3 September 2019

The Collegian: 2

News

3 September 2019

The Red Zone: not the only time to be careful Despite the warnings of the Red Zone, sexual assault is a probelm throughout the year.

Brennen Gray Sports Editor Sexual assault is a reality on this campus, just like countless others around the world.

This time of year, sexual assault conversations are particuarly prevalent amongst students and faculty alike due to what is commonly referred to as the Red Zone.

The Red Zone refers to the first six weeks on a college campus: the most dangerous time for sexual assault during the year. TU is currently in that time frame and will be for about another month. Here is what you need to know to help yourself and others stay safe and informed: One theory attributes the spike in sexual assaults in the beginning of the year to the outside factors that come with the backto-school weeks. Kelsey Hancock, TU’s violence prevention program coordinator, elaborated on these factors.

“A lot of people speculate that it is because people are coming back to school, new people are coming to school and people are trying out their new agency by getting out of their comfort zone,” said Hancock.

“Also, there are back to school parties where alcohol is flowing and people may not have experience in sexual relationships,” she added.

Indeed, the combination of inexperienced partygoers and constant parties seems to provide a dangerous environment for new students.

Hancock also pointed out that another reason can be found in the short amount of time new students have had time to form bonds with each other. Rolling up to a party with a strong squad of people to look out for you can be a safe way to have fun. Going it alone with no one to watch your back can be dangerous.

But this story is not so simple. In fact, while this is all helpful information, oversimplifying the sexual assault problem on campus to a time when freshly-minted college students are ill-prepared for a frat party is misleading.

Hancock expanded on the topic, saying, “At the same time, there is this idea that if we just address the Red Zone one it will help. Not exactly. It has to be proactive.”

Sexual assault is bigger and much more complicated than a freshman getting too drunk at a party where they do not know anyone. Most sexual assaults are cases where the involved parties knew each other beforehand.

Hancock also brought up some theorists’ conjecture that over-emphasizing the Red Zone can lead to victim-blaming. That is to say, it makes it seem as though new students should be especially alert during a certain time of year. This in turn leads to the expectation that students should follow certain guidelines if they do not want to be assaulted. That is why some activists do not like to use the word Red Zone, since sexual assault is never the survivor’s fault.

Another critique of the over-emphasis on the Red Zone is that the first six weeks are not always the time period with the most sexual assaults. In fact, TU’s data depicts March as the most dangerous month by number of assaults reported.

Hancock theorized this to be a product of Spring Break. She also wanted to make it clear where to find this data.

“We have students often ask where [they] can find all this data. We advertise it on the website,” she said, adding, “We have our newest executive summary out, and we will be surveying people again for the campus climate survey.”

The fact of the matter is caution is always important no matter what time of year it is.

And while it can be helpful to take steps to ensure your safety, no one is to blame for a crime committed against them. The Red Zone is something to be aware of, but sexual assault on campus as a whole is an issue that lasts year-round.

Students can go to utulsa.edu/sexualviolence-prevention-education for all the resources they need, including a section for frequently asked questions, access to data and more.

For more information on this topic, TU is hosting Zerlina Maxwell on Sept. 10 in the Lorton Performance center. Doors will open at 6 p.m. and the talk begins at 7 p.m.

courtesy the University of Tulsa Campus Climate Survey March 2019 had the highest percent of total (forced, drug faciliated and attempted) sexual assaults.

For resources provided to survivors, students can contact any of the following people or organizations. Those listed with an asterisk are confidential and have no mandatory reporting requirements.

On Campus DVIS Victim Services Advocate* (918) 631-2965 TU Counseling Center* (918) 631-2200 Office of Violence Prevention (918) 631-2324

Title IX Coordinator (918) 631-4602 Campus Security (918) 631-5555 Alexander Health Center (918) 631-2241 Off Campus DVIS/24-Hour* (918) 7-HELP-ME Family Safety Center* (918) 743-5763 Tulsa Police (918) 596-9222

Illiteracy in Oklahoma a complex, modern problem Illiteracy impacts more than just the ability to read a book; it can also affect the success of one’s children.

Emily Every Managing Editor Literacy is no longer simply the ability to read and write, but the ability to navigate adulthood using information. In a 2013 study, The National Assessment of Adult Literacy (NAAL) defines literacy as the ability to use “printed and written information to function in society, to achieve one’s goals and to develop one’s knowledge and potential.”

Using data from the 2013 NAAL Report, 12 percent of adults in Oklahoma (adult being defined as age 18 or older) functioned at “Below Basic” literacy level, while 31 percent of adults in the state met the requirements of the “Basic” literacy level. Using this terminology, only 57 percent of adult Oklahomans had above basic literacy skills.

There is no perfect, silver bullet measurement or unit to understand the rate of illiteracy, but organizations have been able to estimate rates. According to the Oklahoma Department of Libraries, factors such as poverty, state employment, health and dropout rates affect a state’s literacy rates.

A mother’s literacy rate is also estimated to be one of the most influential factors on her child’s future literacy levels. While it’s difficult to pin down exact rates and causes of illiteracy of any level, it’s also difficult to understand exactly how illiteracy affects individuals and their families.

texts and understanding labels on medicines. Additionally, those at these levels are more likely to experience health issues and unemployment in their lifetime, though direct causation related to literacy levels is not clear.

Low literacy levels are therefore often generational and concentrated in areas with poorer school systems. In the state of Oklahoma, approximately 20 percent of the population is lacking a 12th grade education according to the 2010 census report, and six percent have less than a ninth grade education.

“In the state of Oklahoma, approximately 20 percent of the population is lacking a 12th grade education ...”

For example, adults at “Basic” and “Below Basic” literacy levels may find difficulty calculating costs, fully filling out and signing forms, locating information in large

Children whose mothers didn’t graduate high school are almost half as likely to be adequately prepared to enter school as compared to children whose mothers earned a

Bachelor’s degree, according to data from the Barbara Bush Foundation for Family Literacy. In terms of difficulties with unemployment and low literacy, it also affects those employing adults with low literacy levels; in workforce non-productivity costs, or the cost to a firm from under-efficiency in workers or their labor, poor literacy skills or low literacy levels cost the nation $225 billion annually, as reported by ProLiteracy.

Sunday, Sept. 8 is International Literacy Day 2019. If you’re looking to help someone you know, or even volunteer to help someone you don’t, local libraries hold adult literacy aid sessions regularly. Additionally, TU partners with Reading Partners to help bolster the reading skills of students in several Tulsa Public School elementary schools. You can visit trueblueneighbors. utulsa.edu/initiatives/reading-partners/ for contact and volunteer information.

For more specialized information, the Oklahoma Department of Libraries hosts an array of resources to help combat both early childhood illiteracy and adult illiteracy.

Alexander Health Center hosts its first HPV vaccine clinic Students can receive the first of a series of vaccines for the most prevalent STI. Madison Connell News Editor On Sept. 10 from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m., the Alexander Health Center is holding a clinic for students to get the vaccine for the most prevalent STI — the Human Papillomavirus, also known as HPV. Whitney Fraser at the Alexander Health Center helped organize the HPV Gardasil Clinic, partnering with Passport Health.

This is the first time that the health center has held this clinic.

The CDC recommends children to receive the vaccine starting at age 12 up to age 26 and before having sex. If you’ve already had sexual intercourse it is not too late, however.

“You’re never too late to get [the vaccine],” said Fraser. “Obviously the best time to get it is before you’re sexually active, but even if you’ve been sexually active for years I wouldn’t hesitate to do it because there are so many strands that you may have been exposed to one but not the other.”

Around 80 percent of people in the United States will have had some strain of HPV at some point in their lives. Different strains of HPV can cause genital warts and cervical and throat cancer, some strains of which can be prevented by taking the vaccine.

However, most people with HPV remain symptomless and many of the health issues caused by HPV can be treated if caught early. The best thing for women and people with vaginas is to get a yearly pap smear as soon as they become sexually active to test for cervical cancer.

While women and people with vaginas are more likely to show signs of the virus, it is equally important for men and others to get the vaccine as they can be carriers.

The HPV vaccine must be administered three times over a span of six months. The clinic will repeat in two months and then in six months so that everyone can get each shot. If you cannot make the clinic, students are able to make an appointment to receive the vaccines but may have to be placed on a waitlist.

To schedule an appointment on Sept. 10, visit www.passageware.com/ClinicSignUp/ Alexander%20Health%20Center, or walkin thirty minutes to an hour before closing for a chance to be seen.

News

3 September 2019

The Collegian: 3

Center contacted the apartment resident who advised that they accidentally pressed the alarm not knowing what it was for. Officers walked through their apartment to make sure the apartment was safe.

1:20 p.m.

A housing staff member reported cigarette smoking in a Hardesty Hall elevator. Officers gathered appropriate information about the incident.

4:35 p.m.

Officers were dispatched to University Square Apartments West in response to a burglary which occurred between May 16 2019 and August 24 2019 while the student was away for the summer. Officers made contact with the resident who informed officers about the stolen property.

4:30 p.m.

Officers were dispatched to Allen Chapman Student Union in regards to a missing cardboard cutout. Upon arrival, officers met with the reporting party and took a statement. The Communication Center checked surveillance cameras and found footage of several individuals taking the cutout at approximately 1930 on 27 AUG 2019. UPDATE 28 Aug 2019: The property was returned anonymously to the owner.

Aug. 24 1:45 a.m.

Officers observed a student that was intoxicated and unconscious on the sidewalk at 10th St. & Columbia Ave. Officers requested an ambulance for the student. The student was cleared and escorted to their residence.

10:30 p.m.

Officers took a burglary report at the Muslim Student Association Prayer House that occurred on 24 AUG 2019. Officers met with the reporting party and reviewed security footage showing the suspect. A report was also filed with Tulsa Police Department.

5:55 a.m.

