V Magazine UVA May 2005 by V Magazine UVA

the

MUSIC ISSUE

YOUR BACKSTAGE PASS TO BANDS THAT KICK ASS page 7

TAKE A PEEK AT OUR

FANTASY FACULTY BAND page 4

V’s GUIDE TO

MUSICAL FOREPLAY page 14

may 2005

volume 1 issue 4

harlottesville’s

P D C remier

ance

303 East Main Street www.clubr2.com

lub

Located at Rapture on the Downtown Mall

Featuring national, regional, and local DJs · State-of-the-art Sound · Intelligent Lighting · Multi-Media Available for Private Events

18&UP Dance Party

the Thursday Nights

table of

contents

executive editor Christopher Miles managing editor Krissy Houston

cover: Patrick Bradshaw photo by Alex Sonneborn

culture editor Andrea Austin

health editor Tyler Tichacek

grounds for percussion your first peek at our fantasy faculty band, The Thomas Jefferson Experience featuring the Hoo by Tam Nguyen

sexuality editor Morgan Whitaker

may 2005

volume 1 issue 4

fashion

fashion editor Kristin Pasternak assistant fashion editors Daniel Davila Lindsay Friedman Corinne Shabe

your backstage pass to bands that kick ass by Danielle Blundell and Whitney Gruenloh

senior sexuality correspondant Kristen Bailey

culture

production manager Laura Scott chief photography editor Alex Sonneborn

assistant photographer Caitlin McKinney layout artists Sara Gilliam Christine Herman Stephen Alexander Tam Nguyen

seven sexy soundbytes music hot spots to match your days of the week underwear compiled by Katherine Helseth, Ryan Coleman, Corinne Konig, and Elizabeth Wetherington The Music Library your new study haven by Christine Herman hidden gem of the month Oluponya by Leigh Chapman

business manager Stephen Alexander

health & sexuality

assistant business manager Meghan Sweeney web master Laura Edward Michael associate staff Danielle Blundell Ryan Coleman Whitney Gruenloh Leigh Chapman Julia Jeffrey Katy Judge Kathleen Kiernan

Cori Koenig Christina Mannino Khadijat Olanrewaju Anna Wegner Elizabeth Wetherington Kate Halseth

operation relax We may have found a way to relieve stress that doesn’t leave you wanting more. Kristen Bailey AFC music blows a social commentary by Katy Judge

V’s guide to musical foreplay make out mix tips that will make her hit the high notes by Morgan Whitaker letter from the editor by Christopher Miles

check out our website at www.geocities.com/v_magazine_at_uva disclaimer: V Magazine, a publication at the University of Virginia, is published monthly, except during holidays and examination periods, and has a circulation of 1000. Although this publication has staff members who are University of Virginia students, V Magazine is independent of the corporation which is the University of Virginia. The University is not responsible for the organization’s contracts, acts, or omissions. The office of V Magazine is located in the basement of Newcomb Hall. The opinions expressed in V Magazine are not necessarily those of the students, faculty, or administration of the University of Virginia. V Magazine ©2004

Percussion

grounds for

your first peek at our fantasy faculty band by Tam Nguyen

ad your fill of copycat wannabe bands like…oh, I don’t know…The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Jackson Five, Simon and Garfunkel, and Raffi? Well, boy, do we have the answer for you. If you’re anything like us, you’ve spent a lot of class time wishing you were rocking out instead. Economics? No, ROCKonomics. Biology? No, ROCKology. Math? More like…*cough* Ro…Rock….ok just math. We’ve taken our faculty favorites and forced them to act out our fantasy. You’ve seen them in class, during their office hours, and eating lunch – but would you recognize them headlining your roommate’s next sexy party? We at V are proud to present our own fantasy faculty band. They call themselves The Thomas Jefferson Experience featuring The Hoo (we suggested “Codpiece Magilicutty and the Sunshine Twins,” or even “Hoos in a Fantasy Faculty Band”, but apparently that cliché isn’t funny anymore. Who knew?). I’m telling you, P Diddy has nothing on us. Without further ado, the members of the University faculty band together for the very first (and last) time:

