12 January 2021

cover by Emma Palmer

A student newspaper of the University of Tulsa

January 12, 2020 issue 13 - volume 106

Our very best of 2020 A letter from the editor, p. 2 let’s tAlk fitzmAgiC, p. 4 Covid oN CAmpus: who is to blAme? p.7 Nevertheless, “teNet” persisted, p.8

The Collegian: 2

News

12 January 2021

The Collegian shifts to virtual format in response to COVID-19

Despite budgetary and leadership changes, our student-led newspaper continues to adjust to new circumstances in 2021.

Emily Every Editor-in-Chief

Hello all! First off, here’s a belated welcome to 2021. I won’t spend too long bemoaning how bad 2020 was — I know you know already. We already lived through it, so there’s no need to get into the nitty gritty.

Instead I’d like to take a moment to celebrate some of the best work the Collegian editorial staff and student writers have man-

distribution both on and off campus is in response to COVID-19. Printing a paper is time, labor and money intensive, and on a campus that now conducts a majority of its business online, distributing a physical paper felt increasingly unnecessary. We’re fortunate, then, that our largest readership has always been through our social media, and you can still find us on Twitter, Facebook, and at tucollegian.org. If you’d like to reach out to the editing staff directly, we can be reached through email at tucollegian@ tucollegian.org.

We’ve also had our budget adjusted this year. Paying all our staff and writers their usual wage, providing a weekly dinner for those working in our offices on Sun-

as it was. Administration did not consult any of our current or previous student staff on our previous expenditures or necessary costs, but we’re hoping to meet with them this year to discuss budgetary needs.

With the budget cuts came the sudden termination of our long-time advisor, Dan Bewley. This August, he was told that he would have three additional months of working with the Collegian before being removed from payroll, and the organization would be working under the Media Studies department afterward. The Media Studies department has been helpful and allowed the Collegian to do what we’ve always done, but the shift was admittedly sudden

and, again, no one from the paper was consulted. Since its foundation in 1910 as the Kendall Review, the newspaper has been independent of the university; this is the first time it’s been under any direct supervision of the university.

While it’s not been all easy transitioning online and adjusting under new budgetary limitations, the Collegian is as it always has been -- student-run and largely independent from excessive supervision. We hope we can work to continue that legacy.

It has been wonderful to work with the Collegian, and I can only hope that next year will be even better and brighter. Thank you all for your continued readership.

.

“ ... the Collegian is as it always has been — student-run and largely independent ...” aged to produce this year, despite having to do all our usual in-person business remotely.

We’ve compiled what we consider the best of each section here for your viewing pleasure.

In terms of how the paper’s been going this semester, many of you have asked us why we haven’t had physical prints of the paper distributed throughout the campus as usual this past month. Largely, our lack of

day nights, affording access to necessary programs for laying out the paper, keeping up-to-date computers and printing the paper may be a bit ambitious with our current budget (~$40,000 for the year), and, again, printing was easy to sacrifice this year given life under COVID-19. It’s harder to say what may happen next in regards to our tighter budget, with hopefully a vaccine widely available and student life resuming

tucollegian@tucollegian.org

editor-in-chief

editor in chief

Justin Guglielmetti

Emily Every

managing editor

managing Raven editor Fawcett

Sara Serrano news editor

Ethan Veenker news editor

Pipersports Prolago editor

Brennen Gray

sports editor

variety editor Zach Short

Emma Palmer

variety editor

commentary editor

Myranda Emily New Every commentary editor satire editor

Justin Klopfer Madison Connell satire&editor photo graphics editor

Conner Maggio Anna Johns

business & advertising

photo & graphics editor manager

Emma BrianPalmer Kwiecinski

media & web businesssocial & advertising manager manager

MarySara Bergwell Serrano

distribution social media & webmanagers manager

Lee Karalia KareliaJacob Alexander

Jesica Santino and Katelyn Baker copy editor

HanacopySaad editor

photo by Sara Serrano

@TUCollegian @TUCOLLEGIAN

tucollegian@tucollegian.com

Bryant Loney

The Collegian is the student newspaper of the University of Tulsa. It is distributed Mondays during the fall and spring semesters, except during holidays and final exam weeks. The University of Tulsa does not discriminate on the basis of personal status or group characteristics including but not limited to the classes protected under federal and state law. Inquiries regarding implementation of this policy may be addressed to the Office of Human Resources, 800 South Tucker Drive, Tulsa, Oklahoma 74104-9700, (918)631-2616. Requests for accomodation of disabilities may be addressed to the university’s 504 Coordinator, Dr. Tawny Rigsby, (918)631-3814. To ensure availability of an interpeter, five to seven days notice is needed; 48 hours is recommended for all other accomodations.

Advertising Policy: Advertising appearing in this publication does not imply approval or endorsement by the University of Tulsa or the Collegian for the products or services advertised. For advertising information, email the Collegian at advertising@tucollegian.org. The deadline for advertising is noon on the Friday proir to publication.

Letter Policy: Letters to the editor must be less than 500 words and can be sent to tucollegian@tucollegian.org. Under no circumstances will anonymous letters be published. The name of the person submitting the letter must be published with the letter. We reserve the right to edit or reject all letters. The deadline for letters is 5 p.m. on the Friday prior to publication.

Editing Policy: The Collegian reserves the right to edit all copy submitted by all writers. This editing may take place in many forms, including grammar corrections, changes in paragraph structure or even the addition or removal of sections of content.

Editorial Policy: Columnists are solely responsible for the content of their columns. Opinions expressed in columns may not represent the opions of the Collegian staff, the administrative policies of the University of Tulsa, the views of the student body or our advertisers.

Although the Collegian staff no longer meets in the office to produce our weekly issues, we hope to be able to return to our regular weekly meetings when it is safe to do so.

Country remembers Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s legacy The Supreme Court Justice’s death spurs controversy about next presidential appointee and the country’s judicial future.

Anna Johns Satire Editor Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the second woman to serve on the Supreme Court and a staunch advocate for women’s rights, died in her home on Sept. 18. Her death was due to complications of metastatic pancreatic cancer, according to the court. She was 87.

Upon hearing the news of Ginsburg’s death, President Donald Trump told reporters, “She was an amazing woman, whether you agree or not. She was an amazing woman who led an amazing life.”

Appointed in 1993 by President Bill Clinton, Ginsburg gave attention to divisive social issues, ranging from same-sex marriage to the limitation of capital punishment.

She had renown before she took the bench as an advocate for the American Civil Liberties Union and women’s rights under the 14th Amendment’s guarantee of equal protection applied to gender. On the court, the Associate Press considered that her most significant moment was when she wrote the opinion on United States v. Virginia, ordering the Virginia Military Institute to accept women or give up its funding.

Ginsburg’s death happened six weeks before Election Day, thus stimulating a political fight over the future of the court. Should Trump nominate another Supreme Court Justice, the Republican-led Senate can easily confirm her replacement. The dividing issue, furthermore, is whether the president should act now or have the seat remain vacant until the next elected president.

Just days before her death, NPR reports, Ginsburg dictated to her granddaughter: “My most fervent wish is that I will not be replaced until a new president is installed.”

Despite public outcry, Majority Leader Mitch McConnell confirmed the Senate will

vote on Trump’s appointment to the seat, regardless of if it is an election year.

Democratic nominee Joe Biden believes the winner of the election should choose Ginsburg’s replacement. “There is no doubt . . . that the voters should pick the president and the president should pick the justice for the Senate to consider,” he told reporters, according to NPR. Former President Barack Obama, in a statement mourning Ginsburg, commented on the debate of voting another Supreme Court seat: “Four and a half years ago, when Republicans refused to hold a hearing or an up-or-down vote on Merrick Garland, they invented the principle that the Senate shouldn’t fill an open seat on the Supreme Court before a new president was sworn in.”

He went on to say these rules that have been made must be applied “with consistency” and “not based on what’s convenient or advantageous in the moment.”

Ginsburg’s death has nonetheless spurred public action: according to Vote.org, two days after her death, there was “a total of 40,771 new voter registrations” and a “68 percent increase from the prior weekend.”

There were also “35,288 vote-by-mail ballot requests.”

On Friday, Ginsburg’s casket was kept at Congress in a formal ceremony. The honor of lying in state has been accorded “fewer than three dozen times, mostly to presidents, vice presidents and members of congress,” reported the Associated Press. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said it was her “high honor” to pay respects to Ginsburg as the first woman and Jewish American to ever lie in state.

Rabbi Lauren Holtzblatt eulogized Ginsburg and recited a prayer in Hebrew. “Brick by brick, case by case,” said Holtzblatt, “she changed the course of law. Today, she makes history again.”

Ginsburg will be buried next week in Arlington National Cemetery next to her husband, Martin, who passed away in 2010.

She is survived by her two children and grandchildren.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg died at 87 in Washington D.C. of pancreatic cancer.

courtesty Flickr

12 January 2021

News

The Collegian: 3

ABC challenges TU to support Black student body The Association of Black Collegians published a letter outlining seven requests from which the University can learn.

Sarah Berno Student Writer In a letter addressed to Interim President Levit, the Board of Trustees, TU Administration, the faculty and staff, the Association of Black Collegians (ABC) outlined seven steps the University of Tulsa should take to support the Black student body.

Eight other on-campus organizations signed the letter. Including Black Women’s Association, Black Men’s Initiative, The Student Association, National Society of Black Engineers, University Ambassadors, Association of International Students, Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers and Panhellenic Council. ABC posted a condensed version of it on their Instagram (@ tulsaabc), resulting in students tagging the University of Tulsa and reposting it to their stories.

The seven requests are as follows: 1. Conduct surveys at the end of each semester pertaining to the multicultural student body, documenting the diverse experience at TU. 2. Hire at least one diverse (person of color) therapist at the Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) by actively pursuing more domestic, diverse and qualified faculty.

3. Expand the My College Roomie roommate matching survey to incorporate more questions about culture and allyship.

4. Ensure a two percent increase in Black and diverse faculty members and administration by 2023 by actively pursuing more domestic, diverse and qualified faculty members and administration.

5. Ensure a two percent increase of underrepresented domestic minorities in the student body by Fall of 2023 by actively pursuing more domestic, diverse and qualified students.

6. Integrate mandatory, ongoing diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging train-

ing consisting of unconscious bias training for students, faculty, staff members and administration at the University, including the Athletics Department, and organize and invite guest speakers to campus to share discourse on the matter.

