Unbound Catalogue Autumn 2021 by Unbound

AUTUMN TITLES JULY – DECEMBER 2021

10th Anniversary Edition

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Women on Nature / Katharine Norbury (ed.) 978-1-80018-041-3 / £25.00

One of Them / Musa Okwonga 978-1-78352-967-4 / £8.99

Pedro and Ricky Come Again / Jonathan Meades 978-1-78352-950-6 / £30.00

Notebook / Tom Cox 978-1-78352-972-8 / £14.99

Grand Dishes / Anastasia Miari and Iska Lupton 978-1-80018-000-0 / £25.00

This Party’s Dead / Erica Buist 978-1-78352-954-4 / £16.99

Crow Court / Andy Charman 978-1-78352-910-0 / £16.99

SPRING 2021 HIGHLIGHTS

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Unbound c/o Runway East 20 St Thomas Street London SE1 9RS Tel. 020 3997 6790 For more information visit www.unbound.com Head of Sales Julian Mash julian@unbound.com Head of Rights Ilona Chavasse ilona@unbound.com For publicity enquiries Anna Galbraith anna.galbraith@unbound.com To order any of the books in this catalogue please contact your PGUK rep. If you’re unsure who that is, contact Julian Mash at julian@unbound.com

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Dear Reader, Welcome to our autumn catalogue, featuring titles published between July and December 2021. You will have noticed from the cover that Unbound is celebrating its tenth anniversary – we hope you recognise some familiar titles and want to thank you for all your support over the past decade. As usual, we have devoted the first half of the catalogue to excerpts and interviews around the books published in this period, with the second half containing a full chronological list including ISBNs and prices. If you’re a bookshop, all titles are available to pre-order from GBS or through your PGUK sales rep. Writing this as bookshops reopen and spring is in the air, it feels exciting to be sharing our publishing programme for the second half of the year. Among the highlights, we are thrilled to be bringing two classic Jackie Morris titles back into print: East of the Sun, West of the Moon and The Wild Swans. With beautiful new jackets, completely redesigned interiors and in the same format as The Unwinding, both of these exquisite books will be published on 14 October – turn to page 19 to read an extract from The Wild Swans. September sees the publication of Damnable Tales, an illustrated collection of twenty-three classic folk horror stories by Shirley Jackson, M. R. James, Robert Aickman and Thomas Hardy among others. Selected and illustrated with powerful lino-cuts by Richard Wells, these stories stalk the moors at night, the deep forests, cornered fields and dusky churchyards, the narrow lanes and old ways of these ancient places, drawing upon the haunted landscapes of folk horror. Later in the month we publish Completely Staged, an illustrated compendium of the complete BBC scripts from the lockdown hit TV show Staged, starring David Tennant and Michael Sheen. Launched during the global coronavirus pandemic, the show follows the two thespians playing fictionalised versions of themselves as they try to rehearse a play during lockdown… over Zoom. Alongside the scripts, from Staged’s writer and director Simon Evans and co-creator Phin Glynn, are full-colour stills from the show, original drawings, sheet music for the theme tune, Georgia Tennant’s carrot cake recipe, tips on how to draw a pineapple and much more.

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Other highlights of the season include Paint My Name in Black and Gold, a landmark biography of the Sisters of Mercy by Mark Andrews. Published on 16 September, this raucous, in-depth biography explores the early years of the cult band who invented goth. October sees the release of How to Live in the Country: A Month-byMonth Guide from best-selling author Tom Hodgkinson. Covering beekeeping, poultry-rearing, pig-keeping, bread-baking, wood-chopping, fire-laying, bartering, home-schooling and much more, it is the perfect inspirational text for beginners: useful, informative but also refreshingly honest and realistic. The Incomplete Framley Examiner is published on 14 October, celebrating twenty years of the spoof local newspaper from the team behind the Ladybird Books for Grown-Ups – utterly original and subversively witty, this is not to be missed. The paperback edition of Effin’ Birds from Aaron Reynolds is published on 16 September alongside Greetings from Effin’ Birds, a tear-out postcard book featuring 100 rude as ever effin’ birds – the ideal gift for Christmas. If you are interested in hosting events (both real and virtual) or learning more about any of these books, do drop us a line – we’d love to hear from you. Until next time, happy reading. Julian Mash Head of Sales

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CONTENTS From the Shop Floor

Highlighting some brilliant independent bookshops

Irish working-class voices: an extract from our latest anthology

A selection of spine-tingling linocuts

An interview with champion of women’s sport Sue Anstiss

A sneak peek at the latest treasure from Jackie Morris

Mark Andrews on the defining legacy of the Sisters of Mercy

Unlocking the world’s weird and wonderful video games

Comedian Rob Deering on the joys of running… even in the rain

The illustrated scripts of the hit lockdown TV show Staged 39

Diver Martin Robson on the moment it all went wrong

Pages from the book of the website of the newspaper

The beloved sweary birds, coming soon in postcard form

Behind-the-scenes photos from the set of Sharpe’s Rifles 62

The unsung thinkers behind history’s greatest philosophers

Caffeine meets art in this pop culture phenomenon

July to December 2021

January to September 2021

The 32

Damnable Tales: A Folk Horror Anthology Game On

The Wild Swans

Paint My Name in Black and Gold

Region Locked: The Key to Gaming’s Buried Treasure Rain, Trainers and Track Completely Staged

Between the Devil and the Deep

The Incomplete Framley Examiner Greetings from Effin’ Birds From Crimea with Love Philosophers’ Dogs All the Coffee Cups

New Titles: Autumn New Titles: Digital

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FROM THE SHOP FLOOR For past catalogues, we’ve loved going behind the scenes at some of the UK’s beloved bookshops, chatting to their booksellers and finding out more about their stores. In light of the pandemic, which has caused retailers to shut, we thought we’d highlight a few wonderful bookshops which have taken to selling their wares online. Please do give them a virtual wave and help to support some brilliant independent booksellers.

Book Corner www.bookcornershop.co.uk

Reading Roots www.readingroots.co.uk

FILE SEEMS FAULTY Fox Lane Books www.foxlanebooks.co.uk

Sam Read Books www.samreadbooks.co.uk

The Little Bookshop Cookham www.thelittlebookshop.info

Shelflife Books and Zines www.shelflifebookshop.com

No Alibis Belfast www.noalibis.com

Ullapool Bookshop www.ullapoolbookshop.co.uk

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THE 32 The 32 is a celebration of working-class voices from the island of Ireland. Edited by award-winning novelist Paul McVeigh, this intimate and illuminating collection features memoir and essays from established and emerging Irish voices including Dermot Bolger, Roddy Doyle, Lisa McInerney, Lyra McKee and many more. As in Common People – an anthology of working-class writers edited by Kit de Waal, and the inspiration behind this collection – The 32 sees writers who have made that leap reach back to give a helping hand to those coming up behind. Extract from ‘The Gaatch’ by Kevin Barry My father’s family kept an uncle in the attic. This was in the house on Brown’s Lane, which was off Lord Edward Street, about 500 yards from Colbert Station in Limerick city. The McCourt family of Angela’s Ashes fame lived a couple of lanes away. In my father’s house there were five children, the two parents, and the uncle in the attic. I don’t know what this uncle’s name was, or whose side he was on, or whether he was an invalid or just a bit odd in himself, but I know that he was kept in the attic. This must have been around the late 1920s or early 1930s. My father left school at about ten years old, as did most of the kids who lived in the inner city at that time. He became a messenger boy around town before eventually getting work with CIÉ down at Colbert Station – a lot of the family ended up working there, mostly as wagon-makers. Of the family lore that survives, much of it concerns my grandmother, Mary Kate, who died long before I was born. She was an unconventional woman for the time in that she went to the pub alone – the lounge bar of the Railway Hotel – and also she went to the bookmaker’s. This was considered close to scandalous at the time. The Railway Hotel is on Parnell Street, opposite Colbert Station, the same street where my mother’s family lived. They had moved in from west Limerick in the 1930s, and my grandfather and grandmother on that side always seemed to me like country people. After living in a flat on Parnell Street for a while, they got a council house in Ballinacurra Weston, a house that stayed in the family until my aunt, the last of the family in Limerick, died in 2005. When I was born, in 1969, we lived in a council house on Hyde Road, about a half-mile down from Colbert Station, and about the same again from the site of Brown’s Lane, which by then had been knocked down. 7

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Working-class families tend to move around in fairly tight circles. In 1972 we bought a house – I think for about £1,500 – in a new estate of semi-ds called Ballinacurra Gardens, about a mile from my mother’s parents’ house in Weston. A lot of the families who moved into the raw new estate were also coming from council houses. Most houses had about five or six kids knocking around in them and the estate was teeming, especially on the summer evenings – it’s very quiet now. The estate was close to the Catholic Institute tennis club, long established to service the very respectable neighbourhoods of Rosbrien and Greenfields nearby. We didn’t join the tennis club. I went to school at CBS Sexton Street, a couple of hundred yards from Colbert Station. Thinking about my schoolmates, I’d say about three quarters of us were from working-class backgrounds and the rest were lads from the county who tended to be the good hurlers. I’d wanted to go to Crescent College Comprehensive for secondary, not least because it had girls in it. I sat the entrance exam, which consisted of multiplechoice questions, and I came out of it pretty certain that I’d scored 100 per cent. I didn’t get offered a place in Crescent Comp – you generally had to have a brother or sister who’d gone there before you, and it was the case with Crescent Comp that the brothers and sisters were mostly from the better areas, from the middle-class estates, and from the old, established roads. The casual way schools in Ireland are segregated very strictly along class lines still astonishes me. About a month before I sat my Leaving Cert in 1987, one of our teachers came in one morning and gave us a talk about our destinies. We were the top-streamed class in the school, considered to be the smarter kids, the good workers. But still and all, he said, Ye’re likely to end up in bum office jobs around the town. I remember the phrase exactly – ‘bum office jobs’. He spoke for quite some time, and he painted a grim enough future. If we didn’t watch ourselves, he said, we’d be working in dreary little insurance offices, and we’d be answering to bosses who had gone to the Crescent Comp. They would be no smarter than us, he said, but they’d have gone directly to university, while we’d have been doing bookkeeping courses in the tech. He explained that it was systemic. His message, quite passionately delivered, was that we should struggle with all of our resources not to be placed in the boxes that were waiting for us. He suggested that the limits of our futures were very often set by the limits our families foresaw for us. He had been watching all this play out for years, he said, and it made him angry. We were all a bit rattled by this talk. We hadn’t seen it coming. 8

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A couple of years later, I began working my first job as a junior reporter on a local newspaper. On Thursday mornings I attended the sittings of Limerick District Court. I did the courts for a couple of years, and I can’t remember ever hearing a working-class defendant’s word taken over the word of a guard. You could predict with high accuracy the forthcoming judgements from the look of the defendant taking to the witness stand. If he or she had a working-class kind of gaatch to them – as we’d say in Limerick, meaning that they carried themselves in a certain way, dressed in a certain way, spoke in a certain way – they would very likely be found guilty. We’d often discuss it in the reporters’ box. Some lad in a tracksuit would be sauntering up to give his account of the night in question, with a face on him, and we’d nudge each other, and slyly wink. Not a chance, we’d say, not a chance…

Find The 32 on page 73

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DAMNABLE TALES: A FOLK HORROR ANTHOLOGY A richly illustrated anthology which gathers together classic short stories from masters of supernatural fiction including M. R. James, Sheridan Le Fanu, Shirley Jackson and Arthur Machen, alongside lesser-known voices in the field including Eleanor Scott and Margery Lawrence, and popular writers less bound to the horror genre, such as Thomas Hardy and E. F. Benson. Selected and beautifully illustrated by Richard Wells, these stories stalk the moors at night, the deep forests, cornered fields and dusky churchyards, the narrow lanes and old ways of these ancient places, drawing upon the haunted landscapes of folk horror – a now widely used term first applied to a series of British films from the late 1960s and 70s: Witchfinder General (1968), Blood on Satan’s Claw (1971) and The Wicker Man (1973). Richard Wells is an illustrator and graphic designer. Primarily working in the television industry, he has provided graphic props for the likes of Poldark, Sherlock, Doctor Who and the 2020 BBC adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Outside of his television work, he makes and sells his own darkly folkloric artwork, often lino-cut and hand-printed. His recent work includes a series of prints based on the ghost stories of M. R. James.

‘Thanks (I think) to the social media popularity of my series of lino prints based on the ghost stories of M. R. James, it was a nice surprise to be contacted by the folks at Unbound about a possible collaboration. I had at the back of my mind a plan to expand my print series to cover a wider selection of vintage “folk horror” style tales. So to make this the basis for my first illustrated book seemed the obvious choice. When I pitched the idea, I only had a few tales I knew I wanted to include, so I then had the pleasure of searching for more. Cue lots of scouring through vintage horror omnibus books for stories that might fit the bill, and tracking down recommendations from fellow fans of the genre. Searching for that feeling of rural uncanny; chilling, rustic tales that take place in the great outdoors. With the first lockdown hitting 10

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just as I began, I was very grateful of the project to keep me occupied, managing to keep to a routine of one new linocut illustration per week. It was a thrill to see how warmly the project was embraced, and I can’t wait for people to receive their copies.’ – Richard Wells, editor and illustrator of Damnable Tales

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GAME ON Sue Anstiss has worked in the sports sector for the last thirty years, but as those years have passed, she’s become increasingly concerned about its massive gender disparity. Game On follows Sue’s journey as she talks to high-profile Olympic and Paralympic champions, sports broadcasters, journalists, sports scientists, CEOs, officials and sponsors, and shares her own experiences, to investigate why change has taken so long and how we can ensure that the recent positive revolution in women’s sport continues. It uncovers why women have been excluded from the world of sport for centuries, and why we should be concerned about it, as well as exploring why things are changing now and what’s made global leaders, brands and the media finally wake up to the potential of women’s sport. It is a manifesto for women’s sport, providing a rallying cry to ensure the progress we are currently seeing is celebrated and maintained long term. Here, Sue Anstiss discusses these themes and more with Unbound commissioning editor Katy Guest. Katy Guest: What’s your own personal history in sport? Sue Anstiss: I was sporty as a child growing up and I loved sport at school. I was in the netball team, and then I swam a lot, at county level, and then moved on to athletics. I studied sport at university and played volleyball there, which I loved. And then, in adulthood, I played netball with older women. I mean, we weren’t older when we started! At fortysix, I got into triathlon and competed for Great Britain as an age-group triathlete for three or four years. Now I just love open-water swimming and walking. I look at my friendship groups and the women I’ve known for decades and so many of them are the women that I’ve played sport with. It’s part of my professional life, clearly, but also very much part of my own life and enjoyment. KG: What are the most egregious iniquities in sport? SA: Oh, there are many! So much of it starts with visibility. My frustration is a lack of media coverage: we don’t see women’s sport and therefore 16

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it hasn’t had the investment. I learned a lot in researching the book – about the Victorian attitude to frail, weak women whose uteruses might fall out if they ran or walked, and that the FA banned women from playing football on their pitches for fifty years. It’s all those things that just stopped women from being allowed to do anything. So when sport became commercial, and about sponsorship and investment and coverage, women weren’t there for that so we’re now playing catch-up. KG: What is Game On about? SA: The book is my story of discovering the history of women’s sport and how we came to be where we are. It looks at a whole range of different areas: funding, the fans and spectators, media coverage and so on. It’s not an instruction book but I hope it will give people – men and women – the tools to call out this inequality, to talk about why it’s so important and to help make change happen. Some of the historical stuff I discovered was quite shocking and surprising – more so when I looked back at what was happening in my lifetime. I’ve been a bit shocked at my own naivety in not realising how inequitable things were. Things have taken a while to change. I was very fortunate to talk to people from all areas of sport who have had a big impact – from sports scientists working with elite women’s sport, through to Olympians and Paralympians who have won medals, and those in the media and brands. I hope that people come away from reading the book feeling excited and positive and ready for the fight ahead. KG: Why does all of this matter? SA: It matters on many levels. It matters because we want to live in a fair and equal society where men and women of all backgrounds should have equal opportunities. Sport is such a massive and lucrative sector, so we wouldn’t want to exclude half the population from opportunities to work in such an important part of the economy. But more broadly than that, sport has such an important place in society. Culturally, it’s one of the few things that truly unites us all, and yet women for so long have been denied a place in that really important part of our lives. It influences all areas of society: women seeing that they can be coaches also see that they can be leaders. It’s so important for everything we do in life. So if we want women to be equal partners in society, then sport is a huge activator of that. 17

