26 January 2015

a student newspaper of the university of tulsa

january 26, 2015 issue 14 ~ volume 100

Golden Hurricane muzzles Memphis p. 10

College of Law gets new Dean, p. 2 TU orgs commemorate Martin Luther King, p. 3 “Invisible War� exposes rape in the military, p. 6 Students respond to State of the Union, p. 9 OK weed suit unjustified, p. 9

David Kennedy / Collegian

For eleven straight games, the Memphis Tigers have given the Golden Hurricane nightmares, beating it time and time again. This time was different. For the first time since a cold, wintry night in January 1971, Tulsa beat the Tigers at home. Led by juniors James Woodard, Shaquille Harrison and Brandon Swannegan (pictured) the Golden Hurricane has been the hottest team in the American Conference, winning its last nine games and its last 17 conference matchups. See story, p. 10

NEWS

the Collegian : 2

26 january 2015

Lyn Entzeroth to take over College of Law Following Janet Levit’s decision to step down as the dean of the law school, Lyn Entzeroth has been selected to replace her. Levit’s tenure was marked by notable achievements, and Entzeroth hopes to continue improving the law school’s upward trajectory. Student Life Reporter Michaela Flonard reports.

On July 1, Lyn Entzeroth will become the new dean of the John Rogers College of Law. Entzeroth, has been a part of TU since 2002, specializing in capital punishment, criminal procedure and other related fields. For the past three years, she has served as the Associate Dean of Academic Development, working internally at the College of Law. The current dean, Janet Levit, announced she would step down September of last year. After eight years of service, she wanted to step down for a “combination of personal and professional reasons.” She wanted to spend more quality time with her children and “wanted to step down at a time of strength.”

“This was a moment of stability where a transition could be done in

a really healthy way,” Levit said.

She found it interesting that “when I first announced, everyone was looking for a crisis. There was no crisis.”

She plans to stay with the college. For the 2015–16 academic year, however, she will take a sabbatical.

When Levit returns, she says her “intent is to come back in a purely teaching capacity.” However, she has “promised (herself), promised the school and the next dean, any way that I can help to make this place better, I’m willing to do.”

According to Levit, what she’s “most proud about (in her term as dean) is that our students are doing so well,” especially after the 2008 recession that slowed the legal job market.

During Levit’s term, the college became one of U.S. News and World Report’s top 100 law schools. Entzeroth hopes to stay on this trajectory, specifically saying she hopes to “increase the class size while maintaining our high ranking.”

There are a number of things that affect this rating, such as the student-teacher ratio, academic profile of the class, and the reputation of the faculty. “I’m going to work on all of them,” Entzeroth said, “because they’re all important. You have to look at the Col-

lege of Law very holistically.”

Levit emphasized the importance of faculty, saying “a lot of (the success) was really due to our faculty that cares deeply for our students, thinking about what our students need to hit the ground running.”

There are several programs that Entzeroth wants to “take to the next step” as dean. The college is planning to have an accelerated law program, especially for undergrads. In this plan, a student could do three and a half years in an Arts and Sciences program and two and a half years in the law, earning both a JD (Juris Doctor) and undergraduate degree, for instance.

The college of law is also currently offering block courses, which Entzeroth hopes to continue. Entzeroth added that the college has “developed and hopes to implement in the fall a minor in Law.” If enough interest is generated in this minor, Levit hopes a major might be created. According to Levit, the creation of such programs came from “recognizing students and a lot of professionals that could benefit from legal education do not necessarily need to be licensed lawyers.”

Because of her work as Associate Dean, Entzeroth has been involved in the creation of these

programs and is “really looking forward to implementing these programs.”

Taking experiential law education to the next level is also one of Entzeroth’s goals. Currently, the university has two clinics, where students are given cases to work under the supervision of faculty.

She also wants to make externships a “robust part of our curriculum.” Externships attempt to give students an insight into their field, similar to internships. Ninety externships are available through the

college of law. Entzeroth wants to continue and expand externship opportunities.

As for Entzeroth’s scholarly work, she’s “not sure how much time (she’ll) have to keep doing the research and scholarship” that she’s used to doing. While capital punishment and the surrounding issues will remain important to Entzeroth, she doesn’t see herself “doing significant scholarship in the next few years.” She is, however, “excited for the future.”

Photo courtesy University of Tulsa

Lyn Entzeroth has big plans for the law school for when she takes over in July, including offering more undergraduate courses and expanding law clincs.

University diplomacy: Orgs host Brazilian panel The Brazilian Youth Ambassadors spoke at a panel last week. The program exists to strengthen ties between the United States and Brazil.

University News Reporter Caitlin Woods reports.

The Brazilian Youth Ambassadors Panel was held Thursday, Jan. 22 in the Allen Chapman Student Union. The panel, organized

in part by the Brazilian Club, Center for Global Education and Tulsa Global Alliance, consisted of 50 Brazilian students, all of whom represent their schools and towns as outstanding students.

Renan Kuntz, a member of the TU Brazil Club, spoke about the panel and the Youth Ambassadors program. “The Youth Ambassadors program is a program which every year sends students from Brazil. They’re… outstanding leaders in their communities—

they’re very active in volunteering and making change.”

“Tulsa is one of the host cities that always receives people,” said Kuntz. “They’re coming to TU to visit the campus, and also to share what they do in Brazil…. They’ll be sharing about their culture, they really want to know how (the) college experience (is) and about American culture.”

Kuntz was introduced to TU through the Youth Ambassadors program. “I didn’t come to Tulsa, I

went to Montana, but… everyone gets to know each other, and (the students who came to Tulsa) went to Booker T. Washington.”

Kuntz became friends with a girl from Booker T., who discovered a scholarship for South American students to study at TU. “I applied, and I didn’t get that scholarship but I got another one.… That’s basically how I got here.”

The Youth Ambassadors program “was developed and is still carried out by the US Embassy in

Brazil. It is also funded by the US State Department” with hopes to “strengthen partnerships between Brazil and the US,” said Kuntz.

“They kind of pick all these students who are very outstanding and very active where they are from and they see those students as being the future of Brazil, and so they want to be preparing for having more partnerships between Brazil in the future.”

26 january 2015

NEWS

the Collegian : 3

ABC, student orgs commemorate Martin Luther King, Jr.

Sara Douglas / Collegian

Krisheena Kimbrew of TU’s Association of Black Collegians sings the hymn, “Lift Every Voice & Sing,” during the Martin Luther King, Jr. vigil held on Monday, Jan. 19, at Sharp Chapel.

Following a parade through the historic Greenwood district in downtown Tulsa, the Association of Black Collegians led a candlelight vigil that included prayer, a recitation of the “I Have a Dream” speech, a sermon on hope, songs of strength and a commitment to justice. Staff Writer Sara Douglas reports.

Monday, Jan. 19 marked a day of remembrance for renowned civil rights activist Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. A parade commemorated the occasion in downtown Tulsa, winding through the historic Greenwood district that was the epicenter for the city’s 1921 Race Riots.

About 15 members of TU’s Association of Black Collegians (ABC) marched in the parade, joined by Pride, alumni chapters of fraternities and sororities and two nonmembers from the rowing team. Jasmine Antwine of ABC “thought that was a really cool collaboration.”

Students of middle and high schools accompanied by their bands, as well as church members from the city’s north side marched in the parade. This year saw thousands of people from various businesses, schools, churches and organizations make their way downtown for the commemorative parade.

After returning from the parade, Antwine and Isaac Sanders convened at Sharp Chapel in anticipation of the ABC’s memorial and candlelight vigil. They were joined by other ABC members: Sarah Hicks, Kyla

Sloan, Tendai Dandajena, Jevan Bremby and Carter Neblett, to name a few.

Once attendees had arrived, the vigil was opened with a welcome given by Dandajena. The core message of the opening was that “all men and all women are created equal,” and that we should strive towards eradicating “ignorance, violence, hate, oppression and discrimination,” as Dr. King did with nonviolence.

Antwine followed the opening with a prayer, thanking God for “the diversity of races and cultures in this world, for it is our differences that enrich life and make it exciting.” Dr. King’s example of loving others was emphasized as being powerful and holy.

Antwine asked “that we too may see a vision and help bring about … truth and life, holiness and grace, justice, love and peace.”

Reverend Kennard Johnson, an associate minister from St. Andrew Baptist Church in downtown Tulsa, was next to speak to the crowd of students, faculty and others who had come to the vigil. Johnson recited from memory Dr. King’s iconic “I Have a Dream” speech.

The audience responded to Johnson’s “I Have A Dream” recitation with many “Amens” and enthusiastic applause.

“Everyone just needs to hear that every once in a while,” said Sarah Hicks, a sophomore ABC member at the vigil.

Krisheena Kimbrew of ABC followed up “I Have a Dream” with a hymn, “Lift Every Voice and Sing.”

ABC’s Kyla Sloan invited her cousin, Reverend Semaj Y. Vanzant, Sr. from the Christ Experience church in Oklahoma City to be the keynote speaker for the vigil. After a lighthearted introduction, Rev. Vanzant began with his sermon, which was largely drawn from a sermon entitled “Shattered Dreams” that Dr. King had given to his church community at Dexter Avenue Baptist Church in Montgomery, Ala. in 1959.

“In your efforts to achieve Dr. King’s dreams and our own dreams, somewhere along the journey, you will have shattered dreams,” Vanzant began. “We have to have the capacity to hold on with an infinite hope.”

Rev. Vanzant urged the attendees to “stand

up against those things that are wrong and stand in solidarity with the less fortunate.”

Dr. King had stated that “few, if any, of our lives seem to find our finest hopes fulfilled,” but we must “accept finite disappointment but cling to an infinite hope.” That was the main point stressed throughout Rev. Vanzant’s speech, and it seemed to give hope to the audience and spark conversations about persevering and supporting each other at the reception following the vigil.

Once the sermon had concluded, candles which had been distributed to the attendees, were lit and another hymn, “We Shall Overcome,” was sung by the audience. To conclude the memorial, a Commitment to Justice was led by Amber Fleet of ABC. The audience, following Fleet’s guidance, said they would light their candles “against the darkness of ignorance, hatred, violence, and bigotry; to illuminate a path of mutual respect, understanding, acceptance, and peace; and as a sign of solidarity with all whose lives have been touched by bullying, harassment, discrimination, violence, and terror.”

