This Made Me Think of You

Here and Now with Nina Lovel

Did it give you a little gasp, perhaps even a quick vision of that friend?

Did it make you promise yourself to reach out to that friend? Did you follow through and let them know that “this made me think of you”?

A moment like this can call forth an old friend or a very new one. It might bring nostalgia for someone with whom you’ve had a deep relationship, or it can reflect lightly on someone you’ve recently met. It has power for you both because you know them well enough to notice, and they’ll be glad to know you thought of them. I treasure these fond thoughts of a friend, and I try to let them know.

To be clear, I’m not talking about when a Facebook memory pops up and you share it, or when you get a clever text meme and forward it to whoever comes to mind. Facebook memories are nice (unless you’re an ex), and if you forward messages, that’s not wrong, but that is a shallower level of connection than what I’m talking about here. I’m pondering mutual, contemplative connections that can’t be powered by some algorithm. I’m talking about knowing a person well enough that when you encounter something that reminds you of them, they’re suddenly in front of you. It’s a little tug on your heartstrings.

Naturally, this works both ways, and I love being on the receiving end, when someone has told me “This made me think of you”. I’ve even journaled these through the years; please indulge me as I share a few; hopefully that you’ll remember a few of your own.

Things that made them think of me

Over fifty years ago, a college friend gave me a small print she found at a museum; she said it reminded her of me. I didn’t get what she meant, but it was a sweet picture from a sweet friend, so it’s been framed and hanging in my house ever since.

It wasn’t until I was making notes for this column that I realized it is a Picasso (thank you, Google Lens!) It is from his 1905 Rose Period and named “The Three Dutchwoman”. (Notwithstanding my raging compulsion to proofread, this does seem to be the accepted spelling.) It depicts three standing women, two of whom are clearly piqued. One of them glares at the other and that one looks away with an unmistakable expression of “Harrumph!” The third lady, dressed in blue and in the forefront, stands with a calming hand laid on one shoulder of each of them. She gazes at the glaring one with a gently admonishing look, and it is clear that she is trying to engender a truce.

OK, that’s all the art history I know…onward!

Camille said the blue lady reminded her of me because she was fostering a connection between the other two. She told me I bring people together like that too.

I’ve never set out to bring people together, but in a way, the connection-fostering thing has been with me through the years. Today I am given (and happily accept) credit for five marriages! Garnering more than 100 combined years of togetherness by now, these were all mutual friends of mine who would not have otherwise met. That picture sometimes gives me pause.

Other happy notes have arrived from friends who know much I love kayaking. I’ve recently received photos from friends who were fishing on the Etowah, showing me their catch, and another view of a beautiful sunset over a coastal bay, shot from their kayak, visible in the foreground. What a gift that these friends paused long enough to let me know that their beautiful surroundings made them think of me.

Another friend was in a museum gift shop and saw a beautiful cherry wood crepe spatula. It reminded him of a paddle, so he bought and sent it to me. What a special gift! This same friend has very occasionally sent me links to stories he knew I would love. I say “very occasionally” to say that he doesn’t just randomly send me links to stories. The one he sent about vernal pools took my breath away.

My last example is from a friend who sent me a message that had appeared on their bulletin board at work. She said it made her think of me. You may have seen it before; it’s a piece by Sandra Thurman Caporale describing the way that God’s name, YHWH, is in every breath we take. It is powerful and she was right, I loved it. I’m not sure why she thought of me, but I’m glad she did.

This cannot be a one-way story; let’s advance to things that have made me think of others.

Things that make me think of them

Let’s talk about gifts for a minute. There are gifts for occasions (birthdays, Christmas, etc.), and there are gifts that come out of the blue, just because someone wanted you to have them.

What comes to mind are the gifts of crystal bowls that my friend Marsha and I received decades ago, from the Thompson sisters. You’ll need to be an old Roman, and as old as I am to remember these ladies; they were large in my life from birth. Three well-educated spinster sisters, they were career women before it was in style. One was the registrar at Shorter, one taught math at East Rome High (and wrote the Alma Mater) and Berry Academy, and one worked for my dad for decades in his Broad Street office. They lived on the corner of Fifth Avenue and East First Street in their ancestral home (which is now a parking lot), and we all visited often.

I have vivid Christmas memories from my teen years when they would have my bff Marsha and me over to make decorations and eat spaghetti. When I say make Christmas decorations, I mean that they worked for weeks, gathering materials, and cutting out little circles with pinking shears from old Christmas cards that would find a new life glued together and glittered as balls for the tree. While Louise cooked the spaghetti upstairs, Mabel, Ruth, Marsha and I would labor away in the basement, producing countless ornaments, centerpieces with candles surrounded by magnolia and spruce, and my personal favorite, the outside door wreath featuring greenery, ribbons, and apples. It was my favorite because the birds always pecked holes in the apples.

The miracle is that we all lived to advanced ages, because in that basement workshop where all the magic happened, we unleashed dozens of cans of spray paint on the decor every year. Some greenery became gold, some silver, and some was just preserved with clear spray. I can still hear the little balls rattle inside those spray cans, but most of all, I can still smell the fumes. I mean, it is a miracle that nobody got sick on Spaghetti Night! That basement was quite an enclosed space; it only had those little high-on-the-wall-tilt-out basement windows, and they were stuck closed.

Maybe we survived because the spaghetti got ready in time for us to go upstairs to eat just before being completely overcome.

