Volume 42 Issue 10 by University Times

inside this issue:

Graduation Postponed Details on page 10

University of Maine at Presque Isle Volume 42 Issue 10

No Need To Sleep! Details on page 14

Journalism for Northern Maine Visit us at utimes.umpi.edu

APRIL 1, 2014

Milked Chocolate Hannah Brilliant CONTRIBUTOR

Researchers at the University of Vermont released a study last week that suggests changing a cow’s diet can control the flavor of the milk. “This has huge implications for the future of chocolate and other flavored milks,” The Hershey Company’s spokesman, Alec Freitas, said in a press conference at UVM on Monday. The study tested milk samples from two hundred of the agriculture department’s cows. The study took place over a period of two years.

So what did they find? “The most exciting discovery for us,” farmer Jon McIntire of the UVM agricultural science program said, “was the mocha milk. We stopped bringing coffee to work, we were just drinking the mocha milk instead.” That’s right: mocha-flavored milk. McIntire said a combination of regular feed, cocoa beans and espresso beans produced a milk that tasted like the popular coffee drink. “The cows were a little hyper, but boy, the milk made it worth the extra work to get them to stand still at milking time.”

Jon McIntire feeding the cows cocoa beans.

The study was a partnership between the university and The Hershey Company five years in the making. “Hershey’s was approached by Dr. Gretchen Fields (Head of UVM’s agriculture department) in 2009 about the possibility of a study into flavoring milk,” Freitas said during the press conference. “It took a while to design an experiment both parties felt confident about.” Fields specializes in bovine husbandry and biology. She has been the brains behind the experiment from the start. “I was doing research with several of my graduate students back in 2009. We started noticing that the chemical makeup and flavor of the milk from the university dairy would change depending on the time of year. We connected that to the changes in the cows’ diet. One student and I started joking about chocolate milk from cocoa-eating cows. When the laughter died down we suddenly looked at each other like, ‘Wow, I wonder if it’s really possible.’ We put together a proposal that month to send to Hershey’s.”

The researchers tried five different diets: blueberry, s t r a w b e r r y, chocolate, mocha and vanilla. They hired blind tastetesters. The testers tried all the different flavors (including a control sample of unflavored milk) without Jon McIntireʼs daughter enjoying knowing which her first glass of chocolate milk flavor was which. The test straight from the cows! was 100 percent vored milks, so we want to conclusive. All the taste-testers make sure there is enough dereported tasting the intended fla- mand for the product before we vors. “When we really got down think about launching nationto sorting through all our data, I wide,” Freitas said. almost couldn’t believe it. I just McIntire is confident about kept thinking, ‘Why didn’t the future of UVM and Hersomeone study this sooner?’” shey’s flavored milks. “I can’t What’s next? Freitas and imagine that people won’t love Fields announced at the press the stuff as much as we do. And conference that they expect the if they don’t, I’ll still insist that milk to be in mass-production the UVM ag department keep its within six months. “We’ll start herd of mocha and vanilla dairy small, selling at UVM and at cows just for the staff. The Hershey Park. The flavors are stuff’s just that good.” not as bold as traditional fla-

The University Times Staff Editor Nicole Duplessis Assistant Editor Stephanie Jellett Staff Writers Christopher Bowden Nicole Duplessis Stephanie Jellett Ben Pinette Katie York Contributors Kathryn Allenby Ollie Barratt Hannah Brilliant Rebecca Campbell Tia Anita Dee Matthew Glover Kelly Gumprecht Heather Herbert Jason Hoyt Jacob Kiehn Erin McKenney Linda Schott Jim Stepp Emily Thibodeau Bobbi Anne Wheaton

Adviser Dr. J The U Times welcomes submissions from the campus. Send digital versions of articles, photos, etc., to utimes@maine.edu and jacquelyn.lowman@umpi.edu

University Times

ampus

Hi everyone, I hope you all enjoy your break! I know mine wonʼt be what I had hoped it would be. Life just has a way of throwing curve balls, and it looks like this one was a strike for me. For the past couple months, I have been looking forward to the trip that the U Times would be taking to Washington, D.C., over spring break. Iʼve been saving my money and marking off the days on my calendar. As I made my way to the bank the other day to deposit some money into my checking account, I was told that all of my accounts had been completely drained and they had forgotten to notify me of suspicious activity. I was shocked. Not a single penny has been left in my account. So, without any money to spend or pay for my expenses, I am no longer able to go to Washington, D.C. I will be spending most of my time making phone calls, sitting at the bank and hoping that the person who has done this is caught. This may be my last letter, because I am not sure I will be able to continue school if my accounts are not replenished. It has been a pleasure writing for the paper, and I plan to return to UMPI when I have the money. -Nicole

April 1, 2014

Hello everybody, Gee, how about all that snow, eh? All the snowstorms and cold weather: I just love it! Itʼs been just the greatest. Iʼve gone snowboarding, x-country skiing and snowmobiling so much the past couple weeks, itʼs fantastic! Iʼve never enjoyed the outdoors so much in my life. All this snow has made me the happiest Canadian ever. Itʼs truly been a fun winter and Iʼm glad, even though itʼs spring, that thereʼs still LOTS of snow. At this rate, we might as well just skip summer and keep all this snow. Who needs summer anyway? Itʼs hot and muggy, you feel all bogged down. Itʼs just not fun to deal with. Iʼd much rather be able to bundle up in about 10 layers of clothes to be able to go outside. Thereʼs just so much more Iʼd rather do in the winter than do in the summer. Like camping. Itʼs more of a challenge in the wintertime and the bears are hibernating. Itʼs so much safer. I hope you all enjoy your break. Iʼll be spending mine on the slopes catching some fresh powder! -Stephanie

Dates fo r Sub mission s to the U Times A pr i l 14

A p ri l 28

Any submissions received after a deadline will be published in the following issue. If you have any questions, please contact Dr. Lowman at 768-9745.

Univer si ty Tim es ! C AM P US ! A pr il 1 , 2 01 4

J i m ’s J o u r n a l Fr ee Tr ave l Lots of schools have travel abroad programs, but none is like UMPI’s. Under a new program sponsored by the Gates Foundation–World travel program students will get to travel to other places during their sophomore, junior and senior years. The UMPI/Gates travel initiative will be the first of its kind. The program is being funded by a generous grant by the Gates Foundation. The grant totals about $3 million a year. When asked why they were funding this program, Bill and Melinda said, “It’s our way of giving back and helping the students who attend college in northern Maine.” They also said that they hope to come on all of these trips Where will our students travel? That’s a good question.

During their sophomore year, all students will have the opportunity to travel during the last week of October to one of two places. For those who do not want to leave the United States, an all-expense paid trip has been set up to Death Valley, Calif., and To m b s t o n e , Ariz. Those wishing to travel outside the country will take a trip to the beautiful Valley of the Dead in Egypt. The travel agent has said that the week around Halloween is the best time to see these places, so everything has been done to schedule these

trips in October. Because the Gates Foundation feels that the weather here in northern Maine is not really

does not set during the month of March. The 24 hour sunlight should help cure any effects students may be having from Sea-

conducive for Spring Break, staff members have made arrangements to send all of our juniors to a place where the sun

sonal Affective Disorder. This sunny spot is on the beautiful Ross Ice Shelf in sunny Antarctica.