January 15 11:45 a.m.

Officers were informed by housing staff that they received a report that a Mayo Village resident had possession of contraband.

Officers went to the apartment to further investigate. Officers discovered that the student was in possession of stolen university property, drug paraphernalia, a hand gun, firearm ammunitions, pills testing positive for MDMA, various other unidentified pills, and a dog in the apartment. TPD took the suspect into custody. The student was banned from university property.

that had been damaged while they were out of the country. It is unknown how the damage occurred but it does not appear to have been from another vehicle. The student was advised to file a report with the Tulsa Police Department

Little Blue House’s Wachowski promoted to director Jennie Wachowski took over as interim director of United Campus Ministries last fall. This semester she has been officially promoted to executive director. Student Writer Kayleigh Thesenvitz reports.

Jennie Wachowski has called Tulsa home for most of her life. “I went to college thinking I was never coming back,” she said. She felt Oklahoma wasn’t the place for her because the stereotype it has for being radically conservative doesn’t fit with her beliefs.

While attending Smith College in Massachusetts she began to realize that being surrounded by like-minded people only made her more cynical. Wachowski said that she took her opinions for granted because she didn’t feel challenged to share them. After getting her Bachelor’s in Women’s and Gender studies she returned to Tulsa. She became a grant writer and inclusion institute coordinator for the YWCA. Wachowski was and is still good friends with the previous director of the United Campus Ministries. So when Reverend Nancy Eggen decided it was time to retire, she called Wachowski and suggested she apply.

Wachowski’s deciding factor was that she “felt called to ministry here.” She feels that social justice work is tied to her faith, and that is why she is so passionate about it.

She has also recently started her seminary training at Phillips Theological Seminary in Tulsa.

As the only staff member of the nonprofit, Wachowski wears many hats. She handles the business side of things, which involves attending board meetings, tracking funds and communicating with networks of other nonprofits and charities in the Tulsa area.

She also works directly with students by supporting the student groups housed in the Little Blue House and connecting them to other organizations they can work with outside of campus.

Additionally, she provides pastoral care for students outside of what the university can provide so that students can feel more

comfortable talking about any issues they have.

Most importantly, she said, “Social justice happens because students make it happen.”

There are plenty of new things happening in the Little Blue House this semester.

There will be a new LGBTQ support group separate from PRIDE that will be more confidential. This is aimed at students who are only just beginning to embrace their sexuality and aren’t quite ready to announce it to the world.

In addition, the Society for Gender Equality is going to a reproductive justice conference in mid-February. There will also be a new faith group with a devotional study on Nadia Bolz-Weber’s book “Pastrix,” which focuses on the author’s unconventional religious faith.

“I’m in this work because I believe that every human being is a beloved child of God,” Wachowski said. “To do this work for a long time you have to be sustained by faith, whether in a religion or a community.”

January 16 7:51 p.m.

The University of Tulsa Campus Security Office was informed by Tulsa Police Department (TPD) Sex Crimes Detectives that an investigation revealed a Peeping Tom - with an electronic device offense, had taken place on 12 JAN 2015 at the Delta Delta Delta sorority house. The suspect was identified in a previous incident and was apprehended and booked into the Tulsa County Jail (David L. Moss Criminal Justice Center).

Sara Douglas / Collegian

Late last semester, Tulsa native Jennie Wachowski took over United Campus Ministries’ only full-time paid position as executive director.

1:05 a.m.

Officers were dispatched to investigate a student witnessed looking into windows on Sorority Row. The student was apprehended and released pending further investigation by the Tulsa Police Department.

January 17 2:30 p.m.

Officers investigated a student’s vehicle

7:40 p.m.

Officers were dispatched to Fisher South for suspicious smell. Officers found 4 suspects in the room, officers searched the room and found multiple contraband items.

Contraband items were placed in property locker and a safe was placed in the gun cage for safekeeping.

January 18 5:00 p.m.

Officers investigated a shattered window at Lorton Village Apartment. On arrival the window appeared to have several cracks but not shattered.

January 18 4:41 p.m.

A black IPad mini was turned at the Security Office and it was secured in the property locker for safe keeping.

5:00 p.m.

Officers were dispatched to Fisher West for a student who reported they were experiencing heart attack like symptoms. EMSA arrived on scene and evaluated the student and determined the student was experiencing an anxiety attack and that it was not necessary to transport him to a medical facility for further treatment.

NEWS

the Collegian : 4

26 january 2015

City Council report measures Tulsa’s quality of life Notable results of the City Council’s report include an average level of academic achievement, a low cost of living, poor public transit and high charitable giving. Politics Reporter Brennen VanderVeen reports.

Every year, Tulsa City Council has a report compiled on the city’s quality of life. This year’s edition was recently released. It was compiled by the city council’s policy administrator Jack Blair. The report consists of over one hundred charts and graphs. Most of the data measures through 2013.

The report compares Tulsa to nineteen other cities from all around the contiguous United States. Those cities are Fort Worth, Denver, Nashville, Portland, Oklahoma City, Louisville, Albuquerque, Tucson, Kansas City, Omaha, Raleigh, Oakland, Minneapolis, Cleveland, Wichita, New Orleans, Tampa, St. Louis and Pittsburgh.

In regards to demographics, Tulsa has the fifth lowest percentage of the population age 25–34 with a bachelor’s degree or higher, with 4.7 percent of the population. The report contains a map of different small areas, often one square mile, with at least 10 percent of the population being young professionals.

Most of these areas border the Arkansas River. Blair notes that these areas tend to be more affordable.

The neighborhoods around TU are also marked as having a high proportion of young professionals.

The report also analyzes Tulsa’s economy. While the city doesn’t fare so well in many areas, Tulsa does do well with unemployment and the cost of living. Tulsa and its nearby suburbs have a GDP of $55 billion, which is the fifth lowest. However, in regards to real per capita GDP, the area is only eighth from the bottom at $51,599.

Tulsa has the fourth lowest unemployment rate at 5.3 percent.

Tulsa also has low wages, but its cost of living is also among the lowest.

Factoring in the cost of living gives Tulsa an average weekly wage of $1,004, which is higher than the median and eighth from the top.

Tulsa doesn’t do well in terms of the poverty rate. 15.8 percent of Tulsa families are in poverty, which is the sixth highest rate.

17.7 percent of households use cash public assistance or SNAP (food stamps). This is the eighth highest rate.

Crime in Tulsa is down, as it is nationally, but Tulsa still has a few high crime rates. With 1.52 murders or non-negligent manslaughters per 10,000 people, Tulsa has the fifth highest murder rate. Tulsa

has the second highest burglary rate at 150 burglaries per 10,000 people.

In regards to transportation and travel, Tulsa has the second lowest travel time to work. Also, while most people in Tulsa don’t walk to work, TU is in an area where 31.2 percent of residents walk to work.

12.7 percent of Tulsa’s housing is vacant, the sixth highest rate.

There are a few areas of town in which greater than 80 percent of housing is occupied by renters. TU is in such an area, with 98.1 percent of housing units occupied by renters.

Tulsa’s charitable giving was the highest at 5.53 percent of adjusted gross income given to charity. Tulsa’s median annual charitable contribution was $4,622. The Tulsa Community Foundation, a non-profit, has trademarked the phrase “America’s most generous city,” which Phil Lakin, that organization’s CEO and a city council member, would like to see used more often.

Near the end of January, another part of the report will be published, which will provide data on housing and neighborhoods.

Oscar Ho Student Writer

The Guardian reports U.K. security abuse The Guardian revealed last Monday that England’s Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ) has gathered emails from journalists based in the US and UK. “Emails from the BBC, Reuters, the Guardian, the New York Times, Le Monde, the Sun, NBC and the Washington Post were saved by GCHQ and shared on the agency’s intranet as part of a test exercise,” wrote the Guardian, citing files leaked by Edward Snowden.

Additionally, an internal document warns, “journalists and reporters representing all types of news media represent a potential threat to security.”

Unrest in Yemen Houthi, an Shia insurgent group, rebels in Yemen assaulted Yemeni President Abd-Rabbu Mansour Hadi’s house last Tuesday. The rebels, a Shia minority group in the north of the country, are strongly opposed to the United States’ anti-terror activity in the country, including drone strikes. The Houthi view the Yemeni government as conceding its sovereignty to the US. Yemeni President Abd-Rabbu Mansour Hadi along with his Prime Minister and intelligence chief resigned in protest on Thursday over the Houthi rebels actions. Parliament did not accept the resignations.

King Tut’s beard broken in Egypt The Egyptian Museum in Cairo is investigating why Pharaoh Tutankhamen’s beard had to be glued back on. The beard on the pharaoh's burial mask is said to have been hastily reattached with quick drying glue.

Saudi Arabian king dies Following the death of Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah, half-brother Crown Prince Salman bin Abdulaziz al-Saud ascended to the throne on Friday. Aged 79, he has already moved to appoint heirs and ministers, pledging to continue the traditions and policies of his predecessors. "We will continue adhering to the correct policies which Saudi Arabia has followed since its establishment," he said.

Draught plagues Brazil Sam Beckmann / Collegian

Tulsa City Council’s quality of life report compares key statistics across 20 American cities including Tulsa. Tulsa ranked fifth from the bottom in number of “young professionals” and at the top in charitable giving.

Vacancy triggers state senate special election Jabar Shumate resigned in December from the Oklahoma Senate leaving a vacancy. This spring, a special election will be held to select a new state senator for District 11, which includes part of the TU campus. Politics Reporter Brennen VanderVeen reports.

On Dec. 31, 2014, state senator Jabar Shumate (D-Tulsa) announced that he would resign, effective Jan. 6, 2015, in order to become the Director of Legislative Affairs and State Director for Oklahoma at the Oklahoma Federation for Children, an affiliate of the American Federation for Children, a school choice advocacy group.

Shumate was first elected to the state senate in 2012. Before then, he served four terms in the Oklahoma House of Representatives, 2004–2006. Even though this was his first term in the Senate, he would have been term-limited

and unable to run in 2016 because Oklahoma law limits politicians to twelve years total, regardless of the chamber in which they served.

Shumate’s resignation leaves his seat open. District 11 includes parts of TU’s campus that are west of Delaware. It continues westward to include downtown Tulsa.

