Issue Six - 2013

ISSUE 06 ‘THE RETURN’

WITH SUPPORT FROM Lyndal Butler et. al Spotpress Pty Ltd, Marrickville

VERTIGO

ISS06

EDITORS Mairead Armstrong Lachlan Bennett Sally Coleman Fiona Dunne Tessa Feggans Frances Mao Joe McKenzie Naomi Russo Zara Selman Hannah Story

CREATIVE DIRECTORS Sunyoung Hwang Catherine Lao

CO NTENTS

CREATIVE TEAM Minh Bui Ana-Rueda Clarise

COVER IMAGE

Annabel Blackman

ADVERTISING Stephanie King

10

CARBON TAX

CONTRIBUTORS Antigone Anagnostellis Eliza Berlage James Bourne Rudi Bremer Sofia Carniel Eleanor Chandler Luke Cooper Markus Curry Samantha Low

4 5 6 8 10 12

The Graduate Belinda Grant-Geary Whitney Higginson Genevieve Kaiser Jules LeFevre Damon Meredith Samuel Millsom Nina Schneider Bella Westaway James Wilson

13 14 17

12

18 Organic soup Arrested Development The dumpling place around the corner for their braised eggplant and delicious everything George Merryman Social media Toblerone cheesecake King’s Cup

PIGGING OUT

GENEVIEVE KAISER

18 20 22 24 25 26 28 30 33 34 36 38 39 40

EDITORIAL CALENDAR UTS DEEPER INSIDER WHAT’S RUDD GOT TO DO WITH IT? THE CARBON TAX: WHAT IS IT AND WILL IT SAVE THE PLANET? THE DIMINISHING MARGINAL RETURNS OF PIGGING OUT SOAPBOX CAN’T GET NO SSAFISFACTION THE GRADUATE SPEAKS: ACCEPTANCE SHOWCASE: GENEVIEVE KAISER WHOLESOME PORNOGRAPHY: NOT NECESSARILY AN OXYMORON FIRST GLIMPSE: NEW UTS MERCHANDISE! GEN WHY?: INSTAGRATIFICATION STREET STYLE ROADTEST: THINGS WE DID AS KIDS SHOWCASE: ELEANOR CHANDLER DEFAMER REWIND/FAST-FORWARD JOURNEY OF THE JUGGERNAUTS IS THIS SHIT ANY GOOD? DEVOSCOPES BORED STUPID?!

SA REPORTS

Vertigo is published by the UTS Students’ Association Printed by Spotpress Pty Ltd, Marrickville Email us at advertising@uts vertigo.com.au for enquiries.

Vertigo and its entire contents are protected by copyright. Vertigo will retain reprint rights, contributors retain all other rights for resale and republication. No material may be reproduced without the prior written consent of copyright holders.

Vertigo would like to show its respect and acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of the land, the Gadigal and Guring-gai people of Eora Nation, upon whose ancestral lands the university now stands. More than 500 Indigenous Nations shared this land for over 40 000 years before invasion. We express our solidarity and continued commitment to working with Indigenous peoples, in Australia and around the world, in their ongoing struggle for land rights, self determination, sovereignty, and the recognition of and compensation for past injustices.

This is our disclaimer so we don’t get sued by nast y organisations or individuals. The contents of Vertigo do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Students’ Association or the Editors. This one is on you.

3

The Hottest 100 Leadership challenges Chairs Loneliness Rain Squeaky beds Our air-conditioner

E DITORIAL Konichiwa bitches, Welcome to another fruitful semester at UTS! [Insert whinge about being back at uni, returning home from epic overseas adventures , the fact that we must once again take par t in those cringey first tute ice breakers] Yes, we know, it burns. But what better way to get back into your uni groove than with a new issue of Vertigo?

‘Cause while you were holidaying it up, we stayed behind in our tiny office cooking up what we hope will be a super fresh magazine for Semester Two. So what have we got in store?

First up, Luke Cooper takes a look at Australian party politics and the recent leadership spill. And have you ever wondered what happens to that sneaky $161.50 we pay per semester for the mysterious Student Services and Amenities Fee (SSAF)? Our Hannah Story cuts through the red tape to bring you an analysis of the SSAF figures for 2 012 / 2 013 . Damon M e re dith then gives us the lowdown on one of the most contentious Federal election issues, the Carbon tax: what it really is, what it does and whether it will actually save the planet.

On a lighter note, we scored an interview with friends of UTS, Midnight Juggernauts, and spoke to the creator of the pornography site Abby Winters (don’t pretend you’ve never heard of it). For you creative folk we’ve got an exquisite poetry showcase from Eleanor Chandler and artwork from the uber-talented Genevieve Kaiser. And for the big kids at heart, Eliza Berlage roadtests whether the things we did as kids are still as entertaining now.

We’ve revived most of our old faithful Vertigo columns, but (because we’re a fresh and innovative publication) there are a couple of brand spankin’ new regular sections coming at you as well. In Gen Why, Whitney Higginson questions what’s going wrong for the generation everyone loves to hate. Rewind/Fast-Forward is all about revisiting seminal pop culture movement s: the ones we loved (cough, Australian Idol Winner Singles and Pez Dispensers) and the ones we wish we could forget (David Hasselhoff doing anything, ever).

As always, don’t forget to drop us a line (or several) at editorial@utsvertigo.com.au*. We also really love new names filling up our pages, so please submit anything mildly worth reading to submissions@utsvertigo.com.au.

Most importantly have fun this semester, keep it real, and perhaps attempt to do your readings for at least the first week.

Big love y’all.

Mairead and The Vertigo Team.

*Hate mail welcomed, if not encouraged.

VERTIGO

ISS06

CALENDAR

O’ WEEK

WEEK 1

WEEK 2

Monday 22nd July

Monday 29th July

Tuesday 6th August

6th issue of Vertigo hits the stands today

Cult Classic Screening: The Blues Brothers 6:30pm @ Dendy Newtown

UTS Vacation, Internship and Volunteer Fair

Tuesday 23rd July Old School Funk and Groove Night @ Venue 505

Tuesday 30th July James Blake 9pm @ Sydney Opera House

Thursday 25th July Postgraduates’ Meet and Mingle

Wednesday 31st July

cocktail party 9pm @ UTS Aerial Function Centre

alt-J 9:30pm @ Hordern Pavillion

Friday 26th July

Thursday 1st August

MS MR 9pm @ Metro Theatre

UTS Clubs and Societies Day

Friday 2nd August Saturday 27th July Closing night of Angels in America Part One @ Theatre Royal

Sunday 28th July Closing night of Angels in America Part Two @ Theatre Royal

UTS Backstage’s I Hate Hamlet @ Darlinghurst Theatre

Friday 9th August Roller Rink @ UTS Tower forecourt UTS O’ Fest Music Festival @ The Loft and The Glasshouse

>

UTS DEEPER INSIDER

>

WHEN NEWS (OR A CRANE) BREAKS, TURN TO PAGE 6 FOR ALL THE CAMPUS NEWS, GOSSIP, AND DOWNRIGHT SLANDER THAT’LL LAST A THREE-WEEK PRINT RUN.

STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION STAFF DEMAND JOB SECUIRTY Lachlan Bennett The refusal of the Students’ Association (SA) to classify its support staff as permanent employees has become a “point of contention” throughout discussions regarding SA staff working conditions.

The issue surfaced during the ongoing Enterprise Bargaining Agreement (EBA) negotiations, when the staff demanded that the SA shif t their employment status from one-year rolling contracts to permanent positions.

The shift would give the five staff members greater job security and access to a number of basic entitlements, including long service leave and redundancy payments.

Despite the Student Representative Council (SRC) unanimously passing a motion to support staff permanency “in principle”, the SA argues it is currently financially unable to do so because of the cost of permanent staff benefits, among other concerns.

However SA staf f member Lisa Windon said in a May 29 SRC meeting, “It shouldn’t actually be about the figures. This is about employer responsibility. Nowhere in the current Enterprise Agreement do we come under the definition of fixed-term contract.”

In a statement sent to the SA in late May, the staff also outlined the apparent contradiction in the fact that the SA, on the one hand, frequently campaign to demand secure work for academics, while they “maintain their

VERTIGO

ISS06

own workforce on insecure, rolling contracts”.

The issue of insecure funding is mainly due to the fact the SA is completely financially supported by funding agreements negotiated with UTS every one to three years.

The SA say the vitality of this funding could be jeopardised by an impending reshuffling of UTS management and the possibility of further tertiary education funding cuts if an Abbott government is elected.

Although UTS has a history of supporting the SA despite government funding cuts, there is no guarantee the university will continue to support the SA after the current agreement expires in 2015.

“We’re not entirely sure what we’re expected to plan for and there are just more and more costs coming up that we need to keep dipping into our reserves for,” SA president Lyndal Butler said in an SRC meeting in late May. All staff previously held permanent positions until the introduction of Voluntary Student Unionism in 2007 compromised the security of the SA’s funding. As a result, staff were offered redundancies and their positions were readvertised as fixed-term contract positions.

A review of this decision was expected to happen in 2008, however the issue of staff permanency has been left largely unresolved for six years due to overwhelming workloads.

Insofar, both sides of the EBA negotiations repor t a generally positive process and, with the exception of permanency, all of the staff’s demands have been accepted by the SA. Neither the staff or SA negotiators

wished to comment on this ar ticle, submitting this joint statement, “We are currently still in Enterprise Agreement negotiations and elect to decline your request for comment regarding such The issue of permanency is separate to these negotiations and is being managed under a separate process – this being between the staff Union and the UTSSA.”

CHRISTIAN STICKER CAMPAIGN CAUSES OFFENCE Lachlan Bennett UTS Christian group Credo has apologised to the Queer Collective af ter an adver tising campaign to promote “God in the everyday” went awry at the end of last semester.

The campaign involved distributing thousands of stickers bearing the Christian cross to Credo members, who were expected to place them on personal property and non-campus or out-of-date posters.

However, the campaign backfired when stickers appeared on posters adver tising a fundraiser for queer student magazine Querelle, offending some queer-identifying students.

The editor of Querelle, Ryan Auberson-Walsh, claims Credo members used the stickers to deliberately target queer students and said the campaign “was very irresponsible of the people that are in charge of Credo”.

Credo has since apologised and said there was “no intention of bullying

any particular group or society”.

“We acknowledge that fellow students and clubs at UTS have been personally offended by recent promotional activities and wish to apologise to anyone who has felt maligned, threatened or violated by any of these,” Credo president Nicolas Delgorge wrote in an apology addressed to the Queer Collective.

UTS PRO-LIFE GROUP FACES OPPOSITION LUKE COOPER The UTS Wom*n’s Collective has launched a petition against the pro-life club, LifeChoice, as they attempt to affiliate with the UTS Union.

The petition claims LifeChoice UTS contradicts the terms of the UTS Student Charter as the club’s actions on campus may create a learning environment where students are harassed or intimidated based on their gender.

Alison Whittaker, UTS Wom*n’s Officer, said, “[LifeChoice] creates an unsafe space, fur ther stigmatises persons who have engaged with this medical procedure and shuts down a personal aspect of the discourse.”

The pro-life group submitted an application for affiliation to the UTS Union on May 31, with the aim of promoting “the dignity of human life from conception to natural death through reasonable and informed discussion on the issues of abortion and euthanasia”.