Officers observed an Non-TU Affiliate walking through the 4th Street and Harvard Avenue Parking Lot. The Non-TU Affiliate became ill while officers were interviewing them.

Officers requested Emergency Medical Services Authority who transported the Non-TU Affiliate to the hospital.

Aug. 26 1:10 p.m.

Officers were dispatched to an ill student at Chapman Stadium showing signs of a heat illness. Officers took the student inside so they could cool off before escorting the student to their residence.

Aug. 25 10:40 a.m.

Officers were dispatched to University Square West Apartments in regards to a missing student. Upon arrival, officers spoke to the reporting party. The reporting party advised that they were supposed to pick their roommate up at the Tulsa Airport on 24 AUG 2019 at approximately 11:30 p.m., however, their roommate never arrived at the airport.

Officers and the reporting party made several attempts to contact the missing student via telephone and were not successful. UPDATE 27 Aug 2019: Security confirmed student had returned home and withdrew from university.

3:20 p.m.

Officers responded to an ill student in Fisher South. The student requested transportation to a hospital and was transported by ambulance to a local hospital.

10:45 a.m.

Officers took a report of a stolen laptop from a student who reported their backpack was taken out of their unlocked car at West Park Apartments between 1:00 p.m. on 24 AUG 2019 and 12:00 a.m. hours on 25 AUG 2019. Student was advised to file a report with the Tulsa Police Department as well.

11:20 a.m.

Officers were dispatched to a panic alarm at West Park Apartments. Before officers arrived, the Communications

4:55 p.m.

Officers were dispatched to Pat Case Dining Center for suspicious activity. Officers observed individuals attempting to obtain signatures from University students. Officers confirmed were not TU-affiliated and did not have permission to be on campus. The individuals were trespass warned and made aware of campus boundaries. Contact cards were created.

Aug. 27 10:50 a.m.

Officers were dispatched to Fisher South in reference to graffiti in the south-west stairwell. Officers took statements and documented the graffiti. It is unknown when the vandalism occurred and no suspects have been identified at this time. The graffiti was removed by the physical plant.

Chris Lierly Commentary Editor Lindsey Prather Student Writer New Prime Minister suspends parliament Boris Johnson, who assumed the office of Prime Minister of the United Kingdom on June 24, called for an extended suspension of Parliament last Wednesday, Aug. 28. The request, approved by Queen Elizabeth II, means that the House of Commons will close its doors by at least Sept. 12, and might stay out of session until at least Oct. 14. Though this kind of parliamentary suspension often happens around the time of the queen’s speech, the fact that this recess will last for five weeks marks it as the longest since 1945.

After Parliament reconvenes some time after Oct. 14, they will have a minimum of 15 days to decide on a Brexit deal before the tentative deadline of Oct. 31. However, many, like the house’s current Speaker John Bercow, speculate that Johnson has called this recess as a means to force through Brexit without any kind of substantial trade deal with the European Union nations. That option could cause a food and fuel shortage in the United Kingdom and slow port flows to 50 or 70 percent of the current rate reports the Sunday Times.

Amazon fires still raging, minimal relief given During the past week, the thousands of fires plaguing the Amazon rainforest continued to destroy one of the Earth’s most vital resources. Scientists point towards the continued deforestation of the area as a reason for this massive series of fires as well as droughts and unsustainable agricultural practices.. Though droughts are ostensibly a natural occurrence, the deforestation of the Amazon for raw materials and grazing land combined with climate change has made them an almost perennial problem.

This crisis affects the global population due to the Amazon’s role as a carbon sink and its production of a vast amount of the oxygen we breathe. At the G7 summit last week, French President Emmanuel Macron announced that the seven nations would be donating $22 million in relief to Brazil, where most of the Amazon rainforest is. He also criticized Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro’s laissez-faire environmental policies and handling of the fires thus far.

Protest in Hong Kong continues, becomes more violent Millions of citizens in Hong Kong have taken to the streets in the past several weeks, primarily in opposition to a proposed extradition bill that has plunged the city into disarray. The bill, formally named the “Fugitives Offenders Ordinance,” allows for certain legal offenders to be extradited to mainland China for prosecution, should the occasion arise. This newly introduced bill directly contradicts the previously emphasized “oOne country, two systems” mantra that has characterized the tumultuous relationship between Hong Kong and mainland China.

The bill has prompted a prolonged and unprecedented period of protest and civil unrest in Hong Kong, resulting in mounting concerns from the international community regarding possible intervention by the Chinese military. Presently, police have resorted to the use of water cannons and other means of nonlethal crowd control;, however, their methods have become mired in controversy amid reports of brutality and unnecessary force taken by police against protestors.

Although it is currently unclear how the situation will be resolved, protestors initially seeking the resignation of Chief Executive of Hong Kong Carrie Lam have publishedpublicized a list of demands to be met in order to halt the widespread disruption.

9:35 p.m.

Officers were dispatched to Mayo Village Apartments in regards to eggs being thrown at an apartment window. Officers gathered the victim’s information along with witness statements, as well as photos of the damage for report purposes.

Aug. 29 11:00 a.m.

Officers were dispatched to Lorton Village Apartments in regards to drug paraphernalia. Officers searched the apartment and discovered paraphernalia and marijuana. The contraband was confiscated.

1:57 p.m.

Officers spoke with an individual, who claimed to be a nonstudent visitor, parked in a construction zone at Zink Hall.

Officers investigated and determined the individual was a current student.

4:50 p.m.

Officers were informed that a tree was damaged near the 4th and Harvard lot. Officers determined the damage occurred when a Tulsa Police officer swerved to avoid an unknown vehicle stopped across the travel lanes. The tree was the only university property that sustained damage.

Aug. 30 12:10 p.m.

Officers were dispatched to Keplinger Hall in regards to an injured student. Officers assessed the students injuries caused from a bicycle collision and escorted the student to Alexander Health Clinic.

The Collegian does not produce or edit the Campus Crime Watch except for content and brevity.

Wednesday, September 4 12 p.m. - 1 p.m.

Helmerich Hall Your Personal Brand Workshop This workshop is designed to help you start thinking about your “Personal Brand” and provide you with practical steps on how to start building and communicating both online and offline, who you are, what you do, what your core strengths and skills are as well as the value you can bring to a company. Audrey Boyle, TU Alumna and business owner will be sharing these steps to help you open massive opportunities, ultimately resulting in career acceleration. Free lunch provided to those who RSVP for this event on Handshake.

Wednesday, September 4 12:10 p.m. to 12:50 p.m.

Hardesty Hall Math Study Skills: Getting Started with Good Habits Don’t let math give you nightmares! Start your math classes with the necessary tools that make solving for X look less intimidating. Led by Professor of Mathematics Amy Schachle, this workshop will include discussion of study skills specifically for learning math, including effective use of class time, WebAssign, online tools and tutoring.

Thursday, September 5 7 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.

Tyrell Hall Book Launch: Voices from the Heartland II In 2007, the highly acclaimed anthology Voices from the Heartland provided a muchneeded platform for Oklahoma women—prominent and unknown—to tell their stories.

This timely sequel reflects an even broader cross-section of women’s experiences.

Just like its predecessor, Voices from the Heartland: Volume II (edited by Sara Beam, Emily Dial-Driver, Rilla Askew, and Juliet Evusa) offers memorable accounts of struggle and transformation. It does not sugarcoat the problems that women face in contemporary Oklahoma—and in many parts of underprivileged America: racism, sexism, homophobia, poverty, addiction. The 38 contributions gathered here are honest and, at times, raw. They cover such varied topics as girlhood, trauma, the workplace, parenting, politics, and religious beliefs. Taken together, the essays comprise a living artifact of women’s history, accessible and, as an anthology, ideally suited for classroom use.

Join us for excerpt readings, conversation with editors and writers, and audience Q&A. Books will be for sale onsite.

Free and open to the public.

Friday, September 6 12:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.

Zarrow Center for Art & Education Oklahoma Visual Arts Coalition 12 x 12 Preview Exhibition Oklahoma Visual Arts Coalition (OVAC) is an organization that seeks to help artists realize their potential through education, exposure and funding. Organized in 1988, OVAC is a non-profit organization that supports visual artists living and working in Oklahoma. OVAC promotes public interest in the arts and helps people of all ages understand the visual arts.

The 12×12 exhibition and fundraiser helps to support OVAC’s programs and mission, with the goal of making Oklahoma a place where visual artists can thrive and contribute fully to their respective communities. The Sherman Smith Family Gallery will host the preview exhibitions for the month of August before the show is on display in Oklahoma City.

The Collegian does not produce all event descriptions in the Community Calendar.

Contact us at news@tucollegian.org with events.

Sports

The Collegian: 4

3 September 2019

Golden Hurricane falls in season opener Tulsa Hurricane covers TU Football’s 28-7 loss against Michigan State on Friday night.

EAST LANSING, Mich. — No. 18 Michigan State took advantage of three Tulsa turnovers to register a 28-7 win over the visiting Golden Hurricane on Friday night in the season opener for both squads.

Making his first start for the Golden Hurricane (0-1), quarterback Zach Smith went 16-of-27 passing for 153 yards, a touchdown and an interception. Keylon Stokes was his top target and the junior totaled 54 yards on six catches, while Sam Crawford Jr. finished the night with five receptions for 49 yards and the first touchdown of his career.

The TU defense held the Spartans (1-0) to just one touchdown drive, which came on the game’s opening possession, and limited the home squad to three points over the final 32 minutes of the contest, as well as only 3.9 yards per play on the night.

Trevis Gipson helped lead the defensive unit with four tackles, including two for loss, a sack and two quarterback hurries. Brandon Johnson had a team-high nine tackles, while Allie Green IV finished with seven tackles and a pass break-up.

Meanwhile, the Spartans were led by quarterback Brian Lewerke’s 226 yards of offense (192 passing, 34 rushing) and a touchdown. The defense, which was the nation’s second-ranked defense against the run last year, racked up six sacks, paced by a pair from Shakur Brown, and Joe Bachie’s seven tackles were tops for the home team.

