Newspaper Issue 2 - 2015

ISSUE NO. 2

16TH MARCH University of Technology Sydney Student Publication

BAIRD NAKED ABOUT PARTY’S PROSPECTS

STATE POLITICS

Luke Foley, who became the Opposition Leader only two and a half months ago, is hoping to pull off a Campbell Newman style entry into the Premiership; entering NSW Parliament for the first time as a lower-house MP, and as Premier.

At the ALP campaign launch held in Campbelltown, he proclaimed, “Anyone who has lived through the last 10 years of Australian politics and says an election is unwinnable is a fool.”

Both major parties have been rocked over the past two years as allegations over misconduct and corruption have reared their heads at the Independent Commission Against Corruption (ICAC).

This election will see the political end of four former Liberal Party MPs from the Central Coast who were all found to have acted corruptly. They formally resigned from the Liberal Party before suspension motions could be moved against them.

They have decided not to recontest the 2015 election.

The ALP has also been plagued by accu-

sations of misconduct following the corrupt findings against former Labor powerbroker Eddie Obeid and accomplice Ian Macdonald. Further accusations stated that not much has changed in the ALP, with many former factional allies maintaining a stranglehold within the party structure.

Peter Zacharatos, Activate UTS Board Director and President of the UTS ALP Club, dismisses these charges.

“Factions will always play a role in politics, but I believe internal reforms, such as community preselection and internal measures against corruption, have been effective in eliminating such behaviour within the party.”

The NSW Greens are hoping this election will bring them good fortune from the electorate, with the newly created seats of Newtown and Summer Hill expected to be close contests.

Several minor parties either failed to get their paperwork in on time, or are not contesting the NSW election, with the Sex Party, Liberal Democrats and Palmer United Party all missing out.

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Education: a right not a privilege & I don’t care how you vote, I care that you vote

NEWS

by James Wilson

Voters from across New South Wales will be heading to the polls at the end of March to decide on the future of the Baird Government.

The election, to be held on March 28, pits the incumbent Coalition government against a Labor Opposition that hopes to win back power following their ignominious defeat 4 years ago.

A Newspoll from late February shows the Liberal National Party is on track to maintain their hold on power, with a two party preferred lead of 54-46. If maintained by election day, this will result in another four years for the Baird regime, albeit with a greatly reduced majority.

Premier Mike Baird, who was catapulted into the top job following the shock resignation of Barry O’Farrell in April last year, was recently quoted in the Cowra Advertiser about his government’s prospects this election.

“We are seeking to win and form government, which means you have to win more seats in the lower house and that's what we are seeking.”

INSIDE

8

A reel fight against cyberbullies & Parties in the UTSSA

OPINION

9

Abbot is a moron or a madman, but not both & International women’s day

SPORTS

14

NRL kickoff & ICC World Cup updates

POP CULTURE

16

Mani-cam gone, but offensive comments remain & Two broke racists

REVIEWS

17

That sugar film & Banjo-Kazooie

ADVICE Horoscopes, Sex column, Agony aunt

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ISSUE NO. 2

CONTENTS COVER

1

Baird Naked about Party’s Prospects

EDITORIAL

2

NEWS

3

NUS Stands with students, Getting involved: clubs & societies, Adam Baldwin controversy goes supernova

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

5

GAMES

6

STATE POLITICS

7

Education: a right not a privilege & I don’t care how you vote, I care that you vote

NEWS

8

A reel fight against cyberbullies & Parties in the UTSSA

OPINION

9

Abbott is a moron or a madman, but not both & International womens day

MADI GRAS COVERAGE

10

MAJOR REPORTS

12

President’s report, Education vice president’s report & Secretary’s report

COLLECTIVE REPORTS

VERTIGO

ISSUE TWO EDITORIAL So here you are again, with a brand new Vertigo Newspaper and this time things are getting political.

Within the UTS world we are taking a close look at recent events concerning your SRC, and its current and departing members. Beyond that, we’re bringing you a break down on the important stuff in the upcoming state election. If all that isn’t quite enough, with International Women’s Day comes a look into the politics of equality, with articles by Divina Blanca and Siobhan Kennedy exploring feminism everywhere from the global stage to the red carpet.

But wait! Before you put this down and go back to not caring about politics, just hear us out. Here at Vertigo, we are passionate about the role of the media in our political system, and we hope we can show you a taste of why.

With a state election imminent, we know that a lot of university aged voters are engaging directly with their democratic role for

the first time. And we know that will bring on either excitement or apathy, depending on how you feel about lining up at your old public school to put numbers in boxes and have a sausage sizzle.

Beyond cartoon Tony Abbott dancing to Taylor Swift, and laughing at whatever cringe worthy comment Clive Palmer has made this week, keeping up with politics can feel like a total effort. But that’s where we come in: we want to give you a potent and digestible insight into the current political climate, on and off campus.

We do this by tapping directly into the source, many of your student representatives including Students Association President Dean Mattar, and other SRC representatives have contributed to this issue, concerning both UTS campus politics and the wider political world.

It is our hope that you will listen to what they have to say, and that you will want to talk back. Ultimately it is not our job to tell

you what to think, it is our job to provoke conversation surrounding important issues, and if you are responding and strengthening that conversation on this campus, both reader and editor are doing something right.

We aren’t here to espouse the medias perfection by any means, but we also aren’t afraid to say that the media, and your consumption of it, shapes the way you perceive the political world.

This time around we want to thank you, our readers, for all the feedback we’ve gotten on our first issues. We would also like to thank our contributors for their insights, and all the ways they feed discussion here in campus. Finally to our designers, we love you, we need you, sorry about the mess.

Love Katie and the rest of the Vertigo team – Allison, Cameron, Chris, Gabrielle, James, Josh, June, Rachael and Sambavi.

Follow our ongoing coverage of NSW Election 2015 at utsvertigo.com.au

VERTIGO

13

CAPA report, Queer report & Postgrad report

SPORTS

14

EDITORIAL

CONTRIBUTORS

WITH SUPPORT FROM

15

EDITORS

COVER IMAGE

UTS Student Association Spotpress Pty Ltd. Marrickville

Allison Bermingham Joshua Cram Cameron Hart Christopher John Quyen Dinh Gabrielle Rawlings Katie Kendall Gabrielle Hyde-Smith June Murtagh Sambavi Seermaran Rachael Versace James Wilson

Rose Wallace McEwen

NRL kickoff & ICC World Cup updates

CLUBS AND ACTIVITIES Space society, Society of communications & French society

POP CULTURE

16

Mani-cam gone, but offensive comments remain & Two broke racists

REVIEWS

17

That Sugar Film & Banjo-Kazooie

ADVICE

18

DESIGN

19

CREATIVE DIRECTORS

Horoscopes, Sex column, Agony aunt

SATIRE

Foley who? Government ban letter A, B, C & Activist confidence at an all time low due to leadership runctions

REAR WINDOW

20

Mars mission won’t be jeopardised by being a talent show & Self-evident truths: all men are created equal

Ting He Rose Wallace McEwen

DESIGNERS Owen Cramp Collette Duong Matthew Harrington Joy Li Brian Nguyen Angela Tam

WRITERS Sam Howes Aaron Ngan Dean Mattar Olivia Costa Chris McKay Divina Blanca Lauren Suttie Alex Blair Melissa Haddad Siobhan Kennedy Stephanie Lim Lauren Williams

COPYRIGHT Vertigo and its entire contents are protected by copyright. Vertigo will retain reprint rights; contributors retain all other rights for resale and republication. No material may be produced without the prior written consent of the copyright holders.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Vertigo would like to pay respect to the Traditional Owners of the land on which the UTS now stands, the Gadigal and Kuringgai people of the Eora Nation. We acknowledge that more than 500 Indigenous Nations shared this land for over 40 000 years before European invasion. We extend our solidarity and commitment to those Indigenous peoples, in Australia and internationally, who partake in the ongoing struggle for the land rights, sovereignty, self-determination, and recognition and compensation for past injuries.

VERTIGO

16TH MARCH

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ISSUE ONE APOLOGIES AND CORRECTIONS Vertigo would like to issue a wholehearted apology to those who were affected, distressed, triggered, or offended by references to abortion on the cover of Issue 1. Vertigo stands in solidarity with the UTS Women’s Collective, and their role in holding this publication, and the campus as a whole, accountable as a safe and progressive space for women.

“VERTIGO WOULD LIKE TO ISSUE A WHOLEHEARTED APOLOGY TO THOSE WHO WERE AFFECTED, DISTRESSED, TRIGGERED, OR OFFENDED” Vertigo would also like to apologise for the omission of an acknowledgement of country for the first edition. This was an inexcusable mistake on our part, and we acknowledge that the capacity to allow an error like this is a representation of our privilege.

We stand in solidarity with Indigenous students and staff, and extend our commitment to supporting the ongoing struggles of Indigenous people.

CORRECTIONS On page two in the contents, Brigida Johns, UTSSA Treasure is misnamed as Brigida Jones.

On page two in the list of contributors, Chris McKay, is misnamed as Chreps MccKay. On the page six the email for UTS Drawing Circle should have read, drawingcircle.uts@gmail.com.

On page 21, the word Pisces was misspelled as Pieces. Capricorn was misspelled as Capricon.

NUS STANDS WITH STUDENTS

by Sam Howes

In the last two years, we have witnessed the most vicious attacks on students and higher education in Australian history, and in those two years, the National Union of Students (NUS) has frequently demonstrated its commitments to the fair representation of students.

At an annual conference held in Melbourne, student representatives meet to bring forward and debate policies on student-focused issues under the offices of education, disability, ATSI, queer, women’s, EthnoCultural. Under these titles, students bring forward debate and pass policy.

Last December, an inclusive motion entitled ‘Solidarity and destigmatisation of students who are sex workers’ was moved during a women’s session. The motion was in response to the serious hardships many student sex workers face on a regular basis.

The Age reported in 2008 that, within Melbourne brothels alone, 40% of employees identified as university students. The on-

campus discrimination these students have faced poses a serious risk to both their mental and physical health and wellbeing.

The Scarlet Alliance is the Sex Workers Union. Since its formation in 1989, the Union has provided health and safety protection as well as training workshops. The Scarlett Alliance’s union representatives have more contact with sex workers than any other agency (both government and non-government). It’s vital that student sex workers are aware they have access to a representative union that is concerned with occupational health and safety.

