Volume 2 Euphoria by UTS Vertigo

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The University of Technology Sydney would like to acknowledge the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation as the traditional custodians and knowledge keepers of the land on which UTS now stands, and pay respect to Elders past, present, and emerging. Maree Graham Deputy Director, Students, and Community Engagement Jumbunna Institute for Indigenous Education & Research

The Vertigo 2020 team would also like to acknowledge the traditional custodians and knowledge keepers of the lands where they lived and worked as editors and designers during the creation of this volume, paying respect to Elders past, present, and emerging. The Vertigo 2020 team extends that respect to any Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander peoples reading this publication. Sunny Adcock and Sophie Tyrrell would like to acknowledge the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. Amy Toma and Ella Cyreszko would like to acknowledge the Cabrogal people of the Dharug Nation. Evlin DuBose and Esther Hannan-Moon would like to acknowledge the Wangal and Gadigal peoples of the Eora Nation. Jennifer Wen would like to acknowledge the Biddegal people of the Eora Nation. Karishama Singh and Elby Chai would like to acknowledge the Cammeraygal people of the Eora Nation. Rachel Lee would like to acknowledge the Dharawal people of the Dharug Nation.

Vertigo readers should be advised that there are content warnings before relevant pieces. Some articles contain themes or references to blood, death, alcohol, drugs, sex, nudity, discrimination, injury, and mental illness. Please keep this in mind as you enjoy our magazine; your health and safety are important to us. This magazine was largely created before the outbreak of the COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic. The context of some of the articles may change depending on the current social climate and the official safety guidelines recommended by health officials and the Australian government. While the lockdown is in effect, please observe social distancing etiquette, wash your hands, stay home, and take care of yourself. This volume also contains explicit references to drug and alcohol use. Vertigo does not condone the consumption of drugs, and the opinions and views expressed in articles and features pertaining to their consumption do not necessarily reflect those of Vertigo, UTS, and the Students’ Association. If you are struggling, please contact the UTS Counselling Services on 9514 1177, or visit the UTS Counselling Services website to find out more and access the extensive online self-help resources.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please consider speaking to your local GP, a healthcare professional, or calling one of the numbers below. Lifeline — 13 11 14 BeyondBlue — 1300 22 4636 Centre for Rural and Remote Mental Health — 02 6363 8444 If you or someone you know is experiencing, or has experienced sexual abuse, you can call or refer to the following confidential hotlines. General — 1800 737 732 Counselling — 1800 211 028 Crisis Centre — 1800 424 017 If you, or someone you know, is struggling with or has struggled with drug use and/or addiction, please consider speaking to your local GP, a healthcare professional, or calling the numbers below. Family Drug Support — 1300 368 168 Alcohol and Other Drugs Information Service (ADIS) — 1800 250 015 Stimulant Treatment Line (STL) Sydney Metropolitan — 02 9361 8088 Regional and Rural NSW — 1800 10 11 88 Opioid Treatment Line (OTL) — 1800 642 428 Available Monday to Friday: 9:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. NSW Quitline — 13 7848 (13 QUIT) Available Monday to Friday: 7 a.m. to 10:30 p.m. Available Saturday, Sunday and public holidays: 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Drug and Alcohol Specialist Advisory Service (DASAS) Sydney Metropolitan — 02 9361 8006 Regional and Rural NSW — 1800 023 687

QUIZ: WHAT DRUG ARE YOU? Amy Toma

POCKETS OF JOY Elby Chai

AMY’S EUPHORIC COCKTAIL LIST Amy Toma

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENT CONTENT WARNINGS EDITORS’ LETTER STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION REPORTS SUBMIT TO VERTIGO

BEDGASM Esther Hannan-Moon

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HOROSCOPES Marissa

CHEMISTRY Stella Ye

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DEAR VERTI

ULTRA Rebekah Batson

DANCING ON WATER Emily Gibbs

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MATE Evlin DuBose I’M NOT RUPAUL’S DRAG QUEEN Audrey Denier

WOMAN POWER Sunny Adcock

TO PILL TEST, OR NOT TO PILL TEST Bella Kidman

RECLAMATION Emily Hogan

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amplify

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10 FILMS THAT BRING US JOY

PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE FILM REVIEW Tim Chan

HOW TO TURN YOUR UNI STRESS INTO BLISS Esther Hannan-Moon

FINAL MAYHAPS Caroline Huang

OVER THE RAINBOW Shen Osaki

TECHNOCLUBS Olive Jones-Evans

OASIS Wilton Lander

PASSAGE Katherine Zhang

TANGERINE Nadia Mueller

QUIET ELATION Jack Moran

RAMPTRAMPTRAMPSTAMP Niamh Galea

DOPAMINE Francesca Kwokeocha

BUYS ONE PEACE LILY AND NOW SHE’S A PLANT GIRL Tayla Colley

IT’S A DANCE PARTY Thy Mai

EXTRAHUMAN Josephine Wyburn

THE (NOT SO) DREADED HANGOVER Rebecca Matthes

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fiction

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PLAYLIST Izzie Conti AN INTERVIEW WITH SERWAH ATTAFUAH Ella Cyreszko

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CUT YOUR OWN HAIR Annie Walker

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EXPIRED EPHEMERA Amy Toma

AUTHOR NAME 1

Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

*bedgasm: the feeling of euphoria experienced when climbing into bed after a very long day.

by Esther Hannan-Moon

The end of a long day, a breath of fresh air, the escapism of bed. My god, I ached for these things. The clock is laughing. It’s too early and I have too much to do. I’ve been at this desk job for a month. I still look (and smell) like a brand-new baby. I don’t know how to do my job. Everyone else does, and whenever I can’t figure something out, all eyes spotlight me. I just want to tuck myself back into bed. Mmm, bed. I bought a new throw — soft pink wool, with tiny tassels. They match the cushions that I got out of one of those glossy magazines. A yawn slips through my lips. “Lydia, have you completed the data entry of this month’s expenditures?” Fuck, I didn’t brush my teeth! Stop yawning and close your rank mouth! Can he smell the tuna from this morning? I bet he can. Three seconds go by before my yawn subsides.

“Not yet, Sir. I’ll have it done by five.”

A pile of papers has taken residency in my cubicle. They’re demanding bitches. But I demand coffee first. Cathy from Marketing begins a chat about hiking and it’s interesting at first, then mind-numbing. When I get back to my desk, armed with coffee, the clock holds down a chuckle as I realise it’s not eleven anymore, but one. Everyone filters out for lunch while I finally begin my work. My boss strides up, sandwich in hand.

“Let me know when you’re finished, then you can go.”

When everyone comes back, bellies bulging, I crumble in despair. Only five percent of my work is done. The IT guy walks past clutching hot chips. He gives a pitiful smile, then licks the flavour off his fingers, shoving a chip slowly into his mouth. He’s the only one not working. Keyboards are bashed senseless with mindless work. People filter past my cubicle carrying stacks of paper, laptops in hand, eyes bulging, and bloodshot from staring at screens for hours. Another day at the office, another work zombie created.

FICTION

I peek around the corner again, with my mouth turned down, watching my colleagues lose themselves. No one takes sick days here, or holidays, or extended lunch hours. By two o’clock, everyone is back at their desk. I’m internally begging for yesterday’s bliss. I snuck off an hour early to revel in the freedom only my bed can provide. Work vanished; I didn’t look at a single email (though I’m paying for it now). Instead, I laid there, letting the rush of relief and elation take hold of me. A tingling sensation flooded my legs, washing out the ache and stress of the day as the fluffy pillows cradled my head; a mother rocking her child to sleep. It’s early afternoon now. My leg jiggles up and down, eyes flicking to the elevators. My heels pinch my feet. A phone rings; no one picks up. I think it’s Cathy’s phone. The mouthwatering smell of chips fills the office. The ringing continues. Fluorescent lights scorch my eyes. The phone stops — must be going to voicemail. I miss the quiet of my bedroom. That room is my sanctum: the world is outside, and I’m within, settled, cosy, warm, and relaxed...

ESTHER HANNAN-MOON

The phone rings and I jolt, knocking the files off my desk. Legs cramp and throb as I pick up the papers, and still no one answers the damn phone. Cathy from Marketing is over by the windows nattering about hiking. The elevators crop up into my vision when I stand. Their blissful chirp, doors opening, is lost in the din of the phone.

...Fuck this.

I stand and wobble over to my boss’s office. I don’t see the IT guy. His fast-food sausage fingers are probably deep in a packet of crisps.

“Lydia! What can I do for you?”

“Sir, I’m really not feeling well. Can I take a sick day? I wouldn’t want anyone to catch this. My neighbour had the flu the other week and I haven’t had my vaccination yet.”

Another thirty minutes go by, then I’m locking my front door, kicking my shoes off, and slipping back under the covers.