Just like Madonna, Cher, Jewel, and of course, Raffi, this rocker only needs one name. Dean. And he has the cure for you squares out there. THE TRIANGLE. That’s right kids, it’s not just a shape anymore. When we asked our mysterious renegade what song title describes how he feels at this exact moment, he responded, “How I Feel at this Exact Moment, and Other Stories.” Q: When was the last time you cut your hair? A: Last time I cut it was fall of ’84. Q: Would you shave off your beard and cut your hair if we asked you to? A: No. Q: What if I gave you $50? A: No Q: What if I gave you $100? A: No. Q: A million dollars? A: I’d think about it…but no

amy lind

Get ready for a hoedown, because Amy Lind plays a mean jug. This very well might be the only time you can tell your SWAG professor to blow harder or yell “nice jugs” without risking being on the receiving end of a swift kick to the face. Wait till you hear her jug-rendition of her favorite song “Dancing Queen.” Abba would be rolling in their graves…you know…if they were dead. (Are they dead?) Spontaneous answers: Q: Time travel. A: Vacation. Q: Football. A: Yuck. Q: Global warming. A: Sucks. Q: Christina Aguilera. A: Hot.

eric

lott

On the drums is Eric Lott, our bad boy with a heart of gold. Where would this punk rocker being hanging out with his band mates between gigs? He gave the true bad boy answer, “in the library, talking too loudly.” Told you he was hardcore.

Q: What’s your biggest fear? A: Not having enough shoes in my wardrobe. Q: What’s your most expensive pair of shoes? A: Prada. $400. Q: What if something happened those shoes right now? A: I’m going to break someone’s leg.

Singer/songwriter Newcomb Kathy (known to some as “Kathy Newcomb) uses her life experience to inspire her. But don’t worry, only three of her ten songs are about cardswiping. Some of her most popular hits include “My Achy Breaky Wrists,” “Can’t Swipe This,” and “I’m Too Sexy for This Newcomb.” Look for America’s Sweetheart coming to a boom box near you.

kathy

mcg

ruder

Q: Craziest thing? A: Smoking cigarettes. ‘Cause I get dizzy and think ‘wow, I’m high.’

elizabeth

machunismasuoka

Rocking out on the keytar, MACHUNISMASUOKA, (or Eminem for short) is more fun than a Petri dish of E. Coli. But only slightly. Her Gaelic stylings are a cross-pollination between Michael Flatley and Michael Bolton – nimble yet magically delicious. Q: Tell us something we don’t know A: I like anime. I enjoy reading the fantasy traditional where everybody dies in the end very tragically and very unhappily and they never come back…no coming back. Q: If the Earth is going to be demolished in the next ten minutes by a fleet of Vogon ships, what is the last thought that runs through your mind? A:…Poop.

mic smi ha

th el

With Michael Smith as the human beat box, 2 - 3 = negative FUN. This digital gangsta can conjure up phat beats almost as fast as he can solve differential equations. If he can pack a house as well as he can a math class, our band will definitely be the greatest common denominator in no time. He puts the “mmm” in mmmath. Q: Where would you and The Hoo be hanging out on a typical Friday night? A: We’d be at the Laundromat doing laundry, then Harris Teeter grocery shopping. Eventually we’d make enough money to buy our own washer and dryer.

