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W E D N E S DAY, AP R I L 1 3 , 2 0 1 6

Registration delays schedules by john riedel jpriedel@uvm.edu

At 7 a.m. Thursday morning, sophomores across campus ran into unexpected difficulty when attempting to register for fall courses.

There was a 10-minute “slow down” in the registration system April 7, Registrar Keith Williams said.

“I described it as a slow down because everyone was able to log back in and pick classes, but the explanation that I got from the system people was that people actually got dropped,” Williams said. “If you’re getting in there and get dropped, I can see why it would feel like a crash.”

Sophomore Renee Willard expressed concern for students getting courses they need specific to their major.

“It should be some sort of rolling registration with priority given to students in the major for classes they need,” Willard said. “My friend couldn’t get into cultural anthropology because people take it for fun, but she needs it for her major.”

The registration issues were not because of the number of

byjohn riedel jpriedel@uvm.edu

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION PHIL CARRUTHERS

sophomores logging in, but the timing, Williams said.

“Students were waiting until the very last minute to log in, so then there were all these requests in the system at a rate we never anticipated,” he said.

Sophomore Julia Iannazzi said it took her over half an hour to register.

“I was trying to get into labs

that only had eight seats so it made everything more difficult,” Iannazzi said. “And I wish UVM would have sent out an alert or email or something letting us know when the problem was going to be fixed.”

Slow downs don’t happen every year, Williams said.

“In fact, we’ve had years where in general registration

happens kind of between 7 and 7:05, where we’ll have 5,000 courses get registered for in five minutes,” he said.

The reason why registration wasn’t worse than it was is because the office had staff monitoring the system and making adjustments as necessary, Williams said.

Debate team places first nationally by bryan o’keefe bpokeefe@uvm.edu

Two UVM students are returning home from the two major debate tournaments with a first-place trophy in tow.

Seniors Taylor Brough and Khalil Lee took home the win at the Cross Examination Debate Association’s National Policy Debate Tournament. The tournament took place at Binghamton University in New York March 26 to 29.

The tournament is often referred to as the “people’s tournament,” Brough said, because teams do not need to qualify to compete, unlike the National Debate Tournament, which they competed in after their appearance at CEDA. Lee said he and Brough go against the traditional grain of National Debate Tournament because they are black and native students, respectively.

Brough and Lee both said National Debate Tournament is regarded as an elite competition debate; the top 16 ranked teams in the nation are automatically invited to participate, while other teams need to qualify through a series of prelimi-

ALANA Center may be renamed

nary events.

Brough and Lee’s team qualified as one of the firstround invitees to NDT. Brough and Lee participated in the American policy debate, which involves the selection of a year-long topic which they then research intensely and present arguments that both affirm and negate it at competitions throughout the year, Brough said.

She said preparation involves collecting massive amounts of research and evidence, and she and Lee spend about 20 hours a week working on debate, not accounting for travel time.

“

and Northeast Asia, Brough said.

Lee said policy debate isn’t purely concrete analysis of U.S. policy, but about using the resolution as a metaphor for gaining inroads into broader conversations.

Their argument this year discussed the ways in which violence is normalized, he said.

They employed the concept of a black hole as an alternative version of reality in which marginalized persons could live without pressures from white heteronormativity, colonialism and classism.

“The metaphor was that gravity works on a perpetual

COLE WANGSNESS/The Vermont Cynic

The metaphor was that gravity works on a perpetual axis of hate.

“It’s like a part-time job,” Brough said.

The topic this year was whether or not the U.S. should increase its military presence in the Horn of Africa, Persian Gulf

The trophy for the Cross-examination debate association National debate competition.

KHALIL LEE SENIOR axis of hate,” Lee said.

Their performance at CEDA and the National Debate Tournament this year were the last two tournaments of their career as debaters, Brough said.

They’ve participated in 11 tournaments this year so far, she said, and travel roughly every three weeks.

They miss an average of 21 days of class a semester, Lee said. Some professors are more flexible than others regarding assignments.

He said he doesn’t think debate should be an excuse for getting out of work, but some professors offer no room for compromise.

After years of discussion, the ALANA Student Center may soon be known by a different name.

The proposed name change coincides with the African, Latino(a), Asian and Native American Center moving from the Blundell House on Redstone Campus to the Living/ Learning Complex.

The name change was originally proposed by Rep. Kesha Ram ‘08 while she was a student.

“An open process to determine how students would like themselves to be termed would be beneficial, as ‘ALANA’ doesn’t capture this sentiment,” Ram said.

ALANA was originally known as the Black and Third World Educators from 1973 to 1996, according to their website.

Open forums for the community to discuss a name change were held April 7 and 8, and another will be held April 14, Assistant Director Sarah Childs said “Over the years there have been a lot of different conversations,” Childs said.

The current name does not include everyone, such as people who are multinational or transexual, she said.

“It just seems timely for us to consider a name change,” said graduate student Dimitri Gogue, who also works at the Center.

ALANA has gone through name changes before, Gogue said.

“The name right now is not all-inclusive,” senior David Waller said.

Waller said people ask him where the white student center is and he directs them to the Davis Center.

“I ask them to look around and see how many people are like you,” he said.

Junior Maya Arima said the center is important to the community.

“All the staff here is so welcoming… and it seems like this is the kind of place where a community thrives,” Arima said.

A name change is needed but it should not be too long or complicated, she said.

If the center changes its name, it will have to be approved by President Tom Sullivan, Childs said.

2

THE VERMONT CYNIC

NEWS

W E D N E S DAY, AP R I L 13, 201 6

First-years to live in program houses by katherine smith ksmith59@uvm.edu

UVM’s programmed housing communities will soon expand to include all incoming students.

Although the decision will not be implemented before fall of 2018, every student will live in programmed housing, Living/Learning Director John Sama said. There will be some way for students to express interest in the themes of the housing they want to be a part of.

“It might not look like they do now, but it will have some kind of theme and some kind of course connection,” Sama said.

“There is a new first-year experience and course being developed, and we really want them to be connected.”

“For other schools that have done this kind of thing, the retention rate is higher in residential communities,” Sama said.

“We also see that having additional staff and faculty present engaged in people’s lives makes a meaningful difference for not only students but faculty and staff.”

Last year after the Central Campus dorms were torn down housing was reduced, but programs like the Wellness En-

vironment are offering living communities on different campuses.

First-year Emily Fischer said she considered applying for program housing.

“I thought about the Bio house because it is my major, and it would be cool to be around people with similar programs,” Fischer said. “I thought about the Freestyle Ski house because I figured it would get me in good shape, but I didn’t do it.”

The Wellness Environment is a substance free environment, said director James Hudziak “The Wellness Environment is designed to foster a living space where you can have incentivized opportunities to test daily fitness, mindfulness and yoga,” Hudziak said.

The community offers access to fitness and nutrition coaching, yoga and mindfulness training, field trips, mentorship and other programs focused on mental and physical health.

“We’ve made the material so much more relevant,” said Jeff Rettew, co-director of Wellness Environment. “It’s become more successful, and students are more engaged.”

There are 330 first-years and 225 sophomores living in the program, Hudziak said. Next

First-year David Bryant plays guitar in the Patterson Hall Wellness Environment April 8.

PHIL CARRUTHERS/The Vermont Cynic

year there will be 175 first-year students in Patterson as well as 178 Wellness Environment residents in Christie, and Redstone Hall will also be part of the network.

The community will also expand to McCauley Hall, a dorm that is “historically more difficult to incentivize people to live in,” Hudziak said.

Librarian running for state rep.

by Caroline Alkire calkire@uvm.edu

A librarian from Bailey/ Howe will be running for a Vermont House seat recently vacated by a UVM alumna.

Selene Colburn, a librarian at Bailey/Howe and Burlington City Council Member, said she made the decision to run after Kesha Ram ‘08 vacated her seat to run for lieutenant governor.

Ram, a Democrat, has held the seat since 2009.

“As someone who has been interested in the state House of Representatives, you do pay attention to when those seats open, as it may not be vacant again for another 10 to 20 years,” Colburn said.

Colburn wants to use the state position to advocate for developments she has been working for as a Burlington City Council member, she said.