I wait for my throat to release its sighs and moans of comfy pleasure. I wait. I wait. I punch the pillow, pull the duvet closer, squirm until I find a new position. I wait I wait I wait The bed creaks when I bolt up in a huff. A meal — maybe I’m hungry and need to eat before I can get truly comfy. Macaroni and cheese!

I haunt the bedroom, moving the throw, tossing pillows around. The kitchen becomes one gigantic rubbish bin. The lounge room is demoted to the new laundry. Not once has the exhilaration of climbing into bed after an exhausting day returned. I haven’t done a drop of work and yet I feel drained. I long to have my aching feet and busy hands, smashing laptop keys. I want so much to feel satisfied at the end of the day. This week I have done nothing and felt nothing. There’s no reward for my hard work. I grab my laptop; the pink woollen throw tickles my shins as I type. The sun stretches out the last rays of the day before calling it quits.

FICTION

But even with the magic of mac ‘n cheese, I don’t fall asleep until well past midnight. I wake to a ping — an email from my boss, telling me to take the week to recover from my “flu”.

And the work is done. I collapse back into my pillows and there it is: a mini-explosion of pleasure, like a party popper. Tomorrow is Monday. I think I’m going to make a sudden recovery.

Esther Hannan-Moon is a third year Creative Writing and Social Political Science student.

Final Mayhaps by Caroline Huang 10

SHOWCASE Caroline Huang is a second year Animation student. Find more on Instagram @daily_crispy

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OVER THE RAINBOW BY SHEN OSAKI 1 12

Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

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SHOWC ASE

Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

AUTHOR SHEN OSAKI NAME 14 1

Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

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SHOWCASE

Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

Shen Osaki is a second year Visual Communication student. Find more on Instagram @shenosaki

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Olive Jones-Evans is a third year Visual Communication student. Find more on Instagram @firstb0rn

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I’M NOT RUPAUL’S DRAG QUEEN by Audrey Denier

Illustrations by Artist Name.

1 18 Find more on Instagram @handle

Content Warning: Discrimination

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It’s early Friday evening when Oxford Street begins to take shape. The public are roaming the street in search of a way to end the work week with a high, and fortunately, the bar scene serves just that purpose. It’s the perfect destination for the illustrious Oxford Street drag queens to take centre stage. Tonight, MamaMedusa has driven up from Wollongong to perform for us at Ching-a-Lings. She is sporting a golden, glittery eyeshadow that surpasses her eyebrows, accompanied by a bedazzled choker, thigh-high boots, and a heart-shaped faux fur red coat to tie it all together. Undeniably, she looks incredible. When drag is mentioned, you might first imagine the more stereotypical definition: a man who dresses and alters their gender performance to act as an exaggerated version of socially constructed femininity. Such a definition excludes cis-women — as well as non-binary and transgender women — of the LGBTQIAP+ community (like MamaMedusa) who do not believe that their gender should inhibit their desire to perform. As a result, they risk confronting misogyny and prejudice.

Blah Blah studied Degree. Find more on Platform @handle

It’s that automatic assumption that all drag queens must identify as males that MamaMedusa faces regularly. “When I first started, I would get questions like, ‘Why is she here? Isn’t she a woman?’ It’s difficult for the public to process that I identify as a woman, [but is] especially [so] if they haven’t seen anything like this before.”

really accessible to people who were old enough to attend performances at niche bars, theatres, or clubs. The invention of Drag Race meant that drag became accessible at home, and with interest in the show rising, RuPaul successfully expanded the drag industry and the jobs it had to offer.

Unfortunately, the unwillingness to accept drag performers that identify as womxn boils down to poor education on drag culture and the rich history of its LGBTQIAP+ participants. The misconception that womxn can’t perform in drag is even more narrow-minded, considering that academics like Tim Lawrence assert that womxn have been dressing in drag as far back as the first queer masquerade ball, held in Harlem in 1869. Since then, womxn have only continued in decades past to use drag as a necessary form of self-expression.

Almost simultaneously, RuPaul stripped drag of its artform by dumbing the concept down for the masses through competitive lip-syncing and celebrity impressions. Drag Race has been criticised for its lack of diversity and accused of only promoting a certain type of queen to its audience. The contestants that generally win have a large fan base, expensive costumes, perfectly laced wigs, generic makeup, and padding in all the right places. For most people, this is their first encounter with drag, and therefore they learn to apply the same expectations RuPaul has for his participants to all drag queens.

AUTHOR NAME AUDREY DENIER

Despite efforts to properly inform the general public, there remain members of the drag community who gate-keep drag culture like it is some sort of ‘gentlemen’s club.’ This club holds contempt for womxn for ‘practising performance within their own gender norms.’ Likewise, the rich history of the LGBTQIAP+ community is often overlooked in favour of the more digestible representations found on social media, which have brought unprecedented mainstream success to a small percentage of the drag community. For many drag queens, their experiences are dictated and closely linked to infamous drag queen RuPaul, and his show RuPaul’s Drag Race. Since its beginning, RuPaul’s Drag Race has assisted in the general public’s appreciation for drag culture. Before Drag Race, drag was only

Non-binary drag performer Etcetera Etcetera explains that most of their encounters with people begin with a comparison to the queens from Drag Race. “So, for women, transwomen, and people from the non-binary community, when people meet those [performers] and they’ve been socialised to accept a certain view of drag because of Drag Race, they’re going to […] treat them as objects, or be like, ‘I’ve never seen someone like you before. What do you mean you’re a woman that does drag? That’s weird.’” In 2018, RuPaul decided to exclude womxn from competing, stating that “drag loses its sense of danger and its sense of irony once it’s not men doing it.” This dictation by RuPaul and his producers inherently robs drag of its focus on self-expression and inclusivity, while encouraging uniformity amongst its performers. Drag has an incredibly rich history of struggle and marginalisation, and despite this adversity, RuPaul chooses to ignore a whole section of the LGBTQIAP+ community that has advocated for and contributed to, the mainstream success and acceptance that he benefits from today. As such an identifiable figurehead of drag, RuPaul should be exposing his wide audience to diversity within the community. Unfortunately, until he does so, the onus is on the community and his audience to expose themselves to the more ‘unorthodox’ performers that RuPaul continues to disavow. ‘Black-listed’ performers have mentioned that RuPaul’s narrow scope of drag will eventually lead to his demise, as drag is forever evolving. Viewers need to understand that drag performers aren’t constructed by popular authority, like RuPaul, and that with such a vibrant and diversified community, it can only truly be governed by self-expression alone.

Illustrations by Artist Name.

1 20 Find more on Instagram @handle

Even if the politics within the drag community aren’t black and white, for Etcetera Etcetera, drag remains colourful. “Drag is destroying gender roles and gender construct[s], it’s a point of activism for the community, and it’s a place where people can express themselves through aesthetics.”

“Drag is destroying gender roles and gender construct[s], it’s a point of activism for the community, and it’s a place where people can express themselves through aesthetics.” The main criticism of womxn and non-binary drag performers is the implication that they are undergoing a perfunctory transformation, especially given the so-called ‘advantages’ that presenting as womxn already provides them. Contrary to this belief, after spending four hours with Geordie McCormack, better known as SpaceHorse, I observed first-hand the great lengths she goes to assume her drag personality. “I’m wearing four hundred pairs of stockings, I’m cinching my waist with a corset, I’m wearing a wig and lashes. I’m doing the full gig. You try doing that in the middle of summer in Australia.” Sydney offers an array of spaces and events that act as safe havens and judgement-free zones for members of the LGBTQIAP+ community. However, regardless of a venue’s best intentions, the reality is their safety can never be guaranteed. Even events like Mardi Gras or

Some members of the drag community have the repertoire to turn their passion into a full-time career. However, the prospect of being booked for exclusive events or regular gigs has allowed drag to become increasingly competitive. This means that despite the promotion of inclusivity, some spaces for members refuse to give performance opportunities to smaller, uncon-

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popular drag bars such as The Imperial, still witness bigotry and violence. Not only are these spaces threatened by prejudice from outside of the community, but also from increasing divisions within the community created by this hierarchy of power.

ventional queens. For Sydney drag bars to stay relevant, event holders must welcome more diverse voices into their spaces. If they don’t, these places will inevitably become toxic and lose income over their lack of inclusivity. Jacob Merchant, CEO of the Dragnation Australia competition, has witnessed the decline of attendee’s support in exclusive drag bars. “If you limit something, it lacks the ability to progress and grow and change. If you don’t let it do that and don’t support it, it’ll disappear, it’ll fade away. Because of that, all of my events are open to drag performers regardless of their gender or persuasion.”