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KG: Are things getting better or worse? SA: I sometimes feel it’s a few steps forward and another one back, but things are definitely getting better. Even in the last decade we’ve seen significant change; since London 2012 there have been big shifts in terms of professionalism and funding of sport. There are many reasons for optimism. There were 1.2 billion viewers of the FIFA Women’s World Cup in 2019 and we’re seeing more and more women’s sport being publicised and backed, not just in the UK. Media groups such as the BBC and Sky are making a real commitment to women’s sport and making a change. There definitely is momentum. I look forward to looking back in another ten years and seeing where women’s sport has got to. That said, the pandemic has illustrated some of the inequality that still exists. There’s still much change that needs to happen, but we’re definitely in a much better place than we were. Writing the book, it was hard for me to know when to stop, because each week there are more fantastic things happening. Long may it continue. I hope that the book plays a small part in helping to move things forward. KG: What are some actions that people can take to make a positive difference? SA: At the end of the book I list a few things that people can actually do to help make change happen: supporting and watching women’s sport; supporting those brands that do back women’s sport; being better educated so you’re able to argue the cause if you’re within a sports organisation… KG: What’s your advice for any women or girls who want to get into playing some sport? SA: Do it! I talk in the book about sport for development – what’s happening globally and why sport is so powerful for adolescent women and girls, and that’s really important. And I talk a lot about the importance of resilience, the ability to work as a team, being a confident leader, losing with humility, and of course the mental and physical fitness benefits… But we sometimes overlook the joy that it brings to life – all the fantastic things that come from just letting your hair down and playing sport and being with friends and enjoying it. So absolutely, I would say just go for it. 18

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Find Game On on page 83

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THE WILD SWANS The Wild Swans is a beautiful and lyrical extended version of the fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen, illustrated throughout with delicate full-colour watercolour paintings by author and illustrator Jackie Morris, whose pillow book The Unwinding was published by Unbound in 2020. In The Wild Swans, a girl loses her brothers when they are turned into swans by her wicked stepmother, and it falls on her to try and turn them back.

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ne bright spring day, when the earth’s crust held the bite of frost, the king ordered his horse to be saddled for the hunt. As the day began to break he rode into the forest, with just a handful of his closest friends and four of his best hounds. Eliza had woken early and was sitting by the open casement window. She watched as they rode, her father talking with his friends, the horses made skittish by the strange iron earth beneath their hooves, clouds of breath steaming the twilight air and the birds just beginning to sing the sun to rise up. She smiled to see her father so relaxed, almost happy.

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A dark cloud passed across the morning sun and up on the tower an ebony raven called out a warning. She shivered. Beside her the great hound whimpered. Eliza leaned forward to pull the casement window closed and went to see if her brothers were awake.

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Riding out from the castle, the king began to feel the weight of the kingdom lift from his shoulders. On horseback he felt free. Over the fields at a swift trot, fresh cold air, morning light, then into the woods where the air warmed just a little and affairs of state fell behind. Pheasants called, and foxes. They crossed the trail of a big cat, perhaps a lynx. Deeper and deeper into the wood. After a while the king rode without thinking, feeling the sway of his hunter beneath him, watching the tree creepers climbing the trunks, squirrels leaping, and buzzards stooping below the winter-bone branches that were just beginning to bud with the fresh green shoots of spring. Now and again, when the wind blew, the tree branches would tap tap tap out the rhythm and rattle of a strange forest song.

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Find The Wild Swans on page 93

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PAINT MY NAME IN BLACK AND GOLD Drawing on years of research and dozens of interviews, journalist Mark Andrews has written the definitive account of the rise of the Sisters of Mercy, the cult band who invented goth and changed the course of rock music forever. Here, the author speaks to Mathew Clayton, Unbound’s Head of Publishing, about the inspiration behind the book, the raucous Leeds postpunk scene and why the Sisters are due a critical re-evaluation. Mathew Clayton: Your book, which focuses on the early years of the Sisters of Mercy, is as much about Leeds as it is about the band’s singer and creative engine Andrew Eldritch. The music scenes in many other northern cities have been written about and celebrated – why do you think Leeds has been overlooked? Mark Andrews: Actually, Eldritch is inevitably the dominant figure in the book. How could he not be? The preface even says that he ‘staked a powerful claim to be the greatest rock star of his generation’. Yet the book is also very much about the two other original Sisters of Mercy: Gary Marx and Craig Adams. The dynamic between the three of them made – and destroyed – the Sisters. It’s certainly a book about the people who made the music, as much as the music itself. But you’re right, Leeds does play a major role in the book. It is the swamp out of which the band crawled. You can’t properly tell the story of the Sisters without telling the story of Leeds. The reason Leeds is overlooked is, on one level, very simple: only one local band that emerged from punk and its aftermath became big in any way, and that was the Sisters of Mercy. And they have been misunderstood and undervalued; that ‘Lords of Darkness’ caricature does them a huge disservice, just as much as calling Leeds ‘Goth City’ does. The Sisters and their city are far more interesting than that. 28

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Of course, the Leeds music scene has often been written about, but the focus has typically been on the Uni and Poly bands: Gang of Four, the Mekons, Soft Cell, Delta 5, Fad Gadget. The town bands have been given much shorter shrift. Part of this book project has been to shift that dial a little. MC: While Liverpool had Roger Eagle’s Eric’s (a legendary live venue), Leeds had the F Club. Can you explain its importance to Leeds and the role it played in the genesis of the Sisters of Mercy? MA: The F Club was a club night in Leeds that ran from 1977 to 1982, rather than a club with a fixed address. Its most important and longestlasting location was in the basement of Brannigan’s disco down by the river. The roll call of bands was astonishing: Ultravox, Wire, the Damned, Joy Division, Pere Ubu, the Human League, the Cure, the Teardrop Explodes, the Cramps, the Psychedelic Furs and the Raincoats, to name just a few. Adams, Eldritch and Marx were all F Club regulars. Brannigan’s was also the breeding ground for a whole host of interesting bands and musicians. It was the key venue of the local Leeds scene. The F Club was invented by a guy who worked for Yorkshire TV called John Keenan. He gave regular support slots to local bands, including the fledgling Sisters. Keenan is a complex figure, but he’s also a heroic one in Leeds. It’s doubtful the Sisters could have got anywhere early on without him. And the other key figure is Claire Shearsby, who was the regular DJ at the F Club. She met Andrew Eldritch in Brannigan’s and they became a couple. Her importance in the Leeds scene and to the Sisters has been underestimated. MC: Your book is based on a large number of interviews. Did the people you spoke to look back on that time fondly? MA: I think I interviewed seventy-nine people, though not all of them appear in the book. Many of them were young, full of drink and drugs, and in love – with the Sisters of Mercy. So of course they look back fondly! Having said that, there is a fair amount of rage and bitterness. Several of the interviewees were plainly infuriated, even hurt by Eldritch. However, I do think readers might be surprised – bearing in mind the public image he has crafted – to find out just how well liked Eldritch was. 29

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I think people’s reactions to the Leeds of that era have been summed up best by Craig Adams: ‘It was a shithole. But it was ours.’ MC: The Sisters’ early success was built around a group of committed fans who travelled across the country following the band. At gigs they would build human pyramids three or four people high. Did you interview any of them for the book? MA: Several. The first grouping called themselves the God Squad, and many of them were from Wakefield. That expanded to include other members from Yorkshire, the West Midlands, even as far afield as Plymouth. As well as the pyramid builders, there was a painter from Wolverhampton who would hang from the ceiling by his feet at gigs and dance upside down! The Sisters had some of the most devoted fans of any band you can name. In fact, they still do. The book tries to explain why. One fan summarises his time following the Sisters of Mercy in the 1980s as: ‘Madness. Energy. Togetherness. No fear. Youth. The excitement of the next gig. Optimism. Freedom.’ MC: At some point the world decided that the Sisters of Mercy were no longer cool. Why do you think that happened? The Cure managed to escape that fate although they were even more of a goth band. MA: The fact that Eldritch, of his own volition, stopped making records in 1993 and gives interviews less and less frequently has meant he has largely ceded control of the narrative. He tours occasionally and new songs appear in the live set but aren’t released. For some fans that’s bloody annoying, but there’s no indication he regrets any of it. Eldritch has kept his own counsel and does what he damn well pleases. He remains entirely his own man. Is that not cool? His lyrics are still superb. MC: If someone was going to listen to three Sisters of Mercy songs, which ones should they be? MA: From the period covered by the book: ‘Fix’, ‘Nine While Nine’ and ‘Jolene’.

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Find Paint My Name in Black and Gold on page 88

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REGION LOCKED: THE KEY TO GAMING’S BURIED TREASURE This handbook for the enthusiast and casual gamer alike seeks to address one key fact: not all games are released equal. Matt Barnes, Dazz Brown and Greg Seago-Curl of DidYouKnowGaming? created the popular YouTube series Region Locked, which has more than 2 million followers, to offer an insight into the weird and wonderful titles that, for reasons of translation, copyright or otherwise, never left their home countries. This book is its surreal and adventurous companion piece through the lost world of videogames. ‘We started our web show as a way of giving our already existing audience more information on video games that would be inaccessible to them, due to where they’re made and distributed. The idea of creating a book came from our audience, so we knew immediately that there was an interest in getting this information available in a more traditional format. We included games we considered particularly noteworthy in the book, from player, developer, analytical and historical perspectives.’ – Matt Barnes, Dazz Brown and Greg Seago-Curl

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CRIME CRACKERS CONSOLE: YEAR: DEVELOPER: PUBLISHER: REGION:

SONY PLAYSTATION 1994 MEDIA.VISION SONY INTERACTIVE ENTERTAINMENT JAPAN

CRIME CRACKERS 2 CONSOLE: YEAR: DEVELOPER: PUBLISHER: REGION:

SONY PLAYSTATION 1997 MEDIA.VISION SONY INTERACTIVE ENTERTAINMENT JAPAN

Media.Vision had a number of games that were left outside of the US, including the company’s first release, Crime Crackers. Considered to be pretty popular in its native country, the title even received a sequel: Crime Crackers 2. Out in the vast open nothingness of space, crime is always stirring up in the obsidian sky, almost as infinite as the Universe itself. To combat such crime, an intergalactic organisation known as the Galaxy Police work to put criminals in their place and protect the innocent. However, to help the police with situations that they simply can’t handle, the Crime Crackers come in to save the day.

Taking control of the team of crime fighters as they travel the stars in their giant pink dolphin spacecraft, the player will be introduced to some unique and interesting characters. Their captain, Emilia F. Alcanett, dreams of one day rising to the ranks of the Cosmo Guardians, another group of justice enforcers who roam the galaxy. She searches for her brother, who has gone missing.

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The game follows a first-person perspective, and in order to attack the player must first enter a battle stance before shooting. The game lends itself more to the dungeon-crawler RPG genre, primarily focusing on exploration. Weapons and armour can be collected throughout the adventure, as well as a variety of items. The player has control of three different characters at all times, and the character in the middle of the screen takes the lead. This means that they are the one to attack as well as the one to receive damage. Some consider the game to be playable while not being in English – there is no fan translation available – however it may not be so easy for those who want to complete the title. The first Crime Crackers was a launch title for the PlayStation and was hoped to cause a big impact within the Japanese market. It was not just an early title for Sony’s console, but also the first

game created by a new studio. Made in partnership with Sony, Media.Vision didn’t see international success until two years later with the release of Wild Arms. Having been created in just four months, and having a very Japanese-heavy aesthetic, it’s likely Sony felt that it was not worth localising Crime Crackers when it was possible it would have had few sales during the early days of the PlayStation launch. Whilst the game has its issues, such as repetitive dungeons and unpolished mechanics, it did help Media.Vision continue to create more titles with Sony, making some games with wide success. After Media.Vision’s attempt at an alternative RPG received a mixed response, they moved on to create Rapid Reload. With their dip into an alternative genre, they went back to their initial skills with RPGs, creating the now highly praised first title in the Wild Arms series. A year later, the

Dazz: Crime Crackers is pretty cool, though the gameplay has definitely aged badly. The only real reason I even acknowledged this game during research was because of my love for Wild Arms, which is incredibly different. I suppose the main draw for Crime Crackers is in the old-school anime aesthetic, with its cool sci-fi vibe. If you can’t understand what the characters are saying though, I’d argue it isn’t really worth the investment.

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LSD: DREAM EMULATOR CONSOLE: YEAR: DEVELOPER: PUBLISHER: REGION:

SONY PLAYSTATION 1998 ASMIK ACE ENTERTAINMENT ASMIK ACE ENTERTAINMENT JAPAN

In October of 1998, Asmik Ace Entertainment developed and published a game that to this day still perplexes the gaming community. LSD: Dream Emulator is an obscure title that nobody in the West could play at the time of its release but has since picked up a small cult following. The game’s purpose is simple: to explore. With no interactive objects, LSD simply allows the player to move around the dreamlike environments with basic navigation controls. However, it is possible to teleport to different environments by walking into various objects, which includes pretty much everything, even walls. This teleportation is known as ‘linking’, and it’s believed that walking into living creatures or bizarre items will link the player to more obscure locations. This surreal world was conceived by the mind of Hiroko Nishikawa, an artist at Asmik Ace Entertainment, who kept a journal of her dreams for over a decade. Osamu Sato,

the game’s director, took those dreams and conceived mechanics that would let people explore such a world. In this game, dreams come to an end automatically after around ten minutes. There are other ways of ending a dream, however, such as falling off a cliff edge. After a dream has ended and the player has ‘woken up’, they are presented with a graph. This graph is designed to keep track of the player’s dreams and will reveal the overall theme of the dreams they’ve had. These

Greg: Closer to art than an actual game, LSD: Dream Emulator is a very… interesting look into the minds of Sato and Nishikawa. The variety of areas and textures in the game appeals directly to the part of the brain that craves discovery. Despite its aged graphics, the nightmares can be genuinely unnerving, with mysterious faceless characters quite literally losing their heads, and families hanging from lampposts. We played this game together passing the controller between dreams and I would highly recommend it; by the end it almost felt like the game knew who was playing…

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are tracked as ‘upper’, ‘downer’, ‘static’ and ‘dynamic’. It is also believed that previously played dreams can have an impact on the player’s subsequent dreams. The graph may be based on the actions taken while sleeping. But which slot on the graph is filled seems almost arbitrary, as constantly moving or staying still has little effect on the dynamic and static trackers. Environments found in the game can change on a regular basis. The dream world is made up of a base map that doesn’t change, though the elements within it move freely, and tunnels allow the player to travel between areas. Navigation is inconsistent, however, as walking into the same object multiple times can teleport the player to different locations. On top of that, the textures in each environment can also change. These textures may even change while the player is near them, such as eyes appearing on walls that stare at the player.

