Volume 6: Retrograde

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Acknowledgement Acknowledgement Country ofof Country The University of Technology Sydney would like to acknowledge the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation as the traditional custodians and knowledge keepers of the land in which UTS now stands and pays respect to Elders past, present, and emerging.

Maree Graham Deputy Director, Students, and Community Engagement Jumbunna Institute for Indigenous Education & Research

Vertigo’s Publication Vertigo’s Publication Vertigo is published by the UTS Students’ Association (UTSSA), and proudly printed by SOS Printing, Alexandria.The contents of Vertigo do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the editors, printers, or the UTSSA.Vertigo and its entire contents are protected by copyright. Vertigo will retain the right to republish in any format. Contributors retain all other rights for resale and republication. No material may be reproduced without the prior written consent of the copyright holders.

Content Warning Warning Content Some articles may contain themes of blood, death, discrimination, injury, mental health, r*pe, sex, sexual assult, slurs, and suicidal ideation.

If you or someone you know is experiencing, or has experienced sexual abuse, you can call or refer the person to the following confidential hotlines.

General — 1800 737 732 Counselling — 1800 211 028 Crisis Centre — 1800 424 017 If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please consider speaking to your local GP, a healthcare professional, or calling one of the numbers below.

Lifeline—13 11 14 Beyond Blue— 1300 22 4636

s t n e t n o c tents n o c tents n o c tents n o c ents

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Fiction 014. GIRL PYATNITSA BY CAROLINE RANNARD 052. STILL LIFE BY LILY CAMERON 066. ERASURE BY CORINA MERL 082. FROM YOUR DAYS ON BY K ATHRYN L AWN

Non-- Fiction Non

010. SELF-HELP AND ASTROLOGY BY REBECCA CUSHWAY 012. DRESSING THE MAGIC SCHOOLGIRL BY JOSEPH LUCAS 040. GOSPEL ESSAY: RECOLLECTION BY JACOB LUCAS

Amplify 08. MIXTAPE BY ADRIANE NESHODA 015. OHBOY EP BRENTWOOD HEIGHTS BY JOSHUA MOLL & OHBOY 054. YOUR DIVERSE EVENT IS NOT A SAFE SPACE BY KEZIA ARIA 070. SHROOMS MUSINGS BY ALLY MOULIS

Showcase 042. SOMEWHERE NOWHERE BY RACHEL TSE 058. A LOVE LOST BY MARISSA VAFAKOS 088. MONA BY BEL HOLBOROW 096. BREAKFAST ROAD BY JESSE VEGA

Offhand 084. HOROSCOPES BY JENNY CAO 091. RECENTLY TRANSL ATED GRAFFITI FROM A BAR TOILET BY LUCY TASSELL 092. STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION REPORTS 0100. WHICH DECADE DO YOU TRULY BELONG IN? BY GEORGIA WILDE 0104. CONTRIBUTORS

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x six six six six six TROGRADE RETROG x six six six six six TROGRADE RETROG x six six six six six TROGRADE RETROG x six six six six six TROGRADE RETROG x six six six six six We romanticise the past, but history was written by the victors. We have bleak predictions for our future, yet we have achieved so many scientific feats. There are new fashion trends, and old fashion trends returning, political movements from the past shaping the way our leaders rule today. The future of sex and intimacy is more fluid than it ever has been.

We communicate instantly, putting little thought into our words. Words have fallen out of our dictionaries and been replaced, questioning the sanctity of our languages. Volume Six is Retrograde.

It is your look back into the past, and a peek into the future. Exploring old values, the change that comes with time, and emerging technologies. Here are your stories about old political movements, and how they have shaped the political landscape of today. We want to explore mortality, and the human obsession with living forever. Retrograde focuses on the inevitability of time and your relationship with it.

We want to explore the intricacies of power and the concept of ‘ taboo ’ . What is the future of artificial intelligence and its role in our lives ? You told us about drugs, nightlife and sex. This is Retrograde.

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Editors’ Letter

VERTIGO 2019 Georgia Wilde, Adriane Neshoda, Lily Cameron, Susie Newton, Elizabeth Green, Marissa Vafakos, Sharen Samson

A final message from the team

It’s been a hell of a year, but this is it, the end of Vertigo 2019, and a final word from the editorial team. We end the year with a special double issue: looking towards the future while gazing back to the past, this is RETROGRADE. Over the past year, our four new sections—Fiction, Non-Fiction, Amplify, and Offhand—shook things up and democratised the submissions process, providing more scope for UTS creatives to experiment and for us to publish your wildest ideas.

We changed the design and size of the print magazine (because sometimes bigger is better) and increased both our online and real life reach through a more active social media presence, and events to get you engaged. Just for the record, we didn’t know what we were doing either—at the beginning of 2019 we were seven strangers, the only thing tying us together was the fact that we all wanted Vertigo to be the best version of itself.

From the outset, we wanted to shed light on the unusual and overlooked. We wanted to upheave tradition in an institution that is rife with it, and challenge ourselves, our contributors, and our readers to see each other and the world in a different way. And we did see you: we saw you flicking through a Vertigo outside lecture halls or on buses, saw you stuffing them into your backpacks and under your arms, saw you ripping out pages and making something new.

You’ve heard a lot from us this year—6 print volumes, 775 pages, 174 contributors, 93 web articles, 252 posts on social media,100 printed pieces of writing, 47 visual showcases, 6 events, 2 videos—but all we want to say now is thank you. To our writers; who worked tirelessly through countless drafts and questions and track changes to tell your stories in an open and empathetic way.

To our design contributors; for making Vertigo beautiful with your innovative and original works. To our online writers, artists, and photographers; who worked to absurd schedules to keep our online platforms alive. And most importantly; to you, the readers. Thank you for supporting the continuation of print media when the Australian literary world is losing steam. Thank you for paying your student amenity fees, for attending our events and listening to our rants, for tagging your friends in our posts.

But most importantly: thank you for sending in submissions and for reading. Without you, Vertigo wouldn’t exist, and neither would the chance to tell your stories. And we’ve so loved telling them.

Love, Vertigo xx

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ADRIANE NESHODA

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CW: MENTAL HEALTH

Self-help and Astrology

Long gone are the days of mystical, vague monthly horoscopes in your favourite glossy girl mag. In recent years, astrology has grown from obscure predictions about love to multifaceted breakdowns of personality.

We have been measuring the stars and planets to predict crop growth, animal migration, and human behaviour for longer than you would think. Astrological practices have been around for thousands of years and have shown up in ancient cultures around the world, but lost their standing in Western culture in the 19th century when a more mainstream scientific method became widespread. It is now considered an official pseudoscience.

Depending on the circles you run in, you may have noticed a sharp spike of interest in astrology over the last few years. Self-described astrologers have taken to social media to break down the movements of the planets in ways that appeal to young people. We aren’t interested in knowing that we’re going to have a romantic encounter this month, we’re interested in knowing why we have emotional attachment issues but still crave verbal expressions of trust. Astrology has become a tool for self-understanding and in a time when self-obsession—whether good or bad—has become the norm, it makes sense that we are looking to something as big and unchanging as the universe for answers.

The demographic for astrology and horoscopes has traditionally been women. Magazines and newspapers in the ‘90s aimed their predictions at women, and focused a lot of their ‘advice’ on the topics of love, beauty, and family. Recently, the social media revival of astrology has meant that the demographic has expanded, along with the scope of what astrology can tell us. In 2019, those most interested in astrology are generally perceived to be more introspective.

This includes: women, queer communities, and young people of colour. It makes sense that people who have had their identities shouted at them their whole life are the ones with the largest capacity to undergo self-analysis.

While it may seem fickle to be ascribing personality traits to the placement of the stars and moon when you were born, it does have merit in the way it forces us to consider people as complex, multifaceted humans. For example, if you know that your best friend has a Libra Mercury (the planet of communication), you can take a step back and understand that their inability to decide on a place to have dinner is down to their Libra placement, and maybe you don’t need to completely lose it at them just yet. If you know that someone is an earth sign (Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo), you know that they appreciate efficiency and straightforward language. You can adjust the way you understand other people and give them more patience and space to exist in an increasingly impatient world.

Mercury retrograde happens three or four times a year, and if you don’t know anything about astrology,

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you will at least have heard of this overhyped, misunderstood meme. When a planet goes into retrograde, it is moving in the opposite direction of Earth. It is said that this causes a huge shift in energy in whatever area is ruled by the planet in question, and as Mercury is the planet of communication, it causes chaos down here on Earth. Now there are generally two camps of people who respond to this information: people who think blaming your problems on the planets is childish, and people who accept this knowledge with open arms. It is comforting when something goes wrong to laugh and say “Mercury is in retrograde”. The reason that this is comforting is knowing that Mercury retrograde ends. Knowing that if you are going through a hard time, and it is due to a planet retrograde, means knowing that if you hold on and sit tight, it will be over soon.

This is where astrology has really been able to help people who have not been welcome, or felt comfortable, in traditional mental health spaces.

Giving people a way of understanding themselves, and forgiving themselves for seemingly contradictory behaviour, goes a long way towards a stable selfaccepting mental state. By analysing the way your friends and colleagues behave, in a non-judgemental way by ascribing their traits to planetary alignment, we can accept their words and actions for what they are. Both of these things are some of the core tenets of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, one of the most well-proven methods for changing behaviour in a wide variety of people with diagnosed mental illnesses.

While this doesn’t mean you should download Co-Star in lieu of seeing a real life therapist, it does mean that you can make some progress in self-understanding if mental health services are unavailable to you.

In order to immerse yourself in astrology, the easiest thing you can do is turn to astrology meme accounts on Instagram. In theory, Instagram is a democracy of content publishers, where anyone in the world can upload anything they want. For astrology, this has meant that young people are the majority of publishers of astro content. If you look at a meme about your sun sign and it doesn’t resonate, maybe your rising sign is more relevant. Every planet has a sign, and you can easily find yours by looking up your natal chart online, or by downloading the Co-Star app, which has an almost cult following.

If you’re sitting at home, knowing that you are an introvert, but struggling with feeling jealous of your friends out partying, take a look at your natal chart. If you hate affection, but suddenly find yourself upset when someone you know doesn’t hug you goodbye, take a look at your natal chart. Look at the best and worst traits of each sign, and find something to improve in what you once thought was a permanent negative. Find a way of understanding yourself that isn’t so fixed, and allows you to be more than one thing at a time.

REBECCA CUSHWAY

Dressing the the Magic Magic Dressing Schoolgirl Schoolgirl

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THE MAGICAL SCHOOLGIRL IS AN ICON OF SUBMISSION IN A PATRIARCHAL CULTURE, USING THE SEXUALISATION OF GIRLS AS PROMINENT CHARACTER PROFILES IN LITERARY AND VISUAL TEXTS. HOWEVER, HER EXISTENCE WITHIN THESE TEXTS, SHOWS US THAT SHE IS ALSO A DEDICATED SCHOLAR AND A RECIPIENT OF EDUCATION, AND, THEREFORE, HER SYMBOLIC PRESENCE BECOMES MUDDIED. WITH THE AID OF A PATRIARCHAL CULTURAL WORLD COMBINED WITH A RISING FEMINIST VOICE, THE SCHOOLGIRL ICON TRANSFORMS. SHE DIVIDES INTO A DUAL FEMINIST IDEOLOGY: A PROLIFIC PORTRAIT OF POWER YET, SIMULTANEOUSLY, AN ENDURING SYMBOL OF POWERLESSNESS.

Step One: One :

NEATLY IRON WEARABLE ITEMS UNDER THE HOT PRESS OF A TWISTED ROMANTIC OBSESSION The persistently popular Sailor Moon was an animated television series released in Japan in 1991.

The main protagonist of the series, Sailor Moon or Usagi, can be observed as a cut­ e14-year-old Japanese schoolgirl bestowed with magical abilities by a talking cat. In this anime, there are many physical battles fought by Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon is also frequently faced with emotional conflicts—she constantly wonders who is the handsome and mysterious Tuxedo Mask and why does he continually rescue her from her villainous encounters? In this combination of a girl’s power versus a girl’s weakness, the hackneyed phrase, “Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight,” is conceived. This phrase is a perfect definition of the dual feminist ideology. Sailor Moon is a powerful fighter by ‘moonlight’ but is simultaneously an emotional schoolgirl who is weak to her emotions, winning love by ‘daylight’. Further, through audience viewership, the sexualisation of schoolgirls represented in the show casts a darker spell. Love cannot only be born between fictional characters like Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask, a romantic obsession between Sailor Moon and her audience breaks the boundaries of a fictional romance. In essence, the sexualisation of the fictional Sailor Moon gives birth to a twisted romantic obsession, showcasing a 14-year-old schoolgirl who “makes you think the wrong thing.” With all credit granted by her trimmed tartan skirt and magical powers, Sailor Moon dilutes persisting patriarchal notions, but ultimately stands as an entertainment icon, submissive to viewership. She cannot eradicate the eyes that watch her and therefore cannot eradicate sexual connotations bound to her being.

Sailor Moon is a girl fighter—and a powerful one. The

transcription of the Japanese schoolgirl into the fantasy realm of Sailor Moon allows a feminised heroine to assert dominance in a patriarchal Japan.

The development of the ‘Magical Schoolgirl’ genre conceives this notion of ‘Girl Power’ or feminine dominance. The concept of ‘Girl Power’ provokes a targeted audience of young girls to partake in empowering thought processes that incite intellectual prowess. However, ‘Girl Power’ isn’t always so empowering. ‘Girl Power’ can only be activated when possessing an idealised body type and honing a distinctly ‘girlish’ style. Through this, ‘Girl Power’ can be defined as a paradox; focusing on empowering girlishness, but ultimately rendered restrictive to patriarchal constructs of femininity.

And along with feminine traits and a perfected figure, ‘Girl Power’ carries the eyes of the observer, establishing a twisted romantic infatuation.

Step Two: Two :

DUST A LIGHT LAYER OF FOUNDATION OVER YOUR FACE AND ACCENT YOUR UNIFORM WITH CRESCENT MOON EARRINGS PAIRED WITH A HEART PINNED CHOKER The paradox of ‘Girl Power’ is revered within Sailor Moon SuperS (Episode 25, ‘Dreams of Her Own’).

The episode opens with a scene of Usagi and Chibiusa captivated by a storefront wedding gown, both girls repeatedly exclaim that, “a wedding dress is a girl’s dream.” Within the scene, Usagi and Chibiusa are exhibited caricature-like, their oversized eyes bursting with diamonds and sparkles packed tightly inside. Through this scene of girlish awe, we learn that the one true ‘dream’ of a Japanese girl’s existence is to be wed. This scene appears jarringly opposite to the strong crime-fighting warrior that is Sailor Moon’s fighting spirit. P ­ roving to be similar to the concept of ‘Girl Power’, as ‘Girl Power’ cannot be activated with just a burgeoning fighting spirit, all mannerisms must be dealt with in a distinctly girlish and feminine manner.

The ‘transformation call’ of the magical schoolgirl within English and Japanese versions is altered slightly in translation: Japanese: “Moon Prism Power! Makeup!”

English: “Moon Prism Power! Transform!”

A metaphorical dusting of foundation before you fight is a chauvinistic notion, exploring how Usagi and her Sailor Scout troop must exhibit an external facade in order to transform into their fighting form. This suggests that not only does Usagi’s power derive from her cosmetics but that her only powerful trait is her dazzling beauty. For she cannot transform without her makeup. What is intriguing about Usagi’s attitude toward fighting and combat is that it is

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derived from her innate feminine qualities. Outside of being a sailor scout, Usagi is a walking, talking transcription of hyperfemininity. Usagi, “a crybaby who has crushes on boys,” does not wish to fight at all.

As a consequence, she engages in battle as Sailor Moon only when someone is in danger, never to gain any facet of psychological dominance. She is a perfect illustration of her innate nurturing qualities, again, analogous to the paradox of ‘Girl Power’.

Step Three: Three :

TUCK IN THE TARTAN SKIRT AND MATCH IT WITH A NEAT BOW TUCKED UNDER THE COLLAR OF A SORDID SENIOR Sailor Moon’s outfit is an altered version of a traditional Japanese schoolgirl uniform. The Japanese schoolgirl image has become synonymous with fetishisation inside the pornographic world of the United States, therefore indicting her place in the Western sexual realm. The Japanese schoolgirl image projects her idealised youth and renders her as a non-threatening figure. Sailor Moon’s schoolgirl appearance transforms her into a dual figure: “as both innocent and voluptuously provocative,” she becomes easy prey for the male ‘honne’ to indulge, a term referring to your inner feelings/state of mind versus your outward appearance. An act that is publicly taboo, but endorsed in a private setting.

Sailor Moon allows older viewers to indulge in consuming content aimed at a younger demographic through her provocative uniform. This, in turn, reinvigorates a viewer’s interest in children’s fiction, stimulating a twisted romantic obsession, inexplicably positioning the ‘honne’ as the primary cultural influence. “She is a metaphor, a work of schoolgirl fiction that provides escape and relief from the struggle of growing up… the process of coming to both physical and psychological ripeness,” says Hoi F. Cheu.

Step Four: Four :

COMPLETING THE TRANSFORMATION The ‘Magical Schoolgirl’ genre invites the concept of ‘Girl Power’, and feminine dominance. Sailor Moon inevitably yields to this, becoming a nostalgic battling beauty that is still loved today. However, Sailor Moon is bound to her viewership and must submit to the eyes of the male gaze, and through this, the ‘Magical Schoolgirl’ trope transforms into an icon of violated youth and simultaneously a symbol of feminine power.