Blah Blah studied Degree. Find more on Platform @handle

AUTHOR NAME AUDREY DENIER

Despite bystanders’ best efforts to diminish, fetishise, or discriminate against womxn and non-binary people in drag, these performers refuse to be invisible. They are evolving drag from a ‘gentlemen’s club’ into an inclusive community that encourages anybody to express themselves through performance, fashion, makeup, and art. Being in the audience while MamaMedusa is performing is nothing short of phenomenal. Her energy on stage captivates the audience, and you can tell that every lyric she choreographs has a purpose. Lizzo’s "Cuz I Love You" is the perfect medium for her alter-ego to channel her experiences of sexuality and how her body is perceived by others as a plus-sized woman. All the misogyny that threatens to break these performers only provides more ammunition for a better, more heartfelt performance.

Audrey Denier is a third year Journalism and International Illustrations by Artist Name. Studies Find more on Instagram @audreydenier 1 22 Find morestudent. on Instagram @handle

Drag is an artform for MamaMedusa. Her passion developed after growing up inspired by the film The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994), at age six. She began performing in 2018, and since then, she’s seen it all. “I’ve been knocked down a couple of times, but that […] definitely doesn’t mean that women [like me] are going to stop [performing]. It’s an expression, it’s my passion, it’s everything.” Drag began as a way for people to explore themselves through self-expression. If we limited who could experience this exploration, we would be robbing drag of its diversity. In this political climate, drag has evolved to become so much more than just a performance: it has the ability to tell stories through vulnerability on stage. The inclusion of more marginalised voices — like transgender people, people of colour, or gender non-conforming individuals — only makes drag a richer experience for the audience and community.

Lande

Oasis

Wilto

SHOWCASE Wilton Lander is a second year Animation student. Find more on Instagram @weivy1

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KATHERINE ZHANG AUTHOR NAME 126

Illustrations by blahblaj

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Katherine Zhang is a fourth year Visual Communication and International Studies student. Find more on Instagram @katherinezhangles

vertigoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ten films that bring us joy 28

Nothing says peak 2000’s teenage cringe like Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging, and yet I think most of us felt like Georgia Nicholson at some point in our lives. It’s awkward, it’s funny, it’s sweet, and incredibly nostalgic, yet despite all of its cliches, it continues to be a happy and predictable place amidst the craziness of 2020.

Sunny

I’ve been obsessed with this film since 2008 — I can’t help it! I know it’s not the coolest (and yes, I know how cringey everyone thinks musicals are!) but: this movie is my rideor-die. Eight-year-old me could recite every word of the script. If I ever need to be cheered up, I put this movie on! Meryl Streep, a Greek island, and ABBA — you can’t beat it!

Ella

AMPLIFY

I’m in love with the idea that all my emotions are these cute little animated characters in my head. This movie is so wholesome and never fails to put me in a good mood and also cry — I don’t want to give away any spoilers, but if you have seen the film, then you know which scene I’m talking about. I also love the message of feeling and accepting all of our emotions.

Karishama

What an absolute banger! Adventure, combat, selfdiscovery, singing, fireworks, a tiny dragon, all in one film! Not to mention that it’s like the only Disney film from this time that doesn’t project negative messages about gender stereotypes — which, btw, as a kid was why I loved it. Mulan kicks ass!

Sophie

Musicals, in my unqualified opinion, are the best genre of film. Julie Andrews, plus romance, plus singing is the best way to pass the time on a rainy day. I challenge you to find a more heartwarming musical than The Sound of Music. Go on, do it. I know you won’t.

Jen

I can’t think of anything that makes me happier than animated food, and this cute little film is full of it. Gusteau’s philosophy can also be applied to pretty much anything: anyone can cook, anyone can [insert verb here]. Absolutely inspiring.

Amy

Sit down and delve into a drama that opens up your heart and gives you a warming perspective on what really matters: people. Not how weird or popular you are, how sporty or academic, or what your reputation is. The Breakfast Club is a classic John Hughes film that leaves you elated and keen to be true to yourself. So raise your fist, and don’t you forget about me.

Esther

Having to study this film in high school has (surprisingly) only made me appreciate this movie more. While the premise of the movie is riddled with social injustices and discrimination, I find that there’s an underlying message of hope: you can overcome all the odds and achieve what others may see as impossible. Oh, and the combination of Jude Law’s charm and the soothing soundtrack are enough to subdue even the deepest of your stresses.

Rachel

AMPLIFY

This could be practically any Studio Ghibli movie. The beautifully drawn landscape frames and colour palettes never fail to make me happy. I love how each one delivers a graceful message about caring for the environment and for others. Also, I can’t help but smile when hearing Ponyo passionately scream for ham.

Elby

Perfectly framed and crisp interiors, a soothing colour palette, old lady Tilda Swinton, and a poetic paean to a lost Europe, all packaged in comedic gold? Yes, please! You’ll be humming Alexandre Desplat’s charming score for years.

Evlin

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’” —Maya Angelou Poet, Activist, and All-Around Icon

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WOMAN Content Warning: Discrimination

I’m sure most of you know old mate Imposter Syndrome — I hear he gets around. But if the name doesn’t ring any bells, it merely means, “the persistent inability to believe that one’s own success is deserved, warranted, or legitimately achieved as the result of one’s own skills or efforts” (Oxford English Dictionary). That despite it all coming from you, it somehow didn’t. You don’t deserve the success, and one day, everyone will find out. If you ask me, Imposter Syndrome is adult business. I never experienced it as a kid, but that’s how you are when you’re young: you don’t calculate the risks, you don’t care for the rules, you don’t care what people think. You either do things because you have to, or want to. It shocks me to reflect on how readily I welcomed new opportunities back then. At almost age twenty, for me, that initial excitement is always followed with overwhelming doubt. Even applying to be a part of the Vertigo 2020 team, which allows me to share stories like this, was terrifying. When this happens, I try not to let feelings of doubt become confirmation of my imagined unworthiness. I pray that more women go after what they want, and find clarity in knowing that there’s an inherent audacity applauded in men — men like Donald Trump — that allows them to walk head-heldhigh into positions and spaces they aren't qualified for or entitled to. So, why are so many overqualified women questioning their right to assume positions they were born worthy of? 32

I grew up passionate and opinionated about many, many things — as well as one of eight siblings. If one sibling didn’t want to hear my ramblings, I just moved onto the next and hoped for better luck. But then I hit that weird limbo between primary and high school, when cringe culture is at its highest and there’s no longer a promise that someone will listen. Without my friends to annoy, and my siblings sick and tired of my ramblings, where was I to unleash all my social commentaries? On whom was I to foist absolutely amazing book recommendations? So after some technical help from my mother, I created a blog — A Sunny Spot — where I spent my first high school year developing square eyes and spamming my three followers. I was well aware that my blog was on private and could only be viewed by link, but truth be told, I wasn’t looking for followers, or a response of any kind. I just knew that if I didn’t have somewhere to dump all of my thoughts, I would literally combust. And there’s nothing more cathartic than that sweet release.

Eventually, I decided to make my blog public, and suddenly received my first comment — from someone who wasn’t related to me. I was gobsmacked. You mean there’s more of us?! How come no one told me?! I didn’t even read other people’s blogs; I knew nothing of the ways of the blogging world. But in the months that followed, I became internet friends with this stranger and discovered that she also blogged about books. Through her, I connected with others. We called ourselves the YA Book Bloggers and formed groups in Australia and the States, though the majority of my friends were from the UK, and all but one were female.

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As we exchanged thoughtful comments on each other’s posts and chatted into the wee hours, we found safety in our shared love of books. Our fangirling was mocked in the schoolyard, but on the internet, it was our sacred language. Together, we navigated our awkward early teenage years and validated each other when the other kids at school would deem our interests (at best) ‘frivolous’. Or most commonly: ‘girl stuff’ — as if ‘girl’ made it lesser. ‘Girl power’ to us was an anthem, but to the world was a benign attempt at equality. So, when no one else recognised our achievements, we made up our own awards and nominated each other. We relentlessly promoted our internet friends and lined our sidebars with links to their blogs. Back then, we never second guessed our judgement or authority.

This was the space we

Though it was moneyless, and to the outside world pointless, through blogging we gave ourselves something money can't buy: agency. From the age of twelve, I was in contact with publishers and regularly discussed marketing content with them. I began to receive advanced copies of books in exchange for reviews. Then came the invites to the exclusive book events, where I and other bloggers got to meet each other and some of our favourite authors, while receiving sneak peaks of the company’s upcoming titles. 33

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At thirteen, I was asked to do media for the movie premiere of Divergent, where I stood bright-eyed in the roped-off section taking celeb pictures alongside professional photographers. Other than photographing books, I had zero experience. I was in way over my head, but was so thrilled to be there that I didn’t question my minimal skillset when I accepted the offer. But things changed again. Fandom became gendered. Our acclaim of books and music only seemed legitimised when months later, that same acclaim came from the mouth of a man. When a girl nerded out over a book, or cried over the departure of a boy band member, it was lame; when thousands of men gathered in stadiums, sporting team colours and cheering goals, it was business as usual. And as these disappointments mounted, high school grew harder. During the HSC, I took up English Extension 2 and wrote a 6,000 word story about being biracial in Australia. But the story brought up a lot of conversations that my white teacher was neither equipped nor prepared to have. At times, my growing voice was silenced. It was painful and uncomfortable; I felt defeated. Even my outlets soured. Despite my blog having found its footing, my rigid schedule became less and less sustainable. I returned from long hiatuses feeling guilt-ridden and fraudulent, especially as the disappearances became longer and more frequent. Age brought a keen, rattling self-aware -ness. My followers were understanding, but I noticed that they too were changing and going off the grid. I was sorry that we could no longer afford to give so much time to each other, and the new world felt more lonely without them. The demands of our impending adulthood became more of a reality. But with this new adult reality came a burgeoning curiosity. I began to discuss things like intersectional feminism, race, and body positivity. The internet helped me find movements I’d always resonated with, but never identified. Books are still vital to me — maybe now more than ever — as an escape, or a way to understand, but I finally realised what writer Audre Lorde meant when she wrote that,

“If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies [...] and eaten alive.”

