a student newspaper of the university of tulsa
january 21, 2014 issue 13 ~ volume 99
HELL FREEZES OVER
It has been a strange month in the state of Oklahoma.
The Return of the Polar Vortex? Satanic Invasion Satanists fight to have a statue placed on the Oklahoma capitol grounds; The Collegian provides an artistic critique. p. 10
You may have noticed it was a little colder than usual over winter break. Well, the Polar Vortex that ravaged Oklahoma may be coming back. p. 5
Same-sex marriage ban overturned in Oklahoma
A federal judge has struck down the gay marriage ban in Oklahoma, the reddest state in the union. p. 4
Graphic Anna Bennett
Sports
21 January 2014
the Collegian : 2
Will Bramlett / Collegian
A Golden Hurricane fan dances to the music blasting over the P.A. system during a break in the action against Southern Miss.
Will Bramlett / Collegian
Catherine Duininck / Collegian
Captain Cane dances in front of the FOX Sports 1 camera during the men’s basketball game against the Southern Miss. Golden Eagles.
Ashley Clark drives towards the basket in a game against the UAB Blazers Wednesday evening. The Golden Hurricane lost 76–65.
TU shows signs of progress
The TU basketball teams took to the road over winter break, letting the country know the Golden Hurricane should be taken seriously. Will Bramlett Sports Editor
Will Bramlett / Collegian
A Southern Miss. player capitalized on being left unguarded under the hoop.
Since our last issue, the Golden Hurricane men’s basketball team traveled to Norman, Okla. to face the Oklahoma Sooners. The team only trailed by two-points at the half, but could not keep up with the Sooners offense in the second half and lost 101–91. The Golden Hurricane also took on Maryland and TCU on the road and while it could not come out on top, the games remained close until the end.
Tulsa dominated the Tulane Green Wave in the Reynolds Center to open conference play with a 97–71 victory. It then went on to beat the two-loss Southern Miss. 75–71. TU was down against the Charolette 49ers for most of the game, but was able to force overtime in which the 49ers won 90–86. TU rebounded with a 69–52 victory over Marshall two days later. The women’s team had a strong preformance against Kansas, but lost 82–78. In Conference USA play, the team beat UTSA on the road 72–63 and FIU in the Reynolds Center 78–73, but lost to UTEP 97–66 and UAB 76–65. The men’s team plays Middle Tenn. Thursday in the Reynolds Center at 8 p.m. on FOX Sports 1. The women’s team travels to Marshall for a game Saturday at noon.
Will Bramlett / Collegian
Pat Swilling Jr. cuts past a defender and towards the basket in TU’s 75–71 win over Southern Miss.
Collegian Contest Update Andrew Hubb won a $20 Visa gift card from the Collegian for his victory in the Collegian’s ESPN Bowl Mania contest. Hubb finished the contest with 377 points, one point ahead of second place. The sports editor finished in last place and two more editors finished in second-tolast and third-to-last. The Collegian is bad at football.
News and Notes •
The Tulsa Oilers continued to win games since the last issue of the Collegian, and they currently sit in sixth place of the ten-team Central Hockey League. The team’s next home game is Tuesday at 7:35 p.m.
•
After starting the season 2–14, the Tulsa 66ers have started 2014 with a 5–3 record. The team will face Santa Cruz Friday at 7 p.m. and then Idaho Saturday at 7 p.m.
•
The Tulsa Revolution, Tulsa’s professional indoor soccer team, have won three games this season. The first victory was by forfeit, the second was a 13–8 win over the Texas Strikers, and the third was an exhibition game over the independent Tulsa Tea Men. The team has three remaining home games, the next being Saturday against the Wichita B-52’s at 6 p.m.
$5 Burger Night
Sundays from 5 p.m. – 10 p.m. 10% off for all Students, Faculty & Alumni Maxwell’s Restaurant—New American Food Located at 2636 E 11th Street (right down the street) (918) 748-5550
What’s Your Master Plan? Master of Business Administration Master of Science in Finance Master of Accountancy Master of Energy Business
www.utulsa.edu/gradbusiness
Sports
the Collegian : 3
21 January 2014
Fear clouds upcoming Sochi Olympics Jesse Keipp Staff Writer
Last week, NBA Hall of Famer and self-proclaimed diplomat Dennis Rodman checked himself into rehab for alcoholism. Apparently, appeasing the world’s most erratic and unpredictable communist ruler proved too stressful for Rodman. After North Korea’s Kim Jong-un offed his uncle, Rodman took comfort in his own uncle, Uncle Jack. Or perhaps Rodman drank to forget his Marilyn Monroe-esque “Happy Birthday” song to Kim. Then again, it seems awfully unlikely that any sober person would have befriend Kim in the first place.
Photo courtesy EPA/KCNA
Former NBA player Dennis Rodman participates in the birthday celebration of North Korea dictator Kim Jong-un. I was unaware that the concussion problem was as bad in the NBA as the NFL.
In their latest effort to cover up their losing ways, the Chicago Cubs have introduced a giant teddy bear named Clark, after the avenue on which Wrigley Field sits, to be the Cubs’ first mascot in their 100-plus year history. Now the Los Angeles Dodgers, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and the New York Yankees remain as the only teams in MLB without mascots. Clark’s inception is a win-win for both Cubs management and the fans. The organization spends more money, but not on pitching or anything that would actually help the team win. Cubs president Theo Epstein wants to keep the “lovable losers” mystique in place. And fans have yet another non-winning reason to attend Chicago’s largest beer garden instead of showing up to work. Everyone wins! Well, everyone except the Comcast SportsNet news team that accidentally aired an image of Clark in the buff. But that’s a different story.
Photo courtesy Chicago Cubs
Use you imagination to see Comcast SportsNet’s mistake. Or Google, that works too. Enjoy the embarrassment as the anchor realizes their mistake.
Way back in the year 2007, the entire basketball world was enthralled in a great debate: who should the Portland Trailblazers draft with the first overall pick—Ohio State’s Greg Oden or Texas’s Kevin Durant? The Trailblazers chose the big man, but Greg Oden has since proved to be one of the NBA’s biggest draft busts because of his inability to stay healthy. Meanwhile, Kevin Durant has become Oklahoma’s favorite son. After a hiatus from the NBA, Oden has made an admirable comeback with the Miami Heat, debuting on Jan. 15 and scoring his first points since Dec. 2009. To give that some perspective, Chris Daughtry’s band, Daughtry, cracked 2009’s Billboard Top 100 songs. If you don’t remember him, he was an American Idol finalist. And if you still don’t remember him, this was back when people still watched American Idol. So consider my point made. It’s no secret that high-profile athletes have always tried to nab pretty wives. Miami Dolphins quarterback Ryan Tannehill is no exception, as he certainly didn’t marry his wife, Lauren, for her brains. In what must have seemed like a scene from a Quentin Tarantino film, a woman vacationing in Florida recently found an AR-15 rifle in the trunk of her rental car, which was traced back to Lauren Tannehill. Mrs. Tannehill had accidentally left her toy in the trunk.
Some questions have been raised about the security of fans and athletes at the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. Kimberly Poff Staff Writer
The 2014 Winter Olympics will begin Feb. 7 in Sochi, Russia, but recent terrorist attacks in the region have led to doubts about the security of athletes and spectators. Russia has cracked down on violence, and reportedly will have 70,000 police and soldiers on duty at the games. The most recent attacks were a series of suicide bombings in the city of Volgograd, formerly known as Stalingrad. Two attacks in December left 34 dead, following an October bombing that killed seven. No terrorist organization has claimed responsibility for the bombings. Volgograd and Sochi are both in the southwestern part of Russia, though the two cities are about as far apart as Tulsa is from Detroit. There are, however, reasons for concern. Sochi sits on the shores of the Black Sea, directly on the Georgian border and across the Caucasus Mountains from Chechnya. South Ossetia declared independence from Georgia in 2008, and Russia recognized its independence. Georgia refuses to aid in Russia’s military fight against Chechnya, which also wants independence from Russia. Instead, Georgia continues to align itself with the EU and Western nations. Many Americans know of Chechnya as the home of the Boston Marathon bombers. Actually, the bombers were born in Kyrgyzstan, and they and their families moved to the U.S. as refugees in 2002 because of their
fathers’ Chechen heritage. Regardless, the Caucasus mountain region has long been a hotbed for violence as former Soviet republics declared independence from both Russia and each other. Police shootings have become a daily occurrence in Islamic Dagestan, the province between Sochi and Chechnya. Seven people were killed in a shootout last Wednesday. Given these events, Russian police have cracked down and security is being beefed up in anticipation of the games. Russian President Vladimir Putin expressed the state’s willingness to see the games through to a safe end in an interview with ABC News. “It is the job of the Olympics host is to ensure security of the participants in the Olympics and visitors to this festival of sports and we will do whatever it takes.” Any prospective spectators must buy tickets through the organizer’s website and provide details sufficient for a background check. Private cyber security companies have been called in to monitor all e-mail, phone and social media interactions during the games, while drones have been hired to fly overhead. The U.S. State Department has issued a travel warning for the games on their website. “The Department strongly recommends that all U.S. citizens residing or traveling abroad enroll in the Smart Traveler Enrollment Program (STEP) in order to receive pertinent safety and security information.” STEP also allows the State Department to know the number of Americans in attendance should an evacuation be necessary. The page-long alert goes further into detail about recent terrorist and criminal events. It also addresses some of the infrastructure issues, making thinly veiled criticisms of the medical structure. “Medical
care in many Russian localities differs substantially from Western standards due to differing practices and approaches to primary care. Travelers should consider purchasing private medical evacuation and/or repatriation insurance.” Multiple governments and committees have had a hand in preparing security, but given the instability in the region security experts have warned of the likelihood of an attack.
