There is no perfect essay topic. Honestly, we’re just looking to learn more about you and your interests. (You can write about why you think tomato soup and grilled cheese is the perfect meal on a cold day, if that’s important to you!) Keep the essay focused! There’s no need to try and tell us everything. Pick one narrow topic, and develop it with as much detail as you can. Use your words to paint an image or picture in the reader’s mind so they come out of it feeling like they were there. There is no perfect essay topic. Honestly, we’re just looking to learn more about you and your interests. (You can write about why you think tomato soup and grilled cheese is the perfect meal on a cold day, if that’s important to you!) Keep the essay focused! There’s no need to try and tell us everything. Pick one narrow topic, and develop it with as much detail as you can. Use your words to paint an image or picture in the reader’s mind so they come out of it feeling like they were there. We, as readers look forward to learning more about you. Imagery is powerful. Paint a picture for us. What do you see between classes? On walks? During excursions? In your neighborhood? From a car window, a train seat? We might be familiar with these same landscapes and your words will transport us there. We may not and so your writing will be the canvas to help us learn more about places that are part of your life. It can be one part of your essay but one that can be quite memorable. Application essays often respond to a question/prompt. Make sure you actually answer the question! Admission officers read up to a hundred applications a day & sometimes don’t have time to get through long essays, so get to the point and put your “best stuff” early in the essay. Before submitting your essay, show it to someone who doesn’t know you well and ask them if it makes sense & answers the question. Your essay should be able to speak clearly about you to a stranger. Advice to remember: 1. Tell your story in the context of the rest of the application. 2. Focus: Narrow, deep essay topics are better than shallow wide ones. 3. Celebrate yourself. 4. Showing works better than telling. 5. Authenticity matters. Do not try to be anyone else. 6. Dramatic and traumatic aren’t a requirement. 7. Know where you are applying. 8. Proofread, proofread, proofread. 9. Don’t panic if you don’t like writing essays. The essay is important but it isn’t the only thing that gets you accepted. Ask yourself, “could someone else have written this statement?” If the answer is yes, it means there’s opportunity to reflect more, dig deeper, and make your message more personal. The broader topic you choose to write about may not be new to the admissions reader and that’s ok! If your statement focuses on what YOU learned, how YOU felt, how YOU grew, that is uniquely your story to share and will help admission readers better understand you beyond your transcript and list of achievements. We always recommend that students focus some time on the “Why NYU” prompt where they have an opportunity to let us know how we are a great fit for them. As I like to remind students, we are reviewing if they are a great fit for us but we see they’ve done their research for how we are a great fit for them in their WNYU! Take time to craft an outline. One common mistake I’ve repeatedly seen is failure to stay on topic. Therefore, once you understand the essay requirements and have chosen a topic, it’s important to craft an outline. An outline is a concise map of your essay. It provides you with a framework to tell a story, build an argument, or persuade a reader. It also reflects how all the points fit together. Poorly structured essays can be off-putting and potentially impact your admissibility. Use this opportunity to tell your story, showcase your motivation and aspirations. Reflect on your last four years and dream about what you want from this next chapter of your life! Then start writing! An essay with a good organization and flow engages me. Try to answer these questions in your essay- What do you want to study and Why? What are your qualities? How would your unique self contribute to the university? How can the university contribute to your growth?” Do something that makes you laugh before you sit down to write! Remember the joy of being exactly who you are! Write something that shines a spotlight on your unique combination of personality, character, life experiences, motivations, skills, abilities. Tell your story simply and in a way that portrays your feelings, perceptions, values, commitment, eagerness to grow. Show the college/university that you are someone we would want on our campus!Guidance Consider your application a complete picture of many parts. When you take a oncollege writing your college metaphorical step back and assess your activities list, letters of recommendation, (possible) test scores, and transcripts--what is missing? essay, including tips from Tell that story in your essay. Think of your personal statement as the final puzzle piece in your application, the component that shows Ethan Sawyer, The Essay Guy mundane, spectacular, or anything in admissions committees across the nation (and world!) who you are.College It can be about something between. Students seem to think they need to write an essay that is unique or to choose a topic that no one else has ever done, but to be honest, there are very few topics out there that admissions officers have not seen before. Uniqueness is an unattainable goal Thirteen. The first time Instead I picked upbemy mom’s in this process and is definitely not what we are looking for when we review applications. of trying to unique, be yourself! I have not heard YOUR story before; that’s what will help your application to stand out! For 20 years I’ve been reading personal stateon amath trip visit textbook. family in Serbian Zimbabwe. ments. I remember the essay from the Afghani camera student who learned fromto a discarded Or the student who introduced his many personas as portrayed through his basketball shoes. Good essays have something in common. They start with a strong introduction and end with a meaningful conclusion. You see, I read the intro, move to the ending, and really savor the middle if both ends hang together. How you begin and end matters! Begin the essay with your own voice, literally. Tell your idea to a friend, or record it on your phone, or stand in front of a mirror and pretend that you are on stage. Make sure you have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Your tone, expression and language are what are what make your voice unique. This is what an admissions officer wants to hear! Show don’t tell. Keep the subject in focus. Remember this is a snapshot, not a photo album. Colleges really want you to dig deep and show us how your perspective is unique. Only you standing in a certain spot at a certain time can take the picture you submit in the form of a college essay. I distinctly remember writing my personal statement in UWC. Ironically, the hardest part was picking a topic. I wanted to tell a perfect story. Everyone around me seemed to have that one moment, that one event, that one memory they held onto. I had one too many. The truth is: you are exceptional and you have many stories to tell, this is simply a chance to pick one that will help us get to know you a bit better. Don’t stop at recounting - zoom in, reflect and invite us to reflect with you.