During students’ senior year of school, they will get to visit either the Moon or Mars. These trips have been set up with Virgin Galactic, a pioneer in low cost, low Earth orbit space flight. Virgin Galactic’ s owner, Richard Branson, feels that the company will be ready to do these trips in the next three years and looks forward to being part of the UMPI/Gates travel initiative. Branson also added, “This will be a great way to spend your winter break. Flying through space at 60,000 miles an hour is really cool.” For students to be eligible for these trips, they must maintain a 2.00 grade point average and attend full time the semester prior to and during the trip period. Additional information may be obtained by calling 1-800-3594283 (1-800-Fly-Gates).

Class of 2014 Valedictorian announcement:

This year’s Valedictorian will win a trip for 2 to the northernmost city in the United States: Barrow, Alaska. It’s a week long trip: all expenses are paid. The trip is from May 19 to May 25.

Un iver si ty Ti m es ! C AM P US ! A pr i l 1 , 2 014

Emerson’s Drought Ollie Barratt CONTRIBUTOR

Janie Durr, assistant director of residence life, has made the somewhat unpopular decision to declare Emerson as a dry dormitory. She said, “We’ve always had issues with alcohol in this dorm (referring to Emerson). But this latest stunt was truly the straw that broke the camel’s back.” Confirmation of the ban has since been made by Jim Stepp, dean of students and interim vice president of student affairs. In the late hours of Saturday, March 29, and leading into the early hours of Sunday, March 30, three drunken males--one a senior at UMPI, the other two presumed to be his friends-apprehended a live pig and smuggled him into Emerson. They somehow managed to get the pig to the third floor of Emerson before Amos Ward,

residential assistant then on duty, caught the trio and their pink and smelly friend around 3 a.m. “I was sitting in my room at the time hoping to get some sleep soon, when I heard snickering and shooshing from the staircase. I thought nothing of it until I heard grunting and oinking.” The very bizarre occurrence stunned Ward and also Durr, who was quickly called to the scene. Surprisingly, the stunt was quickly resolved as one of our perpetrators, sober enough to realize the trouble they were in, single-handedly managed to lead the disgruntled pig out of the building and to his rightful owners, farmers Mr. & Mrs. Pelletier. Having realized their pig, named Miss Piggy, had been stolen late at night, the couple were overjoyed to embrace the animal with open arms as she fled from the building. Police also learned of the stupid but otherwise courageous stunt just

as soon as it happened and met the three in Emerson circle. The trio now awaits a trial hearing. Ward told us, “I must admit that I was pretty amused to see a pig in Emerson. But it was a drunken game that we have not taken lightly, and I assume they regret doing it very much.” The pig, thankfully, was relatively clean and calm during its extravagant touring of the UMPI college campus. All are surprised at how swiftly and subtly the entire ordeal was handled. Sadly, it brings with it the negative repercussion of Emerson becoming a dry dorm. This, of course, means that Emerson joins both Merriman and Park in its alcohol ban. That makes UMPI a completely dry campus. Disallowing the consumption of alcohol on campus will more than likely cause turmoil between students and those in charge of the big decision, but we hope to see a smooth and unprotested transition.

“We understand the distaste the ban will cause among our more regular drinkers in Emerson. But we hope they understand the reasoning behind it and our ever-growing lack of patience with this intoxicated behavior. As you may know, earlier this year we experienced

‘Walking Dead’ to be filmed in Maine! The cast of “Walking Dead” has decided to film an episode in Presque Isle! The public is welcome to watch and a meet and greet will be held at UMPI’s Wieden Auditorium. Come join us on Tuesday, April 1!

an unforgivable event including a group of drunken males and the chancellor’s car. We are beyond exhausted with dealing with these events,” Durr said. We expect to see the prohibition take place in the fall semester of 2014.

Univer si ty Ti m es ! C AM P US ! A pr il 1 , 2 014

Beyond Normal Activity Kathryn Allenby CONTRIBUTOR

In the basement of Normal Hall, there is a portal to another dimension. The old building has had some rumblings of late. Earlier this semester the water line burst in the front of Normal Hall. Crews made repairs quickly, despite the frozen ground. Normal Hall is the oldest building at the University of Maine at Presque Isle. Back when the contractor built it he included a cistern in the basements to collect water. Recent paranormal activity within the old cistern is a troubling dilemma.

Thersa Copotaton, a psychicmedium, met with campus officials during the winter while the campus was vacant. During her visit, she experienced a strong magnetism to the Normal Hall basement. “The greatest sensation was in the basement. The closer I was in relationship to the cistern, the more pull I felt to something or someone,” Copotaton said. She wrote in her report that the building may have been built over a holy burial ground. There are no records of a graveyard being in the area at that time. The land was once the location of the St. John's Episcopal Secondary School for Boys. The school eventually

closed and the town purchased the parcel with a few buildings for $2,500. By this time, a special commission approved the site for building a normal school in Presque Isle. The state and the town both donated $20,000 to build Normal Hall. The campus was known as the Aroostook State Normal School. Normal schools originated in 1685. The first U.S. normal school was established in 1839 in Massachusetts. It is now known as Framingham State University. Another is the University of California, Los Angeles. The normal schools gained popularity in the United States after the Civil War. These schools began with a simple premise: to assist young women toward a career in teaching. The students, their teachers and the teaching staff all lived in the same building. Copotaton suggested that the cistern be filled in and all access to the basement sealed off. When asked how soon this should be done, Copotaton said, “Ah, yesterday. Yes, I would urge the campus to act ASAP. This portal is becoming more and more active as we speak.” Kim-Anne

Perkins has worked on campus for more than 20 years. Her office is on the second floor of Normal Hall. When asked if she had experienced any odd occurrences, Perkins said, “Over the years, we have found clothing in the first floor bathroom. In the middle of winter, my assistant found a towel, bathing suit and flip-flops. Everything was covered in sand. The odd thing is, even though the suit was old fashioned it was brand new. The towel was still damp and smelled like salty seaweed.” Perkins said that she has heard bumping noises coming from the basement many times. “One time I was working late. I was the only person in the building. The thumping sound seemed to be coming from the staircase that leads down to the basement. I walked downstairs and was standing near the faculty lounge. The sounds stopped as quickly as they had begun,” Perkins said. Copotaton said, “I have heard

of other campuses having similar paranormal activity. My colleagues who have had the opportunity to visit a site have reported the strongest magnetic pull near the main water source for the campus. Possibly the owner of the clothing was from the university in L.A.” Recent activity in the basement of Normal Hall has been due to crews working day and night to clear the space. They've relocated most records and furniture to the third floor. They completed their work last week. The company performing the work used the newest technology in sealing off the basement. We should be comforted that no one has been seriously injured over the years since the portal has been active. Rest assured the rumblings in Normal Hall are students and staff walking through the halls getting to their next class or meeting and not to another dimension.

