ABOUT THE COVER Her heavy-lidded eyes and cupid’s bow lips are almost perfect for a pretty face. Everybody likes that. But the story doesn’t end there and it’s not yet a story. There is something odd about that pretty face, you just can’t tell. Turn it to the back cover and—surprise, surprise! You get an annoying, funny-looking guy doing a ridiculously weird kind of joke. Everybody likes that. And just like humans and the universe, there are unusual possibilities of strangeness that keep us curious. Open the pages and you’re in for a lot of odd and ridiculous surprises!
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odd
and ridiculous
7 the official Student literary Journal of the university of San agustin Volume VII, May 2013
Published in May 2013 by the UNIVERSITY OF SAN AGUSTIN PUBLICATIONS The Official Student Press Corps of the University of San Agustin 2/F Alumni Building, University of San Agustin General Luna Street, Iloilo City, Philippines 5000 Website: www.usa-pub.blogspot.com Blog: www.usa-publications.journ.ph Email Address: usa.publications@rocketmail.com Telephone Number: (033) 337-48-42 local number 189 COPYRIGHT © 2013 by the USA Publications for the collection and the individual authors and artists. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this publication may be reproduced or or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form whether virtual, elcetronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without written permission from the copyright owners. DISCLAIMER: This book is a work of fiction. All the names, characters, organizations, and events protrayed are either products of the authors’ and artists’ imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. READ MORE ISSUES OF IRONG-IRONG ONLINE BY SCANNING THIS CODE. Have a different reading experience online. The digital copy of Irong-irong is flexible and anyone can read it easily. You can zoom in to enlarge the type and all photos and graphics are in high definition.
USA Publications Academic Year 2012-2013
EDITORIAL BOARD ray adrian c. Macalalag Josefa Maria a. castro EDITORS-IN-CHIEF Jerson e. elmido MANAGING EDITOR Jesanny i. yap Stephanie Kay l. urquiola genessa a. buenafe ASSOCIATE EDITORS febrielyn S. tumines LITERARY EDITOR ric Martin l. libo-on WALL NEWSPAPER EDITOR anne catherine d. Malazarte ART DIRECTOR thongenn lanz b. Patiam PHOTOGRAPHY EDITOR gladys t. confesor MODERATOR
EDITORIAL STAFF SENIOR WRITERS ayah danica V. granada wilhelm c. lizada Joel S. Sastrillo STAFF WRITERS Joyce gem M. cañete Jeremiah John P. Vardeleon Marylex g. Sumatra christine Joy a. Saber PHOTOJOURNALIST daniel P. abutas
Cover Artworks by ANNE CATHERINE D. MALAzARTE Book Design by RAY ADRIAN C. MACALALAG Printed in Iloilo City, Philippines by PANORAMA PRINTING, INC. Lopez Jaena Street, Jaro, Iloilo City, Philippines 5000
MAGAzINE APPRENTICE WRITER Seulgi J. han NEWSPAPER APPRENTICE WRITERS edrylle g. cofreros rochelle louise d. doromal
odd and ridiculous
what a weird, weird world An Introduction
“…There are also books full of great writing that don’t have very good stories. Read sometimes for the story…. Don’t be like the book-snobs who won’t do that. Read sometimes for the words—the language. Don’t be like the play-it-safers that won’t do that. But when you find a book that has both a good story and good words, treasure that book.” -Stephen King It is embarrassing and conceited to talk something about one’s self. But I’ll do it anyways. When I was five or six, when I believed that Marimar’s dog, Fifi, could actually talk, I thought the world revolved around me. But later, in Science class, I learnt that it’s a natural phenomenon and has nothing to do with me. I was really upset. I was wrong that things work as simple as that. Then much later, I realized that the universe sets norms and standards: “you do this”, “don’t do that”, “be like this”, “don’t be like that, you freak!” And as a part of its strange vastness, we are all bound to conform. (Does it mean we are nothing but its slaves? Aww, all these years!) What happens when you don’t? Well, the universe has lots of names for that: odd, weird, unusual, strange, bizarre, abnormal, freakish and the list goes on. (Thanks to my handy dandy thesaurus.) Society will laugh at you, talk behind your back, kick you, slap you and the rest is gory to comprehend. Simply, the subject of this folio is nothing but stories and poems of the odd and the ridiculous; of people who defied the normal and of things that are outrageously unusual. Weird can never be funnier than this! Ahh, now you’re getting curious. Don’t get excited yet. Because I’m conceited and this is the last volume of Irong-irong under my editorship and I don’t want this to look like an obituaries section of a newspaper, I’ll make my I-would-like-to-thank paragraph very very short. (Length may vary from person to person.) Bahul gid nga salamat: To my Pubpips, someday, my orchids and I will change the world! (It slows down global warming, I guess.) To Ma’am Confe, Sir Sustento and to all my teachers, I wonder if I’ll be as smart as you guys when I grow up. Hmmm… I wonder. To my friends, of course, who keep me sane by reminding me to always take my meds. The videoke, Jollibee, 50, smart alert, Nips—only we can understand. For my shortcomings and late comings-- sorry, sorry gid. To my family who thinks of me as a normal child. (Something you don’t know won’t hurt you.) Forgive my indifferences and my expenses; I don’t know if my lifetime is enough to pay you back. To the Big Man up there who doesn’t show up His face but works in odd and wonderful ways. (Gosh, this is too much!) To all the freaks in the whole wide universe; if you think your oddity is funny, then rejoice! Life is never fair and it will never be. Just think that someone up there watches you without disgust, contempt or bias. Four legs, sagging face, Lilliput size, it doesn’t matter because that wouldn’t make such a big difference to be human. To our contributors and their inspirations, if it weren’t for you, this book will be just blank leaves of paper. Thank you for filling up the pages! To our readers, keep the reading habit back on track. I know most of you like sexy, romantic stories; the book you are about to read is never about a sparkling, shimmering, handsome vampire. Not to mention his bicep-packed, stripping rival who is coincidentally a werewolf. (How surprising!) And well since we’ve mentioned already, they’re both madly (in a very wrong way) in love with a disrespectful, overly submissive female character. Here, we are talking about “Odd and Ridiculous” presented in different metaphors, whether in substance or in form. To successfully carry out the subject of oddity, feast your eyes on our concrete poetry about the weirdness of growing up in “Bangkang Papel”, of morning glory love in “Balasa”, of happy accidents on “Sayang ang Hagdan!” and of one-sided affection in “[In]Equality: Nang Minsa’y Tumingin Ka sa Salamin at Naging Malinaw ang Lahat-lahat”. In just a fifth of a second, someone falls in love like in “Ligbos” and others find love by drinking liquor in “Kwentong Pag-Ibig sa Tindahan ni Miguel Santo”. Dare to read Barbara’s hairy—er, I mean tragic love story and many other poems and short stories that will surely make your hair rise (a few nanometers) and will leave you saying, “How weird!” This volume has good stories in great writing; so take care of this, don’t fold the pages and use bookmarks okay? The Editor •3•
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table of contentS Poetry 7
Kwentong Pag-ibig sa tindahan ni Miguel Santo
9
[in]equality: nang Minsa’y tumingin Ka sa Salamin at naging Malinaw ang lahat-lahat
10
balasa
12
ligbos
13
bangkang Papel
14
brief na may Pakpak
16
Sayang ang hagdan!
