Tucson Weekly, Dec. 24, 2020

The Last Word: An Excerpt from the Late Charles Bowden’s final book, Sonata

DEC. 24 - 30, 2020 • TUCSONWEEKLY.COM • FREE

, a n o z i r Yes, A

s u a l C a t n a S a s I e r e h T brate e l e c o t s y a w g in Find amidst a pandemic

By Jeff Gardner

COVID Is Crashing the Healthcare System

Resolutions for 2021

Why You Should Keep Your Weed Card

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DEC. 24, 2020 | VOL. 35, NO. 52

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STAFF

CONTENTS CURRENTS

As COVID persists, so do the holidays

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COVID-19

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Arizona could see 500 COVID deaths per week by Christmas

BOOK EXCERPT

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A selection from the late Charles Bowden’s final book, Sonata

RESOLUTIONS 2021

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EDITOR’S NOTE

Yes, Arizona, There Is a Santa Claus WE LEARNED FROM THE WHOS DOWN in Whoville that Christmas doesn’t come in a box, so I’m not going to miss (too much) the big gift exchange that typically happens with my extended family around the tree. But I am going to miss the holiday tradition of carving the roast beast in the company of my sister, brothers, nieces, nephews, in-laws and friends this weekend. It’s not going to be the same without enjoying big meals around big tables with lots of big love. But with the way that COVID cases are jumping, I’m gonna follow the advice of the health experts out there and keep it simple this year. Next year, tho….

With COVID widespread, Tucsonans have been creative about how they are celebrating this holiday this year. Associate editor Jeff Gardner catches up with Santa himself this week, as well as the crew at the Tucson Jewish Community Center and the Tucson Botanical Gardens, to find out how they are adapting their usual holiday celebrations to the pandemic.

We’re also bringing you a little something special in this overstocked stocking of an issue: An excerpt from Sonata, the final posthumous book from Charles Bowden. I can remember reading Chuck’s stories when I was folding newspapers for my Tucson Citizen delivery route before he became an acclaimed author of books. Sonata is filled with staccato vignettes that range from tales of the drug war

to meditations on the likes of painter Vincent Van Gogh, Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortes and musician Charles Ives. Along with Jericho, also released this year by University of Texas Press, Sonata completes Bowden’s Unnatural History of America, which also includes the books Blood Orchid, Dakotah, Some of the Dead Are Still Breathing and Blues for Cannibals.

Elsewhere in this issue: Staff reporter Nicole Ludden brings us a chilling update about overcrowding at local hospitals and the grim predictions of one local health expert, who says we’ll start to see 500 COVID deaths per day in Arizona starting this week; columnist Tom Danehy sums up 2020 in verse; Tucsonans share their resolutions for the year; Cannabis 520 columnist David Abbott explains why you may want to hang onto your medical card, even if voters have legalized recreational weed; and there are many other diversions to enjoy in this issue before you use it for kindling for your Yule Log. Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

— Jim Nintzel Executive Editor Hear Nintz talk about the latest on the outbreak and other news at 8:30 Wednesday mornings on The Frank Show on KLPX, 91.1 FM.

RANDOM SHOTS By Rand Carlson

The community shares their New Year’s Resolutions.

ADMINISTRATION Jason Joseph, President/Publisher jjoseph@azlocalmedia.com Jaime Hood, General Manager, Ext. 12 jaime@tucsonlocalmedia.com Casey Anderson, Ad Director/ Associate Publisher, Ext. 22 casey@tucsonlocalmedia.com Claudine Sowards, Accounting, Ext. 13 claudine@tucsonlocalmedia.com Sheryl Kocher, Receptionist, Ext. 10 sheryl@tucsonlocalmedia.com EDITORIAL Jim Nintzel, Executive Editor, Ext. 38 jimn@tucsonlocalmedia.com Austin Counts, Managing Editor, Ext. 36 austin@tucsonlocalmedia.com Jeff Gardner, Associate Editor, Ext. 43 jeff@tucsonlocalmedia.com Mike Truelsen, Web Editor, Ext. 35 mike@tucsonlocalmedia.com Nicole Ludden, Staff Reporter, Ext. 42 nicolel@tucsonlocalmedia.com Contributors: Rob Brezsny, Max Cannon, Rand Carlson, Tom Danehy, Emily Dieckman, Bob Grimm, Andy Mosier, Linda Ray, Margaret Regan, Will Shortz, Jen Sorensen, Clay Jones, Dan Savage PRODUCTION David Abbott, Production Manager, Ext. 18 david@tucsonlocalmedia.com Ryan Dyson, Graphic Designer, Ext. 26 ryand@tucsonlocalmedia.com Emily Filener, Graphic Designer, Ext. 29 emilyf@tucsonlocalmedia.com CIRCULATION Alex Carrasco, Circulation, Ext. 17, alexc@tucsonlocalmedia.com ADVERTISING Kristin Chester, Account Executive, Ext. 25 kristin@tucsonlocalmedia.com Candace Murray, Account Executive, Ext. 24 candace@tucsonlocalmedia.com Lisa Hopper, Account Executive Ext. 39 lisa@tucsonlocalmedia.com Tyler Vondrak, Account Executive, Ext. 27 tyler@tucsonlocalmedia.com NATIONAL ADVERTISING VMG Advertising, (888) 278-9866 or (212) 475-2529 Tucson Weekly® is published every Thursday by 13 Street Media at 7225 N. Mona Lisa Rd., Ste. 125, Tucson, Arizona. Address all editorial, business and production correspondence to: Tucson Weekly, 7225 N. Mona Lisa Rd., Ste. 125, Tucson, Arizona 85741. Phone: (520) 797-4384, FAX (520) 575-8891. First Class subscriptions, mailed in an envelope, cost $112 yearly/53 issues. Sorry, no refunds on subscriptions.

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CANNABIS 520

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Medical card holders might want to hold onto their cards, even with recreational marijuana legalized

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“Instead of having people gather in a single specific spot, we tried to make an experience for our guests that permitted them to enjoy a nice wander through the gardens, and we think we achieved that goal,” Elias said.

“We are requiring masks in the garden, and honestly that’s something we were concerned with at the beginning. We didn’t know how people would feel about it. Some people don’t like it, and if they’d like to come back to the garden, they can do so when we no longer require masks.”

Reworking the holiday event led to the gardens utilizing an online ticketing system – a tool they’ve never used before. Thanks to online ticketing, TBG can calculate exactly how many people will be in the park at a time, create time slots to lower capacity, and avoid crowds gathering at the ticket counter. As a result, Winter Wanderland saw only a fifth of the usual attendees at any given time.

“The guests have been very accepting and enthusiastic,” Elias said. “Even though we’ve JEFF GARDNER had sold-out nights where we couldn’t accept Patrick Cunningham assuming his annual Santa role in Main Gate Square on any more people in the gardens, people are University Blvd. This year involved an extra bit of specially built precaution. understanding. It’s been heartwarming and exciting for us to see that guests still have that holiday feeling in their hearts.”

For the Tucson Jewish Community Center, removing in-person events posed a As COVID Persists, So Do The Holidays similarly existential threat – how can you be a community center without a physical location for the community to gather? Luckily, the ham said. “And honestly, my heart was just Jeff Gardner Jewish holidays of Rosh Hashanah and Yom shattered.

There was a deep sadness at the jeff@tucsonlocalmedia.com Kippur earlier in the year meant the JCC had prospect.” plenty of practice leading into December.

