UT Magazine: Vol VI, Issue I

17.09.13

The University Times

Magazine

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The University Times

September 17, 2013

FEATURES

Magazine

THE REBEL ALLIANCE

TO BE YOUNG, TRANS*, AND IRISH

IRELAND: THE NEW SWITZERLAND?

BY JAMES BENNETT

BY PAUL BEHAN

BY FREDA MCCUSKER

We check out the first press conference of the Reform Alliance, a new political group formed by expelled Fine Gael TDs and senators.

We interview Shane, a transgender student, and discuss new proposals to recognise transgender identity in Ireland.

We interview Ray Whitehead, the founder of Direct Democracy Ireland

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EDITORIAL Welcome to the third year of UT Magazine! It is with regret that we say goodbye to our founding editor Tommy Gavin, and former creative director Caelan Rush. We have lost some invaluable staff members, but we also have an excellent new team in place. This year we hope to build on what has already been done, and explore further the possibilities of investigative feature-based student journalism.

UT Magazine is excited for the future.

Whether you are a fresher or continuing student, you should probably be excited too. It’s a great time to be alive, and we live in a great place. Dublin is a cultural and political hotbed, despite the fact that most of us don’t move outside a very small portion of it.

This issue has articles on the possibilities of modern theatre, and the future of the home movie industry. In politics, we address two new movements: Direct Democracy Ireland and the Reform Alliance. We also have a feature on trans* rights in Ireland. It turns out there are none.

There is a curse falsely attributed to ancient China that says “may you live in interesting times.” Here at UT Mag, we think fake Chinese curses can go jump. Our times are great, and their story needs to be told. Hopefully this year we can contribute a sentence or two.

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James Bennett Editor magazine@universitytimes.ie

ABOVE: Hostel Part 2 Film Poster COVERS: Courtesy of Shannon & Q Soc

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CONTRIBUTORS EDITOR DEPUTY/MUSIC EDITOR CREATIVE DIRECTOR ONLINE EDITOR FILM EDITOR FASHION EDITOR PHOTOGRAPHERS ILLUSTRATORS WORDS

James Bennett Eoin Hennessy Edmund Heaphy Clementine Yost Jack O’Kennedy Elizabeth Brauders TCD Q Soc // James Bennett // Gearóid Gibbs // Thasban Bhatt Alicia Consta Mitchell David Wall // Paul Behan // Freda McCusker Kate Bauer // Bose Allen // Louie Carroll // Conor Scully // Edan Hogan Duff // Tony Deane

REGULATION 5

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LOITERING WITH INTENT

[SIGH]

Tony Deane absolutely and mercilessly crushes the dreams of freshers.

David Wall weighs up the pros and cons of the Fringe Festival.

TOP 5

Films to make you cry.

CULTURE 13

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INTERNET KILLED THE VIDEO STORE

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MUSIC

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FASHION

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FILM

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TORTURE PORN: PERFECT SUNDAY AFTERNOON VIEWING?

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TECHNOLOGY

LOITERING WITH INTENT...

TOP 5

Films to Make You Cry 1

UP The first ten minutes of Up are infamous for making everyone cry. As of yet, no human has witnessed them and remained dry-eyed. However, there are a few other moments towards the end of the film that could be considered equally as tear-jerking, but do not receive as much attention.

THE 2 NOTEBOOK Countless women have wept bitterly at The Notebook, but not because the love story was so sad. It was because they knew they would never passionately kiss Ryan Gosling in the middle of a torrential rainstorm.

Musings from the Fringe

by David Wall Having spent a week sitting uncomfortably in darkened rooms and pub attics, mostly in a state of confusion (one of my favourites), and occasionally states of anxiety, boredom, awe and agony, I found myself asking: What use is the Fringe festival? It appears that the Fringe is either something one loves or hates. It’s a couple of weeks to be spent hopping from one partly developed idea to another, or else a fortnight to be ignored and avoided at all costs. The main opinion received seems to be that the Fringe is full of self-indulgent, experimental tripe, presented by companies who feel that being in the Fringe relieves them from the burden of treating theatre as entertainment. It’s easy to see truth in this opinion, when one goes to a show or two, and strongly suspects that the works are designed to test the audience, not the actors. Yet I can’t help sensing that there is value in these tests. True, some works will be a total failure, and will always occupy a small percentage of the Fringe.

Works are accepted to the festival as works in progress, so there can be little relationship between the sketch presentation before Easter and the full performance in Autumn. There will always be pieces of theatre wrapped in tight productions and comfortable performances which entirely overlook the fact that they have nothing to communicate. These often emanate from young theatre makers that think it’s ‘just so cool’ to be making a show that they don’t mind having no concept of their place or purpose in the story of theatre. It is also true that many works believe that contemporary theatre equals pausing in the middle of a narrative and staring at the audience (or into space, or at their lollipops) for a least five minutes. Many, many works, in my experience.

But like with all good things, repeated helpings bring forth the real worth of the Fringe. For two weeks, one can gorge on servings of emotion and sensuality, in one of the only artistic medias that retains the possibility of actually reaching

out and grabbing the spectator. In cinema, one is nudged to emotional highs by the soundtrack preceding the event. Theatre, especially the contemporary form, allows, and often demands, unique and individual reactions from its spectators. Even in non-interactive events - which thankfully form the large majority this year - the spectator is expected to be more than a passive receptor of spectacle. And this is where the Fringe stands out as the greatest week of in the Irish theatre calendar.

It will be closely followed by the Dublin Theatre Festival, where Dublin’s movers and shakers will turn out their wallets to see safe, bankable, linearnarrative theatre. The Fringe, on the other hand, allows for the prospect of shows being a total failure, a disaster in terms of production, conception and box office. With that, however, comes the possibility to experiment, and the possibility of one-off experiences that will leave your head spinning and jaw hanging. I’m not saying that you will understand what is happening in front of you, or even that you will enjoy it. You will most likely be tested to your limits of endurance. But some persistence will allow you to nibble on various conceptions of what theatre might be, each so distinct and mutually exclusive that no art gallery or multiplex could match such variety. And with little requirement to support bankable shows, the Fringe allows and fosters young theatre makers, whose companies visibly grow in confidence and creativity each year.

3 OLD YELLER Dog is cute. Children love dog. Dog gets rabies. Kid shoots dog. Everybody cries. It’s beautifully simple.

4 ABOUT TIME The latest offering from Richard Curtis (of Four Weddings and a Funeral, Notting Hill fame) is quickly gathering a reputation as a tearjerker.

Reports have been made of large groups of people standing around Leicester Square crying after early screenings. It’s a film about time travel that teaches you lessons about life. Foolproof.

5 THE IMPOSSIBLE This recent release based on the true story of a Spanish family caught in the devastation of the tsunami makes audiences cry by assaulting them with images of children being hurled into tree trunks by powerful currents of water. No points for subtlety.

At best, the Fringe offers us a window into the minds of young theatre makers at the height of their experimentalism. At worst, a show will cost you a couple of pints and a period of torturous unease. But thankfully, you always know that the discomfort will be over in less than an hour. Just in time for you to buy tickets for the next show!

Fringe Festival continues until the 22nd of September. Most shows from ten to twelve euro for students. Check events and tickets at fringefest.com.

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The Rebel

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t’s Saturday afternoon. I’m meant to be putting together this magazine, but instead I’m standing at the steps of Buswell’s Hotel on Molesworth Street, across the road from Leinster House. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that more decisions about the fate of this country are made in Buswell’s cosy bar than across the road in parliament. Nobody can deny that there’s something about soup and sandwiches that seems to be conducive to cute-hoorery of all descriptions.

Maybe it’s because they’re both Irish institutions.

The reason I’m here is to report on the Reform Alliance. This is a new political group comprised of those who were expelled from Fine Gael for not supporting the government’s attempt at abortion legislation . The Reform Alliance (or the RA, as some of those pesky media jokesters have called them), are due to give a press conference at one o’clock. It’s ten past one and there’s no sign of them.

Other journalists share in-jokes as I stand there like a lemon. “You think Lucinda Creighton’s going to come up on time? Ha! Go down and tell her to put some could milk in her soup so she can eat it faster! Haha!” I laugh approvingly. Classic Lucinda! Can’t be dealing with that hot soup there… What?

At half past one the rebel alliance files out onto the steps. Wicklow TD Billy Timmins is looking very jovial. It looks like someone told him that if he stopped smiling he would die. He starts off by reminding everyone how super-casual the whole thing is. This is

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not a press conference. It is an “informal chat.” They are not a new political group. They are “an alliance of individuals.” None of us should be here really. And yet we are… Timmins kindly provides the media with a concise mission statement for the Reform Alliance: “Our whole raison d’être is to try and improve things.” Thanks for that Billy. He then rattles off a list of issues that the Reform Alliance might address (mortgage problems, health, education) and proceeds to develop exactly none of these points. It is only after this that we get into the real meat of what the Reform Alliance is about: parliamentary reform. Fair enough. We could definitely do with a bit of that. Let’s see what the RA have to offer.

Unlike the other massive issues that were only mentioned in passing, reform is given a lot of time. The conversation moves around the circle with each ex-Fine Gaeler proposing a measure that could be taken to improve the mechanics of the Irish political system. Billy Timmins’ contribution is to call for a Ceann Comhairle “elected by secret ballot who will be responsible for all the administration within the actual house of the Oireachtais.” A nice idea, but he could have explained the reasoning behind it a bit more.

