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Supplement to Jewish News April 25, 2016
Women Published 22 times a year by United Jewish Federation of Tidewater.
Dear Readers,
I
n this special section devoted to women, we offer articles that reflect the many
varied and interesting ways women choose to lead their lives…here in Tidewater, throughout the nation and in Israel. Last year I heard Janet Green speak about her Jewish journey and her high energy ride through politics. I’ve no doubt you’ll find her path as interesting as I did, particularly during this rather turbulent election season. Her piece is on page 17. Lisa Bertini, an attorney and mother of two college-age daughters, now finds herself employing her honed mothering skills and patience on her parents. Her essay, “Blueberry muffins and tea,” can be found on page 21. Dee Dee Becker shares a heart-breaking article about a friend whose beautiful 19-year-old daughter lost her life to meningitis. This mom is dedicated to making certain other moms don’t experience the same tragic outcome she did through her efforts with the Emily Stillman Foundation, which she founded in memory of her daughter. The article is on page 24.
Reba and Sam Sandler Family Campus of the Tidewater Jewish Community 5000 Corporate Woods Drive, Suite 200 Virginia Beach, Virginia 23462-4370 voice 757.965.6100 • fax 757.965.6102 email news@ujft.org Terri Denison, Editor Germaine Clair, Art Director Hal Sacks, Book Review Editor Sandy Goldberg, Account Executive Mark Hecht, Account Executive Marilyn Cerase, Subscription Manager Reba Karp, Editor Emeritus Sherri Wisoff, Proofreader Jay Klebanoff, President Alvin Wall, Treasurer Stephanie Calliott, Secretary Harry Graber, Executive Vice-President www.jewishVA.org The appearance of advertising in the Jewish News does not constitute a kashrut, political, product or service endorsement. The articles and letters appearing herein are not necessarily the opinion of this newspaper. © 2016 Jewish News. All rights reserved. Subscription: $18 year For subscription or change of address, call 757-965-6128 or email mcerase@ujft.org.
Of course, there’s more. With Mother’s Day around the corner, it’s time to honor our moms…those wonder women who somehow manage to perform a little bit of every profession, often while also managing their own careers and volunteer activities. After all, what mom doesn’t sometimes act as an attorney, physi-
Issue Date Topic
designer, judge and teacher at home?
May 9
special aunt and friend: Best wishes for a Happy Mother’s Day!
greens, shrimp, artichoke, mushrooms, radishes, feta, pepperoncini, sardine, white anchovy, beets, tomato, cucumber, chickpeas, egg, fresh herbs, red wine.
16 | Jewish News | Women | April 25, 2016 | jewishnewsva.org
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cian, chef, politician, entrepreneur, fashion And so, to every mom, grandmother,
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Women First Person
Janet Green and her Jewish journey Janet V. Green told her Jewish journey at a Friday night service at Ohef Sholom Temple last year. She agreed to share her remarks with Jewish News.
I
am honored to have been asked to speak with you tonight. I am particularly pleased that the person who introduced and “brought” me to Norfolk is here with me, my wonderful husband and Chief Judge for the Norfolk Juvenile and Domestic Courts, Bill Williams. Bill and I are relatively new members of Ohef Sholom, but we are quite familiar with the temple, as we have been neighbors, literally living next door on Colonial since 2002. I have been asked to speak on my professional and volunteer commitment to improving the lives of others, a core Jewish value. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, yet, I am particularly moved to speak about my Jewish background as tonight I will say the Kaddish for my Mom whose yarzheit was Monday—and she would be bursting with pride. She was always bursting with pride over almost everything her five kids did, yet when it centered on Judaism, she and my Dad truly kvelled! I am 50-several-years-old, and since I was given 15 minutes to speak, I better get started. I was born the third of three girls to a great Jewish family in New York (both parents from Brooklyn). Our family moved to Ann Arbor, Michigan and shortly thereafter my two brothers were born. I was a typical kid in our small Conservative Shul; girls didn’t play a big role back in the 1960’s, and while I was a Bat Mitzvah and went through Confirmation, I felt my parents and grandparents worked hard to assimilate and not “flaunt” our Judaism outside of synagogue. For instance, I intensely disliked that the High Holidays always seemed to fall during the beginning of school and as a practicing Jew, I had to take days off for the New Year and Yom Kippur. I always felt that was announcing my Judaism to my classmates and that was a very uncomfortable feeling for me. So, it
was only natural I thought, to lose touch with what little personal connection and relationship I had to Judaism. I attended Michigan State University, a place that seemingly had even a smaller Jewish population (because I never sought it out), and obtained my degree in social work. After working for a Michigan Congressman after graduation, I moved to Washington, DC where I met not only lots of Jews, I met lots of Jews in very prominent positions who were very open and proud of their Jewish heritage. I found a roommate on a bulletin board (remember, these were the days before the Internet) who was from Beachwood, Ohio and was so “outwardly” Jewish, I was in awe. She remains one of my dearest friends. And, while this new “open” Jewishness was so unique and wonderful, I really didn’t feel a PART of it. I was watching from the sidelines, I wasn’t playing in the game, yet. I then moved to Connecticut as campaign manager for a Congressman and was feeling out of sorts around Passover—my favorite holiday and my first when I couldn’t go home. My parents suggested I go to the local synagogue, and so I went to the large shul on the fancy side of town—and felt extremely uncomfortable and vowed to meet Jews somewhere else, but probably not in Danbury, Connecticut! Yet, the very next week, an adorable, cute man wearing a yarmulke walked into our campaign headquarters. That young man was Rabbi Jack Moline, starting his career in Connecticut, before moving to Alexandria, Va. where he served for 30 years as the head rabbi at the conservative shul, Agudas Achim. You also may have heard of Rabbi Jack, when in 2008, he was named by Newsweek magazine as one of the top pulpit rabbis in America (#3 in a list of