Un i ve r sity Ti m es ! CA MP U S ! A p ri l 1 , 20 1 4

What Do You Do With a Million Dollars?

feed her Girl Scout cookie and Saint’s carrot addictions. Who knew that in such a “Saint can eat as many carsmall town, one of our very rots as she wants. Cookies--I own professors would win love my cookies. It doesn’t the million dollar Megabucks matter what kind, either. My from a scratch ticket? Profes- absolute favorite would have sor Jacqui Lowman was sur- to be peanut butter sandwich prised when she scratched off though.” Lowman said with a those little dollar signs with smile. Saint had heard her her lucky quarter she keeps under her pillow. On Monday, March 10, 2014, Lowman and her service dog, Saint, went to the local Shell station and took out a crisp $20 bill from her wallet. She asked for what turned out to be the lucky winning ticket. As soon as she realized she won, she did a couple doughnuts in the store and then popped a wheelie. “I can’t believe I won!” Lowman said. “Now I have say carrots, and now was sitbig plans for this million dol- ting on her back legs begging lars.” for some. Lowman said that she was “I have big plans for Saint going to use the money to and Tuva, too. I plan on takErin McKenney CONTRIBUTOR

ing them to Bangor to PetCo and letting them both go wild, even a trip to Portland to take them to Camp Bow Wow,” Lowman said. Looking around her office located on the first floor of Normal Hall, you can see Girl Scout cookie boxes packed from floor to ceiling, where

cookies,” Lowman said. “I had no idea that she was that addicted to cookies! I always saw her and Saint munching on baby carrot sticks,” Ellie Bell, one of Lowman’s former students’ said. What else does she plan to do with her million dollars?

to have traction control and these little treads on them that I can really go through the Maine winters without a problem.” Who knew that in our own little campus there would be a professor who loves Girl Scout cookies as much as she does? Watch out local Girl Scout troops. Dr. Lowman is just waiting for cookie season to come back around! Aside for her cookie addiction and the new upgraded wheelchair she wants to purchase, Lowman said that she was going to spend some time traveling around the U.S. with a few of her close friends. Don’t worry fellow UMPI friends: Dr. Lowman will not be missing any class time. “I plan to take a huge trip the the bookshelves used to be. “I’m going to get a new chair. day after school is done. I’m After counting more than 400 One that has twice the speed. thinking Mexico, or even Jaboxes, she lost track. “I’m The one I’m looking at can maica. Maybe even work on going to ask for more space go from 0-30 in 6 seconds my summer tan,” Lowman just for my collection of flat,” she said. “It’s also going said.

Another Floor? Kathleen York CONTRIBUTOR

In the last few years, UMPI’s library has seen a few major changes. The front steps being renovated, the laptops, the Government Documents move… Soon it will be seeing an even bigger change. Plans are being made to add another floor on top

of the existing building. “This building was originally supposed to be bigger,” UMPI library director JoAnne Wallingford said. “It was going to be large enough to hold an art gallery…basically like a museum.” Now the library is getting its chance. The roof is going to be cleanly removed and the floor

renovated to add an attic-style floor on top, much like the fourth floor in Normal Hall. After construction is finished, the top floor will be furnished to host art pieces from UMPI’s art classes. There are varying opinions on campus about this plan. When asked about the project, UMPI student Reggie Kastle ad-

mitted to liking the idea. “It’d be nice to have a more museumlike library.” Some students like the idea of adding another floor, but have their own thoughts on what it should be used for. “I think it would be better if it was used as a multimedia floor,” UMPI student Amanda Scott said. "You know, like a floor that has Smart

Boards and stuff like that for students to use all in one place and whenever they want.” Regardless of what ultimately happens, the new library floor will be a welcome addition to the building. “We hope that students, faculty and staff will find the space useful,” Wallingford said. Construction is planned to start this summer.

Uni ve r sity Ti m es ! CA MP U S ! A pr il 1, 201 4

UMPI Announces New Student Nicole Duplessis STAFF WRITER

It is with pleasure that UMPI announces the coming of a new student. This may seem peculiar since UMPI welcomes new students all the time, but this student is one that many are already familiar with. In Fall of 2014, UMPI will welcome country artist, Scotty McCreery. McCreery won season 10 of American Idol, and his fame has grown since. He remains a country boy at heart, however. He was born and raised in Garner, North Carolina, and enjoyed every bit of it. With his new lifestyle taking over the life he has always known, McCreery claims he wants a bit of a break and a chance to grow new roots elsewhere. “It will be a pleasure to be part of a small town university, I like the idea of that,” McCreery said. “Coming from a small town myself, I feel like it will be a wonderful experience.”

Not only does McCreery like the idea of being a part of the UMPI campus, but many faculty and staff members are equally excited. “I really feel like he will be a role model to students here,” dean of students, Jim Stepp said. “He may be a celebrity, but his personality is so humble that he will blend right in.” McCreery will be entering UMPI as a third year student. He will be continuing his education as a Criminal Justice major. He plans to start a new club for students interested in music. Whether it is singing, playing an instrument or just observing, he wants students to embrace the positivity that music can bring. “Music has brought so much into my life, and I want others to be able to experience that,” McCreery said. Faculty and staff have worked hard to keep this a surprise until now. Anticipating that it would cause quite the reaction

throughout campus, they wanted to wait until after midterms to release this wonderful news. They figured it would be best to not distract students during such a busy time of studying. “As excited as I was when I found out, I knew it was best to wait a while to announce the news to everyone,” president Linda Schott said. “We sent letters to faculty and staff during Christmas break informing them of McCreery’s decision to attend UMPI in the fall.” Schott has had the opportunity to speak with McCreery over the phone and has scheduled a date for him to come look at the campus. Along with his visit to the campus comes a special treat. “Scotty will offer a concert in Wieden Auditorium. He wants to engage students and access the facilities on campus,” Stepp said. Make sure to mark your calendars for Saturday, May 3.

Since McCreery will soon be a student at UMPI, the concert will be of no cost. He wants to

feel like the true country boy he is, and he feels as though UMPI will allow him to embrace that.

New Class Offered This Fall:

CTY 101: The History of Country Music Tuesdays & Thursdays: 2-3:15 p.m. Folsom 206 Instructor to be announced The final for the class includes a visit from three very well-known country artistis. Add this class to your wishlist today!

Un iver si ty Ti m es ! C AM P US ! A p r i l 1, 2 01 4

Professor Commits to Leave UMPI For Her Dream Job Tia Anita Dee CONTRIBUTOR

In February, Presque Isle, Maine, was graced with a visit from the famous L.L. Bean Bootmobile. Although this may have been just another day of

the week for some, for others it was a very awesome experience. Many people from the commu-

nity were in attendance to get a glimpse of the oversized boot on wheels. Jacqui Lowman, a professor here at UMPI, explained how this might have possibly been one of the best days of her

life. She has always had a dream job, as many of us do. Jacqui Lowman has always wanted to be the official Boot-

mobile driver. She always pictured herself and Saint cruising down the roads in their oversized boot. “I heard that the Bootmobile was coming to Presque Isle and immediately made plans for Saint and me to be in attendance. I was honestly happier than a toddler in a toy store,” Lowman said. She began to explain her whole experience and you could see the excitement all over her face. “Once we got there, the first thing we had to do was get a picture,” Lowman said. Then she spoke with the driver of the boot. “I wanted to know what the job really entailed,” Lowman said. Turns out it has many perks. You get to attend many events, and also many events are planned around you. Lowman elaborated on her small talk with the driver. “He was quite the chatty guy,” Low-

man said with a little chuckle. “He told me all about his family, his beautiful wife and kids.” She explained that he’s from Arizona and that he and his family plan to move back home this coming August. “I knew this was the perfect time to show my interest for the job,” Lowman said. The driver was was more than eager to take her name and number and put in a good word for her. The first week of March, Lowman received a phone call from a man named Richard, who happened to be the manager of the human resources department for L.L Bean. He told Lowman how highly the current Bootmobile driver spoke of her. “He told Richard that he’s never had someone show such passion for his job before,” Lowman said. Then Richard told her that he would like to offer her the job. Lowman was unsure. Why

would the man want to hire someone he’d never even met? But he’d done his homework: he’d been in contact with the university for some background on Lowman. He told her that the job would be available to her in August of 2014 if she would be willing to take it. Richard explained the adjustments Bean would be willing to make to the Bootmobile, and he even included a dog bed for Saint. “This was such a dream come true!” Lowman said. She was smiling from ear to ear. “I’m really going to miss my UMPI family, but the Bootmobile will be making its way back to Presque Isle, Maine,” Lowman said. So next winter, if you happen to see the Bootmobile cruising down the road, don’t forget to wave. For Dr. Jacqui Lowman and Saint will be the friendly faces behind the wheel.

