The University Times Supplement - Vol. 2, Issue 3 by The University Times

Supplement

The Sex Supplement Tuesday October 21st 2014

2 / The Sex Supplement Fresher’s Survivial Guide

CONTENTS

Tuesday 21 October, 2014

WHY SEX? Tom Myatt

Cliteracy Dee Courtney makes the argument that we are not enjoying sex enough. PAGE 4

What Gets You Off? Ever wondered what exactly gets you hot and heavy? Sarah Ledden brings you the facts, PAGE 6

Cosmo Sex Tips We bring you the hottest tips, tricks and techniques to get you going in the bedroom, inspired by Cosmopolitan. PAGE 7

The Cost of Pornography Jane Fallon Griffin takes a look at porn addiction, how it has long-term effects on the individual, and the darker side of the pornographic industry and the sexual experience. PAGE 10

The Weird and the Wonderful From the weird, the wonderful and the downright insane, we bring you a choice selection of the strangest sex toys from the depths of the internet. PAGE 12 COVER PHOTOS COURTESY OF KY BOUGE, KYBOUGE.TUMBLR.COM

Supplements Editor

utt-wiggling on music videos, lolly-pop licking, thongs, that dirty shop on the North side, and that thing you found in your mother’s draw when you were five. What do they have in common? They all have something to do with a certain set of acts which are becoming more and more a massive part of daily life – regardless of whether you actually do it. It’s everywhere, and we might not even notice it most of the time. Billboards, company logos, and plenty of other concepts in our daily life resemble it. So as naturally-curious and adventurous souls, we at The University Times decided to have a meeting about sex. Sex. That elusive and mysterious thing everyone seems to talk about but few people seem to actually get. After hours of discussion, we soon realised we don’t know all that much about it, despite it being everywhere. So we turned to the great bastion of factual accuracy, the Urban Dictionary, which defines sex as “Looking up sex??? Seriously, get off now before I turn off the internet.” This wasn’t much help at all, and certainly put us in our

PHOTO BY LISA NALLY FOR THE UNIVERSITY TIMES

place. Wanting to broaden our horizons in this muchexplored subject, we hit the streets, our books and the internet to do some serious research. Pornhub, sex shops, the Ussher Library – over the past two weeks, these were the best places to find The University Times staff pushing the boundaries of scientific knowledge. We tried to learn, and learn we did. Among swathes of other information, the staff discovered what ‘felching’ is – but we’d rather we hadn’t. Anyway, we took all this knowledge together and are now offering you some excellent articles, just

in case you need to spice up your love life, desire a better understanding of this elusive concept, or even if you just want some quiet sexy time with some ink on paper. This is exactly what the Sex edition of UT+ is all about. In all seriousness though, it’s about time we discussed sex openly. As you’ve probably heard Newsfeed articles telling you constantly, it’s necessary to discuss the topic of sex, because for as long as most people need it (which is probably forever), then it’s going to be a very important part of life. History has been defined by oppression, not least in terms of war or various

social systems, but sexuality too has almost always been very strongly beleaguered. Until not many decades ago, for example, women weren’t even allowed to have dirty thoughts at all, and suffered psychologically as a result. Imagine being told you’re not allowed to be hungry, and then were pumped up with public shame for nibbling a piece of bread. So on that lovely note, we hope you enjoy the UT+ Sex Supplement. If you want to be filled with fornication, crammed with copulation, and penetrated with procreation, then by all means keep reading!

WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT Anonymous

veryone’s sexual experiences differ. From the type of sex that we engage in, to who we have sex with, and how often, everyone has different stories that they can choose to share – or not share – with the rest of us. For many, the emphasis on sex in college life can be daunting. From the fact that sex is represented in many ‘comingof-age’ films as a right of passage for college students, to the fact that we have a week dedicated to sexual health – even the fact that essentially every game of ‘never have

I ever’ immediately turns into a game of ‘who has had the wildest sexual exploits’ – means that many can find themselves questioning their own choices and their own sex life. Despite being a third-year student, I only had sex for the first time very recently. It was with a close friend (and, if you think that sounds like a perfect, fairy tale romance, that couldn’t be further from the truth. It was a disaster, in every sense of the word. But I still laugh about it, so that’s okay!). I’m lucky enough to be

comfortable in my sexuality, and to be satisfied with my personal and romantic life that this has just never been a problem for me. Although not everyone feels so confident in themselves, it’s important to remember that, just because someone might not have the most active sex life, there are an almost infinite number of possible of reasons for that decision. Just as it’s okay to practise sex however, and with whoever, you want – as long as you’re both consulting adults – it’s also okay to not have sex. For me, it wasn’t that I ever

made the conscious decision to ‘wait’, it was just something that never happened. And that’s okay. And it’s okay that it wasn’t exactly a fairy tale romance. We all live different lives, and to remain content with yourself, your preferences, your choices and to do what you enjoy – whatever that might be.

The Sex Supplement

Fresher’s Survivial Guide

Tuesday 21 October, 2014

Spice Up Your Life

Perhaps one of the few topics that remains completely undiscussed in the ever more transparent world of sex and sexual habits is that of BDSM. One of our writers attempts to break down the taboo around the often misundersood desires of kinky sex. “Everyone likes a beef sandwich, right? But just to vary the flavour one day, you put a little horseradish sauce on it. You discover you like horseradish sauce, so the next time you do a beef sandwich, you put a little more sauce on it. Then a little bit more, and a little bit more. Until one day, you put so much on that the beef falls out. And you don’t even notice.”

Anonymous

he Horseradish Sauce Syndrome is put forward by a character in one of Terry Pratchett’s numerous novels to explain BDSM. For the uninitiated, otherwise known as those who have not yet read 50 Shades of Grey, this stands for Bondage Dominance Sadism and Masochism, and is used as an umbrella term more generally to describe any kind of sexual practice that may run on the kinkier side of the track. It was with the horseradish analogy in mind that I approached my significant other and asked if they’d like to try out a little BDSM the first time. Before our first time trying it out, my sexual escapades had been very ‘vanilla’, a phrase equal to ‘boring’, which I came across during my explorations around the ins and outs (ha. ha.) of this sexual subculture before my initial indulgence. However, during my ‘private’ moments, I found myself gravitating closer and closer to the more hardcore side of porn. I found my tastes were changing, and my curiosity would not be satisfied until I had at least given it a go. Convincing my partner to try it wasn’t difficult. They were, in fact, almost more enthusiastic than I was. Our first port of call was taking some tentative steps into the dark underbelly of the internet to find out what we were dealing with. What we expected was a seedy, porn-infested underbelly, full of depraved individuals and horrifying sexual appetites. What we found was surprising – a community of people dedicated to fun

