Turn Left Issue 16

EDITED, DESIGNED AND WHATEVERED

BY ADAM PETERS. ALL PHOTOGRAPHS

BY JOHN HESSE EXCEPT FOR: PAGE 3 (NO FUSS) BY REBECCA CORNFORD // PAGE 5 (FINN), PAGE 6 & PAGE 13 (LAB) BY TURN LEFT // PAGE 5 (LIANNARCHY) BY NEIL BIGGS // CENTRE PAGES BY VARIOUS ROCKERS // PAGE 13 (VELOCITY) & PAGE 14

BY LUCAS MARTINEZ // THANKS TO ALL OF OUR INTERVIEWEES. PLEASE SUPPORT OUR AWESOME ADVERTISERS – THEY MAKE THIS MAG POSSIBLE!

The summer can be a quiet time in the world of roller derby, but that’s not the case for many Rockers. The Rockerbillies defeated Sussex neighbours the Bourne Bombshells outdoors in mid-July (207-142) and the weeks since then have included several closed door scrims as well as skating Brighton Pride. We have more on that later in the issue.

In transfer news, Finn McCruel (Helsinki) and Velvet Bottom (Rouen) have joined the AllStars ranks, whilst today marks the last Brighton appearance for Bteam captain Van Hayley (below) who joins Bristol Roller Derby.

“Hayley started with us just over two years ago, and it was pretty much the first skating they had ever done!” Lab Wrath tells us. “From a humble start they have risen like a glorious loaf of bread (or something more glamorous). While we’re sad to see Hayley depart for Bristol, we’re excited to beat them up on the track in the future. Love you Van Hayley.” GO ROCKERS!

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Hi there. Firstly, who are Team No Fuss? Can you tell us a little about the history (and ethos) of your challenge team? People challenge us, we challenge people. Play roller derby. Party. Go home.

How many members do No Fuss have and where from?

Over 70 members from between ten and fifteen different leagues. We are mainly from the South but fairly spread out, and have recruited some talent from a bit further North.

You have a few internationals in your roster these days.

Are any of those taking part today? No internationals today, but we have a very strong, although not fussy, roster.

How does benching/playing for a challenge team differ from a home team, eg not training together? Not being fussed definitely helps both on the bench and track. We don’t train together, but it’s fussy to do that, right? The No Fuss approach lets us focus our

skills into getting stuff done out there on the track, so being made up of several leagues doesn’t really bother us.

So... Any particular Rockers players or tactics that you’ll be looking out for today?

What kind of a match are you expecting? Not that we are fussed, but we’re expecting some tough derby from Brighton. I’ve come up against them a couple of times with my home team Portsmouth and they form killer walls and have awesome skaters. I’ll be watching out for our No Fuss teammates, some real double threats on track from Brighton. Gin Atomic is always one to watch.

Would you like to predict the result of your game? Or of the day’s other matchup between Brighton B and Team Dragon? Not fussed.

Play derby, have fun, go home.

Do Team No Fuss have any particular chants that you’re hoping to hear from the crowd today? Meh.

W E I V R E GINT GHTON)

(BRI C I M O T A GIN

She actually plays for Team No Fuss too (see above) but Gin will be very much in Brighton colours this afternoon. We catch up with her for a preview of the games...

Hi Gin. You’ve had a busy few weeks derby wise. On August 13th you took part in Take On Me, a fundraising tournament hosted by London Brawling. How did that go? It was amazing fun. Cake or Death was also on my team and Mistress was our bench coach. The event was hilarious.

People in the hall could buy specific twists, such as choosing who would jam, forcing a team to start with a full penalty box, etc. There were clockwise jams and dance jams, which were really funny. Cake picked up a ‘failure to dance’ penalty in one of those, which she was a bit grumpy about.

It was hilarious, but terrifying at the same time, taking on one of the top derby teams in the world. We got a couple of leads, we scored some points, and I went one-to-one against

floor, but I love the surface at the Dolphin, it’s so responsive.

My previous team Croydon play here too, so I’m very familiar with it and that takes some of the nerves out. Playing against half of the most recent England team at the Brawling event was also good preparation. I’ve spent several days looking back at the footage from that event; checking out their jammers’ footwork, their packs’ bridging and so forth.

Shambolic’s trying out too, but due to the pesky alphabet we’re split between the morning and afternoon groups. Two hours after tryouts I’m playing against London Rockin’ Rollers (with Team Skatanist) on the roof of a multi-storey car park in East London. Busy day!