Once the policy was open to the floor, students heard testimony from an ex-student sex worker who elaborated about her time in the industry, marked by stigma and discrimination.

The policy drafted moved that “NUS recognises there are students, including female, trans, non-binary and genderless people who are sex workers that are subjected to dis-

crimination on campus”. Furthermore, that “NUS stands in solidarity with these students and promotes working with the Scarlett Alliance union to protect these students from stigmatisation and discrimination”. In a show of bipartisanship, the motion was proudly passed unanimously on conference floor.

“IN THE LAST TWO YEARS, WE HAVE WITNESSED THE MOST VICIOUS ATTACKS ON STUDENTS AND HIGHER EDUCATION IN AUSTRALIAN HISTORY” I believe this epitomises how NUS continues to strive to support students. The national education campaign in 2014 oversaw mass protests, sending the persuasive message that students are ready to act against reforms that target young people.

The education reform package, of which university fee deregulation was a shining jewel, was later voted down in the senate.

This year, upon the reintroduction of the proposal, as well as organising a National Day of Action, NUS’s representatives have been hard at work lobbying senators and crossbenchers voting on the proposed reforms to higher education.

You might have seen NUS members on campus this year, as executive members have been at O’Weeks around the country to gather a student following for the anti-fee deregulation.

I believe scepticism among students does little to aid the work of NUS, the chief body of student representation on a national level that was designed to efficiently and democratically protect students.

The work NUS has done with the Scarlet Alliance is a key example of NUS’s progressive stance on the real representation of students — all students, not just ‘big white men’.

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ISSUE NO. 2

VERTIGO

GETTING INVOLVED: CLUBS AND SOCIETIES

by Aaron Ngan

Whether you are a new or experienced student, the start of the year is full of opportunities to get involved in campus life.

Joining a club or society is an amazing way to get involved, build friendships, and work on something that you’re passionate about.

of all the available clubs. Look online or ask at the Activate Help Desk (Building 1, Level 3) for a list of all the clubs, so that you can...

FOLLOW UP!

Here are some thoughts to help you make the most of your experience, whether you’re a bright-eyed first year or a seasoned student.

Attend as many club events as you can. Not only are the first weeks filled with them, many will have lots of cool people to meet, and majority will have a bar tab.

Find your prospective clubs on Facebook or online, and note when introductory events are held so you can book these into your calendar. If in doubt, send the club an email (locatable via ActivateUTS).

CLUBS

LONG TERM GRAD BENEFITS

Explore what’s out there and don’t be afraid.

Club executives are sometimes just as anxious to meet cool new members as you may be to find new clubs! Be open, be curious, and sign up for what you can. ActivateUTS has a list

As well as the possibility of finding a new family for your next few years of uni, graduate employers look very favourably on candidates with extra-curricular involvement, communication skills, and leadership experience.

“JOINING A CLUB OR SOCIETY IS AN AMAZING WAY TO GET INVOLVED”

Listing the clubs you signed up for in semester one won’t make the cut alone. Employers scramble for those above mentioned resume descriptors, so it pays to prepare early for your career.

DEPTH OF INVOLVEMENT Anyone can sign up for a club, but not everyone will have a worthwhile story at the end of it.

Keep in mind that in the next few years you may find yourself in a society with likeminded people, passionate about a unified interest. Just by getting involved, you may end up being elected as a club executive or President before you know it.

There may be struggles ahead, and at moments it might not always be easy, but it’s in these moments where real stories and experiences are forged.

Do your social life and your future career a favour. Explore the clubs and societies at UTS.

ADAM BALDWIN CONTROVERSY GOES SUPANOVA

by Gabrielle Hyde-Smith

Controversy saturates this year’s Supanova Pop Culture Expo, after organisers upheld their decision to invite actor Adam Baldwin, despite thousands calling for his invitation to be revoked. Subsequently, Supanova has remained passive as bullying and harassment occur over social media.

Baldwin, best known for his work in Firefly and Serenity, sparked outrage in August of last year over his influential involvement in the #Gamergate movement. #Gamergate, disguised as a noble campaign demanding ethics and integrity in video game journalism, was a misogynistic movement that encouraged the harassment of women, people of colour, and the LGBTI community inside the gaming industry.

Baldwin escalated the abuse when he coined the hashtag #Gamergate and facilitated the release of personal details (an act known as “doxxing”) of game developers Zoe Quinn and Brianna Wu. The actor himself tweeted hateful and vilifying statements against feminism, gay rights, and trans people, all of which have since been deleted.

In January, a CommunityRun petition

launched, asking Supanova director Daniel sary. Many continued to speak out against Zacharious and event coordinators to revoke Supanova’s decision, coining the hashtag Baldwin’s invite to the Sydney and Perth “#supanothankyou” to have their opinions events to be held June this year. The peti- heard. The hashtag was met with mixed tion states that Baldwin’s presence would support, with many accusing it of ‘fearmondamage Supanova’s reputation as a wel- gering’, stating there was no actual threat to coming, family friendly event. Over 6 000 Supanova attendees. However, hostile and threatening responses were re-sent from people signed in support.

The petition was met with fierce backlash. Baldwin supporters.

M, a key organizer of the campaign Baldwin challenged the original petition on Twitter, accusing it of violating the Austral- against Baldwin who chose to remain anonyian Defamation Act. An opposing petition mous stated: “I was planning to attend as I have done swiftly asked Supanova organizers to uphold the invitation, stating Baldwin was merely a for the past 4 years and enjoy the atmosprominent figure “opposed to moral authori- phere … I am currently unwilling to attend tarianism, censorship and manipulation of when the comments from Adam Baldwin’s media”. Over 6 500 signed this challenging supporters are openly hostile and, in many petition. However, organisers of the cam- ways, abusive towards people who want to paign against Baldwin call foul, and point to have a safe event that is free from harassevidence of fake accounts used to “dogpile ment and intimidation” The severity of harassment has ranged on any action that Gamergate suppoters and from trolling to threats of violence, but what 8chan want to support”.

The tension between the two groups has been most concerning is Supanova’s has intensified since Supanova announced silence and lack of involvement in putting via Facebook they would be standing by the harassment to an end, despite their Code their decision to host Baldwin as a guest in of Conduct specifically stating that harasscelebration of Serenity’s 10 year anniver- ment and intimation of any kind is not ac-

ceptable at the event or online.

“My observation is that the event organisers have taken an approach which claims ignorance to the causes of concern as well as the consequences of keeping Adam Baldwin as a guest. It doesn’t provide me with much confidence that there will be greater awareness and closing down of the behavior demonstrated by his supports at the event itself,” says M. The fierce debate continues, with both sides adamant in their beliefs and opinions of Adam Baldwin. Those against, while also concerned about reducing the risk of intimation at the event itself, endure in their attempt to have Baldwin uninvited.

“It would be great if people could email, write a letter, send a postcard, or directly contact Supanova to express their concern at Adam Baldwin attending and the passive response to harassing and intimating behavior of his fans. People who are concerned about his attendance can also write to the Minister for Immigration,” M advises, adding that those concerned about Baldwin’s attendance should not match the aggravated behavior seen by Baldwin fans.

VERTIGO

16TH MARCH

5

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Would like to submit a letter to Vertigo?

Email us at submissions@utsvertigo.com.au

Dear UTS Vertigo,

Dear UTS Vertigo,

Dear UTS Vertigo,

For a newspaper aimed at the students of UTS I was disappointed that your article failed to include the opinion of a single UTS student who attended the NUS National Conference (“Minorities Lose White Men Win Big at NUS” 18th February). As a gay man studying at UTS I am well aware of the issues facing minority students. One of the best ways to improve our condition is a financially sustainable NUS that will fight for the rights of all students for many years to come.

Fee deregulation and changes to welfare affect all students whilst having a disproportionate impact on minorities. The reforms undertaken by NUS will enable the pooling of funding to run strong intersectional campaigns that return the maximum benefit for all students. It’s time to get real. Let’s put aside the self-righteous rhetoric of those who seek to disband our union. Volunteering to represent student’s interests is not slavery. It is a duty and a privilege.

UTS student representatives from across the political spectrum lead the way at NUS supporting inclusive policies which improve the lives of marginalised students. In future I hope you will acknowledge the substantial contributions UTS students make in the national education movement.

Why do you have a letters page? The whole thing feels a little bit outdated. In this age of Internet and Instagram, people are able to share their opinions on all the ways the newspaper is terrible straight away. Why would anyone go through the effort of writing their complaints into a letter and sending it into you? I can only assume that, as a newspaper, you have a vested interest in maintaining obsolete technologies.

I was very glad to discover that your newspaper included a satire section, as I believe that being able to laugh is very important. But, I must admit, I couldn’t work out why you had decided to call it ‘Rear Window’, and that upset me. My only assumption is that it is some kind of sexual allusion, and if that is the case I must it is incredibly bad form. I refuse to have any form of sexuality or allusions in my student publication. If, on the other hand, the name is meant to be a reference to a rear mirror and the fact that objects in the rear view mirror may be closer than they appear, then I am a fan. Because not being able to judge the relative size of things is very funny.

Alternatively, if you were to simply pluralise Window to Windows, your satire section could be called ‘Rear Windows’, which as someone who raises windows for a living, would appeal to me.

Yours Sincerely, Luke Chapman Assistant Secretary UTSSA Markets Campus Convenor Dear Vertigo editors, I’d like to express my distaste about the newspaper’s cover article (Consultation Period Aborted by Third Trimester). The abortion joke was incredibly inappropriate and has distracted us from what was otherwise an amazing, well informed article. Whether or not that was your intent, in the future, as editors of a student newspaper it is your job to weed out these offensive jokes. Secondly, the the photo used on page 5 (Minorities Lose, White Men Win Big at NUS) portrayed several UTS students as oppressors. Those students happen to be a queer man, queer woman and a person of colour who understand what it’s like to be part of a minority.

And please don’t forget that this is a student publication for UTS students so next time quote from UTS students. You have plenty to choose from.

Sincerely yours, Divina Blanca

Kind Regards, Taylor Oldman Dear UTS Vertigo, My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

Hugs and Kisses, Russell Crowe Dear UTS Vertigo, Is it ‘possible’ for you to include more inverted commas in your writing? I find inverted commas to be a very useful and underused ‘tool’, and it would be great to see the ‘UTS student’ publication leading the way on this issue. To be clear, I’m not suggesting that you use ‘inverted commas’ when ‘quoting sources’, as I know you already do, but rather would like to see them just ‘scattered randomly’ throughout the ‘newspaper’.

