Caribbean islands, agriculture is no longer a priority of governments and in some cases there is no land to develop. However there are some of you reading who have turned your back yard and the front into luscious gardens where fruits and vegetables abound. Yes, the garden is great for you because it cuts down on your grocery bill but I bet there is enough to share. Now, not all riches come in the form of cash. Maybe you just need to consider consistently sharing at least a tenth of what you grow with someone else. Consider it the tithe. There are others who make wonderful jellies and tarts. Your church can count on you for your famous chocolate fiesta cake every Easter and Harvest but your cakes can also bring in cash. Why not consider charging to make cakes and tarts for special occasions for family and friends? Women are often reluctant to do this, especially if you have been giving it away freely for years but it is time to reconsider the true value of what you provide. As a lover of good cake, I know there is a lot more that goes into baking a cake
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than just flour, butter and sugar. It has value beyond the price of the ingredients and you need to quantify this in dollars and cents. Some of you reading sew, knit, take care of children just because you love to. These are all potential income earners. At the very least begin to consider them valuable commodities that are worth trading for or giving consciously to someone else. When you begin to see the value in your abilities and talents, you will want to manage them better and put them to the best use, which can lead to hidden riches coming to light.
Why Do I Want to Be Married? Ticking Baby Clocks and Unexpected Pregnancies are reasons NOT to rush into marriage.
October Issue of
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ACTION STEPS - FINDING HIDDEN RICHES Services or goods you find lacking in your area could be the start of a home-based business for you. Here are a few ideas to get you started...
Virtual Office Assistant Are you computer savvy? Do you know how to run an office? Why not offer administrative services from the comfort of your own home. You can answer emails, write letters, business plans, manage account receivables, update websites and other office services.
Gift Baskets There are magazines and books available on making great gift baskets. Your clients can be banks, insurance companies, and other types of businesses who want to send unique gifts to employees and clients. Your own friends and family are also great potential clients.
Catering and Party Planning Many people don't have time to prepare lunches in the morning to take to work. Find a companies or individuals within a defined driving distance that you will provide affordable and tasty breakfasts and lunches during the week. Those great pastries and tarts can be the start of another sweet business venture. Add your event-planning and decorative skills or those of another entrepreneur, and your company is on its way.
Day Care Do you know other mothers who work and are in need of good child care services? Get some first aid training and take any available child care classes the government or other agencies are providing. Don't handle more than six children at a time. Rates can start as low as $40 and up to $150 per week.
Personal Assistant If you are handy with filing, word processing and other tasks that companies are looking for but cannot afford a full-time secretary, you can fill the void.
Seamstress and/or clothes ironing Do you have time on your hands and love repairing and fixing clothes. You can get clients from your neighborhood. Offer to fix clothes with rips, tears, missing buttons, iron clothes that are laundered but clients have no time to do for themselves. Offer to make the uniforms for a new church choir or community group. Start sewing classes at your local community center. Whatever your decision is, a good idea would be to take new courses to upgrade your present skills or learn new ones. There are also a lot of free tutorials and classes online. Remember whatever services or goods you find lacking in your area could be hold your riches. Get more ideas and resources to start your business at www.trulycaribbean.net.
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Parenting One Child at a Time all at the same time. The competition is fierce for mommy time and in the midst of it, I am desperate for me time. What to do? I have got to tell you the growing power in the words, ‘No,’ ‘Wait,’ and ‘No.’ The power is not just in using them but in being disciplined to follow through with them. I often find myself backtracking on what I just said no to and giving in. Every time I do this, I see that it compounds the situation and next time around, I have to compromise in four different directions. That makes no sense and leads to a stressed out mommy and four undisciplined kids. The greatest tool for discipline is not a stick but a parent’s mind. Have a clear focus as what it is you want from your kids and what you need them to accomplish. What are your goals as a mother and how do you think you will get the job done? How much begging does it take to get you to give in and are the kids usually happier long term because you do?