“I have come up against some things that are pretty hard to solve at a city level, so I feel that working at the state

Executive

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Hannah Kearns editorinchief@vtcynic.com MANAGING EDITOR Hannah Morgan newsroom@vtcynic.com

Librarian,city council member and Vermont House of Representatives candidate Selene Colburn is pictured April 8.

PHIL CARRUTHERS/The Vermont Cynic

level would be very beneficial,” Colburn said.

Colburn has been an advocate for more available housing in Burlington for working and middle class residents, she said.

Ram said she supports Colburn’s campaign, saying that they have always worked well

together.

Ram also commented on the role students can play in the election results, as the open seat’s district includes much of the UVM campus and surrounding area where upperclassmen reside.

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THE VERMONT CYNIC

NEWS

Residents protest oil pipeline by michelle phillips mphill15@uvm.edu

Despite protests, a Vermont gas company and Gov. Peter Shumlin’s administration are pushing forward on building a 41-mile natural gas pipeline through Addison County from Colchester to Middlebury.

The Addison Natural Gas Project was approved in 2013 by the Vermont legislature in order to expand access to natural gas from Franklin and Chittenden Counties to Addison County, Vermont.

Since its proposal, the pipeline’s construction has been met with protests in the form of marches, occupying street corners and homeowners refusing to allow government purchase of their property, said professor Brian Tokar, a 350 Vermont board member.

350 Vermont is a nonprofit organization protesting the new pipeline, according to their website.

“I’m thinking about my parents living in Montpelier, and if something like that were being built in their backyard, I think they would be really upset about it,” first-year Jen Lorden said.

The most recent protest was a “tree sit” in Monkton, Vermont by Rising Tide Vermont, an activist organization protesting the pipeline, according to their website.

The pipeline will be trans-

Record number of senators join SGA

by Kelsey neubauer kaneubau@uvm.edu

Illustration by COLE WANGSNESS

porting fracked gas. Fracking is illegal in the state of Vermont.

“There are better ways to get energy that aren’t going to harm the environment,” first-year Corey Pettengill said.

For three days, members of the organization sat in trees along the pipeline route, said Rising Tide volunteer coordinator Will Bennington.

“Our elected official and state regulators have failed us,

so we’re going to continue with the rich history in this country of using direct action and civil disobedience,” Bennington said.

Vermont Gas hopes to provide residents of Addison County with the same opportunity for a more affordable energy source than oil, Beth Parent, communications manager for Vermont Gas said in an April 5 email.

Tokar said he speculates the Shumlin administration ap-

proved the pipeline with lower energy costs with residents in mind.

However, the project’s cost has increased 78 percent from its originally approved proposal in 2013, according to a Burlington Free Press article.

The Shumlin administration declined to comment.

Experts meet at 11th invention conference by craig pelsor cpelsor@uvm.edu

Entrepreneurs, inventors and business experts from across New England flocked to the University April 7 for an annual conference.

The 11th annual Invention 2 Venture Conference was held in the Davis Center’s Silver Maple Ballroom, inviting students to network with various business experts and industry leaders, according to the event’s University Communications website.

This conference is held every year by the University’s Office of Technology Commercialization, alongside the Vermont Technology Council and the Vermont Center for Emerging Technologies, according to the website.

“The goal is to bring people together who in some way relate to what we do,” said Jason Powell of the Office of Technology Commercialization.

Powell emphasized the networking opportunities that the conference presents.

“It’s a good opportunity for people to meet people from all areas of the business world,” he said.

The event began with opening remarks from Provost David Rosowsky on the University’s “entrepreneurship ecosystem,” followed by awards for various patents and licenses received by members of the University and attendees.

3

W E D N E S DAY, AP R I L 13, 201 6

The Invention 2 Venture conference is pictured April 7. The conference focused on turning ideas and inventions into marketable products. SABRINA HOOD/The Vermont Cynic The event’s keynote address titled “Power to the Internet of Things” was delivered by UVM alumnus Robert Andosca.

Ph.D in Materials Science Engineering from UVM in 2012, according to MicroGen’s website.

Microgen has become one

“

The goal is to bring people together who in some way relate to what we do

JASON POWELL OFFICE OF TECHNOLOGY COMMERCIALIZATION The address was followed by roundtable discussions on a number of different topics relating to business strategy and entrepreneurship.

Andosca founded MicroGen Systems in 2007, receiving his

of the largest designers and manufacturers of nanotechnology and MEMS used in wireless sensors and mobile electronics, according to the corporation’s website.

MEMS stands for micro-

electromechanical systems which are small devices such as nanochips, according to Microgen’s website.

His speech covered the process of founding his corporation and the devices they created called Bolt and Vibe.

The devices are small chips that can collect data and produce enough electricity to sustain themselves for use in tires, cars and shoes, with a growing market for the future, Andosca said.

These devices are smaller than a quarter and can last for more than 20 years, according to MicroGen’s website.

A record number of candidates were elected in the most recent SGA election.

Thirty-seven senators were elected for fall 2016; 36 were on the ballot and one was a writein.

In addition to supporting over 160 student clubs across campus, senators comprise the undergraduate student legislative body, according to their website.

Senators act in the UVM and Burlington community to provide a representative voice for students, adding to the college experience, it states.

SGA is broken into 10 committees, which senators are assigned to, according to the website.

This is the largest number of candidates in a spring election since elections have been held online, SGA President Jason Maulucci said.

“We are hoping that the reason so many candidates ran this year was because they are excited [and] encouraged by the work that has been done and they want to be a part of it,” Maulucci said.

Many of the senators who were eligible to run again did so, SGA Vice President Tyler Davis said.

“From an overall retention standpoint we certainly kept the vast majority of those eligible to return,” Davis said.

Of the new members, there was a rise in those involved in Fraternity and Sorority Life and a decline of international student senators, due to their involvement in other areas of campus, he said.

There were five write-in candidates, Davis said.

One write-in candidate received more votes than more than half the candidates on the ballot, he said.

Junior Chris Connell, a finance major, was the only write-in candidate to win election to the senate. Connell said he is very excited to represent the differing views of the undergraduate student population at UVM. He said he hopes to get involved in the finance committee of the senate once he is sworn in. “[Finance] is something I am very passionate about and I look forward to hopefully working with student organizations to get them the resources necessary to succeed,” Connell said. “I also really look forward to continuing to develop programs such as the Peer Mentor Program and Safe Ride Home.”

Elections took place from April 5 to 6.

The newly elected senators will be sworn into SGA at 7 p.m.

April 19 in the Livak Ballroom, according to SGA’s website.

4

OPINION

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13, 2016 THE VERMONT CYNIC

S TA F F E D I T O R I A L

Make registration more user-friendly C lass registration is, arguably, one of the most stressful times of the semester for students. Between trying to navigate the ever-confusing CATS report, avoiding dreaded 8:30 a.m. time slots, attempting to fulfill graduation requirements and participate in a “Hunger Games”-esque competition for slots at 7 a.m., there’s not much to be desired.

There is no doubt both the advising system and registration process can, and should be reformed.

Some students claimed they weren’t able to register for classes required for their major, because other students registered as an elective. Students should not be struggling to register for classes that are required for their major, and for them to graduate on time.

This semester, the registration process was even more anxiety-inducing for some sophomores who were faced with a 10-minute “slow down” in the registration system, according to registrar Keith Williams.

Considering the fact registration already begins so early, at 7 a.m., it’s extremely inconvenient for the system to not even work when students go to register for classes.

There are understandable technical difficulties that are, for the most part, out of human control and inevitable. Even so, this recent chaos is just an ex-

ample of how stressful the entire process is for students, and how the system must change.

A new peer advising initiative to be implemented as early as next year is something that could possible provide a least a slight decrease in the stress of registration.

The initiative will pair groups of 10 first-years with an upperclassman of the same major as early as orientation. SGA and the administration are hoping the program will also help keep students at UVM, SGA President Jason Maulucci said.

Peer adviser training will focus not only on how to give appropriate academic advice to new students, but also how to handle the emotional issues which often accompany transitioning into new settings and difficult classes, said Brian Reed, the associate provost for teaching and learning.

Provost David Rosowsky recently announced changes

Illustration by DAVID BERNIER

this will include the addition of a first-year course focusing on the transition from high school to college.