After a number of days dreaming, the game allows the player to re-explore old dreams. This is one of the only ways to see the same dream twice, as the game’s randomised nature doesn’t allow for easily repeated interactions. While normal dreams last ten minutes, revisited dreams only last around three minutes. Some dreams are non-interactive videos that the player can watch. These are so far-fetched that they only increase the confusing nature of the game. Some dreams even remove the video aspect altogether and are simply black screens with Japanese characters covering them. These screens tell stories and often make little sense. The game’s producer, Osamu Sato, wrote the soundtrack for the game himself. The game contains over 500 different patterns of music, which change depending on the dream’s theme. These patterns are just a number of variations of the same simple 107

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RAIN, TRAINERS AND TRACK Writer, broadcaster and comedian Rob Deering has been listening to music his whole life, but it was only in his mid-thirties that – much to his surprise – he found himself immersed in the hugely popular, nearly perfect, sometimes preposterous activity of running. His memoir Running Tracks looks back at twenty-six defining runs and the music in his headphones which guided him onward. Here, Rob takes us with him to a sodden would-be parkrun, with the Chemical Brothers along for company. My book Running Tracks features stories of the great, surprise joy I’ve found in my life these last ten years or so: running, out and about in all kinds of places, listening to brilliant music. Meanwhile, my podcast Running Commentary – can you see a theme developing? – is recorded while I’m running and chatting with fellow comedian, runner and manof-a-certain-age Paul Tonkinson. Unusually, in late 2020 these two little worlds of mine crossed paths. Paul was injured and taking a break from running, we were both missing parkruns – free, weekly, timed local 5k runs, curtailed by the coronavirus pandemic – and a friend of our podcast had generously donated a pair of Nike Vaporflys to us: the latest, greatest thing in running shoes. It was a perfect storm that led to a plan: we would book a proper running track and Paul would time and observe me while I ran 5k, as fast as I could, in my magic new trainers. The municipal track at the bottom of Parliament Hill in north London only cost a couple of quid to book, but 2020 restrictions meant the changing rooms were closed, so the fact that there was an actual perfect storm taking place wasn’t ideal. I used my umbrella to keep the precious shoes dry while I got changed – and got soaked – then we trudged out to the far corner of the track. There was more than becoming rapidly sodden with icy water to take me beyond my comfort zone here; as a non-sporty, more artsy person who only got into running in his mid-to-late thirties, the whiff of athletics off this whole situation was terrifying. The wonderful thing about the parkrun phenomenon is how it makes what is, in essence, a distance athletics event accessible to anyone and everyone, because of what it also is – a run in the park. You can take a pushchair or a dog round a parkrun. You can combine your run with a walk and a chat with a friend. You don’t see that stuff in PE lessons at school, or at the Olympics. 36

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There were no dogs or babies on the Parliament Hill track that rainy October morning, just a sinister flock of grounded seagulls. We were trudging to the far end of things because on a 400m track, 5k is twelve and a half laps; I had to run half the track to the finish line, then go all the way round it twelve times. At least I had my trusty headphones. My playlist, collected and curated over more than a decade, is long, diverse and wonderful. Selected from it I have another, shorter set – the pithily named Parkrun Bangers – and that’s what I was going to be listening to. Off I went. The Vaporflys felt really nice; springy and supportive. I wasn’t running flat-out – I was trying to make a good pace, but one I could maintain for twenty minutes or so. That’s a fairly subtle distinction though… so I was pretty much running flat-out. The music helped. Parkrun Bangers only has songs with driving rhythms and empowering tunes and vocals, but that still allows for plenty of variation in style. I heard some post-punk New York funk from Talking Heads, then some towering rock from Muse. I felt steady – and very wet; my left eye was already completely closed against the water pouring down my face. After the first mile – four laps-ish – I slipped out an ear bud and Paul called out I’d run it fast. His tone was supportive, but I knew him well enough to hear the ‘perhaps too fast’ subtext. He was right, of course. I had gone off too fast. I always go off too fast. Then I either fade or front it out, hanging on for dear life. I was going to do one or the other now. I had done… some laps, and I had… some left. It was relentless. I had done many laps; I couldn’t be bothered with counting – I was busy running. I needed a tune that would really help – and here it was: ‘Under the Influence’ by the Chemical Brothers. A simple but incredibly powerful two-beat kick drum pulse, with a chattering crowd of electronic notes sequenced on top, building and building, only occasionally punctuated by an American woman lazily intoning ‘I was under the influence’ like an excuse, and a single dropping bass note that dives so low it can directly affect your digestion. Brilliant. I hung on in there, even kind of enjoying myself, in a queasy, warof-attrition way. I noticed that Paul had left the far corner and moved to the finish. This must be the last lap, I thought, and steeled myself for the final push. Now he’d gone, and I was nearly done, that far point halfway round the track seemed bleak, lonely and wetter than ever. Ah well, I thought – as the Chemical Brothers, already apparently at full power, took it up a notch – nearly there, and I took it up a notch myself, instigating the ‘Tom Cruise’ finish: hands high, weight back, core as steady and still 37

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as possible, in what I let myself imagine is an uncanny impression of the Mission: Impossible star when he runs in… well, all his films. It works. It’s fast. It can’t last. Could I do it for just 100m more? The song was finishing. My face was now so wet both my eyes were closed… but I was there. I had slowed down a little after that first mile, but not much; I had fronted it out. I’d run my fastest 5k in a couple of years, and the fastest I’d ever run without the support and inspiration of a parkrun around me. Paul asked me how the shoes were; they were great. They were wet. The engineering of running shoes has made a quantum shift this last year or two, and the results are palpable, but I knew it was my run – my muscles – that had got me my speedy time out there. I knew it on the finish line, and I knew it in the ensuing days, when muscles in the backs of my legs throbbed with hot pain like one of those faux-medical diagrams in a TV painkiller advert. It was me who had done that running – but I was under the influence.

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COMPLETELY STAGED Starring David Tennant and Michael Sheen, the award-winning and critically acclaimed British television comedy series Staged was an instant hit. Launched during the global coronavirus pandemic, it perfectly encapsulated the collective feelings of a reluctantly virtual world and drew guest appearances from Dame Judi Dench, Sir Michael Palin, Samuel L. Jackson, Cate Blanchett, Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Ewan McGregor among others. In Completely Staged the complete text of the BBC screenplays from writer and director Simon Evans and co-creator Phin Glynn appear alongside full-colour stills from the show, original illustrations, sheet music from the theme tune, and much more. Over the next few pages, enjoy a sneak peek at the treasure trove which is sure to delight Staged fans around the world.

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1 THE SCREEN IS BLACK.

DAVID TENNANT’s and MICHAEL SHEEN’s face sit in boxes side-byside. Quiet and still and bored, staring into the oblivion. At some point, the credits appear. White letters on a black screen: STAGED DAVID The Welsh must have a good phrase for the end of the world. MICHAEL Why do you have to say that? DAVID Dylan Thomas must have written about it? A poem, I mean. MICHAEL Of course. He wrote ‘Do not go gentle into that good night.’ There you go.

DAVID

MICHAEL I did a bit of it for the BBC. Did you?

DAVID

MICHAEL ‘Rage, rage, against the dying of the light.’ DAVID Do you know what was it in the original Welsh? How do you mean?

MICHAEL

DAVID Before it was translated. Translated?

MICHAEL

DAVID What did he originally wrote? MICHAEL He originally wrote ‘Do not go gently into that good night.’ In English? Yes.

DAVID MICHAEL

Episode One: Cachu Hwch

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DAVID (CONT’D) (deep breath) Can I moot an idea with you? Michael’s eyes find David’s. He’s suspicious. MICHAEL You don’t use the word ‘moot’. DAVID

Yes I do.

MICHAEL I’ve never heard you use that word. DAVID I have, historically, used it MICHAEL Simon uses that word. DAVID

Does he? Michael’s eyes bore into him. 4b INT./EXT. LUCY’S HOUSE - DAY

Simon is doing his best to stave off boredom. He stares into space, he checks his phone, he tries to exercise, he washes his hands. 4c INT. MICHAEL’S HOUSE AND DAVID’S HOUSE - AFTERNOON

MICHAEL Simon wants to rehearse a play over the internet? It’s funny. Is it?

DAVID MICHAEL

DAVID We’ll make it funnier. You know Simon speaks Italian. I speak Italian.

MICHAEL

DAVID We all speak Italian. Everybody speaks Italian. So, come on, what do you think? Are you up for it? Suddenly ANNA sets a glass of wine down in front of Michael. We don’t see her yet. ANNA (to David) Hang on a minute. Episode One: Cachu Hwch

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Episode Six

The Cookie Jar

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1 INT. DAVID & MICHAEL’S HOUSES

David and Michael sitting in their respective houses. Titles begin over this scene. White lettering on a black background. MICHAEL Has it occurred to you ... MICHAEL (CONT’D) ... that she’s read it and hasn’t got the heart to tell you it’s no good? Of course it has. Right.

DAVID

MICHAEL

DAVID Why would that not have occurred to me? MICHAEL Just thought I’d check. DAVID I mean, that is the single thing that is occurring to me, repeatedly over and over again, of course. MICHAEL Course. Course. What do you miss? DAVID About the real world? Yeah.

MICHAEL DAVID

Feedback from my wife. Um ... oh, rehearsals, mmm, I suppose. Film sets. MICHAEL Oh, people bringing you coffee every ten minutes. DAVID They have to be nice to you. Yeah.

MICHAEL

DAVID It’s like their job to make sure you’re okay. Yeah.

MICHAEL

Episode Six: The Cookie Jar

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‘You have food?’

ANNA

GEORGIA ‘And water and a place to rest.’ ANNA ‘We can rest? Dad, we can rest.’ DAVID ‘Her little sister begins to cry.’ ‘Daddy.’

LUCY

DAVID ‘And his knees give in. He sinks to the floor, gathering his daughters in his arms.’ GEORGIA ‘Stay as long as you need.’ ‘Oh, thank you.’

MICHAEL

DAVID ‘Somewhere a dog barks.’ ‘Woof.’

SIMON

ANNA ‘How did you find us?’ DAVID ‘The man looks up, tears cutting rivers through the dirt on his face.’ MICHAEL ‘When I was young, a circus passed through town. My father lifted me up on his shoulders so I could see. I asked him how the elephants found their way and he told me they parade in single file, just holding the tail of the elephant in front, until they get home.’ DAVID ‘He looks to the horizon.’ The reading comes to an end. GEORGIA Ohh. Ohh.

MICHAEL

They all applaud David.

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Find Completely Staged on page 86

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BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP In the winter of 2012, veteran British diver Martin Robson was part of an expedition to find a cave system beneath Blue Lake, southern Russia, that had never been seen by the human eye. On the final day of exploration, Robson dived deeper into the lake than anybody had dared before, but on his way up, just 75 feet from safety, bubbles exploded in his spine and he was paralysed from the waist down – he had been ambushed by the bends. Co-written with journalist Mark Cowan, Between the Devil and the Deep tells the story of Robson’s ordeal and how, with the help of an elderly Russian doctor’s experimental treatment, he overcame the unthinkable. The extract below takes us into Robson’s mind soon after he realises that something has gone seriously wrong with the ascent. About thirty-three metres down, Robson clenched his arm tight against the shot line and brought himself to a halt. Dunaev signalled to see if everything was okay. Robson shook his head: he was facing another pressing problem. During the descent, the tank he used to add gas to his dry suit had emptied. Under the pressure of the water, the material squeezed him like shrink wrap on a slab of supermarket beef. Examining his bailout tanks, Dunaev found one with a hose attachment and hooked the cylinder to the inflator valve on his friend’s dry suit. Robson then flooded his suit with gas, bringing his buoyancy under control. As he did this, a curious thing happened. Robson kicked his legs. It was curious not so much because his legs were working – the in-water recompression protocol was designed with that end in mind – but because it was as if someone had just turned his legs back on. And, for a brief moment, it felt good to dream, to hope, that maybe he had been wrong all along, because if he were, it would mean he wasn’t bent, and instead of suffering a debilitating injury, maybe his suit had flooded. Why hadn’t I figured it out before? Icy water pooling in the legs of his suit would explain why it had been weighed down and his limbs chilled to the point of numbness. While the idea was encouraging, Robson knew deep down that it was futile optimism: nice day, fluffy clouds, just a dry suit squeeze. He couldn’t escape the fact that his thighs ached, his joints were stiff, and his skin prickled with an unusual sensation he’d not felt before. He knew he was bent. 48

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The increased pressure of deeper water had put a squeeze on the gas bubbles responsible for his paralysis, and that had relieved the pressure on the signal-carrying axons. Those not obliterated had flickered into life and were spitting signals from his brain to his legs. The bubbles were still there, though. Waiting. Lurking. To wash them away, he needed to breathe pure oxygen. The only problem was that breathing pure oxygen was confined to the shallows and the regulator which supplied it was thirty metres above him, at the end of a hose dangling from a hook inside the habitat. Even though his legs were working again, Robson still hugged the shot line with both arms. Hovering little more than an arm’s length away, Dunaev removed the weight of bailout cylinders from Robson’s equipment, to help make things easier for him. Still, he wanted some way to fix Robson to the line. Seeing a strobe light on his rebreather, he hit upon an idea to jerry-rig a tether. Attached to the beacon was an ascender, the mechanical equivalent of a friction knot favoured by climbers. Fixed to a rope, the device would run freely in one direction but, once weight was applied, would grip if pulled in the other. Clipped to the shot line, Dunaev reasoned, it could give Robson a foothold. Pulling a loop of cord from his pocket, Dunaev fashioned a knot around the device. The effort took him a few minutes because his fingers were numbed. When he finished, Dunaev fastened the ascender to the shot line and snapped the other end to a D-ring on Robson’s harness. Relinquishing his grip of the line, Robson allowed himself to drift a few feet away from the line until the leash snapped taut. The Shhh! Ummm! of his breathing calmed and his morale spiked. Less than five minutes after the deep had taken hold of his legs, Robson had regained a semblance of control. Looking to Dunaev, he gave a thumbs-up and reached for the ascender. When it came time to move upwards, all Robson had to do was slide the device along the line. He could let go during stops because the locking action of the device prevented it from slipping. Robson began to climb towards the surface. Settled into the rhythm of ascent, Robson pumped his legs. The more he moved them, the more they seemed to want to move. Things were not right, though. They worked, in a fashion, but only under duress. In the new air of optimism, Robson wasn’t thinking about his future: too many unknowns for that. He wasn’t thinking about much beyond the actions in front of him. The only thing he was confident of, though, was his desire to survive. I’m not going to let myself die here, underwater, he told himself. 49

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He’d seen his share of death over the years. Once, he and a fellow diver were called to raise the body of a deceased diver from Little River cave in Florida. Underwater, Robson tried to ignore the waxy face and glassy eyes of the victim. On land, he couldn’t help but notice the grim details of a man’s last moments: his mask full of frothy blood, mud under the fingernails. On another occasion, Robson was in an ice hut warming up after a dive in Finland when a fellow diver flung open the door. ‘We need your help,’ the man said. Robson made it outside just as an unconscious diver was hauled out of the water and onto the ice in front of his tearful wife. Robson ordered two divers to cut away the victim’s dry suit and begin cardio-pulmonary resuscitation while he prepared the emergency oxygen. He then intubated the casualty to establish an airway. By the time the ambulance arrived, they had managed to get a pulse. The diver lived for a few days in hospital before dying and Robson was troubled by the thought that his actions had given the man’s wife false hope. He was determined not to put Vikki through such a trauma, but he couldn’t escape the feeling that he had let her down. So, he continued his climb to the surface. Squeeze, slide, release. Squeeze, slide, release. Advancing upwards, centimetre by centimetre, at the end of his leash.