Growing up in a developing country, having immigrant parents, and working in my family’s business are things that have had a significant impact on my personality. I never thought that I would be Something Stories of Growth on that symbolizes Our UWC Journey who I am is Friday mornings: A sacred day for Muslims where most Moroccan families gather to eat a traditional couscous dish right after the Friday prayer.
in the wilderness.
I love making smthies. In fact, I make one nearly every day – I am always experimenting with many different ingredients.
Walk ing into a wooden dining hall with high ceilings, stained-glass windows and two very exquisite chandeliers may feel like being on a glamourous Harry Potter set for some. But for me, something inside of me shattered each time.
Greetings from Montezuma, New Mexico — home of UWC-USA! I have the wonderful honor to work with over 100 incredibly bright, talented, and dedicated teenagers each year at UWC-USA as they seek admission to colleges and universities here in the U.S. and around the world. For each student it’s a slightly different journey and I enjoy the chance to get to know them better as we search together for the best fit for their dreams of “what comes next.” This booklet, “Stories of Growth on Our UWC Journey,” contains six college application essays, or personal statements, that reflect the wide range of experiences UWC-USA students have had and the ways they have crafted their stories in the college admissions process. Included also are commentaries and feedback from friends in some of the Davis UWC Scholars schools — some are alumni and others have worked with us in the past. My hope is that these sample essays, along with the feedback from our experts, some guidance on best practices, and references for further reading can help other students as they work on their own personal statements. While these essays and the feedback can help you gather ideas before you write, your essay will necessarily be different because you have a different story to tell. I always encourage students to read lots of sample essays but to center their writing on their own experiences and growth. Good luck as you plan the next chapter in your life — I hope this publication helps you along your journey. My best, Marie Assir Director of College Counseling, UWC-USA
YiFen “Meggie” Fang C L ASS O F 2 020 YiFen “Meggie” Fang ‘20 is from China and Belize and is majoring in health and exercise science at the University of Oklahoma in Norman.
“Growing up in a developing country, having immigrant parents, and working in my family’s business are things that have had a significant impact on my personality.”
what I needed for my assignments and projects. They made sure I had the money to buy art supplies, or a computer and printer to print pictures. My classmates had their parents, cousins, or uncles and aunts helping them with everything. There was no way to ask my
It also meant I had a mature
It is common for Chinese immi-
family how to solve an algebraic
mentality from a young age.
grants in Belize to work in retail
problem or how to write an
businesses, restaurants, and
essay. So, I had to make sure
businesses alike.
that I understood it during class.
making. The first time I truly
Frankly, it was simply me help-
I have always wondered how at 5
realized how different my life at
ing my parents. In return, it was
years old I began working as a
home compared to my friends
my responsibility to perform
waitress and cashier. I removed
was when I started primary
well at school. My parents made
dishes, organized the condiments
school in Belize. As a young girl,
sure I had the resources to do
on the tables, and cleaned table
I had to understand the sacrifices that my parents were
I faced discrimination for how I spoke my Kaiping dialect, how my almond eyes looked, and how I dressed to school. My school uniform was never tailored the same way. I did not wear trendy clothing as others did. Besides fashion and appearance, the biggest difference was that I worked, and my classmates did not. Being at home and helping my parents to manage their business was something foreign to my classmates.
FEEDBACK surfaces. It extended to me being
made sure to have good grades. I
a cashier in a meat shop. Some-
studied on my own and used my
times, I would pack meat with
creativity to do my best.
plastic wrap, price them, and put them in the refrigerators.
Throughout my 11 years of school in Belize, my main goal was to use my education to relieve some of the financial burdens from my parents. To reward them with a better future that is not as harsh on their well-being. It is important to me that educa-
When the shop closed at nine at
tion does not only come from
night, I used to take out the
textbooks. It must also come
meat from four refrigerators,
from the words and experiences
neatly place them in blue bas-
of people, cultures, and my sur-
kets and hauled them into a
roundings. I reflect on these mo-
walk-in freezer. In between all
ments because they have brought
those tasks, I would enjoy a little
definition to me as a daughter,
bit of television, have dinner,
sister, and friend. These parts of
and do homework. Sometimes,
my life have helped me to build
I felt so separated from my
my independence, passion, and
friends and classmates. I could
strength for everyone and every-
not attend birthday parties or
thing that I love and do.
play at a friend’s house because my parents were working. Forward to the present time. I realized that I had many
Meggie has crafted a delightfully descriptive essay about her unique childhood experience of helping her family with their business while facing her own challenges of being a student. She wonderfully paints a picture of what her day-to-day work looked and felt like as she bussed tables and worked as a cashier. Meggie skillfully depicts her resilience and resourcefulness as she acknowledges that her social life contrasted greatly from her peers who did not share her background as a child of Chinese immigrants to Belize. She presents these details not to elicit sadness from the reader, but to accurately portray her strengths in balancing expectations from home and from school. The reader learns that Meggie has faced challenges not only in finding this balance, but also in recognizing her physical and cultural differences from her peers. Despite these differences, Meggie shares that she has always kept education at the forefront of her mind as she pursues her own independence and passions. Meggie reminds us all that we must treat everyone with respect regardless of where we come from, and this is truly the spirit of UWC. Well done, Meggie!
