Beginning this Fall

Colours of Family

By Heather Bain

Growing up, fall meant a fresh school year. This continued when I became a teaching assistant. I still get excited and, to be honest, a tad nervous about the challenges of a new year. New has been a theme in our family in 2021. My nephew and his fiancée got married in an intimate backyard wedding. My oldest grandson got a job. His five and sevenyear-old brothers joined new classes, their baby brother started at a new daycare, and their mom started working at a new job location.

The first time that I dropped my oldest off at nursery school was a fall day, years ago. She was three and had been at home with Mom except for occasional babysitters. We had prepared

her—talked about going to “school” and shopped for new clothes, a backpack, and a cool lunch bag. We met her teachers while touring the building during open house. She walked in confidently, holding my hand, and all was good. She met her teacher, hung up her backpack, and was invited to take a seat in the circle. It looked like she was settling in.

I said, “Bye Sweetie. Mommy will be back for you later.” This caused an immediate reaction. My daughter began to cry, ran over, grabbed me around the leg, and held on for dear life. She wailed, heartrending sobs. Her distress was so obvious that I got teary. She grabbed my neck in a death grip when I picked her up and comforted her. I felt like the worst mother ever! Her teacher, a lovely, warm lady, said, “It’s okay, Heather. I’ll look after her. She’ll be okay. Feel free to call and check in later.” So, I gave her my crying child.

I walked out feeling like I was making a terrible mistake, with “Mommy, Mommy” ringing in my ears. Tearily, I sat in my car and wondered if I should go back in and get her. But I didn’t. I was concerned that if I did, we would face the exact same scenario next time. I didn’t want to make it worse by prolonging her adjustment period. I took a deep breath, started my car, and raced home. I called the minute that I got in the door. Her teacher reassured me that she was playing happily in the home center. She sat beside her teacher during story time and then got interested in some big toys that she didn’t have at home.

What a relief! I’d made the right choice and she was enjoying a new experience. When I picked her up, I congratulated her on being so brave and stated that I knew she would have fun at school and asked her to tell me about her morning. In retrospect, I realize that this was my first lesson in how overwhelming school can be at times. I see it repeatedly, particularly in the fall, with students of all ages.

If you have concerns, talk to your child’s teacher about a “Handle with Care Message!” (see the image). Teachers appreciate getting these types of messages from parents/family. A message like that always makes it easier to deal proactively with a child and structure things for a more positive day. Emotional regulation can be hard for children of all ages who are concerned about something that originates at home. Advance notice gives an opportunity to check in with the student, offer/give the child a break, distract with a positive one-to-one visit, and provide a calm, safe space to the child.

When talking to your child, acknowledge and name their feelings; emphasize they are brave and they CAN manage. Help them but have confidence in their ability to do it independently. Ask what they need to help refocus and calm themselves down. Various suggestions to offer are reading a book, drawing, puzzles, building materials, and movement such as walking or

exercises. Or do they prefer being left alone to decompress? Then give some time and space to settle after instructing them to let you know when they are ready to talk about what’s bothering them. If a child wants to talk, ask about the issue. If they want to converse but not about the issue, chat about something else.

When supporting a student at school we follow the same process. I check in periodically to see if they are ready to try class. Eventually they feel ready to join in again. Later in the day,

I’ll check back in to see how the day is progressing. We reaffirm how brave they are and congratulate them on how well they are participating now. Later the teacher and I may consult and create an appropriate student method of signaling that class is getting stressful and a break is needed.

A multitude of things can affect classroom performance, interrupt learning, and trigger behaviors. I ask parents about their child’s schedule and sleeping habits as it can have a positive or negative effect on a successful day of learning. Out of curiosity, I googled how many hours of sleep children required ...

4 - 12 Months • 12 16 Hours

1 - 2 Years • 11 - 14 Hours

3 - 5 Years • 10 - 13 Hours

6 - 12 Years • 9 - 12 Hours

13 - 18 Years • 8 - 10 Hours

Source: American Academy of Sleep Medicine

Restful sleep helps children (and adults) be positive, manage emotional self-regulation, and promotes health. Longterm sleep deprivation can lower resistance to physical ailments, manifest in anger management issues and ADHD-like behaviors, and slow down learning and mastering new skills.

Various habits kept us organized when I had three young children. Maybe these will work for your family. We kept a schedule posted in a prominent place to refer to for events at school, family, and in the community. On school nights we did as much as possible to get ready for the next morning. Homework, projects, show and tell, library books, and gym clothes were packed in schoolbags. Lunches and snacks were prepared and stored in the fridge. My primary-aged children (JK - Grade 3) could pick out their outfits for school but only if they did it the night before. This made a big difference for my fashion-conscious children. If for some reason outfits weren’t chosen, then Mom or Dad picked out the outfit—no arguments. This minimized stress and fashion drama. Children from Grades 4 and on were given the freedom and responsibility for choosing their clean clothes and getting their lunch ready.

Outdoor apparel and backpacks were laid out in designated spots where each child was expected to get ready. That eliminated last-minute clothes and shoe hunts. One strict rule we followed was no TV before school. In 2021, this rule might be adapted to include devices. These strategies minimized distractions and emotional meltdowns (including my own), ensured my children had everything, kept them focused, and eased leaving the house. The result was relaxed children and parents who arrived at their destinations in a good mood, ready to start the day.

Ultimately, every day is a chance for growth, independence, triumphing over new challenges, and expanding horizons. As Dr. Suess wrote, “Oh, the places you’ll go!” Explore, learn, have fun, and end up somewhere you love being. My daughter doesn’t remember her rocky first day of nursery school like I do but her love of school started then. Now she is a teacher, encouraging children as they attempt, learn, and master new skills.