Michigan State capitalized on TU miscues, as it turned three turnovers into 13 points at it jumped out to a 25-0 cushion in the first half. The Spartans also forced a safety as part of its 18-point second quarter.

The Tulsa defense did its part to limit the damage, holding the Spartans to field goals following a blocked punt, a fumble and an interception. In each of those instances, the Hurricane defense allowed fewer than 10 yards to force long field goal tries for the home squad.

The defense also stood strong with a pair of fourth-down stops in the opening half.

The Hurricane offense broke through late in the first half with its first touchdown of the season to cap a seven-play, 85-yard drive that took just 1:45 off the clock. The drive was highlighted by a 37-yard pass to Keenen Johnson before the 28-yard strike to Crawford Jr. in the corner of the end zone to pull within 25-7 at the break. Both receivers fought through pass interference penalties to make the catch.

The defenses controlled the second half as neither offensive unit could get on track.

The lone score of the final half came off the leg of Matt Coghlin, who hit four field goals in the contest (38, 47, 44 and 40-yards).

Tulsa will be back on the road for an 8 p.m. (CT) matchup next Saturday, Sept. 7 at San Jose State (1-0).

Premier League update Soccer expert Chris Lierly outlines who is ahead in England’s highest level of competion, and why.

Table After Matchday 4 LIVERPOOL F.C. Current Fowrm: WWWW Liverpool was the only team to exit matchday three with a perfect record after thrashing Arsenal 3-1 at Anfield. Though the European Champions made little to no changes during the summer transfer window, they will see more of Alex OxladeChamberlain who returns after recovering from a year long knee injury suffered in 2018. Goalkeeper Alisson suffered a calf injury in the Red’s Premier League opener, and manager Jurgen Klopp has yet to nail down a possible return date.

MANCHESTER CITY F.C. Current Form: WDWW The reigning Premier League champions enter this season as likely favorites to win the title again, and their inability to progress deep in the Champion’s League does not seem to worry manager Pep Guardiola.

The Citizens made improvements to their defence over the summer when they bought Rodri and Joao Cancelo, and they managed to keep all of the major pieces to their attacking front. All of this means that it seems really unlikely that they finish anywhere lower than at the top of the table come May. ARSENAL F.C. Current Form: WWLD Arsenal saw quite a few changes over the summer as Aaron Ramsey, Alex Iwobi and Danny Welbeck all left for other squads.

However, they more than made up for those departures in the form of multiple acquisitions, of which Nicolas Pepe is the most notable. Pepe, formally of LOSC Lille, was one of the most hotly fought over players this summer, but ultimately landed in North London and broke Arsenal’s transfer record

in the process. Combined with the attacking prowess already present at Arsenal in the form of Pierre-Emerick Aubamayang and Alexandre Lacazette, this trio could terrorize defences across the league.

MANCHESTER UNITED F.C. Current Form: WDLD Manchester United made one of the biggest summer moves in all of soccer when they bought Leicester and English National Team center back Harry Maguire. That purchase broke the record for most money spent acquiring a defender that was set by Liverpool a few years back with Virigil Van Djik. However, Romelu Lukaku departed for Inter Milan and Alexis Sanchez was not far behind him when he was loaned to the Italian club. The Red Devils season will no doubt face the scrutiny of every pundit as they were not able to sell a vocally unhappy Paul Pogba to one of the other giant clubs he requested.

Tottenham Hotspur F.C. Current Form: WDLD Tottenham ended last year’s Champions League competition better than anyone could have imagined. By making it into the final, Spurs made it farther than more likely contenders such as Manchester City, Barcelona or Ajax in a year where they made only one addition to their team the summer before.

That purchase was Lucas Moura, and how involved the right-winger is in this year’s squad could have a direct effect on how well they perform in both major competitions this year.

The London club lost Kieran Trippier to an eager Atletico Madrid, but by adding a few younger players like Tanguy Ndombele and Giovanni Lo Celso to their lineup Tot-

courtesy Tulsa Hurricane

Trevis Gipson tackles an offender.

Juniors shine in Grand Prix Skating expert Hannah Robbins details the Junior Grand Prix hosted in Lake Placid.

While here in Oklahoma the weather is hot as hell, at the Junior Grand Prix rink in Lake Placid, the air is freezing. The Junior Grand Prix is the competition series is the chance for junior skaters hoping to hit it big before they age into the senior competitions.

Similar to the Grand Prix, skaters compete in two events, with the highest skaters moving on to the finals.

This week in Lake Placid, New York some of the biggest names in American figure skating, including senior champion Alysa Liu, start their race for the Junior Grand Prix Final. In the men’s competition, all eyes were on Canada’s Stephen Gogolev, one of the youngest men to land quadruple jumps.

In the ladies’ competition, Liu showed that last year’s U.S. Championships were not a fluke, beating runner-up Yeonjeong Park of South Korea by 16 points. Liu won without a pair of clean skates, falling on an axel in her free program. Russia’s Anastasia Tarakanova rounded out the podium, but failed to skate cleanly, falling in the short program and under-rotating in the free.

Of the ladies in the competition, only Liu had the triple axel and a quad in her pocket.

Despite restrictions the International Skating Union has put on the juniors competition which limits ladies to a double axel in the short and reduces the number of step and choreographic sequences, her score would have placed her just off the podium at the Grand Prix Final last year. After she ages into the seniors, Liu will be a force to be reckoned with. tenham enter another year where they could be primed to surprise the world.

Chelsea F.C. Current Form: LDWD Chelsea is the only big six club to change managers since last season, but changing manager’s every two years has been the club’s usual pattern during Roman Abromavich’s time as owner. The team also saw some major changes at the player level over the offseason. Real Madrid bought Eden Hazard, David Luiz left for a small fee to Arsenal and maybe most excitingly for American soccer fans, the club bought American star Christian Pulisic from German club Borussia Dortmund. That transfer cost the club $73 million, but the selling of older players and an attempt to change the face of the Blues might be the first steps in a longer strategy to remake the team for player turned manager Frank Lampard.

Gogolev also had a chance to put a strong foot forward after finishing a disappointing fifth in Junior Worlds last year, but unfortunately he stumbled — literally. After falls on two critical elements in his free program, Gogolev was left in second place. Instead, it was Shun Sato of Japan who came out on top in his first Junior Grand Prix event.

Gleb Lutfullin of Russia rounded out the top three.

Interestingly enough, all three men on the podium attempted the same jump: the quadruple salchow. This seems to have given them the slight edge they needed to end up on top. While Liu is unique, quads have taken the men by storm, as frequent in the juniors competition as in the seniors.

Unlike the men’s and ladies’ competitions, the pairs and ice dance competitions were very clear cut. The smaller competition let the more experienced competitors run away with golds. Russians Apollinariia Panfilova and Dmitry Rylov claimed the pair’s gold and Americans Avonley Nguyen and Vadym Kolesnik beating their nearest competitors by ten points in the ice dance competition.

While the results may have seemed inevitable at this lower level, this year’s pack of juniors give a preview of what some of the new seniors will bring to the table in the Grand Prix series in the next few months, and I for one am excited to see what happens as skaters continue to unveil their programs for this season.

Liverpool: 12pts Man City: 10pts Leicester City: 8pts Crystal Palace: 7pts Arsenal: 7pts Everton: 7pts West Ham: 7pts Man United: 5pts Tottenham Hotspur: 5pts Sheffield United: 5pts Chelsea: 5pts Burnley: 4pts Southampton: 4pts Newcastle: 4pts Bournemouth: 4pts Brighton: 4pts Wolves: 3pts Aston Villa: 3pts Norwich City: 3pts Watford: 1pts

Sept. 2 - Sept. 8 Monday

Tuesday 2

Wednesday 3

4

Thursday 5

No Events No Events No Events

Volleyball vs.

South Dakota 10:30 a.m.

Volleyball vs. LA Tech 4:30 p.m.

M Soccer @ Kentucky 6:30 p.m.

Sunday 8

7

6 W Soccer vs. Grambling State 10 a.m.

M Soccer vs. Lipscomb 2 p.m.

Saturday

Friday

Football @ San Jose State 10 a.m.

Volleyball @ Kansas City 1:30 p.m.

W Soccer vs. Lamar 1 p.m.

3 September 2019

Sports

The Collegian: 5

Men’s soccer sends ‘zags packing

Sports photographer James Taylor captures the action from TU’s narrow 1-0 win against the Gonzaga Bulldogs

Koray Easterling lines up a kick (left). Easterling celebrates with his teammates (right). Til Zinhardt looks up field (bottom).

photos by James Taylor

Women’s soccer smashes Little Rock

Sports photographer James Taylor documents the Golden Hurricane’s 3-1 victory over the Trojans.

Reagan Whitlow greets her teammates in celebration (left). Ashlyn Hustava executes a kick (right). Whitlow fights off a defender (bottom).

photos by James Taylor

Sports

The Collegian: 6

3 September 2019

UnLucky times for Indianapolis NFL journalist Lindsey Prather discusses the factors leading up to quarterback Andrew Luck’s surprise retirement, and what it means for the Colts.

On Aug. 24, the NFL community was rocked to its very core.

Indianapolis Colts starting quarterback Andrew Luck announced his retirement after only seven seasons, sending shockwaves throughout the NFL community.

In an emotional press conference, Luck cited recurring injuries and near-constant rehabilitation as the primary reasons for his sudden retirement.

Luck has the important distinction of being one of the top quarterback prospects in the last decade. After leading the Stanford Cardinals to a 12-1 record his sophomore year, Luck was projected to be the No. 1 overall pick in the 2011 NFL draft.

However, he instead elected to return for his junior year, during which he had similar successes and an 11-2 record. The following year, he was yet again expected to claim the first overall pick.