7. Consistently stand in solemnity and solidarity with respect to the Black student body and correspond to issues affecting the TU community related to racial and social injustice in a timely manner.

The executive board of ABC wrote these requests after expressing disappointment in the university’s lack of substantial action to support its Black student body. Especially, as the letter mentions, at a campus that is located only a few miles away from Black Wall Street.

The Black Lives Matter protests that gained momentum this summer led many businesses and institutions to release statements regarding current or newly proposed policies about race, inclusion and diversity among their respective communities. Five days after police killed George Floyd in Minneapolis, TU sent their first message to students and faculty regarding the incident and the resulting protests. Interim President Levit sent a short 150-word email encouraging members of the TU community to advocate for change and marginalized groups, but did so without presenting any plan to do so themselves. A month later, the office of diversity and engagement sent another email encouraging people to advocate for change and providing ways to support the Black Lives Matter movement. Hidden within this email is a hyperlink to TU Action Steps listing 10 ways the University will support diversity and inclusion on campus.

Most of these steps promised one-time events, short-time change or the creation of virtual spaces. The first statement promises diversity and bias training across campus, but this does not seem to have been implemented yet, and none of the 10 steps have any definitive deadline.

Some of ABC’s requests include surveys documenting the diverse experience at TU and a two percent increase in Black faculty members and the student body by 2023.

Both of these were also included in a Diversity Action Plan created by the University

courtesy University of Tulsa Association of Black Collegians The Association of Black Collegians established a chapter at TU in 1969.

in 2016, but no information about their successful implementation has been released since the original publication.

Incidents and empty promises like these sparked ABC President, Jayla Meeks, to call the university out. When asked why the letter and why now, Meeks quoted the end of TU’s mission statement saying TU “prides itself on being an institution whose mission reflects these core values: excellence in scholarship, dedication to free inquiry, the integrity of character and commitment to humanity.” With this in mind, Meeks emphasizes “It is important now more than ever that the University displays in action its commitment to humanity.”

On Thursday, Oct. 1, ABC’s executive board had a meeting with the Board of Trustees’ Committee on Student Success regarding their seven requests. Meeks said the Board commented on the exceptionality

of ABC’s letter, and they “look forward to future conversations.” There were no action items that resulted from the meeting, but Meeks said, “I am walking away happy we got a chance to present.”

ABC has another meeting on Monday, Oct. 5, with Interim President Levit that will hopefully be more productive. It is important to note that this meeting comes nearly two weeks after the letter was sent, highlighting the urgency of the organization’s seventh request that the university responds to and stand with the Black student body in a timely manner. As the rest of the world continues to reckon with the racist histories and systems that marginalize and disempower people of color, ABC has challenged TU to find quantifiable ways to better promote diversity and inclusivity as well.

Archaeologists find evidence of mass grave cemetery Outlines of coffins may provide insights into the Tulsa Race Massacre and the death of “the Original 18.”

Piper Prolago News Editor After more than two years of searching for graves associated with the 1921 Tulsa Race Massacre, archaeologists recently found outlines of 10 coffins that might help the city more wholly understand the events of the massacre. Archaeological inquiry in Oaklawn Cemetery that revealed these coffins followed the oral history accounts of the massacre. Oral history and funeral home documents pointed to this space as the site of burial for 18 Black people killed during the massacre, known as the Original 18.

The Original 18 refers to a funeral home ledger, one of the only surviving documents from the massacre. Here, the funeral home billed Tulsa County $25 each for the burial of 18 Black people, only 13 of whom were

named. In addition to leaving five bodies unidentified, the ledger did not note the location of the burial, creating a mystery that led to Tulsa’s continued search for the massacre victims today.

to get a better sense of exactly what’s going on with this particular individual.” Despite this caution, Stackelbeck also outlined that the site “does correspond to one of the locations that were picked up on by the geophys-

“Officials expect to move forward with their search and studies in 2021 ...”

Officials like Kary Stackelbeck, an Oklahoma State University archaeologist and leading scientist working in Tulsa’s excavations, are optimistic that the recent findings can be attributed to the Original 18. She assured “we feel a high degree of confidence that this is in one of the locations that we have been looking for.” However, the team is still working on analyzing whether the individuals found were definitely killed in the 1921 Massacre. Stackelbeck went on to state, “We are still in the process of analyzing the remains to the best of our ability and

ical survey work. So that gives us a reason for optimism.”

Moving forward, scientists are waiting on a court order to exhume the unmarked individuals to study their causes of death more closely. Officials expect to move forward with their search and studies in 2021 when weather conditions permit. With this, archaeologists hope to know more conclusively whether these coffins can be associated with the Tulsa Race Massacre.

Investigation into finding additional remains was launched in July 2018 as Tulsa

officials and archaeologists hoped to shed light on the amount of people who were killed in the 1921 Massacre that decimated Tulsa’s historic Black Wall Street as well as to help locate the bodies of missing Black victims. Some estimates placed the number of people killed upwards of 300; finding these unmarked coffins represents a significant step towards refining these estimates and towards allowing the families of victims to better understand the tragic events of May 31 and June 1, 1921.

Brenda Alfred, Chairwoman of the Tulsa Mass Graves Oversight Committee and well known North Tulsa community activist, has always been told that her great-grandmother was buried in an unmarked grave in Oaklawn Cemetery. Emphasizing the weight of these excavations in moving towards rectifying Tulsa’s historic injustices, Alfred stated “I am just very appreciative of all the hard work that is going into finding our truth, to again bring some sense of justice and healing to our community.”

Demystifying the Native American land ruling The July Supreme Court ruling challenged legal precedent in Native American law, but has been the subject of much misinformation and misunderstanding.

Emily Every Editor-in-Chief In a landmark ruling, the U.S. Supreme Court has found that much of the eastern swath of Oklahoma, including Tulsa, encompases Native American reservations.

This decision is founded on the fact that the federal government never nullified its granting of the land to the Creek Nation in 1866.

Legally, this decision means that tribe members previously convicted of crimes committed on the reservation land are now eligible to challenge their sentencing. Additionally, going forward, if a tribe member is involved in a select number of major crimes, then that tribe member must be prosecuted in a federal court, not in a state court. For minor offenses, tribe members will be prosecuted in tribal courts.

The case related to the July 9 decision, McGirt v. Oklahoma, began when 71-yearold Jimcy McGirt, serving a 500-year sentence for child molestation, appealed that Oklahoma courts should not handle his case, arguing instead that it belonged in federal courts.

McGirt made this argument after Patrick Murphy, who was convicted for murder of a tribe member in 1999, successfully had his case moved to a federal court on the basis that the U.S. government never dissolved the reservation on which he committed the crime. Therefore, under the Major Crimes Act, Murphy’s case was not under state jurisdiction.

The decision was 5-4 in favor of McGirt.

Justices John Roberts, Brett Kavanaugh, Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas dissented. Justices Neil Gorsuch, Sonia Sotomayor, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Elena Kagan and Stephen Breyer represented the majority.

“Today we are asked whether the land these treaties promised remains an Indian reservation for purposes of federal criminal law. Because Congress has not said otherwise, we hold the government to its word,” writes Gorsuch in the majority opinion, siding with the court’s liberal constituents.

Many of the case’s dissenters argued that it would allow the mass release of many previously convicted criminals, causing a crime spike in the state. However, these claims seem largely unsubstantiated.

Though this decision has retroactive impacts, meaning that convicted members can challenge their convictions, it is only a small number that are eligible to do so. This is due to “federal habeas relief,” which moves a state conviction to a federal court. Federal habeas relief must be enacted within one

year after someone’s conviction for them to be eligible, alongside other restrictions.

The Tahlequah-based journalist Rebecca Nagle estimated that out of the 1,887 Native Americans incarcerated by Oklahoma before Jan. 1, 2020, less than 10 percent can apply for relief, and, even post-applications, they would face a lengthy and difficult appeals process.

The Muscogee (Creek) Nation released the following statement on the McGirt v.

Oklahoma decision:

“The Supreme Court today kept the United States’s sacred promise to the Muscogee (Creek) Nation of a protected reservation.

Today’s decision will allow the Nation to honor our ancestors by maintaining our established sovereignty and territorial boundaries. We will continue to work with federal and state law enforcement agencies to ensure that public safety will be maintained throughout the territorial boundaries of the Muscogee (Creek) Nation.”

courtesy Wikimedia Commons The recent ruling seeks to restore the boundaries of tribal lands outlined in this map.

Sports

The Collegian: 4

12 January 2021

The case for Fitzmagic Joey Chestnut: A hot dogeating man of endurance

Sports analyst Zach Sabel looks into the surprisingly impressive career of an underrated football superstar. Joey Chestnut has dedicated his life to competitive eatDoes Ryan Fitzpatrick’s name merit a place in the ing. Hot dog enthusiast Karelia Alexander examines halls of Canton? the life and legend of the weenie wonder.

“The Amish Rifle,” “Fitzmagic,” “Fitzception’,’ Ryan Fitzpatrick is a man of many names, garnered over his fifteen year NFL career. Considered one of the smartest people to play the game, having graduated from Harvard, and scoring a 48/50 on the wonderlic test, which is a test used to measure cognitive ability and problem solving aptitude. He had the third highest score ever from an NFL player and finished said test in only nine minutes, which is a record.

This storied career has spanned eight teams, with his most significant stints taking place in Buffalo, New York and Miami, though he still managed to leave his mark on many of the other places he has played.

He was playing arguably the best football he has ever played this season through the first four games for Miami, but news broke this week that he had been benched in a surprise move by coach Brian Flores.

Fitzpatrick was surprised, stating that “ I was shocked by it, it definitely caught me off guard,” and that, “Is this it, was that my last game as an NFL player in terms of being the starter …”. To anyone who follows the career of Fitzy, the thought of him being yanked off the starting job like this, and possibly never starting again is such a sad thought, he’s had some of the most amazing displays throughout his career, which Ithink is a Hall of Fame worthy one. A lot of people will probably not share this sentiment with me, after all, his starting record of 5886-1 certainly doesn’t scream Hall of Fame.

I think though, that we need to look deeper than Super Bowls, playoff wins, total win/ loss and look to the person, the individual achievements that someone like Fitzpatrick has left on the game.

Fitzpatrick’s stats are up there with Hall of Fame, Super Bowl winning quarterbacks.

