News
The Collegian: 2
January 17, 2022
Letter from the editors Tulsa race demographics Justin Klopfer Adam Walsh Collegian Staff
From everyone here at The Collegian, Happy New Year! I’m happy to announce that The Collegian will begin printing physical editions again, starting with next week’s. After three semesters of digitalonly publication, our editorial staff is anxious to get the paper back into your hands. You’ll be able to find it in most of the main buildings on campus as well as several off-campus restaurants and coffee shops. The decision to end physical printing was originally in response to the pandemic. We are resuming printing despite the persistence of the pandemic because we
believe it to be an important outlet for the spread of information. In celebration of The Collegian’s persistence through the pandemic, we’re reprinting some of the best articles we published over the last semester. I hope you enjoy the great pieces our writers have managed to create despite the less-thanideal circumstances. Despite its unprecedented nature in The Collegian’s over-100-year history, The Collegian has remained under light supervision from TU’s media studies department since early 2021 . However, The Collegian remains student-run and largely independent, with our editorial staff— composed entirely of students—always having the final say over what we print.
Oklahoma woman receives prison time for miscarriage The prosecutor blamed Poolaw’s use of methamphetamine for causing the loss of the fetus. Maddie Walters Social Media & Web Manager Earlier this month, an Oklahoma jury convicted Brittney Poolaw, a 21-year-old member of the Comanche Nation, of first degree manslaughter after suffering a miscarriage, which the prosecution blamed on her use of methamphetamine. Sentenced on Oct. 6, Poolaw, who was only 19 at the time of the miscarriage, received the sentence of four years of jail time in state prison. Poolaw’s conviction has sparked much controversy on social media, garnering support and donations from the National Advocates for Pregnant Women, who has now come to the defense of Poolaw. Per the medical examiner’s reports, Poolaw was between 15-17 weeks pregnant at the time of her miscarriage, meaning that the fetus had not yet reached viability—the stage at which a fetus can live independent-
sociated Press, who received a copy of the autopsy report, claims that there is no definitive proof that Poolaw’s drug use caused her miscarriage; AP says that the autopsy shows the miscarriage could have potentially been caused by a congenital abnormality, placental abruption and chorioamnionitis—all of which was also pointed out at Poolaw’s one-day trial by her lawyers. The state of Oklahoma alleges that Poolaw violated the state’s manslaughter statute, which defines manslaughter as “When perpetrated without a design to effect death by a person while engaged in the commission of a misdemeanor.” Poolaw’s attorney filed for an appeal on Oct. 15. The National Advocates for Pregnant Women says that Poolaw’s case is not uncommon. NAPW has documented over 1,600 cases similarly involving the criminalization of a pregnant individual. 57 of these 1,600 cases have occurred in the state of Oklahoma since 2006. In a viral tweet, NAPW said “These cases include pregnant women who have been arrested
“The state of Oklahoma alleges that Poolaw violated the state’s manslaughter statute ...” ly from its mother’s uterus. In the United States, viability does not occur until the fetus reaches 24 weeks of gestational age. According to the Comanche County District Attorney’s Office, Poolaw’s use of methamphetamine caused the loss of the fetus. Poolaw’s defense said that there is no way to know for certain that her drug use caused the miscarriage. The medical examiner for the case publicly noted the abnormalities present within the fetus; despite these claims, the jury reached their verdict for this case in less than three hours. Though an autopsy of the fetus showed that it tested positive for the drug, As-
for falling down stairs, drinking alcohol, giving birth at home, being in a ‘dangerous’ location, having HIV, experiencing a drug dependency problem or attempting suicide. The majority of women subjected to pregnancy-based prosecutions are lowincome women, drug-using women, and women of color.” NAPW has now come to the aid of Poolaw, providing her a new lawyer for her appeal case, rather than the court-appointed attorney from her trial. Her appeal date has not yet been set.
imply increasing diversity TU Professor Dr. Travis Lowe offers insight into Tulsa’s 2020 census data and critiques common conceptions of race. Julianne Tran Variety Editor Following the release of the 2020 census’ results, news articles emblazoned claims of dramatic shifting demographics. The phrase “majority-minority” and “less than 50 percent white” filled numerous headlines, hoping to draw eager and curious readers. However, these changes are not nearly as straightforward. Particularly in the city of Tulsa, the recent census results showed a stark shift in population. In the 2010 census, 57.9 percent of Tulsa’s population identified as white. The 2020 census shows that this percentage decreased to 48.5 percent, with less than half of the city’s population identifying as white. However, this one-to-one comparison cannot be taken at face value. Dr. Travis Lowe, professor of sociology at the University of Tulsa, discusses these population changes and the problematic portrayal of populations as “majorityminority.” Given that the 2020 census asked the question of race with a new write-in option, this change belies results and comparisons from past years. As Dr. Lowe explains, “When you provide a write-in option, that’s going to affect how the data is measured.” Because of this new mode of collecting data for the race question specifically, “it’s going to be a lot more difficult to make an apples-to-apples comparison.” Particularly regarding the question of racial identity, Lowe explains that “The race variable is one that has received a lot of scrutiny over the decades. And then the big concern is that if and when we do change how this is measured, it is going to be more difficult to make those longitudinal comparisons.” With this in mind, claims that Tulsa is now less than 50 percent white do not describe the full picture. The write-in option may have increased the number of people recorded in this new census data as identifying with more than one race. Indeed, as reflected in the national data, the aggregated 50 city populations gained nearly one million persons identifying with two or more races. Dr. Lowe describes that someone who identifies as mixed race “could theoretically identify as one or the other depending on how the question was asked.” He continues by explaining that “Nowadays the color line is more fluid than it has ever been, because of the willingness of people to adopt these [multi-racial] identities.” Rather than thinking along the dichotomous white/non-white line, it is important to be attentive to this fluidity of racial iden-
tucollegian@tucollegian.com
editor in chief
Justin Klopfer managing editor
Adam Walsh news editor
Shelby Hiens sports editor
Callie Hummel variety editor
Julianne Tran commentary editor
courtesy Wikimedia Commons The Comanche County District Attorney’s Office attributed Poolaw’s miscarriage to her use of methamphetamine during pregnancy.
Logan Guthrie satire editor
Anna Johns photo & graphics editor
Amy Polovich
business & advertising manager
Madeleine Goodman social media & web manager
Maddie Walters copy editor
Ji Aldada
tity. As opposed to emboldening claims like “majority-minority,” we must look beyond these outdated conceptions of race. Explaining the danger of phrases like “majority-minority,” Lowe explains his biggest concern that “it is easy to ‘other’ people that are in those nebulous, nonwhite categories.” These are people who “might have white ancestry or might even pass as white in their everyday life” but are “experiencing life differently than someone who identifies monoracially.” “Race used to be seen in an exclusionary sense, pick one or the other… [but] as our population is changing, people are more comfortable adopting multi-racial identities. They don’t have to not make that choice.” This cultural shift actually has a more “unifying effect” than phrases like “majority-minority” that may lend itself to polarization and fear from white populations that they are becoming less demographically dominant. Phrases like “majority-minority” misconstrue and force the data so that the white block appears smaller than it really is. In reality, those who had previously identified solely as white on past census questions, may now answer to be multiracial. This narrowing of the data to show those who solely identify as white reflects an antiquated understanding of racial identity. Lowe describes the idea of the “one-drop rule” that reflects the statement: “if you have any non-white blood in you, then you can’t be white.” When you expand the lens to include those who identify as multiracial, and one of those races being white, Lowe describes that this “makes situation seem [less] stark than it is.” This is not to say that the Tulsa population has not changed at all. However these changes are not as stark and straightforward as they appear, in the data and in recent headlines. Tulsa’s growing diversity cannot be captured in terms of white/nonwhite. It is seen in the fuller sense of deep, fluid racial identity. It is who we are, not who we are on paper.
courtesy University of Tulsa Travis Lowe is an associate professor of sociology researching perceived changes in the job and labor markets.
