April 10, 2018

APRIL 10, 2018 | VOLUME XCIX | ISSUE XXXI JACK ALMOST, BUT NOT QUITE, CRIED AT THE ANNOUNCEMENT MEETING SINCE 1918

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THE UBYSSEY

C B U 18

/ 7 1 20 OK O B R YEA

AIKEN LAO

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2 | ubyssey | TUESDAY APRIL 10, 2018

The Ubyssey’s 2018 Editorial Graduating Class Jack Hauen Coordinating Editor

Peter Siemens Senior Web Developer

“I can’t believe I ate the whole thing.”

“It’s not beer, it’s yerba mate.”

Emma Hicks Opinions & Blog Editor

Samuel Du Bois Culture Editor

Patrick Gillin Photo Editor

Natalie Morris Design Editor

“NATALIE, I need to tell you something.”

“My body mass is 80 per cent coffee.”

“I’m working on it.”

“I just came here for the production dinners and I was too awkward to leave.”

APRIL 10, 2018 EDITORIAL Coordinating Editor Jack Hauen coordinating@ubyssey.ca Design Editor Natalie Morris printeditor@ubyssey.ca News Editors Samantha McCabe & Alex Nguyen news@ubyssey.ca STAFF Sophie Sutcliffe, Joshua Azizi, Jack Lamming, Tristan Wheeler, Zubair Hirji, Zak Vescara, Charlotte Beaulieu, Iyanu Owolabi, Clare Skillman, Olamide Olaniyan, Negin Nia, Salomon Micko Benrimoh, Samantha Searle, Kristine Ho, Bill Situ, Divija Madhani, Lawrence BUSINESS Business Manager Ron Gorodetsky business@ubyssey.ca

CONTACT The New Student Union Building Room 2008 6133 University Boulevard Vancouver, BC V6T 1Z1

LEGAL The Ubyssey is the official student newspaper of the University of British Columbia. It is published every Tuesday by The Ubyssey Publications Society. We are an autonomous, democratically run student organization and all students are encouraged to participate.

Editorials are chosen and written by the Ubyssey staff. They are the expressed opinion of the staff, and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Ubyssey Publications Society or the University of British Columbia. All editorial content appearing in The Ubyssey is the property of The Ubyssey Publications Society. Stories, opinions, photographs and artwork contained herein cannot be reproduced without the expressed, written permission of The Ubyssey Publications Society.

LAND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT We would like to acknowledge that this paper and the land on

VOLUME XCIX

ISSUE XXXI

Culture Editor Samuel Du Bois culture@ubyssey.ca

Science Editor Nivretta Thatra science@ubyssey.ca

Sports + Rec Editor Lucy Fox sports@ubyssey.ca

Photo Editor Partick Gillin photos@ubyssey.ca

Video Producer Kate Colenbrander video@ubyssey.ca

Features Editor Moira Wyton features@ubyssey.ca

Opinion + Blog Editor Emma Hicks opinion@ubyssey.ca Ge, Veronica Ciastko, Danielle Olusanya, Liz Wang, Ryan Neale, Mitchell Ballachay, Shelby Rogers, James Vogl, Aziz Sonawa, Jordan Byrum, Lua Presídio, Aiken Lao, Emma Livingstone, Claire Lloyd, Ashley Dhanda, Saman Shariati, Tiffany Ou, Joseph Kennel, Andrea Garza, Sarah Neubauer, Thea Udwadia, Ryan Patrick Jones,

Jacob White, Patrick Hatch, Grace Young, Allison Gacad, Alison Knill, Emma Ng, Novera Sayed, Jenny Xu, Koby Michaels, Aidan Tong, Bridget Chase, Henry Anderson, Gabriel Robinson-Leith, Julia Burnham, Scott Young, Chimedum Ohaegbu, Olivia Johnson, Angela O’Donnell, Pawan Minhas, Marina McDuff, Liam Fisher

Account Manager Adam McQueen adam@ubyssey.ca

Web Developer Atsushi Yamamoto atsushi@ubyssey.ca

Senior Web Developer Peter Siemens peter@ubyssey.ca

President Sebastian Miskovic president@ubyssey.ca

Editorial Office: SUB 2208 604.283.2023

Online: ubyssey.ca Twitter: @ubyssey Snapchat: theubyssey

Business Office: SUB 2209 604.283.2024 The Ubyssey is a founding member of Canadian University Press (CUP) and adheres to CUP’s guiding principles.