challenges where I always had to
— PRAXEDES QUINTANA ‘14
be academically and socially in-
Assistant Director of Admission, Haverford College
dependent. My parents were not able to attend my school meet-
If I did not work in a restaurant
ings, variety shows, and other
or a meat shop, I would not be
school events. But that was okay.
the same today. I would not appreciate the value of a job. I
I knew they needed to be at their
adore being Belizean. If it were
jobs. So, I could always get to
not for the cultural shock, I
school on time. To have class ma-
would not know how impera-
terials, have the proper uniform,
tive it is to treat everyone with
and have money to buy food. I
the same kindness and respect.
Sophia Huang C L ASS O F 2 020 Sophia Huang ‘20 is from Bavaria (Germany), and Taiwan and studies Business and Sociology/Anthropology at Warren Wilson College in Swannanoa, North Carolina.
“Walking into a wooden dining hall with high ceilings, stained-glass windows and two very exquisite chandeliers may feel like being on a glamourous Harry Potter set for some. But for me, something inside of me shattered each time.”
challenges; however, the attitude of appreciation, optimism, and perseverance has given me a balance within myself because since then optimism has begun to outweigh the challenges.
I held a plate of food in my
Instead, I began to appreciate the
hands, and it was another meal
little moments of a day that
feeling like the only one who
made me feel connected to
doesn’t know where to sit in the
others: a student piggybacking
cafeteria while others seem-
off what I said at a table, an
ingly naturally approach a table
employee from the cafeteria
and are immediately welcomed
remembering my name, some
into the chatter and laughter.
extra seconds spent noticing the
The boisterous voices overlap
beauty and tranquility of nature
and amplify in my head, which
looking down from upper
makes me feel like a small,
campus, taking a soothing
unnoticed boat without an
warm shower in peacefulness,
anchor in a turbulent ocean.
participating in an interesting
Although my experience at the
discussion in class.
United World College-USA has not fit the big bang change of
It was my first year at an international boarding school
These and many more other little
myself advertised to me, I have
that separated me from the fa-
moments shifted my perspective
found invaluable leer in finding
miliar. I felt lost despite all the
on my circumstances as soon as I
my own comfort. A comfort in
people surrounding me. While
started to notice them. Simply
knowing that being alone does
spending a lot of time question-
because I intentionally choose to
not equate to being lonely,
ing myself and waiting for
love the little things, the grand
reflecting a lot in solitude is
something to change, I learned
dining hall, and other aspects of
actually time well spent and
to stop wishing for the situation
life thousands of miles away
that interesting questions let
to improve by itself.
from home continue to present
people tell interesting stories.
FEEDBACK
After several conversations at
with others, which I like to
random tables I also have come
achieve through engaging in
to notice, “Was I the only one
compelling questions and seizing
[feeling lonely] at that time?”
the moment. I have loved to
Absolutely not. So, at any table
connect to people over conver-
I will be sitting at in the future,
sations about the perfect meal,
whether it be in the cafeteria or
facts they would like to know
classroom, there is very likely
about their life, or what someone
someone else searching for a lit-
can do to make their day.
tle moment to feel connected too. Plus, my conviction is that any
How can I connect with others
table is a good table as there is al-
and how can I make others
ways a small or big detail waiting
feel connected and what am
to be noticed and appreciated.
I grateful for? These two questions now guide my path
After reflecting, I think that the
when approaching new
key words are “gratitude” and
situations and genuinely shifted
“connections” with myself and
my perspective towards life.
One danger of reflective essays that Sophia has avoided is being overly abstract. This happens when there is more emphasis on thoughts and values instead of storytelling or “showing by doing.” Simply conveying a story without reflection is another extreme to avoid. Sophia has struck a balance by weaving in a narrative of personal growth and community building. The song at the end is a nice touch of flair that works when incorporated thoughtfully into the storytelling experience. One challenge for every UWC student to explore is how to differentiate their own narrative from their peers. Time spent in a UWC community is transformative for everyone, with common themes and stories emerging from the shared experience. Collaborate with peers for essay review and try to answer the question – have you accomplished the goal sharing your distinct individual experience, or strayed into describing a general UWC experience? This essay is certainly not generic. I think Sophia’s distinct voice and personality come through in her writing in a way that allows me to picture the roles she might play in a college community. Ultimately, Sophia has done a great job of showing us who she is and how she engages with the world around her.
— ISTHIER CHAUDHURY International Admissions, Trinity College in Hartford
Malachi King C L ASS O F 2 021 Malachi King ‘21 is from Trinidad and Tobago and will be studying international business administration at Rotterdam School of Management at Erasmus University in the Netherlands.
