TAUG: Beauty, Fall 2021

To An Unknown God: A Journal of Christian Thought at UC Berkeley

Volume 14 | Issue 2 | Fall 2021

TABLE OFContents CONTENTS Table of 5

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2 5 9 12 15 19 22 25 27

table of contents

masthead

meramec michael carroll ; mm sunsets anonymous beautiful boy anonymous perfume madeline kim jewel tones corina chen art credit

4 6 10 13 16 20 24 26 28

letter from the editor

your’re invited corina chen sorrows upon sorrows justin fung sunrise sara maral helalian learning to be loved carissa samuel psalm 139 charis lee index stephen kim one derivation of a sonnet ian buchanan back cover

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Letter from the Editor Dear reader, In Genesis, we are told God both created the world and saw that it was good. From the start, our world was imbued with beauty and meaning. And indeed, life continually overflows with beauty and meaning in all that we do.

In this issue of our journal, entitled Beauty, you will find an assortment of poetry, prose, photography, and artwork produced by students at UC Berkeley. Each of these pieces captures a different aspect of the beauty which fills our existence. Some authors have chosen to write of love, some of nature, and some of the little pleasures that make up everyday life. But, as you flip through these pages, you will encounter more than just descriptions of bliss.

While some pieces certainly affirm the beautiful experiences in our lives, from the emotion captured in a sunrise to the euphoria of being in love, others comment on a world which has twisted the idea of beauty into something harmful. And some pieces — my personal favorites — reflect not on the good, but on the sorrow and emptiness that can pervade anyone’s life. These pieces are marked by a palpable sincerity. They illuminate the often veiled beauty found in vulnerability and ask the question: what does it mean to live a beautiful life in the midst of our troubles?

Perhaps what this broad array of submissions points us to is that the fullest, most robust view of a beautiful life is one well acquainted with suffering. Jesus Himself was called a “man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.” Yet, out of the injustice of His suffering, the most beautiful story of all emerges: God enters into our despair and now offers us new life.

As you flip through these pages, it is my desire as editor that every element of this journal points you towards a richer understanding of beauty. May it highlight the beauty displayed in sincerity, and may it reveal that beauty lives somewhere in the tension between delight and despair.

Warmly,

Benjamin Chow Editor-in-Chief

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“Therefore, the One whom you worship without knowing, Him I proclaim to you.”

–– Acts 17:23

Editor-in-Chief Benjamin Chow

Business Manager Dorcas Cheung

Executive Editors Justin Fung Christine Youn

Social Media Chair Sydney Booth

Executive Designer Patricia Tse

Associate Designers Charis Lee William Webster

Associate Editors Braeden Schulman Christy Koh Corina Chen David Bang Ian Buchanan Kristen Yee Madeline Kim

To An Unknown God is not affiliated with any church or any religious group. Opinions expressed in articles do not necessarily represent those of the editors. We are completely student-run and funded partly by the student body as an ASUC-sponsored student publication. Funding is also provided through individual donations. Distribution is free while supplies last. To contact us, please email us at taug@berkeley.edu. Visit us at toanunknowngod.weebly.com/.

*Not photographed: Dorcas Cheung, Kristen Yee, Braeden Schulman

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Words: Corina Chen

You’re Invited I am attracted to light glinting off of rippling water, wide smiles splitting cheeks, fresh cups of coffee sipped by a window. You are attracted to the exhaust fumes off of an engine’s muffler tips, stripes juxtaposed with solids on a turtleneck, perfectly crispy french fries. Maybe you too like when light glitters on water—but you’d rather be swimming in the water than looking. Maybe you’re more attracted to running than walking a city’s streets, eating yesterday’s leftovers over picnics in a park.

You and I are not the same.

And yet—point out those cars, show me those outfits— and I shall find their beauty too. Not because I care one minute more about those things, but because you care very much about all of those things.

An impulse within each of us is constantly pushing, urging—come a little closer. I take two steps closer, I am now beside that window where my coffee mug steamed—and outside the sun is rising. It is at that moment, sunrise seen through a window, that I will sprint up two flights of stairs to watch it on the roof or snap a photo on film. Sometimes, capturing the moment feels as important as the moment itself.

I used to hate social media for its ways of posing and posturing and pretending. Often, I still do. But I am increasingly observing that social media persists in its popularity because of that impulse within each of us to draw close to beauty—and share it.