Cunningham wasn’t alone in his safety WITH COVID-19 MAINTAINING “We had a template for Hanukkah its hold as the year draws to a close, it almost concerns, both for himself and the because we’d already been through some of community. seems quaint how some once hoped the the major holidays earlier in the year,” said Every December, the Tucson Botanical pandemic would subside by Easter. But as Khylie Gardner, JCC’s director of marketing Gardens hosts their largest event, Luminarcases and death counts continued to rise, and communications. “As things shifted, holiday and festival celebrations further into ia Nights. During this holiday celebration, we hoped case numbers would be down in the gardens are illuminated by thousands the year tumbled like dominos: the Tucson December and we’d be able to have the comof paper lanterns and holiday decorations, Festival of Books, the Fourth Avenue Street munity gather here. But as cases rose in town, and also feature jazz bands and carolers.

The Fair, the All Souls Procession, and even the event averages 1,300 attendees per night. But we realized it wouldn’t be a responsible thing downtown Parade of Lights, the Oro Valley for us to do.”

Holiday Drive-thru and Winterhaven Festival this year, after months of closure and losing The JCC’s Hanukkah event was virtual, the bulk of their guest traffic, TBG staff were of Lights all cancelled. but still included multiple activities. The unsure if the event would happen at all.

Beyond public events, health departments Family Latke Challenge encouraged families “Luminaria Nights always seems to be a even advised against large indoor gatherings yearlong process of planning,” said Rob Elias, to cook in their homes while listening to the during the winter holidays. For many, it’s an TBG’s director of marketing and communica- story of Hanukkah. The Engineer Your Own isolating end to an already difficult year. But for others, it’s an opportunity to find a way to tions. “We knew we couldn’t put on the same Dreidel was an online workshop that showed how to create dreidels using everyday matetype of experience for the guests we did in stay safe – and salvage the holidays. rials. Even the JCC’s annual Hot Chocolate the past.

But we wanted to still do something Patrick Cunningham transforms himself Run went virtual, and took place over all eight that would make things special.” into Santa each holiday season, and has done days of Hanukkah. During these, the JCC did For TBG, the answer was to redesign the so for more than three decades. He’s known continue to provide in-person childcare. around Tucson for being Santa in the Parade event’s form, but keep the function. They Because of the success and expanded announced Winter “Wanderland,” a socially of Lights, and on his sled at Main Gate reach of their virtual events, the JCC is distanced event where guests can still stroll Square on University Blvd. each December. already planning virtual events for the future, through the gardens and enjoy the luminaria It’s a complete wardrobe: the white beard, such as their Amplifying Voices series, which the velvet bag, the colorful rings, and the red lanterns, but there are no live performers or seeks to explore the intersectional relationholiday food samples. As opposed to musitruck with a ST NICK license plate. But this ship between Black and Jewish identities, cians playing Christmas standards throughyear, the outfit also includes a medical mask. and their 30th annual Tucson International out the park, holiday music was broadcast “From the get-go, I knew I wouldn’t do Jewish Film Festival, which is going entirely courtesy of KXCI radio.

Santa this year if it wasn’t safe,” Cunning-

CURRENTS

SOCIALLY DISTANCED SANTA

online. Because of the online platform, the film festival’s tickets are selling better than in years past.

“The main thing we’ve learned is that the role of the J in the community is to be a resource and to help people connect in the way that works for them,” Gardner said. “And I think that’s always been true, but this year especially we’ve realized we have a responsibility to keep people engaged, either physically, mentally or spiritually. It’s different, but we’ve had the opportunity to get really innovative with how we’d engage with the community.”

For Cunningham, the answer of how to safely reclaim his role as Santa at Main Gate Square turned out to be right in front of him.

Alongside his Santa attire, Cunningham owns multiple snowglobes, and has loved them since he was a child.

“It was like a light went off, I thought ‘I can be in a snowglobe, of course!’,” Cunningham said. “Part of my tradition as Santa is a sense of magic, wonder and hope. And I’m seeing all these plastic dividers and wondering how I can implement them in a way that still has that magic and wonder. Then I realized the answer was right in front of my face this whole time… I think it’s a false dichotomy, that you can only be on the side of public health, or the economy. Or public health, and the holidays.”

Cunningham proposed the snowglobe idea to the Marshall Foundation, which owns and manages most of the real estate in Main Gate Square, and they quickly created one.

While the snowglobe paneling does protect against COVID like standard acrylic dividers, it also provides an opportunity for decoration.

The Marshall Foundation even added jets to shoot out fake snow as children and families pose with their Santa in a snowglobe.

“Santa’s message has always been one of hope, but this year, it’s also one of perseverance and to have a heart that believes better days are ahead,” Cunningham said. “Most years, kids ask for a long list of very highpriced electronics. But this year, more than any other time I’ve been Santa, the majority of kids are asking for health, a return to normalcy, for hand sanitizer, and for people to be safe. It really is powerful.”

Thanks to this ingenuity, families were still able to gather – in socially distant lines – every Sunday through December in Main Gate Square to tell Santa what they want for Christmas as in years past. In fact, the demand was so great the line formed even before Cunningham arrived, sporting a specially made candy-cane patterned mask with a transparent front so children can still see Santa’s smile.

“Even though this year is different than ever before,” Cunningham addressed the line of families, “We’re going to get through it with love and with hope.” ■

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CURRENTS

just those unfortunate enough to contract Covid-19.”

Tucson Medical Center has cancelled all elective surgeries beginning Monday, Dec. 21, until Jan. 4 in order “to address the constrained nursing, clinical and medical staff,” according to an email TMC sent to its physicians.

The email said the cancelled surgeries will fall under Arizona’s recognized definition of elective surgeries: “a surgery that can be delayed without undue risk to the current or future health of a patient.

A licensed medical professional shall use their best medical judgment in determining whether a surgery is non-essential or elective.”

Factors taken into consideration will be the patient’s health, age and the urgency of the surgery. According to the email, surgeries won’t be considered non-essential if they “would threaten the patient’s life, threaten permanent dysfunction or impairment of any body part, risk metastasis or progression of staging, or require the patient to remain hospitalized if the surgery was delayed.”

Jeff Gardner At a press conference last week, Banner Healthcare worker Iris Delfakis receives the first COVID vaccine administered at Health’s Chief Clinical Officer Dr. Marjorie Banner UMC. Bessel said within the first two weeks of December, COVID-19 hospitalizations in the state have increased by 93%. This is the same rate experienced throughout the entire month of November.

Bessel said Banner is also seeing Arizona Could See 500 COVID Deaths a Week By Christmas increased deaths from COVID-19, causing the morgues at some hospitals to become COVID-19 deaths, Gerald estimates by Nicole Ludden Christmas, Arizona will see more than 500 so overwhelmed that bodies are being nicole@tucsonlocalmedia.com placed in refrigerated trucks. deaths a week.

Bessel expressed support for allowing Pima County also set a record for cases AS COVID-19 CONTINUES TO spread substantially throughout the state, in a single week with 7,237 coronavirus cases the week ending Dec. 13, a 14% increase Arizona is breaking records for its weekly from the week prior, Gerald’s report says. case count and hospitals are having to cancel elective surgeries to care for an exceeding number of coronavirus patients.

HOSPITALS DANGEROUSLY NEAR The week ending Dec. 13 saw at least CAPACITY, CANCEL ELECTIVE 44,390 new COVID-19 cases in Arizona, SURGERIES a 10% increase from the week prior. This sets a new record for weekly case counts in the state, according to Dr. Joe Gerald, a AS OF DEC. 18, THE UA PROFESSOR’S professor at the University of Arizona who report says 47% of the state’s general ward creates weekly coronavirus epidemiology beds and 53% of its ICU beds were occupied by COVID-19 patients. reports based on ADHS data.