Today sees the Rockers AllStars versus Team No Fuss.

You’re actually a member of both teams! So which will you be playing for? You’ve got to play for your home league, haven’t you? I love the No Fuss girls, but I’ll be rocking the Brighton blue and black today.

Stefanie Mainey. We fared best of all five challengers in the first round, keeping Brawling to an eleven point differential, but we eventually had to settle for third place.

The weekend before today’s Rockers v No Fuss game saw Team England tryouts here at the Dolphin. Due to print deadlines, this interview is taking place before then, but we understand you’re taking part? Yeah, it would be daft not to, really. It only costs £30 and it’s such a great opportunity to skate with the top players in the country. There are only two places hosting tryouts, Rainy City’s venue in Oldham and here at the Dolphin. I was stoked to hear the Southern tryouts were taking place on our home floor. It sounds a bit daft having a favourite

What are the main differences playing for a challenge team like No Fuss compared to a home team?

Playing in a challenge team has its strengths and weaknesses. You don’t train together, but most of the team will be people you’ve played against in the past or at least watched a couple of times, so there is some familiarity there. One advantage of challenge teams is they aren’t ranked. Obviously you want to win the game, but there isn’t the same stress over chasing points that you can get when rankings are at stake.

Especially with the No Fuss girls, who (as the team name suggests) are pretty chill!

So is it going to be a chill game for Brighton? Looking at the No Fuss roster, hell no!

It’s a beast of a squad.

So who should the crowd look out for from No Fuss?

Mother Mercy is hilarious; she’s my favourite thug. LRG’s O’Malley is brilliant with mad skills. Evil Badger, who was on my team in Take On Brawling, is another super solid skater.

There’s a lot of very fierce names on their roster. It’s gonna be a bruising encounter!

And the Rockers to watch?

We’ve got old favourites and new. There’s Shambolic with her crazy fast spinny footwork.

She kicks like a mule when she drops her shoulder. Emma the Condemner is brilliant with shoulder drives. Don’t let anyone from No Fuss read this before the game, yeah...?

As well as amazing old school faces like Sham and Emma, we’ve got some new transfers from Finland and France taking part today. Finn McCruel joined us from Helsinki Roller Derby, whilst Velvet Bottom comes from Roller Derby Rouen. Both have played derby for many years. I think they’ll quickly establish themselves as crowd favourites.

Since No Fuss are a challenge team, Flattrackstats won’t make a prediction for this game. Would you like to? Hell no. Someone will score points. That is my prediction. I hope I score some of them.

Moving on to today’s other game, the B-team are taking on Team Dragon... The Rockerbillies actually have five Bourne Bombshells (Eastbourne Roller Derby) skating with them today. We’ll probably come up with a special team name: Bomberbillies or something. We were a bit short of players due to holidays and injuries, but we didn’t want to miss the opportunity to include a B-team match today.

We put in a call and Eastbourne Roller Derby have sent over some really solid players.

It should be interesting to see how they and our own skaters gel together. I’m not going to make a prediction for this game either, though!

7

LETTERS CKERS) O R N O T H L (BRIG E U R C O FUSS) c N M M A E T FINN ( RCHY vs LIANNA the competition costs were Do you prefer werewolves, zombies or vampires? Finn McCruel (Brighton): Oh, werewolves. The wolf is my spirit animal. Liannarchy (No Fuss): Vampires because they’re bad ass and pretty damn sexy. Also, they are morbid old romantics with superhuman strength who live a decadent life forever.

What was the biggest bruise you’ve received from derby?

And did you give it a name?

It never received a name, but it happened right after starting derby in the summer of 2011. Fishnets were a must at that point. I ended up taking a nasty slide-fall onto concrete.

I literally had to pull the fabric out from my butt cheek. It looked like a tattoo on a bruise.

I don’t bruise easily, but I once accidentally fell on my skate and inadvertently gave myself the biggest bruise on my butt.

It looked like a map of Europe.

Who is the scariest opponent you’ve faced on track?

I played one year with Hellmilton Roller Ghouls in New Zealand. Terror Satana of NZ’s Pirate City Rollers is absolutely terrifying. Too many to count, but recently I jammed against a pack of Team England guys and epic skater Erin Jackson from the US. My soul died a little before the whistle went off.

Apart from derby what sport are you best at? Equestrian show jumping. If horses and

more reasonable I would still be on that road. From the age of eight to my 20s I did Aikido and was pretty good at that.