There is beauty in the ordinary. Soapsuds in the sink are bubbles painted in iridescent color if the sun hits them right. White bedroom walls become a stage when the shadows off my curtain fall right. Flowers perky in a vase remind me of the world’s soft nature.

Leave beauty alone in the ordinary, however, and it stays quiet in such spaces. Take the beauty of golden hills, smiles with a stranger, or sweet smells from bakeries and show them to a friend and suddenly the beauty they missed is right before their eyes.

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In this way, beauty is not a vision of attraction or prettiness that stands alone, a painting gilded in gold alone in a gallery. Rather, beauty is a window into understanding how another person views the world. Where my friend sees dried-up dead grass, I see how they catch the sun’s rays at 4pm, glowing richer in the light—spears of wealth, a hallmark of California trails.

It seems, then, that beauty is not found in how much glitter a girl wears, how big a house is, or how valued an artwork is, but is found in that gasp of breath you have to take when life startles you into looking up, rather than down.

Beauty, ultimately, points us outward. Even when we are looking at ourselves in a mirror, we are always wondering how we appear to others—do we dare wear a crop top on a bloated stomach?

Pair corduroy with silk? Wear makeup to a midterm? (The answer to two out of three of these is always yes.) More so than that, our instinct to share a stunning 10 second video of a recent camping trip or tell a roommate about the intricacies of a Sunday afternoon reveal how deeply we like to be connected. Beauty connects us outward, causing us to be generous in our communion with beauty. In our communing with things that cause the heart to swoon or the eyes to water, we are able to slow down. In our sharing of moments that we swear never to forget, that we have to write down, the experience of beauty becomes richer.

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Of course, beauty’s push and pull outward comes from a higher source. Sometimes, it feels like the train stops at a friend’s house: after you’ve shared the vision or the place, you’re done. That beautiful world you stepped into is all the more complete after you extended an invitation, “Come see,” to your friend. Now, the itch to share what’s made you feel so fluttery inside has been satisfied.

Imagine, however, creating a beautiful world full of the new. It is full of firsts. You know that feeling when you’ve done something new for the first time? I’ve known that feeling when I flipped my first fried egg without my mama’s watchful hand, when I did my first backflip on a trampoline, when I finished my first novel—I had to share the awe, the wonder of the creation with another person. With the sharing I felt more connected to it all, knowing it was understood and held in another person’s hands along with mine.

Beauty is created. Coming from a Creator, He felt His beautiful world was incomplete without being shared. And so we feel that heart-tug within each of us, an invitation encouraging us to join in. A forever invitation from Him sits, stamped and sealed in glory, waiting at the table, asking you to sit a little closer and commune with the beauty of the world in all its little big moments.

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Meramec Words: Michael Carroll

Halted on the autumn river With fevered dreams of spring Wearied heather-steppers linger For mercy under wings They seem to catch the mirrored dawn Uplifted from the range And streaked through winnowed, unseen grace They light upon the bridge.

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Sorrows Upon Sorrows Words: Justin Fung Dear Family, With a heavy heart, I must inform you that my beloved sister, Audrey, has passed away from COVID. I have asked many of you to pray for her, as these past few weeks have been hard for her, and I have been vague about her condition. Allow me now to elaborate.

Aud was a melancholy soul, one who would look you in the eye and coldly remark that you were a leaf in the wind, and nothing more. Yet, her eyes would quickly dart away, choosing instead to fixate themselves on the melting ice in your cup, rather than expound upon her bleak appraisal.

Often, when I was back from college, she would remind me my outfit didn’t matter before running out the door to dash to school. Or, she’d tell me that the club I had involved myself in was “illusory nothingness.” Oh, Audrey.

During quarantine, her sorrows turned inward. After coming home from college, she bluntly confessed many of her sins to Mother and ceased to get up for a week; Aud’s untouched meals only added to our family’s worries. According to Mother, during this past fall semester, she continued to struggle with her sins as she continued college at home, rarely going out and caught in a toilsome cycle of restless rest and unfulfilling work. Despite her physically constrained lifestyle, she mysteriously tested positive for COVID three weeks ago. When Mother called me to let me know Audrey had been admitted to the hospital, I flew back to be with her, unaware of the struggles she had been having.