There is no doubt that both the advising system and registration process can, and should be reformed will be made in order “to create a positive, seamless academic and co-curricular student experience” for first-years. Along with the peer advising center,

The Peer Advising Center will be a part of a new Academic Success Center which will bring together the orientation program, a new first-year experi-

Proof that Trump is under fire

ence program, tutoring services and the new advising center.

The new first-year initiative and peer advising center may not solve all of the stress registration causes students- but it’s certainly a start.

As it stands-the registration process is not easy to comprehend, user friendly or fair for all students. Getting into the requirements you need to graduate shouldn’t be as difficult as it currently is for some students.

Superfluous requirements Peyton Benisch

Kate Lipman

PBENISCH@UVM.EDU

KLIPMAN@UVM.EDU

C

A

pparently, there have been reports Donald Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame may be removed because repeated attempts to vandalize it.

There have been instances of people peeing on it, spray-painting words like “racist” on it and there was even an instance where a dog relieved himself on it.

The most interesting part of this story is not the star itself, but Donald Trump’s understandable and reasonable reaction to these events: he plans to sue the service dog who pooped on his star.

While the campaign refused to comment, we have spoken with the dog’s lawyers, who are confident they will be able to win this case in court. While this lawsuit has been a shock to many who wonder why a man would sue a dog, Trump supporters have remained firmly behind their candidate, even going so far as to picket outside the home where the dog lives.

Trump has also offered to pay any noise violations these protesters may receive, and

Illustration by SEBASTIAO HUNGERBUHLER

claims to fully support their actions as they loudly support him in his fight against this unjust and criminal delinquent.

We have also heard reports that Trump plans to build a wall around his star and make the dog pay for it.

Check back next week for an

update on this fascinating story of this classic man-versus-dog scenario.

Kate Lipman is a junior Russian and Eastern European studies major. She has been writing for the Cynic since fall 2014.

Staff editorials officially reflect the views of the Vermont Cynic.

Signed opinion pieces and columns do not necessarily do so.

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Please limit letters to 350 words.

The Cynic reserves the right to edit letters for length and grammar.

Please send letters to opinion@vtcynic.com.

urrently, students in the College of Arts and Sciences are required to take a wide variety of classes.

Although there are plenty of options, students must take classes within seven different categories.

Understandably, UVM wants students to be well-rounded and educated beyond students’ majors.

However, the expectation a student should take at least one class in every category is too much.

Most students struggle with at least one subject throughout their education. Traditionally, creative students have trouble with analytical subjects, like math and science, while analytical students clash with creative subjects such as art and English.

Also, not every high school offers classes at the same caliber as others, which causes some students to be unprepared, preventing them from understanding material they are being taught in college. In order to resolve this issue, students should be allowed to omit one distribution requirement.

If students were allowed to omit one requirement, this

would allow more time and focus to be given to the other distribution and major requirements.

Perhaps in an effort to make up for this, if a student were to drop a requirement, he would have to take an additional course in another category.

For example, if a student were to decide to not fulfill his second language requirement he could choose to take an additional course in the fine arts category. This way the same amount of courses are required, yet there is more flexibility.

Some may argue that this system would not work because many students would elect not to fulfill the same categories.

However, a subject that may be difficult for one student may be less challenging for another, which would cause the system to balance out.

By allowing students to eliminate or replace one distribution requirement, the College of Arts and Sciences would be able to better customize the requirements for students while still creating a challenging and reasonable curriculum.

Peyton Benisch is a sophomore English major. She has been writing for the Cynic since spring 2016.

THE VERMONT CYNIC

OPINION

5

W E D N E S DAY, AP R I L 13, 201 6

The true story behind Gary Derr Daltrey Burris

DBURRIS@UVM.EDU

T

he moment seemed to go on forever. This was, in fact, because time had come to a complete stop.

The moment would never end, which was unfortunate, as some people were caught in pretty awkward situations: grown men watching “The Bachelor,” women aggressively fixing wedgies and more people naked and touching themselves than one could ever hope to count. It wouldn’t have been much of a problem if everyone was frozen, but this wasn’t the case.

Gary Derr looked around slowly, then rubbed his eyes in the way cartoon characters do to make sure what they’re seeing is real. This gesture did actually assure him he was successful; time was completely stopped.

You see, Gary had recently been blessed with a supernatural power. While rummaging around in his attic, he had come across a monkey’s paw — its three fingers were stretched out rigidly and animals instinctively ran away when it was near.

“I wish I knew if this were real,” he said aloud, and suddenly, he did. A finger slowly curled on the paw. Next, Gary wished for a magic lamp and threw the cursed paw away — he wasn’t stupid.

After a short while of thinking about wishes and watching “Aladdin,” Garry rubbed the lamp. As expected, a genie came out. His name was Fred.

He gave the entire spiel about how he had been trapped inside the lamp for millennia and Gary would be granted three wishes to repay him, at which point the genie would disappear to go do

his laundry or something. Gary accepted. He paused briefly to clear his throat, straightened his notecards and spoke.

“I wish for unlimited wishes,” Gary said with a smirk.

“Sorry, I can’t do that,” Fred replied. “Too many people tried to game the system, so we had to make rules against it.”

“Fine.” Gary squinted his eyes to read his prepared wishes, just in case this happened. “I wish I could wish for unlimited wishes.”

“Okay, granted.”

“Good. Now I wish for unlimited wishes again” “Sorry dude, it’s a no-go,” the genie replied. “You asked if you could wish for that, not if you may. That’s not even tricky genie-semantics, you just should have learned it by middle school.”

“Damn! That doesn’t count, does it?”

“Unfortunately, yes, it does.

But, I’m feeling nice so I’ll let you know something in advance; you can’t wish away the genie code, so don’t waste a wish trying.”

Gary scratched his head disappointedly. “Thanks, I guess,” he said. He threw his notecards away, since he had used up everything on them. A brief moment passed before he resumed his requests.

“Okay, Fred, for my second wish, I wish that I were the vice president of the University of Vermont.”

“Vice president? Why not the actual president?”

“Bah, too much work; they’re too busy to connect to the students. I already have a great idea brewing on how I’m going to get those college kids to love me — I’ll email them every single week to let them know about UVM activities. They’ll eat that up!”

“How thoughtful of you,”

Illustration by SYDNEY LISS-ABRAHAM

Fred said. “Your wish is granted.”

With one wish left, Gary was put in a hard position—being the vice president was the only thing he’d ever wanted. He tried to think of more wishes, but he was all out of ideas. The two stood around awkwardly, adjusting their clothes and pretending to check their phones.

“Anything else?”

Fred asked. “I should probably get going soon, if you wanna hurry this thing up.”

“I’m drawing a complete blank, sorry,” said Gary, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Why don’t you wish for a superpower? Everyone likes superpowers.”

“Oh, that’s a pretty good idea. I… uh, I wish I could fly!

No wait, that’s not a good one.

And super strength is just boring… hmm. Okay, I’ve got it!”

The genie looked up from his phone and raised his eyebrows.

“I wish I could stop time,” Gary declared. “Then I’d make sure that I’d never miss an email deadline.”

“Your wish is my command,” Fred said, realizing he was perpetuating stereotypes.

He quickly apologized, and then vanished in a puff of blue smoke.

It wasn’t until two weeks later that Gary tried to use his power — he wanted the unveiling to be in a practical situation, as he was a practical man.

The campus news was particularly heavy and it was nearly time to submit it all, but he wasn’t close to finished. Tom Sullivan walked into his office, screaming.

“Gary, there’s no way you’re getting this all done! You just

don’t have enough time!”

“Oh, really?” he replied, with a sly grin.

Gary then activated his power, stopping the president in his tracks. He finished his emails, stacked some books on coworkers’ heads, robbed a bank and then drove home in record time. It was a good day.

Soon he had had enough of everything standing still and tried to restart time, but couldn’t. Gary quickly realized he had forgotten to wish that he could start time back up again, not just stop it.

“Well shit,” he thought to himself, “I wonder where I threw that monkey’s paw.”

Daltrey Burris is a senior psychology major. He has been writing for the Cynic since spring 2015.