I’ve also been getting back into weightlifting more rigorously over the past year; I feel a natural affinity with it and could progress well in the future too.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Not that I remember. No, because they don’t exist.

How many stickers are there on your derby helmet, and which is your favourite? Seven. My favourite is a fundraising sticker for Lilo & Stitches’ [Auld Reekie Roller Girls] knee operation. The sticker says “knees are important”. For me this means a lot as I am just coming back after ACL surgery last April. Around ten. My favourite is probably the one with a pug with a crown on.

What’s the worst thing you’ve been sent to the penalty box for? It was in a Helsinki vs Stockholm A-team game a few years ago. I got a star pass, made it through the pack and was way out, but somehow I lost my balance and skated off the track. I had to sit out a full minute (as penalties then were) feeling very ashamed haha. A misconduct for allegedly hitting someone after I called off the jam. My husband, who is a ref, called it at the time. I still bring it up nine months on, because I didn’t do it, of course.

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“Pride is always good fun, but this year the atmosphere was just awesome. I skated last year as a rookie and this time I was skating as an A-team player – it’s testament to our brilliant coaches that you can achieve so much in a year!”

SPEEDY GONZALEX

The Rockers took part in the Brighton Pride parade last month as SKATE BUSH explains...

How much preparation goes into the Rockers skating Pride? Because the league is run ‘by the skaters for the skaters’ everyone chips in. Dolores Diablo and Zo What organised the day for us and made sure everything was legit. Speedy Gonzalex made our brilliant new banner and designed the limited edition Pride T-shirts, which are available to buy at today’s game if you’d like one!

Everyone else rocked up and made it into an all-day party.

Without everyone pulling together it wouldn’t work, but the Rockers are an amazing group of people... and we know how to put on a party!

How many years have the Rockers taken part in the Brighton Pride parade now?

Why is it an important event for the league? The Rockers have taken part in Pride ever since the the foundation of the league. Diversity is super important to the Rockers and taking part in Pride is just one of the ways we live this ethos.

We also get involved with lots of other community events in and around Brighton. As a local team it’s important for us to get our name out there so more people know they can take part in roller derby.

Our sport has such a brilliant inclusive underpinning. I can’t think of another sport that is so welcoming to everyone; no matter who you are, there’s a place for you in derby. Going to Pride and shouting about that is so important.

How many Rockers took part in this year’s parade?

There must have been about 40 of us this year. It was a real mix of skaters. We had veteran skaters right through to our newest intake of Fresh Meat.

We had skaters, walkers, banner wavers and sticker sharers.

Pride is a brilliant chance for us to come together as a league, and celebrate as a part of the LGBTQ+ community.

Did you throw in any derby moves, stunts or other shenanigans on the day? We’ve got some incredible skaters in the league who can do tricks and massive jumps. They certainly pulled it out the bag on the day and had the crowd cheering. Gin Atomic, Noise Tank and Shambolic are always crowd pleasers – they’ve got some killer moves!

“The reaction was incredible!

Everyone was so friendly and supportive with a real sense of community. The atmosphere was like nothing else!”

MEGNETO

“I fell a couple of times during the parade and the crowd went mad. They were totally supportive and (instead of shaming) made me feel like a hero for getting back on my skates with a smile. That was epic!”

DOLORES DIABLO “Aaagh the hills! My highlight was riding the amazing wave of audience encouragement to overcome my fear of North Street (I had a nightmare about skating down it) and finding that my skating seemed to improve tenfold with a cheering, dancing audience! The house music and classic bangers blaring from the Unison van in front helped too. I was buzzing for about four days afterwards.

The whole experience was so empowering, emotional and motivating. What a privilege to skate with the big guns!”

GRENADE O’CONNOR

“I went to Preston Park a few times to practice outdoor skating the week before. The uneven ground on the parade was a real challenge. I expected to fall a lot, but the team were amazing and helped keep the rookies going. Coming up West Street, I was just listening to the music from the bus in front of us (their tunes meant we could dance the whole way!) and trying to keep on going.

Then we turned the corner and there was this huge roar from the massive crowd. There were so many people cheering for us, it was amazing!

I loved being part of it and felt so proud to be with the Rockers. Funniest moment? I managed to stay upright all the way down North Street... then promptly fell over while standing totally still on flat ground.

Luckily everyone laughed! The whole day was just exciting, exhausting and exhilarating.

I’m so proud that I did it!”

SLAP DASH

“I loved skating in the parade.

The reaction from the crowd was awesome. It was an exhibitionist’s dream come true!”