Up next is Lucinda Creighton, who attacks the practice of guillotining, ie: when legislation is rushed through parliament without debate. She says that this is “becoming more and more of a blunt instrument” under the current government. She advocates for a system where the government could request permission from the

Attorney General to bypass debate in an emergency situation: “We have plenty of parliamentarians that will do the work if they’re given the chance. We don’t really consider it acceptable that so much legislation is being guillotined.” This is an excellent idea. No government of a country that wants to call itself democratic should bypass discussion of legislation. Things are looking up for the Reform Alliance.

Now it is the turn of Senator Fidelma Healy Eames, who made that infamous speech on the perils of social media not too long ago: “Take for example the form called ‘fraping’, where you’re raped on Facebook… What about ‘sexting’, where they are texting sexual images… This sort of thing has to stop.” It appears that Fidelma has decided to postpone her one-woman crusade against all those gadgets and gizmos to focus on some hardcore political reconstruction.

Here it is, brace yourself: She wants the system of voter registration to be changed so that people are automatically registered once they turn eighteen. And… that’s it. Why? Because it would be really handy. She tries to pass it off as a measure aimed at getting more young people involved in politics, although this rings a bit false. It is true that some people miss out on voting because the registration process gets the better of them. However, many young people don’t vote simply because they don’t care. Now why would that be Fidelma? Oh yes… IT’S BECAUSE THE COUNTRY IS FULL OF BULLSHIT POLITICIANS LIKE YOU!

Alliance JAMES BENNETT attends the first press conference of the Reform Alliance, and realises that Irish politics is still shit.

Most Irish people in their early twenties today grew up without a massive church influence. They also had technology. The internet gave them access to information that their parents wouldn’t have even comprehended as children. They have a greater awareness of their place in the international community, and have friends from all over the world. The results of these three factors are, respectively: less shame, more knowledge, and a respect for different ways of life.

So when this generation of Irish people turns on the TV and sees a politics of shame, ignorance and fear at the heart of government, it’s no wonder the feel apathetic. Why should anyone in our generation feel ashamed of the Celtic Tiger, and adopt the Enda Kenny needypuppy attitude toward Germany? Why should the Irish people be kept in the dark about who is actually running Ireland? Why should people who did nothing wrong fear the repercussions if the Irish government disobeys Europe? These are questions that need to be asked if anyone really wants to get to the bottom of voter apathy. It might also help if the mainstream Irish parties acted on social issues quickly instead of waiting twenty years and being spurred to action by the death of a pregnant woman. In short, Fidelma’s remedy for low turnout among younger voters is laughable. She basically suggested knocking down a house with a feather.

Peter Matthews, TD for Dublin South, then chimes in with his two cents. He wants referendums in Ireland to have a turnout of at least fifty per cent before their results can be deemed valid. This sounds appealing. It is logical to require a substantial amount of the

population to vote for measures that will affect the entire country.

However, Matthews doesn’t mention that his suggestion is made redundant by the fact that the Irish state doesn’t really give a shit about what answer the people return in referendums. If the result is not the one the government wants, they can just call another referendum and scare people into voting the right way. We’ve seen this with the Nice and Lisbon treaties. There’s no reason why it won’t happen again. Why didn’t Peter Matthews really just go for it and call for an unelected Supreme High Council populated by priests and ex-primary school teachers? At least then we wouldn’t have to pretend any more…

If it feels like the tone of this article has gone a bit over the top, that’s only because it was genuinely infuriating to stand in front of these people and listen to them make reform suggestions as if they were proclaiming from outside the GPO. After I leave and begin to sort through my notes, I can’t stop repeating the same question in my mind: Why now? Why all this only after you were kicked out of Fine Gael? I wish I had shouted this at them. But I didn’t.

I was overwhelmed by the aggressiveness of the seasoned journos and the cosy, in-jokey relationship that they seemed to share with the politicians present.

Such demands for reform being made after years of obediently toeing the line shows cowardice, and is disrespectful towards the Irish people. They do deserve credit for voting with their convictions

and losing the whip over the abortion issue, but this does not negate the fact that the very concept of the Reform Alliance is steeped in hypocrisy. Speaking of the atmosphere in Leinster House, Billy Timmins said that “every individual in there privately agrees that there should be reform.” Why doesn’t somebody say something then? Why didn’t he say something when he was a member of the Fine Gael parliamentary party? Now it’s too late. He is part of a group of independent backbench TDs stirring up a media storm in a teacup in order to avoid fading into obscurity. Their timing shows that they are not genuinely concerned about reform. It is a game to them. They have brought it up now because it is convenient to do so. Timmins also says that Young TDs feel constricted, and that they are becoming disillusioned “as if they are a voice in the wilderness and might as well be talking to the wall.” Just a thought Billy, but maybe it’s because they arrive at Leinster House and see a host of stalwart TDs lounging in their seats every day and without ever opening their mouths.

The Reform Alliance are the result of a classic Irish problem: people only being prompted to action when it’s too late. We’ve seen it with the Celtic Tiger, we’ve seen it with Savita, and now we are seeing it with the RA. Maybe sometime in the near future the Irish people themselves will realise that it’s too late, and that they should have stormed the Dáil years ago.

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TO BE YOUNG,TRANS*, AND IRISH PAUL BEHAN

I’m standing at front arch, waiting, and I’m nervous. Fear of the unknown may be apt. I’ve never conducted an interview before, I’ve never met the person I’m interviewing, and the person I’m meeting identifies as transgender. I’m afraid of offending because I don’t know the right gender pronoun to use and I’m afraid of stepping over some kind of line I never knew existed. Listening back to the start of the interview, I hear myself do my own little nervous quirk of stumbling over my words every seven seconds. It occurs to me that nothing anyone else is doing is making me nervous, just me.

I’m interviewing Shane, a student from a Dublin university who identifies as a transgender woman named Shannon, and today we’re discussing the newly proposed laws regarding legal recognition of persons as their “acquired“ sex. In its most condensed form the proposed bill allows for non-retrospective legal change in a person’s sex as long as they are at least eighteen years old and single. This means that it will change all future documentation, but existing documentation will remain the same. It also allows for discrimination in sport. However, one of the possible requirements is a diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder. It is the first such move by an Irish government towards recognition since Dr. Lydia Foy began her struggle for transgender rights twenty years ago. The bill was made by a working group of civil servants. Transgender people were not included nor were transgender campaign groups consulted. In fact, most if not all members of the transgender community found out about the launch of the new bill and its contents through media outlets.

Whoever I was nervous to meet did not manifest himself in Shane.

The only thing actually differentiating him from every other lad I meet is my perception. He’s different like anyone else I’ve ever met, but in the same mundane human way. The first thing that strikes me is that he’s smiley and that puts me at ease. He offers to tell me anything and he really seems to mean it. He tells me to refer to Shane as he and Shannon as she and to go from there.

I ask if it’s hard to be Shannon in Dublin and he tells me “It kind of feels right and it kind of feels like me. But like if I wake up in the morning and I look like this, it just doesn’t feel right, it’s like I’m pretending to be someone.” His voice waxes with pride as he tells me about walking down the street as Shannon: “At first I think people perceived me as different but that had a lot to do with a lack of confidence. Now I can walk down the road and people won’t take a second look, they won’t even notice.” That pretty much sets the tone for the interview. He doesn’t want to be an event or a spectacle, he just wants to be and he can’t do that as Shane. The thing

that keeps cropping up is people not knowing how to react. He tells me that most people react well eventually, but it’s something that stuns them. Shane says that attitude of shock is a general experience. He draws a line between generations. The younger people are the more capable they seem of getting past the shock and awe. He describes the general perception as well-meaning but highly uninformed at its best, and negative and highly uninformed at its worst.

This allows us to meander onto the law itself.

“It’ll definitely make it easier to be trans in Ireland,” says Shane . He talks about the little things, because it’s the little things that make up your day. It’s not being able to go on a night out you haven’t planned eight days in advance because you have to email the club and explain before you go. That’s if they read it and they’re cool with it, and if they remember to tell the bouncer and he’s cool with it. It’s a choice every day: be Shane or have that same confrontational encounter over and over again. The law would allow the trans* community to live without constant reference to their previous identity.

We then dissect the more controversial elements of the bill. The age requirement is up first. I must admit that walking into the room I did not see a problem with eighteen. That’s exactly what I told Shane and that’s exactly what I told my second interviewee of the day. Muireann Montague, current Liaison Officer of QSoc kindly gave me a few minutes of her time to discuss the bill from the perspective of a campaigner. Muireann is passionate without anger and she’s convincing because she means every word she’s saying.

She’s different to Shane because she’s not telling you her own personal story. To her at least, her words are just truth. Needless to say they both had thought it through a bit more than I had. A younger age isn’t what they’re arguing for; it’s some sort of flexibility. A rigid age of eighteen does allow a potential safeguard from the inability of children to make effective long-term choices, but it leaves other people behind. The teenager who truly knows that they were born in the wrong sex is forced through the intense chemical changes that only solidify their sex and their torment. “We need to protect the rights of those who are sure,” argues Muireann.

Divorce is our next port of call. Under the proposed bill, somebody in a marriage or civil partnership cannot apply to have their new gender identity recognised. There is already a problem here, at least on a technical legal level. Muireann gets to the heart of it.

Divorce in Irish law is about marriages that are broken beyond repair. If a transgender person is happily married with a partner who accepts their new identity, they are forced to choose between their marriage or official recognition of who they are. However, it is likely that in the eyes of the law a desire for this recognition is not

grounds for divorce. Therefore, a couple will have to lie and break down their marriage. They have to separate for years. The state takes people in a vulnerable emotional situation and tell them they have to leave their partner to have their identity recognised. The reasoning in marriage is at least logically clear, we do not have legal same sex marriage and Shane is confident this is a temporary problem. The reasoning with civil partnership, which is already open to same sex couples, is less evident, or at least Shane couldn’t see it.

