Stories from a Nursing Student

I write to you as a fourth-year nursing student, about to graduate and embark on my career as a nurse. What you are reading now is a collection of stories and reflections on those stories, which I collected over the course of my clinical placements as part of my senior thesis in the Honors College. You may be a student yourself, a patient, or a veteran nurse. Regardless, these stories are meant for you.

To student readers, you are in for a challenge, my friend. You will be tested far beyond your academic knowledge. Your time will be stretched and so will you. You will be stressed and scared often, but you will love what you do. You will be immensely grateful that you chose to be a nurse. You are not going to have all the answers, not even close, and I never will either. Though with the knowledge and experience, I do have, I wrote these stories to serve a purpose. They are clinical but they touched me and I hope will move you, too. They also expose something about what hospital care is really like. My hope is these stories could prepare you in a way that textbooks cannot. Your professors will teach you about the severity of diabetes, but you will not understand its true effects until you are the one who must do preop care on a woman who is about to lose her leg. Your professors will teach you about the struggles of teen pregnancy, but you won't truly grasp what that entails until you are holding a 19-year-old's newborn while she cries on the phone because they don't have a place to live. Your professors will teach you about the intricacies of the human heart and the complications that can arise. But you won't understand how scary open-heart surgery is until you see a wife with tears streaming down her face praying she won't become a widow. Nursing is not just memorizing, it's more than understanding. Nursing is experiencing the pain, fear, and uncertainty with your patients, but also having answers and compassion to comfort them. Reading my stories will not equip you nearly enough but I hope it gets you started. I hope they excite you and leave you with a sense of awe to develop a love and respect for this career you will work so hard to earn.

At one point or another, all of us will be patients. If that is you, whether you have a chronic condition or went to the hospital once for a bad cold, I hope you were valued. I hope you were cared for and educated and left the hospital truly feeling better. Patients often turn into room numbers and are referred to as such. I hope you were called by name and felt heard and understood. My collection of stories exemplifies how I conducted myself while caring for others. In no way was I perfect; I made mistakes. Though, I never lacked compassion for my patients. I made sure to remember my patients' names in and out of their rooms. I listened when they spoke and sat with them when they needed an extra moment of company. I'd like you to know that nurses truly have their patient's best interests at heart. Every now and then you may catch a nurse on a bad day or in a bad moment, there are many of those, but I do believe all nurses want to care for their patients the best they can. I hope my stories can peel back the curtain to show the different aspects of what goes on during hospital care.

To the veteran nurses who may be reading this, thank you for the time you have put into the world of nursing. I know I have so much to learn from you. I'm sure there are things you have gone through that I will never understand. You have probably made a huge difference in people's lives and even saved them from ending. I hope these stories remind you of when you were a young nursing student like me. The struggles you faced then were different, but still real. You had an innocence and naivety that I'm sure faded fast after graduation. You had more energy then and maybe more patience. I hope that as you've grown you did not lose the wonder and desire for nursing that I still have as a young student. I write these stories not to pretend that I have it all figured out. Instead, I want these stories to show the transparency of my experiences as I am still learning. These stories may seem simple and elementary to you now, but I hope they help you remember your beginnings and how sweet they were.

Wishing you good health, Trinity Faith Esposito

My First Patient �

Foraboutayear,Iworkedasapersonalcareassistant,aPCA,foradearwomanwithAlzheimer'sdisease.BythetimeIcamearound,shehad beensufferingfromdementiaforaboutnineyearsandhadbeendiagnosedwithAlzheimer's3yearsprior.WhileIcaredforher,sheonlyspokea fewwordsandneededassistancewalking,eating,andconductingdailyactivities.Withherrollingwalkerandanotherperson'ssupport,shewas abletowalkfromherbedroomtothebathroomtogetreadyfortheday.HerdaughterandIwouldgetherwashedupandsmellingnice.Shealways hadafreshlywashedoutfitlaidoutforherwithcomfypantsandamatchingtop.ShehadafewchoicesofbathandbodyworkslotionthatIwould putonherlegs,sotheywereshinyandsoft.Then,wewouldhavebreakfasttogether.

Ihadthepleasureoffeedingherhomemadebreakfast,lunch,ordinnerdependingonwhattimeIwaswithher.Herdaughteralwaysofferedme foodtoeataswellandoftenIcouldn'tresist.IwouldhelpMrs.F.eatandthenIwouldgettoeat,too.Mrs.F.hadaplaypicnicbasketthatIwould setupforher.Shelikedtoholdherpicniccupandutensilswhilesheate.Inbetweenhermealsandsnacks,wewatchedherfavoriteshowsand movies.Herfavoritemoviewas"Baby'sDayOut."Herdaughtersaidshelovedwatchingthebabygetintoallsortsofmischief.Oneofmyfavorite thingswashearingherlaughatthefunnypartsofthemovies.Alzheimer'sdiseasehasthecapabilityoftakingawaypeople'sabilitytolaughsoher chucklesandsmilesmeantthatmuchmoreknowingshestillkeptsomeofhersenseofhumor.

