Cherished

C/W: PTSD, depression

7.2% of Australians will have a lifetime

prevalence of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Higher rates of PTSD are commonly associated with experiences of sexual and domestic violence, severe physical trauma, time in the defence forces and proximity to death. The Black Dog Institute identifies four main symptoms of PTSD – re-experiencing trauma, avoiding known triggers, negative changes in thoughts and mood after the trauma and feeling constantly ‘on edge’ and overly aroused.

However, in loving my partner I discovered a fifth.

Sinta was diagnosed with depression with an alleged association with PTSD earlier this year. With a traumatic childhood and a rapid decline in her mental health, this was no surprise but nonetheless terrifying. I remember sitting in the waiting room at the GP, anxiously sifting through my limited mental health literacy at the time. It was my solace for a moment until Sinta walked out and headed straight for the reception hub. I hurriedly met her there and as

I strode closer, a silent exchange confirmed what we both had suspected.

Sinta and I are both from South-East Asia and despite coming from two different countries, we’ve found a curious number of similarities; from our love of bitter melon to our natural resonance with the Earth to the stigmatisation of mental health. Asian communities struggle to access reliable mental health literacy and support for a variety of reasons, enabling a toxic culture to fester in our families. This doesn't bode well for PoC as the way we experience mental health is two-pronged.

Firstly, as refugees, immigrants, and the children of either, we navigate the intergenerational trauma of being dispossessed and our cultural heritage being lost in translation, all while trying to find home in places that vilify us. These struggles torment us further by manifesting through the emotionally detached ways our parents love us and the emptiness we feel when english becomes more innate than our mother tongue.

Secondly, the exertion of existing in a dying world with institutions that value profits over lives embeds us with a waning desire to live. This world does not take kindly to those who lucked out on privilege from the moment they were born.

We carry these cultural biases deep within, and the way they skew our versions of reality is terrifying. In addition to these biases, the way our brains function can turn us into our own worst enemies. Depression incites a nasty set of physiological responses including cortisol spikes, brain inflammation and hypoxia, all of which affect hormone regulation, memory and mood. This further fundamentally remaps who we are, making embarking on a mental health journey an incredibly daunting and exhausting act for PoC.

For Sinta, it was forgetting that she was loved that made me realise something had shifted and cemented itself within her. Coming from a culture that only validates pain in its physical manifestations, it’s difficult to find support when you need it most. It is here where we learnt that the support systems we nurture are pivotal in sustaining us. This meant creating a family beyond our default one, a family that respected vulnerability and were active pillars in

our lives, whether that be through spontaneous dinners at Cabramatta or nostalgic drives chasing Christmas lights. The love our family stokes attentively has allowed us to gently coax Sinta into remembering that her life blooms beautifully in the laughter of our friends and the music she delicately weaves.

Loving someone with depression is hard, but it is nothing compared to the sheer energy it takes for them to rise every day, whether it be with the sun or with the moon. And every moment she forgets what it means to be loved is another opportunity for me to show how much I truly cherish her.

Black Dog Institute, (2020), Post-traumatic stress disorder, accessed 11 November 2020, <https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resourcessupport/post-traumatic-stress-order/> Cirino E, (2017), The Effects of Depression on the Brain, healthline, accessed 11 November 2020, <https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/effec ts-brain#How-Does-Depression-Affect-the-Brain?> Cooper J, Metcalf O, A Phelps, (2014). ‘PTSD - an update for general practitioners’, Australian Family Physician, Vol. 43, No. 11, pp: 754-757.