Monica Helbano, a concerned individual who represents those supporting LifeChoice UTS, said, “We completely support the UTS Student Charter and reject any harassment, intimidation and disrespect for any reason, of any student.

“Promoting our ethical views in the context of the discussion of ideas does not constitute harassment. In fact, it is essential to the function of academic life.”

If LifeChoice’s application is accepted, the club is entitled to funding subsidies every semester of up to $6000 for events and $2000 for publications and other printed material. These Uniondistributed subsidies are predominately funded by the Student Services and Amenities Fee (SSAF).

LifeChoice branches at other universities have also faced controversy.

On May 22, the University of Sydney student newspaper Honi Soit reported that their LifeChoice group distributed hundreds of pamphlets containing false information about abortion pill RU486.

LifeChoice Media Coordinator, Belle Whealing, “completely rejects the accusation that the flyers were factually misleading”, however admits the pamphlet’s wording should have been clearer.

In response to LifeChoice’s attempted affiliation, the Wom*ns’ Collective and its allies are looking to start a pro-choice group through affiliation with the Students’ Association.

“

“

Blow your whistle baby, whistle, baby, let us know. Send your off-the-record tip offs to frances @ utsvertigo.com.au

UTS VICTORIOUS AT EASTERN UNIVERSITY GAMES BELINDA GRANT-GEARY UTS has again lived up to its stellar sporting reputation at the Eastern University Games (EUG) by taking out the overall championships for the fourth year in a row.

302 students and athletes from UTS headed to Wollongong this month to compete in the annual event which hosts 17 sports for over 250 teams from universities and TAFEs across eastern Australia.

Throughout the five-day competition, UTS took home eight gold medals, seven silver and three bronze.

In their EUG debut, our Men’s AFL 9’s team fought their way to the finals and claimed gold 46-33 against Newcastle University.

Our Men’s Basketball team, champions of the 2012 EUG, did not disappoint this year, defeating Charles Sturt University 72-57.

Women’s Netball defeated rivals Macquarie University 57-24, qualifying the team for the Australian University Games held in the Gold Coast later this year.

Both our Men’s and Women’s Futsal teams were undefeated over the week and in Men’s Tennis our athletes competed in an all-UTS grand final.

Our mixed touch side faced some stiff competition from Sydney University in the gold medal match, however UTS came out on top winning 6-5.

Lawn Bowls, Men’s Volleyball, Men’s Oz Tag and Mixed Netball claimed silver medals in their final matches, with Men’s Squash also winning bronze.

7

W H AT ’S R U D D GOT TO D O W IT H IT ?

A leader has finally emerged after a long battle between Gillard and Rudd.

But what has the fight been for if both leaders supposedly embody the ideals of the Labor party? Luke Cooper considers.

The Australian public had to sit through 1098 days of an excruciating political discourse that no longer focussed on policy, but on personality.

After three years and two days, Kevin Rudd returned to the top job, kicking Julia Gillard out of the Prime Minister’s office, just like she had done back in 2010.

This climax was preceded by two other unsuccessful leadership spills and a whole lot of internal party conflict that really didn’t need to happen, seeing as both leaders were promoting Labor ideals.

People around the country were immediately relieved, angered, frustrated and confused. Is this what Australian politics had fallen to? A backstabbing environment where policy is forgotten for the sake of leadership?

From June 24, 2010 onwards, politics in Australia was no longer about what politicians could do for us, but instead it was about Kevin vs. Julia vs. Tony.

But wait. What do Kevin, Julia or Tony have to do with politics in Australia anyway?

Technically, Australian politics is hinged on parties and their ideologies, not the people who lead them. When we go to the polls, we vote for a group, not an individual.

For some, the ideology of each party, not their leader, is how they make their minds up come Election Day. If you support grassroots, ecological and justice-based politics, you vote Greens. If you support fair work, quality education and a fair go, you vote Labor. If you suppor t increased economic freedoms and minimal government intervention, you vote Liberal.

But recently this has changed.

VERTIGO

ISS06

As George Negus puts it, “Is it possible that, as a direct result of our learned fixation with personalit y politic s , we’ve managed to de-politicise the nation’s political debate beyond repair?”

Introduce weekly opinion polls, Tom Waterhouse’s betting odds and the unpredictability of ‘Ruddmentum’ and Australian politics quickly becomes a bloodthirsty race for popularity.

And so the question remains – with the two major political parties offering policies in similar areas to those of their opposition, always with the message, “We’ll do it bigger, better, cheaper,” what does the leader matter?

Surely, if Australian politics has become so focussed on who can best lead us as a nation, regardless of the voices of the people, we can chuck the ideologies out? Let them be defined by the biggest bidders (cue Clive Palmer) perhaps, and offer democracy as a sacrifice.

For most of the past three years, the most popular PM hopefuls Rudd and Turnbull played to the public and each became the favourite to win the race . . . if only they could grasp the leadership of their respective parties.

And now that one actually has, the Australian voting public is apprehensive about the election, fearing it will only mean more talk of leadership coups, rather than policy.

One thing is for sure, come Election Day, some may vote for Rudd, some may vote for Abbott, and some may vote for the person with the most attractive name.

But it’s the policies that matter, not the personalities.

We're having a party and you're invited.

Join Vertigo at The Loft on Friday August 2 at 5pm for music, booze, food and more and kick off another semester the right way.

WHAT IS IT AND WILL IT SAVE THE PLANET?

explains the nuanced mechanism that is the carbon tax, so you no longer have to spend dinner parties pretending you know what you’re talking about.

The first decade of the 21st century was the hottest ever recorded according to a United Nations report released this month. The report detailed an unprecedented level of extreme climate events since meteorological measurements began in 1850. Floods, cyclones and heatwaves killed a third of one million people.

Two months ago Environmental Research Letters published the most comprehensive analysis of peer-reviewed climate research to date, showing that

97

%

of scientific papers agree that humans are causing global warming.

A few weeks before, the atmospheric concentration of carbon dioxide passed 400 parts per million for the first time in human history, and this announcement came in the wake of the Bureau of Meteorology confirming the summer of 2012 was officially the hottest on record. A report by the governmentfunded Climate Commission forecasts increases in the frequency and intensity of extreme weather events such as floods and heatwaves.

At our current rate of emissions, global temperatures will rise by four degrees in the next century. Half of all plant life and a third of all animal life will lose 50% of their habitats.

The Great Barrier Reef has already halved its size in the last 27 years. By the next decade at least 90% of the original reef will be gone. Yet despite these facts, Opposition Leader Tony

90 % in 10 years

So what is the carbon tax? What does it do? And more importantly, will it save the planet?

Although commonly referred to as the ‘carbon tax’, the official name for the scheme is the Carbon Pricing Mechanism.

This carbon price acts as a disincentive to big polluters by forcing them to buy carbon units based on their emissions.

The carbon price does not directly tax individuals. It is only in place for companies that the Government’s Clean Energy Regulator deems are Australia’s biggest polluters.

At the time of writing, 377 companies were listed for liability under the Carbon Pricing Mechanism. When the carbon price began in 2012, these companies were charged at a flat rate of $23 per tonne of carbon dioxide they produced. As of the beginning of this month, that price rose to $24.15 per tonne. The price will continue to increase by 2.5% each year until 2015, when the fixed price switches to an Emissions Trading Scheme (ETS); effectively setting the price based on the market.

None of this directly affects the average Australian citizen.

The increase in electricity and gas prices we see is because the big polluters are passing the costs on to their customers.

So while the corporations may rail about the carbon tax, it’s the consumer who is paying for it.

When the carbon price was implemented, the household cost of living was forecast to go up by 0.7%, equal to about $10 per week. This total was estimated using forecast prices for electricity ($3.30), gas ($1.50) and food ($0.80). In December last year the Independent Pricing and Regulatory Tribunal (IPART) found that the carbon price added an average

of

50 %

now

the great barrier reef

VERTIGO

Abbott remains resolute that the Coalition will abolish the carbon tax should they win government at the next election.

ISS06

$3.23

per week to electricity bills for households in nsw.

The Climate Institute of Australia put the nationwide cost at an estimated $2.45 per week.

Compensation for the carbon price comes in the form of the Household Assistance Package: the combination of a raised tax-free threshold, a tax cut for low income earners, an initial payment and ongoing welfare assistance. A Treasury review last month confirmed that on average the cost of living for low and middle income families has not increased since

the introduction of the carbon price. This means that if your family is earning less than $150 000 per year, the carbon price compensation is probably giving you more money than you are paying.

In the first six months that Australia’s carbon price has been in place, carbon emissions have dropped by 8.6%.

Total emissions were 7.5 million tonnes lower than a year before. This is one-fifth of the bipartisan emissions reduction target of 33 million tonnes by 2020 that Australia agreed to last year.

While the drop in emissions cannot be solely linked to the carbon price, non-renewable electricity generation in New South Wales has decreased by 10.4% since its implementation.

Long-term investments in electricity companies are likewise leaning toward renewable energy sources.

Opposition Leader Tony Abbott has said, “the first priority of a Coalition Government will be the repeal of the Carbon Tax.” If Labor and the Greens block the repeal, the Coalition would request a double dissolution followed by a joint sitting of parliament: something not seen in Australia since 1974.

Mr. Abbott says his strong opposition to the carbon price is to do with the cost of living. “Prices will go down, power prices and gas prices will go down when the carbon tax is removed.”

In 2009, Federal Member for Wentworth, Malcolm Turnbull, published the following comments on his blog, “The fact is that Tony and the people who put him in his job do not want to do anything about climate change.”

Turnbull, who lost leadership of the Liberal party in 2009 over the proposed Emissions Trading Scheme, ridicules the Coalition’s climate policy in the same blog, “It is not possible to criticise the new Coalition policy on climate change because it does not exist.”

The Coalition’s current climate policy is a Direct Action Plan that involves a $2.55 billion fund for emissions reduction projects.

The newly returned Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, was originally ousted as leader over his support for the ETS. Mr. Rudd’s new cabinet is considering fast-tracking the switch from carbon price to ETS, which would dramatically decrease the carbon price to somewhere around $10 per tonne.

Considering only 14% of Australians rank ‘protecting the environment’ as an important election issue (taken from an Essential Vision survey in February) and an even fewer 9%

believe in ‘addressing climate change’, the Coalition’s policy seems politically well founded.

Former Prime Minister Julia Gillard is infamous for stating, “There will be no carbon tax under the government I lead.”

14

%

86

of Australians rank ‘protecting the environment’ as an important election issue.

don’t.

9

%

believe in ‘addressing climate change’

%

91

%

don’t.

$24.15

carbon price $ / tonne

$23

20

$10?

10

2012

2013

Although not solely responsible for her downfall, the carbon price was certainly one of the reasons Gillard lost popularity in the polls.

With the ghosts of three party leaders to its name, the carbon price looks to be a make-or-break issue in the upcoming election. Similar to Rudd in his acceptance speech, U.S. President Barack Obama has appealed to the younger generation to address climate change.

"The question is not whether we need to act. The question is whether we will have the courage to act before it's too late," Obama said. “It's going to be your generation that helps lead this, because if we don't, it's going to be your generation that suffers the most."