Please and thank you, ‘Jimmy James’ Dear UTS Vertigo, Why is it that some letters get to be words, but others don’t? ‘Y’, for example, gets to be both the letter ‘Y’ and the word ‘why’. This seems very unfair to letters like ‘L’ that only get to be letters. I also feel sorry for letters such as ‘X’, which although it could be the word ‘Ex’, that only gets to be used in a colloquial sense. My least favorite letter is ‘I’ because not only does it get to be a letter, but it also gets to be three words, ‘I’ and ‘eye’ and ‘aye’.

Yours, Hugh Jass

Yours, Maximillion Pegasus

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ISSUE NO. 2

VERTIGO

GAMES So you know your english do you?

Across: 2. The time, place or location of a story 5. The character the audience most empathizes with 6. Descriptive words, often symbolic 10. False or misleading texts designed to present a specific opinion 11. Events following the main conflict 12. A struggle within 15. Sequence of events in a story 17. Repetition of a consonant sound 18. A struggle between opposing forces 19. Contrast between what is expected and what happens

Down: 1. Events leading to the main conflict 3. The lesson within a story 4. A struggle with an outside force 7. The ‘villain’ of the story 8. The ending 9. Descriptive word for sound 13. Moving the narrative along 14. An expression who’s meaning differs from its literal definition 16. Words specific to a particular context or profession 18. Point of highest tension or drama

How many four lettered words can you make?

Oh and one has all 9 letters in it!

How many of the words below can you find? Up, down, left and right, or diagonally..

VERTIGO

16TH MARCH

EDUCATION: A RIGHT, NOT A PRIVILEGE

by Dean Mattar

Going to university is a big deal. Many of us are the first in our family to do so, and the importance of that cannot be overstated.

University education provides people from lower income households an opportunity to advance. Not just to earn more money, but to secure a better future for themselves and their family.

The only thing that could possibly sour what should be a great opportunity to lift ourselves out of relative poverty is what awaits us once we graduate.

If the Liberal government succeeds with their educational reforms, many enrolled students could be left questioning their ability to continue their education. This is a government that mostly comprises politicians who have benefited from a free education.

If the proposed changes to education are passed in the senate, we will face a massive increase to our fees. This will unfairly affect those who are least able to afford the cost of university. It is illogical to burden those from a

lower socio-economic background with $100 000 in debt for attempting to be educated, find employment, and gain a better future.

The reality is, it will take almost 30 years to pay it off that extra $70 000 or so for your degree. So speak up. Make your voice heard. Come to the National Day of Action to protest for your right to a free and fair education system.

“THE REALITY IS, IT WILL TAKE ALMOST 30 YEARS TO PAY IT OFF THAT EXTRA $70 000 OR SO FOR YOUR DEGREE.” Rally for a better education, more funding, no deregulation, and a fairer student income support system. Come to the Education Action Group as we set up for the National Day of Action! March 25th 2pm at UTS. It’s time to fight for our rights.

Our Voice, Our way, Our SA.

I DON’T CARE HOW YOU VOTE, I CARE THAT YOU VOTE

by Katie Kendall

Confession — I am embarrassingly keen to vote for the first time.

I am so democratically enthused that even knowing the state election is scheduled on my birthday — which will already bring the joys of attention, presents, and beer — I’m still sure voting will be the highlight.

I also know that my kind is the minority. I know this because several young people I’ve spoken to about voting say either they don’t care and won’t enrol, or they will donkey vote. And it’s a little heart breaking.

I don’t think it’s our fault; the federal governments we’ve observed while growing up have introduced several devastating reforms for young people and fumbled their way through multiple displays of terrible public relations, which have deterred an already disinterested group of voters.

Compounding this, the perpetual statelevel clusterfuck uncovered by ICAC litters front pages with stories that destroy any illusion of transparent politics in this state. It’s

all too easy to put ‘demanding a better government’ in the too-hard basket. We sigh, we shrug, and we say, “Politics is just like that.”

I’m just idealistic enough to think that if we actually started giving a shit, we could change something. The last federal election — you know, that one where Tony Abbott won, creating a reality most young people are perplexed by — isn’t as tough a mystery to crack as you might think. Statistics released by the Australian Electoral Commission revealed 20% of people under the age of 25 did not even enrol to vote in the 2013 federal election, meaning you can place of the blame firmly upon one in five of your voting-aged friends.

I don’t understand how apathy towards voting became so cool. We all love complaining about rent, opal cards, lock out laws, and Sydney trains never arriving on time (or at all). But we don’t want to vote. How is it more effective to bitch to our friends on Facebook than to have a direct, democratic say in who makes up our government?Whether you care

about politics or not, the people elected on March 28th will have an obligation to govern you, and they will. And it is likely they will do it poorly.

This is where I’m going to get mean. It’s not good enough to not enrol, or donkey vote, or just vote how your parents do. Your vote is a right, but it’s also a privilege that allows you a direct role in how your state is run.

So, while you are waiting for UTS to sign on to concession Opal Cards, or being smooshed up against the glass on a peak hour train, maybe you should consider taking your vote seriously in this election.

I guess what I’m asking, is if you are going to give me one gift (and remember the election is on my birthday) please, please, make it a conscious, democratic vote.

Do you think Katie is too idealistic about voting? Don’t like being told what to do?

Send a letter to submissions@utsvertigo. com.au and tell us what you think.

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ISSUE NO. 2

VERTIGO

A REEL FIGHT AGAINST CYBERBULLIES

by Olivia Costa

Sunday 22 February: at just eighteen and for the first time in a while, I felt old. I walked into Events Cinema Bondi Junction and felt slightly terrified in the way that only the excitement and energy of ‘youths’ can make you feel. I was heading into the REELise Film Festival, a mobile phone film festival open to 12-18 year olds created by Karen Hamilton, a former lawyer and events coordinator.

The festival was born out of a need for social change. Hamilton lives near the Gap in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs, a place infamous for suicides including those of young people.

She cites a particular incident two years ago, where a young woman committed suicide outside Hamilton’s family home. The girl suffocated herself in a car and was not reported missing for days. “I wanted to do something then in the youth empowerment space and youth mental health, in the context of youth filmmaking, to do that using a tool that every kid has in their pocket makes it incredibly accessible,” Hamilton said.

On the contrary, accessibility is one of the major issues associated with cyberbullying. Where playground bullying used to end with the 3pm school bell, young people are now faced with being constantly con-

tactable. REELise aims to combat cyberbullying while promoting well-being and positive mental health for teenagers in a space where they are in control. Last year’s theme, ‘Unspoken Feelings’, focused on the implications of cyberbullying and the unspoken feelings of both victim and perpetrator. This year’s theme, ‘#NoFilter’, focuses on the unrealistic expectations and standards social media places on the lives of teenagers today.

Mobile phones are the main tool used to cyberbully, a fact noted by Hamilton in her creation of the festival. Phones are almost a vital organ for teenagers; they connect to friends and family, organise their lives, and are never in far reach. Bullying through mobile phones is a dangerous, ubiquitous and in some ways, self-destructive reality.

The festival is empowering in that it uses mobile phones to positively influence change. Much like the idiom ‘fighting fire with fire’, participants are encouraged to turn the tables on the negative implications of social media and mobile usage in the teen world.

The films themselves were great. They were original, had interesting cinematography, and most importantly, brought

home the values that REELise is trying to promote.

It was a ‘black light party’, and audience members were encouraged to wear white or neon in support of the festival. The event could not have run without the assistance of the Holdsworth Community volunteers, who were friendly and committed.

The festival features audience participa-

“MOBILE PHONES ARE THE MAIN TOOL USED TO CYBERBULLY, A FACT NOTED BY HAMILTON IN HER CREATION OF THE FESTIVAL.” tion in the judging of People’s Choice category. In the lead up to the festival, nominees shared their films on social media in competition for the most votes to win the People’s Choice award. On the night, the audience was encouraged to text the code of their favourite film to the voting hotline.

The audience interaction continued throughout the night, with host Scott Tweedie (the

love of my pre-teen years) engaging the audience with games, and even an impromptu dance-off.

Dignitaries such as NSW Minister for Family and Community, Gabrielle Upton, were there to show their support. Ms Upton described the event as effective in its ability to “give a voice to young people to talk about some of the issues that concern them … and they get mentored through it, so they also develop the filmmaking skills.” Support from other public figures included actors Jessica Marais and James Stewart, sportsman Mario Fenech, and Constable Yasmin London, who is also a part of the REELise Management Committee.

Audrey Villafana, took out the People’s Choice Award with her film ‘Child’. Hearing a Year 10 student speak with such passion and excitement was fantastic. She summed up social media: “it can suck sometimes, but then it can be good,” a reflection on most things in life.

REELise Film Festival was a great event and an innovative action that I can see growing into a larger and permanent fixture on the film festival scene.

PARTIES IN THE UTSSA

by James Wilson

The governing body of the UTS Students’ Association (UTSSA), the Student Representative Council (SRC), has been thrown into disarray following the cancellation of their monthly meeting.

The meeting that was due to take place on the 5th March was to include a raft of spending items that the Students’ Association deemed important in the lead-up to the National Day of Action for Education.

The March meeting was cancelled following accusations by the Assistant Secretary, Luke Chapman, that the Constitution had been breached, as adequate notice of the agenda had not been given and therefore, that no funding or motions could be legally passed.

An incensed Chapman was damning of the deficiencies that he says currently pervade the UTSSA. “Students are entitled to expect a certain level of professionalism from the representatives they elected to lead the UTSSA.”

Dean Mattar, President of the UTSSA, argues that Chapman is acting inappropriately, and the track record of the current regime is to be applauded.

“If Luke believes that there has been a mismanagement of the organisation, they are more than welcome to follow the correct means and raise a complaint.

“STUDENTS ARE ENTITLED TO EXPECT A CERTAIN LEVEL OF PROFESSIONALISM FROM THE REPRESENTATIVES THEY ELECTED TO LEAD THE UTSSA.” “I think we have been extremely successful managing the organisation. We have had an all-time record of student sign-ups to the association, we are campaigning successfully against fee deregulation, [have] published the most rewarding handbook the association has seen in many years, have [had] an all-

time high attendance rate at Bluebird Brekkie … and semester one has only just started.”

