Multiplicity Winter 2015

winter 2015

decoding your child’s tips for

school day

working moms

ADHD common with twins?

confessions of a dad

mom guilt

we all have it! www.multiplicitymag.com 1

working moms insert

saying

bye, bye to baby

Sleep.

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learning to live and letting it go!

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Parenting Styles: Which type are you?

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Fertility When All Else Fails

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Is Your Child Gifted?

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Safety First: Teaching Twins to Stay out of Trouble

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Product Buzz

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Mom Guilt: Why You Shouldn’t Entertain It

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A First Look at Death: A Concept to Which Your Little Ones Can Relate

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17 Today’s Family: How Sandwich

Indoor Activities When the Weather is at its Worst

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Five Minute Fix: DIY Drawer Liners

20 The Art of Giving and How We

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ADHD: Is it More Common with Twins?

22 Fostering Independence

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Book Review

24 Times Have Changed for Working

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Play Spaces: 7 Steps for Creating the Perfect Playroom

26 Working Moms: The Struggle is

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Confessions of a Twin Dad

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Ask the Vets: Tools for Sleep Training Toddlers

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Learning to Embrace the Moment

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Appy Winter

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Why We Need the Fixing Fix

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Forever Friends? Making New Friends after Kids Come Along

13 When School Rules: Decoding Your Child’s School Day

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When it’s Impossible to Love Being a Twin Mom

16 The Dr. is In - Tips for Staying Active Indoors

Generation Plays a Part

Need to Teach Them Now

Mothers Real

29 Helpful Tips for Working Moms 30 Bye, Bye, Baby: Tips for

Minimizing Separation Anxiety

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cover cuties Molly and Madelynn are 4 years old, from Michigan. Molly loves Paw Patrol, pirates, and her favorite food is spaghetti.

Madelynn loves princesses, everything pink, and her favorite food is BBQ chicken wings. They both are enjoying being a big sister to their new baby sister, Emme, and are excited to build snowmen and go sledding this winter! photos courtesy of JVL Photography multiplicity

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

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Every New Year sets in motion a list of things that we all resolve to do.

Getting in shape, eating healthier and stopping bad habits like smoking and unnecessary spending are among some of the most popular. Considering statistics prove that only 8% of people actually follow through, I actually decided not to even bother.

Does that make me lazy or uninspired? Quite the opposite, actually. You see, I work on goals all year long, but make them realistic so that I don’t feel like a failure by the end of the year. In honor of Disney’s newest princesses to the throne, this issue is all about letting go and learning to live with what you’ve got.

I can’t say that I won’t shout at my kids when they push my buttons to the max (because believe me, with four vying for my attention all at once, it would be easy to curl up in a corner and cry from fear of failure), but I can at least ask them to be patient with me so that I can address them each on their own terms.

It’s also clear that as our multiples get older, their twin relationship changes and their needs and demands of us are sometimes down Natalie Diaz founder/publisher natalie@multiplicitymag.com

right difficult. Our multiples need to learn how to bond with and without each other. We need to let go of playing referee so that they learn how to handle confrontation and differences of opinion.

If we wish to raise independent, free thinking, problem solving adults, it’s important that we start fostering responsibility very early in life. Even as adults, there are so many situations over which we have very little control. However, the sooner our children (and we!) learn that we should never let someone else’s actions, opinions and life choices (i.e. newsfeed photos and posts of friends with seemingly perfect lives on facebook) define who we are or determine how we feel, the better we’ll all be. It’s okay to celebrate with our friends in their perfect moments, but it’s also okay to acknowledge that life has its ups and downs.

Here’s hoping this issue will help encourage you to let go of all of the unnecessary pressures in life on your journey to becoming who you and your family need you to be!

Talitha A. McGuinness executive editor talitha@multiplicitymag.com

Publisher Natalie Diaz Editor / Creative Director Talitha A. McGuinness Contributing Writers Mikenzie Oldham Jill Marcum Isabelle Lee Mercedes Donis Farrah Ritter Karen Finchum Cara Krenn Angel Rodrigues Jessica Therivel Nellie Harden Lauren Oak Natasha D’Anna Nicole Hastings Carolyn Borys Traci Zeller Dr. Preeti Parikh David Griffin Amanda Nethero Michelle Icard Jennifer Jacobson Gretchen Barry Barbara Miller Twiniversity Content Mgr. Julie Burt Nichols Community Mgr. Deanna Burkett Special Projects Mgr. Lauren Oak Twitter Content Mgr. Kimmy Brogan Contact us: 141 Mulberry St. Apt. C-1 New York, NY 10013 917-442-2020 info@multiplicitymag.com www.multiplicitymag.com Multiplicity is published as a digital magazine four times per calendar year, with additional supplements as desired. Multiplicity cannot assume responsibility of statements made by advertisers. In addition, though hand-picked and carefully reviewed, Multiplicity cannot guarantee the accuracy of editorial pieces. No portion in whole or in part of this publication may be reproduced without express written consent from the publisher. Questions? Email talitha@multiplicitymag.com.

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

photo courtesy of a&g photography

FOR THE MAGICAL FAMILY MOMENTS THAT LACK PEACE AND QUIET...

winter!

HAPPY

styles of parenting: which are you? by carolyn borys

After moving what seemed like mountains to schedule some quiet time to write this article, I was ready for my creative and analytical juices to flow after five months of what can only be described as white static in regards to adult stimulation. The topic: What is my parenting style?

The answer: I have no idea! I usually have an answer for absolutely everything. I could talk my way out of a parking ticket, yet I do not have any sort of answer to this question. Am I authoritative? Authoritarian?

Permissive? Uninvolved? No, I do not fall entirely into any of those categories. I am a psychologist’s worst nightmare. Or dream?

In order to begin this journey of unleashing my parenting style, I researched, read, and reflected on the four most general and widely studied styles of parenting. I realized that I could summarize them all rather succinctly; however, deciphering which box I fell into was another story. Authoritative parenting is more democratic in nature than the name implies. Parents set and establish a set of rules, guidelines and boundaries, yet they are open to listening to and reasoning with their children. In addition, authoritative parents understand that when kids fail, it is just as important to nurture them as it is to immediately punish. Most

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

Authoritative *Parents enforce rules, but are much more democratic in process.

Children have a voice and parents listen. *Parents reason with their children, and are more nurturing and forgiving rather than resorting to immediate punishment in each situation. *Parents are assertive, but not restrictive. *Children typically grow up to be happy, cooperative and successful.

Permissive

Uninvolved

*Parents enforce rules.

When rules are not followed, children are immediately punished.

*Parents make very few demands of their children, allowing them free reign within reason.

*Parents do not justify reasoning with their children. Their children are not allowed a voice or opinion.

*Parents have lower expectations of their children’s maturity and self-control. They often make excuses for them.

*Parents make little to no demands of their children. They are absent and forego their role as parent.

*Parents are obedienceoriented. They learn they obey or there are consequences.

*Parents avoid confrontation and take on the role of friend over parent.

*Children typically grow up to be proficient at following rules, but lack self-esteem and leadership skills.

*Children typically grow up to lack selfregulation and have more problems with authority figures.

Authoritarian

*Parents seldom respond, communicate or interact with their children. *Parents fulfill basic needs, but nothing beyond. Sometimes their neglect borders on child abuse. *Children typically grow up to be unhappy, lack self-esteem and selfcontrol.

To learn more about parenting styles and their impacts, visit About Education and Parenting Science. Note: culture, children’s attitudes towards parenting styles and peers tend to have an influence on child behavior, too.

importantly, they teach children to be responsible, to cooperate and think for themselves.

Authoritarian parenting, the second style, tends to be quite strict, with no negotiation at all. They follow an “it’s my way or the highway,” style of parenting their children.

Generally speaking, there are little to no options for children to make decisions. They use punishment as a control over their children.

Non-traditional and lenient parents fall into the Permissive style. This type of parenting relies heavily on communication with children, often taking on the role of friend and peer rather than parent. Children are often seen as equals in the reasoning and

communication process. In addition, rules may be created, but the permissive parent rarely follows through with instilling them, allowing for natural inconsistencies.

Finally, there is the Uninvolved parent. This one is quite selfexplanatory, however, it is important to note that this type of parenting fulfills the child’s basic needs in most cases, while in extreme cases, it can turn into neglect or even child abuse.

Fully equipped with this information and research, would you be able to easily determine which style you fell into?

Personally, I was still facing a road block. Oddly enough, I am asked a very similar question to this in regards to my career as a fifth grade teacher: What multiplicity

is your teaching style? I can easily spew off an interesting and somewhat coherent philosophical answer to all willing listeners when broached. However, as a new mother to 5-month-old boy/ girl twins, I have not had a single second to process what has been happening in the world around me, let alone think about what my own parenting style is. I just do it. Is that a style?

So I did what I always do when I am in a pinch; I enlisted the help of the people who have witnessed my crazy, sleepless journey over the past 5 months with my twins--my family. Certainly, these wellrested people might shed some light on witnessing my parenting style. --- contd. pg. 10

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fertility

when all else fails

by mikenzie oldham 8

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

While I know that many women and couples experience infertility to some degree and that I am not alone on this journey, I am currently harboring resentment toward a few people in my life. I’ve realized I just need to let it go.

When it comes to our infertility and fertility journey, I have been an open book. I have had old girlfriends and a few new ones contact me for advice and to hear my story to see if fertility would be a good fit for them.

But because I have been so open about our journey, it has given some people around me a sense of entitlement that they can also give their two cents about when and if we should have any more children.

When faced with infertility and the path you choose to have a child, you have to realize like I did that this is no one else’s decision but my husband’s and mine, and we intend to follow our hearts and our dream of a bigger family.

In the beginning of our marriage, finding out I had an extremely low chance of conceiving on our own made me feel lost. The one thing I wanted my whole life -- to be a mommy and have a family of my own -- wasn’t in the cards for me, or at least probably not in the traditional way. We vowed to fight together as a team to make our dream come true.

Like so many women of childbearing age experience, friends and family had every suggestion possible...just relax, drink fertility tea, do acupuncture. I heard them all and yes, I tried quite a few. I know they meant well, but there

are only so many times you can hear the same comments over and over. Comments about “how easy it was for this person to get pregnant” or how someone else “got pregnant accidentally” felt like a slap in my face. And of course, the constant “When are y’all gonna have kids?” question was a straight stab to my heart, every. single. time.

weeks!). Finally, the call came that we had been waiting for...I was pregnant! A weight lifted off my shoulders, but our ride had just begun.

other ideas for

We started looking into adoption. We spoke with a few agencies and started filling out paperwork and going through the motions. Then something inside me clicked and I realized I needed to seek fertility treatments first. I realized I needed to at least try and then make decisions based on the outcome of the procedure. We were referred to a wonderful fertility specialist and he gave us the tools and the road map to follow on our path to Baby.

Days turned to months; months turned to years. We spent thousands of dollars, took out loans, cried over negative pregnancy tests, took lots of medicines, had injections, did IUIs, and finally an IVF. This was it. Our final chance at having children of our own and then back to adoption if it did not work. I

My pregnancy was a rocky one that went from a singleton, to twins, to triplets, to a vanishing triplet, to finally figuring out what it was...a twin pregnancy with a molar pregnancy.

This was practically unheard of. Baby A was an identical twin and his twin had too many chromosomes from my husband and not enough from me, so he turned into a mass that was growing and taking space from the boys. At any time, if we saw that the molar was attacking baby A or baby B’s placentas, we would do an emergency C-section to try to save them. Slowly, I made it to 36 weeks, took the boys out and removed the mole. They watched me closely with scans and blood tests for one year to make sure I stayed cancer free.

Life has certainly been exciting over the past two years, watching our boys learn and grow and I am so very thankful for the science that helped to get them here. Without it, I would never have been able to look into my sons’ eyes and see my husband and myself.

I have finally learned to let the comments roll off my back when random people think they have some sort of say in how many children we have, or how we have them. had literally put all my eggs in one basket. Our doctor picked three embryos and put them in. Now we just had to wait for two weeks (two very long multiplicity

Even though we are a happy, healthy family of four, my husband and I do still long for another child. Once again, we have started fertility treatments

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contd. from --- styles My husband thought I should write something extremely controversial so that I end up with a book deal and become a regular parenting contributor to the Today Show, a la Tiger Mom. He was no help at all, yet has somehow managed to keep the humor going through all of our sleepless days. My mom, unsurprisingly, responded with, “energetic, nurturing, loving” with about ten exclamation points after it. While I really appreciate the vote of confidence, are those parenting styles? What style would I fall into if I am energetic? Others responded with words such as, “consistent, balanced, flexible, and innovative.” These are certainly words that describe me and in fact, I quite selfishly enjoyed this activity because it allowed me to look at my parenting process and style from a birds-eye view.

Even after all of those helpful tidbits from my family, I realized that I still wanted to figure out how to put my personal parenting style into words of my own. The problem that I continued to face was that I did not fall into one of the four psychologically defined styles.

Maybe you are in that same boat. I am not overly strict, yet since birth, I created a routine for the twins and I religiously follow it. I’m sure this is more the norm with multiple birth families than any others, but we do what works for us and our lifestyle. I am not overly relaxed, because I will Google 10

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for hours how to fix even the slightest problem with Jack or Ellie. Since they are only 5 months old, I have no idea how I will react to the tantrums, attitudes and outrageous demands creeping up on the horizon, and it is highly likely my parenting style will change.

Permissive may be on the table in the future, but is irrelevant now. Here is what I do know: I wake up every single morning like it is Christmas because I literally cannot wait to go into the twin’s room and receive their first smiles for the day.

Like a nuclear scientist, I make sure that every one of their bottles is made properly with the perfect amount of formulato-water ratio. I make sure they drink every single last sip of said bottles so that they grow big and strong. I kiss them every chance I get. I video tape every smile, laugh, new trick, and grimace so that I can send it to every family member throughout the day. I run, not jog, when they cry, but also let them get frustrated so that they figure out how to soothe themselves. I let them explore and drool and fail because that is all part of the learning process. Do these fit within any one style, or do they embrace a little of each?

I follow my own gut feeling on a daily basis and do what I think is best for them. I am flexible and fully realize that things will go wrong and that is perfectly fine. I have fun with Jack and Ellie and remember to take nothing too seriously.