By Nerissa Golden I get this question a lot, “How do you do it with four kids and my one takes everything I got?” My new answer is one child at a time. Multitasking is so passé and in fact down right dangerous. You start a million chores and don’t see the end of any of them. Long after everyone is sleeping soundly you are still trying to figure out what was it you wanted to accomplish that day. Four children and they all have different needs,
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Every time I have gone against my better judgment and given in to what the kids think they need, I usually end up paying twice for it in loss of money and time. The word ‘No’ is a helpful one in teaching children that they can’t always get what they want, when they want it. This is still the time they must learn to trust your decision and obey regardless. Children obey your parents that your days might be long is still in the word of God. You will give them a great gift by encouraging their obedience and willingness to follow your lead. The best way to give yourself more time with your children and eventually yourself is to stick to your decision and be consistent about it every time.
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Rescue is used 122 times in the bible. Source: www.biblegateway.com
By Nerissa Golden
I Need a Hero?
Fairy tales and romance novels were a regular part of my book diet growing up. The damsel is always in distress and the prince gets her out of her mess and they live happily ever after. But are fairy tales just for books or should we still be dreaming of our knight in shining armor coming to get us. As I have studied the Word in recent months, I see God over and over promising His Daughter of Zion that He is going to rescue her. This makes me think that the damsel in distress was not an original idea from the authors of Cinderella or Harlequin. Maybe there is an author we are overlooking.
On the surface I have always been one who wants to do it by myself and not lean on anyone. I grew up seeing women just handling there business whether a man was present or not, so why should I not do the same. This is not a call for you to stop what you doing and expect a man to fix it for you. But I want you to consider that you do have someone waiting to rescue you and be your every day hero. Like it or not, we do get in trouble. Situations come up that merits having a good man around. But what do you do when there isn’t even one to turn to that won’t require payment of the sort you are not willing to make?
But we have a hero waiting for us to call for help at this first sign of trouble. Not as a last resort but the place you run to for safety each and every time. How do I maintain my femininity in a world that re- The more I learn about God, quires me to be tough as nails to survive? How can I the more I see, that He does find that balance to protect myself not even want to put you at but still preserve my womanhood? the mercy of man, who may not be strong enough to help Dr. DeFoe shares, “As women we must come to understand that competence, focus and effec- you without expecting a retiveness do not necessary have to imply hard- turn on his investment. ness. The feminine force and all that this embodies is critical to bringing balance to this He sent Jesus to die to be world, particularly in light of current worldwide the only Savior we need. societal challenges. When we expect a man or "For women, too often because we have not anyone else to fix our situaadequately nurtured our self-awareness and appreciation of self, we do tion for us, we then place not trust our own power and personality; we tend to feel that we must our dependency on humans emulate the behaviors of men to be taken seriously; that denying our femininity is key to making our way in the world. This could not be fur- who can and will fail. God will never fail us. ther from the truth.
ASK Dr. Davis-DeFoe
"What we must understand is that by nature we are nurturing and giving beings, but we must not allow ourselves to be driven entirely by our emotions if we are to thrive in this world. As women, we must learn how to balance our emotions with reason, in all aspects of our lives, particularly when it comes to relationships. Using her work with women and girls, the lessons learned from her own personal struggles, DeFoe states, “True strength lies in a woman’s ability to demonstrate resiliency in response to life challenges, her knack for learning how to discover opportunities in those challenges. Once a woman comes to understand the need for her to make self-nurturing a priority, her ability to achieve life balance is enhanced.” Dr. DeFoe is the author of several books including her first romance “Tropical Escapes”. Learn more about this dynamic author and speaker at www.dranitadavisdefoe.com.
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Yes, from time to time, He will send a man to be the human agent fulfilling the rescue but you will be very aware that God was behind it and also know that you don’t need to respond with nothing more than a ‘thank you very much.’ God asks that we call on Him and He will answer. We have not because we ask not. visit trulycaribbean.net
Surrender My Heart By Nerissa Golden Chapter One
Ashley Richard’s new business centre was the first of its kind on New Ebonee and everyone was wary of her. Could she convince the town she was only there to help and would its mayor Michael John give her the chance to prove she was the one to love him?