17
lihog gani bayad
19
reformat
22
cap c
Ni EDWARD ROLAND G. GABRILLO Ni FEBRIELYN S. TUMINES Ni BEB O. ANG Ni BEB O. ANG Ni ROCHELLE LOUISE D. DOROMAL Ni JERSON E. ELMIDO
By JULIE ANN A. ANALISTA Ni JOEL S. SASTRILLO Ni JOEL S. SASTRILLO Ni WILHELM C. LIzADA
Short Story
23
TFs
24
adik
25
Pagsisisi
26
cynthia
Ni CHRISTINE JOY A. SABER Ni CHRISTINE JOY A. SABER Ni FEBRIELYN S. TUMINES Ni BEB O. ANG
PhotoS & artworKS
30
barbara: the bearded lady
47
Meanwhile in Seafoods Section
32
San dapal: the Palm-size Midget
48
baby Pictures
34
last Mistake
50
the curious case of bayoyoy
38
Mais con yelo
11
balasa
39
ice cream
15
brief na may Pakpak
41
Para kay Monster
29
barbara: the bearded lady
43
dimapunggan
31
San dapal: the Palm-size Midget
33
last Mistake
52
By FEBRIELYN S. TUMINES By FEBRIELYN S. TUMINES
By ROCHELLE LOUISE D. DOROMAL Ni BEB O. ANG
Ni JOEL S. SASTRILLO Ni MARIA PATRISHA IVOREEN S. TAMBA Ni JOYCE GEM M. CANETE
the authorS •4•
By JOYCE GEM M. CANETE
By THONGENN LANz B. PATIAM By ANONYMOUS
Ni ANNE CATHERINE D. MALAzARTE Ni ANNE CATHERINE D. MALAzARTE By JERSON E. ELMIDO By JERSON E. ELMIDO
By ANNE CATHERINE D. MALAzARTE
odd and ridiculous
POEMS
•5•
odd and ridiculous Kwentong Pag-Ibig sa Tindahan ni Miguel Santo
Edward Roland G. Gabrillo
-Andito ka na naman? - ‘Di mo ba ako nakikita? -Nakikita. -‘Yun naman pala. Nagtanong ka pa. -Isa ngang---Alak. Oo, alam ko. -Pa’no mo nalaman? -Basta, alam ko. -Lagok ka nang lagok. Ano ba’ng problema mo? -Alam mo na alak kelangan ko, problema ko, hindi? -Marami? -Anak ng--- Pa’no mo nalaman? -Ano’ng tinitingin-tingin mo? -Wala. -Type mo ‘ko ‘no? -Madiri ka naman. -Gusto mong ikwento? - Tsismoso mo talaga, ano? -Gusto mong ikwento? -Gusto mong malaman? -Nakapunta ka na ba ng New York? -Syempre. D’yan lang naman yan sa meh kanto. -Sarap ng lomi nila dun, ano? -Kina aling Nympha? Balita ko nga. -Ituloy mo. -Ang alin? -‘Yung kwento. -Anong kwento? -Ah! Oo nga pala. -Naalala mo na? -Ang alin? -Ewan ko sa ‘yo. -Magsasara na kami. -‘Wag muna. -Wala na kaming alak. -Ako, meron pa.
•7•
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-Ang hirap ng buhay. -Oo, lalo na ‘pag lasing. -Masyado kang nega, pre. -Ikaw, hindi? -‘Di ka ba hinahanap sa inyo? -Ba’t naman nila ako hahanapin? -Bakit hindi? -‘Di naman kasi ako nawawala. -Upo ka muna. Kwentuhan tayo. -Ano’ng pag-uusapan natin? -Napaka-tsismoso mo talaga. -Umuwi ka na nga. -Bayad mo? -Ilista mo muna. -‘Di kami nagpapa-utang. -‘Di ko naman sinabing uutangin ko. Sabi ko, ilista mo muna. Nahihilo, nasusuka, Sigaw pa nang sigaw ‘yung isa. Hindi ba nila naiintindihan, Na ang bote’t ako’y nagmamahalan?
•8•
odd and ridiculous [In]Equality: Nang Minsa’y Tumingin Ka sa Salamin at Naging Malinaw ang Lahat-lahat Febrielyn S. Tumines
Para kay Nholey Jan Aposaga, Louise Joy Arevalo, Allen Caperocho at Jessa Mae Gamba at sa pagkakaibigang pare-pareho ang timbang, literal man o figurative. (Ayan ha, alphabetical para fair.)
Nagsisinungaling. Ang pahayag ng salamin dahil Maganda ka talaga, Mali ang 2=1 kung sa mathematical equation, Kahit ilang dagdag-bawas mong gawin, Ang resulta sa huli, mathematical error parin. Akala mo two becomes one? Akala mo sa bawat action force may reaction force? Bakit tuwing tinitingnan mo siya walang balik? Hindi kaya mali ang Third Law of Motion? May mga bagay na hindi kayang tumbasan. Posibleng magustuhan ka niya sa parehong halagang ibibigay mo. May mga bagay na hindi kayang tumbasan. Hindi kaya mali ang Third Law of Motion? Bakit tuwing tinitingnan mo siya walang balik? Akala mo sa bawat action force may reaction force? Akala mo two becomes one? Ang resulta sa huli, mathematical error parin. Kahit ilang dagdag-bawas mong gawin, Mali ang 2=1 kung sa mathematical equation, Maganda ka talaga, Ang pahayag ng salamin dahil Nagsisinungaling.
•9•
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balaSa
BEB O. ANG
Buka ang tagipusu-on sang nagkadto sa manugpakot, Ako lang isa, para sa tatlo ka sabat sa tatlo ka pamangkot, Liso baraha, balasa, balasa, pili tatlo ka baraha Ako man nagpili, tuman ka desperada “So may tyansa ayhan?” hambal ko sa manugpakot, Ang una nga sabat sa una nga pamangkot? “Liko gamay kag mag hinay-hinay basi makadagpa sa gamut sang bugnay, Ang tyansa ara pro di gid magpasulay.” “Baw teh siya na gid ayhan?” hambal ko sa manugpakot, Ang sa ikarwa nga sabat sa ikarwa nga pamangkot. “Atubang kag magtulok, balikid sa likod, ilikaw ang direksyon sa imo ingod, Sus, tama na kay wala na punta kag sugod.” “As in indi gid kami ya?” hambal ko sa manugpakot, Sa urihi nga sabat sa urihi nga pamangkot. “Ara na , tapos na, tapos na, Lubayi, untati na ang imo kabuangan kay feminine na siya!” ‘Bi may picture ka da? Kay lantawon ta -” Agi gid man day, agi ni siya.” Kung indi madara sa balasa kang baraha, “Nong, tagpila ang imo ginabaligya nga lana?”
• 10 •
odd and ridiculous
7
ligboS BEB O. ANG
Para kay Michelle Samones, Katherine Talaron, Donna April Galon at sa mga taong minalas na dapuan ng pimples. (It’s part of growing up.)
• 12 •
odd and ridiculous
Bangkang Papel Rochelle Louise D. Doromal
• 13 •
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brief na May PaKPaK Hango sa tunay na buhay. JERSON M. ELMIDO
Umalingawngaw ang huni ng orasan Para akong sinabugan ng bomba Napabangon ako at nahimasmasan Limang minuto na lang at huli na. Sa klase ko. Ang gulo Ng kwarto ko. Paano? Hinablot ang tuwalya tsaka tumakbo. Sa kubeta, naligo at nagbawas Sumugod sa kusina at nagsipilyo Nang matapos ay may nakitang kupas. Napagtanto Di akin Ang sipilyo Kay Tito Teka, ang mga damit ko nasaan na? Sus Maria! Sa sampayan pa pala! Niyakap ko lahat: T-shirt, shorts, brief, panyo Walang tupi-tupi, nilagay sa bag. Sinarado Ang bag ko. Suot damit, Tumakbo. Pumara ng traysikel at sinubukang Habulin ang dyip patungong Iloilo Tumigil ang dyip at ako’y pinasakay, Sabi ng traysikel drayber,“Bayad mo?” “Sa’n wallet ko?” Hinukay, Bag kong puno Hinugot. Sabay sa paghugot ko ng aking wallet Ang paglipad ng makukulay kong brief Nakakahiyang pinulot ko isa-isa, Para akong tinunaw na kandila. Sabay nag-text si Tito “To, la u n-flush ang inodoro.” • 14 •
odd and ridiculous
7
Sayang ang hagdan!
JULIE ANN A. ANALISTA
• 16 •
odd and ridiculous Lihog Gani Bayad
Joel S. Sastrillo
Hindi ko maalala kung saan at paano ito nagsimula. Ang pagkakatanda ko’y bigla lang ito lumitaw sa utak ko. Dahil na rin siguro sa sobrang gutom sa kahihintay ng jeep sa harap ng BDO sa kalye ng Gen. Luna mga alas-siete na nang gabi.
Ano ba, kanina pa ako Naghihintay sa ‘yo. Inuuna mo pa sila Kesa sa akin? Alam mo namang nagmamadali na ako. Bakit ba kasi ang tagal mo? Naku, may tinatago Ka sa akin ano? Akala ko ba Ako lang Ang laman ng puso mo Eh bakit ang sikip-sikip dito? Pasimple ka pa Kung tumira Haplos ng kamay at dikit ng katawan Lang naman ang hanap mo. Ayoko na! Itigil na natin ito Masikip na at hindi ko na kaya. Walang hiya ito Hindi man lang Ako pinansin Patuloy pa rin Ang pananakit sa akin. Kung sa bagay Ano naman ang magagawa ko? At huwag ka masyadong magmadali Nandito lang ako At hihintayin ko Ang pagkakataong Masolo natin Ang isa’t isa. Hayan Malapit na tayo Alam ko namang Mamimiss mo ako Pero hindi dapat Ganyan. • 17 •
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O, siya Mami-miss din naman kita. Kailangan talagang mangyari ito. Tandaan mo Masaya akong Kasama ka At sa bawat araw na nagdaan At sa hinaharap Ikaw at ikaw parin. Dahil sa’yo Narating ko Ang gusto kong marating Nagpapasalamat ako Sa lahat; Sa yakap mo tuwing taglamig, Payong tuwing tag-init at tag-ulan. Huwag kang mabahala Hahanapin pa rin kita. Ikaw at wala nang iba pa. O, siya. Sa lugar! Baba na ako. Lihog gani bayad. Salamat.