“We are now undergoing the great ‘disHowever, Gerald says this number placement’ such that hospital services are could be even higher than reported due now being rationed so that patients with to a significant lag time in processing COVID-19 tests, as nearly 10,000 patients severe COVID-19 illness are displacing were told their test could not be completed others who have slightly less severe nonCOVID medical conditions. As COVID-19 due to a laboratory backlog. illness continues to increase, delaying Coronavirus test positivity also set a others’ care will become ever more diffinew record in the state at 26.3% last week, cult,” Gerald’s said in the report. “Make no according to Gerald’s report. mistake, the Covid-19 crisis is now placing Though the state has yet to reach its deadliest week that ended July 19 with 617 a greater share of Arizonans at-risk, not

HOLIDAY HAVOC

local authorities to implement mitigation protocols like Tucson and Pima County have done through mandatory curfews and mask mandates.

“We’ve seen recent actions, as an example, by the mayor of Tucson, Pima County, the mayor of Phoenix and the Phoenix City Council, giving local mayors authority to take mitigation steps and help the state of Arizona’s health care system reduce COVID-19 cases in our hospital, which in turn helps all of us by ensuring that the health care we or our families may require will be there in our time of need,” she said.

In a press conference Wednesday, Gov. Doug Ducey made clear he isn’t implementing any further statewide mitigation guidelines as the virus rages through Arizona.

“The White House coronavirus task force also states that if state and local policies do not reflect the seriousness of the current situation, all public health officials must alert the state population directly,” Bessel said. “As the chief clinical officer for the largest health system in Arizona, which is caring for nearly half of all the hospitalized COVID-19 patients in the state, I am following the direction of the White House coronavirus task force by alerting you directly about what needs to be done to slow the spread of COVID-19 before the level exceeds that of our health care resources.”

Bessel urges the public to limit physical interaction to only those in their immediate households, wear a mask in all public situations and avoid traveling or gathering with those outside their households during the holidays. ■

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DEC. 24, 2020

DANEHY ’TWAS THE COLUMN BEFORE CHRISTMAS: TOM SHARES A HOLIDAY POEM ABOUT THE WORST YEAR EVER

By Tom Danehy, tucsonweekly@tucsonlocalmedia.com

WHEN I WAS BUT A YOUNG LAD, I idolized Smokey Robinson. I always wanted to be able to sing like him, but then puberty hit and there went the falsetto (such as it ever was in the first place).

I loved the way he put words together; Nobel Laureate Bob Dylan called Smokey Robinson “America’s greatest living poet.” But how could I (or anyone, for that matter) compete with “…when it’s cold outside, I’ve got the month of May…?”

I had long ago given up on my Smokey dreams. But then I recently watched Hitsville, a documentary about the making of Motown. There was a scene of Smokey and The Miracles performing along with the rest of the Motown Revue at the legendary Apollo Theater. Hope springs eternal!

As it turns out, even at my advanced age and weight, I am probably now a better dancer than Smokey Robinson ever was. In the documentary, Motown founder Berry Gordy rips Robinson’s attempts at terpsichore. Smokey’s dance moves are to those of the other Motown artists what Mick Jagger is to his inspiration, James Brown.

So, with profound apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, I present this look back at the WORST YEAR EVER! I should probably also apologize to William Wadsworth Longfellow, as well. I can’t adhere to a particular metre, so while one stanza will be reminiscent of “A Visit From St. Nicholas,” the next might bring to mind “The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere.” (Of course, in turn, were he alive, Longfellow should probably apologize to all the English Romantics from whom he appropriated his style.) Anyway, here we go: ‘Tis the day before Christmas and all through the land Herr Trump and his minions are all pounding sand.

His lawyers kept flailing, but ran out of time, And all left behind just a trail of slime.

Joe Biden’s election, while hardly a shock, Exposed Donald Trump, who’s now deeply in hock.

His creditors screaming, they want what is due, To get what is theirs, they now stand in a queue.

Regina kept closing the whole city down, ’Til what once was vibrant became a ghost town.

No restaurants, no workouts, no tattoos, no fun, In protest, the knuckleheads each brought a gun.

The curfew established from 10 until five, In hopes that it might keep some people alive.

But protesters screamed, “There’s really no way, I want to be free, so others must pay!”

In four weeks or so, a President Biden, And all of the Trumpies will go into hidin’.

Their criminal acts would fill up a garden, And many are state crimes for which there’s no pardon.

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A non-soon grabbed hold of the weather this year, So drought must come next, all our scientists fear.

But Trump and his cronies they paused all their fencin’ To tout a new city, just outside of Benson.

Now, Wildcat football, it really does stink, A lot has to do with Coach Sumlin, we think.

They’ve lost 10 games straight and we’re thinkin’, by God,

How strange that we’re suddenly missing Rich Rod!

On Mannion! On Nnaji! On Green! Oh, the hype!

How soon did that team revert back to type?

Coach Miller has shown he can grab some big names, Although we would rather his teams win big games.

The Cat women’s hoop team is really badass, They rebound, they dribble, they shoot and they pass.

The women delight all their fans without fail, And unlike the men, they fill up McKale.

The caucasian gun guys, they sure chose their path, Their fury was strong but they all sucked at math.

His street-rabble throng, they claimed to be heroes, Too bad their clown lost by an eight with six zeroes.

Melania, his wife, sadly stands by his side, But no one is sure of the last time she cried.

How sad for her to be all wrapped in a box, But she cannot cry ’cause of all the Botox.

For all the deniers whose logic is misty, The big question now is how dumb is Steve Christy.

He sided with those disregarding the vote, And so, in the process, became one big scrote.

Consider the plight of poor Martha McSally, Publicly shamed at a redneck Trump rally.

No longer a part of United States Senate, A victim of timing, just like the film Tenet.

Fox News keeps on looking for something to shout,

Outflanked on the right, they’re now losing their clout.

Last night, they were all in a bunch about Swalwell, He had an affair—no wait! That was Falwell.

As people keep dying, like some brain-dead mynah, All Donald will say, “It’s not me! It’s from China.”

Trump follows the pattern of his father, Fred, “Of foremost importance is I am not dead.”

Response to the virus brought our country shame, The morons at fault are so easy to name The landscape’s ablaze with bright funeral pyres, Too bad they’re not full of COVID deniers.

The year is now ending and, wow, none too soon, A tragic November, a horrible June, For those of you maskers who did what was right, Merry Christmas to all and let’s keep up the fight! ■

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CROSSING THE LINE

An excerpt from the late Charles Bowden’s final book, Sonata

H

e comes over the wall and lands in my life.

He’s got the body of a convict who spent his time in the yard with the iron pile. He’s forty, blond hair, blue eyes and winning smile. Sometimes the trouble comes from the bottle, but more often from the pipe.

He keeps writing poems about a place called Knife Street where life is a blade and anger. He’s shown his poems down at the university and they’ve encouraged him but he doesn’t believe them because he doesn’t trust them because he doesn’t see any scars on their bodies or hear the scars in their talk. His mom was Indian or part Indian, his dad a drunk and then gone. He married the rich girl, had the big house, stables, money. Once I helped him find the satellite image of the place and all he talked about were the trees—loblolly, ash and how he planted ’em all and how they’d grown so. Eventually, his hungers got the best of him and he hit her and did drugs and it all went to hell and he went to prison.