Leftist fallacies: corporate influence on public policy Joseph Brown

JBROWN33@UVM.EDU

W

ithout immediately diving into the merits of Georgia’s bygone, Indiana-style religious freedom bill, there is something intellectually deceptive about the Left’s position on corporate influence on public policy.

On the one hand, dozens of Bernie Sanders supporters, in their #democracyspring movement — alluding to, one supposes, the exceedingly anti-democratic Arab Spring — can denounce the notion that elections cost money.

Remarkably, they do so while simultaneously applauding Apple (which is corporate), Disney (which is corporate, too) and the NFL (if you guessed corporate, you’d be right) for their decision to boycott Georgia in response to its religious freedom bill.

The lesson here: corporate

power is good, provided that it’s used to protect the revolution.

There is no real movement to “keep money out of politics,” only to keep the wrong sorts of speech out of the public arena.

It’s why Sanders can ask for money on his website before one can even see the issues he cares about — or, really, is able to even expound upon to an intellectual degree transcending that of a progressive-ish college freshman’s introduction to American politics essay, given his embarrassing interview with the New York Daily News.

He doesn’t seem believe it is antithetical to his own practices to decry the fact that Clinton receives money from the “fossil fuel industry,” while completely ignoring the possibility that, maybe, a large percentage of those donations came from individual employees of that industry, who aren’t compelled to act on their employer’s behalf.

Yes, it’s possible to like a candidate who isn’t Sanders without being a corporate shill.

It’s why, as I’ve noted before, unions have free reign to — this is no exaggeration — steal money from their workers in non right-to-work states and donate it, year after year, to Democrats.

And it’s why small businesses and insurance companies who express apprehension over the Affordable Care Act’s

casting doubt on the Left’s socalled pragmatism.

Conversely, one might safely extol Apple’s virtues of inclusiveness in opposing Georgia’s minor steps toward preserving the conscience of its religious citizens — of which there are many, and to whom that conscience is cardinal to their identity — while they conduct busi-

The lesson here: corporate power is good, provided it's used in order to protect the revolution. There is no real movement to "keep money out of politics," only to keep the wrong sorts of speech out of the public arena. financially prohibitive provisions are accused of harboring a conservative bias (perish the thought!).

One must assume, then, that fretting over frightfully negative assets, such as a high-risk pool of patients with the dubious assurance of preventative subsidies, is a habit to which only right-wing nuts are inclined,

ness in Saudi Arabia, which isn’t very nice to gays, to whom the House of Saud affords significantly less liberty than Georgia.

Georgia’s erstwhile law would have allowed its religious citizens to — at the cost of their own financial security, because the freedom to discriminate means the freedom to piss money away — in the common

example, refuse to bake cakes for gay weddings.

On the Arabian Peninsula, few would bother to refuse to cater gay weddings when it’s simply easier to butcher anyone who would dare consider having one.

What’s odd about Georgia’s religious freedom bill and Saudi Arabia’s death penalty for homosexuals policy is that the former was produced by democratic means, and the latter by what, in Sanders’ parlance, is an oligarchy — and yet Apple implicitly endorsed the greater of two evils.

Of course, the Arab Spring wasn’t the wellspring of liberty President Barack Obama predicted it would be, not least in Saudi Arabia. It certainly wouldn’t take a genius to predict that the #democracyspring won’t be either.

Joseph Brown is a senior political science major. He has been writing for the Cynic since fall 2012.

6

THE VERMONT CYNIC

OPINION

W E D N E S DAY, AP R I L 13, 201 6

Hillary Clinton just panders to her audience Sarang Murthy SMURTHY@UVM.EDU

I

am going to jump right to it: Hillary Rodham Clinton is dishonest, untrustworthy and indecisive. She does not deserve a single vote from people who actually care about a candidate’s values and morals.

Recently, Clinton condescendingly urged young people to do their own research when questioned about her ties to the fossil fuel industry. Ms. Clinton, I present to you my research: Clinton claims to be a progressive, consistently championing for positive social change and defending civil liberty.

Not quite. In 1964 she supported Barry Goldwater for president. Goldwater voted against the Civil Rights Act of 1964 that put an end to racial segregation.

She was young and naive, you say?

Maybe. In her 50’s, she strongly supported the Defense of Marriage Act signed by President Bill Clinton as a federal law in 1996.

She opposed same sex marriage while running for the Senate, opposed it as a senator and even while running for president in 2008. The turn of the decade showed more Americans polling in favor of gay marriage, and so Clinton jumped

on the bandwagon in March 2013.

She was also a supporter of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” – a restrictive and discriminatory policy regarding the service of homosexuals in the military. It is another blemish on her husband’s presidency.

That’s the tip of the iceberg. Clinton denounces Citizens United, the 2010 Supreme Court ruling that allows for corporations to funnel money into political campaigns. She says she is against it because most of America is, but beneath another veil of deception, super PACs and PACs have raised more than $62.5 million for Clinton, according to The New York Times.

Onto another important progressive issue: fracking. Being progressive and being categorically against fracking go hand in hand. Not quite for Clinton; she was asked about whether she supports fracking at a March 6 debate hosted by CNN, she answered: “I don’t support it when any locality or any state is against it, I don’t support it when the release of methane or contamination of water is present…” In contrast, Sen. Bernie Sanders’ answer was a lot shorter: “No.” Maybe she cannot put her foot down because she has received over $4.5 million in campaign funds from the fossil fuel industry. In fact, as secretary of state, she promoted shale gas extraction

Clinton won’t back down from her principles alexander collingsworth

ACOLLING@UVM.EDU

I

support Clinton because of her courage, authenticity and conviction.

Time and time again Clinton has stood up for her principles.

She voted for the war in Iraq. For years, Clinton stood up against gay marriage. For years, she promoted a “tough on crime” agenda. She also stood up for the rights of poor oil tycoons when they wanted to build a pipeline from Canada.

She supported the trans-Pacific trade deal until she didn’t. That’s conviction.

Clinton will support something right up to the moment she doesn’t. Sometimes the political winds change and she must bravely switch her stance on something.

It takes courage to do that. It took courage for her to accept all that money from Wall Street even though she is the most anti-Wall Street person in America.

She may have been a little scared when she went to the lions’ den to give those paid speeches, but she overcame that fear.

That’s what real courage is.

She sticks to her core principles. One of them is, “I’ll take money from anyone if they’re giving it away.” She has always stuck to that principle. To me HRC(TM) means authenticity. She is hands-down the most authentic candidate out there.

Clinton has a whole team dedicated to branding and being real. Everyday her brand and her unique selling points are improved and are made more authentic.

She is briefed daily on how to be real by real experts on authenticity. HRC(TM): Authenticity. Conviction. Courage. Terms and conditions apply. Not valid in all states. May be subject to change.

Alexander Collingsworth is a senior English and history major. He has been writing for the Cynic since spring 2016.

Illustration by ALYSSA HANDELMAN

personally on one occasion and urged countries like Portugal, Tanzania and Pakistan to turn to fracking as an extraction process for natural gas.

The U.S. has a failed private prison system. The number of incarcerated in the U.S. is higher than in China, even though China accounts for 20 percent of the world’s population. And while Sanders will ban private prisons that run for profit, Clinton has so far accepted $133,246 from private prison lobbyists.

In 2012, Clinton hailed the Trans-Pacific Trade Partnership as a “gold standard” in trade agreements and called it one of her great accomplishments. In 2015, right as the final versions of the deal were being released Clinton said she does not support the deal anymore. But of course she did. The political climate was such that she had to.

In Clinton’s words from a debate in 2008: “I have been a critic of NAFTA from the very beginning.” Strange, because before her husband signed the trade bill into action, Clinton held strategy meetings for congressional approval and helped block environmental and labor opposition to the bill. I am not sure what “beginning” she was talking about.

Maybe this is a stretch, but Clinton

served on the board of Walmart from 1986 to 1992. NAFTA made it such that America’s trade barriers were lifted, allowing over 700,000 jobs to evaporate.

Industries shut down and manufacturers moved to countries that provided the cheapest (and most exploited) labor and had the least restrictive environmental and safety regulations possible. Guess what? Wally World, and others, saw profits skyrocket.