The Ubyssey accepts opinion articles on any topic related to the University of British Columbia (UBC) and/or topics relevant to students attending UBC. Submissions must be written by UBC students, professors, alumni, or those in a suitable position (as determined by the opinions editor) to speak on UBC-related matters. Submissions must not contain racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, harassment or discrimination. Authors and/or submissions will not be precluded from publication based solely on association with particular ideologies or subject matter that some may find objectionable. Approval for publication is, however, dependent on the quality of the argument

which we study and work is the traditional, occupied, unceded territory of the Coast Salish peoples, including the territories of the

and The Ubyssey editorial board’s judgment of appropriate content.

Submissions may be sent by email to opinion@ubyssey.ca. Please include your student number or other proof of identification. Anonymous submissions will be accepted on extremely rare occasions. Requests for anonymity will be granted upon agreement from four fifths of the editorial board. Full opinions policy may be found at ubyssey.ca/ submit-an-opinion It is agreed by all persons placing display or classified advertising that if the Ubyssey Publications Society fails to publish an advertisement or if an error in the ad occurs the liability of the UPS will not be greater than the price paid for the ad. The UPS shall not be responsible for slight changes or typographical errors that do not lessen the value or the impact of the ads. xʷməθkwəy̓ ə m (Musqueam), Skwxwú7mesh (Squamish), Stó:lō and Səl̓ílwətaʔ/Selilwitulh (TsleilWaututh) Nations.

Editor’s Note: I

f you stay at this school long enough, you learn that the only thing students like more than bad-mouthing SFU is bad-mouthing UBC — usually for its aggressively boring reputation.

“Nothing ever happens here.”

I’d like to clear the air: UBC is awful for many reasons, but it’s not for lack of news.

In the past year, The Ubyssey has reported on an attempted murder trial; hazmat trucks showing up for a mercury spill; our women’s field hockey team’s unending dominance; neo-Nazi posters at War Memorial; the struggles of trying to navigate a post-Galloway creative writing department; a $100,000 AMS lawsuit against a frozen yogurt store; the university’s inability to properly respond to sexual assault; and the fact that North Korea is apparently a major donor to our earth science program.

Not to toot our own horn too much, but for the most part this isn’t coverage you’ll get anywhere else.

The people in this newsroom know UBC better than anyone, and it’s been a privilege to work with them.

Speaking of which, I’ve spent the past five years at The Ubyssey, and this is my last one. I’ll try not to run too long here, but suffice it to say that

everything of value that I learned at UBC, I learned at this paper.

In class I learned the difference between a morph and a morpheme; at The Ubyssey I learned how to write. In class I learned about important people; at The Ubyssey I learned how to talk to them. In class I learned how to do a group project; at The Ubyssey I learned how to work side by side with my closest friends for years — through innumerable arguments, @channels, hookups, breakups and three-hour meetings — and come out the other side still friends.

I feel like I finally understand why the word “bittersweet” is so overused. Leaving the paper feels like leaving my home. But the people moving in are some of my closest friends and I’ve watched them go from, like, amateur to professional interior designers, and I’m so proud and excited to see what they do with the place.

Maybe they’ll have better metaphors, too.

Signing off for the last time,

U

Jack Hauen Coordinating Editor, 2017/18

APRIL 10, 2018 TUESDAY | ubyssey | 3

The Ubyssey Class of 2017/2018

Thank you so much to everyone who contributed this year!