Things can be fine and then they are gone, just like that—house, woman, stables, the trees you planted.

I stand watching the creek rise. There is a crack and a forty-foot cottonwood tumbles to earth and this morning in the gray light that cottonwood figured on living forever. Two days later the water rose again, the toppled tree shuddered and began to move downstream. The water got higher and higher, the day-old fence put in after the last torrent vanished

in the first fifteen minutes. And still the water keeps coming from canyons and hills. There is no safe bet by a creek. The water stays brown for days. The herons and kingfishers move until it clears. The watercress is scoured away.

He sits there sipping a beer and enjoyed a rolled smoke and looks up brightly, “They say I’m bipolar.”

Then, he snorts and drains his beer.

He is very bright, borrows books from me, scorns television and sees the world through cracks in his head. He is climbing down a ladder. The busted marriage was not enough. Prison was not enough.

When I first met him he had a flatbed truck with a bad starter, a chainsaw and a ladder. He also had tailor-made cigarettes then.

He took me once to see the truck—his landlord had impounded it and kept it in the yard for back rent. Before that he’d lost it for awhile for dead plates—they’d pulled him over and ran his name, found the outstandings, tossed him in and during the thirty days the truck was towed to a yard and he had to move heaven and earth to get it back. Christ, that story went on and on because it was such a damn good truck, he insisted and besides he couldn’t get work unless he could haul the dead wood away and so that truck, that was life, well, maybe not exactly but without the truck there was no work, and without work the pipe stayed empty and without the pipe the woman vanished.

But then she did anyway now and then.

He’d bring her over at times. She

worked as a practical nurse and had some heft and very quick eyes, the kind of eyes you knew would ask to use the bathroom and the kind of eyes you knew would open the medicine cabinet and would vacuum everything with the hint of an upper or downer.

Sometimes he’d get angry about her, how she took his drugs and stuff, and sometimes he’d get angry how she’d go off when he had no drugs and then he stopped, and would not say much about what she did when she went off and he had no drugs. Sometimes he’d bring her and her brother, a little ferret-faced guy who was very polite and seemed to scan every object to determine what was most portable.

They were all rungs on the ladder, things essential if he were to reach his destiny and he was sure of his destiny even if it had yet to be revealed to him.

He looms as he speaks, his huge arms and chest the armor over his busted life. He tries to be reasonable, he is in a chair, the walls are bookcases, he’s got a free beer, he’s smoking, for a brief while he’s a regular guy, just leaning back and shooting the breeze but he can never hold that moment, never keep a grip on this calm, something always boils out of him, and anger at cops and people who look down on him and people with money who don’t work as hard as he does and at the government that doesn’t give a damn about him—he checks about rehab and finds he must wait months for a slot and for a man with a pipe that means never, never, never, and then he falls into a litany of broken dreams and bad cops.

He learns about trees in prison, this woman taught a class and that is how he got into tree trimming and he is an encyclopedia of tree diseases. He can’t look at a tree on the place without telling me it is ailing and the only cure is for him to do some cutting on it. As time goes on and

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SONATA FOREWORD BY ALFREDO CORCHADO

CHARLES BOWDEN the truck goes and the ladders, also the bicycle and then there is only the chainsaw, he still keeps working, swinging from limb to limb in the tree like a great ape.

Then he is gone for a month or more.

He comes back and says he walked ten miles a day. The cell was eight feet long, he’d do about 659 laps to a mile, 6600 a day just to be sure of his ten miles and he did it every day, every single day, because that’s how you do time and keep control and he’s going to be clean now, he’s going to go back to the Carolinas and I give him a few bucks and he’s gone. He takes a bus to Amarillo. He gets off, looks out at the plains and wonders why he is there and so comes back. He finds a dog, the perfect friend. The woman is gone, the truck and all that gone, the pipe, the pipe seems to remain. He and the dog have a life. He walks out to the edge of town, waits with the dog for a ride. The cops bag him.

DEC. 24, 2020

The dog goes to the pound and by the time he finally gets out of jail, well, the dog has been destroyed, best damn dog he ever knew.

Each day the defeated seem to grow in number. Nobody is counting, but still they are growing in number and each day they get more angry and they know they are defeated but they don’t see themselves as a group, just a wound. They hide their wounds because being taken down is shameful, and they lie about their pain and they say things that make it sound like their lives are on the upswing and that they are part of the bigger thing that surrounds them, the people with jobs and good liquor and legal habits.

They say that they’re getting by and hey, let’s have a beer, and everyone belongs to some vague middle and no one will admit that the undertow is taking them, the car will be repossessed, the rent is two months late, and all they want to do is drink and blot out what they see roaring toward them and he sits there and talks about poetry or projects or the diseases trees are prone to and he’s going to get clean, get a truck and fire up the business of his life, thank you very much.

SHE’S BARELY TWENTY.

The mom is not right, something about her head, so she stays home and takes pills. The dad cuts meat in a market. The girl, she has a job with a big chain, she works the delicatessen, it pays $8.08 an hour and that doesn’t pay for much, so she lives at home.

This she tells the cops as they make her stay in a room and give them what they want.

Do drugs?

Oh, no sir. I don’t drink either, sir.

How did you get involved?

Well, I ran into this girl I knew at a party and she told me about it.

What was her name?

She just told me, that’s all.

These calls on your phone? Is that her?

No, no, sir, that is someone else, someone who has nothing to do with it.

It goes on like that, page after page, the clock ticking, the questions repeating and repeating because the people with the good jobs and the pensions and paid vacations need meat to feed their habit and their habit is putting people in cages.

The girl goes on about how she did the first run in December because Christmas was coming and she had no money for her family and they paid her $3,000 for driving the load seventy-five miles and

looking innocent at the one checkpoint and then she did another and another and she quit because she had a new job that started in a week or two and this would pay her ten dollars an hour.

And they called and she said yes she would do it one more time and that time she got caught. Before she got to the checkpoint her boss calls on the phone and says, hey, don’t break the speed limit the cops are waiting and so she is careful but still this cop pulls her over and says you were speeding and she knows she was not but still they take her to the room and the questions begin and they keep asking the same thing, like who is this person who keeps calling on the phone and she tries to tell them nothing, she really tries but they just keep asking.

She tries, she really tries.

But they are hard to beat. They have the law.

LATER, I’M TALKING WITH THE

pick the right parents and this will not be forgiven, and this is true of the Mexican or the Chinaman or the zone-tailed hawk or the lion padding softly down the creek in the night, eyes huge with hunger for the fresh blood of the deer. Nobody is forgiven who crosses the line and helps other bloods and says the other breeds of man and beast are their equals and their brothers and their sisters.

This is never forgiven.

So it is written in the books of law.

That is the moment, when you know you can never be forgiven, when you know they have made your heart illegal, that is the moment you cross the final line into freedom land and become one with trees dirt fangs musk high water and howls in the night and cease to have solutions and cease to think of issues and cease to listen to anything but the rustle of leaves, the songs in gray light of morning, the sap slowly gurgling to the canopy and the messages of mice and snakes on the dust of the earth, then you know what to do and who you are and realize there is no going back.

The time for meetings is over. There will be no big fix. There will only be yes or

agent, the man who is appalled that the leader drove an old car with bald tires and appalled that in his house they found nothing but a sack of beans and a sack of potatoes.

I ask about the girl.

