TUNTREET
Five Virtues of E-mails Ingrid Åsbø Sondov Journalist
Aleksander Mæland Munkejord Translator
Though I have no statistical data to support this, I think it’s safe to assume that whoever is reading this, voluntarily or involuntarily possesses at least one e-mail address. When you accepted the terms and conditions of Outlook, Gmail or Yahoo, and let the big boys know everything about you for the next hundred years, you probably were not told what was really lying ahead in the chaotic world of e-mails you were about to enter. The challenges are all lined up in a cluttered mishmash of digital messages, often disguised as factual and professional, where entirely ordinary women and men are the authors. It could be nice to have a little guidance as to how to be a good, or simply virtuous, e-mail citizen.
VIRTUE I: Quick response time
1
What are you doing, really?
A prerequisite for decent communication, is that there is any communication at all. It’s highly annoying to never get a reply to an e-mail. At the same time, it is difficult to immediately answer hopeless questions THAT THERE ARE NO ANSWERS TO. Anyways, a virtuous e-mail user replies quickly, even on a Saturday morning. A complete “Saturday at last”Saturday. And there’s a sudden “ding!”. And you grasp your flashing widget as if it was a hundred-dollar bill about to be gone with the wind. Checking your phone is something you excel at. It’s not an info-mail to all students at NMBU. It’s for your eyes only.
Questions about exchange Mayn Ques Tions <Manyq@yahoo.com> til meg
Theho Lys Pirit <thelord@earth.com> to me Hi
I’ve been keeping an eye on you for a good while now. I have a couple of things I need to clear up. Why do you tell such terrible jokes? Why are they the same every time? I have attached some documents with an overview of your precarious issues. Please sign these. Best regards Theho Lys Pirit Senior advisor and observer
Wed, February 3 2021 kl. 03:14
Hi. My name is Mayn and I study philosophy on my second year. My interests are plenty. I dream of going for an exchange to Chamonix in France the coming fall. But then it happened. I forgot that the deadline was February 1st. It was quite simply out of my head. Is there any possibility that I can still apply? I like skiing, but don’t speak French. But I believe that can be learned pretty quickly. Is it possible to attend a language course, and does that have a cost? Or do you recommend mingling with the locals? Given that I manage to bring my skis, I probably need a vaccine dose. Or two. Is there a separate vaccination schedule for exchange students? Or do you get a vaccine in Chamonix? If I don’t get a vaccine, you can forget about the skis. I will not be skiing if I don’t have the vaccine in my blood. Which courses should I take this year to be well off next year? I guess that time is up for course registration, but I can always attend for the sake of experience. And if I can’t take the right courses, where would you recommend that I go, instead of Chamonix? Thanks in advance, and best regards, Mayn.
18
Edition 02 Volume 76
Sat, April 13. 2021 11:47
2
VIRTUE II: Air
A good rule of thumb is that most things in life require sufficient amounts of air. Campfires, athletes, significant others, divers, and dragons. The same rule applies in the world of e-mails. Experts claim that when the e-mail flies in the air from your device to the recipient’s, the message can fall to the ground if the text is too dense.