Staff Picks Who will win the Super Bowl? Seattle Seahawks
Will Bramlett, Sports Editor The Cowboys. Someday.
J.Christopher Proctor, Editor-in-Chief Not the Cowboys. Never.
Will Bramlett, Sports Editor Essendon Bombers
Patrick Creedon, Barricade Editor Frost-brewed Coors Lite
Kalen Peterson, Copy Editor
The Chudley Cannons! This will be their year, I just know it. Anna Bennett, Satire Editor
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers Conor Fellin, Managing Editor
Kim Jong-un, because he wins at life Morgan Krueger, News Editor
Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers Jill Graves, Graphics Editor
Bowl season rocked, but not like a Hurricane
The final BCS bowl season was filled with exciting college football games despite lacking Golden Hurricane football. Will Bramlett Sports Editor
On Jan. 7, nearly 17 million Americans tuned in to ESPN and were treated to a wild 2014 BCS National Championship between the No. 1 Florida State Seminoles and No. 2 Auburn Tigers. But before the teams could arrive in Pasadena for the big game 34 other bowls had to be played. The postseason kicked-off on Dec. 21 in Albuquerque with the Colorado State Rams, one of three teams the Golden Hurricane was able to beat this season, facing the favored Washington State Cougars. The Rams trailed by 15 points with just over four minutes remaining in the game. They were able to march down the field in 85 seconds and then capitalize on a Cougars fumble minutes later. The two-point conversion would tie the game with 27 seconds remaining in the opening bowl game. On the ensuing kick-off, Washington State’s Teondray Caldwell fumbled and Colorado State’s Jake Schlager pounced on the ball at the Cougars 24-yard line, giving the Rams great field position with 27 seconds remaining. A 41-yard field goal by CSU’s Jared Roberts as time expired would clinch the upset comeback and set the tone for a wonderful college football postseason. Whoops! Granted, we all forget things (car keys, cell phones, etc.), so is an assault rifle really all that different? If most people had $250,000 in cold hard cash, they’d most likely invest it, or maybe place some in their 401k’s (no income tax on those, right?). At the very least, I’d like to think that most people would have the foresight to place that money in a secure bank. It turns out that Philadelphia Eagles receiver DeSean Jackson isn’t most people. What he is, is the victim of a home burglary which cost him $250,000 in cash and $125,000 in jewelry. Perhaps stuffing a quarter-mil under his mattress wasn’t his brightest idea. Maybe he got his financial advice from Mr. Krabs.
Photo courtesy Nickelodeon
Mr. Krabs really, really loves money.
J. Christopher Proctor / Collegian
Tulsa’s Trey Watts, pictured above in a game against the Oklahoma Sooners, participated in the NFL Player Association’s Collegiate Bowl Saturday.
Later that day, the Tulane Green Wave was the first of six C-USA teams to participate in a bowl this season when it faced the Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns in the New Orleans Bowl. Tulane has called the New Orleans Superdome home since 1975 and will be moving to a new, on-campus stadium next season. The Ragin’ Cajuns jumped to a 21–0 lead early in the second quarter. The Wave was able to surge back, tying the game at 21 with 2:34 left in the third quarter. The Cajuns’ Hunter Stover hit a 27-yard field goal with just under ten minutes remaining and, sadly for the Green faithful, clinched a victory for the Cajuns in what could be Tulane’s last game in its 38-year home. Two days later, the East Carolina Pirates were the next C-USA team to play in a bowl. The Pirates were tied with the Ohio Bobcats at 17 entering the fourth quarter. The Bobcats hit a quick field goal to take a threepoint lead and the Pirates responded with three unanswered touchdowns to win the bowl 37–20. The Marshall Thundering Herd took down the Maryland Terrapins, a team currently in the Atlantic Coast Conference and headed to the Big Ten Conference over the summer, 31–20 on Dec. 27 in the Military Bowl to move C-USA to 2–1 in bowl games. The Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders faced the Navy Midshipmen, a team moving to the American Athletic Conference in 2015, which East Carolina, Tulane and Tulsa will be joining over the summer. The Blue Raiders dropped the game 24–6. C-USA champion Rice Owls took on the Mississippi State Bulldogs from the SEC in the Liberty Bowl. On a beautiful New Year’s Eve afternoon, the Owls jumped to a quick 7–0 lead, looking to give C-USA its second straight Liberty Bowl victory and third in four years. The Bulldogs rebounded, scoring 44 unanswered points providing the SEC with its first Liberty Bowl victory since Arkansas beat East Carolina in 2010, by a score of 20–17.
With a 2–3 record, the conference looked to North Texas to give the league a .500 bowl game record. The North Texas Mean Green were pitted against the Nevada-Las Vegas Rebels in Cotton Bowl Stadium New Year’s Day. The Mean Green handled the challenge, stomping the Rebels 36–14. C-USA had not lost multiple bowl games since the 2010–11 season and finished with a bowl game record at or above .500 for the third straight year. The last round of BCS games featured many exciting match-ups. The Michigan State Spartans held off the Stanford Cardinal 24–20 in the centennial Rose Bowl and the Baylor Bears were knocked off by the UCF Knights 52–42 in the Fiesta Bowl. The defending two-time national champion Alabama Crimson Tide was handed its second consecutive loss in the Sugar Bowl by the Oklahoma Sooners, while the Clemson Tigers disappointed the Ohio State Buckeyes, handing the Buckeyes their second consecutive loss and second loss in the last two seasons. The BCS returned to Pasadena for the final BCS bowl game before FBS football moves to a four-team playoff next season. The Tigers began with a strong first half and took a 21–3 lead over the Seminoles. The second half was entirely Florida State, with the Seminoles outscoring the Tigers 24–10. The Seminoles took the lead with 4:30 remaining in the game, but the Tigers responded quickly to retake the lead with 1:19 left on the clock. Seminoles freshman quarterback Jameis Winston demonstrated why he was a worthy Heisman Trophy winner. He led his team down the field in 1:06 to take a 34–31 lead, and that was all the Seminoles needed to end the SEC reign of national championships. One Tulsa player did see some postseason action. Trey Watts participated in the NFL Players Association’s Collegiate Bowl Saturday. Watts showed the NFL scouts at the game his value by rushing for 56 yards and leading the National team with ten carries.
NEWS
21 January 2014
the Collegian : 4
Oklahoma takes step towards marriage equality TU students react to a federal judge’s decision to strike down Oklahoma’s constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. The decision will be appealed and will likely end up before the Supreme Court. Giselle Willis Staff Writer
Amid all the rainbow flag-waving last June when the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act, allowing married same-sex couples to receive federal benefits, gay marriage advocates in Oklahoma remained doubtful of change in their state, while opponents of same-sex marriage sought consolation in Oklahoma’s conservative reputation. Yet last Monday, U.S. District Judge Terence Kern surprised everyone by striking down the state’s gay marriage laws, calling them “an arbitrary, irrational exclusion of just one class of Oklahoma citizens from a governmental benefit…without a legally sufficient justification.” This case comes shortly after a controversial decision in fellow red state Utah that overturned a ban on gay marriage, creating a rush of same-sex marriages that prompted the state to declare each “an affront…to the interests of the states and its citizens in being able to define marriage
constitutional deprivation of their fundamental due process liberties and equal protection rights under the Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.” Kern wrote that “same-sex marriage…is so closely correlated with being homosexual that sexual orientation provides the best descriptor for the class-based distinction being drawn,” and therefore ruled the amendment unconstitutional because it was intentionally discriminatory towards homosexuals. So where are the rainbow flags? Sharon Baldwin told The New York Times that she and her partner are “over the moon,” but the Times still warned that “Oklahoma is almost certain to appeal, leaving prospects uncertain for gay couples in the state.” Others are not as content as Baldwin. According to This Land Press, Republican Congressman James Lankford was frustrated with the ruling, citing the 2004 Oklahoma election and lamenting how “the people speak clearly but elected officials and judges ignore them…the State of Oklahoma has the right to define marriage in a way consistent with the values of our state.” Baptist Press quoted Anthony Jordan, the leader of Southern Baptists in Oklahoma, as saying that Kern’s opinion “flies in the face of the Biblical and historical meaning of marriage, the wisdom of the ages and the resounding democratic choice of the people of this great state.” Oklahoma governor Mary Fallin told Oklahoma City Channel 5 that she is also “troubled that the will of the people has once again been ignored by the federal government.” Carl Tobias, constitutional law professor at the University of Richmond, told CNN that the Utah and Oklahoma appeals will likely be heard together “because they’re similar and both in the Tenth Circuit.” Oklahoma Attorney General E. Scott Pruitt said the question will likely land in the U.S. Supreme Court. Meanwhile, ABC news reported that “litigants in more than three dozen cases are challenging gay marriage bans in 20 separate states,” and that “federal courts in Virginia and Pennsylvania” are currently working on important de-
“Marriage is a bond between a man, a woman and God”
“A huge step toward marriage equality in Oklahoma, and a step closer to justice for those who have been excluded from the protections offered by legal marriage in the U.S.”