Don’t let other people’s fantasies eat you alive. When your voice is shaking, it’s really a sign to speak louder, not softer. Growing up, in some ways, meant losing some of my confidence — but it doesn’t have to mean losing my girl power. The internet may have helped me find it, but I am the one who must decide to hang onto it. That fleeting fearlessness you have when you’re young is a gift — a gift that shows us what’s possible when we say ‘yes’ to ourselves. No one benefits from our silence or our self-deprecation.

Our stories and our passions are the only things of which we have full ownership.

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We owe it to our younger selves who dared so boldly to share them so proudly. We owe it to our fellow sisters and the emerging generation of young girls who need to see women who wear their vulnerability and difference proudly — women who take risks that seem impossible, but never are. I’ve learned privilege amplifies certain voices, and that it’s up to us to disrupt narratives that are harmful, false, or exclusionary. If we’re existing in an environment that wants us to either shrink or assimilate, then maybe it’s time to build our own table, rather than waiting for a seat at a table where love does not exist. The story of my blog is by no means a sad or finished one, but it reminds me that real success can only be achieved when you are fueled not by ‘numbers’ but by joy — the kind of joy I felt as that combustible eleven-year-old craving self-expression. Now, thanks to poet Cleo Wade, as I step forward as a young adult, I am empowered by the wisdom that, “The best thing about girl power is that over time, it turns into woman power.”

Sunny Adcock is a second year Journalism and Public Relations student. Find more at www.asunnyspot.com.au

AUTHOR NAME 1

Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

AUTHOR NAME Illustrations by Artist Name.

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by Stella Ye

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Content Warning: Drugs, Alcohol, Sexual References

Blah Blah studied Degree. Find more on Platform @handle

AUTHOR NAME STELLA YE

bove us on the patio were a “The world is divided into two kinds series of poorly-strung fairy of people: the ones who have lightlights, half of the bulbs cracked and ers, and the ones who don’t.” tangled, the other half emitting a He eventually landed on his trusty dim, dirty glow. It perfectly suited a black BIC and tossed it over. The place like this, on a night like this. It backpacker (from Sweden, we later was another lost Wednesday in the overheard) fumbled for a bit, figinner-city. Two bands in, and Jake ured it out, passed it back. We sat and I were four or five drinks down. in silence for a while, listening to At some point, while a woman the drunken tonalities of their conrolled through an extensive intro- versation. The air grew thick with duction to the next act, Jake had grey smoke. I wanted to kiss Jake grabbed my hand and motioned for again, but a wave of something hot a cigarette. So, there we were, on a — embarrassment maybe, or just bench, in the smoking area. It was the wine — began heaving inside quieter here, underneath a psy- my stomach. chedelic, erotic poster of a wom“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” an being pleasured by an ocWhen the door swung topus. The drums of the next shut behind me, I began band didn’t cut through the drowning. It was that walls, and the dust on very particular and very the neon tubes had familiar combination of dulled the light to nausea and sadness a softer, tonguethat could only touch pink glow. me through the Jake was fuckwitchery of alcoing beautiful. It hol, overwhelming took all of my with sickly, bitter self-control to reality. And then stop staring at the accompanyhim, and eventualing echo: you ly, I gave up trying. are empty, you With the self-conare pretendsciousness of sobriety ing. My hands long evaporated, I restdug through my ed my hand on the groove pockets for the of his shoulder, turned to him. half-empty bag of coke, In the same alcoholic-messiness, a quick bump to salvage the wreck he turned to me, and we were lost of my mind — but Jake must’ve still in it for a while, until the door burst had it on him. Fuck. open. Three laughing backpackers threw the inevitable question in The lights looked different when I walked back out the second time. I our direction. was reminded of a scene from Iñár“Do you have a lighter?” ritu’s Birdman. In it, Riggan walks Jake muttered, almost neurotically, into the bottle shop, buys whiskey, and downs it. while searching his pockets.

Illustrations by Artist Name.

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Walks out, lost as ever. It’s all because of these tiny fuckBut there is a moment ing atoms colliding around in our of transcendence as brains, out of our control. It’s all he leaves, where just chemistry.” the space holds The hand that was holding his him completecigarette was punctuating these ly. Amongst the thoughts by jabbing at his temluminescence of ple. The rest of the words trailed the chilli pepper from his mouth in the same fragile fairy lights, his tongues of Marlboro smoke. Updesires become wards, dissolving, deniable. But simple shadows. I’d never heard him speak like this The same lights before, drunk with such solemnity. were here, colour- He was no longer the person sitting ing Jake’s face, across from me in the bar an hour his arms, the rest ago, absolutely electric, but was of the wall. He now a boy, estranged. sat entranced by Jake’s head lolled onto my shoulthem, in childish conder. The next song began. The tentment, as I approached. walls pulsed a little gentler. We “I was just thinking how crazy this sunk deeper into our chairs, watchall is,” he said. ing fists of ghoulish shapes emerge from the haze. Through them, His voice was kind of soft and dusty brown moths moved in their shamanic now. The backpackers trios, beating and biting at the were gone and the music settled meagre strands of light on the ceilinto more of a loose, jazzy drawl. ing. I tried the phrase in my brain. He gestured to the grubby ceilIt’s just chemistry. The nausea ing above us, then at the space punched me again. between us with his cigarette. “What do you mean?” “The way I’m feeling. The way you’re feeling. The way we go about our everyday lives. It’s just chemistry.” “Like…science?” “Yeah, science. Everything we do is controlled by the chemicals in our brain, and the way they react with one another.”

You are empty. You are pretending. It’s just chemistry.

“Yeah, so?” “Why do we get along, while some people hate each other? What about our likes, dislikes, hobbies, happiness?

Blah Blah Stella studied Ye is aDegree. secondFind yearmore Communications on Platform @handle student.

Content Warning: Drugs

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Amy Toma is a third year Visual Communication and International Studies student. Find more on Instagram @byamytoma

and now weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve reached the

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AUTHOR NAME Illustrations by Artist Name.

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

AUTHOR NAME JACK MORAN Illustrations by Artist Name.

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

Jack Moran is a second year Photography student. Find more on Instagram @jackmoran_76

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

Content Warning: Discrimination, Nudity. The views expressed in this piece are the author's only, and not representative of Vertigo, UTS, or the Students' Association.

2018 was a significant year in my life. I had returned from a life changing, year-long internship at Eckhaus Latta in Los Angeles, and in between returning from that and beginning my fashion honours, I had my heart broken by my boyfriend of four years. The reason I took a gap year between finishing undergrad and honours was that during my degree, I had somehow lost my love for fashion. As someone obsessed with fashion from the age of seven, this was deeply alarming. Eckhaus Latta’s “anti-fashion” art-house roots and strong sense of community reignited that love and deepened my already emerging passion for fashion that was sustainable, sexy, irreverent, personal, and body positive. SHOWCASE SECTION Blah Blah studied Degree. Find more on Platform @handle

For dealing with my breakup upon returning to Sydney, I found my beautiful friends in the queer community to be my most important and special connections. They enveloped me, turning a summer of heartbreak into a summer of love. I was obsessed with their style and presentation, their total disregard for gender categories traditionally put on clothing. We would go to Salvo’s and make the clothes fit us, despite our size or gender. This became the starting point for my dissertation: how do people in queer and body diverse communities reclaim their identity by subverting the traditional ideas of ‘fit’?

AUTHOR NIAMH GALEA NAME

When I began my honours year at UTS, it was as the return of the ‘goody two-shoes’. I’ve achieved academically my whole life; both my parents are school teachers, so academic success mattered in my house. Although my cohort eyed my enthusiasm wearily, I was excited to use the project as a means of mending my broken heart and alleviating my anxieties over fashion’s tendency to be discriminatory and deeply unethical.