Want to win free meals for a year? Now is your chance! Sign up in the Campus Center on Tuesday, April 1, at lunch for your chance to win free meals in the cafeteria for a whole year! The winner will be drawn at supper on April 1.

Univer si ty Ti m es ! C AM P US ! A pr il 1 , 2 014

Alien at UMPI Ben Pinette STAFF WRITER

It wasn’t your typical evening at the Campus Center’s Multipurpose room on Thursday, March 6. Instead of a human presenter talking at the podium, folks were treated to something literally out of this world. ALF, better known as Gordon Shumway, came to UMPI to speak about life on television, life on his home planet Melmac and to tell a few jokes, albeit dry ones. People in attendance that night weren’t expecting to see ALF. In fact, the presentation that night was scheduled to be our own President Linda Schott discussing her studies on proficiency-based learning. Instead, Dr. John DeFelice took the podium

and told the audience that there had been a change and we were going to meet ALF and his alias, Paul Fusco. Lanette Virtanen, staff member at UMPI, was in attendance that night and shared the same reaction of many. “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Talk about getting fooled. I used to watch ALF all the time back in Canada with my mom,” Virtanen said. According to Fusco, ALF was created by accident in the early 1980s. Fusco had been a puppeteer since he was a kid living in Connecticut. He moved to Hollywood when he was 25 and performed with his other puppets at nightclubs all over Hollywood. His

UMPI students listening to ALF speak. big break came in 1981 when he was asked to perform on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. He credits Carson for giving him his “big break.” “What people don’t know about Johnny was that he was as nice of a person off camera as he was on. He really was a great person to be around, “ Fusco said. His break on late night television helped him pave the way to ALF. ALF was actually created by Fusco. When he was deciding which of his dozens of puppets to use for ALF, he knew just the right one. “I knew Gordon needed to look like an actual alien, so many of my puppets I couldn’t use. This one I had made two years before ALF premiered, so it was just destiny I guess,” Fusco said. “ALF” was a successful situation comedy that ran from 1986-1990 on NBC.

The show starred Max Wright as Willie Tanner, Anne Schedeen as Kate Tanner, Andrea Elson as Lynn Tanner and Benji Gregory as Brian Tanner. On the first episode, the Tanner family was introduced to ALF when he crashed into the Tanner’s garage. “It’s such a silly show and concept now, but you could get away with this on NBC back in the mid ‘80s,” Fusco said. “ALF” enjoyed a cult following years after its run ended on NBC. Reruns of the show were broadcast on cable as late as 10 years ago. Before the night was up, everyone got to hear a few words from the alien life form himself. “You know, I had so much fun doing that show and being with the Tanners. They treated me like family. That’s hard to come by these days, you know,”

Shumway said. The audience was also treated with S h u m w a y ’s h u m o r. “Like my old skeelball coach used to say: ‘Find something you're not good at, and then don't do it,’” Shumway said. So how did ALF and Fusco come to UMPI and Presque Isle? According to Fusco, he had known DeFelice years ago when DeFelice was teaching in Miami. Fusco happened to be at a local bar one night and so were DeFelice and his wife. The two started talking and have kept in contact all these years. “I like to trick my students and colleagues once in a while. I thought this one really worked out well,” DeFelice said. ALF and Fusco’s next stop was Indiana, where they both were going to speak to a second grade class.

Un iver si ty T im es ! C AM P US ! A p r i l 1, 2 01 4

Attention Senior Class: Graduation Postponed Stephanie Jellett STAFF WRITER

For seniors, there's one day that they're all looking forward to: graduation. It's the big day where the gymnasium is filled with proud family and friends as one by one they walk across the stage and receive their diploma. No more last-minute work on that final paper due the next morning. No more late night studying. No more midterms and final exams. All the hard work has finally paid off. But UMPI has a surprise up their sleeves and seniors are not happy about it. This year’s graduation was scheduled for May 17. There have been rumors around campus for the past week that the date may be pushed back. President Schott verified that the rumors were in fact true. Graduation will be pushed back until July 19 because a very special guest will be attending. “It's true... I wanted to keep this a secret, but since word has already spread, I decided to Tweet the news over Twitter last

night. President Obama will be attending our new graduation date!” Schott said. Before Christmas, President Obama held a contest called “Project Graduation.” Faculty and staff members from American universities could submit an application that would put them into a drawing. Three applications would be chosen at random and the winning universities would receive a visit from the President of the United States for graduation. Project Graduation also provides funds for the next 15 years for tutoring centers to raise the number of graduates. “I can't believe how lucky we were to get chosen. This was a one in a million chance! I'm not even sure who sent in the application, no one has come forward. I'm very grateful though,” Schott said. The other two schools to be chosen were the University of Louisville in Kentucky and Humboldt State University in California. Since UMPI was chosen third however, it will be

the last stop on President Obama's trip around the country, since we're so far north. Which is one of the reasons the graduation date had to be pushed back. Schott also explained that President Obama wanted to wait until July to make sure there would be no snow since northern Maine has been experiencing a greater amount of snowfall this year. “We'll never get this kind of opportunity again. We just can't pass this up. The seniors will have to understand this,” Schott said. Even though this is a big deal in UMPI history, the seniors are outraged about the new graduation date. International students will have to stay in hotels in town because it costs too much to fly home and then to turn around and come back for graduation. Seniors from other states and further provinces are upset about having to travel so much. This will also be hard on them for future employment because most seniors apply for jobs in their field after graduation, but with the new date, it sets them back a few months. “We'd be stuck in no-man's land pretty much. Classes will be done, but we need to stick around for graduation in July. This isn't fair. I just want to graduate and go home,” Alex Csiernik, who is from Hamilton, ON, said. Fellow classmate Michael Warner, who is from Norwich, UK, could not be reached for a comment. Friends have said he's too upset to talk and hasn't come out of his room for days because

he already booked his flight home after graduation and they won't refund him the $8,000. “This isn't cool. I'm not too happy about this. I can't talk right now, this is just plain ridiculous,” Ben Pinette, an UMPI senior, said right before storming off. To express their dissatisfaction and irritation towards the new graduation date, some of the seniors rallied together and picketed outside the president’s office, chanting “May 17” earlier this week. President Schott was bewildered at the fact that the seniors would be so upset about the new opportunity and surprise visitor. “I just don't understand. I thought they'd be happy about

staying in Presque Isle longer, especially if they're going to have President Obama at graduation,” Schott said. With graduation prolonged, seniors are now seen moping around campus. Their heads are hung low, they hardly smile and can't even walk and text because they're just too upset. Either way, they will still graduate and get a diploma handed to them. This is a great opportunity for UMPI. The seniors will be happy later on in life when they look back and realize they waited two months to meet the President of the United States. Schott ensured everyone that they will “snap out of it” and come to terms with what greatness awaits them in July.