“Today is the grand opening of the New Ebonee Business Center. Visit them on Old Street for all of your secretarial and accounting services.” The radio commercial blared from the small transistor radio atop Ashley’s desk. Another silent prayer that the advertising would pay off was sent up to heaven as she headed to the front of the office to turn the sign on the door. Today was more than the business center’s grand opening. It was a day for a new beginning for Ashley and her daughter Mya. Every dime she now owned she was walking in and looking at. If this did not work, she had no idea what she would do. Bigger than the risk of leaving Mya’s abusive father was following her dream of returning to the small island where she was born and opening this business. The radio station switched from commercials to the local news of the day. Not much happened on New Ebonee and the top story was her store’s big opening. Ashley had used every bit of publicity know-how she had learned at the PR firm where she had been its top executive to let people know what she was now doing. If they did not come, it would not be because they had not heard. Her town’s walls were papered with flyers and posters. The weekly paper which came out today would also contain inserts about her business and the services they offered. “God please make this work. I’ve done my best, now you have got to do yours.” This time her prayer was not silent. It resounded off the walls. She was desperate for a miracle and only her Creator could help her now. There was no fear in that thought. He had come through for her more times in the past five years than she dared to count. The very fact she was still breathing was a testament to that. The telephone startled Ashley from her thoughts. She approached it and took a deep breath before answering with the mantra she had practiced so often in the past two months. “Good Morning, New Ebonee Business Centre, at your service.” “My, my we are all professional today,” was the response from the woman on the other end. “How you doing boss lady?” “Girl, you tying up the lines. I’m running a business here,” Ashley responded with a laugh at the sound of her only friend. “So how is it going?” “Well I have been open all of ten minutes, so it’s really hard to say and you are my first call but I couldn’t think of a better voice to hear first thing today.” “I wanted you to know I was thinking about you. Jimmy and I are praying for your success and we just know its going to work out so not to worry.” “Thanks Shay. I really needed that.” “How is my niece?” “Mya is doing really good. She went off to school this morning without the usual drama, so I was happy. Its really been tough for her to adjust to a new school in the middle of the term so I just take it one day at a time with her.” (Continued on page 15)
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TRULY WOMAN | SEPTEMBER 2008
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“She will do fine Ash. Don’t worry about her. The hardest thing for her was watching you hurt so much. Now that the pain is gone from your life, she will respond to that. God’s going to take care of it.” The bell over the front door rang and Ashley looked up to see a man filling the frame of the door. “Shay I have a customer. Thanks for the call. I will email you later to tell you how things turned out. Bye.” “Bye Ash.” The man was large. There was no other way to describe him. He made the room shrink and Ashley’s five and a half feet seem miniature. “Good morning. Welcome to the Business Center. How may I help you?” She hoped her voice did not betray her anxiety. If his intent was to hurt her, she was not sure she could take him down. Another silent prayer and she smiled. He had not moved from the door. “Hello, I’m Ashley, can I help you with some-
She was not liking his arrogance at all. It felt like he was looking straight through her. thing?” She asked as she walked towards the man. “Are you responsible for these flyers? They are littering up the main street,” was his gruff response. “The flyers were distributed to all the shops in town. I would never litter the street,” she responded trying not to be upset at his rudeness. “So why did I just pick up more than 100 flyers on the corner? Your flyers never reached their destination,” he added shoving a wad of the papers in her hand. “I paid a young man twenty bucks to put them in all of the mail boxes and doors,” she stared at the flyers in disbelief. How were people to know she was here if they never saw her promotions? “I hope it was not Alan Smithy you asked.” The look on her face gave him the answer. “Make sure you file a report against him. The police chief is a friend of mine and knows Alan’s racket. Don’t assume because it’s a small island