and, above all, safe sexual play. They were more than willing to chat to us, talk about their fetishes and preferences, and recommend what to do. From the best material for tying someone up (cotton scarves, apparently, as they neither slip nor do they cause friction burn) to what kind of dildos to buy (“not too big, not too small, vibrating function essential”). Chatting on a forum, we discovered that most people started experimenting with BDSM exactly as we had – as a couple whose curiosities had gotten the better of them. Some of them were just starting out in the same place as us – nervous, tentative, a little afraid of their own urges and desires at times. More often than not, they were one half of a couple who was hoping to breach the subject with their partner that they wanted to experiment. Once we had done plenty of research in to the subject, it was time to put what we had learned in to practice. It was strange at first: talking openly about sex, and even planning the act beforehand, is not something that comes easily, especially as Irish people. It requires a level of openness with your partner that you have to cultivate and really work at. It’s incredibly easy though – just be brave and above all, frank about what you want and how far you’re willing to go. It’s important to set boundaries, because you don’t want to get carried away in the heat of the moment, and suddenly put your sexual partner in an uncomfortable position. We started our experimentation with, perhaps, the most logistically simple of the BDSM acronym, bondage. Without going in to too much detail, for fear of putting you off the rest of this article, our first time was laughably awful.

Knots too tight, neither of us really sure what to do, chafing. It was an unmitigated disaster. But afterwards, we talked about it, laughed about it, and decided to try again with better results. From here things began to snowball. What started out as silk blindfolds and some old scarves became genuine investments in gear for our sexual escapades. In the same way people save up for shoes, cars, and fancy clothes, we saved up for braces, sex toys, and handcuffs. It’s exciting to receive a package in the post, often times quite literally being a new toy to play with. That said, it’s not the only way for us to get off. There seems to be some kind of misconception that those who indulge in BDSM can’t get off any

“

There seems to be some kind of misconception that those who indulge in BDSM can’t get off any other way, that ‘normal’ sex becomes tedious and boring. That’s not the case for us, and most others.

other way, that ‘normal’ sex becomes tedious and boring. While it may be the case for some, it’s far from the truth for us and most others. BDSM play is for when we feel like it, both of us. After a long day of college, it’s not likely that we’re going to want to get tied up and thrown around the room. ‘Normal’ sex is just as much of our lives as it was before, if not more so. Because of the nature of the act, especially when you’re being dominated, romance becomes an even bigger part of your usual sexual routine. If you don’t do a bit of cuddling afterwards, you run the risk of making your partner feel very used. Just because you’re in it for the thrill does not excuse being cold or insulting to your partner outside of the bed-

room – it can really make them feel like shit. You might have started reading this article with some misconceptions about those who indulge in BDSM – that we are depraved, twisted, and creepy. If I could leave you with one thing, it would be my hope that you understand things a little better now, and that (in the least eerie way possible) we’re all around you. My choice to remain anonymous comes from my fear of persecution at admitting to having taken part in this still-taboo practice – at the potential ridicule and probing questions. My sex life is private to me, but I hope to promote understanding – and, perhaps, a little curiosity. Try it, you might be surprised.

STAY SAFE: Tips for Positive BDSM Play 1. Dialogue

3. Protection

Dialogue is probably the single most important thing when indulging in this kind of sex. Talk to your partner. Make sure they’re comfortable. And if you’re uncomfortable, don’t suffer in silence! It’s so important to remember that BDSM is supposed to be pleasurable. Talk it out!

BDSM appeals to us because it’s unconventional, exciting, and because it tingles our sense of danger. But guys, seriously, there’s danger and then there’s seriously dangerous. Use protection, and lube too, or you put yourself at risk of pregnancy, STIs and, depending on the situation, internal bleeding, tract infections and even worse. Be smart!

2. Have a Safe Word If taking part in bondage, masochistic activity or any kind of play where your movement/actions are controlled or restricted, agree on a safe word with your partner beforehand. This ties in to letting them know when you’re uncomfortable – if you’re in too much pain, not happy with how it’s going, or you’re just not in the mood anymore, it’s important to have a get-out card.

4. Handcuffs Don’t lose the key. Just don’t.

5. Breathplay If you’re trying erotic asphyxiation, or any other kind of breathplay, then just exercise extra caution. Know the risks and exercise extreme caution.

4 / The Sex Supplement Fresher’s Survivial Guide

Tuesday 21 October, 2014

CLITERACY relationship who miraculously comes at the same time as her boyfriend through penetration, and the poor damaged girl who has something wrong with her so she doesn’t enjoy sex. It’s problematic when we portray sex like this, like something you just do and enjoy and if you don’t, there’s something wrong with you. I watched an episode of Misfits the other day, where a couple made it through three different positions without any talking whatsoever. I mean, that kind of thing requires logistics! This, I think, is the biggest problem we have, that sex is portrayed as not requiring communication and something that should be the same for everyone.

Dee Courtney Contributing Writer

Part 1: Women Get Erections

efore we talk about the myth of the clitoris and how to break it down, it’s important to understand how little people really know about sex and women. So first, let me say that the clitoris is not a button. This is a picture of the clitoris: it’s about four inches long on average, although the size differs from woman to woman, and some can get up to nine inches long. The size of the clitoris doesn’t impact on sexual pleasure or prowess, but it does become erect, in pretty much the same way as the penis, when the woman is aroused. The corpora cavernosa are said to wrap around the vagina when erect, which is what gives women the feeling we get when we’re erect. Only 20-30% of women are able to orgasm through penetration alone, and for many of them it takes a lot of effort, whereas most women can come through clitoral stimulation quicker. Speaking of orgasms: here’s another fun fact: the g-spot is connected to the clitoris, so even vaginal orgasms have to do with the clitoris. So don’t listen to Freud when he says vaginal orgasms are superior to clitoral ones, ladies: your clitoris should not be ignored, and Freud was a big sexist. And speaking of spots, there are others that people often don’t even know exist, like the Aspot and U-spot. Lastly, I’d like you to think about the fact some women don’t know where their own glans clitoris (the button part) is, or have sexual partners that don’t know where it is. It’s important to remember that this is our main sexual organ, the only organ that exists purely for our pleasure, and some of us can’t even find it. This already feels like a problem, doesn’t it?