Adam McQueen Agnetha De Sa Aidan Tong Aiken Lao Alanah Levandosky Alex Pang Alexandra Cooper Alexandra Valahu Alice Sorrentino Alicia Margono Alirod Ameri Alisa Liu Alison Knill Allison Barn Allison Gacad Amelia Clarke Amelia He Andrea Garza Andrew Hung Andy Holmes Angela O’Donnell Angela Tian Anna Hughes Annie Cavalla Annie Rueter Anthony Labonte Anton Strukoff Anya Elias April White Arina Khilovskaya Arshiya Malik Ashley Cruickshank Ashley Dhanda Ashley Moore Ashley Tanaka Ashley Welsh Asli Munzur Avery Creed

Aziz Sonawalla Barbara Neto-Bradley Ben Dane Bianca Chui Bill Situ Brendan Maclean Bridget Chase Brittany Crooks Brittany Runeckles Bryan Ong Cam Carvalho Cassandra Betts Cathy Yan Chantal Mustoe Charles Menzies Charlotte Beaulieu Chimedum Ohaegbu Chloe Cheung Choladhorn Sinrachtanant Christie Mong Christine Kim Christine Shan Christine Sison Claire Lloyd Clare Skillman Coleman Pete Curtis Joe Curtis Seufert Danielle Olusanya Danisa Rambing Daphne Tse Daphnée Lévesque Darren Rulofs David Deng David Elop David Nixon Denny Tian

Desi Chek Diana Oproescu Diane Nguyen Divija Madhani Divya Dhami Eldon Graham Elizabeth Wang Ellie Cooper Emilie Kneifel Emily Kuang Emily Truong Cheung Emma Livingstone Emma Loy Emma Ng Eric Chu Eric Jandciu Erica Brenner Erin Lee Erin Stamp Erin Ward Eve O’Dea Evelyn Chua Faiz Vagh Faria Raisa Amin Farshad Felfelian Gabey Lucas Gabriel Robinson-Leith Gajan Thiyagarajah Geena Boyce Gemma Ferguson Genia Zhang Grace Young Graham Drope Greta Jang Gustavo Villela Haris Gilani Helen Zhou

Helena Zhang Henry Anderson Henry Tang Ian Owolabi Iksha Kumar Ingrid Schaefer Isaac Fairbairn Isabel Jankowski Isabelle Commerford Isabelle Vauclair Jack Lamming Jackie Stewart Jacob White Jade Olaniyan Jakob Gattinger James Binks James Vogl Jamie Konrad Jaskiran Gakhal Jasleen Grewal Jasmine Peardon Jawad Sakarchi Jeanie Malone Jenny Xu Jeremy Johnson-Silvers Jeriah Newman Jess Mackie Jessica Jun Jessica Li Jonny Warschauer Jordan Byrum Jordan Kantypowicz Jordan Schroeder Joshua Azizi Josianne Haag Julia Burnham Julia Wong

Jusneel Mahal Kai Jacobson Kai Tan Kai Yang Kaili Sun Kana Saarni Kat Anderson Katherine Dornian Katherine Robidoux Kathy Bi Katie Rink Katya Downey Kaveh Sarhangpour Kelly Chan Kelsea Franzke Kenta Montoike Kevin Boland Kevin Doering Kevin Wong Kirsten Tarasoff Koby Michaels Kristen Kalicharan Kristin Lee Conrad Kristine Ho Kyra Graham Lara Gillatt Laura Jones Laura Sciarpelleti Lauren Kearns Lawrence Ge Leo Soh Leo Yamanaka-Leclerc Lewis Dillman Liam Fisher Lua Presidio Mabon Foo Madeleine Link Madison McCord

Maham Kamal Khanum Maia Boakye Maia Chapman Maja Maj Manjinder Sidhu Marek Ormerod Margarita de Guzman Marissa Birnie Marium Hamid Marsella Muse Mary Buckland Matt Langmuir Max Holmes Max Trummer Melissa Vogler Michael Pratt Milad Sefid Mingfeng Qiu Mischa Milne Mitchell Ballachay Mona Adibmoradi Monica Vo Morika DeAngelis Natalie Scadden Natasha Black Nathan Leung Naveen Sivasankar Negin Nia Neha Tadepalli Nicole Hui Novera Sayed Nuala Turner Olamide Olaniyan Olivia Bird Olivia Johnson Orchid Chen Patrick Hatch