Granted, the game has changed since many of these quarterbacks have played, but I think his stats deserve a mention and recognition. Fitzpatrick has thrown for over 34,000 yards, thrown for 220 touchdowns, and has a career completion percentage of 60.67 percent While not as impactful on the ground he rushed for 2,607 yards with an average of 4.6 yards per carry, while scoring

21 touchdowns over his career. Compare his stats to the likes of Troy Aikman, who played a comparable number of games but won 3 Super Bowls and was a multi-time pro bowler. Granted, as I have said, the game was a lot different than it is now, but I also have to say Troy Aikmann played for one of the greatest dynasties, while Fitzpatrick has mainly been dealt around to horrible teams usually tanking for his replacement the year after.

courtesy Wikimedia commons You can argue Aikman was a leader, proof of which is the multiple championships, but I’d also argue Fitzpatrick is a leader, We have seen and heard time and time again cases of his leadership on display. We have seen press conferences with his teammates where they heap praise and just all around enjoy being teammates, which is such a crucial part of the game. Even the man who has recently come to replace him couldn’t stop from complimenting and respecting his leadership. Tua Tagovailoa said of Fitzpatrick, “Everyone knows Fitz has done an amazing job … It’s like a father and son thing.” I don’t think you’ll ever find a Qb pair like Fitz and Tua, where one is so willing, regardless of how hurt he may feel, to just continue the day to day, teaching Tua the ropes and setting him up to be even better than Fitz himself.

The hotdogs! The crowds! The anticipation of being in front of people on a hot summer day and competing for the title of the number one hot dog eater! Oh, the joys of pushing the envelope on cramming hot dogs. Though this may seem kind of funny, and some people might even scoff at the idea of competitive eating, the hot dog contest is quite serious. It’s not just about shoving dogs in your mouth and hoping you don’t puke; it’s a test of endurance and rigorous focus. That’s life for Joey Chestnut, who has made a career out of competitive eating and taking the simple pleasure of eating to the extreme.

Joey Chestnut is not your average happy-go-lucky, pumping and dumping, hot dog eating winner, though. If anything, he is renowned for his ability to eat anything competitively and holds several world records, which, yes, does include hot dogs.

Chestnut trains every single day through the method of stomach stretching and fast-

courtesy Wikimedia Commons ing. He does this supplementation, milk and water in order to help him with retaining the food. Though it might sound scary, it’s a psychological and physical test that helps him come back year after year as the undefeated champion.

Hopefully we haven’t seen the last of Fitzmagic, but if we never get to see him start under center again, I really hope we

As told to the Boston Globe, Chestnut perceives competitive eating as not only about eating, rather “it’s about drive and dedication, and at the end of the day, hot dog eating challenges both my body and my mind”. He’s certainly not wrong — it is about reaching a goal and understanding that the real competition starts not on the day of the competition — but when you are by yourself, you need to have the discipline to train even when you don’t feel like it. It’s similar to running a marathon, with exercising weeks, even months ahead of time, so that when the time comes, the strength will be there because of the preparation behind it.

The endurance that Chestnut has had for this sport is amazing — not even the pandemic could stop him. This past summer he won his thirteenth title and set a new record for eating 75 hot dogs and hot dog buns in approximately 10 minutes. He has gone on the record stating that he will not stop until he reaches his goal of eating hot dogs until he reaches 70. Chestnut actually reached this goal a while back. Nevertheless, it’s his love for the sport that keeps him coming back, literally and metaphorically hungry for more.

Aside from competitive hot dog eating, he has taken his love of combining food and competitions to another level: from wings to sandwiches, pies to pizza, and everything else in between. His training isn’t one sided. Over the past several years, he has accumulated other awards and records.

Every year since 2005 he has set a record of some sort pertaining to the sport.

Joey Chestnut is a man of strength who has proven year after year that it’s not necessarily about winning. In some cases he has won and stated his performances were disappointing; he’s also lost a few competitive eating contests. However, it’s about perseverance and seeing a new challenge after every contest is over. can see him in the hallowed halls of Canton someday in the future.

NBA world erupts with league-wide player strike Logan Guthrie analyzes how the death of Jacob Blake ignited social justice push in NBA.

In the time since officer Rusten Sheskey shot Jacob Blake in the back seven times in Kenosha, Wisconsin, the NBA has seen its players more motivated than ever to push for social change. The Milwaukee Bucks refused to take the floor Wednesday, urging NBA commissioner Adam Silver and the NBPA to postpone all games for that day and indefinitely in those following.

The NBA playoffs is one of the most watched and most competitive parts of sports entertainment within the U.S. As the phrase goes, “everyone and their mom” will be watching every year. In a year of such uncertainty, it once seemed as if the world of professional sports would be going by the wayside for the sake of the public health; however, on Wednesday, Aug. 26, the Milwaukee Bucks and Orlando Magic did not take to the court for a much different cause.

On Aug. 23, police officers shot Jacob

Blake in front of a few of his own children.

Reports state that Blake is now paralyzed from the waist down from his injuries, and this tragedy already in such a short time has led to more civil unrest. It appears to once again be a trend that when someone is stripped of their human dignity, death and destruction follows.

The NBA saw an overwhelming response of support for Blake and his family with the aforementioned protest by the basketball teams. Players from both Orlando and Milwaukee boycotted their game on Wednesday as an answer to the events that transpired earlier in the week. The result of them rising up and standing against violence was other people and the league itself following them in support. Reports state that other teams scheduled to play that day planned to also not take the court for their games, including the Los Angeles Lakers,

Portland Trail Blazers, Houston Rockets and our very own Oklahoma City Thunder.

Since these teams stood together and would not be playing their scheduled games, The NBA and National Basketball Players Association announced that all of Wednesday’s games would be postponed and rescheduled.

The Bucks management have been very outspoken about their support of their players’ decision, with Senior Vice President Larsy himself saying that some things are more important than the game that they all love.

Consequently, the NBA is not alone in their protest. The WNBA has also shown support for Jacob Blake and his family. Four teams joined the ranks of the boycott by taking a new on the court before leaving their games without playing. With all that this year has held for people worldwide so far, and the transitions that many sports teams and athletes have undergone, a call to action

against systemic violence and for equality has emerged from their platform, and the NBA’s support has been well received.

But the league also recognizes that their actions against inequality cannot stop there.

Many of the NBA players are actively appealing to the Board of Governors to finish the season, because of the sacrifice that they have made to play the sport that they love and to do the job they have been chosen for, but more importantly because of the voice that the NBA platform gives them to communicate a message to thousands of people at every game and off the court of hope, equality and justice. The basketball games will always resume and can always be rescheduled, but now these players compete for something more.

Jan. 25 - Jan. 31 Monday

Tuesday 26

25

none

Wednesday

none

Thursday 28

27

none

Friday

Saturday 29

30

M Tennis Illinois St 11 a.m.

M Basketball @ ECU 11 a.m.

M Tennis Mississippi 6 p.m

W Basketball @ ECU 2:30 p.m.

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Sunday 31

M Tennis Omaha 12 p.m.

W Tennis Kansas 12 p.m.

12 January 2021

Sports

The Collegian: 5

NBA upcoming season lives in uncertainty NBA writer Tommy Reid looks into what the next season will look like after last season’s end encroached upon the usual start date. a 72-game schedule with a start to the season on Dec. 22, 2020. By starting at this time, the league believes that there will be enough time to finish the 72-game season and the postseason before the Summer Olympics in July of next year. As of now, specific details remain to be negotiated. However, in a statement, the NBPA said that it feels “confident that the parties will reach agreement on these remaining issues relevant to the upcoming season.” As of now, the NBA and the NBPA are planning to discuss opening free agency very soon after the NBA draft, which occurs on Nov. 18, because training camps will begin on Dec. 1.

courtesy Wikimedia Commons With the 2019-20 NBA season far over- teams would find themselves well on their lapping what would have been the start of way to the end of one month of play. Howthe following season, nothing seems set in ever, this is not a normal season. As it stands stone as far as when the next season begins now, The Finals just finished several weeks or what that season will look like in the con- ago, and sports are still not back to the way tinued COVID-19 era. they were last year. In fact, it was not until While it seems more and more likely that this past week that we knew what the plan another game will not occur until at least was for the 2020-2021 NBA season.

2021, even that may be subject to further On Thursday of last week, the National postponement. In a normal year, the NBA Basketball Players Association board of season would already be underway. Several representatives voted on a plan to play the weeks of games would have finished and the 2020-2021 NBA season. This plan includes

of the teams have not played since late August or early September.

The short offseason has caused some discussion among the players as to whether they will actually want to play after some teams had just over two months off. Lakers’ guard Danny Green had this to say about whether he thought LeBron James would play at the start of the season: He has “been to the Finals 10 years out of his 17 years, which is unbelievable mentally. It’s draining to do that. To have that quick of a restart, I wouldn’t expect to see him there. I wouldn’t expect to see him probably for the first month of the season. He’ll probably do

“... there will be only 71 days between the end of one season and the beginning of the next.”

With a start date of Dec. 22, there will be only 71 days between the end of one season and the beginning of the next. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, this is the fewest days off between the ending of one season and the beginning of the next in NBA, MLB, NFL and NHL history. While this might seem like a problem, and it might be for a few of the teams, six of the teams have not played since March, six teams have not played since the middle of August and eight

some working out with us, he’ll probably do some playing, but I just don’t expect guys to want to be there or show up willingly.”

While all the players might not start out the season like they would in a normal season, the 2020-2021 NBA season will be beginning soon. Basketball will be back.

Another professional sport will start a new season in the midst of the greatest changes to the atmosphere of sports in a long time.

NFC East season already off to embarrassing start Football writer Ethan Worley discusses how the NFC East has already begun to prove that it can’t produce Super Bowl contenders.

Almost every year in the NFL, one division stands out as clearly worse than all the other divisions. In 2014, the NFC South was a historically bad division and the Carolina Panthers became the second team in NFL History to win their division with a losing record, and the first team to do it came just a few years earlier when the Seattle Seahawks won the NFC West in 2010 with a 7-9 record. While it is way too early in the season to start making claims about the playoffs, the NFC East could be on a similar path this year.

Right now, the Philadelphia Eagles are in the lead in the division with a 1-2-1 record.