The district is irregularly shaped, but the remainder of the district is primarily a large section of North Tulsa that includes part of Osage County.

Three candidates are running to fill the vacancy, all of them Democrats. The final day to register as a candidate was Jan. 21, so no new

candidates will enter the race. The three candidates are Kevin Matthews, Heather Nash and Regina Goodwin.

Matthews has served in the Oklahoma House of Representatives since 2012, representing District 73. Shumate has endorsed Matthews.

Nash has worked for Youth Services of Tulsa, a nonprofit group, and for the American Red Cross.

Goodwin is an artist from Tulsa.

The primary election is scheduled for April 7. Since all candidates are from the same party, the primary will decide which candidate will ultimately win the seat.

Brazilian Environment Minister Izabella Teixeira has said that the drought in the states of Sao Paulo, Rio de Janeiro, and Minas Gerais is the worst since recordkeeping began 84 years ago. The drought is affecting industry, agriculture and hydroelectric dams with no end in sight.

Brazilian TV reports that the city of Sao Paulo’s Cantareira water reservoir is at 5.2 percent capacity while the state of Rio de Janeiro’s primary reservoir is completely empty. So far, water rations have not been imposed.

ISIS executes Japanese journalist A video announcing the execution of Japanese journalist Haruna Yukawa by the Islamic State was released earlier this week. Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe has condemned the killings and demanded the release of another hostage, reportedly Kenji Goto. Japanese and American specialists are trying to establish the authenticity of the video.

Spacecraft photographs Pluto NASA’s New Horizons space probe took its first photos of Pluto in preparation for its approach to our solar system’s outermost planet on Sunday. The photos will help scientists fine-tune the spacecraft’s trajectory toward the Pluto-Charon system. New Horizons will zip past Pluto in July.

The Collegian is the independent student newspaper of the University of Tulsa. It is distributed Mondays during the fall and spring semesters except during holidays and final exam weeks. The University of Tulsa does not discriminate on the basis of personal status or group characteristics including but not limited to the classes protected under federal and state law in its programs, services, aids, or benefits.

Inquiries regarding implementation of this policy may be addressed to the Office of Human Resources, 800 South Tucker Drive, Tulsa, Oklahoma 74104-9700, 918-631-2616. Requests for accommodation of disabilities may be addressed to the University’s 504 Coordinator, Dr. Tawny Taylor, 918-631-3814. To ensure availability of an interpreter, five to seven days notice is needed; 48 hours is recommended for all other accommodations.

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editor-in-chief—Kyle Walker managing editor—Conor Fellin news editor—Nikki Hager sports editor—Matt Rechtien variety editor—Abigail LaBounty commentary & barricade editor—Giselle Willis satire editor—Fraser Kastner apprentice editor—Sara Douglas photo & graphics editor—Elias Brinkman feature & layout editor—Morgan Krueger copy editor—Amanda Hagedorn business & advertising manager—Jesse Keipp distribution manager—Walker Womack, Katie Hill web manager—Sam Chott

26 January 2015

the Collegian : 5

variety

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26 January 2015

“The Invisible War” expertly portrays the nauseating truths of military sexual assault

“The Invisible War” brings America face-to-face with its national shame: the ongoing epidemic of rape and sexual assault in its armed forces. Editor-in-Chief Kyle Walker reviews.

As a documentary, “The Invisible War” is spare. There is no voice over, no omnipresent narrator summarizing the action and guiding viewers to a conclusion.

Just people speaking to a camera, going about their lives and telling their stories. Occasionally the film cuts to recorded news footage.

“The Navy appears to be facing a huge sex scandal…” “The Army today is trying to establish the extent of a new and growing sexual harassment scandal at Aberdeen Proving Ground…” “Rape and other sexual abuse at the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs…”

It’s been clear at least since 1991 that the U.S. military is plagued by sexual assault, harassment and rape. Through the stories of 7 former service members and the brief testimony of tens of others, “The Invisible War” lays out in terrifying detail how the military fails its members when it comes to sexual violence.

It would be impossible to do justice here to the film’s presentation of the military’s “silent epidemic.” But even someone who hasn’t seen the film can probably guess at the major hurdles faced

by victims of sexual violence inside the military hierarchy.

First, if you’re a woman, you’re usually outnumbered by assailants who use your gender against you.

One former servicewoman reports in the film that a superior officer told her, “The female marines are objects for the men to fuck.”

On the other hand, if you’re a man you’ll be viewed as weak and unmasculine. “You would be labeled as a buddyfucker,” we’re told by another former marine.

Second, the camaraderie that was exhilarating or comforting before you were assaulted becomes a weapon against you. Your rapist tells everyone that you slept together, that you’re a slut. You’re accused of lying to smear a man’s good name. (Does this sound familiar to anyone?) The other soldiers close rank against you.

You’re the troublemaker now.

Finally, the chain of command is not your friend. What if your commanding officer rapes you?

What if your commanding officer is drinking buddies with your rapist? Until 2012, the final decision in a rape investigation lay with the commanding officer. I’ll leave the

reader to imagine how that ends.

The almost never-ending parade of injustice is nauseating.

Over and over the film shows how military victims of sexual violence face reprisals, coverups, “lost” evidence, mishandled investigations and, usually, repeated and brutal assaults. This is the fate of onefifth of all U.S. servicewomen: to be attacked by their “comrades” and betrayed by the organization that ostensibly supports them.

“The Invisible War” does not need a review. It seems almost wrong to write a review about such a film. So I will simply report two of my reactions.

First: In the words of Kori Cioca, a former Coast Guard member who was raped by her superior officer: “Those motherfuckers.”

Second: And in the words of Brigadier General Wilma L. Vaught: “When does this ever end?”

Thanks to TU’s chapter of APA Division 19 (Military Psychology) for hosting last Thursday’s screening of “The Invisible War.” The full film is also available on Youtube and Netflix.

Courtesy Docurama

Promotional poster for “The Invisible War,” winner of the Audience Award at the Sundance Film Festival.

Midnight Grill only for the most adventurous Student Writer Sam Chott searched for universal truths in late night delivery, but found only greasy, mediocre food and more questions.

Courtesy Midnight Grill

Above headline: The Midnight Grill’s website banner. Can anyone say 90’s web design?

Above: The landfill combo consists of two burger patties, two kinds of cheese, four strips of bacon and grilled onions sandwiched between two Texas Toast grilled cheeses.

Listen, I might not be an astronomy major, but I watched the shit out of “The Magic School Bus” when I was a kid, so I think I know what I’m talking about. Anyway, here are the ten best planets in the world.

1] Venus: If I remember right, Venus was the Greek Goddess of sex, so naturally the planet they named after her has to be the best. It’s probably got, like, volcanoes made out of diamonds or something.

Also, it’s close to Earth, but not too close, so it’s got a flirty thing going on.

2] Saturn: The most famous gassy giant (except for your mom), Saturn is known for its rings, which are made out of dust, rock and ice.

We can’t visit it, because there’s no solid ground, but we can admire it from afar, much like your high school crush.

3] Mars: Earth’s closest neighbor.

The robot explorers sent by humans have given us lots of exciting information about the nature of its featureless wastelands.

4] Uranus: Haa ha ha haa ha ha haaa. Get it?

5] The Sun: It gives us warmth, light and basically allows life to exist. It’s easy to see how the sun has become one of the best planets of all time.

6] Pluto: While little is known about this far-away planet, it gets a nod for being covered in ice all the time, making the landscape look like a Norwegian black metal album cover.

7] Jupiter: I don’t remember anything about this one, but I had to put it somewhere.

Late night food is a difficult proposition at the best of times.

The only restaurants open late are typically unhealthy, and it can be difficult to find a place with good food, prompt delivery and reasonable prices. The Midnight Grill, the most perplexing restaurant I’ve ever encountered, has none of these desirable attributes.

I first encountered the Midnight Grill while searching for latenight food delivery. Its website is a unique blend of bland Wordpress theme and late-90s homepage kitsch, featuring an eye-scorching cyan logo and scrolling title text.

The website has no address, only a promise to deliver to a 20 mile circle around Tulsa.

After seeing this bizarre time capsule of a website, the Midnight Grill haunted me. Whenever friends suggested that we go out to eat, a small voice inside of me

8] Mercury: This planet is a straight up toxic wasteland, so it doesn’t really have much going for it in terms of tourism value. It does, however, get a nod for being the closest planet to the sun, which takes some serious balls. You go, Mercury.

whispered of the Midnight Grill’s signature Landfill Combo, and the free Cheesy Bacon Fries with a purchase of $20 or more. The soft insistence followed me to classes, to the Caf, and into my dreams.

The time never seemed right for the Midnight Grill. Finally, though, I found myself watching the early Jackie Chan movie Drunken Master with some friends, and they surprisingly agreed to order some Midnight Grill.

I was almost expecting a wizened old man to answer the phone, his voice burdened by knowledge of things that are best forgotten, but instead the employee was a genial-sounding man who encouraged me to “Do the Dew” when I asked for a Mountain Dew. We were promised delivery in 30 minutes to an hour, and our food arrived just a little over that.

The delivery man, rather than having sunken eyes hinting at unspeakable horrors, had a ponytail.

The food was littered with little mysteries, like the fact that the mozzarella sticks came with ranch dressing, or that the chicken strips were just chicken breasts fried whole. Everything was covered in

a thin patina of grease, and the styrofoam boxes that the food came in were wet. It was not raining.

The food wasn’t good. The fries were undercooked, the meat in the cheesesteak was unidentifiable, and everything was just barely warm. The chicken strips proved edible only after smothering them in barbecue sauce.

The Midnight Grill might just be another bad late night food restaurant. If that’s true, though, how are they still in business? The delivery man mentioned that they were understaffed in terms of drivers. Who orders this kind of food?

Are there a legion of Tulsans who, like me, feel a strange compulsion to order greasy fried mushrooms?

If you, like me, are searching for the secrets of this bizarre restaurant, or just want some seriously mediocre greasy food and don’t mind waiting an hour, you can find the menu at www.midnightgrill. com. You can play it safe with chicken strips or jalapeno poppers, or order the signature Landfill Combo, consisting of two beef patties, cheese, and grilled onions, all between two grilled cheese sandwiches.