Let me take a step back. Though I’ve since gained new insight into my sister’s college life, I must say that I’ve never questioned her faith. When I came back from college, I would always check in on her, and she would often answer by embracing me. “Struggling, but better than not,” she would whisper to me. “Are you, brother?”

I would often respond by describing a minor inconvenience I had run into at work, avoiding what she was really asking, but now I wish I had answered the heart of her question more frequently.

Regardless, it is clear to me now that, in her distress, she desired that others would be with her.

Like many in our family who found it difficult to relate to her, I now see that her odd remarks were to push me to examine my life and to join her in her struggles.

I am reminded of Luke 9, in which Jesus says to his disciples, “And he said to all, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.’”1 What a hard thing to do! We are asked to deny ourselves and take up the symbol of our Lord’s death, daily? Yes, indeed.

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Luke 9:23 ESV

Nevertheless, Audrey committed herself to

The very reality of our sorrows and our Lord’s

following our Lord’s wisdom. Yet, despite her

promises is beauty at its finest; we are able

resolute faith, she struggled with immense

to see the greatness of our Lord accompani-

melancholy, and it has made me ponder; what

ed with a necessary reason for possession of

is the role of sorrow in our lives?

Himself. Or, to say it another way, we must come to know our grief before coming befo-

Looking back, I

re our God; our

must admit that

"What good is it for

I have had very

good food, and vocalized admiration were part of my

and

withered hands

someone to gain the

are quite unbe-

whole world, and yet lose

push us to see

few sorrows as a young man. Clubs,

illnesses2,

or forfeit their very self?"

autiful, but they that He alone is full of beauty.

daily diet in quelling my sorrows.

Family, to end

But our Lord has kindly revealed that the at-

this letter, allow me to encourage you as our

tempts I made to satisfy myself are no more

sister has done for us; I believe it is only fit-

than fading shadows in light of our God.

ting.

I suppose that this is one of the ways that Ch-

“What good is it for someone to gain the

ristianity describes the process of continual

whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very

renewal for Christians. Are not the substituti-

self?” 3

ons of our desires, the rehashing of priorities, and the relinquishing of fruitless burdens the

What material things are there to be gained

ways that we become closer to God?

for the next life? Consider that our Lord calls us to Him today and that there ought to be

To return to my earlier question: surely, our

“nothing on earth that I desire besides you.” 4

current imperfect states call for sorrow. We

Do not defer our Lord’s call for us to be made

hold on to many harmful things and yet we

new; our struggles are for His glory and our

still desire to hold on to them, whether it

Lord is with us always, for all time.

be friends or immobilizing comfort. I sought after these things in my college days. What

The information for Audrey’s memorial will be

sadness can express the depths of my disor-

sent out soon.

dered desires? Let me be clear, family, sorrow is essential. It must be present in our lives.

With love, Justin

But it is not alone. It is accompanied by the beauty of our Lord’s fidelity.

For the beauty of the cross is not of me, but Christ who lives in me.

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John 11:4 ESV Luke 9:25 NIV Psalm 73:25 ESV TAUG

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Words: MM the most beautiful thing to me is often revealed when I’m asleep ounding on death’s door one less breath is needed for grabbing hold of God’s hand ays spent with heaven’s man If there’s more beauty past the skies, Why are we satisfied with Earth’s guise? it’s sad to believe that there’s a beauty in this sad path and this cycle to let go holds a beauty it won’t show so we’ll all fall to this beauty’s feet or live by the bittersweet If there’s more beauty past the skies, Why are we satisfied with Earth’s guise?

I hope a word of caution holds your gaze that the option’s not worth the praise because the most beautiful thing to me is often revealed when I’m asleep erfectly so content without the beauty of being heaven-sent If there’s more beauty past the skies, Why are we satisfied with Earth’s guise? past the skies do hold their beauty but we live on Earth, always movinG od’s beauty post-death will always be as He’s saidth find the traces of heaven here and let the others on us endear There’s more beauty past the skies, But we’re satisfied with Earth’s guise.

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Sunrise Words: Sara Maral Helalian

Early in the morning, Before my teary eyes, Creates a beginning, Up above, in the sky.

It's new, and it's something, But maybe it's a lie.

Perhaps I'm just dreaming, Or these dreams are to die.

Yet all I taste—my drink…

Strawberry-mango wine— I swallow wholly, bring To my eyes and then find For what I’d been waiting, At which I could have sighed.

There’s one thing I’m asking: “When shall this day arrive…

For which I’d been longing— Sunrise?”