He says it can be terrible, that some JEN SORENSEN times they put a gun to their head to make them drive.

There have to be lines, sharp, defined things, 30-foot walls, rolls of concertina wire, the saved and the damned, the country club and the others, the humans and the beasts, hard lines, race, class, and let us see that passport, stand over there, open your bag, do not get out of the vehicle, license please, you wait, lines, cages, laws, borders, rules, always rules and all of the rules are the same: we got the power and you don’t. But the important thing is not the power, no, the important thing is the line that says us and them, that says you are the wrong color or you are the wrong species or you are not us and so the agents come and the walls and the guns and the laws and the mausoleums full of lawyers and judges, endless ways to put you down and if you complain put you out forever, and this can be done because you run drugs, leave old nylon rope and spent burlap bags along the creek, because you have no money and you are not going to have money because we won’t pay you much and so you are the criminal and cross the line and go down or you are the illegals coming north or climbing out of a container in a port and here is what is wrong with you, you didn’t

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no. There will be the lesson of the hawk or the reprimands of the cops.

They are coming, walls or no walls.

You must be on a side or be nothing at all and if you do not side with beasts and other bloods you belong to the world of triumph, a world that leads to death.

Eleven slaughtered, all from one family, and in this courtroom in the detention center the government argues that does not mean the defendant is in any danger if he’s tossed back into the place that ate his father and uncles and aunts and cousins and grandmother, no, there is no evidence of any danger there, not a bit and as for the girl who made $8.08 an hour with the weekly total held down to 30 hours to keep the benefits in line and who ran a load 75 miles for $3,000 come Christmas time, well, she had a choice.

For example, she could have gone to law school and become like the prosecutor piling charges on her head, or like the judge, she had a choice and she made her choice. Bailiff send in the next one. ■ Used with permission from the University of Texas Press, © 2020

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DEC. 24, 2020

BE IT RESOLVED

The Community Shares Their New Year’s Resolutions Tucson Weekly Staff tucsonweekly@tucsonlocalmedia.com GIVEN HOW THE PANDEMIC HAS upended our lives, we’ve all done a little soul-searching this year. And many of us are thinking about how to live better lives once this outbreak is behind us. We reached out to people in Pima County to see what changes they’d like to make as we race into 2021. May it be a better year for all of us!

Always tip more than I am supposed to. Continue to check in on my peeps, even after the pandemic subsides. Pick up at least three pieces of trash every time I ride my bike up “A” Mountain.

Continue to be a Wildcat Football fan no matter how bad it gets. Finally, I wanna put my boot up the a** of 2020 and plant a big wet kiss on 2021!

—Connie Brannock, singer and musician

Losing the quarantine pounds, for sure! Not taking any experiences or time with family for granted. Getting our small businesses back to where they were pre-COVID. And paying off my student loans once and for all!

—Heather Stricker, general manager of the Gaslight Theatre In 2021, get yourself a Buddhist friend, someone who can casually mention the Buddhist principles of non attachment: “By accepting the true nature of things as being impermanent we ease our fears and we open our hearts.” Now get yourself a Buddhist friend who will chime in every big life decision you crash into and explain what the hell non attachment means. Or you can also do what I’m doing in the New Year: No resolutions, and more importantly, no expectations.

—Mari Herreras, University of Arizona Press publicity manager and former Tucson Weekly editor

I would like to be kinder and more patient with my family and friends. And to not complain at all!

—Bradford Trojan, singer and musician As we emerge from a year unlike any other, my New Year’s resolution is to continue to listen and learn more about myself and the community so that I may evolve and better serve others.

—Clint Mabie, president & CEO, Community Foundation for Southern Arizona Resolutions sometimes imply one’s intention to change behavior. In this case, the most important issue I, and all of us need to keep in mind is the need to do our own part in slowing the spread of coronavirus. I’m resolved to continuing the mask wearing, social distancing, staying in appropriate small groups and respecting the fact that the virus is extremely contagious. Our behavior is what will get us back to some level of normal.

—Steve Kozachik, Tucson City Councilman

I am making a few intentions for 2021.

The first is to get back to interacting with my constituents face to face and for us all to stay healthy. I’ve missed the day to day aspects of serving AZ-02 — handshakes, hugs, town halls. I can’t wait until the day comes when we can go back to normal.

Also, when the new year starts, I hope to keep doing things I enjoy such as going on long walks, swimming, and spending quality time with my family.

— Ann Kirkpatrick, US Rep. (D-AZ 02)

DEC. 24, 2020

in nature with my husband, Gerry, and my dog, Basil. Take a break, and then find a new outlet for activism.

—Alison Jones, Pima County Democratic Party Chair

My resolution for 2021 is to double down and spend more time talking to people with whom I disagree over blocking them on Facebook. I resolve to hold out hope that we can come together to find a common purpose to equitably solve the threats ahead. I’m resolute in my belief that equity, inclusion, and diversity make us stronger; that the American dream is alive and well but we need to work harder than ever to make sure no one is left behind.

I resolve to be kinder and more compassionate, to listen more, and fight for justice. I hope in 2021 we join forces and work together to make Tucson and Arizona a better place than we found it.

—Demion Clinco, CEO, Tucson Historic Preservation Foundation; Board Chair, Pima Community College

Health is the new wealth. Continue to mask up, shape up and never give up, but always give back.

—Ray Flores, Flores Concepts My New Year’s resolutions are to start the Pima County School Superintendents Credit Recovery Program for 16-24 year olds and take my wife on some much needed romantic dates!

—Dustin Williams, Pima County School Superintendent

I have been adhering to social distancing, getting tested regularly and staying at home making sure my daughter doesn’t sneak onto cartoons between Looking ahead to 2021, I resolve to Zoom lessons. So basically, I have been not let the bottle let me down. a boy scout the whole year, so I think I —Hank Topless, singer and musician will become a crackhead and go on a murder spree the likes of the west has Getting the COVID-19 vaccine, for never seen. sure! Also, fewer Zoom screen —Tom Walbank, singer and musician marathons!

—Mike Peel, statewide sustainability In 2021 I resolve to: Close my Facedirector for Local First Arizona, and book account. Get the band back togethCassie Peel, director of the Master of er. Resume attending Arizona GeologiSocial Works program at Pacific Oaks cal Society meetings. Spend more time College

TUCSONWEEKLY.COM 11

In 2021 I am looking forward to teaching my course on “Spacecraft Mission Design” to UA students – sharing my knowledge and experience leading To remain humbled by the opporOSIRIS-REx. With a successful sample of asteroid Bennu on its way to Earth – I tunity I’ve been given and to always am anxious to start planning our labora- listen with great introspect.

—Chris Nanos, sheriff-elect, Pima tory analysis program.

County Sheriff ’s Department —Dante Lauretta, University of Arizona professor of planetary science and principal investigator of the OSIRIS-REx mission CONTINUED ON PAGE 12

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DEC. 24, 2020

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 11

2020 was a year of pain, hope and realization for me. I am looking forward to going into a new year for the first time motivated to make changes toward a healthy life. I intend to share my gratitude more often in 2021 and relish in the beauty that exists from just being.

—Dalice Shepard, Hotel Congress Marketing Director Let’s just say lots of things on last year’s list didn’t see the light of day.

This new year I will try to remain humble in the face of setbacks and disappointments, steadfast in pursuing the few goals I do have. Most importantly, try to support my kids in their struggles. It’s not easy to be a young adult at this age and I want to be here and remain present to lend whatever help I can.