They gave us their crystal bowls one night. Lovely, heavy, leaded crystal bowls. Well-used crystal bowls. Marsha and I each have one, and we remember the night they gave them to us. Those bowls were more than their Christmas presents to us; they were (and still are) The Thompson Sisters immortalized. When I look at my bowl, I hear the laughter, smell the paint, and taste the spaghetti. It always makes me think of them.

It’s also okay to ask

Because I know the joy of a thing that brings memories, I’m now assertive in the pursuit of them. No longer content to wait around and hope that someone will give (or leave) me something special, I recently made a proactive ask. An older couple whom I love were downsizing, and I just came right out and asked their daughter if she would find something that would remind me of them. Nothing large or dust-gathering, but I gave her free rein after that to decide. There now lives on my counter a beautiful small turned wooden bowl, regularly oiled and loved. It was one of her mom’s favorites. It perfectly reminds me of them.

You know how I love quotes; I leave you with this verse from my life poem, The Fool’s Prayer:

The ill-timed truth we might have kept–

Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung?

The word we had not sense to say–

Who knows how grandly it had rung?

–Edward Rowland Sill

To have friends who think of us and let us know, friends of whom we also think fondly, is to be reminded of who we really are. I hope my words have evoked some memories of your own and perhaps even choked you up a bit (like it did me while writing). My wish for you is to always have friends as great as I have, moments that make you think of them, and that you’ll always let them know. You may never know how much it means: Who knows how grandly it had rung?

It means vacation is over and it’s time to return to a stricter, more disciplined schedule. On the other hand, it brings new adventures in learning, both academic and social, to the lives of children. Negotiating these twists and turns is not always easy, so Harbin Clinic Pediatrics is here to help children and parents navigate the transition.

GOOD HEALTH: A TOP PRIORITY

The start of a new school year is often a frenetic experience, with each activity demanding the student’s attention. It’s easy for health concerns to take a backseat to more immediate issues. Harbin Clinic pediatricians Dr. Melissa Davis and Dr. Todd Kelley offer solid advice for making good health a high priority.

Dr. Davis says, “Prioritizing the health of ourselves and our children means that it’s important at all times.” She goes on to say, “As school starts back, it gives all of us an opportunity to get organized, get some final end-of-summer tasks accomplished, and really set our hearts and actions on making our health a true daily priority.”

“Families want to get their school year off to a good start, and that means we want to help make sure our patients are healthy and able to attend,” says Dr. Kelley.

Before Going Back

There are things parents should be mindful of before sending their children back to school. Dr. Kelley says, “Parents can get their kids in for their well-check appointments and sports physicals before the school year starts. Also, it’s important to get back in the routine of going to bed on time and getting up on time.”

He explains, “And that can go into the question of screen time as well. A lot of parents are more lenient about that during the summer, but no more than one or two hours of screen time per day—excluding homework—are recommended during the school year.”

“With each new school year or school change,” says Dr. Davis, “there are vaccine requirements in the state of Georgia of which parents may not be aware. Parents need to ensure the yearly well visit is completed for each child, making sure vaccines are up to date. Vaccines are safe; vaccines are effective; vaccines save lives. It may be a good time of year to schedule a visit to discuss any challenges in academic performance before the next year starts. We want those kids off on the right foot!”

Force Of Habit

There is no substitute for good habits, especially when established early in life. Dr. Melissa Davis says, “Healthy habits for school-aged children include washing hands, eating healthy foods, enjoying exercise, getting proper sleep and treating others with respect – both physically and emotionally.”

Dr. Kelley agrees. One habit he stresses the importance of is a return to a consistent sleep schedule. “As children enter the teenage years, their bodies begin to want to stay up later and sleep in later,” he says, “but teens need adequate amounts of sleep. Because of puberty and growth spurts, they need at least eight hours a night – and some studies show they should aim for ten."

GROWING KIDS, CHANGING NEEDS

As children mature in body and mind, the care they need changes too. “Physical activity is important for all children, whether small children or adolescents. We recommend at least thirty or sixty minutes of physical activity each day,” says Dr. Kelley. “We try to encourage parents to be active with smaller children and find activities they can do together, especially outside. For our older children, we encourage them to participate in activities like school or recreational sports or going for walks with their friends.”

“For older children and teens, consistency with rules is equally important,” says Dr. Davis. “Parents also need to be open to listening and validating their teen’s feelings, not making judgments. This is a powerful way to connect with and show respect for your teen. Helping them know it’s safe to talk about harder topics like relationships, choices, and school makes it more likely you will be included in important decisions that your teen makes.”

Pediatricians Partnering With Parents

The pediatricians at Harbin Clinic offer great advice to help parents this time of year. For instance, Dr. Davis says, “I would advise that parents set firm guidelines for younger children on their expectations for being prepared, getting schoolwork accomplished, and helping with chores. Children feel safe when everyone understands and consistently follows the rules, including any possible consequences ahead of time. Then a behavior becomes that child’s choice, for which he can take responsibility. If your child feels that he is punished frequently and unfairly, I suggest you reexamine you and your family’s consistency on rules and consequences.”

“We try our best to make sure our patients have all their appointment needs met,” says Dr. Kelley. “Sometimes people call in at the last minute to get a sports physical, and we take care of them. We also have the Patient Portal, which is very helpful for them to send in questions and concerns without them necessarily having to come in for an appointment.”

The medical staff at Harbin Clinic Pediatrics consider it a privilege to help children and their parents pursue better health during these important times of change in their lives. They are grateful to be allowed to help. As Dr. Davis puts it: “Thank you to our community for giving us the opportunity to care for your child!”

For more information go to HarbinClinic.com/pediatrics.