Part 2: Killing the Clitoris

ll of this begs the question: why do we know so little about the clitoris and about sexuality? Why did Freud think vaginal orgasms were ‘superior’? Why are we only finding out all of this since the 90’s? The answer is that our sexuality is being stamped on by the

Part 3: Getting Cliterate

S “FLOWER OF LIFE” BY GEORGIA O’KEEFE

patriarchy, and yes, for those of you that know me, this is the part where I get into anarcha-feminist mode, but bear with me and see if you feel as angry as I do after this, because they kill our clitoris in two ways. The first, though something we can never understand, is something we should all know about. The technical term is Female Genital Mutilation, and it is defined as anything that intentionally alters or causes injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons. This can mean anything from non-consensual piercing of the clitoris to scarping out the labia and sewing up the opening until marriage, at which point it is cut open so that the woman can have sex with her husband, and one of the most common procedures is the cutting of the glans clitoris. Why is this done? Some people believe that it will keep the temptation of infidelity from women; others believe it’s necessary to keep women ‘clean’ that you remove anything to do with masculinity, and they think the clitoris is masculine. This happens in 27 countries that we know of, and roughly 140 million women are living with the consequences right now, although these statistics are shady because it happens in small villages, not in hospitals, and it’s done by parents and carers more than by doctors. There are 3 million girls at risk of it every year. It happens with dirty knives and razors, and we have no idea how many women die from it

every year. It’s widely supported in the areas where it’s done by both men and women, as it often seen as a necessary part of growing up. There is one surgeon in the world who repairs the clitoris after things like this have happened. These awful things are done to women in the name of keeping us pure and keeping us female. None of us can understand the torture undergone by women in these circumstances, but it’s also important for us to remember that the clitoris is oppressed where we live too; it’s a more subtle oppression, but it is there. It’s there in the little knowledge we have of it, the fact that it’s not thought of as important. It’s there, especially, in porn culture, where the clitoris is treated as foreplay or as an afterthought, where it’s illustrated to be some kind of big favour before or after the main event. Or when you see oral sex being given, especially just in regular TV and movies, it’s treated as a huge favour by a character portrayed to be this amazing boyfriend above all the rest of the guys. This is our problem: the way we treat women and sex in public discourse, and don’t tell me porn isn’t public discourse. Almost 30,000 people watch porn every second. Porn is one of the most lucrative industries in the world, and women can’t opt out of it because all of our sexual partners derive knowledge and expectations from it. When we say the word ‘sex’, what do we think of? In typical hetero-normative

patriarchy fashion, we think of penile penetration of the vagina. For most women, this isn’t what will give them the most pleasure but it’s thought of as the main event; the big thing for us is just ‘foreplay’. And for same-sex couples, this doesn’t even come into the equation: when we ask someone if they’re a virgin, what do we mean? How can lesbians and gay people ever answer this question when they don’t meet our stupid requirements, and for bisexual people, do they only stop being a virgin when they have sex with someone of the opposite gender? Maybe there’s another way for same-sex couples to define virginity, but then why shouldn’t it be the same for everyone? Why do we insist on defining something like virginity or ‘purity’ exclusively on the penis and the thing that gives the penis the most pleasure? This is patriarchy in action. This is the objectification of women, the assurance in media, in education and even in some of our personal lives that we are objects, not subjects, that the vagina is just a place for the penis to go, that we would have no reason to exist without the men in our lives. We need to stop defining sex this way, like the fact that we measure the quality of sex in orgasms. If the man doesn’t come, it’s considered bad sex, but if the woman doesn’t, well, it’s just harder to make a woman come, right? Women having sex on TV all always packed into one of two boxes: the woman in a healthy

o now it needs to be asked: how do we stop this happening? First, start asking yourself the important questions I was asking earlier. What’s virginity, and why is it so important? What is sex? Is it everything sexual, or just penetration? Most importantly, ask yourself what it is for you and for your partner, and if those things are different. Are you having good sex? If not, why not? Is it because you’re not having orgasms, not communicating, just bored? We have an entire organ in our body devoted to pleasure; we should be using it better. And most importantly, we need to stop defining sex and sexuality for other people. If women want to have more orgasms, that should be accepted, but we also need to accept that sex-positive feminism isn’t for everyone, and that you don’t get to shame asexual women or women who don’t conform to your view of sex because you think they’re ‘damaged’ or ‘doing it wrong’. If you watch porn, that’s fine, but don’t expect your partner to want to do something because you saw it on the internet. Take the expectations out of sex and actually communicate, ask questions and learn things. And for those of you who want to know more, look up the Cliteracy project. You’ll agree with some of it, and you won’t agree with other parts, but the point isn’t to tell you what to do; it’s to get you asking questions. It’s to get women asking themselves whether they feel like objects, it’s to help us figure out how to be subjects in our own way. Thankfully, this narrative is being broken down bit by bit by projects like Cliteracy, by women who aren’t afraid to define themselves, and by men who aren’t total idiots, who aren’t afraid to ask and offer.

The Sex Supplement

Fresher’s Survivial Guide

Tuesday 21 October, 2014

THE FOURTH ORIENTATION: ASEXUALITY Sarah Ledden Senior Staff Writer

f asked about sexual orientation, most people would consider only the trilogy of heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality. Very few people would name or recognise a fourth orientation, however, a small 1% of the population identify as asexual, meaning they feel no sexual attraction to either gender. Many people are unaware of the existence of asexuality and those who are usually know very little about it or fail to understand it. Many people often confuse celibacy with asexuality, but celibacy is a conscious decision not to engage in sexual activity. Asexuality is a sexual orientation that cannot be controlled. For people unfamiliar with the concept, asexuality can be difficult to understand due to the importance of distinguishing the terminology regarding sexual behaviour. Sexual orientation can be explained as sexual arousal, sex drive and sexual attraction toward a person or gender. In asexuality, the distinction between these three terms is important in understanding a person. Asexuals, or Aces, differ in their desire for romance and intimacy. Some Aces wish to connect with a romantic partner on an emotional and intellectual level and will often have sex with a partner, but are equally content not to or have no desire or drive to have sex with them. Many Aces are known to masturbate but do not specifically think of anyone or anything during masturbation. Aces can be further distinguished as aromantic or romantic asexuals. Aromantics have no longing for romantic relationships of any kind, whereas romantic asexuals do intend to commit to a relationship but will need no sexual desire to satisfy that relationship. Romantic asexuals can further be identified as heteromantic, homoromantic, biromantic or panromantic. Asexuals who enjoy masturbation may experience sexual arousal but may not have any sex drive or sexual attraction toward anyone. Conversely, a romantic asexual may feel attraction toward their partner but may not have any sex drive or feel any sexual arousal. As aces are such a minority population they face many issues of acceptance or confusion in both their personal lives and professional opinions. Family and peers often misinterpret aces lack of sexual desire as a hormonal or developmental dysfunction and asexuals are often met with patronising comments such as “you’ll grow into it”, “you just haven’t found the right person” or