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everyone can be trusted. Foreigners always make that mistake.” “I’m not a foreigner. This is my home,” Ashley bristled back. She was not liking his arrogance at all. The fact that he had not taken his eyes off her was also disconcerting. It felt like he was looking straight through her. “You don’t speak like a local, so you’re a foreigner. Who’s your family?” “Alain and Marie Richards were my parents. I grew up on Camden Road,” “They left here a long time ago. What made you come back now?” “I’m not used to answering personal questions when I don’t even know who I’m talking to,” she retorted. “My apologies, I thought you knew who I was. I’m Michael Johns, the mayor of New Ebonee,” he answered and extended a hand. Ashley stared at it for a moment before gripping it for a quick shake. “I had no idea. I thought Melissa Matthews was the mayor.” “She would like to be but Melissa takes over when I am off island. I’ve been on training for the past two months, so that is why I missed your arrival. Welcome home Ashley.” “It’s really good to be home. Well I guess I need to hit the pavement myself and try to drum up some business. Won’t get any customers standing in here,” she replied dumping the filthy flyers into a nearby bin. “The word is out though. You were the topic of conversation when I left the Bluebird Café earlier. It will just take a little time before people come around. They are going to want to see if you will stick or just another tourist trying to make a quick buck.” “I’m not going anywhere. I have no wh…Well, I’m here for the long run,” Ashley replied. She hoped he would pretend that he didn’t know what she was about to say. This man had already shaken her enough for one lifetime. “Thanks mayor for returning the flyers, I will go and check if there are any more on the streets.” She busied herself by straightening the brochures on the counter. Her hands were shaking now and she was praying that he would just leave but the bell stayed silent. “Look, maybe I can take you to lunch at the café and introduce you around. It always helps people to loosen up if they see you ... (Continued on page 17)
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Truly Caribbean Woman’s Guide to Good Love Debuts Sometimes it needs to go very wrong so it can all get really right. In her debut release, Truly Caribbean Woman’s Guide to Good Love, Nerissa shares the lessons learned from surviving a bad marriage and preparing for a future filled with love and purpose. “When my marriage ended I wanted to figure out what went wrong, so I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. This book went through many title changes as I did, as I rediscovered myself and what I my life was all about. The working title was called How to Love a Caribbean Man because I thought at the time that the answer was in figuring men out. Just as they struggle to figure us out, we do the same but the answer is really in knowing who we are and what we desire most in our life,” explained the author and entrepreneur. “I decided to release this book as a free eBook because women have been asking for help in this area,” she said. “It is a great place for women who are recovering from a broken relationship or considering starting a new romance to begin.” Each chapter begins with one of Nerissa’s poems that relates to the subject. “I had no idea I could right poetry until it was the only outlet available to express what was going on inside. Writing became my solace when there was no one to talk to and I didn’t even feel worthy to pray. This book was cathartic to write but also an eye opener as I was not always ready to deal with some of the issues that I had to take responsibility for.” The book will be available shortly on Amazon.com and other online retailers. More details and to view excerpts, go to www.trulycaribbean.net. Nerissa encourages readers to leave comments on her blog at trulycaribbeanwoman.wordpress.com or by emailing her at info@trulycaribbean.net. Dance With Me
(Continued from page 7) ...those needs, not as he did with girlfriend A or B but in the way you desire. This flexibility is important to keeping in step with your changing needs as the years go by. He must know your rhythm and you must know his. Is he a morning person or at his best in the afternoon? What kind of person are you? Can you function at your best even if jolted awake by a phone call or a crying baby? What life issues triggers stress in each of you? He may be boss at handling conflicts or crisis but financial burdens break him. It is important that we take the time to learn each other’s rhythms. There will be times that someone wants to rest there feet and the other doesn’t want to stop. It is important to consider the needs of the other. Once you sign up for the relationship there is no
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rest, you both have to be committed to the dance. However, there will be moments when you may be calling the steps because he is not capable. This is not the time to beat him down because he is feeling weary, you take the lead with joy knowing the end result is that both of you continue the dance together. Please note that this should be a temporary assistance, and only to be done until he gets back on his feet. If he has given up the lead completely and shows no sign of taking it back, then its time to sit down and work out what is going on and both of you must recommit to the dance. When all else fails, drop the kids by a friend, turn off the cell phones and head to the nearest party and get your groove on. Both of you need to remember the dance move that just made you say “Yeah, I like dancing with this person.”