His alluring potential even prompted a push for NFL teams to “Suck for Luck.” Fans urged their favorite teams to lose their final games in order to improve their chances at the first pick in the draft.

The Indianapolis Colts ended up being the lucky team, sporting a 2-14 record following the departure of former starting quarterback Peyton Manning.

However, as a result of mismanagement and misplaced priorities on behalf of the Colts’ front office, a majority of Luck’s career has been overshadowed by lingering injuries.

Even so, Luck was still able to secure a Pro Bowl position in his first three seasons. By 2015, his injuries began to snowball. During the season, he missed several weeks due to a lacerated kidney and a partially torn abdominal muscle.

To make matters worse, his 2016 season was plagued with a recurring shoulder injury that would eventually force him to miss the entirety of the 2017 sea-

courtesy Newsweek

Luck is escorted off the field amidst booing fans.

son. Although he showed some promising signs in 2018, it eventually became clear that he had still not fully recovered.

After years of lackluster personnel moves from his front office, Luck’s retirement seems to be the logical conclusion. During the dawn of Luck’s career, the Colts faced criticism for failing to prioritize their quarterback’s safety following a series of questionable draft picks, trades and free-agent signings that failed to bolster their offensive line. Instead of securing the safety of their coveted first-

overall draft pick, the Colts elected to sporadically and unpredictably collect low draft picks that mostly failed to pan out.

The final issue came about during the Colts 2019 training camp.

Luck was absent with what was initially diagnosed as a calf strain.

However, following several days of speculation, the Colts suspiciously announced their intentions to be cautious, specifically citing Kevin Durant’s devastating Achilles’ injury.

Later, Colts owner Jim Irsay described the injury as a bone injury,

eventually confirming that it was, in fact, an ankle issue.

Luck’s sudden retirement leaves the Colts in a limbo of sorts. It also forces their back-up quarterback Jacoby Brissett to rise to the occasion without a full offseason of preparation.

The Colts have every reason to be apprehensive of their future without Luck. During the 2017 season, the Colts fell flat with a 4-12 record, directly leading to the firing of coach Chuck Pagano.

The contrast is especially apparent considering that, the very next

year, a still-injured Luck led them to an admirable 10-6 record and won a playoff game.

Despite his undeniably positive impact on the Colts, Andrew Luck capped off his career facing the boos and jeers of former fans in Indianapolis, following their final preseason game against the Chicago Bears.

Although there is a slight possibility of a comeback similar to that of Peyton Manning’s, there is no question that Andrew Luck’s time as an Indianapolis Colt is over.

Orioles reignite old debate about stadium netting Baseball journalist Hannah Robbins weighs in on the national debate regarding protective nets and their role in the stadium.

In baseball, reading the fine print might be more important than one would expect. When a fan purchases a ticket to see a game, according to the fine print, they accept all risks inherent to the game. Called the Baseball Rule, this means fans cannot sue if something happens to them in the stadium. Most people would brush that off; baseball is not that dangerous. But spectators forget one thing: balls and bats do not always fly in the correct direction.

In the past few years, several fans have been injured, including an incident where Albert Almora’s line drive hit a four-year-old girl, causing her to suffer a fractured skull, brain bleeding and severe seizures. Another instance occurred in Aug. 2018 when a 79-year-old woman was killed after being hit in the head by a ball in the Dodgers Stadium.

In Feb. 2018, Major League Baseball commissioner Rob Manfred’s ordered the protective nets extended to the dugouts, but some teams have pushed for further coverage.

This week the Baltimore Orioles joined the Toronto Blue Jays, Chicago White Sox, Washington Nationals, Texas Rangers, Houston Astros and Los Angeles Dodgers, who have all decided that the net should cover the entire length from home plate to the foul pole lines.

This prevents all fans from possibly being hit with a quirky wayward ball by essentially putting a net between every fan’s seat and the field.

This decision is not without its critics. Some critics say that spectators have a difficult time seeing past the net, making it a better experience to watch the game on television than purchase tickets to see the game live.

As someone who normally sits behind home plate when watching baseball games, I have never had issues with visibility with the netting.

Other fans lament the lost experience. By putting a net between all fans and the field, it is impos-

sible to catch a pop fly. When children come to the stadium with their gloves , hopeful they will be the one to catch the wayward ball, there will be something lost.

Baseball, more than most sports, has an exceedingly strong sense of community.. If you somehow catch a football, you have to throw it back, but a baseball you can keep.

There is still the area past second base, where a lucky kid could catch a home run, but those are rare, and the practice of bringing

The netting will extend all the way to the foul ball posts at Camden Yards.

a glove to the game would be lost.

However, this idealized memory does not even consider flying bats or balls skyrocketing toward unsuspecting individuals at 110 mph or more, and most sports fans agree.

In a survey by ESPN, 78 percent of respondents agree that netting is a good idea, an overwhelming majority. While this survey does not discuss how much or where the netting would be, it is still seen by most people as a plus to keep people safe, and slowly but surely

the teams are moving in the same direction.

The Orioles move to extend their protective netting this week brought back up an argument that quickly is becoming obsolete: is safety more important than a chance to catch a ball or a pristine view of the field?

Absolutely, especially when baseball would otherwise be on the route to being too unsafe to be America’s pastime.

courtesy Camden Chat

Commentary

3 September 2019

Greenland out of Trump’s reach, not America’s

Greenland would be a financial loss as well as a political conundrum that the US isn’t ready for.

Lindsey Prather Student Writer According to a story released by the Wall Street Journal on Aug. 16, President Trump has inquired about potentially purchasing Greenland from Denmark. Following this story, Trump administration officials were forced to either double down or dismiss the article altogether; unfortunately it became apparent that the story was accurate, with the only remaining caveat being whether the president was joking. Although adding land in this way isn’t without precedent, it

Due to the remote location and various other factors, Greenland is actually a net loss for Denmark’s economy; its day-to-day functions cost more than Greenland contributes to the Danish economy. The same would be true for any country that buys Greenland; Greenland would almost certainly be a financial negative to whatever country owned it because the value of its natural resources is not sufficient to offset its functional expenses. Aside from this, the island could potentially serve as a strategically valuable location in the Northern Ocean. All in all, if the United States purchased Greenland, they could justify it somehow.

When entertaining the idea of purchasing Greenland, it is important to fully flesh out the possibilities. Although Greenland only has a population of about 56,000 people — that’s less than the population of Tulsa — its addition to the U.S. would pose some complex political and logistical questions.

Would they become U.S. citizens? Would they be subject to the USA’s rules on double taxation? Would they be forced to change over to U.S. passports? Would this alter the trajectory of potential Puerto Rican statehood? Would they be given representation in Congress?

“Greenland would almost certainly be a financial negative to whatever country owned it ...” comes with its own unique challenges; chief among these is President Donald Trump himself. But, for the sake of argument, could Donald Trump use the art of the deal to purchase Greenland?

Historically, the United States has acquired land from other countries in this exact way; for example, purchases such as the Gadsden Purchase and the Louisiana Purchase. However, the President of the United States typically cannot unilaterally buy territory without the consent of Congress.

Although the president can negotiate an agreement to purchase territory from another nation, it must be ratified by the U.S. Senate. Additionally, all funding for U.S. government activities must be approved by the House of Representatives, so the House would have to appropriate the funds for the purchase. Nonetheless, the question still remains: why Greenland?

Almost immediately following the story, Denmark ruined the President’s fantasy by unequivocally declaring that Greenland was, in fact, not for sale. In retaliation, President Trump came out against a planned trip to Denmark via Twitter. The White House later confirmed that the entire trip to Denmark had been surprisingly scrapped as well, including a planned meeting with the Queen of Denmark. Trump also chose to lash out at Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen, arguing that the trip was pointless after Frederiksen described the entire idea as “absurd.” Trump had been expected to visit Denmark on Sept. 2–3; notably this trip was set to occur just after Trump had demanded a warm welcome from the country. The sudden cancellation is primarily because of the implication that the entire state visit was built around the potential deal.

School started almost a full week later this year.

The Collegian: 7

graphic by Emma Palmer

A late start for classes causes a variety of problems

The biggest problems with the start date concern commencement and travel plans for the holidays.

Lizzy Young Student Writer On Aug. 18, I looked at the calendar and thought, why am I not in school? All of my friends from OU and OSU were in class, and even local colleges like TCC were back in session. As I looked outside at the humid heat from the comfort of my air-conditioned room, I was ready for lectures and textbooks.

Once it hits mid-August and suffocating in the Tulsa heat is no longer fun, I am ready to start classes and pull out my sweaters. So imagine my disappointment when I learned I was not going to start classes until Aug. 26, and only have one week of school before Labor Day. My last final for the Spring semester was April 30. Since I did not start back to school until Aug. 26, I have basically been out of school for four months. Not that I am complaining about the free time, but with all that time off I may have forgotten how to write an essay.

I am not really sure why TU decided to start so late and not just move the start date up one week. Starting this late means our finals go all the way up to Dec. 19. For graduating seniors, this means that the fall commencement is not until Dec. 21, a mere four days before Christmas. If graduating seniors have family who want to see them graduate, it may make the choice of where to spend the holidays difficult.

For example, my oldest sister wants to see me graduate but does not really want to spend Christmas in Tulsa. If my graduation were earlier, then we could spend Christmas in the snowy mountains instead of Tulsa.

Getting out of school so late means that students have less time to travel back home for the holidays, especially if they are traveling a long way. International students who want to go back to their home country for the holidays have only five days before Christmas to travel back. Or if they celebrate Hanukkah, starting on Dec. 22, they have only three days. If the flight and connections are 24 hours, it may make finding flights difficult.

There is also the winter weather to consider when flying back that close to Christmas. If there is a snowstorm in Colorado and a student is heading there for the holidays, the bad weather may make it unsafe to travel back..