• 18 •
odd and ridiculous Reformat
Joel S. Sastrillo
Mahirap mawalan ng minamahal sa buhay. Lalo na kung alam mong babalik siya, ngunit hindi niya naman maaalala ang mga sandaling iginuhit ninyong dalawa, mga detalyeng sa iyo’y importante, pero nakalimutan na niya. Pero mas masakit ang pakiramdam na kailangan i-reformat yung laptop mo dahil lang sa isang malanding tipang iyong ginawa. Heto ang dinarama ng puso kong iniwan ng aking sinisintang files. *OS Crash!
Mukha akong pinagpala Nang dumating ka sa buhay ko Mundo ko’y pinintahan mo Ng iba’t ibang kulay At hinarana ng musika Mong kay ganda Nakakaaliw ka talagang kasama ‘Pag wala ka’y Tila ba kulang ang araw ko Ngunit alam ko namang hindi mangyayari ‘yun dahil sa tuwing sasapit ang dapit-hapon magkikita pa rin tayo mag-uusap, at muling haharanahin ang isa’t isa Alam mo, napamahal Ka na sa akin Ano man ang gagawin ko. Minsan ka lang nagrereklamo Minamadali ko ang lahat Hindi ka naman nagsasalita Tuloy ang pagpindot ko, Sa bawat daratnan ng mga daliri Oo, sa atin lang ‘yung dalawa Dahil sa bawat pasimpleng Gagawin natin Sikreto lang at huwag mong sasabihin Marami akong nakita Mga hiwagang iminulat mo Sa inosente kong Mga mata Ika nga nila masarap ang bawal Totoo, talagang masarap ang bawal At sa iyo ko ‘yun napagtanto. Ngunit nagbago ang lahat Tila ba nakalimutan mo na ako Parang amnesia, hindi mo Na ako naalala bigla Nagmukha kang bata Sa bago mong anyo • 19 •
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Kakaunti pa lang ang alam At inosente pang tingnan Nang kinausap kita Kakaunti lang ang naisagot mo Tinanong kita Kung nasaan na Ang sabi mo’y hindi mo na maalala Pinilit pa rin kita Kahit alam kong ayaw mo na. Patuloy ang pagpindot ko Sa iyong katawan Hinimas himas baka nariyan lang Ang kasagutan sa nawala mong ulirat At nagbabakasakaling Maibalik pa natin. Ano man ang gawin ko, Ganun ka pa rin Walang kibo At walang maipahayag Sa mga hinahanap ko Mga sandaling lihim nating pinagsaluhan Hindi mo talaga maalala Nagmukha lang akong tanga. Tiningnan kita nang matagal Sa sobrang atat kong pumindot Nang tayo’y nagtatagong magkasama Sa isang kuwarto Paggising ko Gusto ko lang naman sanang Maging maayos ang lahat At hayun, sa aking pagmamadali At pagkamiss ko sa iyo Ginawa ko ang isang simpleng aksyon Sa pagsosolong naganap Akala ko’y ayos lang Nang bigla mo akong tinanong Kung handa at alam ko ba ang gagawin ko Dali naman akong nagsabi ng “oo alam ko”. At pinayagan mo akong Gawin ang lahat ng iyon sa’yo. At dun nagbago na ang pagtingin mo sa akin kinuha ko sa’yo ang pinakatago-tago mong perlas ang nagbibigay ginhawa sa ating pagsasama hala, umilaw sa isipan ko bigla mali pala itong aking ginagawa pinigilan ko • 20 •
odd and ridiculous ang pagkakataon na iyon pumindot ako nang pumindot ngunit huli na hindi ka na buo at sa gitna nati’y may lamat na napaluha ako at pinilit ko subalit wala na, Dali akong nagbihis upang dalhin ka sa hospital malayo at matagal pa ang biyahe bago makarating dun nagbabakasakaling maibalik pa muli ang dati nating pagsasama pagdating ko doon sabi niya sa akin, “mabubuhay siya pero hindi na magiging katulad ng dati. Maraming mawawala.” Sa ngayon, ako’y nagdurusa At hinaharap ang isang bagong simula Muli tayong magkasama At sa pagkakataong ito Tatanggapin kita kung sino ka At patuloy na gagawa Ng mga memoryang ating aalagaan at Patuloy na aalahanin, Na may back-up at restore setting.
• 21 •
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caP c
WILHELM C. LIzADA
Sa sampayan ni Juan, May nakasabit na kwan, At sa ‘di malamang dahilan, Siya’y napaghinalaan. Nang dahil sa nakabitin na kwan, Todo iwas ang mga kababaihan, Kung bading ang tatay ni Juan, Sabi-sabi’y “Baka bading rin ‘yan! ” Ang hindi nila alam, Mali ang kanilang agam-agam, Dahil ang nakasabit na kwan, Ay hindi pala kay Juan. Sa bawat pagkagat ng kadiliman, Dumadating ang bisita ni Juan, Mahaba ang buhok at balingkinitan, Dahan-dahan na naglalakad sa lansangan. “Ito’y napasama lang naman,” Ang paliwanag niya sa taumbayan, Dahil hindi pala kay Juan, Ang nakasabit na kwan sa sampayan.
• 22 •
odd and ridiculous TFs
Christine Joy A. Saber
Para sa dalawa kong kaibigan na nagturo sa akin ng katangahan at sa TF na puno ng walang humpay na awayan ngunit sa huli-- itinutuloy pa rin. Minsan na kaming nagkatagpo Minsan na ring nagkakilala Minsan na ring sabay tumawa Pero pinalagpas lang namin ang pagkakataon Sa pag-aakalang marami pang panahon. At hindi nga kami nagkamali Sabi nga ng taong nagmamadali: “’Pag nadapa ka sa una, Malay mo sa pangalawa, Madapa ka ulit.” At ganoon nga ang nangyari Kung hindi pa kami nagkabungguan At kung hindi pa nagkalituhan Hindi namin nalaman Na kami pala ay tunay na magkakaibigan. Paano nga ba ito nalalaman? Kusa ba itong dumadating? (Parang love?) O ikaw ang maghahanap nito? (Love nga!) Kaibigan kung maituturing Dahil palagi kaming magkasama Na kahit wala nang pera ang isa Sobra pa ang pera niya sa iba, Dahil doble-doble ang pinautang niya! Kung sa ibang tao ay nagpipigil ka ng utot, Pero sa kaibigan mo, Ilalapit mo pa ang pwet mo Masinghot lang niya ang utot mo At tatanungin mo pa kung mabaho ito. Kayo ay tunay na magkaibigan Na ’pag nakuha ‘yung takong ng sapatos mo Imbis na ikaw ay tulungan, Ikaw ay kanilang pagtatawanan, Kaya pati sarili mo ay tatawanan mo na rin lang. At higit sa lahat, Tunay kayong magkaibigan Kung kayo ay nag-away at nag-iyakan Uulit-ulitin niyo ang inyong kadramahan At sabay-sabay ring pagtatawanan. “TFs” ika nga, True Faith, True Feelings, Para mabuo ang isang samahang may True Friendship. • 23 •
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adiK
CHRISTINE JOY A. SABER
Para sa taong nakakapagpapigil ng hininga ko. Palagi kong tinititigan Larawan natin ay pinananabikan Umaga at gabi man, Mukha mo ay hindi pinagsasawaan Ulam na sa almusal pati na sa tanghalian. Para kang isang droga, Na nakakaadik Oo, tama nga sila! Dahil tibok palang ng puso mo, Nawawala na sa sarili ko. Sabihin man nila na ika’y drug user, Isipin man nila na ika’y addict forever, Huwag kang mag-alala aking darling, Itanong mo pa kay Tita Loling, “You’re the drug that satisfies my feeling”.