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to bands that kick

ass

Races to april A

four piece band on Grounds, Races to April recently completed an East Coast tour over Spring Break. Using bands such as Counterfit, Coheed and Cambria, and Hey Mercedes as inspiration, fourth-year guitarist Schuyler vanMontfrans and his band mates set out in Spring of 2002 â&#x20AC;&#x153;with the intentions of writing music that is both challenging to learn and meaningful to play.â&#x20AC;? They accomplished just that, placing at UPC Battle of the Bands and recently finishing up their work on their Tinted Amber Records debut release The Syntax in Everything.

robin smith: vocals/guitar, brandon emerson: bass, schuyler vanmontframs: guitar/vocals, nathan madden: drums

backstage pass your

peter dejong: guitar, alex hargrave: bass, johnny stubblefield: drums/vocals, will anderson: lead vocals/ guitar, kit french: saxophone/vocals, eric prum: keyboards

parkys’ flaw

ith the UPC Battle of the Bands under their belt, Sparky’s Flaw has gone into hiatus at the Crystalphonic Studio’s in downtown Charlottesville to finish recording their upcoming album. Drawing upon the likes of Jason Mraz, Dave Matthews Band, and Weezer, Sparky’s Flaw serves up a refreshing blend of what singer/guitarist Will Anderson describes as “acoustic pop-rock.” The group assembled here in Charlottesville in 2001, and continues to enrich the local music scene as Anderson and pianist Eric Prum conclude their first year at the University.

ountainhead

elf-described as â&#x20AC;&#x153;a flowing blend of modern jam rock,â&#x20AC;? Fountainhead is anything but the typical four-piece garage band. Their album Hyperdelic Tamnesia boasts a broad spectrum of influences, combing elements of classic rock, oldies, jazz, and electronica. The band is comprised of University alumni and Sociology graduate student and drummer Carey Sargent.

jack carrig: guitar, carey sargent: drums, joe piorkowski: guitar/vocals, tom daly: bass

photographer- alex sonneborn shoot coordinators- kristin pasternak, daniel davila, lindsay freidman, corrine shabe stories by danielle blundell and whitney gruenloh

culture

even exy ound bites

photo by laura edward michael

photo by chris miles

sunday: The Down Under

who: A little bit of everyone what: A dance club below the Outback Lodge. $8 for live band nights; $5 other times where: 917 Preston Ave. when: Saturdays and Sundays only why: Sunday is Salsa night! 8pm Salsa Lessons; 10pm come to dance. Step into another world as you show off your moves or shed your ego while you sweat with a truly eclectic group.

monday: Baja Bean

who: Everyone what: Think Mexican food and margaritas. where: Near the intersection of 14th Street and W. Main Street (on the corner). (434) 293-4507. when: Open daily 11am-2am why: Monday is open mic night (sign up at 8:30pm, sing at 9), there’s no cover, plus they offer the biggest margarita in town.

tuesday: Atomic Burrito

who: Attracts a people at any time of day but it is particularly popular with the “after hours” crowd. what: a retro-style taco and burrito bar (taqueria in Spanish). The food includes tacos, quesadillas, salads. where: 109 Second St. SE (on the Downtown Mall) (434) 977-0117 when: Mon-Sat 11am-2am (serves food until 10pm Mon-Wed, 12am Thu-Sat, bar open late) why: Tuesday nights usually features Travis Elliot. His acoustic inspired covers of songs range from David Bowie to Radio Head, and he has great originals.

wednesday: Dr. Ho’s Humble Pie “The Alternative

Pizza” (www.drhoshumblepie.com) who: Anyone and everyone what: Create a personalized pizza from a plethora of pickings where: 3586 Monacan Trail, North Garden, VA 22959 (29 South—at the Crossroads Store), (434) 245-0000 when: Tues-Sat 11:30am-10pm, Sunday 3:30-10pm (closed Mondays)

music hotspots to match your days-of-the-week underwear compiled by Katherine Halseth, Ryan Coleman, Cori Koenig, and Elizabeth Wetherington why: Live music every Wednesday at 7pm and the “Fat and Sassy” appetizer.