For the students who live in town, it makes the free time before the holiday shorter. I usually do not Christmas shop until after my finals so I guess I will be shopping really late this year.

Starting one week before Labor Day also means that we use our one day off until Thanksgiving after only five days of class.

“I am not really sure why TU decided to start so late and not just move the start date up one week.”

Frederiksen is the leader of Denmark’s Social Democractic Party.

Buying Greenland would pose multiple problems, including depreciating natural resources.

courtesy Flickr

In all seriousness, in August it is so hot in Tulsa that I basically do not want to do anything outside. So sitting inside in a classroom or studying is not difficult. I would much rather have the week before Christmas then a free week in August when all my friends are back in school and I am just waiting for TU to start again.

It’s nice to have two weeks of class before Labor Day, so I do not feel like I am wasting this day of freedom.

I’m sure there are probably a lot of things that go into choosing the first day of the fall semester, but I do not see why we couldn’t have started one week earlier.

courtesy PBS

Commentary

The Collegian: 8

3 September 2019

Fast food companies profiteering off “Sandwich War”

The conversation surrounding the social media feud has rarely been substantive.

Ethan Veenker Editor-in-Chief One of the general ideas behind the free market is that competition is good for the consumer, and this is arguably true when competition drives prices down and makes products more affordable and accessible.

Price-matching, for example, is a recent extension of this phenomenon, by which mega-corporations with cash to burn and grudges against small businesses can easily drive the little guy away. This saves you 30 cents on your paper towels, but it also makes our country just a little more WalMart Brand Blue.

But what about competition that does nothing? What about competition that doesn’t improve the consumer’s life in any tangible way — generally making it more difficult than before by driving demand — while creating nothing but profit for shareholders and upper executives? What if, say, a restaurant added an item to their menu to rival another restaurant’s signature item?

What if the price difference was negligible, and the difference in taste inevitably came down to subjectivity and the quality of location? Well, you’d have free advertising nationwide for both of those businesses, and a lot of happy executives.

On Aug. 12, Popeyes unveiled a new chicken sandwich from their menu. Chickfil-A later posted a picture on their social media calling themselves the home of the “original” chicken sandwich. Popeyes responded with a simple tweet reading “... y’all good”, and the “Sandwich War” had begun. Though neither restaurant fanned the flames much — if at all — media outlets and prominent Twitter accounts ran with the interaction as the beginning of some sort of conflict, and the need to compare Chick-filA’s signature item with Popeyes’s new product was insatiable.

I’m willing to bet that one of the higherups in Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen, Inc. recently called one of the higher-ups at Chickfil-A, Inc., shared a hearty laugh and made plans to golf at Mar-a-Lago as soon as it’s dredged up from the waters of Hurricane Dorian (perhaps the government’s first act of relief following the storm). How lucky they were, indeed, that this “competition” of theirs has almost certainly driven massive profits for both franchises. No one lost here — it doesn’t matter which restaurant moved more product this quarter, because the sheer amount of free advertising they’ve received has more than likely led to more sales than they were expecting, anyway. This is the sort of thing that Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. wished would have happened when they tried to rival the Wendy’s “4 for 4” with their shortlived “5 for 5,” or when they unveiled a third-pound burger to rival the McDonald’s Quarter Pounder.

Menu item competitions like this crop up all the time, often without results like the “Sandwich War,” but it’s likely that executives on both sides of any potential “food war” are always praying for it to take off like this chicken sandwich debacle has. It can’t be overstated that both companies benefit — every time — and that the consumer sees no change, except perhaps a slightly less convenient dining experience, as the sheer popularity of both restaurants during the “food war” tends to skyrocket. The Popeyes Twitter account posted a video on Aug. 27 showing, among other things, a bird’s-eye

view of a street backed up with cars trying to jam their way into the drive-thru. I saw the ridiculous lines at Chick-fil-A, myself, over the past week. An employee told me that the lines are even worse in the morning, backed up to the street, just like the video posted by Popeyes.

This isn’t even about which sandwich is better anymore. It probably never was. All it took was one tweet from Chick-fil-A af-

“Let’s just set down our torches and realize for a moment that we were part of a maniacally successful marketing scheme ...” ter the announcement of Popeyes’s own Chicken Sandwich, and the Twitter war had begun. Plenty of woke companies and wigsnatching abound, and the waters of free advertising began to flow. Reuters reported on Aug. 23 that Popeyes had as much free advertisement as an estimated $23.25 million could have bought them. They did not provide a figure for Chick-fil-A, but I’m willing to bet the number is comparable because, after all, it’s the Sandwich War. There are two combatants, and one can’t be mentioned without the other.

Let’s not even discuss the ethics at play: the staggering amounts of chickens that had to die for the sandwiches, and the staggering amount that will certainly be panicslaughtered to fit the shortage that Popeyes hadn’t expected (I’m not even speaking as a vegetarian on this point, but the num-

Five years ago, I lost the ability to walk across my small high school, then across a hall and finally across a room. My legs would give out on me, or I would pass out. There was no accident, no large precursor; it was sudden, and it left no clues.

When it started, it came and went. Some weeks I would feel back to “normal” (whatever that means) and sometimes I would be out of school for weeks at a time. My senior year of high school, I missed nearly every other day.

Maddison Connell Since the beginning, I’ve visited a couple of News Editor dozen doctors, from Austin, Texas to Cleveland, Ohio. These doctors span from neurologists to cardiologists to rheumatologists to endocrinologists and more. I’ve had hundreds of blood panels, imaging and physical tests performed. So far, I do not have an answer for my array of physical issues.

Two years ago, at the recommendation of a professor, I realized the best option for me to be able to complete my degree and otherwise live my life would be to purchase my first wheelchair. This decision was utterly intimidating and difficult to wrap my head around. Most days I could walk around my dorm suite fine. It seemed illogical to buy a wheelchair when I could see my legs working.

I knew at this point in time this was my only option. Now, I can’t imagine not having the freedom my chair grants me. While I still miss class occasionally for health issues, the number of days has significantly decreased.

Let’s just set down our torches and realize for a moment that we were part of a maniacally successful marketing scheme that made some rich men even richer. We bought some greasy chicken, damn near poisoned our own bodies with it and tweeted about it, thus expanding the number of future chicken to be bought and consumed and tweeted about — at least until one of the restaurants ran out of the beloved chickenfood, at which point the rabble gathered at the gate and began chanting for more, more, more, while somewhere in a dark, concrete complex, tens of thousands of chickens lay shivering in their own filth, their expiration dates pushed forward by that much more.

Doesn’t it kind of make your stomach hurt? It might just be all that grease. Wash it down and take another bite.

courtesy Popeyes offficial Twitter

Lines at both stores have been abnormally long.

My disability story

bers boggle); the certainty of exploitation somewhere down the line in both of these massive chains known for mass-producing cheap products (another feature of capitalism); the differing theologies or lack thereof with each company (some may choose to support Popeyes over Chick-fil-A because of the latter’s inexplicable public stance on same-sex marriage and abortion rights, among other things).

Accepting the wheelchair also meant accepting the fact that I have a disability. Before, I reasoned with myself that I just had a few health issues that would resolve itself. With this one purchase, I had to face that I had a clear disability (at least a clear visible disability — which is a story for another article).

Once I accepted that I had a disability, so many things became clear. Problems I struggled with in education, jobs, relationships, my mental health and more had a name to it: I recognized invasive questions in job interviews for the inappropriate microaggression that they were; I noticed a pattern with experiencing a disappointing health day with a poor mental health day the next. I faced so many problems with accessibility, both physical and social, that I never fully allowed myself to see before I accepted this.

There is so much miseducation out there. So many negative comments come more from places with ignorance than malice, but discrimination and ableism hurts all the same. Almost everyone in my life I have had to teach. When it comes to disability, so little conversation seems to be happening.

In the last year, I’ve really made it my mission to start that conversation and make others around me feel welcome to ask questions. I know it can’t get better until people learn. I don’t expect others with disabilities to always be open to educating 24/7, and I don’t want to spend every second of my day teaching others as well. It can be exhausting, and disabled people and people of other minorities aren’t placed in the world to educate you.

However, on my own time, opening people’s minds is something I’m passionate about. So far, I’ve helped start a disability group on campus called D-CARES (Disability Connections, Advocacy, Resources, Education and Support) and am excited to work with Women’s and Gender Studies department as a work-study student on their theme of Gender and Disability for this year. Beyond educating people without disabilities, I wish to help foster acceptance within those that do have them.

In this column, I hope to tackle a number of issues that disabled people face in their lives, including visibility (or lack thereof), the world of doctors, mental illness, boundaries, education, accessibility, relationships and the workplace. I’m excited to start this dialogue and hope you’ll engage with me.

CORRECTION In our Aug. 19 issue, The Collegian incorrectly reported the location of CSAS — the Center for Student Academic Success — as being in Zink Hall. CSAS is actually located on the second floor of the Holmes Student Center in Hardesty Hall. In addition, they have tutoring for ENS courses on the first floor of Hardesty Hall, tutoring for AS, Health and Business courses on the third floor of Chapman Hall, and Math tutoring on the third floor of Keplinger Hall. A CS lab is planned to open in Rayzor Hall.

CSAS is located in Hardesty Hall’s second floor.

courtesy the University of Tulsa

Variety

3 September 2019

The Collegian: 9

Spider-Man to leave Marvel Cinematic Universe Disputes between Disney and Sony on the rights to Spider-Man led to the tragic exclusion of the beloved superhero from future films.

Lizzy Young Student Writer How am I supposed to look forward to the future of the Marvel Cinematic Universe with no Iron Man or Spider-Man? I have basically been crying since they announced that Spider-Man would no longer be part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Tom Holland’s Spider-Man interacting with all of the other beloved characters in the MCU was magical.

What happened? How did the fruitful partnership between Disney and Sony just end?