• 24 •
odd and ridiculous Hindi ako nakadala Ng payong, Sa sobrang kaiisip sa ’yo. Ang totoo pala, Hindi ako nakadala ng payong Dahil ‘di ko inakalang babagyo. Bumagyo. Walang akong oras Para isipin ang panahon, Ubos lahat sa kaiisip sa ‘yo. Umasa akong Makikita ulit kita Sa sakayan ng dyip sa Mohon. Wala ka. Kaya nandito ako ngayon, Pilikmata lang ang tuyo Dahil hindi ako Nakapagdala ng payong. At wala ka pa. Iniisip ko nalang na sana Sa isang alternate universe, Dinala ko na lang ang payong ko’t Sayo’y hindi na umasa. O baka naman Kung nakapagdala ako ng payong Ay pagsasaluhan pa Nating dalawa. Kung sana Dinala ko lang ang payong ko Kung sana hindi ako masyadong Nag-isip sa ‘yo. Pero kahit ilang beses Kong lokohin ang aking sarili Walang silbi Dahil palaging Nasa huli ang
PAGSISISI
Febrielyn S. Tumines
• 25 •
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• 26 •
odd and ridiculous
Short stories
• 27 •
odd and ridiculous
Porphyrio likes Gilessa. Gilessa likes Porphyrio in return. Barbara likes Porphyrio too. But Porphyrio doesn’t like her back because her eight-inch beard is a big turn-off. Will Barbara cut her beard in exchange of Porphyrio’s affection?
Barbara: the Bearded Lady Febrielyn S. Tumines
• 29 •
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T
here was a lady who had an eight-inch beard. So in calling her name Barbara, people added balbasin as if it’s her official surname: Barbara Balbasin. Her beauty, with the beard excluded, even surmounted Gilessa, the well-sought lady in their village. But because she had the beard, she wasn’t even considered a lady and never was she courted. She was twenty one when her beard grew at this full length and before Gillette Razor and shaving cream came to popularity. Her father, who was a religious fanatic, believed her beard possessed a certain divine charm and didn’t permit her since to cut it off despite her tears. She swallowed her tears and combed her beard everyday in obedience. But everything changed; including the way she looked at herself in the mirror when Porphyrio came in the portrait. Why does his face appear everytime I think about the future? Why does his face seem to be in many places in many times? Why do I feel like cutting my beard to please him? –Cut her beard! Did she just say cut her beard!? Had her father heard about it, he would have been outraged! There were countless nights, sleepless and tiresome nights she spent just to make the decision whether to cut or not to cut it. And because love washes everything even the concept of fear, Barbara cut her beard. Just as how much religious he was, her father was barbaric. After seeing the divine charm shaved away as clean as sheet, he held his hands and it landed on Barbara’s newly-shaved face. “Because you’ve cut it. I’m cutting my relationship to you too. From this day on, I’m not your father and you’re not my daughter anymore!” Those were the last words she heard before she turned her back from him and walked. But her father’s slap wasn’t as painful as when she heard afterwards about Porphyrio’s marriage to Gilessa. That was the day Barbara decided to cut everything, her hopeless dream and her connection to her father. She walked on and on, and in every stride her beard was growing back. Although she didn’t know it was a rare genetic disease, she thought of it as something that was left of her. It so happened, there was this freak show camped at a distance. There she saw different kinds of strange women: melanin-deprived, overly bloated and another is unusually emaciated. At that very moment, she was sure, she belonged.
• 30 •
odd and ridiculous
San Dapal’s parents are plotting a scheme to kill him. Will they succeed? But why do they have to kill their own son?
San daPal: the PalM-SiZe Midget FEBRIELYN S. TUMINES
• 31 •
7
T
here was a couple who had a child as big as a dapal or a palm, that’s why he was named San Dapal. Despite his size, he can eat a gantang of rice in just a meal. They were not a well-to-do family: his father chopped woods for a living so he was called a wood-cutter while his mother stayed at home to wash dishes and clothes, so she was called a housewife. In this measly kind of living, raising San Dapal who consumed three gantangs a day was impossible. So one day, to get away of their burden, his parents planned to get rid of San Dapal. His father brought him in the woods and the plan was carried right away. He deceived San Dapal to stand on the spot where a big santol tree would later fall. Without any hint of distrust, San Dapal devotedly followed his father; then the tree was cut and it fell on him. With a guilty and saddened heart, the father hadn’t had the guts to look whether how bad the damage was done on his son; with the santol’s size, San Dapal’s death was landslide. The father headed straight home to break the news to his beloved wife; who at that time, was hoping that he had succeeded. The wife was relieved after knowing that she’ll be preparing four cups of rice for dinner. While she was busy at the kitchen, his husband was taking a nap in a hammock at their front porch. When suddenly -- a familiar voice cut into the dense stillness of his six o’clock solitude. “Tay, tay!” the tiny voice said. When he turned to where the voice came from, it wasn’t crystal clear but he thought he saw a big santol log floating a feet from the ground. “A floating and talking log! Susmaryosep!” the old man exclaimed. To avoid hyperventilation, he took a whooping gasp of air while taking little steps near the log. Then he realized that the log wasn’t floating; something was carrying it, and it was his son, San Dapal. “Tay, where should I put this log?” San Dapal asked in a nothing-awfulhappened tone. “You just place it there son,” his father answered quickly pointing at a space beside their pig pen. And San Dapal placed the log in obedience; turned his back leaving his father still in shock.
• 32 •
odd and ridiculous
Haley’s life seems normal not until her friends are found dead one by one. If it isn’t Haley, then who is the killer?
Last Mistake
Rochelle Louise D. Doromal
• 33 •
7
I
’m a weirdo. I’m different. I’m British. Okay, maybe you didn’t have to know that. I haven’t been around with a lot of people. My parents left me here for my own good-- because they love me. They love me. I really hated my parents for leaving me. I missed my parents. I missed them and I hated them and I missed them. I hated making mistakes. My home was a huge two-story building. The walls in the living room were an ugly shade of green and the floors were tiled with the same shade. There was minimum amount of furniture in it. Just enough to keep us sane busy.
I forgot to mention, I lived with four girls. I considered them as my friends. They had problems. I think I was left here to help them. I did not want to help them. We had our own rooms and our own hells. My room was plain, boring and cold wonderful. It was just right for me. My room’s wall was grey like my life and the floor was wooden. I had my single bed, my table and my chair. What more could I have asked for? Freedom. My life. Sanity. Nothing. We did not have to worry about food and clothing. The owners of the house took care of it. I hated this place. I really loved this place. This had been my home. This place was my unbreakable, inescapable cage. I really liked my friends even though they had problems. I honestly did not like them. Anita for instance, was very obsessed with cleanliness. She kept things clean and organized; she never invaded our spaces. Still, I found it very irritating. She never stepped on a crack, dreading the dirt and germs on it. She never touched things with her bare hands or allowed to be touched by bare hands. She was such a drama queen. It disgusted me. She was obsessive compulsive, an extreme OC. Touching her would have been like committing a sin. As her friend, I should’ve helped her more. I didn’t want to help her. Why should I help her? Queency was like the big sister of the group. She was selfish kind and beautiful, but she always wanted to be the center of attention or of the universe. No matter what happened, she wanted to be the first to speak. She was narcissistic. I didn’t really mind. I never liked her attitude. She thought she was the best, well she was not. There was also our sweet, innocent, little Firra. You could never drag her in a dark room without hearing her irritating shriek first. She was childish and such a baby. She hated being alone and would always be beside one of us. She was very paranoid. She only thought of negative things. I pitied her. But still, I adored her. Lastly, there was Viola. She was my best friend. She had no problems. Or maybe I just didn’t know. Viola always stayed by my side and helped me. She was like my sister. Actually, even more than that; she was a part of me. For the whole week we had been busy. There were more chores to do and places to clean. I found an envelope while cleaning the living room one day. It had Mary’s name on it-- and mine. Mary was our caretaker. She was always curious and asked a lot of questions. She never minded her own business. I finished my chores early so I decided to relax in the living room while listening to music. Viola and Firra were with me. “Haley! I need help.” I heard Anita call out as she stepped in the living room, making sure to avoid cracks in her steps and the door frame all in all. Seriously? “May you help me prepare dinner?” Queency walked in. “Excuse me! Why didn’t you ask me first? I can prepare dinner much faster and better. With my natural perfection, I’m the best choice.” She flipped her hair. So noisy and big headed. I decided to ignore her I always wanted to do that and I smiled at Anita. “No problem, Ani. I’ll be glad to help out.” She smiled back and said, “Thank you so much, Haley! You’re such a good friend.” • 34 •