25), and in 2010 and 2011 as one of the 50 most influential rabbis in America. (He also is a former director of the National Jewish Democratic Council and now is executive director of Interfaith Alliance.) God works in mysterious and wonderful ways! Anyway, for different reaJanet Green and Hillary Clinton in 2012. sons, Rabbi Jack and I were both a little out of water in Danbury, hearing Hebrew with a Southern accent is Conn., and became fast friends and it truly not something I will ever forget! After President Bill Clinton was elected, was Rabbi Jack who taught me that I could combine my love for helping people I was proud to be named Special Assistant with a renewed sense of my to the President and Director of WH Operations, tasked with having the White Judaism. Rabbi Jack taught me— House open at 12 noon on Inauguration and showed me—the core Day. Now, this wasn’t just the offices, this is teaching of Judaism is the White House residence, Secret Service, that we strive to be a and Executive Office Buildings—the entire people who perform White House compound, which comprises acts of chesed, loving 18 acres. So, while President Clinton may acts of kindness and have been the first Democrat to occupy the Tikun Olam, healing White House in 16 years, he wasn’t the first or repairing the world. Democrat to have an office in the WH… Rabbi Jack taught me— it was a Jewish girl born in NY…or better and inspired me—to said, a proud Jewish woman…me! I had a see that the world is small office in the WH to arrange the entire sustained by three pil- transition before Inauguration Day. It truly was a nightmare (but that is a lars: Torah study, prayer, and loving acts of kind- different story)! Remember, all these people ness. So love, in Judaism, is wanted to immediately start working in not abstract. It is primarily not their offices (if they could find them) immeabout feelings, but rather takes diately after the Inauguration—names that shape and form by the actions we weave you know—George Stephanopolous, DeeDee Myers, Rahm Emanuel—had to go into the fabric of our lives. Jack urged me to do more and more through my suggested policies just to get and I got to know his wife, Ann and young into the WH compound and through secufamily. So imagine my pleasure when rity. You can imagine that they all wanted shortly after I moved back to DC in 1984, to bring their family and show them their Jack and Ann moved to Alexandria. We offices. I, of course, invited my proud parents to be at the Inauguration and then continue our close friendship to this day. I rose up the ranks of the Democratic they came to the White House to see my Party, moving around a lot and always now, beautiful West Wing office. They seeking out synagogues and even more were again kvelling, and when Robert spiritual guidance. One of my most inter- Rubin (fresh from Goldman Sachs where esting experiences was in 1992, living in his salary was a widely reported to be $26 Little Rock, Arkansas while working on million the past year) and newly named the Clinton campaign. During the High head of Economic Policy and then Treasury continued on page 18 Holidays, I went to the orthodox shul....
I rose up
the ranks of the
Democratic Party,
always seeking out
synagogues and even more spiritual guidance.
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Women continued from page 17
Secretary hugged me and thanked me profusely in front of my parents for helping to get his operations in order, I think my Mom almost busted her blouse with pride! I have a great photo album that showcases much of my time in Washington and again, my wonderful Mom was struck by the order which I put pictures in that album. After the picture of me at the President’ Desk on Air Force One—our favorite picture, mostly because we both thought I looked thin—are pictures from my first Presidential Motorcade. I was in a lot of motorcades during my years working on campaigns, but my very first Presidential Motorcade was to the Dedication Ceremonies for the US Holocaust Memorial Museum on April 22, 1993. How proud I was that day to be a Jew! The next pictures I have are from the ceremony for the signing of the Israeli Palestinian Peace Agreement in September 1993. You all remember that famous picture with President Clinton with his arms
Today from the Bay.
Sole Meunière with Balsamic
Brown Butter Sauce • • • • • • • • •
4 (6-ounce) sole fillets, skin removed 2 cups milk SECRET INGREDIENT 2 tablespoons olive oil 1 cup flour Salt, pepper 4 tablespoons finely chopped parsley 6 tablespoons butter 1 to 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar, or to taste • Lemon slices, for garnish
w
Soak fillets in milk for 20 mins. Remove and pat dry. Season fillets with salt and pepper. Heat 1 tbsp. oil over moderate heat in 2 large pans. Put flour into shallow dish; season with salt and pepper. Dredge fillets in flour, shake off excess, dip back in milk and in flour. Place fillets in pan and cook over medium heat for 2 to 3 minutes per side. Place fillets on platter, sprinkle with parsley. Wipe skillet, add butter. Heat until it begins to brown. Remove from heat, stir in balsamic vinegar. Pour sauce over fish and serve. Garnish with lemon slices.