Many years ago, before Disney acquired Marvel, Sony secured the rights to SpiderMan for the foreseeable future. Before Tom Holland was Spider-Man, there was Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield. Little could most people imagine that Spider-Man would someday be part of a much bigger universe.

However, in 2015 Sony and Marvel struck a deal that the famous webbed hero would be part of the global phenomenon that is the MCU. Fans rejoiced and soon Holland as Spider-Man came swinging on the scene, slinging webs and witty quips at breakneck speed. He became ingrained in the MCU. The latest installment of the superhero, “Spider-Man: Far From Home,” grossed over one billion dollars at the box office.

It certainly seemed like Spider-Man was a pivotal and secure figure in the MCU.

So, when the announcement broke that Sony was taking Spider Man away from Marvel, fans were understandably upset.

Everybody was quick to blame Sony, but it’s a little more complicated than that.

Disney and Sony’s deal from 2015 was expiring. Their former agreement was that Disney gave creative direction in exchange for a small cut, five percent of the box office proceeds. Sony shouldered all the produc-

“... and just like that, Spider-Man was no longer part of the Marvel Universe.”

Tom Holland plays Spider-Man in “Spider-Man: Homecoming.”

courtesy Alternative Press

tion costs, and Disney received all the proceeds for the toy sales.

In the negotiations, Disney asked for a bigger box office cut, 50 percent to be exact, in exchange for paying some production costs. Sony refused, and just like that, Spider-Man was no longer part of the Marvel Universe.

Since then, Marvel and Spider-Man fans have been in an uproar. The hashtag #savespidey has swept across Twitter as fans critique Sony for cruelly taking Spider-Man away.

However, what fans are forgetting is that Sony does not need Disney to make SpiderMan a success. Long before the MCU was a pop culture phenomenon, Sony managed to produce two hugely popular Spider Man franchises.

In addition, while Spider-Man has been swinging around space, Sony developed “Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse,” a critical and box office success. So, although the MCU relaunched the Spider-Man franchise, now that Sony has other Spider-Man related movies and TV shows in development, it does not need Disney.

Placing all the blame on Sony is not completely fair, after all Disney asked for a huge cut of box office proceeds. Disney cannot be totally blamed either, after all, they did make Spider-Man a success again. The tangled web to the rights of Spider-Man is the real issue here.

Although I do not like that Spider-Man will no longer be part of the MCU, I understand Sony’s decision and will grudgingly accept that Spider-Man will not be hanging out with Thor anymore.

Tyler, The Creator’s “IGOR” sharp and sensitive Tyler, The Creator incorporates emotional intensity and complex sounds in“IGOR.” Emily Every Managing Editor Maybe this is a cheesy opening line, but I feel fully confident in saying that Tyler, The Creator’s 2019 release, “IGOR,” at least qualified highly as being the sound of the summer. It has the warbling, textured and emotionally complex nature that I feel has become so quintessentially late-2010s in its nature. Other artists that come to mind with this trend in hip-hop include BROCKHAMPTON and Earl Sweatshirt, the latter being especially relevant for his previous affiliation with Tyler through Odd Future, a rap collective that ended in 2015 but still has a looming sort of impact on the sound of albums being dropped this year.

“IGOR,” complete with its millennial pink album cover and its accompanying semi-ironic, semi-completely-sincere music videos, seems devastatingly modern in its tone and visuals. Though it’s a break-up album on its surface, as evidenced by track titles like “ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?” and “I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE,” there is this complexity of voice and sound

that goes beyond the topic of breakup and encapsulates the cultural zeitgeist of 2019.

And what I mean by all that is that the album is capital-g Good and capital-r Relevant. Its production is fun and varied, from the synthy, dancey “EARFQUAKE” to the more pounding intensity of “WHAT’S GOOD,” the album keeps you on your feet, both literally and figuratively.

but there’s an uneasiness that lingers through the rest of the warped, layered soundscape.

In fact, the tone of the record, though it shifts and changes through the 11 full tracks, is represented pretty well by the opening track “IGOR’S THEME.” Though not the strongest track on its own, it acts as a cinematic entrance to the album’s working world: part choir verse, part twinkling

“... there’s an uneasiness that lingers through the rest of the warped, layered soundscape ...”

Tyler’s production, because he did somehow manage to write, perform and produce the whole release, has sort of sparkling moments of lightness and pop, especially on the ubiquitous “EARFQUAKE.” Tyler’s voice is pitched up for the first half of the song, giving it a real sense of lightness.

Most of the album is intertwined with a sharp, dagger-like sense of something scary just beneath the surface of the song. “NEW MAGIC WAND” begins with an unsettling laugh layered in the background that falls out somewhere in the middle of the track,

Tyler, The Creator released “IGOR,” his fifth studio album, in May 2019.

keys and part dark, synthy intricacies. The opening track sounds like driving through a strange city at night, the different sights and sounds whirring past but each melting into the other in the way a city naturally breaks itself up between districts.

One of the stronger, more distinctive sounds of the album is off the tracks “WHAT’S GOOD” and “NEW MAGIC WAND.” It makes me think of the more abrasive style that Tyler had in his pre”Flower Boy” days, but I think the high energy of these tracks works well to juxta-

pose the rest of the relatively subdued album. This is especially true in the case of “WHAT’S GOOD,” which is followed by “GONE, GONE/THANK YOU,” one of the softer and more melodic cuts off the project.

I also want to argue that the final tracks of the album — “I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE” and “ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?” — are weaker on their own than in the context of the album as a whole. I just don’t know if they surprised me as much as the rest of the tracks did, whether that be sonically or lyrically. They work well to round out the album’s sound and narrative as a whole, but I don’t see myself being excited to listen to those specific tracks when I return to “IGOR.” Like “IGOR’S THEME,” they don’t make as much sense when out of context.

Vulnerable, serpentine in its sound and thoroughly surprising and enjoyable through its entirety, “IGOR” is completely worth your time. To return to a possibly corny line, if this album wasn’t the sound of your summer, you still have all of autumn to catch up.

Highlights: “EARFQUAKE,” “NEW MAGIC WAND,” “A BOY IS A GUN*” Lowlights: “IGOR’S THEME,” “I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE,” “ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?”

courtesy Pitchfork

Variety

The Collegian: 10

3 September 2019

2019 summer TV reviews: “GoT” and otherwise “Game of Thrones,” “Chernobyl” and “13 Reasons Why” were notable TV series this summer.

Brennen Gray Sports Editor To keep this article at readable length, and because I have not seen every TV show ever, I am not covering every TV event of the summer. If you want to talk about “Stranger Things,” I’m afraid you will be limited to the entire internet. Anyway, SPOILER ALERT. “Game of Thrones” During its serialization in May, Americans were talking more about “GoT” than the presidential election campaign. Final seasons like this demand a stronger word than divisive. Some say it was horrible.

Some say it was okay. Some say it was still very good. There are good arguments for all of these. There are also plenty of bad ones.

I’m going to lay out the good and bad takes and let you choose your own opinion.

Let’s begin with the stronger arguments.

In the uncharacteristically happy ending, just about every major character is rewarded for their noble actions in some way, and it feels like a cheap fairy tale: A Stark becomes king, Podrick and Brienne become his kingsguard, Bron suddenly has the skills to be an accountant and Jon Snow rides off into the sunset as the hero Westeros deserves but not the one it needs blah blah blah. Unlike the entire rest of the show, that ending has been very, very done before.

And where is Dany during all this? Well she’s dead after a descent into madness that lasted about an hour and a half in its entirety.

Now, there were pieces in place for her fall; people forget how she had shown not a gram of mercy for her enemies since the end of the first season when she burned a woman alive with a bonfire. But she became a mad queen so quickly it felt like less of a character arc and more of a character U-turn. She deserved better, and so did we.

Onto some so-so takes. The idea that Ayra could not have killed the Night King is ridiculous. Ayra dealing the final blow is

consistent with both her skill as a fighter and her role in the story. Granted, it would have felt more satisfying if Jon did it, but that’s it. It may have not been the finish we were all waiting for, but it was by no means bad.

Next, the criticism that Jon’s heritage was irrelevant to the story is simply inaccurate.

Obviously, it could have been made to be more riveting and satisfying. Exactly how is up for debate. Regardless, one of the largest contributions to Dany’s fall were her feelings of isolation and insecurity brought about by Jon’s better claim to the throne.

One reason Jon’s bloodlines effect on Dany goes so overlooked is the tainted “cof-

“Chernobyl” The best TV of the summer.

Beginning with the acting, it was incredible, but nothing that stands far above the usual HBO drama. The exception is Stellan Skarsgård. He was gripping, easily taking his character from the likeability of a professional wrestling heel to the sympathetic character opposite protagonist Jared Harris’s Legasov. The most interesting thing about the show is its subtlety. Everything seems understated, and the actors had the onus of keeping that tone. With the exception of David Dencik removing and replacing his glasses three too many times throughout the

“Americans were talking more about ‘GoT’ than the presidential election campaign.” fee cup” scene. It has a telling shot of Dany frowning longingly at the survivors of the long night as they ogle over Jon as a born leader; her insecurity and paranoia were amplified by her awareness of Jon’s heritage.

People tend to only think about that scene in terms of the notorious coffee cup slipup, which unfortunately muddles the showrunners’s attempts to broadcast the inner complications of Dany’s character.

Ending with the worst take, no, “Game of Thrones” is not a bad show. Season 8 was not even the worst ending of a show. If the show’s worst season had come early to midway through the series instead of at the end, we would be talking about one of the greatest shows ever right now. The finale’s disappointing qualities were massively exacerbated by the fact that it was the final season, and by the sour note on which the show ended. Furthermore, almost no TV show with a heavily serialized format can withstand more than five seasons without going bad.

“Dexter,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” and “Lost,” all are infamous examples of that rule. “Game of Thrones,” almost made it through eight seasons with consistently high caliber. It was an incredible show, the grandest ever made. It is a true shame it will never be considered the best.

series, the muted acting style blended wonderfully with the gray of the show’s concrete and the silence of the evacuated towns.