EL RADGIO “From a skating perspective, I found skating outdoors was a lot harder compared to a sports hall, since the ground is so uneven. The crowd were incredible. The cheering really helped towards the end when I was feeling tired. A few people even asked to have their photo taken with me, which made me feel like a minor celebrity!”

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SPEEDY GONZALEX BRIGHTON ROCKERS One of your opponents has gone feral; they keep bending down and biting chunks out of your skates. DRAGON. The bout organiser forgot to order in enough Haribo and all the NSOs are threatening to go on strike. DRAGON. Your bench coach appears really drunk and you can’t understand a word they say.

DRAGON. Always DRAGON. THE PHILOSOFEAR ROCKERBILLIES GUEST You arrive at the venue with moments to spare, only to discover your team’s changing room/area has an actual angry badger in it. No fuss.

I’d probably try to hug it. Plus No Fuss have Evil Badger playing for them today, and an evil badger beats an angry badger.

Just before the final jam a huge group of badminton players rush onto the track and start setting up nets, insisting they have the hall booked from now. Dragon. If a fire-breathing dragon sees them off and then burns the nets down, then there will be no more trouble from that badminton lot. Ever again.

referees is a grammar pedant and expels one of your players for having a misplaced apostrophe in their derby name. No fuss.

This wouldn’t happen because I would have already corrected it. I’d get my teacher’s red pen out and change it, long before the ref ever noticed it. I’m terrible like that. I’m constantly editing the posts on the ERD Facebook page whenever anyone writes a post with spelling or grammar mistakes.

VELOCITY KENDAL TEAM DRAGON You really want a cupcake at the derby venue but there’s a swarm of bees around the cake stall. No fuss.

One of the opposition players keeps whispering Game Of Thrones spoilers in your ear during the line up. No fuss. (I’ve read the books.)

A portal to another dimension has opened up on the outside of turn three and two teammates have already fallen into it. DRAGON!!!

DROPKICK MOLLY TEAM NO FUSS A rare Pokémon spawns on the track mid-game. Half the crowd rush on to try and catch it, refusing to leave until they do. NO FUSS.

s...

One of the announcers keeps mispronouncing your derby name. NO FUSS. The sports hall has become surrounded by a horde of zombies who are trying to break in. NO FUSS. GIN ATOMIC BRIGHTON ROCKERS The DJ for today’s event has only brought one track (‘Agadoo’ by Black Lace) which he has been playing on repeat for over an hour now. The guy who arranged ‘Agadoo’, Barry Whitfield, was my A-level music technology tutor in Grimsby. He’s lovely and gave away all of his rights to the song to charity, so the more the song is played the more money the charity makes. So ‘Agadoo’ away, DJ... No fuss.

You unpack your kit bag before the game to discover you accidentally brought wellington boots instead of your skates. I get sad when I don’t have my skates with me in everyday life, so I would definitely summon a dragon to bring them to me asap.

A poltergeist keeps nicking your water bottle. No fuss. I tend to drink everyone else on the team’s water bottles on the bench anyway. (I just see precious water and down it.) So no fuss from me, but the rest of the team would probably call in a dragon to sort me out.

Hi The Philosofear. You’re guest skating for Brighton’s Rockerbillies today. Which other Bourne Bombshells are joining you and how did it come about? Bullet Bomber, Hell Block H, Amazing Graze and Drag N Fly are all playing for the Rockerbillies today too.

We got an e-mail asking if any of us were free to skate as the Rockerbillies were a little low on skaters. We jumped at the chance – there were about ten of us who wanted to play!

So no hard feelings after the Rockerbillies beat the Bombshells at Eastbourne Extreme earlier this summer? What do you recall of that game? No, definitely no hard feelings. I think the thing

that really threw us in that game was their strong offence coming in quickly and breaking up our walls. We were too slow to reform. We also suffered from a lot of jammer cut track penalties in that game.

That’s something we’re now working on with the aid of a guest coach (we need to be more aware of the line). Playing alongside the Rockerbillies will be interesting, as we will have different tactics and different names for things; but as I play in a lot of challenge team games, that’s something I’m quite used to already.

Have the Bombshells skated with/against the ’billies in many closed door scrims and games? Have you done

Brighton and Eastbourne skaters combine to battle dragons in today’s B-team encounter...

!

K C O H S L L E H S UEST)

THE PHILO

AM G E T B ( R A SOFE

anything special together to prepare for today’s game?