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www.CommonwealthAL.com 18 | Jewish News | Women | April 25, 2016 | jewishnewsva.org
outstretched with Yitzhak Rabin on one side and Yasir Arafat on the other. Amazing. Again, I was so proud to be a Jew and honored to be there that momentous day! After we had the Clintons and staff settled into the White House, President Clinton asked me to help work on his signature initiative, AmeriCorps and begin the Corporation for National Service. I jumped at the chance as that meant I got to work even more closely with the new head of AmeriCorps, Eli Segal. Also, working in our offices was Jack Lew, President Obama’s Treasury Secretary and a practicing Orthodox Jew. How incredible that people I was working with expected you to take time off for the Jewish holidays, eat Jewish food during the holidays and celebrated all things Jewish! After AmeriCorps was up and running, President Clinton asked me to be Deputy CEO and begin to set up the Democratic National Convention in Chicago, working for Debra DeLee, you guessed it, another prominent Jew who has served for the past almost 20 years as CEO of Americans for Peace Now, working towards peace in Israel. And, after the successful convention and re-election, I was asked to serve as executive director and CEO of the Democratic National Committee, where the chairman was Steven Grossman, another proud Jew. I was pretty sure at the time, and sure today that one of the reasons Steve hired me was because I was Jewish! I had truly come full circle. All of these mentors were and are so inspirational to me and helped me truly not only to celebrate Judaism, but realize we as Jews do have a bigger responsibility for embracing our proud heritage. In 1999, three things happened that again changed my life. Mrs. Clinton announced her candidacy for the Senate for New York and asked me to work on her campaign. She is a close friend and confidant to this day. My dear mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and I realized she was right—I had a very unbalanced work/family life. I leaned heavily on Rabbi Jack and Hashem during those trying times and they greatly comforted me. The third thing that happened is that I met Bill Williams at a big Jewish
wedding in Washington, DC—and Bill embraced all things Jewish. In fact, the first Jewish holiday we spent together was Yom Kippur—I kept promising him that all the other holidays have great big happy feasts, and this was the only holiday we fasted. Together with Rabbi Jack Moline and Rabbi Arthur Ruberg from Congregation Beth El, Bill studied hard and fully converted to Judaism complete with a bris, mikva and Bet Din and years later became a Bar Mitzvah at Beth El! Bill and I were married right after Sept. 11 by Rabbi Jack Moline in a big Jewish wedding in Washington, DC (beautifully organized, of course, by my mom and my Jewish roommate I spoke about earlier) and then I moved to Norfolk as CEO of Operation Smile. In 2002, I took the job as executive director of Habitat for Humanity Peninsula and Greater Williamsburg. Habitat is a very “Christian” organization, welcoming people from all religions to work with them, yet I was the first-known Jewish executive director—only to be followed later that year by Ellen Widoff, the ED for South Hampton Roads and a fellow member of Congregation Beth El. I am still with Habitat—everyone knows Habitat— yet they think we give homes away to poor people—and we don’t. We sell homes built by volunteers to qualified, gainfully employed, good credit low-income families who pay a no-interest zero percent mortgage for 20-30 years. So, that brings me basically to today and tonight. And again, I am so honored to be here with you as a proud new member of Ohef Sholom. I always remember Rabbi Moline telling me that the Torah begins with the letter bet and concludes with the letter lamed. These two letters, when reversed, spell the word lev, which means “heart.” While the Torah may have 5,845 verses and thousands of words, I always try to remember that its core message is contained in one word: Heart. May we maintain our hearts by continuing to care for others. Just this week I read in As The Temple Turns/The Temple Post about Ohef Sholom’s great Mitzvah Day and the myriad of activities performed by our congregants. Bless you and Mazel Tov!
CELEBRATE
Women Randi Zuckerberg links Jewish values and business advice in talk to philanthropists SAN DIEGO (JTA)—In a talk to hundreds of philanthropists and foundation representatives, former Facebook spokesperson and marketing director Randi Zuckerberg credited Shabbat and other Jewish concepts for some of her main pieces of business advice. Zuckerberg told the crowd that she was bemused by those who viewed her emphasis on life balance as an innovative idea. “People were like ‘Wow, new concept.’ No, Shabbat,” Zuckerberg said in her talk at the closing plenary of this year’s annual Jewish Funders Network conference, which was held at a hotel in the hilly seaside La Jolla section of San Diego. Zuckerberg, who has launched her own consultancy and produced digital media content since leaving Facebook in 2011, stressed the need for businesses and organizations to be open to sudden and dramatic changes. At the same time, she added, too often in the high-tech world people are only thinking about what comes next and not where they are coming from. “Something that is so beautiful to me about my own Jewish journey,” Zuckerberg said, “is that in studying with [the Wexner Foundation adult education program], in studying the Torah, in studying in history, it’s really taught me that in life, to know where you are going, you need to know where you came from.” Zuckerberg plugged her new reality show, Quit Your Day Job, which she called “Shark Tank for women.” She also played up her unrealized dream of becoming a cantor and spoke proudly of her much-publicized singing of the late Naomi Shemer’s Yeushalayim Shel Zahav to former Israel President Shimon Peres at a Shabbat dinner at the Davos World Economic Summit in 2014. Recalling the attention—positive and negative—inspired by the incident, Zuckerberg said she realized that “young leaders don’t get the benefit of separating your personal and professional life anymore.” The audience applauded strongly when she added: “So in that one moment I made Judaism a huge part of my personal identity.” Zuckerberg, the sister of Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg, acknowledged being disturbed by the negative
Mother’s Day at