In terms of the other aspects of the bill, both Shane and Muireann agree easily on sport. Respecting someone’s identity as a man or a woman is probably more important than an advantage in a game of tennis. And finally, the fact that the bill is not retrospective is generally deemed acceptable for medical reasons and accurate government data.

When we turned to “gender identity disorder” things became more animated. The word “disorder” has certain connotations, and those connotations are negative. The idea of needing to be diagnosed with a mental issue by a medical professional in Ireland has serious negative perceptions attached to it. We are not a country at one with the idea of mental health. What Muireann takes real issue with is that mental health problems are just that: problems.

She explains that being trans* isn’t a problem with your state of being, it is your state of being. We get into governmental attitudes on transgender issues. Shane explains what this recognition would mean to him. It’s more than just ID. “It’s everyone recognizing this is you.” There’s a goal at the end of this. Shane keeps repeating the word “normal.” He looks forward to the day where “it’s not such a big thing”. At the moment he has to split himself in two every day: “It’s like being schizophrenic but I’m not schizophrenic, I’m being two different people”. The idea that somebody is walking around in an identity which is an effort for them to maintain can be hard to understand for people not familiar with trans* issues.

Muireann Montague at the Rally for Recognition Shane mentioned something completely novel to me and I asked Muireann about it. Do people go back in the closet as trans* after college? Shane seems to think they often do until their forties or fifties. Muireann agrees. She says it’s because of jobs: “There’s a real fear of not getting hired.” Despite all of the equality laws that we have, many people who work on campaigns for LGBT rights won’t even put that on their CV. Transgender people would almost always be too afraid to inform potential employers for fear of discrimination. This then begs the question is it more than a lack of knowledge, is it hate? Muireann smiles resolvedly as she answers.

No, she has “too much faith in people to believe that”, she feels that people just don’t react well to things they don’t understand. So then how do we make people understand? Her answer is simple: schools. For Muireann, the structured delivery of information at a young age is the only solution. This would inform younger generations directly, and older generations through subsequent media attention. But can we change the perceptions of thousands of people who’ve spent their adult entire lives thinking a certain way? Shane’s voice ebbs lower at this. His answer is no, and he’s accepted it. He can’t see the Ireland we have now changing but he can see us growing a better one.

This leads us onto Shane’s doubts. He has doubts every day. He tells me that the instant I ask. That’s why he’s going to go to counselling before he goes forward. I ask if his fears come from the outside or from within and he tells me they come from him: “A lot of it is fear of being accepted”. He talks slowly, he tells me he doesn’t want to lose his family over this, that he doesn’t want to ruin his life. However, the one thing he never says is that he’s afraid he’s wrong; he never mentions doubts about Shannon. That really strikes me. And it’s really very sad. His voice is heavy, and even though it lightens up and he’s smiley again a question or two later, it’s clear that he knows it’s going to be rough.

Flash forward to me working my glamorous part time retail job.

One of my co-workers starts to tell me about a customer: the “not very convincing tranny” she just served. She could easily have been talking about a circus performer. It’s all still quite fresh in my mind - talking to Shane about his desire for normality and talking to Shannon about how horrible that word is. So I stop her and I ask her if she served me would she walk over and tell someone she just served a faggot. She’s doesn’t understand why I’m getting annoyed.

She’s a great girl, she’s a kind person but she doesn’t know anything about transgender people. In fact, both her and our supervisor didn’t realize “tranny” was a pejorative or that transgender was an actual word. My supervisor informed me transgender was too long a word to use in everyday conversations and that tranny is much shorter. They apologized and they meant it. “I would have said it to his face and I wouldn’t have meant it to offend him”.

The interviews ended on the same note. Hope. People might read this, maybe they might try and get a little more informed, maybe one less person would look at Shannon funny after that law is passed, maybe she could just go on a night out like anyone else. I’ve no idea if she’ll feel any better or if she’ll need to act like Shane less. All I know is that spending an hour with Shane really makes me hope so.

If you’re transgender, questioning or would just like to know more log onto www. teni.ie (Transgender Equality Network Ireland) or within Trinity visit QSoc on www.trinitylgbt.com. If you need to talk to someone the Counseling Service has people trained and waiting. Thanks to Muireann Montague, Aifric Ni Chriodain, QSoc, DCU LGBT, UCD LGBT, Senator Katherine Zappone & most of all to Shane.

UT Magazine showcases some of the best photography from the Dublin University Photography Association.

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Gear贸id Gibbs

Thasban Bhatt

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Gear贸id Gibbs Gear贸id Gibbs

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INTERNET KILLED THE VIDEO STORE JACK O’KENNEDY mourns the loss of video rental stores.

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n 1998 I saw the movie Annie more times than I can bear to remember. I didn’t have a particular fondness for musicals nor a soft spot in my heart for plucky, ginger haired orphans singing their way to a sunnier tomorrow. My younger sister however, firmly believed that one was “never fully dressed without a smile” and therefore opted for John Huston’s 1982 classic every second Friday when it was her turn to choose that week’s video rental. Each fortnight for almost a year I pleaded with her to pick something else. Finally, after months of negotiations (and a sizable bribe) she relented, only to discover the existence of a sequel: Annie: A Royal Adventure!

Despite that extended period of torture, I had always looked forward to our weekly film fix, which is why the discovery (last January) that my local video shop had closed its doors for the last time was an upsetting one. It’s no secret that the film rental market in Ireland has long been in crisis. The rise of the internet coupled with the popularity of illegal streaming and downloading has been an increasingly troublesome thorn in Xtra-vision’s side. Numerous branches have closed in Dublin and across the country in the past few months with the long established video rental chain going in to receivership last April. The introduction of the online media streaming service Netflix in Ireland and the UK last year may ultimately prove to be the final nail in the struggling company’s coffin.

“What’s the problem?” you might ask. Surely having an entire library of films, television programmes and comedy specials at your fingertips for a very reasonable monthly fee is a superior alterna-

tive to those irritating late charges and getting caught in the rain on the walk home. In fact, Netflix was originally set up after one of its founders, Reed Hastings, returned a rental copy of Apollo 13 only to find that he’d racked up $40 dollars in overdue fines. Frustrated with the traditional model of video rental, he and Marc Randolph created an alternative, one where you didn’t have to worry about late fees or even leave the comfort of your own home. Their company now has 37.6 million subscribers and accounts for one third of nightly home internet traffic in the U.S. As a subscriber to Netflix myself, I’m all for new and improved ways to watch cops catching robbers and can-

“

Netflix recommendations aren’t quite the same as getting obscure suggestions from enthusiastic (and crucially human) members of staff.

”

cer ridden chemistry teachers cooking meth. That said, in much the same way that devoted music lovers mourn the loss of traditional record stores, many disenchanted film fans long for the days when hours could be spent browsing the DVD shelves for that one flick that wasn’t too long or too demanding, but just right. Having an algorithm work out that because you’ve watched half an episode of Hell’s Kitchen, you might also enjoy Jiro Dreams of Sushi isn’t quite the same as getting obscure suggestions from enthusiastic (and crucially human) members of staff.

a bewildering array of categories (“witty sitcoms”, really? As opposed to the less popular option, “painfully unfunny sitcoms”?) myself and a friend settled down to watch Tom Hardy make moonshine and kick ass in the excellent prohibition era drama Lawless. However, the evening’s entertainment was scuppered by a stuttering internet connection that, when it wasn’t taking half an hour to load three minutes of film, refused to sync the sound with the picture, rendering Hardy’s hard to understand bootlegger nigh on incomprehensible.

Another problem with the service is the paradox of choice that it presents us with. How many times have you started a film on Netflix only to lose confidence in your pick and move on to something else?

Suddenly it’s two o’ clock in the morning and you’ve watched twenty minutes of Donnie Brasco, half of Rudy and an episode of Archer.

Say what you like about traditional rental, but this problem doesn’t exist there.

In an ideal world both online services like Netflix and physical retailers like HMV (which saw the closure of 16 branches across Ireland last February) would continue to coexist. The dual branded re-launching of both HMV and Xtra-vision this month by restructuring specialists Hilco Capital suggests that they’re going to give it one last try. However, if current trends continue, it seems that only niche outlets like Tower Records, who consistently attract consumers that desire a physical product, may survive.

It’s been pointed out that nostalgia for the good old days is often the enemy of progress. Though I see the value in that notion, I’d still do pretty much anything to see my local video shop re-open for even a day. And that includes watching Annie 2 again.

Though my experiences with Netflix have been mostly positive, every so often one will spend an evening with the service that will leave you running for the hills in sheer frustration. After negotiating

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IRELAND: THE NEW SWITZERLAND? FREDA MCCUSKER This year’s silly season brought with it speculation over Fine Gael members who lost the whip for voting against the Protection of Life During Pregnancy Bill. The rebels have since confirmed that they are forming a new parliamentary group - the Reform Alliance - to represent their constituents and protect their speaking rights when the Dáil reconvenes. I decided to look at another new political group that’s been gaining support around the country, with their leader Ben Gilroy having beaten Labour to poll fourth in the Meath East by-election. Direct Democracy Ireland is based on the principle of elected representatives being mere conduits for the views of their constiuents. In this system they are answerable to those who elected them, and not to a party whip. Those involved in DDI feel that the Irish people have been left virtually powerless.