JOSEPH LUCAS

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Girl Pyatnitsa There is a river, wide and colourless, that cuts a path to the ocean, and above the river there is a footbridge made of concrete. Two of us lean against the argyle fence that keeps us in, and above us the sky is grey, marbled by clouds.

“What’s that?”

She is pointing to what looks like a little garden shed on a barge.

“A houseboat?” I ask, as though she has answers. “A tiny-houseboat.”

But the joke doesn’t land. The boat floats still, anchored to the river, and although we see the crowns of sandbanks, the tide is rising. There’s a look in her eyes that’s almost an accusation. Where were you?

I feel jetlagged, and not yet unpacked, but I can’t remember the holiday. I look at her and I want to say— “Where was I?” “Russia.” I speak through the ginger kisses she’d bought.

“Right. I worked in the Kremlin, as a secretary, I think—”

this she says that they didn’t put his face on the posters. He didn’t have the cult of personality. The great tragedy of his life was to live in the shadow of Stalin.

“He looked just like the kidnapper from Fargo.”

I try to remember how her boss compared to Stalin. If it was okay, morally, for my sister to have worked for him. There are no boats below us now except the houseboat. Soft ginger crumbs fall from our mouths.

She looks at me again then: I was glad when you left.

And maybe she was—when she saw my things in bags and boxes, did she feel lighter? I almost tell her I drove past the house a week ago, a small house with gold bunnies growing in the front garden. I couldn’t go in.

The roses were all gone. Nobody had taught us how to care for them.

“He was a good boss,” she says. “Fun. I think I would have been a good communist.”

It’s raining, but only softly, and she has a red jacket with a hood. Most of the light has left the sky, fallen into the windows of the houses around the bay. She wouldn’t even have made a good secretary.

The smell of mud tinges the air. The leaves of the gums eke out long reflections at the river’s edge and I watch the shapes of clouds unfurling on the surface. Next comes the dream she’d had on the bus. Other people’s dreams are unbearable, but I miss her. She was the secretary to some Soviet leader who wasn’t Stalin.

“Khrushchev,” she tells me.

She’s looking at me, but her eyes are softer. The river blackens, the water moving like melted glass. House lights plunge gold lines into its depths. I want to tell her I’m sorry.

I say that’s specific, and she says it’s no more specific than Stalin. She opens a purple Tupperware case and takes out a Woolworths ginger kiss, hands it to me.

She’s right, or at least not wrong enough that I argue.

I don’t know what Khrushchev looked like. When I say

She pulls the polyester hood over her hair. The wind blows rain into our faces. She bends to open the plastic case on the ground, takes out two more ginger kisses and hands one to me. If he’d been as bad as Stalin, I’d probably know what he looked like.

CAROLINE RANNARD

“You’re lucky you woke up before they put you in a gulag,” I say instead.

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OHBOY EP BRENTWOOD HEIGHTS

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Gospel Essay: Essay : Recollection

Light and water pour through cupped hands and drip into sacred pools. There’s patience, the feeling floats and swirls in the air, gaps of light filter through and glitter on the surface. The scene hangs wet and dries out the calm collectedness: he is nervous. The water bends and turns around the font, peaks of darkness fold into it. He steps down slow, as he enters, traces of him race in small waves and splinter as they crash into the surround—he can see himself shattering.

Deep in blue his small body swimming in its waves, the commitment he makes to the Mormon faith rings and snakes around him, it sinks into his skin and creates another layer. His white clothes now nude on his skin, each crease and fold exposing him. In prayer he’s sent down into the water by immersion. It’s dark and loud, his eyes are closed. The scene hovers in the air just above the water, he can see a version of himself rise to the surface. Unfortunately, his eyes are not his eyes and his heart is not his heart, those parts of him stay in the water.

The house I grew up in floats gently above the water, far away in my recollection. A big house which held all five of us children in love and warmth. I can see it at a distance but it’s hard to swim to, I send ripples to it in soft communication, but they fade into themselves and concede to the water. The child I was in that house is unfamiliar and different, I’ve grown out of him. Out of the home I left to brave church on Sundays, Dad was the bishop. He sat up on the stand and Mum and us kids watched in the pews. There was distance between the role my mother had and institutional authority even then: he sat far away from us. My faith in the church was soft and pudgy, it didn’t hold much weight. It came and went and then eventually never came back, I don’t remember feeling sad to see it go.

There was a block on faith progression however, I was at a disadvantage from everyone else. Marriage in the temple was not something I could achieve, as a child of God I had feelings for men that I had to swallow deep into the water.

I remember my older sister being in the bath for long stretches of time, she used to spend hours in there. I grew up acquiring a similar trait, my time in the bath became one of contemplation and meditation. Its water is warm and it hugs around you, but sometimes it’s cold and lonely—it’s a place to retreat to, nonetheless. Growing into adolescence meant more questions about my individuality, my duty to God, and my responsibility to Him were all tasks that were laid out to me but I couldn’t complete them. I pierced my ears and started paying less attention in class. It was in this time I began to feel distrusted. I became

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increasingly scared that I was always talked about.

I felt members of the church feed off the tantalising scandal of speculation, and retreated behind closed doors. I sensed its sharp point as I walked through the corridors, paranoid about the quick judgement quipped back and forth in harsh, loud whispers. I felt the unheard secrets protected in the confines of religious safety where their honest feelings about the outside world are kept under lock and key. I started to feel unsafe.

The bubblers at church were too tall for me as a child, but then not tall enough as an adult. I’ve spent a lot of my life at that building and sipped the refreshing water countless times. On one particular Sunday, a church leader came to talk to me, he looked worried.

He sat me down in his office and paused for a moment, I looked at him so clearly, he had wooden eyes planted on his soft face, but had hard-lined wrinkles on his forehead—I think he’d spent a lot of his life worried. He interlaced his fingers and placed his hands just in front of him. He began to poke, he was kind of beating around the proverbial bush but then he was direct.

He asked me if I was gay, and if it was something that I struggled with. I was still kind of unsure about my exact attraction to men but I told him the truth, I was honest and vulnerable. I remember thinking that he didn’t deserve that. The meeting left him unsatisfied, I was firm in my attraction but not in my faith, and he didn’t expect that. I walked away with a sense of autonomy, entitlement, and a little bit of courage. The feeling was almost spiritual.

Packing up the boxes of a life kept inside church walls was a slow process. I carefully wrapped all of the tender moments up with string and placed them inside for safekeeping. I’d left a lot of me in that office and I was tired, he and I stood at opposite ends of the corridor, it stretched so long I could barely even make out his face. I began to dissolve, looking at the hymn book in the pews, I could feel myself twist and turn— my time was drying up. Bits of me crashed into the walls around, they jumped and lept into the corners of the walls and I left them there. I gathered enough of myself to leave the doors. I looked at the sky and then down at my hands, my veins were strong, it felt bright and peaceful.

I return back to the child in baptism, I can see him now.

I hold his hand, pat his small head, and encourage him to be honest and true. The water has nurtured a field of strong green grass that he can run through, he feels support under his feet and strength in his mind, he knows his own will.

JACOB LUCAS

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Somewhere Nowhere

Photos taken in collaboration with Somewhere Nowhere. Modelled by Tiffany Tong.

SOMEWHERE NOWHERE

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Still Life

my mother makes still lifes (lives) single woven ghosts hand painted memories, a shrine to picked flowers (wilting) and dropping leaves

tugging sinew under skin like falling letters tap-tap-tapping on the table building, blinding, bursting behind my eye sockets

(undead) cursed with symmetry

my mother wore flannel flowers, a wreath (a crown) on her wedding day that voice i’ve known all my life and even before

leaking sap and other things with cloth that drapes over skin hiding my body from view muscle and ink fuses speaking vows (speaking)

these waves in my lungs are silent

(still) those same words over and over you made them different your mouth not moving, a peach pit in my stomach

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i couldn’t read for a week after touching you and when you reached into me, you sewed gently a running stitch, a buttonhole pulling apart the seams

LILY CAMERON

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CW: DISCRIMINATION

Your Diverse Event is Not a Safe Space WHEN IT COMES TO CREATING EVENTS OR PROJECTS THAT AIM TO BRIDGE THE GAP BETWEEN COMMUNITIES, SEVERAL ASPECTS NEED TO BE TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION. THESE CONSIDERATIONS CAN BE THE POWER DYNAMICS AMONG SOCIOCULTURAL GROUPS, INCLUDING: BETWEEN THAT OF PERFORMERS AND THE AUDIENCE, WHAT THE AIMED RESULT OF THE PROJECT IS, AND WHETHER THE PROJECT BENEFITS THE GROUP IT IS INTENDED TO BENEFIT.

In the midst of misinformation and sensationalism, there is a recurring trend where projects and events that deal with ‘diversity’ are created with a certain demographic in mind: white people.

Events such as Sydney Writers’ Festival showcase writers and poets of marginalised communities, presenting ‘diverse’ ideas and people as products up for consumption for those who are from more affluent backgrounds. ‘Othered’ members of society are always left with the burden to prove their innocence, their humanity, and their worth. Catering towards this respectability only ultimately benefits the cultural hegemony.

People in positions of privilege speaking on behalf of marginalised groups possess more responsibility than they may have initially perceived. These speakers have the power to produce and reinforce negative stereotypes and perceptions, contributing to a continued disenfranchisement of several oppressed groups. So the point remains: a speaker’s identity, or social ‘location’, is a significant factor in whether their claims come from a place of authority.

The constant stream of content and media we are exposed to doesn’t allow for anyone to retreat from the discourse surrounding one’s existence and humanity. Omission has an equivalent impact of reinforcing dominant ideologies, leaving others unaccountable.

While not everyone in a cultural or ethnic group may have the same experiences and beliefs—and one person can hardly speak for all—any member of said group has more experience and semblance of authority than someone not of that community. This applies especially to someone from the oppressing group, even as an advocating ally. This often leads to communities needing representation in the very institutions, including the media, which work to oppress them. Although, representation within institutions, which systemically oppress us, may not be entirely liberating or revolutionary. Individuals who are willing to meet in the middle with those who are complicit are almost essential as messengers advocating for our needs.

The act of representing, however, has many facets to consider. As previously mentioned, there is often a certain demographic in mind when ‘diversity’ projects are created. Educating becomes dog-whistle politics, code for performing a spectacle and humanising individuals for others—with emotional labour as the price. While distributing knowledge and receptive listening on the part of the privileged is a fine notion, it may, as a consequence, become a narcissistic deed, which shows the privileged person as an open-minded and empathetic person. Instead of enabling the marginalised groups to benefit from the experience, it’s somehow twisted and utilised by the ‘understanding’ and ‘reasonable’ white person attending.

media and society—are often exposed to a binary form of representation. It’s a reductive and inadequate method and yet it prevails in establishing meaning for the masses: Australian/un-Australian, good/bad, and rational/irrational. These events usually involve members of the group and those who are not—us/ them—and this consists of certain parameters in which members need to act. Binary oppositions are hardly neutral and always depict power relations between two sides, with one being more dominant.

This power imbalance creates awkward and laborious experiences for the subjects of such events, often exposing them to certain expectations, confronting lines of questioning, and gaslighting by audience members who perhaps didn’t expect to ‘feel attacked’ when Whiteness is challenged. The reality is that the true value of what one speaks is often questioned, dismissed, and ignored. Unfortunately until someone of the privileged, oppressing group agrees, it’s claimed as a fresh, well-reasoned and original ‘truth’.

The aforementioned expectations that arise from members of the cultural hegemony attending such ‘diversity’ events are often constricting.

Disenfranchised communities were and still are positioned as the guest, the stranger, the one who is receiving their hospitality, time, and consideration. A performance and celebration of happy multiculturalism is anticipated—especially for state-sponsored events —and anger or despair towards the system or the socially privileged, isn’t. In the spirit of showcasing ‘diversity’, attending and/or sponsoring the event acts as a statement which proves the institution is pro-equality, here alluding that ‘diversity’ and ‘equality’ are abstractly synonymous. ‘Diversity’ could be described as ‘a politics of feeling good’, working to obscure the still-existing issues of racism that no one in particular likes to shed light on, and, if they are, the enthusiasm surrounding the event or discourse would very quickly shift into hostility.

For many with culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds, and those who are Indigenous, going into the arts or entering any new institution could be a challenge in itself—it can easily become alienating and discouraging. Events such as these, which actively exclude marginalised people by pricing, location, and accessibility, only worsen the situation. There is so much more to consider when planning events that are intended to be ‘progressive’ and a lot of the current events we—people of colour and other marginalised groups—who are interested in arts and literature, are not offered a wide range of accessible or beneficial opportunities. It is incredibly important that participants don’t have to embody ‘diversity’ to be included in these spaces, and even more important that the audience demographic is also diverse. With more mindful considerations, and perhaps more wellsuited organisers, perhaps true solidarity could be fostered and tangible issues tackled.

People of culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds—who are additionally demonised by

RETROGRADE

KEZIA ARIA

058

The more y your history histor liberated

you know of ry, y, the more d you are.

RETROGRADE

MAYA ANGELOU

060

a love lost

‘a love lost’ is an intimate project exploring what a love was like before it was lost through time—specifically between my parents. It takes the form of a handmade publication including multiple data visualisations analysing my parent’s love and the collection of their authentic written communications to each other from the early 1990s.

A LOVE LOST

MARISSA VAFAKOS

062

Hi babes, how are you? Let me start by telling you it was really nice talking to you again (5 mins ago) on the phone. I wish you were here instead.

Jim, New York 17.09.1990

A LOVE LOST

MARISSA VAFAKOS

064

Good morning sir xxx Just wanted to let you know I received the parcel yesterday. Boy do you spoil me. Thank you very much xxx Love you heaps. Take good care. Miss you. From me xxxxoooo Irene, Sydney 27.11.1990

A LOVE LOST

MARISSA VAFAKOS

066

068

CW: DEATH, SERIOUS INJURY

Erasure

Peace

Museum

A single indiscriminate kill

disrupting and altering belonging

the

Peace Museum conveys

the horrors and human nature spreads No More

Exposure

We feel when we are invisible.

no color, people without feel the exposure.

It harms the human body from inside and out.

When a body is exposed it burns.

RETROGRADE

CORINA MERL

CW: DEATH, SERIOUS INJURY

070

A History of

Green

The greening begins painstaking care over long years.

Below the scorched earth

brought to life in the call for the greening Pre-war Streets a castle town before had many prospering The rich greenery

in concert with mountains and clear waters made beautiful Devastation that assailed this

city burned all within the demolished

had their trunks burned and their branches blown away Thus reduced to ash

bereft of all green.

Rebirth In rebuilding itself the City took pains to bring many into the blackened wasteland that it had become.

A first step to restore the ruined by means of

assistance

planted there have grown

The many

However some proved unsuited to the soil others unable to adapt to the result today only some

remain.

A Dream planting Peace and in Peace those of the green

The successful have grown and today form Peace they benefit providing and taking of green

RETROGRADE

CORINA MERL

007 072 070

CW: DRUGS

RETROGRADE

ALLY MOULIS

072 074

CW: DRUGS

RETROGRADE

Nothing really matters because it’s not really my hand

ALLY MOULIS

iTell need to them be alone i need to be alone K Oi need |to be alone iallowed need to be toalonebe iokneed tobecause be alone i need to be alone allowed to i need to be alone 074 076

CW: DRUGS

IT IS OK you are e here. It is YOU are o be here.

RETROGRADE

ALLY MOULIS

and it doesn’t matter if you’re a Picasso painting or if your skin is falling off. YOU are allowed to be here and it is OK. The ink is falling off the page as 076 078

CW: DRUGS

RETROGRADE

t’nseod ti dna a e r ’ u oy f i r e t t a m g n i t n i ap oss a c i P s i n i k s r u oy f i r o UOY .ffo gnillaf e b o t d ew o l l a e r a si ti dna ereh .KO gnillaf si kni ehT s a eg a p e h t f f o .etirw I ALLY MOULIS

078 080

CW: DRUGS

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE HERE. SHE LET ME RETROGRADE

ALLY MOULIS

080 082

CW: DRUGS

RETROGRADE

ALLY MOULIS

084

from your days on

in earnest my dreams wear your clothes they stick to my skin when all I see are your hands escaping the weight held in your coat pockets they break the surface like ragged rosebuds the water weaves in and out of the small spaces between your wilting fingers. bound I’m sorry for the water in your lungs for the lilies in your teeth and the crown weaved from currents that you cannot take off I’m sorry for the life you must live between the bells’ tolls ringing out across a shore you will never again touch cold hands bright and burning aching to be filled to be made whole again

business of dying so, dead man, the walking mouth, ruin of me, now you hold the reigns of those moonlit horses who are running running running on my chest every night after I pull my shivering body from the harbour.

RETROGRADE

KATHRYN LAWN

086

Horoscopes a ri e

Letting go of toxic elements in your life whether that be draining relationships, your own self doubt or that smoking habit that you picked up after that stressful exam period last year will be rejuvenating.

Replace these things with loving friends, activities that make you feel confident, and get a Juul. You’ll realise that your choices play a part in your happiness and also that Juuling is highly addictive.

cancer

The way you view the world is unique and different.

Not everyone will share this perspective and you may face some conflict and pushback on some issues.

Apparently it is a federal crime to illicit profits in ways which mask ownership and make the funds appear to have come from legitimate sources.

It’s called money laundering.

gemini

An unexpected guest will make an appearance in your life again and this may bring up doubt and reservations. You’ve grown so much as a person this year so the ‘old you’ might let these feelings eat you up and avoid this person completely. But the ‘new you’ is only slightly different so you only let your emotions fester for a bit and then slowly sneak out of the room.

at urus

leo

Every time you voice your opinion it feels like you’re talking to a brick wall and no one is listening to you. You might want to try speaking up before the tutorial has finished and everyone has packed up and left for the day.