Simply put, I love them. I guess that is my parenting style. I will do anything and everything to help them grow up to be the

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best they can be. I want them to be happy, healthy, respectful, and curious children. If that means being authoritative when they act out, I will discipline them.

If it means letting them stay up a little later on a weekday night with ice cream and pizza, I will sometimes be permissive and allow it. I will be the type of parent supporting them through struggles, comforting them through rejection, guiding them to make the right choices, laughing at their jokes, and experiencing the world anew through their eyes for as long as they each will let me.

I guess in one word, my parenting style is love. It’s as simple as that. Maybe my own mom was on to something when she saw this in me. Maybe moms really do know best! I doubt that I have said anything that will have psychologists re-writing their books, and am sure most of you can relate to everything above. This is why I embrace not falling into a specific bucket with my style of unconditional love, sprinkled with “making it up as I go along.” Sadly though, I do not think Matt Lauer will be blowing up my cell phone any time soon with my groundbreaking, newly-defined category in parenting styles. What style do you embrace and how will that impact your relationship with your children?

Carolyn is a fifth grade teacher working and living in Manhattan.

She is a first time mother to boy and girl twins and enjoys every second of the crazy journey. In her ʺfreeʺ time, she enjoys running, laughing, and the occasional glass of white wine.

and will be doing another IVF in December with our frozen embryos. Fertility has become a norm for creating the family we desire, and we’re okay with that.

I have finally learned to let the comments roll off my back when random people think they have some sort of say in how many children we have, or how we have them. I am not tempting fate; I am not in over my head.

There are days I am so stressed out that I can’t see straight, but I’m sure many mothers have days like this. Despite these hectic and uncertain days, in our hearts we know we have room to love another baby or two and we will absolutely follow our dreams on this journey once more.

I will try to let go of all the resentment and negative thoughts I have toward anyone trying to have a say, and I will learn to live in the moment and cherish every sweet hug and every new milestone my boys go through. If fertility this time does not work, I will not be lost.

I have accomplished much of my dream in seeing my boys born. If we succeed, we will have triumphed infertility and made the impossible possible for our dream family.

Mikenzie is a fulltime twin mommy, a full-time wife, a full-time employee, a full-time maid, a full-time chef, and a full-time writer. Juggling life as a twin mommy in a kid-centric world, she survives all this with a steady intake of caffeine and wine. She has perfected the phrase” don’t hit your brother” and her main expertise is cleaning mud out of someone’s ear, kissing “owy’s “ and finding 4 shoes.

Check out all her boys’ shenanigans on her blog.

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facts about using frozen donor eggs

For 1 in 8 couples in the U.S., infertility is a real challenge. For some women, donor eggs are the only option for fertility.

1. Pursue treatment on your timeframe.

Because frozen donor egg IVF cycles can be completed in as little as one to three months, couples can pursue treatment at the exact time that works for them.

2. No difference in fresh vs. frozen donor eggs.

Roughly 47% of women who use frozen donor eggs will go on to deliver a live born baby per treatment cycle.

3. No travel required.

Frozen donor eggs arrive at your fertility center within 14 days and are immediately available for treatment.

4. Receive the amount of eggs needed for treatment.

Working with a frozen donor egg bank allows couples to acquire the amount of eggs necessary for treatment. Egg lots contain five to seven eggs.

5. Have a child in your 40s.

Increase your chances from 5% to over 47% of having a live birth at age 40.

6. It comes with a money back guarantee.

There are financial programs with frozen donor egg treatments that offer a money back guarantee.

7. It’s cheaper.

The average fresh donor egg cycle is roughly $25,000 $38,000, while the cost of a frozen cycle is nearly half.

8. Test for genetic disorders.

Donors are tested for the most common genetic disorders.

This reduces the probability of having a child born with a genetic condition.

9. Genetic siblings are possible.

Using frozen donor egg allows for genetic siblings. You can bank eggs by the same donor for your future children, and grow your family as you desire or are able.

Donor Egg Bank USA is a frozen donor egg program part of more than 150 of the country’s top reproductive specialists and available at more than 95 locations throughout the US and Canada. They offer immediate access to a broad donor egg pool and use advanced freezing technology to produce success rates similar to traditional (fresh) donor egg programs. multiplicity

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decoding your child’s school day 12

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

by isabelle lee

I think it’s a fairly universal truth that it is hard work to find out from your children what exactly they have done all day at school. If you do manage to extract something more than a “nothing” or an “I can’t remember”, there can still be obstacles. Here is a fairly typical conversation I had with my daughter when I picked her up from school the other day: Her: “They said I was ok mommy.”

Me: “Who said you were ok?”

Her: “The lady in the office.”

Me: “Why were you in the office?”

Her: “Bailey took me.”

Me: “Why did Bailey take you?”

Her: “Because you take someone with you when you go to the office.”

Me: “But WHY WERE YOU THERE?” Eventually, I learned that she had a sore throat, but that the “lady in the office” decided it was mild enough to wait until home.

A parent’s impression of their child’s school day can be rather nebulous, so here are a few techniques I’ve developed to get a bit of a firmer idea of what their school day is like.

1. Ask the right questions If you ask open questions like “How was your day?” or “What did you do today?” you are opening yourself up to little information. Most children draw a blank when they are asked such a broad question. You should only expect answers that are as good as your questions.

2. Be specific Try more closed questions that may get you a better answer.

Examples include “Who did you sit next to at lunch today?”, “What game did you play at recess?”, “Who makes you laugh

in your class?”, and “What was your favorite part of today?

If you’re lucky, this will be an opener for a conversation that will end up providing you with a lot more detail. Your child is more likely to remember and recount events when it’s part of a natural conversation.

3. Ask about their interests For a lot of children, this is often recess! Asking about what spelling words they worked on and what they learned in math might not be the most scintillating conversation for your child, and they may not make much effort to remember.

If there is something specific about their learning you want to know, I recommend asking the teacher. Instead, ask about the games they played, who they like to sit next to, who brought the tastiest snack, and who is the funniest child. You’ll end up learning a lot about their social groups, and how well they are fitting in.

4. Do your research If you do want to know a bit more about what is happening in the classroom, then do a little research on the subject. Find out about the class’s timetable, what themes or activities your children are working on, and which teachers they are working with.

Then think of related questions like “Did you start your nature picture in art today?” or “Which instrument did you play in music?” You’ll get the scoop and your kids will realize you know what’s going on, too.

5. If you can , volunteer This is a great way to have an insider’s view of your child’s school day. Your children will also love having you come into multiplicity

the class, as it makes them feel special. If you can’t do this often, see if you can offer to help on any one school or class event.

6. Plan for bad timing Children have incredible timing. It will be when you are rushing to get them out the door, or when they are getting to bed really late that they come out with something like: “N told me I was mean” or “N made fun of me”. These are the moments when your children are needing your guidance and reassurance. You can’t control when these issues will pop up, but it’s important to deal with them when they arise, otherwise, the message you wanted to give will be lost.

Even with all this effort on your part, you are still likely to get your fair share of “I can’t remember”. You are never going to know everything about your child’s day. Children begin their independent life when they start school, albeit in a very limited and controlled way. They are making friends, taking on new responsibilities, and having a life separate from you. The best you can hope for is to create as many opportunities for natural conversation and be available when they do want to talk.

Isabelle Lee is a delighted, but exhausted stayat-home mom to seven-year-old twins, frequently bemused, often fascinated and perpetually behind schedule.

Originally from the UK, she now lives with her husband and twins in California. You can follow her blog at perplexedparent.com, and on twitter via @perplexedparent.

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when it’s IMPOSSIBLE to love being a mom of twins

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

by talitha a. mcguinness

When my girls were little, they got along well enough outside of the typical sibling rivalry, relying on each other, learning to share, etc. They acted like many other twin sets I know. They dressed alike, had similar if not the same interests, shared the same friends, and we did most everything together. Fast forward several years where we are entering the tween stage, and we have a completely different story on our hands.

I don’t know if it’s an identical twin thing, if it’s a girl thing, or maybe a little of both, but my girls are in a constant tug of war, love/hate relationship.

I’ve always seen so many identical twin sets seem to be each other’s best friends and I guess I’ve been a little jealous...like I missed something about our experience. As my girls have grown, it is abundantly clear that the only thing they share are their looks. They are polar opposites and from the day they started Kindergarten, we knew it was in their and our best interests to separate them. They never needed the other in order to thrive, which is comforting to know that they were perfectly happy being on their own meeting new people and exploring new things.

Now at nearly 10, my girls are either fighting or just staying out of each other’s hair. I know all twins are different, but when one decided to cut her hair (at age 7), just so that she would look different, it was clear that we needed to encourage and allow even more of their differences. In all reality, I guess they could still be the best of friends (I dare you to tease one and see if the other doesn’t nearly go crazy on you!), it’s just differently than I imagined.

What I think makes it most difficult to be a parent of twins is when they constantly demand fairness from you. Let me just say that it is impossible to always be equal when you’re trying to foster each of their strengths or simply spend one-on-one time with them. Fair? Absolutely, at least in the sense that each child gets your time and attention separately and that you are using whatever resources and tools available to you to create amazingly similar, yet unique children.

In my quest to help each of my girls flourish in their differences while maintaining some semblance of sanity through these challenging years, here are a few things I’ve been working on:

Allowing them space. My girls are in separate multiplicity

classes at school, completely separate activities, and we even managed to make space to give them their own rooms at home. This space has certainly helped when they realize that they can enjoy what little time they do have together during the day.

Teaching the meaning of fair. I can’t tell you how

many times in any given week I am saying to one or the other, “life’s not fair”. The sooner the twins learn that fair is subjective and does not mean “equal” or getting the same thing as the other, the easier their lives will be. It doesn’t even have a timeframe on it. As they become adults, they will see peers choose to travel before entering college, have coworkers get raises when they don’t, and perhaps have friends get married and start families before they are ready to make that choice. As long as they know they are loved and are receiving similar time and attention and resources, and are taking advantage of the opportunities available to them, that is pretty fair in our house.

Letting them be.

At nearly 10, they don’t need me to tell them how to relate to each other.

While I still remind them of respecting each other’s things, opinions, space, etc., I let them figure out their own bond and relationship without me constantly interfering. There will likely be years of disagreement and arguing, and sometimes even a little shouting (we’re working on that one), but I try to show that it’s okay to think differently and to disagree. It doesn’t have to come to raising voices, and it definitely doesn’t need to become physical.

I am not a referee. When my girls are fighting,

the minute I jump in to settle the squabble, they seem to turn on me and then are hugging and getting along perfectly fine, like nothing ever happened. I’ve learned unless it becomes physical, to just stay out of it and let them learn the art of handling disagreements with grace.

I have to stop taking it personally. When

my girls don’t get along or don’t do well at something, it isn’t necessarily a direct reflection of me and my failure as a parent. They will fail and they will at times hate each other, but that is all a part of growing up, and a huge part of life for all of us. I just have to sit back and hope that it will all work out in the end!

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the dr. is in:

5 tips on being active when stuck inside by dr. preeti parikh

If this winter is anything like last winter, it will be very tempting to snuggle at home with warm blankets and hibernate. However, as we all know, staying active is very important and a goal of 60 minutes of activity a day is what is recommended. So, here are some suggestions of ways to stay active as a family without risking hypothermia and frostbite!

over, under and through to reach a destination. They’ll have so much, you may even remember being a kid and join them!

1. Throw a dance party. Be your own DJ by cranking up the music and get the family moving. Need a little inspiration? Video games like Nintendo’s Wii Just Dance for Kids is great for teaching choreography to songs that the kids may already know.

5. Lastly, even if it is cold outside, there is nothing better than fresh air. Bundle up and go out for a nice walk, take the family ice skating or even plan a skiing trip for the family.

2. Create an obstacle course with things you have around the house.

Use hula hoops, jump ropes, bed sheets, chairs and other furniture to create a maze for the kids to climb 16

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3. Yoga is a great indoor activity that even your little ones can take part in. Come up with some simple stretches that will serve everyone well when all they want to do is lie around reading, playing video games or watching TV. 4. Play a game of active charades...i.e. volleyball, tennis, tag.

Often times, using the imagination while getting moving makes it even more fun!

With so many things to do indoors to stay moving, there’s no reason to let the cold slow you down. Hopefully, some of these ideas will help keep your family active all winter long.

Dr. Preeti Parikh is a Board-Certified Pediatrician with a special interest in preventive medicine, advocacy and patient education. She contributes to Multiplicity magazine, The Bump, and the book “What to Do When You Are Having Two”.

Outside of work, Preeti enjoys free time with her husband and wonderful twin children.

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today’s family dynamics:

a look at the sandwich generation by lauren oak

According to Pew Research Center, in 2012, nearly half (47%) of adults in their 40s and 50s have a parent age 65 or older and are either raising a young child or financially supporting a grown child (age 18 or older).

About 1 in 7 middle-aged adults (15%) is providing financial support to both an aging parent and a child. This is the story of one twin mom and her experience with caring for her aging parent.

It’s a typical weekday morning, 6:15am. I go downstairs to start the coffee, let the dog out and get the day started. Just as I flip the switch for my coffee, I hear a thud. I know exactly what it is. It’s my dad’s urinal that he uses overnight so he doesn’t

have to get out of bed to go to the bathroom, and it was full, that is until the dog knocked it over. This isn’t the first time and it probably won’t be the last time I’ll have to clean this up. I rush into my dad’s room and immediately try to find a dirty towel to begin cleaning it up. My dad is awake and I try to get him to get up and out of bed because I need to take his comforter that is soaked in urine in the corner because it was hanging half off of the bed and resting on the floor. He doesn’t seem to want to get out of bed, so I find another blanket to cover him with and clean up the mess.

Growing up, I would have never envisioned living in the house multiplicity

I grew up in along with my husband and our 4 daughters AND my elderly, ailing father, but that is my reality. My dad is 74 years old and has had 4 strokes in the past 2 years. My mother passed away 11 years ago. My dad has been in and out of hospitals and physical rehabilitation centers after each stroke. He uses a wheelchair to get around, as his left side is very weak. He could walk with a walker, but he is scared of falling and getting hurt, which has happened a few times. His short-term memory has also been affected, asking the same questions over and over again.