11

THE DIMINISHING MARGINAL RETURNS OF

Look, I'm going to be straight up with you – I love pigging out. Whether I'm studying for exams or writing another essay, or simply recovering from a big night out, my diet just skews toward anything loaded with grease or sugar, and anything remotely healthy is thrown out. With the latest fad of 'clean eating' having well and truly taken hold, it's hard not to notice the Big Bondi Burger with extra mayo, avo and bacon just dripping with delicious grease, while the person next to you is Instagramming their quinoa and mung bean soup. However there is a point when you should stop eating sugary, greasy crap – when you're no longer enjoying it as much as you were at the first bite.

When pigging out, we soon feel guilty, thanks to the constant hashtags of #cleancutfood and #nutritioncleanlife and all that other shit you see healthy people post on Instagram. But I wonder, as we become aware of just how bad these foods are for us, at what stage does stuffing your face with sweet, sweet junk food begin to lose its fun, and the 'treat factor' is gone? You all know that the third pack of jellybeans isn't going to be nearly as good as the first handful; it's almost like your tongue has become too lazy to pick up each delicious, artificial flavour.

The answer actually lies within something you learn when studying economics: the principle of diminishing marginal returns. It pretty much means VERTIGO

ISS06

that as each extra unit is added to a process, the resulting yield from the additional unit provides lower per-unit returns (thank you Wikipedia). In other words, as you eat that second or third Happy Meal, your satisfaction level (or utility) will not be as high as it was after consuming the first delightful kids-sized McDonalds morsel.

We can all agree that the first handful of [insert your fave junk food snack here] (for instance, Smarties) is oh so amazing... and then the rest of the first box. That is because as you eat delish junk food the first time that day, you really enjoy it. However, when you're opening the second box of Smarties, and you grab a new handful, you're very aware that something awful has happened. As you chew on the lush multicoloured candycoated chocolate, the satisfaction you feel is not anywhere near that first box!

You realise that as you eat more and more, that the 'treat factor' has begun to disappear. By the third box, it's almost as if your tastebuds have abandoned you, as the Smarties begin to taste almost the same as the salad the person next to you is devouring. Considering we all live in a society where we (kind of) strive to look like fashion magazines tell us to, we should be aware that when we're pigging out on really unhealthy food, and that food is not providing the high satisfaction anymore, we should STOP EATING IT, or risk becoming a pig.

So if you were ever wondering why

you seem to feel the need to eat something he althier when you're pigging out on junk food, or that the enjoyment of junk food deteriorates as you eat more of it – this is one reason.

When trying to live healthy enough that you don’t feel self-conscious when at the beach, and the junk food and treats begin to lose their 'treat factor', just put down the forth pack of Nerds and go grab something else – it'll taste the same anyhow!

I've always enjoyed utilising the theories I learn at uni to refer to everyday situations and sounding like a total wanker – and now you can too!

Should you attend your high school reunion?

FOR

RUDI BREMER Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion has taught me that when it comes to these events, there are three fundamental reasons why you should attend: to flaunt your success, to seduce your high school crush, and/or because you’re trying to relive your glory days.

I’m not going to lie – high school was not the best time in my life, so the idea of flaunting my success is pretty damn appealing. But considering the fact that I’m only two years away from attending my 10-year high school reunion and I’m currently still at university, I may need to go because of the fourth reason – curiosity.

I know I’ve changed a lot as a person. I’ve left home, I’m on my third career path, and I’ve had to deal with a lot of things that 17-year-old me never had to think about. So I really can’t help but feel curious about the rest of my graduating class. What have they accomplished and who have they become? Who peaked at high school? Who redefined themselves? Who stayed friends?

Sure you can find out a lot of this stuff with a little social media exploring, but let’s face it, there’s a big difference between being someone who looks up everyone from their graduated class on Facebook every 10 years, and being someone who attends a party.

Looking back is an important part of preparing to move forward. Going to your high school reunion gives you the opportunity to reflect on who you were, clarify who you are, and decide who you want to be. And if you get there and decide you want to be someone who doesn’t go to high school reunions, well that’s okay because at least you gave it a shot.

AGAINST

NINA SCHNEIDER

School reunions: who needs them? For the majority of you, your first reunion is creeping up. The trajectory you planned for yourself at 17, self-assured and determined, has quite likely changed. It may have even fallen in a heap.

Reunions are none-too-forgiving reminders of such facts.

I have experienced two school reunions: the 5-year and the 15-year. This year presents me with my 20-year school reunion and I’ll tell you right now, I won’t be going. The first reunion was an informal affair. The attendees, me included, drank themselves silly. Everyone asked what everyone was doing, but very few actually listened to the replies. There was a lot of self-comparison going on, which was pretty damn tedious.

Some people attend reunions in order to gloat about their successes, par ticularly if their school days weren’t quite so high achieving. Then there are the popular kids whose physical attractiveness or marriage or life has begun to fail them by the 10- to 15-year reunion mark. They tend to drink way too much and behave more inappropriately than you’d care to imagine. At my 15-year reunion, I was hit on by a drunken schoolmate who tried to sell himself by saying he was married with four children!

This year is different. We’re all grown up now (cough!) and there’s a formal reunion planned. The Old Boys’ Union (who haven’t even realised that the school has been co-ed for nearly 40 years) likes the idea of us networking and telling stories about the larks we had in years gone by.

Honestly? I would rather poke sharpened sticks firmly into my eyeballs.

Reunions? Don’t bother! If you really cared for these people you would catch up with them on a more regular basis. And it’s unlikely you will learn anything you can’t already glean from Facebook . Stay home and you’ll keep your dignit y int ac t . And there’s the added bonus of avoiding a gargantuan hangover, at least for one night.

13

CAN’T GET NO SSAFISFACTION Hannah Story takes a bold look into the unknown: the SSAF figures for 2013.

The Student Services and Amenities Fee (SSAF) is one of the better Labor Government initiatives. For the low, low price of $161.50 a semester (for full-time students; half that for part-timers), the university and its affiliates provide essential student services and amenities, like free breakfast on Wednesdays, a 10% discount at Union-affiliated stores and venues, and your humble Vertigo magazine.

If you’re a real bad-ass, you may have had your results sanctioned because you forgot to pay your SSAF – easy to do considering you have to file an application separate from your HECS in order to defer the fee. Sorry guys, but we really need your money.

You may wonder why we have SSAF at all, why these essential ser vices aren’t covered in the course fees we already pay. There is no real answer, although one argument is that paying a fee separate from those paid for tuition ensures universities allocate adequate money to student services, amenities and non-academic life, rather than spending it all on expensive building projects or boosting profits. The reason also lies in the history of SSAF-type fees, which have existed for a very long time.

Here’s a brief history: Once upon a time there was this thing called ‘universal student unionism’. Everyone paid a little bit of money that went towards maintaining your Students’ Association (SA), bulking up the revenue of the Union, and paying for other essential student services.

This money went straight back into student life at UTS, providing a legal service and a c areers service and all that stuff you may or may not take advantage of (but the key point to remember is that you CAN). Anyway, Howard got rid of that. He made it voluntary under a policy called VERTIGO

ISS06

‘voluntary student unionism’ or VSU. You might remember this if you’re an UTS old hat because on O’ Day people used to mill around asking you to join the UTS Union Advantage Program, so you could get a card and discounts.

You could join clubs and societies for only $5, while all the plebs who refused to pay were charged $10. And then Labor brought in SSAF in 2012 as a sort-of in-between compromise. They’re raising less revenue this way but you still get (some of) the benefits. It’s worth remembering that charging SSAF is not compulsory, but the majority of universities do. UTS began gradually introducing the fee in 2012 and, next year, international students will also have to pay SSAF. So you might be thinking, “Hey, if we’re paying $263 a year, don’t we have the right to know where this money is going?”

Well, it goes to one of three places: the Union, the SA or UTS management. The university decides just how much the first two organisations get, and just how much it wants to spend itself. The Union and the SA engage in negotiations with the university in order to determine how much money they get and which projects the funds will go towards. This year it took until April for the SSAF-allocation process for 2013 to be finalised.

$263

“Hey, if we’re paying sadds a year, don’t we have the right to know where this money is going?”

The UTS Union is a business. They operate sporting clubs, social clubs and cultural clubs. They run the bars on campus. They release Play and they’re in charge of some stores and cafes on campus. So if you’re buying soup from the Concourse Cafe or a UTS hoodie from the Union Shop, you’re playing ball with the Union.

The SA is a different can of worms. They’re run for students, by students (plus some additional support staff).

They fund Vertigo, the Secondhand Book Store, the Legal Service and sponsor the collectives on campus: Wom*n’s, Queer, Ethnocultural, Postgraduate, Welfare, International, Education, Environmental and Indigenous. They’re also on top of student advocacy. They tend to rally against things and picket for improvements to your education. So if you’re pissed off because your lecturer is a c asual ac ademic who doesn’t get employment benefits, you can join them and get all up in politicians’ grills and march and jump on jumping castles or whatever. You can read SA reports at the back of every edition of Vertigo (because it’s in their Constitution) and in return for giving us editors the money to print this pretty little thing, we give them a platform to speak directly to students.

But how much money does each organisation receive and what do they spend it on?

According to its website, the Union spends SSAF on loads of programs. We’re talking about: - 10% discounts on food, beverage and retail items at all Unionoutlets outlets Union - Subsidies for students engaged in sport and recreation activitiesincluding includinggrants grantsfor forelite eliteathletes, athletes,transpor transpor activities tt andaccommodation accommodationtotoUni UniGames Gamesand andother otherspor spor ting and ting competitions,and andgrants grantstotolow lowsocioeconomic socioeconomicstatus status competitions, studentstotojoin jointhe theUTS UTSFitness FitnessCentre Centre students - Funding for over 100 sporting, social and cultural clubs including$50 $50 grant clubsand andsocieties societies including 0 00 0 0 0iningrant s stotoclubs forfunctions, functions,merchandise, merchandise,conferences, conferences,competitions, competitions, for productionand andcapital capital production - Facilities such as The Glasshouse, The Loft and meeting rooms(with (withextended extendedoperating operatinghours) hours) rooms - Subsidised and free events on campus including the InfusionCultural CulturalFestival Festivaland andGreen GreenWeek Week Infusion - Orientation information, administrative support, printing, design services and locker space - Funding for UTS representatives at debating competitions, wellas asarts artsand andcultural cultural support support and awards asaswell awards like like band band competitions,DJ DJcompetitions competitionsand andart artcompetitions competitions competitions, - Internships in Marketing and Events with the Union.

“

“

This year the Union was allocated $4.47 million in funding from the university, which includes SSAF money and other funding. They’ve budgeted $5.8 million to support activities, events and programs, with the extra money coming from the revenue of the Union’s trading operations. The money goes towards the provision and marketing of the following: UTS UNION LTD

2013 ALLOCATION ($)

10% discount on food and beverage and retail items at all Union outlets

680 000

Health, sports and recreation clubs, activities and events

2 101 000

Social and cultural clubs, activities and events

2 295 000

Orientation and promotion of Orientation events and activities (e.g.

Infusion cultural festival, Open Day)

300 000

Repairs and maintenance of Union areas

500 000

TOTAL

5 876 000

8%

REPAIRS/ MAINTENANCE

5%

12%

10% UNION DISCOUNT

ORIENTATION EVENTS & ACTIVITIES

36% 39% SOCIAL & CULTURAL CLUBS

HEALTH, SPORT & RECREATION CLUBS

15

The SA get all their money from SSAF. They use it for all of their services from caseworkers to bookshops, and peer tutoring to calculator loans.