I couldn’t help agreeing, considering, for example, the fact that our most recent budget was sent to every EU finance minister before it was seen by TDs. Interested but sceptical, I contacted the DDI founder and two-time candidate Ray Whitehead to find out more about their party and to see whether “direct democracy” is as impractical and unrealistic as it appeared at first glimpse.

HISTORY OF DDI When Ray Whitehead saw the effect that the recession was having on his elderly mother, he decided the time had come to do something: “People say there’s no euthanasia in Ireland, but actually there is. I became very angry…” In 2008, he set up a website aimed at spreading the idea of direct democracy, which he had experienced first-hand while living in Switzerland. He claims that this style of government will rid Ireland of “all of the negative things that come with representative democracy and dictatorships.” Direct Democracy Ireland aspires to give power back to the people rather than “decisions being made over their heads.” They want the electorate to select their own candidates to represent them. They also want the people to have the power to call a referendum by gathering a certain amount of signatures, and to remove any representative from office who is deemed to have acted in breach of their terms of employment. No small task by anyone’s standards, but nobody can deny that it would have been useful in the immediate aftermath of that infamous Tuesday night in September 2008 when Irish generosity was pushed to its limits by taking responsibility for the bank debt.

Whitehead didn’t receive a particularly good response at the start but eventually more people began to attend his meetings.They liked the idea of a hands-on approach to local and national politics. Since then branches have been set up all over the country with their best responses coming from Donegal, Dundalk, Drogheda and Waterford. DDI has 1000 members to date, but Whitehead claims there are thousands of non-members who are “active, engaged and committed.” Finance seems to be their main obstacle in terms of increasing membership and improving organisation. They don’t receive their funding from any particular source, depending completely on individual donations. Most of the people involved

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are currently unemployed so they are trying to balance their own lives with the demands of activism.

Ideologically, DDI place themselves in “the centre - for a balance between the left and the right.” According to Whitehead: “The problem with the system we have at the moment is that if the right come up with a good idea then the left take the opposite view. We don’t care whether a solution or a good idea comes from the left or the right, as long as it works.” He claims that the systemic changes proposed by DDI will be “the most revolutionary thing to hit Irish politics since the its foundation”, arguing that direct democracy was a “birth right from our founding fathers in our first constitution.” In relation to the issue of dual membership, Whitehead says that there is nothing to stop members DDI signing up to other parties: ‘I think it is a self-regulatory thing. There shouldn’t be a problem with direct democracy because we’re not in competition with any particular party. We’re for direct democracy and once you have that then the party isn’t the most important decision maker.’

DDI don’t have set policies as traditionally defined, preferring to call them “policy proposals”. The most important of these involve “illegal activities by the government bailing out the banks.” The first thing they plan to do if and when elected is to challenge the bank bailout and promissory notes. “We believe they are illegal under international law. They are, it is not just that we believe. Under international law on odious debt, you cannot impose debt on people if they themselves did not incur it. And it would cost virtually nothing to take these people to court. It is something that the government has no stomach for. They are afraid of upsetting Europe.

We should make a decision ourselves to stop paying them and use that money for our own people until it is gone through the court process. So in the meantime we could free up our finances.”

THE SWISS MODEL After living in Switzerland, Whitehead is convinced that direct democracy will work in Ireland despite the differences between the two countries. Although he “wouldn’t wish the Swiss on the Irish or the Irish on the Swiss”, he still claims the cultural gulf wouldn’t make direct democracy impossible: “Irish people love to talk. They love to have an opinion. All you have to do is walk into any pub or taxi and you’ll be told exactly what people think and how the country should be put right. But there is no mechanism in place so people feel disempowered, disenfranchised, depressed and apathetic.” I asked if we should look to eDemocracy as a more efficient and perhaps familiar way to do direct democracy. Whitehead responded by referring again to Switzerland: “The Swiss haven’t done that. I think we might have to do something like that because it is the way the world is going. If you can transfer trillions of Euros back and forth everyday securely, there’s no reasons we can’t vote securely online. In Switzerland they are a highly advanced and

technological country but in some of the towns and villages they just meet in the town square and put their hands up.”

Whitehead seems offended at the suggestion that the Swiss system is impractical: “It is the richest country in the world, best distribution of wealth, lowest spending consensus to GDP in Europe. They spend half what we spend and yet they have the best services on the planet. Maybe we should tell the Swiss that they are doing it the wrong way. They should copy us. That’s what they are saying. Well I’m saying, think again.” He also praises Switzerland for having one of the highest percentages of female politicians in the world, attributing to a supposedly accessible and matriarchal system. However, he seems to be grasping at straws when trying to explain that fact that Switzerland were one of the last countries to grant female suffrage: “Women didn’t feel as frustrated with their system because they could have their say through their fathers, husbands, brothers etc.”

MEDIA BIAS? Beating Labour candidate Eoin Holmes to come fourth in the Meath East by-election has definitely been DDI’s greatest achievement to date. However, it has been difficult for the party to carve out its own space in the public consciousness. DDI were unheard of as they began their campaign in Meath last March. Whitehead blames the media for this: “The media were in shock when we beat Labour, the Socialist Workers’ Party and independents with more second preference votes than all of them combined. And yet Direct Democracy Ireland received no national coverage.” To back up this accusation, Whitehead cites an incident where the party leader Ben Gilroy was introduced as an independent on Prime Time in the aftermath of the by-election: “It is not a balanced media we have. How come they didn’t know Ben was the leader of a party?

The national television station? Who are the researchers? They should be fired, it is a very basic thing. Obviously he’s on the ballot paper as representing Direct Democracy Ireland. These people are getting huge sums of money and they don’t know their own job.” He was equally unimpressed with the party’s experiences on Tonight with Vincent Browne. The first time they appeared they were paired with a Green candidate which Whitehead considered a ploy “to associate us with a failed political party.” He also accuses Vincent Browne deliberately downplaying public support for DDI during their second appearance on the show: “At the end of the programme when they read out the tweets and texts , there were so many calls and texts coming in support of Ben that he [Vincent Browne] actually picked up the pages - and you can see this on the camera - he picked up the tweets and texts, he looked at the monitor to see that he wasn’t on it and he held his hand away from his body and just dropped them on the ground. What he didn’t see was that the top of his hand was seen on the monitor.”

The Constitutional Convention is Whitehead’s final example of media bias against his party: “It was a pretty big slap in the face for the government. The thing that shocked me was that they voted for direct democracy of Ireland. They discussed, debated and voted on gay marriage and there was 76% in. Amazing, great, all over the media. When we proposed direct democracy for Ireland they discussed it, they debated it and they voted on it. 83% in favour.

If it was representative of the people of Ireland, it says an awful lot about what we’re doing but you haven’t heard about it in the media. We were almost treated as a joke by the chairman of the committee. He almost giggled and shrugged his shoulders when it was proposed. They weren’t giggling and shrugging their shoulders when the vote came in. Now that was a huge slap in the face for the government and they’ve kept it quiet. No one’s been touting that around the media.”

THE FUTURE Despite the fact that DDI feel restricted by the media, they are optimistic, and hope to elect TDs to the next Dáil. Their results in the Meath East by-election and the surprising endorsement they received at the Constitutional Convention have definitely given them more confidence. Even though they struggle to get any kind of coverage in the national media, they are having their say on the issues in local media. Whitehead is feeling extremely positive. And who knows? He may be right. Maybe Ireland could be the new Switzerland…

THE UNIVERSITY TIMES MAGAZINE | 15

MUSIC

Holy Ghost!

Dynamics

On April 8th 2000, Saturday Night Live played a sketch involving a parody of the Blue Oyster Cult recording their 1976 hit “(Don’t) Fear the Reaper”. If you haven’t seen the clip yet I urge you to get out of the cave you’ve been living in for the past 13 years and watch it. But anyway, the general gist of it is Christopher Walken’s character demanding “more cowbell” while Will Ferrell’s character, Gene Frenkle,dramatically plays the instrument to his heart’s content.

After listening to Holy Ghost!’s album Dynamics, one can picture this exact scenario happening during its recording. Alex Frankel (surprisingly close to the name Frenkle, hmmm) and Nick Milihiser, also known as Holy Ghost!, definitely love their cowbell. However, nowhere in the history of music has this ever been a bad thing. Still signed to James Murphy’s DFA Records, the duo have compiled eleven cowbell-laced tracksreminiscent of sci-fi film soundtracks

of the 1980s. It would be like if Vampire Weekend met Kavinsky and made a little funky robotic baby. Although what Holy Ghost! are making may not be completely original, most of it is still thoroughly enjoyable. Tracks like “Dance A Little Closer” and “Okay” are hugely catchy and will definitely wind up being on the end of summer soundtrack for a few people. However, Holy Ghost! do fall a bit short of the mark when they try to delve into more emotional territory, as is the case on “In The Red” and “Cheapshots”. Dynamics definitely isn’t the best thing Holy Ghost have ever done but that’s not to say it’s bad. The album certainly has some gems and one definitely feels that with a bit of improvement Holy Ghost! could up their game to reach levels only hit by LCD Soundsystem. Although next time, maybe they should be a bit more sparing with the cowbell

The Weeknd Kiss Land Very rarely do we see someone reinvigorate a genre quite the way Abel Tesfaye (aka The Weeknd) did with RnB. His debut album, House of Balloons, showcased his new take on the genre and was an experiment into how deep and dark the music could go. 2011 saw him release three albums for free that he would later package as Trilogy, a 159-minute-long epic of soft vocals about the ups and downs of sex, drugs and partying. Flash forward 2 years and things have begun tochange for The Weeknd on his first official album Kiss Land (technically the first three were free mixtapes). No longer is he a “riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma”, instead he’s adopted something of a Kanye West diva tendency. After feuding with his old producer and claims that he stole samples from Portishead, his sound has been somewhat changed. Instead of the sparse elegant production that was heard on 2011’s “What You Need”, we are left with horribly over produced tracks like “Tears in the Rain” and “Love in the Sky”. There are three things that immediately come to mind when first listening to Kiss Land. Firstly, that Tesfaye has

changed his voice even more, so that he sounds like Michael Jackson reincarnate. Secondly, although he has a fantastic voice, The Weeknd’s lyricism on Kiss Land is woeful. While it may sound deep and emotional, when one looks beneath the surface it’s just hollow pretentious bull shit. Thirdly, Tesfaye could not sound more bored on the album. It literally sounds as if a tired child could have put more life into an album. It seems as if he has grown tired of the music industry before he’s even really begun. It’s in cases like this where one has to be brutally honest. Kiss Land is not a good album. Nor is it even a moderatealbum. It’s a bad album. However not all is bleak in the land of RnB. Tesfaye’s early material opened the doors for many other great experimental soul singers such as Frank Ocean and Jeremih. While Ocean and Jeremih are still making greatmusic, it seems as if The Weeknd has already given up. Despite having such an initial impact on modern RnB, one can’t imagine The Weeknd ever making anything quite as good as House of Balloons.