through ordinary democratic channels,” according to CNN. The U.S. Supreme Court issued a stay on marriage licenses for same-sex couples while Utah appeals the case. Both Utah and Oklahoma passed constitutional bans on same-sex marriage by popular vote in 2004. Shortly after Oklahoma’s vote, two gay couples from Tulsa, Sharon Baldwin and Mary Bishop, and Susan Barton and Gay Phillips, filed suit against the Defense of Marriage Act and the Oklahoma constitutional amendment. Baldwin and Bishop are editors at the Tulsa World. “The Bishop couple,” as they are referred to in court documents, argued that the amendment provided “an un-
cisions concerning same-sex marriage. Since the June 26 decision, “the number of states allowing gay marriage has jumped from 12 to 17,” while about 33 percent of Americans opposed gay marriage in October 2013, down from 45 percent in 2011. Leanna Duncan, a TU graduate student and president of
campus’ PRIDE organization, said she was “thrilled and surprised” when she heard about the decision, mostly because she and other group members had been under the impression that “Oklahoma wouldn’t allow marriage equality” for many years, until long after the rest of the nation. She said that the court decision paired with TU’s recent implementation of a non-discrimination policy for sexual orientation helped her realize Oklahoma can be more progressive than she previously believed. Sophomore Matt Bonadona agreed that this “cultural movement…shows Oklahoma is ready to be more accepting.” Reverend Nancy Eggen from the United Campus Ministry declared it “a huge step toward marriage equality in Oklahoma, and a step closer to justice for those who have been excluded from the protections offered by legal marriage in the U.S.” She went on to say that “We owe a huge debt of gratitude to Mary Bishop and Sharon Baldwin and Sue Barton and Gay Phillips for dedicating nine years of their lives (and counting) to this lawsuit, as well as the generations of people who have worked—sometimes at great personal cost—to support, educate, and advocate for the rights of all Oklahomans to marry.” Father Kerry Wakulich, chaplain of the St. Philip Neri Catholic Newman Center, was not as excited about the ruling. “Marriage is a bond between a man, a woman and God,” he said. Senior and practicing Catholic Phillip Dixon emphasized the difference between civil and religious marriage. “I see civil marriage more as a legal contract,” he said. Because of this, he sees no conflict between his beliefs about marriage and the ruling. Regardless of the views of Oklahomans, the fate of gay marriage in the state is out of their hands and subject to the federal court system.
Nikki Hager / Collegian
The United Campus Ministries’ weekly Veggie Lunch this Wednesday turned into an impromptu celebration of Federal Judge Terence Kern’s ruling that Oklahoma’s ban on same sex marriage was unconstitutional. The UCM hosts Veggie Lunch each Wednesday at noon in the Little Blue House (pictured above).
Professor published on the function of insula TU Assistant Professor Kyle Simmons and graduate student Jason Avery were honored with an article published in renowned journal Nature Neuroscience. Helen Patterson Staff Writer
In an October 2013 press release, TU announced that Assistant Professor Kyle Simmons and graduate student Jason Avery collaborated with researchers at the Laureate Institute of Brain Research and the National Institutes of Health on an article that appeared in the November 2013 issue of the renowned journal Nature Neuroscience. TU’s researchers focused on the organization of a brain structure called the insula, using magnetic resonance imaging to observe its response to photographs of food and sensations of taste. Simmons reports that his research challenges current theories on the function of the different parts of the insula. “The predominant theory about the insula said that the anterior insula should link higher cognition, such as object recognition, with information about the body’s homeostatic needs, like our blood sugar levels,”
Box O’ Math and Stuff
Simmons says. “Instead, we found that this was the role of the mid-insula, and not the anterior (frontal) insula.” Simmons says that this research could help with understanding and treating a wide variety of eating disorders. “One of the things we hope to do now at (the Laureate Institute) is understand how different types of eating disorders, such as anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating might be related to a breakdown in the insula’s sensitivity to signals from the body and its energy needs,” Simmons says.
Courtesy New York Times
For all you math, science and engineering majors out there, here is a puzzle. A Sudoku. Unlike its slightly more popular cousin, the crossword, the sudoku is pure, holy and numerical. Why waste your time with imprecise words (we all know being literate is overrated) when you can frolic with reliable numbers. Each of the above rows, columns and boxes deserve to have the numbers 1–9 in their squares. Play Fate, and give them their hearts’ desire. Or don’t, and watch their dreams slowly die and fade into the Void... Courtesy puzzles.about.com
NEWS
the Collegian : 5
Eye on the world: Magdalena Sudibjo Staff Writer Asia JAPAN Makoto Hirata, a former senior member of Japan’s Aum Shinrikyo doomsday cult, responsible for the 1995 Sarin gas attack in the Tokyo subway which killed 13 and injured around 6,000, faced trial last Thursday after evading authorities for nearly 17 years.
The 48-year-old Hirata, who does not face charges related to the subway attack, is charged with aiding in the murder of Kiyoshi Kariya, whose sister was also a former cult member. Hirata turned himself in on New Year’s Eve in 2011. “It took a long time for this day to come, and I apologize for causing great trouble to the victim, his family and society,” he said, according to Kyodo, a local news agency. If found guilty, Hirata could
face the death penalty like the 13 cultists convicted before him, including their leader Shoko Asahara. Europe
GERMANY German farmers and activists brought 17 pigs in front of Chancellor Angela Merkel’s office building last Wednesday as part of a protest against a proposed free trade agreement with the U.S.
Polar Vortex descends upon Tulsa, may come back for more The frozen hurricane which usually hovers over the North Pole migrated south this winter break. It blew. Hard.
that could remove restrictions on American meat sold in Europe. Environmental groups and activists are concerned about governmental support for industrial farming and the safety of genetic engineering of food products, which are more legally accepted in the U.S. They fear a trade agreement could threaten labor and consumer rights. Head of the Berlin office of the European Council on Foreign Relations Olaf Boehnke said that meat production is not the main issue, but that activists use the consumer concern to protest the trade deal. Farmers are concerned not only about quality but also what they see as unfair competition. “In Europe, the consumers don’t want to have this stuff in their food, so we will always be more expensive in production,” protest organizer Jochen Fritz told NPR. ireland A man in Dublin pled guilty last Monday to murdering his landlord over a dispute concerning a game of chess. Saverio Bellante, 34, reportedly stabbed 39-year-old Tom O’Gorman in the head and chest so severely that part of the victim’s lung was removed. The judge has ordered a psychiatric evaluation for Bellante before his next court hearing on Friday.
Matt Magerkurth Staff Writer
In early January a large portion of the continental United States was engulfed in especially cold weather, with temperatures nearing zero degrees Fahrenheit in Tulsa. The buzz word for the event was “polar vortex,” but this is a bit of a misnomer. The term “polar vortex” merely refers to the counterclockwise rotation of air that results from temperatures being different at the equator than at the poles. Typically the vortex stays near the poles, but this January it descended into a wavy form that covered lower North America with extremely low temperatures. The cold weather cost approximately $5 billion in damages and many new temperature records were set. For example, Brasstown Bald, Ga. experienced a temperature of -6 degrees, shattering previous records. Chicago suffered from intense winds and even reached temperatures below those recorded by the Curiosity rover on Mars. Jan. 6 and 7 were among the coldest days in the span, with the nationwide average at 17.8 degrees, and over 50 record temperatures set. Several scientists have theorized a relationship between global climate change and the event. Since the melting of polar ice replaces
21 January 2014 Africa NIGERIA Earlier this month, Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan signed into law legislation that bans same-sex marriage and criminalizes homosexual groups, meetings and behaviors. “With the stroke of a pen, President Jonathan has essentially turned Nigeria into one of the world’s least tolerant societies,” Amnesty International said in a statement appealing to the Nigerian government to revoke the legislation. Last week, a Muslim man received 20 lashes for homosexual acts carried out seven years ago, and 12 other people were arrested last month for similar offenses. A remnant law from the British colonial era already banned homosexual sex in Nigeria, while Islamic Shariah law permits death by stoning for homosexuality. Under the new law, anyone convicted of being in a same-sex civil union or marriage can face up to 14 years in prison. “This is a law that is in line with the people’s cultural and religious inclination,” said Reuben Abati, the presidential spokesman. “More than 90 percent of us oppose same-sex marriage, so it is a law that is a reflection of the beliefs and orientation of Nigerian people.” Jan. 5
Jan. 2 Photo courtesy Forbes
If you were anywhere but California or Florida over break you probably remember this day. The Polar Vortex turned the United States into a winter wonderland (or desolate hellscape), giving us beautiful satellite images like this one.
white, reflective ice surfaces with water, the arctic may be warming even faster. With the lack of a significant temperature difference between the Arctic and Temperate zones to drive the jet stream, the vortex was able to dip into lower North America. As this winter progresses, we may experience more in the way of extreme temperatures due to the same phenomena. That’s right, the polar vortex is coming back. As of yet, the vortex hasn’t returned to its usual place over the North Pole, so we may see another migration south over the next few weeks. Scientists think that this time the polar vortex will primarily affect the eastern U.S., but has the
potential for much more snowfall. Though it’s unclear whether Tulsa will be hit again by such cold temperatures, it never hurts to be prepared. Keep extra cold-weather gear around and ready, lest the polar vortex come back to bite.
11:20 A vehicle, involved in a high speed pursuit with Tulsa Police, nearly struck an Officer’s vehicle at the West Park Apartments. The suspect abandoned his vehicle in the West Park parking lot and jumped the fence into the neighborhood. Tulsa Police apprehended the suspect a short while later. The Officer was not involved in the pursuit.