Patrick Sun Paul Xu Pawan Minhas Peggy Liu Queeny Tran Rachel Jin Rachel Lau Rahul Jobanputra Rebecca Peng Rehmattulah Sheikh Reid Marcus Ricardo Rodrigues Rithikha Rajamohan Robyn Wilson Rocio Hollman Rose Wu Rosemary Xinhe Rowena Kong Ryan Neale Ryan Patrick Jones Salomon Micko Benrimoh Sam Klein Saman Shariati Samantha Searle Samantha Solomon Samarth Bhardwaj Samreen Gilani Sanjana Subramanian Sara Flamer Sarah Neubauer Sarah Pribadi Scott Young Shanae Chiu Shavonne Yu Shelby Rogers

Sherwyn Kalyan Silken Handford-Perronnet Sophie Sutcliffe Sruthi Tadepalli Steffani Grondin Stephanie Wood Suzanne King Sydney Dunn Talia Berson Tanya Gurka Temur Durrani Terrina Chan Tetiana Konstantynivska The Resource Group Collective The Sustainability Collective Thea Ruzycki Thea Udwadia Tiffany Wu Tisha Dasgupta Tobi Gattinger Tristan Wheeler Vassilena Sharlandjieva Vera Sudakova Veronica Ciastko Vibhuti Wadhwa Vikram Parahoo Will Zhang Winnie Sun Yuko Fedrau Zach Kourgialis Zach Weiss Zack Zhang Zak Vescera Zubair Hirji

4 | ubyssey | TUESDAY APRIL 10, 2018

! plus k c a b g n i Look

2018 web trends for ubyssey.ca! article highlights from the 2017-18 academic year!

10,000 Web Views

September

October Opinion: Have your say in the $365,000 proposed art installation on campus

Opinion: It’s time to stop using the term “snake” to describe Sauder students

12 SEP T

News: Max Holmes wins AMS VP Academic

23 SEPT

23 OCT

By Daphne Tse Web Views: 10,369

By Alirod Ameri Web Views: 7,245

4

OC T

By Jack Hauen Web Views: 4,906

Sports: ‘Struggling to stay afloat’: T-Birds feel left behind by UBC Athletics’ football-first strategy

COURTESY THE BELKIN

By Jack Hauen

Web Views: 8,130

26 OCT

News: Almestadi found not criminally responsible for attempted murder in UBC dorm attack

By Samantha McCabe Web Views: 3,148

Science: $42 Million of federal funding to provide ‘absolutely essential’ support for UBC science and engineering

12

11 OCT

JACK HAUEN

SEP T

Blog: The internet reacts to the “Sauder snake” debacle

By Joshua Azizi Web Views: 6,606

Web Views: 1,016

Features: ‘Bare minimum’: How students with disabilities navigate UBC

23 OCT

News: Senate approves new academic approach to undergraduate admission

30 OCT

AIKEN LAO

By Mona Adibmoradi, Allison Gacad and Alison Knill

By Sophie Sutcliffe Web Views: 2,078

25 OCT

News: UBC employees from 1992 to 2016 owed millions in unsent paycheques

By Joshua Azizi Web Views: 14,310

By Jack Hauen Web Views: 9,894

JORDAN BYRUM

APRIL 10, 2018 TUESDAY | ubyssey | 5

November

5

NOV

Sports: Sweep for the seventh: ’Birds win twice against Lions to claim national title

By Mitchell Ballachay Web Views: 437

December

11 NOV

News: Pro-Nazi posters found at War Memorial Gym, site of Remembrance Day ceremony

Features: ‘Nobody Knows’: UBC struggles to respond to Vancouver’s fentanyl crisis

By Alex Nguyen

15 NOV

Web Views: 8,788

SALOMON MICKO BENRIMOH

Blog: Two hazmat trucks, five fire trucks and two campus security cars showed up to tackle a drop of mercury

7

NOV

By Emma Hicks Web Views: 10,812

Blog: UBC accidentally listed North Korea as a major donor to UBC Science in the Earth Science Building