Univer si ty Ti m es ! C AM P US ! A pr il 1 , 2 014

Keep Sweating, Richard! Rebecca Campbell CONTRIBUTOR

A strange occurrence has happened on the UMPI campus. Community members are in an uproar. On April 1st, the widely known and popular gym, Gentile Hall, shut down for undisclosed reasons. Employees showed up to work that Tuesday and found they were unable to enter the building. All the locks changed as well. While no one can understand how something like this happened overnight, the community is ready to sue the university. What they don’t realize, however, is that Dick Gardiner, director of Gentile Hall, is the one behind all the chaos. Gardiner has informed President Linda Schott that he’ll close Gentile Hall until he renovates it to his liking to fulfill his lifelong dream. He coincidentally found it in an actual dream:

to become Richard Simmons, a fitness personality and actor. When asked about the sudden change, Gardiner responded, “Seeing that dream of me with the Afro hair and the workout clothes--it was as if it was my calling. I can’t explain it, but it’s thrilling.” It came to Gardiner one late night as he felt like something was wrong. He couldn’t fall asleep and it wasn’t the first night he had felt like this. “I couldn’t put my finger on it. But I knew my life needed a change,” Gardiner said. Community members have been flocking around campus for answers. President Schott stood in front of Gentile and gave the community and the university a statement on the inconven-

ience. “I know we are all in shock about what has happened. It is my privilege, however, to allow this to continue. Not only do I want our students to succeed, but also our faculty

and staff. It will take some time to get used to, but we will all have to be patient and accept what the future will bring. This

new fitness and workout center Dick Gardiner is preparing for us will be different. I’m positive that we are ready to embrace this difference.” Behind the scenes, Schott has given Gardiner her full approval and cannot wait for the facility to open. Even though he was surprised at the generosity, Gardiner has now made his plans for the facility even more gigantic. “I plan to use all aspects of Gentile that are already here. I’m hiring painters and carpenters to change the shape and color of the walls and surroundings. We’re tearing down the rock wall, unfortunately, and expanding the walls to make a multipurpose fitness room,” Gardiner said. But that’s not the only thing that’s changing. Gardner con-

tinued, “The gym will also have a wall built down the middle. Those two rooms will be used as “Slimmon’s” and “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” rooms. The rooms are named after Richard Simmons’ exercise studio in Beverly Hills, Calif., and his most well-known aerobics videos. The most exciting transformation, however, will be my wardrobe: shorts and tank tops.” After being shut down for a little more than a week, Gardiner is making a great transformation inside the fitness center. There’s even more to come. He’s unsure when the area will be ready, but is projecting for April 31, 2014. Be the first one to walk through the doors and feel the sweat roll off you to make that body transformation. Remember, keep sweating!

UMPI to Allow Pets on Campus! Matthew Glover CONTRIBUTOR

Do you have a pet at home you miss? Do you wish you could bring your pet to college? Wish no more! After some deep consideration, Residence Life has decided to allow pets into the dorm halls. Pets will be limited to cats, dogs, hamsters and rabbits. Fish will still be allowed in the dorms as well. Students will be able to keep the pets in their dorm as long as the animals follow quiet hours and respect the noise courtesy at all times. If pets do not respect the quiet hours, they will have to sleep in a kennel for the night.

The kennels will be located in the newly remodeled lounges on each floor. An animal specialist will supervise them. Owners will still be able to see their pets for the night, but will not be able to sleep in the lounge with their pets. In addition to the newly remodeled lounges, there will be an enclosed area located somewhere near the soccer field. The pets will be able to run around and interact with one another. Walkways will also be made around the campus to walk your pet. This will be a great opportunity for both the owners and pets to make new friends.

A certified veterinarian will also reside in the Emerson Annex to make sure the pets are in healthy condition living on the UMPI campus. Students will be able to go to the veterinarian whenever the Emerson Annex is open. The veterinarian will make “Dorm” calls as well. UMPI wants to make sure that not only the students have a good and safe experience here, but also the pets. Mitchell Bartlett, a resident assistant for Merriman Hall, said, “I feel this was a great move on residence life’s part. I have a pet dog at home that I always hate to say goodbye to.

Now I don’t have to say goodbye because he can live with me in my dorm! “Although I have a lot of duties as a resident assistant already, I do not mind having to keep the pets under control. I like animals and I think it will be a great experience to be one of the first resident assistants to do this. I look forward to the change. I also look forward to the transition of my resident assistant duties,” There are a few concerns about the dogs and cats getting along. There are also other concerns about the cats wanting to be too playful or even eating the

fish and hamsters. Although some skeptics are still against this, residence life believes they can work this out. Many students are excited for it. If you are interested in bringing your pet to college, there is a process. First, you need to make sure your pet is up to date with its shots. Then you need to fill out multiple forms from residence life. Residence life will then meet your animal to make sure it is fit for the UMPI campus. You do not want your pet sick from being in a cold environment such as Presque Isle. This will take effect next year. So be prepared!

Un iver si ty Ti m es ! C AM P US ! A p r i l 1, 2 01 4

Journalist Jacqui and the Paper Factory: Golden Ticket Holder Receives Four-Year Scholarship Package Kelly Gumprecht CONTRIBUTOR

Times are tough. Lack of federal funding and cutbacks have taken their toll on colleges and universities. Many schools are still trying to figure things out. The University of Maine at Presque Isle is also feeling the hit. President Linda Schott has had to resort to creative thinking to keep things running smoothly for her students. Just last week she put on a hairnet and served lunch when a regular employee called out sick. This winter she has also plowed snow, taught a class and repaired a student’s car. “My Texas upbringing taught me to be resourceful,” Schott said. “But this is ridiculous. Something needs to be done.” Dr. Jacqui Lowman and the staff from the University Times school paper were also worried. Concerned that their president was overworked, they came up

with an idea. Taking a chance that the answer was in their own backyard, they held a contest. With Schott’s approval, they secretly hid five golden tickets in a recent edition of the U Times. “Help President Schott save UMPI and win a four-year scholarship!” was the message on each ticket. Yes, you read that correctly. And on Feb. 31, five lucky individuals reported to Lowman’s office in Normal Hall to redeem their tickets. The catch? Ticket holders had to write an essay. In 500 words or less, they had to come up with ways that they could help President Schott overcome cutbacks. Lowman, Schott and the University Times staff judged the essays. They scored entries on categories such as creativity, most helpful and biggest impact. After much deliberation, judges awarded the scholarship

to Saint Blacklab, an aspiring journalism student. Blacklab was able to impress judges by coming up with “out of the box” ideas. Her goal focused on freeing up Schott’s time so that she could concentrate on education issues. Blacklab offered to improve campus security. Using a snorescare approach, she would guard the campus and keep away threats. She argued that by sneaking up behind people and snoring very loudly, she could scare threats away and save the college thousands. Student safety was suffering. Blacklab’s approach would bring back the small-town protection the campus had lost. In her essay, Blacklab proposed multiple cost-saving ideas. But perhaps the most innovative idea was the Greenhouse Effect. “I love dirt,” she said. “Students need to get dirty. Grow-

ing their own food can really change their lives.” Geared toward Aroostook County’s farming culture, the program has many benefits. It teaches students how to live off the land. It also encourages healthy eating. “It is such an honor,” Blacklab said. “When I found the golden ticket, I never really expected I would win.” The contest gained the attention of many locals. It also created awareness about the struggles campuses face every day. “When Dr. Lowman came to me with the idea, I first was against it,” Schott said. “I just could not imagine that it would work or that it would pay off. But it did and I couldn’t be more

pleased.” Both Schott and Lowman have big plans for Blacklab. Schott sees potential in the young essayist and plans to mentor her throughout her fouryear career at UMPI. Lowman, on the other hand, sees a budding journalist. Already equipped with a passion for writing and flair for creativity, Blacklab has all the makings for a successful writer. “I am very excited,” Blacklab said. “I’m not afraid of the work ahead. It’ll be fun.” Schott is also grateful. “Many of our issues will now be addressed,” she said. “We found a golden ticket thanks to unexpected chance. And her name is Saint Blacklab.”