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THE INCOMPLETE FRAMLEY EXAMINER Created by Robin Halstead, Jason Hazeley, Alex Morris and Joel Morris, The Incomplete Framley Examiner is an irresistible and endlessly witty peek into small-town Britain. Spoof local newspaper The Framley Examiner first appeared on the internet in 2001. It was so funny that people spat coffee over themselves and their computers (fortunately, downloading a page took so long back then that the coffee was safely cold). The brainchild of four schoolfriends, Framley skewered the banal madness of smalltown existence with hilarious news stories, features and classified advertisements, all apparently originating about five miles from wherever you grew up. Fans included everyone from The League of Gentlemen to Professor Stephen Hawking, and the site became a web comedy benchmark, rated alongside Charlie Brooker’s TV Go Home and America’s The Onion. A bestselling 2002 paperback collected over a hundred pages of this fractured mirror of Bored Britain, but now, twenty years later, Framley’s back, bigger and hardbackier than ever. This omnibus contains the original book, crisply remastered from the original source material, plus all the never-before-seen-in-print pages published online since 2002. There’s even bonus new material, some of which is actually ‘quite good’.

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BUSINESS GNEWS

26 The Framley Examiner

BUBBLE BURSTS ON CRISP MAN TURN YOUR MEMORIES INTO CRISPS, the Framley firm that promised to TURN customer’s MEMORIES INTO CRISPS, has gone into bankruptcy after only 6 months’ trading. Unlike successful businesses, 22-year-old Lee Organisn’s Internetbased family-run firm has hit the financial ocean floor. A hastily organised presconference yesterday saw Lee announcing his intention to fold the firm like a “foolscap envelope” and “post it to the receivers”. As news reached the marketplace investment men rushed to buy any stocks and shares that weren’t connected to the the crisp enterprise, and to sell all of the ones that were. Something crashed. “If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from this business adventure”, Lee told us, “is that not enough”, he continued, “people wanted their memories turned into crisps” “At first we sold some, and then we sold lots, so we thought we’d try and sell lots and lots,” he explained quite clearly. “Unfortunately not as many people wanted lots and lots as wanted some, and so we found ourselves with lots left over.” The Framley Examiner’s own business expert, Jennifer Oat, says that this phenomenon is quite commonemon and the news is unlikely to have a significant effect

www.framleyexaminer.com

Business to Business with our businessman, Nigel Drivel

o n t h e worldwide c r i s p memories market. “There will always be a small global contingent who would like to see a treasured m e m o r y What’s he doing? captured on PHOTO BY CHICK BEAK the face of a potato chip,”she gasped. But as they say, you can’t bury a good man for long. Towards the end of his speech, Lee announced that he wasn’t planning an early retirement bath. “We’ve got to move with the times. The World Web has opened up whole new boulevards of opportunity for us. Now is the time for us to consign the crisp memento to the dustman of history and seek out brave new horizons for business expansion.” Mr Organisn pulled down a curtain revealing a freshly painted logo: “Turn Your Memories Into Shoes!” Then, with the aid of an overhead projector diagram and a pair of shoes, he outlined the possibilities. “You can do a lot with laces,” he said. “Platform soles are a happy memory, brogues more melancholy.” Trading was brisk.

The future starts tomorrow! A R E Y O U PAY I N G T O O M U CH IN MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT FEES? IT'S A SCENARIO not unfamiliar to many businesses. It’s been a good few years, the company is growing, and the management consultants have started to shape your future. And then it all seems to go so wrong. Overheads are rising, the consultants have to re-think, capital gets sold off and even headcount can suffer. Short- and short-to-mediummedium-term debt can be crippling, especially with interest rates being so low: there’s always the prediction that your future debts will cost more because inflation is bound to rise. It can be utterly dreadful being in business some times, isn’t it, businesspeople? But just when you think you’re walking around in circles, you find the answer around the corner marked ‘management consultants.’ Consultancy costs can be astronomical, and often chisel away at budgets that will suffer after they’ve borne the cost of those costs. The inside track from The City is that it’s time to ditch those consultancy costs. But how? Well, here’s where you turn the corner marked ‘next generation of management consultants.’

In the competitive consultancy environment, more and more companies are competing to offer more and more more cost-effective services at more and more and more affordable prices. Fortunately for those of us in the business-tobusiness business, the new wave of consultants are leaner, fitter and faster. Based in a converted 20th century barn on the outskirts of Wripple, The Company Company is one such “2G” team of consultants. Managing director (or “team stag” in 2G-speak) Steve Glibbs is roundly optimistic (and a millionaire). “We’re taking on major projects at the moment, by accumulating a huge portfolio of consultancies and consulting on all their consulting. They consult us for decisions that help them cut the costs to make their decision making more profitable.” “It’s absolutely astonishing. I can’t believe what these companies will pay. I’m minted. You saw the Jags on the drive?” he continued. “One of our ‘team leverets’ took home £13,000 last month. We’re all laughing.” It certainly looks as if the future will belong to companies like The Company Company. If your consultants are costing you too much, perhaps they need consultants? The future starts today.

OPORTUNNITIES

HAVE YOU GOT WHAT WE TAKE? These varied and demanding posts require desperate, pro-inactive depressives who have prior experience of the real world. You will need worn-out organisational skills, highly developed manipulative techniques and piss all charisma We have permanent vacancies available in the following sectors of the finance industry:

· Fiscal Nancies · Self Financiers · Derivative People· · Money Management Managers · Bond Agents · Senior Liars · · Field Saleswideboys · Risk Ignorers · Ordinaries · · Statistically Analysts · Insurance Badgers · Superhighwaymen · · Televaluers · Poundstretchers · Moneylickers · Underestimaters · · Team Brigadiers · Cocaine Addicts Who Can Shout · Tiny Chancellors · · People Who Are Prepared To Sack People · Team Brigadiers · · Account Manglers · Floor Dandies · Blank Managers · · Gamblers · Further Accountants To Do Other Accountants’ Accounts · · Deal Stealers · Hollow Traders · Assistant Shysters · Sheep · · Needle-Eye Camel Troublers · Arguethe Tossers · Trained Apes · · Dicemanshipsters · Shit-Stirrers · Rumour Mongerers · · Welsh Marketeers · Chestbursters · Executive Belittlers · Thieves · · Human Ladder Climbers · Legitimated Bank Robbers · Flash Harrys · · Artful Dodgers · Chief Money Launderers · Yobs · · Team Player Managers · Penny Distillers · Michael Douglases · · Wall St. Shufflers · Manhattan Transferers · many more available · FOR BIG MONEY PLACINGS CALL JEFF OR CINDY ON 01999 800 810 NOW!

UNDERMONEY TELEPHILANDERERS Milk bottle shaped position. Upwardly conceived for hungry televaluers Opportunities aplentiful £300 funeral expenses BLINKBROKER Full-time Scale 4 £16,000 – £17,999 plus PRP Fixed term post until final breath COIN CONSULTANT All-the-time. Scale 6. £10 – £100 inc. Inclusive of Weighting MONEY MANAGEMENT MANAGER Secret Scale tbc Variably honest contract OVERANALYSTS/INSURANCE BADGERS Jobshare (2dpw on, 2 dpw on, 2dpw on, 1dpw on/off). Bad position.

SUICIDAL RECRUITMENT J O B S

F O R

Y O U R

L I F E

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PROPERTY

38 The Framley Examiner

Wee Jimmie Crankie & Salterton SAL ES

LETTINGS

l PETER l RUBMY

WJC &S

www.framleyexaminer.com

BOLLOCKS LETTING AGENTS AND GREENGROCERS HIGH ROAD, WHOFT 01999 499 299

Delightful 3-bed family house. Large garden. Open plan lounge. Kitchen / breakfast room. Squatters. Excellent location, near to shops & transport. Period features. Screaming headless ghost of a 9-foot nun. Off street parking for 2 cars.

We are proud to announce the sale of this genuine 1960s shrinkwrap maisonette in much sought after area. The property shrinks to fit, snugly smothering the occupants every summer. Previous owner only recently escaped during unseasonal cold spell. Quick sale preferred before weather changes.

TOLLEPHANT

THOXTOXETER

£11,985

Spacious church conversion. Owner must put up with loads of people turning up unnanounced once a week to sin g I m m o r t a l Invisible, drink your wine and eat your crisps.

Contrary facing Sudden swings (back garden) May need painters in On the B108 Rent payable once every 28 days, date to synchronise eventually with all other rents in the neighbourhood.

£600pcm*

(* non negotiable)

£495,950

FRAMLEY town centre, flatshare with 1 other much larger person, fitted kitchen with 3 gas cookers. Tenant must know how to cook many different meals and be able to order and afford up to 8 pizzas per evening. £300pcm (service discount not included) WHOFT ENVIRONS, room available in purpose-built flat, convenient location, new carpet in toilet, deep pile, no need to flush. £70pcw

Well-mannered Gemini property. North facing and south facing. Gregarious. Gets on well with Libran neighbours. Lucky colour: Magnolia bathroom. You will meet a handsome stranger in the cupboard under the stairs.

WRIPPLE*

FIELDINGFIELD

• • • • • •

ST EYOT’S, 3 bed house, airy, sunny, rainy (no roof). £355pcm (not including roof) or £400pcm (including roof) (but there is no roof)

£110,395

£210,000

*ON THE MOVE! One-of-a-kind 5-bed house, currently situated in Wripple. Soon to be situated in Molford. Two long metal legs extending from bottom of property, walking at 10mph up the inside lane of the FR404, heading east. Conveniently located (phone to find out for what at the moment).

YOPNEY ST OH!

Surrounded by walls and ditches, this charming 6-bedroom 17th Century property has been unoccupied since the 17th Century. Advances in Mole Machine technology mean this fine family home is finally uncovered.

£585,995

£40,595

WANTED

Due to unprecedented demand and an abundance of customers seeking a property in your area, we urgently require YOUR PROPERTY and no other properties in your area. Face it, it’s too big for you now the kids are at University, with you rattling around it like a pea in a skip, and frankly what you’re doing with the garden is knocking a couple of grand off the asking price every time that cowboy squeaks up the drive with his wheelbarrow, so give us YOUR PROPERTY, Mrs Eleanor Jessop CALL MIKE OR CAROLINE IN PRESSURE SALES W JC& S 01999 864 722

SOCKFORD

WRIPPLE

Compact onebedroom magical fungal feature, convenient for all local amenities, Economy 7 storage heaters. Fully fitted kitchen. Off road parking. But still, essentially, let’s not beat around the bush, a big mushroom.

WRIPPLE, large small room, clean, quiet, discreet, fully fitted professional female. £30ph, no kissing on mouth, actual photo.

OIRO £160,000

Desirable bargain 2 - b e d p r o p e r t y. Photograph recently airbrushed to remove toppling chimney and damp outside wall.

Flat-roofed house, 25’ x 25’ x 25’. Number of windows on opposite faces adds up to seven. Currently facing in highly sought after lucky direction, hence

£85,795

COMMERCIAL

CHUTNEY LE BASIL

PERIOD COTTAGE

FOR SALE: Chocolate factory. 2 previous owners. Glass elevator (fucked). Chocolate river choked with dead midgets. E-mail Mandy at Bucket’s Golden Ticket Enterprises. mandy@bucketents.com

£114,390

CHUTNEY, delightfully situated 4 bed flat (4 beds, 1 bedroom), would suit sharing couple that like to share, previous snorers need not apply. £41pw or offers. SOCKFORD HEIGHTS, 2 bed house, desirable location in middle of busy road, easy access to transport, some through traffic, also traffic lights in lounge. £380pcm incl 6 months road tax. MOLFORD VALLEY, well decorated 2 bed house, exclusive location, suit professional sharers, no DSS staff. £82pw. FRAMLEY FR2, 1 bed flat, would suit professional w/machine, available immediate. A quid all in. CRESSLEY BRIDGE, Art studio. Garret location, North light, en suite ballroom. Previously property of Garfunkel out of Simon and Garfunkel. £115pw. WHOFT, Pleasant enough house offering unpleasant accommodation. Gas “cold air” heating. Patio-style bedroom. Kitchen with wasps’ nest ‘feature’ in corner. Hideously overpriced £1000 pcm (per calendar minute) FRAMLEY, Noisy end-of-terraces house situated at the end of Framley Imaginare’s prestigious new stadium. Commanding views of the corner flag. Hot and cold running commentary. £2,000 pcm. QUEFF, Idyllic “off the beaten track” location yet offering easy access to unbeaten tracks. Fitted walls, double kitchen, lounge feat. ceiling frescoes depicting stages in the building of next door’s conservatory. £690 pcm WHOTTEN PLODNEY, Large, former Rectory in the middle of this unpopular village. Off-road parking for tiny vehicle (poss. skateboard?). 20 reception rooms, leading to master bedroom. Would suit light sleeper. £1,600 pcm

£POA

SOCKFORD PEVEREL, Victorian 2-bed detached house with garden, close to town. Actual house, unfortunately, not close to town. To be honest, not sure garden belongs to house at all. May be wishful thinking on our part. Try organising a barbecue in it and find out if anyone gets upset. £1100pcm.

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READER OFFERS

180 The Frimley Examiner

ONE WEEK ONLY!

CIRCUS THE ELEPHANT

Bear Baitin g!

Live Bee Swallowers! Wooden Seals!

01999 844 444

for free brochure

AROUND THE WORLD IN

Go two rounds with Mercury Rev and win a goldfish!

FIVE DAYS! Half price offer!

You'll be amazed at what you will see in just FIVE DAYS, as our tour whisks you past sites in lively Whoft, Fracton (where you’ll be shown a photograph of a pint of local) all the way to Bellaire and Portugal in the first hour and a half, then on, on, on... near the temples of Bangkok (day four), even leaping spectacularly over the spectacular Grand Canyons of the USA of America (lunchtime).

See The Amazing Nesmith swim in shark-infested Tippex! This voucher entitles you to TWO recurring nightmares about pale clowns for the price of ONE

Dinner will be included each hour, with entertainment ranging from a traditional twentieth century banquet to a ride on a balloon, all from the comfort of your seat. All of this in such a short time will give you a tantalizing taste of what a longer stay on the world can offer you – and whet your appetite for a return visit!

Why not come and visit...

ABBA

Little St Buttery “The most English place in the known universe”

ROUND THE WORLD TICKET – NORMALLY £1999, now £999

Down the lane, past the pond and into Little St Buttery – an English delight.

QUOTE REFERENCE BGA11

Take a stroll around the Cream Tea Museum, have a refreshing flagon of Diet Mead (only 70cal/pint) in the snug of The Highwayman & Hooligan, enjoy the local Morris Beefeaters performing songs from EastEnders at the Harvest Festival Experience, or just relax on the green and watch the neverending cricket match from a jam sandwich deckchair.

ALL THE HITS! ALL THE MURDER! ALL THE MYSTERY! ALL IN SWEDISH! Spend a luxury weekend in full weekend luxury at Ygdrasil Hall, Chutney Le Basil and join in the fun, as you try and work out which Swedish member of ABBA has murdered an actor playing a member of the public. You’ll be dancing like a queen and singing “gimme gimme gimme a piece of substantive evidence after midnight” as the murder unfolds to the great sound of ABBA in an authentic Edwardian mystery setting! Did Bjork the butler do it? What is the dark secret of Anfred or was it Benny the ballroom dancer? What does Abbanetha’s mother know? Perfect for office parties or the easily pleased, it’s singalong investigative fun all the way! *Murder and crime are real. Investigation overseen by Framley CID, other commitments permitting.

SPECIAL OFFER PRICE THIS WEEKEND ONLY £69.99 or £879.99 with FREE immunity from prosecution should it turn out that you are the murderer. Bring a gun and an alibi. BOOK NOW ON 01999 766 656

Wouldn’t you like to go away inside of a deluxur y coach by COLASANTO?

Dance with Horse Trapeze! Humphrey the Blue Peter tiger!

Britain’s palest clowns!

Meet your Waterloo at one of our...

MURDER MYSTERY WEEKENDS!