WHAT WE’RE LISTENING TO Lumigraph – Yacht Cruiser

John Wizards – Lusaka By Night

Metallica – For Whom The Bell Tolls

Jeru The Damaja – Come Clean

A brilliant track by Dublin based producer Gareth Smyth. After releasing an album on Opal Tapes, Lumigraph is now set to release his debut EP on New York’s Mister Saturday Night. Definitely a producer to keep an eye on.

Taken from their amazing debut album on Planet Mu Records, John Wizards’ off kilter South African pop is not to be missed. “Lusaka By Night” is a great blend of skilfully manipulated auto-tune vocals and joyous African rhythms.

Revisiting our roots here down at UT Magazine. The third track taken from Metallica’s 1984 album Ride The Lightning “For Whom The Bell Tolls” has always had big part in our hearts and now it’s on constant repeat for the umpteenth time in our lives.

One of the most instantly recognisable tracks from Jeru’s classic album The Sun Rises in the East.

Jeru recently announced that he will play Dublin’s Sugar Club on October 31st. Although he’s now in his 40s, this is one gig not to be missed.

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Duke Dumont – Need U (100%) (Artful Bootleg Remix) A fantastic Garage remix of Duke Dumont’s horribly over played 2012 hit. The remix is very reminiscent of early 2000s UKG, giving new light to a track that was played over 3 million times on YouTube this year alone.

MUSIC LOVERS OF ALL SHAPES AND COLOURS EOIN HENNESSY MCHARDIE ILLUSTRATIONS: ALICIA CONSTA MITCHELL

O

ver the years I have been an avid music fan. Since the age of about five I’ve been buying music on a weekly basis and listening to it in almost all of my spare time. Over these fifteen years I’ve come across thousands of artists who I have either loved or hated or was even impartial to. Along with finding out about all of these music styles and sounds, I have also come across a wide variety of other “music lovers”. MLs (as I will now call them) come in a huge variety of shapes and sounds, some better than others.

After much deliberation I felt it was my duty to try and categorise these folk into their respective genres. Obviously there are a huge variety of people who love music so I’ve tried to narrow it down to the most commonly sighted.

The Radio MLs Perhaps the most common form of ML, these guys will spend roughly only half an hour researching songs and leave the rest up to their idiot friends to decide what they want to listen to. As you may have guessed from the name, the Radio MLs gain all of their knowledge from popular radio stations such as Spin or FM104. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, sometimes these radio stations even play good songs. However, this is a rare occurrence. The Radio MLs are a peculiar sort as one feels that they’re not really MLs at all. These are people who might enjoy the occasional song but haven’t got the patience or the time to actually truly appreciate music. Instead, they leach off the radio and will claim to love anything their Gods, The Zoo Crew or Ben Murray etc., tell them to love. You don’t really like that Nelly song about him having intercourse with a car. You just think you do! Break the mould Radio ML and do your research.

The We Think We’re Underground MLs When I talk about the We Think We’re Underground (WTWU) MLs, I’m only referring to the world of electronic music. The WTWU MLs won’t listen to anything that’s in the charts. However, it’s only the Billboard Charts that they won’t listen to. Give a WTWU ML a Ð50 Beatport voucher and Deadmau5’s Beatport chart and these guys will be in their element. There’ll be Dada Life and Feed Me clogging up their iTunes in a split second. Even if they don’t like the music they’ll probably download it just so that they can say to someone (probably a Radio ML) “OMG, I bet you’ve never heard this track. It’s a chhoooooooone”. I understand that the Bloody Beetroots and Fake Blood had a few good songs way back in the day but that’s no reason to still be keeping up with the terrible tripe they’re making now. The WTWU MLs are the sort of people who wear Dre Beats and blare it on the Luas into town just so that everyone in the carriage knows what they’re listening to. Wow, I’ve never heard that new Skrillex tune before and who would’ve thought it would sound so good from 6 feet away being blasted out through tiny headphones.

The Radiohead MLs Frankly these are the music lovers who annoy me the most. I love Radiohead as much as the next man but that’s no reason to constantly compare every other non-Radiohead album to Kid-A. Yes it was a good album, but get over it. There are several thousand other albums out there that are equally good, if not better than Kid-A and you don’t see everyone else going on about them! Don’t get me wrong, they’re an enjoyable band, they always come up with new styles and sounds but I still think there’s more to life than Thom Yorke’s whiney (in a good way) voice. The fact that Thom Yorke is an absolute nutter also slightly puts me off them too. I know it’s harsh to judge a band not based on their music but this man has said some seriously crazy things. For example “I caused 911”, “I once tried playing baseball but I started crying”, “I am the greatest thing to happen to black music”, “If I could be reincarnated as an animal I would be a stout fat child so I could kill myself. (I don’t like) fat people” and the list goes on. Despite the suggestive name, Radiohead MLs don’t only like Radiohead. They also like literally anything Pitchfork tells them to like. The National: Love them. Animal Collective: Love them. Justin Timberlake (as soon as he got trendy): Love him. Who knows what lies next for the Radiohead MLs but if they follow their supreme God, Thom Yorke, you know that it’s going to be crazy.

The Non-Music Lover MLs I know it seems contradictory to have a group of music lovers called the Non-Music Lovers (NML), however they play an integral part in shaping the music scene. Although, I say non-music lovers, these people actually do love music, they just don’t realise it. These people are like the Play-Doh of the music world and can be shaped by any other sort of ML. Although they may not have an iPod or even a CD player, these people will start jamming as soon you put on something with a funky beat.

The NML MLs normally enjoy fairly safe music such as popular 80s funk or cheesy 90s hip-hop, usually something which they may have heard before but they’re not sure. These people won’t be listening to any sort of Grindcore or Gabba any time soon but in time they can be eased into any sort of genre. That’s the beauty of the NML MLs, they can almost always be converted into real music lovers who’ll spend hours researching new songs and genres. Without them the fabric of the music world would crumble to pieces.

The Classic Rock MLs These are a fairly common form of ML, usually found lounging beside a video game console listening to some Zepp with a big bag of weed. These aren’t a bad bunch of guys. They listen to fairly decent music, they normally don’t cause much trouble at gigs (because all of the bands they like are now dead or split up) and they don’t try and force their music down your throat.

However, the one downside to the Classic Rock MLs is that they can never leave that genre. I once witnessed an innocent man try to introduce the Black Keys to a Classic Rock ML and things got ugly. Very ugly.

Another downside to the Classic Rock MLs is that they constantly bitch about how terrible new music is. New music isn’t terrible, you just haven’t done your research. That really early terribly recorded version of Pink Floyd’s “Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving with a Pict” is what’s terrible. The Classic Rock MLs were all moulded by their Dad’s old CD collection and won’t be willing to let go of it anytime soon.

The Pretentious MLs Here is where things start getting awkward. If you’ve read this far into the article, I’m sure you’re beginning to think that the man who wrote it is a bit of a pretentious dick. I have however prepared a response. Fuck you. I spend at least 4 hours a day researching and listening to new and old music. I also spend about one-hundred euro a week on new records to add to my collection. When this much time and effort is put into a hobby, I think I’m allowed to be a bit of pretentious arsehole.

I’ve put the work in, have you?

It’s nothing to be ashamed of and can even work to your favour. I can show you new songs that I know you’ve never heard before and will love. I can enjoy (mind you, not everything) songs that you like and not be ashamed of it. Although, just for the record, that “Thrift Shop” song is shit.

I can understand why people like it, it’s got a funky hook and funny baritone vocal line but I just think there are way better things out there than that piece of crap.

And again, that’s because I put a lot of time into researching music. The chances are I know more music than most other people and this allows me to compare popular tracks with several other songs and say whether I prefer one thing over the other. I’m not a bad person, just a really obsessed music lover. You can be a dick about your football knowledge and I won’t bat an eyelid and that’s because that’s your thing and music is my thing. I don’t mean to offend, I just want to spread knowledge to all around me and I think you should do the same if you’re passionate enough about something. Peace and Love.