Excerpt from Guide to Good Love visit trulycaribbean.net
(Continued from page 15)
with someone they are accustomed to.” You don’t have to do that. I’m sure you have more important things to do, since you just got back to work.” “I have to eat, so it’s no bother. Over lunch you can tell me about your business and maybe we can work out a deal as I have no secretary it seems. She left for the big island without leaving a note or a promise to return.”
Ashley wanted to turn him down but she needed to get clients and he was also offering her work. Pride aside she was going to have to pay her rent and Mya’s school fees. “Okay, I would love to have lunch with you. Shall I meet you there at noon?” “Let’s make it 12:30. I’ve got to run out to The Cays for a meeting. That’ll make sure I can get back on time.” “Alright, I’ll see you then. Thanks for bringing those back to me,” she said with a smile. “No problem, nice to meet you Ashley. Much success with your business despite the set back,” he extended his hand for another shake and then turned and left. His leaving left her both relieved and sad. Relieved because he took up way too much space in the room and in her head; and sad for again she was alone with an empty store and a bin full
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of flyers that had not been distributed. Mike jogged across the street to his office. A slight drizzle had begun and he was now 30 minutes behind schedule. His secretary skipping town meant he would have to open the office every morning until he found a replacement. Luckily no one was waiting to see him and it gave him time to put on the coffee. Elaine had been quite flaky at times but she did make a mean cup of coffee. All he could manage was the instant kind but she had known how to use that fancy coffee pot and the imported stuff that the Ladies from the League had donated to the mayor’s office. Women. New Ebonee was full of them but none that had even intrigued him as much as the one whose presence he had just left. Ashley Richards would have been long gone by time he moved here 12 years ago, so their paths had never crossed. He’d heard about her parents. They’d started the church he now attended but left to evangelize South America shortly after Ashley was born. She was pretty but he was not sure she knew it. Her dark brown eyes were a bit sad as if they spent more time brimming with tears than sparkling with joy. He wondered why she had no where else to go. She’d caught herself before saying it out loud but her eyes had already sent the message. The new business seemed to be a life line she needed. He’d help her as much as he could but the last thing he wanted was a woman with problems. There was no place in his life to be fixing anymore broken women. He wanted one whole body and spirit. That was his only requirement when he knelt before God. “Just make her be whole and what you want for me God.” Mike was a patient man. He’d learned the hard way not to rush God’s timing. Love would come when it was time and it would be right next time around.
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It All You Will and Lose Weight By Nerissa Golden
Sounds like a miracle, doesn’t it. But it works. The key is to recognize that I said “Eat all you will” not “all you can.” This one word can make all the difference in how you get to have the body you want and the life you deserve.
It is virtually impossible to turn on the radio or television, open a magazine without advertisements calling us to lose weight, keep our youthful figure and beauty. All of this outward looking takes the focus from where the real issues are and where the real weight needs to be lost. The secret to weight loss is to look inward. This is a place most of us would rather not uncover but it is essential to having healthier lives. We can all trace our healthy or unhealthy eating habits to childhood. It is important that you review the lessons you learned from parents and guardians about what was good to eat and what role food played in your life. For Caribbean people, food is a vital part of our lives. It much more than sustenance, it is how we celebrate, how we mourn, how we share, and how we cover up shame. Was there always enough food for everyone, or did being late for dinner mean there would be nothing to eat until the next morning? Did mommy save the best treats for dad and you could only get if he offered them to you or when they were no longer fresh? Were you forced to eat everything on your plate long after you tummy was already full? Were your favorite foods withheld from you if you did something wrong? Answering these questions and any others that come to your mind are important to figuring out what your relationship with food is. When you can look at the lessons you learned back then, you can trace them to the habits you are now exhibiting in the way you eat today. It costs money to eat healthy in today’s world. Most people no longer have a home garden from which they can get fresh vegetables and fruits. Our vegetables often come from frozen packages or cans and our fruit are often indigenous to other parts of the world and wouldn’t even grow in this climate if we tried. The fact that it is cheapest to buy processed foods, refined flours, lots of