By Fraser Kastner

9] Asteroid Belt: Just like a regular belt keeps your pants up so the world doesn’t have to look at your genitals, the asteroid belt fences off our side of the solar system from the less desirable outer neighborhood. Thanks, asteroid belt, for keeping the riff-raff out.

10] Earth: Finally, at the bottom of the list, is Earth. With war, famine, country-rock and just humanity in general, Earth has time and again proven itself as the worst possible place to be. Thank God for global warming.

Sam Beckmann / Collegian

Cover art from Pluto’s latest album portrays the characteristic bleakness of the planet’s surface. You should check it out, bro.

variety

26 January 2015

the Collegian : 7

Complex acting in “Foxcatcher” will captivate viewers

Student Writer Trent Gibbons reviews “Foxcatcher,” Bennett Miller and Dan Futterman’s new film. “Foxcatcher” follows Olympic wrestlers Mark and David Schultz and the DuPont heir, John E. du Pont.

“Foxcatcher” is the latest biographical drama from director Bennett Miller and writer Dan Futterman. It sports the unlikely cast of Channing Tatum, Mark Ruffalo and Steve Carell. The three are so invested in their unusually human roles that even if the film around them was not so impressive, their performances alone would warrant seeing it in theaters.

The film documents the manipulative relationship between billionaire John du Pont and the Schultz brothers, Olympic gold medalists in freestyle wrestling.

Du Pont wishes to fund and oversee the training of the pair, among others, at Foxcatcher Farms as part of his mission to restore America’s pride at a time when heroic role models are “lacking.”

The subtle and unspoken nature of the true motives of the protagonists’ actions is what makes the film such a somber masterpiece.

An opening scene features the brothers running drills against one another. Wordlessly the film conveys the complex relationship between the two. Mark becomes frustrated by his repeated failings to the point of bloodying his brother’s nose. Dave doesn’t retaliate

and allows him to vent his anger.

The film’s dynamic relationships and minimalist dialogue could have been completely undermined by lackluster performances, but thankfully the film’s cast delivers far beyond expectation. Channing Tatum’s portrayal of Mark Schultz as an ignorant warrior, adopting an apelike gait and incessantly childish expression, contrasts nicely with Ruffalo’s down-to-earth portrayal of his elder brother who is often the film’s singular voice of reason.

Du Pont himself, although he asks to be called “eagle,” is vulture-like in both appearance and behavior, depending on his dying mother’s wealth to support his activities and exploiting the naive Mark Schultz to promote his own wishes.

Despite this, one of the greatest achievements of “Foxcatcher” is that Du Pont remains a sympathetic character throughout the film. That an actor was capable of portraying such tragic depth is impressive. That it was Steve Carell, a man commonly known for little more than slapstick comedies, is outstanding.

The cinematography is often

Student Writer Wesley Liao finds The Decemberist’s new album reminiscent of their previous work while offering a new side to the band.

rather than obscure events, such as in “Make you better” where the singer says “I loved you in springtime I lost you when summer came.”

Contrast this with the “The Hazards of Love,” where the entire album was a single extensive story, or these lines from “This Is Why We Fight,” featured in “The King Is Dead”: “And this is why, why we fight, why we lie awake.”

The songs in their newest album are closer, emotional, and more relatable. The folk sounds range from “Better Not Wake The Baby,” a plucky banjo bluegrass romp, to “Easy Come Easy Go,” a bluesy western swing ballad, to “Carolina Low,” a mournful and minimal acoustic piece.

The sweet and melodic “Philomena,” with background vocals and a happy melody, stands out from anything I’ve heard from The Decemberists so far.

Even as they depart from The Decemberists’ standard fare, the songs are undoubtedly Decemberistic. They move through all these styles while maintaining the distinct feel they are known for: twisted folkish tunes often in minor keys.

The band’s seventh album is also the most self-aware album they have put forth. “The Singer Addresses His Audience” is a simple commentary and apology about rising to fame as a musical artist, and the difficulty in staying true once attaining that fame.

The 10th song in the album, “Anti-Summersong,” is a reference to “Summersong,” the 10th song from “The Crane Wife.” And finally, the album is ironically closed by “A Beginning Song,” which also announces the “beginning” of a potential change in the future sound of the band.

The medley of sounds presented here gives The Decemberists many future paths to pursue. This variation of the songs in the album makes it feel less cohesive and less focused when compared to previous albums, but that same lack of focus makes the album feel more modern and fun, and the styles are refreshing.

“What A Terrible World, What A Beautiful World” is an eloquent and varied display of styles by The Decemberists that still keeps the traditional components they are known for intact.

Eventually she slips into the tank. Her body is too weak to lift herself out, so she dumps her soggy clothes to decrease her weight.

Still, she is too weak to escape, and the plesiosaur mates with her against her will. A janitor masturbates in the stands. He will be important later.

Of course, Maria comes to enjoy the plesiosaur’s assault, because this is a porno and that’s how these things work.

Maria functions in this piece as the perfect male chauvinist fantasy. She exists solely to feed the man in her life, in this case a colossal sea beast. When the man’s hunger is satisfied she services his sexual desires without very much resistance. She learns to enjoy fulfilling the plesiosaur’s needs, or at least to grin and bear it while she fulfills them.

Maria endures physical danger and hardship, both in her job and as a sex object for the gigantic animal.

Meanwhile, an unhelpful janitor is in the stands,

yanking his salami like a frustrated butcher. The janitor, named Jim, raises some interesting moral questions. He knows he should help Maria out of the pool, and yet he is compelled to seek his own pleasure first, even at the expense of another person.

This challenges the reader; are we obligated to take action to help others, even if we stand to benefit from their suffering? Are you obligated to clean up after yourself after public masturbation? Probably so. The moral landscape of this story is not terribly complex.

“Dino Park After Dark” is stupid. It is so very stupid. It is so stupid that I am actually angry that someone spent money so that I could read this thing.

Courtesy Sony Classics

John du Pont (Steve Carell), Mark Schultz (Channing Tatum) and David Schultz (Mark Ruffalo) take a break from a match in the 1988 Seoul Olympics.

bleak, the colors a stark contrast between the vibrant golds, reds, whites and blues of American Olympic pride and the dull grays of Foxcatcher Farms. The film benefits greatly from its titular setting, an antiquated estate frequented by police, military personnel, servants and assistants, and home to, fittingly enough, both John du Pont’s team of wrestlers and his mother’s captive racehorses.

The soundtrack is well-balanced, accentuating the emotional

element of the film without distracting from the dialogue or visuals.

If “Foxcatcher” has any prominent flaws, it’s less as a film and more as a biopic. Controversy erupted when the real Mark Schultz condemned director Bennett Miller for a scene he believed implied sexual abuse between Du Pont and him; Schultz has since revoked these criticisms and apologized.

Other factual details have been

neglected by the film entirely, including Dave and Mark’s half-siblings. The film also never shows us the Schultz brothers in their prime, taking home gold medals from the 1984 Olympics, but this was probably a thematic choice rather than a result of time or budget limitations.

“Foxcatcher” is not a sports film. It is an impressive, respectful portrayal of tragic, twisted relationships and the people behind them.

“What A Terrible World, What A Beautiful World” offers relatable side to The Decemberists

The Decemberists are known for creating a unique sound through combining the rock, folk and indie genres and pairing disjointed ballads of dark and apocalyptic stories with upbeat blended melodies.

It’s had been four years since their last album, but their recently released “What A Terrible World, What A Beautiful World” is consistent with their style and introduces new elements.

With a few exceptions, The Decemberists’ past albums have each had distinct sounds that pervaded most if not all the songs in that album. “The King Is Dead” was open and adventurous, “The Hazards of Love” was brooding and unsettling and “The Crane Wife” was full of their trademark folk sound. “What A Terrible World, What A Beautiful World” sets itself apart by exploring many different moods.

The songs of “Terrible World” are simpler and focus on the singer

Plesiosaur erotica makes a splash

Satire Editor Fraser Kastner reviewed dinosaur erotica and immediately regretted it.

It is a cliche in poorly written critical pieces to say that something is not what it seems at first glance. However, if ever this statement is true, it is true for “Dino Park After Dark,” a twenty page novella written by Christie Sims and Alara Branwen.

The surface narrative of “Dino Park” concerns Maria, an employee of the Dino Park. After some world building, which establishes what amounts to the universe of “Jurassic Park,” we learn that Maria is responsible for the plesiosaur, an aquatic reptile from the Mesozoic Period. We also learn that Maria is so dedicated to her job that she has no time for romance. As she dumps bucket after bucket of chum down the animal’s throat, her body becomes more and more tired as the ancient monster demands ever increasing amounts of food.

Charlie McQuigg / Collegian

Well … do ya?

If I could go back in time and tell myself not to read it and do literally anything else instead, I would, despite the potential time paradoxes that might result. I would never ever recommend that anyone read this, even if the lives of innocent people depended on it.

Courtesy The Decemberists

“What A Terrible World, What A Beautiful World,” released Jan. 20, offers listeners a balanced sampling of the Decemberists’ styles.

Gronkowski erotica leaves readers unsatisfied Student Writer Adam Lux reviews “A Gronking to Remember,” the first installment in the Rob Gronkowski Erotica Series. The novel fails to appeal as either serious erotica or erotic satire.

“A Gronking to Remember” is the first installment of the Rob Gronkowski Erotica Series by Lacey Noonan. It is a story about sexual discovery, the hardships of marriage , and of course the professional American Football player Rob “Gronk” Gronkowski.

The protagonist is an unnamed, domestic housewife who finds herself very unsatisfied with her husband, Dan. After seeing Gronkowski’s signature touchdown spike, “The Gronk,” the woman begins having intense sexual fantasies about Gronk.

One of my main criticisms of this piece is the main character.

The author fails to make her a relatable character in the slightest. I mean who actually becomes obsessed with Rob Gronkowski?

There are dozens of more attractive NFL players to have odd, football-based fantasies about, for example Eric Decker of the Jets.

Plus her sexual obsession borders on sex addiction. She spends a copious amount of time entertaining her sexual fantasies, putting her marriage and even her job at risk. She is extremely self-cen-

tered, thinking only about her happiness. The only time she thinks of others is when she is complaining about them.

The protagonist, and by extension the author, is unfairly vicious towards almost every supporting character. Noonan writes Dan the husband as a sloppy, mean, sportsobsessed idiot.