In this year’s negotiations, the SA secured $1.245 million for 2013, $1.295 million for 2014 and $1.35 million for 2015. The money has been allocated as follows:

skills development) and childcare are all paid for with SSAF funds.

The combined spending of UTS students’ SSAF is publically available online. This ensures the money is being spent within the strict guidelines set by the government.

This is a condensed version of the table.

STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION

2013 ALLOCATION ($)

CATEGORIES OF EXPENDITURE

2013 ALLOCATION ($)

Welfare and equity

431 400

Food and drink

694 000

Secondhand bookstore

315 400

Sporting and recreational activities, and clubs

2 902 000

Financial assistance

36 000

Legal services

200 000

Bluebird Brekkie Bar

80 000

Heath and welfare

528 400

Casework, advocacy and student representative support

289 600

Financial services

36 000

Administration

100 000

Debating

20 000

Student Survival Centre

14 000

Artistic activity

40 000

Vertigo

89 000

Student media

289 000

Student clubs and collectives

85 000

Study skills

1 000

Student information (e.g. Student Handbook)

35 000

Administration and marketing

100 000

Advocacy

289 600

UTS Student Legal Centre

200 000

Orientation information

115 000

Peer tutoring

1 000

TOTAL

5 215 000

TOTAL

1 245 000

But what about the SSAF money that doesn’t go to either the Union or the SA? What does the university spend that on? Counselling services, career services (including study

13%

UTS STUDENT LEGAL CENTRE

5%

CLUBS & COLLECTIVES

3%

OTHER STUDENT SERVICES & RESOURCES

6% VERTIGO

29% 6%

ADMINISTRATION

18%

CASEWORK, ADVOCACY & STUDENT REPRESENTATIVE SUPPORT

VERTIGO

ISS06

WELFARE, EQUITY & FINANCIAL ASSISANTCE

20%

SECONDHAND BOOKSTORE

So what does this mean for students? Perhaps that you should be able to find any and all books necessary for your degree at the Secondhand Book Shop, and that being a member of a social or cultural club pays off (especially debating).

What seems commendable is the sheer amount spent on spor ting and recreational activities, and clubs. For Union-affiliated clubs and societies, this means free facility hire and generous financial grants for club events. But whether or not SSAF-sponsored bar tabs genuinely improve student life is debatable.

Upping spending for financial and legal services, as well as advocacy and study skills can only be a good thing, with quantifiable outcomes for students, helping to improve not just campus life, but students’ personal and academic lives too.

Then there’s the huge amount spent on the 10% discount at Union outlets. No student could disagree with discounted food and drink, although the initial costs at some of the stores rival 7/11 for their (lack of) value.

And what of students engaged in artistic activity, which receives far less funding than their sports-focussed counterpar ts? That could also be called an arguable spend.

So that’s where your money goes. Even if things get a little murky along the way, the goal of improving student life and amenities is certainly one to be supported. But in the end not even SSAF could save The Glasshouse.

THE GRADUATE SPEAKS A man who wishes to be known only as The Graduate reminds us there is life on the other side.

Hello children, You’ve probably noticed it’s been a while since the fine people of Vertigo last opened their venerable pages to accommodate my inky nib. I must say I’m glad to be counselling you once again. I only regret that it’s for the last time. That’s right: this is the final instalment of my esteemed column - unlike a Mobius strip, it must come to an end. But first let’s begin with an update.

I’ve got a new job, and I found it without the help of my ineffectual employment agent. The job is in market research. I go to this little office in the city where they sit me in front of a computer and put a mesh hat with electrodes on my head and a pair of strobing goggles on my peepers. Then all I have to do is watch one or two hours of ads while they measure my brain activity. Each session pays $70-$120, depending on how long it lasts, and just like the proceeds of drug-dealing and religion, it’s all tax-free. Which is excellent for me because I can still claim the dole in full. The only downside I’ve found is that if I do more than one session a day the bright flash in the eyeglasses gives me migraines and bloody stools. Still, I get to tell people that I work in advertising without it being a lie. Technically. On the creative front, I’m still penning my memoirs—Fifty Shades of Graham. I don’t have a publisher yet, but I figure it’s only a matter of time. I’ve also started keeping a blog; there was just no logos in the blogosphere.

In short, I feel like an intrepid epicure chowing down on lamb fries; I’m having a bloody ball.

So, you can see that after a protracted series of postUTS traumas, things are finally star ting to look up. But you’ll recall that before I got my big break in the ad game, I struggled to secure employment in the cutthroat world of communications and whatever. This was largely to do with my lack of internship experience. I had to learn the hard way that in the real world, grades don’t count. Even HDs. They’re like orangutans dressed as mathematicians: they look awesome, but they don’t count.

My unemployment led to a myriad of frustrations, from dealing with the boundless incompetence of Centrelink, to the degrading experience of answering to the pathetic

slops at my employment agency. But now I can finally dump them next to Student Feedback Surveys (SFS) on the long list of things I’m relieved to no longer have in my life. Speaking of which, you should make sure you fill those out and take care to commend your fine teachers. As the last threads of job security for academics are torched by the wretched bean-counters who run our universities – and they are our universities – those noble pedagogues need all the quotable encomiums they can get. There seems little point, however, in using the SFS to criticise UTS. Every time I’ve addressed the unreasonable size of UTS tutorials, my efforts have been like roll-ups: fruitless. Plus, has anyone ever won an iPad? I’m not convinced.

But back to the topic at hand, what of you promising youngsters? Is there hope for you out here, beyond the dispersed campus of the world’s 284th-best university?

The truth is I’m not sure. One by one I have chronicled my mistakes and the many tribulations they have begotten me in the hope that I might impart one of my childhood’s most critical teachings: when I was a cub scout, our motto was BE PREPARED. I can only hope my example demonstrates the importance of being prepared, and the grave perils of not being so. Be prepared, my friends, for what lies ahead.

But more than that, be prepared to work. Be prepared to find opportunities, and when there are none to be found, to create them. Be prepared to learn and change, and grow and dream, and to be wrong and to fail, and to find within that failure the chance to succeed. Be prepared to think independently and always to ask questions, and be prepared to stand up for your rights.

But above all, be prepared to improve the world in your own special way. It’s grim out here and we don’t need anyone else adding to the mess. As a dear friend of mine once wrote: we’re all in the gutter but some of us are Dancing with the Stars.

Best regards, The Graduate, B.A. 17

SHOWCASE:

GENEVIEVE K AISER

VERTIGO

ISS06

My name is Genevieve Kaiser and I’m currently studying Media Arts and Production and International Studies. I love painting and drawing, usually por traits or tiny made-up cities, but I’m always interested in tr ying new mediums and creating artworks when I can find time between uni and work. More recently I’ve been working on a series of digital artworks and posters inspired by movies I love.

I’d like to possibly work in Cinematography or Storyboard art.

WHOLES ME P RNOGRAPHY: NOT NECESSARILY AN OXYMORON chats with ceo and founder of ‘wholesome’ pornography website Abby Winters.

VERTIGO

ISS06

Porn is one of those things most people don’t talk about that often, except in intimate circles of friends. What was in the past a hidden magazine under the bed has increasingly become a hidden folder on a laptop or a deleted internet history. Most people have watched porn at some point, and a majority watch it regularly. So what do we really know about the cultural force that plays a part in the way we think about and, more importantly, the way we have sex?

Vertigo talked to Garion Hall, the CEO and co-founder of Abby Winters, an ex-Australian porn site that sells itself as ‘wholesome, healthy and most impor tantly RE AL’.

Missing are the fake nails, fake hair, fake situations and fake orgasms. Garion says “‘real’ is fragmenting over and over again, and it can be hard to define what it is. We (Abby Winters) say it’s models with no breast enlargements, natural pubic hair…and no photoshopping of imagery”.

Hall and the site’s namesake Abby Winters, who stepped down from the business in 2003, established the site in 2000. The founders, both porn consumers, were “frustrated by what was common practice at the time: porn stars were expensive to employ, so producers often employed attractive amateur models, dressed them up to look like porn stars and directed them to behave like porn stars; the ‘porn star experience’ at a fraction of the cost”.

Hall and Winters thought that this porn was missing the point, that what was inherently appealing about amateur models was “their wholesomeness” so they formed their business based on this premise. Hall adds, “What makes an amateur model appealing is that she may work at the local supermarket or your office, she's accessible, men interact with her all the time as part of their life.” Melbourne-based porn star Angela White said of the site, “The mainstream populace sees porn as a degrading thing that exploits workers, and the women involved as drug abusers and somehow lost, whereas Abby Winters promotes an image of healthy women with a healthy lifest yle who enjoy their sexuality."

The paid-site specialises in lesbian and solo sex acts, generally by amateurs . The site claims situations are mainly unscripted, working “to express the sexual desires and fantasies” of the models. Abby Winters also claims that “most of their shoots are shot by women who have been models themselves. We have a program to work with passionate young filmmakers who have also been models with us, offering full-time employment and high-quality training. Being models themselves, they can relate better with [the] first-time models they shoot”. This, and ‘real world ’situations such as yoga or swimming, is part of an attempt to create a more realistic sexual experience.

So, for those unversed in the world of porn genres, what else is out there in ‘real porn’?

Two successful models, different from Abby Winters, are the ‘reality television model’ and the ‘real ex-girlfriend genre’, which is “based on the idea of vindictive ex-boyfriends making public homemade porn shot when the couple was together”. These videos are fairly hard to come by so porn producers often replicate the feel of these films for this genre. It's “‘real’ (kinda), but in a different way”. An even larger suspension of disbelief is required for reality porn that relies upon staged settings, much like reality television.

Abby Winters is often referred to as a pioneer in real porn. Hall told Vertigo, “When we started in 2000, we were quite unique, but over time, more companies have realised that there's money to be made in this genre. Some have been mainstreamers expanding their offering, others smaller organisations, passionate about the content they're making.

We fall into the last camp – designing something we like comes first, making money comes second.” But they have made money: at the site’s peak in 2007, they made a profit of $8 million cut dollars.

However it hasn’t been entirely smooth sailing for Hall and the site. In mid-2009 the Victorian Police raided several offices owned by Abby Winters, as well as Hall’s home. ‘Operation Refuge’, as it was termed, resulted in a plethora of charges being brought against Hall at both a state and federal level. These related mainly to creating objectionable films for gain, but t wo counts were for possession of child pornography. Most of the charges were dropped, bar two in a plea bargain. Hall was fined $5400 for owning a commercial quantity of, and producing, 'objectionable films'. Robbie Swan, from the Eros Association claims that the ‘objectionable film’ stated in the claims was refused classification because, under Australian Classification Board (ACB) rules, it showed a banned fetish. The problem is that the alleged ‘banned fetish’ was the female model ejaculating. The ACB refuse to recognise this as the case, instead classing the scene as urination. Production of films including this content can be met with criminal charges.

As a result of the charges Hall moved the company from Melbourne to Amsterdam in 2010. He says of the charges now, “Anyone who has seen our content knows it's the most tame, vanilla stuff you can find on the Internet, but we were unlucky. In terms of Western countries,

Australia is quite conservative, and the laws are extremely muddled – state and federal laws are at odds, still images and video are treated differently, websites differently again, and all are judged by different standards, and who's to say what ‘may offend’ a ‘reasonable adult’ anyway? It's a mess. But, every Western country is struggling with similar issues.”