The list of her flip-flops go on: the U.S.-Korea trade agreement, the Columbia free trade agreement, the issue of raising the payroll tax, providing illegal immigrants with driver’s’ licenses, the U.S. trade embargo on Cuba, federal gun control and gun ownership, her stance on clean coal and her vote for the Iraq War, just to name a few.

Hillary Clinton will sway with the popular political sentiment. She will say absolutely anything to appease the crowd she is speaking to. But behind her condescending laugh and holier-than-thou attitude stands a woman who changes her values as per convenience, not conviction. Her slogan is “Hillary Clinton: fighting for us.” It should be “Hillary Clinton: lying to us”.

Sarang Murthy is a junior economics major. He has been writing for the Cynic since spring 2016.

LIFE

7

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13, 2016 THE VERMONT CYNIC

Art dept. offers sketching

by BEX ADAMS rladams@uvm.edu

Art students had the opportunity to figure draw in Williams Hall April 5, allowing art students to practice and sketch with their peers in a no pressure setting.

The lights were all turned off, and four spotlights shined on the platform.

Laura, the model, struck her first of many poses for the night.

The students lined their pencils, plugged in their headphones and were ready to begin.

Laura has modeled for more than 25 years, beginning her career in Chicago dressed in robes her friend had painted, she said.

As a performing artist in Burlington, she said nude modeling is only one of her many interests, which range from poetry to rock operas.

Laura said she loves being still and modeling allows her to meditate, zone out and relax.

She said she also enjoys making students happy by giving them the opportunity to draw her.

“It’s just part of my life,” Laura said during a quick interview before her next pose began.

“I love my body and I take care of my body because I know I make a living with it...” she said, “but having a job which is dependent on your fitness and health can be tolling both emotionally and physically.”

Junior and studio art minor Bri Rubin said the drawing sessions always gets her in the zone.

“It’s cool how the more I do it the easier it becomes,” Rubin said.

“I tend to draw naked ladies from my imagination a lot so this probably helps those

Illustration by MARISSA LANOFF

HUNTER DOES: A NUDE ART CLASS

A first nude model sketch Hunter COLVIN HCOLVIN@UVM.EDU

I

Art students sketch at a nude drawing class in Williams Hall April 5. The class is held on Tuesdays. BEX ADAMS/The Vermont Cynic look more proportionate and whatnot” she said.

These figure drawing classes give art students a place to practice and experiment with their art.

Laura uses her body as an instrument for her own art “I’m comfortable being nude, I am a performing artist,”

she said. “ It’s not like i have any hangups about it,” Laura said.

Her willingness to share her body allows UVM art students to create their art.

“I feel like I’m doing a good thing,” she said.

’ve never been much of an artist, so trying nude stilllife drawing was definitely a big leap for me.

I was definitely very nervous going into it. Not so much because of the nudity; I have, after all, taken health class so I understand what the human body looks like.

Mostly I was nervous because I don’t have a lot of faith in my drawing abilities. You’d think for someone who once leapt off a 300-foot cliff - I had a harness on, I wasn’t just free jumping, I promise - my lack of art skills wouldn’t bother me that much.

But in this case, it definitely did. I mean, not only am I going to be surrounded by people who draw at least somewhat regularly, but I was drawing someone, which is much more nerve-wracking than drawing a bowl of fruit.

I discovered my real weakness isn’t drawing, it’s drawing hands and feet. Also, every time I tried to draw the model’s head, it ended up being way too

small.

And somehow I ended up giving the fairly slender model the shoulders of a linebacker in almost every drawing.

But I’m also really impressed with myself. The pictures actually look like a real human with somewhat realistic body proportions, and my shading is on point.

The whole experience was very gratifying; sitting in a darkened room, watching a person take shape on the paper in front of me is not an experience I get very often.

As for the nudity, it wasn’t that big of a deal. The model was very cool with it and I was so busy trying, and largely failing, to get her proportions right, I didn’t even notice her nudity.

I am the next Degas?

No. But are my drawings proudly taped to my bedroom wall?

You’d better believe it.

Hunter Colvin is a senior history major. She has been writing for the Cynic since fall 2015.

DAPPER VAGINA

Let’s talk UTIs: Are you feeling the burn down there?

SARAH HEFT

SHEFT@UVM.EDU

Y

ou wake up one fine Saturday morning. The sun is shining, the air is clear and you think to yourself, “Today is going to be a great day.”

You head to the bathroom to take your morning pee and suddenly it hits you. The fiery gates of hell have descended upon your lady bits. You try to stop the stream of urine, bargaining with yourself that you really didn’t need to pee anyway, but that only adds coal to the boiler that is your urethra.

Finally the ordeal is over with and you figure you were just dehydrated from the few bottles of wine you and your friends consumed the night before while watching “Dance Moms.”

You go on with your life, until 20 minutes later when you have the urge to pee again, even though you just went.

Back to the bathroom you go, except this time nothing comes out. Suddenly a sinking feeling comes over you. An STI. Your mind flashes back to all the nasty pictures shown to you in health class as you simultaneously try to remember if you had any recent exposures: nothing you can think of.

What you are facing is not the immaculate STI, but rather a urinary tract infection, or UTI for short. UTIs occur when bacteria is introduced to the urethra, the tube that transports urine from the bladder to the outside of the body.

While men can get UTIs, women are more prone to them, as our urethras are shorter and closer to our anuses.

It is estimated 50 percent

of women will contract a UTI in their lifetimes, with repeat infection common, according to the book, “Our Bodies Ourselves.”

Remember when you were learning how to use the “big girl bathroom,” and your parents told you to wipe from front to

towards your kidneys, common symptoms are nausea, vomiting, muscle aches and abdominal pain.

Before you run out to the grocery and purchase a gallon of cranberry juice, know while cranberry juice is deliciously refreshing, it won’t do much for

The fiery gates of hell have descended upon your lady bits. back? This, my friends, is why.

UTIs can also occur from sex, especially when switching from anal sex to vaginal sex or using spermicides.

The most common symptoms of a UTI are pain or burning when urinating and/or cloudy, bloody or foul-smelling urine.

As the infection progresses

your UTI. The active ingredient in cranberries, proanthocyanidins, that prevents E. Coli from bonding to the bladder wall is not concentrated enough in cranberry juices and supplements to aid in treating a UTI, according to the Cleveland Clinic.

UTIs are very easy to treat

with antibiotics prescribed by a doctor. If you can’t get to a doctor but want to extinguish the not-so-disco inferno in your fanny, try Phenazopyridine.

This bladder pain reliever can be purchased over the counter and will relieve symptoms fast. And on the brightside, it will turn your piss a beautiful shade of sunset orange to spice up an otherwise boring trip to the loo.

The best way to prevent a UTI is good hygiene. While super cute, thongs aren’t the most hygienic, so try to alternate them with full coverage undies.

As Smokey the Bear once said, “Only you can prevent fanny fires!”

Or something like that.

Sarah Heft is a sophomore gender, sexuality, and women’s studies major. She has been writing for the Cynic since spring 2016.

8

THE VERMONT CYNIC

LIFE

W E D N E S DAY, AP R I L 13, 201 6

Walking to reduce eating disorders’ stigma

by ANNA POWER AMPOWER@uvm.edu

Transitioning to college creates many new pressures – there are new classes, social expectations and relationships to navigate. For many students, there’s an added layer of difficulty: eating disorders.

Eating disorders increased from 23 to 32 percent among college females and from 7.9 to 25 percent among college males, according to a 2013 study from NEDA, National Eating Disorders Association.

“I was never really around people who struggled with eating disorders, but it’s definitely more common now that I’m in college,” sophomore Marta Carreño Paredes said. “It’s shocking to see how common it is, yet also so unnoticed.”

It is for this reason UVM is holding its third NEDA walk for eating disorder awareness, beginning in front of the Royall Tyler Theatre Plaza at 10 a.m.

April 17.

The walk has raised $9,164 as of April 11, 61 percent of their $15,000 goal, according to the event’s website. Walkers can raise funds by participating individually or in teams.

“My perception of an eating disorder is that it is a terrible disease that is characterized by an abnormal relationship with food and eating in many different forms that slowly destroys your ability to function mentally, physically and emotionally,” sophomore Elena Smith said.

Senior Jessica Cohen coordinated this year’s walk.