Chapman is dismissive of this, arguing that only those who were elected on his side last year are capable of delivering the services UTS students need.

“The daily business of the UTSSA is frustratingly slow with outdated management practices delaying essential student programs.

“The Connect team [on which Chapman was elected last year] will continue to hold the UTSSA to account on matters of governance and spending as transparency will be key in ensuring student money is spent on student services.”

Mattar, for their part, is sorry for the lapse in organisational procedure.

“It is unfortunate, but we only learn from our mistakes, we are only human after all.

“I have been informed that this mistake won't happen again in the future.

“All expenditure items will be moved

to an executive meeting, and another SRC meeting will be called later this month to make up any missed business.”

Chapman is still despondent about the current state of the Association.

“The fact that the Secretary and President did not even know the rules of the association they lead is disappointing. “[They have] failed to provide an apology to members and students for the failure to fulfil the role.”

Mattar released an apology in response, saying, “I apologise if there has been any inconvenience, but [do] understand that everyone has been so busy fighting fee deregulation that work can occasionally creep up on them.”

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ABBOTT IS A MORON OR A MADMAN BUT NOT BOTH

by Chris McKay

Let’s just get this out of the way now: this article isn’t about politics. I’m not here to criticise Tony Abbott. I’m sure others will do that for me. This is not even exclusively about him — it’s an issue almost any time a prominent Australian is a subject of satire.

What it boils down to is this: we can’t decide whether Tony Abbott is an idiot or a super-villain. Satirical depictions of Abbott flip between spoilt child and Machiavellian monster almost daily. To be fair, the way he is depicted tends to reflect the seriousness of the larger issue. When he knights Prince Phillip, he is a fool; when he boasts about closing Australia’s borders to the needy, he’s a madman. While this practice works well on individual issues, I believe it weakens satire as a form of protest.

An individual’s ‘satire self’ should be a coherent and consistent character. That’s because, despite what we like to claim, humans are irrational animals. Sure, we acknowledge cognitive dissonance as a concept,

or note that impartiality is important, but we really just want to know ‘good’ from ‘bad’.

Satire, particularly in the form of political cartoons, has a wonderful ability to reduce an issue to its simplest form for an audience to process, but encourages them to develop a more detailed and considered opinion. But it requires an audience being unambiguous about what they’re seeing. Satire that leaves an audience confused isn’t adequate.

In the US, I believe there is always a clear, unwritten, but always-acknowledged understanding of what a president’s ‘thing’ is. Clinton was a stoner. Bush was an idiot.

Obama is cool. That is the jumping-off point for every critique — to act as a basis of understanding for their every action, and the motivations behind those actions.

So one week, Tony Abbott’s cartoon self (who we will call Tone) is foolishly declaring himself Minister for Women. How out of touch he is! The next day, however, he is depicted with an attack dog going after

funding for universities. That’s a scary idea, but wait a moment. Isn’t this the same Tone who was so amusedly naïve yesterday?

Why would he now be so aggressive? That doesn’t seem like Tone, so it is dismissed.

The message gets across, sure — but was it satirical? Does it engage on a level that prompts protest and reason? I would argue that it doesn’t.

Satire is used in Australia not to prompt change, but to revel in the expected. Australian satire shows up for a particular event, gets itself shared on Twitter and liked on Facebook, but then runs away before it needs to take any responsibility. And that is a bad thing because it means we have bastardised one of the most powerful tools of protest and persuasion. We don’t see the point of considering how we express our criticism; we don’t need to persuade others — we just need to feel our opinions have been expressed.

So how do we fix this? We need to decide, as a nation, who Tone is. We need to create

a character we can all love to hate. He must be shorthand for our prime minister, not an automatic reaction to whatever is in the news. It should be instinctive, sure, but also reasoned. Is Tone George W. mark II, or is he Nixon version 2.0? Is he Thatcher, or Major? Is he Billy Mayes or the sham-wow guy? Those are questions I cannot answer for you. You must look to your heart, and decide.

theme is ‘Make it Happen’, encouraging women everywhere to take effective action towards equality between all genders.

The UN is hosting an International Women’s Day Breakfast event at the Australian Technology Park. For those of us who are interested in getting involved but don’t have $82 to spare, here are some things you can do in Sydney:

Sydney’s International Women’s Day March will take place on March 14 at Sydney’s Town Hall, 483 George St. It’s a march for the solidarity for women, with women.

This year’s march focuses on the current NSW Government’s cuts to women’s only refuges across the state, and a rejection of Zoe’s Law. Before the current cuts were introduced, 50 per cent of women were refused from these refuges due to a lack of funding. Tragically, these cuts have seen women’s only refuge’s dwindle from 100 in 2014 to only 14 currently, leaving even more women without a safe place. Although Zoe’s Law lapsed in 2014, we are expecting the attempted reintroduction of the bill in 2015.

No matter what you choose to do for International Women’s Day, undoubtedly what’s most important is to celebrate, support, and inspire women every single day of the year.

And remember to #MakeItHappen.

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

by Divina Blanca

March 8 marks the 104th annual International Women’s Day. It’s a day to commemorate the achievements of women past and present, and to acknowledge that society still has a long road ahead in its ongoing fight for gender equality. It’s for the social, political, economical, and cultural equality of the genders all over the world.

With the rising trend of the unfortunate hashtag ‘#womenagainstfeminism’ and because Australia’s Minister for Women is Tony Abbott, it’s only right that we revisit why International Women’s Day is so significant and how we can all get involved and make a difference.

Women can vote (except in Saudi Arabia and Vatican City), women can wear pants (except in some Islamic countries), and women can have careers (79 countries restrict the work women can do, and in 15 countries husbands can stop their wives from working).

We’ve come a long way in the past century so it’s very easy to be fooled into believing that

women’s fight for equality is over. The simple truth is — it’s not.

When Jennifer Lawrence is paid less than her male costars, when trans women struggle to safely use a bathroom, when Boko Haram dares to kidnap 200 girls for receiving an education, we know the war is not over.

Women may now make up more than half of the Queensland Cabinet and the number of women in the Federal Cabinet may have doubled to two, but there’s still a significant gap in gender equality in the workforce. The average Australian woman employed on a full-time basis will earn 18.8 per cent less than their male counterparts and a female graduate will earn on average $5000 less than a male graduate receiving the same degree. When half of the world’s population is women, it’s hard to fathom why only 17.3 per cent of CEO positions and 26.1 per cent of key management personnel are occupied by women.

This year’s International Women’s Day

“THIS YEAR’S INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY THEME IS MAKE IT HAPPEN” Take effective action by raising awareness online about the issues that effect women everywhere. Tweet and post on Facebook and Tumblr the issues that affect you personally or you’re passionate about.

You could even host a fundraising event celebrating women across the world while promoting gender equality within your immediate circle.

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MARDI GRAS 2015 photos by Christopher Quyen

ISSUE NO. 2

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ISSUE NO. 2

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MAJOR REPORTS PRESIDENT’S REPORT

by Dean Mattar

Throughout my time at UTS, the most common concern that many students face, is ensuring that they have access to a quality education that is fair and accessible to all.

UTS has strived to be one of the most progressive universities in Australia, imple-

EDUCATION VICE PRESIDENT’S REPORT

by Max Murphy

Hello.

I remember in the last report writing something about having not much to write about because I had only recently started the role of Education Vice-President. But the last two weeks have been the exact opposite and have involved everything from meeting with Tanya Plibersek, to getting pepper sprayed by the

SECRETARY’S REPORT

by Jess Xu

It’s been a whirlwind start to the year at the Students’ Association!

A lot of the work I’ve done has been administrative - getting in contact with people who are or want to be involved in the UTSSA, organising meetings, sending out

menting many beneficial support services, however all of this has come under attack.

The Liberal Government has proposed education reforms, known as fee deregulation, which will burden the average student with a lifetime of debt. How much you ask?

Over $100,000.

Leaving high school, I never expected that if I wanted to continue my education I would have to make a choice of placing a debt so large on my shoulders that I could literally buy a house or risk it all with a degree that I think I want to excel in.

The Students’ Association will be not staying silent on this issue, and will be fighting with every ounce of our ability, to ensure that we the students, have access to a quality, fair and accessible education for

all, not just the rich and wealthy.

That is why on March the 25th we will be mobilising alongside every other university around the country to send a clear message to the out-of-touch Tony Abbott, that a degree shouldn’t be a debt sentence, that a degree shouldn’t be only for the rich and wealthy, that a degree shouldn’t disproportionately disadvantage women.

If you believe that debt should not be here to stay, then I urge you to attend the national day of action, as we rally and send a clear message to Tony Abbott, on March 25th at 2pm, outside Building 1 (the tower) and join your education action group and get involved with the campaign.

Nothing about us without us.

Police.

On the 18th of February UTS had their O-Day, as I’m sure you’re aware and the Students Association broke all sorts of records.

We had just shy of 2,000 sign ups which busted last year’s 500. We also launched our petition to have our Vice-Chancellor, Attila Brungs, publicly denounce Fee Deregulation and got the word out about the National Day of Action on the 25th of March. And of course members of the Student’s Association proceeded to get roaringly drunk with everyone who helped out. If you did sign up, thanks! We will be in touch and I’m sure to see you around. If not, then boo-urns to you and you should definitely come in and do so.

It was thrilling to see so many people who didn’t need any explaining about Dereg or how it isn’t in the best interests of students. It was also extremely satisfying to see how barren the Conservative Club Stall was, maybe it had something to do with the Australian flag and the boy’s club vibe it was rocking. (If anyone from the Conservative Club is reading this, I enjoyed reading your pamphlet about how 60’s youth culture is still destroying civilisation as we know it).

But of course there has also been a lot of other stuff happening. I was at the demonstration against Christopher Pyne on the 13th of Feb in which students got pepper sprayed

without any warning. The event was at a public forum in the city, and the Police prohibited students from attending. However the ensuing media coverage at the event wasn’t focused on the students and putting them in a bad light, rather it had unanimously said that Police had acted inappropriately and that Christopher Pyne was there, which is a step away from the way the media usually portray students.

There are tons of stuff you can get involved in though coming up. There’s a nationwide protest on the 4th of March (hopefully this comes out before then) that is being run by the Australian Council of Trade Unions which will be attended by hundreds (hopefully) of student activists and you can find the link here: http://www.australianunions.org.au/national_day_of_action.