“are you religious?”. Less favourable responses even lead to labels such as frigid, broken and repressed being used to describe asexuals. The media often suggests that asexuality is as a result of Hypoactive Sexual Desire Dysfunction (HSDD), a psychological disorder characterised as a lack of sexual drive. Before the release of DSM-V, the diagnostic manual for mental health professionals, in May 2013, an AVEN (Asexuality Visibility and Education Network) task force brought a seventy five page document before the American Psychological Association (APA) including academic research separating Asexuality from HSDD. DSM-V now recognises a diminished sexual drive as a dysfunction only if it causes psychological distress for a person. Asexuals are not distressed about their lack of sexual desire and see it as a part of their identity, but it wasn’t until

last year that medical professionals stopped categorising asexuality as a psychological disorder. One of the biggest challenges faced by asexuals is comprehension and acceptance from more than just the general population. Asexuals are often challenged by the LGBT community, and despite the visible and recognised awareness campaigns of the LGBT community, the sexual orientation which faces the least inclusion is asexuality. Aces marched at the Dublin Pride Parade displaying a banner stating “Asexuals Exist”. While the LGBT community are tackling issues such as marriage and legal acceptance, the asexual community still struggles with the recognition of existence. As a sexual orientation, asexuality is considered ‘queer’, but the larger LGBT community have not been so warm in accepting asexu-

als under its wing just yet, although progress is being made. The LGBT community would often argue that asexuals do not face the same level of discrimination and exclusion that homosexuals and transgender people do, however, asexuals would counterargue that the social implications of their ‘coming out’ is a similar experience with them spending time within themselves knowing they are different to others but struggling to find a way to express it and family and friends often distancing themselves after the truth is revealed. Often the biggest relief for Aces is finding an asexual community; finding others like them and finding information about asexuality leading to the realisation that, yes, they night be different, but they are not alone. I think in Ireland we can be ignorant to anything that doesn’t

immediately affect us and easily turn a blind eye to as much as we can without much distress and maybe it’s because of this that this 1% of the population are still in the shadows of societal knowledge; a mere familiar whisper that few people seek out to hear its message. In our hypersexualised society, there exists a population who have no interest or concern with sex and who are quite content to live their lives without it. The most precise conclusion that can be drawn on asexuality, as spoken by an asexual in a recent interview with the Irish Times, is quite simply “just because it’s not common, doesn’t mean it’s not normal”.

6 / The Sex Supplement Fresher’s Survivial Guide

Tuesday 21 October, 2014

WHAT GETS YOU OFF?

year in America alone.

Sinéad Loftus Contributing Writer

cent, body, hair, smile - these are some typical things we think of when we determine whether or not we have a sexual attraction towards someone. But what about the things we pick up subconsciously? Ever wondered why are you attracted to a certain kind of person? Or why things have changed now that you’re off the Pill? Well, we here at UT+ found some strange things that you may not have thought could influence your sexual attraction.

The Pill A change in sexual attraction is definitely not a side effect listed on the box but there is research to suggest that the contraceptive pill can alter who you want to get down and dirty with. It all comes down to a little gene called MHC that can be detected in a person’s scent. MHC plays a vital role in your immune system and women prefer men whose MHC gene is different from their own so that they can create children with really strong immune systems. The Pill can cause a shift in this MHC preference to desire someone with an MHC more similar to you which is why many breakups and rejections can occur when a woman starts or ends the Pill. Statistically, it is the cause for a whopping one million divorces a

How Close They’re Standing Next To You No matter how shy you are, you’re going to want to stand near the person you have a sexual attraction to, right? Well consider this before you leap over to the couch where they are sitting: you’re more likely to have sex with someone who is talking to you from your right side rather than your left. Studies found that 50% of requests for a date and sex are successful if the person is on your right side as the left is associated with negativity. If you want to double your chances of a date, touch their arm whilst asking. This sends signals to their brain that you are dominant and this will always rate you higher on the sexual attraction ladder.

Your Face Of course when you are figuring out if you find someone attractive, you will almost always consider their face. Sure that’s the thing that attracted you in the first place! But certain ways that your face is aligned, tilted, and how many scars you have are all part and parcel of determining whether or not someone really wants to have sex with you. The more symmetrical your face is, the more sexually attractive nature says you are as this is all wrapped up with mammals’ strive for offspring perfection If a women tilts her head downwards, she is

considered more attractive than if she were to tilt it upwards. The opposite is true for men and it is all down to height. Men are usually taller than women so if they tilt their head backwards, they are considered tall which nature equates with masculinity and attractiveness. Tilting backwards also highlights the shape of your jaw which is also seen as sexually attractive in a male. Women who tilt their head forwards show off the feminine trait, making women look shorter and so, according to nature, more feminine. Facial scarring also makes a big difference. Scars and marks are associated with a more alpha type of partner who will look after their offspring if they were ever to be attacked by wild animals. Of course, evolution has changed somewhat since the days that wild animals were everyday threats, particularly in Ireland, so whilst facial scarring may land you a short term sexual relationship, as it suggests that you are a dangerous and adventurous person, it is no longer seen as an advantage in the long term.

Your Parents Let’s try not make this one too creepy but your fears are true. Research suggests that you are more likely to find someone sexually attractive if they look somewhat like your parents. We align ourselves to those who we are related to and want our partner to fit in too. By nature, you will look for a sexual partner who looks reminiscent of the parent of the same or opposite

gender to you depending on your preference. Try not bring that one up over a dinner conversation. Even stranger is that research suggests we look for a sexual partner who is a little reminiscent in the looks department of ourselves. Scientists found that when a group was given a morphed image of their face (unknowingly) and of a stranger’s, they were more likely to find that face sexually attractive than of a morphed image of two complete strangers. This led researchers to conclude that we find people who look like us more sexually attractive than those who don’t.