29 NOV

By Joshua Azizi Web Views: 11,170 JADE OLANIYAN

Culture: Jordan Peterson’s UBC talk helps explain why he appeals to centrists and Nazis alike

7

NOV

By Jack Hauen Web Views: 21,714

5

NATALIE MORRIS

By Alex Nguyen Web Views: 1,890

Blog: UBC and SFU are in a meme war and nobody is safe — not even Douglas College

By Joshua Azizi Web Views: 33,985

8

DEC

PATRICK GILLIN

16 DEC

Blog: UBC channeled their inner Hawkins, Indiana to show just how spooky exam season really is

By Emma Hicks

Features: ‘Balancing act’: What is the limit of freedom of expression at UBC?

NOV

News: Provincial government shakes up UBC’s Board of Governors

Web Views: 3,868

DEC

10

By Zak Vescera Web Views: 2,896

By Alex Nguyen Web Views: 2,257

6 | ubyssey | TUESDAY APRIL 10, 2018

10,000 Web Views

January

February News: AMS soft-serves Qoola $100,000 lawsuit

26

27

JA N

JA N

News: Emails reveal tension between UBC and ‘rogue’ former AMS VP Academic before resignation

By Samantha McCabe Web Views: 6,198

By Jack Hauen and Alex Nguyen Web Views: 6,793

JACK HAUEN

SAMANTHA SEARLE

17 JA N

30

News: ‘We’ve been ... just raising it two per cent every year and not thinking too hard about it.’ Does UBC need annual tuition hikes?

News: Former Thunderbird player tackled by seven VPD officers, kicked and tasered in jaywalking incident

By Moira Wyton Web Views: 784

13 FEB

Features: Choosing ‘between groceries and rent’: Low wages, no security for hundreds of UBC professors

By Jack Hauen

11 7 JA N

Features: ‘Through the cracks’: Minding the gaps in UBC’s fractured healthcare system

JA N

News: Man convicted of sexually assaulting UBC student sentenced to 21 months jail time

By Olamide Olaniyan Web Views: 12,352

By Samantha McCabe Web Views: 1,538

New varsity F E BSports: scholarship funding for female athletes

By Lucy Fox Web Views: 732

27 FEB

Web Views: 2,225

By Jack Hauen and Zak Vescera

Web Views: 6,807

28

‘Half the execs break the F E BNews: rules’: AMS proposes new policy on expulsion from premises

SAMANTHA MCCABE

By Jack Hauen and Zak Vescera Web Views: 3,298

22 FEB

Culture: The mysterious history of UBC’s darkest confectionary creation

By Angela O’Donnell Web Views: 5,624 ANGELA O’DONNELL

APRIL 10, 2018 TUESDAY | ubyssey | 7

March

April

1

MAR

22 MAR

News: AMS candidates reject InterFraternity Council endorsements, demand president’s resignation

Sports: Birdcage student directors step down after repeatedly butting heads with UBC Athletics

By Jack Hauen Web Views: 5,028

By Jack Hauen

News: Marium Hamid wins AMS President

By Alex Nguyen Web Views: 6,275

Web Views: 1,262

10 MAR

OLIVIA BIRD

Culture: We all fall down: Creative writing students struggle to move past #UBCAccountable and the crumbling CanLit community

KOBY MICHAELS

27 MAR

Features: Seismic upgrades: Problems continue to plague engineering co-op amidst structural changes

By Julia Burnham Web Views: 7,027

By Alex Nguyen and Moira Wyton

20

Web Views: 2,329

MAR

News: UBC’s Faculty Association is corrupt and must change, say professors

YUKO FEDRAU

THE SATAN OH-NO MAGAZINE

some. motto. about. life.

Neutral Positions on

Contentious Topics

What to say when people ask you the hard questions without pissing them off

HEALTH TIPS

How to surgically optimize your body for social media

By David Nixon Web Views: 7,046

19 MAR

Spoof: Oh-No! Magazine

Why the cello actually gets you LAID A LOT IF YOU CAN READ...

By Ubyssey Staff Web Views: 8,307

Sports: Kings of Canada: Thunderbirds win nationals for first time in 35 years

1

APR

By Elizabeth Wang and Lucy Fox Web Views: 216

GRANT HOLT / THE SILHOUETTE

Fiction!