THE UNIVERSITY TIMES MAGAZINE |

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FASHION

Perhaps it’s just one of those things that comes with being Irish, but I’ve always preferred winter clothes to summer ones. This season’s catwalks showcased all the reasons why: interesting textures, layering, variety, and classic vamp makeup.It was hard to choose my favourite trends for this autumn, and ballet and boudoir looks still stay close to my heart, but here are some which have balanced stylish and practical a little better.

LUSH: EMOTIONAL BRILLIANCE

ELIZABETH BRAUDERS

At the beginning of summer, I received a glorious package from Lush containing a plethora of seasonal goodies, but the most exciting inclusion for me was some of the Emotional Brilliance range, Lush’s makeup line. My first impression was that the medicine dropper containers don’t look as glamorous as high-end packaging, but luxurious bottle or boxes are no indicator of quality, and the minimalist bottle is infinitely more recyclable, indicative of Lush’s environmental policy. Aside from being a great option for ethical or vegan beauty addicts, they also offer a massive range of colour that’s hard to find in

“

NATURAL ISN’T ALWAYS BETTER, OR EVEN SAFER, THAN HIGH-STREET BRANDS.

”

other brands. The prices are mid-range, eighteen euro for five grams of product, and the ingredient list is short, including rose petal infusion and almond oil.

However, natural isn’t always better, or even safer, than high-street or high-end brands, and vegan reassurances aren’t massively comforting if your mascara’s running down your face, or your eye makeup is constantly smudging; so how do they hold up? Surprisingly well. I was particularly impressed with the lipstick formula, which lasted for a few hours. It felt powdery on application, but left my lips feeling

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moisturised by the end of the day. I was given Bubbly, a gorgeous rosegold that became one of my go-to summer lip products, and Vibrant, a glittery bright orange. As a redhead, I was a little unnerved by the second shade, but another bonus of the products is their buildable nature. One light coat on top of a matte lipstick actually gives a very flattering shimmer, but rainbow bright fans can layer it up to a decent degree of opacity.

At this juncture, it’s probably time to admit that I’m not generally a fan of bright shadows or liners. The limits of my comfort zone house a family of neutrals with some midnight blue and forest green for when I’m feeling dangerous. Lifted (a bright matte yellow cream shadow) and Healthy (a spring green liquid eye liner) definitely weren’t going to be easily welcomed into the fold. Working bright colours into a beachy look isn’t massively difficult, and the blended brown and yellow look below didn’t look out of place, even if it made close friends do a double take to see me wearing it. Despite my initial reservations, I did enjoy playing with the colours, and I certainly had to do quite a bit of that. The suspension of pigment in the base is not always even, and I needed to take advantage of the creamy formula to spend some time evening out the colour across my lid. If you go for a more complicated look, you’ll probably also need to keep your eyes narrowed for a bit while it dries, or else dust over lightly with corn flour, which will mattify the product, but won’t change its colour.

On the whole, I did enjoy messing around with Lush’s cosmetic debutants, and I am eyeing up a bottle of Motivation, the most perfect metallic peacock blue-green, to join my winter products, but I am retiring the yellow, green and orange until some future burst of confidence.

FASHION SUDOKU The idea of a fashion sudoku seems bizarre at first, and they’re definitely a little hard to master, more so than the numbers game if you ask me. The idea is that each column and each row represents an outfit.Take the time to plan one out now, and stick it to your wardrobe. It may just save you the trouble of trying to put clothes together on those hungover winter mornings before a 9 am lecture... We put together a casual one for girls and guys, as well as a more glamorous one for a ladies’ night out.

AOIFE CONSIDINE

DUBLIN FASHION WEEK: AN INSIDER’S ACCOUNT BOSE ALLEN

DAMIEN G. O’SHAUGHNESSY

RACHEL LAVIN

on the clothes they were wearing, making it easier to judge whether the pieces would work in a casual atmosphere, or be better suited to a night out.

Christmas jumper, anything could be hidden between the many racks of clothes. Shops found on George’s Street and Rathmines are some of my favourites. The St. Vincent de Paul shop on George’s Street is especially good as it’s unusually big for a charity store and has nicely lit dressing rooms. George’s St. Arcade and the surrounding area boasts a number of quirky stalls and shops, stocked full of vintage wears. A favourite of mine is Om Diva, located on Drury St., as the staff are always friendly and willing to help you pick out oneoff vintage or revamped pieces.

On Friday night the Creative Quarter Fashion Show was held. Usually held on the steps of the Powerscourt townhouse, it was moved inside only a few hours before the show was scheduled to start, due to typical Irish weather. Hosted by the lovely Laura Whitmore, the face of the festival, the evening showcased some of the best designs in Dublin city.

After the two big opening days of the festival, Saturday and Sunday were more chilled with street fashion shows, a fashion parade through various bars in Dublin and several in-store events.

Dublin Fashion Festival was celebrated from the 4th to the 8th of September on the streets of Dublin, in shopping centres, and of course, in our beloved bars. This is the fourth year the festival was held and definitely has been the most successful so far.

Being part of the Dublin Fashion Festival team has been heaven for me, with makeup, fashion and champagne at every corner for an entire week. In the week leading up to the festival, I helped kickstart the action, picking out the most stylish people hopping on and off the Luas. It was a great feeling telling someone that they looked amazing and everyone nominated appreciated it. The winners also got the prize of a two-hundred euro voucher for Arnotts and a thirty-day Luas pass. Another big part of the festival this year was the Beauty Bus, where there was pampering and makeovers from LA Creative makeup artists, and a generous supply of coconut water!

Thursday finished with a festival novelty: the Young Designers Competition. A show of the twelve finalists’ pieces was presented.

High street labels also graced the runway, with Brendan Courtney and Sonia Lennon’s collection Lennon Courtney being shown.

Friday kicked off early with the Luas on-tram fashion show, another new part of the festival and possibly the highlight of the week for me. It was a little different to your usual catwalk - not all glitz and glamour - but it made the outfits easier to imagine in real life. Seeing the models walk in an everyday environment gave a new perspective

Temple Bar is always going to be a key area to visit when looking for some college fashion. Lucy’s Lounge can be found here, painted bright pink and packed with vintage items. Venturing downstairs, you’ll discover an Aladdin’s cave of affordable, cute clothes. You’ll also uncover quirky jewellery and hats that add interest to any outfit.

If you want to get the best out of second hand shopping, it’s a good idea to remember a few tips:

STUDENT VINTAGE

1

Most places only deal in cash so remember to take some money out. This is also a handy way to stick to a certain budget.

2

Try things on. Sizes usually aren’t written or may be mislabeled on some vintage items.

3

Bring an honest friend. They’ll let you know if your new look works.

KATE BAUER Back to college, and goodbye to summer. As we bid farewell to our sandals and sundresses, we greet our beloved jumpers and jeans with open arms. However, whether you’re starting third-level education for the first time or coming back for some more fun, a wardrobe revamp may be in order. Maybe you should cast a fresh eye over your clothes and donate or sell anything you think you’ll never wear again.

This will create room for new wardrobe items, and although a shopping spree is a great idea, the necessary funds are not usually on the cards for students. Fear not, fashion-lovers, help is at hand. There a few charity and vintage shops that won’t break the bank but will allow you to showcase your style through pre-loved clothes.

Charity shops are enjoyable to peruse as you never know exactly what you’re going to find. Whether it be a designer jacket or a crazy

4

If you love something, get it straight away or ask if you can put it on hold. There’s usually new stock coming in daily, so the item you like may be snapped up if you don’t act on it fast!

5 Although it may be a charity shop, you are a student, so try your hand at haggling if the product is damaged in any way. You may be surprised at your newfound bartering techniques, but always remain polite; this isn’t ‘The Apprentice’ so no making sales assistants cry!

Finally, take your time! Rummaging will become one of your special skills by the end of the year.

Happy hunting!

THE UNIVERSITY TIMES MAGAZINE |

19

FILM Insidious: Chapter 2

Louie Carroll

The Bling Ring

Conor Scully Many critics have commented unfavourably on the latest work from Sofia Coppola, the director behind Lost In Translation, saying it “lacks focus” and “doesn’t have a clear message”. This is probably true. Her tale of privileged Hollywood teenagers who steal from the homes of celebrities neither condemns nor condones their behaviour. If this haziness bothers you, then I can only conclude that you are really boring. This is, without a doubt, the most entertaining movie of 2013.

The movie’s delights are many. Emma Watson delivers an absurdly funny performance as one of the burglars (“I think this situation is a huge learning lesson for me to grow and expand as a spiritual human being. I want to lead a country one day, for all I know”). The soundtrack is excellent, with the teens - who are usually wither drunk or on

coke - jamming out to such stormers as “Bad Girls” by M.I.A. or “All of the Lights” by Kanye West.

On a more basic level, there is second-hand excitement to be derived from the fact that these teenagers are doing stuff that we would probably do if we could get away with it. Who wouldn’t break into Paris Hilton’s house and attempt to steal her dog? In a move deliciously lacking in irony, Hilton allowed the producers to film in her real house. She has cushions with her face on them.

The law eventually catches up with our young antiheroes. We never find out if Coppola has a moral judgement to make, but frankly the movie is such good fun that we don’t really care.

The Kings of Summer

Frances Ha

Conor Scully

Conor Scully

Superior in almost every way to the more widely seen The Way Way Back, this coming-of-ager is one of those gems that makes you nostalgic for a childhood you didn’t even have - unless you also built a house in the woods and ran away there with your friends.

The tale is simple. Fifteen-year-old Joe (Nick Robinson) grows tired of living with his overbearing father, who is played by Nick Offerman, in a great change of pace from his iconic role as Parks & Rec’s Ron Swanson. Joe’s friend Patrick (Gabriel Basso), is similarly done with his folks. So naturally they decide to recruit a third kid, decamp to the woods and build their own dream house.