He does not like to leave the house...ever. Taking him to the doctor for a check-up is quite

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a process. I try to schedule his appointments during school hours so I don’t have to drag the kids. I always need another adult to help me get him up and down the front steps and into the car. I usually ask a friend or neighbor for help.

By the time we actually get to the doctor’s office, he usually doesn’t want to wait more than 10 minutes. I usually make sure I have nothing else planned for that day, as I’m physically, mentally and emotionally wiped out by the time we get home. That makes two of us.

By the time the kids get

the kids leave, my dad has my full attention. I give him his medication and hope he actually takes it. Some days he takes it with no issue, other days, he refuses and says he doesn’t need it, creating quite a bit of unnecessary conflict.

Occasionally, he pretends to take it. Then, I either find it on the floor next to his recliner or his home health aid discovers it when she shakes his sheets out and the pills go flying through the air.

After his third stroke, and 2 1/2 years of taking care of him on my own, I broke down and finally hired outside help. It had gotten to the point that my dad

Once the kids leave, my dad has my full attention.

I give him his medication and hope he actually takes it. Some days he takes it with no issue, other days, he refuses and says he doesn’t need it, creating quite a bit of unnecessary conflict. downstairs to eat breakfast in the mornings, mass chaos has ensued in the house. Who needs lunch money? Who can’t find clean socks? Where is Emily’s recorder? As this is going on, my dad decides to get out out of bed, into his wheelchair and goes into his TV room. At some point, he calls my name and asks for juice, usually at the same exact time one of the twins just realized she can’t find her library book that she needs to return to school and the bus will be here in 3 minutes! I tell my dad to hang on and ask the other twin to help by getting grandpa some juice while the hunt for the missing book begins. Once 18

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flat out refused to get into the shower, change his clothes, or do almost anything for himself.

I also made the decision to give up my job to be home and available to my dad more.

I found his home health aid through the recommendation of a friend who worked at a local hospital emergency room. She comes three times each week for 2 hours, gets him in the shower, shaves him, does his laundry, makes him a small meal or snack, and cleans his bathroom, bedroom and TV room. These simple chores take a lot off of my back. Due to the fact that my dad has a decent income (nothing crazy, but he does receive Social Security, as well

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as a pension from working as a Social Worker for New York City), we must pay for his home health aid out of our own pocket, but her help and my sanity is worth every cent.

Sadly, most days my dad sits in his recliner watching TV. He was once a huge history buff and read constantly. It seems that the toll of the strokes have affected his ability to read and comprehend what he is reading, so that has stopped. Up until recently, three of his lifelong friends would come to the house to play bridge once each week. Unfortunately, with his health and memory in decline, the games have also stopped.

His mood goes from happy to depressed quickly. Some days he doesn’t want to get out of bed, eat or do anything at all. It’s these days that worry me most.

I don’t want to leave the house just to grab a gallon of milk, just in case he needs me, but there are times I must leave him alone.

I have four kids who need me to bring them to various sports practices and we have to eat, so I have to go food shopping once in a while!

Obviously, without having to say it, my marriage has been neglected at times due to having to put my dad first. That has been really hard on all of us. Luckily, my husband is very patient and understanding when it comes to my dad, checking on him and helping when I can’t.

While life can be crazy in our house with four kids all going in different directions, my dad seems to love having my kids in the house; they bring him joy even when there is a tantrum going on. The kids love living

with him, as well. They read to him and make projects at school just for him. Seeing the reality of his health and day-to-day life, they worry about him, too. They tell me when he sneaks a snack he isn’t supposed to have, and at the same time, will give him candy from goody bags from a birthday party.

My dad’s future is uncertain and that worries me. After his first and most minor stroke, he made sure his will and healthcare proxy were in order and made me the Power of Attorney over his finances. At that time, I never thought I would actually ever need this set up, but I’m happy he did it. If you’re living in a similar circumstance, I would highly encourage you to get the financial matters handled up front in order to make everyone’s life easier. It has made paying his bills, talking to doctors and ensuring he is taken care of much easier, as I now serve as his primary caretaker and can handle his personal matters without question.

When you’re growing up, you never really comprehend being in a position to parent and take care of your own aging parents, but sometimes it’s just how things turn out. I guess it’s one of life’s ways of coming full circle.

I’m not sure how long we will live like this, having my dad as part of our daily lives.

His living with us and meeting his needs is difficult many days, but the idea of having him in a nursing home is something I just can’t imagine. For now, I take it day by day, doing the best I can, sandwiched in between my kids and my husband who have their own needs and demands of me. After all, I am only one person trying to take care of my generational family the best way I know how.

Lauren is a NY mom to four girls --- a 20 year old, 8 year old twins, and a 5 year old --- plus, they just got a new puppy (a boy to give dad a break!). Lauren has been a part of Twiniversity from the very beginning after having met Natalie Diaz at a New York State Mother of Twins Club meeting. She also really connected with her fellow twin parents after spending 20 days in the NICU with her twins after they were born. Lauren is able to use her caseworker background of helping foster care children in continuing to support multiple birth families across the globe. multiplicity

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teaching your kids to give establishing the mentality of life-long giving by jennifer jacobson & gretchen barry

While raising kids has never been easy, it can be one of the most rewarding things that some people do --- especially when children grow up to be productive, contributing members to society, and that includes knowing how to give back and enrich the communities in and people around which they live.

When should children start participating in the giving process? As early as possible. Even if they’re still toddlers, observing charitable acts that happen regularly and eventually understanding them, will leave a big impression.

Learning how to give and developing that skillset is a lifelong journey, so start now!

If giving to a cause is new to your household, involve your kids as early as possible. Tell them that your family has the chance to give back and explain what that means and how you’re fortunate to be able to do that. Then, engage them in a conversation about the types of causes they may feel strongly about and ways they think they can help.

Getting involved could range from helping families, working to save open spaces, caring for nature or a community garden, helping to save an endangered species, or helping those in need through donations of food, clothes and other basic needs.

Giving is more than a task; it’s a mindset, a way of life, a way of looking at the world and asking, “how can I help?” How can I bring awareness to specific needs and evoke action? Here are a few ways to get your kids involved:

Once you’ve identified key topics that your family is interested in, (make a list, as this helps visualize everything), start researching specific local organizations (add them to the list) and jump in! A few places to begin your search might include:

1. Ask Your Kids How They Would Like to Help.

*food pantries/soup kitchens

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*pet shelters/animal rescue centers *nature conservation efforts *fundraising for various activities for low-income kids, like camp *zoos, museums, and aquariums *schools and local libraries (these days, even they need as much help as they can get) *visitation of patients in hospitals *visitation of the elderly in nursing homes 2. Make a Game Plan.

Get creative about how your family can help the organization(s) you choose. Bake sales are traditional, but there are other ways to help.

Talk it through with your family, map it out, and post the results somewhere in the home that is highly visible.

Gamify it to some degree with tasks that turn into goals, that turn into accomplishment, that result in stickers or other rewards.

3. Create Tasks and Ideas That Can Make a Big Difference *Clear the clutter. Every 6-12 months, have a household closet cleaning day (that includes the toy chest, and maybe even the garage). Get everyone in the family to help. *Make a donate box. Put it out where your kids can add to it.

Donate often, even if it’s small. *Make Detours to Giving. When shopping, make a trip down the canned foods aisle. Ask your kids to pick a can of food to put in your donate box at home. *Find ways to raise money for donations. Hold a yard sale and give all or a portion of it to a selected charity. Do the same with a bake sale, an art sale, lemonade stand, etc. Involve your kids at all stages, but especially in planning and implementation.

*Associate getting with giving.

For birthdays and holidays, aside from their other gifts, give your kids a hand-written gift “certificate of giving” with a specified amount of money that they can gift to their favorite charity. Take your child to the charity to donate that money in person if you can.

For non-local organizations, write a check, and have your child include a letter. *Volunteer time in your local community. From public gardens that need weeding, to historic buildings that need painting, or food banks that need volunteers, find something age-appropriate that can engage your family.

4. Growing the Mindset *Share stories. There are lots of real-life stories about kids or groups of kids who have found creative ways to give back. Encourage empathy.

Share appropriate stories of struggle. Ask kids; what would you do in this situation? How would you want people to help you? *Walk them through the cycle.

If your kids are very young, say, “We’re going to give this can of food/winter coat/ gift to ______. (Then explain the results.) “It will give them something to eat/keep them warm this winter.” *Explain why you are doing it and what you’re looking for.

“We don’t need to store all this stuff, when someone else could really use it.” Or, “I bet there is a kid out there who would really enjoy playing with that toy. I know you used to love it, but how about if you pass it along to someone multiplicity

else, so they can enjoy it as much as you have?” Keep the focus on the people in need and your child’s ability to share an experience or serve a basic need through an item.

Establishing an impermanent relationship to “things” can help kids better understand the important of relationships over acquiring goods. *Develop a language of giving in your household.

Find creative opportunities to incorporate it into regular conversation. Nothing is permanent. We are stewards of the planet, and the things we think we own. Everything is in change, and it is our duty to help those in need when we have abundance. If ever there is a time when we are without, we hope that others will think of us and help us in return.

Teaching children about the struggles of others not only develops a life-long giving mindset, it also helps children understand how their words and actions impact those around them --- a lesson that bears repeating.

About the Authors: Jennifer L. Jacobson is the founder of Jacobson Communication and an advocate for organizations looking to make a positive difference in the world. She serves on the board of several influential nonprofits and organizations focused on conservation, education, and community.

Gretchen Barry is the Director of Marketing and Communications for NonProfitEasy, a data management software, created by non-profits for non-profits.

NonProfitEasy offers a one-stop, affordable, integrated software solution that is changing the status quo for the greater good.

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you can do it! the importance of fostering independence in your children There is a strange transition that happens between the defiant “me do it” toddler stage and the sometimes shocking “you CAN do it” moments we, as parents, proudly witness trickling in throughout childhood. Though we never stop growing as people, the foundation of our independence, or dependence, is set as a child.

Have you ever found yourself doing things for your children in a somewhat robotic traditional dance for no other reason except you have always done it and so you are doing it again?

We all have. One of the trickiest wonders of parenting is that it is never static. Our children, our relationships, our lives, and ourselves are in a constant state of fluid motion, perpetually begging for readjustments. As our children grow, so must we in how we parent them. It can be exhausting to think you have it all figured out and the next day it changes.

by nellie harden 22

What happens if we do not gently press forward and intermittently nudge our children into independence? They slip seamlessly into a life of someone catering to them is what happens. They become that 30-something year old who’s mother still cooks and cleans for them because they never learned (or

needed to learn) to do it for themselves. They grow up with expectations that everyone else must do things and that they are not capable, needed or expected to do anything of importance.

Purpose is a powerful driving force and without it, low self-worth and delinquency can quickly take its place.

Independence is an integral stepping stone in growing up even when it feels more like a tripping hazard.

Actually, plan some time to do something. Then it is like a special date to them and they know something new is going to be expected of them. Fostering independence is many times more exciting for them than it is for us, but remember the longterm result of it and let that drive you. Their independence means your independence as well (who can’t appreciate a child that can do their own laundry or help cook and clean the kitchen after dinner?!?).

The hurried schedules of today can put a serious damper on when to foster this independence in our children. Lord knows it takes us two minutes to mix some pancake batter and we will probably not make the kitchen a goo pit, but when the kids are responsible for it, that is another matter. That is when it just comes down to that age old idea of making time for the family. We have all heard it over and over again and it rolls around in our thoughts constantly as we do a million other things. But, taking a few moments out today to teach you children life skills and better them for tomorrow is as important as it gets.

So, how do we turn these small fully dependent children of ours into fully independent adults? I truly believe no parent has the ultimate answer to that, but, what we can do is be a student of our children. Study their abilities, strengths, weaknesses, emotions and capacities. By being the expert on them, we can uncover new methods to cultivate their independence as they grow.

If you have trouble remembering when to do something, then write it down.

. .they are all showing their independence in their choices and proving to us that they can do this.

I have four daughters who are 9, 7, 7, and 5 and I recently started assigning dinner nights to each of them. This is a three-fold win because it allows special time for just the two of us, allows them to stretch their minds and create something, and they don’t groan when it comes to the table because they are so excited they had a hand in helping prepare and make it!

On their night, they have to plan, find recipes, prepare and serve.

The 5 year old will be helped more than the 9 year old, of course, but they are all showing their independence in their choices and proving to us, (but more importantly to themselves), that they can do this.

Another way we try to have them experience life is to try multiplicity

new things. All of our girls try the same things and get a taste of sports, arts and theater by rotating who chooses the activity. This helps us by not driving all over the city to a million different places (it even offers itself to some date nights when all of them are together in a class).

These experiences also let them try many things so that eventually they can choose a niche they love.

Once they’ve gotten a taste of it, even the small things around the house help develop independence. They are more confident with chores, having a sibling help with a problem instead of an adult, helping with pets, getting and spending an allowance, visiting friends, helping them read and write, helping with home projects, etc.

Life is full of obstacles for both parent and child, but there is consistency in growing. We know the starting point and the general goal for which we are aiming. We just need to remember that independence is earned through responsibility and respect, while confidence and productivity are the end result.

Nellie Harden has been married for 13 years and is a mom of four little girls. In addition to being a mom, she works with families through Juice Plus and Tower Garden to get whole foods back at the forefront of the meals and snacks and help growing and changing bodies thrive in our world today. She also enjoys writing about all of life’s adventures on her blog.

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special insert working mothers: my, how times have changed! by natasha d’anna

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

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he subject of the working mom is a topic that has been covered over and over again, across many different perspectives, but the response and expert analysis is never the same; which is why this is one of the most interesting topics to cover in the UNIVERSE. With the dramatic increase in entrepreneurial moms --mompreneuers --- working moms are in a class of their own. In fact, according to the Department of Labor, 70% of women in the workforce have children under the age of 18.

Even more surprising, according to Pew researchers, in 40% of households with children, women are now top earners.

Certainly, the working mother and even more so, the stay at home mother, have taken on a new appearance.

As we all recognize that becoming a mother means adding to the development of the next generation, many moms have tackled careers that they are passionate about for the overall happiness of their family. The new class of working moms are happy to model a lifestyle of career and family life. Studies show that many of today’s working moms have personal stories and reasons beyond the necessity of having two incomes. These stories often share the commonality of a desire to have a career after having children, whether to explore their own interests or to contribute to their families.