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Things started well; my research into ‘fit’ created a great basis for a thesis project out of themes around sex and sexuality, gender, size, body positivity, skate culture, and the parallel ramp tramp culture. It interrogated our cultural obsession with celebrity and the accompanying body politics around it; it was also a love-letter to my friends who helped me through my heartbreak, and, in some ways, was a reflection of my lost relationship.

Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

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This wide-ranging, collage approach comes through in the final collection; there is a synergy, as there was in my concepts, that guided me through the process. Unfortunately, the UTS Fashion Department did not agree, and was not supportive of my vision. As such, this Vertigo feature feels therapeutic. Early on in our honours year, some of my classmates and I proposed some adjustments to the end-of-year show, mainly focused around a more fluid approach to both the gender and size of the models, as well as prioritizing models of colour and age diversity. We had expected this to be applauded by our teachers, especially after years of class discussion around fashion’s place in advancing societal beauty standards, and in light of global initiatives by leading brands for more diverse casting. This was not the response we got. In one heated classroom debate, a tutor shut us down, explaining, “No one cares about transgender fashion”.

Things quickly disintegrated. My collection was criticized for being ‘anti-fashion’, ‘offensive’, and for catering to a niche and non-international audience. At one point, they threatened to remove me from the show if I did not unpick tens of hours of embroidery spelling “slut” on a hyper-femme blouse (which I had done to reclaim a slur I myself had faced). Ultimately, however, I was allowed in the show, despite not altering a single garment from its original design. No one commented on my pieces being too edgy or provocative, in any way. We did get to use some level of size and gender diversity in our models, after fighting for it for months, but the whole experience left me utterly exhausted and deflated. I applied for the MFA program at Parsons without receiving a letter of recommendation from either of my design tutors, relying on ones from my dissertation’s academic supervisor and Eckhaus Latta instead.

Blah Blah studied Degree. Find more on Platform @handle

AUTHOR NIAMH GALEA NAME

Despite this exhaustion, the emotion and energy expended on the fight was worth it. I got into my dream course in NYC. I have had more press and one-on-one interviews on my graduate collection in fashion publications and outlets than any of my peers. I get messages weekly from current UTS fashion undergrads telling me that my push for these changes has encouraged them to continue the fight within the course, and push the envelope in their own practices. I am grateful for these things because they came from my own conviction, vision, and hardwork, not because of any UTS-affiliated programs or connections. My collection can be worn by models of varying sizes and genders easily and comfortably, and in creating pieces that have that flexibility, I have helped empower some people. So, even though this feels like a strange full-circle moment, in being featured for UTSâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Vertigo Magazine, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll relish it in the knowledge that if you stick up for yourself, and do what you believe to be right and beautiful, things will work out in the end!

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

SHOWCASE SECTION Niamh Galea is a graduated Fashion student. Blah Blah Find studied moreDegree. on Instagram Find more @ramptramptrampstamp on Platform @handle

Content Warning: Mental Illness

by Emily Hogan

Mania is a lot like a parasite. It attaches to you and numbs you to the point where you don’t even know it’s there. While it’s leeching off of your life force, it’s pumping you full of anaesthetic, making you completely unaware of the toll it’s taking. It gives you a dangerously blind optimism, it makes you adventurous, it helps you keep going and going. It feels really fucking good. Also like a parasite, it’s incredibly adaptable. If things are loud around you, it will make you just as loud to cope. It makes you hypersensitive to emotional stimuli and amplifies whatever is coming in. Feedback loops of feelings are inevitable. It begins to latch onto the people around you, pulling you closer, binding you together beyond your natural limits. It does all this while convincing you that you’re in control. Imagine, then, how jarring it is when it eats its fill, detaches from you, and all that anaesthetic leaks out. Suddenly, everything that was blocked off comes rushing in. Regret. Exhaustion. Discomfort. All the ties you had to other people break, all that optimism disappears, leaving only the husk of a mind that was once filled with false feelings. You realise you were so high up, and now, you fall, and fall, and fall.

Like all diseases, knowing it’s there is the first step to understanding how to kill it. It’s still adaptable, and will take time to die — but it can be done. I was able to look my parasite in the eye for the first time a few months ago. It’s a resilient little bastard, but I think I’ve mostly stomped it away. The thing no one seems to talk about is figuring out who you are, after you kill who you used to be. Nor the fear that comes with learning that you’re so different to not only your past self, but those around you. One of the biggest mistakes that mania made on my behalf was allowing people to trust me, only for that trust to break when I did. I regret that I allowed myself to be loved. Not because I don’t think I deserve it, but that, at least in the way it was before, I don’t want it. I’ve spent so long at the front, when I was always destined for the background. To the friends who don’t see me as much as they did before, I will tell you that I never stopped loving you, but as my old love fell away, it left something so different and unrecognisable. I’ve come to realise that the person who I am, is someone who is squirmish and uncomfortable with phrases being spoken to me such as

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It’s through no fault of your own, but I don’t think you miss me. I think that you miss the parasite, because you never got a chance to know anything else. And you may very well be disappointed in what remains, and what I have left behind. What I am now may, understandably, upset you. It certainly upset me. But please understand that this is who I’ve always been, just hidden from sight. I have a burning resentment for the parasite. I am burdened with its decisions, and retroactively changing them will be painful for everyone. It brought many beautiful people into my life; it would be a betrayal to abandon them outright. To those people, please let us appreciate each other from the distance I realise I have always needed, and I beg you to forget who I was, and instead see me now, and allow me to say to you for the first time:

Emily Hogan is a graduated Music & Sound Design student. Find more on Instagram and Twitter @emilyjunemusic

Content Warning: Blood Stumbling and tripping up over the blood trickling down his knee. Did you see that? See what? He smiled wider as I watched his sock fill up with blood.

For a second it looked as if he might fall backwards — like he thought he was falling backwards —

by Rebekah Batson

AUTHOR FICTION NAME

He smiled harder, little white fists gripped ‘round a plastic chair.

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Rebekah Batson is a first year Bachlor of Communications and Illustrations by Artist Name. International student. Find more on Instagram @bekbatson Find more on Studies Instagram @handle

back into the air atop a mountain — a different kind of breathing. But the red pulsed on and out onto the tiles, and he laughed on, oblivious to his leaking skin, his laughing aching limbs.

Brekkie & Dinner On Us!

SA AD The UTSSA runs Bluebird brekkie and Night Owl noodles right in the heart of UTS.

Photographer: FJ Gaylor

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Illustrations by blahblaj@handle Find more on Instagram

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FRANCESCA NWOKEOCHA

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Garments designed by Chelsea Oaten @_frequency.13_ Modelled by Katherine Zhang @katherinezhangles

Dopamine (n): a neurochemical released in the brain, also known as the ‘happy chemical’, associated with the brain’s pleasure-reward system.

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Initiates movement, emotion, motivation, thinking, and is the root of drug addiction.

Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

Francesca Nwokeocha is a graduated Visual Communications student. Find more on Instagram @chezzyrose

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

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Buys One Peace Lily and tayla colley Now She's a Plant Girl

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TAYLA COLLEY

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TAYLA COLLEY

SHOWCASE Tayla Colley is a graduated Animation student. Find more at taylacolley.com

Let’s face it: Uni is stressful, and that’s totally okay! Unless you happen to be one of those superhumans who’s on top of everything (no one ever is) there’s simply too much to juggle. We have jobs to do, rent to pay, a social life to maintain, families to love, partners to cuddle, or simply a life to live. Throw in assignments and exams, and it gets overwhelming quick. Don’t think you’re the only one, though: everyone else is right there with you (unless they’re the aforementioned mythical superhuman). So, with university serving up a heaping scoop of stress, here’s a few options you have at your disposal to turn that funk into fun.

We’re starting with this one first, because it’s the option you think you don’t have. It’s a cliché suggestion for stress relief, but we all know it works. The trick is to do it. Even ten minutes would be enough to give you that rush of endorphins. Let’s pause on that: ten minutes is not a long time. That’s the amount of time it takes to eat breakfast, or walk to the bus stop. Ignore the clock and instead focus on that sweet feeling of achievement you’ll get when you finish your final sit-up. And after you complete the workout, why would you want to stop there? You can use that motivation and adrenaline to crack on with the first paragraph of that essay. Now drop and give me twenty!

No, not the videogame: we mean the real screenless deal. If your mind is so fuzzy that you’ve been stuck writing the same sentence for twenty minutes, we suggest you shake it out. Drop the pen and hit play on your fave playlist. Hell, if the Prime Minister in Love Actually can take a dance break, so can you! So get those spirits lifted and dance around. Ain’t no one gonna judge you in the safety of your room, and there ain’t no need to spend two hours glamming up for the club. Even better? You can do whatever moves you want! So let the music in, and you will be soaring above that stress in no time.