Timing So we all know the saying that things will happen when the time is right? Well, according to nature, that time is every month. Falling in love or getting rejected can depend on whether a woman is ovulating or not. Whether or not a woman wants children, her body will and expresses that wish through the little gift Mother Nature brings every month. The body will adapt itself to reel in possible partners through the help of breast increase, the increase of voice pitch and the scent of pheromones all of which signal to other people that it wants to have sex. In other words, you are more likely to find a someone sexually attractive if you or the person you’ve your eye on is ovulating. But how clever are people in picking up these bodily signals? People, particular-

ly men, pick up on these pheromones subconsciously within the first seven seconds of meeting a women and this usually influences them to try to score a date as the scent is pleasing and encouraging. Science decided to test this out in a strip club - any excuse eh? Studies showed that strippers who are ovulating make about $70 in tips compared with those menstruating who make on average $35 and those who are doing neither making around $50.

Fear If you experience fear around a person who you find seriously attractive, your brain will try to convince you that your heart was racing due to a strong sexual attraction towards that person. Scientists found that men who were asked a series of questions by an attractive research assistant on a rope bridge were more likely to give sexual answers to open ended questions than those who were not experiencing fear. They also found that participants on the rope bridge were five times more likely to agree to calling the assistant the next day. But the sexual attraction doesn’t end when you get off the bridge. Studies further found that you are more likely to remember the sexual attractiveness of a person if you bonded with them over fear than if you didn’t. So if you really want someone to fall for you, make them watch the most horrifying film ever. They’re sure to be on your lap by the end of the night.

Fresher’s Survivial Guide

The Sex Supplement

Tuesday 21 October, 2014

GET IN THE DRIVING SEAT: KEEPING STIS UNDER CONTROL

Daniel Scott Health Science Correspondent

hile in this supplement we explore the follies of the world of sex in college life, I have been given the role of discussing something less glamorous, but nonetheless, highly important - the spread and treatment of sexually transmitted infections. Although you might think you’re playing it safe from warts, the clap and other nasties with a condom, the humble latex sheath doesn’t always guarantee protection. Further preventatives on the market generally come in the form of spermicidal lubricants which may further prevent pregnancy, but sadly don’t prevent the cohabitation of a few other little creatures in the nether regions. With a bit of microbiology 101 background, the main causes of STIs are either bacterial or viral. Regarding the former, they’re everywhere. Some strains have beneficial effects composing much of your immune defence, such as keeping the pH low in the vagina by hydrogen peroxide and lactic acid secretion, making living conditions for unadapted microbes undesirable. Chlamydia, the most prevalent of STIs, and gonorrhea are both bacterial infections, often with no symptoms or characterised by discharged, but treatable with antibiotics. Viruses, on the other hand, have little within the pharmaceutical realm to cure in the long term. They are small, questionably live particles, which are incredibly contagious with relation to STIs. Genital Herpes caused by the HSV-2 virus, genital

warts caused by the HPV (Human Papilloma Virus which can also be a causative agent in cervical cancer) and, infamously, HIV are the major culprits. Genital warts can be successfully treated albeit with unpleasant procedures, and herpes can be managed with antiviral creams and tablets during a “flare-up”, however there comes the potential for it to reappear from dormancy phases. HIV, if caught in the early stages can be treated successfully by taking daily antiretroviral inhibitors to prevent the onset of AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) subject to compliance with medication prescribed. No “total cure” has been discovered or pitched, with prevention & prophylaxis directed as the best choices for prevention and treatment of the disease. In Australia, a new product is aiming to prevent most viral nasties down below. VivaGel® is a dendrimer, put basically a clump of positively charged amino acids bound together to make nanospheres, with connections in a branch-in-tree like, or dendritic fashion, hence the name dendrimer. It was initially synthesised for the treatment of bacterial vaginosis where the natural bacterial balance in the vagina is lost, having a higher occurrence in sexually active women, but can also be caused by other environmental factors such as the coil, or perfumed products such as bath salts and vaginal deodorants. How the gel works is unbelievably simple, by trapping the negatively charged bacteria to the positively charged branched network, by static forces. The product has seen impressive results in terms of total treatment as well as prevention, considering first line treatments with oral antibiotics have proven relatively ineffective. However, its performance with viruses is what is of more applicable interest.

SEX TIPS

VivaGel® has shown virtually 100% capacity in trapping HIV, HPV (Human Papilloma Virus, the main cause of genital warts) and the Herpes Simplex 2 virus. Its use as an STI preventative has been perceived well, as the world’s first vaginal microbicide. The product’s firm, StarPharma, has recently made a deal with Australia’s largest condom manufacturer, Ansell Ltd, have led to a VivaGel® condom in the pipeline, in the hope of further diminishing STI occurrence with safe sex practices. The product recently was approved by the Australian Therapeutic Goods Administration, the equivalent of what would be perceived as a safe product in the RU. Encompassing part of the lubricant, this niche application that is sprayed on in minute quantities looks set to become standard in the world of sexual health education and STI prevention. The product has received some sting by critics in recent times, however. Inflammation has been reported recently by external bodies which does raise questions regarding the benefit-risk balance of the product. The “amino acid trap” concept however has seen advances in solving other medical issues to date. wwAn antimicrobial gel that can trap and kill superbugs such as Pseudomonas Aeruginosa and E. Coli biofilms that form on medical devices such as hip replacements with no previous treatment other than replacement was annonced this year by Queen’s University Belfast’s School of Pharmacy. While those in the Health Centre wait with baited breath for nerve-wrecking test results, day in, day out, with the launch of this novel product along with smart awareness, VivaGel® could significantly control the STI transmission rate and save lives in the long run.

4. When you’re having sex with

your partner for the first time, as you pull down your underwear, screeching “Release the kraken!”.

When you grab his shaft, yell Need something 1. “Pull the lever, Kronk!” 5. As your partner penetrates to spice up your you, scream “TROLL in the dungeon!”, and promptly pass out. If you’re using the ‘pull-out life in bed? This 2. technique’ as a form of contraceptive, just before he comes, wrap 6. If your partner scratches or article will not your legs around his waist and bites you, promptly tell them whisper “May the odds be ever in “That is mahogany!” help at all, please your favour”. 7. As you reach in to your partdon’t follow our ners pants, look them directly 3. During sex, kick your partin the eye and ask “Who’s that advice. ner off the bed and yell “THIS IS SPARTA!”

Pokémon?!”

“

The product has seen impressive results in terms of total treatment as well as prevention, considering first line treatments with oral antibiotics have proven relatively ineffective. However, its performance with viruses is what is of more applicable interest.