Some mothers learn of their happiness at work and how a fulfilled life for mom equals a happy life for the family.

There are always the two sides of the mom spectrum --- the working mom and the nonworking mom. When asking for perspective on the topic, the response was great, yet so diverse. The majority of responses expressed how many working moms feel a greater good to have the personal time.

Yet, while all moms expressed some sort of guilt, none of the moms expressed enough guilt to regret their current choices on having a career while also juggling being a mom. Yes, it would all be rosey if there was a guide on the prospects of “To be or not to be a working mom?”, but there isn’t one, yet.

To some it has become a rite of passage to continue with their careers after becoming a mom. It is looked at as a path that their parents have paved for them. They are the generation of moms that may be college graduates who were raised by moms who were homemakers.

They were encouraged to attend a University, snag a great job and take on the world. This justifies and even demands the choice to tackle it all.

With that, each story that was humbly shared described an experience of a working mother and her take on how returning to work as a mom included beginner’s guilt. This guilt eventually evolved into a “one day at a time” work in progress of emotions. This leads to the fact that some mothers will never be emotionally detached to the demands of business and family life blends, however, they are the ones who find the extra time to fulfill the emotional guilt. In order

to create and maintain that perfect balance, many working mothers are fulfilled with their career choices and successfully create a separation between mothering from working.

Overall, most all working mothers believe that balance is key, but what is the perfect balance? The answer is different for every mother.

There is never one perfect balancing act for all working mothers.

Sadly, with more moms in the workforce, some argue that parents are not raising their children properly. The family dynamics are certainly changing, and until we as a society realize that this is the new norm, working mothers and will never get the support they need.

As a working mompreneur myself, I find it hard at times to make design and writing deadlines when mommy demands are simultaneously running high. However, priority strikes and we must realize that life was not created in a day and we must nurture life in order to establish success. This usually equals very necessary down time that we can all use every now and again.

Natasha T. D’Anna is a mom of twin girls, an educator, a self -published writer of a children’s book titled Twindollicious and a blogger, where you can find her blogging about all things twins and fashion for kids. Natasha worked in the field of education before having children of her own. You can also connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

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the struggle is real for working moms by amanda nethero

I have been a working mother for almost three years now. I was lucky enough to stay home with my twins until they went to preschool and then I rejoined the workforce. I remember the weekend before I started back to work. I went for pedicures with my friend and the best piece of advice I have ever been given came from that afternoon. We were in the middle of an awesome paraffin wrap and she turned to me and said, “Sometimes you just have to be able to let some things go. You cannot be super woman. “ Super woman? Um, hello, I gave birth to twins.

Doesn’t that already make me super woman?

Besides, what else am I going to do with that cape hanging in my closet?

She was right though. I quickly learned in the first few weeks I would not be able to do it all. I had an hour-long commute each way, plus I had to juggle my husband’s crazy work schedule.

Perfectly home cooked meals every night? Not exactly. Ordering pizza from the comfort of my home counts as home cooked, right? It wasn’t long before I called my mom and asked her how she did it. I also made that same call a few weeks ago after running my son to baseball practice.

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special insert How did she do this with six kids with six different activities? Her answer? “I don’t know…I just did it.” Isn’t that how all of us twin moms reply when asked the same by singleton moms?

It’s safe to say that juggling work, family commitments and activities is not a new struggle for mothers. I’m fairly certain this struggle has been around since the dawn of time.

Thankfully, we modern mamas have more tools at our disposal to help us juggle (thank you, iPhone, Go To Meeting, and Evernote!). However, these modern day conveniences don’t make it any less of a struggle.

We still have to make lunches, check homework, get the clay out of baseball pants because our son INSISTED on sliding into home, and let’s not forget the snack your daughter promised she would bring for her singing group that she just told you about at 7:30 p.m. the night before (it’s not just me, right?!?).

So how do we do it? I rely a lot on my husband, Scott, to help pick up my slack, but the reality is that many of us are doing this on our own. Andrea Atkins, a single mother of twins, gave me some of her go-to tips for juggling it all. *Plan ahead - Understand which tasks take up unnecessary time and systematize them to free up your day. For Andrea, what utilized a big chunk of her time was meal planning and preparation. She developed a system of going to the grocery store on Sunday, and then preparing food like chopping fruits and vegetables that night.

This allowed her to organize

crock pot meals into 1-gallon freezer bags for the week to stock the fridge. *Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it - You have to give yourself a break to stay healthy and sane each week, even if you’re just hiring a high school student for an hour so you can take a nap or read a book. Take advantage of help whenever you can. You’re a much better parent when you take the time to take care of yourself, too. *Banish your Super Woman syndrome - Don’t give yourself a hard time when things are left undone. Dirty dishes will accumulate in your sink.

Laundry may get pushed to another day. You will forget your dry cleaning on presentation day. You’ll drop your child off at daycare wearing only one sock, and that’s okay. Don’t give yourself a hard time for being human! *Use software - Having multiples (and sometimes plus one or more additional children!) and a career is the ultimate exercise in project management. To-do lists, calendars, contact information, and many other reminder and organizing resources are tools that can make a big difference in helping to manage your day.

Andrea is never caught without her Evernote! Find a reliable tool that works for you, and don’t forget to schedule your down time while you’re at it, too.

With all of these gadgets to organize our lives, we make it sound so simple, don’t we?

Sure, there are days that you are positive you do not have it

together, but we all have those days. Remember that friend I mentioned at the beginning of the article? I forgot her baby shower one year. I’m not kidding. I, her best friend who was probably as excited as she was that she was having this miracle baby, forgot her baby shower. That day she sent me a text and asked me how long it would be before I arrived. I asked her what she was talking about and she reminded me it was her baby shower. #worstfriendever It’s been three years since I joined the working motherhood, and believe me, there are days I do not think I can juggle it all any more. I come home to dishes piled in the sink, laundry everywhere, and I think I am about to come unglued. There are also days when I really nail it in the office and still make it to my son’s baseball game to work concessions and I think to myself that I really have it together. It’s not an easy life for working mothers today and yes, the struggle is very real. I promise you, all of your work in and out of the office will reap amazing rewards for both you and the lifelong lessons you’re teaching your children along the way.

Amanda is a mother to fraternal twins and works as a marketing coordinator for a not-for-profit organization. When she is not running her twins to different activities, Amanda is an active runner and blogger. You can keep up with Amanda and her family at Twice the Love...Half the Sleep.

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the percentage of women who feel guilty about leaving their children to be part of the workforce. Similarly, 55% of stay at home moms feel guilty they aren’t contributing to the family paycheck. *Working Mother report

51%

>1 hr.

70%

of an average weekday (when not working or sleeping) spent on some type of child care (i.e. feeding, bathing, reading, cuddling, caretaking, etc.) *Family Relations study

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2+ hrs.

the amount of time working mothers have to spend during a weekday with their spouses or partners

women spend more than 2 hours each day on household chores, not including meal preparation/cooking, as compared to 1 hour per day for men *Happy Worker study

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special insert 4 helpful tips for working moms conquer the day

If you have kids heading to daycare or school, or even to another caretaker’s home, it’s always a good rule of thumb to prepare things the night before to limit the inevitable morning rush. Pack lunches, lay out clothing, restock the diaper bags, ensure backpacks and jackets are in a safe spot, etc.

enforce downtime

It doesn’t matter if it’s waking at 5am to work out at the gym, treating yourself to lunch somewhere you wouldn’t normally, or even enforcing consistent bedtimes for the kids so that you can enjoy a relaxing bath, a nice book, or TV time

with your significant other. “You” time is crucial to wearing so many hats successfully each day, and to your own physical and mental health.

weekends will help ease the time crunch during the week, and you’ll feel good knowing you’re putting something other than takeout on your table.

plan ahead

share the load

You know better than anyone that your days are endless, working long days at the office and then traveling between the school and activities, so the last thing you want to worry about is planning dinner on a day-to-day basis. Try creating a weekly menu to help with grocery shopping, and to help you prepare meals in advance (the crock pot can be your new best friend...we won’t judge!). Any food prep you can do on the

This goes for everything from house chores to carpool and juggling after school activities.

Rely on your significant other and your kids (with age appropriate chores, of course), and watch the house become squeaky clean (okay, we’re exagerating a bit, but you get the drift). Everyone is fully capable of sharing the load, which will help teach your children a little more responsibility along the way, too. Score!

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bye bye, baby:

helping your little ones cope with separation anxiety by cara krenn

Saying “goodbye” to young children can be more difficult than you’d like, especially when leaving behind two of them! Whether you’re going back to work, heading out for a much-needed date, or sending your kids to preschool, separation anxiety can pose a big problem for parents and kids alike.

But don’t despair! There are some really simple, mom-tested steps you can take to ease separation transitions for your little ones:

start small. During babyhood, expose your children to a variety of caregivers, particularly faces that are more familiar to them, such as grandparents. Start by leaving them for short periods of time (a solo trip to the grocery store), 30

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and gradually work up to longer intervals apart (like a much-needed afternoon at the spa or date night). This will help them understand that no matter how long you’re away, you always come back.

give advance notice. Let your kids know in

advance that you’re planning to leave that day.

Explain what you’ll be doing and how much fun they’ll have with their caregiver. Ask your caregiver to arrive at least a few minutes before your departure so your children can spend time adjusting to them while you’re still at home.

don’t disappear. It may be tempting to simply

disappear when you’re ready to head out the door, but doing so can break your child’s trust in

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you and aggravate unnecessary anxiety. When it’s time for you to leave, give your kids a short, casual goodbye. You can provide a brief explanation of where you’re going, say that you’ll be back soon, and give them a quick hug and a kiss. The less dramatic, the better.

don’t linger. Even if your departure causes a

floodgate of tears, don’t stick around for long once you’ve given your goodbye. This can encourage more tears and clinginess and the false belief that if they behave in this fashion each time, you will stay.

be consistent. Don’t cave! When it’s time for you to leave, be gentle, but firm. Your consistency will help set the stage for future separations.

set up a fun activity. Do your babies have a

favorite book? Do your toddlers or preschoolers love to paint? How about build with LEGOs or smash Play-Doh? Right before you leave, set up an engaging activity for your babysitter and kids to get started with right away. Having a fun distraction on hand can help ease their transition.

let your child use a “security item.” If you’re

dropping an anxious child off at a day care center, caregiver’s home, or school, allow them to bring a

small, special item that reminds them of home.

This can be something as simple as a family photo, small stuffed animal, or tiny blanket.

be cheerful. If you’re nervous about your

departure, your kids will pick up on it. Make your voice and disposition bright and sunny (even if you don’t feel that way), and always remind your little ones that you will come back.

read about it together. There are a number

of great books for toddlers and preschoolers that address separation. Try The Kissing Hand

by Audrey Penn, Llama Llama Misses Mama by Anna Dewdney, The Goodbye Book by Judith Viorst, Bye-Bye Time by Elizabeth Verdick, Mama Don’t Go Out Tonight by Sally Gardner, I Love You All Day Long by Francesca Rusackas, and many more. Ask your librarian or check Amazon for many anxiety-easing options.

remember that time apart is good. An important part of development for kids is to learn to be away from mom or dad. It’s healthy for them and for you to have a little time apart.

Start small, be patient, and before long, saying “goodbye” will be just another part of your family routine.

You’ve dreamed of meeting your babies for a long time. We work toward optimal fetal health for every pregnancy so that you can celebrate milestones to come.

We help parents realize their dreams.

We help make wishes come true.

fetalhealthfoundation.org multiplicity

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what if my child is

gifted? by jill marcum

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

You find out your child might be gifted. You wonder: What does this mean? What do I need to do about it? What does this mean for their schooling experience? Let’s consider some of these questions.

What is Gifted? There is no universal definition for the term “gifted”, so for the sake of this article, we are talking about children who have extraordinary intellect or exceptional talent.

Their talent is usually within a certain topic like language, math, music, art, mechanics, or athletics. Giftedness is more than just being good at something or making straight As; it is the ability to learn deeper, see and feel the world in different ways, along with other unique characteristics. Gifted children are not pushed by their parents to be exceptional; it is natural talent that comes from within the child.

If you suspect your child is gifted. You may be hesitant to mention it to someone, afraid you may look like you are boasting about your child, and you may have already experienced this among fellow parents. Do not hesitate to meet with your child’s teacher so that the appropriate steps can be made to provide a learning environment that is proper and challenging for their unique learning style.

Teachers are quick to identify students who achieve well and always turn in their neatly done homework. However, many gifted students are overlooked due to supposed “behavior problems” such as: displaying themselves as messy, unambitious, class clowns, or

questioning authority. Others who are often overlooked are those with a language barrier ( just learning the local language) and even those with a learning disability. So it is important for us as parents to advocate for our children and start the conversation.

When you approach your child’s teacher, consider bringing with you a portfolio that demonstrates their unique abilities. This can be a journal or video of their achievements, unique questions and conversations they form, items they have created and so on.* (*Extreme giftedness may present itself before your child reaches school age. You may want to seek out a psychologist for help to get a better idea of how your child learns and to assist in making a wise school selection that will have the right supports from the start.)

After a discussion with the school, your child may undergo a variety of tests. Giftedness is difficult to measure and each school or district has varying methods they use to identify these students. Some gifted children may not be good at taking tests, so a portfolio may provide evidence of giftedness where a test does not.

Schools have different programs available to support gifted and talented students, ranging from special schools within the district, enrichment classes or a pull out program. Contact your local school’s surrounding districts so you can make sure that your child’s educational experience fits their needs.

If there is no local program available, work closely with your multiplicity

child’s teacher to learn what will help your child succeed, but don’t assume they have training in how to identify and develop gifted students.

Most teachers probably have taken one class, if any, in how to identify gifted students and “compact” the curriculum for these students. Additionally, growing class sizes in many schools make it harder for these teachers to give the proper attention to children with unique learning abilities.

It takes community effort and parent advocation to help children succeed.

Why enrichment programs are important. Enrichment is important for all children. A good schooling program will allow for each child’s abilities and needs to be met by having a variety of materials and methods to teach the lessons.