Even if this is how the main character perceives her husband, Noonan should have made the woman’s bias apparent to the reader. I mean come on! He might be a drunk, but it’s not like he’s fantasizing about Martha Stewart or some weird shit. Honestly the nicest thing the woman says to Dan throughout most of the story is “Dick. Hard dick.”

My biggest problem with this story is that it claims to be satire; I simply don’t believe that claim.

While Noonan uses many of the more cliche erotica tropes, she does so without any sort of irony or double meaning. While lines like “I come. So hard.” and “You like how I work my slot receiver,” are initially funny, they do not have the satirical depth that works such as (insert dinosaur erotica name here) are famous for.

The story isn’t any more ridiculous than a non-satirical piece, barring one scene near the end which is so ridiculous that it would stretch even the limits of satire. No spoilers, but I will admit that a football is involved.

That poor, poor football.

commentary

the Collegian: 8

26 January 2015

Why not to trust the Harry Potter Alliance The Harry Potter Alliance may have achieved some commendable goals, but Managing Editor Conor Fellin warns that supporters of “fan activism” should be wary of its abuses.

By the end of 2015, Warner Brothers will use only fair trade chocolate in their various Harry Potter merchandise. They announced this in a letter to Andrew Slack, the founder of a fan activism group called the Harry Potter Alliance (HPA).

The HPA is an activist group consisting mainly of high school and college chapters dedicated to a collection of social causes that Slack has identified as aligned with the values of Harry Potter.

A number of media outlets are abuzz about the HPA. And not just because of Warner Brothers going fair trade (which is

admittedly a little less impressive when you consider that better selling products like Kit-Kat are already on a timeline to go fair trade).

But the HPA has also held a massively successful book drive and raised awareness on issues like economic inequality.

This is the perfect example of “fan activism,” a term coined by Henry Jenkins, a media scholar at the University of South Carolina and an adamant supporter of the HPA. So how do the vaguely defined values of a fictional character shape an international movement that has achieved success on a variety of fronts?

In describing the impact of Harry Potter, Slack says the books have a “moral authority.” This rings true. With today’s political atmosphere of cynicism and distrust, there’s a real appeal to a character with Harry’s moral clarity.

Sure Harry had his moments of violence and doubt. But Harry would never sell out.

Harry would never sacrifice his ideals in the name of compromise or necessity. J. K. Rowling would never have written him that way.

If you’re not scared at this point, you should be. Because Harry Potter could quite easily occupy a radically different moral landscape, whether that be the veiled jingo-

ism of “The Lord of the Rings” or the more overt tones of outright propaganda.

Perhaps people interpreted the applications of Harry Potter somewhat differently.

Imagine, for instance, the Alliance of Harry Potter the Philanthropist sets one house elf free and then excuses itself from having to worry about house elves any more. (Admittedly, it’s not as compelling as Harry Potter the Justice Warrior, but that might just be my bias.)

The point here is that the “power of fiction” is completely agnostic to what you’re using it to argue.

Of course, none of these problems are new. Propaganda has used stories for political ends even before the Persians wrote stories of their heroic King Darius I rising to the throne.

And of course, not just anyone with an agenda can create a fictional hero and expect people to rally behind it. J. K. Rowling had to earn her readers’ trust. She did it, I

would argue, through a certain combination of moral certitude and human compassion.

Harry Potter never compromises in his fight against Voldemort, but he also gives Peter Pettigrew a chance to live.

Still, this formula could be applied to a wide variety of stances. Principles and facts, not wishy-washy comparisons to fictional worlds, should shape politics.The success of the HPA seems to show that fiction has a frightening pull.

Charlie McQuigg / Collegian

It was always clear that Harry hated child slavery.

Voting system influences party success

The kind of voting system used in the United States ultimately results in two dominant political parties and fewer likeable candidates for voters. Student Writer Sam Beckmann explains.

Does your vote really matter? To find out, we need to examine how votes are counted.

Let’s take a look at a presidential election in Flatland. Five candidates are running in this election: Triangle, Circle, Square, Parallelogram and Star. Now Flatland, like the U.S., uses a first past the post (FPTP), also known as a winner take all or plurality, voting system.

This system seems to make a lot of sense; everyone gets one vote, and the candidate with the most votes wins. This all sounds fair and reasonable, but unfortunately, FPTP is one of the worst possible ways to hold elections.

Of the flatland population, 30 percent like Triangle, 25 percent Square, 10 percent Star, 28 percent Parallelogram and 7 percent Circle. Triangle, with the most votes, wins

Starting Votes: Distrubution represents true political beliefs

Starting Votes: Distribution represents true political beliefs

the election and becomes president.

Over the course of his term, the shapes who supported Circle find that Triangle is far too aggressive for their tastes, and desperately don’t want him back in office. But Circle and his supporters are smart, they know that can’t the Square’s election on their Circle must drop win out to ensure victory. own.

Although Triangle is not nearly as great as Circle in their minds, all the circles agree that Square is much more tolerable than Triangle, so they cast their votes for her.

Square, now withonly32 of the vote, Eventually, twopercent parties remain. beats out Triangle to become the new president. Circles are moderately happy with the new president, but unfortunately, they hadStarting to drop their candidate out of the race, Votes: Distrubution represents true political beliefs meaning there are now only four candidates Although Square and Paralellogram clearly had the majority, split votes mean that Triangle sneaks in for victory.

Circle must drop out to ensure Square’s victory.

Circle must drop out to ensure Square’s victory.

vying for office.

This process continues for several election cycles, and slowly, Star and Parallelogram start to lose votes. This isn’t because they have less support. fact, 28 percent of Eventually, only twoIn parties remain. the population still supports Parallelogram, but Parallelogram is getting fewer of these votes because it is in citizens’ interests to vote for the larger parties, rather than the

Although Square and Paralellogram clearly had the majority, split votes mean that Triangle sneaks in for victory.

party they support they most.

This technique, called tactical voting, is a major problem with voting systems. Ideally, you want a system where you can vote however you believe, without needing to worry about how everyone else is voting.

This is one of the fundamental problems of the US political system; it eventually Starting representsopposite true political parties beliefs leads toVotes: twoDistrubution fundamental, (See Duverger’s Law, which predicts that plurality systems will tend towards two parties) running negative campaigns against each other.

Our system supports voting against who you hate, rather than voting for who you like. Eventually, just Triangle and Square remain, with all the shapes picking the more tolerable of the two. drop out to ensure Square’s victory.

ButCircle thismust isn’t the only problem with the first past the post system.

Eventually, only two parties remain.

Eventually, only two parties remain.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD Well, not the type of spoilers that you would find on Facebook after an episode of “Game of Thrones,” but rather the spoiler effect.

For Square several elections clearly now,hadthe vote has Although and Paralellogram the majority, split votes mean that Triangle sneaks in for victory. gone back and forth between Triangle and Square, with no one else even coming close.

Starting Votes: Distrubution represents true political beliefs One time, Parallelogram got a windfall in donations, and decided to run a campaign in an attempt to overturn the two party system. Supporters of Square, who share many ideals with Parallelogram, can easily be swayed and start to lean towards this third party candidate. When election day comes around, Parallelogram gets 25 percent of the vote, Square 35 percent and Triangle Circle must drop out to ensure Square’s victory.

40 percent. The citizens who usually support Square are now split between Square and Parallelogram, meaning that neither of them received enough votes to win, despite together having the majority. Meanwhile, Triangle is elated and completely surprised Eventually, only two parties remain. by his unlikely victory!

Although Square and Paralellogram clearly had the majority, split

votes mean that Triangle sneaks in for victory.

Although Square and Paralellogram clearly had the majority, split votes mean that Triangle sneaks in for victory.

So you may be thinking that FPTP seems like a horrible way to run elections, since your main goal when voting is to keep people you don’t like out of office.

And you would be right. FPTP fails a large number of established voting system criteria, such as splitting votes between multiple candidates, the requirement of tactical voting, and the ultimate conclusion of a two-party system. (Interestingly enough, in some tests, arbitrarily selecting a winner can be more fair than using a FPTP system, though that obviously has an entirely different set of issues.)

Since FPTP is so terrible, there must be a better alternative, right? Well, there certainly is, but before getting there, you need to understand how a representative congress works, and how a little gerrymandering can go a long way in determining a winner.

Return next week for the next installment of Flatland’s political saga. All graphics by Sam Beckmann

Courtesy Harry Potter Alliance

Members of the Rocky Mountain Muggles chapter of the Harry Potter Alliance. They feel strongly about helping their community and fighting forms of “worldsuck.”

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The U.S.A. doesn’t measure up. Switch to the metric system!

Student Writer Nate Beckemeyer notes that the United States could and should switch from the British imperial system to the metric system, considering the imperial system’s measurements are already defined in terms of the latter and it would save money over time.

There are three countries in the world that do not formally use the metric system: Liberia, Myanmar and the United States. Liberia and Myanmar, however, use the metric system widely, and Myanmar has plans to implement it formally.

So that leaves the United States. Of course, the United States uses a hodge-podge

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have been readily avoided if Congress had mandated the use of the metric system.

In fact, in 1971 the National Bureau of Standards released a report titled “A Metric America,” recommending a full transition to the metric system over ten years. Four years later Congress passed the “Metric Conversion Act of 1975” which mandated teaching the metric system but did not enforce its usage and removed the ten year limit. As a result, it’s been forty years, and the metric system is still not in common widespread usage.

And yet, as a result of the Omnibus Foreign Trade and Competitiveness Act of 1988, the metric system became “the Preferred system of weights and measures for United States trade and commerce.”

This means the federal government already mandated its own usage, but the private sector can still choose which system to use. For practicality, corporations that trade internationally typically use the metric system.

Essentially, almost everything that we use internationally, including the military, foreign trade and multinational corporations,

“Essentially, almost everything that we use

internationally already uses the metric system” of units: yards, chains, furlongs, roods, hundredweights (which are not 100 pounds, as you may imagine) and many more.

One could try to make the argument that the United States has technically implemented the metric system already—we’ve defined our units of measurement in terms of the meter since the Mendenhall Order of 1893. But that’s not quite the same as common everyday usage.

The main reason we haven’t switched to the metric system is economic: It costs money to transition systems. NASA estimates that it would cost 350 million dollars to switch its drawings and diagrams. Of course, NASA also lost a 123 million dollar rover due to one of its subcontractors using imperial rather than metric units.