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Sunsets

Words: Anonymous

We often talk about the gradient of the sunset and the way the stars and galaxies are molded according to Your will, but truthfully, there is so much more.

The details are the things in life that we often overlook. My friend always jokes about how he thought so many of the grand nonprofits college students founded were performative. On the contrary, his goal was simply to make the people around him happier.

That, in and of itself, was more than what so many nonprofits could do.

Since that conversation, I’ve made a more active effort to notice how the little things in life are the ones that add up to make the big differences. The smile that I can bring someone when I say “hi” as the elevator ascends from the first floor to the eighth. The way the people around me laugh at the admittedly bad jokes I make.

I always wonder why we fail to see the little things You have carefully molded into our lives. We don’t notice the glimmers of beauty in the people and things around us, but we manage to pick out the tiniest designs of our own being. Continuously blaming ourselves for the mistakes we have made simply overlooks the beauty that exists because of You. You have given us grace and forgiveness, so why is it so hard for us to accept?

I wonder why we latch on to the faults of the past. The breath in our lungs is stripped from us after a day of insecurity and tears fall involuntarily throughout a night of restlessness.

There is beauty within suffering as well. You have turned the mourning into dancing. The tears of remorse turn into tears of joy through Your Love, and for this, I am grateful.

Everyday, we take notice of the beauty around us, but the beauty within us is lost in our eyes. There is so much more than the gradient of the sunset and the stars and galaxies molding to Your will. There are the wrinkles that are formed after years of laughter with the friendships we foster. There are the gray hairs that signify our wisdom and experience in this broken world. The things we pick ourselves apart for are precisely the things that You have designed.

Are we not picking apart Your design when we pick apart ourselves? We can extend grace to others a million times over, yet the grace is dismissed within our reflection a million times each day.

You are The Potter and I am the clay, but sometimes I cannot bear the image of the pottery that You made. When I look in the mirror, I might never see myself the way You see me, but for now I am learning to try.

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Words: Carissa Samuel

Learning to Be Loved: A Christian Approach to Self-Love and Beauty “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” Such famous words. There have been many stories and movies attempting to understand the Evil Queen and giving her a reason for an obsession with beauty. But at the end of the day, the Evil Queen cared about what the mirror told her and ultimately, she died.

Recently, I found myself looking in the mirror often and couldn’t help but wonder if I was the fairest of them all or not. Growing up, Snow White used to be my favorite princess, and I always wanted to be just like her: the Most Beautiful of All. As I’ve grown older and thought more deeply about the true meaning of beauty, I’ve heard a lot about loving myself and how I look on the outside.

Especially during this era of social media, selflove and self-esteem are often prominent topics where so many students struggle with these ideas. Should we love ourselves? Should we be looking in the mirror?

Should we care about beauty?

What do we value?

Looking-Glass Self and Social Mirror Theory, two prominent theories in psychology, describe how we define ourselves based on societally-imparted modifiers that we assign to ourselves. In other words, the way others define us is the way we define ourselves, too.

These theories highlight the relationship between our view of ourselves, the way we perceive the impression we make on others (how we think others view us), and what we feel about ourselves as a result of these ideas.

We really care about the opinions of those around us, for better or for worse. So, often we look in the mirror in hopes of finding someone that others like.

We also care about the idea of “beauty.” Although there is no straightforward definition of this elusive term because society’s definition of it is always shifting, we value it and allow it to have a tremendous impact on our identity. If the mirror calls us “fair,” we believe we are important and worthy people. If not, well, I don’t think we’d be far less bitter than the Evil Queen.

In modern times, beauty standards and others’ opinions combine in the form of social media. When others around us seem to have “happier” lives based on their posts and stories, we think our lives are poor, mundane, boring. The mirror of Instagram determines the kind of lifestyle we want to lead that could result in the kind of stories and posts we want to share.

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How can we love ourselves?

“How you feel when you look at your life will be determined by whether you see it as a true reflection of your values.” - John Piper I bet you found yourself somewhere in those values. I know I did. We have to wonder, though, if that is right: if we should value others, beauty, and social media.

If we look in the mirror for someone who could be called beautiful and don’t see that person, we start to hate ourselves. If we look in the mirror for someone worthy of being liked by others and don’t see that person, we start to hate ourselves. Sometimes, there seems to be no happy ending in sight.