thursday: Outback Lodge (visit www.outbacklodge.com) who: Any one at any age (different bands call for various age restrictions so call ahead) what: Dining/live music, Buffalo wings, burgers, Philly cheesesteaks, etc. Food served daily until 1am where: Located on 971 Preston Avenue (434) 979-7211 when: Open Mon-Fri 11am-2am (Happy Hour 4-7pm); Sat-Sun 5pm-2am why: Live music Wed-Sat, see their website for the music calendar.

fri day: Miller’s (www.millersdowntown.com)

who: For business people, families, hipsters, and rock stars. what: Dining/live music. Serves appetizers, salads, entrees, desserts. where: Located on the Downtown Mall @ 109 West Main Street, (434) 971-8511 when: Mon-Sat 11:30am-2am, Sun 12: 30pm-2am why: Aside from the food, Miller’s features weekly jazz and open mic night. It’s the official stomping grounds for the Dave Matthews Band.

saturday: Más

who: People of all ages what: An authentic Spanish Tapas bar with a warm atmosphere where: 501 Monticello Rd. (Belmont), (434) 979-0990 when: Open daily from 5:30pm-1am for food, until 2am for drinks why: Although there is a DJ instead of live music on Saturdays, it is well worth the trip. Also a great place for a date!

usic to my ears

your new study haven

open Monday- Thursday 8am-11pm, Friday 8am-6pm, Saturday 12-5pm, Sunday 1-11pm

Starbucks prices? Truly extortionate. Sex in the stacks? Just not happening. The Clem? A fiercely contagious disease with a cure unbeknownst to mankind. These revelations? Truly depressing. Yet I beg ye, o diligent student, do not despair. These very revelations led many of us scruffy haired artists, lost first years, and fortuitous wanders alike, to one of UVa’s best kept secrets: the Music Library.

photo by caitlin mckinney

Nestled beneath the grandiose entrance of Old Cabell Hall a humble haven of comfort, quiet and MUSIC awaits anyone who has the discretion to find it. With over 100,000 items, listening stations, and computers the Music Library offers a refreshing alternative to graffitied cubicles and forth floor chaos. Members of the I-haven’t-bought-a-cd-since-junior-year generation will definitely appreciate the Library’s seven-day circulation policy which entitles students to an amazing selection of CDs. It’s really amazing, I kid you not…they have Bob Dylan! So on the next really rainy day when trekking to Clark could entail a new pair of pants and a canoe, introduce yourself to this hidden nook of melodic goodness. But don’t forget, it’s a secret. by Christine Herman

hidden gem OF THE MONTH Oluponya (ALL-UP-ON-YA)

got my first exposure behind the scenes to the music business when I sat in on Phil Jackson and Meredith Mashner of Oluponya Records laying down an original track. The multi-talented Phil Jackson brought an idea to UVA that he had in high school. Oluponya has a two-part mission: to write and record original songs and to act as the distribution vehicle for groups such as Black Voices, Ektaal, and Otones. Oluponya has started a demo initiative this

semester to get music producers in New York to listen to UVA’s original talent. To find more about Oluponya or to listen to some of their music visit www.people.virginia.edu/~paj7f/ Oluponya.htm. Also watch for Oluponya Diversity Fest on May 3, 2005 where you can listen to bands and a cappella groups while enjoying some high-class, free BBQ in the amphitheater. by Leigh Chapman

h&s

operation relax

Put down the shower head and grab your cd player. We’ve found a way to relieve stress that doesn’t leave you wanting more.

I’m lying in my apartment, blinds closed, lights off, candles lit…possibly while naked. No, I’m not about to shoot the latest installment for my successful porn site (I’m doing that tomorrow). Tonight I’m on a mission to see whether or not those new-agey mumbo jumbo CDs are really relaxing, or if it’s just a hoax, like yoga. Damn hippies. Today I left my pride and hatred for sandal-wearing, organic-foodeating phreaks (get it? Like Phish? Get it? It’s funny!) at the door and bought a CD called “Reflections of Nature: Relax”. Why, it’s got “relax” in the title! How could I lose?! Well, let’s find out. Together.

take my DJ Assault: Ass ‘n’ Titties CD out and replace it with my new buy. 10:00pm IBring on the journey of “calming melodies and gentle waves”. DJ Assault is a tough act to follow.