reactions —so much so that she passed up an opportunity for an encore performance the next year. She added that she was “embarrassed” and “heartbroken” by her decision to decline. This year’s JFN conference drew a record 450 individual philanthropists and foundation representatives, 180 of whom were attending for the first time. Preceding Zuckerberg’s remarks, Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat made a pitch for continued 910 Atlantic Ave. Virginia Beach, VA 23451 philanthropic investment in his city and its innovation sector. The conference’s opening plenary . focused on the topic of how philanthroSpectacular contemporary home with river view and private back yard on the pists and foundations could play a role Lynnhaven. Dramatic two story foyer and great room. Relax in over 5000 square feet in reducing incivility in the Jewish world including huge master with fireplace and bay window overlooking river. Potential and avoid using their funding as a tool for in law suite. Extensive withIhot L A K decking E SM Ttub. H Convenient to all of Hampton Roads. intimidating recipients over disagreements Ready for you to enjoy! that might come up. This all brick home Another of the conference’s plenary sesoverlooking serene sions featured Jake Porway, founder and Lake Smith is bright executive director of DataKind, a not-forand up-to-date. profit organization that provides pro bono New roof and windows. services to other not-for-profits with the aim Custom neighborhood of improving their collection and use of data convenient to all of to increase their impact. One session also Hampton Roads. included remarks from Lisa Eisen, vice president of the Charles and Lynn Schusterman Family Foundation, who called on funders 5113 Crystal Po to use their influence and resources to5113 Crystal Point Drive $539,900 incentivize organizations to enhance their use of data and to share their data. The annual JJ Greenberg Memorial Award, which honors a foundation professional under 40 who has demonstrated extraordinary leadership in Jewish philanthropy, was awarded to Lesley Matsa, Janet Frenck, GRI a program officer at Crown Family 757-439-4039 Philanthropies in Chicago. The Shahaf 757-439-4039 Howard Hanna William E Wood Foundation in Israel was awarded the GRI Janet Frenck, 1321 Laskin Road,CRB, Virginia Beach, VA, 23451 janetfrenck@williamewood.com biennial Shapiro Prize for Excellence in janetfrenck@howardhanna.com William E. Wood & Associates Philanthropic Collaboration. 1321 Laskin Road • Virginia Beach
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jewishnewsva.org | April 25, 2016 | Women | Jewish News | 19
Women
Meet Sarah Aroeste, the Jewish mom revitalizing Ladino music by Joanna Valente
(Kveller via JTA) — Sarah Aroeste is one of those people who seem utterly fascinating. She’s a mom and Ladino musician who recently released her fourth album Ora de Despertar, or Time to Wake Up. In her music, she explores her connection between her Sephardic roots in Greece and her passion for Ladino musical traditions. (Ladino is the Judeo-Spanish language written and spoken by Jews of Spanish origin, which means it’s a blend of medieval Spanish and words from Hebrew, Arabic and Portuguese.) Recently, she became a second-time mom to her second daughter—so she’s been pretty busy balancing motherhood and being a professional musician. Her album, released last month, is a kid-friendly collection focusing on the times of day, food, body parts, numbers, nature and more.
Aroeste spoke about being a new mom for the second time, what inspires her to make music, her favorite holiday and her least favorite Hebrew word: JTA: You recently became a second-time mom. How do you find time to make music and parent? What’s your secret? Luckily, life with my kids makes good fodder for my music. Whether I stare in awe of them by their simple joys, or seek a rock to hide under when they tantrum, I write songs about it! That cuts my work-time in half, as I don’t have to look very far for inspiration these days. JTA: What are you working on right now? I’m just now releasing my 4th record, an all-original Ladino (Judeo-Spanish) children’s album. A lot of people think that Ladino is extinct, or at least on its way to a slow death. I
20 | Jewish News | Women | April 25, 2016 | jewishnewsva.org
want to make sure that people know this isn’t the case. Ladino culture is such an important part of Jewish history and I want to ensure that my daughters are proud of the rich tradition from which they come. The project (which also includes an animated video series, songbook and more) is called Ora de Despertar, or Time to Wake Up. For children, it’s the title track of the album and is just a fun, catchy song about the rituals of waking up in the morning. But for adults it’s a wake-up call — we have to start teaching our kids our culture or indeed it will get lost. JTA: What TV show have you binge watched? I wish I could say something trendy and current, but I live in rural middle-of-nowhere and have no broadband. Amazon and Netflix are foreign to us in the boondocks. But the last show
Sarah Aroeste
I binged on was Breaking Bad—my husband is from New Mexico, and before I married him, I wanted to understand his obsession with his state (the drugs notwithstanding). JTA: Biggest pet peeve: In correspondences when people clearly can see my name spelled out in a heading and they still leave off the “h” at the end of my name when they address me. Especially when it’s a relative. JTA: If you were a Jewish holiday, which one would you be? I’m a sucker for tashlikh, so I’d have to say continued on page 21
Women First Person
Blueberry muffins and tea
Marino and Sylva Bertini in Virginia Beach, last month. by Lisa Bertini
M
y parents visited us for two weeks. I see them at least every two months, but I always drive to New Jersey. This time it was their adventure to take the train to Richmond and see some sites, as many grandchildren as possible, and of course, me and my sister who live here. We were appropriately anxious about the trip, as they haven’t aged well. My dad had a stroke and heart valve replacement as well as brain surgery. He has also had lots of joints replaced by the best son-in-law ever. But he has slowed down. My mom had a bad fall two years ago and broke
continued from page 20
Rosh Hashanah. It’s the perfect antidote after your family has driven you crazy the night before, you get the chance to apologize right after. No really, I truly love watching my regrets and apologies float away, there’s something so spiritual and cathartic about it that I look forward to each year. JTA: What’s your weirdest family tradition?