How can we love ourselves when the one in the mirror is so imperfect—not “beautiful,” not wellliked, not successful? How can we love ourselves when we see what everyone else has and what we do not?

How can we love ourselves with unfulfilled dreams and goals?

The self-love movement doesn’t ask us to change our values. Rather, it says we should just “love ourselves.” Sounds easy, right? But it’s not. It says that we need to change the way we feel about who we are by calling ourselves beautiful regardless of what the mirror says, by feeling successful regardless of what others call us. However, if we feel like the mirror continues to condemn us, how can we truly love ourselves?

Instead, what if we confronted our values to evaluate if we have the right viewpoint to begin with?

The wrong mirror, the wrong view, and the wrong self-image direct ourselves on the crooked path. If we value beauty, we can hate ourselves and hate those who are considered beautiful. If we value social media, we can hate our lives and envy those with better lives than us. So, we cannot truly stop self-hatred until we change our values and what we look for in the mirror.

What should we value?

Instead of focusing on ourselves, what if we started focusing on God? There are times when we cannot love ourselves because we feel like the mirror condemns us. However, we can start to love God, who is perfect and beautiful and powerful and who loves us so greatly, no matter what. Instead of focusing on trying to love ourselves, we can love the One who truly loves us!

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When we love God and use His Word as our mirror, we can see His image more clearly. We can find valuable areas to change. We were made in the image of God. We live in the glory and mercy of God. We will find comfort in the perfect image of God. To go towards that image, we need a new mirror that shows us where we truly are and where we truly need to go: “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

- Genesis 1:26-27 [ESV] Is Instagram our mirror? Are others’ posts directing our lives? Are filters showing us what we look like? Or is the Bible the one thing that directs our lives and diagnoses our hearts to take us to God? There is a God who does not only see our whole image, but also our whole selves, deeply. He loves despite our broken images because we are made in Him. He has a purpose for our lives. He redeems our shame and failures to remake us into beautiful versions of who we are meant to be. So instead of being weighed down by our own negative thoughts, we can turn to Him, remember how He loves us, and therefore love ourselves as well. We are beautiful.

The more we see who God is in the Bible, the more we can be amazed that such a God loves us! Discovering His love for us can allow us to also deal with ourselves and others in that same love. Instead of always feeling the need to do more to be able to love ourselves, we can rest in knowing that God loves us even when we don’t do enough or when we fail. Instead of looking to others to fulfill our needs, we can look at them as people who are also loved by this same God. Acknowledging God’s love leads to us being able to love more fully in light of who He is and who He values.

“So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” - 1 John 4:16 [ESV]

Conclusion

At the end of the day, the people around us do play a large part in how we view ourselves. But I think there is a beauty in that as well. Others can see our blind spots. Sometimes, this can result in criticism and hate, but it can blossom into growth for both us and them. Our identities are already secure in God, but our growth can be fostered by others speaking God’s words to us as well.

The mirror will no longer condemn us as it did for the Evil Queen. Instead, we can find ourselves loved and beautiful without having to ask the mirror if we are “the fairest in the land.” Like Snow White, perhaps we can also find that we are actually the fairest in the land simply because we are considered the most beautiful by the God of the universe Himself!

So instead of relying on our broken values to be reflected in the mirror, we can rely on God and the people He places in our lives to love Him, to love others, and to love ourselves as God’s beloved.

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Beautiful Boy Words: Anonymous

The grass withers The flower fades But the Word of our God Stands forever.

The Word withers The God fades But the beauty of the flower Sleeps gently beside me.

Touching, tasting Sensing, loving Flowers and flesh Beauty and eyes The Word withers Blooming strong in the morning With the freshness of mercy Fading fast into forgotten-ness Sans legs, sans eyes Sans lips, sans face To brush against To look into To caress Who is beautiful but our God? Who is beautiful but him? Not Him. Just him.

A boy.

Like me.

Tousled hair Brown eyes Long limbs And face So studied The Word is empty The Word is hollow But he— he is solid and soft and scented and So so real.

Hold me, O Word. Can you?

Can I lay next to you, O Word And feel the heat of your living body Mingling with the warmth of my own?

Staring gently at its — his — features Sleeping in peace Beside me.

Beautiful.

How long, O Lord?

Your Word holds my mind. Speaks gently to it. Beautiful to it.

When I can think it.