@TUCOLLEGIAN
The Collegian is the student newspaper of the University of Tulsa. It is distributed Mondays during the fall and spring semesters, except during holidays and final exam weeks. The University of Tulsa does not discriminate on the basis of personal status or group characteristics including but not limited to the classes protected under federal and state law. Inquiries regarding implementation of this policy may be addressed to the Office of Human Resources, 800 South Tucker Drive, Tulsa, Oklahoma 74104-9700. (918)631-2616. Requests for accomodation of disabilities may be addressed to the university’s 504 Coordinator, Dr. Tawny Rigsby. (918)631-3814. To ensure availability of an interpreter, five to seven days notice is needed; 48 hours is recommended for all other accomodations. Advertising Policy: Advertising appearing in this publication does not imply approval or endorsement by the University of Tulsa or the Collegian for the products or services advertised. For advertising information, email the Collegian at advertising @tucollegian.org. The deadline for advertising is noon on the Friday prior to publication. Letter Policy: Letters to the editor must be less than 500 words and can be sent to tucollegian@tucollegian. org. Under no circumstances will anonymous letters be published. The name of the person submitting the letter must be published with the letter. We reserve the right to edit or reject all letters. The deadline for letters is 5 p.m. on the Friday prior to publication. Editing Policy: The Collegian reserves the right to edit all copy submitted by all writers. This editing my take place in many forms, including grammar corrections, changes in paragraph structure or even the addition or removal of sections of content. Editorial Policy: Columnists are solely responsible for the content of their columns. Opinions expressed in columns may not represent the opinions of the Collegian staff, the administrative policies of the University of Tulsa, the views of the student body or our advertisers.
January 17, 2022
Sports
The Collegian: 3
The Collegian’s Crystal Ball Predictions 2021
Sports analyst and part-time fortune teller Zach Sabel has peered into the future and tells us what we can expect for upcoming championships. 1. The U.S Men’s national team: The USMNT will qualify for the world cup in 2022, and I predict they will make it through to the knockout round. There have been some iffy performances from the team so far through qualifiers, particularly the loss to Panama, but it seems like the team is finally finding their stride after missing the world cup back in 2018. The only hurdle for reaching that benchmark would be head coach Gregg Berhalter. Seemingly prone to an endless stream of bad decisions when it comes to lineups, tactics and subs, this team will be heavily reliant on amazing performances from Ricardo Pepi and Christian Pulisic. 2. University of Texas Never wins another national title: Like something out of an old Shakespeare play, someone cursed the University of texas to an eternity of mediocrity and average seasons. Even the media proclaiming, “Texas is back!” every season will not break the curse.
3. The Carolina Hurricanes will win the Stanley Cup: Already looking like a very strong side, only a few other sides in the league can compare to how good they are. With a beast like Antti Raanta in goal and a playmaker like Andrei Svechnikov on attack, Carolina is solid in every area on the ice. I believe the only stumbling block for them on the road to the Stanley Cup would be Florida. Even with all of the turmoil Florida has faced with head coaching departures, they’ve still managed to remain a very strong team almost on par with Carolina. With their own talents in goal like Sergei Bobrovsky and bonafide goal scorers in Anthony Duclair and Aleksander Barkov they’ll surely be able to put up a fight, but at the end of the day Carolina’s sturdier defence will help them prevail. 4. CFP prediction: Barring any major upset I see the current top four teams apart from maybe Alabama making it into the College Football Playoffs. Alabama will
still probably make it even if they lose to Georgia in the Conference title game, with Ohio State and Oregon almost certain lockins with no real tough competition left for them in the season. I believe the Cincinnati Bearcats football team will do a great rendition of “Waving Through a Window” from
dealing with Oregon or Oklahoma State, whichever is given the fourth seed. Who they face in the finals is a little less clear to me. I don’t think Alabama will stay second in the final rankings, they might even end up playing them in the finals, but I really like this Oregon team to make it to the final
“Selection for the Playoffs seems to deny schools from outside of the Power 5.” the musical “Dear Evan Hansen” after they are again shut out from the CFP after going undefeated due to weak wins against teams like Navy and TU. In terms of who will win it all, I don’t think anything can stop this UGA team. They have been utterly dominant in every game they’ve played and I think they’ll dispatch Alabama with ease in the conference title and have no trouble
against UGA. With a win already notched against another top four team in Ohio State, I think they have the tools to beat whoever they face in the semi-finals. Those tools however will not be good enough to face a dominant team like UGA barring a magical story-book ending.
courtesy @USMNT on Twitter
courtesy @Canes on Twitter
courtesy @Canes on Twitter
NWSL loses credibility amid Paul Riley scandal
Sports writer Zach Sabel discusses Riley’s sexual harassment and coercion reports and the effect it has on individual players and the league as a whole. ers, asked them personal questions, made them lower their guard and in Farrelly’s case, coerced her to his hotel room to have sex with him after the team lost a championship game. She alleges this predatory behavior continued throughout their professional careers together. Eventually, Farrelly would collapse on the field during a game for the Portland Thorns whom Riley coached at the time, with no apparent injuries. She realized the mental pain she was under due to Riley’s constant mental abuse. Reports of Riley’s abuse were sent to the league office, who denied having any knowledge and pretended to be shocked and horrified when the news broke publicly.
FC, had forged her signature to sign a new contract to get more for her in a trade. Upon submitting what she stated as proof of the forgery, the league sided with the team. This instance of the league’s lack of care for its players compounded with the lying about knowing of sexual harassment claims against Riley have caused whatever shred of legitimacy Lisa Baird and the NWSL front office had. Baird finally resigned this past week after games were canceled due to the immense turmoil. Baird’s resignation and Riley’s firing are a start, but they are nowhere near good enough. The league has failed its players and lost a lot of its credibility. I think there is a small chance this could lead to the
“Baird’s resignation and Riley’s firing are a start, but they are nowhere near good enough.”
courtesy Wikimedia Commons
One of the world’s top women’s soccer leagues has been rocked by a scandal in the past week, bringing games to a halt for the past weekend and causing resignations to fly. On Sept. 30, the story broke of NWSL coach Paul Riley’s pattern of manipulations, sexual harassment and coercion. Players have accused Riley of abusing his position as coach, using his position to sleep with them, as well as other manipulations.