Okay, that was in 1999, but it was still an extremely expensive mistake that could

already uses the metric system. The two main uses of the imperial system in modern day life are distances (such as when driving) and temperatures.

In other words, if everyone looked at distances and temperatures in the metric system, we would be transitioned to the metric system. That transition, particularly for temperature, could be readily achieved by mandating the use of the metric system for these everyday measurements.

The United States should join the rest of the world in using the metric system so that the unnecessary standardization that occurs every time a company wants to do something internationally doesn’t cost time and money. In the long run, this transition would save us money and make fitting into the international community easier.

26 January 2015

Commentary

the Collegian: 9

Congress should pass Obama’s tax plan

President Obama is reforming the tax system in an effort to benefit the middle class; if Congress complains it will look bad for them. Features Editor Morgan Krueger declares.

Three hundred and twenty billion dollars could be coming to you, middle class citizens.

At least, that’s how much revenue it has been projected that Obama’s proposed tax changes will bring over the next ten years.

His plan? To make the tax code more fair and less complicated. Loopholes that for years have been benefiting America’s wealthiest citizens may soon be closed.

“Rather than make it easier for middleclass families to make ends meet, our tax system has changed over time in ways that make it easier for the wealthy to avoid paying their fair share,” said the White House in a fact sheet.

Indeed, the wealthy are paying fewer taxes today than almost anytime in American history.

This includes ridiculously low tax rates on capital gains, which are only taxed at 17 percent, while even the highest-income individuals are supposed to pay a 35 percent tax rate on their earnings.

Capital gains are when a capital asset (e.g. real estate or investments) increases in value so that it is worth more than the price at which it was purchased. Capital gains is how many invested in the stock market make their money.

When you have the “highest-income 400 taxpayers in 2012 (obtaining) 68 percent of their income from capital gains,” as stated in the White House fact sheet, that is a lot of money being taxed at under half of what those individuals’ income bracket would have them pay.

Obama’s plan to fix this problem, starts by raising taxes on dividend rates and capital gains to 28 percent, the level they were at during Reagan’s term in office. Note that this is still significantly lower than the highest income tax bracket’s 35 percent rate.

Obama also wants to get rid of the trust fund loophole. Assets would no longer be able to be passed down tax-free from generation to generation, which is how many of

America’s wealthy pass down their wealth.

Before you start protesting about how this will affect you, realize the White House has said these changes will affect few people outside of the top 1 percent, largely because capital gains under $200,000 would be tax free. And if you are in the top 1 percent, just stop. You don’t get to complain about paying a little closer to the amount you’re supposed to be paying.

How does this affect the middle class?

The revenue gained by these changes will go straight to you. A proposed $500 secondearner tax credit will go to aid 24 million families with two working parents. It will make it easier to save for retirement, make possible a tax cut of up to $3,000 per child for child-care costs, and expand education tax benefits in an effort to make college more affordable.

According to Harry Stein, director of fiscal policy at the Center for American Progress, “What you’re seeing here is really dedicated middle-class tax relief to really get at that problem of middle-class wage stagnation.”

Republicans have already made clear they aren’t on board with this plan, as their main goal is to cut tax rates. Never mind if this would give a tax break to the millions of middle class families. Since the words “tax” and “raise” are in the proposal, they’ve automatically withdrawn their support.

As an independent who tends to lean toward the Republican side, I am disappointed they are being so narrow-minded. Yes, Republicans are typically against higher taxes, but the wealthy’s taxes have been shrinking for years. This will merely start to reverse that process. In doing so, these changes won’t hurt the wealthy (not being rich myself, I can only wonder if they’ll notice the difference), but will do much to aid the middle class.

But of course, this closing of loopholes could affect many Congressmen personally, as the net wealth of Congress members averages over $1 million, with the wealthiest member being Darrell Issa at an estimated $450 million.

America’s confidence in Congress is record-low at 7 percent, even lower than America’s confidence in banks! Obama’s proposal is the perfect time for Congress to show Americans—especially the middle class—that they do have the country’s best interest at heart.

If the Republicans fight this, it won’t look like they’re sticking to their anti-taxes ideals; it will simply looking like they are protecting their money hoards as well as the pocketbooks of those who fund their campaigns.

Courtesy ABC News

President Obama during SOTU: “I have no more campaigns to run... I know because I won both of them.”

Obama looks to his legacy in SOTU

Tuesday night’s State of the Union saw the president more concerned with the future of his party than with his remaining years in office. Managing Editor Conor Fellin opines.

There were a lot of head-scratchers in Tuesday’s State of the Union.

First, the address carried little in the way of surprises for anyone who’s been keeping tabs on the news.

This was not because Obama did not propose anything exciting. Rather, it was because Obama had announced all of his truly interesting talking points—free two-year community college, universal seven days sick leave, a series of tax cuts on the middle class and tax hikes on the upper class—in a lecture tour in the preceding weeks.

One could speculate as to the reasons for this choice: plummeting television ratings mean Obama could create more hype with a series of announcements that would each generate substantial internet buzz; or perhaps Obama wanted to steal the national spotlight from the first few weeks of a congress dominated by Republicans (idea courtesy Politico’s Kendall Breitman).

Add to all of this how bizarrely idealistic Obama’s proposals were. Free two-year community college could not have passed in the split Congress of the last two years; it’s a pipe dream in the new Republican-dominated Congress.

Obama renewed the promises from his 2008 campaign that he had never delivered upon: closing down Guantanamo Bay and ending CIA torture. He even shoved in a reference to that solar roadway meme you’ve probably seen on Facebook (an earnest engineering project, true, but one that is a long way from being realized, particularly from a political perspective).

Obama was not setting the agenda for the next two years of legislation (as is ostensibly the purpose of the State of the Union).

Obama is a lame duck with a congress that has no intention of helping him.

No, what Obama was doing was bigger.

He was setting the Democratic party’s agenda for the future.

Imagine Hillary Clinton visiting a college on the campaign trail a year from now.

A member of the audience raises her hand.

This woman is a member of the generation of internet natives at which Obama no doubt directed the staggered press releases. (She is also acutely aware of how much college costs.)

She asks Clinton if Clinton will work to pass Obama’s free two-year college plan.

Clinton is now in a position where she must choose between alienating this young, probably pro-Democrat voter and adopting some form of Obama’s position.

It’s an overly simplistic illustration, yes, but I think the principle still holds. Obama’s ideas in this State of the Union will frame the debate in the upcoming presidential election.

But will people still remember this speech by the 2016 election? If any State of the Union was made to stick around in people’s minds for a year or two, it was this one, with its newsfeed-grabbing advance announcements and its hyperbolic talking points. Obama is working on his legacy.

OK & NE sue CO over marijuana on doobie-us grounds

The request of Oklahoma and Nebraska that the Supreme Court intervene in Colorado’s marijuana legalization is based on unsound constitutional doctrine. Politics Reporter Brennen VanderVeen writes.

Last month, Scott Pruitt and Jon Bruning, respective attorneys general of Oklahoma and Nebraska, filed a lawsuit against Colorado because of that state’s legalization of marijuana in 2012. Their claim is that the legalization creates a public nuisance in that it has a spillover effect on bordering states.

For example, bordering states are having to spend more on their law enforcement to keep marijuana out.

As a legal matter, the attorneys general are relying primarily on the Controlled Substance Act (CSA) and the Supremacy Clause. The CSA regulates or bans a wide variety of substances. In marijuana’s case, the federal government has completely banned it in almost all circumstances. The Supremacy Clause of the Constitution provides that federal laws “made in pursuance” of the Constitution trump all state laws and constitutions.

The two states are asking the Supreme Court to do two things, broadly speaking.

First, they’d like the provisions of the Colorado constitution and laws that are meant to enable the operation of marijuana-related businesses to be stricken down since it conflicts with federal law. Secondly, they seek compensation for their increased costs.

The latter of these ideas isn’t absurd.

Before Congress began to regulate pollution, state lawsuits against one another for

environmental damage weren’t uncommon.

One hundred years ago, the Supreme Court limited copper production in Tennessee at the request of Georgia. Payment is a lighter hand than an injunction and might be appropriate in this case.

However, the request to strike down Colorado laws is both imprudent as a policy and an affront on federalism. If Oklahoma and Nebraska succeed, only the parts of Colorado law that regulate and determine how marijuana-related businesses are to operate would be struck down. Personal use of marijuana would still be decriminalized under Colorado law. Such a situation would result in marijuana being less controlled than it is now.

Worse yet, the constitutionality of the CSA itself is based on the 2005 case “Gon-

zales v. Raich,” which in turn has its roots in an overly expansive view of the commerce clause that has been too common since “Wickard v. Filburn” in 1942.

After “Wickard,” courts have recognized that Congress, since it has the power “to regulate Commerce...among the several States,” must also have the power to regulate actions that are neither commercial nor involving more than one state, so long as the action has a direct impact, no matter how insignificant, on interstate commerce. Since “Wickard,” Congress’s commerce power has only been checked a handful of times.

“Gonzales” relies on this view of the commerce clause. It upheld the federal ban on marijuana despite California’s allowance of it for medicinal purposes.

Attorneys General Pruitt and Bruning are

not advocates for expansive federal power.

Both filed lawsuits against the federal government because they believed the Affordable Care Act was beyond congressional authority. Those who care about federalism ought to work to see “Gonzales” overturned, not use it or laws it allows as a legal justification.

None of this is to say anything about the wisdom in decriminalizing marijuana at the state level. It’s just to say that those who care about federalism shouldn’t rely on a federal power that didn’t exist before nine men created it in 1942. The federal government can ban the sale of marijuana across state lines, but stopping Colorado from implementing its own policy within its borders would be an overstep of federal power.

Barricade of the Week: yemen

Courtesy L’Express

A military officer jumps over a barricade that members of the Houthi, a militant Shia insurgency, erected after attacking Yemeni President Abd-Rabbu Mansour Hadi’s house last Tuesday. The president has since resigned.