her back suffering infection and further surgeries and a stroke during one of them. I feel like we lost an entire piece of her— making that which remains, even more precious. When they got off the train, they looked old, tired, lost and fragile. I was heartbroken and went into my default overprotective mother bear mode. I remained in that mode the entire visit. I had to tone it down as my dad has his complete faculties and found it obnoxious. His response was to act like a rebellious toddler and do the opposite of all my helpful recommendations. “Don’t drive dad” led to him taking down the entire fence in our front yard while heading out to brunch. “Let’s not go up and down the stairs” (steep, wooden, unforgiving), led to an immediate need to go find whatever he could think of upstairs. “Dad why are you eating peanuts? You just had three slices of pizza” led to “I had four slices actually.” His mom, bless her soul, must’ve been a patient woman! My mom, on the other hand, just wanted to be as close to me physically as
possible. She is now under 5 feet and still one of the loveliest ladies I know. She is elegant and sweet and her Italian laced accent is musical. But she has lost her shortterm memory, so her face often looks panicked or resigned as she searches for words, thoughts, memories. It is heartbreaking. She asks daily when the girls, both in college now, will be home from school. That makes me tear up every time, as I already miss them so. She asks where my crazy black dog is hiding and I remind her we put her down last summer. She, once the most fabulous Italian cook, reminds me we need to make lasagna, but then drifts off as I pull ingredients and end up baking alone while she stares at the same old photos on the fridge she looked at the hour before. Part of me is soft, but a part is hard. I hate this and I’m angered by it. I sharply remind her that we just put in the chicken to roast and she can’t take it out yet. I lose patience as she rummages through her purse looking for nothing again and again. I sigh heavily as she asks tenderly when I have to go back to Georgetown (I graduated in 1987), because she will miss me so much. I want to scream, “I miss you mom. When are you coming back?” Instead, I watch my dad as he is lost in the CNN
news blaring at deafening volume about some hideous new tragedy. I have become unhinged in longing for my parents. The ones I knew three years ago. Now I cook the meals and do the laundry and remind them to brush their teeth. To please not let the dog out and not race up the stairs and have only one cookie. What has happened? How did this get so twisted? On the day before they would board the train home again, my mom and I made blueberry muffins. I would be sweet, kind, loving and patient if it killed me. We worked together side by side. I gave this once culinary queen the small tasks of stirring or cleaning bowls that she could handle successfully. I made us tea as the muffins baked and filled the house, my home, with the scent of comfort. As she sat down sipping her tea, and the hot vapor rose to soothe her languid gaze, she spoke in Italian. She does that now since the stroke. It is the language of her war-torn childhood. I handed her a muffin, hot from the oven. She looked up with the joyful surprise of a child and my mother said in her mother tongue, “ Oh how lovely. When did you have the time to make these Lisa? You are so wonderful. I’m so happy to be here with you.” And the world was right again.
Naming my daughters hard-to-pronounce Hebrew names. Our extended families can’t understand why we did it.
JTA: What’s the last thing you do at night? I’ve got a 4-month old baby—I’m likely feeding her!
JTA: Least favorite Jewish phrase: I can’t stand the word nudnik (annoying person). But I guess that’s the point?
JTA: What personal object could you not live without? (Besides your phone!) I’m one of the last people I know who still wears a watch. I feel lost without it. And it’s an old chunky Swatch watch to boot. I’m obsessed.
Joanna Valente, Kveller’s editorial assistant, is the author of Sirs & Madams and The Gods Are Dead. Her full-length collection Marys of the Sea is forthcoming from ELJ Publications in 2016. Kveller is a thriving community of women and parents who convene online to share, celebrate and commiserate their experiences of raising kids through a Jewish lens. Visit Kveller. com.
JTA: Favorite podcast: Anything on NPR. I’m a junkie.