Professor’s show opens in Hogue Gallery
12:50 Officers, Tulsa Fire and EMSA responded to the D. W. Reynolds Center after a student suffered a head injury during practice. The student was transported to a local hospital for further treatment. Jan. 7 2:00 Officers responded to a report of an irate University contractor employee at the Physical Plant contractor’s offices. Upon arrival, Officers received information of a verbal altercation between the employee and a supervisor. Officers were able to locate the employee, escort them off campus and issue a trespass warning.
Oklahoma’s Senator Tom Coburn announced he will be stepping down at the end of this legislative session, two years before the end of his elected term. This leaves a Senate seat wide open for the midterm election this November, creating a race that most pundits agree will be a wild one. Luckily for you, the Collegian’s top political experts are here with their predictions of who will fill Coburn’s vacated seat.
Jan. 8 8:00 On 8 January 2014, 8:00 AM, an employee suffered minor injuries after falling on a University owned vehicle while it was in motion. At 2:30 PM, same day, the employee reported the incident to Campus Security. The employee did not seek medical attention at that time.
Will Rogers — J.Christopher Proctor, Editor-in-Chief
Bill Nye, The Science Guy — Conor Fellin, Managing Editor Google — Morgan Krueger, News Editor
Kathy Griffin — Patrick Creedon, Editor of the Barricade #BramsForSenate — Will Bramlet, Sports Editor
Buzz “Danger” Wilkons — Anna Bennett, Editor of State Run Steadman Upham — Captain Cane, Superhero
Jan. 11
Research Colloquium seeks submissions
Courtesy The School of Art
One example of Professor Glenn Godsey’s art, which will be on display until Feb. 20.
TU Professor Glenn Godsey is displaying his artwork in his “Digits and Doodles” exhibit located in Phillips. Nikki Hager Staff Writer
As this is the first issue of 2014, we are please to report we have no corrections! We apologize to our readers for this void and vow to work hard to provide fresh corrections to print in our next issue. Thank you for your patience and understanding.
5:45 An Officer observed a potential slip and fall hazard in the courtyard of Phillips Hall. The Officer observed a large sheet of glass that was laying on the ground and attempted to pick it up to prevent a slip and fall accident. The glass shattered as the Officer was moving the glass. Jan. 6
Coburn to resign
Open to all students, TU’s annual research colloquium allows students a chance to present their research, finished or ongoing, before a board of educated non-experts. Students can compete in either the oral presentation, poster presentation or community service symposium categories. Cash prizes are available to entries in all categories. Submissions are due to www.utulsa.edu/research-colloquium no later than Feb. 14.
9:40 Officers responded to a parent’s request to conduct a welfare check and locate a student at Mayo Village. Officers were unable to locate the student at Mayo Village or LaFortune Hall.
The University of Tulsa School of Art is presenting the exhibit “Digits and Doodles” by TU Professor Emeritus Glenn Godsey from Jan. 16 through Feb. 20 in the Alexandre Hogue Gallery in Phillips Hall. The exhibit is a survey of
works from Godsey’s career, including drawings, watercolors, paintings, digital prints and photographs. Godsey investigates themes of mystery, nostalgia and architecture through these different media. In addition to his work in art, Godsey is also the oldest sponsored competitive yo-yo player and is an avid fiddler. A reception for the exhibition will be held on Jan. 23 from 5 to 7 p.m. in the Alexandre Hogue Gallery. The exhibit is free and open to the public.
12:30 On 11 January 2014, a Housing employee reported a possible larceny at John Mabee Hall. The employee reported that between 23 December 2013 & 7 January 2014, a guitar was taken that had been locked in a closet in the basement. The investigation is pending. Jan. 14 3:50 A student’s wallet was found near ACAC by an Officer on patrol. The wallet contained a fake drivers license and will be confiscated The wallet will be impounded for safekeeping until returned to the owner. The Collegian does not produce or edit the Campus Crime Watch except for content and brevity.
21 january 2014
NEWS
the Collegian: 6
Mr. Murph eats your trash! Greenstar, the University of Tulsa’s recycling provider, has recently switched to single-stream recycling, which means the university no longer has to sort its recyclables into separate containers. We sent Fraser Kastner and Olivia Blankenship to the new recycling facility to check out the machine, nicknamed Mr. Murph, that eats our recyclables.
Recycling at TU is single-stream now!
New recycling bins are on their way, but until they arrive just place all recyclables in the old bins. We know it feels dirty putting glass in the plastic container, but trust us, we’re a newspaper. Items that can be recycled include: plastic marked #1–7 (not plastic bags or styrofoam), paper, cardboard, aluminum, tin cans and glass.
Fraser Kastner Staff Writer
The Tulsa Recycle and Transfer company is an unassuming group of buildings located on North Peoria Ave. It is in this small industrial facility that Mr. Murph makes his home. Mr. Murph, formally called MRF or Material Recovery Facility, is a colossal green recycling sorter, the largest of its kind in Oklahoma, costing millions of dollars. Here, Northeast Oklahoma’s recyclables are put through a multi-stage sorting process, whereby the thoroughly mixed bag of trash and recyclables are sorted and processed before being sold to manufacturers. This process is called single-stream recycling. It has recently been adopted by the University of Tulsa, which means that students and faculty will no longer have to separate different types of recyclable materials. The city of Tulsa has used this method since Nov. 2012, and now TU is doing the same. “Where in the past students had to separate those materials, now if it’s recyclable you throw it in any recycling can no matter what it says and it will get recycled,” said Jason Grunin, the Associate Director of Special Projects and Energy Conservation at TU. When we arrived at the facility, we met our tour guide among a group of orangevested plant workers. He introduced himself as Joe, and led us through a door to our right, up a flight of stairs and into a small observation room. We could not go into the facility proper for legal reasons, Joe informed us, but from the observation room we had an excellent view of Mr. Murph in action. The Material Recovery Facility takes in between 60 and 80 tons of recyclables daily. Trucks containing roughly four tons of ma-
Olivia Blankenship / Collegian
Mountains of garbage are no match for Mr. Murph, Tulsa’s new single-stream recycling machine. Murph is almost entirely automated, allowing the plant to process significantly more material than its less efficient (and less anthropomorphized) predecessor. According to his manufacturers Murph is here to help us with our problems, so we can be free. So forget what you know and embrace single-stream recycling!
some human help is required to check for quality, the process is almost entirely automated, and is roughly 95 percent accurate. The recovery rate of materials salvaged has gone from 15 to 60 percent. “Before, we did what we call ‘kick and
“Two years ago, before we put this in, we had a dead kangaroo come through. We also had a girl find seven thousand dollars in a bank bag.” terial drop their contents onto an already large mound of material in the middle of the floor. A specialised front loader moves the material onto a conveyer belt, which carries the recyclables into the first stage. During the first stage of separation, workers remove non-recyclable materials by hand. Microwaves, hula-hoops, inflatable pools and vacuum cleaners are just some of the many rejected items. After this, the recyclables are separated based on size, color, and composition, before being deposited into several piles, which are then processed and sold as raw material to manufacturers. While
pick,’” Joe tells us, speaking of the slower and less efficient manpower method used by the facility before Mr. Murph came to town. The facility runs up to sixteen hours a day, and can process 3 to 4 times as much material with Mr. Murph than it could before. Later, Joe took us into his office to show us some things that have been pulled out of the machine over the last year of operation. These included a never-used Donald Duck bottle cap from the 50s, a set of self-help cassettes, several 8-track tapes and a set of rusty 1920s iron ice tongs. “Two years ago, before we put this in, we had a dead kangaroo come through. We also had a girl find seven thousand dollars in a bank bag,” our guide told us. While I tried to decide whether or not he was pulling my leg, Joe led us into a side room where we watched an informative educational video showing the various magnets, screens and eddy currents at work inside Mr. Murph. Back at TU, Jason
Mr. Murph eats about 80 tons of recycling each day. Were he to change his diet, here are some other things he could consume in one day.
• 997.9 kegs of PBR • 3.68 Golden Drillers • 80 Ten Commandment Monuments Grunin talked to us about the switch to single-stream. TU switched to this new method on Oct. 1 of last year. “In our experience people would not take the time to separate materials as well as we’d liked,” says Grunin. “So when Tulsa County deployed their recycling program last year, our Waste Management vendor came to us and said we can ‘support singlestream now, you don’t have to separate any more.’” TU’s Recycling goes to a company called GreenStar, a company owned by Waste Management, while trash goes to Mr. Murph for sorting. The move to single-stream recycling was
• Approximately 479 Chris Christies • $7,843,000,000 in $100 bills • 800 Red Kangaroos the responsibility of the University Sustainability Committee. Students, faculty, administration and staff can join this group. It is this committee that students and faculty have to thank for the Hydration Stations, bike program, the movement to remove styrofoam from campus, electric golf carts and game-day recycling. Grunin describes the Committee’s mission as “Improving campus life, being better stewards of the environment. Our goal is to catch up with our competitors in the east and west coasts. I think we’re making great strides.” Those interested in the committee can contact them at sustainability@utulsa.edu or at www.utulsa.edu/sustainability.