COACH TOURS

Established 1985

Roll Up! Roll up! Dr op out! With this advert, one adult will be admitted dressed as a child

Colasanto

SOCKFORD COUNTY SHOWGROUND

JUNE 5th – JUNE 11th (except Mon, Wed, Thu, Sun)

Mr ADRIAN TEASDALL’s

meet CORDUROY

www.framleyexaminer.com

(due to the excessive speeds involved in this tour, passengers are warned that they must NOT ATTEMPT TO LEAVE the coach at any time)

special offer

At £900 per person per day, Little St Buttery is a one-in-an-English-lifetime opportunity.     

don’t drink and drive!

call

subman 1

HomeMade™ cakes in the post office Wenchwolding competitions It's sunny every day (controlled environment) Bakelite furniture in most rooms XTC gift shop

2 3

DISCOUNTS FOR MIDWIVES ON BICYCLES No swearing Parking for 3,000,000 cars



(Just off the A, near the B)



a t

t h e

call us on 0999 433432 a trained operative in a miniature submarine will surface behind the bar. The sub then packs flat into a tiny backpack which you wear while walking home

this voucher entitles you to one free call out, or can be exchanged for a complimentary beret at any branch of Newby’s Tamoshanter Express

H E L O T R O N t h u r s d a y s

it’s easy

you go out and drink!

D o i g

Themed Fetish Nights Feel free to come dressed as any of the following:

Here today!

Hair tomorrow!

A SNIP ABOVE

A special offer from Craig Blloon, Framley Hairier Area Champion International Pro-Celebrity Scissors Championships 1993



Pound Note + Nude Man + School Dinner + Stephanie Webster The Guv’nor + Billiard Ball + Smelly Old Fat Man + Mayor D’Ainty Jeeves + Duvet Boy + Darts Trophy + Woodcut + Goalkeeper Disguise + A Funny Robot + Sterling Void + Yourself (But Bigger) No streetwear or regular clubwear allowed The DOIG – 167 The Bizarres, Framley. 01999 965 543

HAIR MILES

IF YOU HAVE 5 HAIRCUTS WITH US THIS MONTH IN DIFFERENT STYLES YOU’LL GET THE CHANCE TO CUT MY HAIR IN RETURN !

OAPs SHAMPOO & SEX £15 BLOW DRY £10 15 Hair Cuttings, Framley Tel: 875 439

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NEWS

38 The Framley Examiner

Have you seen this woman? THE FAMILY and friends of 96-year old Fracton resident Dotty Muffins a r e a p p e a l i n g f o r information on her whereabouts. Miss Muffins went missing in January 1990. At the time, she was wearing a pink and white floral nightdress, having decided to get out of the family car halfway along the A999 near Slovenly and walk the rest of the way home. “She was most insistent at the time,” said her daughter, Bronco yesterday, “so we let her get out into the snow and get on with it.” A photofit picture of the missing woman has been assembled by police canteen staff. Detectives and caterers say Miss Muffins is now believed to be 107 and living in the Wripple area.

Business is baby-booming for small bank manager by Katie Blirdsnest

The police photopicturefit, yesterday. PHOTOFIT BY CRISPIN BOWL

For dinner, No to model for worse! villillage

TIME HAS FINALLY RUN run out for Cunnymede, Wripple’s famous model village. The once popular tourist attraction, which was built by local eccentric Constant Tiger in 1918, depicts the village as it was then, at twice its actual size. Its popularity has waned since the 1970s, when the gigantic three-times-actual-size MegaWripple model village and theme park opened nearby. Owner Viven Tiger says that the closure was inevitable, but is considering a partnership with a local chipped potato supplier to market a Turn Your Village Into Crisps website.

A RETIRED COUPLE from Molford have celebrated their ruby wedding in unique style – by eating each other. Titus and Molly Blank wanted to commemorate their fortieth year of marriage by “doing something everyone would remember,” said their son Groovy yesterday. “It was a beautiful occasion,” he expanded. “The three of us sat down for a meal, and after a light starter of orange and pecorino bibouillette, my parents exchanged a few words, kissed, and tucked into each other.” Solicitors for the happy couple’s estate confirmed that Mr and Mrs Blank left their teeth, hands and digestive system until last. There was a finger buffet afterwards.

Calling all our readers born on a Friday between 1978 and last Friday!

A COPY OF THE FRAMLEY EXAMINER FROM THE DAY YOU WERE BORN!

There’s no argument that the most precious gift is the gift of love (and money can’t buy you that!)

www.framleyexaminer.com

IT’S OFTEN BEEN SAID that a child and his money are soon parted, but that’s certainly not a word you’d apply to 8-year-old Gideon Poco! Because according to the latest end-of-year figures, Gideon’s set to become the most successful bank manager in Molford! Gideon, who is in top set for maths and owns his own calculator, has been managing a bank in his free time for two years now and things show no sign of slowing up for the mini financial whizzzard. His business, “This Bank Belongs To Gideon Plc” named after the sticker on the door, has attracted customers from all over the Framley area, including former TV-am weatherman Commander David Philpott and Mayor William D’Ainty himself. The week that saw the announcement of the encouraging figures also saw Gideon opening the Molford branch’s 100th piggy bank in a short ceremony with pop and pass the parcel. I was impressed. BAP CASTLE I met Gideon at a working lunch at NcNewby’s Bap Castle a few doors down from his bank and after a short competition to see who could blow the biggest bubbles in their omelette shake, he explained how he’d managed to succeed against stiff competition. “My overheads are very low,” he told me. “Apart from certain unavoidable expenses such as stationery and strawberry bootlaces, the bank costs very little to run, and I can pass these savings on to my customers. Or spend them on Frazzles.” Gideon’s innovations – such as join the dots chequebooks – have made



But studies conducted by the marketing department of the Framley Examiner Group Plc have proved that the next most precious gift is the gift of a copy of the Framley Examiner from the day you were born, which money can buy you for just £11.99!

the refreshing juice-flavoured drink

So why not buy the gift of love for someone in the form of a copy of the Framley Examiner from the day they were born by taking this special opportunity to obtain a copy of just that?

in 3 great natural flavours  bright blue  startling mauve  jet black

Name: _________________________ Address: _______________________ ______________________________ _________ Post code _____________ Date of Birth: Friday, __ / ___ / ___

PHOTOGRAPH BY WHATALOT MISTERMAN

his bank a big hit with the business community. His latest plan is for Magic Painting Statements which reveal your balance and interest when you paint them with water. He is confident this will attract young families and first time housebuyers. CUSTARD PROTEST However, not everyone is pleased with the youngster’s banking decisions. As we tried to return to the branch so he could show me his new mortgage interview room filled with balls, we were stopped by a crowd of protestors picketing the building. The angry crowd, including Bono from U2 and Tom York from The Radioheads, were cross about Gideon’s investments in the Third World, particularly his efforts to encourage African mothers to feed their babies pink custard instead of Nestlé powdered milk, but police soon dispersed the mob and we were able to get inside and have a play. MUM AN DAD As we sank happily into the balls, I asked him what his parents thought of his success. “I would hope they are proud of me,” he said, “but we’re not speaking at the moment. You see, they tried to send me to bed early last week, so I turned down their application for a second mortgage.” I laughed and threw a ball.

CANVASSERS REQUIRED! We require door-to-door people.

79p

- contains minimum 1% juice -

I enclose a cheque for £11.99 and acknowledge that this newspaper is not a reasonable substitute for my love.

Gideon shows me round his bank.

WANDMART ‘7-11’ STORES 7-11 Guevara Crescent, Whoft. Open 10am – 5pm

NO SELLING! Just knock and run away! call Richard on 01999 643499

or e-mail www.knockdownginger.co.uk

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PUB’S SPECIAL

9 The Framley Examiner

www.framleyexaminer.com

When is a pub not a pub? This one is! we would like a free bottle of Prosecco in exchange for a five star review. On hearing that we were actually eating anonymously and anyway our ratings are sausages not stars, she apologised professionally and brought us a pint of tomato gin with two straws instead (free). Although the kitchen forgot to send our puddings – a selection of ice creams (£5) and a selection of nice creams (£14.50) – the menu photographs looked good enough to eat but weren’t. It didn’t matter how many times we asked for them, the desserts never came, which all added to the fun of the evening! We could also have not had profit rolls, Hot Chocolate’s fudge cake or sticky pudding. Yum!

By LaVimto BlirdsnestClavalier, GCSE

“What’s for tea, Mum?” I ask every single evening but not on this evening because it was a very special evening – an evening when my mother was not cooking our tea! She had actually booked us a table, two chairs and even some cutlery at a newly refurbished gastropub! What a relief! THE SKY SPORTS & HORSES on Whoft High Road, beformerly The Just Horses, only reopened last month in a tape-cutting ceremony scissored by local celebrity Mad “Lizzie” Webb, but they are already serving food! ALREADY EXCITED I was so excited when we arrived that my mother said that perhaps we should simply go home again! Once I’d put all the ketchup sachets back where they belonged, we both agreed that I could stay after all and a waiter showed us to our table. Luckily there was a lovelier aroma coming from the kitchen so we had already decided that our meal would be delicious! Our first course came very quickly, which was fantastic because neither of us had eaten a thing since we’d shared a packet of wine gums in the taxi on the way there. I had a starter called tuna salad (£7), which was literally amazing to me, while my dining componion had a chicken salad (£8.50), which was nothing like the chicken we have at home that you can dip (£2.49). Between courses we took in our

“How YOU doin’...?” l Perk coffee at Have a Centra

at...

Food is available (Artist’s impression)

surroundings. This is a true spit and spacedust pub, which is also one of the pudding options. There were so many people there that it was hard to hear ourselves eat at times, but it was a very relaxing atmosphere if you like watching people watching football. TUBES We had the same mains so that we could compare them: posh liver and onions with a potatoey mash (£11.50), which my mother said to the waiter was very tasty, thank you. I smiled politely and left it all because tubes (£11.50). While we waited for our puddings to come, whisky-loving pub owner Gwen “Eight Bells” Toll asked us if

? Why ‘not’ try at .....? FINE DINING

WORZEL

Since 1988

NAILGUN & GUN

133 Binjuice Parade, Dungeon, Batley FM17

Framley’s newest “g’astro-pub”

The

Royal Oaf

JUST LOOOK AT OUR MENU! Peanuts in the dry roast style Peanuts a la salt Yeast-seared wheat twigs Whole roast beef Monster Munch (SUNDAYS ONLY) Extensive mini-Cheddar board

’S

al world of Lose yourself in a magic ZEL’S hay and raw turnip at WOR Please note that ALL dishes are served with hay and raw turnip. No substitutions.

MOLFORD’S NUMBER ONE HAY ‘N’ RAW TURNIP THEME RESTAURANT

AWARE POLICE

“We were ON A BREAK!!!!” 34 Old Forge Lane, Wripple

 The Man Of The Voices Of The Stars 

He’s been the “best in the business” for 30 years, but fresh from his briefly remarkable appearance on the Zephyr AM Roadshow, Framley’s top mimic brings his wide* range of unmistakeable famous voices to the snug of The Warm Zippy every THURSDAY.

Still p tick lenty of ets le ft!

Ye Olde

Sewage-Works MENT AGA IN! UNDER NEW MANAGE

RIVERSIDE VIEWS! NEW CHEF!

Ben’s celebrity impressions are:

NEW MENU!

er”

“Nor thern charity runn



The Warm Zippy THE WARM ZIPPY, Froth Street, Framley

* ‘wide’ is used here in the sense of ‘broader than is tall’. The range of impression characters, if stood alongside one another, one metre apart, would occupy more horizontal space than vertical. This definition is legally applicable and will be employed in any case of misleading advertising or false claim.

FREE WINE! Established: 1846 Sewage Works Est’d: 1848

01999 667111 196

++++Incomplete Framley.indb 196

130 Dafthead Terrace Molford-St-Gavin 01999 676199

Pub-by-the-

16 Allgold Terrace, Framley 01999 778119

BENEDICT BENDERSON

“Australian cartoonist”

THE

80 Foresters Link, FM3 01999 335166

longestHome of Framley’s running hen party

(formerly The Old Wheatsheaf)



STEEL SHUTTERS DON’T MEAN WE’RE CLOSED! NEW WINDOWS EVERY TUESDAY! NO FAST MOVES! BRING OWN DARTS! (NO BOARD!)

Five sausages.

Goose &Maverick

90‘s Coffee-pub

Behave!

HER BOTTOM Mummy said it didn’t really matter because there was still a mint Viennetta in the freezer at home. I didn’t want to remind her that she’d actually eaten the whole thing the night Dad popped over very drunk and told her he still loved her bottom. All in all, we had a wonderful evening at this wonderful gastropube, which landlady Gwen says still sticks in the back of her throat, but the brewery insists on calling it that so what can you do? Pay for your meal and go home again, that’s what. Meal including drinks: £48, I think, plus service charge.

The

Traditional

RD ews Tony Corkscr SAYS!

OUR LANDLO

WE ARE LOOKING FOR STAFF

Tony and Diane (names correct at time of going to press) welcome you to Sockford’s premier “river”side dining experience, with fine wines (free) and aromatic dishes.

“Ye get used to it !”

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LATERS

37 The Fralmey Exanimer

Carnival memories MISS – I am writing in to see if any of your readers might have any photographs of memories from Framley Carnival in the late 70’s / 80s? I was just a young girl at the time, but I remember being very excited as we drove down the high street – I was one of the shoelaces on the giant Joe Longthorne’s shoe on the Framley 4th Guides float. I vividly recall crowds of people waving and throwing money and insults at us as our jolly float gently ploughed into the back of the Mayoral cortege. How we laughed as the inflatable Mayor came loose from its tethers on top of the Mayor’s Rolls Royce, sending it tumbling into the back changing rooms of Newby’s Electricals, crushing passers-by. The look on its face was a picture! BARBARA LICIOUS Sowthistle Street Whoft

Star gazing? MISS – I cannot help but be the only one who has noticed that The Seven Stars pub now has eight stars on its sign. Where will it end? Nine stars? I hope not to live to see the day. I may not be as young as I was but I still count. What are they after? What is their game? Trying to make the so-call Europe flag? They won’t make me see it. I was in the Wrens. It’s not been the same since that “mobile” telephone mast went up in Durbiton. Seven Stars? More stars more like. And I don’t like! Not one bit. MR M.S. WINDOWS Cilla Villas Urling

Boyd Racers MISS – I am sick and tired of these so-called ‘beer lags’ and ‘lazy lots’ with their souped-up vehicles, tearing around the Fracton ring road like they’re Lewis Hamilton III. With their modified exhaust tubes pumping out deafening petrol pop-pops at six-of-onetwo-a-penn’orth, I’ve often entertained the thought of building a hydraulic exo-skeleton with a modified mechanical arm so that I can catch them as they come round the Clinton gyratory and hurl them into the mighty ocean! The authorities seem to turn a ‘blind-eye’, as they say, to this anti-social behaviour so, if any of your readers were interested in helping me build my skeleton, I’d appreciate any help since my knowledge of mechanics is patchy, at best. TOBY C’AVERY Mintybitstronger Crescent Fracton

Could of done better MISS – I of’nt written to you for a while, but I was so incensed by your story, “Trying Their Hardest!” (Framley Examiner 03/06/2008) that I felt that I needed to say something. They could of done better. DR ALCOCK BROWN Roy Newby Villas Molford

Some Neighbourly Advice MISS – this is a poem I wrote some years ago, but I still stick to this philosophy today. “When my dog turds My neighbour has words With me over t’fence Because of the stench. I say that it’s normal And to keep things quite formal I now post through his letterbox The turds of my better dogs. But poor old Nathaniel My Welsh springer spaniel Has bowels that are loose And can only make juice. So this I do keep In a bowl good and deep And in darkness of night Tip it o’er his car white. Now his Lexus is brown Which is getting him down But he should’ve kept quiet The fucking old twat.” I hope that this ditty may help some of your readers to remember to be kinder to animals. REV UNITY MEDFORD The Old Vicarage Sockford

Reader noticed MISS – I cannot be the only one who has noticed. Yours, HERMES FEEDBACK Horns Lock Plinth

’s Chuck Le Corner

www.framleyexaminer.com

More mess

Had to laugh

MISS – My wife and I have been disappointed by the standard of dog mess in the alleyway between Wripple library and the shops. In my day, ‘Dog’s Muck Alley’ as we called it, was crawling in firm hound chod. Now we can barely get our fingers under it to pick it up and photograph to complain. What? Is the world coming, too?