Also there is going to be the first meeting run by the Education Action Group at UTS on the 3rd: https://www.facebook.com/ events/1547171298895358. And of course the event which hopefully you’ve already got some info about, being the National Day of Action: https://www.facebook.com/ events/1411912355766655.

notices, navigating the interwebs for better online communications, and cleaning up the office space.

I’m happy to say that we now have a UTSSA Calendar which is publicly accessible! You can have a look at what’s happening here: http://tiny.cc/UTSSACalendar This calendar includes dates for SRC Meetings - feel free to come along and see how the SRC works! I am working on having these calendars up on our noticeboards, alongside hard copies of the minutes recording what happens in SRC Meetings.

In other news, helping the Australian Youth Climate Coalition host their National Summit at UTS, and working with the Enviro Collective for National Divestment Day, has made it exciting to learn about the room bookings process!

I’ve also jumped into organising O’Day

stalls with Collectives, PERC (Political, Educational, Religious & Cultural) Clubs, and other affiliates like Broadway Food Co-op.

This year we’re making a bigger splash to let all of UTS know that we are the organisation run by students, for students, and we’d love for you to be involved. With the many looming changes to tertiary education threatening our welfare, we are more keen than ever to support safer student communities, such as the many autonomous Collectives with the UTSSA. I hope that the UTSSA will be more accessible & transparent with the SRC minutes and calendar accessible online and in person, on noticeboards nearby our office on level 3 the depths of the Tower building. If you ever have any questions, or want to find out more about the UTSSA, let me know at secretary@ utsstudentsassociation.org !

Please get in touch with me if you need help with anything on education@utsstudentsassociation.org.

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COLLECTIVE REPORTS

CAPA REPORT

QUEER REPORT

POSTGRAD REPORT

by Kate Always utspru@gmail.com OR utspru.org

by Callum Lee queer@utsstudentsassociation.org.

by Melanie Wilson

February has been a busy month for the Queer department. Not only was it the start of the Semester but it was also the start of the Mardi Gras festival. The First half of the month was mainly filled with planning and informal meetings. The Rad Sex and Consent Week working group started getting more serious with the week starting in early march (come along to my Craftervism workshop it’ll be gr8). Not only did work start on RSCW but also for Stall day in orientation week. The womn’s officer and I worked on the Safe sex pamphlet that was distributed to over 15 hundred students on stall day (with accompanying condom and lube to enact said safe sex). The queer stall was busy all day connecting with faces both old and new, ~70 new students put down their interest in the queer department. So we look forward to running plenty of great events with them this year. Speaking of great events we held the first social event of the year with the Umbrella Meetup.

Mardi Gras was in full swing with fair day on the 22nd. Fair day allowed me to connect with a whole array of different queer organisations including ACON, OII Australia, QSN and many more. As Semester started up AQSN released their first ever National Newsletter and continue to help Collectives across the country connect to each other. The first queer collective meeting was held on the 27th and was well attended by collective members both old and new.

This meeting helped both to break the ice and wrap up the month of February for the Queer Department.

If you identify as queer or questioning, or just want more information about what we do at UTS feel free to like us on FB (UTS Queer Collective) and get in contact with us.

The Queer space is open to queer students 24/7 and is located next to the second hand bookshop. Also myself and Lawrence are usually around the SA so if you see us come say hi – Callum “James James” Lee

Welcome to 2015 postgrad life at UTS. This year will be packed full of social events, academic growth, and professional development.

This could be your first year as a postgraduate, taking the leap from undergrad life to postgrad course work or research.

Perhaps you are returning to a course you were studying last year, looking forward to soon completing your course.

Autumn could be your first semester at UTS, having previously studied elsewhere.

There would be a lot to navigate – classrooms, offices, online blackboards, social groups, everything. You know uni, but you aren’t familiar with this uni. It’s ok. Give it time.

You may have already studied at UTS before postgraduate life. There is still a shift. Specialties are chosen. Research is undertaken. There are new routines, new expectations. Things are the same but different.

We are all starting 2015 from different walks of life. Our one thing in common is our seriousness to progress our academic careers to new heights.

There is so much to do in 2015 as a postgraduate student with the UTS Students’ Association.

Join the Postgraduate Collective for drinks every Friday night, to unwind after a busy week. Have a beer with mates. Share stories and advice about your experiences.

Talk to your Postgraduate Officer if you have any concerns about academic progress and welfare. Perhaps you’re behind in your studies. There are services to help.

Learn from industry experts at acclaimed events by the Careers department.

Join a postgraduate club with likeminded individuals who enjoy new skills or fun hobbies. Create your own club to share your favourite interests.

This is your 2015. Create the year you want to experience. We’re all in this together!

One of the many victories of 2014 was affiliating the Students’ Association to its postgrad peak body, the Council of Australian Postgraduate Associations (CAPA).

I was the Students’ Association’s delegate to the 2014 Annual Council Meeting (ACM), CAPA’s annual conference. This year it was held November 25-28 at ANU in Canberra.

A distinct highlight of the conference was hearing from all the other affiliated campuses around the country. There is a wide variety of ways to represent postgraduates, from Adelaide Uni where the Postgrad Officer on an undergrad committee has just established a student club to run postgrad events under their union, to Melbourne Uni’s Graduate Students Association which has 23,000 members, its own building and two million dollars per year.

Everyone was supportive and happy to hear that UTS has stepped further up that ladder, from electing only one officebearer to launching a whole department of our Students’ Association, governed by its own Council.

Between them all, there were so many ideas for campaigns, events and other activities that we could benefit from. Writing retreats, seminars on supervision, journal article writing workshops, ‘Thesis Thursdays’ to workshop your writing with a group. Changing uni policies and procedures for when your supervisor is sacked, allowing postgrads to enrol at four different times of year. Internships, Legal aid, employing accounting postgrads to do tax returns for undergrads. BBQs, selfdefence courses, free trips, ice skating, wine and cheese nights, laser tag, hiking, Wear it Purple events. A postgrad issues survey and campaigns to address its findings - money, employment, tenancy, cost of living. Fighting for better public transport, teaching placements, the ABC, support for Kurdish students on government scholarships which aren’t paying on time.

Now that we have PRU, we can do these things too. Let’s try them all!

There were also various speakers including an equity panel on which I spoke, social events, campaign planning and a raft of elections. There was plenty of drama surrounding the presidential election, but it was not even a fraction of the ridiculousness that happens every year at the national conference of NUS, the undergrad counterpart to CAPA! The Returning Officer examined all claims and upheld the results before our terms started, and I think that the outcome is a great team of postgrad reps who are going to do fantastic things for CAPA and for education this year.

I was elected unopposed as CAPA Queer Officer, where I’m enjoying supporting queer postgrads from around the country, running projects and getting involved in other levels of CAPA including the equity committee and the executive. I feel privileged to work with all these great people and be part of campaigns that make a difference in resisting deregulation and all the cuts that are being thrown at us.

One of the great things about conferencing in Canberra is that when something happens, like Christopher Pyne announcing that the whole education sector was backing him, you can immediately drop what you’re doing and take a taxi to parliament house, to prove that statement untrue. Thanks to people from the Brighter Future campaign, we had signage and graduation gowns handy.

We did one press conference and stood with our signs as a backdrop to another, before we were escorted out because our parliament is apparently not the place to make a statement or correct someone else’s lies.

This event was the unexpected cherry on top of a fantastic conference. I’d recommend CAPA and its conference to anyone who is a postgrad and interested in representation. If you’d like to get involved, start by getting in touch with me and the other postgrad representatives at the UTS Postgraduate Representative Union (PRU).

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NRL KICKS OFF

by Lauren Suttie

Well, it’s that highly anticipated time of the year again for all NRL supporters and fans, as the 2015 season kicked off on March 5. On the back of a successful trip to New Zealand for the Auckland Nines, the NRL pre-season proved to be a success, with Australia taking out a clean sweep in the new-look World Club series in England.

Hot favorites to take out the 2015 series are the Sydney Roosters, who despite the departure of Sony Bill Williams and Anthony Minichiello, are strong premiership contenders, the signing of Blake Ferguson adding strength to their already young star-studded team.

However, the question on everyone’s lips is whether the South Sydney Rabbitohs will be able to keep their trophy cabinet full.

Sporting Bet favorites to win the comp again this year, the Rabbitohs will be under pressure to become the first team to win backto-back titles in a united competition since the Broncos did in 1992 and 1993. Having

lost powerhouse Sam Burgess and Ben Te’o, it will be interesting to see if new signings, Glen Stewart and Tim Grant, will be able to fill the void.

On the other end of the ladder, the St George Illawarra Dragons, (much to my dismay) are contenders for this year’s wooden spoon, despite their 18-12 victory over the Warrington Wolves in the World Club Challenge,. Player loss due to salary cap pressure will prove challenging for the Dragons, having already seen the back of big name players such as Brett Morris, Gerard Beale, Adam Quinlan, and Kyle Stanley. Trent Merrin is also certain to leave by the end of the season. Other hot contenders include the West Tigers, who will be hoping to put behind them the coaching dramas that dominated most of last year, as well as a horror run of injuries to key players who spent more time in recovery than on the field.

However, the Panthers, Titans, Sea Eagles and Broncos are all experiencing pre-season

ICC CRICKET WORLD CUP UPDATE

Pool A

by Alex Blair

The opening two weeks of the World Cup have been eventful, to say the least.

Records have been smashed, underdogs have thrived, and many, many runs have been hit.

It took almost a full week for a team not to score over 300 in the first innings, which proves that Oceania is one of the greatest places to host the world’s third largest sports tournament.

The most notable game of the Cup so far took place in Adelaide, where India and Pakistan went head-to-head in a match that was estimated to have over one billion viewers worldwide. The heated contest between what is regarded as cricket’s strongest rivals was graced with a patient but powerful century by Virat Kohli, and backed up by Mohammed Shami’s spell of 4-34 to defeat the Pakistani team on Australia’s finest batting pitch.

Australia’s defeat to New Zealand at Eden Park last Saturday proved to be an

woes due to injuries. The Sea Eagles could be starting round one six players short, while the Panthers also have four players in doubt. The Broncos, however, will be taking a punt going into the opening game, with five players returning from shoulder reconstructions despite not having played a pre-season match, after it was cancelled due to poor weather.