The Philadelphia Eagles are the only team in the NFC East with major recent success after winning a Super Bowl in the 2017 season, but in the two full years since they have put up somewhat lackluster 9-7 seasons and haven’t made it past the divisional round since their Super Bowl victory. The Eagles can take some positives from their subpar start with an impressive victory over reigning NFC Champions San Francisco 49ers as well as the fact that they got that win without Desean Jackson and Alshon Jefferey, two of their top receivers. The Eagles have also been without starting right guard Lane Johnson, who is expected to return at some point in the next few weeks. The Eagles could be in the driver’s seat in the NFC East if they can get all their starters back from injury, however they have the toughest remaining strength of schedule in the NFC East with their remaining opponents having a collective .511 winning percentage. The Eagles tough strength of schedule will be a difficult hurdle to overcome since the Dallas Cowboys remaining opponents have a league-worst .372 winning perecentage The Cowboys had high expectations coming into this year, with many analysts listing them as Super Bowl contenders.

However, horrendous defensive performances have led them to a dismal 1-3 start to

courtesy Wikimedia Commons open the season. Many thought the Cowboys could turn it around this season with a new head coach and defensive coordinator.

However, this year looks to be more of the same from the team that seems haunted by the ghost of Jason Garrett and his numerous mediocre seasons. Despite the Cowboys offense being first in the league in yards per game and third in points per game, their defense is 29th in yards allowed per game and last in points per game, which has cost them precious wins. The highlight of the Cowboys’ season thus far happened with their comeback win against the Atlanta Falcons. They were down as much as 20 points in the first quarter, and with 2:52 left in the game, the Falcons were given a 99.9% win probability, but the Cowboys completed the comeback for their sole win this season. If the Cowboys can fix their defensive woes, it

is still early enough in the season to live up to their pre-season hype. They hope to begin their turnaround against division opponent New York Giants this week.

The New York Giants were expected to be at the bottom of the NFL this year after going just 4-12 last year. This is quarterback Daniel Jones first full season as a starter after he took over the reigns from long-time starter Eli Manning early in last season. The Giants drafted Daniel Jones with the second overall pick in 2019, a highly controversial pick that remains to be seen whether or not it will pan out. Despite a successful 2016 season for the Giants where they had an 11-5 record and made the playoffs, they are 13-39 since then. While the Giants front office hopes the combo of Daniel Jones and former Rookie of the Year running back Saquon Barkley can lead them

back to success, this season seems doomed after Barkley had a season-ending ACL tear in week 2. At this point, it seems the Giants are likelier more likely to get the number one pick rather than a playoff spot. If the Giants get the coveted first pick, it seems almost a certainty that the Giants pick Clemson quarterback Trevor Lawrence, who has been considered to be the number one pick possibility since his freshman year, subsequently ending Jones’ quick stint as the starting quarterback.

The Washington Football Team looks to be the bottom of the barrel in the NFC East and the NFL as a whole. They last made the playoffs in 2015 and only have 3 winning seasons since 2008. After losing quarterback Kirk Cousins in free agency after the 2017 season, Washington has had a carousel at quarterback that continues this season after head coach Ron Rivera announced this week that he is benching Dwayne Haskins for Kyle Allen. Dwayne Haskins was Washington’s first round pick in 2019. He was the backup his rookie year but started several games due to Case Keenum getting a concussion. Despite being named the starter this season, Rivera benched him after several subpar performances. Washington will most likely be fighting with the Giants and a slew of other teams for the number one pick, and probably, for Trevor Lawrence specifically.

It is still too early in the season to start making grand declarations, but if the trend continues the NFC East could rival the 2014 NFC South for one of the worst divisions in NFL history. The two division favorites, the Cowboys and Eagles, have had rough starts but both have the potential to turn the season around and fight for a playoff spot, but there is a clear divide between those teams and the Giants and Washington who will be competing for a higher draft pick.

courtesy NFL release

Commentary

The Collegian: 6

12 January 2021

Trump’s COVID-19 treatment a hilarious mess

From beginning to end, the treatment and coverage of Trump’s COVID case has been full of lies and farcical excuses.

Justin Klopfer Commentary Editor

On the morning of Friday, Oct. 1, Trump told the American public that he had tested positive for COVID-19. His announcement was followed by a wave of other high-up Republicans testing positive, including Chris Christie, Kellyanne Conway and Kayleigh Mcenany. There are, of course, many implications this has on the way the nation confronts the pandemic. How can we expect Trump to handle it for hundreds of millions of people when he can’t even protect himself? However, I think a short rehashing of the timeline of events also shows the absurd nature of how this administration operates.

Where Trump actually contracted the virus is still unclear. Many have pointed to Amy Coney Barrett’s Rose Garden ceremony as a possible super-spreading event.

The ceremony had many unmasked guests, rampant hugging and even some indoor portions. Why this event was allowed to occur is unclear, especially considering many of the new COVID-19 patients were at this ceremony.

Another possible source of Trump’s infection is White House senior advisor Hope Hicks, who tested positive Oct. 1 after helping Trump prepare for the debate without a mask. Trump knew of Hope’s positive diagnosis and still held a fundraiser in New Jersey, talking to hundreds of people without a mask, despite his contact with Hicks. No cases have been traced back to this fundraiser, but it was still a ridiculously reckless decision. Hilariously, while on Sean Hannity,

Trump offered his interactions with police officers as a possible infection source, saying he simply couldn’t resist hugging and kissing them. Wherever Trump got COVID-19, he announced it to the public early Friday morning through Twitter.

Friday evening, Trump checked in to Walter Reed Medical Center, with White House press secretary Kayeigh Mcenany saying it was out of “an abundance of cau-

the questions; he and all the reporters knew what he was doing, but it’s standard fare for this administration. Conley eventually claimed Trump was never on oxygen after being repeatedly pushed to give an answer.

The next day, Conley admitted he lied — Trump had been on oxygen — and said he was trying to “reflect the upbeat attitude” that Trump’s medical team had.

It is expected, of course, for a politician to

“It’s very plausible that Trump ... tested postive

... before the White House claims.”

tion.” The Trump administration attempted to paint the President as faring incredibly well, with Trump often implying he never needed the medical treatment to begin with.

However, many details have seeped out of the event that seem to show a different story.

Firstly, Trump was quickly given a massive cocktail of experimental antibodies. Surely he would only be given this risky treatment if the case was a particularly serious one.

On Saturday, Oct. 2, there were conflicting messages, with Trump’s doctor having great hopes for his recovery, while Chief of Staff Mark Meadows said there is “no clear path to recovery.”

White House Physician Sean Conley also faced a challenge at Saturday’s press conference. First he declined to answer when Trump’s last negative test was, legitimizing questions of when Trump actually contracted the virus. He was also questioned repeatedly about whether Trump had received oxygen as part of his medical care. Conley was clearly dodging these questions, saying “he hasn’t received any this morning” when the reporter was clearly asking if he had received any the previous two days. He was even knowingly smiling while dodging

show themselves in the best possible light.

This doesn’t mean, however, we shouldn’t try to dissect what they are obfuscating and why. Given the level of misinformation surrounding what has been told to the public, I don’t think it’s a stretch to doubt some of the specifics of this timeline. It’s very plau-

sible that Trump either tested positive or began to show symptoms before the White House claims. It’s also practically impossible to deny that Trump’s case is much more serious than he is letting on. The intensity of his treatment would be brought on only by a somewhat dire case.

It’s honestly hard to say what to take away from this entire circus other than the sheer disorganized and chaotic mess of it. White House Physician Conley was questioned about Trump’s mental state following these treatments and confidently stated “I think you’ve seen the videos,” as if the videos in question weren’t ridiculous and unhinged.

The lack of proper safety procedures within Republican circles is alarming, but it’s hard not to laugh at how incapable they are in the face of such a serious crisis. The blatant lying sets a dangerous precedent, but you can’t deny the hilarity when the lies are juxtaposed by the clearly disparate condition the President is actually in. It feels like the only fitting conclusion to Trump’s bleakly comedic term in office.

Trump

President Trump at Amy Coney Barrett’s Rose Garden ceremony.

courtesy Pixabay

courtesy Wikimedia Commons

China’s disastrous actions warrant US separation China’s human rights abuses and flagrant violations of international law demand harsh consequences.

Dominic Cingoranelli Student Writer The United States ought to continue to decouple its economy from that of the People’s Republic of China. Our dependence on power-hungry and despotic authoritarian regimes is dangerous and unnecessary.

In an interview with Chinese state-run news outlet Global Times, former Ethnic and Religious Affairs Committee of the National Committee of the Chinese People’s Political Consultative Conference chairman Zhu Weiqun stated, “Anti-China forces have become addicted to targeting China’s policy in Xinjiang and the vocational education and training centers over the years, like some addicts who cannot help using drugs.” Based on this statement, it is a sound assumption that the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) does not take kindly to foreign scrutiny or criticism.

Now, here’s a quote directly from the General Secretary of the CCP and de facto leader of the People’s Republic of China, Xi Jinping: “The South China Sea ... [has] been China’s territory since ancient times.

It is the bounded duty of the Chinese government to uphold China’s sovereignty.”

When foreign powers and multinational organizations criticize China’s operation of concentration camps in Xinjiang, China is the victim of rabid, ignorant “anti-China forces.” However, when China wants to claim 1.4 million square miles of the South China Sea as territorial sea in brazen contradiction to the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea, of which China is a signatory, effectively holding a knife to the jugular of global trade and freedom of navigation, China is merely upholding its territorial claims.

such as the internment and ethnic cleansing of Uyghurs in Xinjiang or organ harvesting from Falun Gong practitioners. External sanctions from China’s largest trading partner may encourage some humane reforms.

Therefore, in the interest of protecting U.S. national security, the IP rights of Western corporations, the human rights of ethnic minorities in Xinjiang and Inner Mongolia, religious minorities in Tibet and freedom of pro-democracy activists in Hong Kong, the U.S. ought to take steps to decouple its economy from that of China.

“... the [CCP] will not face any internal consequences for egregious violations ...”

I suppose when you run a government that isn’t accountable to anyone foreign or domestic, and when you have a monopoly on the information that enters and leaves your country, you don’t have to bother with consistency.

Because the CCP is the sole party in a non-democratic state, the organization will not face any internal consequences for egregious violations of maritime borders in the South China Sea, intellectual property theft — in 2019, 20 percent of all North American companies reported having IP stolen by Chinese actors — or human rights abuses

Xi Jinping has served as president of the People’s Republic of China since 2013.