Olivia Blankenship / Collegian
variety
the Collegian : 7
21 January 2014
By Anna Bennett
Ways to F$%& the Patriarchy If you’re like me, then one of your New Year’s Resolutions—alongside eating healthy and working out—is F$%&ing the Patriarchy in 2014. New to F$%&ing the Patriarchy? Here are a few positions you should try! Photo courtesy Irrational Games
Set in the floating city of Columbia, in an alternate 1912 America, Irrational Games’ “Bioshock Infinite” is a worthy follow-up to the franchise’s previous two titles. “Infinite” is filled with spectacular Americana, frightening steampunk automatons and beautiful graphics. Released in March 2013, “Bioshock Infinite” easily earns the title of “Game of the Year.”
Top games of 2013 thrill, amuse, instill a sense of wonder With a number of critically acclaimed titles, successful re-boots of old franchises and a few disastrous releases, 2013 was both an exciting and disappointing time for the gaming industry. Looking to purchase a new game? Consider these highlights from the past year. Elliot Bauman Staff Writer
With the release of the next generation consoles, a number of disastrous title launches and more than a share of controversies, 2013 was certainly a memorable year for the gaming industry. Nevertheless, a number of great titles surfaced throughout the year. Here are the top 10 games from 2013. 10. “Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag” Ubisoft Montreal PC, PS3, PS4, X360, XONE, WiiU While 2012’s “Assassin’s Creed III” was critically acclaimed, many fans of the franchise felt that the game was a step backward. Such was not the case with “Black Flag,” perhaps the best pirate-themed video game of the last decade. While the fundamental assassination-based plotline persists, there are also a dozen other opportunities to explore the world of 18th century piracy. In addition to the main story, players can customize their ship, recruit crew members, raid British ships and explore islands in the Caribbean. 9. “Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon” Ubisoft Montreal PC, PS3, X360 This download-only, standalone expansion for 2012’s “Far Cry 3” is less than half the standard retail price of most games on this list. Many readers may wonder how a DLC game could compete with full releases, but “Blood Dragon” is bursting with content. Like the main game, “Blood Dragon” features first-person combat and open-world exploration of a retro-futuristic island riddled with a cyborg army and hostile blood dragons. The main story is a parody of 1980s action movies, and it is surprisingly funny at times. A great buy for only $15. 8. “Diablo III” (Console Version) Blizzard Entertainment PS3, X360 After the disastrous PC release of “Diablo III” in May 2012, many thought the game was done for good. A year and a half later, it became very clear that Blizzard Entertainment learned its lesson the first time around, as the console release of “Diablo III” was an entirely improved and refined product.
The console game is so superior to its counterpart that even devout PC players transitioned to the PS3 and Xbox 360 versions. “Diablo III’s” scrolling-screen gameplay translates extremely well to the console controller, and the addition of up to four local co-op players makes this game great for casual and serious gamers alike.
7. “Tomb Raider” Crystal Dynamics Mac, PC, PS3, X360 Crystal Dynamics’ complete reboot of the Tomb Raider franchise was met with massive success in 2013. No longer a bland, busty, virtual sex symbol, the new Lara Croft is instead a very intelligent and capable woman. While some of the platforming elements of the original Tomb Raider titles are still present, “Tomb Raider” makes muchneeded improvements to the core gameplay. This is complemented by a great story and excellent character development. After too long, things are finally looking up for this franchise. 6. “Metro: Last Light” 4A Games Mac, PC, PS3, X360 A sort of hidden gem in the gaming world, “Last Light” continues the legacy of its predecessor, “Metro 2033,” a post-apocalyptic game based on a Russian novel by Dmitry Glukhovsky. In Moscow, survivors of a nuclear war are forced to take refuge in the city’s old metro system, only surfacing to search for supplies in order to outlast the mutant creatures that dominate the subterranean world. While not an original concept, “Last Light” is immersive, visually impressive and features excellent survival-based gameplay. 5. “Dota 2” Valve Corporation Mac, PC While the multiplayer online arena battle genre—which has dramatically increased in popularity over the past few years—may be dominated by “League of Legends,” “Dota 2” stands as an excellent alternative. The core game is free, and features a number of characters. Much like its contemporaries, “Dota 2” features two teams that must destroy a critical structure located in the opposing team’s base. More intricate than “League of Legends,” “Dota 2” is a great experience for all types of players, from casual to professionals competing in tournaments. It also has a very large and active community of about 600,000 daily users. 4. “Fire Emblem Awakening” Intelligent Systems 3DS The only handheld game on this list, “Fire Emblem Awakening” does an outstanding job of reviving both the Fire Emblem franchise and the tactical role-playing genres, both of which experienced many recent disappointments. There is an enormous amount of
depth and content to keep players engaged and coming back for multiple play-throughs. “Awakening” also has an incredible amount of character development for a handheld title. 3. “Grand Theft Auto V” Rockstar PS3, X360 Despite the significant amount of controversy surrounding Rockstar’s latest installment in the Grand Theft Auto series, the game is a technical masterpiece. The quantity of content, in-game activities and attention to detail are all truly jaw-dropping. Sure, gamers can stick to the main heist jobs, but there is so much more to do in Rockstar’s fictional city. Players can chose to ignore the main quest line entirely, instead focusing on buying and customizing rare and expensive cars or trying to beat the best round score at the local golf course. The possibilities are virtually endless, which is why “Grand Theft Auto V” earns its spot on this list. 2. “The Last of Us” Naughty Dog PS3 On the surface, “The Last of Us” seems like yet another generic zombie survival game, however, there is much more to this title than meets the eye. With character development that is superior to most modern movies, this game has a killer story. Unlike many contemporary video game characters, the protagonists seem like actual people with genuine flaws. Couple this with excellent stealth-based survival gameplay, and you have a recipe for success. Almost every aspect of this game, from graphics to level design, is expertly polished, and it is unfortunate that only PS3 owners get to enjoy this title. 1. “BioShock Infinite” Irrational Games Mac, PC, PS3, X360 The Collegian’s 2013 Game of the Year Award goes, without a doubt, to Irrational Games’ “BioShock Infinite,” the latest installment in a hugely successful franchise. “Infinite” may be classified as a video game, but this title is art complemented by an expert showing of technical finesse. The fictional setting—1912 in the floating city of Columbia—is so visually impressive and alive that it almost distracts players from actually progressing in the game. “Infinite’s” plot is equally immaculate, involving a number of twists and turns while taking punches at American exceptionalism, and highlighting the racism that plagued our country at the turn of the century. The game is topped off with some solid gameplay and mechanics that allow players to use a variety of different weapons, gear and powers. Playing through “BioShock Infinite” is truly an experience, and this title is a worthy addition to any collection.
1. Doggy Style—Eschew the heteronormative trap of traditional marriage and opt to marry your dog. Or cat, whatever you’re into. 2. Cowgirl—You don’t need to pour money into the self-destructive, male-dominated economy. You refuse to line the pockets of wealthy, white, male CEOs! Live off the land, off the grid and off the map, instead of being at the mercy of a landlord! 3. Missionary—Refuse to be an object to be devoured by the beauty industry’s sex-obsessed male gaze. Become a nun! 4. Backdoor—Pretend to be a man to create the life you always wanted. Once you’ve shattered the glass ceiling, remove your disguise and be all, “Ha! I am a WOMAN!” 5. Reverse Cowgirl— Instead of going off the grid, establish your own commune and only
purchase goods and services from Feministowned businesses. You can recognize these businesses by the Christian fish symbol that has been turned 90 degrees. 6. The Crab—Contract an annoying venereal disease and sleep with misogynists and politicians. Watch him scratch his crotch on live TV at his next press conference. Take THAT, patriarchy! 7. Lotus—Be a Homerera throwback; start a free-loving society on a remote island where you spend all your time eating hallucinogenic plants. Much like Cowgirl, this method works because it is a refusal to participate in the System. 8. Stand and Deliver— Invest in a megaphone. Call out the patriarchy as you observe it in your everyday life. Especially around large groups of people in public settings. 9. Flatiron—Get rid of it. Let your hair go au naturale. Be your own beautiful. 10. Wheelbarrow— Take down the physical manifestations of the Patriarchy, one brick load at a time.
O’Connor’s “Wise Blood” a bleak, brilliant analysis of modern life Studio 54: A weekly review of all things retro. Helen Patterson Staff Writer
Flannery O’Connor was an American author who wrote complex, character-driven short stories, as well as two novels. If she had not died in 1952 at the age of 39, she would doubtless have furthered her quest to examine the moral and ethical systems (or lack thereof) which drive humans in their daily lives. In her writing, she draws heavily from her experience as both a southerner and a Catholic, and she utilizes the Gothic and grotesque. All of these elements appear in her first novel, the somber “Wise Blood.” “Wise Blood” follows Hazel Motes, a 22-year-old man from a small town in Tennessee who is released from the army only to discover that he has no family or home to return to. With nowhere else to go, Hazel moves to the city of Taulkinham, Tenn., where he meets Asa Hawks, a bitter street preacher who pretends to be blind, and his corrupt daughter, Sabbath Lily Hawks. Hazel also encounters Enoch Emery, a young man who works
as a zookeeper, is prone to violent and bizarre outbursts and listens to no authority but his own “wise blood,” which he believes guides his destiny. “Wise Blood” is obsessively focused on faith and the crisis of faith in the modern world. Asa Hawks is more beggar than preacher. Sabbath and Enoch are purely profane, recognizing no higher moral code. Hazel actually creates his own religion, “The Church Without Christ,” a church where Christ, judgment, redemption and even God are not needed. O’Connor sees this “faith without faith” as the condition of much of the modern world, and she relentlessly represents how this lack of restraint acts as a destructive— not liberating—force. Hazel calls his church “the church peaceful and satisfied” because it has no place for redemption, but the lives of the characters seduced and consumed by this “theology” are neither peaceful nor satisfied. It is hard to critically examine a work that produces so visceral a reaction. While plot events and character interactions are often bizarrely Gothic, the novel is believable because O’Connor’s characters are not passive ciphers. They are active, passionate, fullyfleshed people, and they are terrifyingly sincere as they bring ruin upon themselves and others. Like much of O’Connor’s best work, “Wise Blood” has the unnerving effect of reminding the reader of the razor-thin line between our best and our worst selves, and the day-to-day struggle to choose which “self” we will be in a world stripped of religious and moral certainty. “Wise Blood” is a masterpiece, but it is not a comfortable read.