When
they got off
the train, I went into my default overprotective mother bear mode.
jewishnewsva.org | April 25, 2016 | Women | Jewish News | 21
Women
Las Vegas’ Jewish mayor talks about her city, how husband would love to run against Trump by Ron Kampeas
LAS VEGAS (JTA)—You haven’t heard a lot about Carolyn Goodman, which may be just how she wants it. Goodman, 76, was elected mayor of this city in 2011, succeeding her husband, Oscar Goodman, who had served three terms and was barred by term limits from running for a fourth. She was reelected last year. Whereas Oscar is “flamboyant,” as Goodman puts it in an interview in her office overlooking the strip, she is more self-effacing. She is prone to be gracious in victory, once praising her opponent following a tough municipal election as having “good intentions” for Las Vegas. Oscar, a former mob lawyer who played a version of himself in Goodfellas, had once called the same challenger a “piece of crap.” She’s also disarmingly candid, confessing that she was “born a brunette” and recounting with pride the adoption of her four children, whose photos surround her. “The second one’s an attorney, very much like his father, very aggressive,” Goodman says. Goodman shared her thoughts on the growth of the city’s Jewish community, the November election and how her husband would love to give Republican front-runner Donald Trump a run for his money. Her seventh-story office, in a gleaming building towering over neighboring bail bondsmen shops, is a tribute to Oscar. There’s a huge pencil drawing in the foyer depicting moments in his mayoralty, with the centerpiece a portrait of Oscar and Carolyn Goodman smooching. “Fifty-four years come June,” she said of her marriage. “It should have been 55, but my parents really didn’t like him.” Did they come around? “Yes, of course, one always comes around to Oscar,” Goodman says. They met when she was at Bryn Mawr and he was at Haverford, when the suburban Philadelphia colleges were both
strictly single-sex. He went on to study law at the University of Pennsylvania (as did two of their children) and was hired while still studying for the bar by then Philadelphia Assistant District Attorney Arlen Specter—later a U.S. senator—for a dollar an hour. That’s how they came to Las Vegas in 1964. “There was a wealthy Jewish widow by the name of Lulubell Rossman, who was murdered and the money that she kept under her mattress was brought out here to Las Vegas,” Goodman says. The alleged killers were apprehended and returned to Philadelphia by two sheriffs. Specter, she recalls, told Oscar to take them out to dinner. “At 2 in the morning, he woke me up and he said, ‘How would you like to move to the land of milk and honey?’” Goodman related. “And I said, ‘For heaven’s sake, we’re just newlyweds, I don’t want to move to Israel yet.’” (Later she said if it weren’t for her family, who all live in Las Vegas, and her job, she would consider aliyah.) “So I said to him, ‘Whatever you want to do, let’s go look.’” They visited in May 1964 and moved in August that year. Goodman was involved in the local Jewish federation from the get-go, heading the women’s divisions for several years while her husband made a name for himself defending the gangster Meyer Lansky and others with sobriquets like Fat Herbie, Lefty and Tony the Ant. “When we came here in ‘64, there was only one [Reform] temple and there was an Orthodox temple operating out of a little house on Maryland Parkway,” Goodman says. “And now I can’t even begin to tell you.” (Todd Polikoff, the current federation director, estimates there are about 60,000 Jews in Las Vegas, along with 28 congregations—only 15 have buildings— and four Jewish schools.) What was attractive about Vegas? In Manhattan, where Goodman grew up, residents never met their congressman
22 | Jewish News | Women | April 25, 2016 | jewishnewsva.org
and had to wait for someone to die to get season tickets to Carnegie Hall. Las Vegas was wide open. “To go ahead and do something, not to be recognized, but to be part of things growing and developing – we both had that urge,” she says. After 17 years jointly in office, is there a Goodman legacy in Las Vegas? Goodman doesn’t like the word, at least not applied to her. “To me, everything that both of us did, but more specifically—as I say, I can only speak for me—I wasn’t looking to get any recognition,” she says. “If there’s a legacy here at all, I think that Oscar brought the town back, the core of the city of Las Vegas back, from crime-infested, boarded up, really scummy core of the city, back to vitality and began the whole initiative to see everything you see behind me take place.” She sweeps her hand toward the picture window behind her. Asked about the presidential election, Goodman—like her husband, an Independent—politely offers: “You want somebody who has the qualities and dignity of a presidential leader.” I take that as a cue to ask if she’s ever met Donald Trump, whose Las Vegas tower is visible in the distance. Goodman recalls an appeal her husband once made for Trump’s help in developing a rail yard the city had obtained from Union Pacific. Trump was interested, but soon they began arguing. Oscar,
whose mother was an artist, favored an eclectic architectural approach. Trump envisioned something more uniform. “I had such a headache when I left,” Goodman says. “You obviously have not met Oscar. He’s [like] Donald Trump, but so kind and good. And a religious, very religious man. I don’t know if Donald is or not. “But two egos—like, humongous egos—and each one, every statement out of one man, the other one had to come back. I’m sitting there doing this between the two of them”—she swivels her head like she’s watching a tennis match— “and I’m thinking, oh my God. What a headache I’ve got from this.” Her husband was vindicated, she says, again gesturing to the city vista and a reward for architectural excellence from the U.S. Conference of Mayors, one of many plaques crowding her desk. I press Goodman on her impression of Trump. “He is who he is, when you see him, that’s what I saw, too,” she says. “He really does know how to hit everybody’s nerve center. I think Oscar, if he had a choice in life, he would love to be running against him right now.” At 76 he’s too old, Goodman says of her husband. “He would have a good time,” she says, “except, as I say, Oscar is really a very good Jew and very religious and very loyal to it.”
How
would you
like to move to the land
of milk and honey?