Instead of trying to make all the kids fit into a certain curriculum “box”, a teacher who is flexible in how they teach the material and how the children are allowed to express themselves about what they learn will see them flourish.

Maybe writing an essay isn’t a child’s strongpoint, but that is what is asked from them day in and day out. When the assignment can make room for it, allow them to make a verbal presentation or slide show to let them shine and enjoy the assignment.

Programs that specialize in gifted students tend to have smaller class sizes and allow for more tailoring and accelerated learning on a subject based on the learning level of the children rather than their age. You may

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wonder why gifted children should be offered special programs. Shouldn’t we just “let kids be kids?” Yes, kids need time to just be kids, but when it comes to academics, not being properly challenged can have lasting effects on their future accomplishments. Without the proper challenge, gifted students may fly though their elementary years under the impression that everything comes easy in life. But then when they reach high school or college, they suddenly have to work hard for their grades and study when they never had to before. Further, the potential for a gifted child to act out increases without proper support.

Some even quit trying at all and become underachievers because of their boredom or fear of being different from their peers. Giving them a safe place with peers like themselves gives them an environment in which they can flourish.

To better understand gifted students, consider reading The Survival Guide For Parents of Gifted Kids by Sally Yahnke Walker Ph.D. Jill is currently a stay at home mom of 5 year old twin boys, with whom there is never an end to the curious questions about the world around them.

Jill enjoys going to the park, cooking, sewing and writing.

You can read about her family’s journey of having children in the NICU, having an advanced child and having a child with Autism on Twiniversity and in Multiplicity Magazine.

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myths about gifted children MYTH: Gifted children will have it easy and always get good grades.

It’s true that gifted children often learn faster, but this can cause many problems without the right supports. In early educational years, they may breeze through a subject or several grades of school and be left to entertain themselves.

This may lead to acting out or goofing off to make school more interesting. Once they get to high school or college they may have a difficult time because they never mastered good study skills. It is important to have programs available that can address the unique challenges of gifted students early, before they become “mental dropouts.”

MYTH: You shouldn’t talk about your child’s giftedness because it will create a big ego.

Children sense when they are different, even at a very young age. Some students have expressed they felt “dumb” because of their abilities before they knew why they were different.

Studies of gifted children have revealed that half of gifted students become mental dropouts by age 10 due to not having the right support and placement for their abilities. For parents and educators it is important not to let the student’s “smarts” define who they are. Too much praise can lead the child to feel that they are only valued for their accomplishments and not for themselves, leading to a fear of failure and other emotional issues. Instead praise them for their efforts more than achievements.

MYTH: A gifted child cannot have a learning disability.

This is far from the truth! Disabled gifted children can be considered “twice exceptional.” Unfortunately, these students often fall through the cracks because they are either not “failing enough” for their problem area to be recognized, or they are not “excelling enough” to get recognized for the need of enrichment classes/programs. Each condition masks the other. These children may appear to be lazy when it’s simply that their struggles or abilities are not properly recognized.

These disabilities can include ADHD, Autism, Dyslexia and more.

MYTH: All children are gifted.

All kids are gifts and all kids have gifts, but not all kids are “gifted”. When educators and policy makers subscribe to the “all kids are gifted” thinking, they are completely missing what life is like for intellectually gifted kids. Thus, they don’t find it necessary to provide proper programming for such kids. It is damaging to deny that intellectually gifted kids exist and have needs separate from their peers.

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

safety first:

teaching twins the art of staying out of trouble

by angel rodrigues 36

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

Twins are a wonderful addition to any family. For everything awesome that happens, it happens in twos. With that being said, the same applies to dangerous situations. There are two of them to protect at any given age, and nothing is more important in their world than their twin. It can seem at times that nothing mom, dad, brother, or sister says matters in comparison to what their twin says. They are their own peer group and keeping them safe is nearly always double the work.

First and foremost, getting into their twin bond to lay down the groundwork for safety planning is where all the work is. It is more than just teaching them their phone number and address in case they get lost, but helping each one learn it without the other holding half the information. I know for my own twins, they do just that. When I taught them their personal information, they divided it up and each memorized a different part. As long as they were lost together, they were fine. However, if they were separated during an emergency situation, they would be up a creek without a paddle! I had to find a way to individualize the experience for improved safety.

Every day and in every situation, parents are teaching their children safety: look both ways when crossing the street, don’t get into a car with strangers, don’t let anybody touch your body without permission, respect animals by giving them their space. These are the lessons that are taught when life happens. No one thinks about telling their child not to touch the hot stove until it is on and they are within proximity to it. However, larger safety lessons have to be planned and thought out prior to teaching. Teaching children their phone number, their address, their parents’ names, their birthdates, what to do in case of a fire, what to do in a flood, and so on require much more than general run of the mill statements.

In these cases, lesson plans and frequent reinforcement are the keys to success.

To ensure they understand the importance and actually remember, schedule time each month to sit down with children to go over your family’s safety action plans. Get creative. Roleplaying is a great way to get twins involved in anything.

Have one twin be a fireman/woman and the other a paramedic. Let them act out those roles to get comfortable with what those strangers multiplicity

who are there to help in an emergency might do, so they know what to expect. Have a fire escape plan and have it posted until they learn it, then continue to find dates to refresh the information in their heads. Print out scripts that are age appropriate. Consider picture stories for the little ones to tell them what to do, and written scripts for the older kids. Twins might find it helpful at this point to apply their skill of breaking up parts to see it come together as a whole in this safety teaching technique. Each twin learns their part and then acts it out to see it all come together. Learning safety can be fun, but can be an important skill that may one day save a life, and possibly even their own.

Danger is everywhere and when twins are involved it is twice the amount (especially when the twin relationship is dependent on one over the other and they tend to serve in “leader/ follower” roles). Being proactive and taking safety measures to prevent any foreseeable danger is always important, but any parent will tell you, it is not a 100% catch-all for everything that could cause harm. No one could have seen the LEGOs on the stairs in the dark to prevent them from tripping, but teaching children to pick up their toys at the end of every night could be part of that proactive plan to prevent it from happening again.

Teaching twins why there are nightlights to see danger at night and holding hands when in a crowded place are just a few other smart safety techniques. Just remember, twins are their own social group and if it sounds like fun to one twin, it is usually accepted by the other. The key is getting the safety techniques down so their first thought in any exciting adventure is safety first. Everything that comes after that is just icing on the cake that just fell on the floor right before you walked in the room, but haven’t seen yet because your hands are full with laundry up to your eyeballs.

Angel has a feminist brain, a thirst for knowledge, and writing is her dirty little secret. She is mom to a 7 year old, 4 year old busy twin boys, and a 2 year old independently spirited young lady. She has been married to the best man on earth for over 14 years and is kept alive by coffee. You can follow her blog or find her on Facebook and Twitter. the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

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the buzz

twin tested...

MOM approved!

the scoop on things worth giving cozy cover

The Cozy Cover is a must-have for parents out and about with babies during the colder winter months. It is a warm and soft infant carrier that protects your loved one from Mother Nature’s elements, such as rain, snow, wind, unwanted touch, and more. Cozy Covers have a safe, backless design as recommended by car seat specialists everywhere, with dual zippers for easy access to infant and child safety straps. Its elasticized edge allows for easy use on carrier. *Suggested age: 0-12 months

booginhead’s splat mat

Tired of dirty floors after every meal with your tiny twinnies?

Booginhead’s unique 52″ round SplatMat is a mat to place under their high chair to catch spilled or dropped food. It’s also great for protecting against art projects and other messes around the house, or even for picnics and the beach, too! No more sticky, messy floors! Phthalate and BPA free, 52” round design covers more area than a typical square mat. Mats are compact for easy travel, easily fitting in the diaper bag.

mybucklemate

Kids are kids and sometimes they have a little trouble that would otherwise seem easy for adults. When in the car, there’s nothing worse than a floppy seatbelt buckle (or one that has disappeared between the seats!) that they can’t easily reach across their bodies to hold upright and latch.

With MyBuckleMate, backseat buckles stay upright, making buckling easy for everyone, from age 6 to 60! MyBuckleMate is easy to install, locking into place around your vehicle’s buckle base and is small enough to fit between car seats and boosters. Seats can also be folded down without having to remove MyBuckleMate.

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

a try

alex and ani bangles

Many of us moms love the idea of wearing beautiful jewelry, but it isn’t always practical when we’ve nothing more to do than stay home and entertain our kids. This is where Alex and Ani Bangles save the day!

I recently received one from a dear friend to commemorate a trip to NYC, and I loved that it was customizable by way of the original subway token charm. With over 50 charms from which to choose and finishes like Hematite, Sterling Silver, Mixed Metal and Rafaelian Gold, there’s a favorite for everyone. For home, a trip to the playground, or even when out grocery shopping, these bangles are the perfect accessory to every mom’s wardrobe!

A TWIN?

DEALING WITH THE CHALLENGES OF BEING

“The Same but Different presents a stunning, in-depth look at the lives of adult twins as they face the twin challenges of closeness and independence, love and resentment in their evolving relations with each other.”

there’s no doubt, they’ll be here soon!

let us be your guide.

Baby Gear Guide

2015

—Nancy L. Segal, PhD, author of Born Together—Reared Apart “Not only is The Same but Different a mustread for adult twins, it is an invaluable resource for the parents of younger twins who want to start their same-age children on the road to a healthy relationship in the future.”

—Lauren Apfel, PhD, blogger “Omnimom”

Rocky Pines Press • 192 pages • $15.95 • ISBN: 978-0-9893464-3-6

AVA ILA B LE F R O M YO UR LO C AL B O O KSTO RE O R AM AZO N. CO M

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due out soon!

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I feel like a new day is coming in the world of parenthood.

People have gotten tired of the constant judgement, ridicule, pressure, and comparison that seemed to flourish over the last few years on the Internet when it comes to parenting. At least in my experience, my mom friends seem to just want the self-guilting to stop. They aren’t the ones feeding the beast --so what’s the problem? When it comes to ‘mom guilt’, why are we entertaining it at all?

mom guilt

and why you shouldn’t entertain it!

by farrah ritter

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

It finally dawned on me that no one is putting pressure on me, but me. That, in itself, is so stupid, it is indeed frustrating.

It’s there --- a little less over the past two years, but there is still some residual feelings of ‘I’m really half-assing this right now’ when it comes to parenting.

Layer into that as of this past October and I have all three boys in school full-time and it’s like, woah. Shouldn’t I be doing something more? Like every single second of my day I need to do something? That’s when the guilt starts to seep in.

I recently had a great conversation regarding how and why this pressure exists with some of my mom friends.

Let’s be honest. Our parents didn’t have the Internet when they were raising us. There wasn’t Facebook for comparison and truth be told, many things we did/ate/saw in the 70s and 80s growing up are things that we wouldn’t even consider today (case in point, I do not remember car seats, and I sat in the front for as long as I can remember). But many of our moms WERE super crafty.

One friend of mine said her mother was like the ‘OG of

Pinterest’ and was always hand crafting something spectacular for Halloween or the holidays.

She said it made her feel more aware of how her Halloween costumes weren’t measuring up to what hers were like as a child. Here comes the guilt.

Another friend told me that in her opinion, American society still expects that women will be able to multi-task to a point of raising a family and working full-time. American women are finally taking the equal pay for equal work issue to the polls and pushing back on part of this issue. Women of our generation had strong mothers/role models and we’ve perpetuated what was expected of them onto ourselves and then some.

Times are different now. We shouldn’t allow guilt of any sort to manifest over something that we cannot control.

It’s all about the marketing Advertisers tap into what we feel we lack, or what THEY feel we lack, be it material or emotional. Don’t breastfeed?

Here’s a bottle that’s as close as you can get. Do you really love your child and want to keep them safe? Here’s a $500 car seat that you need. Do you want your baby to be smart?

Here’s a way to wear a strap and send music straight to your womb, before baby is even born. From the very beginning, we’re made to feel like if we don’t do those things, buy those things, or believe those things, we’re doing it all wrong.

Says who? A board room of people who aren’t the parents of our children? It’s the way that we are put upon to ‘be’ something more than what we

are: because there’s something else or someone else out there who is better and we need that. Whatever that is.

What strikes me as the most ridiculous aspect is that many people I know are naturally very creative. They can reclaim things and turn them into beautiful new things.

They’re artistic, creative and passionate about what they do.

Since when did we become a society where a.) we compare ourselves to those people (who all have different strengths), and b.) feel badly about it?

So we’re doing all this extra super stuff and the kids still aren’t the happiest?!? So the reason that we are feeling guilty is in essence a beast of our own creation.

America vs. everyone else I’m just going to bluntly say: We Americans have got to snap out of it. This isn’t a healthy way to live with the pressure, the comparison, and the guilt.

What are the Europeans doing that we’re not? Does it all boil down to the fact that we are and always will be the society of ‘bigger, better, more!’?

Watching America from afar, it seems exhausting. I recently ran across an article from an HBSC study that stated: “Remarkably, American and Canadian children are among the multiplicity

unhappiest in the world. Only Turkish children have it worse.”

WHAT? So we’re doing all this extra super stuff and the kids still aren’t the happiest?!? So the reason that we are feeling guilty is in essence a beast of our own creation.

One friend told me American moms appear to put too much pressure on themselves.

One of her examples was the “PTA” involvement and the pressure to volunteer at your child’s school. In her mom’s experience, parents didn’t volunteer at the Dutch schools, but in America, that pressure was everpresent.

Most importantly, we have to understand that entertaining the guilt rubs off on our children. Our kids don’t know anything other than what they see and feel from us. Our homes are safe. We are caring, concerned and available to them. That is enough. In fact, it’s more than enough; it’s everything.

Pinterest is great, but…

Pinterest-perfection is not real.

It’s a place for inspiration or desperation when needing new ideas. I refuse to allow the things that I see ‘other people’ doing make me feel inadequate. My kids most certainly aren’t online looking and saying ‘Mom, why don’t you do this?’, so where is the point in doing it to myself?

Like many of you, I don’t have the answer. All I can say from personal experience is that the change has to come from within ourselves. We wouldn’t allow anyone else to place these unattainable

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expectations on us, so why do we allow ourselves? Learning to let go a little more --being content and happy with ourselves and who we are, as well as what we can do for our kids --- is necessary. What you’re preparing in the kitchen or being inspired to prepare isn’t near as important as sitting down with the family and eating it together at the table.