The Internet has more naked people than you could possibly ever want to see, so porn consumers needn’t be too worried about a lack of supply. Those in the porn business however, are faced with the challenge of adapting to the existence of file sharing and tube sites, such as RedTube, that offer unlimited free porn video content. Hall says, “It’s difficult to compete with, and couple that with the economic downturn in 2008 and it's been tough for all adult operators.”

So how can the Adult Entertainment Industry survive?

“We're focussing on several areas, to find and keep members paying. The primary part is the content - refining it to be interesting, varied, acutely ‘on-paradigm’, playful and provocative. This is our ‘bread and butter’, and is constantly reviewed and refined.”

Members of Abby Winters are also able to suggest scenarios themselves. Some of these are fairly ordinary, but sometimes Hall tells us, they are downright impractical.

One member requested the site do a shoot with a nude girl riding an elephant, another alleged that there was an underrepresented ‘looner community’ who would love a shoot of “models playing with balloons (but NOT popping them!)”. Abby Winters did the shoot, but the looner community turned out to be much smaller than expected, and the shoot was generally met with confusion. Another common request is for images of models defecating on one another.

A plethora of fetishes are catered for on the Internet, and perhaps the most common fetish of all, a love of the wholesome and accessible, will continue to be met by Abby Winters and its elk. In the words of Hall, “human friendly porn is here to stay”.

21

FIR ST GLIMPSE: NEW UTS MERCHA NDISE ILLUSTRATION: GENEVIEVE KAISER As a rel atively new institution, UTS sometimes struggles to inspire the same level of patriotism in its students as sandstone universities.

But with UTS’s 25th anniversary this year, it is time to start taking pride in this well-deserving establishment. And how else to express our pride than with a brand new range of merchandise available from the UTS Union Shop?! Forget hoodies, pens and gym towels – is proud to bring you an exclusive first look at this semester’s winter collection.

Dr. Chau Chak Wing Building Puzzle T h e Chau Chak W ing Buil ding Puz zl e might be a 3D puzzle, or it might be a 2D puz zle. It might have somewhere bet ween 50 0 and 150 0 pieces . There might be a picture on the box, or there might not . It doesn’t really mat ter in the end – just take all the cardboard jigsaw pieces, crumple them together and voilà!

Architecture!

VERTIGO

ISS06

UTS Semester Diary made from 100% recycled Honi Soit Further reaffirming UTS’s credentials as an innovative and environmentally friendly campus, this diary is made out of 100% recycled Sydney University student media content.

Old copies of Honi Soit were collected and chemically treated to extract the vague sense of self-impor tance embedded within the fibres of the student newspaper.

Now they’ve been reprinted into the perfect format for you to make a half-arsed attempt at being ‘organised’ before chucking it under your bed and going on Facebook.

UTS Tower Jenga Ever yone’s favourite game of physical and mental skill meets everyone’s favourite concrete monolith! The rules are simple – players take turns removing blocks and then placing them on top of the tower. The player who spends the most time complaining about its ugliness wins!

Eau de Glasshouse Olfaction has long been renowned for its ability to be a powerful memory trigger.

Now that The Glasshouse has reduced its opening hours, Engineering students will find this scent particularly alluring.

A small dab on the wrists and behind the ears is sure to evoke recollections of jugs of Tooheys New, sticky vinyl floors and jukebox favourites. Use sparingly – such sensual evocations are headier than pheromones and you’ll have fellow students falling at your feet before you know it.

Lend Lease Crane Lighter This refillable diesel lighter is perfect for all occasions, especially ritualistic burnings of old uni assessments and readings. Just flick back the jib and watch a flame pop out of the operating cabin, ready to ignite cigarettes, joints, BBQs and media frenzies.

Commemorative T-Shirt Make survivor guilt a thing of the past with these new, limited edition UTS t-shirts. Made of a breathable cotton and organic bamboo fibre blend, these t-shirts wick moisture away from the body, reducing unpleasant odours and embarrassing sweat patches af ter near-death experiences on campus.

Also available in navy, ash grey and pistachio.

Ross Milbourne Bobblehead Doll Nothing kick-starts a personality cult like a bobblehead doll. These adorable dolls are a guaranteed bestseller, so in the future keep your eyes peeled for Ross Milbourne-themed tea towels, salad tongs, umbrellas, mouse pads, shot glasses, road signs, photo frames, inflatable lecture-pillows, stubby holders, aprons and skin creams.

GEN WHY

?

INSTAGR ATIFIC ATIO N When it comes to publishing every single aspect of one’s existence online, young people are certainly the best. WHITNEY HIGGINSON looks at Instagram to discover just what went wrong with the generation people love to hate.

YAY !

Ah Generation Y, what can I say? People love to hate us.

We are the generation that everyone loves to point at and say, “That’s what’s wrong with the youth of today.” But you know, I think we’re doing pretty okay. Sure, we crave instant gratification, we have privacy settings on Facebook that we definitely don’t have in real life, and some of us have entitled expectations for our careers. But considering all for this, we are still breathing. The internet has been with us our whole lives and the fact that 90% of the Gen Y population isn’t battling a life-threatening porn addiction is an achievement in itself. In saying this, there is one thing that we are failing miserably at.

Being a Gen Y native myself, I’ve realised that we like to live our ‘perfect’ lives through Valencia and Hudson filters.

You see, there is this little disclaimer I must have missed when I signed up for Instagram/Facebook/Tumblr, which states that everyone leads a seemingly perfect Stepford Wives life on these social media channels. And it comes down to this: even if you don’t have your shit together, you still want your friends to be jealous of you. And the way you do this is by ‘strategically framing’ your photos. Forget the dirty clothes on your floor or the fact you are wearing a three-day-old t-shirt: Instagram will crop that shit out for you. This creates the illusion that your life is absolutely fucking fabulous.

You will never see a photo of someone wearing daggy VERTIGO

ISS06

clothes or eating cereal for dinner. We don’t take photos like that. Instead we post pictures of ourselves wearing designer threads around the house (#OOTD holla) or eating gluten-free, sugar-free, paleo breakfasts (apparently this is a trend; whether anyone actually eats the goddamn food after taking the photo is a whole other thing).

But let me tell you that these photos are a LIE because I don’t know one person who would sacrifice an extra 30 minutes of sleep to make breakfast and then go to all the effort of not only taking the photo, but adding a thousand hashtags before 7am. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

And you know, it’s no longer only the important times in our lives we document every minute with a flash. DSLRs (are they even a thing anymore? ) will always be ready for life-defining events such as weddings, graduations, reunions and casual travels around Europe. But there are also times when you do some really cool shit that everyone really should see, like trying on a new outfit in the Myer change rooms , or walking your dog, or hanging out in your bathroom with only your underwear on. It’s only fair that you upload all of this to social media. Because why wouldn't everyone want to know what you're doing during every possible minute of every day?

PS. You can follow me on Instagram (@w_higginson) where I post Valencia-filtered photos of things that I do purely to make others jealous.

SAMUEL MILLSOM profiles the best cold-weather fashion on campus (because winter is actually here).

DIANE

DJARWIN

LUCY

Introducing Princess Diane, Duchess of #indie – a Business student who looks as breezy as a Maison Mar tin Margiela model in the cold winter weather (#whoneedsstockingswhenyoulookthishot) . Keeping it cute and simple, she’s rocking a neat indigodenim skir t that you could totally imagine Willow wearing in a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode (in the best way possible – #90sgen4ly f ). This, coupled with the sweetest red shor tsleeve knit and some black sneaks, gives off a real laissez-faire vibe that makes her look cooler than all of the club promotion posters behind her (#chloesevignyeatyourheartout). You club kids better beware; Diane’s got the look down.

Djarwan is a first year Law student I caught hanging out near the Jumbunna Centre looking swell in all his rockabilly radness. He’s wearing some superskinny stilt s that synchronise with his vintage bomber jacket per fectly.

Speaking of, that bomber jacket looks like it was pinched from a WWII vet but Djarwan’s making it look like something that a #hip, #groovy, #alternative band from England would wear on tour. The tar tan is a throwback to the days of the Sex Pistols (#godsavealexandermcqueen) and the woollen lining feels like the warmth of a sweet alt-J ballad.

I can sense the Arctic Monkeys’ jealousy from here. Topping it off with his slick quiff, Djarwan shows that #vintagestyle is like a boomerang – it always comes back.

When I first saw Lucy, the first thing that I thought was, “Oh my god, did Amanda Seyfried enrol at UTS!?” But when I actually got the courage to ask Lucy for a picture, I soon found out she was definitely no #meangirl, rather she’s just been genetically blessed with excellent bone structure and sweet skills when it comes to winter layers and colour matching. The combination of a tan trench coat and the chocolate scarf inspires memories of a delicious hot chocolate with sprinkles on top (#colouraccents). The baby blues and a cyan clutch are ser ving up some #50shadesofblue but in a totally nonsubmissive way. Lucy’s just star ted on her Law/Communication degree but she’s clearly dominating in more ways than one; you go Glen Coco!

25

roadtest

Looking for something more wholesome than binge drinking, crazy parties, and watching porn? reminisces about her childhood and returns to the simple things she used to get a kick out of as a kid.

Mission: To find out if child’s play is still fun today. In this fast-paced world of dangerous sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll, can the silly things we amused ourselves with as children still entertain us as adults?

Climbing trees was the stuff of childhood dreams. Picking just the right tree was the first step. Not too tall and with branches that were wide, low-hanging and steady. Once this was identified it was up to you whether you went barefoot or with shoes on, but either way you had to be ready to clamber up. When inching along the branches you sometimes had to commando crawl to get to the highest part. On attempting this again, I thought that my increased height, wisdom and experience would be advantageous.

However, climbing was fraught with as much trial and error as before. My friends and I, thankfully, were climbing above sand, so the thought of falling was less alarming. The result was that the branches we picked to clamber on were perhaps a little too wide. This meant that some of us came away from the climb being rather sore in the groin area…

Entertainment Factor: 2/5 Tree hugging was meant to be a pleasurable experience, not a harmful one. The only thing I remember about this was the pain.

VERTIGO

ISS06

I fondly remember the ingenuity of my primary school friends and I as we turned an ordinary item of stationery into a game. One of the more versatile pencil case playthings was the humble eraser. It was a blank canvas, ripe for doodling on. My favorite function was to turn it into the ‘all-knowing eraser’ so it could make decisions for us or tell us the answer to our every question.

For those of you unfamiliar with the practice, you wrote ‘yes’ and ‘no’ on the opposing sides of the eraser. You would then ask a question before tossing it into the air, as you would a coin. Whichever word landed face up was the correct answer. I played this with a couple of my best friends who mostly used the eraser’s wisdom to seek relationship advice and ask whether they should eat another ricotta-stuffed pepper. It was just as amusing as I remember. The rubber never seemed to lie, always revealing our innermost desires and assumptions regarding food and love.

Entertainment Factor: 5/5 It was so fun and stress-free that it made me question why I ever bother using my brain to make decisions.

As a kid I loved going out for a meal with my family, as it provided many opportunities to show off my tricks.

