Define: Con/Test – Giles Chan

Define: Con/Test

noun /ˈkɒntɛst/ an article written for Pelican in which an enthusiastic cinephile tests notorious convicts from cinema against each other

By Giles chan

Le Samouraï

Jean-Pierre Melville (1967)

The highly revered neo-noir film, Le Samouraï, is possibly one of the ‘manliest’ pieces of fiction ever put to film. Not manly in the way of surfing or driving loud motorcycles, but in the way of repressing your emotions and living as sparingly as possible. Alain Delon plays Jef Costello, a sharply dressed and ruthless hitman who is seen leaving a club where he has killed the owner and provides a series of alibis to try and acquit himself.

Costello maintains a cool composure as the police continue to encircle on him and his demeanour could be said to exemplify the stoic masculine male. Accompanied by a strikingly handsome soundtrack composed by François De Roubaix, the titular samurai faces the rises and pitfalls of living such a life - akin to the way the samurai had to adhere to Bushido, a strict moral code concerning their attitudes, behaviour and lifestyle.

It’s also worth noting that Arctic Monkeys used this film as inspiration for their last album and they’re like really cool.

similar: ‘Drive’ (2011), ‘Raging Bull’ (1980), ‘American Psycho’ (2000), ‘Le Cercle Rouge’ (1970)

Heat

Michael Mann (1995)

Robert De Niro is a robber, and Al Pacino is a detective trying to catch him in the act. It’s a game of cat and mouse, but also mouse and cheese; because the money being stolen is the cheese and De Niro is the mouse. So, it’s a game of cat and mouse and cheese. But Pacino is also evading the affections of his exwife and daughter in the film so if you really give it some thought it’s actually a game of tertiary predator and cat and mouse and cheese.

Essentially the film explores toxic masculinity and raises questions about purpose and fulfillment. The two leading men of this film are defined by their jobs; beyond this, their lives lack meaningful substance. Pacino’s character encapsulates this sentiment when he says, “I am what I’m going after”.

A cult classic, the opening heist scene of this film was used as a playable mission in Grand Theft Auto V.

similar: ‘The Departed’ (2006), ‘Infernal Affairs’ (2002).

Inception

Christopher Nolan (2010)

“Your mind is the scene of the crime.”

I watched this movie for the first time in 2015 and since then I’ve watched it thirteen times. To a new viewer, the concept of shared dreaming and extraction is hard to grasp but at around the sixth viewing the onion unravels and inside is Christopher Nolan’s sweaty throbbing brain.

What makes this heist movie so thrilling is that it bends the laws of physics and even reality by travelling into the subconscious mind. Leonardo DiCaprio plays Cobb, an extractor with a painful past that stops him from moving forward in his life. The film posits the idea that our perceptions of reality could be entirely mistaken. If we’re dreaming, then what’s stopping us from achieving our dreams?

As convoluted as the premise is, there is a warm sentiment at the heart of Inception that’s present throughout Nolan’s filmography. Sometimes we film buffs like to talk smack about him for that (in some circles you get beaten up for talking about Nolan films) but your life is your own dream so why not just jump first and think later?

similar: ‘Ocean’s Eleven’ (2001), ‘Tenet’ (2020), ‘In Time’ (2011), ‘Interstellar’ (2014).

Good Time

Josh Safdie, Benny Safdie (2017)

You’re out in the city on a Friday night, you can’t find your friends, you’ve lost your phone, your keys and your wallet. Suddenly your head starts spinning and you wonder whether or not someone’s slipped something sinister in your drink. Also, your hand is bleeding for some reason. A couple of guys have actually gone and synthesised this feeling and distilled it into a motion picture.

The project got off the ground when Edward Cullen from Twilight (who has now been identified as actor Robert Pattinson) got in touch with the Safdie brothers in search of a fun project, and boy they had a really good time making this…

If this film is remembered for anything it will be the revival of Pattinson’s career. The mark of the modern leading man is playing a fresh incarnation of Batman, and Robert Battinson already has a new trilogy ahead of him.

But the real potency of this movie lies in its pernicious and seedy characters just trying to stay alive in an urban hellhole. There’s scratchy 80s-inspired synthesiser music, blinding lights*, blood, and even a bottle of Sprite. If traditional audio-visual media is consumed by your eyes and ears then this is like injecting the film into your neck with a rusty syringe. Don’t do drugs; just watch this movie instead.

similar: ‘Uncut Gems’ (2019), ‘Heaven Knows What’ (2014), ‘Trainspotting’ (1996), ‘Irreversible’ (2002).

* Not to be confused with the song by The Weeknd.

My Personal Vendetta Against Slaughterhouse-Five

Rachel DenhaM-White is an avid reader and sci-fi enthusiast.

Have you ever been told to read a book so often that you make a fundamental decision to never even glance at it? Are you just so sick and tired of people raving about this incredible novel, that you make a mental note to write it out of your life?

*Record scratch*

Yep, that was me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up here? Well, I bought a book called Slaughterhouse-Five.

I purchased this novella at the beginning of 2020, expecting to finish it during reading week so I could take a break from my Uni texts. Plans change, pandemics happen, and I was suddenly stuck in a quarantine, with the only book I’d brought back with me being Slaughterhouse-Five because it was slim enough to fit in my suitcase. I put it on the bookshelf, and lost myself on the Internet instead. We all had other things on our minds. A few months later, my dad picked up the book and read it in a single afternoon. After that, every single time I took a look at my bookshelf, trying to decide what to read next, I’d hear my Dad voice saying, “When are you going to read Slaughterhouse-Five?” At this point, putting it off became an act of defiance, not just an act of pique. I just wanted nothing to do with that book. I’d get around to it one day, but I was always more interested in other things.