8. After you swallow, tell him

how delicious all of the thousands of souls of his unborn children are.

9. As your partner nears cli-

max, put a stick of gum into their mouth and seductively whisper “This is how it feels to chew Five gum.”

10. Instead of moaning, inform

him that Flash Player 9 is required to listen to audio.

11. Before they orgasm, get

up, turn around, and walk out the door saying “And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye!”

”

12. Ask him “Who’s your

daddy?” and then answer yourself with “I am your father!”. For added spice, cut off his right hand after climax.

13. When he takes off his under-

wear start singing “Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.”

14. To make things even hotter

in the bedroom, try using tobasco sauce as lube.

8 / The Sex Supplement Fresher’s Survivial Guide

Tuesday 21 October, 2014

PASSION IN THE KITCHEN Robert Greene Food Editor

Food and sex: life’s two most sensual pleasures. And when combined? A bona fide gour-gasm (that is gourmet orgasm if you were wondering). So if it is a night of unparalleled passion that you are in search of, these aphrodisiac packed feasts will make an Eros or Venus of the most humble virgin.

STIMULATING SALAD Steaming asparagus and sticky figs tossed with juicy beets and creamy avacado and smothered in sweet honey…this salad should come with a warning: Think Contraception.

Ingredients:

Or steam until tender (approx. 9 minutes). Refresh under cold water. Place vinaigrette ingredients in container with lid and shake well Toss asparagus, avocado, figs, beetroot, strawberries and red onion with rocket leaves. Sprinkle over goat’s cheese and pine nuts. Drizzle over vinaigrette

BANANA BOOSTERS

Salad 8 asparagus spears - tough ends chopped off 1 ripe avocado (slightly soft to touch) – sliced into strips 6 figs – quartered 1 large beetroot (not in vinegar!) – cubed or sliced into strips Handful of strawberries - quartered 1 red onion – sliced

They may be frozen but these chocolate dipped, almond coated bananas are sure to get the blood racing. Warning: to be eaten only.

Ingredients: 2 large bananas (ripe and firm) 4 wooden ice lolly sticks 2 tbsp chopped almonds 85g chocolate (personally I find white chocolate very stimulating!)

60g goat’s cheese or stilton crumbled

Method:

Handful of pine nuts

Peel and slice bananas in half (crosswise, not lengthways).

Rocket leaves

Insert stick in each half

Vinaigrette:

Cover with cling film and freeze (3 hours)

1 tbsp olive oil 3 tbsp balsamic vinegar 1 tbsp honey 1 tsp wholegrain or Dijon mustard Salt & pepper Method: Cook asparagus - boil in slightly salted water for 3 minutes, drain and refresh under cold water.

Melt chocolate – microwave (stir every 30 seconds) or in bowl over pan of boiling water (don’t let the bowl touch the water) Pour melted chocolate in glass Spread almonds on plate Dip bananas in chocolate and roll in almonds PHOTO S BY ROBERT GREENE FOR THE UNIVERSITY TIMES

The Sex Supplement

Fresher’s Survivial Guide

Cultural Significance Phallus-shaped. In 19th century in France, the bridegroom ate three courses of asparagus for his prenuptial dinner.

Ahacuatl is the term the Aztecs used for avocado, which signifies “testicle”. They thought that avocados hanging from the tree in pairs resembled testicles In Ancient Greek, the fruit was a symbol of love and fertility. Figs were Cleopatra’s favourite fruit. Fig leaves symbolise modesty (used to coverAdam and Eve’s genitalia) Fig seeds symbolise fertility The Ancient Romans thought that beetroots and their juice produced feelings of love. In Greek Methology, Aphrodite consumed beetroots to enhance her attraction

Heart shaped, described as “Fruit nipples” in romantic novels. Symbol of Venus. In provincial France, newlyweds ate cold strawberry soup to improve honeymoon romance

Scientific Significance

ASPARAGUS

Source of folic acid: increases histamine production, essential for orgasms in both sexes

AVOCADO

Source of vitamin E: helps produce hormones (e.g. progesterone, estrogen, testosterone) which triggers sexual responses (e.g. vaginal lubrication)

FIGS BEETROOT

Source of boron: increases sex hormones Source of isobutyl methoxy pyrazine: most stimulating smell on earth

STRAWBERRIES

Source of vitamin C : improves blood flow around the body (think erection)

PINE NUTS ARUGULA Symbol of procreation. The term honeymoon comes from “mead”, a honey-based alcoholic drink served to newlyweds

Phallus-shaped. According to Islamic myth, Adam and Eve covered their genitalia with banana leaves, not fig leaves

The Maya exchanged cacao bean pods for a night of romance in the brothel.. Montezuma, the Aztec emperor, ate 50 cups of chocolate a day to please his many wives.

Symbol of fertility throughout time. The Greeks and Romans sucked almonds to increase libido. According to poets and writers, the smell of almonds arouses passion in women

Tuesday 21 October, 2014

HONEY

Source of zinc: produces sperm and increases libido

Source of minerals and antioxidants: protect against harm to libido

Source of boron: regulates levels of estrogen and testosterone in the blood Source of nitric oxide: released during arousal

BANANAS

Source of bromeliad (enzyme): enhances male libido and helps produce testosterone Helps regulate blood pressure (high blood pressure can cause erectile dysfunction)

CHOCOLATE

Source of phenylethylamine (love chemical): releases dopamine in pleasure centres of the brain (induces feelings of excitement, euphoria, attraction) Source of tryptophan: produces serotonin, associated with elevated moods and arousal

ALMONDS

Source of vitamin E: helps produce sex hormones which induce sexual responses (e.g. clitoral swelling)

10 / The Sex Supplement Fresher’s Survivial Guide

The Cost of Pornography

Tuesday 21 October, 2014

What is it like living with an addiction to porn? Jane Fallon Griffin takes a look at how increased access to pornography has impacted our society, giving rise to a new and deeply stigmatised addiction, and a darker side to the sexual experience.