“People forget that eating disorders are really serious mental illnesses and there’s a

whole cognitive and behavioral factor aside from the food that’s really important and needs to get addressed,” Cohen said.

The stigma around mental health causes eating disorders to be “very isolating,” she said.

“There’s a natural tendency to pull back from people.”

Anorexia is the deadliest psychiatric disorder, according to a March 2011 article in Psychology Today.

“Anxiety underlines a lot of eating disorders – the fear and feeling that something isn’t right so we often turn to these coping mechanisms,” said Annie Valentine, who specializes in mental health at LivingWell.

Eating disorders are often associated with conditions like depression or OCD, she said.

“It doesn’t just affect [Caucasian] women,” Valentine said.

“It’s affecting men, our trans community, women of color and men of color.”

Cohen identified other common misconceptions surrounding eating disorders, like the expectation of being strictly thin. She explained how she struggled with bulimia despite staying at an average weight.

“When others find out that you have an eating disorder,

they are appalled and no lon- ger want to associate with you,” said sophomore Amanda Faulkner, one of the top fundraisers.

“If this is the case, why would any struggling college student openly ask for help?”

“It restricts people from getting help because they feel that their eating disorder isn’t validated because they don’t look the way that society wants them to look,” Cohen said.

EATING DISORDER

50% 86% 91%

NEDA coordinator Jess Cohen is pictured, April 6. MO QUIGG/The Vermont Cynic

“We live in a world where the thin ideal is really perpetuated in the media and we’re taught that at a very young age,” she said.

“

It’s amazing how many people it affects, yet we don’t talk about it.

JESS COHEN NEDA WALK COORDINATOR

“Raising awareness of body image and eating disorders can help people be a little more conscious of the comments they make and things they say to people,” Cohen said.

Eating disorders are complex because they involve both physical and mental compo-

STATISTICS

Of people with eating disorders meet the criteria for depression Students with an eating disorder reported onset by age 20 Of female students surveyed on a college campus had attempted to control their weight through dieting

Statistics from National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders

nents, Valentine said.

“Treatment is a multi-disciplinary approach,” she said.

“You have a medical doctor, nutritionist, counselor and therapy because it needs to get looked at from all of those dimensions.”

“Treatment can be really hard, expensive and long so developing some of those – whether it’s intensive outpatient programs or inpatient programs that allow people to back away from all of the obligations and responsibilities that they have so they can put their health first,” Valentine said.

“Hopefully the walk can be another avenue to spread awareness and to talk about the issue and what is available for help. There’s not a lot going on in Vermont right now,” she said.

Valentine said the walk helps to spread awareness of resourced available on campus, and how friends can help friends that are struggling. She said it’s hard to know what to do or say, so these tools and techniques are important.

There are a number of resources on campus, including the Center for Health and Wellbeing’s Help Overcoming Problem Eating, or HOPE, program.

Students may also seek assistance through the University’s Counseling and Psychiatry Services.

“The walk promotes a larger organization that’s trying to be in the forefront of providing those resources,” Valentine said.

Cohen has been involved with the NEDA Walk since it’s inception at UVM: she participated in the first walk in 2014, and spoke at last year’s event about her own struggle with disordered eating. When asked to coordinate this year’s march, Cohen said she didn’t hesitate to agree.

“I attended my first walk during a critical point in my own recovery and it was a nice way for me to see that people

cared about this,” she said. “I felt a really strong sense of support and community.”

“During high school I was ruthlessly bullied, and developed a severe eating disorder,” Faulkner said. “After experiencing such a huge life changing event, I have made an effort to advocate for those who have or are suffering from the same condition.”

She said the walk “really creates a sense of belonging, which is amazing when an eating disorder can make you feel so isolated.”

Through the walk, Cohen said she found a surprising number of people dealing with eating disorders, and that most people she talked with at least knew someone struggling with this.

“It’s amazing how many people it affects, yet we don’t talk about it,” she said.

“Being vulnerable with people helps people then realize ‘maybe something’s going on with me and I’m going to reach out and get help because I’m not alone in this,’” Valentine said.

“When we talk about things like eating disorders that are stigmatized or silenced,” Cohen said, “it makes people feel much more connected with each other and empowered.”

Cohen had some advice for anyone struggling with an eating disorder: “You’re not alone and it gets better,” she said. “It’s hard, but recovery’s really worth it.”

The walk provides a strong sense of support and community, Cohen said. ”Being in a space where everyone’s there for the same reason and a really good cause is really exciting,” Cohen said.

“My goal is to for people to go and realize they’re not alone and to feel safe,” she said.

Check in time for participants begins at 9 a.m. at the Royall Tyler Theatre. Teams and individuals alike can register online by April 15 or in person at the walk.

ARTS

9

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13, 2016 THE VERMONT CYNIC

Painting while you sip By molly duff meduff@uvm.edu

Alcohol on a Friday night can easily lead to risky behavior, but art centers around Burlington are encouraging different kinds of risks.

Old North End Arts Center, which opened October 2014, offers a different art and alcohol pairing every Friday night. The center is located at 72 North Champlain St. Their most recent event, titled “Wine and Watercolor,” took place April 8, and was taught by local artist, Jackie Heloise.

The center is run by artists and teachers Margaret Coleman and Becca McHale.

McHale and Coleman said the “Fun Friday” classes encourage students to take artistic risks.

The classes run from 7 to 9

p.m., and each one focuses on a different art technique, from watercolor to book binding, paired with alcohol.

“Some people can be a little scared to get started on that endeavor and sometimes a drink is just what you need to throw caution to the wind and try something new,” McHale said.

The Friday night classes are open to artists from all skill levels, and are offered at affordable prices, McHale said. The classes are $24 for non-members with a drink included.

“We want to make it accessible to everybody and we want everyone to have an opportunity to come out and try something new and get in touch with their creative self,” she said.

The format of the class also makes it a good option for a wide range of students, McHale said.

“People are busy, they feel

like they can’t make a commitment [to a weekly class],” she said. “But a one-night fun thing on a Friday is accessible.”

Colleen Gillian, a student at Wine and Watercolor, said the one-night courses were ideal for her.

“It lets you just try it without spending too much money and there’s lots of variety [in the courses],” she said.

The theme of Friday’s class was “creatures.”

Artist Jackie Heloise said she likes to keep her classes simple, providing students with basic drawing and watercolor techniques, but allowing for individual time and creativity.

Heloise said she found the two-hour time limit difficult to work with at first, especially because of the pressure to help students create something spectacular.

“Adults usually have a set of

Adult students paint and drink during the “Wine and Watercolor” class at the Old North End Arts Center April 8. Local artist Jackie Heloise taught the class. JEN RAMIREZ/The Vermont Cynic goals in mind or a set of inhibitions,” she said.

However, Heloise said students generally leave the class proud of the work they accomplished. “[The students] are usually pretty easy to please becase they didn’t think they’d be able to make anything look decent,” she said. “But of course they can, of course they have it in them.”

Jessica Gandini, another student at Wine and Watercolor, said she preferred Heloise’s teaching style to some other one-night art classes she had taken.

“There is some instruction, but you’re not all doing the

same painting,” Gandini said.

Heloise, who not only paints but plays music and is currently learning ballet, said classes like Wine and Watercolor allow students to expand themselves artistically and mentally.

“I think for anyone trying a new craft, it kind of gets you out of your routine,” she said.

“Just in trying something new, like a new form or a new medium, they’re going to rediscover themselves.”

ONE Art’s next event is titled “Collage and Cocktails” and will be held April 15 at 7 p.m.

Hamburger helper: mom’s favorite rapper?

Pablo Murphytorres PMURPHYT@ UVM.EDU

Watch the Stove

T

he April Fools’ mixtape, “Watch the Stove”

by Hamburger Helper fooled us all, garnering four million plays on Soundcloud in its first three days. And for good reason – it’s surprisingly alright.

The title of the mixtape parodies Kanye and Jay-Z’s “Watch the Thrown.”

The album is accompanied by several music videos that mimic big names in hip-hop, such as Drake.

One video features a scene with a TV screen flashing the ad: “1-800-HOTLEANBEEF.” Each track was written by a different up-and-coming Minneapolis artist that was challenged with writing a song about Hamburger Helper. The

result? Five distinct sounds in one mixtape.

