Finding Love in Unexpected Places

The True ‘Best Friends Forever’

Story and Photos by Sarah Correa-Dibar

Friendship bracelets, friendship charms, best friend clubs, after-school play dates, having an anthem for your friend group and always dressing the same on Twin Day during spirit week at school.

The majority of people always have had a support group to lean on, ever since they were toddlers and moms forced their kids to be friends with each other. Because friendships have always been coming in and out of everyone's lives, not many people realize that we need friendships and with that, a sense of social life to lead a healthy lifestyle.

As society developed, so did social classes. Family names were deemed more important than others; royalty, aristocracy and bureaucracy were a test of how important you are, and above all, it was socially unacceptable to be seen with people of another social standing.

You might not be arrested for it, but you would definitely be shunned by your family, said Corey McZeal, a sociology professor at the University of Florida.

All of the classic movies and books demonstrate this divide — “Little Women,” “Pride and Prejudice,” “Titanic,” “The Great Gatsby,” “The Notebook” and “Marie Antoinette.”

It’s important to know the two aspects of friendships throughout the years: how people perceive friendships during their lifetime and how friendships have changed throughout humankind’s history.

Friendships as People Age

In elementary school, friendships developed between the ones who were always going to the same after-school activities, or the kids who were in the same class every single year. Maybe even the kids who were always seated together because their last names started with the same letter. There were also the kids who became friends because they were the only ones who were the same age and forced to sit at the kiddy table at dinner parties.

Children find themselves in the same stage of life, said McZeal. They’re all doing the same thing at the same time.

Teammates in soccer who carpooled, the best friends from summer camp that engraved their initials inside a heart on a tree next to their cabin, the neighbors who played ding-dong-ditch together.

Middle school is all about the strive for popularity — the more friends, the better. Some friends were brought in from elementary school and, from there, friends kept getting added to the group. Drama occurs before kids are more in control of their friendships and start learning about independence.

Rollerblading after school to the frozen yogurt shop with their allowance, hosting pool parties with all 20 of their so-called “best friends” and having a group hang with their crushes at the park when it got dark.

“Your childhood is pretty clearly defined and adulthood

22 The Origins Issue is too,” said McZeal. “Being a teenager is a very volatile time. Everyone’s figuring out what they like or not, what they want to be.”

High school is a time where teenagers start learning about trust. In other words, it’s when the real drama starts. Their best friend list is cut in half and they distinguish their friends from their classmates. Fallingouts and tense arguments become more common. As senior year nears, everyone’s true colors show and teens realize who is worth keeping around after graduation.

Of course, there are positives to this. When friend groups get smaller, they become more vulnerable with each other. Friends get to know each other on a different level, building a sibling-like bond because there’s more freedom to spend time together.

Best friends who ask two other best friends to prom, groups of girls get ready to go to a party together, the first one in the group gets a car and picks everyone up for school, they all apply to work at the same community pool.

Finally, college. Some join sororities or fraternities and make friends there. For those who don’t join Greek-affiliated social organizations, friendships are on their terms, especially if they didn’t bring any friends from back home to college. If that is the case, students have to find roommates on their own. The best-case scenario is they become best friends or join a friend group with other students.

College is generally more inclusive because there are university-affiliated clubs available for almost every interest. For example, at the University of Florida, the Hispanic Student Association (HSA) is a club where Hispanic students created a home for themselves. This is also a time when students become seniors, they realize what friends from home they have grown out of and which ones will always be in their lives. Spring breaks are planned without parents, road trips to the neighboring state are made, groups of friends sign a lease on an apartment together and students start feeling like their friend group is their family away from family.

When you go into adulthood, relationships change at a slower pace because, as McZeal mentioned, you change more from 12 to 13 years old than from 40 to 41 years old “because you’re much more sure of yourself as an adult.”

Friendships as Centuries Pass

During prehistoric times, the only thing that distinguished animals from Homo sapiens was their ability to form social groups, writes Israeli historian Yuval Noah Harari in “Sapiens,” a book on the history of humankind. Animals had a pack with an alpha male, but the human race communicated with each other and thus were more organized.

The homo sapiens were the social animals. Sure, they were concerned about where the water sources or the hunting grounds were, but they were more interested in who hated who in the band or who is a cheater or a liar. This is called the gossip theory — how gossip keeps humankind social.

“Reliable information about who could be trusted meant that small bands could expand into larger bands, and Sapiens could develop tighter and more sophisticated types of cooperation,” said Harari in “Sapiens.”

Friendship bonds advanced so much over time that social classes, tribes and last names do not dictate whether people become friends anymore. Society still has work to do to fix its prejudice and discrimination. Openness to friendships will push for change as humankind progresses.