Jane Fallon Griffin Senior Editor

uriosity surrounding sexual content is a normal and natural part of the human experience, but like anything else, mass consumption generates problems. Pornography, usually associated with pleasure, often referenced in relation to gender conflict, yet rarely associated with depression, anxiety, insomnia and financial ruin, is accessed every minute of every hour worldwide. While the term ‘victim’ when used in relation to pornography stereotypically tends to side with those on screen, the lesser recognized victim is that of the sites compulsive repeat visitors. While pornography addiction may seem like a foreign concept, seeming more at home in U.S comedies, given that numerous Irish rehabilitation centres care for those with sexual addiction this is an Irish issue. Porn addiction has the lifealtering impacts characteristic of other addictions without the support, respect and understanding it demands. Pornography is by no means a modern concept, with the word pornography originating from Greek, meaning stories about enslaved or prostituted women. The “boys will be boys” attitude has seen pornography normalized among adolescent males, almost becoming a right of passage into manhood. But what were once stories have evolved, now appearing as images, videos and has extended into areas more hardcore in nature. Unlike in the past, these stories have ceased to be confined to the realm of adulthood as the number of children with internet access on portable devices increases, while the average age for accessing pornography decreases. The majority of addicts access porn at a young age, often accidentally coming across parents or older siblings stores. Watching pornography simulates the production of the pleasure hormones in the brain, endorphins, dopamine and adrenilin. While the majority of

people entering porn sites seeking out material, experience this sensation and live largely unaffected lives, this experience is not universal. In certain situations more content is viewed to experience this feeling again. However, as with caffeine the body becomes immune to the same daily dosage and content and more intense and regular interaction with material is required to embrace the same feeling. The pursuit escalates spiraling out of control as the user searches for more extreme content on a regular basis. Like all addictions the impact is felt in other aspects of life. Given that privacy is required for interaction sufferers begin to withdraw from social events, keep late hours while their family sleeps and feel the monetary drain that tends to accompany all forms of addictive behavior. Aside from the condition’s implications on daily life, the behavioural patterns, beliefs and emotional turmoil that result from harbouring a secret and tabooed addiction often results in depression, anxiety and isolation. Ironiclly erectile dysfunction is common in men due to the gap that results between the pornography experience and their expectations

of real intimate interaction. This is expressed by the protagonist in the 2013 film Don Jon which explores the failure of an intimate interpersonal relationship between a porn addict and a real woman. In the opening scenes, before acknowledging that he has a problem, Jon states “real pussy is all good but I’m sorry it’s not as good as porn”. It is little wonder that erectile dysfunction is closely linked with addiction as porn skewes what was the once perceived norm. There are many stages of porn addiction but each one has an impact on the life of the suffrer and takes its toll on relationships, finance and lifestyle. Others report job loss as they are incapable of getting through a work day without a hit at some stage during the day, its often discovered on work computers and they are subsequently fired. While it may seem ridiculous to someone who is not addicted to porn for an addict they are not taking a ridiculous risk but rather satidfying a craving in order to allow them to continue with their day. Like all addictions the problem lies not in the existence of pornography but rather in the development of life altering unhealthy relationships with it which is eventally classed as

a sex addiction. While Don Jon does present a more glamorized view of the escalation of an addiction, Shame starring Michael Fastbender sketches a more lifelike portrait of the complete destruction of one man’s world as a result of his addiction. The doubling of the figures of those presenting themselves with sexual addictions following the films release in Ireland is testament to the existence of this lesser accepted issue among the Irish populace. Furthermore, not only is it a real issue for many Irish people but also it is one that is spreading at a concerning rate. statistics released by the Rutland centre for rehabilitation supports this. In 2013 the centre reported that sex related addictions then amounted for 5% of all admissions where as four years earlier the figure was less than one per cent. Although sex remains a central part of the human experience, considered fun and healthy by the vast majority, it would be irresponsibile to send a supplement on sex to print without a reminder of the darker sides of sexual experiences with which, statistically speaking, members of this college’s community are suffering.

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12 / The Sex Supplement Fresher’s Survivial Guide

Tuesday 21 October, 2014

The Weird & Wonderful Anonymous

Pipedream Area 51 Love Doll

It is fair to say I had one of the most sheltered childhoods imaginable. The whole world of kinkiness, smut and dirty things that are outside the boundaries of ‘normal sex’ are generally not something I’m used to or know that much about. So this new world I found myself in when becoming an adult was sometimes incredibly intimidating. Having random people hitting on me in clubs or ‘sexting’ me produced a response with the same level of awkwardness as, say, having a doctor surgically removing a trapped vibrator. The internet is a great new thing that allows people to find sexual triggers. If you have an urge to be tied up and beaten with a baseball ball bat in the balls while someone sucks your toes, you need go no further than craigslist. There is a veritable smorgasboard of sexual delights out there. Curious as to what I could find, I went to great lengths to track down the weirdest and most wonderful artifacts from this world. Hours and hours were spent on Amazon, in sex shops, and in the Ussher Library Research Archives to find the creepiest ways people get themselves off that I could possibly find. You’re going to wish you could un-see this stuff, as I show you the weirdest sex toys to be found anywhere.

F-Machine, Second Generation

#4 #2

Fisting Mitten

Yep, you read it correctly. So some people like to put their genitalia in polyurethane and blown-up air. I mean, sure why not? But within this loyal fan base, a business must have thought there was a demand and profit opportunity for interplanetary escapades… because ‘normal’ sex toys are obviously far too mainstream. With the skin tone of rare berries that probably kill you and far more breasts than necessary, the product boasts that it comes complete with “free alien lube”. I can only imagine this is some kind of sex jelly made out of interstellar noxious gases that burn your penis off. Tapping into a lucrative market, however, the buyer is also reassured that your relationship is one with emotion and passion – owing to its “3 love holes” – which apparently makes all the difference. Unfortunately, the product is no longer available on Amazon.. one can only wonder why.

Best Comment “I was abducted by greys in late 1997. I underwent many experiments, most focusing on my reproductive organs. Since that abduction, normal homoplanetary sex has left me feeling frustrated and unfulfilled.”

WHAT?! “For those fun times when you don’t want to get your hands dirty, our fisting mitten is the ideal accessory to have close to hand!” *I then clap slowly and sarcastically*. I would write more, but I’m pretty sure my flatmate will come in and see me looking at this.

As far as I know, “normal” Best Comment dildos require someone to use a hand. But if you’re rich enough to “Time for men to step up their dish out around 400 euros for this game!” medieval-esque device, you can probably wave goodbye to wristache! You also have a massive fucking thing (Get it? ‘Fucking thing’?) in your bedroom that you’re never gonna be able to hide from your ‘ma. For the price though, the company reassures you that nothing can go wrong, and that you’ll have your toes curling in seconds. It’s top speed is 240 “rpm” (rams per minute? Christ that must hurt) and “is also compatible with a variety of pussy and ass attachments (sold separately) that also turn it from a traditional dildo thruster into a hands-free male masturbator for a different dimension of stimulation.” So what else could we need, right?