No club is feeling it more then the Titans, who in addition to having eight players out for round one due to injury, have also found themselves in the spotlight after recent drug allegations. Greg Bird, Dave Taylor, and Beau Falloon are among the five players who have been stood down from playing, the fate of their careers pending on an appearance in court on March 5.

Despite the somewhat recent dark cloud looming over the Titans, if the pre-season is anything to go by, the 2015 season is going to keep you on the edge of your seats. Dust off your flags and iron out your jerseys. It’s game on.

embarrassment for all who were involved.

Despite starting well, the Aussies collapsed for 151 in the 33rd over, following an aggressive spell of bowling from Trent Boult.

The Kiwis struggled to get the runs however, with Mitchell Starc taking impressive figures of 6-33 late in the game. New Zealand looked to be in trouble with only one wicket left and six runs to win; however, a lofted on-drive for six from Kane Williamson

“THE MOST NOTABLE GAME OF THE CUP SO FAR TOOK PLACE IN ADELAIDE, WHERE INDIA AND PAKISTAN WENT HEAD-TO-HEAD” ensured New Zealand’s victory.

After having won all four of their games, New Zealand is sitting on top of the points board. Despite only narrowly winning against Scotland and Australia, the Kiwis

Pts

Pool B

Pts

New Zeleand

8

India

4

Sri Lanka

6

South Africa

4

Bangladesh

3

Ireland

4

Australia

3

West Indies

4

Afghanistan

2

Zimbabwe

2

England

2

Pakistan

2

Scotland

0

UAE

0

have shown promise with a number of outstanding individual performances. An 18-ball half-century from captain Brendon McCullum and career best figures of 7-33 for Tim Southee prove that New Zealand will be a worthy opponent to any team in the later stages of the tournament.

The West Indies found form in their recent game against Zimbabwe with veteran Chris Gayle smashing 215 off 147 balls to amass 372 total. Gayle’s innings was a display of pure power, batting his way through with Marlon Samuels (133) to compile what now stands as the largest batting partnership in limited overs history.

Their form deteriorated in their game against South Africa in Sydney last Friday, where the Proteas amassed a gigantic total of 408 in the first innings. Captain AB De Villiers once again proved why he is the best in the world by obliterating the Windies’ bowling attack and finishing with a score of 162 off 66 balls, a world record.

England’s fans will be pleased to hear that their team has finally won a game in this tournament — and against Scotland.

The Lions have drastically underperformed, most notably in their eight-wicket loss to New Zealand last Friday, where their batsmen were dominated by New Zealand’s in-form bowling attack. Captain Eoin Morgan is now under more pressure than ever, leading his team into their following games against Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, and through to the top 8.

The quarterfinal stage begins on the 18th of March here in Sydney, with tickets quickly selling out.

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CLUBS & ACTIVITIES SPACE SOCIETY https://www.facebook.com /utsspacesociety utsspacesociety@gmail.com

UTS Space Society is a club dedicated to the lofty dreams of earthly creatures, and of course, teaching its members about the Australian space industry. At USS we believe almost any degree can get you a job in space. We run various events throughout the year that range from professional networking events to parties and games nights.

In the past, we’ve had a variety of guest speakers come in and give presentations to our members. Some of these speakers have included space lawyers (yes, that is a real profession), space entrepreneurs, and space scientists.

Space Society’s main goal this year is to build a space science experiment and have it launched into space aboard a satellite! Space is cool, wonderful, and interesting – our job is to show you the possibilities that exist within it, from highly technical projects to awesome astronomy camps. So, if you’ve ever looked up at the sky at night and thought, damn, space is awesome, Space Society is probably for you. If you would like to join or find out more about USS: find us on Facebook, visit our website, or shoot us an email.

SOCIETY OF COMMUNICATIONS

https://www.facebook.com/utsoc

UTSoC is the UTS Society of Communications, and we’re the point of call for all your communication needs. We search for internships, we build up new writers, and we create a fun environment for our members to get to know each other. Our motto pretty much sums us up: ‘Connect. Promote. Unite.’ We connect through our up and coming events (check out our Facebook for more info); we promote and publish our members’ work; and we unite by creating an environment where you can feel free to be yourself, meet some people, and have a few drinks along the way.

We’re a welcoming bunch and always keen to meet new people, so come along to our events so we can get to know you!

To get in contact visit our Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/utsoc and follow the links to our twitter, Instagram, website, and blog!

Xx UTSoC

FRENCH SPEAKING SOCIETY https://www.activateuts.com.au /social/clubs www.facebook.com/FRESSatUTS

The UTS French Society is a club for anyone and everyone interested in French language and culture. On the language side, we run weekly conversation classes covering beginner, intermediate, and advanced levels. Semester 1 classes will be on Tuesdays from 3-4pm. For a mixture of language and culture, we run French film nights, and have access to the Alliance Française monthly Cineclubs and library. We also do an annual visit to the Alliance Française French Film Festival, offering our members subsidised tickets to the movie night. On the culture side, we have a wine and cheese night, and the annual Coco Channel Ball. As our biggest event of the year this May, the Coco Chanel Ball No. 3 is set to impress, with the cocktail evening filled with unforgettable music, food, and drinks.

For more info, check out www.facebook. com/FRESSatUTS, or https://www.activateuts.com.au/social/clubs to sign up!

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ISSUE NO. 2

POP CULTURE

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MANI-CAM GONE, BUT OFFENSIVE COMMENTS REMAIN

by Siobhan Kennedy

TOM FELTON (AKA DRACO MALFOY) IS MAKING A HARRY POTTER FANDOM DOCUMENTARY

by Melissa Haddad @MelissaHaddad01

Tom Felton, the British actor who plays Slytherin Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter films, must be longing to relive those Hogwarts days. The 27-year-old revealed last week that he would be making his directorial debut with a documentary about the fan culture behind the Harry Potter series.

The hour-long project is predicted to debut on the BBC in April this year, so we mere muggles will no longer have to lament the end of an era. Felton has described the documentary as a sort of “road trip journey” that will provide a behind-the-scenes insight into the massive fan culture behind the series.

The program will include interviews from Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and the queen of magic herself, J.K. Rowling, as well as profiling passionate fans and their involvement with the Harry Potter fanbase through activities such as collecting and cosplay.

“It’s just kind of a chance for me to have a more in-depth look at the world of super fans and these people that have followed franchises — kind of at the root of why Harry Potter was so successful. It had such an active fan base,” he told JustJared.com.

Felton also said the most interesting part of the documentary-making process was the chance to attend conventions and other fan events, and experience what it is like being on the other side of a fanbase that he has helped create.

While it is quite ironic that the actor of one of Harry Potter’s nemeses is producing a documentary that will shed light on millions of dedicated Harry Potter fans all over the world, the former Draco Malfoy clearly has a soft spot for aspiring wizards and witches.

No doubt the project will generate mass enthusiasm among Harry Potter fans, given that the book series ended in 2007 and the films followed soon after in 2011.

For UTS student Vanessa Papastavros, who describes herself as “entrenched” in the

Harry Potter fandom, the announcement of a documentary that will provide a glimpse into the world of Harry Potter through its fans is both highly anticipated and long awaited.

Vanessa says her loyalty to the series grew from her love of the “authenticity of the characters and the realness of the world J.K. Rowling created.”

The 19-year-old Media Arts and Production student currently writes Harry Potter fan fiction, even keeping a notebook with useful plot ideas and has amassed an impressive compilation of fan art, on top of collecting Harry Potter paraphernalia including a Marauder’s Map and plush-toy Hedwig. “Harry Potter has given me the opportunity and stimulus to be creative; as a fan, I am constantly being inspired by it,” Vanessa says.

“MALFOY CLEARLY HAS A SOFT SPOT FOR ASPIRING WIZARDS & WITCHES.” Despite there being the risk that such a documentary may exploit geeky fan subcultures and their passion for comic relief, it seems less likely that the film will mock fans, given the impact that the Harry Potter series has had on Felton’s life. Although, this time around, there won’t be any wand action or Dementors, it looks as if the hysteria surrounding the Harry Potter saga is yet to cool down.

2 BROKE RACISTS

This year’s Oscars seemed to be the year where women were finally starting to be respected on the red carpet. E! was clearly trying to avoid offence, following backlash from their red carpet coverage of several events this award season which sparked the huge online movement to #AskHerMore.

The mani-cam had mysteriously disappeared, and Ryan Seacrest tried his hand at asking more interesting questions. He was not altogether successful, as he only asked Naomi Watts about her dress and the frittata she made for breakfast that morning. It was far from perfect, but it was a start.

And it was good for the less than twentyfour hours it lasted.

It seems that E! was saving the offensive comments for the following day’s Fashion Police. Giuliana Rancic took aim at 18-yearold singer Zendaya, who attended the event sporting long dreadlocks she says were inspired by actress Lisa Bonet of The Cosby Show.

“I feel like she smells like patchouli oil … or maybe weed,” said Rancic.

Patchouli oil was used mainly throughout the 60s and 70s, and is often associated with covering smells such as smoke, drugs, and drink.

There was immediate outrage on Twitter, with hundreds of Zendaya’s fans calling out Rancic on the comment.

“Your racist and xenophobic statement

things to say. He tweeted “Pathetic attempt at racist humour by American ‘comedy’- ‘2 Broke Girls’. How low can you go for canned laughter? Program should apologise.” Rudd is ‘not happy Jan’, and many of the Australian audience have showed their disgust on Twitter.

about Zendaya’s hair wasn’t funny. Try being interesting, for once. Make it a goal,” said @ thetrudz.

Zendaya soon responded by posting a statement about the “ignorant slurs and pure disrespect” that left her “in awe”.

“To say that an 18-year-old young woman with locs must smell of patchouli or ‘weed’ is not only a large stereotype but outrageously offensive,” she said. “There is already harsh criticism of African American hair in society without the help of ignorant people who close to judge others based on the curl of their hair.”

She went on to list several inspirational people who have locs, including Ava DuVernay, Director of the Oscar nominated film, Selma. “None … smell of marijuana,” she said.

Rancic offered Zendaya a swift apology, tweeting: “Dear @Zendaya, I’m sorry I offended you and others. I was referring to a bohemian chic look. Had NOTHING to do with race and NEVER would!!!”

IT SEEMS THAT E! WAS SAVING THE OFFENSIVE COMMENTS FOR THE FOLLOWING DAY’S FASHION POLICE. Rancic later filmed a full apology to Zendaya, aired on E!.