All the signs around you are pointing to a new beginning, a fresh start, and a way out.

Everywhere you look there are signs that tell you you’re on the right path, that you can’t take a left turn, and beware: dogs on the premises. You realise you’ve walked into a Signarama.

virgo

Like any true Virgo, you may let your perfectionism take over your life. You may fret over every detail at work and set goals that you think you can’t achieve. You then work really hard and stress over every decision to overdeliver, and then end up producing excellent outcomes thereby validating your perfectionism even though it causes you intense anxiety. It sucks dude.

Horoscopes libra ar

i u u q s a

Life can be stressful and unpredictable but focus on things that are actually in your control.

You are the ruler of your destiny and you have the power to write your own story.

You have control over your response to your emotions, your choices, and most importantly—the weather.

Your health should become a priority this month because as we all know our time on this Earth is fleeting.

The Earth has become beaten down after years of capitalism and the exploitation of its natural resources. We’ve got maybe a good 20 years or so before this whole ship goes down so you might want to eat a piece of fucking fruit once in a while you dumb bitch.

cs orpio

a t r t i i u g a

s

RETROGRADE

s

You can’t always be flawless, but you can learn from every false step and hurdle you face. I’m sure sending out a mass email to your entire workplace where you mention how much you hate work and that your boss “fucking sucks” is not ideal but now you know that there’s an option on Outlook where you can choose how long it will wait before sending an email and undo it when you realise you’ve massively fucked up.

ac pricor

With summer approaching, you are increasingly becoming stressed that you haven’t ticked everything off your spring to-do list, including working out everyday to get that beach body in time for your birthday. But remember, you will get it done, you always do, and you’re hot as fuck.

n

Congratulations!

You’ve reached an exciting place in your life right now and you’re feeling better than you’ve even been.

You’ve recently gotten a promotion or found a new lover or gotten a good grade or found some money in a pair of pants you don’t wear that often or have done something else that’s good. Love that for you!

pisces

It’s natural to doubt yourself and feel as though you’re just faking it until you make it. Imposter syndrome is a real psychological thought process where you doubt your own achievements so to compensate you pretend to be someone else and take on their identity and use their personal information without their consent.

JENNY CAO

088

The past is never you le The past is never you le The past is never you le

r where you think eft it r where you think eft it r where you think eft it RETROGRADE

KATHERINE ANNE PORTER

090

MONA

BEL HOLBOROW

092

RETROGRADE

LUCY TASSELL

094

Students’ Association Reports

Mehmet Musa Musa Mehmet PRESIDENT This is my last report as President, and I would like to thank you all for bearing with me and my boring reports this year. Apologies for the sappy post in advance.

I have spent the better part of this year aiming to strengthen the internal governance of the UTS Students’ Association (UTSSA); much of this being in relation to Constitutional change and By-laws. I hope by the time this report is published we will be bearing the fruits of some of these reforms.

Moreover, I spoke up for students on a variety of issues to the best of my ability whenever I could. I often met with students regarding particular matters and did my best to bring these matters forward. This often meant I raised concerns on the various boards I was invited to sit on and I always understood the responsibility that was on my shoulders.

Lastly, by the time this report would have been published, the UTSSA would have received detailed findings on the research project the 2019 SRC has undertaken. To provide context, earlier this year the SRC had approved funding for EY Sweeney to conduct research on behalf of the UTSSA. This research had the aim of finding out what services students actually want and need, rather than SRC representatives simply telling students what they want. I hope this research will allow the next generation of student leaders to better meet the needs of students.

Thank you for allowing me to be your representative and I hope you are satisfied with my efforts. I would like to say what an honour it has been representing students and this will be an experience I will savour for the rest of my life.

RETROGRADE

096

Emily Watt Watt Emily

Lily Linnert Linnert Lily

ASSISTANT SECRETARY

WELFARE OFFICER

The semester is finally in full swing, and no doubt I’m sure you’re thrilled to be back working hard and studying. Or perhaps you’re more excited for the semester to be over already. Either way, whether you’re feeling stressed or content, anxious or on top of things, there’s no better time to engage with some of the services we have to offer.

The UTS Welfare collective has had a great year and welcomed many new members into our midst. It’s been really good to see a group of passionate people show up to our meetings to discuss ways that we can improve the welfare of all students at UTS both in the short and long term and the team we have built is keen to deliver on these initiatives in the coming weeks as well as into the next academic year.

In August, a few UTSSA representatives braved the endless lines of the Night Owl Noodles to inform you guys about what services we offer, answer your questions and let students know about our elections (exciting!) From our chats, I realise that many aren’t too sure about the vast array of services we offer, aside from the free food of course, all of which are designed to ensure that your time at uni is as safe, enjoyable, and rewarding as possible. So here we go.

For those feeling the stress this semester, we can connect students through our peer tutoring services, and for those facing more serious issues concerning anything from allegations of misconduct, special considerations, and result queries, our Advice and Advocacy service is available for you! Short-term equipment loans (lab goggles, calculators, stationary, etc.) is also available through our office.

Our free legal service is also available for UTS students. Legal advice can be provided regarding a series of matters including employment, traffic, criminal offences, and tenancy.

And, of course our collectives are always on hand to support those that share an identity, background, belief or concern regarding particular issues. Some include the welfare collective, postgraduate collective, international collective, enviro collective, education collective, wom*n’s collective, and queer collective.

These are all set up to ensure that we as a body of students have an opportunity to work together to bring positive change both within UTS and the broader community.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed chatting with many of you about what we have to offer. If you have any further questions or queries, please don’t hesitate to visit our office or to contact me through assistantsecretary@utsstudentsassociation.org

For those who don’t already know what the UTS Welfare Collective is, we are a body run by UTS students for UTS students. The UTS Welfare Collective is open to those students who have an interest and passion for improving student welfare and being a voice for students on campus. It is the job of the welfare collective to organise projects and initiatives that encourage access to affordable food, transport and housing, mental health support, academic support, financial assistance, and free legal services to UTS students both on and off university campus.

Being part of the welfare collective also offers a platform for activism and engagement centred around broader welfare rights including access to Centrelink, fair working conditions and the underpayment of students as staff, and opposing policies such as university fee increases, education funding cuts, and cuts to Medicare.

Your welfare collective is here to help you, to help provide you with the assistance and resources that you need and to support you the best that we can.

Individuals are encouraged to join and contribute to in order to make change and improve the welfare of students at UTS. If you have any questions or want to be involved in the collective at any level please contact us via email at welfare@utsstudentsassociation.org we would love to hear from you!

A final thank you to all who have been involved this year, we can’t wait to see what 2020 will bring.

Maddie Lucre Lucre Maddie

Aiden More More Aiden

EDUCATION VICE PRESIDENT

TREASURER

Hi everyone, and welcome to my last message to you all.

This semester I have launched the University of TechNO-logy campaign. A campaign that asks the question to the university that I am sure many of us have been wondering since we started at UTS: why aren’t our lectures recorded? I want to thank the many students who spoke to me on Clubs Day and spoke of their frustration about not having their lectures recorded.

I encourage everyone to head down to the Students’ Association and fill in the post card to report your lectures as unrecorded. This campaign comes on the back of the EY survey commissioned by the UTS Students’ Association. Over 87% of students said they wanted their education to be more accessible and have more resources put online. Now I won’t pretend that this issue will be solved in a year, because advocacy for students and changing the minds of those high up in the university takes time. But I hope that this campaign will be followed through and that the student community will continue to push for more accessible education. I will be finishing out the rest of my term working on this campaign so I am excited to see you all around.

For a bit of a retrospective moment I just wanted to touch on a few other highlights this year. I had the honour of speaking on the International Women’s Day panel discussing how universities can foster a culture that supports survivors. I got to march down the street with thousands of climate strikers. I got to create the UTS 2019 Handbook. These are only a few moments but they were great. I want to thank all the staff and all those in SRC who have made this such a memorable experience. For all those thinking about getting involved. I say: do it. You won’t look back.

RETROGRADE

Dear students, The following are the highlight expenses from the July profit and loss statement: •

• • • • •

$6,770.07 spent on Collectives, mostly on CISA conference registration and accommodation, as well as Queer Collaborations. $970.95 Was spent on EdCon conference registrations. $18,306.67 was spent on Student Legal Service and 3,072.5 spent on Constitution advice. $50,000 was spent on NUS affiliation. $10,682.20 was spent on orientation day umbrellas and banners.

And $6,982.46 was spent on promotions.

This comes to a total student expense of $93,913.31 for the month of July. Which is quite high due to the large number of conferences being attended, the affiliation and orientation. However as orientation expenses are paid and the year goes on I expect expenses to be smaller in the coming months.

For more information and details, feel free to email treasurer@utsstudentsassociation.org Thanks to all the hard work by the executive, collectives, and SRC members for making this year possible, and of course a heartfelt thank you to the students who fund the work we do.

In solidarity, Aiden More

098

JESSE VEGA

BREAKFAST ROAD

0100

JESSE VEGA

BREAKFAST ROAD

0102

e d a c e d h c i h W y l u r t u o y o d belong in?

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING ON A NIGHT OUT?

WHAT MOVIE NEVER GETS OLD?

A

B

A

B

GIVE ME COWBOY BOOTS AND A FLOWER CROWN AND I’M GOOD TO GO

A CUTE LIL DRESS WITH SOME FRINGE TO GIVE IT A BIT OF FLARE

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

THE INCREDIBLES

C

D

C

D

A STRAPPY TOP, BASIC JEANS, AND A HEEL FOR GOOD MEASURE

ALL THE PATTERNS! LEOPARD PRINT IS HOT AND IF YOU DON’T AGREE, YOU’RE WRONG

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

THE BREAKFAST CLUB

WHAT ARE YOU BELTING OUT AS YOU DANCE AROUND YOUR APARTMENT IN YOUR KNICKERS WITH A HAIRBRUSH MICROPHONE?

WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR AURA?

A

B

A

B

TWIST & SHOUT — THE BEATLES

CRAZY IN LOVE — BEYONCÉ

MELLOW ORANGE

BABY PINK

C

D

C

D

WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD — LOUIS ARMSTRONG

GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN — CYNDI LAUPER

GLITTERY GOLD

NEON

RETROGRADE

GREEN

GEORGIA WILDE

0104

IF YOU COULD CLICK YOUR FINGERS WHAT WOULD BE YOUR WISH?

WHAT IS YOUR DRUG OF CHOICE?

A

B

A

B

TO EXPERIENCE WOODSTOCK

THE COMEBACK OF TAMAGOTCHIS

LSD BABY

MDMA, VITAMIN E, MOLLY—YOU GET IT

C

D

C

D

TO SEE JOSEPHINE BAKER DANCE LIVE

TO SEE THE BIRTH OF PACMAN & THE RUBIK’S CUBE

JUST AN AFTERNOON SMOKE (OF OPIUM)

BRUH, I’M HIGH ON LIFE!

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM RIDE?

WHO WOULD YOU MOST WANT TO MEET?

A

B

A

B

MUSTANG

MONSTER TRUCK

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

MICHELLE OBAMA

C

D

C

D

ROLLSROYCE

DELOREAN

ALBERT EINSTEIN

MADONNA

Results Mostly A

Mostly B

SWINGING SIXTIES

NAUGHTY NOUGHTIES

FLOWER POWER BABY! YOU ARE ALL ABOUT THE THREE PS: PEACE, PROSPERITY, AND PINGAS. YOU’RE A BORN WILD CHILD SO WHY FIT IN WHEN YOU CAN STAND OUT? YOU DON’T JUST COLOUR OUTSIDE THE LINES, YOU’RE ON A WHOLE DIFFERENT PAGE. VIVA LA REVOLUTION YOU PUNK ROCKER WITH FLOWERS IN YOUR HAIR!

YOU’RE EVERYONE’S FAVOURITE UNPREDICTABLE UNIT. YOU CAN SWITCH FROM LOW-RISE JEANS TO VELOUR TRACKIES IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE—WE RESPECT A VERSATILE QUEEN! SOME PEOPLE MIGHT FIND YOU A BIT TOO MUCH, DON’T BE AFRAID TO TELL THEM TO FUCK RIGHT OFF AND CONTINUE RHINESTONING THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR LIFE.

Mostly C

Mostly D

ROARING TWENTIES

ECCENTRIC EIGHTIES

YOU’RE VINTAGE, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T GET DOWN AND DIRTY FOR A BIT OF FUN. YOU’RE BLOSSOMING, AND THRIVING— DANCING YOUR WAY THROUGH LIFE. WE WOULDN’T CALL YOU A SNOB, BUT YOU DO LOVE TO INDULGE IN SOME HIGH-SOCIETY CULTURE. WELL-VERSED IN MUSIC, ART, AND FASHION—YOU SURE ARE ONE CLASSY LASS.

YOU’RE BRIGHT, FUN, AND ADD A LITTLE, OR A LOT OF COLOUR TO LIFE. YOU’RE NOT AFRAID OF A CLASHING PRINT, OR FOUR. YOU HAVE A PENCHANT FOR KITSCHINESS, AND ARE EVERYONE’S FAVOURITE PARTY GUEST. KNOWN FOR ABSOLUTELY OWNING THE SPOTIFY QUEUE, YOU’RE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME, NOT A LONG TIME.

RETROGRADE

GEORGIA WILDE

0106

Contributors Kezia Aria Aria Kezia

Bel Holborow Holborow Bel

Kezia Aria is an Indonesian writer, freelance multimedia creative, and spoonie based and raised in The Area (Southwest Sydney). She’s a capricorn stellium who is passionate about Beyoncé and the eventual revolution that will lead to the death of the bourgeoisie. She also hates white women (Aria 2017, Vertigo Vol. 6).

Bel is a third year Animation student at UTS. She loves wacky design and experimental figure drawing.

Characters with something ‘broken’ in their line are super fascinating to her.

Kathryn Lawn Lily Cameron Cameron Lily

Lily Cameron is a Creative Writing student just trying her best. She’s had a very long, stressful day.

Jenny Cao Cao Jenny Jenny Cao is in her last semester of her Communications degree and is constantly in a state of anxiety as she thinks about what the fuck she is going to do with her life. Will she continue writing funny horoscopes because it is in fact, the only thing she is good at?

Find out in the next issue.

This year, Kathryn Lawn will be graduating from a Communications degree but it has always been the arts that has made the most sense to her. Great poets like Kenneth Slessor, Richard Siken or even Shakespeare have this way of writing that makes her want for a life where people feel that fiercely—like every poem means the end of the world as they know it. It’s something that she’ll always try for, even after she leaves.

Jacob Lucas Lucas Jacob Jacob Lucas is an identical twin, writer and Sagittarius living in sunny Summer Hill. He enjoys writing in the bath, eating uncooked packets of ramen, and sipping on rosé while playing PlayStation.

Rebecca Cushway Cushway Joseph Lucas Rebecca Joseph Lucas Rebecca has her own radio show (prime-time at midnight on Tuesday), and is spearheading a campaign to make pottery cool again. She’s emotionally crippled and hoping to make a career out of writing about it.

Joseph Lucas is a first year Communications student at UTS and dreams of one day publishing a book about a serial cat murderer in a Tina Fey/Bundy/Spielberg inspired comedy thriller.

Corina Merl Merl Corina

Lucy Tassell Tassell Lucy

Corina Merl is a third year Creative Writing student at UTS who enjoys reading, writing, researching, and a good existential crisis.

Lucy Tassell is a fourth year Journalism and International Studies student and wants to state for the record that she is not scared of Jenna Price anymore. She has seen The Favourite three times in theatre which is probably all you need to know about her.

Ally Moulis Moulis Ally Ally Moulis is an emerging writer, currently focusing her creative energies on poetry and the undertaking of various transcendent experiences. When she’s not writing, she’s probably reading, drinking tea, practicing witchcraft… the usual. As always, she would like to say an immense thank you to Vertigo for the safe space it has provided her to dabble in the unknown.

Rachel Tse Tse Rachel Rachel loves blueberry bagels.

Marissa Vafakos Marissa Vafakos Joshua Moll Joshua Moll Josh is a Sydney-based content creator swimming in the world of photo, video, and everything in between.

See more @jayemol.

A wise old goat once told me to be prepared, so you betcha I am. I am one organised mother fucker.

Structure, lists—highlighted and colour coded of course—with a calendar on my wall so big it could pass for wallpaper. Tidiness and organisation totally get me going... I’m talking clean InDesign files and strict grids baby. Break the grid; you break my heart </3.

Right now, she is probably hanging out with Ady.

OhBoy OhBoy Jesse Vega Jesse Vega Caroline Rannard Rannard Caroline Will is a Sydney based music producer swimming in the world of songwriting, production, and everything in between.

Caroline is a directionless student and community radio producer. Find out more @caroline.rann

Jesse is a conceptual fashion photographer. He looks to capture Sydney’s stylised charm with his film camera.

SUNNY ADCOCK NY_ADCOCK ) IS A FIRST SUNN Y ADCOCK (@SUN IAND PUBLIC COMMUN YE AR JOURNALISM R, E IS A BLOGGER, WRITE CATIONS ST UDENT. SH TALENT FOR RE ADING A AND FEMINIST WITH G E HOURS AND BINGIN BOOKS UNTIL THE LAT .