This had immense mental tolls on players like Sinead Farrelly and Mana Shim who openly discussed their ordeal with Linehan. Sadly the experiences of these women seem to hardly be an isolated incident, with many players speaking of Riley’s power and influence within the women’s game, fearful to come out publicly and not wanting to draw any repercussions. It has been said that Riley on multiple occasions drank with play-
This misstep is just the latest in a long line of gaffes by the league. In the past two years, there have been a string of serious blunders. A few months ago, Washington Spirit coach Richie Burke was fired from his position after he was found to have used abusive language towards players. Before that, during a North Carolina Courage game, a young child was misidentified as Courage player Jessica McDonald’s 9-year-old son, Jeremiah, when in fact he was not. This was the fault of a league-run broadcast. Former Sky Blue and Portland Thorns player Nadia Nadim alleged that Sky Blue, now Gotham
death of the league down the line, causing irreparable harm to the women’s game in the USA, a sport in which we have been a traditional powerhouse internationally. With FIFA opening investigations into the NWSL handling of these issues, there doesn’t seem to be much hope for the league’s future. For now, we can only hope for the best and hope the upcoming division 2 women’s league can do more right by its players.
Sports
The Collegian: 4
January 17, 2022
TU men’s soccer new AAC champions
Our soccer team is here to win and are not letting up, according to sports writer Callie Hummel. Tulsa went into the American Athletic Conference Championship tournament at #2 in the country by the United Soccer Coaches and receiving many awards and recognitions in the prior week. Alex Meinhard, forward, was unanimously voted the Offensive Player of the Year. Meinhard currently leads the team with 12 goals this season. Mariano Fazio earned the Defensive Player of the Year and was unanimously voted onto the all-conference first team. Henry Sach, the Midfielder of the Year, also earned first team all-conference. Alex Lopez was awarded both Rookie of the Year and Goalkeeper of the Year for his first season playing with the Hurricanes. Meinhard, Fazio, Sach, Lopez and Chase Bromstedt, were all placed on the first team all-conference team. Meinhard and Fazio were unanimous decisions for this team. Malik Henry-Scott was picked for the second team all-conference. Tulsa also earned the Fair Play Award, which is given to the team that has the fewest yellow and red cards. This is the first time in league history that a team has earned all seven of these major awards. Head coach Tom McIntosh instills the importance of a team saying, “Obviously the individual de-
serves the award, but it is a byproduct of how the team performs.” Tulsa’s first game, the semifinals, brought them head-to-head with SMU. The two teams had already played twice in regular play, proving to be tough competitors after the first game ended with a Tulsa win with seven seconds left in the second overtime, and the second a 0-0 tie. With Tulsa ranked #1 in the tournament and SMU #4, the two teams faced off on Nov. 11. The first half went by without goals from either team. A clutch save by Lopez when an SMU attacker had a lone break away in the final minutes of the first half meant the second half would start out at 0-0. Tulsa’s top two goal scorers, Meinhard and HenryScott, are both out of the championship tournament due to injuries. While this could have been a big hit to the team’s mentality and confidence in being able to win, midfielders and new forwards stepped up to ensure the team’s victory. 15 minutes into the second half, Mitchell Cashion, who had been controlling the ball and continuously moving it toward Tulsa’s attacking goal, dribbled around his defender and crossed the ball into the middle of the box. Tom Protzek, a midfielder who tradi-
tionally sets up the goal with the assist or third touch, ran through the box and sent the ball flying past the SMU goalie for a 1-0 lead.
The conference final was played on Sunday Nov. 14 with Tulsa, seeded #1, and UCF, seeded #2. In regular play, UCF won the first game 2-3, but Tulsa came back the
“Obviously the individual deserves the award, but it is a byproduct of how the team performs.” With more than 20 minutes of the second half played, SMU got another breakaway that was immediately stopped by Fazio but left him rolling on the ground clutching his ankle. Fortunately, after taking a few minutes to walk off the injury, he was back to playing. In the final nine minutes of the game, Fazio got the ball in an attacking position. A give and go in the attacking box from Fazio to Til Zinnhardt, who sent the ball up into the air in front of the goal, Fazio in the middle connected with the ball and headed it into the top right corner of the net. This goal by the Defensive Player of the Year put Tulsa up 2-0 with less than 10 minutes left in the game and instilled more confidence in the team that they would be going onto the championship game.
second time they played and won 2-1. Tulsa won the game Sunday again with a final score of 2-1 against UCF, making Tulsa the conference champions for 2021. “I am proud of our guys for going for it and chasing that trophy,” said Head Coach Tom McIntosh, “I thought our substitutes were tremendous and I am so happy Will Edwards and Marcos Moreno because they took advantage of their minutes. We have more depth up top than we did a year ago and I think we’ve found more ways to score goals than besides relying on the two guys up top. Obviously we miss Alex Meinhard and Malik Henry-Scott because we want them to be a part of it, but we have other players who can help us win games.”
photo by Tommy Reid
Jan. 17 - Jan. 23 Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday 18
17
19
Thursday
Friday
Saturday 21
20
22
Sunday 23
M Tennis Purdue 12:00 p.m. none
none
W Basketball @South Florida 6:00 p.m.
M Basketball @Cincinnati 8:00 p.m.
W Tennis Kansas 1:00 p.m.
W Basketball SMU 1:00 p.m. M Tennis Illinois State 6:00 p.m.
M Basketball Memphis 2:00 p.m.
January 17, 2022
Commentary
The Collegian: 5
SA takes themselves very seriously
The University of Tulsa’s Student Association spends more time making problems than fixing them, leading to petty internal debates Julianne Tran Variety Editor We have a contentious election upon us. Alert the media! Send out your journalists! Did you know the University of Tulsa was so distraught with electoral conflict? Me neither. Every time I look at my semester bill, I’m mildly surprised to see a Student Association fee. Then, of course, I realize that every student is a member of SA, thus prompting semesterly member fees. In being so, we are to be properly represented, active and agentive in this significant organization. Or, at least, that’s the ideal. However, in practice, SA appears rather insular and enigmatic to many students, SA’s very own members. With their stratified positions, SA executives, cabinet members and senators attempt to serve purposeful roles on cam-
courtesy Student Association Appointed Positions Application This description of the University of Tulsa’s Student Association repeatedly hits on its relationship to the student body, but how many issues tackled by SA directly involve its consitutents? (highlight added)
zas for my club? Why am I scared that I’ll lose pizza funding if I criticize SA? Should I use my personal connections so I can be heard within SA and resolve my organization’s issues? Is that patron-clientelism? Is this corruption? Does it matter? Because of both disinterest and inaccessibility, students know little about the SA Judicial’s latest court opinion in Splain v. Williams. Justices, after a long night of arguments, deliberations and discussion, summarized and published their Opinion on Fall 2021 Senate Elections Certification in an eight page document to prove their efficacy and earnestness in interpreting the preeminent SA Constitution. On Sept. 18, Chief Justice Lauren Agpoon and Director of Membership and Chief Elections Officer Caroline Williams certified and finalized the results from the
“... this case is an attempt at pronouncing the tireless, serious work of SA as an institution.” pus. Yet, the student body at large has no understanding as to what SA actually does, who to go to for specific help and what any of these priggish titles even mean. This is not necessarily the fault of any SA members, senators or executives. Much of this lack of awareness on SA activity and efforts simply comes from a lack of interest in their actions. If SA isn’t giving out shirts, do students think twice about the organization? Does Senate take the bills sittin’ on Capitol Hill and turn them into laws? Would I, as a student, know and care about it? On the other hand, SA activity also appears veiled in bureaucratic procedure and nonessential busyness (though there is much to commend the institution for its attempts at creating a stratified, rules-based and inefficient bureaucracy). It makes a difference whether I submit my concerns as complaints instead of appeals. Any student concerns need to be funneled through a complicated, inefficient tunnel of SA committees, officers and advisors. Which of the Senate committees do I go to in order to voice my concerns? The MAC, GOC, UIC or SOC? How much paperwork does it take to get five piz-
Fall 2021 Senate Elections. In doing so, one particular election result for the Commuter Senate seat contained a mistake: one candidate’s name and voting results did not appear on the certified results. This student emailed Director Williams, inquiring on this omission and upon further investigation. Williams found the error; the student’s name and results were not copy-pasted to the final results document. She then “proceeded to respond to the candidates involved, assess the alleged error with Chief Justice Agpoon, and post the newly certified results.” Williams apologized for the error and referred to the disclaimer noted on the certified results documents stating that results are subject to change pending complaints. Then, on Sept. 19, Hunter Splain (who had previously won the seat before the results were amended) filed a Writ of Election, claiming the former results ought to stand. Stating Williams violated Elections Code and Certified Elections Code by publishing new results post-certification of the original ones, Splain argued that the corrected results were “null and void on the basis that the previously published results were already certi-
courtesy utulsa.edu SA is responsible for allocating funds to various student groups and facilitating several events throughout the academic year.