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8 | ubyssey | TUESDAY APRIL 10, 2018

BFFs

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APRIL 10, 2018 TUESDAY | ubyssey | 9

M emor ies

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10 | ubyssey | TUESDAY APRIL 10, 2018

teq uila! ! i t n u f

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APRIL 10, 2018 TUESDAY | ubyssey | 11

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12 | ubyssey | TUESDAY APRIL 10, 2018

Best of web Most-read stories of the year

Web sessions by country

1. UBC Salary List 111,587

CANADA US UK 10,290 INDIA AUSTRALIA 6,215 HONG KONG 5,209 4,453 SINGAPORE 4,258 GERMANY JAPAN 3,882 FRANCE 2,921

2. UBC admission stats 2016/17: Averages, acceptance rates and more 85,041 3. UBC and SFU are in a meme war and nobody is safe — not even Douglas College 34,499 4. The ultimate guide to car sharing in Vancouver 31,113 5. Jordan Peterson’s UBC talk helps explain why he appeals to centrists and Nazis alike 23,752 6. How UBC grades your broad-based admissions essays 22,624 7. UBC admission stats 2014/15: Averages, acceptance rates and more 21,377 8. Johnny Depp is filming on campus and Santa Ono is fan-girling 19,271 9. Body found at UBC construction site a er fall from crane 18,457 10. A panoramic peek into UBC residences 15,253

780,123

908,709 92,180 14,753

Views by section

Top search terms to get to our site:

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“MAXWELL MAXWELL” “THE DAISY” ALBERTA AVERAGE BOOST ANDREW BATES RE-IMAGINING BJORN BORG BOIMASS

HOTEST PROF HOW CAN I GET BETTER GRADES ON MY ASSIGNMENT SEXUAL WHAT IS A LEAD XXXX

242,695 190,085

NEWS

BLOG

CULTURE

OPINIONS

171,381

121,411

U FEATURES

SPORTS

82,346 SCIENCE

We’ve had a great year and you could be a part of an even better year with us come September!

We publish online throughout the summer and it’s never too late (or too early) to join our team!

Views by browser type CHROME

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SAFARI

434,736

ANDROID WEBVIEW FIREFOX

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Visit ubyssey.ca/volunteer for more info.

We look forward to working with you!

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14 | ubyssey | TUESDAY APRIL 10, 2018

Best “Since” Lines

the ubyssey oks back! lo

Sh*t The Ubyssey Says “I was thinking about the vodka in the ass thing”

Class of 2018 Superlatives

“That’s all you got to know; break his arms, break his heart.”

Most likely to start a Twitter war: @jackhauen

“What’s a ‘W’ in the grand scheme of things? People are dying.”

Most likely to become Editor-in-Chief at The New York Times: Alex Nguyen

“Just some cow in my class.”

Most likely to know where anyone is at any given time: Samantha McCabe

“Every thing I do is a mistake.”

Most likely to keep everyone alive: Moira Wyton

“Eating her curds and whey — what the fuck you think she eating, hoe?”

Most likely to show up early and leave late: Natalie Morris

“I made that bathroom my bitch.”

Most up to date on office gossip: Sam Du Bois

“Every time I think I’ve hit rock bottom, I keep digging.”

Most likely to never step foot in this office after the term ends: Patrick Gillin

“I’m not trying to blow you, but...”

Best dressed: Samantha McCabe

“#TryingToBeMoira’sStepmom2017”

Best smile: Nivretta Thatra

“We get it, you steal forks.”

Best volunteer retention: Peter Siemens

“I’m not crying, my contacts are just trying to eat my eyes.”

Office sweetheart: Emma Hicks

APRIL 10, 2018 TUESDAY | ubyssey | 15

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1/2 OFF ENTREES 5-9PM WITH A BEVERAGE!

WED

WHY NOT WEDNESDAYS

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BAD & BOOZY $6.50 GIANT BEERS, $4 JACK DANIELS,

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& $4.50 STUDENT LIFE COCKTAILS

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