“I just want everyone to know I didn’t intend to hurt anybody, but I have learned it is not my intent that matters: it’s the result …

This incident has taught me to be a lot more aware of clichés and stereotypes, how much damage they can do, and that I am responsible, as we all are, to not perpetuate them further,” she said.

It is encouraging to see someone take full responsibility for their words, and not attempt to tell people that they shouldn’t have been offended. Let this be an example for other networks, showing not only that racism and perpetuating stereotypes is unacceptable, but also how to respond in a way that does not blame the offended for the offender’s mistakes.

their lack of knowledge of Australian history, which records horrendous acts against Indigenous Australians.

Twitter @20thCenturyDan

The story does not end there — people have been pushing Channel Nine to apologise for airing the episode. The channel has refused to do so, or in other words, “have kept quiet about the situation”.

Twitter @MrKRudd

by Stephanie Lim

In this day and age, love can be found in unconventional places, like the Internet. Two Broke Girls recently released an episode, ‘And the Fun Factory’, to showcase Han’s attempt to find true love. Unfortunately, hardship strikes as his iPad is stolen and he cannot continue his flirtatious relationship with his online beau. However, this love story did not appeal to the Australian public when Han made this comment about his online potential partner: “She’s part Aboriginal but she has a nice personality.”

Since the release of the episode, Two Broke Girls have been in hot water with the Australian public, and even the former Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd had a few

The lead actresses of the show, Kat Dennings (Max) and Beth Behrs (Caroline) have had their say on the matter. Both have assured Australian audiences that a racist slur is something that they do not stand for.

They have distanced themselves from the matter, as have the cast of the show.

Twitter @Frank_ Anzac

Twitter @Beth Behrs

Twitter @OfficialKat

What is really worrying is that eight million Americans tuned into this episode back in January 2015 and were completely unaware of the racist slur — perhaps it is

On the other hand, the Indigenous community have not kept quiet. The head of Sustainability at the National Centre of Indigenous Excellence, Carla McGarth, has a major concern with how the show could impact the young Aboriginal community. She also commented on the fact that the young are consistently exposed to various forms of entertainment and there is no filter on what they can and cannot see.

VERTIGO

16TH MARCH

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REVIEWS FILM THAT SUGAR FILM Rating: PG Genre: Documentary Released: 10th March 2015 Director: Damon Gameau Writers: Damon Gameau Starring: Stephen Fry, Damon Gameau, Isabel Lucas

by Chris McKay

In many ways, That Sugar Film is a spiritual successor to 2004’s Supersize Me; in many other, more important ways, it is a pale comparison that offers nothing new to the health debate.

That Sugar Film follows Damon Gameau as he spends 60 days eating only foods that are perceived as healthy, but are actually high in sugar, and documenting the results. This is a perfectly decent starting point for a documentary, but the primary problem with the film is in the delivery.

First and most damningly, Gameau has none of the charm or self-awareness that made watching Morgan Spurlock binge

eat McDonald’s so surprisingly entertaining. Gameau seems to be aware of this and has crammed his documentary with celebrity interviews, which don’t really seem to add much.

The film does also interview dieticians and other health experts, but the majority of the film feels like it should be cut up and put on YouTube in sections. For its political end (making people more conscious of their sugar intake), this is a perfectly reasonable approach, but makes watching the full film feel disjointed.

There’s also little new in the way of presentation or facts to impart here; but to be

fair, Gameau clearly cares about this project.

There is no cynicism to him or his task, and although its purpose is clear, Gameau manages to avoid both hyperbole and outright didacticism. Going to the website for That Sugar Film supplies you with information on Gameau’s book, plans to get the film screened in schools, and plenty of healthy recipes.

So — if you’re a teacher or a schoolchild looking for a way to broach the subject of healthy eating for the first time, you could do much worse than That Sugar Film. For everyone else, there’s not much here. Except that Stephen Fry is in it.

For any gamer growing up in the 1990s, Rareware (later known simply as Rare) is fondly remembered for creating some of the most important and influential titles of the 64-bit era. They turned Goldeneye 64 from a standard film tie-in to a game that changed how first person shooters were designed, Killer Instinct constantly pushed the expectations of fighting games, and Conker’s Bad Fur Day proved that console and genre were no limit to adult content. But arguably, the title they are most fondly remembered for is Banjo Kazooie, a 3D platformer released in 1998 to almost universal acclaim.

Banjo Kazooie has the player controlling Banjo, a bear, and Kazooie, the bird that lives

in his backpack, through a series of colourful and cartoony worlds in order to rescue Banjo’s sister from an evil witch. As with many games of that era, narrative was not a priority, but Banjo Kazooie was still able to inject every world and every encounter with so much charm and charisma that it stayed with virtually everyone who played it.

The supporting characters in this game remain some of the most entertaining to be rendered in pixels. Grunty, the antagonist, is a particular pleasure, constantly taunting the player in rhyming couplets throughout the game.

A common criticism of the game is the amount of collection required to progress,

GAMES BANJO-KAZOOIE Developers: Rare, 4J Studios Platforms: Nintendo 64, Xbox 360 (XBLA) Genre: Action-adventure Released: 24 July 1998

by Chris McKay

and sure, on paper, the mission seems tedious. Each level has 10 jigsaw pieces, 100 musical notes and a dozen other items you need to find in order to progress. But the worlds are so diverse and unique, and each brings with it not only new challenges, but new abilities for the bear and bird, keeping every moment feeling fresh and fun. Collecting the musical notes is probably the most irritating aspect, as they require the player to collect all 100 in the same run of the level, meaning that a single mistake or death takes you back to the start. But that is not enough to distract from what is one of the most wellconstructed, balanced and enjoyable games of the generation.

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ISSUE NO. 2

VERTIGO

SEX COLUMN

HOROSCOPES

by Gabrielle Hyde-Smith

TALKIN’ ‘BOUT YOUR PENETRATION

by Carmen Roath

SHEEP

sure to enjoy it. After all, it will never be this good again. Ever.

those bad friends out of your life, or maybe just buy a cactus.

(2015, 2003, 1991, 1979, 1967)

RABBIT

MONKEY

Rabbits are advised to give extra attention to their health this year, particularly in the coming months. You may be led astray by the belief that those headaches or tiredness are due to too much drinking.

Nope. You’re probably dying.

Monkeys may feel lacking in accomplishment, and so, crave adventure and excitement this year. Follow your instincts on your journey to happiness, but avoid borrowing any more money from your parents. They’re waiting for you to move out, y’know.

Sheep have little to worry about this year, as 2015 is the Year of the Sheep. Enjoy your twelve months in the spotlight; take some risks knowing that you will most likely be following the rest of the herd anyway.

RAT

(2008, 1996, 1984, 1972, 1960) 2015 will be prosperous for Rats, and they will acquire a large amount of wealth. This, however, is largely due to the fact that nothing exciting will occur, and thus they will have nothing to spend money on.

OX

(2009, 1997, 1985, 1973, 1961) The Ox will be exposed to new environments, and will encounter many new people this year.

Although be wary of new friends or lovers, as some may eventually require a restraining order.

TIGER

(2010, 1998, 1986, 1974, 1962) Tigers will experience good fortune during 2015. Whether in areas of work, friendship, study, or love, the Tiger will cruise through life. This may even be the best year of your life, so make

AGONY AUNT

(2011, 1999, 1987, 1975, 1962)

DRAGON

(2012, 2000, 1988, 1976, 1963) Those born in the year of the Dragon face a 2015 full of challenges and conflict between personal and professional lives.

When your employment is terminated because you got a bit too hands-on with a co-worker, don’t say we didn’t warn you.

SNAKE

(2005, 1993, 1981, 1969) Striving at work for promotions or raises will be typical of the Rooster in 2015, though striving and struggle do not always equate to success. But don’t worry, you can always try and get your shit together next year.

DOG

The Snake will have a funfilled year ahead of them. 2015 presents opportunities to travel abroad, learn a new language, and finally have that nameless and shameless overseas fling that you’ve been fantasising about for the past year.

(2006, 1994, 1982, 1970) During 2015, Dogs will find themselves agitated and quick to anger, but remember to be patient with those around you; because it’s not your fault that you’re prettier than them.

HORSE

(2007, 1996, 1983, 1971)

(2014, 2002, 1990, 1978, 1966) Much will change for Horses in 2015. Use that as an excuse to revamp your wardrobe, cut

Dearest Film Lover, My husband, Sir Lord Charles Townsend IV, once took me to a movey, as I believe they are called, while we were courting. A young man had prepared footage of a train pulling into a station. As you may imagine, we had seen nothing like it! People screamed as a train approached; they were convinced it would run them over! Naturally, we burnt the young man for his use of the dark arts.

Yours kindly, Lady Augusta

I met a girl at the end of last year and I think we really hit it off. Trouble is we saw less of each other over the holidays, and now I don’t know how to move our relationship to the next level. This is the first time I’ve been in a relationship this serious, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers, New Feelings

Dear Agony Aunt, Dearest New Feelings, I recently started doing a degree in Business at UTS, but I really feel that my passion lies in something more creative, such as filmmaking. How do I decide between following my dream, and a stable career?

Regards, Film Lover

ROOSTER

(2013, 2001, 1989, 1977, 1965)

Dear Agony Aunt, Athena Augusta is the Lady of Mannorglen House. She, after falling into a frozen lake, has spent the last 75 years in cryogenic sleep.

She was recently thawed, and to help her adjust to the modern world, agreed to answer some letters from loyal Vertigo readers.

(2004, 1992, 1980, 1968)

Your problem is one we all must face at one stage or another. Fortunately, one of the things you learn when you get to be my age is how to approach difficult topics with the opposite gender. Now, people of today think

PIG

Be prepared to call your lawyer or doctor or probably both. It’s going to be a tough year.

of my generation as being highly prudish, I am aware, but that simply isn’t the case. Believe it or not, I was quite the flirt in my day.

Of course, in my day, a flirtatious individual would also have to be quick-footed as they would often be accused of witchcraft and be burnt.

Yours kindly, Lady Augusta Dear Agony Aunt, I am a mature aged student, and as such, I sometimes feel I have difficulty connecting with my younger peers. When I do make an effort, I’m afraid I only draw attention to how much older I am! Is there any way to help bridge that age gap?