Women
To the Woman Who Told Me My Kids Don’t Belong in Synagogue by Rochelle Kipnis
(Kveller via JTA)—Last Shabbat, I was in synagogue with my three children. My girls are seven and four, my baby boy is one. Several women suggested that I should bring my children to the playroom area designated for kids. One of the fellow mothers casually mentioned that she just dropped off her kids upstairs and I should go check it out and drop my kids off. Then, an older woman sat down in the row behind us and began saying “shhh” every time my daughter hummed to the prayers or tried to sing the words with me. The shhh got louder when my daughter asked me if she would get to kiss the Torah that was being taken out of the ark. I decided to turn around and ask the woman why she kept shushing at my children, who were doing their best to feel part of the service and who, for the record, really weren’t being loud. This woman said, “Shul really isn’t a place for children. They belong in the playroom; they don’t know how to pray properly.” I told her I am not sure if there is a “proper” way for anyone to pray. We all do our best and follow along at our own paces, right? My seven-year-old was reading the English words in the siddur (prayer book) while following along in Hebrew with some prayers that she knew. My four-yearold was swaying to the familiar songs and trying to see the Torah with the hopes of getting to touch and kiss it when the rabbi carries it around the sanctuary. My one-year-old was quietly resting on my shoulder and occasionally clapping if he heard anyone else clapping to a tune. My children aren’t perfect, and I have seen children next to their parents playing with a small puzzle or toy cars. But just hearing them whisper “Amen” at the end of
a prayer, I’m assured these kids are learning. They are learning what community togetherness feels like. They are learning what it feels like to be Jewish. Don’t get me wrong: I appreciate that there are playrooms in separate areas where some parents opt to drop off their children so they can have quiet time to pray. But I bring my children to services so we can experience group prayer together as a family. I want my children to grow up remembering the songs they heard in synagogue while sitting on my lap. I want them to experience being part of their Jewish community, and not just from the sidelines. Children should be able to feel the sanctuary is a place of welcome and worship. No, synagogue isn’t just for grown-ups. I bring my kids to synagogue to teach them. I am teaching them how we pray, the tunes of the songs we sing and what it feels like to be together with fellow Jews on Shabbat. My children love when they see the Torah. My one-year-old claps when he hears the songs. My seven- and four-yearold are making memories of being in the sanctuary together with their family. If parents want to bring their children to the playroom, that’s fine, but I’ll keep bringing my kids to the sanctuary with me so they grow to love prayer, learn leadership alongside adults and make memories as Jewish people. And one day they can pass these traditions onto the next generation, too.
DESIGN ENHANCEMENTS LIGHTING OUTDOOR LIVING MAINTENANCE
My
children
love when
they see the Torah.
Rochelle Kipnis is a former news reporter and board-certified behavior analyst who has helped hundreds of children with autism. She lives in suburban New Jersey with her husband and three children.) Kveller is a thriving community of women and parents who convene online to share, celebrate and commiserate their experiences of raising kids through a Jewish lens. Visit Kveller.com.
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jewishnewsva.org | April 25, 2016 | Women | Jewish News | 23
Women Recognizing the signs and symptoms of bacterial meningitis could save your life. Early symptoms often present similar to influenza (flu), and are sometimes misdiagnosed.
First Person
Meningitis is preventable with a vaccine
Bacterial Meningitis: Signs and Symptoms
by Dee Dee Becker
(Source: http://www.cdc.gov/meningitis/bacterial.html)
Meningitis infection may show up in a person by a sudden onset of fever, headache, and stiff neck. It will often have other symptoms, such as • Nausea • Vomiting • Increased sensitivity to light (photophobia) • Altered mental status (confusion) The symptoms of bacterial meningitis can appear quickly or over several days. Typically, they develop within three to seven days after exposure. Babies younger than one-month old
Disclaimer: The contents of this article are not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please consult your physician for personalized medical advice.
A
little fact about me: I am the oldest of six girls, affectionately self-coined The Sixters. From top to bottom, we stretch an entire 18 years. Chai. To life. Poignant, considering the story you are about to read. Deborah is my bookend sixter, the youngest of all of us. As an infant, she unwittingly sparked my fire on the topic of bacterial meningitis. Oh, how I am so glad she does not remember this. However, it wasn’t until close friends, Alicia and
are at a higher risk for severe infections, like meningitis, than older children. In newborns and infants, the classic meningitis symptoms of fever, headache, and neck stiffness may be absent or difficult to notice. The infant may appear to be slow or inactive (lack of alertness), irritable, vomiting or feeding poorly. In young infants, doctors may look for a bulging fontanelle (soft spot on infant’s head) or abnormal reflexes, which can also be signs of meningitis. If you think your infant has any of these symptoms, call the doctor or clinic right away. Later symptoms of bacterial meningitis can be very severe (such as, seizures, coma). For this reason, anyone who thinks they may have meningitis should see a doctor as soon as possible. Emily Stillman, of blessed memory.