ES PPORTUNE TIM NE TFLIX AT ALWAYS INO

FR NAME, BU T I WILL TELL I WON’T TELL YOU MY YE AR FEM ALE NURSING YOU TH AT I AM A FIRST EY. ST UDENT FROM SYDN

SAMUEL FRASER

EVLIN DUBOSE AUSTRALIAN-AMERICAN EV LIN DUBOSE IS AN IN CURRENTLY BASED FILMM AK ER/WRITER G, ITIN WR EN RE SC E AR S SYDNEY. HER PASSION .

ER VERSES IN THE SHOW TE A, AND THINK ING UP N’T ES DO MPLIMENT SHE SHE NE VER GIV ES A CO E ONE DAY GET LOST IN TH TO ES ME AN, AND ASPIR R HE R FO G YIN SHE IS STUD SCOT TISH HIGHL ANDS. ICATIONS. UN MM CO BACHELOR OF

D COMMUNICATIONS AN SAMUEL FR ASER IS A IS AT IES ST UDENT TH INTERNATIONAL ST UD G ABOU T BEING NINE GIN AG PROBABLY STILL BR .

YONCÉ AT COACHELLA PEOPLE AWAY FROM BE

LOUISA LUONG IN ATI VE WRITING GR AD LOUISA IS A LAW/CRE OK BO CE FA TH WI SHIP A COMMITTED RELATION EN FREE BEER. UT GL D AN E AC PL MARK ET

B I R T B I N R O T C N O C DUA ALKASSAR

PATRICK KENNEDY

T PHOTOGRAPHIC ARTIS PATRICK KENNEDY IS A RT PO E FIN IN D TE ES ER WHO IS CURRENTLY INT HIS R ING INSPIR ATION FO RAITURE. OF TEN SEEK NY AT GR ASPING THE MA SHOOTS, HE FINDS TH D AN T AR THROUGH CONCEP TS CREATED LY GH OU OR RY WILL TH PHOTOGRAPHIC HISTO OJECT HE CHOOSES TO PR R VE INFORM WH ATE S N NT URES, PATRICK SEEK ELIZ ABETH GREE PURSUE. IN FU TURE VE E TH O INT T IGH INS OWLEDGE AND T D NOW TO GAIN KN ES AN ER LY INT NT AT CE TH RE Y E PH ING RA YLES OF PHOTOG ST ELIZA BE TH GOT A FR NY MA R HE OT E IK.PPP RSON ALITY. TH CAN FIND HIM AT @PATR TH AT IS 91% OF HER PE OURS AND HIM. YOU AV DE EN TIC LIS NA UR 9% IS A MIX OF JO DRINK ING TE A.

L YE AR LAW AND SOCIA DUA IS A SECOND IS A DU S. UT UDENT AT POLITICAL SCIENCES ST LDS OF SOCIOLOGY, FIE E TH IN INTERESTED ORIENTALISMEV ERYTHING AND POLITICS, RELATED.

0108

RETROGRADE

AMANI MAHMOUD D A LAW AND SOCIAL AN AM ANI MAHMOUD IS ’T ISN E SH EN WH T. UDEN POLITICAL SCIENCES ST O PREM ATURE GREY INT ELF RS HE ING STRESS G G. SHE’S BEEN WRITIN HAIRS, SHE’S WRITIN N CA E LONG AS SH CREATIV ELY FOR AS HER SPOK EN WORD N GA BE REMEMBER BU T JOURNE Y A YE AR AGO.

ADRIANE NESHODA Y CL AIMS THAT SHE IS ADRIANE SARCASTICALL ROUGH HAVING LONG EDGY AND UNIQUE TH .

INGS AND NO TAT TOOS PURPLE HAIR, NO EARR SY BU ING INING ABOUT BE DESPITE HER COMPLA D CRETLY LOVES IT AN SE E SH CONSTANTLY, UP L FIL TO S AN MORE PL UNWINDS BY MAKING LY NOW, SHE IS PROBAB HT RIG E. TIM HER FREE .

RISSA HANGING OUT WITH MA

YAN MARTE A ER -BASED PHOTOGRAPH MARTEA IS A SYDNEY IT RA RT PO D AN SHION WHO SPECIALISES IN FA Y. PH RA PHOTOG

IMOGEN PE ARSON M TH YE AR JOURNALIS IMOGEN IS A FOUR ATE ION WHO IS PASS AND LAW ST UDENT AND FEMINISM, ICE, ST JU SOCIAL ABOU T MENTAL HE ALTH.

S R O S T R UTO BU B MERU SHARMA D, DS TO ‘MERU’. IF FOUN LOST HUMAN. RESPON E LIC PO THE NE AREST PLEASE RE TURN TO T NO DO .

CT A RE WARD STATION. DO NOT EXPE AS LF, SE NG WI TH HIM DISTURB IF HE IS PL AYI SIV ELY. ES GR AG D HE MAY RESPON

ZAIN SUDARIO L RK AND COLOURFU CREATING EDGY, DA .

ER ATH WE E TH ING ON MIXED AR T DEPEND N. TIO ICA UN MM CO L UA ST UDYING DESIGN IN VIS . FIND HIS WORK NIC ICO BE I’LL Y DA ONE @DEGENER ATE.AR T

GEORGIA WILDE ENT THE BE TTER PART GEORGIA WILDE HAS SP E TO FIGURE OU T IF SH OF THIS YE AR TRYING R HE D RD COMM AS. FIN LOVES OR HATES OXFO @WILDE.PDF

KATHERINE ZHANG S A GIRL TH AT JUST WANT KATHERINE ZH ANG IS LIL A T GE D AN R WISDOM TO HAVE FUN, INCITE HE PURPOSES. YOU CAN TIC TIS AR R NAKED FO RK ON HER WEBSITE FIND MORE OF HER WO INSTAGRAM OR OM THEK ATHERINEZH ANG.C @K ATHERINEZH ANGLES

P U S I N U R U O Y S â&#x20AC;&#x2122; WHAT WHICH ONE OF THESE TRENDS SHOULD MAKE A COMEBACK?

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN FACED WITH A BIG FUTURE DECISION?

LS A) SNEAKERS WITH HEE B) RHINESTONE EV ERYTHING C) LOW-RISE JE ANS D) TRUCK ER CAPS

A) RUN AND ASK MUM B) WRITE A PROS AND CONS LIST C) #YOLO IT S D) CONSULT TAROT CARD OR YOUR HOROSCOPE

WHAT MOVIE SHOULD BE REMADE STARRING SCARLETT JOHANSSON?

WHICH PREDICTION FROM THE SIMPSONS SHOCKED YOU THE MOST WHEN IT CAME TRUE?

A) CR AZ Y RICH ASIANS B) BL ACK PANTHER C) SHREK D) SOMETHING NOT APPROPRIATI VE

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IGGS A) DISCOVERING THE H BOSON PARTICLE B) THE APPLE WATCH E US C) TRUMP WINNING TH PRESIDENCY AK D) THE EBOLA OU TBRE

RETROGRADE

PERLATIVE? WHAT GADGET SHOULD WE BE PUTTING OUR ENERGY INTO MAKING? E A) A PILL TH AT WILL M AK BERS ALL YOUR GROUP MEM DO THEIR WORK IN THE ASSIGNMENT D B) A FLYING SK ATEBOAR M SO TH AT YOU CAN ZOO IN FROM YOUR LEC TURE YOUR THE POWERHOUSE TO TU TORI AL IN BUILDING 11 ATION C) UBEREATS TELEPORT SO TH AT YOU CAN GR AB AN HSP FROM UNIBROS AVE WITHOU T HAVING TO LE YOUR SE AT L D) ACTUALLY H AV ING AL RDED YOUR LECTURES RECO SO YOU DON’T NEED TO LE AV E THE HOUSE MORE TH AN NECESSARY

ELIZABETH GREEN

MOSTLY A: MOST LIKELY TO BECOME A MATURE AGED STUDENT WE GET IT, YOU JUST LOOOOVE LEARNING. YOU THOUGHT THAT YOU’D BE SATISFIED WITH A FEW YEARS OF UNI, BUT AFTER COMPLETING A WHOLE DEGREE, YOU’VE DECIDED THAT YOU REALLY NEED TO TAKE ON MORE HECS DEBT TO FOLLOW YOUR ~ TRUE PASSION ~ OF BEING THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON IN THE GROUP PROJECT AND CONSTANTLY TALKING IN CLASS.

MOSTLY B: MOST LIKELY TO HAVE A START UP YOU POP OUT OF FOURTH YEAR BCII WITH PLENTY OF ZEST AND NO IDEA WHAT A DEGREE IN ‘INNOVATION’ IS ANYWAY, BUT REGARDLESS YOU’RE HERE TO MAKE CHANGES. FIGURING OUT WHAT CHANGE YOU WILL MAKE AND HOW YOU WILL DO IT WILL COME LATER, FIRST YOU’VE GOT TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO IMPLEMENT AND INCORPORATE AN OFFICE DOG AND SLEEP POD INTO YOUR LIFESTYLE.

MOSTLY C: MOST LIKELY TO BE A CONTESTANT ON THE BACHELOR/ETTE IT’S HARD OUT THERE TRYING TO GET THAT BREAD, TO GRIND AWAY AT THAT 9 TO 5 FOR THAT BOSS WHO DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU. WE ALL WANT THE LIFE OF PRODUCT PROMO MONEY AND FREE VACATIONS, AND THERE’S ONE SURE FIRE WAY OF GETTING THERE. SO SMEAR ON SOME FAKE TAN AND GET READY TO FIGHT OVER A BLAND C-GRADE CELEBRITY TO SELL YOUR LINE OF HOLISTIC HAIR BRUSHES OR WHATEVER BULLSHIT YOU’VE GOT UP YOUR SLEEVE.

MOSTLY D: MOST LIKELY TO GO OFF THE GRID IF YOU HAD TO DO ANOTHER GROUP PROJECT, IT WOULD BE THE END OF YOU. YOU’RE SICK OF YOUR ‘FRIENDS’ ALWAYS ASKING YOU WHAT INTERNSHIP YOU’RE DOING, OR WHAT MARKS YOU’RE GETTING. TELL THEM TO SHOVE THEIR GRAD JOB UP THEIR ASS BECAUSE YOU’RE ON THE FIRST PLANE OUTTA HERE SUCKAZ! YOU WANT A SPARK RATING THAT’S ALL YOU BABY.

LIFE ONLY UNDER BACKW BUT IT BE LI FORW 0112

RETROGRADE

SÃ&#x2DC;REN KIERKEGAARD

CAN Y BE RSTOOD WARDS; T MUST IVED WARDS.

MERU SHARMA

RETROGRADE

D N A E TIM The world was clean- sha ven and shorthaired, his friend had to rem ind him to wear shoes...

What was to be the fate of this young man, endlessly running aft er the set ting sun as it melted into the liquid horizon of the arid and silent platea u.

Soon, he would turn to look acr oss his shoulder (knowing what he desired could onl y be seen periph erally) with regret, and the sun would be beh ind him.

But he was older by a few decades.

His hair was thinner , his hands were roughe r and the skin on his fac e and the back of his hands was loo ser.

His mother called him hom e one warm summer evening. The sun was just about to set. “There’s som ething wrong with him,” his uncle whispered to his new wife.

Those words hung in the air like balloons, floating higher and higher till he was guided by them like the North Star.

Y R O M E M 0114

RESOURCE-EXTRACTIONPARTNERS PARTNERSAT ATTHE THE RESOURCE-EXTRACTION MARS-BASED ELON ELON MUSK MUSK HEMATITE HEMATITE MINE MINE MARS-BASED HAVE>........

TODAY TO STRIKE STRIKEAGAINST AGAINST DISNEY™ DECIDED PRESENTS: HAVE TODAY DECIDED TO >........BOO HOO! WHINY EXTRACTION PARTNERS DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY THEY DESCRIBING VALUE OF ARE HARD WORK, BEGIN STRIKE AT MARS AS MINE UNFAIR WHAT ARE DESCRIBING AS UNFAIR WORKING CONDITIONS CONDITIONS . . AA SPOKESPERSON SPOKESPERSON WORKING FORTHE THEPARTNERS, PARTNERS,WHO WHOHAVE HAVEFORMED FORMEDAA FOR UNIONDESPITE DESPITE PRESIDENT-FOR-LIFE PRESIDENT-FOR-LIFEJEFF JEFF UNION BEZOS’ LATEST LATESTCOMMANDMENT, COMMANDMENT,HAD HADTHIS THIS BEZOS’ TO SAY: SAY: “WE “WE HAVE HAVE ASTRO-SERFS ASTRO-SERFS AT AT THIS THIS TO MINE WHO WHO HAVEN’T HAVEN’T HAD HAD AA REST REST CYCLE CYCLE MINE ALMOST FIFTEEN FIFTEEN ROTATIONS. ROTATIONS. THERE THERE ININ ALMOST ARE NO NO CLEARLY CLEARLY MARKED MARKED LOCATIONS LOCATIONS ARE TO DEPOSIT DEPOSIT WASTE, WASTE, AND AND THE THE RUN-OFF RUN-OFF TO STARTING TO TO ENTER ENTER THE THE ONLY ONLY CLEAN CLEAN ISIS STARTING WATER-SOURCEACCESSIBLE TO TO CITIZENS CITIZENS WATER-SOURCEACCESSIBLE RETROGRADE

LUCY TASSELL

>........THIS HEADLINE BROUGHT TO YOU BY EXXON-VALDEZ™ > >........RESOURCE-EXTRACTION PARTNERS AT THE MARS-BASED ELON MUSK HEMATITE MINE HAVE TODAY DECIDED TO STRIKE AGAINST WHAT THEY ARE DESCRIBING AS UNFAIR WORKING CONDITIONS . > >........A SPOKESPERSON FOR THE PARTNERS, WHO HAVE FORMED A UNION DESPITE PRESIDENT-FOR-LIFE JEFF BEZOS’ LATEST COMMANDMENT, HAD THIS TO SAY: > >........“WE HAVE ASTRO-SERFS AT THIS MINE WHO HAVEN’T HAD A REST CYCLE IN ALMOST FIFTEEN ROTATIONS . THERE ARE NO CLEARLY MARKED LOCATIONS TO DEPOSIT WASTE , AND THE RUN-OFF IS STARTING TO ENTER THE ONLY CLEAN WATER-SOURCE ACCESSIBLE TO CITIZENS MAKING LESS THAN 1200 CREDITS PER YEAR WHICH COVERS THE MAJORITY OF WORKERS HERE.” > >........SHORTLY AFTER THIS MESSAGE , THE SPOKESPERSON , WHO HAD NOT YET PURCHASED A NAME, VOLUNTEERED THEIR BODY TO THE OLYMPUS MONS ORGAN BANK . > >........

PRESIDENT-FOR-LIFE BEZOS DECLINED TO COMMENT , BUT TWEETED IN SUPPORT OF THE MARVELOUS MRS MAISEL SEASON 156B. THE UPCOMING SEASON WILL CONTINUE ITS CROSSOVER WITH THE MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE AS THE FRANCHISE ENTERS PHASE 73, WHICH PROMISES TO DIVE DEEP INTO THE UNTOLD BACKSTORY OF BELOVED CHARACTERS UNKILLABLE PAMELA AND BORTH MORTH. > >........MUSK WAS UNABLE TO BE REACHED FOR COMMENT AS HIS BRAIN-TAINER IS UNDERGOING ROUTINE CLEANING.

0116

OUT OF THIS WORLD

ADRIANE NESHODA

0118

OUT OF THIS WORLD

ADRIANE NESHODA

0120

OUT OF THIS WORLD

ADRIANE NESHODA

OUT OF THIS Y B D L R O W E N A I R D A A D O H S E N

0122

OUT OF THIS WORLD

ADRIANE NESHODA

IT IS TO T A H W S E T A L U S P A C THIS SERIES EN T OF THIS U O E B O T ; H T R A E E H BE OUTSIDE T S HOW ONE’S E R LO P X E Y R E G A IM E WORLD. TH E ARTH, YE T N O E ID S E R Y A M E PRESENC , HAVING D E Z A D , D E D N E C S N A THEIR MIND IS TR DIMENSION. R E H T O N A O T IN LY E MOVED ENTIR TOGRAPHER’S O H P , O R IE V LI O N E R U MODEL: L A VAFAKOS ASSISTANT: MARISSA

N O C N O O H C W O H W S A P S E A H P T E H T O R T O N R O T C N O C E R : U E T R U U F FUT O R T O N R O T C N O C E R P E E R H P T E H T O R T O N R O T C N O C S A P S E A H P T E H T 0124

S L O S R L TRO NT ON T S T S E H T E S H L T O S L O O H W O E:: WH S L O S OL T N E T S ESEN E S L O S OL T S T S RETROGRADE

GEORGE ORWELL

N E K N E O K P SPO AS A D R D O R W O W : M : E M O E P PO E HE TH T G N I G D N I N D E EN

0126

CW: BLOOD, INJURY

N N

RETROGRADE

AMANI MAHMOUD

. g against a bleak canvas We spent centuries swayin re we we like day it looked From a distance in the g it looked like we were nin eve the in dancing, and t we were begging to be waving at the stars. Bu I think I liked the wind so uprooted from this place. it, it would take me with much because I hoped wherever it was going. us hing in the end. a raveno the red swallowed everyt ed ish per ans fire. the hum sun seduced by a world on and ell sw r hea l ve quiet i stil spectacularl y. when i cra en screaming. the cursed ldr chi t las the distor tion of r ousness, i can always hea sound bound to my consci them—distant and dying. a started. The end of us like I don’t remember when it s wa y bod ingly slow—the wound trickling blood, ach dying. d, bark flaying behind me, I’d rather have been dragge g gravel that has lived as shredding myself on burnin cursed by these roots to long as I have. But I was to see purgatory on ear th— watch, eyes peeled back . people for killing me slowly the punishment for these if not greedy. Perpetuated The humans were nothing to n and had the audacity a religion of consumptio re we y The e. giv to hing left wonder why we had not s wa it like dry th ear the slow assassins, draining s. apart gradually like god theirs, and burning the sky ul , onl y the wrath of a vengef We knew no more nights no be uld all. There wo sun ready to devour us . fire prisoners—only . our roots had entangled the fire is how i died too s so hard to go. its flames beneath the ear th, oh it wa led the sap in my branches. burnt up my leaves, and boi i would’ve screamed. i wonder if i had a voice, how self that belonged to the i died and the par ts of my i braced my sisters whom cosmos returned. i em d hel we ef gri in led entang hadn’t seen for aeons. and e being swallowed by hom our ing tch wa each other, hell. i saw God sitting among the He asked, who are those

stars.

people. d them in the first place.

He asked, who even create

0128

LOSE MY MIND

ZAIN SUDARIO

Y M Y E M S O E LOS L D ND IN MI M N I A N Z I A Y Z B BY O I R O A I D R U A SUD S

0130

LOSE MY MIND

ZAIN SUDARIO

F THE INSIDE OF O L A Y A R T R O P A IS K THIS WOR BEEN AT G IN V A H .

O G A S H T N MY MIND SIX MO CRE ATIVE A S A S T IN O P T S E W ONE OF MY LO T PIECE DEPIR A E H T L, A U ID IV D IN AND AS AN I WAS, A DESIRE O H W , M O R F M A I E R CTS WHE H RO U G H T E P A C S E N A T, T HROUGH LUS VER HAVE E N LD U O W I N E H T DRUGS. BACK E CRE ATIVE I H T E M O C E B LD U O W IMAGINED I AM TODAY.

0132

RETROGRADE

ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

THE HE T FUTURE FUTURE BELONGS BELONGS TO OT THOSE HOSE T WHO WHO BELIEVE EVE BELI IN T THE HE IN BEAUTY BEAUTY OF T THEIR HEIR OF DREAMS. DREAMS.

0134

DUA ALKASSAR

RETROGRADE

THE Don’t tell me that we’ve dri ven out the colonist.

Don’t tell me that we’ve dri ven out the colonist when we’re oblivio us to the one that breeds within.

The colonist is in every bui lding and waving flag that pays hom age.

The colonist is in every sch ool and uni versity, its language and literature, that vocalizes them.

The colonist leads in every government and bureaucracy.

The colonist is there, when I am too ashamed to speak in my mo ther’s tongue and when I alter and anglicise my Arabic name.

The colonist is there when I stutter and clamour, feeling the need to justify, and the urge to reassure tha t I really do belong.

The colonist is within, when we scrutinise oursel ves from that same oppressive lens.

So don’t tell me that we’ve dri ven out the colonist when the col onist now lives within.

T S I N O L O C

0136

EVLIN DUBOSE

RETROGRADE

SEARCH Ramen recipe gluten free Cafe opening hours How long is too long to sle ep Gummy bears too sour?

Football games happening now How to make new friends Postwar US Iraq relation s How to fix split ends Are my teeth too short French Revolution fake?

What stresses are norma l, adult Healthy amount of cake I’m so angry all the time Margaret Atwood quote How to be a bet ter person How to mend a coat Need hope for the future When will we visit Mars?

What is Bowie up to lately Quiet downtown bars Avocado salsa mash I’m tired all the time What happens if I fail a cla ss Why can’t I make this rhy me Overpopulation bad Chocolate sundae swirl Is it them or is it me How to fix the world Polite version of “shut the fuck up”?

Everyone makes me mad What to do when it’s too much Real, or just a fad Everything feels too num b right now Why do I feel this way I’m broken, lost, and don’t belong There’s nothing left to say Harbour Bridge Helpline

HISTORY

CW: SUICIDAL IDEATION

0138

FIERCE

YAN MARTEA

0140

FIERCE

YAN MARTEA

0142

FIERCE

YAN MARTEA

E C R E E C I R F E FI N A Y N A Y Y B Y B A E T A R E A T R M MA

0144

FIERCE

YAN MARTEA

GUSON FROM @ R E F E E G E E G @ E E G E E MODEL: G TRI-ANH T: IS T R A P U E K A M , KULTAUSTRALIA THE ROM F H N A H IT W P U E K A @M NGUYEN USING KOSAS , S T IS T R A P U E K A M AGENCY TO BRIT TANY PAIGE T: S LI Y T S IR A H , A IC COSME T T: YANA S LI Y T S Y, R T IS T R A E @BRIT TANYPAIG HER:MARTEA P A R G TO O H P , ER V E R O @YANA.COM.F @MARTE A_PHOTO

sed a thing! We’ve been tea then all of a sudden it’s nts wa ts and then everyone about our hair and our but for this ut n ridiculed abo a tan. It’s like, wait, I’ve bee s get at wh I hope that’s years: what do you mean? t tha h pus can person who through. I hope I’m the to d nee We e. sam all the for ward and be like, it’s not ms with, but I would say ter es in Australia and they ird we ativ on ent res I’m rep alia nt str Au of plus have differe h rus ger big a be to an impact in Australia. globally there’s going will have at need to make we rs yea five t nex the in models. I’m hoping ize] models. Weirdly, we’ve for clarity and length. least two more top [plus-s interview has been edited s Thi ley Ash t jus and models have not been altered. got like 15 straight- size words of Mahalia Handley The ed mix re mo be to ly going Graham. There’s definite so k we’re being thrown, thin I but ity, ers race div this “This isn’t acceptable or for wardl y propelled into, m and that’s happening fro needs to be changed,” and lly ica well as it is econom a political point of view, as ]. gonna have to change [sic ’re we t environmentally tha has rs yea five in n industry I would hope that the fashio re sustainable because mo ng bei of y wa worked out a h r to the ozone layer throug they are a huge contributo ll. we as n ctio odu -pr h pre gas admissions [sic] throug k a lot more diversity. I thin I think we are gonna see like ft, shi going to have to a lot more brands are l alian brands that are stil str Au like Victoria’s Secret, s one the p hel to y’re going stuck in this idea. I think the g to try and do things, ptin em att st lea who are at e realize they can’t just hav they’re gonna have to of lot a e hav We y. oka to be a quick fix and it’s going going: “Hello! You can’t do are o wh , ple peo r younge k talk about this”. And I thin that anymore. We need to len mil now ience, because that’s gonna dri ve the aud ly nite defi y y boomers, the nials out weigh the bab n’t ing scenario. So why are vot the in out weigh them y wa the re ctu tru ng to res they the ones who are goi e dat mo om acc to e nds hav we see the world and bra ones who are buying and the ’re we se cau Be that? the attention of what’s g the ones who are dri vin ing t that’s where we are [go happening. So, I hope tha the in had this is what we’ve to be]: more inclusive. If e step for ward globally. I hop ’ll we n last five years, the we and ] tion era t of [accel Australia has some sor it’s not going to happen but five in rs yea catch up 10 ry s in the high fashion indust until we see some change I’ve n, the by , ully pef Ho n. here because it filters dow ine] cover in Australia and done every single [magaz New Zealand.

ICT WHAT THE FASHION IF YOU HAD TO PRED E LIKE IN THE NEXT FIV INDUSTRY WILL LOOK AT WH D AN ION U ENVIS YE ARS: WHAT DO YO R? FO PE HO U DO YO

es ine4Diversit y that it inspir I hope with things like Sh ry ust ind the pel to pro more people in Australia n me wo w kno ly nite ters. I defi forward. We have suppor o wh re: mo any it for nding in brands who are not sta y are suppor ting it, and the want to talk about it, who son I’m hoping to be the per helped push it for ward. mpion who is opposite to cha Australia needs, like a r mpions. Like Miranda Ker who they’ve have had as cha n alia str Au ut talking abo and Megan Gale, no, I’m Thot, a great example of e cki Du like es representativ ve e to be the person for cur people of Australia. I hop nde blo t jus it’s nt me the mo in Australia because at olutely nothing like me and abs k loo o wh ls gir beach had to go through, or what they’ll never know what I’ve h e has had to go throug anyone else of mixed rac and lips our teased about growing up. We’ve been

0146 007

CW: DISCRIMINATION

TO ANT FOR EVERYONE WHY IS IT SO IMPORT D TE EN ES PR RE SELVES BE ABLE TO SEE THEM AT EY DN SY TO G MOVIN IN THE MEDIA? SINCE E BIGGEST CHANGES TH E AR AT WH , AGE 17 FASHION THE IN WITNESSED YOU’VE INDUSTRY?

I’ve se people in the media. see a percentage of tho and ay that or Home and Aw called Love Island out for re’s like four people of colour the , Neighbours right now w. on the entire set and cre

y’ve advantage because the I think London is at an h oug thr ing com ne an sce been open to the Europe s del mo ed enc influ e hav y e of show clothes, the aus bec and ize s-s are plu t feel like we d with our ough because of that. I jus We’ve definitely progresse first started coming thr I en wh 10 years ago... , s alia wa d str Au lan In Eng cur ve models. where London or now you t tha nts clie r rall y fou 12 models of colour on modelling there were lite total Vogue UK has had In I’ve ce sin year. ay arr an s been they have 12 copies a would work with. There’ k the front cover and thin I w, gs gro thin t w, tha kno ing t see for 50 years. You come back her e and jus icies They’ve been going pol n of lso are Wi aw bel ng Re t bei tha ple …I know there are a lot more peo like that. But in Australia alia. str s Au wa t in tha nge and cha a had ing r ’ve eve and standards and I’m see was the first cur vy girl we any last year. ling] because not seeing I wanted to start [model lth up affected my mental hea UNFAMILIAR WITH representation growing R THOSE WHO ARE FO The in... fit I ere MAYBE wh YOU ldn’t see COULD and self-confidence. I cou SHINE4DIVERSITY, is o wh , nks Ba a W IT’S Tyr HO is up to ME ABOUT, onl y person I had to look EXPL AIN HOW IT CA My . me to HELP te N osi CA opp plete D, AND HOW WE American and the com l was BEEN RECEIVE ode erm sup of t sor e onl y relation to her as som SUPPORT IT? e skin colour as me, which sam the red sha she e aus bec a conversation need role models who are e about when I was hav ing is a big thing. That’s why we cam ine Sh n, otio om f-pr sons over sel longer with, we were standing up for positive rea an old agency that I’m no h wit g thin big a s wa t things, tha them and said, “I think we who talk about important ing about race. I spoke to talk and uld sho I so this ’s doing standing a lot more [conce for me. I thought, no one should be using my PR and up w I’m gro but o wh alia ls r gir nous to Austr there’s going to be younge rning race]. I’m not indige son to look up to. per er oth I’m European, and I grew d, one st lan lea Zea at w e now hav indigenous to Ne a great selling point!”

SED up in Darwin. That’s ES TN WI OR ED NC HAVE YOU EXPERIE its URISM IN THE FASHION g that race had found TOKENISM OR COLO I was told in this meetin d. ma n, which made me so INDUSTRY? equalit y already in fashio und aro and walked nt straight to Westfield been on set and I left, we I’ve es tim to have a really big e ny abl ma s so wa n I s bee There have within 15 minute and ally nic eth e be it p hel to there king about] and how rac you’re clearly the one who’s example of what I was [tal o’s wh l gir ry. the sto ’re ta Ins you le and litt re , I did this palatable. You’ve been the hadn’t found its place. So te there. Or you were qui not hts. It’s still there today. d, hlig oun hig kgr my bac on in the outfit for I put it up one s wa nted strong re The t. sho approached me. We wa included in one group ere were] Then Shareefa [th and in used to. But y set ver on re d we ppe you that you’ve ste y ‘cause that’s what we ger ima the e aus bec to walk people hand other per son multiple outfits for the o wanted the documentary als we you did , her e hav like for me. Do you well, we did brand wants to be like, “oh d and say “This is what it’s han in is don Lon k thin I pant, but not see her here?” It’s ram . understand?” terms of racial diversity] [in nt me mo the leading at behind. gn and the video at the The US is coming in close We wanted the campai of breaking the ice, or the end to at least be a way hav ing them say, ion, in boardrooms and sat ver con are ere “Th , this? They look iversit y, I was like doing enough? Did you see Even just doing Shine4D we e “Ar s use exc any can’t give me that too.” We have really 15 people on the set, you utif ul right? We could do bea s wa it t tha , one ’t find any then. We’ve seen other anymore that you couldn n some changes since see vice ser n lip The . get e a bud seen a couple of Australia too hard.” I didn’t even hav campaigns pop up. I’ve two tion the lec h col wit ve g cur thin did a ctly the same is rampant. It’s, “Oh we brands almost doing exa ve collections just don’t cur the thing and that’s what it’s “all clo and the ,” h wit ago years don’t backgrounds, you e aus bec it’s and sell.” I heard that a lot But there for. rse, it’s not going to sell. change the stock! Of cou y the at wh past the idea of to leave the industry.

Australia just can’t move I started Shine, I wanted e for Be is. ce ien e. aud ir they think the k to Australia. I was so don think is correct and who I had enough coming bac big a h wit ht as well go [out] It’s outdated.

And if I’m going to go, I mig y it all, it really reinspired wh ng doi IS bang. And then while ON ND and , LO me to AT ch TH meant so mu WHY DO YOU THINK I was modelling and why it EY HAVE A MORE TH E US career of continuing in the CA my BE ft ? shi to ING LE AD how I can start N? ng a louder person about DIVERSE POPULATIO fashion industry, but by bei ething. y issues that mean som multicultural and yet we onl Australia banks on being

0148

CW: DISCRIMINATION

IT REALLY REINSPIRED WHY I WAS MODELLING AND WHY IT MEANT SO MUCH TO ME, AND HOW I CAN START TO SHIFT MY CAREER OF CONTINUING IN THE FASHION INDUSTRY, BUT BY BEING A LOUDER PERSON ABOUT THE ISSUES THAT MEAN SOMETHING.

N IN I T A S T R A E S V NVER ON CO C H T I H W T I W A I L A A I H L A A MAH M Y E L Y D E N L A D H HAN

0150

CW: DISCRIMINATION

RETROGRADE

SUNNY ADCOCK

N O I T N O I T

SYDNE Y-BASED A IS Y LE D N A H MAHALIA DARWIN. M O R F T IS IV T C A D N CURVE MODEL A OWERS (@ LL O F M A R G TA S IN K WITH OVER 45 YE ARS OF D N A ) A LI A R T S U A M O MAHALIAFR NATIONALLY H T O B E C N IE R E P X E INDUSTRY T DOWN A S K C O C D A Y N N U S , AND OVERSE AS EDICTIONS R P E R U T U F R E H T U O TO ASK HER AB RY, HOW ITâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S T S U D IN G IN LL E D O M ABOUT THE ND WHERE SHE A , S R A E Y T N E C E R IN CHANGED ROJECT, P T S E T A L R E H H IT HOPES TO GO W ND SELF A D E D N U O -F O C Y. IT SHINE4DIVERS SHAREEFA J, L, E D O M W O LL E F H FUNDED WIT -PROFIT SOCIAL N O N A IS Y IT S R E IV SHINE4D IMS TO A T A H T N IG A P M A AWARENESS C TION AND TA N E S E R P E R L IA C A PROMOTE R DIA AND THE E M E H T H T O B IN INCLUSION ACCESS THEIR N A C U O Y Y. R T S U D IN FASHION WS, AND IE V R E T IN , S T O O H S O T E XCLUSIVE PHO STAGRAM IN N O T N E T N O C S E N E BEHIND THE SC @SHINE4DIVERSIT Y.

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THE ON Y IL V A E H S U C O F SONGS OUR LE T TERS TO E ’R Y E H T .

O G E F O N DEGRADATIO ANT TO BE TO W E W O H W M O R F .

S OURSELVE SELVES, R U O M O R F R O .

ARE WE WHO INGS ONTO M O C T R O H S R U O PROJECTING PESSIMISTIC ’S IT .

E LS E SOMEBODY SURROUNDS T A H T M IS N PERFECTIO E VERY THING WE DO.

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T S A T F S K A A F E REAK BR B Y B Y D B A O D R ROA A G E A V G E E S V SSE ES JE J

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E DAY NOW H T F O L A E M T N TA R O THE MOST IMP FAST ROAD K A E R B .

K C A R T D N U HAS A SO NT AND PE TE, IA R B S T N E D U T S S T U INCLUDES FRIEND L O O H C S H IG H IR E JOINED BY TH ING MUSIC P P O R D N E E B E V A H Y AMANDIP. THE NTRIBUTIONS O C L A U IS V H IT W LY T CONSISTEN SE VEGA .

BY UTS STUDENT JES

rch bell ringing in the nded so far away, a chu sou she as ed tch wa Sebastian her pearl drop earrings. distance. , hands running over her ror mir the to ser leaned clo to imperfections. He liked she asked. face, feeling for bumps and “Are your eyes still shut?” es when she thought he etim som this do her watch singe his TV. He would watch her , feeling Stacy’s fingertips was reading or watching e was Sebastian nodded Sh s. heard vice He s. cre her t and s No s. line oking. He saw breast analyse all the little Str n. ski er fing . kie pin e would run her skin stretch and bounce fascinated by wrinkles. Sh ghter. Not hers. He saw lau eys vall ling sca re as if she we s. He felt warmth. Hers. in and out of her dimples r fell over her Not her hai urn aub t sof r He s. and mountain it behind her ears. ut?” Stacy murmured into shoulders as she tucked “W hat are you thinking abo k. breath, too hot on his nec his ear. He could feel her ed. coo “Come to bed,” Sebastian “You.” in the mirror. She could see Stacy smiled coy ly at him st. che k opened on his ~ him lying in bed with a boo tian sung out. bas ey, I’m home,” Se isturiser into her “Hi hon mo rub to an beg e Sh .”

“In a minute s . g the facade of routine wa orge said from the kitchen face. He knew maintainin “Honey, she isn’t here,” Ge important to her. asked. such a mood?” Sebastian a new “W hy are you in ps, find cris of you bag Did a h y? oug tiar thr way “How was the peniten George was munching his ch. ben the on potential donor?” a few empty beer bot tles ... I . “There was one. But she e’? Seriousl y?” George “It was ok,” Stacy paused ell, firstly, ‘honey, I’m hom “W one the as t fec per quite as don’t know... she wasn’t answered smugl y. we had.”

“Secondly ?” ved so far?”

“How many has she concei ding for the are struggling to get fun I booked “Secondly, we ek; we t off, get ting nex iled her et tra e me e org “Only four. You can com roduction of the…” Ge t-p pos are at Wh up. fridge. ent to follow ch another beer from the us in for another appointm her way to the up to fet de ma and up got she you reading?” to carefully, waiting for him bed, playfully jumping in.

Sebastian watched him start talking again. t me.” len e org Ge k boo e som “Just pull out this ary. We had a sponsor moment, “The document a for it at bump in the a red t sta Jus ut. and k abo Stacy lifted up the boo morning. Nothing to worry med more es. see pag He ing . ow led yell mb flicking through the road really.” George mu tian. vincing himself than Sebas telling of the intent on con Re se nci Co and ort Sh A “W hat is this?

Oh.” She read out the title tian asked.

Free Roamers of Africa?

“W here’s Stacy?” Sebas word, frowning. h eac ng iati unc ann ely deliberat sed. stuff for dinner,” George pau g up “She went out to get kin ?” ma n day me all e nk her dru y und Sill . aro bored? Sit ting “It’s just fables and myths s book and “Doesn’t she get wa the e t org shu Ge tian ere bas wh Se w e.” looked at him. He kne stories to fill their tim tian bas Se s eye his d sai sed the bed. He clo er him away before he pushed it to the side of heading and wanted to ste . and let out a sigh. something he would regret his stomach. Stacy was so are you looking for new Sebastian felt a tickle on “No. She’s fine. Anyway, do ays alw uld wo e Sh . boxers ught that talking about the tugging at the top of his sponsors?” Sebastian tho ers fing nty dai . her l fee ld uld at least be a bit bet ter this first. Tease. He cou ding to documentary wo ten pre s wa e Sh s. ard creeping fur ther downw get bored? Don’t legs, walking them up and use her fingers as little e ignoring me. Doesn’t she u’r “Yo ?” her giggle. uld. Doesn’t it bother you down his thighs. He heard you get bored of her? I wo e tak to tian, begging him orge was goading Sebas Ge d. ere isp wh she n’t peep,” “Keep your eyes shut. Do the bait. had ut the footage George He started thinking abo h etc Str ps. bum ose Go . lips shown him today. Full g hin ryt a chest. Sweat. Eve marks. The rise and fall of . lips a moan escape his had looked so alive. He let Stacy giggled as she pulled

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ing ’t know what you’re talk “Stop George. You don d wearil y. about,” Sebastian warne “How old is she now ? 35?

40?”

down his boxers. Her laugh

CW: SEX

RETROGRADE

“Don’t act dumb.” y upgrade. Isn’t 40 when the “She is about due for an s wa he w kne e org Ge ?” get an ageing extension s. They hadn’t spoken like ton but ’s tian bas Se g pushin orge could see Sebastian this since the wedding. Ge he wanted to see how far becoming uncomfor table— he could push it.

GEORGIA WILDE ns. e roamers about our pla growing. We told the fre It’s . this it. We have to do Of course they suppor t wrong, admit that.”

“Oh, come on. There are

probably like five of you.”

We us, Seb. In every countr y.

“There are thousands of n bee has this e aus bec t are about to mobilise. Jus doesn’t mean it’s ok.” happening for centuries,

“Stop George.” old? It’s been 10 years “Aren’t her tricks get ting r, moving towards the doo now.” Sebastian started ’re you “You have to know grabbing his briefcase. doll. Acknowledge her for sex d married to a glorifie itting yourself.” George’s what she is. Stop bullsh dead in his tracks. He words stopped Sebastian slowly turned around.

o happens to the people wh “You and I both know what tian bas Se .” worked before try and do this. It has never d. hea was shaking his “That’s not a reason not

well this house. You know full “Never say that term in y onl functioning there is. The that Stacy is the highest e som is from you, or me, thing that separates her stupid organs.”

to try.”

“You’re drunk. Stop talking

out of your arse.”

all ’re just like Dad. And we “And you’re ignorant. You .” know what happened to him

is Surel y you can’t think this “You are lying to yourself. re mo and re Mo b. nging, Se still ok? The world is cha natural system.” the to urn ret a nt people wa

d. orge and shook his hea Sebastian looked at Ge any if see to ng nni sca , ate George’s eyes were desper in a weak spot. Sebastian tian bas Se hit had ws of his blo uld never work. George wo knew that George’s plan care. knew it too. But he didn’t

fuck off your moral high “Christ, George. Get the ked up as the rest of us, horse. You are just as fuc r free roamers; to fulfill you doing anything to find the . fetish,” Sebastian hissed yourself right now ? What “How can you be defending do you prefer to forget about the daughters? Or get that they go straight about the daughters? For e breed more sons.” Georg back in the cells, raised to was building momentum. rd feminist hero of the 23 “Stop trying to be the .” centur y. I’m the normal one ’t the system, I get it. But don “Fine, you’re a product of ” ok. is in ng agi eng are you at for a second think that wh life Stacy than spend my “I’d much rather have ne No e. bones to call hom searching for real flesh and g thin any for ever want you of the free roamers will rm.” more than your fucking spe n l. We are going to tear dow “Well at least they’re rea e org Ge ,” ors don se tho e all the penitentiaries and fre n. said, trying to get a reactio ke cked. He started to sha Sebastian looked up, sho his head and laugh. e. king revolutionary, Georg “We? You aren’t some fuc too is o wh ker ma film nk You are a washed up dru tle down.” set and e wif his k pic to snobby king robot to take as my “I’m not going to buy a fuc of us, you know? We are wife. There are a group

r tentatively. He had heard Sebastian opened the doo in , but it was 3 a.m. No one the doorbell ring twice now s wa It . a.m 3 at ake s aw this neighbourhood wa George.

get win-win transaction. We anything, promise. It’s a n bee ly ret have always sec to try something all men e fre the so d vide our see curious about. We pro roamers don’t die out.”

c as he stumbled in. Classi “Let me in!” he slurred on up g win months and sho George, disappearing for iskey burps in his face. wh g win blo his doorstep, sed the door behind him.

Sebastian sighed and clo

provide your seed? Please “And you, George? Did you e a mission to help the fre don’t tell me you are on bastian scoffed. roamers reproduce,” Se

orge flopped on the couch.

“Mate, mate, mate…” Ge ing, yeah?”

“Get me a beer or someth

rted laughing. Sebastian “W hy not?” George sta just “Brother, brother, I’m looked at him blankl y. not —I’m out led e not. I pul messing with you. Cours crazy,” George explained.

ka kitchen and brought bac Sebastian walked to the the d cke chu tle of water. He beer for himself, and a bot it. who, surprisingly, caught e org Ge at bot tle of water ed. ask Sebastian “W here have you been?” s it Mali?

“We were in Ghana. Or wa Ghana.”

“W hy were you in Africa?

No, no, no. Definitely

Sebastian rolled his eyes. ? But Seb, honestly—how “Well what did you expect beyond anything man-made can I even explain it? It is , ate. Seb—just trust me production could ever cre man—you’ve got to try it.”

Work?” were err – that’s right…”

“Of course, of course. We

off. ce he was a kid, trailing He’d been doing that sin r. bee his at ped sip wly slo Sebastian just waited and . e around soon enough He knew George would com filming our documentary “Oh. Yeah, yes. We were there.”

d, snapped. “Look, I’m tire “I’m married,” Sebastian rning?” can we just talk in the mo “Uncomfor table?” d for table, but the twiste Sebastian wasn’t uncom e fac e’s org Ge ing across grin that was now spread a s wa r bee e —th bubble was making his stomach nt. me mo any up mistake. Stacy could wake

d.

Sebastian cocked his hea

bas “No. I’m just really tired.” Se yawn to prove his point.

tian did an exaggerated

g about the onl y free roamin “I definitely told you. It’s it!” ones left. We spoke about

’re coming with me, I want “Ok. Ok. But tomorrow you I You’ll be blown away and to show you the footage. think…”

cy z, lower your voice. If Sta “You haven’t told me. Jee uld wo t tha … you know how wakes up and hears you end.”

s in. This time, Sebastian wa George had trailed off aga ke ma noise George would fairly sure that the next would be a snore.

y, so we found them. We “Stacy, schmacy. Anywa ieve it? It was hard but we actually did it—can you bel It’s ut 40,000 of them there. managed. There are abo or e trib even a primitive like paradise. They aren’t live and rk gine. They all wo anything like you would ima ; a of an abandoned city are one together in this e.” sul cap e tim a walked into Kumasi. It feels like you’ve r was suspicious. His brothe “You’re lying.” Sebastian , rue elaborate, mostly unt had been known to tell stories in the past. would find them. We have “W hy would I be? I knew we Two years, Seb! They’re so been looking for two years. wrong—Stacy is gorgeous— pure. I mean, don’t get me different.” but they… they just feel so “Feel? Don’t tell me you—” re see what the rumours we “Well of course, I had to far as m fro men even travel all about. You know, some it. It’s not exploitative or nce erie as Japan to exp

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~ voices in the kitchen. He r hea to ke Sebastian wo d, George, looking dishevelle walked downstairs to find ve. sto the at g kin coo chatting to a chirpy Stacy, his s just telling me about “Seb, honey. George wa are en wh sounds amazing— wonderful trip to Paris. It a ?” Stacy cooed, flipping ope Eur we going to go to pancake. sheepish grin and Sebastian George shot Sebastian a ’. mouthed back ‘thank you at sty le just drew me in—wh “Yes, well, the Parisian life r pou to ssed the kitchen can I say ?” George cro himself some more coffee. ay up to the penitentiar y tod “Darling, do you mind if I go g pin kee d, sai cy Sta ors?” to look at some more don her eyes on the pan.

Sebastian looked at her for

a few moments, head

CW: SEX

RETROGRADE

GEORGIA WILDE

cocked to the side. ” e you want to go alone?

“Of course. Are you sur ch. ma sto his of pit the in m Sebastian felt a tiny ball for ht st Stacy to make the rig tru n’t did he t tha t sn’ It wa for g, tiar y was confrontin decision, but the peniten wives. the for anyone, but especially

es that when the time com are comfor table enough ut abo g ent. Stop thinkin yours will be ver y compet you Do e. can never hav the past and what you understand?”

r t you worry. Anyway, I hea “Yes, yes. I’ll be fine—don’ his at k loo go to r r brothe you have a date with you e waved the spatula in the Sh .” nce Fra m footage fro e. vague direction of Georg

h a greasy glass door and He followed George throug as bastian felt so distracted up a dimly lit stairway. Se ld cou He r. nito mo e hug the he sat down in front of e org m a few feet away. Ge hear the router buzzing fro his of ed hard dri ves out grabbed a stack of bat ter the monitor. He pulled into one satchel and plugged sed one to Sebastian. out two headsets and pas

at l looking for donors? Wh “Wait, are you guys stil , red reb Pu had set tled on? happened to that one you George said. right? Pretty good find,” s tian, and he knew she wa Stacy glanced at Sebas or don a e los to d ays har uncomfor table. It was alw cy had always wanted to Sta n. atio tilis fer ore right bef y been trying ever since the be a mother, and they’d were married.

st us

market right now. Co “This is the best VR on the half our bloody budget.” on the headset.

Sebastian nodded and put

’s finally noticed Sebastian “Are you ok?” George had silence.

“Yeah. Let’s just get this

over with.”

these things go. The price “Ah, George. You know how a get. Anyway, she had changed. Out of bud ly bab pro it’s So . rt issues generational histor y of hea d to put a pin in the trie tian bas Se t.” for the bes conversation.

~ cy sitting across from Sta re we ta set Ro and nry He of elt sm was warmly lit and and Sebastian. The room tian bas Se winter evenings. roast chicken, like most s around Roset ta—she wa s vou ner always got a little . him d and it irke not as advanced as Stacy

r the purebreds provide “Well, that’s a shame. I hea natural,” George replied. the best. So healthy and

ded Rosie.” Sebastian nod “That was delicious, e. win of sip a k too and towards his empty plate

“W ho wants a pancake?”

Stacy asked.

d.” Roset ta smiled.

“Thank you, you’re too kin

~ ahead of Sebastian down nds bou g pin lea s wa e Georg was sticky, stained with old the small alley. The street of r muffled yelling from one liquor, and they could hea he up, ked As Sebastian loo the apartments above. , ng lines hanging above him shi wa could see makeshift . eze tly in the bre faded clothes blowing gen

” going looking for a donor?

“So, how are you guys t cul diffi s wa it it, ual about Henry was trying to be cas ng. adi tre ground to be cy, . They were quite like Sta “Well, we were set on one we nt fell through. The age facially, you know? But it a the price and it became ed were going through upp tian said. bit unmanageable,” Sebas

orge’s drunken ramblings Sebastian felt uneasy. If Ge e d seeing footage of real fre ckl y followed, as she grippe had been true, he would be “But we are ok,” Stacy qui in m the too ut ay abo aw d en rea giv y onl had he the table, roamers. Until now, he had e Sebastian’s leg under would dance off the pag rds wo The ks. boo y tor his much. him. They would bend into and form shapes around re we y The rs. rks and sca rot one day and then cur ves and squiggles. Ma donor was eating her par y “M ed uld mo n atio . His imagin off the axis,” Roset ta said. malleable, these words t they described. tripped tha ies bod and es fac them into the To to say. they were like. To touch.

No one knew quite what He had wondered what e The room fell silent. hav uld and wo t nry tha He w at Ho ked . ide Stacy loo hear. To feel. To exist bes Sebastian looked at Stacy. n. dow ked loo t jus ta Roset been different.

Henry looked at Roset ta.

Then she started laughing. her once. He remembered Sebastian had asked his fat , e him: not disappointment me! Gosh, seems like I’m the exact look his father gav st joking, of course. Sill y “Ju g lon the ed ber remem an update.” She giggled. just confusion. Sebastian his mouth he had due for in s nes dry e sam the pause. He felt h her. felt all those years ago.

Stacy started laughing wit

in? been giv ing you ideas aga “Sebastian. Has George es wiv The ut those things.

We do not talk, or think, abo we ky, luc ely You are extrem have been created for us.

~

icately taking out

sser del Stacy was sitting at the dre

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RETROGRADE

GEORGIA WILDE

E HE TH T S E V S I E W V I W

CW: SEX

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MODEL: ELLE TYSON @VOUS.ELLE

SHADY LIBATION

PATRICK KENNEDY

ual w attention to the new sex It is impossible not to dra , 14 s wa I en Wh faces. pressure our generation h pus a g arin we d involve feeling like a woman t applying foundation tha and , top k tan a up bra, for , nge for me. However was a few shades too ora ool at 14 to become a sch my grandmother, leaving living was enough for her hairdresser and make a n. to feel like a grown woma re on oursel ves to rush into We put immense pressu cy, because it is displayed the world of sex and intima e. A majority of popular TV and promoted everywher ed in my early teens involved shows and movies I watch re had music videos that we sex scenes, the top hits s del mo ity the busts of celebr borderline sof t porn, and my on yed of adverts displa were the centrepieces s inist movement toward fem the s, school bus. Thu me on t los s wa ’ the nipple bod y positiv ity and ‘free ised role models, fake ual sex of sea within the So ually suggestive lyrics of propor tions, and the sex ian s. My conser vative Christ Fresh 2013 Summer Hit a ng bei sexualised reality of home life clashed with the teenager in the 2000s. t il marriage was a well kep Saving one’s virginit y unt dad my , ver we Ho my family. tradition for the women in after losing his virginit y on g nin stio que ral faced no mo t?

I have to keep my legs shu a Contiki tour. Why should ian grandmother’s Victor My father grew up with my ing nat d forcef ully reincar sty le values, and has enjoye life. But I’m not alone in ary por them into my contem ed expectations are outdat feeling that his values and ed nat alie te qui l s and I fee and hypocritical—my sister e hav to ire des nor equipped from him. None of us are has r the mo my n Eve . h him the ‘sex’ conversation wit ves. That way he can enjoy sel our to it p kee to told us believ ing we have kept our the blissful ignorance of ger. purity for a little while lon e s up enough taboo at hom The fact that sex alone stir ltadu my in n secrecy. Eve has created immense —more so obliterated—my ted tric res hood, this has ck intimacy. I hide my lacy bla opportunities to explore re sto I r, we dra k soc my of suspenders in the bot tom ally boot, and I have to frantic my lube bot tle in a snow G-strings, lace bras, and wash my collection of ing home. Heck! I am still try bod ysuits when no one is my for is t spo safest hiding to figure out where the or ey, nos ict, str me, with leather collar. If you’re like d tan ers und ly bab you’d pro old-school parents, then d tyle r-s noi of es her atmosp how the lusty nocturne are bed t sof us cio spa e’s els hotel rooms or someone st once in your life you’ve lea At lity. rea the m fro far l car in some quiet residentia done it in the backseat of a e her ew els thought you were street, while your parents .

PG re mo doing something to reason for anyone to try There is no acceptable n ope to you re ssu pre t, or make you keep your legs shu ons beliefs, and family traditi them. Old values, religious tors for making such a fac should not be deciding ision to be sexual and explore personal decision. The dec , entirely your own. It’s 2019 intimacy should always be fucking live a little!

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CW: SEX

SHADY LIBATION

PATRICK KENNEDY

S ’ E R S ’ E E H R THE T D E E D N E E O N N NO P E E P K E E O K T TO R UR OU YO Y S GS EG LE L !

T U !

H T S U H S

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CW: SEX

RETROGRADE

FR

T MY VIRGINIT Y S LO I : S T C FA E H T E HERE AR THAT’S G IN H T Y N A Y JO N E I , WHEN I WAS 15 E OF SILID A M , E C A L IN D E T A KINK Y, DECOR HE ALTERNATE T .

LE B A E G R A H C E R CONE, OR VINCED I’M STILL N O C IS D A D Y M : E R FACTS A HAT WAY T Y TA S O T IT S T N A A VIRGIN, HE W N’T BROKEN E V A H I D N A , D IE R R A UNTIL I AM M ERSHARING! V O M A I , W O N K I .

IM H O THE NE WS T OO, E VERYONE B TA F O S S LE D R A G BUT RE N OPINION A S A H D N A T, U O B A THINKS, TALKS N’T ADMIT IT. O W Y E H T IF N E V E , X E ON S

d ical stance. My backgroun interpretations and eth and ility tab oun acc ance of also taught me the import rk. Therefore, I drew on wo of d kin this in self-criticism t family networks for insigh my own lived experience and a, um intergener ational tra into his tor ical injustice, This helped me see how e. and sys tematic erasur transnational contexts and these factors play out in ween various situations, the subtle differences bet n It is significant to mentio encounters, and periods. l, ura cult rse dive of wide range that Behrouz combines a sh, rdi Ku are e om —s ditions political, and literar y tra e in Iran or easily identifiabl wn kno ter bet are others que marginal, some are uni globally, some are more kground and upbringing, bac to his own sociocultural , specific to his displacement while others are new and exile, and incarceration.

S OUNT OF TRUST WA A TREMENDOUS AM U YO DID W HO Y. STOR NEEDED TO TELL THIS RIT Y OF BEHROUZ’S EG INT E TH AIN MAINT TING TO HAVE SO UN WORDS? WAS IT DA ’S ER SOMEONE ELSE MUCH CONTROL OV AT TH Y LLY FOR A STOR NARRATIVE, ESPECIA CULTURAL MARKER CIO SO A WILL SERVE AS CTIVE NARRATIVE? IN OUR NATION’S COLLE

termination presented by empowerment and self-de ny discourses project the ref ugees. Therefore, so ma es tim and this oft en becom not ion of the suffering vic e hav es uge pe. Again, ref the sole or dominant tro ng bei but , ives their narrat always been reclaiming epistemic shift needs to An t. cul diffi n heard has bee a vision of justice dedicated take place and this involves and cultural conditions, as to changing the epistemic s social conditions. Behrouz’ well as the material and n bee resistance has always creative and intellectual ted ica ded project, which is par t of a wider political ing ion industry and center ent det to abolishing the dge wle kno ut it is also abo freedom of movement, but ring. sha dge wle kno production and S ON THE PROBLEMYOU’VE RAISED ISSUE WHITE AUSTRALIA’S OF NATURE ATIC YOU TELL US MORE CURRICULUM, CAN CT W YOU SEE ITS EFFE ABOUT THIS, AND HO MEMORY? ON OUR COLLECTIVE

m scholarship and act ivis I have been inspir ed by ite wh the ng ntli ma and dis focused on challenging Africa and the UK, and uth So in inly ma , lum curricu er forms of resistance oth I have also been looking to al rth Africa, and Continent in the Middle East, No te ora orp e tried to inc regarding education. I hav ways with different Europe nt ere places into my own diff er in ed oth in ish de abl ma est Trust was many of the gains tion ora lab and col new and tion and the different social people, but every interac n, teaching and research atio min and ter g f-de livin sel n bee es: e featur nments I hav common shared ability, institutional env iro reli nt, me mit com g, din reciprocity, understan is working within. ays the case—I think this and respect. This was alw to curriculum involves ical activit y has continued why the shared philosoph ortant to explain that the imp is It m fro w kne I . re influential s, and topics of study grow and become mo re than subjects, theme mo s wa it t ut tha k boo es of the ite curriculum is also abo reading the firs t few pag and reading lists. The wh ral ultu ; ioc ies soc ivit ant act nific and st sig ching methods going to be one of the mo er pivotal issues like tea nev I s; and ion ive dit rat tra nar and tive lec tor y, legacies, markers in the nation’s col But constr uct ions of his ns, nt in our collaboration. poi any amplif ying cer tain questio at ; this ons d can bte dou ised creation of ogn ; rec ers be oth to g e atin tak enu uld wo att it and arguments and I was not sure how long ns, cer con of d kin y; the valid and wh we would attract ines what is legitimate and in this way and whether strategies who determ our h es in higher wit e anc tinu adv o con wh to of suppor t we needed resentation in terms rep s uz’ hro Be to se respon ves on to becoming and tac tics. Based on the cation and ultimately mo edu uld wo it k up thin not estly did n maker; classroom set work prior to the book I hon an educator and decisio ose wh ; ws vie . voices and happen as quickl y as it has and prioritising par ticular and whose dismissed or ted por sup EIR complaints are TH AIM ut who is CL RE ES REFUGE ite curriculum is also abo CAN HOW O USE ignored. The wh WH of place S AN out ls ICI fee LIT o wh PO and NARRATIVE FROM unwelcome in the university ?

CY border EN es RR niti CU mu R TE com VO ich wh THEIR BODIES AS in that space. It is about ated at a greater sical space, who is situ phy the m fro s ive rat nar laiming their tionships do they have Refugees have been rec tance, and what kind of rela dis iety soc o lian tra Aus parts of o about the identities wh politicians and antagonistic with the uni versity. It is als ort imp is ch. it k ear thin I res an. and n beg than teaching as soon as their persecutio work there in roles other n though politicians use eve t tha ge led now ack ant to o al profit, vot ers are als WORK WITH YOUTH ref ugee bodies for politic CONSIDERING YOUR ng agi dam ing uat YOU SEE pet per and D COMMUNITIES, DO involved in reinforcing involved CULTURES AN ors act IN THIS nt LE ere RO diff ny BIG A ma narratives. There are G PEOPLE PL AYING UN YO are s ian itic pol ing ref ugees— in demonising and exploit NARRATIVE SHIFT? do not act alone. but nt, me an influential ele e sed the historical significanc Behrouz and I have discus ing ffer is ‘su it the t tha ting lise lica rep nce and rea In terms of reinforcing and of his writing and resista m across the political fro lly be full y appreciated ple rea peo y onl pe, will tro t ’ victim that something tha ary gin ima six years The it. plic tion. After struggling for spectrum have been com bodies by the next genera e uge rk, it is ref wo of s of tion pus cep cor ducing an amazing conditions cer tain per pro and of s ive rat rginalises nar ignores, reduces or ma

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CW: DISCRIMINATION

RETROGRADE n uz has onl y recently bee disappointing that Behro a as ve, tual, as a creati recognised as an intellec s ate deb in a central voice knowledge producer, and l stil is n itio ogn still, this rec about border politics. And ich wh in y wa the l We both fee limited to specific circles. rk has engaged with his wo tion era gen t the curren and es uge ref e fre to order and tried to organise in , ation has, unfortunately situ al itic pol the orm transf x ple reasons are com been unsuccess ful—the and multifarious. of ke Behrouz’s work par t We are now aiming to ma sity ver uni to l tra also cen high school curriculum and a global scale. Our hope on all ch, ear res teaching and ure these atrocities ens to is for the next generation pen again. There hap not do are never forgot ten and ng resist ance involv ing you are many examples of ple peo Indigenous young people—part icular ly by ups—which mo tiva te and gro ed and other racialis educate us.

FOR THE FUTURE OF ARE YOU HOPEFUL ES TMENT OF REFUGE AUSTRALIA’S TREA S? AND ASYLUM SEEKER ential to my personal and I cannot lose hope—it is ess t, h Behrouz. In this contex working relationship wit . act al itic pol a g hope is maintaining and increasin lly, tua Ac h. wit age se I eng Not just for me but for tho si. But hope is fickle if Far in e hop ans me my name and employed within gy ate not situated within a str k with the right methods a diversity of tactics. I thin rative—hope can become and vision—and the right nar a powerf ul political tool. gth. edited for clarity and len This interview has been . To red alte n bee an have not The words of Omid Tofighi onu/n m.a .co tigo ver t uts read the full interview, visi fiction/omid-tofighian/

LOUISA LUONG

lecturer, researcher, and In addition to being a y, specialising in philosoph community advocate ent cem pla dis and , ration religion, rhetoric, myth, mig id is the translator of Om ), few a e nam (just to But the Mountains—an Behrouz’s book, No Friend uz’s five years of exile on intimate account of Behro , a Kurdish-Iranian journalist Manus Island. Behrouz is t ivis act al itic opher, and pol writer, filmmaker, philos Whatsapp messages on via k boo who wrote his try, book, which weaves poe contraband phones. His ul erf pow a as ves y ser literature, and philosoph t tha ype het arc e uge ref counter-narrative to the ce. n of the Australian popula dominates the imaginatio id about his remarkable Louisa Luong chats to Om uz, the significance of par tnership with Behro the ance and storytelling, multidimensional resist in ent cem pla dis of eriences influence of his own exp s ion uss erc rep the y, societ Iranian and Australian and d hoo ion nat of s itic pol of white curriculum on the can become a powerful e hop how and p, shi citizen political tool.

SO PERSONALLY? m we decided to use the ter There are many reasons the g atin experience transl “horrific surrealism”. My k o, the response to the boo Als l. rea book was totally sur ch mu so t, fac l factor. In has enhanced this surrea the work we have been and p shi tion about our rela and l. We collaborate closel y doing together is surrea nds frie se clo are we ll; we y understand each other ver er oth h eac t por sup we who speak almost daily, ny ma ways, and there are regularly and in multiple a is It us. ies that connect things about our identit l rea sur ally but it is also tot remarkable par tnership, and us en we bet contrasts because of many stark er differential is striking pow The s. nce our circumsta tus, mobilit y, and so many in terms of citizenship sta rse, this surreal aspect is related factors. And, of cou reality of imprisonment in combined with the horrific ical regime, and the psycholog Manus, Australia’s border . nce s of the lived experie and emotional dimension

Y RESISTANCE BY ITS THE BOOK IS A LITERAR BEHROUZ BECAUSE EXISTENCE VERY OF HIS GE UA NG LA HE WROTE IT IN FARSI—T IN A ED ION NT ME PRESSORS. YOU’VE OP Z’S OU HR BE SL ATING AT YOU WERE YOU’VE BEEN TRAN IOUS INTERVIEW TH EV PR TIINI HIM T WHAT ABOU WI TH BEHROUZ’S WORK SINCE 2016, TIALLY UNFAMILIAR INI DID W HO OF D AN WORK OF THE EFFECT S ALLY DREW YOU TO HIS WORDS BECAUSE E TH G ISH RIN RD DU KU VE EVOL L TRAUMA ON YOUR PARTNERSHIP INTERGENERATIONA D THE BOOK? ON ING RK P THAT HAS ENDURE WO OU T GR EN A TIME SP PEOPLE AS LK TA U YO N CA .

ECUTION ry SYSTEMATIC PERS uz’s writing [sic] in Februa hro Be SERVATION? of OB IS one d TH H rea t UG firs I for The US THRO te wro he icle art t firs the 2016—I think it was s after he began using his ational trauma, and Guardian and jus t month ical injustice, intergener tor His s wa icle art The pen name. t of the reality of being real name rat her than a tematic erasure are par sys of e iqu crit a s wa It of levels. t. In Iran, there are many remarkable on a number Kurdish in the Middle Eas ted era arc inc temic ter wri a itics by face various forms of sys the prison and border pol t I different groups that tha ly ate ed by edi rat imm d pet lise per I rea pression. This is by the same system, and nced oppression and sup erie lised exp ma and l nor ina and orig s, an within institution was reading something by rking the state, ingrained wo in and n ed tio olv inv ina n dom bee e of es hav rac tions. Cultur intellec tual. Ac tually, I y peoples for in social inte bod ed em y exil the and s ion ced dit pla tra dis and the ideas and with and suppor ting ion lus exc les mp s. exa ny der beyond bor ountered ma h other and also tra vel two decades and have enc response, and infect eac e ativ cre ways if positive, s, le lysi ltip mu ana l in ica d of testimony, crit y need to be resiste The . nce erie exp d live o have n is to take place. These resistance from people wh long-lasting transf ormatio with my modes of engagement e facts have determined exil and ent cem pla dis n. s lve to translatio My own family histor y invo Behrouz and my attitude cted by similar issues and affe n bee e hav I t, fac in so, cial I noticed there was a spe ethnic group in Iran (Farsi/ narratives my whole life.

I identif y with the dominant uz’s hro Be in e tur fea ed Persian) is the yer lti-la mu and my language (Farsi/ multidimensional and n) rsia Pe had I ics top ny themes and deeply aware of the article which spoke to ma ional language there; I am nat m. ivis act and ch n resear modern nation-building been working on in my ow consequences of Iran’s and ly n ate edi imm ge messa a process of Persianisatio So I sent him a Facebook program. This has involved an s wa I ny him ma of told e I ens en . Wh the exp we began a conversation has been implemented at s research ideas and and cus dis and traditions. While to ies d tor rte his sta , we ges ic gua academ ed identities, lan ask he en wh Kurdish t’s tha and cat ed my self regarding engaged intellectual work y good translating, I edu ver a s ledging wa now re Ack The . n. nce atio folklore, and resista , me to help with transl ure rat lite and d ate al, and symbolic article I transl tering the political, cultur response to the first cen and es, ech spe s, ting on article re key and determined we continued collabora es of Kurdish traditions we tur fea works. arding terminology, sty le, strategies, and building net so many of my choices reg OK voice, and tropes.

TRANSL ATING A BO WHAT WAS IT LIKE ?

RIFIC SURREALISM” s of displacement and DESCRIBED AS “HOR Also, my own experience ING AT SL AN in Iranian TR TH WI tion, and stigmatisation DID YOU ST RUGGLE IMATE exile, marginalisa INT ’S ed my SE enc EL E influ e ON hav , ME Australian society AND DISSECTING SO U KNOW society, and in YO E ON ME SO LLY TRAUMA , ESPECIA

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CW: DISCRIMINATION

MY OWN EXPERIENCES OF DISPLACEMENT AND EXILE, MARGINALISATION, AND STIGMATISATION IN IRANIAN SOCIETY, AND IN AUSTRALIAN SOCIETY, HAVE INFLUENCED MY INTERPRETATIONS AND ETHICAL STANCE.

N IN I T A S T R A E S V NVER ON CO C H T I H W T I W D ID MI OM O N A I H N G A I I F H OFIG TO T

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CW: DISCRIMINATION

RETROGRADE

LOUISA LUONG

N O I T N O I T

T OFIGHIAN AND ID M O N E E W T E B E T HE E A S LE AT THE B A LP A P S A W I N A H C BEHROUZ BOO OUNTAINS’ M E H T T U B D N IE R F O PANEL FOR ‘N RS’ FES T IVAL, E IT R W Y E N D Y S 9 1 AT T HE 20 ESTREV LI E B O T G IN V A H Z DESPITE BEHROU REMAINS L IL T S D N A — S A W E H AMED BECAUSE PAPUA NE W N O N IO T N E T E D E R —IN OFFSHO E TALK WAS IN H T F O Y IT R JO A M E H GUINE A . T UAL EXCHANGES S A C W FE A R FO E V A S , ENGLISH BEHROUZ E R E H W N E M O W T BE T WEEN THE TIONS IN HIS S E U Q R O S E S A R H P REDIRECTED TRANSL ATION. R O F ID M O O T E U G N NATIVE TO TLY SCRIBBLE ON N E IG IL D N E H T LD U O OMID W P IN DEEP U E Z A G , P A L IS H N O THE NOTEPAD UZ’S WORDS O R H E B R E V LI E D D N THOUGHT, A IS DEDICATION H T .

N IO IS C E R P D N A E WITH CAR W INDOW IN T O LL A M S A S R E F F O IL T O DE TA EEN NO T W T E B T S U R T S U O T H E T RE M E N D UTHOR, BUT A N A D N A R O T A L S N JUST A TRA FRIENDS. D E T C E P S E R N E E W T E B

rme that have had really ext “I’ve had women write to e “I’v s. lain exp ey m,” Wensl eme things happen to the g din tra are rs uto sec wn pro had people tell me that Cro ting figh are n me Wo s. rge sex with clients to drop cha ng physically assaulted…” bei d] [an e rap ual act e, off rap l, Harvey Weinstein scanda In the era of the unfolding n ow y ver its nsformed into Wensley’s blog quickl y tra of women from across ves Wa . ent #metoo movem junior clerks and interns to the legal profession—from ges—star ted to speak up. senior barristers and jud it, g stories that came with The blog, and the appallin were like a loaded gun.

ate practice, and the rates behaviour as women in priv , similarly high. Arthur Moses for sexual harassment are ke spo ly r Association, recent President of the NSW Ba o movement at Sydney ’s eto #m on a panel about the ses it. In a statement, Mo Women in Law Summ at n eve ers rist bar ment by condemned sexual harass the “lowest level”.

n t of venting about my ow “I started [my blog] just sor lly rea gs thin went viral and experiences and then it took off.”

d by a female colleague Wensley was encourage ll McVeagh scandal broke to speak up when the Russe of mer staff members in New Zealand. For se abu left, alleging sexual the top tier law firm had . of younger graduates ut] the Russell McVeagh “W hen [I first heard abo l? gue, ‘W hat’s the big dea scandal, I said to my collea ual sex ut abo g inin compla Why are these girls I part of what law is. When t jus t’s Tha nt? me harass messed up it was.” said it out loud I realised how

by condoned in any manner “Sexual harassment is not g. nin rve ng by and not inte the NSW Bar nor is standi d] [an ints ate any compla The NSW Bar will investig place regarding sexual in are tough sanctions ioners.” harassment by legal practit er’s chambers are in many In Wensley’s eyes, a barrist the “It’s par ticularl y bad with ways akin to a boy ’s club. the and ers rist bar the and QCs [Queen’s Counsel] ut abo is le-dominated. Bullying judges because it’s so ma g sin pis a t about power. It’s power and this is all jus t.” contest. It’s not about lus ly hts Commission’s recent The Australian Human Rig t tha ed eal rev ss, ine ne’s bus released sur vey, Everyo e lac rkp wo d nce erie exp had only 17% of people who made years five last the in nt me harass in se it’s mostly men these a formal complaint. “Becau lace often you’re in a workp powerf ul positions and of lot a l fee man, you can where you’re the onl y wo ” int, pla com l ma lodge a for pressure not to report or Eastman explains.

y women continue to sta Wensley says that many ure fut or s losing their job silent out of a fear of : “These are smart, ties uni ort opp employment women that argue for intelligent, well-educated eak] ne is too afraid to [sp a living and yet everyo drome.” up… It’s like Stockholm syn

n ing President of Wome Larissa Andelman, act the t of NSW, says tha Law yers Association for the introduction of g organisation is pushin se provisions would be bystander provisions. The sional conduct and would incorporated into profes t o witness sexual misconduc encourage individuals wh t tha nge cha to er rvene. “In ord land to speak up or inte Zea er w oth Ne out and ling n cal alia n str me d to have A 2015 study into Au of culture, you really nee t bet ween 50% and 60% .” our avi beh workplaces revealed tha bad men’s to some form of sexual law yers will be exposed one law kes ma s careers. Thi stop there. She also wants harassment during their Andelman doesn’t want to re osu exp real of es rat t highes agreements. “One of the of the professions with the to prohibit confidentiality ed der gen ed per es lud ham inc has which mied the law and to sexual harassment, ual concerns that has sty sex is and , ors ion rat ent pet att per ual sex deal with harassment, unwanted yer, the way companies law a hts is rig d an dee hum lity n ntia alia ds.” A confide coercion. Leading Austr e been confidentiality dee hav ere re wh the ent h tlem oug set alth a t to h parties Kate Eastman, says tha ual contract signed by bot s in the policing of sex keep details of the alleged to es mis pro significant improvement tim vic the to y wa g l. lon a l rs, there is stil netary payouts confidentia harassment over the yea harassment and any mo r ula pop these are widely go.

According to Andelman, alleged perpetrator, and the h bot because they allow in g livin l stil are we ed, improv e. She says she has never “W hile some things have their employer, to save fac will e tur cul ntiality the k thin I e. tur that didn’t include a confide a ver y male-dominated cul ically seen a set tlement tist uce sta rod are [int n to me ile wo wh be really worth eventually change when of men clause. “I think it’d io ds. rat dee the to lity ing ntia err fide ref is con ich] prohibits represented.” Eastman high rates legislation wh ual tes sex ut ribu att abo e ns Sh r. isio Ba dec W not get ting many to women on the NS are We s say and to nce law to this imbala use the rule of of sexual harassment in law assment and so we cannot har the on 45 of age n over the ut the hazards.” that there are more me educate our society abo her. get alto n me wo are re Bar than the ent Sydney -based employm a Cassandra Tay lor, a ed lish tlepub set alia a n str Au see of er il too has nev In 2014, the Law Counc ale law yer, says that she fem of lity % ntia 80 y fide ghl con rou t ying an accompan report which indicated tha ation at ment without rs mid tte inti ma or g the lyin of bul s d cific nce ’t go into spe barristers had experie nce this agreement.“I can erie exp to ly like as ce twi work. Barristers are

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CW: SEXUAL HARASSMENT, R*PE, SLUR

RETROGRADE lity. am bound by confidentia I’ve dealt with because I lly era gen es cas nt harassme The reality is, most sexual lic.” the pub set tle so they don’t go to ist stant degrading and sex Wensley admits that con her ced r male employer for comments from her forme d d. “[My former boss] use goo to up and leave law for y ett ‘pr his as oom meetings to introduce me to boardr in ks loo my ut d to talk abo little assistant,’ and he use ff like ‘you sound too girly, stu say and w my job intervie ’ It was enough to wear me speak with a deeper voice. time.” down over a long period of anonymous submissions Wensley recalls one of the m a couple of months ago fro she received on her blog ty cie So Law New Zealand a senior barrister. At a le ma one had , is in her sixties function, the woman, who her told r the ano ast, whilst barrister grope her bre a “lovely cunt” and he’d like had she like ked that she loo as never made a complaint, to “fuck it”. The woman eer -ending move. she knew it would be a car dozen [sic], if you don’t toe “Lawyers are a dime of out so fast. There are too the par ty line, you can be l to put up with this shit,” many law grads. It’s sur viva Wensley protests.

IMOGEN PEARSON

A S ’ A T I S ’ IT S ’ N A S ’ M N A M S ’ N A S ’ M N A M S ’ N A S ’ M N MA D L R D O L W R O W T IN THE SE XUAL HARASSMEN LEGAL PROFESSION

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CW: SEXUAL HARASSMENT, R*PE, SLUR

RETROGRADE

IMOGEN PEARSON

ALL THE T. U O T N R U B S A W Y OLIVIA WENSLE UNIVERSIT Y T A Y A W A D E K R O W YE ARS SHEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;D TED AS A L AWIT M D A E B D N A R A B TO SIT THE R. LE AVING LAW E H D IN H E B W O N E R YER WE BE EVEN LD U O W G IN Y TA S T WAS HARD, BU SLE Y BLE W N E W , 8 1 0 2 Y R A U R B E HARDER. IN F RASSMENT IN A H L A U X E S N O LE T THE WHIS ROFESSION BY P L A G LE D N A L A E Z THE NE W STARTING A BLOG.

0186

CHANGE IS THE LAW OF LIFE. AND THOSE WHO LOOK ONLY TO THE PAST OR PRESENT ARE CERTAIN TO MISS THE FUTURE. RETROGRADE

JOHN F. KENNEDY

0188

OPERATION LACUNA

KATHERINE ZHANG

N O I N T O A I R T E PERA OP O Y B A Y B N UNA CU AC LA L E N I E R E N I H THER AT KA K G N A G H N Z A ZH

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N N Y Y E E

OPERATION LACUNA

KATHERINE ZHANG

OTHER F O ID O V E H T O T IN ENTERING OWS GLIMP H S A N U C A L , S E C A P WORLDLY S ORY UNKNOWN. IT R R E T F O S M A LE G SES AND RIP AND DRIBBLE D S LE U B LO G T N E C IRIDES K ABYSS, C A L B A F O S W O LL O WITHIN THE H G AT THEIR IN T R O T N O C D N A G STRE TCHIN M. OWN VELVE T Y RHY TH

0192

WE MADE YOU A MIXTAPE

RETROGRADE

SAMUEL FRASER

Benzo—Blood Orange Jupiter—Kelela Jerrod—Solange Time Machine—WILLOW SHABUR—DORJ, Melodiesinfonie BASQUIAT—Jamila Woods, Saba Situationship—Snoh Aalegra Urban Jazz—IAMDDB Feels—Shay Lia Deep End—BenjiFlow Like me—Steve Lacy BMO—Ari Lennox DON’T JEALOUS ME—Tekno, Lord Afrixana — Mr Eazi, Yemi Alade Selfish—Little Simz, Cleo Sol Sacred Sex—Oli Furness Muyè—Rampa, Adam Port, &ME Solace—My Friend SUPERPOSITION—Daniel Caesar, John Mayer Special One.—Phony Ppl Space Break Interlude—IAMDDB

THE HE FUT FUT T AMY TOMA Hey everyone, I’m Amy! My sister named me after the teddy bear in Bananas in Pyjamas, but I guess it was good that Lulu wasn’t her favourite at the time.

I’m in my second year of Visual Communications and International Studies, and you’ll either find me somewhere in the DAB building or endlessly walking around Building 2 looking for a powerpoint. My hobbies include constantly deleting and redownloading Tinder, listening to fun podcasts, getting tattoos in between classes at uni (shoutout five hour gaps), and starting books that I know I will never finish reading.

ELBY CHAI Hello!! I’m Elby but feel free to use elbow/elbs/ebi or make your own! I’m in my second year of Visual Communications and BCII but I secretly just want to drink chai lattes and doodle tattoo ideas (on the rare occasion that the automatic doors in the DAB open for me). My sense of humour is questionable… but I get immense pleasure out of putting things on my dog’s head and the grandma emoji. Sometimes I watch crime shows and other times I just cry over nature documentaries. Most of the time I’m very bad at remembering to eat and sleep as my friends would tell you but I’m trying my best!!

ELLA CYRESZKO Hey, I’m Ella! I’m a first year Journalism and International Studies student (bonjour!) You’ll usually find me with an iced coffee in hand, telling you that being late is not my fault—the country trains run late! I have the worst case of FOMO you’ve ever seen, so don’t tempt me because I WILL watch that show that you’re 13 seasons into, and I will drive three hours just to have that veggie burger that was “amazeballs”. My hobbies include rewatching all six seasons of Sex and the City (yes I’m a Carrie), spending obscene amounts of money on skincare, and scrolling though pages of Pinterest looking at constellation piercings I know I’m too chicken to get! Also—buy me dumplings and I will love you forever.

ESTHER HANNAN-MOON Hey guys I’m Esther, not Hannah—I have no idea why but everyone I meet is convinced my name is Hannah.

You’re going to have to change my contact name in

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VERTIG VERTIG

TURE TURE your phone because I’m Esther through and through.

Being Esther usually means taking as many trips to the zoo as possible to gawke at all the cute baby animals. Puggles are my favourite (baby echidnas).

Other than that I’m sorry if I bump into you in the hallways, I’m incredibly clumsy and constantly have my head plastered to a book. Writing is an absolute passion of mine, hence my major in Creative Writing.

I’ve lost track of how many short story competitions I’ve entered… but that’s the key to writing, just keep moving forward, or sideways or backwards. You do you boo! Byeeeee!

JENNIFER WEN Hey, I’m Jen! I’m in my second year of Visual Communications and still endlessly grateful that I’m studying to become a designer rather than pursuing a history degree at USyd (and hence avoiding becoming a pretentious wanker). I love vegan pho, cats, and Doc Martens and have a wildly strong, wildly irrational fear of birds. Other passions include avoiding slow walkers in the Central tunnel, using Futura in all of my work, and surrounding myself with short friends so I feel less bad about being 5ft.

KARISHAMA SINGH Hey everyone, I’m Karishama (pronounced Kah-rishmah, but my ESL parents added an extra ‘a’ and now im stuck with it). I’m a second year Civil Engineering and Business student and my favourite pastime includes adding things to my wishlist but never actually buying them because I spent all my coin on concerts and festivals. I also love podcasts, philosophy, and saying “cool cool cool” in any situation (if you know you know).

RACHEL LEE Hi hi friends, I’m Rachel! I’m a second year Visual Communications and BCII student, meaning I spend waaay too much time writing on sticky notes and doing weird brainstorming exercises. My talents include making too many references to The Office, online shopping, and making the same dumb mistakes repeatedly (like getting super invested in The Bachelor every year even though it is so trash). I love going to cute lil cafes and brunching around, and anyone who says that breakfast is not the most important

meal of the day is wrong!!!

SOPHIE TYRRELL Hey fam :) I’m Sophie. I’m in my second year of Visual Communications, which I’m still hoping will let me make a career out of doodling in a notebook! I’ve got the most stereotypical white girl middle name in the game (yes, it’s Rose) and am probably most easily defined as being the only designer of the new Vertigo team that is over 5ft 2. I spend half my time trying to convince myself I’m a wine connoisseur and the other half drawing stuff on an iPad that cost wayyyy too much money, but in reality I’m just a part time waitress with no social skills ;) Nonetheless I’m excited for the year ahead and the future of Vertigo!

SUNNY ADCOCK Hey pals! I’m Sunny (yes that’s my real and full name) and I’m a first year Journalism and Public Communications student. My talents include neglecting the blog I’ve had since I was 11, reading books until the late hours, and binging Netflix at always inopportune times. I have a bad habit of always having to be “in the know” which is why I know far too much about pop culture and will probably ask you too many personal questions about your life and your ambitions—I’m working on it. I have zero sense of time management and am late to almost everything. In my defence, curls are hard AF to manage and make leaving the house take SO much longer (#mixedkidsstruggles) but sometimes yes, I am just sleeping.

EVLIN DUBOSE G’day y’all! I’m a hahlf-n-haalf Texan Australian writerdirector-composer-smoothie connoisseur in second year MAPs and Creative Writing. And if that doesn’t make me unique… it doesn’t. When not being tall and wearing turtleneck sweaters, converse, and dark lipstick, you can find me using Netflix to avoid all good society and creating a lookbook for the perfect Nordic writer’s den. My passion is for storytelling; I think nothing heals and bonds like a good story and a little empathy. Words be good. So I can’t wait to bring more stories to UTS, and to forge wonderful work and connections in the fires of Vertigo. Brb, gonna go make tea. Peace and love, and if and when possible, do a sneaky dance.

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0148 IN CONVERSATION WITH MAHALIA HANDLEY BY SUNNY ADCOCK 0172 THERE’S NO NEED TO KEEP YOUR LEGS SHUT! BY FR 0178 IN CONVERSATION WITH OMID TOFIGHIAN

BY LOUISA LUONG 0182 IT’S A MAN’S MAN’S MAN’S WORLD: SEXUAL HARASSMENT IN THE LEGAL PROFESSION BY IMOGEN PEARSON

FICTION

0112 TIME AND MEMORY BY MERU SHARMA 0133 THE COLONIST BY DUA ALKASSAR 0135 SEARCH HISTORY BY EVLIN DUBOSE 0167 THE WIVES BY GEORGIA WILDE

AMPLIFY

0124 A SPOKEN WORD POEM: THE ENDING BY AMANI MAHMOUD 0190 FUTURE PLAYLIST BY SAMUEL FRASER

SHOWCASE

0120 OUT OF THIS WORLD BY ADRIANE NESHODA 0128 LOSE MY MIND BY ZAIN SUDARIO 0142 FIERCE BY YAN MARTEA 0160 BREAKFAST ROAD BY JESSE VEGA 0171 SHADY LIBATION BY PATRICK KENNEDY 0188 OPERATION LACUNA BY KATHERINE ZHANG

OFFHAND

0106 CONTRIBUTORS 0108 WHAT’S YOUR UNI SUPERLATIVE? BY ELIZABETH GREEN 0113 BOO HOO! BY LUCY TASSEL

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF COUNTRY THE UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY SYDNEY WOULD LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE GADIGAL PEOPLE OF THE EORA NATION AS THE TRADITIONAL CUSTODIANS AND KNOWLEDGE KEEPERS OF THE LAND IN WHICH UTS NOW STANDS AND PAYS RESPECT TO ELDERS PAST, PRESENT, AND EMERGING. MAREE GRAHAM DEPUTY DIRECTOR, STUDENTS, AND COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT JUMBUNNA INSTITUTE FOR INDIGENOUS EDUCATION & RESEARCH

VERTIGO’S PUBLICATION VERTIGO IS PUBLISHED BY THE UTS STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION (UTSSA), AND PROUDLY PRINTED BY SOS PRINTING, ALEXANDRIA. THE CONTENTS OF VERTIGO DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE OPINION OF THE EDITORS, PRINTERS, OR THE UTSSA. VERTIGO AND ITS ENTIRE CONTENTS ARE PROTECTED BY COPYRIGHT. VERTIGO WILL RETAIN THE RIGHT TO REPUBLISH IN ANY FORMAT. CONTRIBUTORS RETAIN ALL OTHER RIGHTS FOR RESALE AND REPUBLICATION. NO MATERIAL MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE COPYRIGHT HOLDERS.

CONTENT WARNING SOME ARTICLES MAY CONTAIN THEMES OF BLOOD, DISCRIMINATION, INJURY, SUICIDE, SEX, SEXUAL ASSAULT, SEXUAL HARRASSMENT, AND SLURS. IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS EXPERIENCING, OR HAS EXPERIENCED SEXUAL ABUSE, YOU CAN CALL OR REFER THE PERSON TO THE FOLLOWING CONFIDENTIAL HOTLINES. GENERAL—1800 737 732 COUNSELLING—1800 211 028 CRISIS CENTRE—1800 424 017 IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS STRUGGLING WITH MENTAL HEALTH, PLEASE CONSIDER SPEAKING TO YOUR LOCAL GP, A HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL, OR CALLING ONE OF THE NUMBERS BELOW. LIFELINE—13 11 14 BEYOND BLUE— 1300 22 4636

VERTIGO Front cover designed by Adriane Neshoda in collaboration with Marissa Vafakos.

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