This is one of those rare cases where I find myself in relative agreement with the actions of the Trump administration. A series of simple tariffs beginning in 2018 have decreased the U.S. trade deficit with China from $378 billion in 2018 to $345.6 billion in 2019, which may not be that much, but it’s a step in the right direction. The addition of Huawei to the entity list and the “TikTok ban,” which is more of a ban of TikTok’s parent company, ByteDance, may seem harsh, but help safeguard the privacy and intellectual property of U.S. individuals and companies.

However, that’s not to suggest that the Trump Administration’s handling of the situation has been flawless or beyond reproach. For instance, several attempts at bilateral agreements proposing a return to the status quo have been made by both sides.

In January 2020, a “phase one trade deal” was signed, with provisions taking effect in February. The fact that a trade deal was reached, in and of itself, is not an issue in my opinion.

Rather, I take issue with the fact that this is a return to the US-China “status quo” marked by a substantial trade deficit. Although China agreed to purchase an additional $200 billion of U.S. goods over the next two years, only 45 percent of what was promised has been purchased. It seems that even the administration which has always inundated us with rhetoric about being “tough on China” can’t seem to learn that promises made by the CCP are completely divorced from the reality of the policy the Party carries out.

What should be done, then? I propose a continuous stream of incremental sanctions to gradually incentivize U.S. companies which manufacture in China to bring manufacturing jobs either back to the U.S. through automation, or elsewhere in Southeast Asia. If we extrapolate the trend observed from the U.S. trade deficit in 2018 compared to 2019, this course of action could leave the U.S. free of trade deficit

courtesy Wikimedia Commons

12 January 2021

Commentary

The Collegian: 7

QAnon orchestrates Save the Children protests

Save the Children is a reaction to real issue-oriented movements and represents a dying cultural group.

Emma Palmer Graphics Editor

The past few months, during the Black Lives Matter movement, a global pandemic and an election year in the nation, a new contender in the attention economy has appeared. QAnon, a now-mainstream conspiracy theory from an anonymous user named “Q” who claims to have insider information on Trump’s administration, purport sthat Trump is secretly fighting a cabal of sex traffickers that involves Hollywood elites, the Democratic party and the deep state. Seemingly silly, the conspiracy theory is probably at least suspected by someone you know.

QAnon has recently taken a turn for the mainstream through the rise of social media posts, the biggest of which was a baseless accusation that furniture company Wayfair was trafficking children, the alleged evidence being the unusual names of their products. This eventually led to social media companies taking down the misinformation or tagging it as false, but the quick rise in popularity has led to a growth in believers. The presentation of the issue in these articles is similar to that of abortion in similar circles, with details being sensationalized and gratuitous in description. The idea of sex trafficking as envisioned by these concerned parties does not represent reality.

It works in a sort of white savior way here.

People envisioning swooping in and saving white children who have been auctioned off.

Of course, sex trafficking and human trafficking are real-world problems. We don’t need conspiracy theories to know that these atrocities happen in our today. However, most child trafficking cases are labor-based.

The issue people are wanting to coalesce around, this fictional idea of child trafficking, does not exist in the way that they believe it does.

Here is where I want point out the parallel timelines of the rise of human trafficking rights with the Black Lives Matter movement, which has also gained traction these past few months, after the murder of George Floyd by police officers J. Alexan-

der Kueng, Thomas Lane and Tou Thao.

These conversations about sex-trafficking and Black Lives Matter both started to gain traction on social media. In my own social media experiences, Instagram and Twitter were full of images of protests, statistics about the danger of living as a Black person in the US and instances of police brutality.

On Facebook, however, I began to see the spread of the hashtag “#savethechildren”

The thing about Republicanism as I have experienced it within my community is that it isn’t so much about policies as it is about cultural values. This turns any sort of left leaning arguments or issues into ideological differences. It’s not about left versus right, but about good versus evil. Politicizing human rights issues in turn allows them to be negotiated against.

“It isn’t so much about policies as it is about cultural values.” from aunts and cousins and conservatives.

Save the Children is a real organization that really does work with those who have been trafficked, however, the hashtag was co-opted by QAnon and soon full of conspiracy and false information.

These posts ran parallel to those about Black Lives Matter. It was almost as though, as soon as Black Lives Matter gained a movement online, #savethechildren showed up the way that your mother might tell you to think about “starving children in Africa” when you told her that her slimy spinach was disgusting. As a distraction and a countermeasure.

Several Republicans I know believe that Black Lives Matter is a hoax, that police brutality is a fluke and that privilege doesn’t exist. Purity, however, exists. If Republicanism is based on cultural values, then the question follows, where is the culture coming from? A lot of it is based in evangelical chrisitanity. The evangelical church has popularized human trafficking issues for years. As Ruth Graham for Slate Magazine reports, however, the ideals of the movement are focused on certain groups and ways of sex-trafficking:

“... the better comparison may be to the ‘white slavery’ panic of the late 19th century. Like the current rhetoric around antitrafficking, ‘white slavery’ engaged both feminist and Christian activists. It also focused primarily on protecting female virtue — often depicting prostitution as ‘slavery.’”

A theory I want to posit is that the evangelical church, the driver of this culture and large reason for Trump’s election, is dying.

Their base is growing smaller and they are failing to reach younger generations. Millennials and Gen Z’ers are motivated by their political beliefs. Causes like BLM and LGBT issues are non-negotiables for them, and while evangelicals are unables to concede these points, they offer up conspiracy based causes as alternatives. Can the embrace of sextrafficking as a social justice issue within the church then be seen as a ploy, knowing or not, to try to remain relevant?

I don’t doubt that people worry and are grieved by the atrocities of sex trafficking.

But if they are not putting in the effort into research to see that these movements have been co-opted by the alt-right, and how trafficking can take many forms and affect people of all races, it makes me wonder how much one cares about the children after all.

David Grann spoke about his book, “Killers of the Flower Moon,” in the Reynolds Center.

The pizza on the woman’s sign is a nod to Pizza Gate, a right-wing conspiracy

courtesy Stephanie Keith, Reuters

Students assumed the risks of the pandemic, not the guilt Virus outbreaks on campus are a consequence of re-opening, and students shouldn’t take all the blame for them.

Sarah Berno Student Writer It isn’t easy to determine whether students follow social distancing protocol by the overwhelming amount of maskless Instagram posts and Snapchat stories. Socially-starved college students returned to campuses nationwide after living at home for almost half of the year. Even though colleges have implemented safety measures to limit in-person interaction on-campus, administrations have little control over what students do behind closed doors. Still, young people are quickly blamed for new outbreaks despite having little control over the logistics of school reopenings.

College is a time filled with new friends and new experiences. The social aspect is nearly as important as the academics, and for some, even more so. During their college career, most students will live away from home for the first time and enjoy the newfound freedom that accompanies it. Except, the pandemic has changed everything.

A place that used to represent freedom now mimics the unyielding watchfulness of a strict parent. Students must sign physical or verbal agreements on most campuses stating they will limit their social interactions and social distance. However, college students hardly have the reputation of being rule followers or adhering to authority figures’ demands.

Universities decided to open campuses this fall in the hopes of returning to some variation of normal. The not so subtle hand of national and local politicians and the possible financial impact of starting the year online doubtlessly had an enormous impact on these decisions. Although universities boast reopening for their students, it is important to realize that the recession might have made it economically impossible for some universities to continue with virtual learning. Despite universities having had the final say, students assume all of the risks of living on campus during a pandemic when signing updated housing agreements.

TU students were required to sign a COVID-19 acknowledgment form and assume their voluntary actions’ possible risks. The agreement protects the university from being liable for positive cases and any severe effects. This opens the question of whether

there is too much pressure on students to stop the spread. Universities were aware of how desperate students were to return to campus and possibly took advantage of that while avoiding any responsibility.

Students were kept from social interaction for so long that putting them in an environment where they have to decide between social distancing and socializing is so tempting that most will probably choose the latter at some point. The assumption of risk

On top of this, there is interpersonal policing among students within the same social circle. Students are asked and encouraged to report parties to the administration, which can create a toxic environment on campus.

When students are pitted against each other, campuses become polarized in a time that requires a collective effort.

While many, if not most, students are properly social distancing, there are an overwhelming number of headlines describ-

“Universities were aware of how desperate students were to return to campus and possibly took advantage of that ...” by students is not likely to impact their willingness to social distance or not. This makes for a budding tension between students who follow distancing protocols and those who do not. Students who regularly socialize and attend large gatherings increase the risk for all students and negate the sacrifices others make when social distancing.

ing college students’ carelessness. Any outbreak on campus that follows a large party is covered in the news. Journalists practically scold students as the sole reason for outbreaks on campuses and college towns when universities knew these risks and inevitable outcomes yet opened campuses anyways.

All in-Person classes at TU require masks to be worn at all times.

Courtesy Wikimedia Commons TU has continued to hold many classes in person.

courtesy Pixabay

Variety

The Collegian: 8

12 January 2021

“Tenet” hits theaters with exhilarating visuals and score Christopher Nolan is back with another blockbuster hit, reminding fans of the beauty of watching a film in theaters.

Zach Sabel Student Writer Great visuals, great sound and a great story all lead “Tenet”to being quite the film, but is it good enough to get audiences back in the theaters after a nearly six-month hiatus from films on the big screen? While the film almost certainly would have made its money back with an on-demand release, Christopher Nolan has taken a big gamble choosing to delay and wait for the theaters to reopen. After seeing the film for myself, I can say that this film was worth the wait to see it on the big screen. It is a film that screams Christopher Nolan’s distinct style, and it’s a movie that demands to be seen with the quality of picture and sound that only a movie theater can offer.

First, to get something out of the way and to put people’s apprehensions about going to the movie theaters to rest, AMC Theaters really seems to be taking the health of its patrons seriously. Masks are required when entering the theater and during the movie unless eating or drinking. Cashless concessions and 40 percent max theater capacity are also in place. Additionally, hand sanitizer stations are all around, and staff have their temperatures taken daily, according to AMC.

signment to essentially save all human life on earth. He is shown part of what he is up against, a slab of rock with bullet holes in it and an empty gun. He picks up the gun, and when trying to fire twhe gun, the bullets in the slab of rock move inversely and travel from the site of impact back to the gun, refilling the clip. It is explained that the bullets entropy has been inverted and that this gun and its bullets were transported from the future, and this could possibly be the signs of a war being launched on the present from the future and that he must stop it. Eventually, The Protagonist teams up with a man named Neil (Robert Pattinson “Twilight,” “Good Time”) in India to find an arms dealer who tells them they must find the Russian oligarch and arms dealer Andrei (Kenneth Branagh “Dunkirk, Henry V”). They involve Andrei’s wife Kat (Elizabeth Debicki “The Crown”, “Great Gatsby”), who longs for a way out of the relationship, but fears she will never see her son again.