—Rocco DiGrazia, owner, Rocco’s Little Chicago

My New Years’ resolution for 2021 is on their opponents.

—Ron Barber, former U.S. congressman first and foremost to be more realistic about resolutions; to continue to walk several miles a day; publish my second Here at the Oro Valley Chamber, we hope for a healthy, prosperous 2021, and book and meditate without falling asleep. Also, instead of going on a diet look forward once more to engaging with our friends and clients, face-to-face, which doesn’t last long, I have decided to cut out bread and carbohydrates maybe even shaking a hand or giving a for two months. I can’t do it the entire hug in the new year. This moment shall pass. Through it, may we be wiser, more year… I’m part Italian.

—Lisa Hopper, Account Executive humble and more grateful for all we’ve been given.

Eat dessert first!

— Dave Perry, president / CEO, Oro —Sheryl Kocher, front desk Valley Chamber

My first resolution is to continue to work on my own mental health and personal growth by taking breaks from social media and doing something self development-wise everyday, such as reading a self development book or listening to a podcast.

My next goal for next year is to be better with my finances. I am terrible TUCSON WEEKLY STAFF In 2021, I want to see a return to with money and budgeting and often civility and mutual respect in politics. I need my husband to reel in my unnecknow we can do this with the leadership Appreciate the small things and don’t essary purchases and tell my shopaholof elected officials who want to unite us. take moments for granted. ic heart “no” to buying random things They will be models of decency and emon Amazon. For 2021, I would like to —Casey Anderson, Associate pathy and refrain from personal attacks change that and be better in control of Publisher my financial situations and organize a strict budget to adhere by. I’ve tried this before but let’s hope 2021 will be the year I can control myself and not overspend but rather develop a stronger savings plan.

Lastly, my resolution is to make Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday - Vegan Days more of an effort to spend time (whethTuesdays - Indian Night Cuisine er virtually or in person) with my loved ones and try to take extra care to OPEN OPEN FOR FOR CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS AND AND spread kindness and show them how much I love and appreciate them. I lost NEW NEW YEARS YEARS DAY DAY two very dear members of my extended family this year (only one of them due 12 12 NOON NOON TO TO 66 PM PM ALL ALL DAY DAY to COVID), both very sudden. I realSPECIAL SPECIAL HOLIDAY HOLIDAY MENU MENU ized how important the time we spend together is and how each day with a loved one is truly a blessing because tomorrow is never guaranteed. So, for 2021, I want to make it a year for myself to only choose kindness and joy and celebrate everyday as a new blessing.

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—Audra Winters, CEO, Marana Chamber of Commerce

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Once it’s safe to do so, I sure want to spend more time with family and friends. Until then, I’m gonna wear my mask, wash my hands and lay low until Pima County’s numbers start to drop.

—Jim Nintzel, executive editor

I normally don’t do resolutions, because starting a life-changing habit rarely fits in with the traditional Gregorian calendar that has become the norm since it was introduced in October 1582 by Pope Gregory XIII. (I Googled that.) That said, I do have goals for 2021, my 60th trip around the sun. I plan to write about cannabis for the Tucson Weekly as long as the editor allows. I also plan on running my first marathon. I’m going to try not to yell at the TV so much in 2021, now that the Biggest Loser will be leaving the White House. To bookend that, I expect to stick with my chosen political party despite all the disappointment I’ve endured over the course of the past 40 or so years.

—David Abbott, Production Manager/Tucson Weekly Cannabis 520 columnist As with every other year, to attempt to solve Fermat’s Last Theorem algebraically. I know that they gave Andrew Wiles the Abel Prize for his “proof” of fermat, but really? It was entitled “Modular Forms, Elliptic Curves and Galois Representations” and was 129 pages long. Plus, it was wrong and had to be corrected. Using modular forms to try to “solve” Fermat is like using a set of socket wrenches to paint a Rembrandt.

Oh yeah, I also want to drop a few pounds and work for world peace.

—Tom Danehy, Tucson Weekly columnist I’ve never been one for New Year’s resolutions. They never stuck. A day or two into the New Year they inevitably evaporate into the ether. I’ve made resolutions to stop drinking and drugging so many times over the years I’ve lost count. (It took a near-death experience or two for those to stick.) I didn’t think I’d be alive in 2021 and so I’m now not taking chances on the gratefulness front. So, yeah, a resolution this year is really kind of an OK idea, I’m thinkin’, and for me it is simple, and it is my daily mantra for my thick head: breathe compassion and be a better dad. Sound corny? You bet. Simple truth always has a whiff of corn.

—Brian Smith, Tucson Weekly columnist

DEC. 24, 2020

Medical Marijuana

CARDS ON THE TABLE

Should you stay in Arizona’s medical marijuana program?

By David Abbott david@tucsonlocalmedia.com NOW THAT POT IS LEGAL IN Arizona, questions about the advantages of keeping a medical card have wafted through the air like smoke from a slow-burning joint of purple kush.

To answer questions about some advantages medical certification brings to the daily pot consumer, the Arizona Cannabis Chamber of Commerce (AZC3) hosted “Medical Marijuana, What’s Next?” on Dec. 17. The webinar featured medical marijuana insiders including Dustin Klein, co-founder of Sun Valley Health and director of Empower Clinics, along with Moe

Asnani, owner of Tucson’s Downtown and D2 dispensaries.

The Arizona medical marijuana industry generates about $800 million in revenue annually from around 300,000 patients. Going into 2021, the number of registered patients in the state will be higher than that of any other state that has gone recreational, providing a powerful economic voice for the industry.

Among the benefits of acquiring or keeping a medical certificate, besides being the only way to legally purchase weed for the next four to five months, are possession limits, employment and housing protections, and cost, including pricing and the amount of taxes paid on marijuana

purchases.

“It’s a good time to be a patient in Arizona as the dispensaries in the state prepare to have the recreational rollout,” Klein said.

“You have to have a medical marijuana card to enter a dispensary until the applications are approved and our medical dispensaries become both medical and recreational facilities for cannabis.”

The Arizona Department of Health Services is in the process of creating the laws regulating recreational weed—track the progress at azdhs.gov—with an April 5, 2021, deadline to have them in place, coincidentally two weeks before the annual

TUCSONWEEKLY.COM 13

420 celebration for pot smokers around the world.

Last year, AZDHS expanded the expiration of medical certifications from one year to two, so the cost of a medical card for those who qualify is half of what it has been historically. Turnaround with the digital process is often the same day, so advocates also point to efficiency of the process as well.

While medicinal products are tax exempt, recreational sales will have a 16% excise tax paid by distributors and likely passed on to the consumer, so in all, CONTINUED ON PAGE 15

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DEC. 24, 2020

DEC. 24, 2020

MMJ

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 13

according to Klein, the average cannabis buyer will pay upwards of 25% when state and local taxes are figured in.

“If you’re a daily consumer of cannabis, on a financial [basis] if you qualify for a card, you’ll see that it’ll be a no brainer,” Klein said.

Recreational product will only be available at lower concentrations and possession limits will be lower: one ounce for non-medical users compared to 2.5 ounces, with limits on edibles to 10mg per piece and 100mg per package and concentrates at 5mg. Those limitations will affect many patients, including those suffering with cancer to veterans dealing with the effects of PTSD, who might use upwards of 1,000mgs per day.

Given size restrictions on dispensaries in the state, most dispensaries will primarily cater to medical marijuana patients versus recreational customers at the outset.