How does guest skating compare to skating with your home side? Some of the Rockerbillies have visited us before for scrimmages. In the run up to today we’ve attended their training a couple of times, so that we can be on the same page with regards to tactics.

Skating with your home side is always great as you know everyone and how they play, whereas guest skating can be difficult as you’re trying to slot yourself into another team’s way of playing. As there are five Bombshells playing today, we should generally be on the track with someone we’re used to playing alongside.

How close is the relationship between the two teams? You started out with Brighton’s previous B-team yourself, didn’t you? We’re big fans of Brighton. We often attend their games and we think it’s great that we can do things like this together. I did my Fresh Meat with the Rockers and my first few bouts were for their previous B-team, the Bruisers. I only ever played a few closed doors with the Bruisers though, so this will be my first open door game playing for Brighton!

Who should the crowd look out for amongst the guest skaters (as well as the regular Rockerbillies) today? The Eastbourne skaters playing today are a mixture of blockers and jammers. Bullet Bomber is a great double threat and always one to watch.

At this year’s Extreme, two Rockerbillies who impressed me were Mighty Mouse and Hippy Hippy Skate. Mighty Mouse’s jamming was fast and agile, whilst Hippy Hippy Skate is amazing at pushing walls forwards out of play – she was very hard to hold back!

Do you know much about today’s opponents Team Dragon? Have you come up against them before? Any

particular TD players you’ll be keeping an eye out for?

Team Dragon were actually set up by Max Rees who used to bench coach the Bombshells.

As a result we’ve played against them quite a few times, most recently in February when we played against the Dragons Bteam. I’ve also played against TD before with Team No Fuss and Team Crazy Legs. I’m not sure who is playing for the Dragons today, but my favourite Team Dragon skater is The Gruffa-low. She’s a great player and also such a lovely person to be on track with.

You also belong to Team No Fuss, who are playing the Rockers A-team in today’s other game. What are you expecting from that game?

Any No Fuss players who people should look out for?

Team No Fuss have got a very strong line up of skaters today, but of course challenge teams suffer from the skaters not having trained and played together before. Plus one of our key No Fuss players is Gin Atomic, who will be playing for Brighton today (we tried to steal her, but it didn’t work). The Bombshells’ Crash will be making her Team No Fuss debut. I’m also looking forward to seeing Mother Mercy and The Beckoning reunited as together they make an impassable wall. Liannarchy’s jamming is always strong, so she’s another one to watch.

Finally, as our local teams round-up isn’t in today’s issue, can you give us a quick rundown of what the Bombshells (and other Eastbourne teams) are getting up over the next couple of months? In early October we have a closed door co-ed game with the A-Bombs taking on Norfolk. Then on October 29th ERD host a double header right here at the Dolphin.

The Bombshells will be playing against Wiltshire and the Bomb S’Quad fellas will have a rematch of last year’s game against Suffolk. Come along!

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LETTERS RBILLIES) E K C O R N (BRIGHTO AM DRAGON) H T A R W LAB AL (TE D N E K Y T I or the 28 Days Later/Walking vs VELOC Dead type? Either way I’m worWhat’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done at a roller derby after party? Lab Wrath (Rockerbillies): Hahaha ohh. Now that’s not a story for public consumption! You’ll just have to come to the next one and find out... ;) Velocity Kendal (Dragon): I’m pretty well behaved, but as Fresh Meat I once got into a tipsy hip check battle with a fellow freshie. We both crashed loudly to the floor in front of everyone. Smooth.

Who shot JFK? Do they still not know? Goodness! You learn something new every day. Why are you asking? I wasn’t there! *backs away slowly* Which derby star would you most like to guest coach a training session? But Gin’s so good! Maybe Scald Eagle as they’re super strong and rad.

Or Tofer from Wheels of Justice to make Irish Mist happy. Juke Boxx of London Rollergirls and Team USA. Her edge work, control and acceleration are phenomenal... and I must learn all of the secrets!

You have to play in a (real) zombies v (real) vampires derby game. Which team do you join and why? Vampires, because I’m all dark and mysterious, right? Zombies would suck at derby. They’d be disintegrating all over the track and falling apart if you hit them.

Gross! Hmm, what kind of zombies are we talking? George A Romero slow and shuffly types,

ried they’ll see me as a tasty snack. At least with the vamps I can smear myself in garlic to dissuade them from having a nibble. Vampires it is, then.