10:05pm

photo by alex sonneborn only is there an orchestra on our deserted beach, but a chorus 10:35pm Not just crashed the luau. They sound like they’re in pain, possibly caused by prolonged exposure to this CD.

So far, so good. I feel like I’m at the beach or at least the suntan lotion aisle of my neighborhood CVS store. Waves are crashing, seagulls are calling, beads of sweat are dripping from tanned pectoral muscles, the soft touch of your lover’s fingertips brings you closer and closer to sweet satisfaction… cough and there is definitely a “calming melody”. Think white sand, blue water, no one else around, except for the full orchestra.

10:42pm So many waves, so little relaxation. if you like the piano player from the aforementioned beach 10:44pm Relaxing, orchestra banging on the keys. With his face. I think I will buy his CD “Playing the Piano with my Face in E minor and other favorites”.

My favorite part of this CD was realizing it was over. No more waves, to “song” number two. I’m sure my neighbors think a middle-aged 10:50pm 10:10pm On seagulls, or cowbell. Either I wasn’t in the mood for this or I’m prone yoga instructor broke into our apartment and took over - a relaxed yoga instructor. Damn hippies.

10:18pm Here come the bells.

Not like happy little dinging bells, but more like cowbells. This is the first song I’ve ever heard that didn’t need more cowbell. 404 – relaxation not found.

10:21pm I get it. They took the first song, added more waves, did some more yoga, and called it a day. I could fall asleep to this and that’s not saying much considering I am a sleep-deprived college kid.

10:27pm I’m really bored. Is that how I’m supposed to feel while listening to this?

What about the whole relaxation part? If relaxing is always this boring, count me out.

to seasickness. I’m not relaxed; I’m just exhausted from spending so much energy vomiting with rage after thinking about all the money I wasted that could have been spent on blunt objects to throw at yoga instructors. I need to bring myself out of my coma. I’m grabbing a Red Bull and try to take my mind off of this terrible experience.

The moral of this experiment: If you like an orchestra on the beach or sand in your vagina, you’d definitely be into this music. It’s relaxing to the point of falling asleep. This could be something to put in while getting a massage or possibly organizing a Tupperware party. I’d definitely not recommended you listen to this while studying or reading unless you can do either through your eyelids. Seagulls are the bane of existence.

AFC blows music

It’s another one of those “diet starts today” mornings. I approach the treadmill at the Aquatic Fitness Center, pumped and ready to shed a few pounds for summer. My heart rate slowly increases with the speed of the belt, and all I need is a fast beat to keep me going. And then I hear it. “You cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears. When you scream, I’d fight away all of your fears.” Evanescence drifted over the loudspeaker. The treadmill gets slower and slower. My ass begins to drag along the floor. Believe it or not, totally inappropriate workout music is a common occurrence at the AFC. Giant, burly men often find themselves lifting two hundred pound barbells to the sounds of Jessica Simpson; perky women on the Stairmaster struggle to go as slowly as “Crash” by Dave Matthews Band. I would not be surprised if my next horrific

encounter with the treadmill were serenaded by Boys II Men. Not only does the AFC disc jockey insist upon playing music that sympathizes with his perpetually depressing sex life, he also refuses to play it higher than the human threshold for sound. “It’s really bad and its always really quiet,” says third-year Morgan Whitaker “Sometimes I think that I hear a good song, but I can’t tell if it’s actually just in my head.” The fact is that this trademark of the AFC can keep its attendants from getting the most out of their exercise. Fitness experts have found that Fast and positive music is essential to getting the top-notch bodily response during a workout. Psychologist Conrad King confirms, “If music is above sixty beats per minute, listeners experience a faster heart rate and increased blood pressure.”