My wise friend Jennifer (who also has twins +1) had this to say, which should be a mantra for all of us striving to do and be more: “Self-compassion, self-compassion, selfcompassion. We American mamas (and attentive papas) need to douse ourselves in it.”

Lastly, my friend Ann reminded me that it can also be the idea of keeping up with the Jones’ – and not even thinking of it in terms of parenting, but in terms of everything. The issue Americans have is believing the facade.

No one has a perfect life all of the time. There are snapshots of perfection, and there are the feelings that “Wow, that person seems to have everything go their way.” Sometimes behind every seemingly extremely lucky person is either a lot of really hard work, really bad demons, or simply a lot of hidden truths in someone who doesn’t share the whole story.

There are things that, even the person who seems to have it all would change, if they could. Just like you, they have things they struggle with, things they wish they had, an idea of perfection that even they can’t reach.

Perhaps they’re just better at concealing it.

The bottom line --- don’t entertain that guilt.

We have no reason to feel guilty for anything when it comes to our children: we put them first, even before ourselves and sometimes in front of our partner. We do our best, and our children know it. They might not realize it today, but someday (it may not be until they’re a parent themselves!), they will.

Farrah is an expat mom of twins plus 1 and tries to jot it all down on her blog The Three Under. Her family moved to a small village in the Netherlands and they’re trying to survive this adventure without too many mishaps. Track her down on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram as ‘Momofthreeunder’.

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meanie, and besides, you are really only delaying an important life lesson. Yes, it may all end in tears, but it was mighty fun until then.

balloon mortality

a first introduction to death

by isabelle lee

I cannot possibly be the only parent who dreads their children being given balloons at a party.

I knew eventually the tears would come, either because of the loud pop, or the disbelief that what had once been a beautiful brightly colored, round play-thing had suddenly been reduced to a limp rag. I used to try to avoid the situation entirely by not bringing home balloons after parties, but then I had an epiphany: balloons are often a child’s first introduction to mortality.

We all know children have to learn this lesson eventually, as nothing lasts forever. It’s a hard lesson to accept for all of us, whether child or adult, and nothing teaches it quite so simply or eloquently as a balloon. If you are a parent to small children, there is no escape from balloon grief! Either they are plucked in their prime with a dramatic “pop”, slowly deflate and wrinkle to a soft mass, or ascend directly to the heavens. Either way, the ephemeral life of a balloon is something every child has to learn. Perhaps how we deal with our child’s disappointment may be telling about our own approach dealing with certain of life’s unpleasant inevitabilities.

My first impulse was denial and avoidance. Let’s try not to have too many balloons, and prevent the upset. However, that denies children the pure, unadulterated joy of a maddeningly lightweight ticking-time-bomb-ball. Plus, it turns you into a multiplicity

Another approach we often have as parents is to say “don’t worry, I’ll get you another balloon.”

Bearing in mind my analogy, I’m not sure this is the best message to communicate to our little ones! After all, balloon bereavement needs a little grieving time…I also think that it’s important for children to realize that they can have a lot of fun with something, but that it usually has to come to an end. I’m really not trying to be a spoilsport here, but I think we can make a rod for our own backs if we try to prevent the inevitable disappointment.

Regularly providing an immediate replacement for the lost balloon doesn’t allow your child to be consoled some other way; a cuddle, a different toy, playing a game are all acceptable options over replacement. Before you know it, they will be expecting you to resolve each and every disappointment by providing them with a substitute. They won’t learn how to cope with life’s troubles any other way.

As children grow, this is a message that will have to be repeated in a variety of contexts --- the end of a party, a broken toy, a good friend moving away, and, of course, that first introduction to death, whether it comes in the form of withered plants, dead insects, or the loss of a pet. The message remains the same, even if the degree of sadness may vary considerably.

You can’t protect your children from unhappy events, or disappointing outcomes, but you can teach them how to handle them.

Perhaps what parents have to do is learn to accept our child’s reaction. They will have balloons. Those balloons will expire and your child will be upset. Just go with it, sympathize with them, explain the laws of balloons, and then try to distract them with something else. It is still just a balloon, after all.

Isabelle Lee is a delighted but exhausted stay-at-home mom to seven-year-old twins; frequently bemused, often fascinated and perpetually behind schedule.

Originally from the UK, she now lives with her husband and twins in California. You can follow her blog at perplexedparent. com, and on twitter at @perplexedparent. the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

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oh, the weather outside is frightful! by karen finchum

Winter is that time of year when most everyone seems to get cabin fever. The vast majority of us don’t live in climates where the weather is a balmy 80 degrees year round, so we are left getting creative with activities to keep everyone sane while stuck inside. My family is fortunate enough to live near a major city, so there are always things to enjoy like the children’s theater, museums and libraries. However, some of us may not have the opportunity to do some of those things or may not want to brave sub-zero temperatures, so I compiled a few indoor ideas to help beat those winter blues.

* get crafty! My kids love to craft and I usually

purchase inexpensive craft kits at our local craft stores, but you can also order online through sites like Oriental Trading or have crafts delivered monthly with a subscription from Kiwi Crate.

* create an obstacle.

Indoor obstacle courses are great to burn off all that excess energy! Even in a small space, you can come up with a fun, but challenging course for your little ones with just some pillows, a few well placed kitchen chairs 44

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and a hula hoop. In the mood to really spark the imagination? Grab some spare bed sheets and build tents throughout your living room using nothing more than your couch cushions and furniture. Your kids will have endless hours of play.

* bake! I personally love to bake when it is

cold outside and my kids are just now at an age where they can help. You could set up a baking “assembly line”, allowing one child to add ingredients while another stirs, then one can ice while another child adds the sprinkles. What better way to make memories than spending time in the kitchen!

* get out the games! Depending on age, some

great games are Chess, Checkers, Monopoly, Go Fish, Memory, and even Hi-Ho Cherry-O, just to name a few. You could also have the kids create a new game for the family to play. Just supply them with construction paper, markers or crayons, and scissors, and let their imaginations run wild!

I hope these ideas inspire your family and help us all stay busy until we thaw out in the Spring!

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five minute fix: DIY

drawer liners d

by traci zeller

o you have a case of the winter blahs? If so, join the club. It’s time for one of those creative little pick-me-ups that make homebound days more fun! Today, I’m sharing one of the easiest “five minute fixes” ever. In other words, you really can complete this DIY in a few short minutes … even with kiddos under foot!

paper together to create a template. See? I told you this was easypeasy! Second, use your template or measurements to create an outline on decorative paper. Here’s where you can really have fun!

You can use wrapping paper or craft paper, but wallpaper remnants are my favorite. Because wallpaper is thicker than plain paper and usually coated, it tends to be sturdier and more wipeable. Plus, the patterns are practically endless. I lined the drawer to this desk/ vanity with 1970s fan-patterned Laura Ashley paper that I found on Etsy. Using designer wallpaper in your powder room may be costprohibitive, but remnants of pricey papers can be found on Etsy and Ebay for a song!

We all have a drawer that could use some extra love, perhaps because the furniture itself is a bit beaten up or we simply want to smile when we open it.

Wouldn’t finding a cheerful pattern make rifling through the junk drawer just a bit more fun? That’s why I’m sharing my super-simple DIY drawer liner tutorial.

Next, cut your decorative paper to size. Last but not least, secure the paper to the drawer using double-sided tape. I prefer poster tape for an extra-strong hold. If you are feeling really ambitious – and rather certain that you want to keep this particular paper in the drawer for a long time to come – I suggest using Mod Podge to both glue and seal the paper. And that’s it. You may like your new drawer look so much that you are even more inclined to keep it organized. At least a girl can dream – of organized drawers and warmer days!

First, measure the inside of your drawer. Not in the mood to measure? Tape pieces of copy 46

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Traci Zeller is an interior designer known for her clean, sophisticated mix of classic and modern pieces. As a busy wife and mother to twin boys, she appreciates the need for spaces that are beautiful and functional. Traci also authors a blog, and her firm, Traci Zeller Designs, provides full service design, textiles, and e-decorating packages.

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is it more common among twins? by jessica therivel

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), now having completely overtaken Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), is considered to be one of the most common mental health disorders affecting children today. Estimates are that anywhere from 3% to 10% of school-aged children in the United States are affected.

There are three types of ADHD. These are ADHD, primarily inattentive type (which used to be called attention deficit disorder or ADD), ADHD, primarily hyperactive-impulsive type, and ADHD, combined type with symptoms from both other types. Common issues depending on the ADHD type that can come up for these children and adolescents include: *being easily distracted; *trouble listening; *needing requests repeated multiple times; *in constant motion, trouble sleeping, trouble finishing tasks, trouble paying attention unless engaged in a task that is enjoyable; *difficulties with peers; *being prone to outbursts; *difficulty with academic expectations related to turning in work or completing work on time; *trouble controlling behavior or emotions; *trouble with multi-step commands; *trouble with frequently losing things.

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

It is widely known to be more common for boys to be diagnosed with ADHD, but this does not mean that boys are necessarily at a higher risk.

Instead, boys are more likely to be displaying the hyperactive symptoms that catch a teacher or parent’s awareness. Typically, girls are more likely to be having inattentive behaviors which can be less noticeable. The precise cause for ADHD is still not currently known, but there are possible causes that are very relevant to families with multiples.

The first theory is that there is a genetic basis.

There have been many twin studies with both identical and non-identical twin pairs that show there is inheritability to ADHD. Studies have shown rates as high as an 82% chance if one identical twin has ADHD that the sibling twin will, as well. In contrast, if a non-identical twin has ADHD, his or her twin has approximately a 38% chance of also having ADHD. This is closer to the average rate of 30% of siblings of children with ADHD also having ADHD. The higher rate with identical twins who share genetic material highlights that there is a genetic connection. It has also been shown that 40% to 50% of children with ADHD have a parent with ADHD, as well.

The next contributing theory is related to prematurity in infants at the time of birth. As any parent of multiples knows, a premature birth is a high risk for any multiples pregnancy. There is the added factor that even what is considered full term for twins, triplets, or higher order multiples still puts those infants in the higher risk category for ADHD for a variety of reasons. The first is low birth weight which has been found to be a contributing risk factor and for those newborns who are classified as very low birth weight or less than 3lbs, 5oz., researchers have found there to be an even greater likelihood of ADHD. The next factor is brain development. At 34 weeks, the total weight of the baby’s brain is only about 65% of what it will be at 40 weeks. A premature birth may be disrupting the maturing processes that need to take place in the brain, particularly in the prefrontal cortex. This area of the brain is the most affected for children with ADHD and relates to so many of the “executive function” tasks. These are the tasks related to planning, organizing, paying attention, remembering details, managing time, managing space, and creating strategies. There is also the contributing factor of the stressors that can be present for the newborn in a neonatal multiplicity

intensive care unit (NICU) with pain, separation from mom, getting less sleep than needed, and having overstimulation either through noise or lights. Animal studies have shown that these types of stressors can result in noticeable changes in attention.

Finally, there is a newer theory that the steroid shots that so many mothers receive while pregnant and at risk for pre-term labor may also increase the risk for ADHD. In better understanding the research, there is not much you can do preventively. It is good information to have as an explanation, but does not tell you what to do next. What is more important than why your multiples may be at risk for ADHD is how you can help your child, his or her siblings, and the rest of the family have successful strategies for managing ADHD if/ when a diagnosis presents itself.

A crucial first step is to involve everyone in solutions since ADHD in even one family member has an effect on everyone. There is a much greater chance of success with interventions if they are decided on together.

This means if there is a non-affected sibling, that sibling should still help to strategize and work on a plan, as well. The next strategy for parents is to pay close attention to the balance of attention for everyone within the family unit. It can be very easy for any unaffected siblings, especially a twin or higher order multiple siblings to feel like their needs are less important and they don’t have a voice. Ensure that these siblings still receive specialized attention and one-on-one time with you and your spouse or partner. ADHD still has a stigma, but if you can be open and honest with family, including extended family, those family members can more easily help and understand what is going on with your child and how they can help. Having family members have more patience with that child can go a long way to happier family time.

Just as important, don’t lower your expectations for a child with ADHD. Children with ADHD can be very successful in their academic and future professional lives. Finally, focus on the positive.

When that child feels like they are being celebrated and supported, there is no limit to what he or she can accomplish. the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

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book review by talitha a. mcguinness

Winter is one of the best times of year to get out some good books, snuggle up with the kids, and enjoy a journey into the imagination. We hope you’ll enjoy these recommendations adored by fans of all ages!

Start little ones off with a love of classic literature with Moby Dick: An Ocean Primer. They’ll love learning the language of the sea, from ships and sailors to squawking gulls and moody captains, Alison Oliver’s brilliant illustrations and Jennifer Adams’ clever, simple text will make a sea dog out of any young shipmate.

From very early on, kids love to count... everything! Starting from 1 to 100, every number is a roly, poly thrill that is bright and bold in this Classic Board Book edition of 1-2-3 Peas! These tiny green, edible mathematicians will have young readers everywhere calling for more peas, please!

Bear and his friends are munching on their lunch when all 50

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of sudden…

Bear feels something wiggling in his mouth.

Oh no! What can it be? In Bear’s Loose Tooth, Bear’s friends ease his concerns about his wiggly, wobbly tooth and help him understand that losing a baby tooth is perfectly natural. This funny and reassuring story will delight little ones!

Over the snow, the world is hushed and white. But under the snow is a secret world of squirrels and snowshoe hares, bears and bullfrogs, and many other animals who live through the winter, safe and warm. Over and Under the Snow takes readers on a cross country ski trip through the winter woods to discover the secret world of animals living under the snow.

The popular tale of Alexander’s worst day is a storybook that belongs on every child’s bookshelf.

Alexander knew it was going to be a terrible day when he woke up with gum in this hair.

And it got worse...His best friend deserted him. There was no dessert in his lunch bag.

And, on top of all that, there were lima beans for dinner and kissing on TV! Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day is sure to charm readers of all ages.

The beginning of winter is

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marked by the solstice as shown in The Shortest Day of the Year. Long ago, people grew afraid when each day had fewer hours of sunshine than the day before. Over time, they realized that one day each year the sun started moving toward them again. In lyrical prose and cozy illustrations, this book explains what the winter solstice is and how it has been observed by various cultures throughout history.