MISS – We had to laugh at church on Sunday as our vicar walked up the aisle to deliver his sermon carrying a egg timer. We all thought it was because he wanted to keep the length of his always interminably boring sermon to a minimum, but it turned out it was because he wanted to boil a egg. I had to laugh! God was watching.

MAUNSELL C FORT Zippy’s Granary Wripple

Social days MISS – do any of your readers have any memories of Chutney Meadows Sports Ground Social Club in days gone by? In particular do any of them remember where I left my car keys? It would be lovely to share some recollections of times past, particularly since I can’t get into my car now, and there’s a pound of pork mince on the parcel shelf. TERRY CLOTH Speedwell Avenue Chutney

VERA MISANTHORPE 21 The Green Wripple

Last word MISS – I notice with dismay that the council are thinking of closing down Clinton’s historic Indoor Bowels Club. I have been a member of the club for over forty years, taking part in league and championship events, for which I have many treasured trophies on my shelves. When it closes, where will I go? MR C. SHAMEN Pat Roach Approach Clinton

TENBY & THE COLONEL’S PIRATE RADIO AIRSHOW FORMER HOSTS – NOW TOO BLUE FOR RADIO!         BROADCAST LIVE & UNLEASHED FROM THEIR HOT-AIR BALLOON TETHERED 20M ABOVE THE CAR PARK OF THE WARM ZIPPY PUBLIC HOUSE GRE FREE to all LAT ATEST attendees – the EST ME paper hats THEY DEM MOR don’t want you AND IES to see! S With special in-balloon guests: Celebrity impressionist Benedict Benderson and musical duo Arnold and Maureen, who’ll be performing The Quasimodo Song* in full!

❆ PC-FREE ZONE!

IT’S BACK!

ARE YOU A NY HONKER?

*WARNING: some audience participation HOR

Saturday 20th August 12-3pm

Chuck le Corner’s Corner Crossword No 4332 Set by Charlecornius

I’ve had a bumper load of laughs in my chucklesack this week, kids, but here are a few of the rib-tinglers that you sent in, of course! I say!! I say I say I say! I was born in August! I say I say LEO SAYER?

from Dagny Wurm, Wripple, aged 9

What do you call a fire engine! 999, OK?

from Salome Rollo, Foodhall, aged 8

What is it that is yellow and dangerous! ? ELEPHANT BUTTER IS YELLOW AND DANGEROUS

from Emery Fonzarelli, Whoft, aged 8

Knock knock? Who is it who is coming! 98 MORE KNOCKS BECAUSE OF 100 WOODEN CENTIPEDE

from Fannie Prum, Robot Oak, aged 9

LEGS?

Why I hope you like jammin’ too! BOB MARMALADE?

from Magdalena Crippen, Chutney, aged 3

What is it that is worse than finding a worm in your apple! PUBIC LICE?

from Sindy Pew, Framley, aged 47

go!!! *Earwig’s voice* Here we go! Here we go!! Here we *YOUR VOICE* EARWIG LEAVES?

from Bo Block, Moleford, aged 6

SEND YOUR JOKES TO Chuck Le Corner’s Chuckle Corner, The Framley Examiner, Unit 149b, East Cosset Industrial Park, Parkfields Bypass, Framley FR1 6LH Don’t forget to enclose your jokes! Please note that some editing or rephrasing of submitted jokes may be undertaken by the editor of this column. The Framley Examiner Group is no longer legally bound to defend this practice (Thornbury v Le Corner [2006] EWCA Civ)

DOWN 1 The Doctor’s nemesis. 2 2 word (3) 3 Spare instrument (5) 4 Old name for Marathon, perhaps? (3) 6 Upside-down life story (3) 7 Noctor! Noctor! Who’s there? 9 Film. Prequel to trel (3) 11 I don’t know about you three, but I can’t stop thinking about bum. (3) 12 “____, a deer, a ba-by deer” (2) 13 & 19A Short fictional storyteller? (4,4) 14 Not ginger (3) 16 Have I got captain for you? (2,3) 17 Goes the apple! (3) 18 Acorn tree (3) ACROSS 1 This gig economy minicab firm app is what the Germans would definitely say is definitely over in Germany (as in above rather than finished in German in Germany) (4) 5 Dog’s biggest word (10) 8a (Cryptic) Horrible acorn tree (3) 8a (Quick) Broken pig (3) 8a (Kids) ____ & Indy - TV prog (3) 10 “Who stole your diamonds, b’ma’am?” (7) 12 ________ for a living (7) 15 These three American chocolates are delicious (1,1,1)

17 What when the frying thing said to the mathematician’s thing paper then it was a... (10) 19 See 13 down! Solution to Prize Corner Crossword No 4331 DOWN: 11. Teste 17. Chokey. ACROSS: 3. Arthurask. All other answers, down and across: Artichonke. 1st prize winner (flying boat) Ms S. Mesgetti, Codge. 2nd prize winner (flying hat) Ms S. Mesgetti, Codge. Congratulations to both of you, again!

197 ++++Incomplete Framley.indb 197

Find The Incomplete Framley Examiner on page 91

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GREETINGS FROM EFFIN’ BIRDS This time in the form of 100 sweary tear-out postcards, Greetings from Effin’ Birds is the latest avian offering from Aaron Reynolds, the mastermind behind @EffinBirds, with over 250k followers on Twitter and over 230k followers on Instagram. Each postcard features a beautiful bird illustration paired with a delightfully profane caption and a completely true* bird fact to round it all out – perfect for delighting your nearest (well, furthest) and dearest. *All 100 bird facts are completely untrue.

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someone should shove bees up your ass bird fact: The

bellicose hawk has a knack for taking every argument considerably further than polite society is comfortable with.

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DID THE COMMON SENSE FAIRY LEAVE A DOLLAR UNDER YOUR PILLOW?

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glad to see you are still a fucking idiot

Find Greetings from Effin’ Birds on page 87

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FROM CRIMEA WITH LOVE In the summer of 1992, Jason Salkey was cast in a role that would change his life for ever. Sharpe’s Rifles, a Napoleonic war drama, was to be shot in the Crimean Peninsula. Little did the producers know that they would be sending the crew to film in a rapidly disintegrating Soviet Union. From Crimea with Love documents the mishaps, blunders, incompetence and downright corruption that made Sharpe’s Rifles go down in British television folklore for its unique tales of hardship. Tapping into his diaries and photo journals, Jason Salkey brings you a jaw-dropping insider’s account of the making of one of the best-loved shows ever made.

Film crew prepare to shoot the final frames of Sharpe’s Gold where Sharpe walks over the hill and far away.

Sean Bean makes an impression on one of our stuntmen.

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Filming action from Sharpe’s Regiment.

Liz Hurley and Natasha Salkey in make-up with a young devotee of La Hurley.

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Director Tom Clegg arranges Teresa’s death scene.

The end of the road. Rifleman Harris bayonetted at Waterloo.

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06/05/2021 09:19

PHILOSOPHERS’ DOGS What if history’s greatest philosophers stole all their best ideas from their dogs? This wittily illustrated book by Samuel Dodson and Rosie Benson seeks to set the record straight, covering everyone from Socra-fleas to Simone de Beau-fur via John Licke and Mary Woof-stonecraft in its quest to show that our four-legged friends have always been the true masters of enlightenment. In the extract below, we learn about the debt Plato’s thinking owed to his pet molosser Fido-rus.

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‘The unexamined life is not worth living… unless you are a dog and can spend an afternoon chasing butterflies.’ Name: Plato Dog’s name: Fido-rus Breed: Molosser Born: 428 bce Went to live on the farm: 348 bce Age in dog years: 337 Principles • A true republic should be run by dogs and full of licks. • Of all the gods, Dog is the best friend of humankind, the helper and healer of all ills that stand in the way of human happiness. • We should think more carefully rather than be led by our instincts. Likes/favourite pastimes • Looking at beautiful things that possess the ‘form of the good’, like tennis balls • Practising self-control, reasonableness and independent thinking • Examining all aspects of life, especially aromatic cowpats Special interest: chasing butterflies If we could conceive of the perfect form of government for society, what would it look like? For one of the great canine philosophers, the answer was obvious: there should be more dogs in it. Plato’s dog, Fido-rus, was one of Socrates’ dog’s greatest students. But he was a fantastic philosopher (and a very, very good dog) in his own right too. He was fascinated by questions that asked how we should govern ourselves, and tried to describe the perfect society. He believed the ideal state should be made up of a thinking elite (philosophers’ dogs), who would be protected by the strongest guard dogs for defence against possible attacks by cats or squirrel invasions. Beneath the thinkers and the guard dogs, you would have the working dogs, whose job it would be to make sure sheep were in the right place, and all bones buried in well dug holes. Finally, beneath the working dogs, you could have humans, who might be allowed to perform important duties, like petting the dogs and giving them belly rubs. For Fido-rus, this hierarchy was based on a dog’s wisdom – something he felt was incredibly important. He once observed, ‘Wise 66

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dogs bark because they have something to say; foolish dogs woof because they have to woof at something.’ In his ideal society, the wisest, ‘thinking’ dogs would be allowed to immerse themselves in philosophy to consider the answers to important questions such as, ‘Is it better to play fetch with a tennis ball or a discus?’ They could then make rational decisions (about whether we play with the ball or discus on any given day), and so govern the world effectively. Plato’s dog believed that successful states would have a canine ‘fur-losopher king’ as head of state. This was because he saw that dogs look naturally towards the light, are all very good boys and girls, and are uninterested in foolish human things like money. As a result they would be incorruptible. He described this type of state in one of his most important works, The Republick (heavy emphasis on lick). In his ideal society, dogs would be free to lick any and all faces, regardless of whether they had recently eaten a cowpat or some suspicious and long-discarded piece of meat. Unfortunately, no canine has ever been able to live under such a government. Instead, Plato, that classic canine-idea stealer, flipped his dog’s ideas to such an extent that he wound up arguing for men – not dogs – at the top of any system of government. And look how well that’s worked out over the past 2,500 years.

Find Philosophers’ Dogs on page 95

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ALL THE COFFEE CUPS Since 2014, US-based creator Josh Hara has been drawing on takeaway coffee cups and uploading them to the internet. Over the years, these comics – more than 500 of them – have gained a huge following on Twitter and Instagram, and now Josh has compiled the best of the bunch in All the Coffee Cups. From pop culture to politics via memes, jokes and social commentary, Josh takes us on a journey through the highs and lows of the last few years, while paying tribute to the magical drink that got him through it all. Below are just a few examples of Josh’s delightful espresso-fuelled creations.

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Find All the Coffee Cups on page 96

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Autumn Titles

July to December 2020 12/03/2020 06/05/2021 12:20 09:19

July

THE 32

An Anthology of Irish Working-Class Voices PAUL McVEIGH (ED.)

Sixteen established authors – including Kevin Barry, Roddy Doyle and Lisa McInerney – and sixteen new voices on their experience of being working-class in Ireland The 32 is a celebration of workingclass voices from the island of Ireland. Edited by award-winning novelist Paul McVeigh, this intimate and illuminating collection features memoir and essays from established and emerging Irish voices including Kevin Barry, Dermot Bolger, Roddy Doyle, Lisa McInerney, Lyra McKee and many more. Too often, working-class writers find that the hurdles they come up against are higher and harder to leap over than those faced by writers from more affluent backgrounds. The 32 sees writers who have made that leap reach back to give a helping hand to those coming up behind.

The 32 08/07/2021 Paperback £9.99 978-1-80018-024-6 World/Audio/TV & Film

NON-FICTION Paul McVeigh’s debut novel The Good Son won the Polari First Novel Prize. He has twice won the McCrea Literary Award and has toured the UK and Ireland with his plays and comedy. His short stories have appeared in the Irish Times, Faber’s Being Various and Kit de Waal’s Common People anthologies, as well as on BBC Radio and Sky Arts. @paul_mc_veigh 73

0 12:20

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July

FROM CRIMEA WITH LOVE

Misadventures in the Making of Sharpe’s Rifles JASON SALKEY

The rollicking behind-the-scenes story of Sharpe’s Rifles, one of British TV’s best-loved shows, featuring a foreword by Sharpe author Bernard Cornwell In the summer of 1992, Jason Salkey was cast in Sharpe’s Rifles, a Napoleonic war drama to be shot in the Crimean Peninsula. Little did the producers know that they would be sending Jason and the crew to film in a rapidly disintegrating Soviet Union, where they would face danger and nearstarvation around every corner. From Crimea with Love documents the mishaps, incompetence and downright corruption that made Sharpe’s Rifles go down in British television folklore for its unique tales of hardship and depravation. Tapping into his diaries, photo journals and video log, Jason brings you an eye-opening, jaw-dropping insider’s account of one of the best-loved shows ever made.

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From Crimea with Love 08/07/2021 Hardback £25.00 978-1-78352-957-5 World/Audio/TV & Film

NON-FICTION Jason Salkey is an actor who has been a regular on our screens over the last three decades. In 1992 he took on the role of Rifleman Harris in Sharpe’s Rifles, which became one of British television’s most cherished shows. He has also appeared in a number of films, including The Russia House, The Fifth Element and About a Boy. www.riflemanharris.co.uk 74

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July

REGION LOCKED

MATT BARNES, DAZZ BROWN AND GREG S-C A fascinating exploration of the weird and wonderful video games not available to Western audiences, from the team behind popular YouTube channel DidYouKnowGaming? The barriers of language and culture can leave our world divided, and video games are no exception. Matt Barnes, Dazz Brown and Greg Seago-Curl of DidYouKnowGaming? created the YouTube series Region Locked to offer an insight into the weird and wonderful titles that never left their home countries, and now they bring their expertise to you, the gaming reader. Whether you’re a casual gamer or a hardcore fan, you’re sure to encounter masterpieces you never knew existed from your favourite series and developers, as well as some utterly bizarre creations that will make you wonder how on earth they were released in the first place.

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Region Locked 08/07/2021 Hardback £20.00 978-1-78352-926-1 World/Audio/TV & Film

NON-FICTION Matt Barnes, Daniel Loyall ‘Dazz’ Brown and Greg S-C are lifelong friends, and part of the team behind the vastly popular YouTube channel DidYouKnowGaming?, which boasts 2.3 million subscribers. @DidYouKnowGaming / www.youtube.com/user/DYKGaming

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July

CAIN’S JAWBONE A Novel Problem

EDWARD POWYS MATHERS Six murders. One hundred pages. Millions of possible combinations… but only one is correct. Can you solve Torquemada’s murder mystery? In 1934, the Observer’s cryptic crossword compiler, Edward Powys Mathers (aka Torquemada), released a novel that was simultaneously a murder mystery and the most fiendishly difficult literary puzzle ever written. The pages have been printed in an entirely haphazard order, but it is possible – through logic and intelligent reading – to sort the pages into the only correct order, revealing six murder victims and their respective murderers. Only three puzzlers have ever solved the mystery of Cain’s Jawbone: do you have what it takes to join their ranks? ‘If James Joyce and Agatha Christie had a literary love child, this would be it’ Daily Telegraph

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Cain’s Jawbone 08/07/2021 Paperback £9.99 978-1-80018-079-6 World/Audio/TV & Film

NON-FICTION Edward Powys Mathers (1892–1939) introduced the cryptic crossword to Britain in 1924 through the pages of the Observer. Known as Torquemada, he was acknowledged as a brilliant translator and a critic specialising in crime fiction. In 1934 he published a selection of his puzzles under the title The Torquemada Puzzle Book – the final hundred pages of which contained the novel-cum-puzzle Cain’s Jawbone. 76

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July

BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP One Man’s Battle to Beat the Bends

MARK COWAN AND MARTIN ROBSON The first book to tell the terrifying story of what it feels like to get the bends, from the perspective of a veteran cave diver who overcame the unthinkable In 2012, British diver Martin Robson was part of an expedition to find a cave system under Blue Lake, southern Russia, that had never been seen by the human eye. On the expedition’s final day, as he returned to the surface after diving deeper into the lake than anyone had before, disaster struck: Robson was ambushed by decompression sickness, the terrifying illness most commonly known as the bends. Soon the only hope he had of saving his life would rest in the hands of a dramatic mercy mission organised at the highest levels of the Russian government . . .