If you could play for any other derby team in the world, who would it be? I guest at B-Town Brawlers, who are Brighton’s other local team and Europe’s first truly gender inclusive league, and they’re pretty darn great! I’ve got my heart set on joining the London Rollergirls. I’ve skated with the LRG rec league for a long time now, and recently decided to work towards making the jump to competitive skating. LRG are my family and home to some of the best skaters there are. I feel lucky to be a part of that, and can’t wait until I can call myself a London Rollergirl.

What’s your favourite current derby name? Mine, duh!

This is really hard as there are so many. Brawn Swanson? Tess of the Derby Wheels? Naomi Cannibal? There’s an LRG rec league skater skating as Rigor Morris, which makes me snort every time I see it. Love a good science/medical themed name.

Which is the best cheese?

Violife Pizza-Cheese. I will legit fight anyone that disagrees.

Can I say all cheese? Or do I need to be specific? Because all cheese is good cheese. Though I am partial to a baked camembert smothered in balsamic glaze. OK, I’m hungry now...

S N O G A R D E B RE

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L A D N E K st m Dr bill met la nt Tea Rocker VELOCITY

ere team The y diff ers Aoa ver e Rock h t o o oooooo o oooooo ooothere many players from Hi there. Firstly, who are oooooAre game? We tend to approach Team Dragon? Can you tell us a little of the history and ethos of your challenge team? Team Dragon was set up a few years ago to give recreational derby players an opportunity to participate in real life bouts. Since then our numbers have grown to include retired skaters and league affiliated skaters, though the majority of our current active skaters are recreational.

How many members do you have? Which home leagues do your skaters come from?

Team Dragon have upwards of 70 skaters, mostly based in London and the South East.

The majority of our skaters skate with London Rollergirls Recreational League, but we also have members from Kent Roller Girls, Seaside Sirens, Brighton Rockers and London Rollergirls, as well as independent and retired skaters.

TD played the Rockers Ateam here in Haywards Heath eighteen months ago.

You won that game 242-145.

that game taking part today? Any particular players and tactics that the crowd should look out for from TD? Only one of our skaters (Long Tall Scally) played in that bout against the Rockers A-team.

Since then we’ve recruited a whole host of new talent who will hopefully impress. Keep an eye out for Dragon’s famous cool, calm and collected style.

How does playing for a challenge team differ from with a home team? Well, unusually for a challenge team, most of TD get to skate together on a semi-regular basis. Because of the nature of our derby background (mostly recreational) we still face challenges when skating as a team. We don’t get to train together in packs and practice specific tactics, but we have the advantage of knowing each other on and off track, which really does help create that team feeling.

Any Rockerbillies skaters or tactics that you will be looking out for in today’s

each game without having any preconceived notions of what to expect from particular players. As a team, we tend to be quite adaptable and like to use our first couple of jams to feel out the opposition and react accordingly. We expect to be thoroughly challenged though!

Would you like to predict the result of your game? Or of today’s Brighton A v Team No Fuss match? I wouldn’t like to say how our own game will go. I think it will be a close one and we’re really excited for the challenge. Brighton A are a formidable team, but I know from experience that No Fuss are not to be taken lightly. I’m excited to see two huge forces take each other on.

Are there any particular chants that TD are hoping to hear from today’s crowd?

We don’t have any TD crowd chants that we expect to hear, though we appreciate cheering of any kind! Keep an eye out for our... uh, unique... team chant, though. It’s pretty special.

Keep your eyes peeled! Award yourself one point for each item you spot and a bonus five if you get them all (MAX SCORE: 20) A group of children in judo gear looking through the doorway in abject horror.

An elderly spectator kicking off at the bar table because they don’t have Cointreau.

Someone who works for the leisure centre wandering around the hall with a ten foot pole for no reason.

An actual fox waltzing in through an outside door to chew on a Line Up Manager’s clipboard.

A raffle prize that nobody is really sure what it is.

A track tape fixer with more than 15 pieces of tape stuck to them.

The bassist from the Levellers eating a bun.

An announcer eating three cupcakes during a single official timeout.

A skater in the penalty box reading Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus by Ludwig Wittgenstein.

Two Rockers rookies arm wrestling in the crowd.

A small child doing a drawing of Shambolic riding a unicorn.

The scoreboard laptop operator playing Doom on it during half time.

Wooah, both teams have triple digit scores that are prime numbers!

LaserHammer doing the ‘I’m A Little Teapot’ dance when he thinks nobody is looking.

A jammer messing up a star pass so much they end up giving the pivot their gumshield instead.