A Wrinkle in Time, winner of the Newbery Medal in 1963, is the story of the adventures in space and time of Meg, Charles Wallace, and Calvin O’Keefe (athlete, student, and one of the most popular boys in high school). They are in search of Meg’s father, a scientist who disappeared while engaged in secret work for the government on the tesseract problem.

Over thirty years ago, Peter and Judy first found the game— Jumanji—with the instructions that once the game is started, it must be finished or it will go on forever—and it was then, with this same wonderment, readers found Jumanji, too. Enjoyed reading it? Watching the movie on a cold, wintry day would make for great cuddles and family entertainment!

for mom and dad Middle School Makeover is a guide for parents and educators to help the tweens in their lives navigate the socially fraught hallways, gyms, and cafeterias of middle school. The book helps parents, teachers, and other adults in middle school settings to understand the social dilemmas and other issues that kids today face. Author Michelle Icard covers a large range of topics, beginning with helping us understand what is happening in the brains of tweens and how these neurological development

affects decision-making and questions around identity. She also addresses social media, dating, and peer exclusion.

Using both recent research and her personal, extensive experience working with middle-school-aged kids and their parents, Icard offers readers concrete and practical advice for guiding children through this chaotic developmental stage while also building their confidence.

you heard it here first...

After a day of working for both parents, how do you keep from spending hours in the evening cleaning the house each day?

How do you reverse the habit of constantly comforting and rocking vs. getting kids to settle themselves down and sleep in their cribs?

Lower the bar. Toys don’t NEED to be put away EVERY night. Beds don’t NEED to made. Pick a few things like doing the dishes to do every night. I like to clean the bathrooms during bathtime. They get a little more play time and I get a clean toilet. - Claire C. You’re going to have to start accepting some sinks full of dishes and dirty floors if you value your sanity. Sometimes an hour of sleep is worth more than matching socks. - Jesse B. Do your self a favor and get [the kids] to help you pick up their toys. Starting now makes it second nature to them later. - Alice B.

It is going to involve crying. I recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits for Happy Twins. - Jeannette T. Establish a regular routine to settle them at nap/bed time. Read a book, sing some soft songs, let them snuggle with a favorite snuggle that is just allowed with them in bed. If they take a pacifier, only let them have it when it is time to sleep. - Sarah S. Do not let them sleep with you. It is such a fight when they get older. - Brenda F. The Sleep Lady’s book was the best book we read.

Her gentle method worked great. Guides you to work within your comfort zone. - Earl H.

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

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7

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steps to perfecting your playroom

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

Having a considered, well-designed space for indoor play is crucial to surviving the long winter months with your children. Some are lucky enough to have a bonus room that can serve as a dedicated play space, but you might have to be more creative in carving out space to play in an already over-flowing home.

If you are struggling with finding space in your home where your children can play, look at the space that you have and search for any underutilized areas. Most of us think of our dining rooms as a room we only use a few times a year, full of fragile things and certainly not a place you’d leave a child alone to play.

Yet, if you think about it as a large, unused space near the main living areas of your home, you may start to see some potential. Change your table to a drop-leaf and add a built-in window seat with toy storage and you can turn a room that was off-limits into a great place to play. all design photos property of yes spaces

by barbara miller, asid 53

If you don’t have a designated play room, your family room is probably already overrun with toys. It’s a communal space designed with durability and family use in mind, which makes it a great candidate for a playroom, but piles of toys can make it difficult to use for entertaining or just relaxing on your own. By simply adding some flexible, hidden storage, you can enhance its function as a playroom while keeping toys out of the way. Storage ottomans, baskets on built-in shelving, even tumbling mats slipped under the sofa can all transform your family room from an adult space to a kid space and back again.

Bedrooms have been filled with toys for generations, but use bedrooms as a play space with care. Too many toys can undermine the restful sleep element of the room. Fortunately, toy storage is easy in kid’s rooms. Rolling bins for under the beds, outdated TV armoires repurposed as storage, even the floor of their closet all serve as easy ways to tuck away toys out of sight. Putting the toys away before bedtime is the key to using a bedroom successfully as a play space. Make cleaning up the toys part of your bedtime ritual --maybe even before dinner. You want there to be a clear end to play time, giving your child a period of transition and a peaceful bedtime routine that is not hampered by appealing toys 53

just waiting for your child to hop out of bed to play with.

Wherever you choose to create a play space, there are 7 key elements to ensure your children will thrive there and you won’t lose control of your home.

1. Select age-appropriate furniture and toys Part of the joy of having a dedicated play space is allowing your children the time and opportunity to explore independently. In order to do this, it’s important that all your child’s toys are safe enough to be played with unsupervised and can be pulled out and put away without assistance from you.

There should also be some furniture they can move around themselves that is the right size for their body type. Moving small chairs or a table allows your child to personalize the space, which gives them a greater feeling of ownership and responsibility.

2. Choose durable finishes and furnishings If you are going to be hovering over your child telling them not to touch the walls or drop anything on the floor, don’t bother with a play space. Free yourself and your child from this need to constantly nag by making good decisions to begin with.

Wood, laminate, cork or even linoleum floors are fabulous choices which are easy to clean, hard to destroy and come in natural (low or no toxin) options. Indoor-outdoor fabrics today come in a wide variety of styles, are available at your local fabric store, and 54

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take advantage of small spaces and design elements to make unique play areas!

yes!

can be scrubbed with soap and water. Paints like Benjamin Moore’s Emerald are washable even in the flat finishes and are safer for your children, giving off low to no toxic VOC’s (volatile organic compounds).

Making some smart design decisions allows both you and your child the freedom you deserve.

3. Include space for running, jumping, and rolling Survive the long winter months by including a larger open area for tumbling, dancing or exercising. Don’t overcrowd your play space! If you are making another room serve double-duty, think about how your child can independently clear an area for more physical play. This could include something simple like using an ottoman with casters instead of a heavy coffee table, or it could be as elaborate as building a ladder up your wall or installing an indoor swing. Figure out

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

what is right for your family --- don’t install a swing if you are a parent who can’t tolerate that level of activity. Play needs to be a positive experience for everyone, including you!

4. Provide areas for quiet time Kids need areas for quiet contemplation just as much as they need room for play. They learn by exploring, doing and then thinking about what they did. Sometimes they just need a quiet place to read a book or think. A teepee that can be set up or stored away in a nearby closet can be a great solution.

Consider using a corner of the room for a “playhouse”, with curtain walls which can double as a fort or an imaginative play space. Sometimes just a selection of old sheets and blankets are all they need for building a classic fort.

5. Don’t over-commit to a theme Don’t hamper your child’s imagination by over decorating the space with any one specific

7. Add interactive décor elements Children want to touch and play with everything in their environment. One of the easiest ways to make a room interactive is by using the walls. Blackboard paint is great, but not always perfect on textured home walls, and chalk also creates dust that can be hard to keep clean or difficult for children with allergies or asthma. I like to create grid walls that include white boards, pin boards, mirrors, blackboard squares and even rolls of drawing paper mounted right to the wall. The drawing paper saves you the square footage an easel might use and everything is easily accessible whenever they wish to use it.

Whether you are creating an entire room for play or just a little corner, make sure your space is a success by putting your child’s desires and needs first. Choose materials that allow them to play independently, give them a voice in setting up the space, and let them help you organize and create the space when the time comes. Allow room for fun with interactive elements and room to move. Both you and your child will be happy you spent the time carefully crafting an environment that stimulates imagination, independence and fun, all within the warm walls of your home. Enjoy!

dining room decorated for celebration; converted to play space

theme. Inevitably, they will lose interest in that theme sooner rather than later, but it also limits their pretending. A blanket fort that can be a ship, a rocket, a house, an island, or any other crazy thing is much better than the expensive plastic rocket ship that permanently takes up space in your room.

6. Organize toys from their perspective Sit on the floor with your child when you are setting up your play space and see what they see. Let them tell you which toys they use the most or what they might want where. If they help you set up the space from the beginning, it will feel more like their own, and it allows them to understand where things go when it is time to clean up. Being at your child’s level will make it obvious why the heavy Brio blocks can’t be up high or why the glitter glue or other items that need adult supervision should be kept somewhere else entirely, for their protection and your sanity! multiplicity

Barbara Miller is an award winning interior designer, a nationally known expert on childcentered design, and the founder and principal designer of YES Spaces, LLC. Through YES Spaces, Barbara creates chic living spaces for real families nationwide. She also provides online design and curated home furnishings. Barbara writes about design, family life and connecting with children with intention. She has been published in national and regional parenting and design magazines and quoted as an expert in many publications including ASID ICON, Sherwin Williams Stir, BobVilla.com, multiple Associated Press articles, NW Kids, The Oregonian, the Portland Tribune and others. Barbara regularly blogs for thousands of parents at her award winning blog YES Spaces. Barbara produces DIY videos inspired by ideas in her book, Mess to YES: Spaces for Family Living. She created a pilot episode of her series Mess to YES Home Makeovers for the launch of The Design Network and is currently in production on three more. Also, connect with her on facebook and pinterest.

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

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confessions of a twin dad

by david griffin

Just like a lot of couples, my wife and I spent over a year trying to get pregnant. We decided as a team that maybe we should seek help, so both of us visited our doctors. We spoke with them about a referral to see a specialist, and were told that it would come in the mail. During the waiting, my wife wanted to take a test, so she gets one that we had in the closet from the last time of disappointment. After taking several tests, the results were inconclusive. When trying to schedule an appointment, the doctor wouldn’t see her until three months, so the waiting game began.

Months went by and my wife started feeling differently and had experienced some bleeding. After being so excited, the worry set in. I was worried for how she would take another disappointment.

The day of the doctor’s appointment arrived and we were both worried like crazy that something may be wrong. The doctor verified that she was pregnant and sent us for an ultrasound to make sure that everything was alright. I can see the worry in my wife’s eyes as the technician gets everything ready and starts the test. All of a sudden, we see two separate blips on the screen. Then the technician finds them both next to each other. All my wife said is “Oh my God! There are two!”

During the pregnancy, we read all the stories that were on various websites about how twins come early and how high risk the pregnancy can be. The boys arrived at 37 weeks and were beautiful, and thankfully, had no NICU stay. Once home, I learned more about the hard part for us fathers.

I was fortunate enough to be able to take some time off of work.

That time that I was able to have with them from the day they came home was the best. Now one interesting thing that came into play was that my wife and I do not have a single day off together 56

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

unless we take time off together.

When she went back to work, I was a first time father and I was home with three month old boys alone. This was an interesting time filled with worry and ego setting of “I’ve got this!” As much as I worried, I felt so proud to take care of my boys. And I’ll be honest; they were on such a tight schedule, that the hours my wife was away at work flew by every day that week.

Having twins also forces you to become a “people person”.

Going out to any public place, I get stopped every time, asking the greatest question of all time “are they twins?” Sometimes I make it fun for me and say “no, I stole one” (I always say “just kidding” before I get the wrong reaction!).

Now my boys are almost eight months old and crawling all over the place. They are laughing, smiling and creating their own language. I’m sure I don’t do things “by the book”, but I’m sure all of you reading this can think of times where you haven’t either. The boys crawl in different directions and have totally different personalities.

As much as I worried during the pregnancy about whether or not we could afford this, if I’d be able to handle them, and whether or not everything would be okay, I will say I couldn’t picture my life without the both of them. I am super excited every time they reach a new milestone and that I was able to witness it.

David Griffin is a 34 year old father from Chicago, with 3 boys, 8 month old twins and a 14 year old. You can follow his journey on Instagram via twotone737.

The creator of the Twiniversity online resource delivers the definitive survival guide for all parents of multiples --- from pregnancy through the first year The rate of twin births has risen by 79% over the last three decades, and continues to grow.

Expectant parents are overwhelmed with questions: do I really need two of everything? Can we do this ourselves or do we need help? Will I have to rob a bank to raise these babies without going broke?

A twins mom herself and national guru on having two (or more!), Natalie Diaz launched Twiniversity, a supportive website with advice from the trenches. What to Do When You’re Having Two covers: *making a Birth Plan checklist *sticking to one sleep schedule *double-duty breastfeeding *must-have gear *building one-on-one relationships with each child early Brimming with tried-and-true tips --- from the diaper budget to stroller sanity --- this is the must-have survival guide for parents of multiples.

Natalie Diaz has been featured in The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, New York Family Magazine, and more. She was named one of the top 100 Social Media Moms on Twitter by Disney and has recently been nominated for a She Knows Parenting Award.

Order your copy today!

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ask the veterans

twins beyond the twos...

All kids get to a certain age (typically around 2 or 3) when they either fear the dark, or they get out of their beds at the crack of dawn (sometimes a little of both). So how do we teach healthy sleep habits and when it’s okay to get out of bed?

Parenting toddler twins is a whole bunch of crazy, but if you can teach them early how to settle at night and get a little more sleep in the morning, then it’s a win for everyone. Here are a few resources for gaining a couple more hours of shut-eye before the insanity of your day begins. *The Gro-Clock Sleep Trainer clock has a pleasant glow of light – not too bright and the concept is unique.

The stars disappear over the night, so when your child wakes up in the night, they instantly know how long they have until morning by how many stars are left. In the morning, at the designated time, the last star and the big star disappear, and the sun comes out as the face color changes to yellow. The kids know they are allowed to get up when the sun comes up. *The OK to Wake Alarm Clock, color changing night-light timer teaches children to stay multiplicity

in bed longer in the morning so parents get more sleep (at least that’s the plan!). Set this bedside alarm clock next to your tot’s bed and let sleep training begin. *How cool is this? Boon’s GLO Nightlight isn’t an alarm clock, but will help you in sleep training your toddlers! You can take the glow balls with you – no more dark trips to the bathroom for a potty break. The portable balls glow when the lights are out.

They can be used by kids or even tucked in with them in the bed. The balls don’t become hot or break. Best part for sleep training? The GLO fades after 30 minutes, making it easy for kids to fall asleep. *The Stoplight Sleep Enhancing Alarm Clock is a fun and simple way for toddlers to answer their own question, “is it time to get up?” At a young age, toddlers know their colors and understand that red means “stop” and green means “go”.