a social commentary by Katy Judge In a study done by Southern Connecticut State University, twelve female college basketball players were instructed to jog on a treadmill to the point of exhaustion. When listening to up-beat music, the players remained on the treadmill for an average of four minutes longer than when listening to slow music, or no music at all. At this rate, better results can be achieved by standing in line at the Pav buying a Chick-Fil-A sandwich than by listening to Mariah Carey’s “Hero” while slumping around the free weights. Clearly, some changes need to be made here. Even just a little switch from Brian Adams to Kanye West could work bodily miracles. In order for this University to maintain its newly earned status as the “Hottest in Fitness,” Mr. DJ better pump up the jams.

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‘s

Guide

To Musical Foreplay

romised the possibility of poontang? Well, pump up the volume. Put down the Vaseline and grab your iPod instead. V’s got a couple make out mix tips that will turn you into a boner-fied Casanova. Who knows? Maybe you’ll turn that first kiss into a second.

1 2

by Morgan Whitaker

Keep it chill. The only thing that should dominate the room is the business at hand (in your hand if you’re lucky). Pay attention to the differences in volume between tracks. Nothing will dry her up faster than Cindy Lauper at maximum volume. Trust me. I’ve been there. Don’t start rough. You might as well shove this CD up her ass. And if I remember correctly, you already put away your Vaseline. Filling a make out mix with songs by your favorite screamo band is probably a bad decision. Think musical foreplay; acoustic guitar before driving bass beat.

3 4 photo by caitlin mckinney

ake-out mix tips that will m ake m her hit the high notes

Sexy isn’t always the right answer. “Pour Some Sugar On Me” may make you want to strip down and get nasty, but trust me, it’ll feel awkward if it’s blasting while the two of you are locked in an embrace. Remember- keep the tunes relaxed.

Pay attention to the lyrics. Please consider the following. Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” might just scare the pants onto your date. Unless you are in fact looking to start making babies, steer clear of sappy love songs. (I will always love you too, Whitney).

Like it. Do not fill your playlist with Norah Jones songs if her music makes you gag, unless of course you’re making out with Norah Jones. I mean, you’re trying hard enough to satisfy her. Isn’t it time for a little you?

So load up iTunes and start whipping up that magic panty-melter. Stick to our tips, and you’ll be first deep in lovin’ before you know it. What’s the worst that could happen? If it really turns out that badly, at least you have a new crappy CD to add to the pile…oh and lots of Vaseline.

letter from the editor So we’re wrapping up our very first year with four issues under our belt, only a small fortune in debt, and a promising future ahead of us. I’m so happy I could wet myself. In fact, I think I just might. The last year has been a crazy one. We took U-Guides out to a field (and even brought them back. Sorry.), checked out Marques Hagan’s body, talked honestly and openly about, you know…foreskin, and got to hang out with ten UVA hotties. We had some ups and downs. Well, lots of downs, a moderate amount of ups – but we came out stronger in the end, and one hell of a publication if I do say so myself. Please turn to page three. All those names there – those are people that created something out of nothing. They’re amazing and deserve recognition. Please see to it that they get some. Sadly, we’ll be losing a lot of our founding staffers. Alex, you created the face of V. You’re an amazing photographer, and I’m sure you have a bright future awaiting you at Playboy – just stay away from the young ones. Andrea, every Wednesday I thanked God you were with us. You made this fun. I’m really going to miss you next year. Kristin (the first person to join the staff I might add), you really have your shit together. You kept me sane these last 6 months. You’re…you’re incredible. Krissy, no doubt I’m going to miss you the most. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about you leaving. I’m not only losing my co-founder, my partner in crime, my drinking buddy, but I’m losing my best friend as well. My only consolation is knowing that you’ll be in a better place…Vegas. Send my best to Ashton Kutcher. Executive Editor

Christopher J. Miles

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