LO ST
C O N N E CT I O N by Michelle Seti awan
1. I wish I never met you. The kids on TV have a different life in America—more independent, so unlike the life I am used to. Children walk to and from school, they decide on a whim to meet up with friends on weekdays, and they talk to their neighbors. The tall brick walls that divide the houses along my street mean that I don’t know the people I have lived beside for ten years. For my safety, the streets where I can walk alone are limited. So is my freedom. I wish I were like them. I wish I never met you, Indonesia. I want to erase you from my mouth, my skin, my eyes. Your roads are too crowded, your air is too murky, your sidewalks too crooked and cracked. I am scared when I walk your streets alone. Your words are too rough, your humor too brazen. I am ashamed of you. Let me forget you. My accent does not sound American enough because of your words, forever engraved in my tongue. You have mutilated me. I can’t wash you out of my hands. No matter how much I scrub, you cling to me like dirt under my fingernails. I don’t belong anywhere. Your people hate me for learning the language of foreigners while living on your land. I have wanted to leave you behind for so long, and the process has finally started. I don’t go to a school where Bahasa Indonesia is widely used anymore. Now, my friends are foreign too. My English is better—I think of “butterflies” rather than “kupu-kupu.” 16 TUFTS OBSERVER NOVEMBER 22, 2021