fied by Director Williams and Chief Justice Agpoon.” Splain “demanded that Director Caroline Williams resign from her position as Chief Elections Officer” while requesting her to issue a public apology and explanation. First, what a procedure! We love that our precious votes matter and are properly accounted for and certified by two SA officers. What a beautiful testament to this rules-based procedure. Second, I understand that mistakes happen, but a copy-paste error? Child’s play. That mistake within itself seems quite unattentive, but I do appreciate its quick and deliberate correction. Then comes the drama. Despite Williams’ issued apology and the fact that the results were not altered, Splain demands a resignation? Hunter, you pretty clearly lost. With Senate seat winners gaining more than 20 votes each, Splain earned 11. (Also, I’m pretty sure we have more than 71 commuters on this campus; why were there only 71 total voters for the Commuter Senate seat?) This demand for a resignation and appeal to the Judicial Council to overturn the new results among other demands is quite the overreaction. The Judicial Council stayed up past midnight so that Splain could complain and express grievances over a Senate seat that people don’t even know he lost. In doing so, SA had to close in their ranks, defending their internal procedures and bureaucratic mandates. What a committed organization! After a multiple hour deliberation, SA Judicial Council concluded that the original results were incorrect by an unintentional mistake, Director Williams justifiably published the new results and that the new results stand. In doing so, the Judicial Council published their court opinion, writing in the most legalistic jargon, quoting directly from the ever significant SA Constitution and even referencing Marbury v. Madison in an eight page document. The opinion included numerous quotes from the Election Codes with meticulous citing of the specific section, subpart and paragraph. The justices flooded these pages with countless references to the Elections Code and SA Consti-
courtesy SA Fall Senate Results
Before the results were corrrected, one of the two winners in bold was missing. Splain’s name, in red, shows his actual position as third.
careful deliberation of this appeal, why does this matter? Does the SA Constitution require such judicious protection? How does this matter ultimately impact the student body at large? I would like to acknowledge that SA executives put in long hours for this university, planning events, working through university-wide issues and attempting to improve the campus environment (i.e. Homecoming week and University Improvements Council’s work on the blue light poles). However, at what point is their work meaningful for students beyond their bureaucratic structure? At what point does the SA Judicial Council resolve external problems that concern multiple students? This case is a prime example of SA working on SA problems. This does not affect the student body as a whole. It is a petty dispute between an individual within the organization, against the organization. I commend them for their tireless work defending the SA Constitution, but I am wary about whether their work in Splain v. Williams serves a meaningful purpose besides resolving an individual, internal dispute that affects minimal parts of the student body. This case entailed a SA Senate seat whose very constituency (TU commuters) probably know little about who holds that seat, how to communicate with them and what they can do for them. Despite the view that SA Judicial intends to work for the student body at large, how often do (by virtue of their job description) they simply resolve internal SA disputes that do not concern other students?
“... at what point is their work meaningful for students beyond their bureaucratic structure?” tution in order to defend their authority in this ruling. It makes me wonder: who was this opinion written for? Is it an exhausted attempt to combat Splain’s petty complaints with forceful assertions of SA authority? Does SA expect us, as students, to have read this Code? Are they merely trying to earn respect? Or, do they simply take themselves too seriously? In my opinion, I think this case is an attempt at pronouncing the tireless, serious work of SA as an institution. Asserting their objectivity in this court ruling, they write, “This judicial body serves to protect the integrity of Student Association and its members, and to do this, the SA Constitution and supporting documents must be upheld to the highest standard. What a climactic event, right? How intense! How provocative! Though I commend SA Judicial for their detailed and
Alongside other random fees, each student pays a specific amount of money to fund SA every semester, totalling $150 per year. One has to wonder where this money goes.
And if you’re worried about Hunter Splain and his overturned Senate seat, don’t worry. Per the Judicial Council’s recommendation that “if there are any vacant seats for the Fall 2021 Senate Elections, the Vice President should appoint the Plaintiff, Hunter Splain, to a seat”, Splain was appointed to another position, without a vote, given this debacle and his past work within SA Senate. SA resolves itself, within itself. And students at TU don’t know nor care about it. SA may take themselves too seriously, but I guess the same could be said about me concluding this article.
courtesy Adam Walsh
Commentary
The Collegian: 6
January 17, 2022
Haitian border controversy historically precedented With disaster after disaster, individuals living in Haiti are looking for hope; has the United States ever offered that hope? Gary Ervin Student Writer
In a scene reminiscent of the era of chattel slavery, United States Border Patrol officers were seen on horseback rounding up Haitian refugees. In videos of the incident, the officers can be heard echoing the Trumpian sentiment that Haiti is a “shithole” country. Biden’s perspective is not all too different; in 1994, he said that “if Haiti just quietly
stay inside the plane until they unchained us so the journalists don’t see what they did . . . I don’t even think they see us as humans.” Such treatment is standard as far as US immigration policy goes, only varying in the rapidity with which they deport them. While under the Biden administration deportations in general, and of Haitian refugees in particular, have increased due to the use and abuse of the Trump-era policy, Title 42; this is not the first time this has happened. In the early 1980s, the Immigration and Naturalization Service under the Reagan administration established a policy
“The origins of US-Haiti relations and thus US intervention on the island are found in slavery and commerce ...” sank into the Caribbean or rose up 300 feet, it wouldn’t matter a whole lot in terms of our interests.” That this comes under the auspices of the Biden administration is no surprise, as his immigration and foreign policy towards the island and its inhabitants is simply a continuation of the policies of past administrations. Completely misunderstanding the issue at hand, the Biden administration suspended the use of horses by the US Border Patrol, as if the horses were the issue, and not the inhumane treatment of those seeking asylum. In a video interview of a recently deported Haitian refugee, he commented on the horrific treatment, stating that “they chained us like animals. They chained our hands, feet, and waist. Once we arrived they made us
towards Haitian refugees of accelerated deportation: detention in prison-like facilities and interdiction at sea. This blatant disrespect of the legal rights of refugees has recently prompted the United Nations to warn Washington that these deportations may be a violation of international law, which it is, but that has never stopped the US in the past and is unlikely to alter its trajectory for the foreseeable future. US Special Envoy for Haiti, Ambassador Daniel Foote, denounced the Biden administration’s policies in his resignation letter on Sept. 22. Tired of his suggestions being ignored, he offered one last recommendation, stating, “what our Haitian friends really want, and need, is the opportunity to chart their own course, without international pup-
courtesy United States National Archive Haitian immigrants, refugees and asylum seekers have utilized a myriad of approaches to make it to United States soil, believing that the US will offer an escape from their often shattered homes.
