I know this is not enough

I know, I know this year was awful nothing concrete but this is not what I expect for myself What I do despite it is not obvious, is difficult because I am restrained this is the worst symptom I feel, you know the fear maybe the only thing I can do is paint because this is the unique activity I can do well without anybody All the other activities I have never explain well around me and the critic of the people where I do something is always making me do bad or not enough I do not find a place to be sure Now I understand what you told me at the beginning it is clear so I do not want to intent anything

unless you stay but I think you want to go away Please tell me if I am right‌