juices loaded with high fructose corn syrup, is no accident. The removal of the healthiest components in the foods we eat most was intentional in order to encourage an addiction to sugar. We constantly need to feed this addiction for sugar, and so we return time and again for junk foods, sodas and lots of white rice and flour. In my own life, it is a slow transition but now more than ever it is essential to rid myself of bad eating habits. I want to be able to function at my optimum to raise my children. A lot of the learning challenges evident in children today can be traced back to their diet and that of their parents. I am aware that many won’t be able just to go to the refrigerator and dump all the junk and start over again with a new healthy shopping list. Plain and simple, you have to give up your desires for this way of eating in the same way an alcoholic or smoker has to give up there addiction. You must make a daily decision to eat and be healthy and maintain an inner will to be better than you
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were the day before. It was crazy to buy fruits for my kids and never eat them myself. I did not want them eating too many sweets and chips, but I’m snacking at midnight or hiding them so they won’t see. It took the discovery that my daughter was eating spoonfuls of sugar on the slight to shock me into recognition that I needed to be more conscious of my own habits and I would need to practice what I was preaching to them. Slowly, I am adding more fruit to my diet. Rather than stocking up on cookies, I buy bananas and other fruits in what ever portion I can afford at the time. Choosing to stop eating after seven in the evening, is also helping. If you WILL yourself to choose to eat differently, the results will be worth it. Remember you did not gain that 50 or 150 pounds overnight, so expect that it will come off over time. Whenever possible, get moving. Choose to walk rather than drive, dance with your kids, take an exercise or martial arts class when time and money allows. Don’t stop. Spend time imagining the life you will have when you acquire this changed body. Then say thank you because that life is yours right now.
ACTION STEPS Here are a few things you can do to start losing weight, even before beginning an exercise routine. 1. Do not skip meals. Eat a hearty breakfast, a lighter lunch and the lightest of meals in the evening. If you must snack, eat raisins or other fruits. As most of us eat a heavy lunch, it might be a good idea to just use a smaller portion. If it helps, use a smaller plate. 2. Eliminate sodas, coffee, and beer as they are all acidic and contribute to weight gain. Do drink more water, black or green teas. If you can’t live without Kool-Aid, choose not to add more sugar to the drink as the mixes often come with sugar. Eventually, switch to natural juices. Read the labels and leave the ones on the shelf that are from concentrate, meaning they have added water and sugar; and the drinks that have high fructose corn syrup. Do not believe the drink is healthy for your kids just because the commercial says it is. Read the label. 3. Cut down and eventually eliminate white rice and flour and other products which have been refined to remove all the good stuff. These refined goods convert directly to sugar once consumed. 4. Increase the amount of vegetables and fruits/beans in your daily cooking. Add more natural sources of fiber such as whole grains, almonds and apples. 5. Often the meat and poultry offered in the islands are filled with hormones and antibiotics. Whenever possible, choose to purchase brands that say “organic” or “free range.” If this is not available, cook without the skin and use more natural seasonings to flavor. 6. Work towards eliminating aluminum pots and pans in your cooking and frying with shortening and products with Trans Fat. 7. Small steps are more effective in the long run. Tackle one thing at a time. Be forgiving when you stray and just get back on track as fast as you can. 8. Repent. We all need to ask forgiveness for not treating our bodies as the temple of a Living God. Our bodies should be a place where our Creator is glorified and there is no glory when we are sick and overweight, depressed and diseased from bad eating habits. Read Romans 12:1 and 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 for inspiration.
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TRULY WOMAN | SEPTEMBER 2008
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All the Good Men are NOT Taken! There is one perfectly designed to fit the woman who understands who she is and what she brings to a healthy relationship.
This guide offers ideas on: - Understanding your worth - Attracting the man you need - Preparing for a healthy sexual relationship - Trusting your instincts
Nerissa is a mother of four, an entrepreneur and conference speaker. She has been a contributing writer to several regional and international publications, and online blogs. Look for her as the life coach on the new TV talk show The Warren Cassell Show seen around the Caribbean and in Europe.
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AVAILABLE SOON @ amazon.com
TRULY WOMAN | SEPTEMBER 2008
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