Ordering a big glass of something sweet – creaming soda or a chocolate milkshake – was a treat. Things were good. Then I noticed it had a straw. Life was great! So I used to blow bubbles through my straw to create a mini volcano. Amazing! Mum and Dad were not so impressed. Flash forward 16 years later and I tried it at a pub with my mates. Gin and tonic, meet straw and bubbles. At first no one seemed to notice the seismic activity going on in my drink, so I tried again with more power. After a couple more blows, I was met with a mixture of bemused smirks and concerned eyebrow-raises. I was too engaged in bubble-making to care what the other patrons were thinking, but I’m sure if they’d been drunk they’d have found it funny.

Entertainment Factor: 1/5 It’s not as fun if your parents aren’t there to disapprove. Plus, I was more interested in ingesting the alcohol than playing with it.

Slumber parties were one of the biggest oxymorons of my childhood (not that I knew what an oxymoron was). Instead of sleeping, those long nights were filled makeovers, movie marathons, truth or dare, and midnight feasts. It is still hard to forget the competitiveness and ferocity of a pillow fight. There you were, poised on the edge of your blow-up mattress, duck-down or latex weapon at the ready.

Then suddenly all hell would break lose as pillows pounded into flesh and an eruption of giggles filled the room. These days, the only person I have sleepovers with is my boyfriend, so I thought it was a great idea to roadtest this with him.

A little bigger and stronger now, I may have taken the fight a little too seriously.

It started with a couple of whacks below chest height before I escalated things to full blown pelting. As I jumped on my bed to deliver another hit, I realised that entering battle with a memory foam pillow gave me an unfair advantage.

Result: I think my friends and I developed a newfound understanding of the saying, “It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.” Nursing a few injuries and bruised egos, we’d say that child’s play is definitely not for the fainthearted. As for the question, are we still kids at heart? Considering the level of amusement I found in each activity, I’d have to say yes. Despite this urge to grow old rather than grow up, as an adult I am firmly aware that society has a set of expectations regarding appropriate public conduct. Not to mention the occupational health and safety concerns these activities entail.

It seems that these pastimes, while fun, belong firmly in my childhood.

Entertainment Factor: 4/5 I thought it was hilarious, but my boyfriend would beg to differ.

27

AL DENTE SHOWCASE: ELE ANOR CHANDLER

She tells him that sometimes she can hear the cogs but down there, he hears nothing.

And that was five days ago.

A boat with two red sails and between them sheets that hang stiffly, unmoving in the wind.

Garments, probably. Lonely, probably.

Two blue pegs bulge under the weight of saline-crusted collars, partially unraveled socks.

Toes sink in the damp sand towards starfish.

Cotton weave radiates residual heat and her limbs are tangled.

VERTIGO

ISS06

She, who contemplates her own solitude blames her hopelessness on paralysing indecision.

The spaghetti will keep boiling long past what we know to be al dente and instead of a meal she dines always on decomposing thoughts scooped using the ladle and reaches as deep as her knuckles.

Now, hurled from the depths the detritus of a past and future life litters her mind but she slashes through the weeds and tramples flimsy stems for nothing is growing or should be growing in there because cultivation is for the inspired.

But the rest of us cling to the side of the ship waiting to scrape another worm from the ocean floor.

Such clouds and evaporation and intense precipitation; the only weather appropriate for a goodbye.

Sullen spheres caress the window through the reflective convex she sees him suspended ten thousand times over a kaleidoscope that splits sadness yet hardly diffuses the grief. The ant that she fondled halfheartedly is writhing, dying on the carpeted seat.

The bus lurches forward with one gentle wave and two forced smiles, wheels skid as they struggle to grip the asphalt and wet bullets fall and disturb the moths that rise from under house floorboards and fly around in unruly packs.

And then a singular point on the earth is fried at one thousand degrees but from his tower the show is caught by the insomniac camera lens and labelled “prize winning�.

Kevin Rudd has returned to the position of Prime Minister after reclaiming the leadership of the Federal ALP Caucus in what has been dubbed ‘a fucked up group psychology experiment gone terribly fucking wrong’.

Rudd achieved his stated goal of returning to the leadership after having spent three years viciously undermining his colleagues. The

Connor Rhea investigates.

result of this was that 57 out of the parliamentary caucus of 102 voted for Rudd, a result that pundits have described as ‘pretty fucked up’.

“I mean, it was already pretty fucked up that Kevin Rudd still wanted to lead a group of people that demonstrably loathed him, and that his method of returning to the leadership was to antagonise them

KEVIN RUDD WINS WORLD’S MOST FUCKED UP POPULARITY CONTEST further. But the fact that this tactic not only worked but worked spectacularly is monumentally fucked up,” claimed the noted journalist Michelle Grattan.

Labor insiders have pointed out that the fact that Tony Abbott was in a position to win a commanding, if not overwhelming, victory is in itself pretty fucked up, and that this immensely fucked up environment led to the comparatively less fucked up decision to switch to Kevin Rudd, though they do concede that the decision was pretty fucked up.

“I mean, have you seen the other guy? That guy’s only policy is to be a fucking cunt. Even his pony-fucking party of Tory fuckers think the guy is fucked up. Newspoll has him winning with 57% of the two-party preferred vote. Are you fucking serious, Australia? What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you fucked in the fucking head?” chief Labor strategist Bruce Hawker said in a press conference.

The Liberal Party has responded to the leadership change by claiming that the source of the current madness of Australian politics is entirely due to the

NOW 98% FACT FREE

concept of reducing carbon emissions through market-based initiatives.

“Also, people wanting to come to Australia by any means possible to flee war and oppression is profoundly fucked up,” claimed Scott Morrison, Shadow Minister for Immigration.

The K-Rudd result has left the Australian media reeling and has forced them to consider their own

THE DEFAMER complicity in what surely amounts to an incredibly fucked up discourse, fundamentally based on selfishness and implied racism. The Australian media did consider this briefly, before deciding that the most reasonable course of action was to ask Joel Madden his opinion on federal politics.

We were all enlightened as a result.

The pair at the centre of last December’s royal prank call scandal, Mel Grieg and Mike Christian, attempted to prank call the child of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge because, according to Christian, “it went pretty well last time”.

Defamer can report that the duo, one of whom remains employed by the Austereo network, brought up the idea after a few drinks at Grieg’s Bondi apartment. “We just started to joke about what we would say if we had the opportunity to call up again, really funny stuff like ‘will you call your new baby North West?’ and ‘is it as bald as its father?’”

Christian states that recently they had both begun to feel nostalgic for a time when they were paid extraordinary amounts of money despite a complete absence of talent, so that night they played bland, over-produced pop for 20 minutes to make themselves feel like commercial radio hosts again. They then began to engage in torturous banter: the kind that makes infomercial dialogue seem natural.

Jen Italwarts reports.

2DAY FM HOSTS PRANK CALL ROYAL BABY “FOR OLD TIMES’ SAKE” BLAH BLAH reports.

11-YEAR-OLD DECLARED WORLD’S OLDEST RECORDER PLAYER Sydneysider Emily Hippocampus has claimed the title of world’s oldest recorder player in a ceremony today.

The award follows the retirement of Scotland’s former record holder, 12-yearold Charity Diffusion, who cited ‘sanity’ for giving away the ‘instrument’, known commonly as ‘Satan’s Wolf Whistle’ by just about anyone who’s ever heard one.

In a statement to Defamer, the strangely potty-mouthed Scottish school girl said that she had once hoped to make a career as a recorder player before realising it actually “sounds like fucking shite”

and that she would have probably made a more positive contribution to the world as “a serial killer, or a fucking beat poet”.

First aid officials will be on hand today to ensure audience members don’t attempt to claw their own ears off during the ceremony’s ending recital.

We apologise to any individuals, groups or organisations offended by the above attempt at satire. In no way are the actual contents meant to be taken as factual.

After playing the same Taylor Swift song a million fucking times Christian said he asked if Grieg could still “perform her [pathetic] impersonation of the Queen”, which then led to her calling the hospital in which the Duchess of Cambridge is currently nursing her newly born child.

Officials at the hospital said that the call was received by a duty nurse who “adhered to newly instated hospital protocol” by telling the pair to “fuck off”, which apparently resulted in hysterical, screaming laughter from the unemployed radio hosts.

VERTIGO

ISS06

REWIND/FAST-FORWARD because sometimes life needs a remote

POP PUNK

CELEBRITY ALBUMS

Growing up as an only child meant I lacked the supervision only older siblings can give, a mixture of “I care about you” and “I know exactly what you’re going through.” While most kids remedied this by going outside to make friends, I chose instead to model myself on every single moderately successful pop punk icon.

Although the pop punk scene was expansive, I found comfort in my niche: in loud music played by tattooed, goodlooking bad boys, in songs of juvenile apathy. Every single one of these punk songs resonated with me in some way. Simple Plan so poignantly cobbled together the words I wanted to say to my mother whenever I brought home unsatisfactory exam results (“I’m sorry I can’t be perrrfeeeccctttttt”). Even when I hadn’t a clue as to the state of media propaganda in the United States, Green Day clearly did, hence the birth of my polyphonic ‘American Idiot’ ringtone. And when Avril Lavigne first burst onto the scene, her tomboy tendencies sent shivers all the way down to my plastic spike wrist cuffs. I found her so impossibly beautiful with her copious amounts of kohl eyeliner, and that devil-may-care attitude around boys made me enshrine her all the more with multiple posters all over my room.

While I have outgrown the singlets, army fatigues and school-boy ties, my pop punk repertoire never left my iTunes library. Though it is bittersweet to accept my fact that I’m five years too late for Yellowcard to tell me “We were both 16 and it felt so right”, my heart still yearns for a moment or two of child-like, repercussion-free instability. Or perhaps I’m simply just a creep whose music taste has failed to evolve. What’s my age again?

Writing this column nearly killed me. Honestly, there’s a limit to how many times you can listen to Paris Hilton ‘singing’, and that is once.

Her voice, nauseatingly sweet, the painfully catchy lyrics about falling in love sex, and the accompanying images that had more pouty selfies than my Facebook newsfeed, combined to make a music video which was as dreadful as it was hilarious.

Celebrity albums could probably surpass sex tapes for their ability to embarrass all parties involved.

Relax, I am not condemning talented musicians who also happen to act, like Jared Leto or Zooey Deschanel. We’re talking the god-awful, passionless, over-produced crap from Kim Kardashian and the like.

You’re probably yet to meet a person who will admit to purchasing one of Hilton or Kimmy K’s songs and you’re unlikely to hear Scarlett Johansson’s music (yes, that is a thing) blaring from someone’s headphones in the library.

I am extremely embarrassed to admit that, at age 11, I knew all the lyrics to Holly Valance’s ‘Down Boy’, following a severe misjudgement on the part of my parents.

The inherent flaw of this whole ‘industry’ is that celebs are not musicians, yet they are able to sell music. You wouldn’t ask a doctor to paint your house, or a plumber to do your taxes, or an economist to make you crème brulee.

Talented actors – or celebutantes – do not a singer make.

But in our goddamn society, sex, money and fame all seem to sell, and you can’t blame people for ‘selling out’.

So please, I beg you, for the sake of my poor, bleeding ears (and, you know, the integrity of the music industry) do not legally purchase Paris Hilton’s, or for that matter any celebrity-turned-musician’s new album. Torrent it, if you must.