peteering and favored candidates but with genuine support for that course. I do not believe that Haiti can enjoy stability until her citizens have the dignity of choosing their own leaders fairly and acceptably.” History endorses Foote’s suggestion, as the last time in recent history that the outflow of refugees slowed was during the period following the democratic election of Jean-Bertrand Aristide in 1991. This would be short-lived, however, as just seven months later he was deposed in a coup led by Raoul Cédras and his organization, the Front for the Advancement and Progress of Haiti (FRAPH), funded by the International Republican Institute in Washington D.C., with the aid of the Tonton Macoute, a death squad funded and trained by the United States during the administrations of the US-backed dictators Francois Duvalier (“Papa Doc”) and his son Jean-Claude Duvalier (“Baby Doc”) in 1957 and 1971 respectively. The number of refugees soared following the coup, as well as during the dictatorial regimes of Papa and Baby Doc. The US denied responsibility for the coup, as it always does, and thus rejected the demand to accommodate these refugees, instead choosing to house many of them in the now infamous Guantanamo Bay military prison. In usual fashion, under the guise of restoring democracy, the US bore the white man’s burden, sending its military to occupy the island in 1994 in order to return Aristide to Haiti, only to remove him from power once again in a 2004 coup. Astute observers might recognize a connection between targets of US intervention and the countries of origin of asylum-seekers at the US border. The origins of US-Haiti relations and thus US intervention on the island are found in slavery and commerce: the immensely profitable trafficking of both enslaved Africans and the commodities they produced. When insurrection broke out on the island of Hispaniola in 1791, the first president of the young republic, George Washington, called the rebellion of slaves “lamentable,” quickly rushing to aid the French planters by advancing a hefty sum of money. White and gens de couleur (people of color) slave owners, fleeing for their lives, some with their ‘property’ in tow, became the first Haitians in the United States. The enslaved Africans were oftentimes shipped back to Hispaniola because the Americans feared the spread of Black Jacobinism on the mainland. While white slave owners found sanctuary in the United States, their darker-complexioned class counterparts, along with free Africans, were met with hostility, and measures were adopted over the years that sought to expel both, as racial ideology on the mainland made little to no distinction between the two. Ever since Haiti gained its independence in 1804, the United States has sought to reenslave the whole island. The abolitionist Frederick Douglass wrote in “The North Star” in 1848 that “nothing is more annoying to American pride or to American cupid-
courtesy OpenClipart The United States Border Patrol has been under scrutiny since its founding in the early 2000s.
ity than the existence on our very borders of this noble Republic of colored men,” saying further that “the slaveholders of this country have a design to subvert this truly brave Republic.” That Haiti drew the ire of the slaveholders’ republic was no surprise, for the triumph of their revolution had sent the entire slave system into a veritable death spiral, eventually resulting in its complete destruction. There were numerous plots to undermine Haitian independence throughout the 1800s, including the arming of secessionist Dominican rebels in the 1830s by then US Secretary of State John C. Calhoun, as well as the flooding of Haitian markets with counterfeit currency and an attempted annexation by the Grant administration in the 1870s. The long-held dreams of slaveholders past would be realized when the United States sent marines to occupy Haiti in 1915. Following a sham election, the puppet regime ceded complete control over the Haitian government and banks to the United States. Perhaps unsurprisingly then, the attitudes and policies of the US government today towards Haiti and its citizens, while experiencing the expected situational variations under specific historical circumstances, have not changed all that much in the past two centuries. The policies which perpetually recreate this catastrophe continue, irrespective of administration, Democrat or Republican. Fortunately, the spirit of Black Jacobinism lives on, and the struggle of the Haitian people against foreign domination and their agents on the island continues into the present. To those well-intentioned citizens of the United States who were outraged at this most recent incident and wish to see their government change its course, what must be done is therefore more complicated and challenging than simply electing a different president every four years. I nevertheless implore you not only to act, but also to organize yourselves, for it is through organized action that we might be able to effect change.
Paycom implementation a complete failure
With the change in payment systems, some staff members are left waiting for their paychecks. Logan Guthrie Commentary Editor It is nearly impossible to go anywhere on Tulsa’s campus without hearing someone complain about how much they despise the Paycom payroll system. This is a very new way for the college to do payroll, so it is very easy to dismiss any issues as people just not being willing to adapt, but they’ve been using Paycom for nearly a year and the problems seem to still be compounding. Paycom is not an inherently terrible system for clocking wages for employees, but there are multiple factors in its system as well as at the University of Tulsa that have made the transition difficult, leading to the negative experience of many university employees.
Founded by Chad Richison in 1998, the idea behind Paycom Software, Inc. was for it to be an online payroll system to be utilized by any company or business. Instead of having to remember to fill out a timesheet, or to punch a hole in a piece of paper when you come in or out to work, employees have to remember to a login username and password and to clock in and out digitally, as well as put in department from which the allocation of your pay comes from. All of this is found in one place, and if you miss a punch, you can always send a punch change request to fix the time on your punches so that you are paid properly. There are additional services that Paycom have added to their system over the years such as E-Verify, human resources and document storage all in one singular place, consolidating these resources and in theory making them easily accessed. The University of Tulsa decided in 2021 during the spring semester that they would be switching to using Paycom across the board for all employment at the college, to the dismay of many students, faculty and other employees. Practically, this seems like a reasonable and efficient move, considering that different areas of the university used widely different methods of tracking payroll. No department did everything the same way, and having one all-encompassing system should make things easier for the school as a whole. Paycom is also based in Oklahoma City, therefore by using this company, TU is supporting a local business. With all the apparent upsides to having this system that is supposed to be very consistent and efficient, it seems at face value that the concerns of those who do not like it are
unwarranted, and that people are not willing to accept change. However, not everything is perfect with this all-in-one business tool Paycom. There is a very real flaw that makes it very problematic and needs to be addressed. The main problem for the University of Tulsa specifically is that not everyone is paid hourly.
force people to use it when they are paid by another method than hourly is not only making things harder on everyone at the university, but is really not fair to the supervisors, especially when they have to constantly approve punch change requests because people clock out early but want to get paid the correct amount for salary.