Fresher’s Survivial Guide

3-Step Sounding Plug with Through Hole So the name gave little clue as to what this actually is. But frankly, I don’t think you want to know. I first thought it was wine opener, but soon found it was far more brutal: “Take home this solid stainless steel 3 Step Sounding Plug with Through Hole for an intense penis plugging experience that can be used for sounding play and orgasmic urethral stimulation.”… So does that mean this thing goes INSIDE the penis?!

The Sex Supplement

Tuesday 21 October, 2014

What’s fascinating though isn’t just the product itself, but the people who buy it! A 5-star review happily informed us that “Tried it as soon as possible and got to the 10.5 straight away and now managed to go all the way including the top collar. Wonderful feeling slipping it in and out.” That was the epitome of charm and grace, and if I ever get tempted by these corkscrews, come round and slap me. Immediately.

Dildo Gas Mask

The D. Vote Alien Egg This may look like some kind of wonderful miniature bouncy castles but do not be fooled. This is not a fun toy for immature adults. It is actually some kind of BDSM torture chamber. Yes, the product description explains it all. ‘When inflated, the Alien Egg restricts all movements from within and isolates you perfectly inside the shell.’ Not exactly the playhouse of your childhood memories. It seems this inflatable egg can be zipped closed, in which your sexy other half ducks down inside like he/she is back in the womb. You can then swirl them around in in it. Why is this appealing? Well ‘the sensation inside when the

egg is moved in that way increases the feeling of being completely restricted and at the mercy of the outside world whilst adding a mild touch of disorientation’. Feeling squeamish? Well fear not. You can just partially submerge your front or back end into this flower bud shaped torture chamber and have your special someone do bad things to you while your completely incapacitated in a blow-up egg. So kind of like a sexy bubble soccer? Wait what, you don’t like it? Well too bad for as the product ad reads ‘In the D.Vote Alien Egg…no one can hear you scream’.

Allow your imagination to run wild with this one. I couldn’t quite get my head around it (not literally, of course!) so if you know how it works, email me right now. I presume someone uses this to insert it inside someone while experiencing their vapours and other stuff too. It probably could also be used to prevent gas poising when the apocalypse comes – so we should probably all buy one. I’m not keeping it at my house though..

Best Comment “I wore this to the office, and it caused quite a stir. That said, I had to face a disciplinary. Wouldn’t recommend it.”

14 / The Sex Supplement Fresher’s Survivial Guide

Tuesday 21 October, 2014

Love & Lust Through The Ages Samuel Riggs Editor

It’s often said that the three things that remain constant throughout history are death, war, and sex, and all play defining roles in the shaping of nations. This is undoubtedly the case, as you’ll soon read. The people listed below, either through their sexual exploits, the pure force of their beauty, or the world-changing outcomes of the indulgence of their carnal desires, have all had lasting effects on our world.

Genghis Khan

Mathew & Tina

Monica Lewinsky

Potentially the most brutal warlord in the history of the world, at one time ruling an area twice the size of Rome, Genghis Khan is not just a class-A conqueror and pillager, he also earns the coveted title of Most Prolific Lover. How? Because between the Middle East, China, Mongolia, Russia and even further afield, over 16 million people share his DNA. Khan boinked and plundered his way around Asia, and as a result, he has almost certainly ensured the continuation of his legacy for millennia to come.

The names above may not ring too many bells for most of you, but their sexual encounter is one of, if not the most important in the list. It seems strange to present the idea that if a seller of medical supplies and a beautician hadn’t of had sex in 1981, the world would be without one of its most priceless and immeasurable treasures, but it’s true. For if they hadn’t of done the horizontal tango, we would be without Beyoncé today. And Solange too. I guess.

Monica Lewinsky and the famous polkadot dress might go down as being the most reported-on sex scandal.... well, ever. It wasn’t exactly unprecedented for a President of the United States to have an affair, but it was the first time that the then new-media came out in full force to publicly air the dirty laundry of Monica and Bill. Monica herself went on to become a bit of a celebrity afterwards, including designing her own range of handbags. Fierce.

Sappho Little is known of this Greek poet from the fabled island of Lesbos, but she was, and continues to be, famed for her poetry of incredible lust, passion and love for both sexes. Sappho is one of the first bisexual people on record, one of the most unapologetic lovers, and one of the sharpest poets to have ever lived. She has had an influence on lyrical poetry and our language alike, lending her name to the term “sapphic”, and her home-island has given itself to the term “lesbian”. It’s a shame that not much of her poetry has survived, because from what we can tell about what remains, it was absolutely beautiful.

Helen of Troy Considered to be the most beautiful woman in the world in Greek myth, Helen of Troy supposedly had a face that launched a thousand ships and a list of suitors as tall as the Trojan horse, which she would eventually influence the building of. The original femme fatale, it seems as though most men assosciated with Helen met a grisly end. While Greek myth wasn’t the biggest on Mills & Boones-style sex scenes, Helen definitely goes down as one of the hottest ladies in history, with a knack for getting men killed. My kind of lady.

Kim Kardashian Love her or hate her, Kim Kardashian is the emblem of modern sexuality and the embracing of contemporary sexual habits in my opinion. I may not be able to bear the Kardashians in the context of their seemingly endless TV show, but Kim is a serious contender for number one of their everexpanding Mafia-esque sibling syndicate in my affections. Upon the leaking of her sex tape, far from shying away from the media attention, Kim embraced it, and used it to further her fame and her career. Obviously, the leaking of anyone’s nudes/sex videos is an incredible breach of trust, privacy and security, but my hat goes off to her for dealing with it so well. She may play dumb on-screen, but all evidence points to the fact that there is much more to Mrs. West than meets the eye.

Henry the VIII Ah yes, good ol’ Henry the VIII. Is calling him a bit of a ‘lady killer’ still too soon? This most despicable of men gets on the list not because of how much sex he had, but how much he was willing to have in order to get a son. His commitment to sex was incredible, though obviously he was a bit of a massive dick as well.

Narcissus Narcissus was undoubtedly a very beautiful man - I mean, you’d have to be in order to become the lover of the Goddess of Love, surely? However, he was without question a little in love with himself, above anyone else. He went to bathe one day, and caught sight of his own image in the water’s reflection. Fixated upon himself, he fell in, and promptly drowned, unable to stop looking at himself. This makes him the mythological equivalent of those guys you see in The Palace who keep checking themselves out in the mirrors on the dancefloor, essentially.