SAMANTHA LOW

BELLA WESTAWAY

33

After being relatively absent from the Australia music scene for are back with more the past few years, sits down with than just a third album.

Andy Szekeres to hear tales about Japanese fans, cat photos and dodging Russian police.

VERTIGO

ISS06

If we travelled at 88 miles per hour into a place where all the clocks chime at once we might get close to capturing the mystique of Midnight Jug gernaut s . But in reality, a trip back to the future is made more impressive when you can see it unfold before your own eyes (and ears), and this group’s latest project – half film score, half electronic fantasia – is no exception.

“There’s definitely a sense on this record of travelling through time with different influences and still looking for the future. It’s something that’s threaded through a lot of our music,” Midnight Juggernauts bassist Andy Szekeres says.

“A lot of film has influenced us and during the recording process we re-scored all these short films from the fifties, which were kind of like infomercials that played in the UK on a whole lot of random subjects. That process of ‘recording for visuals’ really led into the idea for the album.”

Midnight Juggernauts have always taken their aesthetic seriously and for their latest album, Uncanny Valley, their pursuit of visuals has taken them across the globe to Moscow. Now, preparing to embark on their first national tour in three years, it’s a question of how to collect all the human par ts together while keeping an eye on the electronics of their set, which often break down of their own accord.

“Quite of ten they’ll be songs where it ’s really hard to play them like they are on the album because it’s this big production and we’re just a three-piece. We might do a weird version of something so it has an interesting new take for the live version. It’s always evolving.”

Alongside Vincent Vendetta and Daniel Stricker, the trio use traditional instruments and feed them through samples, pedals and other effects in order to create their distinct sound. After one and a half years of labour, Szekeres says he’s back in love with the record after going through a period where he couldn’t bear the sight of it.

“It’s weird after working on things for a long time, trying to think what you like and don’t like, you lose perspective on it.”

Musing upon their international resonance, Szekeres says that it was always part of the Midnight Juggernauts’ plan to make it overseas. Having realised they were serious about making music, the three quit their jobs to move to Europe. Like the star t of a rock musical, they were wandering around the UK and France, penniless, asking to play gigs.

“I suppose we started building up some kind of base in different parts of the world at the same time as Australia, which has probably helped us now where we can go to these other places and it feels like playing in Australia for us.”

Approaching their tenth year together, the Juggernauts have racked up an impressive list of playing destinations across all corners of the world: Japan, Russia, Spain, Belgium, and most recently South America. Never mind their appearances at world- class festivals including C oachella, Glastonbur y, Summerc ase and Fuji Rock .

What strikes Szekeres is how your ordinar y music listener in any part of the globe can whip out collectible merch and sing along to the entire set list just as proficiently as any Australian fan.

“Obviously with the Internet everyone’s connected. You go to these places and these people who go to your shows are into your music and know it really well. It’s amazing – like going to Japan for Fuji Rock was incredible – people who are really passionate fans and collect all of your releases that you’ve done over the years, bringing 7-inch

vinyls and copies of stuff that we didn’t even know existed.”

In between extensive touring, the boys have also put time into other ar ts projects including developing their own record label, Siberia Records, and exploring film and performance art. Szekeres says that after directing the first two videos, Juggernauts keyboardist Vendetta has been working on a “hypnotist slash visual art weird show” which he wants to tour as a magic show with a contemporar y arts twist.

“There’s so many cool things you can associate with music and be able to do other ideas, which, for us, music has allowed us to do.”

The guys are back in a form that is almost unrecognisable, especially after making a somewhat unconventional comeback by anonymously uploading a video to YouTube without the usual commotion of a PR comeback campaign.

“The whole thing was pretty funny. We were pretty happy with it,” Szekeres says.

After they played a show in Moscow, which had been on the band’s ever-growing tour wish list, they were inspired

by Soviet style and the touch of the old among the new. The band then brought out the cameras and began shooting footage of their exploits on public transport and in other notable Russian locations.

“I assumed we were going to get thrown in jail,” Szekeres admits. “We basically got away with it. We had someone guarding while the other one was stealthily recording the other guy dancing around the train. It was a wild experience – being able to dance and just muck around on all the old MIGS [Russian aircraft].”

“We had this idea to dress up – if we could get access to some Soviet gear army outfits and just go around and be in the background of great monuments and different parts of Moscow, being idiots and dancing around.”

“Apparently our outfits were slightly wrong anyway.

They weren’t completely accurate because we had navy hats and army tops and people kept coming up to us and telling us in the street.”

All of this reflects the historic/futuristic clash on the new release. Uncanny Valley is based on a concept in Japanese literature, which describes the point where admiration of machines begins to evolve into disgust.

“It was another concept which we’d been into since kids.

It tied into the way we make a mixture of electronic and human instruments. I guess there’s a whole lot of different influences for us – it’s pretty vast.”

From the esoteric to the everyday, Midnight Juggernauts keep their eyes peeled for all sorts of the inspiration. At the moment, it’s the dumped stray cat, which has become the new band superstar.

“Vin said he wasn’t going to put any more cat photos up.”

Instead, the cat has made its debut on their promotional posters.

Laughing, Szekeres admits, “But yeah, cat photos work don’t they?”

midnight juggernauts are performing august 16 at the metro theatre, sydney.

Image by sofiekemieke via last.fm 35

Is this shit Any GOOd?

CAFE

THEATRE

blackflower patisserie

Angels in America Parts One and Two

Calling dessert people everywhere: Blackflower Patisserie is a slice of unadulterated sweet-tooth heaven!

This cafe takes the phrase ‘food porn’ to a whole new level.

Catering for the fully fledged sugar addict, the dine-in dessert menu features delectable dishes with names such as ‘Mass Seduction’, a coffee crème brulee, and ‘Striptease’, a parfait with layers of sponge, vanilla cream, chocolate crumble and banana. It’s also one of the only places where you can ask the waitress for an ‘Orgy’ and she knows you mean a slice of the sweet miso, toffee and burnt caramel cake in the display window.

For all the macaron addicts out there, if you’re sick of your usual chocolate or raspberry treat check out some of Blackflower’s unique flavours such as Rose, Thai Milk Tea, XO Patron and Chocolate, or Green Tea. A must-mention is their penchant for making your average macaron into something way cuter such as the ‘Cheeseburger’, which, although it looks like a mini burger, is actually just a delicious chocolate and fondant macaron. Not into sweets? Their lunch menu includes a range of quiches, pizzas and the classic sausage roll and meat pie!

The coffee was nice (although nothing to rave about) though the macarons were the stand-out, rating high on the scale of uber-cuteness and uber-yumminess simultaneously.

And with its open plan layout and black décor, the cafe also has an ultra-cool vibe; the communal table out the front is perfect for a post-tute coffee date with your mates.

Overall, the only negative is getting past the awkwardness of asking for desserts with cheeky names. So, if you fancy yourself a little afternoon delight, head down to 37 Ultimo Rd, Haymarket, and check out Blackflower Patisserie.

Despite its marathon length and morbid subject matter, Angels in America is by no means a tedious or thematically gratuitous play. Rather, with the solid direction of Eamon Flack and the conviction of its cast, Belvoir’s production of Tony Kushner’s two-par t epic is both satisfying and gut-wrenching.

Set at the height of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, the play follows the lives of separate, but interconnected characters, including historical Senator and Rosenberg Trials attorney Roy Cohn. Each character has a vastly different experience with, and personal response to, the illness. However, all of the characters are plagued by emotional turmoil, face moral dilemmas and present a dystopic outlook of the future.

The set provides a stark, clinical canvas for the drama, with hundreds of cream tiles covering the space from wall to wall, wall to floor. Lights guide the audience through the magical realist play, taking us from reality to hallucination, dream to divination, and also ser ve to inter weave the characters in a tangle of ideas, emotions and colour.

These components culminate in a particularly strong cast, with all the per formers contributing to produce a highly real piece. Of note is Marcus Graham as the formidable and malevolent Roy Cohn and Amber McMahon as the neurotic, Valium-popping wife of one of the characters.

All in all, Angels in America is a confronting play.

But don’t be deterred by the play’s subject matter or homosexual themes. Angels in America is a play about HIV/AIDS, but it’s also about uncertainty at the brink of a new millennium, Reagan-era conservatism, religion and spirituality, race relations, and how people react in the face of an undoubtedly bleak future.

sofia carniel

Lachlan Bennett

VERTIGO

ISS06

MUSIC

BAR

Atlas – RüFüS.

The Lansdowne Hotel

Atlas isn’t so much a dance pop record as it is a 40-minute exercise in musical hypnosis. The Sydney trio deals all the cards out: dripping, liquidy synths; the relentless, pulsing beat; the icy, echoed vocals. Save for a couple of club fodder crescendos and some nicely worked melodies, Atlas is about as far from dance pop as you could get.

Strip Atlas of that pretension though and what actually unfolds is a record full of some pretty sophisticated ideas and influences. RüFüS certainly understands restraint, so much so that the tracks are borderline minimalist, often leaning on a hushed electro stab to keep the track from completely slipping into a coma. But they can still hit the bunker club drop well enough, with single ‘Take Me’ supplying the requisite breakdown.

What genuinely surprises is the depth and breadth of the songs; heavily layered with brief snaps of laptop beeps and synth curls, RüFüS allows enough space for the notes to breathe and not drift into an icy mess. Things get more interesting when they stretch into different spheres – check the hushed chill-wave on the instrumental ‘Simplicity Is Bliss’ or the heavy muscle groove of ‘Two Clocks’.

Somewhat predictably, the lyrics are skewed for the dance scene, chronicling drug trips (‘Tonight’) and various stages of close dancing (‘Rendezvous’ and pretty much every other track). The standout emerges in the beguiling ‘Desert Night’, which holds a slick groove under softly imprinted synths before the dip and plunge into the crunching drop.

As a dance record, Atlas’ bleakness and lack of warmth will inhibit it, and there are times when the iciness gets a bit too much. But as a sleek sonic exploration, it excels.

The Lansdowne has been loved by students and piercedup metalheads for as long as many can remember. But in January it was forced to close its doors after fire caused severe structural damage. For the past six months it has been undergoing renovations, with a ‘New York warehouse apar tment theme’ given to the notoriously ding y watering hole.

Honestly, it looks like the old Lansdowne with a fresh coat of paint. And yes, that coat is avocado: a bit too much avocado, to be honest. The layout is the same and furniture familiar. But there’s a cer tain sense of comfor t walking back through those doors, a nostalgic feeling that nothing has really changed. A week into opening it still felt as though they were finding their feet. Staff seemed unsure, people were asking how much longer their food would take and my friend got her cider for free because they didn’t have the right change. But the vibe was nice, the fireplaces were a cosy winter addition and the music was excellent given our mid-week visit.

The biggest change seemed to be the menu. Prices are very reasonable; however most items on the ‘Phoenix Diner’ menu was baffling. While their creativity should be applauded, the ‘witty’ names and a severe lack of description left us wondering whether we were ordering a pizza, burger or pie.

There’s still the trusty Tuesday Trivia (weekly from 7.30pm) and the infamous chicken schnitty, chips and salad (or mash/vege; but really, vegetables?) for $10.

Basically, this is the same Lansdowne, with a paint job and a whack menu. And yes, it will probably pull the same crowds. But is that really such a bad thing? Either way, it is certainly well-worth the five minute walk down the road.