But what if you don’t have any pets? There’s always the park. If you go around five or six in the evening, you’ll hit peak dog-walking time. This is a two-birds-one-stone scenario: not only are you surrounded by cute and cuddly puppies, but you’re getting that fresh air you’ve been deprived of. If your homework is portable and doesn’t require internet (c’mon, just chuck that essay on Word), go ahead and surround yourself with pets of all shapes and sizes.

Look, I know this is a hard sell. Running on little to no sleep these days almost gives you bragging rights. But give yourself a break instead. Your mind is already running on empty after using up all its fuel on stress and decision-making: no need to keep burning the engine. Think of dreamland as a meditation retreat — just with a whole lot of nonsense and messed up imagery. But that’s what makes it fun! So, book in your dream retreat and get some z’s tonight.

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For those lucky souls who have pets, grab ‘em and cuddle ‘em close. Whatever animal you love and adore, having some one-on-one time with them is sure to induce a loving calm. There are so many things you can do with them: walk, play, watch a movie together, and pats — lots of those. Seriously, don’t forget the pats. Spending quality time with your beloved furry friends will make any stressful deadline melt away, or at the very least help centre you.

What? Just ‘get’ sleep? Nonsense! If that’s what you’re thinking, you need a reality check, my friend. Sleep plays a huge part in regulating your stress levels. No sleep is perhaps the fastest way to literally drive you insane. If you’re not getting those good seven hours in dreamland, then it’s time for some major sleep hygiene. Put away the screens, wash your face, then tuck yourself under those covers right now! Coffee is not your friend: sleep is. If you think you don’t have time because you need to work or cram, trust me: shut the laptop off and leave the rest till morning (unless it’s due at midnight!). The work you do the next day will be far better than whatever two a.m. shit you’re churning out now. And yes, it’ll suck at first to adjust your sleep schedule (scientifically, it takes four days to settle into a sleep routine). But, if you don’t see results in your first week of trying, time to see a sleep specialist and get that shit on lock (yes, they exist!).

So, there you have it: a snapshot on turning your stress into bliss. All of these options are completely doable, so let yourself take a guilt-free moment to feel good and peaceful. We all need time to take a deep breath, release stress, and let in positivity — guaranteed to brighten your day!

Esther Hannan-Moon is a third year Creative Writing and Social Political Science student.

OFFHAND Elby Chai is a third year Visual Communication and Creative Intelligence & Innovation student. Find more on Instagram @elbowchai

AUTHOR NAME 1

Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

AUTHOR NAME 1

Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

BY T

Y M AI

IT'S A DANCE PARTY!

There's almost nothing more euphoric than dancing to your favourite music. Grooving and bopping is just the best thing to do when you’re on a road trip with your best friend, at a concert, cooking, or having an impromptu dance sesh in your bedroom. And, even better, all ages can partake in this mood-lifting, soulrejuvenating celebration of life and movement. So, whenever you need some quality tunes — whether it be in your headphones as you dodge all the slow walkers in the Central tunnel, or on a night out with a vodka Red Bull, swaying and spilling clumsily from your hand, here are some songs that will make you hip-hop, b-bop, and dance ‘til ya drop! On another euphoric note, here is an assortment of exotic fruit to help you discover new faves or to revisit some old bangers!

SHOWCASE Thy Mai is a third year Visual Communication student. Find more on Instagram @mytea.design

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

BY IZZIE CONTI Candy May by Alex Cameron Sober by Lorde Cosmic Love by Florence + the Machine Trip The Mains by Methyl Ethel I’m That Guy by Agar Agar

Pressure To Party by Julia Jacklin Can’t You Hear Me Knocking - Remastered by The Rolling Stones

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The Great Gig in the Sky by Pink Floyd

Supermoon by Babe Rainbow Me and Michael by MGMT Colours by The Avalanches Nuclear Fusion by King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard California by Grimes Luck of Lucien by A Tribe Called Quest Tusk - 2015 Remastered by Fleetwood Mac Ghostmother by Moderat Dorothy by Polo & Pan You Only Live Once by The Strokes Beach by San Cisco

Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

Izzie Conti is a second year Media Arts & Production and International Studies student. Find more on Instagram @izzie.c.m

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

AN INTERVIEW WITH

by Ella Cyreszko

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Serwah Attafuah is one cool chick. Based in Western Sydney, the visual artist and young creative is a bundle of modern day contradictions, from religious imagery and body mods, to Nike TNâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and butterflies. She cites Parramatta Westfield as her favourite stomping ground, while simultaneously fronting ad campaigns of the stores inside the centre. So when she visits our makeshift studio, decked out in punk-style streetwear and the biggest smile, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re instantly impressed. With a growing social media presence and years of artistry behind her, we sat down to find out about the history of her creative process, her foray into 3D digital art, and the responsibilities that come with being on the creative frontline of a new generation. Blah Blah studied Degree. Find more on Platform @handle

Have you ever had a mentor?

My parents were both artists — my mum was a graphic designer, so there were always heaps of materials laying around. My dad was a sculptor and a musician, so that kind of influenced me, too. In school holidays, we didn’t go out and play sports or go to the movies and shit; we’d just sit in the house and they’d be like “make something”. TAFE [also] expanded my vision, because we worked on a lot of costumes and prosthetics. It showed me that you can do anything. You don’t have to just stick to any kind of traditional art form.

When it comes to creating a piece, what is your process?

I usually see something, and it might be some artwork that already exists, or a person, a dream, a feeling, or a song, and I'll try and conceptualise that into my own weird reality. Lately, I’ve felt like my art was hitting a standstill. I was just kind of repeating the same thing. It came to the point where I was like, “I really want to include this technique or this object”. Then I would base the whole thing around that.

ELLA AUTHOR CYRESZKO NAME

When did 3D art come into the picture?

Just mostly from not having a place to do something physical. I’m so stubborn and impatient. I wanted to make something super fast and super hyper-realistic. I was looking at Youtube, and this guy would make these ten second clips of these weird 3D people just exploding in on themselves, or turning into eyeballs. I just found out what he used and messed around [with] that program.

The imagery you create in your art is full of so many contradictions. Where does that come from?

I think living in Western Sydney, I didn’t really have the best upbringing. But I feel like I'm quite soft inside as well. So, I try to show that, too. I’ve been really obsessed with Catholic imagery, probably because my mum is Italian. One of my earliest memories was going to the Vatican and just being freaked out, but also really, really, really interested in what was going on there. I try to channel those weird mythical things and give it a bit of an afrofuturistic edge.

How do your interests and experiences influence your art?

I like making things look really futuristic. I was a bit of a raver, hey — maybe that’s it. In TAFE, I studied design, light production, and events. Everybody in the first year was just cooked. We made all these big puppets, and we went to this bush doof and we performed with them. That was pretty much my first rave experience. We got in there for free — just said we were performers, and we just dicked around with these puppets for a bit, showing [them to] all these people on drugs. It’s not like I go to those things just to be social, I go to experience the music. I’m happiest when I’m focused on something creative — even if it’s not mine.

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"I’M HAPPIEST WHEN I’M FOCUSED ON SOMETHING C R E AT I V E — EVEN IF IT’S N OT M I N E . "

SECTION AMPLIFY Blah Blah studied Degree. Find more on Platform @handle

AUTHOR NAME ELLA CYRESZKO Art by Serwah Attafuah @wrath_____ _____. Photography by Illustrations by Artist Name.

Karishama @karishamasingh and Amy Toma @byamytoma. 1 96 Find more onSingh Instagram @handle

You seem to be always pushing the boundaries in both your art and in life, breaking stereotypes and creating your own space. Have you always been like that?

Even in high school, I was a full-on metal-head with dreadlocks, and no one had ever seen a black metal-head. And then to be living in [the West] — there's not a lot of people like that out here. I think I’ve always had that punk attitude of, “I don’t really care if it's gonna be too different for everybody else.” It's better to be yourself. How has social media played a part in your career? I would put up my paintings on Facebook, just to my friends, and say, “Don’t really want this painting anymore, who wants it?” Someone would come pick it up, or I’d take the train out to bloody Manly or something and go drop it off. Then their friends would see it and ask me for some art, too. Then I just started posting 3D stuff on Instagram. People would approach me and be like, “Can you do this show poster I need?” And then somebody would be like, “I saw that thing you did.” It would just keep going from there.

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Speaking of Instagram, your insta handle is @wrath_____ _____ , where does that come from?

It was a tag of mine years ago. I just feel like I'm a very angry person — at what, I don’t know, but yeah. I think I didn’t fully blossom into the artist I am today until I found a way to stand up for myself and be angry.

What advice would you give to young creatives?

Just keep doing it. Just keep throwing away drawings and just keep going. You just have to make time for it and it’ll push you into being the great artist that you will be. Don’t be pressured into going into school for it: you can, but don’t think that that's the end all. You have to find your own voice and your own style by yourself.