21 january 2014
the Collegian : 8
Liberty equality Fraternity
the Barricade ion t u l o v e r
The opinion section has been in a state of flux for the past semester. We here at the Collegian want to provide content that only we can provide, pieces that are relevant to students and focused on Oklahoma or Tulsa. However, there is a real need to be aware of what is happening on a national and global scale, and as your student newspaper, we feel responsible to try to meet that need. Because of the inherent complexity of such large-scale events and issues, we feel that simply stating an opinion about a given topic will not deliver due diligence to such important issues. It is for that reason that we are introducing The Barricade, a section attempting to provide informed, thoughtful analysis of large-scale political issues. The opinion section will return when needed—renamed the commentary section—for students wishing to express opinions about local or TU-specific issues, but in its wake, we at the Collegian present The Barricade, all of the info you need to overthrow a radical government! Read, enjoy and tell us what you think at collegian@utulsa.edu. — Patrick Creedon, Editor of the Barricade
Ukrainian protests pose power problems
The protests in Kiev over the past month reveal the complex relationship between Ukraine and Russia.
Graphic by Jill Graves
Zhenya Yevtushenko Staff Writer
On Jan. 19, hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians came out to Kiev’s frigid main square to rally against anti-protesting laws that are being hurriedly passed. The government has been escalating confrontation and violence with protesters, and this has begged the question of whether or not Ukraine is on the brink of another revolution. What has enraged and mobilized so many people? Where is all this leading? The origins of these protests are multi-faceted and in order to understand what is currently going on we must look back ten years to when Ukrainians last took to the streets. In 2004 Ukraine achieved a major milestone, a free and fair election amidst a dramatic and bloodless transition of power. The election featured a run-off between popular opposition leader Viktor Yuschenko and the governmentbacked sitting prime minister Viktor Yanukovich. After the second round of elections it seemed that Yanukovich had claimed victory with a base of Russia-neighboring Ukrainians from the Southeast of the country voting for him. However, many international observers, foreign governors governments and Ukrainians felt that the elections were fraudulent. Domestic protests led by a mix of young and old Ukrainians with several key opposition leaders participating put pressure to review
The divide in support for current Ukrainian president Viktor Yanukovich falls along east-west geographic lines, as do the regions in which Russian is primarily spoken versus Ukrainian. The shades of grey on the map show which region voted for which candidate in Ukraine’s 2010 presidential election, while the lines show the predominant language in each region.
spurring hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians to protest in Kiev’s Independence Square (or Maidan Nezalezhnosti in Ukrainian). Yanukovich was largely pressured by Russia to choose between Russia and Europe, and it was an offer Ukraine could not afford to refuse. The country is an important geographic route for natural gas pipelines into Europe and both Russia and the EU purchase about 25 percent of Ukraine’s exports. However, Ukraine is very reliant on Russia economically, as about 60 percent of Ukraine’s natural gas comes from Russia at a discounted rate. Russian president Vladimir Putin promised an even higher discount if the Ukrainian government did not extend its trade agreement with the EU. “No one other than Russia can provide Ukraine with the neces-
sary funds so quickly and in such quantity,” said Igor Shuvalov, Russia’s First Deputy Prime Minister, “a gas agreement could help relieve Ukraine of a huge problem. We can also give them a loan, but we will not help them without commitments of their part.” From Russia’s perspective, Ukraine is vital to its own success as an important trading partner, a militarily strategic country and as an origin of Orthodox and Slavic culture. Putin has also been building an economic bloc with countries such as Belarus, Kazakhstan and Armenia to counterbalance what he perceives as European encroachment in Russia’s near abroad. With further analysis it becomes plain to see that Russia is just as dependent on Ukraine as Ukraine is on Russia. After all, Russia cannot access European energy markets without cutting through Ukraine. It should be noted that energy security and diversification have been a priority for both the EU and Russia, with limited success. Additionally, Russia cannot afford to alienate Ukraine or Europe just as Europe and the Ukraine cannot afford to ignore Russia—such is the political price of economic development. German Chancellor Angela Merkel told reporters that “Ukraine must be able to decide freely. The Cold War is over.” The roots of this protest, dubbed EuroMaidan, are much deeper than just economics . The driving force behind these protests, dubbed EuroMaidan is much more than a nullified trade agreement. What leads thousands of people to protest in cold and snowy weather ranging between 12° F and blistering highs of 15° F? Ukrainian popular opinion shows a split between those that want their country to extend the trading agreement with the EU and those which feel closer to Russia. However, the larger problem at Photo courtesy of Reuters To protest the administration of current Thai prime minister Yingluck Shinawatra, Thai citizens have congregated throughout hand is the abuse of power and Bangkok’s central business district. Above, we see protestors outside of the Thai Customs Department on Jan. 14 as they attempt to corruption that many sought to end in 2004. keep government workers from entering the building. the results. After investigations, the Ukrainian Supreme Court ordered yet another runoff between the two men, with Yuschenko winning 52 percent of the vote and Yanukovich 44 percent. Shortly after, Yanukovich stepped down from his post of prime minister in order to prevent bloodshed and ensure a peaceful transition. This became known as the Orange Revolution, a massive peaceful protest that was not only about voter-fraud but was spurred on by years of corruption and a desire for a new direction for the country. Now after much political drama and change we find ourselves in 2014, and Ukraine seems to have regressed largely from the promising autumn of 2004. President Yanukovich decided not to sign a trade agreement with the European Union on Nov. 21
Barricade of the Week
Transparency International, an NGO that monitors corporate and government corruption in economic development, places Ukraine 144 out of 177 countries on its Corruption Perceptions Index, a composite ranking with data from independent policy and business surveys. This means that Ukraine is regarded as the 144th least corrupt country in the world (the lower the ranking the higher the perceived corruption). Compare that with the United States at 19th, Afghanistan at 175th and Russia at 127th, which is not good especially for a country that has some aspiration of joining the EU. Even if it were to join Russia in a trading bloc, the corruption that abounds in the country would definitely make business difficult, inefficient and problematic. Additionally, Ukrainians are tired of the political repression of the press and alleged political enemies—notably the recent and horrific beating of journalist and activist Tetiana Chornoval who was researching and is still planning on publishing an article exposing corruption of high state officials. The politically-charged imprisonment of former prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko has also added much frustration to Ukranians. It is not for other countries to decide for Ukraine what to do. Ukrainians feel differently about their relationship with Russia. Some see it as a necessary and important cultural partnership, and others tire of feeling the weight of Russia’s shadow. However, everyone wishes to move beyond echoes of the Soviet era’s corruption and repression. There are many scenarios in which Ukraine can maintain a balance between Russia and Europe, and perhaps a balance would be best for all countries. The choice should not be between East or West but rather between the past or the near future.
The Barricade
the Collegian : 9
21 january 2014
2014 Oklahoma legislative preview
Your Oklahoma legislators are introducing some fairly interesting laws this legislative session.
Kimberly Poff Staff Writer
The Oklahoma Legislature has been in the news a lot lately. For instance, a group of Satanists have been lobbying to place a statue of Satan, depicted as having horns, wings and a goat’s head, as a com-
plement to the existing Ten Commandments monument on capitol grounds. Representative Paul Wesselhoft commented to a broadcaster from KFOR-TV, “They’re trying to get our goat, and I’m not going to let them do that.” The shenanigans, however, are not limited to the grounds of the state capitol building. Many of the laws on the 2014 docket are equally strange. Representative Sally Kern has proposed the “Common Sense Zero Tolerance Act” that prohibits schools from punishing students for, among other things, “brandishing a pastry or other food which is partially consumed in such a
way that the remnant resembles a weapon.” This bill HB 2329 is partially in response to an incident in Maryland where a student was suspended for chewing a poptart into the shape of a gun. Senator Rob Standbridge has introduced a bill SB 1373 requiring couples with children to wait 90 days when filing for a divorce. In that time they must complete an “educational program.” This waiting period can be waived for a variety of reasons, for example if one member of the couple is in prison or has been “an inmate of a private sanitarium” for five years. Also on the topic of divorce, House Bill 3115 authored by Rep-
resentative Sean Roberts deletes “incompatibility” from the list of reasons why the State of Oklahoma will grant a divorce. Impotence, and the woman being pregnant by another man at the time of marriage however, remain valid reasons. The bill makes no mention of the man’s possible other children. Senator Rob Ford proposes an otherwise fairly technical bill SB 1469 for school accreditation which penalizes schools who don’t pass muster by shutting them down entirely. Students would simply be transferred to better schools. Gas is cheaper than teachers. Senator Kern has introduced another bill which would create a
special committee to investigate the legality of allowing foreign teachers in charter schools. Among other issues, the potential for human trafficking and whether American teachers should be given employment preference are listed in HB 3141. House Bill 2541, introduced by Representative Terry O’Donnell, starts by making sexting illegal for minors. A variety of fines and community service hours apply depending on the age of the person referenced or pictured in the material. The bill then outlines prevention programs in schools which include, among other things, dress codes.