odd and ridiculous Viola stood up quickly, “Wait. I thought we were going to clean your room together?” I smiled at her. “Viola, we can do that some other time. We’ll prepare our meal as quickly as possible.” We were about to leave when Queency pulled Anita’s arm. “You guys are not listening to me!! Listen to me!” Anita yanked her arm back, looking terrified, but not because of Queency. “Don’t touch me. Seriously, do you want to get me sick? Germs can spread fast, you know. Gosh, you don’t read books, do you?” Anita took out her sanitizer and immediately cleansed her arm. Her obsession met no end. Both of us left the room with a fuming Queency behind us. I coughed to hide my laughter. It amused me how Queency can be over the top. She was like a pet monkey. After dinner, we went to our separate rooms. The envelope I found was under my pillow. I had a strange feeling about it. I wanted to open it, but at the same time I had a feeling that I shouldn’t. Not yet. I sat on the edge of my bed when Anita came in. I stood up. Her hand was on the doorframe. She took a step in my room, a crack on the floor under her foot. That was strange. “Thank you for helping me out.” “No problem at all.” I smiled at her. She stared at me for a minute and then ran towards me for a hug. We fell on the floor. “Ani, I thought you don’t like being touched?” She laughed and said, “People change. Besides, I know that you guys have always wanted to hug me. Don’t be shy.” I don’t believe people change. We both laughed and laughed. We stopped when we heard a knock. It was Viola, she was smiling but something was strange about it. “You guys should better sleep. It’s almost bedtime.” Then Viola left. Anita left just minutes after Viola. I instantly fell asleep when I lay down on my bed. I was having the same nightmare. A little girl trapped in the cellar. I knew her. Her clothes ripped and her hands were tied. She was in pain. She had many wounds, she was suffering but no tears came out of her eyes. I wonder why. I woke up, having just slept for twenty minutes, to see Queency shaking me up. “Haley!! A-anita...A-anita she’s… Anita is dead!” Those words jerked me awake. “What?! Are you serious?” She narrowed her stare at me, “No I’m joking. How funny it would be to say that your friend died.” She was sarcastic and exaggerated. I sat up and both Queency and I ran to Anita’s room. Viola and Firra were already there. Viola was comforting the crying Firra. There sprawled on the bed was Anita’s lifeless body. I sank on my knees. What’s going on? It was only minutes ago when we were laughing together. I shouldn’t be crying. Viola reported the death of Anita to Mary. Queency and I brought Firra to her room and tucked her in bed. She was fast asleep when we left. Queency and I arrived in my room. I sat on my bed making an effort not to cry. A minute later she sat beside me. She didn’t say anything and just placed her hand on my back. We just sat there in silence. It was comforting. I didn’t want to be comforted. “Don’t worry, things will get better. It’s okay to cry and feel pain. Someday we’ll learn to smile and laugh again. Anita wouldn’t want us to be sad.” I stared at her. “It’s like you’ve changed, Queency. It’s strange how different you seem. You don’t • 35 •
7
babble about yourself anymore.” She just laughed a sad laugh, “People change, Haley. We make mistakes and change. But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t see my superiority.” We both laughed. I still didn’t believe that people change. At the corner of my eye, I saw a silhouette pass by my door. I woke up in the middle of the night and felt thirsty. I wanted to get a glass of water. I passed by the living room and something felt wrong. I looked around and saw something on the couch. I couldn’t make it out so I went closer. I shouldn’t be doing this. What I saw made the hairs on my arm stand and I screamed. Queency was on the couch, lifeless. Her eyes were open and she had a slit on her throat. Curiosity killed the cat or maybe scared it half to death in my case. Viola and Firra went out of their rooms and ran towards me. “Haley, w-what’s w-wrong?” Firra asked nervously. Viola immediately went to my side. Then they saw Queency. Firra took a step back and she was shaking. “Viola, please report this. I’ll take Firra to her room.” Viola hesitated and was about to say something but followed me anyways. I held Firra’s hand until we arrived in her room. I stayed with Firra that night. She was so scared that she couldn’t sleep well. She was having nightmares, I could tell. For the first time, I didn’t have mine. Morning came and I woke up with Firra missing at my side. What happened to her? Is she alright? Why am I even worrying? I went to the living room to find Viola sitting on the couch with a mug of hot chocolate in hand. Firra was also in the living room, but instead of a mug she had a broom in hand. I greeted them a good morning. I didn’t feel like greeting them. “How are you feeling, Haley? With everything that happened...” Viola asked, but not finishing her sentence in the end. “I’m fine.” The whole morning and afternoon went by without any trouble. Everything seemed normal. Who am I kidding? It was not normal. I was in my room when I remembered the envelope I found. I took it from the flipside of my pillow and was about to open it when Firra went in. “Haley, it’s your turn to wash the dishes.” I placed the envelope in my pocket and nodded. I was about to leave when Firra said, “Is it okay for me to wait for you here? I have something to tell you later.” Delayed gratification won’t hurt, so I just tucked the envelope on my apron’s pocket and will open it later after doing my chores. I smiled at her. “Of course it is okay, Firra. Wait. You won’t be scared?” She shook her head. “I’ve changed. I’ve outgrown it. I won’t be afraid anymore.” I tried my best to finish my chore as fast as I can. Once I was done, I went to my room with a smile. I wondered what Firra will tell me. I entered my room with the smile still plastered on my face, but it was instantly erased with what I saw. There in my room was Viola and Firra. Viola was holding Firra by the throat, her other hand holding a knife buried on Firra’s chest. Viola looked at me, removed the knife and dropped Firra. She smiled at me. “Haley, you weren’t supposed to see that. Don’t be scared, my dear. I won’t hurt you. You’re my friend and all you need is me.” She took a step closer. I took a step back. “Stay away from me!” I ran out my room. I heard Viola’s crazy laugh. I kept running and I ended up in the bathroom. I locked myself in a cubicle. I had to calm down. I’m going to die. I’m going to die. I’m going to... I remembered the envelope. I wanted to read it even if it was the last thing I might have done. I am so lame. I took the envelope from my pocket and opened it. It was a record. “Wait, why is my name on it?” I had a bad feeling. • 36 •
odd and ridiculous CONFIDENTIAL PSYCHOLOGICAL REPORT NAME:
Haley Smith
DATE OF BIRTH:
29 February 1996
ADDRESS:
4 Silverstone Road, New Mills, Cirencester, UK
CASE NO.
0076895
CLAIMANT SOLICITOR
Mrs. Linda Smith
REPORT DATED:
14 April 2003
REFERRAL QUESTION: Mrs. Linda Smith is concerned about her daughter’s frequent mood swings. Haley claims she has four friends with different personalities: Anita is obsessive compulsive, Queency is narcissistic, Fira is paranoid and childish and Viola is violent and psychotic. But Mrs. Smith believes they are non-existing and Haley is just imagining herself with them. Mrs. Smith also believes her daughter is suffering from Dissociative Personality Disorder which might have been caused by trauma after being locked and tied in a cellar for ten days by a homicidal neighbour at age ten. What? This couldn’t be. It was all a lie. I heard Viola laughing, calling my name. She was taunting me. I wiped away my tears. I won’t let her win. I went out of the cubicle. She was staring at me with that creepy smile like that of the psychopath on the movie Scream. “Haley, don’t be afraid. I’m here for you. We’ll always be together. No one will interfere anymore.” “You’re not real. You’re not, so stay away from me!” I screamed at her. She was just laughing. “You can never get rid of me, Haley. I’ll always be a part of you. You can’t change that.” I covered my ears and glared at her. “That’s not true! People change. I can easily erase you from me. You will never be me and I will never be you. So stay away from me!” I stared at the ground for a while and when I looked up, I was all alone. She was gone. I guess I was wrong before. People can’t change. This was my last mistake.