“Without the patients, we wouldn’t be where we are today,” Asnani said, who anticipates the number of customers to be four to five times what he’s seeing with the medicinal program. “The space issue is

what we’re dealing with as a dispensary.”

Asnani said the biggest hurdle dispensaries in the state will face is size limitations, which at present is 4,000 square feet, with one-quarter of that devoted to lobby space.

“Add COVID to the mix, and now you have social distancing in these smaller areas,” he said. “So we’re really working with the municipality on that.”

MMJ certification holders also enjoy protections in housing and the workplace and workers in the industry have more opportunities as well.

“Medical patients in housing situations where they don’t own the house get the rights to consume medicine,” Klein said.

“Rights to consume your medicine and be treated just like any other employee who happens to be taking a medication that is beneficial to them [are protected too].”

Other benefits, such as reciprocity in other states with a medical program but not recreational, have been touted as well, so it remains to be seen what effect legalization will have on a huge economic market.

“We have rights in this state that protect employers, employees, housing, and travel and then, as rec comes, a tremendous tax difference,” Klein concluded. ■

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DEC. 24, 2020

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

By Rob Brezsny. Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s EXPANDED WEEKLY HOROSCOPE 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700 $1.99 per minute. 18 and over. Touchtone phone required.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Your capacity for pioneering feats and impressive accomplishments will be at a peak in 2021. So you could become the best human ever at balancing a ladder on your chin or typing with your nose or running long-distance while holding an egg on a spoon with your mouth.

But I’d prefer it if you channeled your triumphal energy into more useful innovations and victories.

How about making dramatic strides in fulfilling your most important goal? Or ascending to an unprecedented new level of inspiring people with your passionate idealism? Or setting a record for most illusions shed?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Ark Encounter is a fundamentalist Christian theme park in Kentucky.

Its main attraction is a giant replica of Noah’s Ark. Constructed mostly from spruce and pine trees, it’s one of the world’s largest wooden structures. Even though I don’t believe that there was in fact such a boat in ancient times, I do admire how its builder, Ken Ham, has been so fiercely devoted to making his fantasies real. I encourage you to cultivate an equally zealous commitment to manifesting your own visions and dreams in 2021.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): From 1961 until 1989, a concrete barrier divided the city of Berlin.

Communist East Berlin lay on the east side of the Berlin Wall, and capitalist West Berlin on the west.

It was an iconic symbol of the Cold War between the US and Soviet Union. More than 100,000 people tried to escape from east to west, but just 5,000 succeeded. The standoff ended in 1989, during the peaceful revolutions that swept through Eastern Europe. In subsequent months, the Berlin Wall was slowly demolished. Today, tiny fragments of the wall are marketed as medicines for asthma, headaches, narcolepsy, and ulcers. Now I will propose that in 2021, you adopt the demolished Berlin Wall as your metaphor of power. May it inspire you to be gleeful and forceful as you dismantle psycho-

SAVAGE LOVE

logical obstacles and impediments.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The year 2021 will contain 525,600 minutes. But I suspect you might enjoy the subjective sensation of having far more than 525,600 minutes at your disposal. That’s because I think you’ll be living a fuller life than usual, with greater intensity and more focus. It may sometimes seem to you as if you are drawing greater riches out of the daily rhythm—accomplishing more, seeing further, diving down deeper to capitalize on the privilege of being here on planet earth. Be grateful for this blessing—which is also a big responsibility!

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Our lives are filled with puzzles and enigmas and riddles. We all harbor aspects of ourselves that we don’t understand. I hope that in 2021, you will be on a mission to learn more about these parts of yourself. One of your superpowers will be a capacity to uncover secrets and solve mysteries. Bonus: I suspect you’ll be able to make exceptional progress in getting to the root of confusing quandaries that have undermined you—and then fixing the problems so they no longer undermine you.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): When actor Gene Wilder was eight years old, his mother began to have heart-related health issues. The doctor that treated her suggested he could help her out if he would try to make her laugh. From then on, Wilder cultivated an ability to tell jokes and got interested in becoming an actor. Ultimately he appeared in 22 films and was nominated for two Oscars and two Golden Globe Awards. I foresee a comparable development in your life in 2021: A challenging situation will inspire you in ways that generate a major blessing.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In my astrological opinion, love won’t be predictable in 2021. It won’t be easily

SAVAGE LOVE LIVESTREAM 2

By Dan Savage, mail@savagelove.net

We hosted our second Savage Love Livestream last week and it was a blast. I ran my mouth as fast as I could but couldn’t answer every question that came in—there were hundreds of you and only one of me— so I’m going to power through as many leftover questions as I can in this week’s column…

I remember the day I was able to come to your show in person. What a joy! It seems like years ago now. How do you maintain your sanity until we are able to go to concerts, theater, museums and dinner with friends again? I strive to be a good human but so struggle to stay my upbeat self.

I find it helps to remember that concerts, theater, museums, dinners with friends, holidays with family, club nights, fetish parties, etc., are coming back—sadly, the same can’t be said for the people, jobs, and homes so many have lost. Helping others when and where you can is an excellent way to maintain your sanity, I’ve found, and your question prompted me to make another donation to Northwest Harvest, a wonderful organization that supports hundreds of food banks in my corner of the country, so thank you for that.

How would you deal with Trumpist (still!) relatives living with you during pandem-

definable or comparable to what you’re experienced before. But I also suspect that love will be delightfully enigmatic. It will be unexpectedly educational and fervently fertile and oddly comfortable. Your assignment, as I understand it, will be to shed your certainties about what love is and is not so that the wild, fresh challenges and opportunities of love can stream into your life in their wildest, freshest state.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Until 1893, Hawaii was a sovereign nation. In January of that year, a group of wealthy foreigners, mostly Americans, overthrew the existing government with the help of the US military. They established a fake temporary “republic” that excluded native Hawaiians from positions of power. Their goal, which was to be annexed by the United States, was fulfilled in July 1898. I propose that you use this sad series of events as a motivational story in 2021. Make it your goal to resist all efforts to be colonized and occupied. Commit yourself passionately to preserving your sovereignty and independence. Be a tower of power that can’t be owned.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In 2021, you may be smarter than you have ever been. Not necessarily wiser, too, although I have reason to hope that you will leverage your smartness to also deepen your wisdom. But as I was saying, your intelligence could very well soar beyond its previous heights.

Your ability to speak articulately, stir up original thoughts, and solve knotty riddles should be at a peak. Is there any potential downside to this outbreak of brilliance? Only one that I can imagine: It’s possible that your brain will be working with such dominant efficiency that it will drown out messages from your heart. And that would be a shame. In order to do what I referred to earlier— leverage your smartness to deepen your wisdom— you’ll need to be receptive to your heart’s messages CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The birds known as red knots breed every year in the Arctic regions.

Then they fly south—way south—down to the southern edge of South America, more than 9,000 miles away. A few months later they make the

return trip to the far north. In 1995, ornithologists managed to put a monitoring band on one red knot’s leg, making it possible to periodically get a read on his adventures over the subsequent years.