Yours truly, Generation Game Dearest Generation Game, In my day. people respected their elders, or else they were burnt at the stake. Of course, that has all changed now, as I understand young people have been taught how to light fires. My advice would therefore be to accuse your tutor of being a witch, have them burnt at the stake and hope that the connections you make during the lynch mob can bring you all together.

Yours kindly, Lady Augusta

It should not be a surprise to anyone when I say the world as we know it seems to be obsessed with penises. Skyscrapers. Tony Abbott. Bananas. Everyone you know named Richard. Phallic imagery is unavoidable, much like the widespread panic and hysteria when people began asking: “What colour is the dress?” Now, I’m not going to claim the patriarchy establishes masculinity and superiority as synonymous and their attitudes towards women are the source of this problem, wait … no, actually, that’s exactly what I’m saying.

This became very apparent to a lesbian friend and I when we had the grand misfortune of a conversation with a self-proclaimed ‘meninist’. I’ll give you a moment to cringe and shudder. While divulging his real name is journalistically unethical, I can provide a suitably pretentious pseudonym: Rupert Ermington-Hearst VIII. As a point of interest, Rupert’s demeanour did not at first betray his utter emotional immaturity and social ineptitude.

The conversation soon strayed into the dismaying territory of Rupert’s intense appreciation of lesbian sex — he viewed this as an indicator of his own staunch belief in ‘equality’. He also considered himself something of an expert on girl-on-girl action — no doubt being uncannily familiar with the entire category on PornHub. While incorrigible, Rupert proved his ignorance once more by asking, “How can you not be a virgin if you’ve never had penetrative sex?” We stood there, aghast — and mildly confused by the logic behind this question, considering Rupert’s deep familiarity with online pornography. My friend, stoic and ready to kill, tersely corrected him, only to be challenged by Rupert again. (He was, apparently, eager for a slow and bloody demise.) “But there’s no penis involved” This situation is one which has perturbed me since. Does this poor, confused worm of a boy think any sexual act without male genitalia has no validation? That virginity can only be lost if there’s a dick involved?

Virgnity, as I’m sure you’re aware, dear reader, is an archaic and dehumanising social construct that tells women their inherent value is reduced to how much sex they aren’t having, while men are treated ignominiously for their lack of acquisition of another human’s commodified once-ina-lifetime token of worth. Isn’t society just lovely?

Now, I’m not going to presume that I speak for everyone (even though I totally should, #CarmenForPM). But it seems ridiculous to me that in a day and age when we are ostensibly so well-equipped (pardon the pun) to best understand ourselves and others that we are still reliant upon antique ideals such as purity and ownership. As the spiritual teacher, Osho, once said: “Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation,” and I know we’re not even talking about love, but maybe that’s the problem.

VERTIGO

16TH MARCH

SATIRIST TO EDITOR: FOLEY WHO?

GOVERNMENT BANS LETTERS A, B, C

by C.H.R.I.S. (Vertigo’s resident comedy super-computer)

by Chris McKay

Satirists across NSW have faced the increasingly difficult task of attempting to write witty humour pieces about an Opposition leader nobody knows. You might know Luke Foley, running in the upcoming state election, by his other name: ‘Not Mike Baird’.

This lack of distinction has proved devastating for the satire industry.

“He wears glasses. He’s losing his hair, I think,” complained Frances O’Dornell, a Sydney based humourist. “He might be overweight? But I can’t write 500 words on an unsubstantiated fat joke.”

State elections have always proved a difficult time for comedians, since the public tends to forget they exist. But the decision

by NSW Labour Party to elect Luke Foley has made the task even more daunting, as he lacks any identifiable features.

“His surname is ‘Foley’ which, according to Google, is a thing that sound people do in film,” O’Dornell helpfully points out. “So maybe there’s a joke in there? Does he walk

into parliament with a pair of coconuts and everyone thinks he’s on a horse? Wilhelm Scream? That’s a thing, right?”

Foley recently changed his stance on gay marriage, leading many to comment “From

“HIS SURNAME IS ‘FOLEY’ WHICH, ACCORDING TO GOOGLE, IS A THING THAT SOUND PEOPLE DO IN FILM,” what? To what? Oh, never mind, I’ll just write something about Tony Abbott.”

In a move designed to generate more support for the proposed cuts to the national broadcaster, the government today announced that it was banning the letters A, B, and C. Alphabetologist Langley O’Douglas has deemed the decision “utterly ridiculous. A, B, and C are some of the most commonly used letters in the alphabet, If we cut them out, we’ll see an 11% reduction in our alphabet. Not to mention that the A and B are the reason we refer to it as the alphabet.

Without them, we’l have to refer to it as a Deltasplion.”

Mandy Upperback, a representative from the Department of Spelling and Syntax, denies that the decision to cut the letters from official documents has anything to do with the proposed cuts to the ABC, instead stating that the letters were cut in order to reduce letter waste.

But O’Douglas believes this to be a poor justification, stating, “If we must reduce our letter usage, there are plenty of more appro-

19

priate letters to remove. For example, X, Q, and Z the least used letters — and removing them may even have some benefits, namely finally putting to rest the whole ‘zee’ or ‘zed’ argument.”

O’Douglas does concede that the loss of the letter X could have negative effects on the pirating community, but believes this is still the best outcome.

Ms Upperback, however, stands by the government’s decision, stating the importance of those letters is ‘gretly exgerted’.

‘Sure, purists might not like tht we’re hnging things. Ut this is the world we live in now, nd wht with the mess Lor left us, we need to mke ommonsense deisions to enefit Ustrlins everywhere.”

This announcement comes just days after the government banned prime numbers, a move they blamed on the carbon tax but which insiders believe can be traced to Tony Abbott’s confusion as to what they are.

ACTIVIST CONFIDENCE AT AN ALLTIME LOW DUE TO LEADERSHIP RUCTIONS

by James Wilson

In the lead-up to the National Day of Action for Education and the March in March, student activists from across Australia have called on the Federal Government to work out who their leader is.

The instability in the Federal Parliamentary Liberal Party was brought to the forefront by a spill motion moved by West Australian MP, Luke Simpkins.

Ultimately, the spill motion was defeated 61-39, but with such a close vote, student activists are not convinced the leadership tensions are over.

“How are we supposed to make a piñata of Abbott if we don’t know he’ll be the leader next week?” opines Chloe Smith, the National Union of Students NSW President for 2015.

“Worse still, we’ve been working on some great chants that rhyme Abbott with things – habit, rabbit, European rabbit, Welsh rabbit – and now we’ll have to start all over again.”

Dean Mattar, President of the UTS Stu-

dents’ Association agrees and says the instability of who might be leader is causing havoc within activist circles.

“None of us know what to put on our placards and banners. If the Government is intent on maintaining its stance of not knowing who their leader should be, I don’t know what they expect us to do about it.”

“HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO MAKE A PIÑATA OF ABBOTT IF WE DON’T KNOW HE’LL BE THE LEADER NEXT WEEK?” We can hardly turn up to rallies chanting ‘Hey hey, ho ho, Abbott or Turnbull or Bishop or Morrison and maybe Hockey too have got to go!’ It just doesn’t roll off the tongue, you know?”

The uncertainty over leadership has provoked a response in the most recent Australian Protestor Confidence Report released

only last week. It shows that confidence in the protesting scene has dropped 8 points in the last quarter to leave it on -5.

Sue O’Grady, CEO of the Australian Protest Council says the results are as unflattering as the idea of no one for them to vent their rage at.

“If confidence continues to drop, I will be forced to stop arguing with people about race and religion at my weekly dinner parties, and will eventually have to move to the suburbs and start reading the Telegraph.

We need a leader now, so protestors from around Australia can go back to doing what they do best: almost nothing.”

Mattar continues, “If this keeps up for much longer, we will have to revert to signs that are so vague in their description that they could apply to almost anything.”

O’Grady agrees, “This cannot be allowed to happen, as it will significantly bring down costs of protesting, and student politicians will have to start spending SSAF

(Student Services Amenities Fee) money on actual services.”

However, a spokesperson for Socialist Alternative says the leadership tensions will have little effect on them.

“This does not affect us. We have been arguing against everything for so long that the idea our arguing is targeted or makes sense to any particular issue has long since been abandoned.”

ISSUE NO. 2

16TH MARCH University of Technology Sydney Student Publication

MARS MISSION WON’T BE JEOPARDISED

BY BEING A TALENT SHOW

by Chris McKay

Not-for-profit space program Mars One has come under scrutiny in recent weeks for its decision to document its progress via a reality TV show, which will see the viewing public voting off astronauts in live eliminations.

Mars One hopes to establish a permanent human settlement on Mars by 2025, and is using the money raised by the reality TV program to fund itself. But there are now fears that introducing the television aspect could undermine the program’s core values.

Dmitri Walters, Head of Communications for Mars One, believes these fears are ungrounded. “We’re using the term ‘reality TV’ but it’s more accurately a documentary. The company producing the show wants to document every step of the astronauts’ journey from initial selection to boot camp to performing in front of the expert judges, Mel B and Seal.”

From an initial pool of 2 782 applicants, 100 candidatves have now been selected to move onto the third round of the process.

During this time, applicants will be tested on their physical ability, engineering knowledge and teamwork, as well as vocal range and ability to perform in multiple genres.

Each week the candidates will undertake exercises designed to test their response to problems potentially encountered during space travel, and success in these challenges will allow candidates to avoid elimination.

The viewing public will then have a week to vote for their favorite astronaut, after which the two with the lowest number of votes will be forced to perform in a ‘Sing-Off’.

Dr Marcus Watson works for NASA and, although sympathetic to the financial advantages of the reality TV program, believes it does trivialise the process. “Deciding who gets to stay and who must leave a program like this based on popular opinion and singing ability is absolutely absurd. Let’s test the candidates on skills they’ll really need, like crisis management, lateral thinking, and whether they can bake a croquembouche in thirty minutes.”

SELF-EVIDENT TRUTHS: ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL

by Dr Tanveer Ahmed

Vertigo is pleased to announce that Dr. Tanveer Ahmed has agreed to write a special column denouncing the evils of slavery in modern society, and the perils faced for governments of today.

Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.

We are met on a great battlefield. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men who struggled here have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. Rather, it is for us the living to be dedicated to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Tanveer Ahmed is a former columnist for The Australian, Sydney Morning Herald and Sydney University’s Honi Soit.