The first song, “Feed the Streets,” is a hype song. In fact, I would recommend it for a gym playlist were it not rapping about the pasta from last night you’re trying to work off with your cardio session.

er Helper” and “Food for the Soul,” are sub-par to the high standards set by the first song.

They have generic beats and confusing, irrelevant lyrics.

For example, the song “Hamburger Helper” has a verse that goes: “ Always gotta keep it real/ Never ever kept it

It's important to remember this whole album is a marketing tactic attempting to attract college kids to their product.

Its gritty vocals and clever lines are reminiscent of Future, if he only rapped about cooking for his family.

But before you dismiss this as “mom rap,” think again. The “parental advisory: delicious content” label on the front guarantees it’s pretty hardcore.

The last song, “In Love with the Glove,” is a mellow track with heavily autotuned lyrics and high reverb, creating an echoed effect that is pretty soothing. If anything, Hamburger Helper did well in catering to a large audience.

However, the middle three tracks: “Crazy,” “Hamburg-

fake/ Every year I have a birthday/ Every year I get a cake/ I don’t have to eat it all/ I just have to eat some/ Night time you see the moon/ Daytime you see the sun.”

For a packaged food product, they produced two decent tracks. It’s important to remember this whole album is a marketing tactic attempting to attract college kids to their product.

Pablo Murphy-Torres is a sophomore English and history major. He has been writing for the Cynic since fall 2014.

Illustration by ELISE MITCHELL

10

THE VERMONT CYNIC

ARTS

W E D N E S DAY, AP R I L 13, 201 6

Trio shifts from subways to Higher Ground By allie osorno aosorno@uvm.edu

One band is bringing their sound from the subways of New York City to Burlington.

Three-man band Moon Hooch is set to play Higher Ground April 22.

The band’s live shows call for a lively dance party featuring James Muschler on drums and Mike Wilbur and Wenzel McGowen on saxophone.

Set to debut their new album, “Red Sky,” Moon Hooch will start their new tour April 14 along with band New Master Sounds. “Red Sky” will be released June 10.

“The subway has a very special place in my heart; I’ll always love the subways,” Muschler said. “The streets are where the music has meaning anyway.”

Moon Hooch, who gained popularity by starting dance parties in the subways, has been consistently on tour for the past four years, he said.

“Although the subways were unhealthy, they were a lot of fun,” Muschler said. “We did a subway show about a year ago.”

From making use of untraditional instruments to performing shirtless, Moon Hooch is exceptionally original.

“We’ve played around with cardboard tubes, traffic cones, PVC pipes, but we’ve only performed with the cardboard tubes because those sounded the best,” Muschler said. “We

Percussion and saxophone trio Moon Hooch is pictured. The band got their start performing in New York City subway stations. PHOTO COURTESY OF SHERVI LAINEZ

perform shirtless because it’s a comfort thing. We rehearse shirtless, so we perform shirtless.”

While Moon Hooch is mostly known for their saxophone sound, Muschler’s drums add a certain electricity.

With an instructor, Muschler has been practicing an Indian drum, called the tabla, over the past few years, he said.

“I apply it to my normal drums when performing,” he said. “It gives me a new repertoire to draw from; I wanted to learn those rhythms so I could translate them into my drum set.”

The tabla is something Muschler practices almost everyday.

“It was only a few years after starting tabla that I really fell in love with it and the art form be-

Country biopic fails to impress Siobhan o’flaherty

hind it,” he said. “I actually just bought a battery powered amp, so I’ll be able to play the tabla in the subway this upcoming summer.”

Moon Hooch has been to Burlington a couple of times, Muschler said.

“We love Burlington,” he said. “It’s amazing; the energies are always high and the food culture is awesome.”

Arts Calendar April 14

SBOFLAHE@UVM. EDU

Moon Hooch paraded the streets of Burlington one year after a show at Signal Kitchen.

“It was desolate, but we made it into a party running through the streets with our instruments,” Muschler said.

Moon Hooch will be performing at 7 p.m. April 22 at Higher Ground. Tickets are $18 in advance and $20 at the door.

I Saw the Light

Second Thursday Selector Sets 8:00 p.m. @ The Monkey House Free

Companhiade Danca 7:30 p.m. @ Flynn Center Students $10

E

ven without any prior knowledge of country music, this film is sure to disappoint.

“I Saw the Light” is a biographical film depicting the rise and fall of the legendary musician Hank Williams.

Williams overcame a number of challenges before reaching fame and widespread recognition during his lifetime.

He was born into a poor family in Alabama, had an absent father, was a high school dropout, could neither read nor write music and suffered from lifelong chronic back pain, but managed to rise to fame and produce 11 No. 1 singles within his short six-year career.

Yet “I Saw the Light” doesn’t focus on any of this.

Instead, the film almost exclusively focuses on Williams’ tumultuous relationship with his first wife, Audrey Sheppard.

Writer-director Marc Abraham draws inspiration from the book, “Hank Williams: The Biography” by Colin Escott, George Merritt and William

April 15 Illustration by DAVID BERNIER

MacEwen, but makes little effort to delve beneath the surface and unearth any gripping information about the elusive and reserved Williams.

“I Saw the Light” is predictable and unimaginative. In two long hours, it doesn’t provide a smidge of meaningful insight into who Williams was.

While the film does touch on his battle with alcohol and prescription drug abuse the significance of his addiction is diminished.

Williams is played by Tom Hiddleston and counterbalanced with a strong performance by Elizabeth Olsen, who plays Audrey.

The mix of chemistry and tension between Hiddleston and Olsen (who are rumored to be dating in real life) is probably the most interesting part of

the otherwise lackluster film.

Hank Williams III, Williams’ grandson, publicly stated his disapproval of Hiddleston’s portrayal of his grandfather, claiming only a true southerner (Hiddleston is originally from England) could give the part justice.

Hiddleston’s lack of southern roots may be an issue for Williams III, but most audiences disapprove of Hiddleston’s singing ability.

“I Saw the Light” ultimately falls flat and fails at providing viewers with the meaningful connection to the prolific musical genius it was supposed to deliver.

Siobhan O’Flaherty is a senior political science major. She has been writing for the Cynic since spring 2016.

Vagina Monologues

7:00 p.m. @ Ira Allen Chapel $5 advance, $7 day of

UVM Cat’s Meow Senior Show 7:00 p.m. @ Mann Hall Students $3

April 22

Lane Series: Dover Quartet 7:30 p.m. @ UVM Recital Hall Students $10, Adult $35

Moon Hooch and The New Mastersands 8:00 p.m. @ Higher Ground $18 advance, $20 day of

April 23

The Wild Feathers

8:00 p.m. @ Higher Ground $15 advance, $17 day of

SPORTS

11

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13, 2016 THE VERMONT CYNIC

New athletic director announced

By Locria Courtright ccourtri@uvm.edu

A new athletic director was named in an April 6 ceremony at Patrick Gym. Jeff Schulman ‘89, is currently serving as senior associate athletic director.

He will take over the position from current athletic director Robert Corran July 1.

“Jeff’s strong commitment to honesty and integrity, his extensive experience in Division I athletics and his love for our University make him the right choice to lead this unit for years to come,” President Tom Sullivan said at the ceremony.

Schulman was a student-athlete himself, playing men’s hockey at UVM for four years between 1985 and 1989.

“It’s an incredible honor to have the opportunity to lead a department at a university that means so much to me,” he said.

He will report directly to Sullivan.

“It’s a strong sign from the highest level of leadership at the University that athletics are extremely important,” Schulman said.

Schulman will undergo a transitional period with Corran and his team before taking the job permanently July 1.

“We have some really important decisions going on right now,” he said about the people who will work with him.

Schulman stressed the ur-

gent need for new facilities and praised the work being done this summer on Virtue Field.

“We have some fairly significant facility needs,” he said, calling improving facilities an “extremely high priority.”

Schulman said there were several ideas being pitched about a new multipurpose arena for basketball and hockey.

These pitches include proposals for both on-campus and off-campus sites, such as a facility in South Burlington.

A best-case scenario would be new facilities for basketball and hockey within the next three to four years, Schulman said.

However, he said plans to add 2,500 seats, a press box and a connecting plaza to Virtue Field will be completed this summer, as the University has received all of the necessary permits for these plans.