As for as what the show did wrong, many people have complained about the British accents. Honestly, they have a point. Few people casted were actually Ukrainian or Russian.

However, it would be difficult to train every Brit casted in the show to do a believable Russian accent that an audience would take seriously. Badly imitated accents are much more jarring than out of place natural ones. Of course this is minor, but considering it is present in every line of dialogue in the show, it is hard to say it is unnoticeable.

There are also a few minor historical inaccuracies, but I will leave those to people who want to research them. They are there, they make the show a tiny bit more dramatic, and that’s that.

On another note, this show was excellent.

But in a sense, it was set up for success.

HBO is richer than God, and the format of a streamable mini-series exploits that expertly. Dumping a huge budget on only five episodes is not an easy thing to do from an economics standpoint considering the need of broadcasting companies to finance TV shows via ad revenue. But HBO has deep

pockets, no need to make money off of commercials and enough cash to subsist on if the thing was a flop. Another thing this show has going for it is America’s odd fascination with radioactivity. Just about anybody with access to Google has been on the Chernobyl Wikipedia page at some point.

The final verdict? It comes to absolutely no one’s surprise that the best television of the summer is “Chernobyl” from HBO. This show is hotter than nuclear fission.

“13 Reasons Why” Everyone needs to read this take with a grain of salt. I admittedly have not seen much of this show, nor any of its latest season, and I plan on never changing that.

But the reality of yet another season of this show eliminates all arguments that the show’s persistence is anything but a cash grab instituted by Netflix in the form of a tragedy porn. The first season was dangerous, but arguably respectful in execution. It also helped raise awareness to teen mental health and told some stories that are not told enough. It was a good use of TV as a medium for change.

Then there was the second season. It was a stretch to continue that story, but one could argue that the trial was just as important as the events leading up to it. As for the grotesque acts of bullying, those are things that sometimes do happen, and saying they should not be depicted on TV is silly; teenagers have to deal with those things in real life. At the time of the second season, whether or not one can call the show gratuitous after a second season is up for debate.

But the absolute unnecessity of a third season marks when this show has abandoned realistic storytelling in favor of entertainment. It has become objectively gratuitous. This is the inverse of “Chernobyl.” Its drama is so overstated that “Riverdale” is a more realistic and relatable tale of teenage life.

Summer gave audiences a wide range of TV to watch, and that means plenty of things to argue about. Fall is certain to bring some content ripe for fighting over on reddit, and I for one am excited to absorb it en masse.

HBO’s “Chernobyl” is a dramatization of the historical tragedy of a nuclear accident in Ukraine.

courtesy HBO The ending of “Game of Thrones”has received criticism, despite its earlier seasons of engaging narrative.

Events next week in Tulsa Tuesday, Sept. 2

“Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am” film screening “Los Hijos de Maria Morales” 7 p.m. at Circle Cinema In honor of the Nobel Prize winner screening who passed away this August 7 p.m. at Circle Cinema Part of series of classical Mexican Readings of the author’s work before screening by members of the films community Tickets are free to the public

Thursday, Sept. 4

Friday, Sept. 5

“Voices from the Heartland II” book launch event 7 p.m. in Tyrell Hall Anthology of essays by Oklahoma women Sponsored by the Oklahoma Center for the Humanities

Jackie Venson performance 7 p.m. at Soul City Gastropub and Music House Visiting guitarist from Texas JOY to the World Tour “Midsommar” Director’s screening 10 p.m. at Circle Cinema

@TUCollegian

tucollegian@tucollegian.org editor-in-chief

Ethan Veenker managing editor

Emily Every news editor

Madison Connell sports editor

Brennen Gray variety editor

Piper Prolago commentary editor

Chris Lierly satire editor

Sara Serrano

Cut

Shane Darwent Artist Lecture 5 p.m. in Phillips Hall room 211 Artist speaks about his exhibit, “The First Friday Art Crawl Setting Stone,” in Alexander Hogue Starts at 6 p.m.

Downtown Tulsa Gallery Check Tulsa Arts District website for more details

courtesy HBO

photo & graphics editor

Emma Palmer

business & advertising manager

Brian Kwiecinski

social media & web manager

Anna Johns

distribution managers

Alaina Nauman Mary Bergwell copy editor

Hana Saad

The Collegian is the student newspaper of the University of Tulsa. It is distributed Mondays during the fall and spring semesters, except during holidays and final exam weeks. The University of Tulsa does not discriminate on the basis of personal status or group characteristics including but not limited to the classes protected under federal and state law. Inquiries regarding implementation of this policy may be addressed to the Office of Human Resources, 800 South Tucker Drive, Tulsa, Oklahoma 74104-9700, (918)631-2616. Requests for accomodation of disabilities may be addressed to the university’s 504 Coordinator, Dr. Tawny Rigsby, (918)631-3814. To ensure availability of an interpeter, five to seven days notice is needed; 48 hours is recommended for all other accomodations.

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3 September 2019

Variety

The Collegian: 11

Animal Collective’s “Sung Tongs” turns 15

“Sung Tongs” combines psychedelic acoustics and experimental sound, which still resonates after 15 years.

Ethan Veenker Editor-in-Chief At the beginning of this summer — May 3, to be exact — experimental pop band Animal Collective’s fifth studio album, “Sung Tongs,” turned 15. If that record were a person, it could head to the DMV to test for its driver’s permit in about two months. It seemed like just yesterday we first heard the overlapped vocals, multi-tracked guitars and pounding tribal drums that would come to perfectly define “freak folk.” But, having missed the big day itself, let’s at least look at the ol’ scrapbook and remember what this thing was like on the day it came out.

Animal Collective members David “Avey Tare” Portner and Noah “Panda Bear” Lennox locked themselves in a small house lit only with red light in September 2003 and recorded the album over roughly a month.

Avey Tare’s sister, Abby, designed the album art — a grotesque piece of collage art made only from warm colors depicting a smiling man and woman, bones peeking out from under missing flesh. The album’s liner notes cheekily refer to the tracks as “tongs,” indicating a switch of the letters t and s, revealing the riddle to the record’s name: “tongue songs.”

The nature of Animal Collective involves a revolving door of the same four members: the aforementioned Avey Tare and Panda Bear, alongside Brian “Geologist” Weitz and Josh “Deakin” Dibb, neither of whom appear on “Sung Tongs,” but who did perform variously on the band’s earlier output.

Following “Sung Tongs,” the four members would become a general mainstay and proper band (though Deakin still sits out the occasional album).

The haunting, yet playful album art of “Sung Tongs” was designed by Abby Portner, the sister of frontman Avey Tare.

multiple soundtracks, including the end of an episode of “The Simpsons.” The track showcases Avey Tare and Panda Bear at their collaborative best, trading verses that screech at one moment and coo the next.

It’s beautiful, subversive, confusing and a necessity for the freak folk enthusiast (or general folk enthusiast).

Other songs on the record explore the — in my opinion — generally untapped realm of acoustic psychedelia. “Visiting Friends”

“It’s beautiful, subversive, confusing and a necessity for the freak folk enthusiast ...”

“Sung Tongs” saw the release of the band’s first single, “Who Could Win a Rabbit,” the music video for which was produced by experimental filmmaker Danny Perez, who would later collaborate with the band on their 2010 visual album, “ODDSAC.” The video features a demented take on Aesop’s “The Tortoise and The Hare” in which the Tortoise kills and eats the Hare after winning the race.

The other most notable track from the record is the equal parts soft and energetic “Winters Love,” which has appeared on

is a 12-minute haze of reverbed acoustic guitars and backward speech, samples that resemble cawing birds and the occasional, soft sound of actual, forward speech, giving the song the impression of a soundtrack to, well, a visit to some friends. Perhaps multiple visits. It comes after “Kids on Holiday,” a generally straightforward song about the sights at the airport, and helps to establish travel and change as an important theme in the record. Speaking on the theme of change, its prominence in the record is further solidified by the one-minute track “Col-

lege,” which reminds every 18-year-old listener that “you don’t have to go to college.”

Other songs, like “Sweet Road,” embody the child-like spirit of Animal Collective, which has been around since the band’s first record and has helped form a reputation for the band as unbearably young-at-heart musicians, a reputation which — for better or worse — has followed them to this day. To that end, the song was once featured in a Crayola commercial that does, indeed, depict a roomful of children enjoying the opportunity to express themselves through art.

Other songs, like “We Tigers,” harken to the tribal sounds of the band’s earlier releases, like “Here Comes the Indian” (2003) and “Holinndagain” (2002). This earlier, arguably more embryonic version of Animal Collective embodied a musical practice of almost complete improvisation and trancelike performance, almost always accompanied by Panda Bear’s repetitive and empowering drumming. The whooping vocals and odd percussive elements of those early days appear on “We Tigers,” but so does an undeniable sense of fun and childlike wonderment, as in the lyrics, “Hey kids let’s pick up sticks / let’s make out the sounds of our own.”

courtesy Wikipedia

An important thing to remember, however, is that the Animal Collective of “Sung Tongs” is the same one that would produce “Merriweather Post Pavilion” (and “My Girls”) in 2009. While the latter record is certainly more domestically-minded and deals with heavier, more familial themes than “Sung Tongs,” there is an undeniable influence from their more volatile, youthful days (think “Lion in a Coma”).

“Sung Tongs” is an excellent, varied record that shows just what two unendingly creative minds can create with some acoustic guitars and tom drums. Little other musical elements appear on the record, except for looping and reverb effects in the more psychedelic cuts, but the record still comes out sounding triumphant and full — even a little naive — despite its stripped-down production.

In any case, I hope it’s forgiven us for having missed its birthday by so wide a mark, and I do hope that it passes its permit test in November.

Don’t forget to catch the band when they come to the Cain’s Ballroom on Oct. 7 — hopefully they’ll play “Winters Love.”