Uni ver si ty Ti m es ! C A M P US ! A pr il 1 , 20 1 4

UMPI 2014 Spring Give-Away!

Enter for your chance to win big! Check your UMPI updates for the link to register! Hurry before it始s too late, the sweepstakes ends on April 1. Prizes: -2014 Mazda3- 5 door, Automatic, Sport Edition. -All-inclusive trip for two to Cancun, Mexico for 7 days. -Five, $1,000 cash prizes. -Brand new MacBook Air.

Mazda3.

The Moon Palace golf and spa resort in Cancun, Mexico.

MacBook Air.

Uni ver sit y Ti m es ! UNI VE R S I T Y D AY ! A pri l 1 , 2 0 14

Uni ver sity Ti m es ! UNI VE R S I T Y D AY ! A pri l 1, 2 0 1 4

Un iver si ty Tim es ! C AM P US ! A p r i l 1, 2 01 4

Starting April 1: UMPI Uniforms Introducing the new UMPI uniforms! Student始s are required to wear the new uniforms Monday through Friday for classes and events on campus. Uniforms will be at the cost of the student. The added expense will be included in your existing balance. Uniforms will be required starting April 7. Check your e-mail for the latest UMPI updates for the order form.

Univer si ty Tim es ! C AM P US ! A pr il 1 , 2 01 4

John DeFelice: The Downward Spiral Jacob Kiehn

CONTRIBUTOR

Professor John DeFelice is well liked by his students. He has a great sense of humor and blends it well into his teaching. He’s here to help his students learn and give them a better understanding of world history. He is, for all intents and purposes, a model teacher. He is not, however, safe from the deadly power of hypnosis. One Monday, before his morning class started, DeFelice accidentally arrived a half-hour early. The only student there at the time was Phillip Sobchak. On his desk, DeFelice found a $50 bill, a spiral wheel, a copy of the rock band Nine Inch Nails’ album, “The Downward Spiral,” and a note that simply read, “You know what you must do. –Sobchak.” “I heard that Mr. DeFelice was a big NIN fan,” Sobchak said. “I thought it would be funny to see how much he could get out with certain questions. I didn’t think anyone would nearly suffocate.” When the other students began coming into the classroom, they were informed of the situation and decided to ask some questions. One student asked, “Should I call a doctor? You seem to be high on something.” DeFelice then said, “You are the perfect drug/ the perfect drug/ the perfect drug,” then repeated it three times. Another student asked if she should take over the class. DeFelice said, “Head like a hole/ Black as your soul/ I’d rather die/ Than give you control!” At this point, the students began catching on to the joke.

Thinking that this was a once-ina-lifetime opportunity, they quickly seized the chance to make a lasting memory with the class. They asked all sorts of silly questions that would prompt a silly answer, such as “How do you chew food?” “WITHUH TEETHUH!” A more famous example was when a student asked what DeFelice thought of the course. DeFelice said, “Less concerned about fitting into the world/ Your world that is/ ‘Cause it doesn’t really matter anymore.” When the time arrived for class to start, Sobchak had some trouble getting DeFelice back to his senses. When Sobchak simply told him to stop, DeFelice said, “Nothing can stop me now/ ‘Cause I don’t care anymore.” Some of the students were hyperventilating, so Sobchak was trying his hardest to snap DeFelice out of his trance. In the heat of the moment, Sobchak noticed DeFelice rubbing his fingers together. Sobchak took it as a sign that he had to pay extra, so he gave De-

Felice another $10 bill and the madness ended. When DeFelice stopped, he acted as if he didn’t remember a single moment of what happened. “I really hope that somebody was recording that,” DeFelice said. “I must have said something really funny. When I came to, some of the students looked like they needed oxygen tanks or something.” With the situation finally resolved, DeFelice began his class as usual. He did, however, notice that Sobchak was from his online course and questioned his attempted attendance. Sobchak simply ran out of the room. Thus was known in the class as “NIN-day,” a day that the students would remember a lot more than the teacher. Those attending recall it being one of the highlights of the semester. So if one of the students should ever bring up the name, you’ll know what they’re talking about. Certain names have been changed or undisclosed to protect the innocent.

Want a chance to win this Thing?

The U Times is selling raffle tickets on a 1989 Volkswagon Thing. Tickets are $1 each or 6 for $5. Contact the U Times staff to buy tickets. Drawing is April, 1.

18 !

A p ril 1 , 201 4

o mmun i t y

Sleep No More Emily Thibodeau CONTRIBUTOR

It’s a problem that has been happening on college campuses everywhere for years: a lack of sleep. Students are often finding themselves missing out on what their body needs the most and unable to function as their work piles up and becomes more than they can handle. Luckily, there’s a new medication that may be the answer to the prayers of many sleepy students. The FDA recently approved a new drug that would allow students to function on little to no sleep. Studies done prior to release show an increase in motivation and energy in students. Since the recent release, sales of the over-the-counter medication have gone through the roof. Michael Scott, a 19-year-old college freshman, said, “It’s great-really great. I used to need

around eight hours of sleep a night. Now I barely need any. I can get all my work done and still have the energy for other activities. With sleep out of the picture, I have so much more free time.” As news of the medication spreads, it has quickly become a top seller for most places. Stores are struggling to keep up with the growing demand as the drug flies off the shelves at record speed. Local store owner Angela Burt said, “The demand for this product is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. We’ve seen sales like never seen before. The students seem to have gone wild for the medication. The Dunkin’ Donuts we used to have in the store even had to shut down: nobody needs coffee anymore.” Today college campuses are alive with activity as more and more students are jumping on

the bandwagon and trying the drug. Students are vibrant, active and more alert than ever before. While there have been some reported negative side effects such as headaches, nausea, blackouts, lock jaw, teeth grinding, dizziness and narcolepsy, students do not seem to be swayed. Lizze McGuire, a 22-year-old student, said, “There have been a few annoying side effects. I fell asleep on the floor in the gym during basketball practice yesterday. Also, I had to get a retainer so that I’d stop grinding my teeth. But it’s whatever. Other than that I feel great. I can finish everything I need without worrying about having to stop and rest.” So far, students do not need a prescription to get the medicine, which comes in pill form. Bradley Samuels, a 24-year-old

graduate student, says, “It’s a little magic red pill that I can get right in the grocery store I work at. I don’t need a prescription and it’s cheap, so it’s perfect for a poor college student who needs to study and work on projects. I don’t have time to worry about sleep and now I don’t have to. You take it once a day and you have all the time in the world to get the job done.” Could this be the future of

New Class Offered Fall Semester: CNK 101: Canadian Languauge

college students everywhere? The sales of the medicine seem to give us a pretty good answer to that question. A world without sleep is something we never thought possible. It’s a brand-new world now that it’s out of the picture. Students are more alert than ever before and as the popularity of the medicine increases and sleep decreases, only time will tell what happens next.