“I love making smoothies. In fact, I make one nearly every day – I am always experimenting with many different ingredients.”
to Trinidad by the French plantation owners who had settled there. They arrived under terrible conditions, and worked as slaves until slavery was abolished in 1840. They and their children then remained in Trinidad. This is the base ingredient of my smoothie and can be seen in its
I am continually amazed at the
STEP 1: Our smoothie base starts
delicious combinations of flavors
with approximately half a cup of
and delightful spices that can be
West African flavors in honor of
STEP 2: Next, add approximately
added, which certainly seem to
my paternal grandfather and one
one quarter cup of English de-
tantalize the taste buds! Let’s
of my maternal great-grand-
light. And even though the Eng-
make a smoothie now! One that
mothers. In the late 18th century,
lish were actually the last to
truly demonstrates who I am!
West African slaves were brought
colonize my country, this ing-
rich, deep color.
redient actually represents my maternal grandmother, who
Recipe
Caribbean Smoothie INGREDIENTS
came to Trinidad from England to study in the 1960s at what was then the Imperial College of Tropical Agriculture. Luckily she met my paternal grandfather and they made Trinidad their home. She is my only remaining grand-
•
Approximately half cup of West African flavors
parent alive and plays a very im-
•
Approximately one quarter cup of English delight
portant part in making this
•
One fifth cup of Venezuelan ‘dame mas!’
•
One loaded tablespoon of East Indian herbs and spices
STEP 3: Thirdly, add one fifth of
•
One loaded tablespoon of Chinese ginger and nutmeg
the best Venezuelan ‘dame mas.’
•
Servings: Unlimited
My paternal great-grandmother
smoothie great!
and my maternal great-grandfather both came from Vene-
FEEDBACK This essay had me at the first sentence! You never know who will be reading your essay but I love making smoothies too so the topic drew me in from the beginning.
zuela. Venezuela is the closest
to the time of the Chinese
country to Trinidad and Tobago,
revolution – one of them who
being only 7 miles away at the
stayed in Trinidad was one of my
closest point. Many Venezuelans
maternal great-grandfathers.
migrated to Trinidad, over the years, but in more recent times
All ingredients should be blended
there have been thousands of
on the lowest speed for just a few
them arriving in Trinidad and To-
moments, and there you have it:
bago looking for a better life.
A Caribbean smoothie! Or rather — me, a smoothly mixed, multi-
STEP 4: The Eastern flavors in
racial, multi-cultural Caribbean
my smoothie continue with one
boy eager to see his world!
loaded tablespoon of East Indian herbs and spices as well as one loaded tablespoon of Chinese ginger and nutmeg into the blender. These represent one of my maternal great-grandfathers and one of my maternal great-
We always say “be creative” and Malachi chose a creative structure which made for a unique essay that tells me something about his personality too: he is willing to think outside of the box and I suspect is also attentive to detail and structure. I appreciate the nice balance of learning about family along with the history of his home country. Ultimately the essay is about trying to get to know a student and what is important to them. The importance of family background came through clearly – the descriptions really brought his family tree to life! If there was room for one more paragraph I would have loved to hear a bit about how the contributions from all the family members came together to shape Malachi’s unique personality. All in all, very well done!
grandmothers. East Indians ar-
— JENNY HOWENSTINE
rived in Trinidad and Tobago as
International Admissions St. Olaf College
indentured laborers in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, after slavery had been abolished.
All my ancestors came from so
After their contract of indenture
many different countries and
ship had ended, many settled in
under so many different
Trinidad including my great-
conditions. I am extremely eager
granny. The Chinese also came
to learn more about these
to Trinidad as indentured
countries and cultures, to
laborers from approximately
better understand myself and
the middle of the 19th century
my people, and my earth.
Sarah Onyembe C L ASS O F 2 020 Sarah Onyembe ‘20, Democratic Republic of Congo is studying chemical engineering at the University of Oklahoma in Norman.
“I never thought that I would be in the wilderness.”
showing the bright side of the wilderness from the U.S. perspective, and the dangerous side of it from the Congolese culture. More than that, I felt like I was neglecting my values as a Congolese. As I was hiking up, I kept my eyes focused on what was
I was unfamiliar with the real
my curiosity was so intense that
around me. The trees had never
meaning behind that word.
I kept pushing myself. There
been that close to me before. I
When I went on a mandatory
were different thoughts going
felt the sun burning my skin in
three-day backpacking trip at
through my brain as I ap-
a brisk way. I looked at the sky,
the beginning of the school year,
proached the 2,000-foot peak in
which had never been that
the only thing I knew about
front of me. Will I be eaten by a
beautiful. I felt fulfilled.
wilderness was its translation
bear? Will the devil catch me
into French: “desert.”
and I won’t make it to the top?
I was feeling the opposite of what witchcraft was supposed
In my culture particularly, it is a
My worries were not only about
to do to me. Birds in the sky were
very controversial topic; people
the conflict between the two
divinely singing. They were not
believe that sorcery, witchcraft,
ideas that I have been told, one
hurting me. Instead, their voices
and black magical events happen there. As Christians, those are symbols of the devil. The density of animals makes the wilderness even more dangerous in my country. That was what I knew and believed my whole life. But after the three-day trip, my perception of it utterly changed. As I started going uphill, my heart was beating fast due to the fear of the unknown. But
FEEDBACK were giving me hope. The feeling
I want to share with my
of being alone in this world, but
community the joy I experi-
at the same time feeling sup-
enced during the trip. I was
ported by nature, filled my heart.
going up there with the fear
And that is the wilderness.
of witchcraft and the devil, and betraying my culture by
At the end of the day, when I was
going into the wilderness. I
on the top of the mountain, I
came out of the trip with an
had a view that I would never
appreciation of wilderness
have the chance to have in my
that I would like to share with
city back home. It was my first
other people. I did not let either
time seeing a lake this close. It
my country’s perspective or
was so enormous that I thought
the U.S. view of the wilderness
I would fall into it.
influence me.