The Collegian : 10

Sports

26 January 2015

Tulsa blows past Memphis, sinks Pirates to advance to 7–0

Woodard is the Top American Junior guard James Woodard has earned American Athletic Conference Player of the Week for the second time, based on his performances against UConn and USF last week. Woodard scored 21 points in each of those games, shooting 52 percent from field with an astonishing 61.5 percent from behind the three-point arc. This is the second time Woodard has earned this honor and the second straight week a Golden Hurricane has been the strongest player in the American conference.

Top Tennis Talent Junior Carlos Bautista earned American Athletic Conference Men’s Tennis Player of the Week last week for his performance against Texas, Illinois State and Incarnate Word, in which he won every match that he played in, including both singles and doubles.

MLS Draft Joining teammate Akeil Barrett, senior defender Tony Rocha was drafted in the fourth round by Sporting KC in the Major League Soccer Superdraft. Rocha was a four-year letterwinner at defense and midfield, helping Tulsa win the conference this past year, and helping post 14 shutouts over the last two seasons.

Women Outlast Utah The 27th-ranked women’s tennis team beat the 42nd-ranked University of Utah 4–3, moving on to the ITA Kick-Off Championship against the 16th ranked Wolverines of Michigan. This win gives the women a perfect 5–0 start to the season as they play for the right to advance to the ITA National Indoor Championships.

Track Takes Third The men and women’s track and field teams, competing in their second meet of the year, both took third place finishes at the DeLoss Dodds Invitational at Kansas State University. The men had nine topthree finishers, including five first place finishes, and the women had ten and three respectively.

Super Bowl picks!

Joseph Edmunds – The Patriots carry the momentum after their blowout of the Colts in the AFC Championship game.

They won a close game over the Seahawks, who relied on a late comeback against the Green Bay Packers to make it to the Super Bowl. Patriots 24, Seahawks 17 Wade Crawford – New England struggled against teams that placed second (Kansas City) and third (Buffalo) in pass defense in 2014. They won’t fare much better against the first. Seahawks 20, Patriots 13 Matt Rechtien – The Patriots will play the Legion of Boom who have shown themselves to be the toughest defense in one of the strongest defensive divisions in football (NFC West - Go Rams!). Seattle 24, Patriots 13 Greg Diskin – The Seahawks will win because they don’t have any glaring weaknesses in any of their positional units. They are the best all around team in the NFL. Seahawks 31, Patriots 20 Jesse Keipp – In a matchup between probably the two most hated teams in the NFL, nobody wins—except for the team with the highest score. In which case, the Seahawks win 34–28, while Richard Sherman gets his hands on some properly inflated footballs.

David Kennedy / Collegian

Left to right: Junior guard James Woodard gets ready for a lay up against the Tigers on Wednesday night in the Golden Hurricane’s win. Guard Shaquille Harrison dribbles down the courts uncontested in Wednesday’s game.

The men’s basketball team has been dominating in conference play thus far, tacking on two more victories over the Tigers of Memphis and Pirates of East Carolina. Sports Writer Joseph Edmunds reports.

The Golden Hurricane men’s basketball team recorded two more conference victories this week, bringing their win streak to 9 games. Memphis had won the last 11 contests going back to the TU-Memphis conference rivalry in Conference USA. In front of another large crowd at the Reynolds Center, Tulsa faced off against Memphis on Wednesday looking for their first home win against the Tigers since 1971.

The first half was tightly contested, with both teams playing slow in the first couple of minutes. On the strength of their defense and turnover game, the Golden Hurricane were able to take a 30–23 lead going into the break.

To begin the second half, the Golden Hurricane went on a 26–5 tear, doubling up the score of the Tigers as they pushed the lead to 56–28 with 10 minutes remaining in the game. Tulsa’s defense had shut Memphis down, allowing only five points during that run. From that point on, however, the Tigers rediscovered their rhythm, and countered with fourteen consecutive points, bringing the lead down to 56–42.

They would get no closer to Tulsa as the Golden Hurricane countered the Tigers’ comeback with nine straight points, taking a 21-point lead with four minutes remaining to put the game out of reach and seal their sixth conference victory in the American.

The game ended 73–55 in favor of the Golden Hurricane. The smaller Tulsa lineup pestered the larger Tigers, forcing 17 turnovers over the course of the game.

Head coach Frank Haith had this to say

after the win, “Defensively we were really good. We had active hands. I thought our energy, on both ends of the court, was really, really good. All-in-all it was a great win. I thought our guys played with great tenacity the whole game.”

The win brought the TU win streak to 8 games, giving them a 13–5 (6–0 American Athletic Conference) record. The Tigers fell to 11–7 (4–3 AAC).

Tulsa then traveled to face East Carolina on Saturday. In a game that was tightly contested throughout, Tulsa came away with their ninth win in a row, 66–64.

The victory was their second conference win this week. Tulsa started the game by leading for the first fifteen minutes, but after a strong push in the last five minutes of the half, East Carolina took a six point lead into halftime, 35–29.

As they did in the game against Memphis, the Golden Hurricane started the second half strong, turning the six-point deficit into a seven-point lead just seven minutes into the second half.

East Carolina never regained the lead, and Tulsa made key free throws off of offensive rebounds in the final minutes to put the game out of reach and grind out a win on the road.

With the win, Tulsa improved to 14–5 (7–0 AAC) and continued their 9 game win streak. East Carolina dropped to 8–11 (1–5 AAC). Tulsa’s 7–0 record in the American Athletic Conference puts them in first place by half a game over SMU, who have a 7–1 conference record.

The Golden Hurricane also continues its conference win streak, winning 18 conference games since last year. The last time Tulsa has lost a conference game was Feb. 6 of last year. For their next game, the Golden Hurricane travel to New Orleans to play Tulane. The game is at 6 p.m. on Tuesday, Jan. 27, followed by a home game on Saturday against the USF Bulls.

Women split road trip against Green Wave and Pirates

The women’s basketball team continues its up and down season, splitting a two-game road trip last week.

Sports Writer Joseph Edmunds reports.

The Golden Hurricane women’s basketball team completed a two game road trip this week, returning with a split for the trip.

On the first game of the road trip, Tulsa faced Tulane in New Orleans. Tulane handed Tulsa one of its worst losses of the season, 73–34. The Golden Hurricane had trouble scoring, only managing 17 points in each half.

They only converted 25 percent of their shots from the field, including a mere 5 percent (1–20) from three-point range, while not being able to stop the Green Wave’s offense, who shot 61 percent from the field and an impressive 53 percent from behind the three-point arc.

Tulsa did have a bright spot in forcing 22 turnovers in the contest, but Tulane still managed to beat Tulsa in this aspect by forcing 23.

34 is the lowest number of points that Tulsa has scored in a regular season game against a conference opponent, lower than the previous mark of 35 set against UTEP two seasons ago. After this game Tulsa

dropped to 8–10 (3–4 American Athletic Conference) on the season, while Tulane improved to 15–3 (6–1 AAC).

In the second game of the road trip, the Golden Hurricane bounced back to win at East Carolina. Tulsa outscored East Carolina by 21 in the second half, turning a 10-point halftime deficit into an 11-point victory.

The shooting percentage was much better both from the field (44 percent) and behind the arc (43 percent) which was crucial to the win because they almost doubled the number of baskets that they made.

Four different Tulsa players shot doubledigit points led by Ashley Clark with 23 points. Mariah Turner, Teanna Reid and Kadan Brady finished up as the next top scorers.

Turnovers helped spark a rally in the second half, as the Golden Hurricane forced 24 throughout the game. Tulsa moved to 9–10 (4–4 AAC), and East Carolina dropped to 13–7 (4–5 AAC).

Tulsa continues to sit in the middle of the American Athletic Conference standings with their 4–4 conference record, as they try to put together a win streak.

They return to action on Wednesday, Jan. 28 at 7 p.m. at the Reynolds Center against SMU.

Jesse Keipp is…

Soccer players are great with their legs.

Arms are practically an extension of the body to pitchers. But God has endowed J.J. Watt with stellar coordination to all his limbs. Not only can the All-Pro defensive lineman crush quarterbacks and catch fade passes in the end zone, but he can also nail field goals.

Before this year’s Pro Bowl, which of course you didn’t watch, Watt drilled a 32-yarder through the uprights. Sure, it wasn’t game scenario, but 32 yards is 32 yards. Maybe Watt can push Fat Randy out of his kicking job in Houston?

Speaking of the Pro Bowl, who watches that anymore? Half of the players on the bench don’t even watch. No matter how nicely Goodell asks, he won’t be able to convince these professionals to roughhouse and risk serious injury.

Andrew Luck to Antonio Brown sounds like a match made in heaven, but we all know it isn’t real. You may as well pull Roger Staubach out of Shady Acres Retirement Home and have him lob a few to a wheelchair-bound Raymond Berry (look him up).

A skills competition would most likely be more entertaining than the Pro Bowl scrimmage. Want to know which Pro Bowl quarterback can throw the farthest from his knees? Which non-kicker can boot one through the uprights beyond 40 yards?

Ever wonder which lineman could eat the most hot dogs? These are the questions that dreams are made of.

Wait, what’s a drug test?

Josh Gordon desperately needs someone to explain drug tests to him. No, they don’t use black magic. Yes, they’ll find out if you’ve smoked weed or drank alcohol.

After Gordon’s DUI, he was not only on the NFL’s watchlist for Mary Jane, but also for Jack Daniel’s.

Incidentally, Gordon failed a test for alcohol, which will most likely force him off the field for the entire 2015 season. He must really want to get back to selling cars.

That’s how he kept himself busy during his last suspension.

Science of (foot)balls In the world of science, there’s not much that can be more humiliating than being corrected by Bill Nye the Science Guy. Bill Belichick’s ball deflation theory, that rubbing the balls together caused them to lose pressure, was easily debunked by Nye. Belichick, who “handled dozens of balls,” apparently couldn’t have handled enough.

As any physics major will over-eagerly explain to you, rubbing footballs to get Tom Brady’s preferred texture does not change the pressure. Nye explained this in a way a six-year-old (or Belichick) could understand it, by using balloons. Thanks, Bill Nye!

Courtesy of rantsports.com

As all elementary-school students will attest, anything this man says is the truth. I mean it’s not like Bill Nye is from Seattle and biased to the Seahawks.

A guide to piss off the NFL Marshawn Lynch loves to remind the NFL how little he cares about its silly rules.

For instance, Lynch was planning on wearing gold cleats in the NFC Championship Game until the NFL threatened him with ejection.