Folsom 211 Tuesday and Thursday 2-3:15 p.m. Learn to solve sentences such as: “Jesus Murphy! Those Islanders for sure can put back a two-four, eh?” Youʼll learn everything from Eh to Zed! *Satisfies the multi-cultural requirement*

Univer si ty T im e s ! CO M M U N IT Y ! A p r il 1 , 2 014

Pothole to the Past Bobbi Anne Wheaton CONTRIBUTOR

Springtime in Maine is often associated with rough roads and potholes. One man, however, found out just how bumpy a ride can be when his car was enveloped in a massive pothole. But the story doesn’t end there. Mason Burgs was traveling south on Route 15 in Sedgwick, Maine, when he encountered an extremely large pothole. Not seeing the hole in time, Burgs’ 2005 Dodge Neon went front end first into the 14 foot hole. Burgs was uninjured, but found himself unable to escape from the giant hole. What happened next amazed everyone. While trying to climb out, Burgs created a dirt slide, uncovering something very special. What Burgs found turned

out to be the bones of the dinosaur Compsognathus. “I thought I was going to be covered, but luckily the dirt stopped. That’s when I saw the bones lying by my feet,” Burgs said. Paleontologist Dr. Austin Dixon said that the bones are a rare, exciting find. “The only other discoveries of this dinosaur have been in Germany and France. The first discovery was by Dr. Oberndorfer in the late 1850s in south Germany,” Dixon said. The Compsognathus, which stands for “pretty jaw,” came from the late Jurassic Period. It lived 155 to 145 million years ago. It walked on two legs and had a small pointed head and a long flexible neck. It had short arms with two clawed fingers on

each hand. It also had a long tail used for balance. The Compsognathus was one of the smallest known dinosaurs. It was about the size of the common chicken, weighing only about 6.5 pounds. Dixon noted, “Despite its small size, the Compsognathus was a carnivore.” This tiny dinosaur ate small animals, insects and lizards. The bones have all been recovered and are on their way to

SAO Presents: GLADIGATOR April 1, 7 p.m. MPR Free Popcorn and drinks! Donʼt miss out!

the Northern Maine Museum of Science, located in Presque Isle, Maine. Dixon said, “They will be available for public viewing by the first of June.” Burgs, whose car was considered totaled in the accident, will be given recognition and reward for his find. “I’m going to buy a bigger car,” Burgs said. “One that it will take a much larger hole to swallow.” The section of Route 15 will be closed for several days while

paleontologists comb the area for more remains. After that, the hole will be fixed and the road ready for traffic again. Sheriff Randy Allen suggested, “Folks should take it easy on the roads this time of year.” Road crews do their best to keep things like this from happening. Maine in the spring, however, will give you a bumpy ride every year. So go slow, because you never know when you might fall into the past.

Univer si ty T im e s ! CO M M U N IT Y ! A p r i l 1 , 2 01 4

From the Skies Jason Hoyt

CONTRIBUTOR

On the night of March 22, 2014, on the outskirts of Presque Isle, Maine, a satellite fell from the sky and landed in a wooded area off of the State Road on the way to Ashland, Maine. The unknown satellite had no marking on it, leading to speculation of it not being American. The authorities were contacted after 55-yearold Arnold Sawyer saw the supposed satellite “fall from the sky.” “I looked up and there were these streaks in the sky. There was a loud noise that I heard overhead, which made me look up. When I looked up, I saw a silhouette floating across the sky,” Sawyer said. Sawyer was taking his dog out when he saw the “satellite” fly overhead. He lives on the Bagley Road, which is just off the State Road in Presque Isle, Maine. The first five days after the incident the Presque Isle Police Department had no comment on the object that had fallen from the sky. It wasn’t till March 27 that members of the PIPD released the following statement: “In the early hours of the morning of March 22 an object fell from the sky and crashed along the State Road

between Ashland and Presque Isle, Maine. There were no injuries but several acres of land were destroyed.” But there is only one question on everyone’s mind after the statement was released. Was the object an actual satellite, and why so much secrecy during the first five days? Maine is no stranger to UFO sighting. Actually Maine has one of the highest sighting rates per capita in the country. According to the National UFO Reporting Center, Maine’s already had 15 sightings since the start of the new year. That’s an average of about five a month since January. Could PIPD be covering up a UFO crash? Since the crash, there has been a huge surge of aircraft coming into the Northern Maine Regional Airport at Presque Isle. Flights coming in have almost doubled with most of the flights coming in between 12 and 5 a.m. Employees from the airport have no comment on any questions asked by local reporters. Starting April 31, the State Road will be closed in sections due to debris cleanup. We will bring more to you as we learn more.

Introducing the new mascot: the UMPI Dragon! “It was time for a change,” President Schott told students, faculty and staff during an open forum at the presidentʼs house. “I think itʼs also great that weʼre the dragons now so we can seem more intimidating,” Schott added. The new mascot change will be effective April 1. New UMPI gear has been ordered and the campus store hours will be extended for students, faculty and staff to pick up new attire. There will be a symbolic bonfire the evening of April 1 beginning at 7 p.m.behind Gentile to burn the old owl uniforms. Sʼmores and hot cocoa will be provided.

Univer si ty T im e s ! CO M M U N IT Y ! A p r il 1 , 2 014

Uncorking the Secret of Borneo’s Child Divers

Heather Herbert CONTRIBUTOR

EARTH DAY Special Report: Borneo Eight-year-old Afzan Baharim smiles for the camera, before biting his cork knife between his teeth and slipping from the side of the boat. Like many cork divers from Borneo’s coast, he has learned there is more money in pictures than in the sea. “I do cut myself sometimes,” Baharim said, through a translator. “But it’s good pictures, so good money. Money makes pain go faster.” For the traditional village of divers, global climate change has meant years of more pain, and less money. Forty years ago, cork diving occupied tens of thousands along the coast. Now, the cork

beds are dying as the ocean’s climate changes. Baharim’s mother waits while he dives, ready to net any harvested cork. Her wait is long. “I dove as a girl. My mother dove. Her mother dove,” Ummu Baharim-Ahd said, watching her son disappear beneath the water. “I could cut pounds of cork a day. My mother’s arms would hurt from netting my cuttings. Now, I just sit. There is no cork left.” Other divers agree. Abd Samad is one of the oldest divers in the cork beds and has seen the change. “When I started diving at 6 years old, there was still tall cork. The youngest divers started with tall cork, near the surface. It taught them to breathe,” Samad said, miming holding his breath. “But

now, there’s no tall cork. When we cut, we go all the way down. To the bottom. It’s colder there, and divers are tired in cold and dark all day.” Samad paused. “And there are deaths. Children put stones in their pockets to go so deep down. Sometimes they can’t take enough out to come back up.” Most wine buffs mourn the lack of tall cork, not for the loss of children’s lives, but because of how it has changed wine bottling. Jean-Pierre Le Rouge, a vintner from Gironde, explained: “When the cork harvest is poor, it makes things difficult for the vineyards. We must choose between higher prices for “tall” cork, or if we will use pressed cork to stopper our bottles. Appalation d’origine controlee law says we must use real cork. Pressed cork is barely good enough for our use. The discerning customer knows the difference: and that is our client.” Raden Sabah, Bornean ambassador to France, explains that this attitude is what makes mothers send their children into the ocean, again and again. “We understand the appeal of tall cork, with its lighter color and structure. It is cut ready for the bottle, the proper shape and size, only needing the ends trimmed for length. The deep cork, sheet cork as it is known, however, is not a bad substitute. Even though it grows flat due to the ocean’s pressure, it can still be shaped when wet, creating a pressed cork that is as good as tall cork.” When asked what wine makers and drinkers think about children dying for their

corks, Sabah shrugged. “For the vineyard, for the buyer, the wine is everything. They don’t want to think where their cork came from, only where the grape came from.” This is an opinion that some