Summer season of film proves exciting, subversive From “The Dead Don’t Die” to “Fast Color,” this summer’s best movies ranged from the horrifying to the hilarious.

Emma Palmer Graphics Editor Notably Missed: “Dora and The Lost City of Gold,” “Crawl,” “The Farewell,” “Scary Stories to Tell in The Dark” “The Last Black Man in San Francisco”: Inspired by a real person, “The Last Black Man in San Francisco” is striking.

From the beginning to the end it fully captivates. Tender, funny and somewhat absurd, “The Last Black Man in San Francisco” follows Jimmie Fails’s (Jimmie Fails) love for one particular house in San Francisco. Not just one of the best films of the summer, but one of the best of the year.

provide a different palate than expected. A slow build up to the ending, “Fast Color” is empathetic in its catharsis and hopeful in its disillusionment.

“Dark Phoenix”: I’ve always had a soft spot for the X-Men, and “Dark Phoenix” solidified that for me. Less of an action film and more of a parable for living with trauma, “Dark Phoenix” is far more interesting to me than the other Marvel fodder we’ve gotten this summer. It has two stunning action sequences, the kind where you know what is going on. Sophie Turner is understated and perfectly plain as Jean Grey. It’s a lovely, character-centric film that ends the “X-Men” film series on a downbeat rather than on a crescendo.

“Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood”: Quentin Tarantino’s love letter to old Hollywood is surprisingly gentle considering it takes place during the time frame of the

“‘Fast Color’ is a superhero indie film with some fascinating twists and turns.”

“The Dead Don’t Die”: Okay, hear me out. “The Dead Don’t Die” is absolutely bizarre. It’s meta to the umpth degree, has an Adam-Driver-Star-Wars joke and Selena Gomez is in it for some reason. But, take it or leave it, “The Dead Don’t Die” is a zombie movie that is about something other than zombies (although the zombies are used to great comedic effect), thus keeping to the tradition of Romero and the original zombie film. Jim Jarmusch makes it clear, he has something to say. “The Dead Don’t Die” is about climate change; it’s about the disappearance of the rural towns in America; it’s about the sense of inevitability we all carry on our backs when we believe the world is ending.

“Fast Color”: Anything Gugu MbathaRaw is in is worth watching, and “Fast Color” is no exception. “Fast Color” is a superhero indie film with some fascinating twists and turns. The rules established by the welllived-in and thoroughly explored universe

Manson Murders. Centered on the story of Rick Dalton, (Leonardo DiCaprio) an actor on his way to has-beendom, and his stuntman and best friend, Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt), “Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood” has some of the most heart I’ve seen in a Tarantino film.

“Midsommar”: Ari Aster’s second film hits most of the same beats as “Hereditary” in the even more polarizing “Midsommar.”

Florence Pugh stars as the grief-stricken Dani, who takes a trip with her boyfriend and some of his grad school friends to Sweden. The trip takes a turn for the cultish and the film ends in a spectacle of technicolor meadows and graphic violence. After a lot of thoughts, “Midsommar” beat out “Hereditary” for me in both its cohesiveness as well as in its filmography. Aster’s mean streak is solidified by “Midsommar,” but also used more effectively, with great comedic effect.

One thing’s for sure — “Midsommar” is fully unique in itself, and worth the theatrical experience.

Florence Pugh plays the main character, Dani, in “Midsommar”.

courtesy Slash Film

courtesy Kill in the Head Production “The Dead Don’t Die” is an absurdist comedy about zombies and climate change.

The State-Run Media

3 September 2019

the

State-Run media The frontline against #fakenews.

Amazon “fire” sets social media ablaze War breaks out on the internet over whether or not the Amazon rainforest fire is fake news.

Brennen Gray #Hates #Hashtags In a stunning turn of events, local soccer mom, Karen Smith, has declared that the Amazon rainforest is just fine; she got her package on time! By the authority vested in her by Facebook, Smith took to telling the truth about the so-called disaster.

“I ordered a new microwave off Amazon and it shipped to my address perfectly on time! Why do people say that it’s burning? I say fake news!”

She claims that the story itself is ludicrous. Many of her friends have had no problem with the company at all, and she believes that if the place were on fire, it would at least cause a shipping delay.

In addition to facts and logic, Smith used science to disprove the allegedly fabricated story.

“And why do people keep saying that the lungs of the earth are on fire? The earth doesn’t need lungs! And they’d fall off the bottom anyway! What, are they just glued to the underside of the earth?”

Social media activists were rallied with Smith’s viral posts. Naturally, there are a great deal of people who believe some meticulous research is in order considering social media gives its users no way of regulating false information. But that would take much too long.

Chad Billingsworth posing for his groundbreaking work of activism.

Another naysayer of the disaster, Luis Lemon, added his opinion with a tweet this morning.

“The Amazon is fine! These big ol’ corporations are always starting rumors to get more publicity so they can make more money! This is bad. I’m #woke, thank you.”

Lemon’s post went viral when half of the middle-class adults in America quickly retweeted it to reaffirm their statuses as good people. So far no one has donated a dime to any cause, and their sources are all but nonexistent, but the important thing is everyone who follows these Twitter warriors is now aware of how good of people they are.

On the flip side, there are those on Instagram that have a different point of view.

Professional influencer Chad Billingsworth (@YogaVonVeganator) posted a picture of himself posing half-naked next to a Hawaiian palm tree. His only caption was “Amazon.”

Instagram erupted in likes, and #hotguysavestheamazon was born. The Facebook-owned social media site flooded with traffic as people expressed their thoughts and prayers. Incredibly enough, despite the millions of Instagram users typing furiously to save the planet, no physical change ensued. Billingsworth gave his thoughts on the matter.

graphic by Naomi Dunn

“I’m just glad I could help out, you know!

The environment is so important, and I love trees.”

No one has been able to get it through to him that his efforts to save the Amazon have been as fruitless as a burnt rainforest canopy.

The camp of woke tweeters and Facebook users instigated by Karen Smith eventually butted heads with the group of Instagram users on the issue. Death threats were exchanged; both sides established that the other side was clearly made up of Nazis who also voted for Trump and did 9/11. In the end, all of social media concluded that the Amazon was both on fire, and not on fire, depending on your preference.

propagandist My dearest loyal subjects, It is my sad duty to inform you all that former Head Propagandist Madison Connell has left The State-Run Media — and this world — for good.

Witnesses say that they saw Madison zooming across the Arkansas River bridge on her trusty scooter when she suddenly lost control of the vehicle and careened over the barrier into the rushing waters below.

Whether her brake line was cut or her accelerator tampered with really shouldn’t be up for discussion; these are baseless rumors that only sully Madison’s memory.

So drop it.

Now, you might think you’ve seen Madison puttering around campus or running the news section of The Collegian, but don’t be fooled, dear reader. TU’s mechanical engineering department has recently made leaps and bounds in the field of artificial intelligence, robotics and deceit. You can put two and two together, right?

Again, you might you’ve seen a pink-haired female working well after midnight in those Stephenson labs, but perhaps that was just a trick of the light, or maybe too many late night drinks on your part.

Seriously. Drop it.

And of course, cyborgs cannot be trusted, so you can’t believe anything that “Madison” puts out in her section, or anything else that The Collegian runs for that matter.

They are in league with the android threat.

But you can trust me, dear reader. As your new Head Propagandist, I promise to lead you to new heights of truth, brave new horizons of fact.

Follow me into the future. You will not be disappointed.

Madison Connell seconds before disaster.

graphic by Naomi Dunn

Sincerely, Sara Serrano The Head Propagandist

This land is our land, this land is Greenland

President Trump’s Greenland tweet flexes the United States’s international muscles.

Hannah Robbins Has a thing for glaciers

On Aug. 19, President Trump’s desire to purchase the incorrectly named Greenland was rebuffed by Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen. Despite his completely reasonable request, for some reason the Danes did not agree.

Some suggested pride; after all, the U.S. tried to purchase Greenland way back in the ‘50s for a sweet $100 mil, and the Danes said no then. If they said yes now, it would be like backing down. Others suggest the price was not up to snuff. Apparently there is

some oil in those there glaciers and Greenland is worth more than Frederiksen thinks Trump is willing to pay.

Both of these are fabulous theories, but the reason is simple: the United States already owns Greenland. Even forgetting that the U.S. had a sEcReT military base on the country for a hot sec during the Cold War, the United States has been the de facto boss of Greenland, and honestly anyone else in the Atlantic (we have not forgotten about Iceland either) for a while now.

The secrets to how the deed to Greenland changed hands have been lost in the sands of time, but some postulate it was Seward, who after purchasing Alaska, still had a GIANT icicle for glaciers and kept pushing until Denmark was just tired of the naggy child and said yes. These individuals believe

the proposal in the ‘50s was simply a ruse to increase property value if the U.S. ever had a debt issue. My personal belief is that the deed was simply taken from the Danes one day and the Danish people were too embarrassed to admit that they did not sell it.

For those In The Know about the Greenland Secret, Trump’s tweets about the purchase of Greenland seemed confusing, but do not worry, there is definitely an explanation for this. As Trump has shown in the past, he is not above taunting other countries to let them know that he, and by extension the United States, is better than everyone else, and there is no better way to show how much better the United States is than by showing that they definitely took control of one of Denmark’s cash cows.

Trump’s ballsiness was explained when he used this “negotiation” as an excuse to not meet with Frederiksen this week. He decided that the best way to get out of a meeting with someone he already did not want to meet with was to publicly taunt her and ignore her.

While no one can say what will happen going forward, Trump’s ballsy play has just reminded everyone of what we already know: Greenland is the United States’s, no matter what the Danes might have you believe. So do not forget about the international power play that took place on Twitter this week. It might just seem like more ridiculousness by the 24-hour media cycle, but it actually was the United States showing the world they are still the super power they were in the ‘50s.