The story at times can be the weakest part of an otherwise great film, and this isn’t to say the story isn’t compelling, just that it can be at times confusing to follow, even as we have much of what’s happening constantly explained to us. Nevertheless, it managed to maintain my interest and kept me on the edge of my seat throughout the whole movie. The perfectly timed and often quite brutal action scenes prevent any chance of things getting stale or too slow. The scientific nature owf the movie will have you thinking about the world differently. Would the objects actually move backwards? What would actually happen if we came into con-

there are the occasional quick cuts, it’s nowhere near as overdone like most films. The whole inverse of time aspect of the film also adds a lot of depth to the action and its immense visual beauty. Bullets flying backwards, fist fights between an inverted man and a guy following the normal constraints of time and visually beautiful inverse explosions. Apart from the inverse action moments, it also adds a great visual beauty to a lot of the slower moments of the film.

Grand shots of ships moving backwards, massive battles where one group of soldiers are moving in reverse while the other moves forward in time.

Finally, sound is always something that is very important in Christopher Nolan films, and “Tenet” is no different. The film took great advantage of dissonance] build tension and anxiety in its listener before opening into a grand sweeping chord in its intense

action scenes. The score is exceptional; it complements the premise and every single scene perfectly. Also, the lack of sound at certain times is great, and it helps build that aforementioned tension very well. The soundtrack, to my surprise, also contains a fantastic new Travis Scott song recorded specifically for the film. The one caveat I will mention, and this could be the theatre I watched the film in, is that it can be almost too loud at times, which for some could be overwhelming.

Overall, while the story can at times get muddled in its own science and may have a score a bit on the loud side, it nevertheless will leave you wanting to watch it a thousand more times just to find every single little detail Nolan manages to fit into the film.

I can confidently recommend this to not just Nolan fans, but to the general public. The film will not disappoint.

“It is a film that screams Christopher Nolan’s distinct style ...”

From the very first few minutes of the film, we are hit with an intense scene of a hostage situation. We are subsequently introduced to the main protagonist (John David Washington “BlackkKlansmen,” “Ballers”) who is literally referred to as “The Protagonist.”

Captured on his mission, he is tortured by his captors, and ultimately takes a suicide pill, as instructed, only to wake up. His willingness to give his life for the mission leads to him being promoted and sent on an as-

tact with ourselves? It lets your imagination run wild.

The visuals in the film are grand and over the top like much of Nolan’s previous work.

There are immense set piece action moments, rich with easily missed little details.

There are a few of these “blink and you’ll miss” moments throughout the film. Also, the action is incredibly well choreographed.

Often now, modern action films will use constant cuts during intense fight scenes.

The film strays away from that, and while

courtesy @tenetfilm Instagram During the pandemic, “Tenet” was one of the few new films to be shared in theaters.

Cast of “The Princess Bride” reunites for fundraiser The original “Princess Bride” cast helped to raise $4.25 million dollars and warmed the hearts of countless fans during their reunion.

Madison Walters Student Writer The cast of “The Princess Bride” reunited over the weekend to host a table-read of the original script. The script read raised over $4.25 million dollars in support of the Democratic Party of Wisconsin. Over 100,000 people tuned into this unprecedented event.

Almost the entire original cast returned

for this once in a lifetime event. Unfortunately, several members of the cast have passed away since the release, which, in turn, called for several special guests to fill in for them. Josh Gad stepped into the role of Fezzik, played by the late and great Andre the Giant. Other guest stars included: Whoopi Goldberg, Eric Idle, Shaun Ross, King Bach, Finn Wolfhard and Rob Reiner.

The affair was moderated by Jason Reitman and Patton Oswalt hosted the preceding Q&A. For the first time ever, the entire script finally saw the light of day; the original script was used with all the deleted scenes and dialogue that did not make it into the film. It was truly an experience like no other to see

This reunion brought back many familiar faces during the pandemic.

courtesy @caryelwes Instagram

such an iconic film acted out with extended scenes.

Cary Elwes (Westley) and Robin Wright (Buttercup) once again shined as the starcrossed lovers. They were seamlessly able to step back into these timeless roles while still adding new aspects to their characters.

Buttercup, for example, seemed to mature with a newfound confidence. Elwes also brought an original flare to his portrayal of Westley. This is especially true during the scene when Westley is asked why he wears a mask. As he delivered his response, “They’re terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future,” he donned a surgical mask.

In my opinion, Mandy Patinkin absolutely stole the show. He was somehow able to bring even more emotion to the role of Inigo Montoya. During the filming of the movie, his emotional portrayal was originally inspired by the loss of his father. In an interview, he said, “The reason I made this movie was coming to fruition, which I was going to get the cancer that killed my father.

And in my mind, I feel that when I killed the six-fingered man, I killed the cancer that killed my father. And for a moment, he was alive.” This time around, he somehow managed to double the emotional range of Inigo Montoya. During the scene when Montoya kills the man who killed his father, I had full-body chills. As he said the iconic line, “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die,” tears welled in his eyes. Patinkin’s character strikingly stands out as his emotional intensity and depth overpowers that of the other characters.

Truly, Patinkin gave the performance of his life; as difficult as it is to surpass the original film, I believe he transcended to a new level entirely. I would also be remiss not to mention that he unsheathed the original sword from filming during this poignant scene.

Billy Crystal (Miracle Max) and Carol Kane (Valerie)’s hilarious scene rivaled that of the original. Crystal constructed a homemade background which looked similar to the setting of Miracle Max’s very humble

hovel. He even put on the hat his character wore during that iconic scene in the film.

Crystal and Kane’s animated, side-splitting reenactment of their scene had the rest of the cast desperately suppressing the urge to laugh.

Josh Gad’s portrayal of Fezzik was very endearing. You could see he was trying to honor the memory of Andre the Giant and his wonderful performance of Fezzik. Of course, his performance was not in the range of Andre the Giant’s, but he certainly did his best to fill the giant shoes Andre left behind, resulting in a brilliant tribute.

The Q&A that followed directly after was just as enjoyable as the script read itself. Fans gained privy to some of the lesser known fun facts of filming “The Princess Bride.” For example during the filming of the aforementioned Miracle Max scene, Mandy Patinkin got a bruised rib from trying to hold in his laughter at Crystal’s improvisations. Crystal and Kane improvised the entire scene. Filming that scene took three 10-hour days because everyone was having such a great time listening to their antics. Patinkin also told a hilarious anecdote about Crystal going to a restaurant in Miracle Max’s costume. Acting as Miracle Max, he asked the waitress if various foods were spicy and when she replied she did not know, he said, “You don’t know my colon.”

The Q&A ended on a high note thanks to the eloquent words of Mandy Patinkin. As they were discussing the late William Goldman, the author of “The Princess Bride,” Patinkin said, “He left [the film] for us to have for the rest of eternity. He left this as his wish for people to take care of each other and embrace each other.” The last words uttered in the film are “as you wish,” which, in the context of the film, means I love you.

Those are the words the audience is left with as the story concludes; it’s a story of love.

“The Princess Bride” has become a classic over the years and it’s not difficult to see why.

12 January 2021

Variety

The Collegian: 9

Highly recommeded cozy autumn movies

Here is a wonderful list of cozy movies to settle in with a blanket and a candle.

Julianne Tran Student Writer

When I think of fall, I think of morning walks with the crisp, autumn air and the crunch of leaves under heavy, worn-in boots. I think of chai lattes and muffins fresh from the oven, their sweet warmth permeating the kitchen. I think of slow mornings and rainy days curled up in a blanket with a book. I think of longer dinners, seasonal candles and toasted pumpkin seeds. More than anything, fall is a season of warmth — a warmth like that first time the heat kicks on, that warmth that wafts through the room, releasing the tension in your muscles as you settle into the couch.

That is autumn for me. During fall time, that is the warmth that I want to be filled with as I watch movies, sometimes with a cup of tea, sometimes with some fresh banana bread, sometimes with nothing more than a thick blanket and some friends by my side. I have never gravitated to the “spooky” side of autumn cinema. I find horror movies so anxiety-inducing, spending almotwo hours sitting with my body clenched up, practically holding my breath the entire time. Instead, I want to watch movies that relax my body, make my heart feel like it’s expanding and leave me with a giddy smile on my face. I want to consume movies that exude warmth.

When I was compiling this list, I realized that there is no distinct continuity in these movies. They are pretty disparate, but they all have the prevailing feature of

leaving me feeling warm, joyful and cozy. I also would like to acknowledge the lack of diversity in these movies. I find that I need to more intentionally seek out cozy movies which portray more diverse life experiences, perspectives and which are produced by more diverse creators. For now, my list consists of some nostalgic (a.k.a. old and non-inclusive) movies and a few slightly improved recommendations on the diversity front. Some are of extreme cinematography quality and others are more simple watches.

Either way, I hope that you can find some warmth in this time which feels so frigid by watching one of these movies.

In no particular order …

“Fantastic Mr. Fox” Clay-mations aren’t all that strange! Directed by Wes Anderson, this movie has all the elements of a wonderful Wes Anderson film: creative shots, vintage color palettes and quirky characters. This film is hued with warm, autumnal colors and tells the seemingly simple story of a fox’s last hurrah as a seasoned bandit before settling into the responsible dad role. Seems a little absurd, but you won’t regret giving this movie a watch. It exudes that quintessential fall “warmth” with incredibly lovable characters and a surprisingly compelling plotline.

Would absolutely recommend this one on those gloomier nights when you need a little pick-me-up! It’s available on Disney+ and is perfect for any fall movie night.

“You’ve Got Mail” Moving in a completely different direction, I have to recommend this movie next.

In my opinion, the peak of cozy rom-com cinema, “You’ve Got Mail” is simply one of those movies which makes you feel good.

courtesy Jay Dickman Besides horror, of course, there are plenty of other genres to achieve the autumn viewing aesthetic.