My curiosity once again guided
I evolved into seeing beauty
my hands into the cold water,
where some people perceived
which brought a strong feeling
death. Confucius said that
through my nerves. At that
everything has beauty, but
moment, I realized that I enjoy
not everyone sees it.
Sarah does a great job describing her internal conflict about what “wilderness” means and her real fears about participating in a wilderness trip. Her writing is thoughtful and easy to follow and you can visualize some of the images and encounters she is having on her first hike. The thoughts about what wilderness means in her home country is interesting and insightful. There are no issues with spelling or grammar. One observation though is that her statement doesn’t give too much insight about her or how she will contribute to her community. She does talk about wanting to share her revelations about wilderness with others and that she completed a two-week training to gain greater expertise, but that part of the essay is a bit disjointed. Had she changed the sequence where this experience (and others like it while at UWC) led her to receive additional training as a wilderness leader, she could have then ended with her goal of providing these types of experiences to help dispel the incorrect views about the wilderness in her home country. Still, it’s a good personal statement that keeps the reader’s attention all the way through.
— BRIAN BAVA ‘91
being close to nature. My appreciation for nature in-
One day, I will create a safe
creased throughout the rest of
wilderness program in my
the trip as I was witnessing
country and people will see its
captivating views day by day. In
real beauty. Through that trip, I
the end, I realized that the need
was inspired to do a 14-day wil-
to be in nature and uncover new
derness trip to become a leader
things has always been inside of
who will be the voice for all
me. I just needed to get out of
students new to the wilderness
my comfort zone and under-
and make them feel like they
stand the wilderness’s beauty.
can define things for their lives.
Co-Chair, US Selection Committee
Omar Loudghiri C L ASS O F 2 020 Omar Loudghiri ‘20 is from Casablanca, Morocco, and is studying computer science and philosophy at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio.
“Something that symbolizes who I am is Friday mornings: A sacred day for Muslims where most Moroccan families gather to eat a traditional couscous dish right after the Friday prayer.”
I, however, find it intriguing that I grew up thinking steaks, pasta, and paella were delicious, not tagines and couscous. I would always be enthusiastic about making European food. But I never questioned this until I was asked by Rigzin, my Tibetan friend at UWC, to cook him food
As early as dawn on Fridays,
cuisine that represented the
my mom would gather the
essence of my culture and that
ingredients for couscous,
I could call mine.
from Morocco, and I couldn’t. My first reaction was to blame
putting the grains to boil with
my parents, but they had
a perfect balance of seasoning.
nothing to do with that.
She would chop the vegetables
My mom would always cook
to create a beautiful blend of
tagines at home, and I would
tastes and textures, which she
still reject it, preferring the
would mix with tender cuts of
European dishes I considered
lamb in a finely spiced broth
more elegant instead. I could
that would then simmer.
sense her disappointment, but she never reprimanded me.
This delicate broth, when poured
I would say it smelled terrible;
on the semolina, would give it
I couldn’t help but reject the
color, taste, and beauty. However,
dishes and spices of my country.
that sight of yellowish grains is
Curcuma and saffron would
something I was reluctant to
My mom has been cooking
disturb my nostrils while I
appreciate until this summer
couscous since I opened my
would be ecstatic to the smell
when I came back from the
eyes to the world. Why did it
of parsley and basil; smells
United World College-USA, an
take me so long to accept its
that came from the other side
international boarding school
charm and beauty? I loved
of the Mediterranean.
in Montezuma, N.M. I could
cooking by nature. I would
finally recognize the charm of
always sit next to my mom
Realizing that, I found myself
Moroccan food and culture.
when she was performing
facing an internal debate that
I realized that I strived for
what I saw as a magical craft.
made me question the whole
FEEDBACK relationship I have with the
tragic story of my attempt at
food I make and enjoy. I have
cooking a tagine with other Mo-
been going through the process
roccan students ending with me
of decolonizing my mind far
burning the cooktop of my
before that by recognizing that
school’s president’s house.
a big part of what I considered to be my culture was just an
My Friday mornings are now so
idealization and imitation of
different. I wake up as early as
French culture.
my mom to start cooking the traditional Couscous. The house
Everything from language to
is immersed by the smell of
mannerisms was taught to me
saffron, the broth is delicate and
following a foreign model—
complex, the meat is tender and
even the dishes my tongue
well-seasoned, the vegetables
enjoys and the plates I could
are savory and colorful.
cook. I ultimately had the chance to unlearn some aspects
Couscous was the most intricate
that were embedded in my
dish I ever dared to make alone,
culture, but that I rejected, and
and I would always miss a step
to learn about the Moroccan
or fail at something, but that
culture and traditions that I
would just remind me of how
could finally appreciate. I was so
deep and complex my culture
excited to finally learn how to
really is. I would always find
cook typical dishes that my mom
something new to discover,
had unsuccessfully tried to teach
something new to reject, and
me over FaceTime—like the
something new to accept.