But my body— Broken, beaten, Tired, trialed, Longing, Yearning, Needing— Wants not Him, But him.

Wretched man that I am.

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Psalm 139 Words: Charis Lee

Young men and women earnestly wrestle with ever-changing yet rigidly expectant beauty standards of the present day; they are consumed by the latest fad and body modification.

The words, “enhancing natural beauty,” seamlessly merge into an unhealthy obsession with fitting into the social norm in minute but increasingly evident facets. Of course, there are exceptions, but the American culture of consumerism indulges and ignores the omission of ethnic phenotypes, where the absence of acceptance only narrows the already difficult-to-achieve beauty standards.

Society forgets that our very intricate bodies, which include every intentioned hair, extra lumps of love on our waists, wrinkles that emerge from our experiences, and our uniquely developed laughter and character qualities — are beautifully and wonderfully made.

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“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139: 13-14) An immense sense of comfort washes over us when we rest in His judgment and wholly accept that we are His creation. For us, we tend to forget the intricacies of what it means to be beautiful. In any given moment where we catch ourselves judging another person’s looks, in-person or online, we should remember that they are also created with heart-felt interest and uniqueness from the Lord.

The reflection we see in the mirror is meant to be an appreciation of His creation and the complexity of His beauty. This amazing awe for our God should give us courage. Our confidence should not be rooted in the instability of the world and its vain agenda, but instead, in God; Christ-centered confidence will propel us to live in boldness, reminding us that we are made in His image.

You are beautiful.

Made in His image, we are made perfectly in His goodness and beauty. Though His creations are vastly complex and intricate, our love for Him and the gospel is simple. As reflections of Christ, we live to glorify His name, and we are beautiful because our God is so immensely beautiful.

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Perfume Words: Madeline Kim

Beauty is a difficult concept to grasp. It’s a glimpse of time: questionable fashion trends, popular celebrities, slow music. This concept is determined by society, where the bar is raised and raised and raised until something breaks. More precisely, beauty is the most subjective thing known to mankind.

Let’s break it down a bit further.

Beauty is not the sensation of raindrops sliding down down down your shoulders until it pools ungracefully at your feet, wet and sloppy. It is not furious tears without a silver lining, ragged breathing, head held half-heartedly in your hands because you don’t feel like you’re enough. It is not breathing out fire and inhaling gallons of water until you feel like you’re about to burst and think to yourself what if— I know it’s easy to categorize something as what it’s not, or what you don’t like.

It’s easy to think of what type of food you don’t prefer when somebody asks you what you want for dinner, even easier to think about what you would change about your life when somebody questions what you love about it. Beauty is much like this, too. People can point out what’s ugly, what’s worthless, but what is it really? What is beauty?

I’ll tell you.

Beauty is the realization that you are made in the image of God, wondrously so.

Beauty is dancing in the sunlight. Beauty is going to Him when you feel like you’re breaking so He can piece you back together, a breath full of fresh air and freedom. Beauty is saying I love you and I need you and God, you are so amazing that I want to fall down at your feet.

These statements represent our dependence on Him and the realization that with Him, we are complete. That we love Him, and He loves us right back through all of our emotional turmoil, doubts, and insecurities.

When Jesus was residing in Bethany and relaxing at Simon the Leper’s dinner table, His disciples were shocked when a woman named Mary came and broke a bottle of expensive perfume before Jesus. For me, this is the prime example of beauty—when Mary poured pure nard upon Jesus’s feet. Imagine how Mary felt for a moment. Was her heart accelerating so fast she felt like it was about to burst? Was she thinking perhaps she wasn’t worthy enough, that she wasn’t good enough to approach Jesus like this? When I think about it, this is what I would have felt. Maybe I would’ve felt shameful because I know I’m a sinner, or maybe I wouldn’t have had the guts to approach Him and silently say: Here I am, please take what I have to offer you. Being vulnerable in front of Jesus is a tremendously scary thought, mainly because it is human nature to fear rejection, and I can’t imagine comparing myself against a perfect, righteous God. Sometimes I fear that I am simply not worthy enough for Him as I remember all the sins I’ve committed.

But then I remember Mary.

Mary most likely sacrificed her most precious item at the feet of Jesus. Although perfume is a popular item nowadays, it was both rare and expensive back then. When Mary offered it all to Jesus, it was to show that Jesus meant more to her than even the most lavish things. To me, this shows her ability to get past those doubtful thoughts of I don’t deserve Jesus or I’ve sinned too many times because her love and desire for God was even greater.