It makes you dream of cozy, locally-owned bookshops and email correspondence on bulky computer screens with that person who is just right for you. You’ve probably already seen this, but it’s definitely worth another watch whenever you want to cozy up with a blanket with a candle burning and with a long-day’s work behind you. Stream it on HBO or rent it alone. You won’t regret it!

“Remember the Titans” Again, I’m sure you’ve already seen this.

Again, I’m sure you can now see how my list is a bit all-over-the-place. However, I needed to recommend this movie. Not only does the thought of high school football always remind me of fall, but this movie reminds me of those random days in high school where we watched a movie that was loosely related to class after a hard week of exams. This is one of those movies that you’re glad to be watching, even in a hard school desk. It reminds you that in this world that seems so messy, so hateful and so broken, that there is still hope. There are still extraordinary people. There are still people with good hearts. There isn’t anything that fills me with warmth that that hope. Watch it on Disney+ soon.

“Silver Linings Playbook” Another recommendation that doesn’t really fit in the “cozy” genre, but something I found fit my criteria is this film. Maybe it’s the setting and the morning runs. Maybe Jennifer Lawrence just gives off fall vibes.

But, this movie left me again feeling that warmth. Definitely not a movie which makes you feel all gooey and lovey the entire time, but this movie has a prevailing sense of hope and absolute ownership of who these characters are. With honest characters and atypical life experiences, this movie does not at all fit into that “You’ve Got Mail” cozy category. Instead, it is one of those watches that is valuable, a bit strange and more than anything, hopeful. In that sense, it is definitely a fall watch. Available on Netflix whenever you want to watch something truly compelling.

“Edge of Seventeen” This is one of those movies of those coming-of-age films that depicts growing up but in the most un-Netflix way, if you know what I mean — not over-simplified, not relying on character tropes and with fuller, more developed characters. This movie about finding your place and grappling with

the seemingly heavy moments of growing up exudes that fall warmth and prevailing joy that I look for in my fall feel-good movies. Honest, funny and with the most adorable love interest (we love Erwin!!!), this movie is a must watch for any time of day, any occasion and any mood. Watch it on Hulu or rent it online.

“Coco” I just had to add this one! As Día de los Muertos is fast approaching, I could not recommend watching this movie more. Heartfelt and heart-wrenching, this movie will make you cry ugly-tears and also leave you feel like your heart has grown twice as big.

It doesn’t hurt that the music is wonderful and the characters are so loveable. You’ve probably seen it multiple times before, but watch it again! Enjoy it on Disney+.

“Little Manhattan” A sweet movie about a 10-year-old in New York falling in love for the first time, this movie is just the epitome of wholesome, cozy cinema. Josh Hutcherson is adorable as the movie’s protagonist and this is just one of those movies that makes you smile.

It doesn’t hurt that the movie takes place as the leaves are changing in Manhattan in the background of your simple love story.

More than a childish watch, this movie will leave you feeling all the optimism and all the love! Available on Hulu or find it online.

“Bao” Animated Short I have to end this on a short and sweet note! You may have forgotten about this Pixar short which played before “Incredibles 2” in theaters. A heartfelt story about a Chinese mother and her relationship with her son, this eight minute short wrecked me.

By the end of it, I was crying ugly tears and wanted to hug my parents. An honest depiction of parent-child relationships hit home for me as an Asian-American, and I know I’ll spend far more than eight minutes rewatching and rewatching this short. See it in on Disney+ whenever you can spare a few minutes.

That’s all folks! I’m sure I am missing some incredibly cozy movies, but this list sums up what films fill me with joy and warmth. I hope you enjoy these cozy watches throughout our lovely autumn season.

Gather some friends or watch alone on those chilly fall nights. You won’t regret it.

Joji returns with sophomore album “Nectar” Following his freshman album “Ballads 1,” Joji returns to put us through the emotional wringer once again.

Zach Short Sports Editor After two years of leaving his fans to replay “Ballads 1” to the point of near-insanity, Joji has finally doubled his album count with the release of his sophomore effort, “Nectar.” Named after the sweet drink of the gods, the album features new collaborators for the artist paired with clear attempts to garner more radio play and a generous amount of soothing falsetto — all complemented by the same lo-fi mood that made the world swoon in 2018. Giving an overall brighter feel than his last effort, which hollowed souls with its cathartic ability, Joji’s newest effort expertly intertwines his pop ability with his mastery over despair-fueled tracks to keep his listeners from tears as they drown their concerns in the comfort of the album’s outstretched lyrics. As far as expectations go, Joji exceeds them all with the gift the world did not know it needed.

Beginning with “Ew,” Joji starts strong with a return to lyricism painfully sharp in self-deprecation, lifting souls with its falsetto chorus only to crush them with its somber end. His next track, “MODUS,” begins as though it will continue the dark trend that dominated his last release, but quickly corrects itself in altering course toward a more common downbeat style that avoids sinking too deep. The end slows back down, but contrasts with the beginning of the slightly brighter “Tick Tock,” that serves as a segue to the singles of the album.

“Daylight,” the collaboration with Diplo, gives the first glimpse at Joji’s attempt at greater mainstream success in granting the first beat sanguine enough to hope for radio play. Falling right out of the closing measures of its predecessor, “Upgrade” gives a short and smooth transition before the most popular single, “Gimme Love,” takes center stage as the three and a half minutes most likely to find their way to a frequent airplay.

“Run” and “Sanctuary” then close out the singles portion with the dark voice of the former and the smooth vibe of the latter.

The third portion of the album then brings about the bulk of Joji’s newest collaborations, which becomes the closest he seems willing to go toward the more mainstream lo-fi hip-hop sound. He begins by tag-teaming the verses of “High Hopes” with Omar Apollo, briefly steps away for a slightly robotic interlude alone in “NITROUS,” before painting a fun picture of a Los Angeles lifestyle gilded with casual drug use in “Pretty Boy” with Lil Yachty. Slowing back down in the soft-hearted “Normal People” with rei brown, he closes this section of outreach with another cool piece in “Afterthought,” in which the haunting vocals of BENEE subtly dominate.

In the final portion, Joji gets less superficial and begins to tell the stories that seem the most personal to him. Spinning a tale told countless times across all genres, “Mr. Hollywood” allows for a glimpse into the isolation of the fame the artist now knows more than ever before. “777” feels faster than much of the album, but “Reanimator,” which includes Yves Tumor in the final outside appearance, throws this speed into the same dark place where most of the album resides, coming to a screeching halt for the almost balladesque homage of “Like You Do.” However, careful not to leave listeners

completely numb, he transforms the chivalric sentiment into a more hopeful finale with “Your Man.” By the end of his newest work, Joji has taken his audience on an emotional rollercoaster in the best way imaginable. Every track lands as encouragement to feel every emotion to the fullest extent: to weep in lowest valleys, to love like loss could never exist at the highest peaks and to find the

Former YouTuber Filthy Frank releases his second album.

peace to enjoy every part of the ride. At its darkest points, listening to the album feels almost masochistic in its uncanny ability to ignite feelings of insecurity and despair, but it makes for incredible climbs when it finds its way back to points of lighter air. By the end of the album, a person feels drained in a manner so oddly pleasing that it leaves them reaching for a cigarette before starting it again from the top.

courtesy @sushitrash Instagram

The Collegian: 10

The State-Run Media

12 January 2021

Pipe-wielding Janet Levit’s bizarre message

Graphic by Emma Palmer

Students were left confused after a surrealist announcement video from the office of Janet Levit.

Janet Levit struggles to find control in midst of pandemic-related anxieties.

Adam Walsh Victim of the Levit pipe As the final seconds of Janet Levit’s extraordinarily strange welcome back video played out, the students who had viewed the video, whether due to a sense of duty, curiosity or fear, continued to stare at the screen in horror. Though the video seemed like the standard university propaganda, the surreal image of their interim president, provost and supreme leader wielding a lead pipe and jabbing it menacingly into the camera shattered their expectations.

“I feel safe at TU and so do all of you,” she said, repeating the words like an ancient mantra meant to ward off foul spirits.

The video had started with a relative amount of normalcy, the often times overdressed administrator seated comfortably in an office full of fine furniture, luscious carpet and beautiful woodwork. Yet, as the video languidly crawled to the mark of close to six minutes, subtle variations in the background began appearing. One moment, a framed picture of some familial relation or sports victory would shift and coalesce into a different visage — something decidedly less approachable. At first, the images were unpleasant but coherent — a beautiful smile becoming a hideous scowl, a trophy raised in celebration replaced with a bloodspattered enemy flag — but considering the strange antics of a

university haunted by stray cats, raccoons, rat frats and eldritch monstrosities, Levit’s magical office seemed like slim pickings.

That’s when the pipe came out.

It was an old thing, rugged, covered in nicks and dents, and Levit caressed its well-worn base, her stare remaining fixed on the camera. Enunciating her words like those of a general before a valiant last stand, she said, “During this time of change and upheaval we, the TU family, have lost much.

Many familiar faces that made this campus what it was have left or retired, but we will remain a steadfast beacon of normalcy in the coming year.”

As she spoke, the pipe lifted in her hand, accentuating her words with flamboyant gestures, converting the repossessed blunt instrument into an oversized composer’s baton. With each word and ac-

companying grand movement, the cool, almost cold, confident woman began to shake and raise her voice, seemingly agitating something in the room.

The camera shifted as she stood from her chair. “WE WILL MAKE THIS YEAR THE BEST IN THIS UNIVERSITY’S HISTORY. WE WILL OVERCOME THIS VIRUS. I WILL NOT LET THIS SCHOOL GO TO RUIN.” Levit had her pipe facing outward, defending herself from unseen adversaries.

The flickering images began mutating faster, lush carpet into harsh, stained concrete; pictures escalating into full-on acts of violence and mutilation; paintings replaced with mocking phrases, criticizing the academic politician for her leadership, saying that she would never fulfill her dreams; the single window in frame showing

a blazing world of fire instead of the bright, cheery sky it once held.

Too much, too quick. The video continued playing, a cacophony of sounds spreading like a corrupting plague from the watcher’s audio devices. Howling winds erupted, choirs of damnable voices shrieking out jeers. Concrete blocks were ripped and tossed from the building, but through it all the interim president’s voice rang clear, “I feel safe at TU and so do all of you.”

With that, the storm broke, the president’s office returned to normal, and the blue sky outside the window reappeared. Levit sank to her knees, repeating the phrase again and again, her bravado and volume decaying, until the video dimmed and ended, leaving a black screen with ResilienTU in bold blue letters.