Some legislation isn’t strange per se, but some proposed penalties for various crimes seem out of sync with the rest of the penal code. Here is a list of (maximum) jail sentences and the ways they might be incurred. Italicized crimes are sentences being considered by the legislature this session: 30 Days — Assault, or per- 2 Years — concealing the domestic assault and batextortion, second degree sonal use of a state vehicle death of a bastard child untery, second degree manrobbery 90 Days — Battery, falsely der the age of two, recording slaughter 15 Years — second degree reporting a crime a jury 5 Years — Posting obscene rape, third degree arson 1 Year — Domestic Shoot3 Years — destroying the photos on the internet of 20 years — Domestic Vioing, Domestic Violence in flag, accepting a bribe to someone else without conlence against a pregnant the presence of a minor, conceal a crime sent, prostitution woman, giving “controlled reporting a false amber alert 4 Years — second offense 10 Years — kidnapping for substances” to a minor
Who has religious liberty: businesses or individuals? The contraception debate forces us to consider the consequences of allowing businesses to claim religious freedoms. Nikki Hager
Staff Writer
A main provision of the Affordable Care Act, or Obamacare, is a mandate requiring large-scale employers to provide complete contraceptive coverage to their employees. Around 35 secular corporations have taken the mandate to court— including Oklahoma-based craft chain Hobby Lobby—arguing that the requirement violates the organizations’ religious freedoms.
In efforts to help pass the ACA with more conservative support, the original law included an option for religious non-profit employers to sign a form releasing them from the mandate and allowing a third party to provide contraceptive coverage instead. Recently, a group of nuns who run nursing homes around the country, the Little Sisters of the Poor, have challenged the exception, arguing that even signing a form, knowing that they would be effectively providing contraceptive coverage, violates their core beliefs and First Amendment religious freedoms. In addition to determining the constitutionality of the mandate, the court cases arising from these controversies represent a larger theme in American politics: the rights of companies and groups coming into conflict with the rights of individuals.
Several courts have cited the controversial 2010 Citizens United decision as precedence that companies, indeed, have the same rights as individuals. The Citizens United case involved businesses financing political campaigns and determined that corporations and unions could fund candidates’ campaigns for federal office under the premise that financing is considered speech, and thus is protected by the First Amendment. The decision implied that corporations should be treated as individuals, emphasizing the value of what was being paid for or “said” rather than the unique identity of the speaker. Following this decision, a Colorado judge said that if corporations could practice free speech, then there would be no reason that they could not exercise religious practices as well.
If the Supreme Court ultimately decides that corporations do have the religious right to refuse to provide contraception, it could create a “moral hazard”—meaning there are greater implications of giving employers religious freedom that surpass the provision of birth control. Employers could impose their own medical preferences on their employees. Potentially, employers could refuse to allow their staff access to consultation, limit procedures or otherwise interfere with the medical process. No longer would health decisions be made between a patient and his or her doctor, but between the patient, his or her employer and the doctor. The inability for Republicans and Democrats to agree on almost anything recently has reinforced the idea that the two groups are completely polarized on opposite
sides of the political spectrum. Despite the deadlock in Washington, this issue suggests that the two groups might have more in common than they are given credit for. While minority groups may disagree, the conversation is not about which religion is more important or whether or not contraception is something that should be legal. Both parties agree that religious liberty is important, which is not the case in numerous other countries around the world. The issue at hand boils down to who should be given religious freedom: individuals or employers. The controversy surrounding Citizens United and these new cases goes beyond campaign finance and the provision of birth control. Rather, it distinguishes fundamental features in American political discourse.
Zero-tolerance punishments unfair, unproductive Student discipline should be more context-sensitive than current mandatory punishments. Abigail LaBounty Staff Writer
On Jan. 9, the United States Departments of Education and Justice released new guidelines for discipline in schools, calling for an end to zero-tolerance policies. The new guidelines are greeted by advocates concerned about the disproportionate way zerotolerance policies treat minority students, as well as those who believe that the old policies just do not work.
The guidelines outline alternative “positive discipline” practices to help make students feel safer in school. Zero-tolerance policies outline automatic punishments that must be given for infractions in schools regardless of context or extenuating circumstances. They began in 1994 with the Gun-Free Schools Act. The law states that a student who brings a firearm to school must be suspended for at least one year. If a school refuses to expel the student for the required length of time, they risk the loss of all federal funding. Five years later, zero-tolerance policies gained major prominence after the Columbine school shooting in 1999 and were extended to encompass drug use, tobacco, alcohol and truancy. In recent years, zero-tolerance policies have been the source of
media attention because of the severe way they treat more minor infractions. In 2011, a 12-year-old Texas student was ticketed for spraying perfume in class after bullies told her she smelled bad. Four students in Illinois were suspended for bringing caffeinated mints to school. A Virginia teenager was expelled for blowing plastic pellets through a tube at other students. Altogether in 2010 and 2011, 3 million students were suspended, and 250 thousand were referred to law enforcement even though 95 percent of them were suspended for nonviolent behaviors. Of the 3 million students suspended, 70 percent were black, Hispanic or disabled. These punishments take students out of the classroom and have been shown to lead to worse performance in school and higher dropout rates which result in more
youth entering the criminal justice system earlier. In the worst cases, students have committed suicide because they could not deal with the fallout. With such drastic consequences, it is important for us to ask ourselves if the benefits of zero-tolerance policies are worth the risk to our students. Despite their harsh consequences, numerous studies have shown that zero-tolerance policies have little to no effect on deterring the infractions they punish. Not everyone is happy about the shift from zero-tolerance policies. There are those that worry that if we do away with the policies, students will see that their actions will not have serious consequences and try to get away with breaking more rules. Many are also worried that minority students will not get punished for infractions if teachers are
The Collegian is the independent student newspaper of the University of Tulsa. It is distributed Mondays during the fall and spring semesters except during holidays and final exam weeks. The University of Tulsa does not discriminate on the basis of personal status or group characteristics including but not limited to the classes protected under federal and state law in its programs, services, aids, or benefits. Inquiries regarding implementation of this policy may be addressed to the Office of Human Resources, 800 South Tucker Drive, Tulsa, Oklahoma 74104-9700, 918-631-2616. Requests for accommodation of disabilities may be addressed to the University’s 504 Coordinator, Dr. Tawny Taylor, 918-631-3814. To ensure availability of an interpreter, five to seven days notice is needed; 48 hours is recommended for all other accommodations. Advertising Policy: Advertising appearing in this publication does not imply approval or endorsement by the University of Tulsa or The Collegian for the products or services advertised. For advertising information, email The Collegian at collegian@utulsa.edu or elizabeth-cohen@utulsa.edu. The deadline for advertising is 12 p.m. on the Friday prior to the publication. Editing Policy: The Collegian reserves the right to edit all copy submitted by all writers. This editing may take place in many forms, including grammar corrections, changes in paragraph structure or even the addition or removal of sections of content. Editorial Policy: Columnists are solely responsible for the content of their columns. Opinions expressed in columns may not represent the opinions of the entire Collegian staff, the administrative policies of the University of Tulsa, the views of the student body or our advertisers. Letter Policy: Letters to the editor must be less than 500 words. While we do not require it, letters sent via e-mail to the Collegian are encouraged. Under no circumstances will anonymous letters be published. The name of the person submitting the letter must be published with the letter. We reserve the right to edit or reject all letters. The deadline for letters is 5 p.m. on the Saturday prior to publication.
always trying to meet a balanced quota of those they punish. These objections seem groundless when you consider that expulsion and suspension are not being taken away as disciplinary tools. Rather, the Department of Justice is encouraging school faculty to use them as last resorts rather than as an automatic response. A student could still be suspended for bringing marijuana to school but not for taking an Advil for a headache. Teachers are not being asked to meet race quotas for punishments. They are being given training on how to meet their own unconscious prejudices and asked to try positive discipline instead. The evidence shows that zerotolerance policies do not work and that the consequences of using them can be extreme. Two decades after zero-tolerance first emerged, it is time to try something new.
editor-in-chief—J.Christopher Proctor managing editor—Conor Fellin news editor—Morgan Krueger sports editor—Will Bramlett variety editor—Stephanie Hice editor of the barricade—Patrick Creedon satire editor—Anna Bennett photo & graphics editor—Jill Graves copy editors—Will Boogert, Amy Bunselmeyer, Kalen Petersen business & advertising manager—Liz Cohen distribution manager—Walker Womack web manager—Alex White
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21 january 2014
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Graphic courtesy of the LA Times
On the hallowed grounds of the Oklahoma capitol building lies a monument to the Christian nature of Oklahoma: a two-thousand-pound statue of the Ten Commandments. It was finally erected in 2012 after being approved by Oklahoma lawmakers in 2009. However, as of early January, members of the New York City-based Satanic Temple submitted an application to have the above statue of Baphomet placed on the Capitol Grounds alongside the statue of the Ten Commandments. While we at the Collegian clearly support the erection of such a glorious statue, we have some important aesthetic critiques. You, our precious reader, will find them below. J.Christopher Proctor Editor-in-Thief
I have to start by applauding the good Satanists for designing the beautiful rendering seen above. But this design doesn’t go nearly far enough. Here are a few modest proposals for improvements to the statute in question. First, The Prince of the Devils should clearly be able to breath fire. This could be in a continuous stream of taxpayer funded hellfire or user activated via text message. Either would suffice. Also, more children would definitely be a plus. A few dozen should do. However, if we are willing to embrace a more fundamental redesign I think there is some real potential here. The Angel of Darkness gallantly riding a demonic horse into Armageddon? The Evil One sitting triumphantly on a massive throne of the skulls of his followers? A gigantic Lucifer straddling the capitol building with his chest split open and the souls of the damned pouring out onto the streets of downtown Oklahoma City? I’m no artist, but I think we can do better.