Facebook page. When asked if he would like to go to school, Baharim paused on the side of his boat. “I think I might like it,” he said, thoughtfully. “I would like a chance to be dry and warm. And I would

want to change. Lucy St. John, from British charity “Put a Cork In It,” said she was struck while on holiday by the plight of the Bornease cork divers. “I could not believe how young some of these children are. That they are risking their lives to dive for cork every day floored me. Our aim is to raise cork awareness and teach buyers that pressed cork is a good solution. Sheet cork, which makes pressed cork, can be farmed. It’s easy to grow, and with funding, the Bornease cork divers could become cork farmers. Increased sheet cork sales would also help fund schools, so that children could get an education instead of diving.” St. John plans to host a series of supper parties featuring wines only sold with pressed corks, to raise awareness. Details on her “I’ll Drink to That” events may be found on her

like to do maths, because people who do maths have money and cars, and I would like to drive. And I would like to not die from too many rocks in my pockets.” With a fast smile, Baharim dove back into the water for more cork. This time, a series of small pieces bobbed to the surface, followed by Baharim himself. He watched proudly as his mother netted his cuttings. “I would like to go to school,” he yelled, head above the waves. “But for now I cut cork—to make my mother happy. And so that people around the world can get what in English you call ‘wasted,’ yes?” Waving his cutting knife in the air, Baharim looked like any excited 8-year-old boy. “Yes,” he shouted, “let’s all get wasted!” With that, Baharim slipped below the waves again.

22 !

M arch 1 4, 20 14

i festyl e

Tuesday Begins the Age of Aquarius Jim Stepp

CONTRIBUTOR

The time has finally come. The planets will align and the Age of Aquarius will begin on Tuesday. Myth has it that this will be a great time to live. Noted astronomer Percy Lunarstar has said that this event will have a high social and physical impact on the human race and the solar system as well. Lunarstar said, “Peace will guide the planets and love will guide the stars. Humans and all of the animals of the Earth will live in harmony and understanding, sympathy and trust abound, there will be no more falsehoods or derisions, we will have dreams of visions and our minds will be liberated.” Lunarstar believes that the 5th Dimension had it right in the song “Let the Sunshine In” (also known as “The Age of Aquarius”). This song isn’t just a feel good 1970s song: it’s the way life should be. We should all take time out of our day to listen to the song. It’s meaning is truly heavy, dude. If you would like to hear the song, go to www.songlyrics.com/the-5thdimension/aquariuslet-thesunshine-in-lyrics/

Not all astronomers are in agreement about the impact that this event will have. Astronomer Sol Saturnus feels this is all a bunch of “whoey.” Saturnus believe this event will

pass just like all other stellar related events have in the past. “Remember the Mayan Calendar Doomsday predictions of last year? Nothing happened. In the 1970s, everyone was worried about the Jupiter Effect. What happened then? Nothing. Although the coming of the Age of Aquarius appears to be a good thing, it really isn’t.” Saturnus also added, “Come on, do you think the world is really ready for all of this harmony and understanding, sympathy and trust? It just can’t happen.” In response to Saturnus’ remarks, Lunarstar said, “Come on, man. Can’t we all just get along? Saturnus is wrong, but I still dig him. He is groovy and cool even if he doesn’t believe in my ideas.” Whether or not you believe in the ideas connected with these men, it would surely be nice if it were true.

times. The University of Maine at Presque Isle is located at 68d00m7.8s west longitude and 46d40m45.6s north latitude. To get a free sky chart, go to www.skymaps.com.

Sun and Planet Visibility

THE NIGHT SKY The International Space Station is visible as follows: Mornings–Through April 4. Evenings–Between April 5 and April 25.

04/01/2014 06:11 Sunrise. 19:01 Sunset . Not visible Mercury. 04:36–06:12 Venus. 19:42–05:54 Mars. 09:12–02:30 Jupiter. 22:30–05:42 Saturn.

Go to www.heavensabove.com for exact times and locations. You will need to register at this site and load your location to be able to get exact

04/10/2014 05:54 Sunrise. 19:13 Sunset. Not visible Mercury. 04:24–05:54 Venus.

19:24–05:42 Mars. 19:24–02:00 Jupiter. 21:54–05:24 Saturn. 04/01@00:00 Moon moves into the Seventh House. 04/01@00:00 Jupiter aligns with Mars. 04/01@00:00 Peace guides the planets and love steers the stars. 04/01@00:00 Everyone lets the sunshine in with open hearts. 04/01@04:03 ISS passes 0.3 degree from Alpha Aquila (Altair). 04/01@05:37 ISS passes 1.1 degrees from Saturn. 04/01@05:38 ISS passes 1.3 degrees from Alpha Scorpios (Antares). 04/07@04:30 First Quarter Moon. 04/08@10:49 Moon at Apogee—Farthest from the Earth–251,400 miles or 404,500 km. 04/08@17:03 Mars in opposition–Closest to the Earth and brightest for the next two years. Visible all night long. 04/10@19:43 ISS passes 1.2 degrees from Jupiter. 04/11@23:32 Venus 0.66 degrees from Neptune. 04/14@05:36 Moon 6.0 degrees from Mars.

04/14@20:06 Mercury 1.2 degrees from Uranus. 04/15@01:58 Partial Lunar Eclipse begins. 04/15@03:06 Partial Lunar Eclipse Totality begins. 04/15@03:42 Full Moon. 04/15@03:45 Partial Lunar Eclipse Maximum. 04/15@04:26 Partial Lunar Eclipse Totality ends. 04/15@05:33 Partial Lunar Eclipse ends. 04/17@03:01 Moon 1.0 degrees from Saturn. 04/21@20:16 ISS passes 1.5 degrees from Alpha Gemini (Caster). 04/22 Earth Day. 04/22@03:51 Last Quarter Moon. 04/22@04:00 Alpha Lyrids Meteor Shower 7/hour. 04/22@20:19 Moon at Perigee– Closest to the Earth–229,700 miles or 369,700 km. 04/22@16:00 Alpha Lyrids Meteor Shower Maximum. 04/23@04:00 Alpha Lyrids Meteor Shower 7/hour. 04/23@20:12 ISS passes 1.4 degrees from Gamma Orion (Belletrix). 04:25@05:05 Moon 6.5 degrees from Venus. 04/25@23:30 Mercury at superior conjunction–other side of the sun. 04/29@04:14 New Moon.

Univer si t y T i me s ! L IF E S T YL E ! A p ril 1 , 20 14

ATTENTION STUDENTS:

As of April 1, President Schott has banned the use of cellular phones in Folsom/Pullen and Normal halls and Wieden due to the lack of participation in classes. This is a serious matter and will not be taken lightly. Students seen with cellular devices in class will be forced to withdraw from the university and fufill their education elsewhere. There are designated device areas around campus that will allow students to safely use their mobile phones. These areas are marked with a sign and cannot be missed. If you have any questions, they will not be answered. Just follow the only rule, it始s that simple.

H a -H

! a H a

By the way...

Go tc

Have you checked the date? Fo o

led

April Fools! u!

a H a H Ha

The UMPI Zone

Enter and be transported to another time.

Erin Monroe (Top) President Nefertiti (Right) Jim the Barbarian (Top Right)