“... not all of our problems with this system are Paycom’s fault.” With a salary pay, as is the case in many areas of TU, an employee receives the entirety of their pay independent of how many hours in which they work. This makes using Paycom difficult, because if an employee clocks out when they have finished their work, then it is set up to pay them by the hour, so the employee may have to wait to clock out until much later to get the full amount owed, as if they are working hourly. This is hard to remember if you are no longer at work, and everyone has lives outside of their employment to also focus on such as family, friends and other activities, so expecting someone to remember to do this is an issue due to human error. While there are ways to schedule a shift, it is not readily apparent and easily accessed on Paycom’s page, and it is still based upon an hourly wage rather than salary. A payment structure based upon a salary pay or freelance is incredibly difficult to do with this system, and Paycom is simply not accommodating to this in many ways. The fact of the matter is that Paycom is not made for people who are not paid hourly, and to
On the other hand, not all of our problems with this system are Paycom’s fault. In fact, the majority of the issues with Paycom come down to the University of Tulsa itself. The college decided to completely uproot all of its payment systems with one fell swoop in the middle of a pandemic that took a good majority of students, faculty and various employees off campus. This was not at all something that the university needed to worry about at the time, and they haven’t in most cases provided any sort of proper training for the people that need to use this program. In many cases for student employees at TU, the only training was videos that did not explain well how Paycom works and there are just several functions that they will never use, such as document storage. The supervisors seem to not have the necessary help they need to use this system and relay this information to the employees. All these things considered, it is no wonder that there is an absolute hatred for the Paycom payroll system, and something needs to change if the University of Tulsa has any hope of running smoothly in this area.
Variety
January 17, 2022
The Collegian: 7
TU’s Fall Film Festival showcases student work Celebrating students and their work as directors, producers and composers, this film festival displays their creative talents. Piper Prolago Former Editor-in-Chief TU’s film department hosted its annual student film festival on Sept. 29, bringing together current and past students to celebrate their accomplishments. After being moved from its original location on Harwell Field due to the rain, the festival took place inside of LPC where visitors could watch several student films and ask filmmakers questions about their work. Each year, the film department pulls standout films from years past to screen alongside films made by current students. “We’d like all our students to have a sense of the tradition they are joining as they develop their own voices,” explained Wellspring Associate Professor of Film, Jeff Van Hanken. This year, the festival included films ranging from a comedic retelling of online dating to a post-apocalyptic thriller. This included films made by current students like Sam Modde, a senior studying film studies and media studies, who worked with Sam Gottsch and Karsh Jin on a film for Professor Michaela O’Brien’s Introduction to Filmmaking course. The group created “Howdy, Jin,” following the life of a college freshman from China as she prepares for her first day of class in the United States. With its charming storyline, “Howdy Jin” was filled with compelling characters that immediately had me emotionally invested. Kyleigh Taylor, a junior music composition major with an emphasis in film scoring, also worked on one of the films featured in this year’s festival. Cross-department col-
laboration brought student filmmakers and composers together on several pieces. Taylor worked with Madison Phelan to create “Taking Care,” a thoughtful and intimate meditation on family and intergenerational relationships. “As a composer, my job is to create a musical atmosphere that is able to carry the narrative of a film along,” Taylor explained. Because Taylor received Phelan’s film without any sound, she was given the freedom to create an accompanying score that really brought the scenes to life. Another student director whose work was featured was Julia Grantham, a film studies and economics senior who worked in the art department on a production made by local company Red Clay Studios. Grantham filmed her piece, “Welcome Back,” last semester for Van Hanken’s narrative film production class in the midst of COVID-19 restrictions. “It was imperative that we adhered to CDC guidelines, so I filmed primarily in my sister’s apartment. I was the lone crew member and my cast was comprised of my mom and sister.” Senior Aubrey Allen, a film studies and music double major, worked with Grantham to create a score for her film. Grantham praised Allen’s creativity, explaining she created a “beautiful score that really encapsulated the heart of ‘Welcome Back.’” Allen went on to think back on her experiences at TU. “I never thought that I would have any interest in composing before I started at TU,” Allen described. Attesting to the excellence of TU’s faculty and departmental collaboration, Allen praised film and music professor Dr. Rivers for his encouragement and expertise. “It’s an absolute honor and pleasure to study underneath Dr. Rivers, who is an overall amazing person, and alongside my wonderful and talented peers.” Film Studies graduate Drew Allen attended this year’s festival to answer ques-
The event was hosted in Lorton Performance Center due to the inclement weather.
tions about his short film, “The Musical,” which has been a favorite of the department for years. A catchy and upbeat film following Charlie (played by Drew Allen) as he works up the courage to ask out his longtime crush on the last day of school, “The Musical” was filmed on TU’s campus. After writing and directing “The Musical” with his brother Alex Allen, the film was named a Regional Semi-Finalist in the 2008 Student Academy Awards. This prestigious commendation made “The Musical” among the top 15 films chosen in one of the three regions in the country. Another recent graduate, film studies and economics student Richie Davis, was also in attendance at the event. Recognized as a finalist both at the 2020 Oregon Short Film Festival and 2020 Austin Under the Stars Festival for scripts written in TU courses, Davis’ accomplishments attest to the success of the department and its students. The film department at TU has created a space for students to not just learn the intricacies of the art form, but also to learn practical skills. “While storytelling, and vi-
courtesy utulsa.edu
sual storytelling in particular, are first and foremost what we teach in the TU Film Department, learning how to manage resources is also a critical feature of what we do,” described Van Hanken. “The most brilliant script will likely fall apart if the preproduction is sloppy or lacking. Those skills prepare a student for almost any industry.” Tulsa is an excellent space to get more involved in film. Off campus, Circle Cinema hosts events and screens movies with discounts for students at $2 Tuesdays. The reinvigorated film club on campus brings students together to casually watch movies outside the classroom and talk about their experiences. In the spring, the film department will host another festival of student work juried by alumni in the film industry around the country. The fall film festival was truly a testament to the diversity of accomplishments students have made and a hint at the potential they have to create in the future.
“Last Night in Soho” an immersive fever dream Director Edgar Wright delivers impressive cinematography and 60s nostalgia. Sam Modde Student Writer
courtesy Film4 Productions “Last Night in Soho” was released October 29, 2021.