Director Jordan Vogt-Roberts walks a nice tightrope. Individual scenes are touching and usually quite funny, yet often have melancholic undertones. About midway through the movie, Joe and Patrick host a dinner party for their friends where they light candles and drink beer. For them, this is the pinnacle of freedom.

Vogt-Roberts has createded a movie that is deeply touching. He takes a hard look at the troubles of growing up – friend troubles, girl troubles, family troubles – and draws conclusions that are often sad but never ring false. That he does so in a movie that still makes us laugh is to his great credit.

There’s certainly comedy in Frances Ha, and even some romance – but the term “romantic comedy” would be insulting to this brilliantly warm and generous movie.

Greta Gerwig (of Damsels in Distress) plays the titular Frances, and we observe her as she interacts with those around her – with the focus mostly on her relationship with her best friend, Sophie. There’s not much plot to speak of. Director Noah Baumbach simply follows the beguiling Frances as she moves from apartment to apartment and job to job, trying to keep her life together as she and Sophie drift apart.

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Taking up exactly where its predecessor left off, Insidious: Chapter 2reintroduces us to the Lambert family and their ongoing battle with the supernatural forces plaguing their lives. Josh (Patrick Wilson) may have rescued his son’s soul from a hellish realm but his wife Renai (Rose Byrne) suspects he may not have returned alone. This time around, is it the house that’s haunted or her husband? Yes, they use that line again!The second offering from director James Wan in two months (following The Conjuring), Chapter 2 adheres to the same formula as the original for much of its duration. Wan recycles the creaking doors, sinister whispers and pale faced Victorian ghouls we saw previously, meaning genre savvy filmgoers will spot the scares coming miles away. In the third act however, the film comes into its own. While the first instalment went off the rails with its hysterical climax, Chapter 2 goes even further in the high camp horror stakes.

So much so that it manages to burst out the other side as something often ludicrous but ultimately rather entertaining.Like all of Wan’s movies, Insidious: Chapter 2 borrows so heavily from other films that you’ll catch yourself playing spot the reference throughout. That said,they combine to createa well-made picture with some effective jumps. Unlike most horror sequels the continuation of the story feels organic instead of just tacked on and contrived. The performances are sometimes hammy but that’s in keeping with the film’s tone. Even if all the scares don’t hit the mark the final third contains enough knowingly silly moments to ensure this is an enjoyable ride.

The movie succeeds for two reasons. Gerwig delivers a charming and funny performance as Frances – full of life and eager to please everyone she meets. Secondly, Baumbach directs the movie with such generosity that it seems like he is challenging his audience not to like her. In the hands of another director, Frances could seem annoying or childish, but Baumbach makes sure we are always on her side (even when she takes an impromptu trip to Paris just to spite Sophie).

Baumbach and Gerwig got together while the movie was being filmed, and in a recent interview they admitted that while Frances Ha is not a love story in the traditional sense, it is nonetheless a tale

of two people finding happiness in each other. Watching the movie, this is clear to see. Baumbach is falling for Gerwig/Frances, and he makes sure we do too.

TORTURE PORN: PERFECT SUNDAY AFTERNOON VIEWING? VIVIAN FLEISCHER

In the world of horror movies, characterized by axe-wielding psychopaths, evil spirits, and creepy blonde children who push people down flights of stairs, there is one genre vilified above all: torture porn. For those who are not yet familiar with the Saw or Hostel franchises, torture porn is simply a genre that places an emphasis on graphic scenes of mutilation and murder. Perfect for an easy Sunday afternoon viewing? Some would argue no. I argue yes.

These movies force you to look away and cringe, or squirm and grasp your own arm as someone on screen gets their own ripped off. If you watch The Loved Ones and you don’t curl your toes and flex your feet while watching Xavier Samuel get his own feet nailed to the floor, there is something wrong with you. Why would anyone enjoy watching this happen? Why are these movies able to pump out sequel after sequel of viscera? It’s because they are so far removed from reality that they are almost impossible to relate to.

In the movie Vile, a group of strangers are drugged by a pretty blonde hitchhiker and forced to inflict mass amounts of pain on each other in order for a pharmaceutical company to harvest the chemical released when a body is in pain. It’s enough of a set up to “justify” the torture and the gore, but it is so absurd that you never find yourself worrying that it could happen to you. While horror films such as The Silence of the Lambs present scenarios that scare you and characters you truly believe could exist, torture porn presents you with gore and violence, but none of the situational fear. Would you have helped that injured man load a couch into his van? Maybe. But do you really fear being forced to play a sadistic puzzle game orchestrated by a There are some filmsNo. that reaffirm your faith in a benevolent man in a strange clown mask? god, so staggered are you by their beauty, intelligence and sheer craftsmanship.

While others literally and makewhile you lift your head The violence can sometimes seem overboard it often is, to the heavens exclaim: ‘why lord? it Why this necessary? the films that know whatto they’re doing include for awas reason.

In The are youboy wasting good quality celluloid?’

Unfortunately, Loved OnesWhy a teenage is kidnapped by the father of the girl he for Lasse Hallstrom, her latest contribution to the world of cinema turned down for prom and forced to live out a hellish prom night falls intolook the latter that makes Carrie like acamp. child’s birthday party. Here, the pain

inflicted is to show us, without a shadow of a doubt, who is the bad If Iiswere useguy. oneIt’s word describe this film, awkward guy and who the to good nottorocket science.

Just look for the would dominatesome my list. filmhorror is just movies that: plain one holding the inevitably nail gun. However, of This the best awkward. the awkward script literary gems as are designed to makeFrom you empathise with “evil”with andsuch thereby question ‘the light is incandescent’, to the laughingly indulgent your own beliefs and values. By having the good and the evil laidcamera out work usedis to this (light is a big so distinctly, there nomaximise sick feeling of‘incandescent understandinglight’ for the viewer. thing in this film), to the awkward chemistry between the lead performers.

Honestly, it’s bad enough to haveare to watch scenes Torture porn is sweeping the horror genre.

The movies fast, dirty, of an intimate nature when there is great chemistry, control and most importantly, bloody. And for this horror viewer, they are and between the performers. the purestcomplicity form of entertainment.

They don’tHowever, make youwhen over this thinkchemistry is lacking, the audience is inevitably thrust into the role the scenarios. Your mind may wonder what you would do if you were of voyeur forced to supervise the two lovers as they awkwardly kidnapped in Slovakia and tortured by rich clients who pay for the into one another. privilege, bump as happens in Hostel.

However, it is unlikely that someone traveling through Slovakia as a tourist would have any fear of this plotis revolves Katie Hough), happeningIntobrief; them.the This the true around success of the (Julianne genre. That is why a mysterious girl who moves to an insignificant island to The escape people will sit down to watch a movie with a premise as sick as her past.

Of course, it is not longhyper untilrealistic she findsgore, an incredibly Human Centipede — because in spite of the there’s no reality.handsome boyfriend in the recent widower with two chil-

$873 MILLION

Total box office takings of the Saw franchise

1963 Year Blood Feast was made, the first film of the genre

3 Amount of people that make up the human centipede THE UNIVERSITY TIMES MAGAZINE |

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WINTER 2013 IN TECH EDAN HOGAN DUFF When discussing gaming and tech, it feels as though the last couple of years are coming to a head this season. With so much happening in such a short few months, it seemed like a good idea to take inventory on what’s left of 2013Ðs mammoth releases, and put it all in a handy list… for handiness like.

You might want to sit down – this year is going out with a bang.

1. THE NEXT GENERATION It feels like decades since we were treated to a new wave of home consoles. Sure, we saw the Wii U release last year although the response was so tepid that if it were boiling spuds… well, they just wouldn’t boil. In 2013 the big boys are out in force with Sony’s Playstation 4 launching in Europe on the 29th of November and Microsoft’s Xbox One sneaking onto shelves a week before – proving the age old adage ‘you wait three years for a next gen console and then two companies come around to your house and start willy waving at once.’

Microsoft initially shocked gamers back in February when they held the Xbox One reveal event in LA and infamously forgot to bring any bloody games to show off. The focus of the event lied on the “entertainment” capabilities of the new GAMES CONSOLE. The Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3 as its commonly known) came around then in June and we finally saw some lovely XB-One games. We also learned that we couldn’t rent, trade in, or share those games with other people – and that our shiny next gen console had to connect to the Internet every time you wanted to play a game. Progressive…

Such restrictions have since been abolished by Microsoft, and it’s all thanks to Sony. Within hours of the Xbox presentation at E3, Jack Tretton (CEO and spokesperson for Sony’s games division) calmly walked out on Sony’s stage and rattled off the PS4Ðs policies as regards games and authentication. Summary: there are none. This literally led to rapturous applause from a room full of games journalists and subsequently made Microsoft look like a banana left out in the rain.

The Playstation 4 will undoubtedly be the console of 2013. It’s more powerful for a start, and has proudly stood its ground from day one. The prices of these machines are obviously a huge factor as well. Microsoft’s effort will cost you five hundred euro. It includes the console, a controller, a free copy of Fifa 14 or Forza 5, a headset and the new Kinect sensor: that famous all seeing, all knowing camera that can be beam your naked body scans to the Oval Office. The Playstation 4 on the other hand will be four hundred euro, and will come as the console, a controller, and a headset.

There’s less in Sony’s box this year, but what’s included is infinitely more elegant in its approach to gaming.