The Origins Issue 23

Love in the Time of Coronavirus

Story and Photos by Alexis Vega

Dating is already hard enough. Throw in a raging virus, remote learning and social distancing guidelines, and you’ll find that the dating scene has only become more difficult to navigate. While safety is a top priority for many people during the pandemic, some have struggled with loneliness. Prolonged isolation is not something people are accustomed to, especially when it comes to “young love.”

So, who came to the rescue when all the bars and clubs closed down? Tinder, Bumble, Hinge — popular dating apps for singles — have all been fulfilling roles as virtual wingmen. Though these apps aren’t new to the dating scene, they definitely became more popular when in-person dating was no longer an option. The pandemic seemed to eradicate any remaining feelings about the platforms being taboo.

In fact, according to Fortune, Tinder documented its highest number of swipes in a day in March 2020: a whopping 3 billion. Additionally, Bumble had a 70% use increase of the video call feature.

So how exactly have the apps helped singles find love (or maybe something more casual) remotely?

“Prior to the pandemic, I mostly dated people I knew through my daily life activities, such as tennis or through my friends,” said Caroline Herrero, 22, a graduate student at the University of Florida. “About mid-pandemic when things were sort of opening up, I wanted to meet someone, but still felt nervous about going out to bars and stuff, so I gave online dating a try.”

While bars and clubs in Gainesville are now practically operating normally as they did before the pandemic, many people like Herrero still felt uneasy about meeting people this way given the circumstances. “I downloaded Hinge,” Herrero continued. “I was kind of under the impression that it was more for dating versus Tinder, which I had heard is mostly like a hookup sort of vibe. I met a lot of nice guys. I did have Tinder early on in college, and there was a big difference. With Tinder, I got a lot of thirsty messages, and with Hinge, it was more conversational flirting and asking about me to get to know me more.”

The dating apps all have certain reputations based on word-of-mouth and shared experiences between its users. While some people may think looking for love, especially during a public health crisis, is futile, some have accomplished this feat.

A common misconception of dating apps is that there is a preconceived notion that all users are solely looking for hookups.

24 The Origins Issue “I downloaded Tinder after I was newly single, and I matched with a guy who is now my boyfriend,” said Sofi-Nicole Barreiro, 22, a recent UF graduate. “For me personally, it was more so for fun. I never used it to hook up, but you can definitely find a relationship partner from Tinder — that’s for sure.”

According to Mashable, a 2018 survey reported that 85% of Bumble users are seeking “marriage or a boyfriend/girlfriend.”

While social distancing guidelines have increased activity on these apps, the platforms were never dependent on the pandemic for downloads.

The popularity of dating apps was already growing, according to the Pew Research Center. A study from 2013 reported 11% of adults in the U.S. had used a dating app, whereas a similar study from 2019 reported 30%. The “boom” due to the pandemic seems to have only convinced remaining skeptics they are worth a shot at finding all varieties of relationships.

“Since the pandemic began, I mean … it’s really hard to meet people,” said Barreiro. “There’s always kind of a red flag, like, ‘should I be hanging out with random people?’ Genuinely it’s a really great resource for people who just feel lonely or who are ready for love. I think it’s a great alternative, especially in the times of the coronavirus.”

Though dating apps have been a source of confidence boosts and interesting conversations, some people find they pale in comparison to the experience of meeting someone organically. However, as society slowly assimilates “back to normal,” the popularity of dating apps may not decrease as quickly as it increased. After all, social distancing guidelines only boosted the usage of the already wildly popular apps.

But, according to InsideHook, “dating app fatigue” is no different from standard dating fatigue; so that might be a reality, at least temporarily, for some users. The term “dating app fatigue” serves as “a veil for more generalized dating frustration, the same kind that has plagued daters for generations.”

In other words, if you’re sick of swiping, you might just be over the concept of dating in general. It’s important to assess what exactly you’re looking for, and maybe a break from flirting with strangers is all that’s needed to gain some clarity.

“It was a lot of messaging, and I couldn’t really keep up with trying to make meaningful conversations with that many people,” said Herrero. “I think I was trying to sort of make a connection on a screen where you can’t really feel that spark, you know?”

Herrero did eventually find someone through Hinge, whom she described as a fantastic person that upped her standards for what it means to have someone really care about you.

“Online dating was successful for me because I got to meet him and it was a great experience,” she said.

Though the relationship ultimately didn’t work out, the two cultivated a great friendship.

In a time when dating feels like an ongoing episode of “How I Met Your Mother,” it can be challenging to stimulate conversations from a distance and to decide if it’s worth the health risk to meet in person. Dating apps aren’t for everyone and that’s OK, but they sure aren’t going away anytime soon. Whether you pursue an online or offline approach, your match will still be out there.

The Origins Issue 25