24 | Jewish News | Women | April 25, 2016 | jewishnewsva.org
Michael Stillman lost their daughter to this dreaded disease three years ago that I became ready to take pen in hand to help educate and advocate—to make a difference in some small way. Bacterial meningitis is a serious and sometimes fatal infection of the membranes covering the brain and spinal cord. Side effects can be devastating—deafness, blindness, paralysis and loss of limbs to name a few. Rewind to 1982. I was barely 18 years old and only two weeks into my freshman year away at college when I received the call that my youngest sister had made her grand entrance into the world. I made my way home from school to breathe her in and nibble on her little nose and toes like a proud big Sis. Deborah was perfect— and off I went back to college. Six months later, another call. Deborah was in a coma at Children’s Hospital of The King’s Daughters, diagnosed with bacterial meningitis. I listened. I cried. And firmly understood that her life was very much at stake. An interminable month of watching and waiting passed, and finally Deborah came home with no longterm side effects. We counted ourselves amongst the lucky… and life went on, albeit with profound new perspective. Fast forward to 2013 to my Michigan friends, the Stillmans. “Emily was at Kalamazoo College
and phoned home from her dorm room,” says Alicia. “Mom, I have a headache…I was up late studying…I’m achy, too,” she recalls Emily saying. “I thought she had the flu, or was overtired from all the studying. I told her to take some ibuprofen, get some sleep and I would check in with her the next day.” By early morning, Alicia received a phone call that Emily had been taken to the hospital. Her headache had spiraled drastically for the worse. “The nurses said they were testing her for meningitis,” says Alicia, “but I kept telling them Emily was vaccinated for that. I was concerned it had to be something else they were overlooking. When the staff asked if we’d like to speak with the hospital clergy, it hit Michael and me that Emily was gravely ill.” Thirty-six hours later, on February 2, 2013, with her family by her side, Emily lost her life to bacterial meningitis at age 19. Yes, it happens that fast. “I didn’t understand,” says Alicia. “I had all three of my children vaccinated with everything available at all the age appropriate times, including the meningitis vaccine. It made no sense to me that she contracted this disease. So I kissed Emily goodbye and made a bedside promise: to find out what happened and do everything within my power to help prevent it from happening again.” Alicia began her search for answers as to how Emily contracted bacterial meningitis, even though it was a disease she had been vaccinated against. In short, Emily had contracted meningitis serogroup B (MenB)—a strain that is not included in the conjugate vaccine routinely used here in the U.S., which only protects against strains A, C, Y and W135. MenB is the same strain of meningitis that caused the widely publicized outbreaks at Princeton and University of California Santa Barbara in 2014.
Women Today, two MenB vaccines are available in the United States. Trumenba was licensed in October 2014, and Bexsero in January 2015. The number of doses required and strengths vary. While it is no longer necessary to go abroad to get this protection, you may still need to jump through insurance hoops to access it. Let me define what I mean by hoops: Keep in mind that the MenB vaccines are different from the The Stillman Family: Alicia Stillman, Emily Stillman, Michael Stillman, Karly Stillman and Zachary Stillman. meningitis conjugate vacAdding insult to tragedy, Alicia learned cine children generally receive at a young that a MenB vaccine did exist—but it was age. Therefore, when you call to set up your only available in Canada and Europe at child’s next doctor’s appointment, you can that time. “I was shattered to learn that request the MenB vaccine if it is not yet Emily died from a vaccine preventable mentioned as an option. And since it is still disease. Had I known about the existence relatively new, paperwork between your of this vaccine, I would have carted my insurance company and your doctor’s office children across the border to Canada and will likely need to be processed prior to your visit to ensure that your child receives it at had them vaccinated.” To channel her grief and honor her his/her visit. In addition, since it is a drug promise to Emily, Alicia founded The that is not routinely stocked in physician Emily Stillman Foundation. She started Get offices, you will also likely need to obtain Vaccinated programs to help people access the prescription from your child’s doctor MenB vaccinations before they were avail- in advance and deliver it to your pharmacy. able in the U.S. “We chartered buses,” says Your pharmacy will, in turn, need to order Alicia, “and escorted families across the it which may take a few days. Then you will Detroit/Windsor boarder to obtain these pick up the vaccine from your pharmacy and vaccines. Meningococcal disease is a vac- take it with you to your child’s appointment. cine preventable disease, but you do need to And be sure to check with your insurance company beforehand to determine your receive the vaccines in order to prevent it.” copay so there are no surprises. What you need to know about getting your child vaccinated for Meningitis ersonally, I believe Alicia’s sheer deterSerogroup B (MenB) mination and staunch advocacy are, in Parents, always consult with your physi- part, why the MenB vaccinations are now cian and determine what is right for you, available here in the U.S. From founding but consider the following information. The Emily Stillman Foundation and develCertain populations such as infants and oping the Get Vaccinated clinics, to the children are at higher risk for this disease. national media exposure they garnered, College students also fall in a higher risk as well as support from their local policategory because of close living quar- ticians, the Stillmans made Emily’s life a ters where bacteria easily multiply. Their blessing for others. In fact, her life—and immune systems are also further stressed now in death—is the ultimate mitzvah: by lack of sleep. The disease can be passed In Emily’s case, her meningitis did not through saliva, for example by sharing spread to the bloodstream, so she was utensils, drinks, cigarettes or through able to donate six of her organs to five kissing.
P
recipients, along with tissue and bones to countless others. “Emily loved singing, dancing and especially acting,” says Alicia. “She loved puzzles, games, movies, and reality television. Emily had a charismatic presence, a beautiful smile and a wonderful sense of humor that drew people in from the moment they met her. I miss her every day
with every fiber of my being.” The Emily Stillman Foundation’s mission is twofold: to raise awareness for meningococcal disease and organ donation. To learn more about Emily, meningitis, organ donation and The Emily Stillman Foundation, visit www. ForeverEmily.org.
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