But then one day, I finished my prescribed reading for my unit, a gargantuan, Victorian doorstopper, and I wanted something quick and fun. I looked at the bookshelf, saw Slaughterhouse-Five sitting there and finally caved. “What the hell,” I thought. It was only 170 pages; I would finish it in a flash. Surely it couldn’t be as bad as I was making it out to be.

So I read it. And in all honesty…

I wish I hadn’t put it off for so long. ‘Cause I loved it.

Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonneget, is a strange, unique and ultimately charming little novel, about a fictional version of Vonnegut who signs up for military service in the Second World War, and suddenly starts to travel in time. He flashes backwards and forwards across his lifetime, witnessing key moments of childhood, adulthood and old age. He’s a soldier, an optometrist and an alien abductee, and he learns from his extraterrestrial adventures that time isn’t as linear as we usually perceive.

The book is Vonnegut’s snapshot of his experience in World War 2, and does contain some heavy subject matter, most notably the bombing of Dresden in 1945. Compared to the other works I’ve read by Vonnegut, I was expecting a dense novel of surrealist scifi concepts. Instead, I got a down-to-earth, slice-of-life sort of narrative, which stayed relatable even when the protagonist was abducted by aliens. I found the writing style captivating, with a laid-back cheerfulness in the face of so much death.

The prose was urbane, witty and creative, the characters remained memorable even if they only had a small role in the narrative, and the time travel didn’t get gimmicky, but became even more captivating as the novel continued. It didn’t take me a single afternoon, more like a few evenings, but when I turned over the last page, closed the book and sat back, I still felt a massive sense of accomplishment. I had finally finished Slaughterhouse-Five.

So if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from this experience, it’s to not let your literary expectations get the better of you. Read that book you’ve been putting off, that one that’s been sitting on your ‘to-get-to-eventually’ pile, or staring at you from your bookcase. You may worry it’ll be too different, too dense, too complicated, too weird, or just something that you’re not used to. Take the plunge and give it a try.

Who knows? Maybe you’ll love it.

It’s Time for a Wardrobe Make-Over!

kaylee cRanley is a fabulous fashionista who loves sustainable recycled fashion!

2021 is here and it’s calling you out on your bad wardrobe habits! If you’ve been cramming your overflowing drawers shut for too long and repeating the same three outfits despite a wardrobe full of clothes, then I’m talking to you - it’s time for a wardrobe makeover! Clearing those outfits you never wear will save you so much time, stress, and clutter! If watching Isla Fisher compress copious amounts of clothing into sealable bags in Confessions of a Shopaholic triggered a realisation of guilt in overspending, then it’s definitely time for you, too!

The five-step basics for Beginners

STEP 1. Start with your drawers

First, toss anything ripped, stained, or too worn to recycle or give away. These are the pieces you never use, have completely forgotten about, or turn a blind eye to - until your overflowing drawers are staring you right in the face! Then, start to declutter by category; this will help you see how many pieces you have of each style and how many you truly wear within each of them. Be honest with yourself and reflect on the likelihood of and regularity with which you’ll be wearing the outfits. Only keep what you love, wear often, and fits you right now. All those old tops and outfits that you’ve been shoving and stashing away to the back? It’s time to let those go! ‘Out with the old’ allows you to make space for the new! You won’t feel so guilty when you want to add fresh new looks into your wardrobe! If you start to find it really hard to part ways with your clothes, begin to make a ‘maybe’ pile for those pieces you’re unsure of.

STEP 2. Be Ruthless

Don’t be sentimental! At the end of the day, clothes are just that - well, clothes. Don’t form too much emotional attachment to the pieces that serve no great memory-purpose or elevation of style. Ask yourself, “have I worn this in the last year?” and, “will I actually wear this within the next month or so?”

Be ruthless and honest! Think of the future outfits that will most likely be taking up your wardrobe space in the coming months!

Step 3. Does it make you feel good?

Something that is sometimes neglected is whether you find certain pieces annoying or uncomfortable to wear. If it doesn’t make you feel good — get rid of it! Having a full wardrobe is pointless if you’re wearing the same five outfits on rotation. You know what works for you and what makes you feel confident. Nobody wants to dress in something that makes them feel like they’re not living their best main-character lives! If you don’t feel confident or comfortable in it, then it’s not worth holding on to. In saying that, if it doesn’t fit right now let it go, too! If the size isn’t right, chances are you won’t be pulling it out of your wardrobe anytime soon. Through keeping order and organisation in your wardrobe you will find pieces you had forgotten about and keep what you really need.

Step 4. Sell or Donate!

We are lucky enough to live in a modern era with a surplus of avenues to sell and even hire out our pieces. There are so many ways to sell your old pieces and earn some extra dollars including the classic Facebook Marketplace (where I myself have earned a fair bit of pocket money these past few weeks). Otherwise, head straight to your nearest clothing collection bins. Charities accept clean clothing, homewares, toys, and electrical goods that offer you a chance to recycle some of your past loves into the lives of others.

Step 5. Enjoy!

Once all the hard work is done and you’re admiring your newly categorised wardrobe and drawers you will notice how having a clean space facilitates having a clearer mind. Your organised wardrobe will have you piecing together new looks, getting ready quicker in the morning, and, most importantly, feeling your best and being your most confident self! So, what are you waiting for?! Throw on your favourite playlist, head into your room, and get sorting!