• 37 •
7
MaiS con yelo
BEB O. ANG
M
ay darwa ka mag-amiguhay nga naghagaday nga magtabok sa pihak nga suba para nga magpamasyar sa isa ka maanyag nga daraga. Tungod tama ka mahuruyaon ang isa kananda, itago na lang naton sanda sa pangaran nga B1 kag B2. Sa adlaw nga nagwaslik ang Guino-o kang kahuya, banda nga sako gid ang dara ni B1. Kang ginhagad tana ni B2 nga mamasyar sa balay kang ginahigugma na, indi daad magsunod si B1 tungod nahuya tana. Garing nahuya man tana nga mang-indi kay B2, amo nga nagsunod dulang tana. Manugsirom ron kang naka-abot sanda sa panimalay kang babayi. Kang nakaabot ron, dayon man nag-istoryahanay si B2 kag ang babayi nga anda ginhungod nga agtunan. Si B1, tungod tuman ka mahuruyaon, nakuntento na lang nga magpalitik-litik kang kalimutaw na sa kilid kag ginlingaw ang kaugalingon sa mga pato nga gapaadto-pabalik nga sirangon sa giha kang salog nga kawayan. Nalingaw ka istoryahanay si B2 kag ang daraga. Nagbundak kang todo ka tama ang uran. “Mga Toto, dali ron. Adto rugya sa lamesa kag magpaniyapon,” agda kang Iloy kang babayi sa mag-amiguhay. Dali nga nagtindog si B2 apang si B1, tungod tama guid ka mahuruyaon, wara naghalin. “Sige lang Nay ah, busog pa ako kag waay man ko gana magkaon,” sabat na. Pero sa tuod-tuod, medyo gareklamo ron ang ana busong sa kagutom. Wara guihapon nag-untat ang uran, amo nga wara na lang nagpauli ang mag-amiguhay. Si B1, indi daad magpasugot kay nahuya tana nga madisturbo pa ang pamilya kang babayi, apang nahuya man tana nga indi pagpatihon ang suhestiyon kang migo na nga indi nalang sanda mag-uli. Sa salog nagplastar si B1 kay nahuya man tana nga madukdok gid sa ingod ni B2 nga nagplastar sa papag. “Basi kung mangihi kamo, didto ang kasilyas, diretso lang sa kilid kang banggirahan,” bilin kang daraga sa mag-amiguhay dayon tudlo sa kasilyas sa unhan kang karan-an. “Kung waay tubig sa drum sa rum-an lang i-flush,” dugang na. Mga tunga-tunga kang kagab-ihon, nagbangon sa ana nga ginabatangan si B1. Dayon man nagragu-ok ang ana busong, grabe nga hirab kang busong na kay wara sulod. Ang ana nga amigo, mahamuok ang katurugon. Indi na ron magwantahan ang sahi kang sakit kang ana nga busong kay wara gid tana kinan-an. Wara gid suga luwas sa sulo nga nagasiga halin sa kwarto kang ginikanan kang babayi, amo nga nabudlayan tana makakita. Nahuya tana nga bugtawon ang migo na ukon ang mga tawo kang panimalay. Amo nga nagmato-mato tana nga nagsuroy asta nga nakaabot tana sa kusina. Nangapkap. Nangapkap tana sa banggirahan asta nga makauyat sa isa ka lata nga daw ana kang kondensada, kag may sulod . Sa ana nga pagpati nga ginlaga nga mais ang sulod kang lata, dayon na nga ginhurot. Sa sobra ka gutom, daw mais con yelo ang sabor kang sulod kang lata para kay B1. Dayon tana nga nagbalik sa ana baratangan kag dayon nga nakaturog nga bastante ang sulod kang busong. Biskan sa pagsirado kang mata na, nakabatyag tana kang kahuya sa kaugalingon. Nagapanurok-turuok ron ang manok kang ginbugtaw si B1 kang kalian kang ana busong. Gaparamalhas tana kang ramig kag daw... Dasig-dasig tana nga nagdalagan sa kasilyas. “Day!” panawag kang Iloy kang daraga nga bation halin sa kusina rapit sa kasilyas. Namati lang si B1. “Day, diin ron d’ya ang nilaga nga mais nga burubod sa pato man?” Tingala ko man ay, hambal ni B1 sa kaugalingon. Tingala ko man nga nagralain ang busong ko kay, mais nga burubod sa pato gali ang ginhigop ko kagab-i! Daw masalop sa kahuya sa kaugalingon ang nabatyagan ni B1. Pero daw nakakita man tana kang kapawa matapos na nga mapagwa ang nagpalain kang ana busong. Kang hinali na nga tukion ang sulod kang drum, may green nga sararokpero waay tubig. Waay tubig. Waay tubig ang drum kag waay man tissue paper. Ginhigop na ang linaga nga mais nga burubod sa pato. Bilog na nga kabuhi, mahuruyaon tana. Kag nag-abot ang adlaw nga kinahanglan na nga magdesisyon. *** “Nay?” nagbalikid ang mal-am nga nagadabok sa banggirahan kang makabati kang limog halin sa kasilyas. “Nay, diyan ka pa? Pwede kapangayo tubig?” pangabay kang limog. • 38 •
odd and ridiculous Ice Cream
Joel S. Sastrillo
Minsan, may gusto tayo pero ayaw naman sa atin. Meron ding gusto nila tayo, pero ayaw naman natin sa kanila. Ngunit sa isang banda mahahanap di naman natin ang sinasabing Perfect Match at huwag sana natin itong sayangin. O, siya, para ito kay Sis Tep2 na tila’y hindi tumitigil sa paghahanap ng love kahit na marami na ang nai-kuwento sa kanyang buhay pag-ibig.
M
arahang pinisil ni Estephany ang ilong ni Jun-jun sa pagpupumilit ng dalagang kumain ito ng paborito niyang ice cream na gawa mula sa itlog ng butiki na may halong piniritong langgam bilang sprinkles. Wala namang magawa si Jun-jun kundi sundin ang gusto ng dalaga kahit labag sa kalooban niya ang kumain ng ice cream at madalas sumakit ang tiyan niya pagkalipas ng limang oras matapos kumain. Minsan nga, namasyal sila sa bayan ng Agnas upang makita ang sinasabing Tribu Buwitre na nawawala na raw sa kasalukuyang sibilisasyon. Inanyayahan silang makisalo sa isang hapag kasama ang prinsesa ng tribu. Dali-daling umupo si Estephany at kumuha ng pagkain pagkatapos ng isa at kalahating oras na pasasalamat ng tribu sa biyayang natanggap sa pamamagitan ng pagsasayaw ng ala-Harlem Shake na ethnic version. Sa unang tingin, alam ni Jun-jun na ang inihain sa kanila ay ang usap-usapang mga ligaw na baboy na iniimbak pitong taon at inililibing sa lupa dahil sa paniniwala ng mga taga-tribu na makakatulong daw ito upang humaba ang kanilang buhay. Walang patutsadang kumain ng marami si Estephany. Dahil sa ipinakitang kasiyahan niya sa pagkaing inihanda, nagtawanan ang mga taga-tribu at kitang-kita ang nangingitim nilang ngipin at tila naagnas na amoy ng hininga na bumalot sa sana’y malusog na hangin. Napatawa ang dalaga, at nang napansin nitong si Jun-jun ay hindi tumatawa at abala sa kakatitig sa kawalan, siniko niya ito. “Ahaha.. ah sandali lang po, tanong ko lang po kung ano itong pagkaing inihain ninyo sa amin?” wika ni Jun-jun sa katabi niyang miyembro ng tribu. At sumagot naman ito sa dialektong hindi niya malaman kung ito’y mix ng Kapampangan, Ilonggo, at Cebuano, basta ganun. “Ahoho.. Ahahaha.. Dobido.. Dobida… Koriya!” “Ang sabi niya, preserved wild pig. It tastes good because it’s undergoing a biological process.” Nakasimangot na pagpapaliwanag ni Estephany. Napaisip si Jun-jun kung ano itong sinasabing proseso ni Estephany at kung paano niya naiintindihan ang salita nila ,“Decomposition?! Teka masama yan sa katawan, wala pang additive na anu-ano. Tep!!! At panu mo sila naintindihan?” “Ito naman oh, yan kasi hindi ka nanonod ng mga Piratang DVD na may subtitles. Simple lang ‘yan. Huwag ka na kasing magtanong. Eto kumain kana oh. Ahhh… Airplane…” Wala namang magawa si Jun-jun kundi kainin ang kapirasong nabubulok na baboy dahil sa pagmamahal nito kay Estephany. Pagmamahal? Ah, oo nga pala, sa totoo lang, itong si Jun-jun ay may gusto kay Estephany mula pa nang nursery. Kung paano nangyari ito, masyado lang talagang advance ang hormonal reactions ni Jun-jun. “Oh, ano? Masarap ba?”, tanong ng dalaga. “Ahoho.. Ahaha.. Koriya!”, biglang sagot ni Jun-jun sa dialekto ng tribu. Maagang natulog si Estephany nang gabing iyon at naiwan namang nakikipag-inuman si Junjun sa mga lalaking miyembro ng tribu kasama ang apatnapung taong gulang na prinsesa ng tribu na pakindat-kindat pa kay Jun-jun. Mukhang gusto niya ang binata. Sa paglalim ng gabi, mas lalong lumalim ang pagtingin ng prinsesa. Ang totoo, sa lahat ng miyembro ng tribu, tanging ang prinsesa lang ang nakakapagsalita ng konting Tagalog dahil nakapag-aral ito noon. Kaya kahit medyo putolputol kung magsalita, pinilit ng prinsesang gumawa ng usapan kay Jun-jun. Kahit medyo lasing, nagawa naman ng binatang sumagot sa mga katanungang ibinato ng dalaga, isa na rito ay “Gerlpren, ikaw meron?” Nawala sa tamang ulirat si Jun-jun sa sobrang kalasingan at nang magising, napagtanto niyang maling kubo ang kanyang pinalipasan ng buong gabi. • 39 •