Title: Between the Devil and the Deep Pub date: 22/07/2021 Format: Hardback Price: £20.00 ISBN: 978-1-80018-029-1 Rights: UK & Comm. ex. Can

NON-FICTION Mark Cowan is a journalist with more than twenty years’ experience in newspapers and television. He has also worked on crime documentaries for the BBC and ITV. Martin Robson is one of the world’s leading instructors on technical, cave and rebreather diving. A former Royal Marine Commando, he has led explorations in France and North America. 77

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July

LONGHAND ANDY HAMILTON

The paperback outing of an acclaimed publishing first, reproducing 300 pages of handwritten manuscript by comedy legend Andy Hamilton Malcolm George Galbraith is a large, somewhat clumsy Scotsman. He’s being forced to leave the woman he loves, and to explain why, he leaves her a 300-page handwritten note. Malcolm has decided to start from the beginning and tell his life story, something he’s never dared to do before. Because Malcolm isn’t who he seems: he’s had other names and lived in other places. Finally telling the truth of his long life – one which has seen several murders, a touch of leprosy, an insane tyrant, two great romances and a talking fish – Malcolm’s letter combines tragedy, comedy and mystery as it gathers pace towards his final revelation . . . ‘I raced through this epic tale . . . Fabulous’ Daily Mail

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Longhand 22/07/2021 Paperback £9.99 978-1-80018-059-8 World/Audio

‘Uniquely brilliant’ Stephen Fry

FICTION Andy Hamilton is a comedy writer, performer and director. His television writing credits include Outnumbered and Drop the Dead Donkey among many others, and he has appeared many times on BBC panel shows such as Have I Got News for You, QI and Would I Lie to You?. For twenty years he has played Satan in the Radio 4 comedy Old Harry’s Game, which he also writes. 78

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August

RUNNING TRACKS

The Playlist and Places That Made Me a Runner ROB DEERING

Musician and comedian Rob Deering celebrates the magic of running while listening to music Rob Deering has been listening to music his whole life, but it was only in his mid-thirties that he found himself immersed in the hugely popular, nearly perfect, sometimes preposterous activity of running. In this vividly conjured collection, Rob shares stories of when a run, a place and a tune come together in a life-defining moment. His adventures in running have spanned four continents, fifteen marathons and numberless miles of park and pavement, and the carefully chosen music streaming through his headphones has spurred him forward throughout.

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Running Tracks 05/08/2021 Paperback £9.99 978-1-80018-044-4 World/Audio

NON-FICTION Rob Deering is a comedian, musician, presenter and runner. He cohosts the podcast Running Commentary with Paul Tonkinson, and has toured several shows nationally and around the world. He is a regular contributor to The Steve Lamacq Show (BBC Radio 6 Music) and one of the hosts of The Comedy Club (BBC Radio 4 Extra). @DeeringRob 79

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August

THE TRIUMPH OF EVIL

Genocide in Rwanda and the Fight for Justice

CHARLES PETRIE AND SPIKE ZEPHANIAH STEPHENSON A UN official’s brave first-hand account of how the organisation failed 850,000 people in Rwanda The Triumph of Evil documents the eye-witness account of Charles Petrie, a UN official called to Rwanda during the 1994 genocide, in which 850,000 people lost their lives as brutal massacres swept across the country for one hundred days. Petrie details what he believes to be the UN’s failure to protect its own personnel, and focuses in particular on the sinister events that led to the murders of a number of Rwandan nationals working for the organisation. Told through individuals’ stories and experiences, the book casts light on how even our most respected institutions can fail when political motivations muddy the waters.

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The Triumph of Evil 05/08/2021 Hardback £18.99 978-1-78352-928-5 World/Audio/TV & Film

NON-FICTION Charles Petrie is a former UN official who rose to the rank of Assistant Secretary General before resigning from the organisation in 2010. In 2014 he was made an OBE for services to international peace, security and human rights. Spike Zephaniah Stevenson is an illustrator and writer who has produced artwork for the British Council and Amnesty International. 80

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August

GLITTERING A TURD

How Surviving the Unsurvivable Taught Me to Live KRIS HALLENGA

How a diagnosis of incurable cancer taught CoppaFeel! founder Kris Hallenga what it means to live life to the fullest Kris Hallenga was living a totally normal life as a twenty-three-yearold. However, when she found a lump in her breast and was subsequently told that it was not only cancer but also incurable, life took on a completely new meaning. Little did Kris know it was cancer that would lead her to a life she hadn’t considered possible: a happy one. From setting up a charity promoting breast health to navigating romantic relationships like any other woman in her twenties and thirties, Kris shows us what it is to live a life well and to the fullest, no matter the particular ‘turd’ you’re dealing with.

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Glittering a Turd 19/08/2021 Hardback £12.99 978-1-80018-048-2 World English

NON-FICTION Kris Hallenga is the founder of breast cancer awareness charity CoppaFeel!, which now raises over £2 million a year. Four years ago she stepped down as CEO to focus on writing and speaking engagements. She has been living with stage 4, secondary, incurable cancer for a third of her life. Kris won a Pride of Britain Award in 2009. @KrisPoB 81

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September

DAMNABLE TALES A Folk Horror Anthology RICHARD WELLS (ED.)

An illustrated collection of classic folk horror stories by Robert Aickman, Shirley Jackson, M. R. James and Thomas Hardy among many others This illustrated collection of twenty-two classic stories takes the reader beyond the safety and familiarity of the town into the isolated and untamed wilderness. Unholy rites, witches’ curses, sinister village traditions and ancient horrors that lurk within the landscape all combine to remind us that the shiny, modern, urban world might not have all the answers . . . It features work from masters of supernatural fiction including M. R. James, Sheridan Le Fanu and Arthur Machen, alongside lesser-known voices in the field including Eleanor Scott and Margery Lawrence and popular writers less bound to the horror genre, such as Thomas Hardy and E. F. Benson.

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Damnable Tales 02/09/2021 Hardback £25.00 978-1-80018-060-4 World/Audio

FICTION Richard Wells is an illustrator and graphic designer. Primarily working in the television industry, he has provided graphic props for the likes of Poldark, Sherlock, Doctor Who and the recent BBC adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Outside of his television work, he makes and sells his own darkly folkloric artwork, often lino-cut and printed by hand. @Slippery_Jack 82

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September

GAME ON

The Unstoppable Rise of Women’s Sport SUE ANSTISS

Both a celebration of women’s sport and a manifesto for its future, featuring a foreword by Tanni Grey-Thompson In recent years, the landscape for women’s sport has finally begun to shift. It’s seen significant increases in sponsorship, more media coverage for female athletes and women taking influential roles as board directors, editors, coaches and officials. Yet despite this progress, female athletes still don’t get equal funding or opportunities – even though they train as hard and make the same sacrifices as their male counterparts. Game On follows Sue Anstiss as she talks to Olympic and Paralympic champions, broadcasters, journalists, scientists, CEOs and sponsors to investigate why change has taken so long and how we can ensure that the recent positive revolution in women’s sport continues.

Title: Game On Pub date: 02/09/2021 Format: Hardback Price: £18.99 ISBN: 978-1-80018-062-8 Rights: World/Audio

NON-FICTION Sue Anstiss received an MBE in 2018 for her services to women’s sport over the past twenty-five years. She is a founding trustee of the Women’s Sport Trust, a charity that aims to raise the visibility and increase the impact of women’s sport. She is also the founder and CEO of Promote, a communications agency that has specialised in sport and fitness since 1994. @sueanstiss 83

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September

FIRST LIGHT

A Celebration of Alan Garner ERICA WAGNER (ED.)

A tribute to the life and work of Alan Garner, featuring Margaret Atwood, Stephen Fry, Philip Pullman and Ali Smith among many others Described by Philip Pullman as ‘the most important British writer of fantasy since Tolkein’, Alan Garner has been enrapturing readers for more than half a century. Now, a group of the writers and artists he has inspired over the years have come together to celebrate his life and work in First Light. The anthology includes original essays, memoir and more from David Almond, Margaret Atwood, John Burnside, Susan Cooper, Helen Dunmore, Stephen Fry, Neil Gaiman, Elizabeth Garner, Paul Kingsnorth, Katherine Langrish, Helen Macdonald, Robert Macfarlane, Gregory Maguire, Neel Mukherjee, Philip Pullman, Ali Smith, Elizabeth Wein and Michael Wood, among many others.

Title: First Light Pub date: 02/09/2021 Format: Paperback Price: £10.99 ISBN: 978-1-80018-031-4 Rights: World/Audio

‘A homage to the power of writing and storytelling’ Guardian

NON-FICTION Erica Wagner is the author of Gravity: Stories; Ariel’s Gift: Ted Hughes, Sylvia Plath and the Story of Birthday Letters; and a novel, Seizure. Twice a judge of the Booker Prize, she was literary editor of The Times for seventeen years, and she is now a contributing writer for the New Statesman. Her biography of Washington Roebling, Chief Engineer, was published by Bloomsbury in 2017. @EricaWgnr 84

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September

MUD, MAUL, MASCARA CATHERINE SPENCER

Longlisted for William Hill Sports Book of the Year: the former England rugby captain on the joys and struggles of leading her team to the World Cup final Catherine Spencer was the captain of the England women’s rugby team for three years, leading them to three championship titles, a European cup, two Nations Cup victories and the World Cup final held on home turf in 2010, which thrust women’s rugby into the limelight. All this while holding down a full-time job, because the women’s team did not get paid for their sport. Mud, Maul, Mascara is painfully honest about the struggles Catherine faced as a sportswoman at the top of her game, but it is also warm, funny and inspirational – a book for anyone who has ever had a dream or self-doubt, or a yearning for a good mud-proof mascara. ‘A pioneering memoir’ Guardian Books of the Year

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Mud, Maul, Mascara 02/09/2021 Paperback £9.99 978-1-80018-085-7 World/Audio/TV & Film

NON-FICTION Catherine Spencer is a former captain of the England women’s rugby team. She has written for mainstream and rugby media, and appeared as a studio pundit and commentator for the BBC and Sky Sports. She was named England Player of the Year in 2006 and received a Rugby Union Writers’ Club Special Award in 2011. She is the founder of the speaker agency Inspiring Women. 85

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September

COMPLETELY STAGED The Complete Illustrated Scripts SIMON EVANS AND PHIN GLYNN

The complete illustrated scripts of the lockdown hit TV show Staged Starring David Tennant and Michael Sheen alongside a fantastic roll-call of A-list cast members, the British television comedy series Staged has been the international hit to emerge during the global pandemic. Completely Staged is the show’s official companion, containing the complete text of the screenplays from Staged’s writer and director, Simon Evans, and co-creator, Phin Glynn. With a foreword from writer and broadcaster Gyles Brandreth, the book is crammed with more than 100 images – from photographs, screenshots and illustrations, to pages from the musical score and tips on how to draw a pineapple David Tennantstyle. Completely Staged is compiled by Victor Glynn and Sophie Goldsworthy.

Title: Pub date: Format: Price: ISBN: Rights:

Completely Staged 16/09/2021 Hardback £20.00 978-1-80018-091-8 World/Audio

‘Rambunctious entertainment of an unusually high order’ New York Times

NON-FICTION Simon Evans has been Resident Assistant Director at the Donmar Warehouse, Staff Director at the National Theatre and Creative Associate at the Bush Theatre, alongside his many writing credits. @SimonEvans25 Phin Glynn has several feature film credits including Mad to Be Normal, The Doorman and Waiting for Anya. @PhineasGlynn 86

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September

GREETINGS FROM EFFIN’ BIRDS 100 Tear-Out Postcards AARON REYNOLDS

A tear-out postcard book featuring 100 rude as ever Effin’ Birds Ever since Effin’ Birds first appeared on social media, fans have been clamouring for a way to deliver these lavishly illustrated profane messages in the real world. Today is the day that their prayers and DMs are answered: Greetings from Effin’ Birds is a book of 100 tear-out postcards, featuring new birds and new jokes, plus 100 absolutely true* Bird Facts that will help you spot these fine avian creatures in your everyday life.

Title: Greetings from Effin’ Birds Pub date: 16/09/2021 Format: Postcard book Price: £14.99 ISBN: 978-1-80018-058-1 Rights: World/Audio/TV & Film

*All 100 Bird Facts are completely untrue.

NON-FICTION Aaron Reynolds is the Webby Award-honoured author of Effin’ Birds: A Field Guide to Identification, which for seven whole days in 2019 was the bestselling book by any Canadian author not named Margaret Atwood. Previously he taught software for Apple Inc., wrote about baseball and was a Santa Claus photographer in the worst mall in Mississauga. He currently lives in Toronto. @EffinBirds 87

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September

PAINT MY NAME IN BLACK AND GOLD The Rise of the Sisters of Mercy MARK ANDREWS

A biography charting the early years of the hugely influential cult band who invented goth In the early to mid-1980s, two bands dominated the independent charts: the Smiths and the Sisters of Mercy. They have proved to be equally influential. In every city in the world you will find people dressed like they have just walked offstage from playing a gig with the Sisters of Mercy in 1983. Paint My Name in Black and Gold tells the story of the band’s rise: how against the odds and all reasonable expectation they came to make transcendent and life-changing music, and how their peculiar, compelling lead singer Andrew Eldritch stakes a powerful claim to be the greatest rock star of his generation.

Title: Paint My Name in Black and Gold Pub date: 16/09/2021 Format: Hardback Price: £20.00 ISBN: 978-1-80018-038-3 Rights: World/Audio/TV & Film

NON-FICTION Mark Andrews is a journalist living in Belgium. He has interviewed musicians ranging from Lemmy and Jon Spencer to Mudhoney and the Scientists. He has written for the Middle East Times, Egypt Magazine, LeftLion, Flanders Today and Louder. This book grew out of two acclaimed articles he wrote about the Sisters of Mercy for The Quietus. 88

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September

EFFIN’ BIRDS

A Field Guide to Identification AARON REYNOLDS

The beloved farcical field guide featuring more than 200 sweary and hilarious birds With Effin’ Birds, you can venture into nature with confidence. This field guide will help you identify over 200 birds, but more importantly, for the first time in history, it will also help you understand what these birds are thinking: ● The vainglorious grebe is acutely aware of its own magnificence. ● The overbearing heron wishes you better luck next time, fucknuts. ● The counsellor swallow wants you to maybe try not being a dickhead. ● … and many, many more. Alongside beautiful illustrations and a whole lot of swearing is incisive commentary on modern life and the world we, as humans, must navigate. Or maybe it’s just some pictures of effin’ birds, okay?