Whenitwaswarmenoughoutside,wealsowentforwalks.Withthehelpofherdaughter,wewould getMrs.F.allbundledupandreadyinherwheelchair.Wewouldwalkthebeautifulneighborhood together.SometimesIwouldplaymusiconmyphone,andI'dliketobelievesheenjoyedhearingme humalongtoit.Ienjoyedmytimewiththispatientsodeeply.Ilovedtoholdherhandandtalktoher. Everynowandthenshewouldnoticemeinadifferentway,lookatmeinmyeyesandwithasweet looksay"Ohquerida."Shetaughtmetoslowdownandappreciateeverythingaroundme.Shehad suchapeacefulpresence;itwassoeasytobearoundher.

Onenight,Igotamessagethatmypatientandfriendhadpassedawayinthesafetyand securityofherownhome.MyheartbrokebutIwashappytoknowshelivedagoodlife, andherlastfewyearsweresweetandsimple.Iwillalwaysappreciatehowherfamily caredforher.Theyshowedherunconditionallovewhilealsomaintainingpeaceand acceptancethattheendofhertimewithuswasnear.Mypatient'sfamilyshowedmethe freedomthatcomesfromknowingthattimehereislimited.Asnurses,wehaveto prepareourselveswhentakingcareofterminallyillpatients.I'vebeentoldthereisa balancethatshouldbefoundbetweenmakingaconnection,andnotgettingsoattached thatthepainoflosingthepatientwillbetooharmful.Ihavenotfoundthatbalancequite yet,butIwouldrathercaretoomuchthannotenough.Istillmisstakingcareofmy patientbut,IamsogratefulforthetimeIdidgettospendwithher.Myfirstpatient,my

friend,myquerida.

Relatingto Patients

Whiledocumentingatthecomputeranursecameuptomeandtwootherstudents.Sheaskedusifwewould liketohelpherputinastraightcathetertoobtainaurinesample.Beingtheeagerandcuriousnursingstudents wewere,wefollowedhertothepatient'sroom.Thenurseexplainedthatthepatientwasconfusedandagitated andbeganpreppingfortheprocedure.Thepatientseemedupsetthatthereweresomanypeopleinherroom. Shewassayingthingslike"Whydoesthenursehavetoteachtoday?"and"Whyaretheresomanypeoplein myroom?"Iassistedthenurseincleaningtheperonealareaofthepatientbeforethenursestartedthesterile procedure.ThepatientwasuncomfortableandkepttryingtoputherJohnnyoverherselfforprivacy.Thenurse wasaddressingherconcernswhilecontinuingwiththeprocedure,butthepatientwasstillnotatease.

Atacertainpoint,IrealizedthatIneededtoshiftmyroletowardemotionalsupportforthepatient.Iaskedafellownursingstudentto stepintomyspotandtookasteptowardtheheadofthebed.Ibegantalkingtothepatient,Ireachedouttoholdherhandandrubbed herarm.Iaskedherwhereshewasfrom,andshesaidFairhaven.TomyexcitementthatiswhereIwenttohighschool.Westartedto chatallaboutthebeautyofFairhavenhighschool.Webothagreedthatitlookslikeacastle,andwespokeaboutthenewadditionsthat theschoolhasdone.Thepatientseeminglyallofasuddenwasalertandstartedtogetherorientationback.Shewasabletorecallher jobworkingasa5th-gradeteacher,thestreetshelivedon,andtheworkhersondidatFairhavenHighSchool.

Shewasnolongercomplainingabouttheprocedureorthepeopleintheroom.She simplyseemedtobegladthatsomebodywastakingthetimetotalkandlistento her.Ibegantoapologizetothepatientthattheprocedurewasuncomfortableand thankedherthatsheallowedthestudentstobeinherroomtolearnfromthe procedure.Asopposedtojustafewminutesagosherespondedwithoutagitation andinsteadgraciousness."That'sokaydear,"shesaid,"youstudentsneedto learn."Iwasgratefultobuildaconnectionwiththepatientandallowhertotrust me.Aftertheprocedurehadfinished,thepatienthadfamilymembersthatwere invitedbackintotheroom.TheygreetedmewarmlyandthankedmeforhowI treatedtheirlovedones.