Temperature Screening: A self-insert fanfiction Sparks were flying when temperature-screening nurse touches (y/n) for the first time.

Myranda New In love with professor!AU Harry Styles For you uncultured folks that didn’t spend every waking moment of your freetime in 2015 sobbing and giggling over self-insert Wattpad fanfictions, this one is for you … this article as well as this dictionary: (y/n) : your name (y/h/c) : your hair color (y/e/c) : your eye color I bolt awake, ripping the covers away from me as my alarm shrieks in my ear. I need to stop sleeping with my phone under my pillow; while it is easy to grasp in those blurry first moments of a new day, it’s nearly impossible to avoid going deaf with each snooze.

Stumbling onto the plush carpet, I prepare for the day, pulling my (y/h/c) hair up into a messy bun and snatching up my bag before heading out the door.

The weather is cloudy, like the universe can’t decide if it wants to rain today or not. I don’t let it bother me, though, as I hop onto my bike and make my way down the road. Even if it did rain, I wouldn’t be concerned. These wheels have gotten me down the tightest turns and most rugged terrain. There’s nothing quite like the backroad to the neighborhood Taco Bell.

I noticed that my vision was going a few months ago. It was nothing bold at first; I would stumble on the ground, missing a chunk taken out of the sidewalk and catching my foot on it, but I always blamed it on stress or the hurriedness of life. There was so much on my mind! I couldn’t take in every crack on the sidewalk.

But then, I could no longer make

out the board. I could no longer read the neon Arby’s sign, beckoning me from across the street. My vision was going, and it was bad with only one source to blame: online classes.

My mom set up the appointment (of course), and that was where I was biking to now. It was time for my eyes to meet their fate.

Due to the pandemic, I actually couldn’t remember the last time I ventured into the grand world, outdoors or indoors. My groceries were delivered. My entertainment was found in Netflix and online magazines. There was nothing in my life that required me to leave my quant apartment, sized according to one. Not even a pet was there to keep me company. No, the landlord didn’t allow it.

It had been 113 days since I had been to a grocery store. It had been 124 days since I had visited a friend’s home. It had been 133 days since I had physically touched another person.

At first, I didn’t believe the toll to be too much. I didn’t like hanging out with people anyways! It was draining, they could be annoying and I wasn’t too big on hugs.

And yet ... there was something about the longing for affection, to remind yourself that yes, other people still do exist, but it simply wasn’t worth the risk.

It had been 133 days since I had touched another person.

When I pulled into the parking lot of the eye doctor, I locked my bike on one of the racks, pulling my sunglasses up to rest on the top of my head. There wasn’t anyone else in the parking lot besides two trucks and a Honda car, but they were empty, presumably belonging to either the doctors, nurses or patients. I knew that everyone else was waiting inside.

My heart fluttered at the idea of seeing other people. Out of fear?

For sure. It was strange to realize that I would be seeing other people in person for the first time.

Temperatures were soaring, but, like, not in a COVID-19 kind of way.

The panic gripped my stomach as my thoughts spiralled more on the topic, but I knew this was the office of a doctor. It would be safe.

As I approached the door, a nurse called out to me.

“Stop here first, please,” they said, motioning for me to come over before initiating a safety check. Not even a minute passed before they asked me for the final piece of data.

“Now I’m going to take your temperature,” they said, pulling out a thermometer. “Though it may take a few tries. Since you biked here, I’m sure you’re all sweaty. Don’t worry if it says your temperature is too high. If we let people sit in their vehicles for too long without the air conditioner on, it gives the same result.”

I watched, my eyes trained to their hand as they brought the thermometer to my forehead. Their skin just inches from my skin. It was gloved, but still. It had been

133 days since I had touched another person.

I began to sweat, beads forming along my hairline as my heart gave into my emotions. Fear, stress and ... intrigue? I was bewildered, scrunching up my eyebrows as my (y/e/c) eyes locked onto their hazel orbs. They seemed confused, questioning as to why I was looking at them, wondering if they should look away.

“It’ll register in just a moment,” they said. “Don’t worry.”

A moment? It didn’t feel like a moment. It was a lifetime, my breath hitching in my throat, my palms clammy as I licked my bottom lip. We didn’t know who should break first. It was a game neither wanted to lose. Was I this touch starved? Aching to hold the gaze of the one taking my temperature outside of the eye doctor? It was the same way my heart twisted when I watched those Willy Wonka TikToks.

Graphic by Emma Palmer

They brought the thermostat away, breaking my concentration, but I held their gaze. If you don’t break it in the first second, playing it off as an awkward glance, how would you break it now?

“98.4,” they said, cataloging it on a slip before handing it over to me. “You can follow the nurse to your room, (y/n).”

They knew my name. They knew my name! My stomach lifted as I inhaled, my mind clearing. Maybe it was meant to be.

It almost felt like a dream. They only broke our connection when the next patient came for a temperature screening, but I couldn’t get them out of my mind, unable to erase those hazel orbs.

I guess I really was that touch starved, but at least the temperature proceeding was safe. My anxieties were beginning to ease, my mind floating to rest, and that’s when the doctor sashayed into the room.

The State-Run Media

12 January 2021

the

State-Run media The Greatest Shits of 2020

Is this America?: Alien tries to understand 2020’s politics

Graphic by Emma Palmer

Unfortunately, it seems the alien left with more questions than answers.

A friendly alien’s school report takes a deep dive into what led to the events of 2020.

Stasha Cole Saw “E.T.” once Hello, I’m an alien visiting from the far past and far future. Time is merely a construct, eh? Anyways, I’m only 192 years old, so I’m in the middle of what you mortals call “high school,” I believe. I’m taking a universal history course, and we have to do a project about a specific location in a specific period of time. In my textbook, this mortal year “twenty-twenty” is filled with fallacies and strange “facts.” Surely some of these claims had merit. I wanted to find out the truth. My mom let me borrow the time machine to come to conduct interviews with citizens

of this colloquially-called “America.” Is this America?

The process of this interview will require you to read these questions and submit answers to Galaxy #46, medium-length away, Planet 345o26, Compound jf9346.

Just fill in the blanks and send it right to me. Please be timely. My project is due on 21/9/83,578 (according to your calendar). If you haven’t yet developed astral projection, U.S. post is just fine. It’s getting defunded, you say? I’ll just come pick it up from you next Tuesday.

Q1. Though your continent is called “North America” and it is connected to a continent called “South America,” why do citizens claim the name “America” to encompass only their small landmass called a “country”?

Q2. Your country’s founding document includes the phrase “all

men are created equal.” To what extent is this true? Are women and non-binary individuals excluded under this declaration? Why? Q 3. The highest office in your governmental hierarchy is the position of president. Your population is made up of approximately 50 percent women. This office has been filled by 50 percent women, yes?

Q4. Approximately 13.4 percent of your country’s population is African American. Is this number reflected in representative lawmaking? In voting? In the percent of incarcerated individuals?

Q5. You really do have a diverse population, I’m impressed.

My textbook calls your country a “melting pot of different cultures.”

Naturally, you are providing equal opportunities for all of your citizens, right? Work, medicine, food, healthcare and other things, right?

Q6. I’m becoming concerned.

I have read great things about the dominant religion of your culture, the one you include in your national motto and your “pledge of allegiance” to your country.

Disregarding the implications of these nationalistic practices, this religion calls for you to “love thy neighbor,” is this followed? Unconditionally? How do citizens treat others from different religions?

Q7. Oh my, oh dear, I really appreciate your honesty, and this will make a great presentation to my class back in school, but “what the fuck,” as the kids say in your country. Okay, let me try one last time. Last question: do you feel safe in your country?

I didn’t know it was so bad. My textbook explained that the ideologies that your country followed

differed from human practice, but I didn’t realize this much! I’m not even worried about my project anymore — I’m worried about you! Wait a second … you are intelligent for a human mortal. You are honest. You have kind eyes.

Would you like to come back with me in my time machine to Galaxy #46, medium-length away, Planet 345o26, Compound jf9346? You live in a society, you say? Don’t worry, we do too. Only ours takes care of its citizens and keeps its promises. You’re worried about being a human in an alien landscape? Babe, your little finger has better rights on my planet than your whole being does here. My time machine is a little rickety, it’s an old 82,729 model x, but it’ll take us both just fine. Climb right in, treat yourself to a complimentary cookie and come see what the real “Land of the Free” looks like.

Debate ends in steamy makeout session, doctors concerned Many worried Trump may have infected Biden during the debate, point to hot makeout session as source.

Sara Serrano Very familiar with the matters of Donald’s tongue Everyone who sat through the first presidential debate last Tuesday can agree that tensions between the candidates were incredibly high. The two men bit and tore into each other like animals, interrupting, name-calling and turning the debate into more of a cat fight than a serious discussion of policy.

Of course, with the recent diagnosis of President Trump and First Lady Melania with COVID-19, concerns have moved to who else the president might have infected, including Vice President Biden.

Experts point to several times in the evening where the virus might have accidentally been transmitted.

“All that shouting may have propelled contaminated water

droplets at Mr. Biden,” said Dr. Kalimba, an epidemiologist. “And of course, there was that extremely hot makeout session the candidates had on stage once the cameras were cut.”

Yes, much to the surprise of the audience and one very disturbed Chris Wallace, as soon as the debate went off the air, Trump and Biden tore away from their wives and started going at each other, once again, like animals.

“You couldn’t look away,” said Tod Hadly, a CSPAN cameraman.

“It was magnetic. You could tell they’d been wanting to do that from the very first ‘Shut up, man.’”

“Everyone knows that there is a very thin line between love and hate,” said hopeless romantic Dr. Kalimba. “Tensions rise, emotions are hot and sometimes the only way to shut up your enemy is to crush your mouth onto his.”

Unfortunately, kissing transmits hundreds of thousands of pathogens per smooch, so there is a slight chance Trump may have passed the coronavirus to Biden via his very adventurous tongue.

“Thankfully Melania had the foresight to start spritzing Donald with water before the kissing could devolve into anything … worse,” said Hadley.

“They were totally gonna start hatefucking,” said sex fiend Dr. Kalimba.

Sloppy kisses may not have been the only thing exchanged that night.

Biden and his wife are currewntly undergoing COVID-19 testing, as well as an STI screening.

Graphic by Emma Palmer