Ella Cyreszko is a second year Journalism and International Blah BlahStudies studiedstudent. Degree.Find Findmore moreon onInstagram Platform @handle @ellcyk

AUTHOR NAME

The kombucha in this mojito is just to fool yourself and any witnesses into believing you’re healthy. What they don’t know is that kombucha actually has a tiny bit of alcohol in it from the fermentation process. You just gotta finesse your drinks like how you finesse your education. This is the drink to make when you want to impress at pre’s. Nothing will make you look more like a drinks connoisseur than whipping up this fluorescent green bad boy. It’s boozy, it’s fresh, it’s fruity — what more do you need? 30 ml melon liqueur 30 ml vodka 1 tbsp lime juice 60 ml pineapple juice ice Chill a martini glass in the freezer. Add ice, melon liqueur, vodka, lime juice, and pineapple juice to a cocktail shaker. Shake vigorously for 30 seconds and strain into the glass. Garnish with pineapple slices and a lime wheel to make this drink look as good as it tastes.

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

60 ml white rum ⅓ cup strawberries 4 mint leaves 1 tbsp lime juice 150 ml kombucha ice Muddle the strawberries and mint in a tall glass. Add ice, rum, lime juice, kombucha, and stir. Garnish with additional strawberries and mint. Adapted from https:// therealfoodrds. com/strawberrymojito-kombuchacocktail/

S ’ Y AM C I R O H P EU L I A T K C O C LIST

by Am y ma To

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3 lychees ice 75 ml vodka 1 splash white vermouth Chop 2 lychees and place them in a cocktail shaker, along with ice, vodka, and a splash of vermouth. Shake vigorously for 30 seconds and strain into an iced martini glass. Garnish with the remaining lychee.

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Jamie Oliver really snapped with this one. Turns out when you replace the awful olives and olive juice in a dirty martini with fruit, it’s actually delicious! Who would’ve thunk it? While only three lychees are listed in the ingredients, it’s more like seven (so you can have a little snack while you sip).

This is the perfect drink to make for a relaxing Sunday brunch...that will quickly turn into a Sunday sesh...that will quickly turn into you calling in sick the next morning. I don’t know how anyone ever made a mimosa without gin, but *sigh*, we can’t have it all figured out. 30 ml gin 15 ml orange liqueur 80 ml orange juice 80 ml prosecco Chill a champagne flute in the freezer. Add all the ingredients into the glass and stir. Garnish with a lemon wedge.

Adapted from https://www. jamieoliver.com/recipes/fruitrecipes/lychee-martini/ Amy Toma is a third year Visual Communication and International Blah Studies Blah studied student. Degree. Find more Findon more Instagram on Platform @byamytoma @handle

by rebecca matthes One Sunday morning, I was lying on my friend’s couch. I had a Berocca in one hand, and Panadol in the other. The blinds were drawn and we were both groaning, swearing we’d “never drink again” — a universally broken promise. My friend was watching YouTube to distract herself, hoping the white noise would speed up the grueling morning, when totally without irony, I heard the YouTuber declare that her favourite part of a night out is the hangover the next day. Laying there, paralytically unwell after not even three drinks, I was mildly offended. How could someone possibly enjoy a hangover? 100

guilt-free The YouTuber remarked that for most people, being hungover is the one time where they can, without guilt, schedule a day off. They can enjoy a greasy breakfast gossip about the previous night’s events. They can lay in bed watching a movie with the blinds down, because their body craves it. A hangover is the perfect justification to stay home.

While she’s a self-confessed workaholic, and this idea may read extreme, I think that nearly all of us can relate to the sentiment of feeling a little guilty when there’s an endless list of todo’s, but instead, we choose to binge Gilmore Girls for the fifth time. Procrastination doesn’t tackle the piling list of tasks that still need to be completed, so rest ends up becoming less than restful. This not-so-leisurely time then becomes a vicious cycle. I thought I was alone in this obligation to consistently push forward and live with my mistakes, as everyone else seems to create a brilliant façade of impeccable time-management, always being able to schedule fun time-off. Founder of Sydney’s Indigo Project, Mary Hoang, remarked that her practice sees an epidemic of young people overworking to the detriment of their mental health. “These days we’re given validation [for] what we do, as opposed to who we are,” she said. After moving into UTS housing, which is largely populated by international students, I was told that our working culture is one of diligence and hard work. This was quite the opposite of the ‘lazy Australian’ caricature of our society. I know I personally dreamed of moving to university to live the ‘college life’ following the HSC — but more often than not, I am reminded by my lecturers of the competitiveness of the Australian workforce, and the need to consistently hustle for a place in it.

“We create identities for ourselves based

on things we think should be valued — and sometimes they aren’t even our own values [...] People are anxious about the future, and we haven’t been given enough tools to find meaning in life now as opposed to in the future. We’re on this hedonic treadmill of, ‘I’ll be happy when...’”

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self confessed workaholic

I used to laugh at the impossibility of the twenty-four hour day. “Sleep, study, or socialising — pick two,” was the mantra I’d always hear. But should we have to choose? Eighty percent of tertiary students are stressed or anxious, according to a Uni Health survey. After discussing with fellow students about maintaining a healthy, stress-free balance, one confessed that they are aware that down-time is necessary, but the lowest of their priorities. Ms. Hoang from the Indigo Project also philosophised that,

While I wouldn’t be inclined to leave on the note that you must have a hangover to take some time off, the sentiment still rings true. Scheduled, guilt-free relaxation is the most appealing concept — but is it truly attainable in our current social climate? No one seems to be able to schedule time off that doesn’t take away from the growing demands of our daily lives, and even the short-lived joy of procrastination is tainted by guilt. Everyone needs a day off every once in a while to avoid lifestyle burn-out. A mid-life hangover from work has the potential to be far more detrimental than a few alcoholinduced ones. Whichever way, I’m off to have a few drinks tonight!

This inspired me to look into the rates of youth stress in Australia. 1

Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

Rebecca Matthes is a second year Law and Media Arts & Production student. Find more on Instagram @becmatthes

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ANNIE WALKER AUTHOR NAME Illustrations by Artist Name.

1 102 Find more on Instagram @handle

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

Annie Walker is a third year Media Arts & Production and Creative Intelligence & Innovation student. Find more on Instagram @therealanniewalker 103

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by Amy Toma

Amy Toma is a third year Visual Communication and International

104 Studies student. Find more on Instagram @byamytoma

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

Evlin DuBose is a third yearMedia Arts & Production and Creative Writing student. Find more on Instagram @evlin.dubose 105

AUTHOR NAME Illustrations by Artist Name.

1 106 Find more on Instagram @handle

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Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

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AUTHOR NAME 1

Illustrations by Artist Name. Find more on Instagram @handle

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sa officer reports Sam Silcock President Originally Vertigo Euphoria was published with our statements written before we had realised that COVID-19 would become as big of an issue, thus I have prepared another statement referencing some of the more recent events. There has been an amazing level of a transition from the University in terms of being able to respond to the global crisis we’re facing. The University shifting all classes online shows a great adaptability to the current crisis but also shows that the University can cater to people who need greater accessibility through online lecture recordings and more resources being online. The Students’ Association has called for lecture recordings for years and we hope that the current situation will pave the way forward for a future with lecture recordings.The Students’ Association has also had to transition to be entirely online with us being able to provide our legal service, caseworker service, and, peer tutoring services entirely online. This has been challenging for us but a worthwhile challenge as many of our services are more important now than ever with students finding it exceedingly difficult to manage their online university life. In terms of this new style of university, the Students’ Association has put forward several demands that we will be pursuing: • No fails transcribed on academic record This would mean that even if you did fail a subject this semester it wouldn’t be recorded on your academic record greatly decreasing stress for students and acknowledging the difficulties of our current learning situation. • 6 month extension on the Chinese Medicine School phase out The Chinese Medicine course at UTS is being phased out at the end of 2022 however as many Chinese medicine subjects have had to be cancelled for this semester, we are proposing an extra time allotment in order to ensure that such students are able to finish their course before it is ended at UTS. • 6 month extension to HDR students Higher Degree Research students require an on campus experience to work with their supervisor and being able to do intensive research for their course – thus it makes sense 112

for the University to grant an extension to HDR students to allow these students to have more time to finish their degree due to the current difficulties. • Internet access at home for all students Many students are in financial stress and are feeling the burden in their education – since all subjects are online and exams will also be online it does definitely pose some problems if there is unsatisfactory internet access at home. We’re working with the University to aid students in meeting sufficient technical requirements. • Inclusion for International Students The University and the Students’ Association need to focus on International students to ensure that they don’t feel isolated during this time. It will be a continued focus for me to work with the International Officer in order to provide more of a sense of belonging within UTS. If you’re having any problems with your university life please contact me at president@utsstudentsassociation.org and I will try my best to advocate on your behalf.