The only work left will be a support building, which would include locker rooms, showers and training rooms.

“When you can develop a facility that has an impact on more than one varsity team,” Schulman said, “you feel really good about yourselves as an athletic department.”

Supporters of bringing back baseball or those who desire to see a new sport at UVM will be disappointed, however.

UVM will not be adding any new sports unless there is a “transformational endowment or change in the landscape of

Jeff Schulman shakes hands with Robert Corran at the April 6 press conference. At the press conference, Schulman articulated his vision for UVM athletics.. OLIVER POMAZI/The Vermont Cynic

“

Jeff’s strong commitment to honesty and integrity, his extensive experience in Division I athletics and his love for our University make him the right choice.

ROBERT CORRAN UVM ATHLETIC DIRECTOR

college athletics,” Schulman said.

Schulman is UVM’s ninth

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ics.

athletic director in modern history, and just the fourth since 1970, according to UVM athlet-

The outgoing athletic director is optimistic Schulman will push UVM athletics “to the next level.”

“When this search process began,” Corran said, “I was hopeful Jeff would emerge from the pack.

The future of UVM athletics is in good hands,” he said.

12

THE VERMONT CYNIC

SPORTS

W E D N E S DAY, AP R I L 1 3, 201 6

Red Sox fail to ‘buy’ rings scoreboard

Visit vtcynic.com for more coverage and uvmathletics.com for schedules and tickets

LAST WEEK

Alex benoit APBENOIT@UVM. EDU

T

he story of the Boston Red Sox for the past decade or so has been one of gargantuan contracts.

First there was Carl Crawford, who was signed to a seven-year, $142 million contract.

Then there was Adrian Gonzalez, signed for seven years and $154 million.

Crawford and Gonzalez were both traded away in 2012, and the following season the Red Sox won a championship, defeating the St. Louis Cardinals in six games.

The team’s failures to “buy” a championship show you need more than flashy free agent signings in the winter to build a championship-level baseball team.

It seems to be going in cycles for the Sox. During the 2014 season, they signed Cuban outfielder Rusney Castillo to a seven-year, $72.5 million contract.

Castillo had no MLB experience before last season.

Generally speaking, he has failed miserably to live up to his expectations for the Red Sox. The player they expected to light it up over the Green Monster has a .260 career average, seven total home runs and 35 total RBIs in 90 career games.

Plus, he’s 28, well past his prime as a hitter.

Barring a miracle, Castillo

has been, is and will be a total bust for the Red Sox. Then, before last season, they signed Hanley Ramirez to a four-year, $88 million contract.

That offseason, they also went on to sign Pablo Sandoval to a five-year, $95 million dollar contract.

Both had proven to be consistent contributors at the MLB level, although there were glaring concerns surrounding both Sandoval and Ramirez.

The real question is whether Price will be the bust that Crawford, Gonzalez, Castillo, Ramirez and Sandoval were before him.

For Ramirez, there were extreme defensive question marks, as the former infielder led the league in errors at the left field position.

For Sandoval, there were concerns about his weight.

Before this season, the Sox went after the number one player on the free agent market: left-handed pitcher David Price.

Price was the nemesis of the Red Sox for many years when he spearheaded the Tampa Bay Rays’ rotation before going on to pitch for the Detroit Tigers.

He signed with the Sox in one of the largest deals in history, at seven years and $217 million.

The real question is whether Price will be the bust that Crawford, Gonzalez, Castillo, Ramirez and Sandoval were before him.

His numbers point to him succeeding in Boston for a few years, but as anyone in the baseball world knows, Boston is one of the most stressful markets to play for.

Anything that can happen probably will happen.

In addition, giving such a long-term and lucrative deal to a pitcher carries a few inherent risks.

For one, should the team expect 30-year-old Price to continue his dominance as he leaves his prime?

Also, as a hard-throwing lefty, there are certainly significant injury risks.

This year, Ramirez is making the transition to first base.

He’s never played first base before.

Sandoval isn’t even on the opening day roster, as he got his job taken away by borderline MLB-er Travis Shaw.

Castillo seems as if he’ll be used as a utility outfielder.

If anything, it’s going to be an interesting season to be a Red Sox fan.

Alex Benoit is a junior English major. He has been writing for the Cynic since fall 2014.

L

13-10

Men’s Lacrosse at Stony Brook Stony Brook, NY April 3

L

13-7

Men’s Lacrosse at Albany Albany, NY April 9

W

13-2

Women's Lacrosse vs UMass Lowell HOME April 6

L

12-9

Women’s Lacrosse at New Hampshire Durham, NH April 9

THIS WEEK Track vs Albany

Track at Dartmouth

HOME April 12 3:30 p.m.

Hanover, NH April 16 11 a.m.

Men’s Lacrosse vs UMBC

Women’s Lacrosse at UMBC

HOME April 16 1 p.m.

Catonsville, MD April 23 12 p.m.

HIGHLIGHT OF THE WEEK: In the women’s lacrosse team’s 13-2 defeat of visiting UMass Lowell April 6, senior midfielder Vanessa VanderZalm and junior midfielder Alison Bolt combined to score 9 goals.

RECORDS Men’s Lacrosse 5-7

Women’s Lacrosse 5-8

Student balances classes, being an NFL cheerleader By claire Messersmith cmessers@uvm.edu

While most UVM students cram into dorm rooms to view New England Patriots football games in the fall, one student drives three-and-a-half hours every home game to cheer for the team at Gillette Stadium from the field.

Sophomore Bridget Martin, a transfer student from the University of Rhode Island, found out she had been accepted as an alternate cheerleader for the Patriots in spring 2015, right after she had transferred to UVM. “It was pretty ironic, I ended up creating a three-and-ahalf hour commute versus a 30-minute commute [to Gillette Stadium, the home stadium of the New England Patriots],” Martin said.

“But it wasn’t really planned because I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to go to UVM or that I was going to be a Patriots cheerleader.”

The audition process lasted about two months, and consisted of “an interview, dancing, talking in front of a panel of judges, workouts and a twoweek boot camp, to make sure [applicants are] fit enough to endure a whole game of cheering on the sidelines,” Martin said.

“All of these workouts, obviously, you have to do with a smile, because that’s how it’s

going to be on game day,” she said.

This past fall, Martin’s first fall semester at UVM, she tried to schedule classes around Thursdays in order to balance school as best she could while honoring her new commitment to the Patriots.

“You never know when you’re going to have to go to a Thursday night football game,” Martin said, “but I did happen to have a few classes on Thursdays. I just used good communication with my professors.”

She said her professors have been understanding, especially because of the higher level of commitment during the fall semester rather than in the spring, when the Patriots are not playing their regular season.

“

Between that, the fans and the charity events, I’ve been able to make networks through all different types of people.

BRIDGET MARTIN UVM SOPHOMORE

“They happened to be Patriots fans too, so that helped,” Martin said.

During the fall, which is

when the New England Patriots’ season takes place, Martin said she usually spends her Thursdays through Sundays near Gillette Stadium.

During the spring, the cheerleaders have practices Tuesdays and Saturdays.

Patriots cheerleaders also have a quota of charity events that they are expected to attend each year based on everyone’s availability.

“For the cheerleaders, we do about 50 a year, and those are random,” Martin said.

“The fall is a huge commitment because we have the practices, games and the charity events,” she said.

The Patriots Charitable Foundation, run by the Kraft family, is the foundation which organized each of the charity events that the cheerleaders took part in.

Martin said one of her favorite things about being a Patriots cheerleader is the people she has met.

Some of the people Martin has met through her new position include the Kraft family, who own the New England Patriots, she said.

“Between that, the fans and the charity events, I’ve been able to make networks through all different types of people,” Martin said.

“And even when I was attending about 50 charity events this past year, each event, no

Sophomore Bridget Martin cheers during a New England Patriots game. Martin was selected to be a cheerleader in the fall of 2015. PHOTO COURTESY OF BRIDGET MARTIN matter how small or big, there was someone who would really move me and touch my heart,” she said.

The commute to Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, Massachusetts from Burlington is an easy drive, and the job is well

worth it, she said.

“Those personal experiences were really things I would have never had the chance to have if I didn’t have this job,” she said.