Graphic by Jill Graves
Morgan Krueger Confused News Editor
When I first heard the Santaists were creating a statue for all Oklahomans to enjoy, I was elated. Christmas is the best time of year! Now whenever I get those July blues, I can waltz over to the capitol grounds and relive my childhood as I gaze upon the everlasting cheer of Santa Claus. But there is one thing, or a few small things, that would make a Saint Nick monument even jollier. Elves! These cute little helpers who aid in bringing the children of the world material goods that will never truly bring anyone happiness, are adorable. I just want to take one home with me and make him do my calculus homework! Go elves! Back to the focus of attention, Kris Kringle will make all our lives merrier. Let us hug his gluttonous yet endearing tummy and ask for all the things he will never give us. Dream on, children. Papa Noel’s statue will further support the jovial lie that somewhere out there, there is a portly, elderly man who loves you. Hey, at least someone does. Thank you Father Christmas. Thank you.
Conor Fellin
Micromanaging Editor My friends who find aesthetic flaws in the Satan statue delude themselves. Using the FabLab’s 3D printing capabilities, I have personally examined every inch of the proposed statue with each of my senses, and I can certify that it is perfect. Yet all is not well in the state of Oklahoma. A Rembrandt does not belong in a mud pit, and the Satan statute does not belong in the eyesore that is the Oklahoma capitol grounds. I therefore propose a series of improvements to the capitol to make it more worthy to hold the statue of the Lord of the Flies. First, demolish the capitol building. Replace it with a multi-story, open-air labyrinth so vast and tortuous that only those skilled in the ways of the Prince of Lies can navigate to its center, which shall contain both of the legislative chambers. Second, construct an altar behind the statue on which human scapegoats can be sacrificed to the Morning Star to create the illusion of staying His impending slaughter. The victims of all sacrifices shall be determined by a vote of the mob. Third, keep the oil derrick exactly as it is. With these changes, Oklahoma’s capitol shall finally earn the right to house the beautiful representation of the Prince of Darkness that is the Satan statue.
the collegian: 11
21 January 2014
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The International Living Community offers an excellent opportunity for American students and international students to live together in an environment that fosters interaction and understanding. The ILC is open to all members of the TU community with the goal of a balanced population of domestic and international students. The ILC is located near the engineering complex, the performance center, and major athletics venues including Chapman Stadium and the Reynolds Center.
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21 January 2013
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Gun-shaped food reigns terror upon OK schools
Attempts to preserve the “imagination” of young students inevitably lead to semi-automatic food fights. Nikki Hager
Deathly Allergic to Nuts
Graphic by Anna Bennett
No one is more thrilled about the hippie-friendly changes to the university than President Upham. The prestigious leader now wishes to be referred to as “Tall Grass” Uphigh and will be giving press releases in song form. He dismissed several uptight reporters at a recent press conference by insisting they were “harshing his vibe.”
Campus goes extra green The move to single-stream recycling generates momentum for the “Hippification” of the TU campus. Kalen Petersen Dirty Hippie
Just weeks after the University of Tulsa initiated a single-stream recycling program, school officials announced a spate of other policy changes designed to make the campus what one administrator called a more “tree-huggin’, freelovin’, place.” Among other changes, it was announced that Chapman Commons will be converted into a collective organic farm, where coeducational students will “live in harmony, like children of the cosmos,” growing alfalfa sprouts and soybeans, and “learning the sacred songs of the trees and the earthworms.” Among the new plans already underway is the demolition of Holmes Student Center to make way for an enormous compost pile. Citing the growing trend of “children hurting, people dying, cities burning, mothers crying,”
the university also instituted a new “Guitars, Not Guns” policy, reversing its previous stance on arming campus security officers, who will now carry six-string acoustics in place of glocks. Campus security will no longer conduct party shutdowns, but officers will be free to join in the revelry, playing “groovy tunes” on their new “weapons of peace” while partaking in any “libations” offered by students. According to the statement, TU can also expect some modifications to its dress code—eliminating requirements for shoes, shirts or other clothes in academic buildings—and to its official motto, “Wisdom, Faith, Service,” which will be replaced with “Weed, Friendship, Sustainability.” Additionally, the golden cross on the official seal will be inverted and modified to make a peace sign. In a press conference held Monday in the boughs of a willow tree, President Steadman Upham said that these policy shifts were a natural progression from the move to single-stream recycling. Alternating between answering questions and drawing slowly on a hookah pipe, Upham said, “After we went
single-stream, there was no turning back. We realized that TU had opened the door to a Shangri-La of peace.” When asked how these changes would affect the university’s budget, Upham called money “a total bummer,” and asked, “But, what is a budget, really, if you think about it?” Following the press event, Upham invited reporters to join him in singing the chorus to John Lennon’s “Imagine.” The university’s new direction will affect many aspects of campus life, including health care. The Alexander Health Center will now be prescribing medical marijuana, which will be locally grown in Oliphant Hall’s rooftop greenhouse. Other planned changes include the creation of a new astrology major, the addition of tambourine courses to the music department curriculum, the replacement of the fight song with “War” by Edwin Starr and the elimination of traditional sports in favor of frisbee and hacky sack competitions. Despite these decisions, administrators quickly extinguished rumors that TU plans to make any changes to its petroleum engineering program.
Following the passage of HB 2351, also known as the “Common Sense Zero Tolerance Act,” (the uninformed reader is encouraged to read page 9 of this week’s Collegian) pandemonium has exploded throughout playgrounds across Oklahoma. The chaos began at Glockview Elementary school in Tulsa. “It all started after Sally Winchester chewed her ultimate meatlovers pizza into an AK-47,” said 7-year old Freddie Colt. “She jumped on the lunch table and started firing pepperonis at Mr. Remington’s third grade class!” Bonnie Colt, mother of Freddie, initially supported the measure, “I really thought it only applied to pastries. I didn’t see any harm in a gun-shaped poptart, even croissants or empanadas. But pizza? That takes it over the line.” Several sources claim that a member of the class retaliated by launching a slew of peanut butter grenades. Glockview, which has banned all nuts from school lunches, has refused to comment. Several hours later the disorder had spread to neighboring schools Maximridge and Famas Heights. “We were just playing cops and robbers as usual,” said Uzi
Johnson, a fifth grader from Maximridge, “then that loser 4th grader John Heckler thought it would hilarious to bring a SuperSoaker full of cat pee. I had to go back to class smelling like an old lady who got sprayed by a skunk.” The worst incident yet involved a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200Shot Range Model Air Rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time being used to shoot a student’s eye out. Teachers did their best to try and stop the student, but under the new legislation they were unable to do so. State legislator Sally Kern, who authored the “Common Sense Zero Tolerance Act,” said, “I really think this is a small price to pay to protect the Second Amendment. If we did not pass the legislation, who knows what they would try to take next. It could be paintball, lazer tag, even airsoft guns. Once that happens it’s really just a slippery slope.” The disruption in the classroom, however, is not Kern’s biggest concern. “What we really need to be careful of is the new legislation surrounding lunch time etiquette.” Kern is referring to the “Common Sense Some Tolerance Act” that is to be voted on next week. The law would allow students to chew poptarts and other foods into phallic and sexual objects in addition to the aforementioned firearms. However, the legislation limits “penetration between two same-sex shaped foods.” The use of condiments is suggested between foods of different groups.
Best of 2014 2014 may have just started, but that doesn’t mean we can’t assume with some certainty what it has in store! Here’s what you have to look forward to... Best Movie Go to Sleep, Bich, Darren Aronofsky’s epic adaptation of the “Contemporary Eric” video. Best World Leader Kim Jong Tu Best Blog The Reasonable Gun Nut’s Cookbook Best Celebrity Fashion Moment Jennifer Lawrence’s sweatpants malfunction Best Porno Polar Whortex 3 Best Sports Moment Putin’s surprise appearance, and victory, in the Men’s individual figure skating event in Sochi Best Song Miley Cyrus ft. Ke$ha, “I Can Probably Fit a Beer Bottle in My Vagina” Best Tweet “HAHA. I’M a communist AND I’M DRUNK!!!!!! GotCHA USA. #Kenya #POTUSBitches #TakinYourGunnns -bo” @BarackObama Best Pop Cover Andrea Bocelli’s cover of “Bubble Butt”
Solar Vortex Graphic by Anna Bennett
Temperatures not reached since the Jurassic ages are expected in this week’s Solar Vortex. The heat index will soar as the Earth is pulled off its axis and spirals precipitously towards the Sun, boiling the oceans and rendering the air thicker than pea soup. Massive flight cancellations are expected.
Best Sex Advice from “Cosmo” “Brush the underside of his testicles with a wire toothbrush. It’ll bring him ever closer to ecstasy. Don’t forget the hot wax!” Best New Band Schroedinger’s Muskrat Best Thing to Like Ironically Your parents Best New Popular Scientific Term Devil Particle