Flashing lights. Blaring music. Dancing, drinking, smoking and sex. If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing dissociative dreams about living in London during
the golden era of 1960s culture. At least, that’s what Edgar Wright thought of when penning “Last Night in Soho.” The director of “Shaun of the Dead,” “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World” and “Baby Driver” spares no expense, using lavish color palettes and highly dynamic lighting to create a rich visual buffet of impressive scenes. With impressively smooth camerawork and a killer soundtrack to boot, the giallo-like thriller film is extremely immersive to say the least. The plot centers around Eloise (Thomasin McKenzie), a bright but timid girl with hallucinatory tendencies from rural England who moves to London to pursue her dream of fashion design. However, her highly unusual upbringing impedes her attempts to befriend her roommate Jocasta (Synnove Karlsen), and she quickly moves into a spare room in Soho rented by an elderly Ms. Col-
lins (Diana Rigg). Here, she discovers that when she sleeps she is transported back to the mid 1960s as Sandi (Anya Taylor-Joy), a beautiful wannabe singer who previously occupied Eloise’s room. Eloise falls in love with Sandi and her new boyfriend/manager Jack (Matt Smith) as they run around London nightlife. However, things quickly turn sour as Sandi discovers the dark truth about show business, which slowly devolves into prostitution and seemingly culminates in her own murder. Distraught, Eloise’s mental state slowly starts to unravel and the line between her visions and reality increasingly blurs as she frantically attempts to discover the truth behind Sandi’s murderer before she loses her own sanity. The film is filled with smooth, seamless work as Wright flexes his incredible prowess in the dream sequences. The camera moves fluidly with the action as we see both Sandi and Eloise as two sides of the same card in beautiful sets, which often include multiple mirrors and character swaps. Wright’s use of lighting heavily influences how he designs scenes, using it to foreshadow, distort and transition. Horror elements often build from suspense and are mostly psychological
rather than graphic in nature, which generally work. However, Eloise is later tormented by hallucinations of featureless, hollow-faced men, which are frightening from a distance but look more like clay models from “The Haunted Mansion” as they approach, stunting the effect. The film falters a bit plotwise, as the rules of Eloise’s interactions between the two worlds are never clearly defined. Part of this lends itself to the insinuation that Eloise may be schizophrenic, but it also causes partial disconnect by disorienting the audience. The climactic scene also spirals, dangerously hovering over mixed messaging on the implications of forced prostitution and sexual assault, but lingers only for a moment before quickly backtracking its brief message of victim blaming. All in all, “Last Night in Soho” is a wild, chaotic and slightly overwhelming ride through 1960s London, balancing both light and dark while presenting an unflinching view of what it means to take control of your own life in a world filled with excitement and danger. I wouldn’t call this film a “needto-see,” but is definitely a “want-to-see” for anyone even slightly curious about it.
Tulsa’s first Arab Film Festival a success Featuring a variety of movies, documentaries and short films, this inaugural event is sure to become a Tulsa tradition. Hana Saad Student Writer The Arab Film Festival was an intimate and cheerful affair. It was a great weekend packed with compelling films and documentaries. Tulsans have so few chances for exposure to films like these, so it was a truly unique and wonderful experience to see these works on the big screen. After the showing of the weekend’s first film, “Souad,” people slowly trickled out of the theater, talking about the film. Some were arguing over whether or not they liked it, others were simply taking it in. “Souad” was a fitting start to the film festival. The movie is about two Egyptian sisters and the complexities that arise as they grow up in Egypt as young women, navigating the world offline and online. It is a must-see. After the film, people gathered in small groups to enjoy the food, which was provided by Shawkat’s Mediterranean Restaurant, a local Lebanese restaurant. There was live music from Mateo Galindo which made for a pleasant soundtrack against the chatter of the post-moviegoers. In the room where the reception was being held, Circle Cinema displayed several prints from Mizna, featuring the covers of the literary journal as well as previous Arab Film Festivals’ posters. Mizna is a film and literature organization which publishes works by Arab and South-
west Asia and North Africa (SWANA) writers and artists. Lana Barkawi, executive and artistic director of Mizna, introduced the films alongside Moheb Soliman. Soliman, a poet and Tulsa Artist Fellow, was one of the primary people who helped this event come to life. He used to be a program director for Mizna, and said, “landing here and encountering Circle Cinema...It just seemed really obvious that maybe we could all work together to pilot an Arab Film Fest Tulsa using [Mizna’s] experience and backlog.” Soliman notes that the Tulsa Artist Fellowship was very supportive of this project and excited to be a part of it. The festival showcased five films and documentaries and five shorts. Along with the opening film, “200 Meters,” “Talking About Trees,” “We Are From There” and “1982” were the other feature-length films. The shorts included “The Tomb,” “It Still Rotates,” “I Say Dust,” “Like Salt” and “Tallahawssee.’’ These contemporary films were completely produced by SWANA creatives. Films from Lebanon, Egypt, Syria, Palestine, the U.S. and Sudan were featured, which provided a strong display of the myriad of stories that SWANA filmmakers have created. “I’m really happy with what we wound up with. I think one thing that’s a concern is that people think the Arab world is just one thing or one group but it’s made up of multiple countries and multiple ethnicities within each of those countries that go back hundreds of thousands of years. It was really at the forefront of my mind to showcase different nationalities,” Soliman explained. Saturday featured “Sudanese Film Retrospective,” which provided insight into Su-
Arab Film Festival was curated by Moheb Soliman and Mizna.
dan’s rich film history as well as the current state of cinema in Sudan today, where it is still heavily censored. Despite this, the documentary provided a hopeful ending. Sudanese cinema is still very much alive, even amidst conflict. The film festival was made not only special by the types of films that are being shown, but also from the Q&A sessions held with the directors of the film. For “Souad,” the Q&A with the director was pre-recorded, but still provided insight for the viewers. On Sunday, after the showing of Darine Hotait’s short films, she tuned in for a virtual Q&A, taking audience questions. It was a dynamic conversation. Only Circle Cinema, which is an independent theater, could provide such an unique experience. The night ended with what the curators of the festival called an “instant classic,” “1982.” This Lebanese story is set against
courtesy Circle Cinema
the backdrop of the conflict of the Lebanese Civil War and follows a young boy as he attempts to tell a girl he has a crush on her. As Soliman said, “this film is very accessible“ and a great story about Lebanon’s history that many in Oklahoma might not know. This inaugural film festival was truly a special weekend with films that deserve to be seen and celebrated. Mainstream film and television is sorely lacking in terms of actual representation (both onscreen and behind the camera) of SWANA stories. Circle Cinema is a valuable, historic theater that provides a space for films that might not be displayed in larger theaters. There are so many wonderful movies, documentaries and shorts created by SWANA writers and directors. The Arab Film Festival is here to stay.
The State-Run Media
January 17, 2022
the
State-Run media Eugh!! Pleugh.. cough cough.. blegh.. ptoo..