Jules LeFevre

mairead armstrong

37

With the storm clouds of winter comes a general feeling of cynicism and negativity. Astrologist James Wilson peers into his crystal ball to discover what fortunes are (not) in stall for you.*

LEO

S A G I T TA R I U S

TA U R U S

22 July - 22 August

22 November – 21 December

19 April - 20 May

When the moon is in the Seventh House, And Jupiter aligns with Mars, Then peace will guide the planets, And love will steer the stars, This is the dawning of the age of Leo. Leo is a stubborn lover with a penchant for fine wines and bukkake.

Watch out.

This month, like all other months, will see you stand your ground, regardless of how absurd or impossible the situation.

“I AM GOING TO THE MOVIES!” “I AM A BLUE WHALE AND YOU CAN’T PROVE OTHERWISE!” “KIM KARDASHIAN IS A BETTER PERSON THAN THE ENTIRE GAME OF THRONES SERIES!” No.

V IR G O

AQ UARIUS

GE MINI

23 August - 22 September

20 January – 18 February

20 May - 21 June

Like a person with tertiary syphilis, this month will be crazy for you. There will be stark changes in your work and personal life. The stars will align, meteors will fall from the sky, and bunny rabbits will start a new fashion craze called ‘carroting’. Also, you have tertiary syphilis.

This month will see you wet with apprehension over what’s coming your way. With Neptune in retrograde, a series of uncanny coincidences will make you moist in all the right places.

Make your dreams a lucid reality and capture that which has evaded you for so long. Sex, obviously.

Let’s play the Gemini game!

Complete your star sign: (Lectures/Tutorials) (will/won’t) (make/disturb) (your/the) (day/night) (discouraging/encouraging) (an/the) (approaching/impending) (disaster/ cataclysm) that (will/shall) (prove/ reveal) you’re a (multi-faceted/twofaced) (bastard/sweetheart).

LIBR A

PIS CES

CANCER

22 September - 23 October

18 February - 20 March

20 May - 21 June

This month will produce new challenges for you in ways previously unforeseen. Not only will these challenges be many, they will be vague, forcing you to re-examine your life in the most indirect, cloudy and obtuse way possible. Thank God you’re reading your horoscope – you’re sure to find answers here.

The winter solstice is upon us and with short days come long gloom-filled nights, with naught but the rain to keep you company. It’ll feel as if you are doing an assignment every night for the next three months. Fear not, Spring will be here soon, melting those sorrows away.

S C O R PIO

A R IES

23 October - 22 November

20 March - 19 April

Your numbers for this month are 9, 42 and 1542. Your colours are puce, magenta and cyan. Venus is prevailing and Mars is in the ascendant. This will have absolutely no bearing on anything in any which way whatsoever. You might as well be analysing that dump you just took. Seriously.

VERTIGO

This month you’ll see a vast improvement in your love life. Usually it’s as barren as the Atacama Desert, but soon a tsunami of desire and affection will wash through the hills, valleys and crevasses of your body.

Their love will be timeless and their name will be Leo.

ISS06

Congratulations, according to Wikipedia you guys are called ‘Arians’.

As it’s pronounced almost the same way as ‘Aryans’, it sounds like you guys might have a problem. Consider telling people you’re either a Pisces or Taurus to avoid comparisons. Also, avoid singing any Christmas-themed songs

by Bing Crosby.

This month your home life will be tempestuous and arduous, with peace and tranquillity evading you. The next month will be cold and unforgiving.

Things will turn around once you swipe that piece of cardboard from your neighbour, providing warmer nights in the moonlight’s lucent beams.

* Capricorn wasn’t able to make it after becoming a spokesmodel for the new ‘carroting’ craze. After five sharp jabs to each buttock, they plan to make a full return.

bored stupid ?!

The PM’s Puzzle Page Bored with the endless debates about the carbon tax?

Falling asleep during Question Time? Take a break from the monotony of Australian politics and enjoy Labor’s latest vote-saving initiative, the PM’s Puzzle Page.

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

#SPILLDOKU

The Labor party has recently undergone some changes. See if you can spot them all!

Normal Sudoku rules apply, except instead of using the numbers 1 – 9, use the letters K-E-V-I-N-R-U-D-d.

RUDDLES Q: What do you call Labor’s log-flume ride at Disneyland?

A: #spill mountain

Q: What do you call Rudd’s leadership crusade?

A: The National Instability Scheme

Q: Why didn’t Gillard win the leadership ballot?

A: Because she severed all her (blue) ties.

Q: What do you call a Prime Minister who smokes weed?

A: Kevin Spacey

Q: What’s black, white and Rudd all over?

A: Definitely not a newspaper. There definitely hasn’t been excessive coverage of Labor leadership speculation.

Q: What’s the difference between Julia Gillard and Bugs Bunny?

A: It’s politically incorrect to sexually objectify Julia Gillard.

Q: What’s the difference between Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard?

A: A lot of things.

Q: Why did Julia Gillard agree to a leadership ballot?

A: She was being poll-ite.

SA REPORTS

Hello there!

Welcome back to uni, or if you’re new to UTS, welcome!

I hope you enjoyed the break, or at least had a bit of breathing space before tackling classes again.

You’re probably wondering what this semester has in store for you. You may already be dreaming of the summer break and just waiting for final exams and assessments to be over. But there ain’t no rest for the wicked and this semester is going to be huge.

The federal election is drawing closer, which means that if you haven’t already enrolled to vote, do it! There is a lot of power in the student voice, so much so that when John Howard was Prime Minister he changed the laws to make it harder for young people to enrol. With great power comes great responsibility, so choose your candidates wisely in the upcoming election.

Many student activist groups and organisations are gearing up for the election. Over the break I went to a number of conferences, where students and young people inspired each other to take a stand on the issues we care about. The Education Conference was a chance to get together with other education activists from around the country and learn about the struggles we all have at our universities, as well as how to support each other in active campaigns against these. Our education is currently under attack and with a $2.3 billion funding cut to universities on the horizon, things are only going to get worse.

I also attended Power Shift, run by the Australian Youth Climate Coalition (AYCC). This conference brought together climate activists to tackle the daunting issues surrounding climate change. Both of these gatherings were huge and each demonstrates the enthusiasm and tenacity of young people determined to bring about change.

So this semester, get ready for action. Together we can create change, and build a better future. If you want to be a part of the movement, simply check us out on Facebook, join a Students’ Association Collective or send me an email.

See you soon!

Email: sapresident2013@uts.edu.au

LYNDAL BUTLER President, UTS Students’ Association

VERTIGO

ISS06

SA REPORTS

You’re back, go you good thing! Look at you surviving all them assessments, kickin’ the butt of all those exams, chillin’ like a villain on yo’ holidays. And now you’re back, ready to take on Semester Two; you’re wiser now, you’ll keep on top of the workload, might even do some prac questions BEFORE the exam block, you now know how to balance your social life, uni AND work, and may even find time to actually read that book that friend leant you during high school (I’m sorry Michael, I’ll get to it, I promise!). Ah, the first week of semester. All the bullshit I believe I’ll do. Ha. O’ Week take two for 2013 is running all this week. Be sure to come by and check out the Students’ Association stall and join all the amazing groups and clubs on campus.

On your way out, don’t forget to visit the Secondhand Bookshop to pick up some cheap textbooks.

While you’ve been partying it up over the break, your SRC members and active student representatives have been doing a fair bit of travel from state to state, attending as many conferences as possible. Yep. July: aka conference season. Admittedly, I could only attend EdCon, the Education conference (as your education officer, I figured it was appropriate). However, there was also Network of Women Students Australia Conference, SOS (Students of Sustainability), Fairly Educated and Powershift, the Australian Youth Climate Coalition Conference. Given I’ve got a strict word limit, I won’t be able to go into huge detail regarding what all these organisations do, but I want to make sure you are very aware that there is a way for you to get involved and to do something about a cause you feel passionately about. If this might be something you’re interested in, I suggest this week, O’ Week, is probably the best time to find people to answer your questions. I can’t answer on behalf of all these organisations, but I do know where to send you. So drop me a line and I’ll point you in the right direction, you know you might as well, YOLO and all.

You know what else is important coming up this semester? Elections. Federal elections. Yep, yep, hold your enthusiasm for a moment. I know, it sucks that there are some pretty big problems with all the major parties but I’m not here to tell you who to vote for, but I will tell you to vote.

Enrol now! I’ll be around hassling you to sign up. Avoid the fines, exercise your democratic right, be a proper adult, feel all grown up, or if nothing else, just put the guy you like least last and work your way up. Regardless of how, it is important that you do it.

Email: lucille.bonanno@gmail.com

LUCY BONANNO Education Vice President, UTS Students’ Association

41

COLLECTIVES

ANDIE YATES

Pride Week Key Events

Got pride? The UTS Queer Collective has more than enough pride to go around!

After a bunch of successful activities in Autumn Semester at both the Broadway and Kuring-gai campuses, we used the holidays to get educated (and to party hard) at the Queer Collaborations conference. Don’t worry though, we haven’t run out of steam: we are kicking off Spring Semester with a UTS Union collaboration called Pride Week.

Pride Week is in Week 3 (August 12 – August 16) and it will involve a wide range of inspiring queer activities, including workshops, a very in-depth hypothetical discussion, a debate, a scavenger hunt, a party and UTS’ very own Fair Day on Wednesday. Most activities will be open to everyone, but a few will be open to queer-identified people only. Check the Pride Week event timetable for more information.

The Tuesday of Pride Week (August 13) is the ninth anniversary of the Australian Federal Government’s ban on marriage equality, and we will be marking this occasion with an action. Wear your fineries on this day, as there will be wedding bells!

As always, if you need to get in contact with us , send us an email.

Study up, get keen, and always remember: pride, not prejudice!

Wedding crafts Come along and meet the Queer Collective in a chillaxed setting and help us make decorations for our mass wedding on Tuesday. BYO lunch (we’ll supply the glitter).

12pm Monday August 12, Student’s Association back room (CB01.3.18)

UTS Queer Officer

Email: shapesuts@gmail.com

Coming out and cake In this queer-autonomous session we share our coming out stories and acknowledge both the pain we have faced and the strength of our community.

7pm Monday August 12, City Campus Queer Space Mass Wedding Have you ever heard the argument that marriage equality will ruin the sanctity of marriage? Queers may not be able to marry the people we love, but we can have a mass straight marriage that means nothing to us. Take that, conservatives! If you want to express your love (or lack thereof) at our ceremony shoot us an email.

Tuesday August 13, Location TBA UTS Clubs and Societies Day Queer-friendly university, social, sporting, cultural, religious and political groups will be setting up stalls on the concourse to show off their services. There will be live music and general merriment. See the Queer Collective stall to have a go at our Ally Quiz.

12pm-3pm Wednesday August 14, Tower Building Concourse Queer Women’s Sexual Health Workshop Some guests from ACON’s Young Women’s Project are coming to give us some pointers on having fun (and doing it safely). Details are yet to be confirmed, so if you’d like more info send us an email.

Thursday August 15, Location TBA Show Your Colours Party Tonight is the night to express yourself! We’ll be celebrating the pride and diversity of all students at this party. Wear your biggest smile and an outfit that says something about who you are. Glitter responsibly.

7pm Thursday August 15, The Loft

VERTIGO

ISS06