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2. WATCH DOGS On to the actual games then. First up is Ubisoft’s Watch Dogs, or Watch_dogs as it prefers to be known. Initially revealed all the way back in Summer 2012 as a peek of the imminent next generation, the game pits you as Aiden Pearce, hacker extraordinaire, who somehow has the ability to disrupt the entire city of Chicago with his mobile phone. For the most part the gameplay fits beneath the heading of ‘Open world action-adventure shooty game’, but with the aforementioned hacking mechanics the experience opens up into something truly spectacular.

For instance, Aiden can raise and lower street bollards whilst on the run from the police, he can instantly hack the phones of anyone on the street and gain access to their bank accounts aswell as their general profile (“You’re a diabetic sex offender? Cool, thanks for the money!”), he can also traverse the environment in a similar way to Ezio of Assassin’s Creed. There is a wealth of extra-curricular opportunities in Watch Dogs, and that’s before you hack into another player’s game online and start messing with their heads. Plenty to see and do this Christmas.

3. INDIE GAMES GO BIG If you’re a PC gamer, then indie games have been present in your life for quite some time. For us console folk however, it’s only been in the last year or two where we’ve seen them come into their own. The arrival of the PS4 will be accompanied by a huge indie presence, with developers being able to publish their own games on Sony’s store at the push of a button — much the same way as Apple run the App Store. The decision on Sony’s part to open up the market in this way is a stroke of genius, with all the weird and wonderful experiences of indie providing the perfect alternative to those fatigued by AAA games.

Take Octodad: Dadliest Catch for instance. In Octodad, you are an Octopus trying to disguise himself as a human. You must hold a job, get married and generally try to convince those around you that you are in fact human, and most definitely not an octopus. I cannot stress enough how amazing this looks when directly com-

pared to something like Call of Duty: Ghosts. I would much prefer to be flailing my speckled orange tentacles around trying to get them into a wedding suit this winter instead of “disrupting the enemy’s comms” for the eighth year running.

4. APPLE’S NEW LINEUP Last year Apple introduced a smaller charging cable for their devices, and then decided that that was a good reason to refresh their line-up wholesale. This year will be no different. We’ve already seen the iPhone 5s, featuring upgrades so minuscule and skin deep that it’s indistinguishable from last year’s model. iOS 7 is a much needed facelift for iPhones and iPads, but it looks cheap. Menus are strewn with translucent drop down screens and sickly colours that look as though they’ve been lifted from an iPhone knock-off, and reflect none of the dazzling class seen in Apple hardware.

Much more exciting is the imminent reveal of the new iPad and iPad Mini. Apple’s tablet line has gone from strength to strength every year since it’s conception, and last year’s iPad Mini was an astonishing bit of kit for anyone put off by the iPad 4’s size and price.

Essentially an iPad 2 shrunk down to much sleeker dimensions, it will be interesting to see what elements of more recent iOS devices trickle down to the iPad Mini 2. My bets are on a retina display, and the 64-bit processor found in the iPhone 5s along with a much needed camera upgrade.

5. 4G CONNECTIVITY Internet connection on mobile phones has always been a bit hit and miss, with 3G signal coming and going around Dublin more frequently than you’d like. Vodafone and Meteor are making a big deal out of their upcoming rollout of 4G in the capital, and for good reason too. The speed and reliability of 4G surpasses most home Internet connections – with download speeds hitting 22mb and uploads reaching between 6 and 8mb.

Those of you who invested in 4G enabled phones like the Samsung Galaxy S4 this year will feel the benefits this winter. HD movies, music and app downloads will be blazingly fast no matter how big they weigh in at. Hopefully the likes of Vodafone and Meteor will increase their data caps accordingly, as with that kind of speed it will be all too easy to run up a bill that make even the most hardcore technophile long for the days of the Nokia 3210.

All in all, winter 2013 is going to be an exciting time for tech. So if those grey Irish skies are getting you down, just warm your hands up on those toasty 4G waves and settle in for an evening of mincing around as a disguised octopus. And don’t forget to simultaneously tweet about said experience on your shiny new iPhone, of course.

COLLEGE: EXPECTATIONS VS. REALITY Tony Deane crushes the dreams of freshers.

I’M GOING TO GET INVOLVED IN LOADS OF SOCIETIES. EXPECTATION

Saturday morning of Freshers’ Week we dragged ourselves down to the big square in Halls, lured by promises of free pizza, and were confronted by a carnival of annoyingly/infectiously happy people. I was never really sure what happened once I got down there. It’s all just a blur of bright colours, pizza slices, and disappearing two euro coins. When I arrived back in my apartment my wallet was a lot larger than normal. It had lost about forty euro, but I had picked up about 15 new society cards. Even then I didn’t see the warning signs. We are all convinced to one degree or another that we are going to get really involved in a society. For the most part it’s debating; “Are you doing Maidens? Yeah, I’m doing both. I’m definitely going to get really involved in debating this year.” I went even further though. Rifling through my membership cards I pulled out the one for Ultimate Frisbee Soc, convinced that this was definitely going to be my new thing.

REALITY

I never went to a single Ultimate Frisbee training session or meeting or match. It still took me almost half a year to unsubscribe from the mailing list though. I was convinced I would actually go, and then I was just too embarrassed to email. You’ll likely only get involved in one or two societies, and being in Halls almost counts as one. Societies take loads of time away from lying around at home, and going for coffee. And if you are like me you’ll come in terribly hung over to your Maidens’ debate on underage drinking and never return.

At the end of third year you’ll have a mini panic-attack when you look at your CV and realise that you’ve accomplished absolutely nothing since you’ve arrived in college. You’ll get involved in every single society then and run for every single position, desperately trying to find one thing that will make you look employable, and if you don’t get elected you will never go to a meeting again.

I’M GOING TO GET INVOLVED IN STUDENT POLITICS. EXPECTATION

As with societies, lots of us thought that we were going to get involved student politics. Armed with incredibly lofty ideas and sure that I had principles, I ran for class rep. I was convinced that I would win. Nobody had ideas as good as mine. I was really friendly to everyone. I didn’t go too red during my speech. I had it in the bag.

REALITY

To bastardise a quote from Montgomery Burns – “Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in student politics.” Someone definitely rigged the election. Just because he pretended to drink on stage. That shouldn’t be allowed. Why didn’t I think of that? I didn’t lose my class rep election by the way. That was a joke. I didn’t even run. I swear. I definitely would have won though.

I’M GOING TO STAY WITH MY BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND FROM BACK HOME. EXPECTATION

You don’t understand our love! It’s special - like a unicorn, on stilts, doing backflips. We’ll Skype for three hours every night and we’ll see each other every weekend and visit every other week.

We’re going to stay together forever! And we’ll get married on top of a mountain and there’ll be doves flying, and flutes playing. And none of you are Invited!

REALITY

Two possible reality options here: Number one: You may break up with your other half. Number two: I hate happiness. I did come to college with a girlfriend, and was completely convinced that I would end up staying with her. We didn’t - long distance and whatnot. But what was I saying?

Oh right, you’re not special! If you are one of those crazy people who manages to make it work I commend you. If you don’t just remember you are in college now, and around loads of new people.

You’ll have someone new tomorrow, or at least by next week or… well, actually, that leads me nicely into my next point.

I WILL HAVE LOADS OF SEX. EXPECTATION

Sex everywhere: your bed, their bed, the kitchen, outside, in college, in a bush, hanging upside down from a tree singing Bohemian Rhapsody. And any time of the day too. You’ll stumble into having sex with someone while you’re tying your shoes. The only time you won’t be having sex is when you are telling all of your mates about how much sex you’ve been having, before rushing off to have some more sex. And you’re not even promising you won’t be having sex then.

REALITY

A lot of your time might revolve around sex, but mostly you boasting to your friends about that one person you slept with that they wouldn’t know… because you met them on holidays, or at the Gaeltacht. A lot of your nights will end with you shovelling taco fries at your face hoping that some of the dripping, greasy goodness will end up in your mouth, before you stumble home with your friends while recounting how you almost got with someone. They were definitely unreal, but then you lost them because you saw this girl that you knew from the Gaeltacht…

TRINITY IS ESSENTIALLY HOGWARTS EXPECTATION

I was almost convinced coming into Trinity that every lecture hall I sat in would look like the Old Library. Lecturers would all swan around in cloaks, and I would study late in a candlelit library on a mahogany desk surrounded by old leather-bound books. I was also excited by the fact that one of the buildings was even designed to look like the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

REALITY

The Arts Block is architecture’s finest attempt to capture despair and imprison it within cement.

If you are an arts student this is where you’ll have all of your lectures: in decidedly un-Hogwartsesque surroundings. The only time you’ll spend in any inspiring building will be when you have an exam in the Exam Hall, and even then you’ll be too sleep deprived and caffeine intoxicated to notice anything.

I WILL GO TO ALL OF MY LECTURES EXPECTATION

A Golden Week won’t be difficult at all. You only have 12 hours a week, and no nine o’clock starts.

You’re going to take handwritten notes in your lectures, and then transfer them to your laptop afterwards. That way you’ll remember them. Oh, and you’re going to do all of your reading in advance, so when you do go out you won’t fall behind.

REALITY

I don’t even know why I am writing this one. We all know exactly what is going to happen. You’ll wake up hung over, and look over at the sparkly, hopeful timetable that you have stuck to your noticeboard. Rather than saying to yourself, “I only have one hour. I will go in.” You’ll say, “It’s only one hour. I can definitely miss one hour.”

And so your descent into being a bum will begin. One hour will become two and suddenly it is three o’clock in the morning before your exam and you’re looking for that scribbled note that you took in the one lecture you showed up for.

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