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Pag-uwi nila ng araw na iyon ay sumakit ang tiyan ni Jun-jun at isinugod siya sa ospital. Hindi muna ito ipinaalam ni Jun-jun kay Estephany dahil ayaw siya nitong mag-hysterical at dinahilang hindi inaasahang magbabakasyon siya kasama ang kanyang ina kaya hindi muna siya makakasama sa mga exotic adventures ng dalaga. Alam niyang magagalit si Estephany kapag tinanggihan niya ito, pero wala siyang magawa, nakaratay siya’t nanghihina. Dahil sa sobrang pagmamahal ng binata sa dalaga, ginawa nito ang lahat ng gusto ng babae kagaya ng paghahanap sa isang kumunoy upang ilibing ang namatay nitong pusa, pagbibigay pangalan sa mga bagay-bagay na ang gusto ng babae siya pa rin ang masusunod at ang pagkain ng kakaibang mga dumi ng mga hayop. At basta hihingi si Estephany ng “favor”, automatic dapat siyang sasagot ng “Oo” at tatangong parang aso. Yun daw para sa kanya ang pag-ibig at pagsasakripisyo. Mga isang buwan nang nagbakasyon sa Palawan si Estephany nang mag-isa para makadiskubre na naman ng mga kakaiba. Habang masayang humihigop si Estephany ng “Maya Soup”, tumunog ang kanyang Iphone 4s na binabalot ng kaliskis ng balintong at isang mensahe ang lumitaw mula sa isang malapit na kaibigan na isang nars. “Tep. Kng hndi ak ngkkmali, nkta ko si Jun d2 sa ospital. Nung isng lnggo p. Ano ngyari?” Gulat ang unang reaksiyon ng dalaga. Nang sumunod na araw tsaktong uuwi na siya mula sa bakasyon at dumiretso siya agad sa ospital na sinabi ng kaibigan. Nang dumating siya, mas lalong nagulat ang dalaga nang maratnan si Jun-jun na sinusubuan ng isang pamilyar na mukha. Ang pamilyar na babaeng ito pala ay ang prinsesa ng Tribu Buwitre na dinayo nila noon. Tila isang sakong semento ang isinampal sa mukha ni Estephany nang makita niyang ang babaeng nasa edad apatnapu, medyo kulubot at kulay kape ang balat ay masaya sa kanyang ginagawa. Ayaw niyang lagyan ng malisya ang lahat. Pero paano niya maipapaliwanag sa sarili ang nakita nang walang halo ng malisya? Kinuha niya ang atensyon ng dalawa. “Jun… Bakit siya nandito?” Natameme si Jun nang makita ang dalaga. “Ako kabiyak Jun-jun.” Ang sabi ng babaeng taga-Tribu na mukhang defensive. Kabiyak? Humagulhol sa pagdadalamhati si Estephany nang marinig ito. Si Estephany, natulala at namuti. Hindi niya inakalang ang mala-anghel nitong mukha ay ipagpapalit ni Jun-jun sa ganun ka gurang na babae. Lalong napaiyak siya nang napagtanto ito at ang tanging nasambit na lamang niya ay, “Bakit?” Hindi niya sukat akalain na mahilig rin pala sa exotic si Jun-jun. “Jun… Bakit?” “Tep…” Hindi tinapos ng binata ang pagsasalita at sinenyasan ang babaeng taga-tribu na lumabas muna. “Tep… mahabang kwento eh.” “Jun, kaya kong makinig.” “Alam mong mahal na mahal kita kaya ginawa ko ang lahat ng gusto mo. Kahit hindi ko gusto ay pinilit kong kainin ang mga pagkaing pinapakain mo sa akin kagaya ng ice cream na gawa sa nabubulok na itlog ng butiki na may kasamang sprinkles ng mga langgam. Tep, kahit parang ayaw ko na, pinipilit ko kasi ayokong magalit ka. Oo na lang ako nang oo, kasi mahalaga ka’t ayaw kong magalit ka. “Eh ang babae, ba’t nandito siya?” “Nabuntis ko siya nang gabing nalasing ako sa pakikipag-inuman sa mga taga-Tribu. Sinundan niya ako rito.” “Ano? Nabuntis mo? Mahal mo siya?” Yumuko lang ang binata. “Mahal mo ba siya Jun?” ulit na tanong ng dalaga. Kung ikaw ang nasa posisyon ni Jun, ano’ng isasagot mo? A. Oo mahal ko na siya. (Sinungaling!) B. Siguro. Ewan ko. (Hindi ka maka-decide.) C. Okey ka lang? Syempre hindi! Ikaw ang mahal ko! (Dahil totoo naman talaga.) D. May pagpipilian pa ba ako? (Nabuntis mo siya, kaya dapat lang.) Nasa pagpili mo ang magiging ending ng istoryang ito. • 40 •
odd and ridiculous Para kay Monster
Maria Patrisha Ivoreen S. Tamba
Para kay Dindo Paolo Depalobos who seldom speaks his thoughts at sa kanyang mahiwagang hand gestures tuwing nag-e-explain ng mga bagay-bagay.
K
ung prince charming ang makakasama ni Ma’am, lahat perfect, napaka-boring. Magiging madali lang ang happy ending. Ayaw ni Ma’am ng gan’on. Gusto ni Ma’am makasama yung taong may mga kapintasan man, at least tinatanggap niya. Gustong makasama ni Ma’am si Monster hanggang forever. Forever ha, ibig sabihin walang ending. May kilala akong isang lalaki. Mahilig siya sa mga horror movies, comics, at cartoons. Gustonggusto niya yung mga patayan na scenes. Gusto niya yung dine-describe yung itsura ng mga kadiring sugat. Siguro kasi gusto niyang inisin si Ma’am. Ah, si Ma’am pala, Shane ang tunay niyang pangalan. Ma’am ang tawag namin ni Monster sa kanya kasi pagsapit ng alas singko, diretso kaming dalawa sa library para sa tutorial niya. Ang totoo kasi, mahina kami ni Monster sa mga bagay na patungkol sa Physics. Kaya kahit nakakahiya mang tanggapin, isa kami sa mga adopted students ng mga matatalino sa klase gaya ni Ma’am noong high school. Ah, si Monster, Patrick ang tunay niyang pangalan. Mahilig siyang matulog, kumain at conscious siya sa katawan niya. ‘Yun nga lang, hindi siya mahilig magsalita. Siya ‘yung tipong tahimik lang palagi kaya parang mababaliw ka sa kakaisip kung ano kaya ang iniisip niya. Pero kapag feelings na n’ya ang pinag-uusapan, hindi nagtatago si Monster, nagsasabi siya agad. Madalas daw siyang matulog kasi pagod at minsan tinatamad. Sa tingin ko, gusto niyang mapag-isa kaya dinadaan na lang sa tulog. Kapag nagalit siya, hindi siya namamansin. Siguradong lagot ka sa kanya at mahihirapan kang kunin ulit ang loob niya. Weakness niya ang mga subjects na may connection sa Physics. Sa palagay ko, wala siyang tiwala sa sarili niya kaya niya nasabi na “Monster” nalang daw ang itawag namin sa kanya. Kakaiba siyang monster kasi hindi naman siya nanakit or nangangain. Kung makikita mo siya, normal lang naman siya at kumpleto ang mga bahagi ng katawan. Pero may isang taong ibang-iba ang tingin sa kanya, ‘yan si Ma’am. Hindi ba yung mga halimaw kung ilalarawan natin, nakakatakot, masama yung ugali, pangit, at kakaiba yung itsura na parang ayaw mong lumapit ito sa’yo o makita mo man lang? Pero si “Ma’am”, gustong-gusto niya si Monster. May kakaibang nakikita si Ma’am kay Monster. Tuwing tumitingin siya kay Monster, napapangiti siya. Kung ilalarawan siya ni Ma’am ay kakaiba. Para kay Ma’am yung mga mata ni Monster ang isa sa pinakanagustuhan niya kay Monster. Never siyang natakot dito. Natatakot lang siya kapag alam niyang tumitingin si Monster sa kanya, hindi dahil ayaw niya, kundi dahil pakiramdam niya’y matutunaw siya. Si Monster daw ay may