Miranda Crossley Secretary A big socially distant hello to you all and an extra big welcome to any first years. Autumn semester has turned out to be unlike any other with all the complications and challenges that COVID-19 has thrown at us. But I hope that regardless of this, you are all settling into a healthy routine that works for you. O’Day was exciting and rewarding to be a part of. I had numerous meaningful conversations with students and while many students didn’t know about the UTS Students’ Association before chatting to them, they all left with an insight into what the UTSSA has to offer. A big thank you to all that helped on the Students’ Association stalls. While COVID-19 is affecting so many aspects of students lives, it is now more important that ever to take advantage

of some of the services that the UTS Students’ Association has to offer. Information about these can be found at https:// utsstudentsassociation.org.au/ or on our Facebook page. In the last several weeks we have had more regular meetings to focus and plan how we can make student life in the time of Coronavirus easier. I have been working on an extensive survey to gather an understanding of how students’ lives have been affected and what we can do to help. I look forward to continuing to work with the SRC and staff in rolling out as many initiatives as possible, immediately. I want to remind everyone that you should always feel free to get in contact with me about any issues you may have. SRC meetings are held every month via Zoom and all students are welcome to join. My email is secretary@utsstudentsassociation.org

Tallulah Watson Moyle Treasurer This semester has been difficult to say the least. We are facing an unprecedented threat globally and so had no other choice but to adapt to working virtually in order to keep everyone safe. The Students’ Association was no exception and we had to make the decision to close the office and go remote. This has meant that we have had to work harder and faster than ever before. We have been meeting every week via Zoom to devise a COVID-19 plan to support UTS students and try to maintain the quality of university life even in these difficult times. Our main focus has been students’ welfare and access. We know that many students are struggling with study and class being all online and that there are many who are facing personal and financial hardship with the new governmental restrictions. In order to gauge what students want from their association and other specificities of their experience right now, we developed a survey that garnered hundreds of responses. Currently, we are working towards offering students extra services and resources based on the information we collated through these responses. It is a desperate and unknown time, where positivity and hope can easily wane. I have been struggling myself, but this has made me more determined to help others who may be in worse situations than me. I am grateful for the support I have through this and want to be that same support for people who need it. I know that we can get through this and we will come out of it stronger, armed with what we have learnt from this. In times of crisis, it is most important to lean on each other and that is why we are here. Please contact us if you need anything and we will help in any way we can. We stand united, though divided.

At the beginning of this February, I was lucky enough to be able to attend the National Union of Students’ Presidents’ Summit, hosted in Melbourne. Over the few days, we heard from a variety of speakers about campaign planning, media relations, governance and other pertinent skills for the leaders of student organisations. We also heard from the NUS National Office Bearers about their campaigns and plans for the year ahead, and it afforded me an excellent opportunity to determine how UTS can fit into the National Union’s campaigns around education and the environment, amongst others. Overall, it was a really valuable experience, and I look forward to putting the skills I have learned into practice to better advocate for UTS students. After finishing the assembly of the UTSSA Handbook for this year, I have been working on planning for my campaign around compulsory lecture recordings here at UTS. I have been given a hand-over covering the groundwork that has already done, and I was finalising my initial campaign plan to take to the first meeting of the Education Collective. Regrettably however, COVID-19 has resulted in considerable difficulties on this, and other fronts. When campus was closed for a week to allow for time to prepare for a transition to online distance-based learning, a large amount of the normal work of the UTSSA, and my campaign ideas, have had to be put on hold. I am sure everyone who reads this will agree with me that currently our focus must be on supporting our students during this unprecedented interruption to all aspects of their lives. As a result, I have been working hard alongside the rest of the executive and council to adapt the essential supports we provide to students in this difficult time, as well as advocating for our educational outcomes to the University. We are facing a world none of us anticipated we would ever live in, and so many of us are impacted by things like lost jobs, mandatory self-isolation, lack of clarity about the future, and hugely increased stress and anxiety. As a result, I have been focused on arguing in favour of measures the university can adopt to at least lessen the pressure that study adds on top of these. Some of these measures include an opt-in pass/ fail grading system for this semester, fails and withdrawals not being recorded on academic transcripts, altered final assessment tasks, and many others. Currently, in terms of my role as Vice-President of the UTSSA, I have been working with the President to lay down some governing bylaws for our new constitution. I’m hoping that when they are completed, council will be able to approve these bylaws and finalise the structures we need in order to continue functioning as an effective and well-governed student organisation. As always, if you have any questions or concerns, or wish to be further involved, please talk to me in person or get in contact with me at education@utsstudentsassociation.org.au.

Aidan O’Rourke

Erin Dalton

Assistant Secretary

Education Vice President

With the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, my focus as Assistant Secretary has been to assist the Executive and 113

Office-bearers in crafting a response to this crisis. The piece-meal staggered approach by the University is leaving many students behind this semester. Our advocacy has achieved some wins, and our continued research will further uncover where we can improve the University’s response. However, I think we should be doing more in terms of the UTSSA’s visibility and approach to the identified issues. I would like to see our fight for international students’ fee reductions and a transparent academic records process continue. The council has listened to students and acknowledged that these issues are at the forefront of many students minds. The ambiguity regarding how exams will be conducted and how marks will be calculated has also caused considerable anxiety and confusion. I welcome the University’s financial assistance packages that have been announced despite many students being left behind. Some students still don’t have access to a secure internet connection and are experiencing delays in receiving the appropriate technology. The executive has continued to work well together as we endeavour to work for students during the age of COVID-19. I believe that our connections made at ODay are vitally important as we seek to reach out and listen to students. It is encouraging to see our collective office bearers and convenors working hard to sustain their collectives and continue fighting for their respective causes.

Ahmed Ferkh Welfare Officer A survey conducted by Headspace and the NUS in 2017, found that 65% of students aged 16-25 years reported high or very high psychological distress while 35.4% had thoughts of self-harm or suicide. This is 3 years before the impending lockdown we currently find ourselves in. With a drastic decrease in employment rates, and everyone finding themselves imprisoned in their homes, the livelihoods of many students are sure to be affected. You don’t have to look fare on UTS Confessions to see a post about the Mental toll Social Isolation and Online Learning takes on students. That is why the UTS Welfare Collective will work hard, with the UTSSA, to make sure that no student with mental illness is left behind, and to make sure they have access to the Mental Health services they need. We aim to collaborate with the organisations in the UTSSA, other collectives, and external mental health organisations, such as Batyr. We also aim to create services in the UTSSA, to make sure no student is left behind. The Welfare Collective is also working very hard to run its campaign to improve Faith rooms at UTS. We have posted a petition online, and we will be working towards writing an article and open letter to the University Management. These are tough times, and the UTSSA has a lot of work on its shoulders, but I hope that my Collective can work to keep this very important campaign running, for the sake of all people of Faith and no faiths, at UTS. You can read more about 114

the campaign here: http://chng.it/NxvsxCRV. I encourage anyone who has had issues with welfare at UTS, or has simple ideas on how to make a better university environment to contact me: welfare@utsstudentsassociation.org. Also follow UTS Welfare Collective on Facebook for more updates on our amazing projects.

Bella Forti Women’s Officer This has been a whirlwind of a semester and a year, 2020 has certainly thrown everyone some curveballs! In February we held ODay, WoCo worked incredibly hard to promote ourselves and increase visibility through our online spaces – email lists, FB groups, the FB page and our Instagram. ODay was incredibly successful with 118 new member signups, we got the opportunity to talk to many students and promote upcoming events; all in all, this semester was looking incredibly exciting! Within two weeks, the threat of COVID-19 had severely increased and we were notified classes would be moving online – this came as a shock to everyone, and I’m sure especially to our first years and international students. Dana (Wom*n’s Convenor) and I as everyone else did – quickly realised we would need to move meetings online. So far we have found online meetings to be successful in both attendance and content, we have looked at ‘feminism 101 – basics, terms, etc.’, ‘Disability and feminism – how they interact’ as well as sharing information about COVID-19; the restrictions, the benefits students can access and some tips on staying sane while in isolation. In these unprecedented times it is incredibly important that we both: band together and find strength in community, and actively take care of ourselves. We have been promoting this within WoCo and intend to continue doing so! Moving forward we will be hosting some fun events, like movie nights, virtual craft nights, etc. and continue to keep our meetings both educational and fun! We will be working on a campaign alongside the Queer Officers Frankie and Melissa around the upcoming national survey on student sexual assault and harassment conducted by Dr Anastasia Powell and the Social Research Centre. Our aim is to educate and support students through what can be a stressful and triggering situation – if paired with isolation students will likely need increased support and resources in order to stay healthy. If you’re a woman or non-binary student at UTS and are interested in getting involved with WoCo you can join our FB group ‘2020 UTS Wom*n’s Collective’, follow our FB page ‘UTS Women’s Collective’, follow our Instagram @ utswomenscollective, or sign up for our mailing list at https:// utsstudentsassociation.org.au/collectives/womens.

SECTION Blah Blah studied Degree. Find more on Platform @handle

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Volume 2 Euphoria

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