Even when everyone else was watching, Mary swallowed down her nervousness and went after what she truly wanted, she demonstrated how much she loved Jesus.

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To break past that initial block of self-consciousness and doubt is the first step, as beauty starts from the inside, as our hearts begin to catch fire for God’s love. When we really want Him, just as Mary really wanted Him, I think we will just go towards Him and not care about what anyone else thinks or judges. This is something that I strive for in my own life. The unique thing about Mary’s story is that I almost feel like I’m with her in the moment, feeling breathless and drowning in Jesus’s presence that I can’t help but kneel down in response. Aren’t we all a little bit like her? Aren’t we all always edged with a little guilt and hope but hopelessly in love with the one who knows us best. I hope that one day, I will be able to do as she did and fearlessly proclaim my love for Jesus and not care what others think.

To me, beauty is the type of courage that Mary had. It’s accepting that you’re imperfect and that Jesus will love you always. It’s seeing multitudes of people and deciding to worship God anyways because He deserves the highest praise. Beauty is sacrifice.

It’s breaking our own bottle of nard at His feet because He deserves everything, and everything that we have is His. It’s escaping from the worldly things that carry a supposed amount of weight and chasing Him instead. To be beautiful is to know that we are so far from perfect, but He loves us regardless. To be beautiful is to lay everything down at His feet like Mary, to be utterly shameless and free because to be beautiful is to lay everything down at His feet like Mary, utterly shameless and free of society’s judgements on beauty.

This is beauty: that Jesus loves you and has made you in His image.

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Index Words: Stephen Kim

Birds,

for example, 4 diamonds and a love of flight Flapping, the blur The silence of soaring, motionless A different example that boy on the pier Gazes landing on his hair, up, Settle light, glance Bouncing off concrete, He strolls, turns to look at Roller coasters, funnel cakes Another example, The shapes of two things, Two hands, two eyes, Two cars, two streets, Two seats, two beds The implications of pairs

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Jewel Tones Words: Corina Chen

He has a treasure box, full of shiny gems.

Some are pale, paler than new elephant tusk —white the sands of Miami.

Others are gold, golden like sun-kissed marigolds at 2 pm —yellow the heart of a pineapple cake.

Still more are bronze, bronze from which are sculpted statues, —brown the breath of a country.

And still: others are ebony, ebony with which roads are spelled out —black the inky spread of midnight.

And he loves his jewels, he wears each in his crown.

Sometimes they accidentally fall out.

Other times, when he’s shuffling them around he finds the moonstones separated from the onyx the amber refusing to touch the topaz.

He likes to set them straight tell them—His creations— gems are cut from the same mountains.

It’d be that way.

better

But then he remembers they’re only stones (not jewels) and he’s the one who fashioned them anyway.

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Words: Ian Buchanan

One Derivation of a Sonnet In the eye that looks on to the center, One thinks of spring and wondering Where the sweet blossoms departed Blooms a garden there more lovely than before.

Not by entry of the hand that interposes, Not by labor of the solemn sentry skin, But livened by the lips and breath and speaking Making all from light become delight, divine.

What blossom more of beauty bred than battery, That one of stone extracted, as designed, Or carried on and tending to the core?

What subject slight in seeking not refined?

This, too, and full of wonder, one must use, As consecrate an image to the muse.

Vindication of the Sonnet Already, time has passed for seeing What of time untold inspired, What exists now in the reading — What now save the dull and tired?

Beauty raise, and I would follow, All at once the weary nearing, All the fullness of the hollow, All as written by the hearing.

Sing the simple, sing the common, That insight the soul of things, That the steps are often trodden Best convey where beauty springs.

What that all now weary mention Begs from absents new attention — soon surpassing.

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ART CREDIT

FRONT COVER

WILLIAM WEBSTER

2 -3

JORGE VIANA BASTO

10 - 11

JM IMAGE FACTORY

12 - 13

PATRICIA TSE

16 - 18

WILLIAM WEBSTER

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PATRICIA TSE

20 - 21

CHARIS LEE

22 - 23

HANNAH JEOUNG WILLIAM WEBSTER

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STEVE GREAVES PATRICIA TSE FTIARE

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“One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple” Psalm 27:4 toanunknowngod.weebly.com

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