kakaibang smile na nakakahawa. Nakikita ni Ma’am kung gaano kapursigido si Monster sa mga bagay na gusto niya. Kapag kasama niya si Monster, pakiramdam niya ligtas siya at parang napakasaya ng lahat. Para kay Ma’am napakatapang ni Monster kasi hindi siya natatakot sabihin kung anong nararamdaman niya hindi tulad ko. Hindi siya takot na ipakita yung mga weaknesses at flaws niya, hindi tulad ko. Hindi marunong magkunwari si Monster. Wala siyang paki-alam kung anong magiging tingin sa kanya ng ibang tao basta ang importante, nagpapakatotoo lang siya. Kaya naman kahit anong sabihin sa kanya ng iba, hindi pa rin matitinag ang paghanga sa kanya ni Ma’am. Hindi man siya ang pinapangarap na prinsipe ng mga kakabaihan, wala man siyang napaka hot na katawan na maihahalintulad sa mga artista, hindi man siya magaling sumayaw tulad ng iba, hindi naman mahalaga ‘yun para kay Ma’am dahil alam niya na may mga kakayahan si Monster at katangian na wala sa iba. Mas naunang gumradweyt si Monster sa mga tutorial sessions namin kay Ma’am. Kaya heto ako, mag-isa na lamang tuwing lampas alas singko papunta sa library. Ang totoo, mas gusto ko nga ‘yon para masolo ko si Ma’am. Pero kahit ilang oras man kaming magkasama, si Monster pa rin ang sumusundo sa kanya. “Define color.” Subok na tanong ni Ma’am sa akin. “Is a physiological sensation that depends on the eye of the behaviour…. Ay, parang beauty… • 41 •
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depends upon the eye of the beholder.” “Haha. Alam mo tama ka.” “Tama ang sagot ko?” “Na ang kulay parang beauty.” “Ahh… haha. Ang galing ko naman,” puri ko sa sarili. “Isipin mo ha. May mga taong color blind. Iba yung pananaw nila sa ilang kulay.” “Tapos…” “Ibig sabihin. Maaaring ang libro na ‘to hindi talaga” Kung tatanungin si Ma’am kung naniniwala ba siyang monster talaga si Monster, ang isasagot niya ay “Oo” dahil hindi perfect si Monster. Pero kahit gan’on, mas gugustuhin ni Ma’am si Monster kaysa sa prince charming. Kung prince charming ang makakasama ni Ma’am, lahat perfect, napakaboring. Magiging madali lang ang happy ending. Ayaw ni Ma’am ng gan’on. Gusto ni Ma’am makasama yung taong may mga kapintasan man, at least tinatanggap niya. Gustong makasama ni Ma’am si Monster hanggang forever. Forever ha, ibig sabihin walang ending.
• 42 •
odd and ridiculous Dimapunggan
Joyce Gem M. Cañete
S
i Dimapunggan isa ka babayi nga wala gusto sa iya nga nobyo. Isa ka adlaw, naglakat-lakat siya sa wayang sa likod sang ila balay para magpautwas sang iya hibubun-ot. Wala siya nakatalupangod nga malayo-layo na medyo ang iya nga nalakat. Gabulutod ang iya tyan sa sobra nga kaugot sa nobyo amo nga nagdesisyon ini nga magpungko sang nakakita sang isa ka umbok sang duta. Sang nakaplastar na pungko sa mainit nga duta, gulpi ini nagpagwa sang hangin nga medyo may hamo nga baho. “Abaaaw! Sin-o ang nagpukaw sang gapahimunong ko nga ilong?!” Singgit sang isa ka mahinay nga tingog apang bation tungod sa kalinong. “Ay dwindi!” Sa kakibot ni Dimapunggan, naglumpat ini sang makit-an ang kama-kama nga nagbutwa sa duta nga iya mismo ginapungkuan. “Ikaw nga tawo ka, ano tuyo mo kag ginpautwasan mo ako diri sang ginahuput-huput mo?” “Hindi na gid ko ya sa nobyo ko. Pirme na lang siya gatulok sa iban nga babayi. Huhuhu…” ang ngoyngoy sang dalaga. “Kung amo na siya pirmi, basi sa sunod ang hangin nga gasulod sa lawas ko madiretso sa ulo ko sa sobra ka ugtas sa iya.” “Tsk, tsk, tsk... Tama na, untati na kay daw malipong na ko sa hangin nga ginadapya mo sa ilong ko. Sige, para untatan mo na, tumanon ko kung ano man ang gusto mo,” siling sang dwindi nga dali nalang malipong. Poof! Sa isa ka pitik sang iya tudlo, nagbutwa ang nobyo sang babayi. “Babe?” siling sang lalaki. “Ugh, grabe bal-an ya nga ari ko ba,” mahinay nga siling sang dalaga. “Oh? Ngaa siya man ni gihapon haw?” reklamo ni Dimapunggan. “Pungs? Diin ka na babe? Ikaw na? Ngaa dulom haw?” pamangkot sang makaluluoy nga nobyo niya, samtang gapangapkap sa hangin. “Kay para indi katulok ang nobyo mo sa iban nga babayi, akon gindula ang iya nga palananawon,” paintyindi sang dwindi. “Ha? Indi na ko ya sa iya. Gusto ko lain. Ang indi magtulok sa iban, tapos maskulado kag athletic,” kumod sang pislian nga babayi. Poof! Sa pagpitik liwat sang tudlo sang dwindi, nagbulos sa nobyo ni Dimapunggan ang isa ka kabayo nga may suksok nga blinders sa mata. “Hala! Ngaa nag-amo ni sya?! Indi ko ya sang kabayo! Lain ya akon ginatumod,” kumod gihapon sang gakolisong nga babayi. “Ahay! Sige! Pero ulihi na ni ha? May laktan pa ko. Siguraduha na daan!” Wangal sang dwindi nga gadali na. “Huo, huo! Pramis na! Basta ihatag sa akon ang akon ginapangayo!” Nag-untat si Dimapunggan kag nagpalakpak sang ini may naisip na. “Aha! Kabalo na ko, gusto ko dreamy kag cute!” singgit sini nga daw ginakilig nga fan ni Daniel Padilla. Amat-amat nga naglutaw ang kabayo kag ginpalibutan ini sang masari-sari nga kolor sang aso nga daw may galinupok-lupok pa. Nagdalagko ang mga mata ni Dimapunggan sa sobra nga excitement samtang galantaw sining pagtigbaylo. “Oh, ini hoo! Last stock na ni s’ya ha! Halungan mo gid siya!” singgit sang dwindi kag gulpi ini nadula kag nagbilin pa sang aso. Poof! Whoosh! Ang maskulado kag ang athletic nga kabayo nangin maskulado nga pink unicorn. Si Dimapunggan, isa kababayi nga indi uyon ang iya nobyo, nakakuha siya sang iya leksyon kag nagsiling bilang konklusyon, “Ay, sa sunod punggan ko nalang gid ya.”
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odd and ridiculous
Photos
• 45 •
odd and ridiculous
Meanwhile in Seafoods Section joyce Gem M. CaÑETE
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baby Pictures
THONGENN LANz B. PATIAM
• 48 •
odd and ridiculous
Baby Pictures
Thongenn lanz B. patiam
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the curious case of bayoyoy ANONYMOUS
• 50 •
odd and ridiculous
the authors
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Julie ann a. analiSta Is a religious advocate. Amen.
chriStine Joy a. Saber All she ever wanted was to be an astronomer and have a date with the stars. Now, she’s a pharmacy student. Few light years to go!
Joyce geM M. caÑete *no comment*
febrielyn S. tuMineS Is a surrealist. And she doesn’t know the exact meaning of the word. How surreal.
beb o. ang Wala raw siyang asenso sa buhay. Maganda noong past life, hanggang ngayon maganda pa rin. Wicked, wicked life.
edward roland g. gabrillo Is a self-proclaimed superhero with villainous inclinations; sometimes, a villain with heroic tendencies. He counts his breaths and waits for the day that he’ll run out of numbers.
JerSon e. elMido Is guilty of nose-picking in public. Is always lost (and never found.)
rochelle louiSe d. doroMal Doesn’t get fat no matter how much she eats. Doesn’t get fat. Wait, what? She doesn’t get fat?! Now, that’s weird digestive system!
Joel S. SaStrillo Is every girl’s dream guy. Now you can take a look at his fb account to check the validity of the statement. And put a check here >___ if it’s true and put an X here >___ if otherwise.
Maria PatriSha iVoreen S. taMba Is craziest when she’s hungry.
wilhelM c. liZada Can play violin, like a boss. Where’s odd in this?
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may 2013