U of T Law Hockey Team Heads to Playoffs to Defend Title

General Manager’s scouting andrecruitment critical to team’s success

SPENCER PAVECK (2L)*

The Men’s Law Hockey team faces a formidable challenge, as they head to the Winter 2019 Playoffs seeking to defend their championship title and retain the Jennings Cup. Their historic Cinderella run of seven consecutive victories to the Fall Championship has boosted expectations for the team, and fans will only be placated with back-toback titles.

Law’s handsome General Manager, Ned Hockebucci, has thus far been able to recreate his illustrious managerial moves from the past two seasons. Hockebucci was hired by the club in 2015 primarily for his economic efficiency in management style, and for his advanced approach to analytics and scouting. He quickly proved his ability in the 2017 Entry Draft by selecting a skilled cohort of enthusiastic players who became the foundation for the club. Among these players are Law co-captains Spencer Paveck (2L) and Robbie Marks (2L); defencemen Will Eberlee (2L), Cody Koblinsky (2L), and Shimon “Shimmer” Sherrington (2L); and forwards Mike Jankowski (2L), Michael Cain (2L), and Zachary Green (2L), who later severed his ties with the Law team in order to study for an MBA “exam” worth 2% of his final grade. Law’s Sierra Leonean consiglieres Omar Saeed (2L) and Jonas “Grand Mut” Mutukistna (2L) were also crucial members of this Draft class. Team executives and fans alike were pleased to see their safe return to Canada after their stint on the now-disgraced Sierra Leone Vice President’s personal hockey team.

Hockebucci demonstrated that his drafting accomplishments in the 2017 were no fluke and redoubled his efforts for the 2018 Entry Draft. Hockebucci’s handpicked scouts on his Hockey Recruitment and Admissions Committee (Faculty Council) were able to draft former Junior hockey players Kevin “Showtime” Madden (1L) and Matt “Brooksie” Brooker (1L), when they were in high demand from other American clubs for their offensive prowess. Hockebucci drafted current National Bench Press Champion Patrick Pinho (1L) to further bolster a potent offensive corps. Hockebucci and his Faculty Council did not neglect the defensive side of the ice, drafting star puck-handler Matt Maich (1L) and cardio enthusiast Scott Wodhams (1L). Although rumours abound that some of these young players were enticed to join the University of Toronto through improper payment of faculty grants, this remains baseless speculation.

Hockebucci was nearly as active in the 2018 free agent market. In addition to signing current MVP Chris Kowal (2L) for the reasonable price of a new set of equipment,

he also convinced early retiree Nic Martin (3L) to lace up the skates for two final seasons. Martin was able to shake the rust off his skates and his ability to hammer home tough rebounds proved to be invaluable to Law’s success last season.

Hockebucci and his Faculty Council have busily worked the phones to acquire veteran talent to complement the younger players on the Law roster. Hockebucci has clearly asserted that he is not afraid to sign free agents from the upstart European Exchange Hockey League (EEHL). Although many pundits believe the EEHL is superfluous due to its exorbitant living costs and its lack of even a rudimentary training regimen, there is no question that it is a preferred destination for veteran players looking to renew their careers. Hockebucci has already pried away three of the league’s top stars in Jessy “Mootin’” van Kooten (3L), Kieran “Mayhem” May (3L), and Josh “Old Man Winnipeg” Watts (3L). Van Kooten and May joined Law with considerable chemistry from playing together on the top line of the Geneva Suisse Creditors. Although somewhat injuryprone in his old age, Watts (formerly of Amsterdam’s Red Light Racers) represents decades of hockey experience, and has been instrumental in helping develop Law’s young stars.

Highly sought-after head coach D’arcy “Coach Torts” White (2L) has shown his innovative chops in experimenting with his deep lineup and building team chemistry. Although his infamously grating style and harsh words have been highly criticized by former players, there is no doubt that his style brings success. Law defenceman and darling of the advanced stats community Eberlee commented after a recent practice: “Coach Torts is the best coach in the league. Tough, but fair. Manages the egos in the room (see Kowal, Chris) brilliantly. Don’t even think about not getting back on D.” Coach Torts’ high hockey IQ, his in-game adjustments, and his opportune timeouts are a central component to Law’s future achievements.

Hockebucci has reportedly already begun looking ahead to the 2019 Entry Draft, in particular to find a replacement in net for retiring goaltender Colin Romano (3L). No matter who he finds, there is no question the new goalie will have Chara-sized skates to fill. Romano has proved again and again that he is the heart and soul of the Law team, and his dependable yet often highlight-reel play has stolen countless wins for his teammates over the years. He is widely considered to be the league’s top goaltender, and looks to cap his impressive accolades with another

championship in the playoff season.

After 9 long seasons of haphazard rebuilding efforts, Law has finally found success with its distinguished lineup, crafted by the shrewd Ned Hockebucci. The current iteration of the Law team is a tantalizing combination of stars in the midst of the prime of their careers, upand-coming young talent, and veteran leadership. As Law heads to the playoffs with the undivided support of their fanbase, it hopes to enshrine itself and its esteemed faculty in glory once again.

Note: Some elements of this article have been embellished for humour. At the time this article was written, Law had notched a berth in the semi-finals to continue their title defence and retain the Jennings Cup. UV and its editors wish the team the best of luck in the seasons to come.

*Spencer Paveck (2L) is on the Men’s Law Hockey Team.