When the red light is on, kids will understand that it is still time to sleep. When the green light turns on, kids will know that it is time to get out of bed. *Cloudb Twilight Buddies are ultracuddly friends that help ease children’s fear of the dark by projecting a starry night sky onto bedroom ceilings and walls.

It features a 45 minute light timer that ensures complete darkness during their deep sleep. Recommended by pediatricians.

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

59

embrace the

moment

by nicole hastings 60

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I recently enrolled my three-year old twin boys in a breakdance class. The sheer novelty brought myself and other parents to brave the 6:30 p.m. class with their toddlers. The first night, we clamored into the classroom, armed with our cameras ready to catch a moment of our kids pop ‘n locking, when in reality, the class was pure chaos. We, the parents, were so frustrated (and the teacher), holding our cameras up to catch that uber cute moment, but the kids had their own plans. If we’re totally honest, did we want the photos to save as a momento for years to come?

Maybe, but in honesty, we also wanted to capture our kids in this cool class to document on social media. It was our kids who had zero expectations of the class, not the parents. At the end of the class, I questioned our time, energy and money spent. We could have done the same thing in our living room --- saving time and money, but maximizing the moment together. That brought me to my resolve for this year: maximizing the moment, rather than observing it --and deleting my Facebook account.

In today’s culture, ‘living in the moment’ is thrust upon us at every turn. If we allowed only social media posts to sum up people’s lives, it would seem our entire lives are made up of amazing moments.

Beautifully posed families, awesome vacations and

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

picture-perfect meals, all documented and virtually shared. There’s nothing wrong with sharing good things in our lives with others, but we risk placing dangerously high expectations on our own lives when compared to the ‘amazing moments’ our friends post.

Nothing this past year for me has been what I consider “post-worthy”. The pain my family has experienced can be glossed over with posts of cute photos or clever commentary. My husband lost his battle with cancer last year, but he won a great understanding of living in the moment because that’s all he had. Here is a little of what the end of his life taught me: Living for others If we live only for our own satisfaction and pleasure, it ends when we end. If we’re aware of how our actions will affect others, we create a legacy that goes beyond our own finite lives. Our choices will impact others, especially our children.

They pay attention to our actions much more than our words. They will remember how we spent our time. Did they see us sharing time with others? Did they witness us helping someone else or turn away? Did they see us fight for hope or give up? Did we put our worth in material things or was it spent improving others’ lives?

As my husband’s illness progressed, I couldn’t think beyond a day at a time with a newborn and twin two-year olds. It was humbling to witness how others spent time away from their families helping mine. My family, friends, church and the moms in my local twin group, The Darling Doubles, gave of their time and resources to make sure my family was provided for. I’m forever grateful that I get to re-tell this amazing story of generosity to my children.

Are pictures really worth a thousand words?

While I have hundreds of photos of my family that I treasure, now more than ever, I see the value in the written word as I go through my husband’s things, discovering love notes and cards we wrote each other. My children can look through many photos of us, but those cards will forever be a testament of our life together. In his last days, I encouraged him to write letters for our daughter on her wedding day and letters for our boys for when they become men. I can’t imagine how my husband struggled having to write to a future he wouldn’t see, so letters never came to fruition. multiplicity

From the pain of losing their father, a new tradition has started --- to write my children letters for each new year. Capturing in detail the memories I hold dear of their young lives that they can read later in life and that their children’s children can read. These handwritten treasures are more tangible than a quick caption on social media that will quickly be buried by the charge of future posts.

The not-so-good moments I’ve spent the past year re-living my husband’s death and mourning a future we’ll never have. I did not want to address the pain I felt in the moment. My twins were grieving also, with terrible anxiety and trouble sleeping. I’d be awakened multiple times in the night to screaming and crying. During the long days at home, I was constantly mitigating tantrums and outbursts while managing my own emotions.

Things began to improve only when I started to embrace the moments as they were, not focusing on what I wished them to be. Instead of responding in frustration when my boys would have a tantrum, I’d try to respond in love, and in turn, they felt safe. Instead of anticipating my baby sleeping through the night, I’d give thanks as I rocked her. Rather than spending every day waiting for something or someone to make all the pain go away, I leaned into the sorrow. It is detrimental to our children if we try to protect them from these moments. Rather, we should show them how to jump in with both feet and swim straight through instead of around acknowledging the glimmers of good throughout a terrible season.

My children have experienced a great loss so early in their lives, but I can already see they have developed compassion for others, understanding and sadness, and how to express it. Embracing the not-so-good moments, however painful, will translate into better appreciation and hope for the good ones.

We can use this new year to face every moment as it comes and intentionally plan our future in a way that will impact others --- especially our children. These moments shape our legacy. Our children hold onto them when we are gone --not our Facebook posts. For now, we are our children’s memory keepers, but some day they will be ours. the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

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appy winter!

fun, educational apps for kids of all ages --and for mom and dad, too!

mydisney experience app If you’ve ever been to Disney, you know how overwhelming it can be to figure out where you are in the park, where you want to be in the park, and obviously the best route to get there.

And unless you’re a savvy Disney go-er, you’ll likely miss characters at every turn.

If you’re planning a trip soon, be sure to download the MyDisney Experience app to make your trip so much easier!

This app not only helps you navigate each of the parks, but also gives you real time wait times for rides and attractions (helpful if you want to ride a more popular ride, but can perhaps hop on another one in the vicinity so that you’re not standing in line quite so long). The app stores your plans if you have reserved FastPass+ rides and attractions, dining reservations, etc., and helps you locate bathrooms and dining options. An extra bonus is that it even tells you where characters are in the park and for how long. That makes for a much more magical experience in my books!

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for the preschool and under crowd Memory Train can be helpful for kids who have visual processing issues, as they need to decipher color and shape at a quick pace. It can also be helpful for kids who need help with their working memory. Kids watch objects move by on the screen. Once the objects are out of sight, they need to help “Spacey” recall the colors, shapes, and patterns of those objects.

TeachMe Toddler is an all-in-one app that works on letters, numbers, shapes, and colors (which I think is great for young preschoolers/ older toddlers). Each child has their own log-in and you can track their progress. The interface is pretty simple, which I personally prefer for my children–some other “busy” apps can be overstimulating.

Park Math - Duck Duck Moose provides valuable content and is engaging to young children. The bear on the roller skates strolls from task to task, including sorting from smallest to largest, patterning, number recognition, counting, and addition. The graphics won’t wow you, but they’ll keep your child entertained while learning. for those 5 and up First Grade Pencil-Pal is a collection of early-education based games in a children’s-television-show-like setting. Several animated characters on a boat host different games and activities. There’s even a pelican who is just there to tell jokes, and a movie theater where kids can watch videos reminiscent of the animated shorts on Sesame Street. The main game format involves a lot of eye-hand coordination, though, so some kids might get frustrated with it.

With National Geographic’s World Atlas app, you can spin, pan, and zoom in on the world with the interactive 3-D globe and seamless world map layers. You can get up-to-date information on every country and capital city in the world, including socio-economic data, demographics, weather, and currency. Plan a trip on your iPad, then use your customized map on your iPhone.

Star Walk 2 is an excellent stargazing tool that combines astronomical data with an easy-to-use UI. Just point your iPhone or iPad at the night-time sky and be wowed by the wonders of the universe. More than just a star identification tool, Star Walk 2 also contains 3D models for Planetary nebulae, Constellations, Dwarf planets, comets, asteroids and Man-made satellites.

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the fixing fix by michelle icard 64

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

w

hen your kids were little, you probably took great pride in fixing things for them. Armed with band-aids for skinned knees, flashlights to search for monsters hiding under beds, and the super human strength required to pop a Barbie head back on, you were heroic in your ability to make everything better.

Nothing beats the feeling of relief and gratitude you receive from a child who thinks you saved the day.

As parents of tweens know, gratitude isn’t quite so free-flowing. You cooked a favorite dinner? Made a late night run to buy poster board for the project due tomorrow? Agreed to an extra couple kids at the sleep over so no one would be left out?

Big deal.

Maybe that’s why we try so hard to fix things for our older kids. We’re always in search of that high, the hug, or the smile that says, “You saved the day.”

We need our fix.

Or maybe it’s because it’s hard to know just when to step in and when to step out of our kids’ problems. They certainly give us plenty to worry about.

Do we talk to the coach when our kid is spending the whole game on the bench?

Do we call the parent of the kid who’s teasing our sensitive one?

Do we run the science project, so diligently and colorfully completed, but still laying

on the kitchen table, up to the office?

We weigh “this is a lesson he needs to learn” against “he’s just a kid” and we often become paralyzed from it.

One problem with fixing things for older kids is that it denies them the important coping and problem solving skills they’ll need to be successful adults.

Another problem is that parents often don’t want to fix their own kid. They want to fix someone else’s.

I hear this a lot. “This group of girls in my daughter’s class is so mean! How can I get them to be nicer to her?” When parents take the approach of changing someone else’s behavior, it’s painful and futile.

Maybe they are mean. Maybe there are two sides of the story.

Maybe it’s a misunderstanding.

It’s very hard to fix what you don’t understand and I can’t think of a time when forcing someone to be nice and inclusive worked very well.

Rather than spinning your wheels investigating the mean girls’ stories and shining a spotlight on your child’s exclusion, help your child focus on what she can fix. Ask her how the situation makes her feel. She might say lonely, sad, or angry. Then help her come up with a list of things she can do to fix that feeling within her. Maybe she’ll invite a new friend over. Maybe she’ll shoot some hoops outside in the fresh air. Maybe she’ll write in her journal. Teaching kids to fix their feelings is a much more productive use of our time than trying to fix mean kids who may never change. multiplicity

Nothing beats the feeling of relief and gratitude you receive from a child who thinks you saved the day.

Michelle is a speaker, author, and educator who helps kids, parents and teachers navigate the tricky middle school social world.

Her book Middle School Makeover: Improving The Way You And Your Child Experience The Middle School Years (Bibliomotion 2014) received a starred review from Publisher’s Weekly for being outstanding in its genre. Her work has also been featured by Parents.com, The Washington Post, A Mighty Girl, The Chicago Tribune, The Christian Science Monitor, Your Teen Magazine, Fox News Good Day Carolinas, The Charlotte Today Show and Huffington Post.

Her social leadership programs Athena’s Path & Hero’s Pursuit, have been implemented at schools across the country and she also offer this curriculum as week-long, day camps each summer.

Michelle is an internationally recognized public speaker who regularly speaks at schools and parenting events around the country. She lives in Charlotte, NC with her husband, 14 yearold daughter, and 12 year-old son.

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forever friends?

how friendships change when twins come along

by mercedes donis 66

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

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e sat at a table with wine, with smiles, with make-up and properly buttoned-up blouses, but most notably, without our children.

It was mom’s night out.

Six toddlers between the four of us, all hopefully fed, bathed, cared for, and tucked in bed by our husbands. This does not happen often enough!

The normalizing effect a decent dinner out can have on you is incredible. It’s humanizing. It’s alleviating to hear others’ stories about picky eaters, potty training and grocery store tantrums.

I’m lucky to have made these friends via playgroups and mutual acquaintances, with children whose birthdays are within months of my own kids’. We have lots in common, thanks to our children. They are my “mom friends,” but as my children get older and I start to reclaim my identity as someone separate from them, I long more and more for my friends who knew me B.C. --- before children.

My mom friends have seen me at my mostsleep deprived and desperate. But they didn’t know me as an angsty teen with green hair and a guitar. They’ve picked up my crying kids after falls and tumbles, but they didn’t see me abandon my teaching career (and all logic) to become a ballroom dancer. We’ve traded battle stories about feeding via breast or bottle, but we’ve never nursed each other’s broken hearts with ice-cream and alcohol.

Our friendship is a valuable one, but in some ways it’s not complete.

I know that friendships change after having kids, and even more so after twins. I’ve read lots of blog posts about how to make new mom friends, and how it’s similar to dating. If you remember even a glimpse of those days, they are filled with hoping he will notice the new skirt or how you wore your hair...not the easiest or the most cherished memories in our bank.

My husband and I moved to Scotland with our twins when they were just eight weeks old. My whole Scottish experience has been filtered through being a new mother, but particularly because I don’t work, the friendships I have made in the past two years are heavily babycentric. Living far away from friends and family during the hectic and intense time of infancy and toddlerhood has made it difficult to maintain my multiplicity

old friendships, but I have a feeling that this holds true for everyone, regardless of location!

In other words, I don’t think geography has much of anything to do with the isolation you feel as a new mom. You can be in an overcrowded doctor’s waiting room or at a playground filled to the brim with moms watching and adoring their children, yet feel so completely left out and lost.

It’s hard not to drop out of life when you have two or more new beings to care for, and those who warn you not to “lose your identity” most likely have not felt the all-consuming responsibilities of parenting multiples. There will come a time when you are ready to emerge from the crazy-making cocoon of the first few years, and you will want those familiar faces around you. Here are a few tips to spend time with the new friends and those who know you best: *Make the first move. Like dating, sometimes it will fall completely on your shoulders to be the one to start up conversation. Have some topics in mind so it feels natural. New friends might come in the unlikeliest of places like the gym, the library, the grocery store or your kids’ school, but these are women with a common interest so you should have plenty to talk about. *Get in on the action. It’s hard to make friends when you’re on the outside looking in.

Volunteer at the school or get involved with an organization in your community. You’ll find it comes natural to forge new friendships when you’re engaged and involved. *Find time for your old friends. Sure, it might not be hitting the bar after work or grabbing dinner every night like the good old days, but plan a date with them at least once each month. *Reach out to friends. We have technology at our fingertips at all hours of the waking and sleeping day. Give them a phone call just to say “hi”, skype them just to see their face, or stay in touch via facebook and other social media outlets when distance keeps you away.

You might feel strange or out of practice at first, but it’s invigorating to touch down outside the realm of parenthood every once in a while. Just be sure to know your audience, and maybe save the potty-talk for those who will really appreciate it (or at least commiserate!). the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

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We think twins are pretty awesome

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Let us know why your twins are super special and you could be selected to win a fun prize from our sponsor, Step2. All entries are reviewed and the winner is selected by the Mom Squad.

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Mama said there’d be days like this.

Join moms of multiples all around the globe in supporting each other on the good AND the not-so-good days.

photography by firewife photography

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples