Newspaper Issue 6 - 2015

ISSUE NO. 6

NEWS University of Technology Sydney Student Publication

MINDS BEHIND BARS: EXPLORING MENTAL HEALTH IN PRISONERS

INSIDE UTS NEWS

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UTS, You May Now Kiss The Pride, Disorganisation in the SA, he Trouble with Trimesters & Sleep, it’s worth losing sleep over

OPINION

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by Harry Easton Dear Joe Hockey, Afternoon Musings & We Shouldn’t Have to Cop it The health issues of prisoners within NSW jails are rarely placed in the national spotlight. There is a prevailing thought that those who have been convicted for a crime deserve to “do the time” behind bars.

Yet the isolated environment of jail can be a trigger point for mental illnesses to develop.

There is also strong evidence of mental illness sufferers making up a large majority of the personnel in NSW correction services.

Brett Collins spent 10 years in jail during the 1970’s. He is now Co-ordinator of Justice Action, a community-based advocacy group that focuses on criminal justice and health systems, assisting those who suffer abuse form the system.

He says that a 2007 Australian Bureau of Statistics report on female prisoners found that 78% of men and 90% of women in the 12 months before sentencing had come to the attention of mental health authorities.

“Its a very significant statistic. Most people inside prison are likely to have a whole

range of other social disabilities and mental illness as part of a spectrum of problems they have.”

In April 2015 a report by the Inspector of Custodial Services, Dr John Paget, titled Full House: The growth of the inmate population in NSW highlighted a range of issues NSW jails are facing due to increasing imprisonment rates across the state.

Mr Collins said there were a variety of factors that led to prisoners suffering from mental health problems.

“You’ve got isolation, loss of connection between people. It’s no surprise at all people end up with mental health issues. People are frightened when they are in jail; they feel as though they are likely to be preyed on. You end up with a tension for people trying to avoid interactions and avoid antagonising others.”

Deputy Director of the Sydney Institute of Criminology, Dr Garner Clancey, said the prison environment could compound

underlying psychiatric issues that individuals may have.

“A prisoner suffering from a mood disorder might find that symptoms are exacerbated by entering prison, especially if it is their first time. Anxiety associated with entering the prison system, possible disruption to previous medication regimes, difficulties adjusting to routines... all have the potential to exacerbate any pre-existing psychiatric illness.”

The confined spaces of the prison cells can also heighten stress and anxiety. Prisoners placed in these conditions for extended periods of time, as the Inspector’s report found that NSW jails had the lowest number of out-of-cell hours in the country.

Its findings show that for 16 hours a day, prisoners have no access to fresh air, programs, recreation activities, or contact with their families.

Mr Collins says these restrictions are unacceptable.

FEATURE

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Daulatdia

SPORT

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Ashes Fever, Commentary on Adam Goodes, The Ultimate Guide to Future Olympic Sports, Australian women dominate global sporting arena

SUBMIT TO VERTIGO

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Call out for new editors

REAR WINDOW

24

Café accidentally hires competent employee & That guy you like totally just looked at you, report finds

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ISSUE NO. 6

CONTENTS COVER

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Minds Behind Bars: Exploring Mental Health in Prisoners

UTS NEWS

4

VERTIGO

ISSUE 6 EDITORIAL

UTS, You May Now Kiss The Pride, Disorganisation in the SA, he Trouble with Trimesters & Sleep, it’s worth losing sleep over

CLUBS

6

UTS ALP Club & UTS Labor Club

LETTERS

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Letters to the editor

OPINION

8

Dear Joe Hockey, Afternoon Musings & We Shouldn’t Have to Cop it

MAJOR REPORTS

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President, Education Vice President & Secretary reports

MINOR REPORTS

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Postgraduate report

FEATURE

12

Daulatdia

SPORT

14

Ashes Fever, Commentary on Adam Goodes, The Ultimate Guide to Future Olympic Sports, Australian women dominate global sporting arena

POP CULTURE

17

Ruben Guthrie & The Emperors

REVIEWS

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Threads Podcast, Hockey Dad & Gemma Bovery

GAMES

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Sudoku

ADVICE

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Horoscopes, Sex Column & Agony Aunt

SUBMIT TO VERTIGO

22

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Events Transpire Probably & Satire writer apologises for agreeing to write four articles

REAR WINDOW

the VMAs, and imma let you finish but Raveena’s article is the realest article of all time.

Plus we’ve even done a double spread of your opinions and musings, because we are all about you getting your voices out there.

While I’m tempted to blame my parents choosing Kendall over Rainbird as my last name as the reason I’m not the modern day equivalent of first weatherman in Australia, I guess I’ll just have to settle. I’m not even the first student editor in my family. But this is the first sixth edition of the Vertigo Newspaper, and that’s good enough for me.

Katie, and the Vertigo News Team x

VERTIGO EDITORIAL

WITH SUPPORT FROM

EDITORS

UTS Student Association Spotpress Pty Ltd. Marrickville

Allison Bermingham Cameron Hart Christopher Quyen Dihn Gabrielle Rawlings James Wilson June Murtagh Katie Kendall Sambavi Seemaran Rachael Versace

DESIGN CREATIVE DIRECTORS

Call out for new editors

REAR WINDOW

over indulged in this tendency over the holidays, and when it came time to re-emerge into the news world, I was infinite steps behind.

Luckily for you, our trusty writers are not. With Dean Mattar and Max Murphy informing you on the latest university policy changes and how they will impact your degree, this issue gets straight to the point of what you need to know as students.

We’re also looking closely at mental health, with Harry Easton looking at mental health in prisons, and what habits we might not even be thinking about that impact our mental health.

Our feature for this issue by Surabi Allaudin, is a look at the reality of sex work outside of the first world, hoping to lift the lid on the darker sides of the profession internationally and expand existing discussions around it.

While we’re at conversation points, Raveena Grover interrogates racism and

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Imma let you finish & Julie Andrews to direct Australian production of My Fair Lady

FILM REVIEWS

My grandfather was Australia’s first television weatherman. Back before the days of glamorous weather girls and moving diagrams depicting rain patterns, Alan Rainbird took to the black and white screen and let Australian know whether they would need an umbrella tomorrow. Yes, we can all pause and take a moment for the fact that my weatherman grandfather’s surname was Rainbird.

My grandfather is a scientist, with a newsman’s sensibilities, and there was never a day when I would visit where he didn’t begin his morning with the Canberra Times.

I remember once, in the years of my youth, he said to me: “Kate if you miss one day of news, you’re already too far behind.”

When it came to putting this paper together, I realised how deeply true that was.

I am unfortunately, a newswoman with a retired old Hollywood actress’s sensibilities, sometimes I’m just completely over it and I want to hide away from the world forever. I

24

Café accidentally hires competent employee & That guy you like totally just looked at you, report finds

Ting He Rose Wallace McEwen

DESIGNERS Cassie Ciccarelli Collette Duong Matthew Harrington Joy Li Bec Lorey Brian Nguyen Angela Tam

COPYRIGHT CONTRIBUTIONS COVER ART Derek Key

Vertigo and its entire contents are protected by copyright. Vertigo will retain reprint rights; contributors retain all other rights for resale and republication. No material may be produced without the prior written consent of the copyright holders.

WRITERS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Alex Blair Harry Easton Dean Mattar Max Murphy Jean Mackay Alicia Easaw-Mamutill Jade Ellen Oliver Morassut Raveena Grover Bryce Thomas Chris McKay Zalehah Turner Nicole Walters

Vertigo would like to pay respect to the Traditional Owners of the land on which the UTS now stands, the Gadigal and Kuringgai people of the Eora Nation. We acknowledge that more than 500 Indigenous Nations shared this land for over 40 000 years before European invasion. We extend our solidarity and commitment to those Indigenous peoples, in Australia and internationally, who partake in the ongoing struggle for the land rights, sovereignty, self-determination, and recognition and compensation for past injuries.

VERTIGO

17TH AUGUST

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APOLOGIES AND CORRECTIONS

Vertigo has’nt received nearly enough complaints about our erorrs, and we are pyning for some more next time arownd. We understand a whole holidayz has passt, and youve forgiven our misssspellings and misplaced comma,s, and we thank you for it, but we nead to know what wev’e done wrong so we can fill this Space.

Inevitably, SomeOnes name is miss spelled, someones’ mother is offended, or someone can’t handle the harsh truth of their horoscope.

So we do’t see this space looking quyte so bear next time, please feel free to contact us via email, carrier pigon, smok signal, or notis pinned to our offise door.

PAGE 1 CONTINUED “You have people who are normally working or moving around, who have social interactions with people, locked in an area that is the size of a bathroom. You throw 2 human beings who are under immense pressure and there are questions of dominance and respect… and these are the sort of tensions that make people fearful and concerned.”

The implications for prisoners are potentially fatal. Dr Clancey believes prisoners can become prone to self-harm and even suicide, and there is evidence to support this.

Earlier this year, an inquest was held into the suicide of a male inmate at the Alexander Maconochie Centre in Canberra. The coroner heard that the inmate, who was on anti-psychotic medication, had to be moved out of the Centre’s mental health unit due to high demand for beds. He took his own life shortly after being transferred.

Dr Clancey says the NSW Justice Health and Forensic Mental Health Network provides a range of health services to prisoners, but stressed that the demand was intensifying.

“The growing numbers of prisoners and the increasing prevalence of mental illness in the prisoner population place ever growing demand on these services. More prisoners

in cramped environments locked in cells for long periods will only result in greater psychological distress.”

Prisoners themselves are also wary of seeking assistance and in some cases don’t want to be formally diagnosed as having mental illnesses. Mr Collins says prisoners do not trust doctors and are fearful of the system.

“As soon as they get diagnosed, they feel as though they are being targeted as conditions for people who are in mental health pods are worse than that of the major part of the jail. They lose social interactions with other prisoners. In the major part of the jail you have a chance to get a job, support, education but in the mental health pod you get none of those things.”

Even when prisoners apply for an appointment with nurses and doctors, there is a high rate of cancellations. The Inspector’s report found that 50% of appointments didn’t occur to lack of officers available to transport prisoners to the specialist.

Mr Collins also highlighted that prisoners themselves face losing key benefits if they visit the specialists.

“They don’t want to go to appointments, as they will lose their cell where they already have some stability, a place to themselves.”

The Inspector’s recommendations for change in the correction service system include increases in out-of-cells hours, easier access to medication and prioritising staff roles. Mr Collins believes these are good starting points and highlights the possible use of electronic bracelets in the future.

“Instead of being sentenced, you can be monitored in an area for over an extended period. So you have the same control without the expenses and the destruction of locking people up. They use them now for people charged with sex offences, but they haven’t really been expanded into the general community.

“A lot of prisoners have come to us [Justice Action] and they think the monitoring system of the electronic bracelet has prevented them from doing illegal things.

“Then the money that is normally used to lock prisoners up can be spent on offering the positive services those inmates with mental health issues need.”

Dr Clancey believes that a communitybased prevention strategy and a review of the isolating prison environment could decrease the number of prisoners with mental illnesses.

“Improving the availability of mental health services in the community will help

to ensure mental illness is diagnosed earlier and more readily, rather than such diagnoses becoming evident for the first time in prison.”

Mr Collins agrees that early prevention is vital.

“If the health issues had been dealt with in the community, before the offence had occurred, then there would neither be an offence nor a victim. The economic cost would also be avoided… as well as the social cost, the cost to the victim. Clearly there is a need for proper community mental health care and social support.”

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ISSUE NO. 6

VERTIGO

THE TROUBLE WITH TRIMESTERS

by Max Murphy UTS will be introducing a new academic year in 2016 that will be called balanced semesters. This involves a shorter 12 week semester and an extended summer session, in an effort to encourage more students to enrol in three teaching periods per year. The university has said that they are wanting to do this to bring UTS “into line with other Australian Universities”, despite the fact that only a hand full of Universities actually have this in place and other universities in Sydney like UNSW and the University of Sydney don’t have it at all.

W hile the Summer Session isn’t compulsory for the next two years, there are concerns that the new balanced semester model is just a stepping stone to three compulsory teaching periods or trimesters.

Universities that have the trimester model have expressed their concerns, such as at Melbourne’s Deakin University, of which staff member Dr Kellie Saville has said: “The proposed change to 3 ten-

week trimesters within one calendar year threatens educational quality, curriculum delivery and time for student reflection and absorption of material.”

To make matters worse, around two thirds of all our staff at UTS are employed on a casual basis, which means staff are only paid for the hours they are required to work. This is the reason why staff are sometimes slow to reply to emails, hard to meet with outside of class times and why there is often a delay between completing an assessment and receiving your marks. These issues are only going to get worse if staff have to do more work in less time for the same amount of pay.

Needless to say there are some benefits to this model; you can complete your degree a lot faster and you can retake subjects if you fail throughout the year. However having more students on campus will put extra stress on student services, extra stress on casual staff, condensed course content and

if they university to happen to ever make the summer session compulsory then students will have to attend the University through the holidays.

There is a powerpoint to be circulated around the University this Semester called “Academic Calendar 2016: Update” which has been put together by UTS Management that are highly concerning. The powerpoint says verbatim that “Any decisions to deliver mandatory Summer session study will be taken on a case by case basis, must not disadvantage students and must be efficient for the University”, and in the powerpoint they have a section detailing the benefits for students but fail to provide a holistic representation of the model by not having any mention of the possible negative effects.

The nature of the power point indicates that in the future the university may move to a compulsory trimester model.

Some of the other concerning things in this powerpoint include quotes like “fewer

then elected President of the UTS Student Association Ryan Heath sent a clear message stating that “students are prepared to campaign for the next six months if necessary.”

In a fit of rage and unity, hundreds of students mobilised, in solidarity, and marched to occupy the acting vice-chancellor’s office.

Thirty students from UTS were arrested and charged. The UTSSA continued the campaign, fighting for the rights of LGBTI students against bigotry and ignorance.

Australian universities have an important role to play in promoting inclusion and tolerance. UTSSA has always supported diversity in the higher education sector and recognise the rights of our lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex (LGBTI) students and employees to learn, live and work, free of prejudice and discrimination, with all the essential freedoms enjoyed by other members of our university community and the broader population.

Australians are increasingly supportive of marriage equality, with a recent Crosby Textor survey showing seventy-two percent of Australians are in favour of same sex couples marrying. We in the student union, continue to fight for the rights of the minority and believe this overwhelming level of support should be reflected with legal change.

As such, 14 years later, the President of the Students’ Association I am happy to see UTS, stand alongside with the UTS Students Association, pledging their support for Marriage Equality as evidenced on the Australian Marriage Equality website.

I believe that learning and academic achievement flourishes when all members of the university community have their dignity and equality recognised. And that equal marriage rights are the way forward, and it is important for creating a climate where knowledge, achievement and intellectual output can flourish.

I acknowledge that the fight will continue after Marriage Equality has been won, for those who are marginalised and disadvantaged within the LGBTI community.

The UTSSA will be supporting the Rally on the 9th of August to demand the passage of full marriage rights for LGBTIQ people in Australia. That we stand in solidarity and welcome the reintroduction of marriage equality bills into parliament and we have had enough of waiting. That the UTSSA encourages students and staff to get involved with the UTSSA Queer Collective and Community Action Against Homophobia to continue the fight for Marriage Rights!

UTS, YOU MAY NOW KISS THE PRIDE

by Dean Mattar

After a long fight and direct student action, UTS has taken an official stance towards supporting marriage equality. This however, has not always been the case.

On the morning of August 9th 2001, university management passed a motion at University Council a few days prior stating that it would be “inappropriate for the university to support an external organisation (such as Mardi Gras) which sponsors or espouses a particular belief, opinion, attitude, or lifestyle [which has] no educational significance.”

Thus, rejecting UTS participation, funding and supporting students in the 2001 Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras.

The Vice Chancellor, Gerald Brennan, claimed that official university support and funding for the Mardi Gras would potentially alienate many on whose favourable opinion the future of our educational efforts depend.

Brennan said: “Among the staff and students of the university, there are many … who would regard the celebration by the Mardi Gras of gay and lesbian sexuality as morally undesirable, perhaps offensive”.

In a mere three days, the University of Technology Sydney Students’ Association acted, campaigning and collecting more than 2000 students and staff signatures for a petition condemning the council and demanding a repeal of the motion. The

teaching weeks does not mean fewer learning weeks”, which are unclear and ambiguous.

This campaign is designed to focus on retaining the summer teaching period as optional and addressing some of the concerning comments mentioned prior.

The campaign is asking for a clear public statement from the VC saying the third teaching period will forever be optional and to help support staff with the increased workload.

In the past three days, dozens of students have come into the Student’s Association office to ask to sign the petition because they have found out about the campaign by word of mouth.

If you, like the dozens of Students who have wanted to sign the petition want to find out more then head to our Facebook page: http://on.fb.me/1DsnAMP and sign the petition: http://chn.ge/1LLeu0g.

VERTIGO

17TH AUGUST

5

LOSING SLEEP, IT’S WORTH LOSING SLEEP OVER

by Harry Easton Sleep. Many of us don’t get enough of it.

Lack of sleep can have enormous effects on the workplace environment and on our social lives. But it may also be damaging our health and sending us to an early grave.

The Workplace Health Promotion Network [WHPN] recently held its quarterly meeting in Sydney’s CBD. The WHPN meetings address health and wellbeing issues in workplaces by inviting experts in various fields to present new information and case studies.

One of the presenters was Peter Cistulli.

Mr Cistulli is Head of the Discipline of Sleep Medicine in the Faculty of Medicine from the University of Sydney.

According to Mr Cistulli, the three most important things that impact our lives are nutrition, exercise and sleep. In Australia, the media is constantly telling us about the newest diet craze or the best workout methods. But sleep is rarely given any attention.

In recent years, many of us have read or heard about sleep becoming an increasingly

neglected part of our lives. Contemporary society is now a 24 hour society, with our sleep becoming a casualty.

“It’s absolutely crazy for all of us, it’s just unbelievable,” said Mr Cistulli “Employers are trying to extract every last bit out of us, we live in a hyper connected world that’s 24/7, we’ve got electronic gadgets that don’t go to sleep, so that’s what we’re facing in our world today.”

The dividing lines between work, sleep and life have merged. When people start feeling stressed and anxious at work, it can lead to poor sleep that night. The poor sleep patterns then influence the work hours for the next day, creating more stress and generating a vicious cycle.

In 2011, the Sleep Health Foundation commissioned a report which estimated that the total cost associated with sleep disorders in Australia was $36.4 billion. Sleep apnoea was the main contributor ($21 billion) followed by insomnia ($11 billion).

Mr Cistulli said these results were quite alarming.

“This doesn’t even factor in bad sleep behaviours which are probably even more common and cause more problems. So we’re talking about a huge economic problem that affects us accordingly.”

Consequences of sleep apnoea include memory and concentration disturbances, high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke and diabetes. People who snore and have sleep apnoea can even have an increased risk of motor vehicle accidents.

“There are simple mouth guards that are useful in some people. Some people are helped by an operation. For people who are overweight getting onto the exercise and diet and losing weight goes a long way towards solving the problem.”

In general though, poor sleep behaviour patterns can affect anyone in any state of health.

Symptoms of ADHD are a common side effect of sleep apnoea, as are heart conditions

and Type 2 Diabetes. Mr Cistulli also reinforced the mental impacts it can have.

“Sleep deprivation can cause irritability, memory impairment… moral judgement can be impaired. People make bad decisions when they’re sleep deprived. Mental health issues can emerge in people who are chronically sleep disordered or sleep deprived.”

Mr Cistulli recommends 7.5 to 8 hours sleep and says there are stimulants at night people should avoid such as caffeine and exercise. He believes that creating a resting ‘environment’ is one of the best ways to get sufficient sleep.

“We’re trying to develop a psychological link between bed and sleep, bed being a place of rest and restoration... So that’s really important, it needs to be a safe place for sleeping.”

MAX

ALL EYES ON ALLIES

Katie Kendall

From Monday the 17th of August UTS will be celebrating Diversity Week.

Diversity Week hopes to provide an opportunity to celebrate diversity, and explore prejudice, with the theme “Social Justice” providing inspiration for the weeks activities.

One controversial move by UTS was to include a “Meet Your Ally” stall aimed at representing queer diversity on campus.

This is included alongside an ‘ally training workshop’ aiming to educate students and staff on how to be effective allies on campus.

While the intention of the stall seems to be to educate, some queer students feel the focus of Diversity Week should be on queer students themselves and not on their allies.

Raveena Grover said: “I wonder what steps they took to ensure that LGBT+ students would appreciate this form of support. Many of us feel our spaces are already unfairly occupied by allies, and I am not alone in saying LGBT+ students would much prefer to seek support from other LGBT+ students than allies whom, however educated about

Image: Social Justice at UTS

LGBT+ issues they are, have never and will never face them.”

Many feel that the spot would be better filled by queer students, who could educate on their own experiences and encourage allyship that way.

Grover said: “Personally, I would be happy to volunteer to be a pillar of support for new or closeted LGBT+ students, rather than have allies take this position.”.

Others however feel this stall represents an important opportunity for those who are straight, questioning or closeted to become more engaged in the queer community on campus in a non-invasive way.

This raises an important question as to what the role of diversity week is on campus, as both an educational and celebratory experience.

Similarly, some students have taken issue with some guests invited to speak during the week, including activist Eva Cox, calling into question how progressive Diversity Week can be considered.

Student activist, Andy Zephyr, said: “Eva Cox is the person who has claimed Indigenous and women’s issues are more visible with Tony Abbott as the Minister for their portfolios.

She represents where second wave feminism can succeed and where it is limited, in failing to pass the baton of social justice to those women who she’s failed to represent.”

Zephy believes that this approach to advocacy, and to Diversity Week, leaves much to be desired by students living with genuine diversity.

Zephyr said: “Her advocated slowand-steady approach to societal change is reminiscent to what intersectional women have been hearing for decades; wait in line and then it will be your turn, but that’s not what I intend to do.”

There are many activities available to students throughout the week, including a talk on Monday 17th August by two students, Sarah Yaha and Ameel Saeed, who will speak about the experiences that led to their families seeking asylum in Australia.

In contrast to more controversial decisions, there are a plethora of showcases, including independent films and a vast number of activities aiming to help make the campus more inclusive.

Diversity week is part of the work done by the Equity and Diversity service on campus at UTS in attempt to start a conversation about social justice and diversity on and around campus.

The full schedule of events is available on the diversity week website, and despite the concerns expressed by some, others are optimistic it will be a week that will encourage awareness and celebration of diversity.

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ISSUE NO. 6

CLUBS & ACTIVITIES UTS ALP CLUB

UTS LABOR CLUB

by Peter Zacharatos

by Maddy T-Maclean

The UTS ALP Club is the official body of the NSW Australian Labor Party on campus. We are more than just your ordinary campus club, we have connections across all major university campuses and ensure that you will have the ability to create networks across a wide variety of people. We engage in student politics, activism and networking to ensure that university is a fun and rewarding time for our members.

One of our core aims is to ensure that any member who joins our club obtains a position in student politics somewhere on campus and we aim to mentor and grow the ambition of our members.

As a club we coordinate campaigns for each of these bodies as an effective unit and last year we ensured that every member on our executive was elected to a representative position on campus. We believe that student politics can make a real difference, whilst providing our members with valuable life experience that could provide you with the pathway to a political career.

Aside from being committed political club we also hold a variety of events throughout the year in order to engage the UTS student body. For example we recently held a Labor vs Liberal debate and a Multiculturalism Launch where we attracted hundreds of people and had state and federal MPs in attendance.

On the whole if you wish to be elected a position in student politics, attend insightful conferences and organise engaging events, please sign up to the UTS ALP Club and help us promote progressive values on campus.

The UTS Labor club is the best mixture of politics and partying a student can get. Our classic “politics in the pub” is notorious for its extravagant bar tab thanks to our secretary Max whom insists that we need that little bit extra. The red theme always goes hand in hand with the loft and “solidarity forever” can be heard from miles away.

We also manage to get some fantastic people such a Tanya Plibersek, Jo Haylen and Linda Burney to come along and talk about relevant issues. You may have noticed that all those names are women, that’s because one of our main objectives in the club is to not only give women a voice in politics but also change the way in which politics in general is seen as a “boys club”.

We not only promote women but also indigenous, queer and low socio-economic students to find a voice within the club. If you are none of those characteristics and still find you dislike the Libs we want you!

It I bet you’re wondering why there are two labor clubs at UTS? Well all I can say about our labor club is that we are as left wing as your going to get in Labor.

I dare say pretty much a bunch of commies?

I would like to reinforce though you do not have to have a love of socialism to join (although is preferable). You just have to have an open mind. If this sounds like you then first of all join a union and secondly come on down the loft on the 25th of August for some banter and beer.

If that still doesn’t sound like your cup of alcohol feel free to email us at laborclub. uts@gmail.com and join us for a QandA session in which I personally love to watch Liberals squirm.

For further information contact: Peter Zacharatos 0413711841 UTS ALP Club President

In Solidarity President Maddy T-Maclean.

VERTIGO

VERTIGO

17TH AUGUST

7

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Hi my name is Brendon and I am a 3rd year Architecture Student here at UTS. I frequently collect the Vertigo student publications throughout semester and then read them during the mid-semester and or mid year break, which is when I have a little extra time.

I would like to send a response/ correspondence to both the editors of Issue No. 5 Vertigo (date 25th May) and in particular to writer, Raveena Grover, who wrote the article ‘Financial Strains Drain International Students at UTS.’ This article makes a number of claims and or statements to the injustices and inequities of the international fees that international students have to pay. I would like to invite these writers to hear the flip side.

Firstly, The reason why international students fee’s are higher is because they are foreigners and as such are not entitled to an Australian Tax Payer’s Funded Subsided Education. The same rules apply if Australian’s wanted to Study their whole degree Overseas in say Europe or the United Arab Emirates or America. Australian Tax money is not funding subsided education fees in those places, so why should we be entitled to receive the same fee rate as locals (whose parents and society at large contribute towards via taxes). Basically, you cannot cry for more equality in fee rates because the same rules that apply to foreigners in Australia, also applies to Australian’s abroad.

Secondly, the statement made by Baweje towards the end of the article,’the popular belief that all international students are “rich”, is false’, I believe is a fallacy and one cannot blame local students for having such ideas. Let me put it this way, the fact that you have become an “international student”, means you are in the unique privilege of studying your degree (or double degree) overseas (in Sydney, Australia) and as such this places you in a higher privileged position than many local students such as myself for example. I could never afford to have the opportunity to get a “better” education abroad. I would love to study at University College London, as I know it would give me a better education than UTS, however I am not “rich” or privileged enough to ever be able too, I could not afford the international fees there nor would I be able to access the sort of finance which would be needed to study there. Further to this, If my fees were at the same level as international students pay (which you clearly can afford, given you have made the decision to come study here, no-one is forcing you), I would not be able to receive a higher education. Think about that for a minute. Given these facts, you are “richer” than me and many of my fellow local students.

Lastly, International students with the belief that they’re “doing it tougher” than all local students and as such feel a great inequity here, need to reassess this claim or way of

thinking and use some hard evidence to justify it. There are many local students (I am one of them) who don’t have financial or emotional support from parents and also work part-time at minimum wage, whilst studying Full Time just to keep a roof over my head. In conclusion, International students need to reassess the inequity they claim to be feeling. Financial Strains Drain Local Students at UTS. Regards, Brendon Dear Vertigo, I am a regular reader of your publication – I love it very much! As a result I have on several occasions made an attempt to find your office, to meet you all there, and to congratulate you on the fine effort you always put into this newspaper.

that outwardly shame all racist forms of thinking when it comes to refugees and asylum seekers, I would rather see you take an active stance in favour of vilifying the Australian’s who do not support asylum seekers – not those we are turning away.

I understand why pieces like this are published, you want to shed light on a diverse range of student opinions, but when things are controversial for the sake of controversy they can be deeply damaging to the complexity of the date.

That being said, have loved a lot of what you’ve done with the paper this year and will continue to be a loyal reader.

Thanks, Stephanie Renner Dear Vertigo,

I can’t seem, however, to be able to find your office. Building 2 is a deeply confusing building; there are so many different stairs and elevators.

However I’ve heard rumblings you are being moved to a more convenient location next year, and therefore hope to visit you then.

I hope this letter is enough in the interim, to praise the good hard work you do.

Regards, Sam Captain Dear Vertigo, I would like to respond a piece entitled “A Labour of Love” in a previous edition of this newspaper.

I understand what the author was trying to say, but the implication that refugees can somehow only be validated as a necessary asset to society by the idea that they will take “shitty” jobs no one else wants to do, is ridiculous.

It is my believe that we should not be pandering to the racist tendencies of our nation to view peoples right to seek asylum as their right to submit to the workforce and prove their worth through how much capital they can produce for others.

Perhaps a huge part of our refugee problem is neglect for the humanity of Asylum Seekers, if we treat people like they are criminal we will start believing they are.

Then again, I am not certain there is anything irreconcilably wrong about being a criminal either. This system is one that lacks redemption and empathy and we should be ashamed.

I would rather see articles in vertigo

I wanted to raise the idea that your scope of content has been a little limited this year.

We’ve heard a lot about ‘feminism’ and ‘queer rights’ but not a lot about topics of genuine substance such as science, technology or gaming. These sorts of articles have featured in with the fluffier content in the past and I thought you should know you are alienating a great number of potential readers with your left wing agenda.

Perhaps if you aired more concrete arguments, or investigated types of thinking that could be quantified or proven, you could expand your readership and be less of a cliché student publication.

Cheers, Douglas Farthing

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ISSUE NO. 6

VERTIGO

DEAR MR HOCKEY

by Jean Mackay Image: Australian Greens Website

I turned 21 last weekend. You know this already because on Monday I received a personalised “message of congratulations” signed by you and extending your best wishes for my birthday, and the hope that the years ahead bring me “every success”.

Thank you. I too hope that my upcoming years are successful but I have to admit that I am a bit worried.

Standing where I am at the moment – a young woman halfway through a journalism degree - I’m not overly optimistic. At the end of your message you kindly said that if you could help me at all in your role as my Federal MP I shouldn’t “hesitate to contact you”. So here goes…

Firstly my university HELP loan and fees.

You have already told me that the best way for me to become financially stable and in a good position to pay off my student loans is to get a good job that pays good

money. However this isn’t always possible, especially with funding cuts to the ABC, which is one of the primary employers of young journalists in Australia. If those fees I had to pay back weren’t regulated, spending my entire adult life in debt even with a good job is not what I think of as a fair go, and neither does an individual’s financial status determining their ability to gain a tertiary education. You sai in your letter it wasn’t so long ago that you were 21, and my Mum remembers you then, fighting for the right to a free education. So do you think maybe you could remember too and make sure that the idea of uncapping university fees doesn’t turn up gain in the next budget?

I have another request. You see as well as being a member of your electorate and a university student I am also a woman.

Which to be honest I like, it’s a cool thing to be and we can do something pretty great things that men can’t – like having babies –

and as a consequence of these unique skills there are a few issue that directly effect us.

Like menstruating. It happens to nearly 50% of the adult population, and requires some form of female sanitary product.

Now these mightn’t be super expensive and I might only need to buy them once a month, but they are necessary. I mean I don’t know anyone who thinks, “nah, I’ll just go without this month and bleed all over everything.” So do you think you might be able to help fix that misunderstanding about the “necessity” of such products and the consequent tax on them? (And while you’re at it provide some funding in your next budget from homeless women who also need these products?)

Finally Mr Hockey, I don’t think it’s very nice to call people names. So could you apologise for when you claimed that women who used the paid maternity leave provided by their employers and also accessed the

AFTERNOON MUSINGS

by Alicia Easaw-Mamutil Being an over-socialised child in my twenties, I spend far too much of my time dwelling on the big issues in life such as, “why do I eventually hate everyone I know?” and, “what is the point of comedy?”

In the happy land of coincidences that exists in my brain, I have found a correlation between these two main ideas and I have decided to publish my thoughts in the magazine of a university I never attended.

To start, let me just express my half-baked thesis that, “we hate people because they indulge in personality traits we repress.”

Travelling even deeper down this negative train of thought, I believe that there is an inherent truth in that weak line, “they’re cruel to you because they’re jealous of you;” in that we are all secretly jealous of our enemies’ liberal expression of (what we perceive to be) objectively negative qualities.

For example, I generally dislike people who feel completely comfortable with small talk and I justify this hatred by thinking that they’re just dull, lifeless cogs who are part of the MACHINE which will eventually devour the world whole and leave behind a dystopic wasteland where “normcore” fashion is our uniform and reality television is our education system. If I’m being totally honest though, I know this hatred is actually

borne out of a jealousy of people who can have quick, simple interactions with others without bringing up the fact that they’ve had tomato sauce in their hair since lunch.

Now that my first theory has been poorly explained, let’s move on to the reason for comedy. I’ve asked several people for their opinions on this, but this is my article, so here’s my theory: “comedy is a human defence mechanism against sadness.” Think of any joke or comedic scene you’ve ever witnessed, and you’ll soon realise that the nature of the comedy was probably rooted in sadness or pain. If you don’t come to this conclusion, then neither you nor I are trying hard enough. So, assuming that everything that I’ve written so far is true, we live in a world where we will eventually hate everyone because no one is perfect and our hearts are ruled by jealousy, but if you can find someone to laugh at all of this with, then you just might survive.

Now, I know what you’re thinking - yes, I am the wisest person you’ve never met and this may just be the best piece of writing you will ever have the honour of reading.

If, however, you fall into what scientists are calling, “the 0.01% of society who don’t take Alicia’s words as gospel truths,” then

just remember that you’re playing right into my trap of being hopelessly jealous of me and my work, but that I’m also willing to laugh at myself with you and we should definitely hang out some time.

Unfortunately, I’ll probably be too busy writing my next killer piece for Vertigo, and I still need to wash that tomato sauce out of my hair.

Federal Government’s policy were “doubledippers”. They weren’t breaking any law and speaking to women like badly behaved children at a birthday party isn’t okay.

I do have a few other requests and suggestions but I don’t want to be greedy, and I thought these three would be a good place to start.

Many Thanks, Jean Mackay (not MacKay – when sending a personalised note to your constituents, it sounds more sincere if you get their name right.)

VERTIGO

17TH AUGUST

9

WE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO COP IT

by Katie ‘ManEater’ Kendall The other day, I was crossing the street near where I work. It was a fine morning, 8:23 am, and I had not a care in the world. Until this happened.

A rather tall, leering man who was probably at least a decade older than me swept his beady eyes up and down my body and snarled at me: “I’d love to cut me a slice of that.”

Disgusting, and fraught with cliché, the line is unfortunately one that I’ve heard before and so I hardly skipped a beat before I replied a concise and scathing.

“Fuck off.”

I make it to the other side of the road, slightly shook up but ultimately glad for the traffic lights that had just changed which placed my harasser on the other side of a lot of cars.

Waiting for me however, as I stepped onto the path, was a police officer who looked me dead in the eye as I regathered my confidence and peaceful early morning vibe,

and said: “That wasn’t very lady like.”

It took me a few minutes before I could properly comprehend how many layers of fucked up that interaction was. Firstly, this cop had directly ignored the fact that I was harassed. Secondly, he went ahead and swept his unwelcome eyes all over my body, and thirdly he felt the need to insert himself into a personal matter while in uniform.

If I made a rude personal comment to someone while I was in my McDonalds uniform when I was 14, it would have had serious consequences, and it gives me deep concern for the oppressive and controlling nature of the police uniform that he believed he had the right to contribute to fear I felt in that moment.

As I walked away I turned my thoughts back to the reason that cop was positioned there, to catch jaywalkers. I then tried to think about the last time that I had seen a police officer in the public sphere that

wasn’t there for the purpose of revenue raising. The only places I see police regularly are train stations, or situated on the side of the road to catch jaywalkers.

My issue with this isn’t the harsh punishment of petty crime, although as someone who was slapped with a $70 jay walking fine on Mardis Gras I cant say I love it, my issue is the police seem very rarely to be their for individuals protection.

My experience of exacerbated discomfort in the presence of a police officer because of a sexist comment is nothing in comparison to the legitimate harm some police officers cause.

In America the discussion of police brutality is slowly creeping its way from grassroots media into the mainstream news conversation, especially in terms of its role in oppressing minorities.

However police violence against women, queer people and especially indigenous Australians barely surfaces into main stream

THE FIGHT FOR THE ‘MITE’ Sam Russell Trending on Twitter at the moment is Australia’s iconic sandwich spread #Vegemite, but not for breaking world records for culinary versatility or all-round deliciousness.

It is, unfortunately, under review after a statement by Indigenous Affairs Minister, Nigel Scullion, has proposed a “Vegemite Watch” which will restrict the distribution of Vegemite throughout the Northern Territory.

As the pinnacle of good judgement, after spending only $73,476.99 in taxpayers’ dollars on domestic airfares alone, Mr. Scullion’s comments follow reports of the spread being manufactured into moonshine in bathtubs in backyards in Brisbane.

Yet, the proposed ban seems at this point to affect no-one aside from residents of rural Indigenous communities. This seems gratuitously offensive at best, and inconceivably racist, at worst. Despite being established for almost a century, this secretive brewing technique has remained undiscovered by underage youths and the nation’s incarcerated populace.

Next will surely follow the prohibition of potatoes, apples, pears, grapes and several other fruits, so the Indigenous communities of Australia can be blamed for being malnourished after which the government Image: NTN news

media discussions. It made me think, deeply and seriously, about when the last time was I had felt safer in the presence of a police officer.

The inherent patriarchal oppression of a police officer telling a woman who has been harassed that she had not responded in a way that was lady like makes me afraid to even open my mouth. As if the consequences of not simply allowing my body to be objectified were greater than the initial discomfort itself.

No woman should feel she has to make herself small, or silent, to escape from fear.

Knowing instead the world we live in I wonder: what would have happened if it had been the cop I had told to fuck off?

will decide that a violation of the Territory’s autonomy with an “intervention” is the most appropriate course of action, because that’s worked out so well for Australia in the past, hasn’t it?

It seems as though the Australian government is determined to repeat its own colonial history with a saviour complex, insisting upon maintaining control of how these communities function, rather than providing them with the tools necessary for them to operate and regulate themselves free of frequent and pointless government intervention.

In a wildly unpredictable move, Tony Abbott has publicly voiced his concerns over Mr. Scullion’s proposal. Yet, in a fashion typical of his incompetent administration, our Prime Minister has commented: “Vegemite, quite properly, is for most people a reasonably nutritious spread on your morning toast and sandwiches” continuing to state that rural communities simply required more policing.

Once again, Abbott has missed the point entirely, replacing it with an irrelevant and diluted alternative, but somehow found his conviction when stating that more policing and state surveillance were required. Empathetic and topical as always, I can imagine how incredibly difficult to must have been for him to peer through the glowing aura of his upper-class white male privilege to make this statement, before proudly returning to his profligately luxurious home, with a meagre collection of 17 cars and three tennis courts.

In times like this, we must acknowledge that, historically, otherwise abhorrent acts are often viewed as morally acceptable because they are permitted by legislation.

Simply because the government says that it is legal, does not mean it is right. This is not right. Remember that.

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ISSUE NO. 6

VERTIGO

MAJOR REPORTS

PRESIDENT’S REPORT

by Dean Mattar

First I would like to welcome everyone back to Semester two at UTS, and also welcome all the new students who have decided to enrol and join us! We here at the Students’ Association are working around the clock to ensure that student are adequately represented moving into the next semester.

As most of you are aware, Christopher Pyne seems to be trying to make fee deregulation a reality, after failing twice already. I think we all can hear the famous words of Regina from mean girls “Chris, stop trying to make ‘de-reg’ happen. It’s not going to happen.” Clearly this minister for supposa-

EDUCATION VICE PRESIDENT’S REPORT

by Max Murphy

G’Day UTSer! First of all, Welcome back and hope you’re pumped for what will be an action packed semester that is full of campaigning and events!

As you may have heard, the University will be implementing what are called Balanced Semesters in 2016, which involve incredibly short 11 week semesters and an expanded

bly education is still not listening to students, staff and industry experts.

That is why the National Union of Students and the NSW Education Action Group call on STUDENTS ACROSS NSW to rally on August 19th. We will be meeting here at Sydney University 1pm, to defend our degrees, and to oppose all course cuts, job cuts and deregulation. Then marching together in solidarity to UTS. In the process of celebrating cultural diversity, indigenous heritage and country, the UTS Students’ Association hosted The National Union of Students National Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Conference.

The conference was held from the 22-25 July at UTS. The conference was a huge success with Indigenous Tertiary Education students attending from universities around Australia.

These students ranged in ages, experiences and from a diverse range of degrees and leadership roles within their universities.

The aim of the conference was to provide students with information, inspiration and skills, as well as to facilitate discussions about Indigenous student issues as well as issues that face the wider community. The conference had great feedback with many students asking where the next one will be held and what they can do to ensure this

happens on an annual basis.

The themes covered included campus awareness of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander (ATSI) culture, faculty and curriculum awareness of ATSI culture and experiences of students, constitutional recognition and the conversation, ATSI people in representation and staff on campus, ITAS Funding and its uncertainties and potential changes, the importance of support networks and self identity and how as Indigenous students we can value our role in community and responsibility as our privilege of getting and education.

Furthermore, there amazing guest speakers who shared their stories and gave people valuable advice and lessons that they will take away with them and continue to be the voices for those who don’t have a voice, advocating for issues that are important to our communities.

It has been a busy first semester, but make sure you take the time to self-care, focus and enjoy the student experience at UTS. And remember, if you ever have questions, want to get involved in student representation, please don’t hesitate to stop by our association, located of level 3, Tower building 1.

summer session. The Education Action Group (which I chair) thinks that is just a wee bit silly. So they’ve started a campaign called Three Semesters, Triple the Problems to help educate students and the community about the damage this model will do to the quality of our education. The campaign has proverbially “gone off”, with support coming from not only all of you, but also parents of students, students from other campuses and we even had NSW Deputy Opposition leader and Shadow Minister for Education, Linda Burney, share our campaign. If you want to find out about it in depth, check out my article somewhere in this edition of vertigo!

But hey here’s the link to our FB Page: http:// on.fb.me/1DsnAMP, and here’s the link to the petition: http://chn.ge/1LLeu0g.

The other big thing coming up is the National Day of Action on Wednesday the 19th of August (Click attending!: http://on.fb. me/1eRLmpz) where we will be demonstrating against the Federal cuts to university funding and Chris Pyne still thinking that $100,000 degrees are a good idea. You gotta

go there man, it’ll be, like, great lol.

As always there are tons of opportunities to get involved with the fight for a better UTS. If you want to get involved in the Three Semester’s Triple the Problems campaign, shoot me an email at education@utsstudentsassociation.org, we need all hands on deck to get to our aim of 5,000 petition signatures by the end of the semester! And if you just want to come to an Education Action Group meeting, they are held every Tuesday at 6pm at the UTS Concourse.

Now to my special little thing I write where I get to be well agro and have a go at rightwingers. So here’s this weeks edition of What The Federal Government Did This Week To Fuck Over Students. It was recently revealed that the Government has paid 20k in legal costs to stop the release of the Government’s own modelling of the impact that the deregulation of Uni fees would have on everyone. Pretty reasonable to say that they’ve got to be hiding something! Cheers Pyne, ya fuck.

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17TH AUGUST

11

OTHER REPORTS

SECRETARY REPORT

POSTGRADUATE REPORT

by Jess Xu

by Melanie Wilson

Another semester, another spring around the corner and let’s be real – who actually knows where the Students’ Association is?

Well I challenge you to find us in the depths of the Tower building… you might’ve stumbled by after a few bevs at the Underground. But if you come by level 3 and kindly ask Jessica or Rene at reception about some free goodies, you can sign up & grab some pretty decent freebies (think 4G USB that doubles as a bottle opener! Swanky KeepCup to bring to Bluebird Brekkie! Sweet Vertigo editions that are no longer on stands!)

You’ll also get an occasional e-newsletter written by me! Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask for your handle in online friendship.. I just want to make sure you’ve got the down low on things like 3 balanced semesters in 2016 – http://eepurl.com/bqn5Qz Right now, the Secondhand Bookshop is bustling with folks selling and buying textbooks. If you have a sagging shelf of textbooks that could be useful to another student, or looking for more affordable resources, head to the Bookshops on level 3 of the Tower building or the Green space in Building 5! Check out the website for more info: www.2bb.uts.edu.au

Also, keep your eyes peeled for the happenings of our PERC Clubs (standing for groups that are political, educational, religious or cultural) that are currently affiliated with the Students’ Association: African Students’ Association – a platform where students non-students from any background can interact, socialise, and celebrate African Culture at UTS. facebook. com/pages/UTS-African-Students-Association/ Amnesty UTS – activists on campus, part of a global movement of more than 3 million people in 150 countries committed to defending human rights. facebook.com/ AmnestyUTS RU4MyChoice? – a pro-choice group based at UTS, concerned with students’ reproductive rights. facebook.com/RU4MyChoice UTS Atheists’ Society – see utsatheists.org or contact Kate at hanaleah@gmail.com or Tyler at tyler.honarius@gmail.com UTS International Students Net-working – contact Jim at leijun.jim@gmail.com or Guang at 11825015@student.uts.edu.au

UTS Postgraduate Officer Report Welcome to the second semester of the 2015 academic year at UTS. This is an exciting time for postgraduates. Opportunities will be social, academic, and professional. The UTS Students’ Association offers many services to postgraduate students. You will benefit from welfare, advocacy, second hand text books, and much more.

The Postgraduate Officer is here to help you with any concerns. The best point of contact is postgraduate@utsstudentsassociation.org.

Some faculties offer welcome nights.

These are informal gatherings over drinks or other refreshments, for students to informally chat with academic staff. That is an important time to communicate with the people who will be guiding you through your courses.

Clubs are set up specifically for postgraduate students. The UTS MBITM Toastmasters Club is one example of networking and professional development through leadership skills. Visitors can send enquiries to the email address for this club: stefano.bianchini@ gmail.com. Anyone can learn about similar Toastmasters clubs for general communities, by visiting this web site: http://www.

d70toastmasters.org/Toastmasters_NSW/ findclubnsw.htm The first advice of the semester, from the Postgraduate Officer, is tao get involved in your faculty and the postgraduate social world. Meet the staff, students, and community. Apply your learning experiences to the outside world. There are clubs, associations, collectives, and much more. The connections you make during your course will last a lifetime. And remember, the UTSSA Postgraduate Officer is your new best friend.

Yours, Melanie Suzanne Wilson 2014-2015 Postgraduate Officer, UTS Students’ Association Student, Master of Arts (Journalism) postgraduate@utsstudentsassociation.org

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ISSUE NO. 6

VERTIGO

The town of Daulatdia image copyright: Lisa Wiltse

DAULATDIA

that morning, and we were on our way to visit my aunt. Common courtesy when visiting family and friends is to bring gifts of traditional sweets.

Stay in the car.

by Anonymous

Can’t we stop somewhere else to buy sweets?! My mother asked our driver.

If you want to avoid the traffic and get there quicker than this is the best place, he replied.

My mother reluctantly accepted his reasoning as the car drove into the town, down a dusty narrow alleyway lined with shops selling everything from fruits and vegetable to cosmetics and clothing and came to a halt next to a sweets shop. We had left central Dhaka, the capital of Bangladesh,

I watched as my mother hurried out of the car and into the tiny sweet shop. As I waited, I wondered what had bought about this change in her demeanour. I wondered why she seemed uncomfortable. Soon enough she bundles back into the car with boxes of sweets. As we drove out of the town I noticed that most of the town inhabitants bustling down the laneways were women.

Later that day my mother handed the sweets to my aunt.

We had to stop at Daulatdia, I overheard her whisper in a slightly apologetic tone.

I asked no more about this odd little experience. As an immigrant kid has been born and raised in Australia and only went

back to visit family in Bangladesh every few years, I simply lumped it in with the many strange and inexplicable happenings that perplexed me about my origin country.

But I remembered the name “Daulatdia”.

“THE REALITY OF SEX WORKERS IN THE 3RD WORLD IS THAT THEY ARE IN THEIR PROFESSION OUT OF NECESSITY NOT CHOICE.” Daulatdia in Bangladesh, is one of the largest brothels in the world. Established in British colonial times and situated between a busy railway station and a ferry port swarming with thousands of men, sprawling Daulatdia is home to almost 2,000 sex workers, most of them young girls, and many of them forced into sexual slavery. Beyond the inconspicuous lines of fruit and vegetable shops on the outskirts of the town, is a mass of alleyways so large

that it has developed it own economy with markets, tailors, beauty salons, gambling hubs, cigarette and phone shops providing the sex workers and their clients with everything they could possibly need.

Poverty, exploitation, violence, disease and hopelessness converge in Daulatdia to form an unescapable hellhole for its inhabitants. Brokers, known as dalals, roam nearby towns targeting young girls and bring them to the brothel with the promise of better paying work and conditions. They are then sold to ‘Madams’ (female pimps) for a fee which the now bonded sex worker is forced to pay off by having sex with as many clients as possible. To make the girls look more developed and older, they are given addictive steroids which can be bought for a pittance in the town’s many chemists. Many in Daulatdia are second or third generation sex workers, in some cases descended from women who worked in the brothel under British rule. Most are very poor with limited education and skillsets.

Employment opportunities for these women outside of sex work is bleak.

VERTIGO

Bangladesh is one of the few Muslim countries where sex work is legal but completely unregulated. There are about 200,000 women working in Bangladesh’s sex industry, most of them teenagers. Underage sex work is illegal but thousands of them end up working in the trade against their will or to survive. In a culture where mainstream norms forbid sex before marriage, drugs and gambling, Daulatdia acts as a venue for men to indulge in these activities.

Unfortunately, places like Daulatdia are not a terrible aberration. They exist

“WE SEEM TO REVEL IN THE STORIES OF WHITE, EDUCATED, MIDDLE CLASS WOMEN WHO ENTERED INTO SEX WORK” worldwide more commonly then one might expect. At the root of sex work as it is practiced in 3rd world countries like Bangladesh is overt gender inequality, which creates a situation where men can sexually exploit women experiencing poverty and abuse with the complicity of law enforcement, society and culture. It is usually the poorest, the most vulnerable women whose bodies are made available for constant sexual access. The reality of sex workers in the 3rd world is that they are in their profession out of necessity not choice. They are forced into a livelihood of violence, disease and subjugation of selling their bodies in dehumanising work because it is what their society, which provides limited choices for women and tolerates men buying access to women’s bodies, forces them into.

In Western feminist circles, certain voices are privileged in conversations around sex work. We seem to revel in the stories of white, educated, middle class women who entered into sex work, perhaps of their own volition, who can fit the role of a happy call girl and placate our desire to believe that it’s just a job like any other. Too often sex work is portrayed as simply consenting adults engaging in fun sexy times. And that is what it is for some in the profession, but it is imperative to keep in mind that for the majority of sex workers worldwide it could not be further from their experiences. What needs to be addressed is who ends up in sex work and why. The language of “agency” and “choice” of sex workers is common place. The reality is that real “choice” and “agency” is what many women don’t have.

Is sex work really a safe, viable, sustainable choice for most women worldwide? And if it is, what does this tell us about women’s choices? If sex work was just a great “choice” women just happen to make, wouldn’t more middle class white women would be doing it?

Or maybe men? Why is it that those people don’t “choose” sex work? When poverty, sexism, and violence so heavily influence women into entering the profession is it really a ‘choice’? When sex work is the only way for a woman to survive and it is the man who holds all of the economic power is it really an equal exchange of services? Placing too much emphasis on the voices of the minority ‘elite’ sex workers who have good working conditions is not representative and threatens to silence and erase the voices of the women who are most impacted.

It is not that sex work is an illegitimate profession. There are women who willingly and happily enter the industry and they are to be supported. Sex workers deserve rights and good working conditions and such efforts must be supported. However broad brush statements that are often made about sex work cannot be said to apply to the sex industry globally. Too often we obtain a skewed viewpoint in the Western privileged

17TH AUGUST

bubble that we occupy in the 1st world. We tend to ignore the experiences of women worldwide, especially those of the poorest women on the planet. What is needed is a holistic approach which examines what the reality for most sex workers is worldwide.

Despite the bleak world that is Daulatdia there is hope. And as always hope comes with the new generation. The work of charities and non-government organisations such as Save the Children and Brac are helping ensure that children born into Daulatdia do not follow in their parent’s footsteps.

Education is recognised as the most effective way to provide these vulnerable children with the opportunity to pursue a different life.

Schooling provides them with the physical protection and emotional support that their home environments often do not and the means to break the cycle of intergenerational sex work by preparing them for life outside of the brothel.

While primary education is free in Bangladesh, the stigma associated around the sex industry can make schooling a difficult experience for the children of Daulatdia.

Stepping into this void are “secondchance” schools which are for vulnerable children who have dropped out of formal education or have never entered it in the first place. There are six such schools close to Daulatdia. Bangladeshi-based development organisation, Brac, run the only free one.

All children enrolled in the school receive nutrition, health care, basic education and love from well trained care-givers, many of them former sex workers who now work together with women from nearby villages.

Mohammed Shahidullah, who supervises BRAC’s schools in the area, says that teachers are told to be extra patient and loving with all the children so that the counseling needs of sex workers’ children are addressed.

Children of sex workers are at a crossroads. “The sons leave when they’re about 14, to find work and go on their own way. Many of the girls go into their mother’s profession but not all of them; more of them are studying and moving on,” says Akter, who has been teaching in the area for nine years. But change is possible. Many children have pursued university education, becoming engineers, or teachers, and have gone on to marry and settle out of Daulatdia living a regular lives. One such story can be found on the Save the Children website. Putal who was born to a sex worker living with a violent pimp in Daulutdia is currently pursuing her graduate degree and since 2009 she has been teaching at the school.

“I was fortunate, Save the Children rescued me, educated me and gave me a new life. I am not rich and I work hard to make ends meet, but I am free.”

13

“WE TEND TO IGNORE THE EXPERIENCES OF WOMEN WORLDWIDE, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF THE POOREST WOMEN ON THE PLANET”

The steroid Oradexon given to the sex workers Image copyright: Andrew Biraj

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ISSUE NO. 6

VERTIGO

SPORTS

Swans fans show their support for Adam Goodes at the SCG.

Image: Herald Sun

COMMENTARY ON ADAM GOODES

by Henry Jacobs

It is the controversy that has engulfed a nation for weeks and divided opinion amongst many prominent Australian figures, but surely now it is time to move forward and stop lingering on a dispute that is purely detrimental to the campaign for Indigenous rights.

When Sydney Swans forward Adam Goodes called out a 13-year-old girl for repeatedly calling him an ape, during the 2013 Indigenous round clash with

ASHES FEVER

by Alex Blair

It’s time once more to indulge in one of sporting’s greatest rivalries, the Ashes. This year’s series has Alastair Cook’s England side ferociously fighting back from a demoralising 5-0 defeat in 2013/14.

The series had gotten off to a flying start with Australia heavily under the pump from the home-town Poms after having lost the first and third tests by convincing amounts.

The Australians have a number of issues to address as they stare down a 3rd consecutive Ashes series loss in England. With skipper Michael Clarke struggling to make important runs, and the middle order and strike bowlers under-performing, Australia’s chances at redeeming the series look slim. The dropping of Brad Haddin for blazing debutant Peter Neville has been met with controversy from fans and past players alike. However, the

Collingwood at the MCG, it sparked a controversy that ultimately led to the 2014 Australian of the Year decision to take a self imposed absence from the AFL. The continuous booing of Goodes every time he gains possession of the ball is undoubtedly linked to his 2013 stand against racism, and highlights an underlying aspect of Australian society that isn’t readily acknowledged.

Whilst some claim that the jeers are a response to playing for free kicks or that he was unfair to put a child in the spotlight, the truth is that it is a result of a person finally cracking under persistent abuse of his race and rightfully fighting back.

Regardless of whether it was right to bring an ignorant child to the nation’s

attention, the issue is far deeper than that.

Goodes used his status to bring awareness to an issue he felt needs far greater attention.

He did not blame the girl for her actions, and refused to push charges, but rather used it as an example of the innate racism that still infiltrates Australian society.

Many prominent figures have shown support for Goodes, such as journalist Peter FitzSimons, AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan and NRL star Jonathan Thruston. However, the likes of journalists Alan Jones and Andrew Bolt, as well as former AFL star Jason Akermanis have berated him for “playing the victim.”

Whilst not every person who boo’s Goodes is a racist, many just act like sheep and jeer because everyone else does; the

substance underpinning it is resentment of his stand against discrimination.

The notion that it is not linked to race at all is ludicrous. The reality is that if Goodes was not an Aboriginal he would not have been called an ape in the first place and this saga would never have materialised.

Many players in all codes have endured the derision of crowds, but never for this long, and to such an excessive degree.

This issue in undoubtedly steeped in negativity. However, it can be used as a turning point for Indigenous equality by acknowledging that there is an issue and addressing it accordingly.

The tennis match of criticism versus solidarity will not achieve anything for the cause, but rather push it in the wrong direction.

Goodes must be allowed to return to the field and fulfill his position as not only a role model for Indigenous Australians, but also the whole nation.

results of the young wicketkeeper’s debut innings with the gloves prove that Australia’s future is in good hands.

Despite these setbacks, some consolation can be had in the success of Steve Smith, who has performed out of his skin throughout the past 18 months to become the ICC’s no. 1 ranked test batsman. Smith’s successes not only as a batsman but as a captain in a brief stint against India last year have given fans a reassuring example of what is likely to come in the future.

“AUSTRALIA’S CHANCES AT REDEEMING THE SERIES LOOK SLIM” Australia’s smashing 409 run victory in the 2nd test showed that the Aussies are able to succeed in English conditions. This success, however, is mostly due to the unwavering doggedness of opener Chris Rogers, who has proved to be invaluable to the Australian top order by consistently seeing off the new ball.

All disappointments aside, credit must be given to England in their performances this series, particularly with the ball. Despite veteran paceman James Anderson not being at his best, England’s attack has benefitted from the likes of Stuart Broad and youngsters Ben Stokes, Mark Wood and Steve Finn.

Finn’s six wicket haul in the 2nd innings

Michael Clarke leads team off Trent Bridge.

at Egbaston brought the game home for England and once again proved that consistent line and length are what achieve the best results on green-top English pitches.

The 2015 Ashes has so far shown us that the selectors are not afraid to shy away from a controversial decision if it can benefit the team, as seen through Haddin’s axing.

However, questions must be raised as to why Shane Watson was left in the touring squad after a lean West Indies series with the bat

Image: ABC

and ball. Yet, with Mitchell Marsh making only modest contributions with the bat and ball so far in tests, the position for full-time allrounder in the Aussie lineup is by no means set in stone.

The rest of the series is likely to bring a draw considering England’s overcast weather patterns. However, with a squad full of players anxious to perform, Australia could be in for a surprise comeback.

Stay tuned.

VERTIGO

17TH AUGUST

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO FUTURE OLYMPIC SPORTS

by Katie Kendall Ultimate Frisbee is likely the fasting rising sport amongst young people.

Just last week, it was officially recognised as a sport by the Olympic committee, although it could be several years before it is included in the games The game is unique compared to many acknowledged by the Olympic system due to it’s encouragement of mixed gender teams

and its lack of referees, the game instead controlled by a strict honour system.

Alex Shepherd, a member of the Australian National under 23s mixed team, which recently placed second at the sports international championship in London had this to say of the game: “Frisbee combines the athleticism of soccer, basketball, NFL and netball in an elegantly simple yet fascinating and demanding way. It’s ruled by spirit of the game which upholds high level of play without damaging the mutual respect between players. Its inclusive to people of all genders and all ages.”

The process by which sports become included in the Olympics is gruelling and while the growth of Ultimate Frisbee is

evident, there is a long journey to recognition in the official games. In light of this, and in hopes that if we start not these can all become an Olympic sport; here are four other lesser-known ‘sports’ I’d like to see considered alongside Frisbee.

Cup stacking. If you have fallen into the click bait death trap that is watching kids with absurd talents on YouTube, then you’ve probably already seen this one. Competitive cup stacking involved the art of stacking and unstacking plastic party cups at high speeds.

It’s hair raising and heart stoping and you’re sure as hell going to try it at home.

Competitive knitting. You think I’m kidding but if you come between a determined nana and her needles and you’ll realise how serious I am. Competitive knitting, while having not broken into the mainstream sporting world yet, has taken my grandmothers nursing home by storm.

Between the knit-a-thons and the elaborate

15

crochet competitions, the creativity and dexterity of octogenarians is something I would sign up to watch in a heartbeat.

Fireball Soccer. I’m aware that regular soccer is a game in the Olympics and adored internationally, but this version adds some more spark to the game. Literally. Fireball soccer is played by lighting a regular soccer ball on fire, and has the added of stakes of trying not to burn your feet off while playing.

I’m surprised FIFA hasn’t picked this one up yet, given their love of causing harm to literally everyone who interacts with their organisation.

Snail racing. This sounds boring I know, but when the Olympics gets you hyped enough to watch competitive walking, I think you can reasonably get invested in a little bit of snail racing. Imagine the Australian snail, his name is Boris, he is wearing a tiny Australian flag, he’s the snail equivalent of Phar Lap. Tell me you can say no to Boris.

In all seriousness, while my Nan wont make the Olympics any time soon, the astronomic growth of Ultimate Frisbee, and it’s emphasis on fair play and self regulation, make it clearly a sport worth paying attention to as it grows world wide.

AUSTRALIAN WOMEN DOMINATE GLOBAL SPORTING ARENA

by Harry Easton

Australia’s female sports teams are enjoying an unprecedented run of success.

The women’s football team, The Matildas, came within a bee’s knee of making the semifinals at the Women’s World Cup in Canada.

The women’s cricket team is currently in the box seat to win the Ashes series in England.

Now the attention is turned to the Netball World Cup in Sydney, with the Australian Diamonds gunning for a home soil title.

The World Cup is running from 7th August to 16th August, with 16 nations represented.

For Australia, eight women who featured in the grand final of the Trans-Tasman Netball League have been selected in the 12-

player squad, including Queensland Firebirds captain Laura Geitz.

With matches being played across two venues at Sydney Olympic Park in Homebush, officials are predicting record turnouts.

Despite this, women’s sports traditionally struggle to crack the national consciousness, be it through lack of media coverage, limited broadcast or small crowd figures.

For a sport to succeed in Australia, three key areas need to be met to garner national attention; consistent success, wide reaching sponsorship and marketing, and a broadcast deal on free to air television.

The men’s football codes nailed down these criteria years ago and are reaping the rewards. Today, broadcasters negotiate billion-dollar TV deals whilst sponsors fight over naming rights for stadiums.

Success has never been a problem for Australian women’s teams, with the Diamonds winning 11 World Cups. But effective marketing and broadcast deals have always been the last big hurdles.

This year, the tide seems to be turning.

Women’s national football teams will feature alongside the men’s teams in the FIFA 16 video game for the first time. Australian Steph Catley will also become the first woman to grace the cover of FIFA 16.

Cricket Australia has pioneered a Women’s Twenty20 Big Bash League competition to run alongside the highly successful men’s version in December. Eight of the games will be broadcasted on Channel Ten. Channel Ten will also be broadcasting all of the Diamonds World Cup fixtures, while Fox Sports will broadcast every game on its multi-channel network.

Yet, perhaps the most significant marketing strategy for netball is their unmatched connection with fans.

In the middle of the World Cup, the Diamonds will be holding a netball clinic for school children at Homebush, running drills and handing out match tickets.

You won’t see that at the FIFA World Cup. Image: Football Australia

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ISSUE NO. 6

VERTIGO

POP CULTURE IMMA LET YOU FINISH

by Raveena Grover

You’d be living under a rock (or without Internet connection for a million years) if you hadn’t heard about the controversy that comes with the VMAs. From Kanye’s iconic ‘Imma let you finish’ speech to Miley’s provocative foam finger, the music night has brought more than just sweet tunes and innovative music videos to the table.

And it’s not just this event that brings out the controversial discussion, everything entertainment industry never fails to provide topics for discussion.

“Feuds,” as white media loves to put it, between artists are not uncommon to unravel on social media. Everything from Amandla Stenberg calling out Kylie Jenner on her ridiculously racist cornrows to Giuliana Rancic’s odd and racist comment about Zendaya’s dreadlocks* has brought discussing privilege into the limelight.

I think it would be foolish to admit the entertainment industry doesn’t benefit those sitting at the top of the privilege ladder. If I

was a straight white male then I’d be much more likely to be recognised as an artist than as the queer Woman of Colour I am.

However, it’s important to note that privilege may not be as overtly displayed or clear to an audience, as it may seem. For example, much of the time people in places of privilege are blind to their privilege and often mistake minorities speaking up about important issues or calling them out on being bigots (hello Lena Dunham).

Looking back on the Twitter debacle between Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift we can clearly see the major privilege banner flashing over Taylor’s head while Nicki expresses her frustration at not being recognised as a black woman for the Anaconda video.

Taylor’s totally random outburst framing her as the victim to the ‘angry black woman’ goes to show how effortlessly privilege passes over peoples’ heads. Apparently as a thin white woman, Taylor has a right to feel offended for something that least concerns her (not to

mention Ed Sheeran’s weird and out-of-place support for some kind of privilege bonding party he and Taylor had going on).

Putting aside my personal grudge against Taylor, it is essential to factor in her position of power and privilege as a white woman with no repercussions for her offensive behaviour regarding black culture. Taylor’s misconception of what feminism is and use of black people as props in her music videos hardly make her a suitable representative for female empowerment, yet the VMAs fails to factor this in, as do they with Nicki’s record breaking music video which generated over 19 million views on YouTube on the first day alone. Perhaps the VMAs is paying homage after all to the least controversial videos while managing to create controversy every year.

The entertainment industry needs to take a long, hard look at itself for its insensitive and often racist attitude towards media produced by women, and specifically people of colour.

Despite institutional racism existing, it’s time for this industry to let the artists take reign and not let privilege get in the way of reward. After all, without minorities privilege wouldn’t exist, and without Women of Colour like Nicki bringing these topics up, neither would a fair chance exist for those at the bottom of the privilege ladder. *NB: racism exists whether it is intentional, or not.

JULIE ANDREWS TO DIRECT AUSTRALIAN PRODUCTION OF MY FAIR LADY

by Nicole Waters

All bow down to the Queen of Genovia – Julie Andrews has done it again.

As if this talented, warm, strong, and downright fabulous woman couldn’t get any more legendary, it has recently been revealed that the British actress will be directing a production of My Fair Lady, to be performed at the Sydney Opera House next year.

The production will mark the 60th anniversary of the musical, an adaption of George Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion , which follows the lower-class Eliza Doolittle as she is transformed into an image of perfection by linguistics professor Henry Higgins.

Julie Andrews was the original star of My Fair Lady, having portrayed Eliza on Broadway in 1956.

The musical has come a long way since its early days as Shaw’s stage play. It has been adapted to screen, then into musical format, then back onto the screen again with Audrey Hepburn and Rex Harrison taking on the leading roles in the 1964 film adaption. The

movie was highly acclaimed, having won eight Oscars including Best Director and Best Picture.

The production already has a solid crew locked in: Tony-award winning chorographer Christopher Gattelli, who worked on The King and I and South Pacific will be making the moves in this performance. Also joining the team is Opera Australia’s artistic director Lyndon Terrancini, and producer John Frost.

Of course, the credits would be incomplete without the music of Frederick Loewe and lyrics of Alan Jay Lerner.

Frost expressed his excitement about Andrews’ return: “To think that Broadway’s original Eliza Doolittle, Julie Andrews, will direct our new production at the Sydney Opera House 60 years later will, I’m sure, excite both Australian and international audiences,” he said.

Considering being involved in this production back in the day was a huge factor in launching Andrews’ career, it’s quite fitting

that she returns for the 60th anniversary celebrations.

In a statement released, Andrews has said “I look forward to coming to Sydney this November to cast the production and begin the process of bringing this great musical to life once again” and notes she is “thrilled to have been asked” to direct the production.

The hills will be alive with the sound of My Fair Lady in August 2016, when the show will open at the Sydney Opera House.

VERTIGO

17H AUGUST

17

REVIEWS PODCASTS THREADS

by Bryce Thomas

FILM THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES Genre: Documentary Released: 8 June 2015 Director: Michael Winterbottom Writers: Michael Winterbottom Starring: Russell Brand

by Zalehah Turner

One of them can’t tell Sia from Ciara, and the other thinks he has a size 27 waist.

These are the hosts of Threads, a killer new podcast on fashion and design.

Each week, Bryce Thomas and Matthew Palmer get together to discuss whatever has got their eye in the style, tech, and art world from the last week.

Last Christmas, Matt DMed Bryce to find out if he had come across any good fashion podcasts. He hadn’t, so they decided to make one. With little more than an internet connection, an obsession with design, and free-booted uni resources, the hosts started recording their conversations.

Six months later, the boys have been featured in iTunes New and Noteworthy, had Rowan Thambar—a comedian with sold-out Sydney Comedy Festival shows— on as a special guest-host, and chatted to some big names at fashion week earlier this year (Eddie Redmayne, Didier Cohen, Zanita Whittington).

The episodes cover a bunch of different

topics that you can get into. A deep dive into Pharrell’s history, their investigation of fast fashion, and episode thirteen on the Met Gala stand out as top picks. Plus, on the latter, Matt gets really, really—some would say irrationally but he would say justifiably—angry at some buttons.

If you’re into the red carpet or fashion week game, they’ve got you covered. They pick out the best bits to chat about every time a big event comes ‘round. If you’re into that, dig into episodes 3, 9, 12, and 18.

The early episodes are hit-and-miss, where the hosts were working out the kinks that come with being first-time podcasters.

Listen to anything after episode five, when they start to bring together a casual and funny podcasting style that’s filled with curiosity and good humour.

Not a fan of hour-long discussions? No worries. They’ve got a cool as hell Instagram account that’s shot primarily around UTS and the Sydney CBD. Well worth a follow.

You can find the duo’s Instagram at

@threadspodcast, and all their episodes are free to download at threadspodcast.com.

And if a magazine article can’t convince you, here are some comments from randoms on the ‘gram. @maybesteff: This is good. @gussinaround [which is an Instagram profile containing a large collection of photos of a dog in strange places]: I feel like we could get into this @margauxlancaster So, there you have it.

The Emperor’s New Clothes, directed

by Michael Winterbottom, is a polemical documentary starring actor, television presenter, author and activist, Russell Brand (Big Brother’s Big Mouth, St Trinian’s) which aims to confront the audience about the harsh realities of the late capitalist world and the massive disparity between the rich and poor using a mixture of documentary, archival footage, interviews and comedy.

Focusing on the financial crisis of 2008, the allegorically titled film aims to reveal the failure of liberalism, deregulation and the Milton Friedman economic school of thought. The government’s response of large fiscal stimulus packages coupled with austerity policies in the areas of welfare, health and education saw the tax payers paying for the failure of high risk investments and the massive debts incurred by the bankers.

Despite the anti-austerity marches and Occupy movement, Winterbottom (Welcome to Sarajevo, Wonderland, The 24 Hour Party People) felt strongly that the majority of citizens failed to be motivated to action on mass. The Emperor’s New Clothes is his attempt to highlight the obvious inadequacy on the part of government and impress upon his audience, the need for change.

For Winterbottom, Brand was an obvious choice as his notorious past and his comedic bent had proved he had the energy and the humour to ensure that even a polemical documentary could be fun to watch. The two had originally discussed collaboration on a dramatised version of Brand’s autobiography, My Booky Wook however, by the time Winterbottom, a three time nominated Palm d’Or director who often blurs the boundary between documentary and film, had conceived the idea, Brand’s notoriety and recognition in left wing circles had grown considerably.

Since Brand’s interview with Jeremy Paxman in 2013 in which he advocated

not voting went viral and the Revolution in Consciousness edition of The New Statesman he guest edited the same year, Brand has continued pour his energies into politically motivated campaigns much to the chagrin of those who fail to see Brand as interested in anyone but himself.

Much of the footage in The Emperor’s New Clothes concerns protests that Brand has been personally involved in such as, the New Era State campaign and his sincere empathy is obvious. Coming close on the publication of his book, Revolution last year and continuing to address some of the issues he deals with on Trews, his YouTube channel, the territory covered in The Emperor’s New Clothes seams well suited to Brand and the documentary relies on his energy and near cult status.

However, the concept behind illustrating some of the major problems with the financial crisis by personally confronting many of the major banks staff and security guards in the form of a comedic skit with a political bent seams flawed and gets old fast. As dose the unsuccessful attempt to create a visual impression of a shocking Oxfam finding; that eighty-five of the richest people in the world have as much money as the poorest half.

Ironically, the most amusing and successful

attempt to address the financial recession and the inadequate government response to it, is left to the end where the titles run alongside a Casstteboy mashup of David Cameron and George Osborne, endorsing making the rich, richer.

However, over all the film works, achieving what Winterbottom had hoped for, a critical look at the effect of the economic policies of Milton Friedman and the loss of the Welfare State model in favour of deregulation and liberalism told with an energetic, comedic bent.

Michael Winterbottom’s The Emperor’s New Clothes opened on the 11th of June at Palace Cinemas, the Dendy and Event Cinemas.

Image: Revolution Films

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ISSUE NO. 6

VERTIGO

GEMMA BOVERY

By Oliver Morassut “Gemma Bovery” is the recent modernisation of Gustav Flaubert’s masterpiece novel “Madam Bovery” directed by Anne Fontaine attempting to adapt the story to fit into a tale of life imitating art. Sadly however the films true potential is never fully realised.

The film opens with Martin Joubert, played

by Fabrice Luchini, who has recently moved back to his home village in Normandy to takeover his father’s old bakery. Martin is concerned over his neighbour Charles, played by Jason Flemyng, who is distraught, who is upset from something unknown to the audience. Martin finds a diary belonging to Charles’ wife Gemma, played by Gemma Arterton, and goes home to read it. We are then taken back as Martin remembers when Charles and Gemma first moving in and his delight to discover their shared names with the famed literary characters. Martin observes the ongoing dilemma Gemma faces in the boredom of her marriage as she attempts to find excitement in her dull life, until the inevitable tragic end, almost having a voyeuristic obsession with Gemma.

Gemma Arterton is good as the title character Gemma Bovery. She performs well and her natural beauty strikes a believable tone with the obsession of multiple characters of her, though at times there is a tendency to focus too much on the “Britain abroad” trope. Jason Flemyng as her husband Charles is very good, though is not given a proper chance to really explore the pain of his character. He comes and goes, we see him get angry, and then he leaves for a good chink of the movie until he returns for the climax.

Elsa Zylberstein as Wizzy, Gemma’s other neighbour, is simply annoying and her character serves no purpose for the story

other than to give a forced entry of another character later. Her husband Rankin, played

by Pip Torrens, is barely in the film at all with only a couple of lines of dialogue which can be summed up as, “I’m a brit”.

Fabrice Luchini as the straight faced Martin Joubert is the best thing in the film. He is funny and charming in a way that just makes you like him. He comes off almost pathetic in the way he has this infatuation with Gemma bordering on sexual desire, purely because of the similarities between her and her fictional counterpart. He has the best pieces of dialogue and is entertaining in every scene with clever quips and at one point a bet with his dog. The sin of the film is that he is not in the film more.

It really feels he should’ve been the focus and the story should’ve more been told as through his eyes, rather than going to look at the direct experiences of Gemma, which due to the writing just come off as generic and boring.

The problem with the film is that it is inconsistent with it’s tone and what type of a story it is trying to tell, even sometimes how to tell it. The best analogy i can think of is that it felt like two different types of movies were being made and they were mixed in the editing process. Leading to a confused mess which quite frankly leaves one wondering what was even seen. Half the shots were amazingly constructed and showed a creative eye that a lot of European cinema contains. It had brilliant sequences and incredibly clever pieces of dialogue (usually belonging to Martin) which are entertaining and funny. Some of the point of perspective shots of the houses and the dolly shots are incredible. However, the film will cut to another shot, sometimes even in the same scene, which just appears as a generic piece of

HOCKEY DAD

By Jade Ellen It’s pretty hard to be unhappy whilst watching Hockey Dad. Not only will Zach Stephenson’s sea-salt guitar licks and crooning vocals worm their way into your brain and take up permanent residence, but they also happen to have the happiest fucking drummer in the world in Hockey Dad’s other half, Billy Fleming. Yup, I’ll call it. Beneath those luscious (and sweaty) blonde locks is a grin that just won’t quit. It’s rare to see performers who just look so incredibly chuffed to be doing exactly what they love doing in front of a crowd of people loving them for doing it – play the shit out of their instruments and have a great time. Their first of two sold-out gigs at the Brighton Up Bar was no exception.

Support for the bulk of their east-coast tour came from Sydney lads Los Tones, whose snarling punk rock and weighty psychedelia seemed entirely at home within the bar’s beersoaked confines. Their garage grooves were heavily laden with a strong country twang that served as a hearty entrée for the main act and encouraged the audience to nod along as one.

While Los Tones proved a hard act to follow with their gritty garage vibes, the minute Hockey Dad took up their instruments to belt out ‘Lull City’ from their 2014 EP Dreamin’, the mood was electric. A mini mosh pit was going strong throughout their set, as the pair played a bunch of new songs and showcased their crunchy indie rock side, as well as building on their brand of surf rock that fans have come to love. An

undeniable highlight of the night was ‘Babes’, featuring Fleming practically passing out on his kit from insane rapid-fire drumming.

Rounding out the night was ‘Seaweed’, with an impromptu cover of Mac Demarco’s ‘Still Together’ thrown in half-way through. To Stephenson’s disdain, there was no crowd surfing (probably a good thing. See: Brighton Up Bar stairs) but nevertheless, there was a roomful of happy punters who had just been treated to a night of the leisure coast’s finest.

Images from Hockey Dad’s Facebook page

romance cinema which makes the rest seem out of place.

One example is a very creative scene in which Martin is picturing the love affair between Gemma and the young Bressigny in the form of waltz in the doorway of his mansion, while they are dressed in period clothing, referencing an earlier scene in which Martin reads out loud the respective moment in the novel “Madame Bovery”. This only lasts a couple of seconds as we are then brought away to see the neighbour again, or witness a scene of generic spousal quarrel.

The film in the beginning spent too much time on the “Britain abroad” trope that it almost came off as a cliche. At one stage Martin criticises the British members of a dinner party for condensing French people and culture to a selection of foods rather than the real people, which Gemma says she agrees. Yet the first thing she says when she walks into Martin’s bakery is “This is France Charlie!” And we are treated to the generic bread smelling that has to be done every time a foreign person goes to a European country.

The things that are good in this film are great. This film had so much potential to be an amazing film. It had the ingredients for a masterpiece, but it never realised its potential and just dropped at the key moments. There are scenes which are magical and imaginative, such as the waltz scene, or the cathedral scene (but they’re so shot I feel that I should call them shots) which look stunning and work with the meaning of the movie so well that compared to the rest is just seems out of place. Martin, as I have said, is an amazing character, and every moment in which he attempts to give Gemma advice in hopes of having her avoid

the same conclusion of the novel’s character, is delightfully entertaining. Even the ending, which I won’t give to much away, is cleverly and originally adapted from the novel, changing it to an unfortunate set of circumstances that make it even more tragic.

The message of the film is meant to be “Life imitates art”, but the problem is we see too much of this generic romance that we hardly get too understand this apart from a few scenes and a direct monologue by Martin near the end. If you are looking for a plain and simple romance with a tragic ending, then you may like this movie.

If you are however hoping for an original retelling of the classic novel with a unique take of art influencing life, then like me, you may be disappointed.

Images from theblurb.com.au

VERTIGO

17TH AUGUST 2015

19

RUBEN GUTHRIE

By June Murtagh

“My name is Ruben Guthrie, and I’m in advertising”, are the striking words that conclude the introductory speech from young advertising creative Ruben, as he sets up a story that paints a portrait of alcoholism and its position in contemporary Australian society. Adapted to the screen from Brendan Cowell’s stage play of the same name, Ruben Guthrie follows its title character through the struggles of dealing with addiction in a world where temptations and triggers are all too unavoidable.

Offspring’s Patrick Brammall takes the lead in this gritty Australian drama, beautifully encompassing the dynamic character that is Ruben. The wealthy adman weaves his way through an emotionally complex story line, dealing with his separation from his Czech model girlfriend Zoya (Abbey Lee) and the feelings that arise for fellow AA member Virginia (Harriet Dyer), all while struggling through the cutthroat world of corporate advertising, and dealing with his dysfunctional family. When looking at the character of Ruben on paper, it would be easy to write him off as a complete jerk, especially

given his ignorant mistreatment of the people in his life. However, Brammall’s performance combined with Cowell’s honest dialogue manages to bring about a humanness to Ruben’s character, wherein his flaws and strengths are intertwined in such a way that allows for him to be seen through a somewhat empathetic lens.

Alex Dimitriades also gives a strong performance, portraying the sassy and fearless Damien in a way that provides a healthy amount of comic relief to the ever-increasing drama of the film. There’s never a dull moment when Dimitriades is on screen, and while his character, as a human, is far from pleasant, he still somehow manages to win us over with his brutal independence and devil-may-care attitude.

The plot is entirely character driven, and this works to the film’s advantage. Everyone involved in Ruben’s life is intrinsically human, in that there is not one character who is without their flaws.

This lack of perfection further bumps up the film’s realism, and somehow makes all the characters strangely loveable, even if that affection is only coming from a place of pity. It’s almost as if all these

people are that one family member at a Christmas dinner who you kind of hate, but have to invite, because they’re family, and you love them anyway.

One major downfall of the film is its pace. The conclusion seems very rushed, and essential details that are documented in the original text are left out.

While the play itself doesn’t have a clear conclusion, the lines are blurred even further in the film, to the point where it leaves the viewer frustrated at the unravelled ends, rather than curious. However, a powerful concluding scene accompanied by a haunting soundtrack by Australian artist Sarah Blasko gives some warmth and meaning to the otherwise bleak finale.

It’s also difficult to exit this film without feeling like you’ve just watched one, very long commercial.

While the fact that Ruben works in an advertising agency can sometimes justify the blatant product placement, more often than not, it’s a little absurd and distracting. From Ruben’s award winning Vivid advertisement that pops up several times throughout the course of the movie, to the dramatic zoom in on the Lexus his mother drives, to the

numerous amount of alcohol companies that get a bit of airtime, it feels like you’re being bombarded with commercials.

Ultimately, Ruben Guthrie is like a pick and mix at a lolly store. There are some good bits, and some bits that you think will turn out to be chocolate chips, but are actually raisins. However, it’s well worth watching simply for the brutally honest writing and heartfelt performances.

Keep an eye on our website for red carpet coverage of the Ruben Guthrie premiere. www.utsvertigo.com.au

Images from http://rubenguthrie.com.au/

APRIL 178THTH AUGUST

VERTIGO

21 19

CHAPPIE

" " " " " 9 " 8 "

Rating: R Genre: Action/Adventure Released: 12th Mar 2015

" " 8 " ; " " 5 "

" 6 : " " " " ; 7

Director: Neill Blomkamp Writers: Neill Blomkamp, Terri Tatchell Starring: Sharlto Copley, Dev Patel, Hugh Jackman

by Samuel Elliott

The subject of A.I. and robots transcending their robot confines to attain the virtue of humanity is not ground-breaking material. Contrived and cliché, it’s an overly worn, often lacklustre path that usually evokes moviegoers’ yawns and slouches of supreme boredom.

Director Neill Blomkamp isn’t a stranger to such a tale - several of his first forays into short-film making were based upon similar ideas, Tetra Vaal (2004) being the first of such. You couldn’t be blamed for mistaking it as a prolonged promo for Chappie; the similarities, including the very design of the robot, are staggering. So could Chappie be considered Blomkamp’s vanity piece? Something that he was tinkering with long before the smash-hit success of District 9?

If so, has he realised his vision and fulfilled expectations left by ravenous fanboys like me?

He has my good reader, he has, deftly so — release that fetid bated breath you’ve been holding.

Before we go any further, let me offer a bit of my mentality when I first went into Chappie, summed up in a handful of mangled words: ‘Die Antwoord. District 9 was epic. Die Antwoord. I’ll forgive him for Elysium.

Die Antwoord.’

End inner-monologue quote.

Ah yes, Die Antwoord, the main drawing star-power/quality; I hope their involvement will translate into box office cash for Blomkamp, which hopefully will mean a higher level of trust (and budget) for Blomkamp’s upcoming Aliens sequel.

Ninja and Yolandi are hilarious, unrepentant and incorrigible gangsters, soon selfappointed the grossly-unqualified matriarch and patriarch figures of the newly-activated Chappie. Beyond the mere novelty of having Die Antwoord starring, this is the first aspect the film does right – taking an overly-used storyline (Creation of an A.I.) and making it totally original. Rather than being raised and carefully nurtured within strictly-regulated conditions in a laboratory, surrounded by learned visionaries devoted to creating the best new life form possible, Chappie is educated within a crumbling graffiti-covered abandoned warehouse, by a pair of gangsters.

Chappie’s is not utterly bereft of a good, fatherly figure (see Father Geppetto) though - this character is found in Deon Wilson, Chappie’s actual maker, (Slumdog Millionaire) played by Dev Patel.

Much of the dangerously impressionable robot’s education falls on the bony, heavilytattooed shoulders of Ninja and Youlandi.

Ninja in particular, takes extreme (some might rightly say downright cruel) steps to ensuring Chappie follows in his less-thangallant image, in order to make him “the illest motherf#$king robot around”. The ink-covered, chain-smoking Ninja, who storms around, permanently hefting some weapon and a thousand-yard stare, is a frequent source of the film’s hilarity, I can only

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hope intentionally so.

Still, the characters are not what define Chappie - actually they are also mostly to the films detriment. Blomkamp is willing to forego character development to focus on the wider picture and this lack of character development becomes especially glaring with Sigourney Weaver and Hugh Jackman’s characters. Sigourney Weaver has had a bad run of late, she hardly had a speaking part in Exodus: Gods and Kings, and in Chappie as Michelle Bradley, CEO of Tetra Vaal, she barely serves as anything more than exposition and a feeble plot furthering device.

Though it was Jackman’s character I took issue with.

Jackman’s a likeable dude (are you going to be “that guy” that speaks ill of him simply to separate yourself from the adoring, shimmering-eyed masses?) though the range of his acting is not tested in Chappie. Like Die Antwoord, he more or less plays a [hardly] fictional version of himself - at least from the larrikin, affable and self-effacing Hollywood star in candid interviews. Draw whatever conclusions you want from Jackman’s ‘performance’, I guess he’s Australian because Jackman isn’t really putting on an accent, and I guess he has a well-thumbed gym membership - aside from that, it gets sketchy. Again, Jackman’s Moore has no screen-time to be fleshed out, as Blomkamp opts to instead continue with the momentum of the story, namely Chappie’s plight with his gangster ‘parents’ and Deon’s efforts to enlighten him and shelter the robot from harm.

Patel’s Deon, it must be said, is the standout performance from the human cast, playing the driven, eccentric (not mad?) scientist convincingly and endearingly. You resonate with his fatherly unconditional love for Chappie, and share in his horror at Chappie’s bad qualities as passed on mostly by Ninja.

The underdevelopment of several of the key characters is my only real criticism with the film — I certainly cannot find fault with

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Chappie’s development. Blomkamp is acutely aware of how potentially dense and dull instructing a new life form (such as Chappie) on the crash-course in life can be, so he cleverly keeps it brief and mostly to either comedic (Ninja’s “Daddy” lessons) or poignant (the consequences of said “Daddy” lessons/misadventures).

As I’ve outlined, there’s no shortness of humour within Chappie’s development, and there is a generous smattering of action/ tension scenes as they organically occur, without being gratuitous or tacked-on. Blomkamp punctuates the tale with necessary action though ultimately never loses sight of his main goal - Chappie’s journey along with those involved for good or ill, whether morally pure (Deon) or bankrupt (Ninja and to a lesser extent, Yolandi).

Definitely worth a watch and a visit to the local cinematorium - if you find that you’ve acquired a taste for the plight of Chappie, it will come as joyous news that Blomkamp has plans for two more instalments, making a trilogy. Chappie will grow on you, with his expressive electronic eyes and charmingly clipped South African accent, complete with swearing capabilities. May he be around for a few more films to come!

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GAMES

ISSUE NO. 36 ISSUE NO.

20

HOROSCOPES

VERTIGO

SEX COLUMN WHICH CAME FIRST: ACTION OR ATTRACTION?

by Allison Bermingham

by Carmen Roath

Which Came First: Action or Attraction? By Carmen Roath So recently, I’ve been having some strange revelations about the symbiotic relationship between romantic attraction and sexual desire, and how these intersect and influence one another. Some people believe that in order for a deeper sexual connection to arise between two individuals, there must be a strong sense of amorousness between them otherwise this connection is perceived to be superficial and tenuous.

Yet in my circumstances, I find that my romantic feelings for a person absolutely cannot emerge unless there is an outrageous level of purely sexual attraction to get me started on the road to the three big words. Although, while it might seem like I’m describing it on a purely physical level, someone’s intellect, personality, or humour can be just as sexy as their body (if not more so) and one aspect in this sense may have positive effects on my feelings towards other parts of the relationship, too.

However, for many of my friends, my parents, and even the people you see in the media, this seems to be quite the opposite, as most are perceived as having found the highest level of satisfaction in sex when they’re having it with someone whom they feel a romantic attraction towards already.

On a strictly personal level, I like to think of having sex myself as a form of gardening, because you can’t really make plans to plant a seed in the soil if you haven’t gone to the trouble of getting it moist first. It’s basic horticulture, really.

In this sense, I often question if a relationship canreally succeed without that initial loins-are-on-fire feeling, and waiting for romantic feelings to develop seems all but impossible.

Interestingly, I have heard of friends who avoid sleeping with people they’re interested in before a legitimate and mutual

VIRGO

PISCES

August 23 — September 22. Empower yourself to give up that nasty habit whether it’s smoking, binge eating Twisties at 3am or watching Netflix for seven hours straight, it might be time to reconsider your life. Remember if life gives you lemons pull a sour face as you eat them.

February 18 — March 20. The stars have aligned my dear Pisces and we hope that something good will come your way. Just like any prediction we do not make any guarantees and if something bad should happen please do not contact us with your complaint.

LIBRA

ARIES

September 23 — October 22. Make sure you make that gym membership you will never use before summer starts. That or get an overactive dog called Boof (short for Boofhead), because what could possibly go wrong.

March 21 — April 19. This is the time that you should take up sail boating or bungee jumping. If neither of those sound appealing perhaps you could take up knitting and knit yourself a warm blanket.

SCORPIO

TAURUS

October 23 — November 22. You are headed down a path of debauchery and destruction. Simply stick to the simple life, if you must destroy something build a lego castle and then throw it at a wall.

April 20 — May 20. Although you may have an aggressive streak it can be a good idea to practice meditation. Breathing can do great things for you including but not limited to keeping you alive.

SAGITTARIUS

GEMINI

November 23 — December 21. As the sun and moon continue to circle the Earth, it is predicted that life will go on.

Perhaps you will fly in a helicopter to your friends 21st birthday or perhaps you’ll get blind drunk and fall flat on your face.

May 21 — June 20. People think that you are a bit strange.

Now is the time to embrace the weirdness and get a pet rock.

You should name it Baxter or Betty or Patricia.

CAPRICORN December 22 — January 19. Don’t eat chicken raw, it will make you sick and you could die. With that out of the way your lucky numbers are 3, 69 and 245. Black is definitely your colour and should be worn at all times of the year.

AQUARIUS January 20 — February 18. You should connect more with other people. You can connect in multiple ways whether it be in person, over Facebook, through the hedges or the lense of a camera. Some are more ok than others.

CANCER June 21 — July 22. Try and go to bed as early as possible, someone once said sleep is for the weak. But true strength comes from fighting against the grain.

LEO July 23 — August 22. Go exploring, discover a new species of bullfrog or rescue a cat from a tree. This month should provide you with an opportunity to show your true talents in cooking, martial arts, sketching or another useless skill you picked up at that party last weekend.

romantic attraction has time to take root (no pun intended) because, otherwise, they will convince themselves that the blooming relationship is simply a more complicated and infinitely messier version of a one night stand, and will unintentionally terminate all feelings (romantic or otherwise) upon completion of the carnal acts to avoid attachment and unwanted hurt.

In Michael Faudet’s true words, “sex is the cake and love is the icing on top” and for me, love can be saccharine without the right cake, but without it I suppose life might be pretty flavourless. Regardless, though, you’re still allowed to have your cake and eat it too, and whether or not you’ve made the choice to put some icing on that bad boy is up to you.

22

ISSUE NO. 6

BECOME AN EDITOR IN 2016 WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/UTSVERTIGO FOR MORE INFORMATION

VERTIGO

ISSUE NO. 6

17TH AUGUST University of Technology Sydney Student Publication

EVENTS TRANSPIRE PROBABLY

by Chrats Mergue

Events happened today, becoming the most recent in a series of things to transpire. The events, while potentially confusing or unimportant when taking individually, form a more coherent story when considered in the context of others events that similarly transpired before them. These events will also subsequently inform other events which will transpire at a later time, or could be transpiring currently.

While the transpiring of events is nothing new, this recent set of events has prompted consideration due to the fact that they are most recent. While some events that transpired before these events transpired are still being considered and even thought of as relevant, most events which transpired before these events have no longer been thought of as such. Some events, such as wars, are still considered very relevant, but are themselves actually made up of the transpiring of many smaller events.

Events transpired on several scales, causing problems for perspective but also

creating difficulties in pinning down an exact number of events which have transpired. Additionally, given that most of the universe, in its current state, is unknowable to humans, events frequently transpire without our awareness. Few of these events are considered particularly relevant, while others, such as the creation of heat and light by the Sun are considered relevant to some people but most people tend not to think of them as transpiring events.

While it is often tempting to think of events transpiring in an order, often chronologically, physics warns that cause and effect can only be applied to directly related events and should not be applied in all situations.

Given this, a concept of a linear, consistent ‘time’ in which all events transpire simultaneously is unlikely, unless the event’s transpiration results in the transpiration of another event. While these events certainly transpired, the exact order of them is impossible to determine, and is irrelevant on any kind of cosmic scale.

Furthermore, since the laws of physics are unchangeable, and the past is similarly beyond our human ability to alter, the present, and the events which transpire within it, can be thought of simply as the result on of the laws of physics being applied to the past. Within this context choice, and by logical extension free will, is an illusion and were are all predestined to perform the tasks, or transpire the events, with our free will merely a cause leading to, and justifying, the effect. The transpiring of events, therefore, is merely a reminder of humanity’s cosmic ignorance, nativity and inability to maintain perspective beyond those events who’s transpiration directly relates to our cause and effect.

Also some wars happened and something with celebrities probably. Social media users were quick to take to the internet in order to yell about how the transpiring of these events proves what they’ve been saying all along.

SATIRE WRITER APOLOGISES FOR AGREEING TO WRITE FOUR ARTICLES

by Cheppsworth McFarnswoggle

Popular UTS graduate and ‘satire’ writer Chreps McGee issued a formal apology today for agreeing to write four satire articles for an issue of ‘popular’ UTS student newspaper Vertigo. McGee stated, in a prepared apology, that while he claimed he would be willing and able to produce four original satire articles for the newspaper he never truly believed he could.

McGee has been with the UTS Vertigo team since the ticket was elected to run the student publication during last year’s student elections that everyone has already forgotten about. While McGee’s work has been enjoyed by some people, he confessed in his apology that he is fully aware of the decline in quality which he stated ‘became obvious about halfway through the first ‘satire’ piece I wrote’. The full apology has been printed below, in the interests of reaching the 500word limit on this article. There has been no word from Vertigo as to whether McGee will

be replaced, or indeed if anyone wants the thankless task of trying to write satire that no one’s ever going to read.

“To whom it may concern, I, Chreps McGee (AKA Chaswick Martgram (AKA Chrips Martini (AKA C.H.R.I.S. the sentient comedy super-computer (AKA C.H.I.R.S. That one time I accidentally spelt it wrong)))), apologies for deceiving you, the editors of Vertigo, as to the services I would be able to provide.

While I claimed that I would be able to produce for you four timely and humorous satire pieces for your upcoming issue, I was simply never suited for the task. Instead, what I have produced can only be described as ‘satire’ (please note that the inverted commas here imply sarcasm, and not quotation). Over the last few months I have produced much of the ‘satirical’ content for your ‘popular’ paper (again, sarcasm not quotation. Literally no one has described the paper that way),

but much of it has been a cheap knock-off, hurriedly produced in a desperate attempt to remain relevant.

In many ways I believe I wanted to be found out. It became obvious about halfway through the first ‘satire’ piece I wrote, that neither my heart nor my head was in the work. Rather than produce pieces that poked fun at the political and social institutions of our time, or shined a light of the hypocrisies and absurdities of our life, I merely wrote bullshit about how Tony Abbott was a lizard, or nonsense about comic books and super-villains. I also wrote not one, but two, self-indulgent meta-fictional articles, simply because they were easy. But for this, I sincerely apologise.

I feel, however, that I should not take all the blame. Or even half of the blame. Or any of it. No, the blame rests squarely on the shoulders of James Wilson. Come at me bro.”

ISSUE NO. 6

NEWS University of Technology Sydney Student Publication

EVENTS TRANSPIRE PROBABLY

by Chrats Mergue

Events happened today, becoming the most recent in a series of things to transpire. The events, while potentially confusing or unimportant when taking individually, form a more coherent story when considered in the context of others events that similarly transpired before them. These events will also subsequently inform other events which will transpire at a later time, or could be transpiring currently.

While the transpiring of events is nothing new, this recent set of events has prompted consideration due to the fact that they are most recent. While some events that transpired before these events transpired are still being considered and even thought of as relevant, most events which transpired before these events have no longer been thought of as such. Some events, such as wars, are still considered very relevant, but are themselves actually made up of the transpiring of many smaller events.

Events transpired on several scales, causing problems for perspective but also

creating difficulties in pinning down an exact number of events which have transpired. Additionally, given that most of the universe, in its current state, is unknowable to humans, events frequently transpire without our awareness. Few of these events are considered particularly relevant, while others, such as the creation of heat and light by the Sun are considered relevant to some people but most people tend not to think of them as transpiring events.

While it is often tempting to think of events transpiring in an order, often chronologically, physics warns that cause and effect can only be applied to directly related events and should not be applied in all situations.

Given this, a concept of a linear, consistent ‘time’ in which all events transpire simultaneously is unlikely, unless the event’s transpiration results in the transpiration of another event. While these events certainly transpired, the exact order of them is impossible to determine, and is irrelevant on any kind of cosmic scale.

Furthermore, since the laws of physics are unchangeable, and the past is similarly beyond our human ability to alter, the present, and the events which transpire within it, can be thought of simply as the result on of the laws of physics being applied to the past. Within this context choice, and by logical extension free will, is an illusion and were are all predestined to perform the tasks, or transpire the events, with our free will merely a cause leading to, and justifying, the effect. The transpiring of events, therefore, is merely a reminder of humanity’s cosmic ignorance, nativity and inability to maintain perspective beyond those events who’s transpiration directly relates to our cause and effect.

Also some wars happened and something with celebrities probably. Social media users were quick to take to the internet in order to yell about how the transpiring of these events proves what they’ve been saying all along.

SATIRE WRITER APOLOGISES FOR AGREEING TO WRITE FOUR ARTICLES

by Cheppsworth McFarnswoggle

Popular UTS graduate and ‘satire’ writer Chreps McGee issued a formal apology today for agreeing to write four satire articles for an issue of ‘popular’ UTS student newspaper Vertigo. McGee stated, in a prepared apology, that while he claimed he would be willing and able to produce four original satire articles for the newspaper he never truly believed he could.

McGee has been with the UTS Vertigo team since the ticket was elected to run the student publication during last year’s student elections that everyone has already forgotten about. While McGee’s work has been enjoyed by some people, he confessed in his apology that he is fully aware of the decline in quality which he stated ‘became obvious about halfway through the first ‘satire’ piece I wrote’. The full apology has been printed below, in the interests of reaching the 500word limit on this article. There has been no word from Vertigo as to whether McGee will

be replaced, or indeed if anyone wants the thankless task of trying to write satire that no one’s ever going to read.

“To whom it may concern, I, Chreps McGee (AKA Chaswick Martgram (AKA Chrips Martini (AKA C.H.R.I.S. the sentient comedy super-computer (AKA C.H.I.R.S. That one time I accidentally spelt it wrong)))), apologies for deceiving you, the editors of Vertigo, as to the services I would be able to provide.

While I claimed that I would be able to produce for you four timely and humorous satire pieces for your upcoming issue, I was simply never suited for the task. Instead, what I have produced can only be described as ‘satire’ (please note that the inverted commas here imply sarcasm, and not quotation). Over the last few months I have produced much of the ‘satirical’ content for your ‘popular’ paper (again, sarcasm not quotation. Literally no one has described the paper that way),

but much of it has been a cheap knock-off, hurriedly produced in a desperate attempt to remain relevant.

In many ways I believe I wanted to be found out. It became obvious about halfway through the first ‘satire’ piece I wrote, that neither my heart nor my head was in the work. Rather than produce pieces that poked fun at the political and social institutions of our time, or shined a light of the hypocrisies and absurdities of our life, I merely wrote bullshit about how Tony Abbott was a lizard, or nonsense about comic books and super-villains. I also wrote not one, but two, self-indulgent meta-fictional articles, simply because they were easy. But for this, I sincerely apologise.

I feel, however, that I should not take all the blame. Or even half of the blame. Or any of it. No, the blame rests squarely on the shoulders of James Wilson. Come at me bro.”