Omar does an excellent job helping the reader get to know him through the cultural relationship he has with food from his country. It doesn’t feel over-edited nor does he try to impress the reader with words from a thesaurus that he doesn’t typically use. Having an authentic voice is one of the most important aspects of writing a college essay. Omar’s style of writing is inviting and he creates a scene that the reader can visualize. The connection to culture and food is common, however, this essay brings a twist and adds an intellectual context to his story. He didn’t realize the value of his own culture until he left and he now understands that he had misplaced Western culture as his own. The awareness to recognize that he had to “decolonize his mind” shows an intellectual depth that adds a greater context to his story. The transformation Omar writes about helps to provide the reader with an insight into his struggle with his cultural identity and how it has now come full circle. A college essay should help the reader get to know the applicant aside from perhaps other aspects of their application. This essay does an excellent job of providing personal details and challenges that help you to know more about Omar.
— DEAN MENDES Associate Director of Admission Williams College
Benjamin Curry C L ASS O F 2 021 Benjamin Curry ‘21, Las Cruces, N.M., is a freshman at Colorado College in Colorado Springs.
“Thirteen. The first time I picked up my mom’s camera on a trip to visit family in Zimbabwe.”
own insignificance in the sea of gypsum, an earth ready to swallow me without a trace. Zoom, frame, focus, snap. SIXTEEN. My very own camera in my hands; a purchase made with the aches and pains that only man-
However, it felt like a tangled
FIFTEEN.
ual labor brings. Cleaning sludge
slinky. Although I was intrigued,
My feet felt sluggish, weighed
from car wash drains, next tear-
fascinated by the tool in my
down by the soft sand. Dunes for
ing down walls on the construc-
hands, my fingers were frozen.
miles, gentle curves a manifesta-
tion site. Lots of lawns and weeds
The photos of the elephants at
tion of the winds ebb and flow.
sprouted in between. But then, it
the watering hole were flat and
Dusk, the soft light remaining
was time. The cellophane wrap-
bland. The elephants were
after the sun’s retreat behind the
ping came off in a second. When I
slightly out of focus, overexposed
horizon. A lone figure walked up
pulled it out of the box, my
and awkward. There was no
a dune in the distance, minus-
fingers unfroze. The shutter, the
meaning or purpose to the photo.
cule in the vastness of the crys-
dials, the buttons all moved so
tal white landscape. I felt my
smoothly. Now, to my new job.
FOURTEEN. I began to look at things differently. The cotton field in the golden sun rays. A classic New Mexico sunset tickled dusk with its cotton candy fingers, each white puff its own success story, earth’s replication of the clouds. But I couldn’t convey it. The picture looked flat and bland, colors muted, and plants bunched together. I could feel the message, my eyes saw the potential, the symbolism, but I felt a disconnect.
FEEDBACK Five pairs of eyes stared back at
ball teams, motocross races,
me, expectantly waiting. I had
clothing advertisements, school
them sitting on the old well in
bus engines, musicians, dancers
front of my house. It didn’t look
and more. Then, the biggest
right. My sweaty hand and
offer yet came.
trembling voice scooted them left. Without question they all
The fine print seemed to taunt
shuffled. Click. I took a step back,
me. The pen sat waiting. A
and the sun peeked out from be-
month away from home, work-
hind the pecans. The golden rays
ing at a boarding school summer
traced the form of each subject.
camp every day. Then I did it.
With a quick joke they straight-
I signed the contract that
ened up. Smile! Click. As they
changed my life. A photography
drove off, $50 stared back at me.
job at a castle. No, a school.
I couldn’t believe I had been paid
Little did I know, soon to be my
to take photos of strangers. Even
own school. A rollercoaster of
better than that, I knew I had
friendships and memories, late
done a decent job for my first
nights and deep talks. A multi-
time. This was the day my
tude of accents, stories and
camera became my magic carpet.
experiences. An education
There are three areas where I believe Benjamin’s essay stands out. Language: Benjamin clearly demonstrates a sophistication in his use of language skills; using metaphoric language and both complex and simple phrases to draw us into his world. His proper use of words and how he ties them together to develop his idea is commendable. Benjamin creates an image in the reader’s mind of the setting and the author’s place in it. Creativity: In a one page essay, Benjamin capably take us on a five year-long personal journey of developing his interest and skills in photography. Time after time, Benjamin drew us inside his world and gave us the feeling of being with him as he experimented with his camera in different settings. Purpose: Benjamin wanted to show the readers that persistence and hard work lead to success and can ultimately provide tangible life experience. He accomplished his goal by utilizing the example of the camera. He walked his audience through the stages of using his mom’s and then his own camera and demonstrated that his persistence paid off not only in developing his own talent as a photographer but in securing a job as a photographer in high school.