Lynch onced braved through an entire post-game interview by saying only, “Thanks for asking.” So naturally, he grabbed his crotch in celebration of his touchdown against the Packers. And, naturally, the NFL fined him $20,000 for the notso-well-received gesture. After all, there are children watching. And the NFL wants to stand up for the children.

However, the NFL cares about one thing more than the children: the money. That’s why you can now buy a photo collage, featuring Lynch’s crotch grab, from NFL.com for only $149.99! What a steal!

‘Cane Calendar Jan. 25 – Feb. 1 Sunday, Jan. 25 Women’s Tennis @ Baylor; Waco, TX;

1:00 p.m.

Tuesday, Jan. 27 Men’s Basketball @ Tulane; New Orleans, LA; 6:00 p.m.

Wednesday, Jan. 28 Women’s Basketball vs. Southern Methodist University; Reynolds

Center; 7:00 p.m.

Friday, Jan. 30 Track @ Razorback Team Invitational;

Manhattan, Fayetteville, AR;

Saturday, Jan. 31 Men’s Basketball vs. USF; Reynolds

Center; 12:00 p.m.

Women’s Basketball vs. UCF; Reynolds

Center; 3:00 p.m.

Women’s Tennis vs. Pittsburgh; Waco,

TX; 1:00 p.m.

Track @ Razorback Team Invitational;

Manhattan, Fayetteville, AR; All Day Sunday, Feb. 1 Women’s Tennis vs. Baylor; Waco, TX;

1:00 p.m.

26 January 2014

the Collegian : 11

Introducing Hardesty Hall Located at the university’s hub, TU’s newest residence hall is scheduled to open this fall. Situated near the Student Union and only a few steps from McFarlin Library, Hardesty Hall is a visually stunning building that will feature a grand entry, a beautiful main lounge, a courtyard plaza and fountain. Two double rooms form a suite (coed by suite) that share a bathroom. Each floor has a study lounge. Hardesty residents will enjoy the same comfortable amenities found in all TU residences — solid oak furniture, basic extended cable, Wi-Fi Internet, and free laundry on each floor. Hardesty will also have a spacious lounge with demonstration kitchen on the third floor, two elevators, ice machines and a 24-hour service desk.

Better Residence Hall Living in 2015 Below is a list of residence hall options for the upcoming year. Spaces that are currently used as rooms will be restored to spacious lounges creating great places to relax, play games, and study with friends. You now have more living options than ever.

John Mabee and Lottie Jane Mabee Halls Standard double rooms Standard single rooms Double suite room (a double room with an extra room attached) Single suite (a single room with an extra room attached, John Mabee only) Triple suites (double room attached to a single room where both rooms have a window) Hardesty Hall Double rooms (with semi-private bath shared with another double room)

West Suites Double rooms (6-person suite with suite bathroom) Single rooms (6-person suite with suite bathroom) Premium single rooms (double room with only one set of furniture, in a 3-person suite) LaFortune House Double rooms (4 or 6 persons suites) For more information about room designations and housing rates for next year, visit www.utulsa.edu/housing.

@TUCampusHousing

It’s so easy to make friends on campus, either through Greek life or campus events. Hurricane Thursdays are really good for that.

- Clarissa Dunn

Housing Office: 918-631-2516

canelink.utulsa.edu 2015 Collegian Ads.indd 1

1/22/15 1:44 PM

26 January 2015

the

The State-Run Media

State-Run media Official newsletter of the Kratocratic Party.

Conspiratorial politicking splits hacky sack club The TU hacky sack club leadership has split into two rival factions following a coup d’etat.

Adam Lux

Embedded Correspondent Last week, a small but effective uprising among the lower ranks of the hacky sack club opened a seam within the organization. The rebellion was led by club vice president, Broseph “Bro the Toe” McDaniel.

Dissent had been spreading through the ranks of the club for the past few months over a ban on the more modern suede footbags by club President Sammy “Swaggins” Waggins.

Waggins, a crochet sack purist, stated in an interview, “I’m just trying to keep the club connected to its roots.”

On Tuesday night, McDaniel led a small group of dissidents into Waggins’ room while she was away. The group systematically drained all of Waggins’ 49 hacky sacks. McDaniel then elected himself the new president of the club.

The next day this coup d’hack caused the club to schism into a two-party system, which is exactly what club founder George Hackington warned against. McDaniel now led the Neo-Footbaggers Collective (NFC), and Waggins lead the Republic of Classical HackySackers (RCHS). Both parties claimed to be the true descendants of the TU hacky sack club.

Tensions reached a climax around lunch time as both parties vied for the original TU hacky sack club’s old spot. The two forc-

Graphic by Elias Brinkman, Photos by Sara Douglas

Left: Sammy “Swaggins” Waggins, former Club President and hacky sack traditionalist. Right: Broseph “Bro the Toe” McDaniel, former Vice-President and radical reformer.

es stood parallel to one another preparing for battle. The stand-off quickly turned into a hack-off.

Spectators described the event as “a hail of hacky sacks” and “really annoying because they were right in front of ACAC.” The circles were locked in stalemate for a good ten minutes but finally the RCHS pulled ahead with a triple

hack ending with a cross-legged side settle by Waggins.

The NFC valiantly attempted to come back and almost succeeded with a double hack. However, McDaniel attempted a risky backsettle into side pass that cost the collective the match, and the hack spot.

Not only has this war disman-

tled one of TU’s oldest and most respected clubs, but it has left so many without a place to hack.

“Bro and Swaggins are both great guys,” said former TU hacky sack club member Tom “Huntman” Hunter, “but I can’t play with one without alienating the other. I just feel … homeless.”

“The time following a rift in

leadership is always chaotic for a campus club,” said political science professor Dr. Richard Blanks.

“Many former members will feel a sense of anomie for up to a week after their club dissolves, at which point they will likely discover another passion, like improv or slacklining.”

Paranoid student convinced roommate has been replaced Ever since his roommate returned from Brazil, George Gillinson has had a sneaking suspicion that things were not as they seemed.

Steven Buchele

Theoretical Conspiracist Many people claim that an experience abroad makes them into different people, but George Gillinson is convinced that in his roommate’s case the old refrain is too close to the truth.

“I swear, he’s actually a different person!” Gillinson insists.

Gillinson’s roommate spent last fall abroad studying in Sao Paulo, but as soon as Gillinson returned to school he started noticing that things weren’t quite right.

“I came in to our apartment that first night and there were soccer posters everywhere. He hated soccer last spring!” said an exasperated Gillinson.

Gillinson began compiling a list of things that he believes to be evidence that his new roomate is not the same as his old roommate, and a new found love of soccer is only the first thing on the list.

“He cooks really spicy food, which he couldn’t stand last year.

And he speaks with this weird accent. Plus he thinks the weather has been unbearably cold this last week. He’s from Minnesota! This shouldn’t be a problem at all!”

Also on the list, now nearing ten pages, Gillinson lists things like “has forgotten that he’s seen ‘Lord of the Rings’ fifteen times,” “has suddenly started attending Catholic mass, previously atheist,” and

“no longer allergic to pineapple.”

The Administration of the University of Tulsa won’t comment on Gillinson’s accusations of negligence or his suggestion that someone kidnapped his old roommate and has stolen his identity. They would however like to remind students that free counseling is available for students at the Alexander Health Center.

“We’re always surprised when we reunite with someone who has rapidly matured,” says Study Abroad Coordinator Frank Atter.

“It’s kind of like when you haven’t seen someone you know for a long time, the first thing a lot of us say is ‘You’ve changed so much’ or ‘Gosh, you look so much taller’ or ‘The color of your eyes, skin, and hair has changed.’ I’m proud to say that study abroad programs offer just the situations to inspire these kinds of experiences.”

Even Gillinson’s friends think he’s taking his paranoia a little too far. “I mean, his roommate seems a little different, but George has started collecting the guy’s hair for DNA samples or something. And that’s just weird,” said George’s longtime friend, Senior Dale Watterson.

“He can’t remember anything about all the things we did together! He can’t even drive any more!

He’s not my roommate.”

The State Run media has taken a careful look at pictures of Gillison’s roommate from before and after his trip, and while he does appear a little different, Study Abroad officials have assured us that our there is no cause for alarm and to stop asking questions.

Graphic by Elias Brinkman

The first in a noble fleet of amateur ambulances which, while practically a breeding ground for bacteria, are a much better value than an EMSA ride for someone without insurance.

Enterprising students exploit uninsured classmates

When TU turned down the EMSAcare offer, two TU students saw an opportunity to profit on the misfortune of their fellow humans.

Abigail LaBounty Ambulance Chaser

A week ago the University announced its decision to opt out of EMSAcare, which would have footed the bill for ambulance rides from TU. While many students are voicing their dissatisfaction with the choice, some see it as a business opportunity.

Sophomores Moe Bial and Minnie Baggs of Baggs-Bial Transit have expanded their transit service to include emergency rides to your chosen hospital.

Baggs and Bial started their transit service during the second

semester of their freshman year when they realized there was money to be made by offering an alternative to Tulsa Transit.

When asked about their decision to expand their services to emergency care, Baggs said, “It just made sense, we saw a need that wasn’t being filled, and decided to fill it.”

Baggs-Bial Transit advertises comparable equipment to that of an ambulance. Bial said, “I mean, we’re not technically allowed to administer oxygen, but I have one of my grandma’s half empty tanks.

And we don’t have a defibrillator, but I keep an old car battery and a set of jumper cables, so….”

“It doesn’t cost $1300,” Baggs followed up.

When asked about her experience with Baggs-Bial emergency transit, Junior Anita Ride said, “I was thoroughly impressed with the

great service.

When I heard that TU had opted out of EMSAcare, I was really rethinking my decision to have an aneurysm on campus, but with Baggs-Bial I got mediocre, affordable service complete with The 100 Percent Survival Guarantee®!”

Sophomore Carrie Mie followed up with, “Yeah, the EMTs said I almost died because they didn’t have any Epinephrine for my allergy attack, but the benedryl they gave me kept me mostly alive, and hey, now I can pay my tuition.”

Baggs-Bial Transit offers emergency services whenever Bial doesn’t have class. Get a friend to flag them down at the stoplight on 6th and Delaware. And if they aren’t there, you should probably call 911.