The bird’s nickname is Moonbird, because he has traveled so many miles in the course of his life that it’s equivalent to a jaunt to the moon. He’s known as “the toughest four ounces on the planet.” I nominate him to be your magical creature in 2021. I suspect you will have stamina, hardiness, persistence, and determination like his.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): An Aquarian park ranger named Roy Sullivan was struck by lightning seven times in the course of his 71 years on the planet. (That’s a world record.) None of the electrostatic surges killed him, although they did leave a few burns. After studying your astrological potentials for 2021, I’ve concluded that you may be the recipient, on a regular basis, of a much more pleasurable and rewarding kind of lightning strike: the metaphorical kind. I advise you to prepare yourself to be alert for more epiphanies than usual: exciting insights, inspiring revelations, and useful ideas.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Coral reefs are in danger all over the world. These “rainforests of the sea” are being decimated by ocean acidification, toxic runoff from rivers, rising temperatures, and careless tourists. Why should we care? Because they’re beautiful! And also because they’re hotbeds of biodiversity, providing homes for 25 percent of all marine species. They also furnish protection for shorelines from erosion and storm damage, and are prime spots to harvest seafood. So I’m pleased people are finding ways to help reefs survive and recover. For example, a group in Thailand is having success using superglue to re-attach broken-off pieces to the main reefs. I hope this vignette inspires you to engage in metaphorically similar restorative and rejuvenating activities, Pisces. In 2021, you will have an enhanced power to heal. ■ Homework: Make a bold positive prediction for your life in 2021. FreeWillAstrology.com

ic? My mother-in-law is here helping with newborn baby care and she brings up Trumpist talking points constantly and Trump permeates most other topics, like the pandemic, etc.

I need someone to tell me that it isn’t a sign that I see my ex’s name at least four times a day, every day. He dumped me almost three years ago and it’s ridiculous. Can you do that for me?

If I didn’t need the childcare, I would toss her ass out. If I needed the childcare but not so desperately that I couldn’t risk losing it, I would tell my mother-in-law to STFU or GTFO—and if my MIL complained or tried to play the victim after I told her off, I would print every photo I could find online of a Trump supporter in a “FUCK YOUR FEELINGS” T-shirt after the 2016 election and wallpaper the guest bedroom with them.

But if I desperately needed the childcare desperately and couldn’t risk losing it, I would smile and nod and keep my supply of edibles fully stocked.

If you see his name multiple times a day, well, that’s most likely a sign your ex has an extremely common first name. And if you attach meaning to those sightings, that’s a sign you’re human. We have a tendency to see patterns where none exist and read meaning into random events. If your ex has a really uncommon name and you see it everywhere, well, that is most likely a sign that your ex is fucking with you.

My partner is a loving sweet human but he has a serious preference for women in rather small bodies and I am… well, I am not small.

DEC. 24, 2020

I want him to have what he wants and we are non-monogamous, but it’s hard to shake the feeling that I am not—and can never be— enough for him. He is unable to say that he’ll desire me no matter my size. This is painful.

I know he’ll love me no matter what but I also want to feel desired. I’m finding it hard to find a middle ground where we both get what we need. Any advice to bridge the gap?

That your boyfriend couldn’t bring himself to tell you what you wanted to hear… that he couldn’t tell you what he hoped would be true (that he would always desire you) even if he suspected it might not always be true (a day might come when he no longer desires you)… that all makes me wonder whether your boyfriend has the emotional intelligence that you—that anyone—would want in a partner. And while it’s no consolation, I realize, many couples struggle to sustain desire over time, as any regular reader of an advice column knows. Boredom is more often to blame than aging or changing bodies, I believe, but there’s no way to guarantee that the person we’re with now will always desire you the same way they do now—or that you will always desire them the same way. That said, the single best way to get over feeling like you’re not enough for someone is to accept that you aren’t.

Trying to be everything to someone is not only exhausting, it’s always futile.

I just wanted to say thank you. I called in to your podcast a couple years ago because I’m a spanking fetishist and a married pastor found me on FetLife and lied to me and manipulated me! I did what you said and reported him and he doesn’t work at that church anymore. I wanted to let you know that I’m living my dream life in LA with a spanko guy I met at a fetish gathering.

He has been the best quarantine a person could ask for!

Thanks for the update and congrats!

At some point, during or after, should you tell (and how) your sex partner that he has warts in his butt?

I’d go with “before” but if you didn’t notice them before you got started and couldn’t bring yourself to say something during, definitely say something after. If he reacts badly when you tell him something he needs to know about his health, well, then you’ve learned something important about him. Important and disqualifying.

My husband has a big dick and wants to try butt stuff. I have had anal in the past with other partners with smaller penises.

Honestly, I’m a little scared so I’m not in a rush here but want to please my man eventually. How do we go about priming my hole? Thanks!

Don’t give your brother advice, give him time. It’s only been two weeks! And you don’t need to give him advice if he starts to waver—you don’t need to tell him what to do—you just need to give him a pep talk.

He knows what he has to do. Give him support, moral and practical, not advice.

Tongues, toys, lots of lube, and the first time you get that monster in you, that’s all you’re going to do—get it in. He gets hard and lays back and you take charge of the pace and depth of penetration. And then it’s not about him fucking you, it’s about him staying still and you relaxing and breathing until that things feels good in there. Even then he doesn’t get to fuck you.

Instead, you masturbate the first few times his dick is in there—you get to come, not him. Having a few orgasms with his cock in you—or having a dozen—will create the kind of pleasurable association that leaves your hole craving his cock. Then you fuck.

I’m from Indiana and I just watched “The Prom” on Netflix. Have you watched it?

If so, did it make you like Indiana more or less?

My older brother is a 38-year-old straight male in NY. When COVID hit, his fiancé’s tendency to believe in conspiracy theories became more apparent and their relationship quickly declined. He’s a progressive, liberal-minded, deeply moral person and she’s from a family of right-wing gun collecting Scientologists. Recently they separated to collect their thoughts. Ultimately they agreed to separate. It’s now been two weeks. They still live together and are confused about what to do next. My question is, what advice do you give to someone who knows what they need to do but is too paralyzed to do it?

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I love Bloomington, Indiana, too much to write the whole state off—and I’ll take James Cordon in The Prom over former Indiana governor Mike Pence in the White House. (For the record: I didn’t find Cordon’s performance any more offensive than Eric Stonestreet’s Mitch on Modern Family… which I’ve never found offensive at all.)

I have a question about adult incest, also called genetic sexual attraction in the adoption community (GSA). I slept with my biological father thirty years ago.

We met when I was an adult after I had been raised by my adoptive parents. Now it’s so awkward to act like I’m a sister to the other children he raised. Should I ever tell them that our dad is my ex-boyfriend?

No—if there’s no chance your siblings will ever find out, take that I-fucked-ourfather shit to the grave.

I became “acquainted with” my partner’s ex last year while we were on a break. I

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wound up ghosting her because of how intense she was and now I feel a bit guilty about keeping this secret from my partner. Do I need to speak up?

Yes—if there’s any chance your partner will find out about this, better she hears that I-acquainted-myself-with-your-ex shit from you than from someone else.

If offered, would you consider making a guest appearance as yourself on an episode of Big Mouth?

YES. I’m a 41-year-old woman. Do all 30-yearold guys on dating apps that swipe right on me just want to fuck?

Assume they just wanna fuck and you won’t be disappointed—you might even be pleasantly surprised, e.g. you might get some hot sex out of it and if a guy comes along who wants more than just sex, well, then you might get some hot sex out of it and a younger boyfriend too.

Thanks to everyone who attended our second Savage Love Livestream on Zoom! And here’s to getting together in person for a live show in 2021! Keep wearing your masks, keep washing your hands, keep keeping your distance, and get vaccinated as soon as you can! ■ mail@savagelove.net Follow Dan on Twitter @FakeDanSavage.

On the Lovecast...Sarah Silverman! savagelovecast.com

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DEC. 24, 2020

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