— MUSA KHALIDI SEVENTEEN AND EIGHTEEN.
inside and outside the classroom
A whirlwind of jobs and clients.
that I will cherish forever. I now
Crouching in the wedding aisles,
help untangle the slinky, teach-
a fly on the wall waiting for that
ing my passion, to a class of my
first kiss. Driving along the Mex-
own design. They sit attentively,
ican border, documenting the
learning my favorite editing
wildlife through the monstrous
program, my most valued skills,
fence. Filming politicians, foot-
and my favorite tricks.
Exec. Dir., International Admissions St. Lawrence University
P E R S O N A L S TAT E M E N T R E V I E W E R S
Brian Bava ‘91
Isthier Chaudhury
Jenny Howenstine
Co-Chair, US Selection Committee, Davis UWC Scholars Program
International Admissions, Trinity College in Hartford
International Admissions, St. Olaf College
Isthier Chaudhury currently
Jenny Howenstine works in
Brian Bava ‘91, is vice president
oversees international
international admissions at
of enrollment management at
admissions for Trinity College
St. Olaf College. She is a self-
The College of Idaho, a partner
in Hartford, CT, and has over 8
proclaimed “huge fan” of the
institution with the Davis UWC
years of experience working in
students who graduate from
Scholars Program. Brian served
admissions. At both Trinity and
the UWCs.
as the associate dean of admis-
his prior institution, he has
sions at Concordia University
excitedly worked to build UWC
School of Law and on the board
communities on campus while
of trustees at Riverstone
supporting students through
International School, which is
their admissions process.
a preschool through 12-grade international baccalaureate school in Boise, Idaho.
Musa Khalidi
Dean Mendes
Praxedes Quintana ‘14
Executive Director, International Admissions, St. Lawrence University
Associate Director of Admission, Williams College
Assistant Director of Admission, Haverford College
Dean Mendes is an associate
Praxedes Quintana is an
Musa Khalidi is the executive
director of admission at
Assistant Director of Admission
director of international
Williams College. He has
at her alma mater Haverford
admissions at St. Lawrence
worked in admissions for 15
College in Pennsylvania.
University in New York.
years with 11 years focusing on
She graduated from UWC-USA
international students and has
in 2014 and continues to seek
reviewed applications from all
out opportunities to further
of the UWC campuses. He is
explore her role as an UWC
currently serving on the
alumna and global citizen.
International ACAC Executive Board as a NACAC delegate.
BEST PRACTICES
Danielle Ditty
Darren Drabek
Brian White
Ben Baum
Gettysburg College
Skidmore College
Lewis & Clark College
St. John’s College
There is no perfect essay topic. Honestly, we’re just looking to learn more about you and your interests. (You can write about why you think tomato soup and grilled cheese is the perfect meal on a cold day, if that’s important to you!) Keep the essay focused! There’s no need to try and tell us everything. Pick one narrow topic, and develop it with as much detail as you can. Use your words to paint an image or picture in the reader’s mind so they come out of it feeling like they were there.
We, as readers look forward to learning more about you. Imagery is powerful. Paint a picture for us. What do you see between classes? On walks? During excursions? In your neighborhood? From a car window, a train seat? We might be familiar with these same landscapes and your words will transport us there. We may not and so your writing will be the canvas to help us learn more about places that are part of your life. It can be one part of your essay but one that can be quite memorable.
Application essays often respond to a question/prompt. Make sure you actually answer the question! Admission officers read up to a hundred applications a day & sometimes don’t have time to get through long essays, so get to the point and put your “best stuff” early in the essay. Before submitting your essay, show it to someone who doesn’t know you well and ask them if it makes sense & answers the question. Your essay should be able to speak clearly about you to a stranger.
Advice to remember: • Tell your story in the context of the rest of the application • Focus: Narrow, deep essay topics are better than shallow wide ones • Celebrate yourself • Showing works better than telling • Authenticity matters. Do not try to be anyone else • Dramatic and traumatic aren’t a requirement • Know where you are applying • Proofread, proofread, proofread • Don’t panic if you don’t like writing essays. The essay is important but it isn’t the only thing that gets you accepted
Sarah Schmidt
Denisse Ballinas
Matthew Beatty
Macalester College
New York University
Ask yourself, “could someone else have written this statement?” If the answer is yes, it means there’s opportunity to reflect more, dig deeper, and make your message more personal. The broader topic you choose to write about may not be new to the admissions reader and that’s ok! If your statement focuses on what YOU learned, how YOU felt, how YOU grew, that is uniquely your story to share and will help admission readers better understand you beyond your transcript and list of achievements.
We always recommend that students focus some time on the “Why NYU” prompt where they have an opportunity to let us know how we are a great fit for them. As I like to remind students, we are reviewing if they are a great fit for us but we see they’ve done their research for how we are a great fit for them in their WNYU!
Concordia College, Moorhead Take time to craft an outline. One common mistake I’ve repeatedly seen is failure to stay on topic. Therefore, once you understand the essay requirements and have chosen a topic, it’s important to craft an outline. An outline is a concise map of your essay. It provides you with a framework to tell a story, build an argument, or persuade a reader. It also reflects how all the points fit together. Poorly structured essays can be off-putting and potentially impact your admissibility.