Title: Pub date: Format: Price: ISBN: Rights:

Effin’ Birds 16/09/2021 Paperback £12.99 978-1-80018-043-7 UK & Comm. ex. Can/Audio/ TV & Film

‘Possibly the best thing ever’ Chuck Wendig, NYT bestselling author of Wanderers

NON-FICTION Aaron Reynolds is the Webby Award-honoured author of Effin’ Birds: A Field Guide to Identification, which for seven whole days in 2019 was the bestselling book by any Canadian author not named Margaret Atwood. Previously he taught software for Apple Inc., wrote about baseball, and was a Santa Claus photographer in the worst mall in Mississauga. He currently lives in Toronto. @EffinBirds 89

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September

FORGOTTEN HEROES OF COMEDY An Encyclopedia of the Comedy Underdog ROBERT ROSS

Featuring a foreword by the late Terry Jones, this is the definitive survey of the twentieth century’s overlooked comic greats In this long overdue and affectionate salute, celebrated comedy historian Robert Ross pays tribute to some of the finest, funniest and most fascinating names in comedy from both sides of the Atlantic. Whether it is a favourite from the distant smoke- and ale-stained world of the Music Hall like the great George Robey, or the downbeat poetry of Hovis Presley, who dropped disenchanted bombs on the late 1990s, Ross honours the legends who didn’t quite reach the heady heights of stardom or, once they had, couldn’t cope with the pressures. Forgotten Heroes of Comedy will finally elevate them to the Hall of Fame where they belong. ‘The top chronicler of British comedy’ Film Review

Title: Pub date: Format: Price: ISBN: Rights:

Forgotten Heroes of Comedy 30/09/2021 Hardback £30.00 978-1-78352-918-6 World/Audio/TV & Film

NON-FICTION Robert Ross is the leading authority on the history of British comedy. His sixteen books include The Monty Python Encyclopedia, The Carry On Story, Sid James: Cockney Rebel, The Complete Terry-Thomas and official BBC celebrations of Fawlty Towers, Last of the Summer Wine and Steptoe and Son. His latest is a critically acclaimed biography of Marty Feldman. 90

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October

THE INCOMPLETE FRAMLEY EXAMINER The Book of the Website of the Newspaper THE EDITORS

Celebrating twenty years of the spoof local newspaper from the team behind the Ladybird Books for Grown-Ups In 2001, fans of the internet were introduced to scanned pages from spoof local newspaper The Framley Examiner. Packed with humdrum and preposterous news stories, classified ads, local business features and headlines that seemed to have been typed while asleep, it skewered the banal madness of small-town existence, perfectly encapsulating the British national character. This book, published to mark the website’s twentieth anniversary, compiles the very best of the paper in a single full-colour volume. ‘Packed with hard laughs’ Bob Odenkirk (Better Call Saul)

Title: The Incomplete Framley Examiner Pub date: 14/10/2021 Format: Hardback Price: £14.99 ISBN: 978-1-80018-082-6 Rights: World/Audio/TV & Film

NON-FICTON Robin Halstead, Jason Hazeley, Alex Morris and Joel Morris would, between them, go on to write the best selling Bollocks to Alton Towers books, write for potty-mouthed national treasure Viz, create TV idiot Philomena Cunk, co-write the BAFTA-winning Charlie Brooker’s Wipe shows and the Paddington films, and create the industry-smashing Ladybird Books for Grown-Ups. @JasonHazeley / @gralefrit 91

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October

EAST OF THE SUN, WEST OF THE MOON JACKIE MORRIS

A beautifully illustrated retelling of the classic Norwegian fairy tale by the Kate Greenaway Medal-winning co-author of The Lost Words From the moment she saw him, the girl knew the bear had come for her. How many times had she dreamed of him? Now, here he was, as if spelled from her dreams. This encounter marks the beginning of a long and extraordinary journey for the girl. First to the bear’s secret palace in faraway mountains, where she is treated so courteously, though troubled by the bear’s unfathomable sadness. As the bear’s secret unravels, another journey unfolds, which takes the girl to the homes of the four winds and beyond, to the castle east of the sun, west of the moon.

Title: East of the Sun, West of the Moon Pub date: 14/10/2021 Format: Hardback Price: £16.99 ISBN: 978-1-78352-886-8 Rights: World English

FICTION Jackie Morris is an author and illustrator. She studied illustration at Hereford College of Art and Bath Academy and has illustrated many books, and written some. The Lost Words, co-authored with Robert Macfarlane, won the Kate Greenaway Medal 2019, and The Unwinding has been nominated for the 2021 Medal. @JackieMorrisArt 92

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October

THE WILD SWANS JACKIE MORRIS

A gorgeously illustrated and extended version of Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale, by the Kate Greenaway Medal-winning coauthor of The Lost Words A girl loses her brothers when they are turned into swans by her wicked stepmother. She has a task: to turn them back into boys again, she must pick nettles with her bare hands, stamp on them to make yarn, and spin and knit the yarn into shirts for each of the eleven brothers. And all the while she knits she cannot speak, for if she does, even so much as a whisper, it will be like a knife in the heart of each swan boy. So she knits, silent. And where there is silence people will put words . . .

Title: Pub date: Format: Price: ISBN: Rights:

The Wild Swans 14/10/2021 Hardback £16.99 978-1-78352-888-2 World English

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October

HOW TO LIVE IN THE COUNTRY A Month-by-Month Guide TOM HODGKINSON

A gift hardback reissue of Tom Hodgkinson’s classic almanac, with a foreword by Dominic West and illustrations by artist Alice Smith Drawing on the wisdom of an eclectic range of thinkers and writers, this illustrated pocket almanac works its way through each month of the year, offering refreshingly honest and realistic wisdom to get the most out of living in the country. Covering beekeeping, poultryrearing, pig-keeping, breadbaking, wood-chopping, firelaying, bartering, home-schooling and much more, it is the perfect inspirational text for beginners looking to make the move back to the land. Interwoven with his tried and tested tips and shortcuts are Tom’s own often hilarious experiences from his time raising a young family in rural Devon. ‘Hugely inspiring’ Sarah Bakewell ‘A delightful read’ Mail on Sunday

Title: How to Live in the Country Pub date: 14/10/2021 Format: Hardback Price: £10.99 ISBN: 978-1-80018-098-7 Rights: World/Audio/TV & Film

NON-FICTION Tom Hodgkinson is the founder and editor of the Idler and the author of bestselling books including How to be Idle, How to be Free, The Idle Parent and Business for Bohemians. He and his wife Victoria Hull established the Idler Academy, which hosts literary events and offers online courses in academic and practical subjects. 94

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October

PHILOSOPHERS’ DOGS

SAMUEL DODSON AND ROSIE BENSON Complete with beautiful illustrations, this book shows how celebrated philosophers really stole all their best ideas from their dogs Each and every human philosopher since time immemorial has stolen their best ideas from their canine companions. Not only that, but they’ve shamelessly altered their dogs’ original thoughts to make them sound more human (read: more foolish). Covering everyone from Socrafleas to Simone de Beau-fur via John Licke and Mary Woofstonecraft, Philosophers’ Dogs is here to set the record straight. It features beautiful illustrations alongside meticulous research and historical fact*, unearthing the trials, tribulations and tailwagging of the dogs owned by famous philosophers to acquaint the reader with the true masters of enlightenment.

Title: Pub date: Format: Price: ISBN: Rights:

Philosophers’ Dogs 28/10/2021 Hardback £9.99 978-1-80018-066-6 World/Audio/TV & Film

*Not necessarily historical or factual.

NON-FICTION Samuel Dodson is a twenty-something writer based in London. He is the co-founder of the Nothing in the Rulebook creative collective. @InstantIdealism Rosie Benson is an artist and illustrator based in the north of England. @RosieBensonArt 95

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November

ALL THE COFFEE CUPS

A Collection of Caffeinated Comics JOSH HARA

A full-colour collection of illustrated coffee cups by @yoyoha, of Twitter and Instagram fame One morning, Josh Hara found himself staring at the blank white side of the empty coffee cup he held. In his other hand was a pen. He brought the two together, and the first of hundreds of doodledon and decorated coffee cups shortly found its way onto the internet. Years later, the coffee cups had taken on a life of their own, with jokes, seasonal greetings and social commentary being shared around the world. All the Coffee Cups preserves a particular moment in history – one where pop culture and caffeine came together to create art.

Title: Pub date: Format: Price: ISBN: Rights:

All the Coffee Cups 25/11/2021 Hardback £9.99 978-1-80018-068-0 World/Audio

NON-FICTION Josh Hara is a US-based creator working in advertising, with a background in graphic design. His Twitter has over 75k followers, and his Instagram over 115k. @yoyoha

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NEW TITLES: DIGITAL The following titles are from our digital-first list, available to order as paperbacks from GBS at orders@gbs.tbs-ltd.co.uk Genie has everything – a BRIT Award, a singing career and Oliver Fox, a pretty boy who looks good on her arm. But when Oliver dies unexpectedly, how far is she prepared to go to fix things? The afterlife isn’t the most comfortable of places for anyone who’s still alive, but Genie’s got years of experience in the music business. Title: Comeback Pub date: 21/01/2021

Author: Chris Limb ISBN: 978-1-78965-089-1

Price: £10.99

Moffat the Magniloquent returns. Events at Gibbous House are over a decade in the past. Penniless, he heads south to St Louis and becomes involved with an Underground Railroad scheme to free slaves and rob the New Orleans Mint, encountering a cast of grotesques and real-life characters along the way. Title: No Good Deed Pub date: 21/01/2021

Author: Ewan Lawrie ISBN: 978-1-78965-091-4

Price: £10.99

A dystopian thriller about a fiery and indigenous Aussie rebel battling the Xirfell rulers – along with his own internal demons. Can the restless, reckless Aiden take a stand long enough to save humanity from enslavement?

Title: Last Star Standing Pub date: 18/02/2021

Author: Spaulding Taylor ISBN: 978-1-78965-097-6

Price: £10.99

A high school coming-of-age novel – the story of two friends discovering truths about themselves, and the ways their community has been shaped by secrets, lies and a devastating obsession with perfection.

Title: Slow Motion Pub date: 04/03/2021

Author: Jennifer Pierce ISBN: 978-1-78965-139-3

Price: £9.99

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Two siblings, one crime, and a long-buried secret. Embers is a haunting whodunnit with a Scandi-Noir twist, set against a backdrop of deep Swedish forests and the mysticism of Sami folklore.

Title: Embers Pub date: 18/03/2021

Author: Josephine Greenland ISBN: 978-1-78965-103-4

Price: £9.99

Mary Ann Hunn is known to history as the disreputable actress mother of the politician George Canning, a footnote to his story. Using her own memoir and the remarkable forty-sevenyear correspondence between mother and son, this new work uncovers the hidden history of a strong, passionate and intelligent woman. Title: George Canning Is My Son Pub date: 18/03/2021

Author: Julian Crowe ISBN: 978-1-78352-923-0

Price: £12.99

Lancashire, 1612: The most notorious witchcraft trials in England are taking place. Among the accused, three generations of the same family. A family rooted in Pendle, tied to the infamous Malkin Towers and always followed by a whisper of evil. A family destroyed by the evidence given by a nine-year-old girl . . .

Title: The Hellion Pub date: 15/04/2021

Author: Harriet Young ISBN: 978-1-78352-921-6

Price: £9.99

An original and compelling novel of memory, history and the scars left by unacknowledged damage.

Title: The Draftsman Pub date: 29/04/2021

Author: Laurel Lindström ISBN: 978-1-78965-111-9

Price: £9.99

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In this eerie novel of possession and compulsion, a young woman is propelled to fulfil a macabre destiny.

Title: A Melancholy Event Pub date: 29/04/2021

Author: Dan Glaister ISBN: 978-1-78965-121-8

Price: £9.99

A science fiction story of family, forgotten history and advancing technology. Follow its characters on their interconnected paths to re-discover the truth about their small, isolationist civilisation – and something far bigger than any of them could have imagined.

Title: Trinity Pub date: 29/04/2021

Authors: Patrick Morgan and David Kidger ISBN: 978-1-78965-099-0 Price: £10.99

A hilarious eighties-set epistolatory coming-of-age novel. Maud, who is twelve and lives with her dysfunctional parents and her elder brother, spends all her time in her bedroom writing letters to her favourite pop star, Tom Harding, the lead singer of a punk band called Horsefly.

Title: Your Friend Forever Pub date: 29/04/2021

Author: Zena Barrie ISBN: 978-1-78965-107-2

Price: £9.99

A Scots family drama of three generations chasing dreams and happiness, when not everyone is quite who they seem.

Title: Be guid tae yer mammy Pub date: 06/05/2021

Author: Emma Grae ISBN: 978-1-78965-117-1

Price: £9.99

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As Lena races to find her missing sister in war-torn Angola, will she have the courage to bear witness to what she finds?

Title: Into the Mouth of the Lion Pub date: 06/05/2021

Author: A. B. Kyazze ISBN: 978-1-78965-113-3

Price: £9.99

Literary crime fiction: a novel of isolation and fear set in an isolated Highland village on the Ardnamurchan peninsula.

Title: The Mash House Pub date: 06/05/2021

Author: Alan Gillespie ISBN: 978-1-78965-119-5

Price: £9.99

As the world recovers from the effects of the Turmoil, the genetically augmented soldiers of Project Golem now want lives of their own . . .

Title: Discarded Pub date: 10/06/2021

Author: Mark A. Ciccone ISBN: 978-1-78965-123-2

Price: £9.99

In book two of the Origin Trilogy, John and the army of survivors continue the search they started in Darwin’s Soldiers. Who brought them to this bizarre world and for what purpose?

Title: Survival Machines Pub date: 10/06/2021

Author: Ste Sharp ISBN: 978-1-78965-127-0

Price: £9.99

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Ireland, 1980s. A young writer tells stories about guests in Dolly’s hotel – but will it get him loved, killed or both?

Title: Dolly Considine’s Hotel Pub date: 08/07/2021

Author: Eamon Somers ISBN: 978-1-78965-129-4

Price: £9.99

In space, keep your friends close but your monsters even closer . . . A boy struggling with OCD must journey with his social worker through space to rescue his mother.

Title: Rory Hobble and the Voyage to Haligogen Author: Maximilian Hawker Pub date: 08/07/2021 ISBN: 978-1-78965-125-6 Price: £9.99

Britain is awash, the sea creeps into the land, brambles and forest swamp derelict towns. In a wild, abandoned country, how do you find your place?

Title: Salt Lick Pub date: 08/07/2021

Author: Lulu Allison ISBN: 978-1-78965-131-7

Price: £9.99

A tale of parallel universes, unrequited love and Welsh world domination: deadbeat Kevin Jones finds himself kidnapped to an alternative reality where Wales is the single global superpower.

Title: Anthracite Pub date: 05/08/2021

Author: Matt Thomas ISBN: 978-1-78965-147-8

Price: £10.99

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Two aristocrats, a hidden fortune and the not-so-greatest show on Earth: Stevyn Colgan’s third – and funniest – South Herewardshire novel continues the series that began with A Murder to Die For and The Diabolical Club.

Title: Cockerings Pub date: 19/08/2021

Author: Stevyn Colgan ISBN: 978-1-78965-151-5

Price: £9.99

From a Somerset farm to the trenches of France: one man’s coming of age through land, love and blood.

Title: A Hundred Years to Arras Author: Jason Cobley Pub date: 19/08/2021 ISBN: 978-1-78965-149-2

Price: £9.99

A policeman sets out to investigate the murder of a former reality television star, in a near-future UK where bad taste is illegal.

Title: The Lion and the Unicorn Author: Tom Ward Pub date: 02/09/2021 ISBN: 978-1-78965-153-9

Price: £9.99

The inside story of two women, an Olympic rower and a Paralympic cyclist, going for Tokyo 2020 gold.

G Title: How to Be an Olympian Pub date: 16/09/2021

Author: Harry Reardon ISBN: 978-1-78965-101-0

Price: £10.99

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Unbou Unbo

GIVING NEW LIFE TO OLD BOOKS

Backlisted.fm

96 Cross reference

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Unbound Catalogue Autumn 2021

Articles inside

The Incomplete Framley Examiner

Between the Devil and the Deep

Paint My Name in Black and Gold

Damnable Tales: A Folk Horror Anthology

Rain, Trainers and Track

Game On

Irish working-class voices: an extract from our latest anthology