Letter to the editor: how the mighty have fallen
Art is dead, and we do ourselves no favors in erasing the last vestiges of the Renaissance. Zach Short Voice of the silent majority
To anyone who frequently peruses The Collegian, it should be abundantly clear how depraved our society has become. The moral degradation of this nation never appears more obvious than in the vile filth present in this publication. Occasionally, we chance upon a light in the darkness, but with editorial staff drunkenly lambasting beautiful masterpieces of American cinema and outright libelous accusations of the heroically pro-life Governor Abbott incorporating “slut bounties” in Texas the message is clear. In normal times, conservative lions such as myself can wait for the appropriate moment to strike back at the liberal sheep, but I would argue that wokeness has now gone too far for such patience. As a free speech warrior, cancel culture has always bothered me. However, it was not until the liberals canceled Mr. Potato Head’s most prominent appendage (turning him into the androgynous Potato Head we now suffer) that I felt obligated to push back. Phallic imagery has a long history in art and culture, and its absence puts us all on a dangerous path toward complete iniquity. Without such a strong presence at the head or artistic representation, we sacrifice the girthiness of our artistic boundaries. This movement first appeared in our sole cultural influences in ancient Greek and Roman art and most prominently in their revival during the Renaissance Era. Would not the beauty of the wonderfully adorned ceiling
of the Sistine Chapel suffer if we removed the myriad members protruding from those heavenly bodies? We must fight to restore the ubiquity of the inspirational anatomy that once plowed its way through all of our visual art. Importantly, this battle begins right at home. Richard Johnson, the sculptor of the Tulsa Driller, endowed his magnum opus well with a magnificently detailed centerpiece situated below his belt. He pounded away for hours to perfect every detail in this addition so that, once erected, the aptlynamed Driller would stand in all his naked glory towering over the people of Tulsa. Ultimately, however, liberal activist groups forced his hand, and he had to jerk off the Driller’s most impressive aspect. Now, the Driller we all know stands limp as a flaccid bastardization of the artist’s intent. Conservatives everywhere, especially men as most of you are, this should serve as a rallying call to incite you all into action. We can no longer sit idly and allow political correctness to perpetually cuckold us. Liberals will tell you that this nation comprises a smorgasbord of cultural influences, but herein lies one of our greatest contributions to the modern world: our ability to sustain such erections. Our activism, like all else’s, lies replete with gaffes and boners, but we cannot afford to lose this battle. This fight is just the tip, and we can no longer allow ourselves to get the shaft in cultural warfare. As it all keeps coming, we must stay vigilant in our pursuit to press deeper into the fight until we hit the spot of sweet bliss and can stand proud knowing we have finished in our efforts. Conservatives, rise, stand tall and stick out so that we may once and for all, give the Driller his dick back.
artistic rendition by Anna Johns The silent will no longer be voiceless. The Golden Driller will no longer be penisless.
My fraternity is morally (but also financially) bankrupt
Dad, if you are reading, please send money. Kyle Garrison Rushed Kappa Kappa Smegma
Listen, I know. Fraternities are tools for status quo maintenance by maintaining generational wealth through “networking” which is shorthand for nepotistic cronyism. Not to mention, the “brotherhood” is mainly a function of trauma bonding with the intent of conformity, forcing men into the mold that is toxic masculinity. That being said, we spent all our money on beer and expensive hazing activities—and the subsequent medical bills and legal fees—so we really need your financial support. Love you dad. I hope your corporate lawyer stuff is going well. I want to address the elephant in the room. Yes, interpersonal violence and
sexual assault are absolutely a problem on college campuses, especially in Greek life circles. Fraternities allow—and even encourage—an environment in which the safety of women is put at risk. This culture created by fraternities is explicitly and intentionally designed to provide elite men with a space in which they can do whatever they want with no consequences. Both fraternity and university leadership distance themselves from this because they know it occurs and do not want to be liable, resulting in a kind of “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy but for sexual assault. Both groups are more likely to throw money at silencing victims than taking steps to prevent it from happening. Keeping that in mind, please, just one more party Dad. I know you sent me 10 grand last week. I promise I’ll do better at financial planning.
Another major issue with fraternities— and Greek life in general—is of course the lack of diversity. Many Greek life organizations even get away with flat out discriminatory practices in rush week. Whether it is sororities using a whitewashed beauty standard for Rush week, or both fraternities and sororities using the loaded term “professionalism,” to the same end. In some cases, it is more explicit, such as the extreme incident at OU, or in KA’s “spiritual founder,” Robert E. Lee. You want proof of racism in Greek life? Try to look at any group photo for a Greek life organization without thinking “Wow, that’s a lot of Mike Pences and Amy Coney Barretts but if she was blond. Wait, is that just Kyrsten Sinema? What was I talking about?” On a related note, I spent 8,000 dollars on some weed blondies—bro, imagine bomb ass weed brownies, but vanilla—while drunk and I only received a
library cafe brownie and a bag of oregano. Please Venmo me, I am having a bad week. I was only partying 6 out of the last 7 days. I want to believe that there are good people in TU’s administration and Greek life leadership who will act in order to make women safer and minorities more included, but honestly, we might be better off getting rid of Greek life entirely and replacing it with something better and more inclusive. The draw of Greek life is community in an increasingly lonely and socially fragmented existence but surely, we can achieve this without sacrificing the safety and well-being of half the campus. Also, abolishing Greek life would mean I wouldn’t have to pay dues and could instead spend that money on white claws. It’s a win-win for everyone.
the world; his raving speeches often involved the topic of securing Jerusalem, and he stored uneaten or half-finished cods in a barrel to pickle for later use. He spent the wee hours of the morning by candlelight working on dutifully copying religious texts onto his manuscript. Worst of all, he is a business major. “Plus, he started to bitch about True Commitment taking away the religion major, and I’m like, dude, True Commitment was a problem two years ago,” Cheyenne recalled. “I don’t even know who this Clancy guy is.” Then, things got worse: once Brigelbald learned the news of the Coronavirus, he began his flagellation—a definite source of bitterness between the two roommates. For hours, a shirtless Brigelbald would kneel on the floor of their dorm and whip himself with a leather throng that had spikes on the end.
“Blood would splatter across the walls and all over the place. Like, thanks for ruining my tapestry, asshole,” she continued. “When he got his blood on me, he would be like, ‘Hark here you insolent puterelle, for my miraculous blood has cleansed away thine sins,’ or whatever.” Cheyenne contacted housing services about changing her roommate and instead has been enrolled in a group session for learning to respect cultural differences. Brigelbald’s tuition has been paid for with silver coins, and with TU hemorrhaging money, they will take what they can get. For now, Cheyenne lives on variouscouches of her friends and has invested in noise-cancelling headphones to drown his incessant chanting. Brigelbald is trying, too; he promises to stop gazing upon her sleeping form and mumbling words about the wine-dark sea, and he offers to share his cod like a true gentleman.
Freshman horror story: assigned roommate is thirteenth-century monk
Incoming freshman learns to adapt to the self-flaggelating medieval man sleeping on the other bunk. Anna Johns Oh, sweet temptation! Oh, discordia!
The beginning of this fall semester signals the return of beloved college experiences with more in-person classes, the maintenance and creation of friendships and broadening one’s horizons. For incoming freshmen, college is their oyster: soggy and foul-smelling but nonetheless rife with opportunity. Just like the brochures advertised, living on campus is indeed an easy way for students to achieve not only independence, but also to integrate themselves with campus culture. However, campus residency is not easy. Freshmen must adapt to living with a roommate and all that entails; for some, dorm life
is a way to build connections, but others struggle with this change. New to campus and freshly eighteen, chemical engineering major Cheyenne Whitaker shares her story as she struggles to adjust to her dorm mate. Weeks ago, Cheyenne moved into her then-empty Hardesty dorm and claimed the right side of the room. Her parents dutifully helped her sort her belongings and left her as a hesitant yet hopeful young adult, unaware her dorm would soon be the site of her problems. Hours later came her roommate—a thirteenth-century monk named Brigelbald the Knave, adorned in a tunic and deep hood that covered much of his face. “It was okay at first,” Cheyenne said. “He was courteous and didn’t hog the shower. He seemed more confused about me, a woman, being enrolled in higher education, but what can you do?” Indeed, Brigelbald the Knave came to campus with a different understanding of