UWC Davis Scholars Program Alumni of UWCs are eligible for substantial need-based scholarships to attend one of 99 colleges and universities in the United States. Funded largely by UWCUSA benefactor Shelby Davis, these scholarships have helped over 3500 UWC alumni to complete their undergraduate educations over the past 20 years. Admissions officers from some of these schools have shared further advice on writing college essays. They work with UWC students frequently and are strong advocates for the UWC movement. davisuwcscholars.org
BEST PRACTICES
Minnu Paul Methodist University Use this opportunity to tell your story, showcase your motivation and aspirations. Reflect on your last four years and dream about what you want from this next chapter of your life! Then start writing! An essay with a good organization and flow engages me. Try to answer these questions in your essayWhat do you want to study and Why? What are your qualities? How would your unique self contribute to the university? How can the university contribute to your growth?”
Susan Hillmann de Castaneda
Molly Noyed
Earlham College
Consider your college application a complete picture of many parts. When you take a metaphorical step back and assess your activities list, letters of recommendation, (possible) test scores, and transcripts-what is missing? Tell that story in your essay. Think of your personal statement as the final puzzle piece in your application, the component that shows admissions committees across the nation (and world!) who you are. It can be about something mundane, spectacular, or anything in between.
Do something that makes you laugh before you sit down to write! Remember the joy of being exactly who you are! Write something that shines a spotlight on your unique combination of • personality • character • life experiences • motivations • skills • abilities Tell your story simply and in a way that portrays your • feelings • perceptions • values • commitment • eagerness to grow Show the college/ university that you are someone we would want on our campus!
Lake Forest College
Ruby Bhattacharya Barnard College Students seem to think they need to write an essay that is unique or to choose a topic that no one else has ever done, but to be honest, there are very few topics out there that admissions officers have not seen before. Uniqueness is an unattainable goal in this process and is definitely not what we are looking for when we review applications. Instead of trying to be unique, be yourself! I have not heard YOUR story before; that’s what will help your application to stand out!
Jon Lund
Jennifer Russell
Neira Kadic
Luther College
Bryn Mawr College
For 20 years I’ve been reading personal statements. I remember the essay from the Afghani student who learned math from a discarded textbook. Or the Serbian student who introduced his many personas as portrayed through his basketball shoes. Good essays have something in common. They start with a strong introduction and end with a meaningful conclusion. You see, I read the intro, move to the ending, and really savor the middle if both ends hang together. How you begin and end matters!
Begin the essay with your own voice, literally. Tell your idea to a friend, or record it on your phone, or stand in front of a mirror and pretend that you are on stage.
The University of Oklahoma, UWC Scholars Program
Make sure you have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Your tone, expression and language are what are what make your voice unique. This is what an admissions officer wants to hear! Show don’t tell. Keep the subject in focus. Remember this is a snapshot, not a photo album. Colleges really want you to dig deep and show us how your perspective is unique. Only you standing in a certain spot at a certain time can take the picture you submit in the form of a college essay.
I distinctly remember writing my personal statement in UWC. Ironically, the hardest part was picking a topic. I wanted to tell a perfect story. Everyone around me seemed to have that one moment, that one event, that one memory they held onto. I had one too many. The truth is: you are exceptional and you have many stories to tell, this is simply a chance to pick one that will help us get to know you a bit better. Don’t stop at recounting — zoom in, reflect and invite us to reflect with you.
Call For Admissions All U.S. residents are eligible for a Davis Scholarship to attend UWC-USA or one of the other seventeen UWCs around the world. UWC students spend their last two years of high school living and learning with students from all over the world in a community that encourages inquiry, academic excellence, and global citizenship. Information about these generous scholarships is available online or by contacting the UWCUSA admissions office: admission@uwc-usa.org
IN THESE PIECES, I SEE ... I learn so much from these essays—about the authors, about the world. And, because I’m the College Essay Guy, I can’t help but see some of my favorite personal statement qualities. In these pieces, I see... CORE VALUES. Look at Sarah’s essay (p. 6), for example. I see the values of curiosity, adventure, tradition, and community. Or notice how Malachi’s essay demonstrates culture, family, and a love of history by simply describing a smoothie recipe (p. 5). INSIGHT. Notice how Sarah’s essay wrestles with two cultural interpretations of the wilderness (p. 6) or how Omar realizes even his taste buds have been altered by French colonialism (p. 7). VULNERABILITY. I see vulnerability in Benjamin’s nervousness during his first paid photoshoot (p. 8), in Omar’s admission that he used to reject his mother’s cooking (p. 7), and in Meggie’s despair when missing friends’ birthday parties while working at the restaurant (p. 3). CRAFT. Notice how Sophia describes feeling “like a small, unnoticed boat without an anchor in a turbulent ocean” (p. 4). Or how Benjamin notes his knowledge of cameras with “I felt my own insignificance in the sea of gypsum, an earth ready to swallow me without a trace” (p. 8). And these are qualities you can aim for too, if you’re writing your own personal statement. If you are, you might ask yourself: ●
How do my values manifest themselves in the world?
●
What insights might I provide? How could I answer the question “so what”?
●
Is my personal statement actually personal (aka vulnerable)?
●
Have I crafted my essay over several drafts?
I’ve found these questions useful both in my writing and in my life. And that’s what I love about this process: the chance to ask big questions. I’m grateful to the student authors at UWC, who dug deep, asked some big questions, and produced these wonderful pieces. I’m better for having read them. Ethan Sawyer Founder, CollegeEssayGuy.com