Not Breathing Performing at Spoken Word Perth was one of the most electrifying experiences of Manveen Kaur Kohli’s life.
I am at work / and my boss is about to / assign / me a task. I / fear / that I will get it wrong / before she even tells me / what it is. My / mind / tells me that I am going / to make / a mistake, which I / inevitably / end up making / for self-fulfilling prophecy / is a real thing. My mind / constantly / tells me that I am / unworthy. I / spit / out the compliments and / swallow / the criticism, drowning / every drop / of confidence into an ocean of / insecurity. My mind / tells me that / hyper-vigilance / is the only / way to prevent / a catastrophe, so I am / always / on high alert. I check my / alarm clock / three times / after setting it, and my / blind spot / five times / before changing / lanes. People perceive / these behaviours / as entertaining idiosyncrasies, but there / is nothing amusing / about being / a victim / of anxiety. I have more / conversations / with myself / than I have / with anyone else. They say that the / first sign / of insanity is that / you talk to / yourself, for it is / easier / to call someone / crazy / than try to understand their / anxiety, and when people / cannot hear / the cacophony / in / your mind, they assume that / you / are completely out of your / mind. Sometimes / anxiety / feels like the only / constant / in my life, for it may / leave / for a while but / never / permanently. When it reappears, it / grips / me with such / ferocity / that it takes the / oxygen / out of my body. The clinical term for / this is a / panic attack / but when you’ve had / so many, you become accustomed to / not breathing / and just / call it life.
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Best Coffee on Campus Revealed: My Grandpa’s
